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Chapter Text

'Well, at least I should have a fucking word to say about it, don't you think?'

With a single inhale, Daniel finished the joint both male were sharing while Josh was talking about his shitty life, too busy to care about the joint that was stolen from him.
Josh and Daniel weren't friends, and they always made that clear since the beginning. They weren't best friends, they weren't buddies, they were nothing to each other. They were only two people who in several occasions shared several joints and may have opened up a little too much about their lives. And when someone knows shit about you, you got to keep that person close so they can't hurt you with your secrets. It's common sense. And both Daniel and Josh had, well, some common sense.

'Seriously, everytime I think my life sucks, I just remember something shitty you told me about yours and it puts everything into perspective again.' Daniel mutters under his breath, and Josh literally growls. Daniel wasn't the talking type nor the type to handle anyone's bullshit; people who knew him didn't expect him to hug you and tell you that everything was going to be okay. Just like Josh, he lacked empathy - and maybe he was a little bit too frigid.

'I should burn that shit hole to the ground.' Before Daniel is able to grab his backpack in order to look for another joint or some beer, Josh is already smoking the shit out of a pack of cigarettes. Daniel was surprised he wasn't punching the wall yet. 'The fucking cunt, for 15 fucking years he never wanted to get me a family, and now that I am 6 months away of being 18 he finds someone who wants to adopt me. He's going to regret this so fucking much.'

Daniel is thinking about cats and how much he would love to have a cat and pet it every night, but then he remembers how pissed off Josh is and he decides to save the kittens for later. Even though he was high as fuck, he could still use his little knowledge about how much the world sucked to give some advice.

'Man, they don't care how many months away you are from being 18.' He shrugged his shoulders, and Josh's grip on the cigarette hardened. "You're 17, your legal guardian is still the state, and that's all.' What bothered Josh wasn't even the fact that he was being adopted; it was way more than that, so he angrily grabbed his red hair and tightened his grip on it, while crushing the cigarette on his fingers. 'Dude, maybe this is the best for you. Maybe you can finally get along with the right crowd, go to college, use your brains on something useful...'

Josh knew Daniel was right, but just because he was right it didn't mean that Josh didn't have the right to be mad - because fuck, Josh William Dun was on fire, and soon he was punching Daniel's wall just as expected. Daniel didn't even flinch; it was just a normal day at the office with Josh Dun. The apartment walls were so damn shitty that his fist opened a hole in the wall, just as expected.

'NO DANIEL, YOU DON'T FUCKING GET THIS!' Another punch in the wall, another hole. How would Daniel fucking repair that? The thought of not eating for a week in order to fix the wall seemed to wake Daniel up a bit. Josh's cheeks were red from the rage, his neck and arms veins were pulsing, and his breaths were irregular and short. Another rage attack was coming, and the punches were only the start of everything. 'They're lesbians, dude. Fucking lesbians.'
And then Josh was almost crying.

Daniel couldn't help it; he liked Josh, but he was too much of a tease to let this one slide without making Josh's life a constant hell, at least while he was still alive.

'Are you fucking serious right now? Josh-homophobic-Dun is being adopted by a lesbian couple?' Daniel seemed to be having the time of his life. Josh, on the other hand, felt like puking his guts out just by the thought of two women kissing each other - he would have to call them mothers, fucking mothers. That isn't how regular families are; normal and nice families are raised by a mother and a father. And after all Josh had been through he just wanted a normal family to support him. But there he was, being adopted by two freaks.
Why were they like this? Were they attention whores? Gay people were absolutely disgusting, and ridiculous, and he wanted to burn the orphanage to the ground, and it wasn't supposed to be like that, and Josh hated gay people so much that he...
Ew. 
It was too much for him to handle. He needed a male figure on his life; if he only had two mothers, how would he know how to act like a man? Right, he wouldn't. Soon enough he would be wearing dresses.

'It's always the same shit with me.' Yeah, Josh was right, his life was definitely shitty. 'I'm 17, I get a fucking lesbian couple to adopt me and I have to live with them for 6 months. Because you can beat my ass that as soon as I'm 18, I'm leaving that shit hole.'

Daniel rolled his eyes and ended up laying on the couch next to Josh; he had always been so chill (while Josh was a little, well... hard to deal with), and being high as fuck really did help. Josh would need a fucking truck of weed to calm himself on that day.
But Daniel didn't get it, though. He liked Josh because he was nice, and he liked music, and skating, and Taco Bell, but he was an homophobe. And homophobes are fucking disgusting, so Josh Dun should be disgusting; yet, he wasn't. Maybe there was something good on Josh Dun yet to be discovered.

'Have you met them yet?'

Josh shook his head no.

'That fucking asshole of a headmaster won't let me. I'm pretty sure this whole thing is fucking illegal, and I hope the police finds out and closes that orphanage and takes me away from their home.'

Daniel's eyebrows were soon arched in surprise.

'So, you're telling me that you're moving into their house tomorrow and you've never met each other?' Josh shook his head, and threw what was left of his cigarette to the floor. Daniel praid to God that the carpet wouldn't set itself on fire. 'Well, they must be fucking nuts to adopt a 17-year-old teenager who's into messed up shit without even meeting him.'

'Fucking psychopaths...' The red haired dude muttered; that was it, there was no way he could run away. The headmaster wanted him out, and the only way out was the lesbian couple - (killing himself was also an option, a really good one actually, but Daniel promised he would kill Josh if he killed himself, so he decided not to). How would he live with these people? What if he gets their disease? What if he starts liking dick?!

'Dude...' Daniel was at the point of falling asleep, but he tried. He didn't try because they were friends - really, they weren't -, he tried because he wanted to sleep without hearing Josh's thoughts from the other side of the room. 'They're willing to take you in even though you're almost an adult. At least show them some gratitude.'

'Why would I show gratitude to some lesbian bitches? I bet I'm gonna get raped. Gay people are into fucked up shit.'

Daniel felt the urge to punch Josh, but again, he was too tired.

'You're fucking ridiculous, Josh Dun.'

'Stop blaming this on me! I thought I was going to spend my last underage days at the orphanage, not at fucking foster care with two lesbos. Do I look like 10?'

'You do, sometimes.' Daniel replied, and the younger lad growled again, finally getting up and grabbing his jacket in order to leave. Daniel yawned. 'Just come to visit sometime man. And seize the opportunity you've been given; many would kill for it, including myself.'

Josh turned around, and threw a questioning glance at the other lad.

'Why would you possibly wish to live with two lesbians, Daniel?'

'You know, man.' Daniel shrugged his shoulders and rubbed his eyes in exhaustion. 'Double pussy, and stuff.'

Josh left even angrier, and the whole house shook due to the strength he used to close the door behind him.

~ ø ~

Josh had his headphones on, his favorite black skinny jeans on and his favorite ripped Vans sneakers on.
He also had his white ass sat on a fancy ass black Range Rover.
At least the car was nice, even though it smelled like lesbian sex everywhere. Josh was about to puke his hatred out.

'I know this seems a little... Well, rushed, but you're almost 18 and we wanted to have full guard of you before you're an adult.' His... mom? rambled, looking through the mirror and expecting to see a really excited Josh ready to ramble about his life and how happy he felt about moving into a house of sin, but instead he found a angry teenager listening to loud music, dressed all in black and pierced in the nose; and he was giving her the resting bitch face!
Well, there goes her first impression.
Courtney sighed; she loved kids, really, and she wanted to do some good in the world, but God forgave her for saying those words so soon, but maybe Josh was hopeless.
This is his first day, she thought to herself, even though she could see the hatred he had for her on his eyes, Tyler was like this as well and look at him now. This is okay. This is going to be okay. 
The lights turned red and Courtney stopped the car while some children and adults crossed the street safely. She took the opportunity to look behind and start a conversation with Josh, but he still had his earphones on.

'Josh?' She called, slightly loud so he could hear her. 'Can you take those off, please? I'm talking to you.'

Josh bit his lip, hard, and for a second she thought it would bleed. The teenager looked like he was about to cuss out every single bad word he knew or maybe punch her in the face, but he indeed listened to her. He was looking through the window, avoiding eye contact with her, and he slowly took the earphones off while Courtney saw the changes on him: his veins were pulsing, his face was turning red and he was bitting his lip in a very pissed off way. The woman knew about his rage attacks, but a rage attack inside a car stopped on a red light... Well, that would be a disaster.

She cleared her throat, and tried for kind approach.

'Thank you. I just wanted to tell you that Lainey, my wife,' She noticed the way he closed his eyes and bit his lip harder when she talked about her wife, but she chose to ignore it. 'is in a business trip. She wanted to pick you up with me, but they let you come sooner than we expected. For three days it would be just you, me and Tyler. Tyler is our other son, though. He was adopted five years ago.'

Josh arched his eyebrows and finally glanced at her when she mentioned the existence of another child in the house, and Courtney smiled. They were about the same age, they would get along well.
But Courtney also noticed how red Josh's eyes were. Of course...

'Lainey has some important rules that she will go through with you.' She informed him in a more stoic voice. 'You'll memorize every single one of them in three days so you know when you're crossing the line; however, if you break one while you still don't know the rules, there will be no punishment, just a simple warning. But I'm sure we'll get along pretty well and you're going to behave greatly... Right?'

Josh didn't answer.
Courtney felt like he wanted to slap her; he looked so serious, and mad, and reckless; she feared for her family.
Josh would turn their lives upside down with his drug addiction, with his rage problems, with every single thing he had on him, but he was still their loved son. They could help him.
She put a smile on her face again.

'Anyways, we're almost home! Is there anything you want to tell me about yourself while we're still here?' She questioned him happily.

Josh smirked; it wasn't a nice smirk, though; Courtney felt shivers down her spine.

'Yeah.' Josh's raspy voice was heard inside the car. 'I fucking hate gay people.'

And then the light turned green.

Chapter Text

Tyler had to catch the bus on that day - and believe me, when it comes to the point that Tyler Joseph has to catch a public transport in order to get home, shit has definitely hit the fan.
There's also one thing you need to know about Tyler Joseph: he always fucks everything up when he's around huge crowds, especially when they're squeezed in a tiny space; he just can't. He gets all nervous, and then he fucks up, and then he freaks out, and then everybody's laughing and judging him, and then he's home crying and wondering why is he like this... and then Lainey is screaming and scolding and telling Tyler to man the fuck up and go shoot his baskets - and then Tyler is crying again. And it's always the same; an endless series of unfortunate events that leads Tyler to tears every single fucking time, and his mothers didn't help.

Lainey was a good mother - really, she was -, and he was so happy to have both Courtney and Lainey in his life, but sometimes the last one was a bit, well, difficult to handle, you could say. She often scolded and hit Tyler, but after all she had the right to do so. She was the one paying the bills, paying Tyler's education, raising Tyler... She had the right to hit him in order to make him a good person...
Right?

There's also this problem about being in crowded spaces; Tyler gets nervous and he starts thinking a lot and being paranoid. And that doesn't help when your leg is not on the best shape and you need to keep yourself stable on the bus. Face palming the floor wouldn't help him at all right now.
But still, there was no reason to be paranoid or afraid to go home. Lainey wouldn't be home for a few more days and Courtney wouldn't tell her that he fucked up his leg during basketball practice. He would get better quickly, he would shoot his 500 baskets like he was supposed to and he would make his family and his coach happier and prouder than ever, instead of being made of fucking glass and hurt himself every single time he wasn't supposed to.
Tyler Joseph makes a lot of plans and makes up a lot of scenarios on his head. Unfortunately, things go on the opposite way quite often though.

The drive home ended pretty quickly, but Tyler now had a hurt leg, an headache due to the children screaming on the bus and an urge to die due to the fact that he would meet his brother today - and knowing his mothers, he just knew they had chosen the worst psychopath they could find on the nearest orphanage.
So there was Tyler Joseph torn between two different ideas: go home in order to fix his leg and meet his new brother, or stay homeless for the rest of his life.
He should have probably chosen the second option, but the streets were dangerous and there was no way he would be able to hide and run from murderers with a fucked up leg. So he needed to go home, unfortunately.
Thanks to the Gods, Tyler's house was right around the corner, so walking wouldn't be much of a problem.
Tyler sighed.

God, he just wanted to be home and hide under his blankets forever. It had been a shitty day.

~ ø ~

Josh Dun was hiding under his blankets - it had been a shitty day.

He was delighted when he found out that he would be sharing the room with his brother - or whoever he was to him -, for a week since his room was currently being painted. Believe me, he was delighted. So fucking delighted that he opened the car's door while it was still moving and walked right home (or whatever that shit hole was called) without even looking back.
He expected Courtney to freak out, call the headmaster on that right moment and say she didn't want Josh anymore and that he could fuck off for all she cared, and that was exactly what she did. She called the headmaster and sent Josh upstairs - and there he was, hiding under the blankets of his brother's bed - brother he hadn't met yet though -, and exhaling its scent.
He didn't know why he was there; he just felt attracted to the bed. It smelled good, it was comfortable and cozy, and really, Josh Dun never had the opportunity to hide under the blankets when he was scared or when he knew he had fucked up back when he used to be a child, so it felt pretty good to feel protected.

He shook his head under the blankets and felt shivers down his spine; the disease was already crawling into his bones and rotting his body: he was already being gay about everything.

Why was he overthinking? Even though the bed was comfortable, the house itself and the family weren't and he needed to go while he was still able to do so. He fucked up because he wanted to, and now he was going back to the orphanage where there was no gay people and where he really did belong.
It wasn't the disease spreading, and Josh surely wasn't gay. He couldn't, he was a straight ass dude and that was it. But when you live with gay people (even though only for a couple of minutes), you start questioning yourself. So exhaling his brother's scent on the blankets was like, no homo at all.

Maybe he had brother issues.

The red haired dude decided that he was comfortable because back at the orphanage he had to share the room with 8 other kids. Sharing a tiny space with other 8 people sucked ass, and there was no silence whatsoever when Josh most needed it. But the whole atmosphere on that room was absolutely perfect: it had a cozy, huge bed with comfortable and warm blankets and nice pillows, the whole room was dark and silent, and he could feel the breeze coming from the open window. Diseases often make you sick, right? There's no way he was already sick with the gay thing then, since he felt like he was on heaven.

Deep down, Josh Dun didn't want to come back to the cold, dirty and messy orphanage, but there was no way he would be staying at those lesbians' house either. But why not appreciate what you already have for a couple of minutes?
And Josh was indeed appreciating the soft blankets and the dark room until someone burst right into his personal space.
Josh jumped on his own spot, and suddendly the blankets weren't covering his body anymore.

And when their eyes met, Tyler and Josh felt two different things:

Tyler felt like he just fell in love.

Josh felt like he just fell in hatred.

But oh dear, there's such a thin line between love and hate.

Chapter Text

Tyler liked books.

He was the type of guy who would stay awake all night reading a book, constantly telling himself that he would read just another page, or maybe two... or fuck it, maybe the whole book.
And Tyler liked to read about things. It didn't matter which things, he just liked to learn about space, about animals, about rivers, curious facts about random historical events... Tyler was just like that - a wild spirit, curious by nature and way more observant than most people.

Tyler Joseph also liked to stare at things; not in a creepy way, of course - more like in a curious way. Glancing and looking was nothing to him; it was either him not even bothering to notice, or stare with endlessly curiosity.
His mothers were used to it and they didn't find it creepy at all, but Josh William Dun surely found Tyler Joseph's stare creepy as fuck.

'What in the actual fuck!?' He spats out, and Tyler wakes up from his dream; Josh had acknowledged his presence in the room. He had a lot to say about Josh - oh, he had so many things he wanted to let his mind wonder to -, but he couldn't, not right now, when his mum had already warned him how bad news Josh was and how she wanted to take him back to the headmaster.

'No cussing in this house!' Courtney's stoic voice was right behind him and made him jump on the same spot. She turned on the lights making both Josh and Tyler cringe in disapprovement. 'That's one of the rules. Now, if you mind me, my son needs my help and that's not your bed.'

Tyler had never seen Courtney so mad - she was the sweet one usually, and Lainey would be the strict one. The guy must have fucked up really badly. The punk guy whispered a few curse words under his breath, but he eventually moved his lazy ass to the mattress on the floor. Tyler didn't feel comfortable with it; Josh was a guest and he should be properly treated like one. He didn't say anything, though. It was not his place to do so.
Tyler sat down on the bed, feeling Josh's death stare piercing his head. He gulped in fear, but his mother thought it was in pain.

'Do you think you need to go to the hospital?' Courtney asked, her eyebrows raised and a disappointed look on her face. She put some ice on Tyler's leg in order to ease the pain. She had always been the caring mum, and Tyler was thankful for that. 'I can drive you there, it won't hurt to check this up. You need to be on your best shape, honey.'

'It's okay mum. I just slipped, the field was really wet.' Josh cringed at Tyler's voice; it was so small, and scared, and he didn't even look like a man - he looked like a scared rat. He noticed the way Tyler bit his lip when the lesbian touched a black spot on his leg. What a pussy. That's why he needed a role model in his life, and not two women. 'I'll just lay here for a second, I'll be alright.'

How the hell did the kid hurt himself, Josh thought. He had gotten into hardcore fights and he was never left with dark spots on his body. Well, maybe a swollen eye and sore muscles, but that was it. Was this guy made of glass?
Josh felt like he was watching a weird porn between the two of them, so he got up and grabbed his jacket. He needed to smoke so he could get this whole thing straight on his head. He was starting to stress the fuck out.
Courtney and the scared little rat were soon glancing at him.

'Where do you think you're going, Joshua?'

Josh cringed at the usage of his full name. The lesbian seemed really approachable (even though she liked pussy and he hated her for that), but now she was turning into an hell of a bitch.

'I'm gonna take a fucking smoke, or shall I fucking smoke inside?'

Josh noticed the way the little hurt boy was staring at him; it was creepy, yes, but it wasn't necessarily bad. And honestly, Josh wanted to look cool and badass for him to be afraid of him.
No homo, of course. He just wanted to show him how much he hated him and his perfect family.

Josh noticed Courtney was on her breaking point. She hated cussing, and she probably hated smoking as well. But she let him go though, and Josh went.
He could just run away, couldn't he? He could escape and live forever at Daniel's, but it was a risk he wasn't willing to take. Even though he was almost 18, he wasn't exactly 18 and the state and his new... well, those lesbians, were supposed to take care of him. Running away would make his life a complete hell, so he had a plan: to make the women's lives a complete hell so they would talk to the headmaster and he would go back to the orphanage.
It seemed like a great plan; except he wasn't sure if it would work.

Josh eventually decided to sit on the porch - the sun was going to sleep, the birds were singing and cars were driving by, normal people were going home to their normal and traditional families.
 Josh sighed; if they were straight he could have been so happy. It was a great house located in a great neighborhood, and this family surely had some good money... but Josh Dun wasn't that eager of being rich and being part of a wealthy family, especially when they were faggots - he would rather starve himself on the streets than to sacrifice his sexuality.
He was rather appreciating the smoke sitting on the front porch step when he noticed someone sitting down next to him.
Oh god.
Josh rolled his eyes.
The little rat was back.

What Josh didn't know though, was that the little rat had a hurt leg but he decided to get down the stairs anyway and walk to the porch because, you know, he was kind enough to do that for a stranger. He knew Josh was having a hard time coping with this new family and new environment; he had been through the same. And he would have appreciated some nice words coming from someone he felt like he could really trust.
But there's this thing about Tyler, you know; this anxiety which eats him alive. Tyler always felt really anxious while trying to make some new friends, so he stopped trying to; a simple task such as ordering food put Tyler Joseph on the edge of a panic attack, so he stopped ordering food and started asking closer friends to do it for him.
Anxiety is a funny thing, you know; it stops you from being a human being, but it turns on your most primitive instincts such as escaping, hiding and generally trying not to die, even though your life isn't in danger. So in order to avoid these feelings, Tyler started avoiding interactions with strangers or tasks that put him in high levels of stress - until the day he decides to sit down next to his brother on the front porch step of their beautiful house and starts introducing himself.

'Hey.' He just knows he sounds like a scared little boy, but that doesn't stop him. Due to the anxiety, Tyler's hands are trembling, so he doesn't try to shake Josh's hand. 'I don't think we've been properly introduced yet; I'm Tyler Joseph.'

His anxiety is kicking in and his breaths are becoming irregular, so he avoids looking at Josh and he simply stares at the well-cut green grass decorating the garden. Josh seems to scoff next to him, and Tyler fears for the worse. But then he hears Josh's voice. It's not the same dark and rough voice he has heard before. He sounds excited, happy almost. Tyler's heart is warm again and it feels like his leg was healed.

'Wow, you're Tyler Joseph?!' And Josh looks so surprised, and he's smiling, and he looks gorgeous, and Tyler is smiling because he's the most gorgeous human being he has ever seen, and... 'I've heard a lot about you!'

Tyler is smiling so hard he might tear his cheeks apart.

'Really? You did?' Tyler asks excited, and he forgets for a second that his day was rough and his leg hurts like a bitch because he has this amazing human being smiling next to him, and then... and then Josh isn't smiling anymore.
He rolls his eyes and stares at Tyler with rage.

'No, of course I did not you fucking loser.' He replies, and Tyler Joseph doesn't feel happy anymore; honestly, Tyler is heartbroken. 'God, faggots are so fucking dumb.'

Because you see, when you have trouble on dealing with anxiety and social interaction, it's hard to overcome some obstacles you find on your way, and they might be the most ridiculous ones, but when you overcome them, you feel powerful; there's a shot of adrenaline in your body and everything is beautiful and the world is perfect and you feel the king of a nation.
But when you can't overcome them, there's no way to express how much sadness you feel; how worthless and how much of a loser you think you are. How it destroys you on the inside, and how it changes you as a person.
But, you know, Joshua Dun has never struggled with anxiety and honestly he doesn't give a flying fuck about Tyler Joseph. So he's just being rude because, you know, he's Joshua William Dun. 

Tyler doesn't have the strength to say anything. He's just destroyed, and he knows he's going to cry his eyes out when he's by himself. But T is tough, and he knows how to deal with it, so he gets up, almost sinking on the porch due to his hurt leg, and sighs.

'I didn't want to bother. I was just trying to be nice.'

He's leaving when he hears Josh's voice ringing on his ears again.

'You tried and you fucking failed, you miserable cunt. You can leave now.' And Josh is angry, really angry, and he's smoking again and cussing under his breath, and Tyler Joseph decides that he has never been more afraid of someone like he is of Josh. Not because he thinks he'll beat the shit out of him, but because he's pretty sure he's going to break his heart in a million pieces with his harsh words and beautiful smiles.

 ~ ø ~

It was three in the afternoon.
The lesbian was wearing a pink dress next to him, her hair was straightened and she was wearing high wheels.
Josh was just, you know, wearing his ripped skinny jeans and an old shirt 'cuz honestly, he doesn't give a fuck.
Courtney and the headmaster had been talking for two fucking hours straight about his behavior and about his future like he wasn't even there. No words were spoken between the headmaster and Josh, nor between Lainey and Josh; he felt like a fucking house plant witnessing the whole thing of fucking his life up when he wasn't even 18 yet.
But again, he didn't give a fuck. He was pretty sure the lesbians wanted him to fuck off, and he gladly would go wherever they wanted him to go (that didn't include their house, of course).
You see? Josh Dun doesn't give a fuck.
And then he sees the headmaster standing up, and he eventually starts giving a fuck.

'If you don't mind me, Mrs. Jones, I would like to talk to Josh alone so we can figure this whole situation out.' He claimed, staring at his mother. 'We've always been pretty close, haven't we Josh?'

Josh feels like throwing up, but he doesn't because he doesn't want to ruin his Vans shoes. Those are the only ones he has left. He should have asked the lesbians to buy him a new pair before he ruined everything.

'It's up to you, sir.' Cortuney responds, standing up. 'I'll wait outside, then. Thank you for your time, that was very kind of you.'

'It's always my pleasure. I'll catch up with you and your wife later.' The headmaster smiled widely, and Josh just knew he was fucked. He felt her gaze penetrating his skull, but he kept on playing with his fingers, doing his best to ignore her and everyone around him.
When she finally left and Josh was left alone with the man who tried to raise him, there was no awkward silence; there was a lot of rage, a lot of tension, and a lot of praying on Josh's mind that the headmaster would take him in again and he would never see the little rat nor the lesbian couple again.
He was so wrong.
The headmaster was doing something on his computer, and then he smirked. Josh rolled his eyes and felt like slapping him across his fucking obese face. Punching that smirk out of him was Josh's ultimate wish on that moment.

'Joshua, I need you to watch this.' The fat fuck said, turning his laptop's screen in Josh's direction. There was a video waiting to be played, or at least something like a video.
It was a video from a recording camera, Josh noticed, due to the low quality. It had been recorded two months ago, at 3 in the morning.
It couldn't be, could it?
Josh swallowed hard, and when the video started playing, his world fell in front of him.

It wasn't fair. He was short on money, he was desperate, he was drunk...

Men don't cry, Josh reminded himself; only faggots do that. But he really did feel like crying, tears starting to gather on his eyes, making it almost impossible not to break down in front of the headmaster.
His cruel voice was soon heard on the room.

'In case you have forgotten what that is, Joshua, this is the video captured by a surveillance camera of a coffee shop right around the corner.' He smirked. 'It shows you and three of your old roommates stealing everything you could find from said coffee shop...' He smiled cruelly. 'And is that a gun in your pocket, Joshua?'

Josh felt like a fish outside of water, desperately seeking for a way out, or in, or whatever, but there was no way- he was already drowning.
The video came to an end and the headmaster closed the laptop.
'You see Josh, you're almost 18, which means you won't be protected by the law anymore once you turn 18. I don't want this institution to be remembered as the one who sent an innocent kid like you and your mates to jail, so... You can easily solve this.' Josh was lightheaded.' You have two options, Josh. You leave this institution immediately, you go home with that beautiful woman and have a nice and fulfilling life with such a nice couple as them, or I'll just email a cop who's a friend of mine this video, and you can start getting your back door ready for your cell mates.' Josh felt like throwing up; was he going to faint? 'It's your choice, Joshua.'

And Josh did choose.

And today, after spending so much time with his brother, Josh still wonders which one was the best option: falling in love or falling out of his freedom.

He would soon realise they were both the same.

Chapter Text

Tyler is crying in the bathroom and staring at his razor blades when he hears his mum's car pulling in the driveway.

He takes a glance at the mirror; his face is all puffy and red, his eyes are blodshot and there's blood on his shirt - yeah, he definitely looked like shit.

After taking off his shirt and putting it on the basket for dirty clothes, he went to his bedroom, procceeded to turn all the lights off and lay down on his bed pretending to be asleep; he didn't want to be asked questions about his ugly crying face and he surely didn't want his brother to notice that he had been crying and had a breakdown because of him.
He heard his mum opening the door and the boy was almost waiting for loud voices, screams and things breaking, but none of it happened. There were voices coming from downstairs, yes, but it seemed like they were just casually having a chat. Tyler thanked the gods; his anxiety couldn't take another fight between his family.
The little broken boy had taken his anxiety pills, but his disease was through the roof. Tomorrow his mother would come back home and he was scared of death that Lainey would find out that he had hurt his leg and that he wouldn't be on his best shape to the game that was happening on Saturday. They both knew there would be important people on the basketball business field there, and Tyler was the star of his team and the only who even had the chance to win a scholarship.

Tyler was a very talented young boy, and he loved basketball. He really did.

But what he loved the most though, he kept a secret. It was weird why he did it; maybe he didn't want to share his dirty little secret with anyone because they would be expecting something great from his hobby and then it would turn into an obligation. Nevertheless, Tyler needed to vent out and that was why he grabbed a small notebook he had hidden under the
pillow for ages and started writing his heart out; what was left of it, anyways. 

|-/

Josh was writing new ways to get along with his brother and mothers.
He was ashamed that he had been crying, but it was from pissing his pants out; he did not want to go to jail. That wasn't even an option; he would rather live with the fags than become a fag himself, and that would be what would happen if he went to prison. That wasn't even a damn option.

Firstly, he needed to get along with the little rat. Then he would gain Courtney's trust and he was absolutely sure that it wouldn't be hard to show Lainey that he was an absolute sweetheart; they hadn't even met yet.
Now don't get me wrong, Josh wasn't a fake ass bitch. He hated his little brother from the bottom of his heart; he couldn't even stand the vision of him, and his little voice made him want to punch himself in the fucking face. However he needed to survive, he couldn't be kicked out.

Courtney had gone upstairs to change into more comfortable clothes, or whatever lesbians do to get themselves comfortable, and Josh had the chance to look around. There wasn't much, really; it was a regular house, with beautiful and modern furniture. The TV was absolutely huge, but there wasn't anything interesting on. And what a better time than before dinner time to bound with his little brother in a way or another? After all, his ass was literally on the line.

Josh thought about grabbing two beers and invite him to sit by the pool enjoying the end of the day, but that seemed gay as fuck; hell, he was already catching the gay and he had been there for only a small amount of time. Also, were the kids even allowed to drink on this goddamned household? Probably fucking not.
The punk boy was simply roaming by the backyard when he noticed something really cool near the set of picnic tables: a foosball!
Daniel used to have on by his house, but they ended up breaking it 'cuz they were badasses when it came to playing with that shit. But this one looked new, it was huge and it definitely was in good shape.
Well, it was a hell of a way to bound, and Tyler couldn't even say no: fuck off, Josh was trying.
He ran inside and grabbed two pepsis from the fridge (he was too scared to grab a beer. Well, Josh wasn't scared 'cuz Joshua Dun isn't scared of anything, he just didn't want to cross the line), and he found Courtney staring right back at him with her eyebrows furrowed.

'May I grab these?' He asked politely. Think about getting fucked in the ass by other prisoners, just keep that shit on mind, he thought to himself, and he shivered in disgust just by the presence of the pussy eater right in front of him. 'I was thinking about playing foosball with Tyler. I just thought it would be a great way to get to know him. This is, if you don't
mind, Mrs. Jones.'

The words were coming out of his mouth but they didn't even seem real. He hadn't even cursed for once and he had been polite. Polite to a lesbian, oh my god. And even though it
was all bullshit and he was putting up a hell of an act, the lesbian actually believed him and smiled at him like nothing had happened before.

'Of course Josh, this is your home as well. I'm sure Tyler would be delighted to be with you. I'll be making dinner if you two need me.'

Josh nodded.

'Thanks, m'am.'

He was already walking up the stairs when he heard her voice again.

'You can call me by my first name if you want to, sweetheart. And whatever name you wish when you think you're ready for it.'

Is "fucking faggot" a cute nickname? Josh thought to himself, but of course he didn't say anything. He wasn't that stupid and he sure wouldn't risk his life on that.

Little did he know that months from then, he would be calling that exact woman by the one and only nickname of mother.

the road is tough
my skin is burnt
my feet hurt
my mind is going insane,
mommy can't take away the pain,
my heart hurts in my chest,
ropes are tied around my neck,
i am,
i am,
i am,
nothing.

Tyler stared at his latest poem with disgust on his face. He wished he was as good at writing as he was on basketball. It didn't sound any different from any of the poems he had read on tumblr; it was just another poem talking about how miserable life was, how much he wanted to die and how worthless he felt even though he had everything he had wished for for a long time: he had food on the table, people who cared about him, a career on basketball, a great home and good grades. Nevertheless, something felt empty. He had always felt empty back at his last foster care home, but now it felt different. It felt like Tyler needed something worth fighting for; something that could teach him that life was worth living. At first he thought it was basketball, but now he knew he was wrong. Not even his favorite sport could save his life. 
When he was mad, T would throw things around his bedroom, so that was exactly what he did. He threw his notebook against the door with so much rage that he even scared himself.

And the door opened in that exact moment.

A very surprised Josh holding two pepsis on his hands was staring at him like he was a mad man. Tyler literally grew smaller and blushed really hard. He couldn't believe Josh had just caught him on one of his rage moments. And to be completely honest, Tyler was also scared of Josh's reaction. I mean, he did throw something on his direction, he couldn't really blame him if his brother decided to give him a black eye right on the spot.
He saw rage on Josh's eyes but for his surprise, he just laughed the event off.

'Damn, you almost hit me, your aim is really good.' And there it was that damn smile again. Suddenly, Tyler felt an urge to write again; he felt like he could write endless poems about Josh's eyes. Something about those eyes made him happy even though he had no reason to feel that way. On the other hand, Josh's words didn't sound honest but T didn't care - he just wanted to get along with his brother and it was okay to lie sometimes. Tyler himself lied a lot on a daily basis. 'Anyways, I don't think we've started with the right foot and I don't want us to have hard feelings. So I wanted to apologise.'

Okay, now Tyler wasn't expecting that one.
He sat on the bed and he noticed that his legs and hands were shaking due to his anxiety. He was also sweating.

Damn, why did Josh made him feel so tingly and sweaty and anxious and awkward, all at the same time? Was it because of his bright red, rebellious hair? Was it because of his muscular posture, or just because he could kill Tyler with a small punch?
He cleared his throat awkwardly and decided to just stare at his fingers. He was already fidgeting.

'It's okay. It's tough to be on your position. You don't have to apologise.'

'Great!' Josh yelled, a little too happy for Tyler's concern, and dismissed the subject instantly. What the heck was going on? The talk with the headmaster must have been interesting. 'Anyways, I was just exploring and I found this really cool soccer table. Want to play a little? We can have some drinks and have a chat to, you know, get to know each other a little bit more,since we're brothers now.'

Another thing about Tyler was that he was really inteligent. Even though Josh's intentions were good, he didn't believe his words were true. He felt like he was just trying to be friends with him to make his mothers happy and for them to leave him alone to ruin his life, drink around and probably steal.

Or maybe Tyler was being a little stupid judgemental fuck.
Yeah, that was probably it. He even felt bad for thinking that Josh had bad intentions.

'Oh...' He grabbed the soda Josh was handing on his direction. 'Sure, that would be... really, hm, nice.'

'You can talk louder, man. I can barely hear you.'

Josh could barely hear Tyler's voice, but little did he know that his thoughts were screaming for him to get away from the red haired boy.

|-/

'Aaaaaand king Joshua strikes again!' Josh yelled, making Tyler laugh, almost in agony. He was the worst at soccer table. He couldn't grab the sticks or whatever they were called properly, and he was too close to the table, which resulted on him being hit on the stomach several times.
But it had been nice. Tyler hadn't that much fun in a long time. He didn't talk much, moving his mouth only to laugh at one of Josh's jokes or to apologise for his bad skills on the game. Josh seemed to be having the time of his life though. 'Man, it isn't that fun when I play with Daniel. I'm glad I have a brother now.'

As we know, Josh wasn't being honest when he said that. Tyler wasn't that bad of a company, but he was still the son of the fags, he barely talked and he was a quiet, shy kid - and that wasn't the type of person Josh would want in his life. But still, he indeed had some fun playing with Tyler.

Did they bound? Yes, they did.

Did Josh like his brother better after spending some time together? Yes, he did.

Was Tyler slowly falling in love with Josh's eyes and smile? Yes, he fucking was.

After playing for almost a hour, Tyler and Josh went to chill out by the pool. They were now drinking orange juice that Courtney had made them, and Josh felt good. Maybe too good. Maybe the lesbian had drugged his drink with her disease.

Truth was Josh didn't like being taken care of. He had always been neglected, hated, kicked, and now being treated with so much compassion and love even though he fucked up, it wasn't good for him. He didn't know how he felt about it. Maybe the read haired boy was such a good actor that he was even fooling himself on thinking that he could be happy living with two sinners.
Well, three, 'cuz he was sure as fuck that the kid was a disgusting faggot as well.
But since he had to actually pretend he liked Tyler and the family, he wanted to ask some questions.

'So Tyler, for how long have you lived withCourtney?'

Tyler seemed to think about it for a second.

'For about five years, I think.' He answered. He looked a little bit more confident but he was still shy. 'It was almost a miracle honestly, I wasn't expecting them to choose me.'

Josh nodded. So he was adopted when he was 12. Well, that wasn't too old compared to being adopted by 17.

'What do you like the most about Courtney?'

Now, before you start picturing them falling in love and everything, you need to know that Josh is a heartless bitch. He's incapable of loving, and that's why he asked what Tyler loved the most about his mum. He just didn't understand love itself, and how could you love someone. And maybe he could start analysing Tyler's behaviour with his mothers and be the same caring kid - and then be set free as soon as he turned 18.
T, on the other hand, was capable of love. Well, maybe he loved too much. He loved basketball, he loved writing, he loved the nature; hell, he loved everything but himself.

'She's really kind, and she takes good care of me.' Tyler smiled, remembering all the memories he had with Courtney. 'She's the best mom I could have ever wished for.'

'What about Lainey?' Josh ask, furrowing his eyebrows.

Tyler flinched. It wasn't on purporse, it was just what happened everytime someone mentioned his other mother. He took a deep breath trying to block out all the bad memories, the screams, the yelling of the neighbours, the smell of blood, the taste of blood, Courtney holding Lainey down, Lainey pulling his hair, someone calling the cops, someone calling an ambulance, him being dragged by the darkness, and- and then a car pulled out on the drive way.
Tyler knew how it was due to the shivering on his spine and the cold on his bones.

'I don't talk about Lainey, Josh.'

Josh found that weird. That family was fucked up, man. It was normal to like a mum better than other, but what kept him from talking about the other faggot?

Little did Josh know that Tyler had all the reasons to avoid Lainey. And sooner, he wouldn't be the only one.

Chapter Text

Tyler, Josh, Courtney and Lainey were sitting by the dinner table. 

Josh never thought the day of him eating organic salad with a gourmet steak would come, but there he was sitting at the table with his perfect little family. 

His little perfect family of fags!

They all ate in silence and it was just awkward; it was awkward because his Junior Fag Brother (aka Tyler) was sitting right next to him, his hands shaking while he was stabbing his lettuce non stop but without even bothering to pretend he was eating it. Courtney was all smiles and giggles as she cut the steak and ate it and asked her disgusting wife how her meetings had been, while Lainey was just straight up looking at the boy in front of her and sending him rude stares. She looked ready to stab him with her very pointy knife. 

Was she trying to scare him? Josh Dun wasn't scared of fucking anything, less alone a lesbo. What she really needed, he thought, was a real man to show her what real sex was. She was probably just a frustrated mess of a slut. 

Getting really pissed off by the stupid staring contest and by Jr. Fag shaking and hearing the piercing sounds of his fork and knife against the plate, Josh Dun stood up. 

'Alright. I'm gonna grab a smoke.' He mumbled and glanced at Tyler. For a moment he actually thought of inviting him but no; he was still scared shitless of catching the gay disease and having a bundle of anxiety following around didn't sound fun. 

'No, you're not.' Lainey grumbled and the boy could see that she was gripping her cutlery with such force that her pulse veins were beginning to show. Well, this lesbo definitely needed to be dicked down. 

Tyler was breathing heavily; he wasn't sure that Josh could hear him but this game he was playing, it was a dangerous game. You couldn't escape Lainey and her mind games even if you tried. This woman was his mother, yes, and he owed her his life, but Tyler was so, so, scared of her. He felt ashamed that he even thought that Josh looked hot as he got up and reached for his cigarette pack. He looked so free, so careless, so untouchable.

Yet so homophobic and with such a dark heart. 

He pushed those thoughts aside, afraid Lainey would hear them. 

Josh raised his eyebrows and he sighed. He really couldn't afford going to prison as the fucking headmaster had warned him, but he surely couldn't be contained like a caged animal. He liked his freedom and no one had cared about him for 17 years, now it wasn't the time to do so. He breathed in deeply and tried to think about catching the soap at prison, which was enough to calm him down and get him to sit down. Lainey was still looking straight at him, her eyes full of rage and hatred. 

Why did they even adopt him? Would they use him for porn? Sex trafficking? Did they want his organs? Well, his liver and his lungs wouldn't be of any use anyways. 

'Courtney, dear, why don't you go run us a bath?' The psycho asked in the sweetest voice that her fake demeanor could possibly manage to. Josh felt a shiver running down his spine; they were going to have sex in the fucking bath?! With him in the house? 'Tyler, start doing the dishes. Josh will join you after we finish talking.' 

Courtney got up, smiled and kissed her wife on the lips. 

Josh thought he was having a heart attack; he couldn't stand this. He knew that some friends of his found lesbian relationships attractive, hot even, but he thought the mere image of two women kissing was enough to make him puke. His heartbeat quickened. He couldn't stand this. 

Tyler could feel that Josh was in physical pain and that made him sad; the boy would never change. His thoughts on their mothers' relationship were very obvious: he despised it. What would he think of him, if he found out that Tyler found him so attractive? He would probably knock him out with a punch. Tyler got up and grabbed a few plates, trying not to drop anything. That would make Lainey go insane.

'Yes, mother.' He muttered all red and sweaty, and Tyler noticed that Josh was raising his eyebrows at him. Was everyone in this family fucking insane? Was this some kind of cult? 

Tyler left as well and soon Josh was alone with Lainey. Maybe it would be safer if he didn't breathe around her; he could smell the stink of their kiss in the air. She crossed her arms and stared at him. 

'You know what you are, Josh Dun?' 

A heterosexual male clearly superior than you, faggot. 

'No, but I'm sure you'll enlight me in no time.' He replied, a fake smile plastered across his face. Lainey was smiling as well. 

'You're a piece of shit that no one in this world really cares about.' She spat out and Josh rolled his eyes. He was used to being bullied like this. Next, lesbo. You can do better. 'But let's just say that God gave me a mission and that it only takes so much to make my wife happy... that's why we brought you in. She thinks she can change who you are.' 

Josh scoffed; of course it had been Courtney who had this idea. He couldn't decide which one was the craziest, Lainey or Courtney. He just knew that they had dragged Tyler along this fuckery of sin and that it wasn't even this fault that he had learned to like the same sex. He had this fucking example at home, after all. 

'So you don't think you can change me?' Tyler provoked the woman, raising his eyebrows. He knew she liked a challenge. 

'I don't want to change you.' She smirked. 'I want to break you.'

It was Josh's time to smirk. 

'I'm fucking unbreakable.'

✈

Tyler was the perfect gay. 

Yeah, it was hard to combine both "perfect" and "gay" together for Josh Dun, but he had managed to do so. He decided that Tyler was the perfect gay because he had managed to do the dishes, put them away and clean the entire kitchen in less than 10 minutes. He was a proper lady! How charming. 

'Ho-How did it g-go?' The little faggot stuttered; did he stutter when he was taking a dick in his mouth as well? 

'It went perfectly well, my man T.' Josh replied cheerfully while the fag blushed. Absolutely disgusting. Just by thinking they would be sharing a room Josh felt scared for his ass. He was already planning on sleeping with two pairs of jeans on. 'Momma Lainey said she wanted us to go to sleep. Do you usually go to sleep at fucking 9 pm on Fridays?' 

Tyler went pale as Josh's words left his mouth. He was absolute trouble walking in long, long legs. Tyler breathed in, breathed out, and started going up the stairs located right next to the kitchen, which led them to the second floor. Josh followed the fag as they entered their room. 

He was sharing a room with a man. For fuck's sake. 

'We have to go to bed at the same hour, everyday.' Tyler said in a small voice. 'They check and if you're not sleeping... they don't like it.' Did they hit this fucking kid for him to be so fucking scared all the time? Tyler breathed in, breathed out, trying to calm himself down. He was in the verge of a panic attack. 'You're the guest, so you can sleep on the bed. I'll take the floor. You can go and shower first too.' 

Ah hell to the fucking no. This was a trick. This was a faggot's trick to make him feel at home. In no time Tyler would be all snuggled up to him on his bed. Even though his bed smelled good and felt good, Josh would never, ever, on his entire existence, place his body (dressed or not) there. 

'Nah, take the bed and go first, man.' He said, shrugging. 'I still need to find my shit anyway. It's all over my bags.' 

Tyler grew a little smaller at Josh's tone and at his choice of words, but agreed obediently and went to their little private room. 

Josh sat down by the window and took out a cigarette, lighting it up. He didn't even care, no one would notice the smoke anyway. The lesbos were probably too busy banging each other on the room at the other end of the hall. Josh wanted to fucking cry; he didn't deserve this. He didn't deserve his life. He just had to hold on for a few more months and he would be legally free. 

He was on his third cigarette when Tyler came back. 

Tyler felt like crying. This guy was going to be the end of them. First of all because he was disrespecting all the house rules; second of all because he was hot, made Tyler blush and made him feel things he wasn't supposed to. He even looked hot smoking and Tyler absolutely condemned smokers. 

He looked into Josh's eyes. He looked mad. He was sure he was mad as he starting smoking his fourth cigarette, taking a drag and furiously blowing the smoke. Tyler gulped, as he felt a lump on his throat, and lay in his bed, covering himself with his covers. 

Josh needed to see Daniel. He needed to talk, he needed to escape from that hell hole for a while. He opened the window and he was on the front yard in a second. 

Tyler grew smaller in his bed. Trouble. They were going to be in such much trouble. 

Morning came. Josh hadn't arrived yet. 

Courtney and Lainey opened his door. 

Trouble.

Chapter Text

Daniel had his music blasting when Josh jumped through the window, landing with a soft thud on the stained and burnt carpet.

                ‘Jesus fuck, Josh!’ Daniel yelled, his heart rate immediately speeding with the scare. He ended up hitting the sofa with his foot as he tripped, scared shitless of Josh’s arrival. ‘Why the fuck didn’t you call?’

                Josh Dun didn’t give two shits about calling; he had been dealing with Daniel for a shitload of time so he had every right to burst into his house whenever he pleased. He sat down on the sofa, his sneakers flying around the room as he literally ripped them out of his feet, and lit up another cigarette.

                ‘I can’t fucking stand them anymore, Daniel.’ He inhaled the substance to his lungs, holding it in for possible way too long. ‘One of the faggots tries to act like my mother, the other one is batshit crazy talking about breaking me, and their kid is a faggot scared of his own shadow.’

                ‘Fuck off, man.’ Daniel replied, his eyes rolling as he started making a five-level sandwich for himself. He was high – and hungry – as fuck. ‘Don’t use that word in my house, that’s disgusting.’

                Josh looked dumbfounded at Daniel’s reaction. So the use of the word disgusted him? What if he was in Josh’s shoes, handling them for a long ass day, being around them, eating with the dirty forks they used and the plates they shared, eating their probably poisoned food?

                ‘You think the word is disgusting, you should fucking see them talking to each other, fucking kissing in front of me, and I have to sleep with their son until my room is done, and the fucking fag-’

                ‘Josh.’ Suddenly, Daniel didn’t look that high anymore. As he was putting more and more slices of ham in his sandwich, he looked at Josh and the red-haired realized Daniel’s tone had changed, as he was talking in a tougher voice than usual, but so had his behaviour. ‘The use of that word is what disgusts me. Don’t be a homophobic piece of crap.’

                The red haired raised his eyebrows in shock. Josh was growing madder and madder at him. Homophobic? He wasn’t homophobic! Homophobia, in Josh’s opinion, didn’t even exist – it shouldn’t be considered a fucking phobia to be scared and disgusted of something that shouldn’t even be allowed, something that should have the death penalty. It was just a normal reaction to a abnormal thing.

                Perhaps Daniel was too high to even think straight so Josh didn’t even apologize, didn’t even say anything more. He just grabbed a blanket from the couch and fell asleep, tired of dealing with people, tired of handling people throwing shit on his way.

                Daniel sighed. He just hoped that one day he would find something good in Josh Dun’s heart.

»»»

                Tyler was shaking, sitting on the sofa and wondering if he was on the verge of a panic attack – at least that was how he felt. Lainey had been screaming at him for one hour straight, her voice ringing in his ears as he just felt like curling himself into a ball – where the fuck was Josh?

                He said he didn’t know; he said he fell asleep right after Josh went to bed and that he wasn’t there when he woke up. He lied. He lied to their mothers because of Josh, he lied to the people that he owed so much to, that he owed having a house, food, clothes. He lied because of Josh.

                He couldn’t help but feel for Josh. He must have been feeling really scared, really out of place and with the urge of breathing out of the house – Tyler had felt right that when he was adopted. He wanted to give Josh some space to adjust, but Lainey was in no mood for that.

                ‘I can’t fucking believe this!’ She yelled again as she tried to gather her things so she could go to work; she was probably already late but Tyler knew she wasn’t going there until the found out where Josh was. She was just like that, controlling and obsessive. Tyler grew smaller at his mother’s words, not really enjoying when she yelled and cursed; that usually didn’t mean anything good. ‘Ungrateful little piece of shit! We gave him a home, food, a place to fucking stay, we saved him from going to fucking jail, and all he can do is act ungrateful!’

                The mention of jail made Tyler grow even smaller – of course Josh was dangerous, of course his mothers had picked the worst kid they could find to try to rehabilitate.

                ‘Love, calm down.’ Courtney whispered as she reached to her wife, trying to reason with her wife. She had always been more down to earth and definitely less explosive. ‘We don’t know what happened. Let’s try to calm down and wait one hour before we take measures.’

                Lainey was on the verge of exploding their entire house to ashes, Tyler could easily read that; not only because she was late for work but also because they didn’t catch Josh running away from home – that was what bothered him, that she had no real proof that he had just jumped from the window to the wilderness of the night.

Lainey was already grabbing her phone, probably to call the police or the headmaster when there was a knock on the door.

                Tyler grabbed his head between his hands, trying to block all the screaming and the thoughts in his head; what if something had happened to Josh? It would be Tyler’s fault, he covered for him after all. What if someone had kidnapped him? Fuck, what if he got murdered? Jesus, what about-

The screaming stopped, but the voices in his head gave him no rest. The only thing Tyler heard coming from outside his head were Lainey’s heels piercing the wood floor.

                ‘Family reunion at 7 in the morning? Damn. What’s the occasion?’

                Tyler’s head shot up.

                Josh. He was home.

                He was still dressed in the same clothes as he were last night; he just hoped that his mothers wouldn’t remember that and would just think that he really liked dressing up all in black everyday, which he probably did. He was wearing the fakest smile Tyler had ever seen – and he knew a lot about those – and he was holding a paper bag in his hands.

                ‘Where the fuck were you?’ Lainey yelled, suddenly enraged at Josh’s usual smart mouth, and Tyler jumped a little at his spot. Lainey sighed, disapproving of her wife’s language but doing nothing to stop it just like she always did.

                ‘Jesus woman, I went to grab some warm bread for breakfast. Jesus Christ, do you have to talk to me like that when I’ve been nothing but respectful to you?’

                It was a lie. Tyler knew it was a lie, but Josh was a smart guy. He came at a reasonable time in the morning to say that he went to do something in the early hours in the morning, and he came with the proof that he actually went to do something. They had no way to tell him that he was lying: they had no proof.

                ‘I’m going to fucking work, I’m late.’ Lainey muttered angrily, venom spitting from her mouth as she grabbed her bag and her laptop. She pointed at Tyler with her pale finger. ‘I’m expecting you to spend the afternoon practicing.’ Tyler nodded nervously, immediately avoiding her gaze and staring at his hands. She then looked at Josh. ‘And you, you make sure you don’t leave the house.’

                Josh almost burst out laughing – like he would ever stay home.

Lainey left a second later, the house shaking to its foundations due to the strength she used to close the door.  Courtney sighed and got up as well.

                ‘I should be going too. Tyler, honey, have a great day. Josh, dear, thank you for the bread. You both enjoy your day.’

                The woman sent them a sweet smile; Tyler received a kiss on the cheek and she smiled at him, while Josh received a nod.

                Josh, dear; she had said.

                Fucking faggots.

                As soon as the door closed, Josh muttered a few curses under his breath and flew to the kitchen. Tyler remained seated.

                ‘Fucking christ, you’re gonna stand there starving to death?’

                Tyler was on his feet a second later.

»»

It was weird sharing a meal with the faggot, but Josh actually owed him something – he had covered for him when he most needed, he didn’t tell them that he had snapped last night and literally jumped head first from the window. Also, he felt good that he was the one making the breakfast – what if the gay fucking poisoned his food?

But Josh took his promises very seriously and he had promised that if he came back to the house and the Jr. Faggot hadn’t started pissing his pants yet and was telling everything about Josh’s disappearance from the day before, he would actually be nice to him and try not to make his life a living hell.

‘They were really mad, weren’t they?’ Josh inquired the boy as he slapped some ham and extra cheese on their toasts. He was happy that he had actually gotten away with something in his life and that he had the opportunity to go and breathe and just be himself out of that house.

He handed a plate to Tyler and he sat on the counter while the boy was sitting on the bar stool.

‘I-’ He stuttered, his shaky hands grabbing the bread. ‘They get really mad when we disrespect the house rules.’

House rules? That had to be a joke. Those two lesbians really thought they were in a position of power, of leadership, of something other than a subject of mockery. Josh found it hilarious that Tyler was literally scared of death of them.

‘Well, I’m here now, aren’t I?’ Josh chipped in, taking a big bite of the toast.

Tyler almost choked; he really had manly hands and a big mouth.

He tried to send a smile on his way and Josh almost shrieked in pain; fuck, he was really a little faggot. However, the little faggot actually did something nice for him in his life – hell, he did a lot more than Daniel, his friend-not-friend, was fucking capable of last night. So when Josh finished eating – and made a fucking mess with bread, ham and cheese all over the counter - he got up.

‘You know what we’re doing, Tyler? I’m taking a bath and then we’re getting some fucking coffee because I can’t start my morning properly without my morning coffee.’

Tyler was suddenly very nervous again. Josh could bet he wasn’t that nervous when he was kneeling in front of a man.

Why was he thinking about that though?

Fucking house, getting under his skin with the gay shit already.

‘There’s coffee in the pantry. Do you want me to get us some?’ The boy asked, his eyes down and his voice shy and low as Josh was already leaving the kitchen in order to probably grab some clothes and get in the shower. At Tyler’s words, he came back.

‘We’re getting coffee. So get yourself fucking ready, I know a couple of places around here.’ Tyler’s heart fell to his feet. No, this was wrong. This was so fucking wrong. They couldn’t leave, they weren’t allowed to. Josh needed to stay home and know how to behave properly and Tyler needed to shoot his baskets and practice. They had cameras in every exit that Josh had been – God knows how – able to hide from when he escaped, but they checked on them every single night. Fuck, what if they caught them? What if he didn’t have time to practice? He was going to have to keep his skills up and study and tomorrow he already had school and- ‘Jesus fucking Christ, are you having a fucking heart attack?’

Tyler almost jumped at Josh snapping. His entire body was shaking, the whole stool shaking with him and the bread had already been crumbled between his fingers. They couldn’t leave.

And when he explained why they couldn’t leave to Josh, that only made him smile harder.

»»

They were currently walking on the sidewalk – away from each other, of course; Josh still didn’t know how much in risk he was of catching something out of Tyler when he lit up a cigarette, a big grin on his face while the boy next to him tried not to smile too.

‘Want one?’ He asked, handing Tyler one. He shook his head, but grinned.

‘I- I think I’ve done enough as for today.’

‘Ah, fuck, Tyler, that was fucking priceless.’ Josh laughed out loud. Tyler looked at his red hair, his troubled eyes, the way his lips wrapped around the cigarette and filled his lungs with smoke. ‘We’re fucking legendary. I can’t wait to see the fucking video.’

A few minutes before their conversation, Tyler inhaled, Tyler exhaled – a dozen times – and he was still very afraid and sure that things weren’t going to work out for them. Josh’s plan was ridiculous. After Tyler told him about their curfew and about the cameras on the exits of the house, Josh had immediately come up with a plan.

He really was trouble in two legs.

It all started with Tyler playing in the backyard, right in front of the camera. He did that for thirty minutes while Josh was taking a bath and getting himself ready. When enough time had passed – after all, they didn’t want to be too suspicious – Josh had asked Tyler to join in. And while they were playing, they accidentally – of course – broke the backyard camera into tiny pieces.

Josh promised him it would be okay – he promised him that he would soon find a way they could leave without having to destroy cameras. They only had to be home before 4pm, the time Courtney came back from work, and they would be fine, telling them that they were really sorry that they had broken the camera. After all, they were only two boys playing. Those things happen.

But it wasn’t Courtney that Tyler was worried about.

Tyler looked at Josh as a big grin plastered across his face, and he let out a giggle.

Josh almost followed him, until Tyler’s giggle replayed on his head and Josh reminded himself that this man was a faggot and that they were both laughing like faggots in the middle of the street.

But coffee was the best thing in the world and even faggots deserved coffee, Josh thought, as they both sat down in a table and ordered.

Josh order for black coffee. Tyler ordered for a latte.

Fucking fag-

‘It gets better, you know?’ Tyler said suddenly, his fingers gripping his own jeans under the table – he didn’t know how to behave around Josh, but he knew that he didn’t want the boy to feel alone. No one deserved that, and Tyler’s experience on being adopted had been so bad, that he didn’t want anyone else to feel what he felt. ‘They- it gets less painful.’

Fucking kid was a mess. They had brainwashed them into thinking that it was okay to be gay, that it was okay to kiss and have sex with someone than the opposite gender, that it was okay to control him with fucking cameras to make sure he didn’t have a life, they really brainwashed him into thinking that going to bed at 9pm on a Friday was something. Josh truly believed they had destroyed the fucking poor kid.

‘Do they yell at you?’

Tyler bit his lip.

‘Only when I deserve it.’

Josh’s breath caught on his throat; he hated faggots and hated his adopted little brother, but he had gone through hell and back.

And faggot or not, no one deserved to be yelled at.

And someone as genuinely good as Tyler deserved it even less.

Josh wondered if he was going soft.

Chapter Text

Waking up to go to school surely wasn’t Josh Dun’s fucking favorite activity, but there he was, waking up at 6 o’clock in the morning when the sun was just shining and the birds were fucking singing in his ears, pissing him off to death. As Tyler got up and went to the bathroom to get himself ready for the day, Josh sat down by their window, smoking a cigarette and looking outside like a fucking prisoner, like they were holding him fucking hostage; and they were. On any normal day, Josh Dun would be just arriving at the Orphanage after spending the last few hours by the bars.  But now there he was, smoking by the window and trying not to get caught as his couple of mothers were just leaving for work and his baby brother was having a shower in their shared bathroom. He tried taking longer drags, hoping it would make him feel a little less pissed off. It wasn’t working.

To make things even worse, there was a fucking uniform.

‘It’s not that bad once you get used to it, you know.’ Tyler said, his small voice quivering as he puts something that looked like boat shoes on. Josh almost gags at the shoes and he almost gags at the fact that Tyler was shaking. Would he ever stop being a pussy? ‘At least we don’t have to pick clothes every day for school.’

So Josh Dun was going to a school for the rich white kids where he had to wear an uniform. He loosened his tie a little deciding he would take it off as soon as he set foot in school, and switched the uniform black pants for his black skinny jeans. He could handle the horrible shoes and he could go with the white formal shirt, but he couldn’t handle the fucking pants. Thankfully the Lesbians were already working and Josh wouldn’t have to deal with them bothering him about his outfit.

Tyler really wanted to say that the Headmaster wasn’t going to like Josh’s pick of jeans, but he knew Josh didn’t care and that he was lucky that he was even accepting going to school. Both boys went down the stairs and Josh sat down on the bar stool, pouring a load of Cheerios into a bowl and started eating it without even bothering to grab the milk. He wasn’t obviously a morning person, Tyler could notice, so he didn’t even try to make conversation.

Tyler started to cook eggs for both of them as he shakily put some orange juice and toast in front of Josh. He still didn’t understand what Josh thought about him and if he even wanted to have something to do with him – after all, he was turning eighteen soon. Was he leaving once he could? What if he went back to the live he used to have? What if Tyler came across him one day on the streets and had to pretend that he didn’t know him?

Tyler was just like that: he thought too much ahead of the time. He could only pray and hope that Josh would like staying and that he would finally have a brother. He just wanted Josh to feel accepted, to feel loved; he didn’t want him to suffer like Tyler did in the beginning.

The red head didn’t say a word as he got up and started to brew some coffee for both of them. Tyler sat down and ate his breakfast in silence – as he always did, anyway, except now there was someone sharing the meal with him – and Josh ate his Cheerios, drank his coffee and smoked a cigarette at the same time. Tyler wondered how he was able to do that without getting nauseated.

The boys didn’t talk. It wasn’t a pleasant breakfast and it was rather awkward to think that they were sharing a table and eating, two people who wouldn’t even look at each other in ordinary circumstances. Josh wasn’t in a good mood obviously, and Tyler could already feel his hands shaking, barely able to hold the fork – not only because Josh wasn’t in a good mood, even though his mood obviously affected Tyler’s a lot, but also because he was going to school.

And fuck, Tyler hated school and its people with his whole guts.

After a few minutes of silence Josh Dun got up, his tie not done and his red hair even redder than the first day that Tyler had met him, and he went upstairs to, as he mumbled, brush his teeth. 

As soon as Josh was out of the room, Tyler stumbled; he was supporting his body with his hands, grabbing the sink with more strength than it was probably necessary, as he realized he was sweating. He let out three puffs of air, realizing he was panicking again, and tried to think.

He wasn’t in danger. Josh was having one of his rough days, but that was nothing new. And after all he was still getting used to his new house – it was normal and Tyler had been even worse when he was first adopted. Poor Josh was going through a lot and Tyler wasn’t doing anything to help him. He was probably really worried about school too, just like he was. Maybe he didn’t like school, maybe he was bullied in his other school, maybe-

Tyler was counting to four in his head, trying to get a grasp in reality, trying to get his brain to understand that he was just fine, when Josh’s voice interrupted his thoughts.

‘We’re grabbing some coffee first.’

They had time for that, Tyler thought. Lainey got really pissed when he was late for school but they wouldn’t be late. They wouldn’t. Fuck, they could be l-

He shook his head in order to get rid of his stupid anxiety and nodded, his legs trembling as he grabbed his backpack and started walking towards the car, Josh following him with a cigarette between his lips.

Josh was looking at Tyler’s hands. He was shaking so hard. Josh wondered if he would also shake when he was holding someone’s coc-

‘There’s a drive through near school.’ Tyler informed him, his voice (also) shaking as he started the car. Josh was riding shotgun and smoking, fumbling with the radio and trying not to think about his faggot of a brother holding someone’s cock. Fucking house was making him go insane.

‘Whatever man.’ He replied, rolling his eyes and his body begging to another dose of caffeine.

As Tyler pulled up to their school and Josh dumped his black coffee down his throat, he already knew what was expecting him. As people looked at him and gave him the side eye, his little faggot brother going smaller and smaller next to him, Josh knew, for a fact, that he would end up in jail. He would rather end up in jail than handle a day at a rich kid’s highschool.

He couldn’t handle all these rich pricks who never struggled once in his life; he couldn’t handle their stupid shoes, their stupid uniform, their stupid rich ass attitude of someone who hired some poor guy to wipe their ass. Josh was born and always lived in the chaos; these people, however, knew nothing about struggling.

‘We have English in the third building in 10 minutes.’ Tyler whispered, his small voice shaking – again. Josh couldn’t help but be curious about his life at school. Did he have any friends? Did he have a boyfriend? Did Josh care?

No.

‘That’s okay mate. I need to smoke first.’ Josh answered, clearly brushing the boy off. Tyler didn’t leave his side, sitting on the bench next to him in silence and fumbling with his hands as the boy smoked. People would walk past them and whisper, but Josh didn’t care.

Tyler was nervous. God, he was so nervous. How much time did it take for Josh to smoke a cigarette? What if they were late? Could he even smoke in school grounds? What if-

‘Tyler?’

Josh’s head snapped up.

She was blonde, petite, and she was kinda pretty. Not Josh’s type, of course – he would never go for the preppy, rich type – but she could definitely be Tyler’s type. If he didn’t put his tongue on her throat on the spot, that would be Josh’s confirmation that he would rather put his tongue on something else.

Tyler smiled sweetly.

‘Hey Jenna.’ He then glanced at Josh and his voice quivered. ‘This is Josh, my brother!’

As their eyes met, Josh was certain about one thing: Jenna loved Tyler.

As Josh’s eyes met Tyler’s, he was certain about one thing: he truly was a faggot.

Josh gave Jenna a crooked smile – he didn’t want to get on her bad side, it would be good for him to be friends with Tyler’s friends if something were to go wrong.

‘Hey Josh.’ Jenna said, nodding. ‘How are you enjoying this shithole of a school?’

Tyler blushed at her words and Josh raised an eyebrow. Well, that was interesting.

‘Not as much as my little brother here, I bet.’ He threw his cigarette butt to the floor and grabbed his backpack. ‘Tyler didn’t tell me that he had a girlfriend.’

Jenna’s entire face almost exploded, red colouring her complexions. Yes, she was in love with him. Tyler seemed a little uncomfortable, but not bothered – yep, definitely gay. Josh couldn’t help but be amused. He was not a fan of tv shows, but this almost looked like one: the blonde, rich white girl falling in love with the gay best friend.

‘That’s because he’s shy about our love.’ She replied, seeming not out of words as they walked their way to class and everyone was looking. ‘Quite a statement you made there with the uniform.’

Josh joked a lot with Jenna on their way to class.

And that’s when Tyler realized he wanted to be like Jenna. She was his best friend and she was outgoing, she was funny – she was everything that Tyler wasn’t and she wasn’t a scared little bitch like the boy was. Sometimes he just wished he was someone else, that he was trapped in someone else’s body – someone that was able to connect with people, to say the right things, to go get coffee with them without his hands shaking so hard that he couldn’t even grab the cup; but life wasn’t like that, not for Tyler Joseph.

He sighed; he still had to go through practice and Josh still had to go to through counseling on the next day. He remembered the night where Lainey dropped the bomb: Josh was needed to have therapy sessions with Dr. Clay.

Tyler liked Dr. Clay. He helped Tyler a lot with getting used to a new home and new people. He didn’t help him a lot with his anxiety, but Tyler never let him in either. He still had to meet him every three months but their conversations were always short and straight to the point. It was like they had a mutual agreement of not talking, of leaving each other to do their business. Tyler supposed he needed to meet him more frequently now that they had Josh living with them, but his mothers hadn’t told them anything about it yet and he was grateful for it.

People talked about Josh in classes – they did it a lot, but none of the teachers actually acknowledged Josh. It was probably one of Lainey’s advices, though; ignore Josh so he wouldn’t get too mad a break a teacher’s jaw. Tyler realized they usually didn’t hold gazes with Josh for too long and that they avoided looking in his direction; he never realized that Josh was scary. He didn’t look that scary anymore, anyways. He just made him nervous.

It was time to get lunch. Tyler was sitting on his usual table with Jenna, but now he had Josh’s company and people were looking. Josh looked almost bothered to death as he ate the healthy meal that their stupid private school had prepared for them. He sighed as he ate the mashed potatoes.

‘Can we get coffee after lunch?’

‘Oh-yes, of course.’ Tyler answered, immediately growing smaller when Josh asked him something. Josh couldn’t help but find the way he terrified him funny.

Josh was able to drink his coffee and smoke his cigarette behind a dumpster at the school grounds while Jenna talked, and talked, and talked. She talked about the couples that had been found fucking behind that specific dumpster, making Tyler grow redder at her jokes. Josh didn’t particularly hate her, but he didn’t hate her either; it was funny that she was making Tyler uncomfortable, but at the same time it wasn’t funny at all.

Josh had to wait in line to get his school card handed to him while Tyler went outside to get the car. As Josh walked towards the car, he noticed a group of five boys talking to Tyler.

Except Tyler wasn’t answering, his head low and his hands fumbiling in his lap.

Josh raised his eyebrows as he realized they were leaving as he was approaching. When he was next to Tyler, they were already driving away.

Even a blind man could see that Tyler was almost having a panic attack as Josh approached him.

‘Oh, you’re here already. Tyler mumbled, his high-pitched, shaky voice leaving his mouth as the words got stuck on his throat. ‘We should going and-’

Josh was running out of patience. He still had classes in the afternoon, a fucking therapy meeting to attend, and it was kind of Tyler’s fault that he was being bullied: he chose to be a faggot, after all.

He can’t help, however, to grab his brother by the elbow – realizing his entire body was shaking -, look him in his scared eyes and ask him,

‘Were they bothering you?’

Tyler is barely breathing; Tyler is barely breathing because Josh is touching him, and even though he’s usually not very keen on touching, he can’t help but think that Josh Dun is actually touching him.

‘No,’ He replies, his voice shaking and his whole body shaking under Josh’s grasp. ‘They’re just stupid kids.’

‘If they bother you, you tell me.’ Josh wanted to think that he was doing this favour to Tyler because he needed his baby brother to like him, to tell their therapist and the fucking headmaster that he liked him, because otherwise he would be getting his ass in jail. ‘No need to be fucking bullied by five midget motherfuckers.’

Tyler smiles at Josh and thanks him under his breath. As his huge hand leaves his elbow, Tyler releases a breath he was sure he was holding.

Josh’s hand is tingling, but he chooses to ignore it.

Chapter Text

Tyler was at basketball practice – fucking again - and Josh was home alone with one of the lesbians.

Tyler was a really good boy for his mothers – maybe that was a kink between faggots, Josh wondered - and spent a lot of time practicing that stupid sport that Josh didn’t understand and had absolutely no interest on getting to know more; he left school and there she was – the lesbian waiting for him in her car that screamed “I’m a rich white bitch who likes pussy”. Josh was obviously no damn toddler to be picked up at school – let alone by her type – so he kept on walking and pretended that he didn’t see her for almost two blocks.

But Courtney was a good person, and she understood – she really understood where Josh came from, so she patiently drove by him as he pretended that he didn’t see her, and when she thought he was ready, she rolled down the window and called his name.

Josh eventually got in because he didn’t want people to see him wearing that stupid uniform with a rich bitch following him in a Range Rover.

He couldn’t be that bothered, anyway; at least he wouldn’t have to go to therapy for another week. The day before had been hell. So Josh was currently locked in his bedroom – fuck, the bedroom he shared with the faggot – drowning in self-pity.

Josh met that bitch called Doctor Clay – who was also, probably, a faggot – and he absolutely hated it. He hated every single second of it and he just wanted to punch his face or maybe smash his skull with the stupid notebook that the Doctor took notes in.  

‘Can I come in?’ He ignored her. That didn’t stop her from coming in, though. Stupid lesbian. ‘Would you like to get some coffee?’ Josh looked up from his phone – he had been trying to text Daniel to check if he was home to maybe escape from his window and go meet him there – and raised an eyebrow. He didn’t want people to see him with a lesbian in daylight. What would they fucking think of him? Also, what if she ordered his coffee and put a rape drug or something inside? What if the therapy and the coffee was all a trick to sex-traffic him and- ‘Jesus Josh. Let’s just go. Move!’

Josh didn’t like being bossed around, but after telling her to fuck off in three different languages in his mind (and he was only fluent in English) he eventually got up and followed her to the fancy Range Rover again. He sat in the back, taking his precautions on social distancing – from what he remembered from Health Class, some diseases were airborne and maybe the homosexual one was one of them – and they spent the whole ride in silence. He just hoped that it would be the same in the coffee shop.

She parked near the place where Josh and Tyler had been earlier that week and they eventually got inside. Josh put his hood up, not wanting people to recognize him walking with her.

‘You can sit down, I’ll get us our coffee.’

Fuck. Fuck, she was really poisoning him? In daylight, in front of people? Fuck. Josh sat down the closest that he could to the door. He had a plan to survive the lesbian: as soon as he felt nauseated, he would be running the fuck away from her and save – literally – his ass.

To his surprise, she didn’t ask the waiter to bring the coffee to their table and to his even bigger surprise, she drank his coffee pure black, just like him. He raised an eyebrow.

‘Poor things, they get paid so badly and they still have all these people to serve.’ She took a sip of her hot ass coffee without even blinking. ‘I’m still tipping them anyway. I hope you like your coffee black; it suits you.’

Josh was dumbfounded. He could trust someone that tipped waiters, treated them fairly, drank her coffee black and didn’t even wince when it was so hot.

So he drank his.

He almost struggled to let it out, but he tried to; she deserved it.

‘Thank you.’ Courtney’s head snapped from her mug to look at him. ‘For the coffee, I mean.’

Courtney’s heart grew a little wider and she couldn’t help but smile. All children were special, and even though Josh’s heart was a little broken, she would like to mend it if he wanted her to.

‘You don’t have to thank me for getting you coffee, Josh.’ She smiled. ‘It’s my pleasure; you’re my son.’ Josh didn’t smile. He felt something inside his chest constricting – something that he quietly – and quickly – turned off. Nobody had ever said that to him. He hurt; he wanted someone normal to tell him that, someone that was heterosexual and wasn’t a damn freak. So he didn’t say anything and he simply started drinking his coffee in silence. Courtney was still looking at him. ‘You know I was adopted too?’Josh hated sad stories; he hated when people tried to relate to him, tried to relate to his sob story – there was no sob story from his part. His parents didn’t want to raise him and he was taken away when he was still really young and lived his entire life in the same orphanage. And that was okay; he didn’t care. He managed to grow up all by himself and he turned out just fine. He didn’t need anything from her. So he just shrugged, but Courtney didn’t stop talking. ‘My parents were amazing. They raised me in a full house. They had a lot of foster children but as soon as I arrived, I knew I was home.’

Josh snickered.

‘So that’s why you do this?’ He replied back, sipping his coffee angrily. ‘You adopt kids so you can feel better about yourself?’

Courtney’s smile dropped.

‘No Josh, that’s-that’s not it.’ She sighed. ‘I suffered a lot back in my old house. My father…’ She drew a breath in. ‘He wasn’t a nice man, Josh. He did-he did very bad things. And I’m very thankful that my parents were able to save me.’

It hit home.

It hit home because the same had happened to him. He had also suffered under his parents’ hands – and fuck, had he suffered deeply.

But no. How dare she? How dare she compare herself to Josh? He was nothing like her. He was no faggot. They were nothing alike! This was just a way of her to get into his mind. And he couldn’t let her.

‘Perhaps if you weren’t such a faggot, your parents would have loved you more.’

The words hit her. The words hit home, but Courtney didn’t say anything.

Josh could see that the words had hurt her and he could almost relate to the hurt – to the feeling of feeling everything and not feeling anything. But then he realized that she deserved it – no father wanted a daughter who liked pussy.

On their way home, even though after his outburst, Josh sat on the front seat.

He just hoped he wouldn’t catch any gay shit on his way home.

»»»

Daniel was smoking a joint, but for the first time in forever, Josh didn’t feel like it. He actually didn’t feel like anything.

He just wanted to leave. He just wanted to be free and be able to leave the place where he had grown up and the place where they made him live. He didn’t want to be with Courtney, and Lainey, and Tyler; he just wanted to be alone.

‘I really want to meet Tyler, you know.’

Josh’s thoughts were interrupted by Daniel’s voice; he was a little fucker, and he knew that. He perfectly knew that as he smiled, actually.

‘Why would you want to meet the faggot, Daniel? Don’t tell me you’ve taken a liking on him.’

Daniel threatened to smash his head in with a pan.

‘You’re fucking ridiculous, Josh. I want to meet him because he’s your friend and your brother.’

Josh rolled his eyes.

‘He’s not my friend, I don’t have friends.’

It was Daniel’s time to roll his eyes.

‘I just think that it’s cool that someone’s giving you a chance, Josh. And he is, even though you’re fucking impossible to deal with. He’s trying.’ Their eyes meet, but Josh is quickly to roll them again and sigh. ‘Don’t be a douchebag. I’m pretty sure Tyler’s cool.’

‘He’s a scared little fucker, that’s what he is.’ Josh grumbles and starts eating Daniel’s fries. ‘He’s scared of everyone and everything. I doubt he’ll want to come.’

‘Whatever, just ask him.’ It’s Daniel’s answer. ‘It should be his decision to come, not yours.’

Josh rolls his eyes again and he opens the window. There’s something in him that doesn’t want Daniel to be near Tyler, but it’s probably just him being dumb.

»»

He’s home before dinnertime. He usually isn’t very keen on spending time with them, but he knows Lainey’s coming home and he would rather not have to deal with her. He doesn’t open the front door immediately, scared of having to face Courtney; he jumps the fence instead, and he finds Tyler practicing in the backyard.

He lands with a soft thud, and Tyler doesn’t hear him because he’s literally panting, his breaths short and quick as he plays.

Kid’s tougher than he looks, Josh recognizes, but he’s definitely too short to be playing basketball. He doesn’t look as nearly as tall as his other teammates, but Josh knows he probably practices way more than they do.

Josh watches as Tyler moves the ball effortlessly between his two hands; he notices his hands are smaller than they look when such a big object is between them; Josh realizes he probably has bigger hands than Tyler. They’re sweaty, and Josh notices the way his veins pop out everytime he touches the ball. Tyler runs, and Josh can’t help but notice how strong his legs are, how every single muscle in his legs move as he runs in the courtyard, the way his hips sway as he dodges invisible obstacles; as he hits the ground with both feet, his body flying towards the basket, Josh truly thinks he’s watching a baby bird flying for the first time. The boy is wearing a sleeveless shirt, and the red-headed man notices the way his arms flex – they’re also bigger than they look. As Tyler is literally flying, Josh notices the sweat coming out from his skin, coming out from him.

He’s drenched in sweat.

It’s only when the ball hits the target that Josh realizes he’s holding his breath.

What the fuck?

‘Oh.’ Tyler mutters as he sees Josh there. He would always get rather shy when people watched him practice. He knew he wasn’t very good but he tried his best, and he surely didn’t want to look stupid in school when he had to actually play against another team. The thought of Josh watching him struggle to play scared him, so he blushed. ‘I-I didn’t see you coming.’

Faggot, Josh thinks. I bet you would like to see me coming.

‘Yeah, whatever, you looked pretty busy.’ Josh replies, and he instantly regrets it. Fuck, it wasn’t like he was purposely watching him play. He rolls his eyes. ‘Are they home?’

Tyler shakes his head.

‘Lainey is at work and Cortuney went out to get some groceries.’

Josh is happy about that. That means he can go get himself a beer and chill out by the pool for a second.

Tyler snaps his head out of Josh; fuck, he can’t always be thinking about him, can he? Of course he can’t. So he does what he usually does best – he reminds himself that he’s just a piece of shit and that Josh is homophobic and would never, ever, look at him and proceeds to shoot his baskets. He still had 110 left and Lainey would be mad.

Josh sits by the pool and lights a cigarette. He avoids looking at Tyler, the only thing that he can hear being the birds and Tyler’s basketball colliding with the ground. It’s almost peaceful.

‘Daniel wants to meet you.’

He can almost hear Tyler holding his breath.

‘Your friend?’ Josh doesn’t answer, but he rolls his eyes. Of course it’s his friend, does Tyler know another Daniel that Josh knows nothing about? Stupid fucking question. ‘Why?’

‘Fuck if I know.’ It’s Josh’s answer. He can almost hear Tyler flinching, but he doesn’t give a shit.

He’s mad. Not at Tyler, but he’s mad because Daniel wants to meet Tyler.

And that’s making him uncomfortable.