Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

When 1x1x1x1 was first forsakened, she hated it. Obviously she still hated being forsakened, but whether it was because she actually hated it, or because she couldn’t feel positive emotion was still a mystery.

The first few days were the best, 1x1x1x1 would say if you asked him. Because for the first few days after a killer was forsakened, they would be isolated in their room until they ‘calmed down enough’ to meet the other killers as a precaution. That meant it was quiet.

1x1x1x1 thought that the other killers would be quiet, silent even. Sort of like they were during the rounds she spectated. Not talking, just actions. They couldn’t have been more wrong. 

—

The lightless sky seemed to shatter almost instantly, and 1x1x1x1 watched as sunlight poured in and lit up her surroundings. 

1x1x1x1 was free. 

The mountain range where they had grown up was still visible from the forest she was in. The trees had grown in her time away, and the stream had grown into a river. The birds still sang, even if they sang different songs. 1x1x1x1 made her way out of the forest, following a barely visible stone pathway. 

The spare key was still hidden in its old spot underneath a cracking flower pot, the flora that once thrived inside long dead by now. 1x1x1x1 stood outside for a little longer, soaking in the warmth of sunlight. Then he stepped though the doorway, and into the house to…

To…

…?

This place wasn’t her house. 1x1x1x1 turned around but the door was gone. This wasn’t the black void of The Banlands, and didn't have the feel of the cities. 1x1x1x1 looked around and saw… grass, trees, some white building looking thing and… him. Leaving just as quickly as it came, the cold apathy that had filled 1x1x1x1 once he stepped through the doorway into wherever this was was instantly replaced with rage and hatred, and so she attacked.

She had attacked everything in sight even after he was dead, acting exactly like the feral untamed beast he had once claimed they were, turning the map into a slaughterhouse. 

Then when all the survivors had been killed, he was teleported away again. 1x1x1x1 didn’t care about the room she was in though, too tired and angry and where did these feelings even come from? Hadn’t she been so happy just a few minutes prior? 

One thought was burned into her mind though. ‘He didn’t recognise me.’

 Of course he didn’t! That pathetic excuse of a man never cared about her anyways, so why did 1x1x1x1 expect to be remembered? He probably forgot about her 2 seconds after banishing her. This made her laugh, though self-deprecatingly, and soon she stopped to look around. Was this a… bedroom? 

—

1x1x1x1 had just killed everyone in the round (The timer never dipped below 3 minutes this time), and was wondering why it was taking longer than usual to be transported back to his room. Then when they were finally teleported away from the map, it wasn’t his room they were teleported to, but some random living room.

“Hi Mr. new person!!” An energetic red colored child was talking to her. “I’m C00lkidd!! What’s your name?”

“…” 1x1x1x1 hadn’t figured out how to talk yet, since every time they tried, it was like her mouth was sewn shut. The logistics just didn’t make sense. 

(Guys its magic and plot cement to cover up plot holes, okay? Bear with me here… or skip this part. Basically I need a good reason why the other wont help 1x with zipper… and how can help if no know that need help, yk?) 

She could open her mouth to eat, but not to talk? It was also way too easy to forget its mouth was… sewn(?), since the tab thing and the ‘stitches’ would go invisible… or maybe they disappeared— not that 1x1x1x1 cared about the difference— if they were left alone for long enough. 

“Im pretty sure their name is 1x1x1x1, the introduction at the beginning of every round said so anyways.” 1x1x1x1 turned to look at the person who spoke. It was… what was his name? Jim Toes? Jon Dough? Jim Dough? Or maybe something else. What kind of name was that?

“My name is John Doe, and over there…” John Doe pointed behind 1x1x1x1, who turned around to see a man wearing a hockey mask polishing a machete. “…is Jason.” Jason looked up, presumably because he heard his name being called. 

“Ki ki ki.” Said Jason, which improved the mood of 1x1x1x1 significantly because, well, he wasn't the only one who couldn’t talk properly!! ‘Yippee’, or whatever it was that people who can feel happiness say when they get a rush of dopamine. Or serotonin.

1x1x1x1 was about half sure that they remembered there being more than just 3 other killers, but for whatever reason they weren’t here— nevermind, here comes another. 

“You guys are doing introductions and didn't think to invite me?” It was some sort of Mafia-boss-wannabe looking man that smelled way too heavily of tobacco for 1x1x1x1’s liking. She had a headache already, and it hadn’t even been 5 minutes yet. 

—

Kids were the worst, 1x1x1x1 decided as he started cooking. Anyone who said otherwise had to be joking, lying, or brainwashed. Not only were they high maintenance and loud— they were also annoying. 

This was probably why the others kept themselves so busy most of the time. Right now, though, Mafioso was training with his goons… not that it would do anything for him during the rounds. Jason was tending to his drug garden, and John Doe was currently in a game absolutely destroying the survivors.

1x placed a freshly cooked egg sandwich in front of C00lkidd. 

“Thank you Mr… uhhh…” The kid seemed to have already forgotten 1x1x1x1’s name. A fact that he was not very impressed with, and one they made sure was very clearly expressed.

Pr3typriincess took pity on C00lkidd. “This tastes very good, Miss 1x1x1x1.” The manifestation nodded. Cooking was something they took pride in being good at, so naturally everything he cooked would taste good. Even something as simple as an egg sandwich. 

“What are you guys eating? That doesn’t look like dirt cake.” Bluudud seemed to have finished his game. 

“How’d your game go after we left?” Pr3typriincess asked sweetly. Bluudud had been playing some sort of action combat game, which, to 1x1x1x1, was completely unnecessary since if you looked at it the right way, their lives were already some sort of twisted action combat game in itself. 

Bluudud scowled at her. “I did amazing since you guys weren’t there to mess me up.” Which obviously meant that he did horribly and wanted food to cheer himself up.

1x1x1x1 started on another sandwich. 

“Aw… did you only put 1 eggs in my sandwich?” C00lkidd asked. 

“That’s not how to say it.” Pr3typriincess said, “I’m the smartest, so I would know. You’re supposed to say ‘1 egg’, not ‘1 eggs’.”

“1 eggs… doesn’t it sound kind of like 1x?” Bluudud ignored Pr3typriincess and pushed himself up onto one of the wooden chairs in the kitchen. “Can I call you 1x? It’s easier than 1x1x1x1, which is too long to be saying very often.”

1x1x1x1 glared at him in response, saying nothing. (An action done because 1x1x1x1 didn't feel like talking, and totally 100% not because there was a certain zipper stopping any talking from happening). 

Bluudud shoved a mouthful of sandwich into his mouth and said, with the food still in his mouth, “I don’t hear a no… so I’m gonna assume it’s okay then!” …Kids were the worst, the newly nicknamed 1x decided. 

A few days later, though, 1x1x1x1 thought that maybe this place wasn’t so bad after all. 

Mostly everyone was together, all sitting in the living room/lobby area. Bluudud was playing his combat game again, Pr3typriincess was doodling on a sheet of paper, 1x1x1x1 was reading some sort of romance novel they found in Mafioso’s room, while C00lkidd was on the floor playing with some figurines.

The sound of a door opening made 1x look up. It was Mafioso, who was throwing away his cigarette into a trash can. He smelled heavily of tobacco, and after about 10 minutes 1x1x1x1 couldn’t stand it anymore and left the room. Going outside for a short walk would help clear the scent from her nose. 

Yeah, nevermind, this place was literally hell. 

—

Now, 1x1x1x1 was not a drug taking person, but one thing she did know was that somewhere, Jason was growing drugs. So with that in mind, when 1x came upon a small garden with normal looking plants, he thought nothing about it. But when they saw a sign that said ‘Jason’s garden no stealing’...

Yeah it was definitely his drug garden. The plants didn't look like how 1x thought drugs would look. They looked like normal plants… weeds you could even say. 

She continued walking because who even cares about drugs anyways. Mafioso, now that she thought about it. Hey wait where did he even get all his cigarettes from? Shouldn’t he have ran out by now?

Her foot caught on something in the grass and 1x1x1x1 fell face first into the dirt. The manifestation spent the next minute trying to ‘unstuck’ their foot. When it finally came free, 1x looked down to see what had tripped her and saw that it was… a random perfect cube in the dirt. It was extremely unsettling to be around, like the very existence of the cube was wrong. They tried to cover it up with some dirt, only to find that it did nothing, the dirt seeming to fall right through the cube and disappearing. 

1x1x1x1 ended up putting a few leaves over it and calling it a day. Maybe they would come back to it later, to see if it would still be there. 

Chapter Text

It has been almost a month since 1x1x1x1 was first forsaken, and a little more than 3 weeks since he met the other killers. After the introduction everyone gave each other the silent treatment… except for the kids, but that was to be expected.

What 1x was trying to say was that the other killers had started warming up to each other. Or maybe de-frosting was a better word. Even John Doe, who had been completely silent the first few weeks, was starting to talk. Granted, they were 1 word sentences, but still.

1x1x1x1 didn’t ask the other killers for help with their mouth situation for a few reasons.

One, asking for help was a survivor trait.

Two, if her mouth contraption thing and how it worked was something akin to common knowledge…it would be mortifyingly embarrassing to have to ask for help on it.

Three, 1x wasn’t sure how to ask for help… was he supposed to use his words? That he didn’t have? Because his mouth was out of commission?

So 1x had to make do with continuing giving everyone The Silent Treatment^TM and acting like it was a choice. The other killers hadn’t caught onto her not being able to talk yet, but 1x1x1x1 had to figure out something soon.

C00lkidd interrupted their train of thought. “Mr 1x!! Can you help me with my jacket? Usually my dad does it for me, but he’s not here right now, and the others are ignoring me again…” Of course they were.

1x mentally sighed, did the kid not know how to button buttons? She walked over to where C00lkidd was standing by the doorway and took a good look. It looked like the thing on their mouth, which immediately caught the manifestation’s eye. She could… mess around and figure the jacket out, without risking breaking or injuring her own mouth. 1x nodded and moved to help.

—

The house was quiet for the first time since everyone met. Which was nice. Except for the fact that the quiet was unsettling. Where were the kids again? Pr3ty was in the kitchen with Mafioso… Bluudud was in the chair across from John Doe and C00lkidd…

“I haven’t seen C00lkidd for an hour.” No one looked up. “I really don’t mind or care about that right now… but it’s also way too quiet for him to be up to any good.”

“Ki ki ma” Jason stood up from where he was sitting and went to look for the kid.

—

1x1x1x1 still couldn’t figure out how to do it. They were about to give up and dump the kid with the other killers when Jason walked in. He stared at what was happening for a few seconds before lining the edges up and… sliding the tab. 1x felt stupid. It was so simple.

Jason patted C00lkidd on the head and walked away. 1x left to sulk in their room.

When she got there, she locked the door before making her way to the bathroom mirror and staring in the mirror before simply sliding the tab.

“Stupid…” They muttered, before realizing that they were talking! C00lkidd was good for something, he supposed. Maybe he would let the kid play with its minions, as a thanks. 1x knew her minions would enjoy it, and C00lkidd would probably like someone to play with, since the other two kids liked to exclude him for reasons unknown to her.

—

Even after figuring out how to talk, 1x was still silent. Only after being able to talk did they realize that there was nothing she wanted to say to the others.

Greetings were pointless, and so was small talk, especially since no one wanted to talk to each other. The killers were very different from the survivors after all– they didn't need teamwork, and therefore didn't need to communicate.

Maybe that was why the other killers didn't talk to each other. Save for the kids. But kids did pointless things a lot.

It had been a pretty uneventful 2 months, but hey, Shedletsky finally recognized them after the first few dozen times she killed him. That counts for something?

1x1x1x1 was reading a book she found in Jason’s room— something about the care and harvest of some sort of plant that was probably a drug— when a new killer spawned into the center. Which was strange, because new killers usually went through a few rounds before being teleported into the commons area.

The new killer was purple, with a mask on half of his face. He was holding a cool looking star thing. “What’s your name?” John Doe asked as he eyed the new killer. “I’m John Doe and that’s 1x1x1x1.”

“#’M N0L1!” Noli’s voice was… glitchy, to say the least. A little hard on the ears. Like a cheese grater on a chalkboard. Jason came back from wherever he was (probably his garden) and saw the new killer.

“That’s Jason, Jason that’s Noli.” John Doe spoke again. Jason nodded and started to leave, but Noli blocked his way.

“Ss0RrY, N07 TR#1N9 70 b3 Ru#3. Bu7 1S D0 y0U hA#3 w3#D? 1 c@n SM3#L It.” Noli asked, and wait— Jason had actually made drugs? 1x watched in mild disbelief as Jason nodded and motioned for the killer to follow.

“Jason, how do you even make drugs in Hell!?” 1x asked. She knew he had a garden, but didn’t making drugs take more materials than just the plant? How did Jason even get access to that stuff– wait where did he even get the drug’s plant from?? When did he find the time to make anything???

John Doe stared. Mafioso, who had entered when no one was watching, also stared. The kids paused arguing about their video game to stare.

“YOU CAN TALK!?” Bluudud asked.

Oops. 1x ignored him in favor of not talking. “Wait! You can't just ignore me!” 1x1x1x1 could and would ignore the insolent, disrespectful child.

“I didn’t think you could talk, 1x.”

“I can’t.”

“But you just–”

—

“So why are you here? Normally you don’t get to meet other killers until after your first round.” John Doe must’ve been feeling talkative today.

“1 #a$ sSuPP0$3d t0 h@V3 pAR7iC1P4t3d 1n #y f1r$t R0u#D @ w#ile a9o, bBU7 7h3 7h1n9 k3p7 d3L@y1ng m# f#rSt r0UNd. ‘O0h y3@h, y0u c@N j01n iN 3 d@ysS, w@1t, aC7u@lly c#n y0U wA1t s0m3 mOR3?’” (“I was supposed to have participated in my first round a while ago, but the thing kept delaying my first round. ‘Oh yeah, you can join in 3 days, wait, actually, can you wait some more?’”) Noli complained, “s0 N#w 1’M h3R3 B3c@U$e i7 n0t#C3D I w#s 93t7iNG iiMP@Ti3nT.” (“So now I’m here because it noticed I was getting impatient.”)

John Doe nodded, and went back to reading a really thick book. It had a really small font, and had no title on the cover. It seemed boring, so 1x stalked off to grab some limes from the kitchen. Too bad the food dehydrator was broken… wait! The oven still worked!

1x1x1x1 sprinted to the kitchen, where they saw Mafioso who was grabbing a box of pizza from the pantry. She made her way to the fruit bowl, and got started on slicing up the limes. Maybe she should dip them in sugar before baking them for a dry-lemonade-except-with-limes taste.

“I still can’t believe you can–” Mafioso started when he saw her, but 1x1x1x1 was teleported into a round before he could finish. The man would have to get his answers later.

Mafioso sighed, and left the kitchen, passing the living room where he heard his goons cheering. After spending a good minute standing there he sighed and moved to see what his goons were doing. They were making a really big card house. Where did they get so many cards anyway?

1… 2…3… Mafioso counted 9 levels so far.

…

NINE???

(hey, even just 3 levels is impressive. I know because I tried.)

—

“C00lk1dd, #0 y0U kN0W yY0uR f@#h3R’S Ph0n3 nNU#B3r?” (“C00lkidd, do you know your father’s phone number?”) 1x1x1x1 heard Noli ask someone in the other room… probably C00lkidd. Actually who was she kidding? It was definitely C00lkidd. “I n#3d 7o… 4sK h#m s0m37h#n9.” (“I need to… ask him something.”)

“Um, we don’t have phones here. Mr. Noli.” C00lkidd said, “but you can talk to him during tag!”

1x1x1x1 peeked into the room, noting that C00lkidd was still under the illusion they were playing hide and seek tag. Noli appeared to be deep in thought., not noticing that 1x was looking at him despite being faced towards the door.

1x1x1x1 continued on their way to the living room, deciding that whatever Noli wanted wasn't worth her time. When she got there she was immediately jumpscared by Pr3typriincess.

“Miss 1x!! You are invited to my tea party!! It's in a few days, and you have to dress well!” Pr3typriincess said, and shoved a small slip of paper into the manifestation’s hands. It was a crudely drawn card, with a picture of a tea party set on it.

1x flipped it over. The back just said ‘com 2 my room when I sai so’ with a smiley face at the end. They wanted to laugh at the absurdity of it all. Where was Pr3typriincess planning to get the tea? Or the Tea cup? The Spectre didn’t have supplies delivered until next week.

“...Miss 1x?” John Doe asked, he was looking at 1x1x1x1 intently. “I always thought you went by…” he trailed off, then suddenly snapped back and asked, “What are your pronouns anyways?”

(instead of getting second hand embarrassment for 1x, imagine that you are me, the author, giggling as you write this scene, thinking about how stupid 1x is acting. That should help 😘)

“What?” Did he mean proper nouns? “My name is 1x1x1x1.” The man looked confused for a second before seeming to realize something. John Doe shook his head.

“No, I knew that. Do you…” He hesitated, “not know what pronouns are?”

“You mean proper nouns?” 1x1x1x1 could see John’s shoulder shaking. He was laughing at her! She hated being laughed at. Actually, they hated everything about this place. “Stop laughing! It’s not funny! Do you think I was created knowing all the information in the universe?”

“No-” The man wheezed, “I’m not laughing at you…” He broke off into a coughing fit that sounded suspiciously like laughing. Again 1x1x1x1 hated him. Hated everyone. That’s all they could do, anyways. “Pronouns are like… it's hard to explain, I'll just list examples. I, me, my, he, her, and they are all pronouns. Do you understand now?” No she didn't. But he didn't have to know that. He asked her again, “So what are your preferred pronouns?”

“Uhh… probably not.” 1x1x1x1 answered intelligently. John Doe looked at him, unimpressed. “I mean– I don’t have any? As far as I can tell? Who even cares about a few silly words?”

He nodded, and asked 1x, “So… the round’s starting soon. Who do you think will be chosen?”

“Definitely not Noli.”

“1 h3@rD mY N#m3?” (“I heard my name?”) Holy Telamon– Did Noli teleport here? When did he even get here?

“No you didn't.” John Doe didn’t even look at the purple killer. Choosing instead to continue looking at 1x.

“#F y0U s@Y $0…” (“If you say so…”) Noli walked away, looking slightly disappointed.

—

This round's killer is… Error!!

Special round!!!

This round’s killers are… John Doe and 1x1x1x1

“So… a ‘special round', huh?” John Doe said, probably just to say something. 1x1x1x1 looked around, it was the glass house map. They also checked the survivor count and there were more than usual.

“I have an amazing idea…”

—

There were two killers this round, and despite having the entire survivor cast, and less time on the timer, the survivors were being absolutely demolished, destroyed, decimated, obliterated, annihilated, pummeled, pulverized, and unquestionably defeated; whatever you called it, they were not doing well. Elliot was hiding on a slightly raised platform, along with the remaining survivors.

“Can't 1x just use his eye to find us? Why are we hiding like this in a group?” Elliot muttered. His ability was still on cooldown. Two time was already on their second life, and was currently desperately praying to their spawn entity for help. Shedletsky was devouring a chicken leg for health, Noob was… just there, and the others had died already. Wait a minute– where was Builderman?

“Well… they say safety in numbers, and clearly ‘dividing and conquering’ wasn’t working so…” Elliot frowned at Shedletsky’s words. The former admin went back to his chicken. Elliot watched as the yellow silhouette of Builderman fell to the ground and disappeared from view. 40 seconds were added to the timer.

“Most of us are 1 mass infection away from death.” He said, “I don’t think it’s a good idea to be so close to each other. Maybe we should spread out a bit, at the very least?” Then he gave a pizza to Noob.

Right as the group got up to move, a mass infection came their way, leaving only 2 survivors remaining. Shedletsky and Noob. (Meanwhile, in the lobby, Elliot screams in frustration. Two Time goes back to their room to pray.)

John Doe immediately trapped them in a semi circle of spikes, and 1x sent an entanglement the survivor’s way, killing Noob, who hadn’t dodged in time. The round ended pretty quickly after that.

—

“We work pretty well as a team.” 1x1x1x1 commented when they got back. John Doe nodded, then asked, “What’s up with you and the sword-wielding chicken-loving guy?” 1x scowled at the mention of their creator. “Nothing’s ‘up’”

John Doe raised an eyebrow, “I’m not stupid, and I won’t judge if you don’t want to tell me, you know?” 1x1 didn’t say anything for a while. John thought the topic had been dropped when she suddenly spoke up again. “He was the one who created me… and who ordered for me to be locked up.” John Doe whistled. “Damn, that’s rough. Builderman would never.”

“Thanks, that makes me feel so much better.” 1x deadpanned, and watched with a mild interest as John Doe winced at his own wording.

“I was trying to sound relatable.” Silence. Then, “Because you know how we’re both killers with survivor father figures that are immortal…”

“...”

“I’m sorry.”

“Good.”

1x sashayed away, only to come across her minions.

“I got you a dried lime!” 1x1x1x1 was sure that if they could feel love, they’d love her minions. But alas, they couldn't, and only felt a sort of warm indifference towards them. “Thank you…” The zombie saluted 1x and disappeared off to… actually, she had no idea. 1x1x1x1 walked away, eating the limes she had been brought.

Yum.

—

Mafioso was smoking indoors again. 1x was going to kill him in his sleep one day, he vowed. The manifestation of hatred was feeling very hateful today. 1x1x1x1 grabbed their jacket and went outside for another walk. He zipped his zipper (1x finally found out what it was called!).

Didn’t something happen the last time they stormed out for a calm-down walk?

…Nah

Couldn't have been important if he didn't remember it.

—

“Tag is getting so boring, the dad’s friends get tired so quickly!” C00lkidd complained. Bluudud rolled his eyes. “Maybe they got bored of playing with you so they chose to sleep instead.”

“That can’t be it!! They always play with me every time!!”

“Sure...”

“Hmph!” C00kid crossed his arms like a petulant child and turned away. “I just wish we could play for a longer time! 4 minutes isn't enough time to actually have fun.”

The doorbell rang. The two looked at each other. “I’ll go.” Bluudud said, and went to check the door.

There was a package on the doorstep. It wasn't a delivery day. Bluudud opened the box after carrying it inside. It was a whole lot of smartphones.

Heh, this’ll be fun.

—

Everyone Chat:

1x1x1x1: Why is there an ‘everyone’ chat?
Dusekkar: If you don't want to talk to us, use your ‘killer’s only’ chat you puss.
1x1x1x1: I hate you
Bluudud: Don't you only feel hate?
Bluudud: help he threw his phone at me
Bluudud: :(
Jason: 1x don’t hit kids, even if they deserve it. They don't know better.
Bluudud: thank you Jason
Chance: You know words?
Jason: did you assume I was stupid just because I have a speech impairment?
Chance: ummmm well you never said anything so i assumed…
1x1x1x1: wth Chance
Taph: 🙁
Dusekkar: Chance…
Jason: :(
Chance: wait no im sorry taph i didnt mean to call you stupid
Shedletsky: hio guys
Chance: “hio” 💔
Taph: 💔
Shedletsky: what?
Elliot: Omega behavior…
Taph: 🫵🫄⬇🔑➡️Ω🌎
Dusekkar: Translation, he said you’d “lowkey” get pregnant in the omega verse.
C00lkidd: whats the omega verse?
1x1x1x1: kids give me your phones, you cant be reading this
Guest1337: okay but what is the omega verse?
Elliot: search it up in your free time… it'll be uh fun
Shedletsky: I cant even be mad since i technically gave birth lol
Chance: ???
Taph: 😲
Jason: WHAT
Guest1337: explain please
1x1x1x1: i hate you
Elliot: wait come back you cant just drop that and leave
Shedletsky: only technically lol
Shedletsky: you know when you accidentally asexually reproduce
Shedletsky: thats what i was talking about
Builderman: …
JohnDoe: Ah yes, accidentally asexually reproduce, as one does.
Shedletsky: see, he gets it
JohnDoe: No I don't, I was trying to be sarcastic, but you can't do that over text apparently.
1x1x1x1: yOu cANt bE sArcAStiC oVEr tExT.
JohnDoe: …
Chance: why are you using perfect grammar
Jason: are we just brushing off that chicken guy has a kid? I feel like he would be a terrible father.
1x1x1x1: he’s the type of father to win rock-paper-scissors and brag about it to the kid, then, when the kid cries he calls them a baby
Elliot: yeah i can see him doing that.
Builderman: Guys, the round is starting soon.
TwoTime: I figured out how to turn this thing on. What did I miss?
Jason: Scroll up.
TwoTime: okay.
TwoTime: oh.
TwoTime: What’s the omega-verse?
Elliot: umm
Guest1337: I found out about the omega verse.
Guest 1337: …and mpreg
Guest1337: how do I unlearn something?
Elliot: you dont 💔
TwoTime: ok but what is it?
Guest1337: you don’t want to know
Guest1337: trust me…

—

This round’s killer is… Error!!

Special round again!!

Have fun!! :)

The timer was set to 99 minutes. Which was more than an hour (well, duh). And it wasn’t ticking down either, adding to the fact that also there were no generators. They still haven't found out who the killer was.

“Tag, you're it!” Guest 1337 blinked in confusion as C00lkidd ran off. After a few moments of Guest doing nothing, C00lkid came back slowly. “You’re supposed to tag someone else.” The child said it like he thought Guest was thick. “Otherwise the game’s not fun!”

Guest moved to tag C00lkidd, but the kid was already halfway across the map. Was the special round tag? That explained why the timer was set to over an hour. Guest 1337 looked around and saw 1x1x1x1 talking to John Doe nearby… wasn’t 1x the slowest killer or something? Maybe he could…

…

Chance chased Elliot through the halls of Horror Hotel. “You’ll never catch me!!” Elliot shouted, half turning around. The pair were giggling like teenage schoolgirls. Honestly though? This was the most fun any of them had had in ages. “I’ll catch you alright!”

He did not catch Elliot. But—!! Chance did manage to tag an unsuspecting Pr3typriincess. That counted as a half win, they thought.

Who knew the killers could be fun when they weren't bloodthirsty and trying to massacre them? (In hindsight…)

While the others were having fun, though, Noli could only spectate from the killer’s quarters. He pulled out his new phone that everyone had forgotten to give him.

—

Everyone Chat:

Noli: 007n7 i love you so much please go out with me please
007n7: wait how are you here
Noli: doesn’t matter pls go out with me im sure our situationship didnt die with you
007n7: …
1x1x1x1: crazy bro…
Chance: theyre exes? Wait, who is noli?
Noli: pls pls pls pls pls
Jason: its giving… desperate ex
Noli: shut up
Noli: 007n7?? Please………. 🥺
Chance: guys stop distracting me i almost tripped again while trying to read your messages
1x1x1x1: just dont get distracted??
1x1x1x1: L

—

1x1x1x1 laughed at the antics of Noli. They hadn’t thought he’d be the desperate ex type. She heard movement behind her. John Doe had left a while ago when she got tagged, so who?

They looked over their shoulder.

…Oh.

“Go away, Shedletsky.”

The former admin sighed, “I just want to talk.” 1x1x1x1 brandished their sword and pointed it at Shedletsky, who backed up. “yeah right. You haven't even told your teammates about me. I’m sure you care sooo much about me, and came here with such good intentions.” She spat out her words.

Shedletsky paused and asked, “Did you? Tell them about our… history?”

“...yeah, John Doe knows.” She averted her eyes. Truth be told, 1x1x1x1 could recall her childhood relatively well, and for most of it they’d been, well… not happy… but generally content. An emotion he couldn't feel anymore. Telamon had been an okay parent, up until the very end, when he had her locked up. For no reason.

“I’m sorry for abandoning you… “ His creator spoke, somehow sounding not at all sorry and very extremely sorry at the same time. “I had my reasons, but I could… explain my side of the story in a more private place?” 1x1x1x1 scoffed and rolled their eyes. Yeah right, trust the pathological liar to tell the truth. Funny joke. Ha ha.

“No.” 1x1x1x1 said, “Tell me right now, before you come up with some stupid excuse for why you did it.”

Shedletsky sighed. “I figured you wouldn’t want to wait.”

“It was.. For the good of Robloxia.” He started, then visibly winced at the way it sounded, “You were getting too powerful, and having trouble controlling your emotions, and I didn't want you to do anything rash.” 1x4 was silent at his words.

“Really?” They demanded, “Really? ‘Oh noooo, the child I raised and trained to be powerful is powerful!!! Who could have possibly seen this coming??” Shedletsky opened his mouth to reply, but 1x interrupted him, “and their emotions are getting out of hand, but hmmmmm, helping them learn self control would take too much time, lets just lock them up instead!!” At this, the man had the decency to look ashamed.

“Well in hindsight it was pretty stupid.” 1x1x1x1 raised an eyebrow. Only pretty stupid?

“But, well, from my–” Shedletsky was interrupted by 1x1x1x1 slapping him. She spat out her next words with venom, “Did you come here just to tell me that I shouldn't be mad at you because you weren't thinking right? Or that I should forgive you since you feel sorry? If so, get lost.” The audacity of the pathetic excuse of a man really ticked 1x off.

“No, that wasn’t my intention. I’m– sorry.” He said it like apologising to them physically hurt him. “I came here to apologize for punishing you because you were going through teenage angst and I overreacted.” Teenage angst? Really? “Can you think about it? Forgiving me?”

“You know I literally can’t feel positive emotion right?” Shedletsky nodded, “Ok, good. That means you also know the chances of that happening are next to impossible.” He nodded again, more hesitant this time.

“Well, this was a waste of time.” 1x1x1x1 sat up, brushed the dirt off their clothes and walked away to join the other killers. Did he really think a few words would fix everything? If so, he was stupid.

—

Everyone Chat:

Noli: 007n7 wanna see what you do to me 😜
007n7: yes pls
Noli: WAIT WRIONG CHAT WOOPS
007n7: wiat this isnt priv
Jason: do we unpack that or ignore it
JohnDoe: we ignore it i dont wanna know…
Jason: good idea
Jason: anyone want weed?
C00lkidd: whats weed?
Guest1337: nothing important coolkid
C00lkidd: okay!

—

“You were pretty upset at the end of that tag round.” John Doe said. They were in the living room, and he was probably talking about yesterday. 1x motioned for him to continue. “Did something happen? Want to talk about it?”

“Shedletsky tried to apologise to me for banning me.” 1x started, “A–”

“That doesn't sound terrible?” John Doe interrupted them very rudely. 1x glared at John Doe. “I wasn’t done talking.”

“Anyways, he tried to, like a really big emphasis on ‘tried’, because that was not an apology, apologize.” 1x1x1x1 continued, “But all he really did was try to justify locking me up.”

“Well, what’d he say in exact words? Or as well as you can remember?” John Doe pressed on.

Pr3typriincess chose that exact moment to barge into the room and attempt to drag 1x1x1x1 to who knows where.

“It’s tea party time!” She said, “Mr. Doe can come if he wants to. But he has to dress up as well.” John Doe looked at 1x1 who shrugged. He decided to play along and followed the two into Pr3typriincess’s room, where she had 1x1 wear something obnoxiously frilly.

“What is this, and why does it have so many ribbons and bows?” 1x demanded, holding said object away from her body, like it was a winter fur coat soaked in mud.

“It’s a dress!! And ribbons make everything better, so I chose one with a lot of them. Here Mr. Doe, wear this.” She gave John Doe a less decorated, but incredibly sparkly pink dress. “I don’t have shoes for you, so you can just wear the ones you normally wear.” She handed 1x1x1x1 a pink shoe box. Inside were…

“Are you kidding me?” 12 inch heels.

12 inches.

How the hell was she supposed to walk in those?

“Well…” Pr3typriincess was smirking, the little– “I figured since you were the shortest adult here… you’d want to be taller? You have to wear them. It’s not a choice.”

1x1x1x1 said nothing and walked into the closet to change. She also tied up her long hair (dyed lime green at the tips because green. And limes.) into a ponytail with the pink ribbon provided.

She tested out the heels. They were… hard to walk in. But they refused to be defeated by a pair of shoes, so heels it was. They walked out of the closet slowly.

“You look great!! Let’s go!”

John Doe has already changed into his dress (something about “not having toxic masculinity”), and they both followed the little girl out into the backyard. There was an actual tea party set there. With scones and macarons and everything. Where did she get them?

C00lkidd and Bluudud could be seen, also wearing pink fluffy dresses, sitting at the table. Bluudud was tied to the chair and C00lkidd was eating a jam-filled cookie. 1x1x1x1, who was getting the hang of high heels, sat down in a chair carefully. John Doe sat next to her, and immediately poured himself a cup of tea. He would've been the perfect picture of elegance if he wasn't wearing… that.

“What were you talking about before I interrupted? I wanna hear about it!” 1x1 rolled her eyes, and grabbed a lime flavored macaron. “So, for context, Shedletsky, the guy with the chicken and the sword, he’s my dad.”

Pr3typriincess nodded, and cut in, “He’s really ugly. Are you sure he’s your dad?” 1x1 sniggered. This was a perfect example of an interruption she didn't mind.

“And a while ago, he banned me because I was feeling upset.”

Pretypriincess tilted her head, “banned?” 1x1x1x1 sighed, “Let’s use ‘grounded’, except instead of staying in your room, you get locked in a basement.”

“That wasn’t very nice of your dad.” C00lkidd said, “My dad never grounds me.” Pr3typriincess nodded, “Yeah! He sounds like a huge jerk! I’ll be extra harsh on him during tag for you miss 1x!” Bluudud tried to say something, but his mouth was all duck taped, so all that came out were muffled sounds.

“Thank you.” 1x1x1x1 smiled, Shedletsky was in for a lot of trouble… well, if they ever had a normal round again, that is. “Is there anything you want to talk about?”

“Yeah! I heard Two Time telling the other survivors about their weird spawn cult thingie!” Two Time was a bit– well actually, if she wanted to be honest, they were just plain crazy. Pr3typriincess continued, “And they have an ex who really liked nightshade!”

1x wondered where she heard that from. “Who did you hear that from?” The survivors didn’t just… talk about their families and stuff near her. Probably because it wasn’t convenient to do so while being hunted down. Hmm…

“When Mr. 007n7 was talking about being banned from the Pizza place!” Pr3typriincess said, clearly happy to be the one talking, “Two Time said that they had to get their boyfriend Mozzarella fries from Burger King every time he wanted some because he got banned!” Oh? 1x1x1x1 motioned for her to continue. “Apparently, he attacked a worker once because they ran out of mozzarella fries!!”

“Those fries must've been really good if he got so mad.” C00lkidd commented, “Do you think they got as mad as Mr. 1x1 when Mafioso took the last lime in the cupboard?” 1x frowned at the reminder of that day. Mafioso knew better than to take their limes.

“Probably! He attacked the worker, remember?” Pr3typriincess sipped on her tea.

John Doe took the momentary silence as an opportunity to talk. “C00lkidd how do you feel about Noli?”

“Oh! Mr. Noli and dad were friends for a long time! Even before we started playing forever tag!” John Doe nodded, then asked, “And how do you feel about Noli covering all his walls with pictures of your dad?”

C00lkidd paused at that. “What?”

John Doe pulled out his phone and showed C00lkidd a set of pictures.

(In the pictures, Noli’s room is shown, with Noli nowhere to be seen. All over the walls and even on the ceiling are pictures of 007n7. There's a few more photos sticking out from under the bed, and there’s a pillow with 007n7’s face taped onto it. On the desk are a bunch of messily written letters, with hearts drawn all over it. There's photographs of 007n7 on the closet doors as well.)

C00lkidd was silent, then asked, “Does this mean Mr. Noli likes dad very much?” Everyone was silent. Bluudud nodded, but no one noticed. Save for 1x, who chose to ignore him. John Doe sighed and said, “yes.”

“I heard about it once!! My teacher said if two people like each other very much they get married! And if they get married Noli will also be my dad!” Bluudud burst out laughing, the tapes having somehow fallen off when no one was looking. Pr3typriincess kicked him under the table. An ‘ow!’ could be heard.

“I think we’re done with the tea party.” Pr3typriincess clapped her hands together. “Let's go back in and have a dance party!” She dragged the chair containing Bluudud inside. Everyone followed, though 1x complained about having to dance in 12 inch heels. “There will also be singing at the dance party!!”

By the end of the day, 1x would be a pro at moving around in ridiculously tall heels. Why did she decide to follow along with the whims of an 11-year-old again? At least there were limes.

Chapter Text

“Are you saying that you wouldn't passionately make out with me sloppy style?” 1x asked, feigning offense. “Wow, I'm hurt.” And to give it some extra flair, 1x put a hand over their chest, shaking her head dramatically. They had no idea how a conversation about eating actual food devolved into this.

John Doe sighed, which he seemed to be doing a lot recently, and said, “No. I’m saying that you have to consume less lime, not that I hate you.” He smirked. “But, for the record,” he leaned in a little closer, like he was about to say some big secret to her, “I would 100 percent passionately make out with you sloppy style any day.”

“I just want you two to know,” They both turned around to stare at the newcomer. “That this is my first impression of both of you.” Their new teammate had dark black skin like 1x also sharing the character design of a zippered mouth which was… already unzipped. (Damnit) The new killer also had tentacle-looking things coming out from behind his back, a purple shirt with a stylized spawn symbol, and wore some sort of hat with a face on it.

“What’s your na—”

“Are you Two-Time’s ex? The one who attacked the worker at that one Burger King because they ran out of Mozzarella fries?” John Doe glared at her, probably for interrupting him. Whatever, he could handle a minor inconvenience.

“Does everyone know about that?” The mozzarella-loving tentacle guy asked, “My name is Azurewrath, Azure for short. And yes, I did get… a little upset when they ran out of mozzarella.”

“Only a little? I heard you hospitalized–”

“Could we talk about something else?” Azure asked, probably embarrassed like any normal person would be. “No, keep going, this is entertaining.” Said his hat. Which could talk, apparently. That was fine. 100% okay.

1x1 watched with mild interest as the new killer grabbed the hat and stomped on it a few times before dusting it off and putting it back on calmly. (Note from Azure: Calmy sounds too boring. Say that I was nonchalant instead —Note from 1x1x1x1, who is THE AUTHOR of the guidebook by the way and is in no way indebted to Azure, just to make it clear: no.) “Does anyone happen to have duct tape?”

—

1x1x1x1 ate her perfectly healthy breakfast of bacon, eggs, and toast with a side of some fruit and fruit juice.

“Mr 1x?” C00lkidd asked, “Why are you eating the limes with the peel on? Aren’t limes really sour?”

“I like limes a normal amount.” She said, and sipped on her 100 percent lime juice concentrate, to which she had added a bit of sprite, for the fizziness. She looked around the table and saw that Azure was eating some toast with some mozzarella cheese and… Was that a flower on it?

Noli spoke up, “1’m pr3t7y $ur3 y0u'r3 4dd1c73d.” (“I’m pretty sure you're addicted.”)

“The same way you’re addicted to Jason’s weed?” Noli frowned, probably at being called out and labeled as an addict. “Wait actually,” 1x1 corrected herself, “The same way you’re addicted to 007n7? I know you guys ‘wrestle’ often, despite me telling you to not do it here. The walls aren't as sound proof as you think.” Noli turned bright red in embarrassment. Or shame.

“‘Wrestle’?” Azure asked. 1x smirked as Noli groaned and left the room. “You’ll find out soon enough.” Azure didn’t seem to like that, but went back to his toast.

“Did anyone order takeout?” John Doe shouted from the front door. “The Spectre just delivered some.”

“My mozzarella Fries!! I had no idea that it would actually work!” Azure ran for the door. Those fries must be really good.

“Hey.” 1x1x1x1 looked around for the source of the voice. “Look down.” It was Azure’s talking hat. “Can you take me off the ground? I don't want to get stepped on.”

Should she?

…Nah.

1x ignored the hat. Maybe they kicked it a little

Azure came back, eating the mozzarella sticks. “Oh there’s my hat.” He made no move to grab it though, choosing to sit down and ignore the living accessory instead.

“Are you going to talk to your theyfriend?” 1x asked, “They miss you a lot. Once in a round they spent the entire time praying for your return from the dead. It was really weird. And concerning.”

Azure said nothing so 1x went on, “And you should consider finding Two Time a therapist. They’re really crazy and schizophrenic and stuff. Also you dated them? I can’t imagine the cultist pulling anyone.”

“First of all, they didn’t pull me. I pulled them.” Azure said, growling a little, like a feral animal. “Second of all, they weren’t always crazy, and third of all… my love life is none of your business.”

The hat then interrupted whatever Azure was going to say next. “Yeah!! He hates Two Ti–” Azure practically ripped the hat off his head where he’d put it and threw it out the window. “It can come back when it learns to speak when spoken to.”

—

“When will I be put through my first round?” Azure asked. No one answered because no one knew the answer. Noli was still waiting for his. Azure was probably going to go after him.

“4$ f@r 4s 1 kN0w,” (“As far as I know”) Noli said, “4f73r m1n3, wH1ch 1$ pr0b4bly n3V3r c0m1n9.” (“After mine, which is probably never coming.”)

“Yeah he’s been waiting months now.” 1x said from where they were building a lego city with C00lkidd. “You’re going to have to wait… a little.” Yeah… just a little. Definitely.

The hat spoke up suddenly, “Patience is a virtue~” The thing clearly had the survival instincts of a plate of salad.

“Shall I get the duct tape?” Azure asked in the sort of calm voice that suggested he wasn’t feeling very calm at all. The hat did shut up after that, but only after complaining a bit more: “This is hat abuse!” It complained, “I deserve freedom of speech too!” Thankfully, when Azure got up and reached for the tape the hat went silent.

“You really love your hat, huh?” 1x1 asked sarcastically.

Azure scowled, not detecting the sarcasm, “No.” Then, Azure (ever the botany enthusiast) asked Jason if there was room outside for a garden. There was plenty of room, even after excluding Jason’s own garden.

—

“We should have played a teamwork game.” Azure said. The killers were trying to have a game night, but monopoly might not have been the best choice.

John Doe replied, “I think that might have made things worse. We’ve tried to play Charades on multiple occasions, but the only outcome was most of us dying multiple times.”

“Well I quit. I’m going to take care of my garden instead.” Then the purple killer left.

“I’m quitting too.” Mafioso left as well.

1x1 shrugged. The chances of her winning were higher now. Then she went bankrupt two seconds later.

“I’m going to get some fresh air outside. Have fun.” She spoke through gritted teeth. It was just a game. Just a fun party game. Monopoly was just a game. Everything was 100% totally completely okay. Next time they would play Uno or Go Fish. Or just watch a movie.

1x very calmly (ok not at all calmly, but just pretend, ok?) opened the door and walked outside. Yeah maybe she could visit the survivors cabins or something. Hmm… Elliot seemed pretty chill when they played tag that one time.

The walk took forever. Not because of the distance, but because of the amount of deadly traps and plants (was that a giant man-eating fly trap?) Seriously? How did Noli tolerate walking this path 4 times a week? Wait actually 1x knew the answer. Stupid hopeless romantics.

1x knocked on the cabin door. Dusekkar answered. “What are you doing here?”

“I got bored and the others are all busy doing other things.”

The man sighed and let her in. Yes!! 1x1x1x1 looked around. “Where is everyone?”

“Where do you think they are?” Stupid old people and their stupid questions. ‘Where do you think they are?’ WHY WOULD THEY BE ASKING IF THEY KNEW??

“I came here to calm down not to get more mad.”

At this, Dusekkar raised an eyebrow, “I thought you came here because you were bored.”

1x ignored him, “Since you’re the only person here I'll have to lower my standards for conversation partners, I guess.” The survivor did not look impressed.

“Your creator is much better at ‘ragebaiting’, as he calls it.”

“I wasn’t trying to ragebait you. Don’t flatter yourself.” Dusekkar wasn’t relevant enough for her to try.

“So you’re just genuinely this annoying?"

1x1x1x1 gasped in offense and lunged for him, but the man sidestepped at the last moment and they fell to the floor instead. 1x got up and dusted themself off, feigning nonchalance.

“Come on in,” Dusekkar said to 1x, because who else would he be talking to? “But try not to destroy anything.”

“I never destroy things.”

Dusekkar did not respond to the obvious lie.

“Anyways, I came here to complain because literally everyone sucks!!” 1x started their rant. Dusekkar was only half paying attention to her, the rest of his attention on the crossword he was filling out. “Mafioso sucks, he stinks up the place with his smoking all the time, and he does it indoors!! I can't even get away from him safely because whenever I try to I end up tripping over that stupid glitch in the—”

“The what?” Dusekkar asked, all his attention suddenly very much directed at 1x.

1x blinked, startled a bit by the man’s sudden focus. “The glitch in the ground, and as I was saying before you interrupted me. There’s more than one, well… I think so anyways. I might be wrong”

“And you’re sure it was a glitch? And that there's multiple?”

“Yeah, unless there's only one that keeps moving around just to get me.” The one she encountered on the pathway to the cabins almost got her killed. Very annoying.

“Do you even know what you’ve discovered?”

“A lot of tripping hazards?” 1x knew that wasn’t the answer he was looking for, but said it anyway.

“No. You’ve discovered the key to our new escape plan.” Dusekkar sighed. Oh wow he was really different from some people she knew. (cough, Mafioso, cough) Normally people got mad instead of disappointed.

“Our?” 1x raised a brow. How could this plan be theirs if he’s never heard of it before?

“Yes. Ours. As in me, you, Builderman, and whoever else I decide is competent enough to keep a secret.”

“Wow, pretentious much– wait, you think I'm competent?”

“No. I am forced to include you by default and necessity, simply because you found the most information—however accidental it may have been.” Ouch.

“Okaaayyy… soooo what's the plan?” 1x1x1x1 asked. If he was going to be a member of something big, he might as well actually do something. It would be a shame if he ended up being like that one group member in a school project who never contributes anything.
—
“Aren’t the dresses going to get dirty?” Azure asked, eyeing Pr3typriincess’s victims, both of whom were wearing fluffy pink dresses covered in glitter. They were having another tea party, this time with Azure included.

“Probably.” 1x1x1x1 replied, “But these aren’t my dresses so I don’t really care. Did you know that the last time we were here we talked a lot about you?”

The tentacled killer nodded. “I figured, since everyone knew about the burger king incident, somehow.”

“Where is John Doe, by the way?” 1x asked. The man usually came to the tea parties for the tea. Both literal tea and figurative tea. Azure sighed, “I don’t know. Maybe he decided not to come? Or maybe he’s still doing his round. I don’t know. I just know that I would rather be gardening right now…”

The house burst into flames. 1x1x1x1 sprang up from her seat, and ran towards the house, just as Mafioso and John Doe ran out. Jason emerged from his garden in the woods to look at the fire. Pr3typriincess came over from where she was making water balloons.

“What happened? What did Mafioso do?” 1x asked John Doe.

Mafioso, upon hearing their words, angrily asked, “Why do you always assume I did something?”

1x1 rolled her eyes, “Well, was it you?”

Mafioso was silent. 1x1x1x1 turned back to John Doe, and motioned for him to speak up. “It was Mafioso’s fault. I gave him one job and he failed.” Behind him, the house reformed, as good as new. The only sign that there had ever been a fire was the slightly singed scent of the grass nearby.

According to John Doe, he had been making cookies for the tea party, because he had the time. Right before he was teleported to a round, he’d asked Mafioso to turn off the oven when the timer went off. Which Mafioso hadn’t done. So when he got back, he found Mafioso and his minions trying to put out a huge fire in the burning kitchen.

“Aww… too bad the cookies are burnt…” C00lkidd said sadly.

1x patted him on the head. “I’m sure Pr3typriincess has cookies too.” Then he went inside to check on his minions.

“Are you guys okay?” 1x asked when she found them.

“Oi oi!!”

“Yes!!”

“Thank you for caring!!”

They were okay, which was good. Not because she cared about them or anything, totally. 1x was checking on them because she was a good person who made sure their workers were okay. Then she gave them a few sandwiches she made, and went back to the tea party.

“Okay!” Pr3typriincess started, “I finished making all the balloons.” She gave everyone a basket filled with water balloons. “Inside of them I put washable pink glitter paint!!” The 11 year old pointed at a table covered in empty paint and glitter containers. “And I put Noli and Bluudud on the front lawn for target practice. They volunteered, don't worry.” Bluudud and Noli shook their heads. They were both tied to lawn chairs, gagged, and wearing goggles. (As safety precautions)

“Are we throwing these at them?” Azure asked with a smirk, gesturing towards the balloons and the possible victims. Pr3typriincess nodded.

The game was really fun. 1x1 didn’t miss a single time, since the targets were stationary. Next time maybe they should kidnap a few survivors for targets as well.

“I think we could untie them from the chairs and have them hop around as moving targets, as practice for the rounds.” Azure suggested innocently. John Doe nodded in agreement.

1x and Pr3typriincess looked at each other and shrugged. Why not?

…

“That was so much fun!!” C00lkidd said, “We should do that again!!”

Noli shuddered, “N0.” C00lkidd made a noise of disappointment.

“You’re no fun…” He pouted like some sort of child… oh, wait.

—

“A fashion show?” 1x1 asked. Pr3typriincess nodded. “We don’t have a runway. If you can find one, then maybe I'll think about it.” The 11 year old ran off, presumably to find well… you know, a runway? 1x1 sipped on her 100% pure lime juice concentrate.

John Doe walked in, looked at the cup in her hand, looked at the juice jug still out and frowned. “You’re not supposed to drink that by itself.”

1x1x1x1 rolled her eyes. “I know that.” They said, “I also know I’m not supposed to eat 27 limes in a day and call it a meal, especially not if the limes still have the peel on.”

John Doe gaped at her. “You what?!”

She grabbed the lime slice that had been sitting at the edge of her cup and ate it, sort of like the way any other person would eat an apple slice. (with the peel and everything)

“There’s no way your hearing is that bad.” 1x1 blinked innocently. “You know, eating is optional for me right? I could've eaten nothing. At least I even ate something.”

The man still looked unhappy. “That’s not healthy.”

“I know. But I like limes, so…” John Doe sighed again, and grabbed a few crackers from the pantry. “Just don’t do that too often. And not around the kids, they’ll think it’s normal and okay to do.”

“y0u 7w0 $0uNd l1k3 # m@rR13d c0uPL3 t@Lk1n9 #b0u7 7h31r ch1Ldr3n” (You two sound like a married couple talking about their children.”) Noli commented, coming into the kitchen and grabbing a pack of corn chips.

“He’s already married.” 1x said absentmindedly, pouring herself even more lime juice. She’d already finished 2 cupfuls in the time they’d been talking.

John Doe stared at them. “I am?” He asked.

She took a sip of her juice. “Yes?” She answered, “To your wife, Jane.” 1x1x1x1 said, “Don’t you remember? Purple-pink hair? Black hat? Smart?”

“I don’t remember her…” Of course he didn’t. Blame John or The Spectre or whatever.

Noli spoke up, “w3LL, y0u m#y h@v3 4 w1f3, bu7 y0u d0n'7 h4v3 @ hu$b4nD y3t…” (“Well, you may have a wife, but you don't have a husband yet…”)

1x1x1x1 punched him in the face and grabbed the corn chips out of his hands. Noli could earn the right to corn chips by learning when to drop a topic. John Doe was spaced out, probably trying to remember his wife. They snapped their fingers in front of his face. “Don’t think too hard, you’ll hurt yourself.”

“I still don’t remember having a wife.” If it was the Spectre’s doing, then of course he wouldn’t. Or maybe it was the corruption. You never know.

“It’s okay, you’ll probably remember her in the middle of the night or something.”

—

“I figured it out! We can just rearrange the tables to make a catwalk!!” Pr3typriincess seemed excited to finally have her fashion show.

1x shook his head. “No. Tables are for eating at, not for standing on.”

“Awhhh..” the girl seemed disappointed for about 4 seconds before asking, “How about using that one empty halfway as a runway, and everyone is watching from the inside of the rooms?”

They had an empty hallway? “Sure.” As long as it was actually empty and unused it should be fine.

“Okay!!” The kid said, “I’ll get started on the dresses then! Can I borrow some of your minions?”

“Ask them yourself.” Pr3typriincess nodded and ran off to find his minions. 1x1 hoped that he wouldn’t have to be one of the models. They could barely walk in a straight line on good days.

Later, 1x1x1x1 found themself walking along the forest path with Pr3typriincess. The brat had convinced her to bring her to the survivors’ cabins. They chewed on a gummy from one of the packs of lime-flavored gummies they’d been given. It tasted (wow, who could have guessed??) like limes, which was a good thing, because well… limes.

They reached the door of the main cabin. “We're here. Go ahead and knock.”

Guest 1337 answered the door. He seemed mildly surprised to see them there. “What do you need?”

1x1x1x1 shook their head. “I only came because the kid needed a guide.”

Pr3typriincess immediately pushed Guest aside, and walked into the cabin. “Where’s Noob?” She asked after looking around for a bit.

“Umm, I'm h-here.” They stuttered. “W-what do you need?” Pr3typriincess smiled, grabbed the robloxian’s hands, and started dragging them towards the exit.

“We’re having a no boy’s slumber party!! I’m not inviting the cultist because they’re stabby.”

1x1 sighed. Maybe she should teach Pr3ty some manners. “You didn’t even ask them if they wanted to go.” They said to the 11 year old.

Noob gave them a small smile. “I’ll g-go, don't worry…” Guest waved the trio goodbye as they left.

—

“Y-your room is really pink…” Noob commented as they looked around.

“Of course it's pink! Pink is the best color!” Pr3typriincess said, and jumped onto her really fluffy looking pink bed. There were two pink sleeping bags on the floor next to her bed, probably for 1x and Noob. The 11 year old had moved her stuffed animals to a corner of her bedroom, to make space for ‘slumber party activities’.

Currently, the small group (and John Doe, who was wearing the pink dress from the tea party) was sitting in a semicircle. Pr3typriincess at one end and John Doe at the other. They were sharing stories about their teammates (gossiping) and braiding each other's hair. Pr3typriinces was playing with her doll, while Noob was braiding the small girl’s hair, who could feel the way their hands were shaking. Probably because 1x1 told them if they tried any funny business, he’d target them next round.

John Doe, bless his heart or whatever it was people said, was doing 1x1x1x1’s hair while following a youtube tutorial. Pr3typriincess had let him in after he offered her a box of pink macarons. To show that he was allowed in, she’d put a lot of pink hair clips into his hair.

See, the reason he even tried to get in was because 1x1 didn’t want the little girl doing his hair. Not out of distrust— well actually it was sort of because of that. Last time she let her braid her hair, Pr3typriincess ended up tangling it so badly even The Spectre felt pity.

The things Noob had told them about weren’t even that interesting. Except for the fact that Chance also had an ex. Who looked like Noob. Who he didn’t like very much anymore. Geez, what was it with the survivors and their doomed relationships? First 007n7 and Noli’s situationship thing, then Two Time and their mozzarella fry enthusiast boyfriend, who died apparently, then Noob and their Guest friend who disappeared after an argument or something, and now it was Chance and his friend who looked like Noob.

Pr3typriincess wanted to have a pillow fight, but 1x managed to stop her from trying. Though a pillow fight would have been really fun, the girl had a pile of pillows with bricks in them. They ended up watching that one Barbie movie with the mermaids in it instead. Right before turning the lights off 1x did thank John Doe for coming.

—

“No I swear I saw him, I was taking damage and everything–”

Elliot sighed. Guest 1337 had been running around in circles from ‘the killer’ who was all the way across the map. “It’s probably his effect, right? Like how Jason gives you bleeding and John Doe applies corruption.”

Guest 1337 nodded. Chance spoke up. “But it doesn’t seem to be affecting Two Time?”

“That's ‘cause they're already crazy and schizophrenic.” Everyone nodded. “Makes sense.” Shedletsky said.

Earlier:

This round’s killer is… Noli!!!

“H4H4H@#H4 Y3S$$S Y3$SS$!!!” (“HAHAHAHHA YESSSS YESSSS!!!”) Noli screamed in joy. “F1N4LLY!!!” (“FINALLY!!!”) 1x1x1x1 rolled his eyes. “Congrats.” John Doe said.

Then Noli got teleported into his first round. Honestly, it was probably for the better that the spectre didn't put 007n7 in the round.

—

“Finally finished that generator. Did the spectre tone down the saturation on the generators or– AHHHH HELPPP ITS ATTAKING ME AHHHH” Chance screamed and ran away from the killer. Everyone just stared at him and didn’t help for some reason. “OMG THERE’S TWO OF THEM AHHHHH!!!”

Chance died.

—

Elliot watched as Chance completed a generator, then started screaming and running around. Noob came out of their hiding spot to stare, along with everyone else. Then the killer—Noli— came over and killed the man. And everyone ran for cover as he threw a bomb thing at them.

Two Time watched as everyone ran around in circles. They just stood there as the fake killer hit them. The cultist was a pro at discerning fake from real… most of the time. And the thing attacking them was naught but a figment of one’s imagination.

They ran as the real Noli approached them. LPS. (Last Person Standing, because though the Spectre is cruel and evil, it is inclusive.)

They lost. Badly.

—

“Ki ki ma.” Jason said to Noli after the round, and blew a party blower. “Ki ki ki ma ki!!” Noli awkwardly nodded and said, “uhh thanks Jason.”

“You were so cool!!!” C00lkidd said, “You won!! Even though you had no practice!!” John Doe also congratulated Noli. 1x1x1x1 just gave the released killer a thumbs up and continued shoving sugar-covered lime slices into her mouth. Azure just nodded at the news as he ate mozzarella fries, and some purple flowers. (was that healthy?)

“Where’s Bluudud? I haven't seen him in a while. 1x asked.

“He’s visiting his mom in the survivor cabins.” Azure said. “Pr3typriincess went as well to meet her parent, and Mafioso took them there.”

“Good for them.” 1x1 said, before snatching the bag of corn chips Noli just opened out of his hands.

“H3Y!”

—

“You all have 10 seconds to give me an explanation on why I was called here at 3 in the morning.” 1x said as she walked outside where everyone was meeting. Except for Noli and Mafioso for some reason. How come they didn’t have to walk the path at the crack of dawn?

“Shhh…” Elliot shushed 1x1. Which was very rude, especially since 1x valued their ability to talk. She moved to shove him, but stopped when she saw Jason besides someone new.

“Who’s that? Why do they look like Mr. Jason?" C00lkidd asked, looking to 1x for answers she did not have. 1x1 shrugged and looked to John Doe who also shrugged.

“Jason wanted to do something special with his replacement, I think. It somehow involves most of us.” Builderman said, still in his pajamas. Shedletsky was still hugging his fried chicken body pillow, and Chance was flipping his coin. Taph looked the exact same, and Dusekkar had on his night pumpkin, and his pajamas.

“Ki ki ma ki ma.” Jason explained his elaborate prank idea, which everyone there immediately agreed to, including the new guy, whose name was Slasher apparently. “Ki ki ma ma ki ma.”

—

“Is 17 ju$t m3 or d03s J4s0n lo0k diff3r3n7 t0d4y?” Noli asked as he entered the main cabin.

“Who’s Jason?” Azure asked, lowering his botany book. Noli looked towards Slasher, who gave a small wave to the purple killers before continuing this game of solitaire. “Oh. That’s slasher, he’s always looked like that. Noli, I thought you quit c–.”

“N0– I’m n0t h1gh!!” Noli interrupted Azure, who frowned “1 sw34r h15 n4m3 w@s J4s0n, a-4nd h3 d3f1n17ely lo0k3d d1ff3r3nt!!” Noli’s usually glitchy voice was even worse now in his frustration. 1x1x1x1 took great satisfaction in this fact. Schadenfreude, it was called.(probably, don’t quote 1x on this)

“What’s all this commotion?” John Doe asked, ducking his head to enter the cabin. “Oh, hey 1x.” 1x1 waved at John Doe— who returned the gesture— then went back to reading Elliot’s book. It was one titled How to count cards and other Gambling cheats to baffle your opponents.

“Noli broke his clean streak and is insisting that Slasher used to look different.” Azure said, picking his book back up. “I say that we stage an intervention. For his own good.”

“Noli.” John Doe sighed, shaking his head. “You really have to stop with the drugs.” Then he turned to Slasher, who was cheating at solitaire. “Slasher.” The masked killer looked over, “Don’t give Noli anything for the next week or so, he needs to clear his system. This is a concerning amount of confusion.”

“Ki ki.” Slasher said, nodding slowly. He went back to his game.

At that moment, Mafioso walked in, saw slasher, and promptly walked out after saying, “I’m too sober for this.” 1x watched as he pulled 10 cigarettes out and lit them all at once. She looked at the fireplace. Hmm.

—

“Ja– 1 m34n– Sl4sh3r… Y0u’r3 l1k3 7he b3st t34m4te t0 ev3r ex1st c0uld 1 pl34se–”

“Oh my gosh, for the love of everything holy I swear on all my daddy’s eight magic swords– Stop sucking on his toes!!” Noli had been pestering Slasher all afternoon for happy-powder.

“Wh3t.” Noli was stunned into silence. A win, though temporary.

“Is that not the saying?” 1x frowned as John Doe shook his head, “Stop rubbing his knees.” She tried, and John Doe shook his head again. “Stop kissing his feet.” Not that, okaaayyyy. “Stop smooching his butt.” Not that, then. This was getting ridiculous. Why was everyone so nitpicky about the phrasing anyway? “Whatever the phrase is, stop doing it!! It’s getting really annoying.”

“I think you mean ‘stop sucking up to him.’” John Doe suggested. “Or maybe ’stop buttering him up’? Or just ‘shut up’?”

“The first one. I was trying to say that.” 1x1x1x1 paused for a moment of self reflection before saying, “Wow I was way off.” Miles off, maybe even Galaxies off. What had they said again? Kissing his feet? Waaay off.

“Sucking his toes…” Azure repeated, “That is amazing. I’ll have to use it somehow.” The hat did not comment on this. Likely because it was in the washing machine. Along with everyone’s washing-machine-safe shoes.

Mafioso came in at that moment. “Whoose sucking whose toes?” He asked, “Cause that is disgusting. Also has anyone seen my cigarette packs? I can’t find any.”

“Nope.” 1x popped the p. “And if I do see them, I'll flush them down the toilet, so you might want to find them fast.” Mafioso scowled and went to look for his packs again. 1x1 had taken them and used them as fuel for the survivor’s fireplace. Hopefully nothing too bad happened to them.

—

Noli found another way to forget everything, much to a lot of people’s disappointment.

“I wish I could get h/gh” 1x1 sighed. “This is so unfair. The most alcohol or drugs do for me is make me bad at decision making. I don’t even get to feel happy or whatever.”

“7h4t $ucKs m4n.” Noli said, downing his 3rd bottle of liquor in seconds. (Author is underaged so this may be unrealistic.) He frowned. “Or w0m4n. Or p3r$0n I gu3s$.” John Doe was still on his first bottle, and the kids were all in bed. It was almost midnight, after all.

“Try not to go too crazy on the alcohol.” 1x1x1x1 suggested to Noli, who was somehow already done with another bottle. “Death by alcohol poisoning is bound to be mortifyingly embarrassing.”

“B1g w0rd$ f0r such 4 sm4ll p3rs0n.” Noli commented, words slightly slurred.

“I bet I'd be a lot taller if I was hanging from the ceiling.” 1x1 snapped back. Noli would never taste the crunchiness of a corn chip ever again. Not after that comment. Not after today. Not on her watch.

“1x!” John Doe sounded appalled. Good for him, he still had a sense of righteousness or something along those lines. “What?” 1x asked, “It’s true isn’t it?” 1x took a small sip from his glass. Ew. It didn't even taste good.

“D4mn.” Noli said after a few moments of silence. Azure poked his head through the door. “Hey it got real quiet in here. Is anything wrong?”

“No.” 1x1x1x1 said, deciding to drink the whole glass in one big sip. “I’m going to bed. This day has been a trainwreck at best, and a plane on fire about to crash land and sink into Point Nemo at best.”

Chapter Text

Ugh, Stupid Mafioso. This wouldn't have happened if he hadn’t been in 1x1’s room. Now her stuff had to be washed! Why did he smoke so much anyways? It doesn't even taste good!! Or do anything besides make it hard to breathe…

1x1x1x1 walked out of her room, rubbing her eyes. They were so tired, just a few limes from the kitchen and she could rot in the comfort and safety of her bed, which no longer smelled of tobacco. Screw–

1x1x1x1 fell down the stairs.

… ow.

That hurt.

“Hey.” John Doe approached 1x. “Are you okay? You took a pretty hard fall there. Does anything hurt?”

“I feel fine.” 1x1x1x1 said, technically, they felt fine. Minus the blurry vision. But that was probably normal for a concussion. “I'm feeling the normal amount of pain.”

“… The ‘normal’ amount of pain is none, 1x1.” Well, she knew that. “Yeah, I know. Unfortunately, it’s not for me. Why did you think I was slower than the others?”

“…Shorter.” 1x did not reply. Instead, she said, “You know how when you get really upset, sometimes you can physically feel it?” John Doe nodded. Well, probably nodded. He was still a little blurry. “Well, my ‘neutral’ is your ‘miserable’. So when I say I’m ‘happy’, I’m actually less unhappy than usual.”

“You’ve literally never said you were happy before, but yeah I think I get it.” John Doe said, then asked to confirm, “So you’re slow because pain, and you have pain because you're always upset. And you’re always upset because your resting mood is all of the negative emotions at once, at an amount that can both improve and get worse.”

1x1x1x1 nodded, she knew John was smart!

“Damn that’s rough.”

1x glared at him.

“Okay, so anyways,” John Doe went on, “how many fingers am I holding up?” He was holding up 4 fingers. Was he stupid? Her vision was blurry, not… whatever it was called when you see double.

“Four.” She said, and watched as John Doe (probably) shook his head.

“Actually, I was holding up 6.” John Doe showed his other hand which was hidden behind his back. 1x said nothing for a long time.

Then she said, “I’m going to kill you. Don’t resist it.” And moved to claw at his face, only to miss and barely graze his… actually she had no idea.

“No you’re not. Your vision is too blurry to aim at me right now.” John Doe said confidently. How did he..? Their face must’ve shown how they felt, because he told her. “You squinted even though my hands were right in front of your face.”

“Anyways, I’m fine. It’ll pass.” John raised an eyebrow (probably… they could feel it in the air that he didn’t believe them) “It literally shows as a status effect. I’ll be fine in uhh..” they squinted “… half an hour.”

“If you say so.” He sighed. “About the chronic pain—“

“Ew, don’t call it chronic, it sounds like a disease if you do. And it makes it sound like an old people thing.”

“…As I was saying, how much does it usually hurt? On a scale of 1 to 10, 1 being the least painful thing you’ve experienced, and 10 being the worst.” 1x1x1x1 thought for a bit. Well the least painful thing was the poison status effect, and the most painful…

“But my most painful is really painful, it might… skew the stats?” 1x asked. Wait, she shouldn’t have said anything, ugh. Should have just gone with the 2nd most painful experience.

“Well, how about you tell me and I’ll see if it ‘skews the stats’?” 1x1 nodded, that seemed reasonable enough, and John Doe was relatively well put together. He wouldn’t overreact.

“It was when I was like 7 and I got to go out for the first time. Me and Telamon were at some sort of festival, and someone said I looked like him with my wings and all.”

“Is that why you hide your w—” 1x glared at him with the force of a thousand suns. He stopped talking.

“As I was saying before I was so rudely interrupted,” John rolled his eyes at her. (Don’t ask how she knew, okay? She could feel it at a cosmic level.) “Someone said we looked alike because of the wings, so when we got home he ripped them off. Which, as one might assume, hurt a lot.”

John Doe didn’t say anything. Ugh, screw the blurry vision. 1x couldn’t read John Doe's expression because of it. He was probably giving her The Look™. “Don’t give me that look. They grew back, and eventually he gave up on getting rid of them.”

“…” John Doe’s blurry form was still. What felt like hours passed.

Ugh, now 1x had to carry the conversation? Where was the talkative John from earlier? “I keep them hidden because they get in the way, and so no one asks about them, and I don’t get them removed because they come back and also because of spite, screw Shedletsky and stuff.” 1x1x1x1 said, “So anyways, I think that we shouldn’t use that as my 10, because normally people don’t get their limbs ripped off. Instead we should use my second most painful experience of being banished. And going off of that my usual amount of ‘ow’ is at a tame level 3.”

“So um, we'll unpack that… in a moment. Being banished isn’t supposed to hurt a lot?”

“Oh yeah, that’s ‘cause I resisted, so we had this epic battle and everything.”

John Doe sputtered at the words ‘epic battle’. “Epic battle?” He asked.

1x shrugged, “well, what else do I do with my trauma? Process it? Pfft-”

John Doe coughed loudly. “Yes.”

“…Anyways, back on the wings topic,” 1x made a sound of disgust, but John Doe ignored him, “Shedletsky doesn’t have wings? And he doesn’t seem like the type of man to hide them if he has wings?”

“Oh yeah his current form only has head wings.” Even though 1x acted like she didn’t care about the wings thing, having them ripped off did hurt a lot. Especially since pain meds weren’t something she ever got. Or medicine. Why? Well because ‘back then, we didn’t have medicine and we were perfectly fine.’

They suspected the real reason was that Telamon simply didn’t want to spend more resources than the bare minimum on her. Ugh, screw everything actually. How dare Shedletsky ask for forgiveness? After what he did? 1x frowned, she’d have to make his next death extra painful then. Yeah, that would be therapeutic.

“Hey since we have phones now can you record the next time you kill him? Extra points for making it painful. I want to listen to the sounds of his misery and pain.”

John Doe nodded and said, “Yeah, I’ll do that.”

“Thanks.”

“No problem.”
—
1x1x1x1 needed a good slice of lime pie after that conversation. Good thing he made some last night.
1x only almost tripped about 17 thousand times on her way to the kitchen. He definitely didn't complain about the vision problem the whole way there. Ok fine… maybe just a little complaining was done.
1x walked straight into Azure.

“Watch where you're going please.” The botanist asked. He was holding something.. Probably a potted plant or something.

“YEAH!! I ALMOST FELL!! ARE YOU BLIND OR SOMETHING??” His hat had no right talking to 1x like that.

“So what if I am a little blind right now?”

“Wait what?” Azure asked, “How many fingers am I holding up?”

Why was that everyone’s first reaction to hearing they had blurry vision? They squinted.

“That’s not fair–!!” 1x protested, “You’re holding your hand sideways!!”

“Yeah I am.” Azure admitted, “I simply couldn't resist engaging in a little tomfoolery.”

“You’re so immature.” 1x1 complained.

“Say you.” Azure retorted. Which was… fair.

“What about me?”

“Shut up. You're just a hat.”

1x1x1x1 continued on her way to the kitchen as Azure stomped on his hat for speaking when not spoken to— or something along those lines.

—

1x1 made it to the kitchen in one piece, got her lime pie and prepared to leave when Mafioso bumped into her. Yes, Mafioso bumped into her. Not the other way around. So it was not her fault.

“Watch where you’re— oh hey 1x. How many fingers am I holding up?” Mafioso asked. He must've heard her complaining about her vision. Or maybe someone else told him. And honestly, what was it with those questions today?? Blurry vision. Not double vision. Get it right, people. 1x1x1x1 squinted to see what he was holding up.

Her vision got slightly clearer. Just clear enough to see that he was holding up…

Oh wow, how amazing! Just fantastic! Real mature too! Well… 1x could be mature as well.

She shifted her gaze to where his face probably was.

Mafioso watched as 1x1 stared at his hand, trying to see what he was holding up. Wow she was blinder than he thought.

He waited a little longer.

And a little longer…

…?

Ok this was weird. She was just… staring at him with an unreadable expression.

Yeah maybe he should just… leave.

Mafioso was turning to leave when 1x lunged at him.
—

John Doe was reading his book when Mafioso appeared in the living room. John looked up to raise an eyebrow. This probably had to do with all the shouting and commotion a few minutes ago.
Mafioso just stormed off. John Doe went back to reading. None of his business, after all.

—

Well, that went well. Time to rot in their room with food. And newly regained vision.
1x1x1x1 tried to walk away dramatically, swishing her cape–

His cape. Which was still in the wash. Because of Mafioso. Ugh. Maybe she’d steal all his cigarettes and throw them out. 1x went to check on her cape. 1 more hour until it was finished being washed. Might as well get started on dinner, he supposed.

—

1x1x1x1 hummed as they prepared dinner. They separated a designated portion for Mafioso, then added the seasonings and spices. Mafioso would have to earn his right to good food. He knew better than to smoke inside the house or near 1x in general. The smell of tobacco had been extremely hard to wash out of his cape, and Mafioso would pay for the trouble with his taste buds. 1x started to season the food, thought for a bit and went back to the Mafia boss’s food.

She separated the dish into 2 equal portions, over-salted one enough to kill 2 adult elephants, mixed the halves together as little as possible, and placed the food on the plate.

After a few more minutes, it was time to serve.

Placing down all the dishes gently, except for Mafioso’s which she placed down a bit more aggressively (Mafioso will be dramatic and say they practically slammed it down), 1x sat down and watched as the others ate.

“This tastes really good, Miss 1x! You should cook more often!!”

“Thank you Pr3typriincess.” 1x couldn’t feel satisfaction from the look on Mafioso’s face, but it sure didn’t make him feel worse. Besides, just because they felt no satisfaction, didn’t mean they wouldn’t also still do things out of pure spite.

Bluudud and C00lkidd didn't say anything, but John Doe gave 1x a knowing look. Mafioso frowned at his food, before taking another bite and spitting it out immediately. “Did you forget to mix it? It’s unevenly seasoned.”

1x1x1x1 ignored him.

“N0 i7’$ n07.” (“No it’s not.”) Noli said,“M1ne t@s73s p3Rf3c7ly f1n3. M#yb3 y0u $h0uLD s70p sM0k1n9 $0 m#cH. 1 h3@rD 1t’$ b@d f0r y0uR t@s73bUd$.” (“Mine tastes perfectly fine. Maybe you should stop smoking so much. I heard it’s bad for your tastebuds.”) At that, Mafioso scowled.

“1x1.” He started, “1x did you do something to my food?”

“No.” 1x1x1x1 lied straight through her teeth with a straight face. “Maybe you should stop smoking so much. It’s clearly affecting how your food tastes.” It was affecting how his food tastes. Just not the way Noli was suggesting. They got up and placed their plate into the dishwasher.

—

“Oi oi oi!”

“Thank you!!”

1x1x1x1 was feeding her minions. Whoever said that the dead don’t eat was wrong. The dead did eat, and were given only good food.

She patted one on the head gently and it made a sound of happiness.

“We made something special for you!” one of them said, and handed her a box filled with crochet plushies. On closer inspection, one of the crochet figures was 1x1x1x1, with her bandana and cape on (goddamnitMafioso). There was one for every killer, and some more of the minions themselves.

“Thank you…” 1x1x1x1 felt really, really… Well, nothing about the gift. (what they felt was a hollow bottomless void in their chest where happiness and love would have rested.) Which was good, because that meant she didn't hate it, at least. “I… appreciate it.”

Her minions cheered.

—

1x1x1x1 opened the door to her room, and a bucket of soapy water poured down onto her. On the bucket she read, ‘I know you did something to my food. I already apologised for the ‘smell’ as you put it. Since you spent so long near me, a horrible smoker, I figured you’d want a bath.’ They tore the note off.

After cleaning up the mess (again.), 1x1x1x1 visited Pr3typriincess. “Do you have pink glitter?” The girl nodded and handed them some.

“What do you need it for?”

1x1x1x1 smirked, “You’ll find out later.”

1x1x1x1 really hoped they were the next killer. They had a lot of anger to let out.

—

This round’s killer is… 1x1x1x1

‘Hahaha yes!’

Very special round.

—

When 1x spawned into the map, they weren’t expecting to be wearing another pink frilly dress. This one looked like what a magical girl in one of those anime shows would wear.

She checked her feet.

6 inch heels.

Not as bad as 12 inches, though, so she could make do.

Her hair was done in a super high ponytail with a big pink bow, and she was wearing pink jewelry. 1x1x1x1 looked around. The survivors were all dressed similarly, in pink dresses, with 6 inch heels.

It was pretty easy to kill everyone, given that only the killer had experience running in unreasonably high heels.

Chance’s gun blew up on him, Guest couldn’t even stand properly, Two Time made do with… crawling around, and Dusekkar got around by rolling, for some reason his floating had been disabled. Elliot clung to the walls for balance, and Taph walked on his knees. Noob walked on their hands.

“How are you even running in these?” Elliot screamed as he attempted to get away. The survivors had found out that they couldn't change any part of their attire, not even take off their shoes. Pr3typriincess would be disappointed she wasn't the killer this round.

“Practice.” 1x1x1x1 replied as he killed the healer. Then, 1x went to find Taph.

“⛔🔪🙏!!” Taph begged for mercy. It was only Taph and Noob now. Noob was on 10% health, and there were no medkits in sight.

“I’m not going to kill you if you help me with something.”

Taph seemed to perk up at that. Then motioned for 1x to elaborate.

“Do you know how to make glitter bombs? I need to make a few.”

Taph nodded again.

In the end, the survivors won. Well– really only Taph won, since 1x killed noob for extra time.

After making a few glitter bombs, they made friendship bracelets. Because Taph wanted to, and they had the supplies for it. 1x1x1x1 spared Taph as a ‘thank you’ for teaching him how to make various bombs.

Mafioso will never see this coming.

When she got back to her room, 1x grabbed some string and hung Mafioso’s crochet form from the ceiling of her room, and they put the rest on their bed. The crochet minions safely resting away from the edge. Call 1x petty, but that wouldn't stop him from taking matters into her own hands.

—

“1x1x1x1!” Mafioso shouted. It was 2 in the morning. What could he possibly want? 1x stepped outside her room to look at him. He was wearing his limited edition vampire princess pajamas. “How many glitter bombs did you put in my room? I’ve had to change 3 times now!”

They put on their best ‘what are you talking about?’ face, smiled and asked, “What glitter bombs?” Mafioso was covered head to toe in pink glitter. He was very sparkly, and even more angry. 1x could see it in the way his face was tomato red.

“I know you put them there. I haven't even gotten rid of all the glitter from the last bomb yet!!” 1x snickered, he’d be finding excess pink glitter for the next few years. The stuff got everywhere and never left.

“If it was me who did it, I’d use green glitter.” 1x denied. Both of them knew she was lying. Mafioso just glared at the embodiment of hatred. He was probably planning retaliation. There wasn't much he could do to 1x1 though. Why? Well because she was smart and installed locks on all of her things. Including the door to her room.

“Game on.”

—

6 hours ago…

1x1x1x1 had 18 glitterbombs in their arms as they walked into Mafioso’s room. His security measures were lacking. The laser wall he installed didn’t even do anything, it just looked dangerous. Ah wait. That was probably attached to an alarm system… whoops.

Whatever. He wasn’t here right now.

Alright.. One inside the dresser… one under the bed, one behind the bathroom mirror… hmmm… one behind the shelf—

Oh? He had a secret safe behind his shelf?

… Well… he should have hidden it better if he didn't want them finding it.

Time to get to cracking the code!!

There was nothing interesting inside. Just some adult material and a few rusty items. 8 minutes wasted. At least it was good practice. Hmm… well… he went through all that trouble… might as well grab something.

The cool looking key thing, then.

—

1x1x1x1 stopped dead in their tracks. There were bear traps covering the floor in her part of the hallway.

… Whatever.

1x took a deep breath and ran across the bear traps.

Well that’s what an idiot would have done anyways. But 1x1 was not an idiot and decided: Human interaction was overrated anyways.

She was about to go back into her room when John Doe exited his room and stared. And got her a bucket of bricks (where did he..?) to throw at the bear traps to activate them.

1x kept the bricks and the bear traps for later. If Mafioso wanted to play dangerous, he would get dangerous alright.

—

Mafioso sighed, and reached for his cigarettes. He eyed them suspiciously.

1x had gone into his room earlier. Probably to plant more of those stupid glitter bombs. He didn’t doubt their ability to resort to actual violence, especially since he’d used bear traps for his… little ’harmless prank’.

Whatever, it wasn't like they could die here.

He lit his cigarette.

…

The cigarette burst into flames, burning his hand and the part of his mouth where he’d lifted it towards, just before it blew up.

“…” He wiped the blood away and went to inspect all of the rest of his packs.

If 1x1x1x1 wanted explosions, they’d get explosions alright.

—

1x1x1x1 changed into their sleepwear, it had been a while since he actually slept. About 3 days maybe. They walked into the bathroom to brush their teeth.

Grabbing their toothbrush in one hand and the toothpaste in the other, he squeezed thrice the recommended amount onto it.

No one could tell him what to do! Not even toothpaste companies!!

They ran the toothbrush under water for a bit, so the bristles would be wet.

She hated brushing her teeth with a dry toothbrush.

…

The toothpaste fucking exploded. Good thing she didn’t put it in her mouth.

1x1 borrowed some toothpaste from John Doe that night, because she wasn't a savage animal who’d go to bed without brushing first.

They’d think up some revenge later, but for now, it was bedtime.

Before going to bed, though, he made sure the string around his Mafioso doll was extra tight. To make sure it didn’t fall from where it was hanging from the ceiling, of course!

—

“Dusekkar. I have a favor to ask. I’ll give you this… exploding toothpaste in return?”

“Where did you get– Actually nevermind. Is this about the prank wars you and Mafioso have going on?”

“Yes.”

—

Mafioso pulled out his sword, he’d set this stupid survivor on fire and let his goons do the rest.

There was no fire damage.

Actually it didn't do anything at all. It just… started glowing like a disco ball, and playing caramelldansen while emitting sparkles.

The survivors seemed to notice this because they all started doing the stupid dance that went with the song.

Mafioso lost that round, and the next round his sword was back to normal. His ego, however, did not make such a comeback.

—

1x1x1x1 was losing their mind.

There was silly string everywhere.

Under every liftable surface, hanging from the chandelier, on the walls.

Everywhere.

Whatever. It was fine.

They’d just… add more glitter bombs to Mafioso’s room. In really obscure places. Maybe dump glitter into his shampoo. Or maybe, she’d poison him with something.

Poison… hmmmm…

Later, Mafioso entered his room immediately suspicious. Something was wrong. But try as he might, he couldn't find anything wrong. Even the candles looked normal.

…Well, he was feeling a bit tired, so he’d take a short nap and worry about it later.

…

“What did you do 1x?” John Doe sighed. Mafioso had been revived shortly after going into his room. The man was still asleep on the kitchen floor, even after having been brought back.

1x1x1x1 smiled and replied, “Carbon Monoxide is a silent killer, since it’s colorless, odorless, and tasteless.” She thought for a bit. “Just open the windows in his room, and everything will be back to normal.”

“Where did you even get that much Carbon Monoxide from?” They didn’t reply.

Online, you really could buy anything.

That’s all she’d say.

None of this would've happened if Mafioso didn’t smoke in her room. Or if he just took the food in good grace. He did this to himself, really. And 1x1 was having too much fun to want to stop.

Mafioso too was also having fun, not that he’d ever say it out loud though. (And he was also asleep at the time of this scene. But that is… irrelevant.)