Chapter Text
『 THE PAST 』
There's a kind of comfort that Kim Dokja seems to draw in between mouths of pistachio ice cream, his eyes flashing with every click of the television.
"Stop," he says, and Yoo Joonghyuk obliges. He sets the remote control down and takes a bite from the same tub, letting the taste of the metal seep through as it lies on the tip of his tongue a little longer.
Han Sooyoung gestures her spoon to the tub without even glancing down. Her eyes never leave the television, until moments pass and Yoo Joonghyuk still refuses to hand her the tub. She clicks her tongue and grabs it, a little too forcefully, and it feels like the beginning of yet another verbal battle between the two, but Kim Dokja speaks up first.
"Europe… I’ve never thought of going there, actually. We should go. London? Paris? Italy? Or perhaps… even Iceland?" He taps his spoon on his lower lip gently, as if in thought (which he indeed was in, by the way). "I'm sick of travelling to Southeast Asia. Remind me how many times we've been to Singapore again?"
Han Sooyoung pulls out her now empty spoon from her mouth and sits up. "I have an idea. How about Taiwan?"
"Sooyoung-ah, with every fibre of respect I could possibly hold for you — which is not a lot, in case you were wondering — I just said it. Loud and clear, too. Europe." Kim Dokja turns to face her, just in time to see her expression turn into her signature scowl.
"Europe is too far," she whines, stretching out her legs and waving them as if she was a four-year-old throwing a tantrum. "I'll have to take an extended leave if I'm planning to go to Europe. It's too troublesome."
Yoo Joonghyuk holds a pathetic hand up, which essentially could be concluded to do nothing. "Taiwan it is. We can eat dimsum and hike a mountain."
Someone slaps his hand away, and he turns to face a mildly irritated Kim Dokja, as seen in his eyebrows that were increasingly knotting themselves with each other.
"Who the hell amongst us three look like hikers to you apart from you, you damn bastard? I'll give you a real helpful hint, too: he's looking at me right now."
"Hiking is just walking, Kim Dokja."
"Walking. Vertically."
"Well, no. Vertically would insinuate walking up a 90-degree slope. Which I can assure you, is not."
Yoo Joonghyuk feels the back of his head being slapped and he turns around with his all-too-familiar raging eyes. In response, Han Sooyoung only looks back with her all-too-familiar indifference.
"Does it look like Kim Dokja and I have a posture remotely close to ideal in any way or form? I'm always bent over my damn desk to type, and Kim Dokja literally has to bend over to grill incompetent people's meat for them at the restaurant."
Yoo Joonghyuk blinks the rage out of his eyes away, and lets a moment of silence linger between them, before he refutes in a way that feels almost threatening to all of Han Sooyoung's intellect that she had worked so hard to develop all these years. "I do both, though."
Han Sooyoung blinks dumbly. "What?"
"I stream myself playing video games. For hours. And I help at Kim Dokja's restaurant. I bend over to grill incompetent people's meat for them as well."
The silence which hangs between them in that moment feels almost deafening, and Han Sooyoung feels the responsibility to break it for some reason. So she settles for a meek, "Let's never travel together again."
"Agreed."
"Definitely."
Kim Dokja picks up the remote control this time, switching to the next channel, the shopping one. Instead of seeing the new seasonal collections of Gucci or Bottega Veneta, a dull promotional video of funeral services greets them, and Han Sooyoung sighs exasperatedly, as if she were one second away from either switching the television off or smashing her head against the remote control.
"Why the hell would they even promote funeral services on a shopping channel. Kim Dokja, change—"
Her words are cut short as she turns over to see Kim Dokja's eyes blankly taking in the screen in front of him, his expression almost unreadable. Yoo Joonghyuk picks up on the silence and turns as well, giving him a small nudge on his elbow to break him from whatever trance he was in.
"Thinking of your mother?" He asks, and Kim Dokja presses his lips together, neither agreeing nor disagreeing.
"Kinda. But more than that… the cycle of life, I guess. We live, we grow up, live a little more, then we die. Always in a constant state of limbo, of some sorts. Who even gets to decide who holds our funerals for us?"
"Excuse me," Han Sooyoung raises a weak hand, chuckling as she interrupts. "But I will get married to a beautiful woman outside of Seoul, so don't worry too much about me by including me in this."
Kim Dokja shoots her a look, and is about to retort back with a comment about how she has been unable to pull someone for the last decade, but stops himself when he sees Yoo Joonghyuk pull out a fist in front of him, snuggling the tub of ice cream in his lap. Kim Dokja and Han Sooyoung's eyes light up as if transported 20 years back in age, and they scramble to sit themselves up properly before pulling out their own fists.
"Shoot!"
"Shoot!"
Kim Dokja raises his hand triumphantly, and Han Sooyoung sneers at him. "It means you're paying for dinner tonight, loser."
Kim Dokja's face immediately falls, and so does his clenched fist. "That doesn't even make sense, I shouldn't be paying since I won—"
"—Kim Dokja," Yoo Joonghyuk says, with a tone that always finds a way to remind Kim Dokja of home.
"Hm?"
"It's about who will live the longest."
"..."
"Since you'll live the longest, you need to hold mine and Sooyoung's funerals when we die. Got it?"
Kim Dokja falters for a moment, before clearing his throat. "I… Woah. Alright. That's definitely… a responsibility! A huge one, too. I wasn't planning to live that long, you know? But since you asked so nicely, and lovingly, my dearest, most beloved Yoo Joonghyuk, who just granted me longevity, consider it done. I will also make sure to do a Kahoot quiz during your funerals."
Yoo Joonghyuk smiles back at Kim Dokja with a fondness that makes his heart swell in a way that can almost be felt across universes.
"Make sure you win, Kim Dokja."
"I will," and then, softer, as if his next words were sacred, "…I promise."
—
『 THE PRESENT 』
Yoo Joonghyuk can only stare blankly at Han Sooyoung, who hangs her head solemnly, as she has been for the last hour. The meat in front of her is untouched, alongside the soju that Yoo Joonghyuk so kindly offered, and Han Sooyoung had refused.
"For the last time," Yoo Joonghyuk huffs, "Why did you come all the way here just to not eat?" He’s met with silence, Han Sooyoung refusing to even look up at him, making him sigh even louder. "Han Sooyoung, what's going on?"
Just as the silence is about to make Yoo Joonghyuk grab her by the hair to make her look at him, his phone dings it's familiar awful ringtone of Unravel (bass boosted version, might he add), which Kim Dokja had repeatedly chided him about to change.
He picks up the phone without hesitation. "Mia."
Han Sooyoung notices the long-drawn silence that spans between them, and she lifts her head to see Yoo Joonghyuk's eyebrows crease tightly. He says a few more short sentences before hanging up, and Han Sooyoung rests her head on her arm. "What is it?"
Yoo Joonghyuk scoffs. "Now you want to talk?" Han Sooyoung doesn't say anything, and Yoo Joonghyuk realises that he would actually have to be the one speaking next. "Mia couldn't get permission from her damn professor to come back for Christmas. So she's stuck there till New Years, I guess."
Han Sooyung hums, offering no form of comfort to assure him otherwise, which Yoo Joonghyuk appreciated over empty words that would eventually sink themselves in a void anyways. "Are you going to tell me what's bothering you now?"
Han Sooyoung sits upright as she takes in a sharp inhale of breath. "It's about Kim Dokja."
Yoo Joonghyuk nods, as if he was prepared for anything that were to come his way, which in hindsight, Han Sooyoung knew he wasn't. And so she had to choose her words very carefully, for she knew that while Yoo Joonghyuk was a man of few words, his heart was fragile and so full of love for Kim Dokja, that she didn't want to be the one responsible for breaking it somehow.
As she opens her mouth to speak, she overhears a conversation from behind her which stops her line of thought completely. The last two customers of the night sit behind her, and in between roaring laughter and mouthfuls of pork belly, Han Sooyoung feels the pit of her stomach churn as she listens in.
Isn't that the Punisher? The one on Twitch? Oh! You're right, you're right. Girl, I heard he's dating someone. Seriously? Who? A man. (A gasp) Ain't no way… Yeah. And apparently… The man is the owner of this restaurant. You're kidding. Maybe he got funded through the Punisher. Shh… you're too loud. Maybe… he sucked his dick to get funded. (Giggling) Ah… imagine if we posted about this right now? What should the title be?
The loud sound of a chair scraping against the crowd is enough to evoke an eerie silence that only continues to drag on, as Han Sooyoung stands there, hands on the table, head hung low. Even Yoo Joonghyuk seems startled by it, but he quickly gains his composure once more. He clears his throat and attempts to tilt his head downwards to look at Sooyoung's face.
"Sooyoung-ah. What's with you?"
Instead of getting an answer, Han Sooyoung begins to shift her feet to the table behind her, looking at the two extremely perturbed girls in the eye.
"I can give you an idea for a title," Sooyoung spits, and before she can even process her next line of thought, her hand makes cold contact with the cheek in front of her. It catches her almost by surprise, and she finds the back of her eyes stinging despite not even being the one who literally just got assaulted.
The girl stands up to match her height, her expression unfazed and so, so aggravating, that Han Sooyoung would have slapped all her front teeth off if some sort of super strength descended upon her at the very moment. But she settles for a somewhat calmer approach— holding the girl by the collar, Han Sooyoung doesn't even realise tears are already rolling down her face.
"Sooyoung-ah—" a voice comes out, gentle and warm, just like the hand that finds itself on Han Sooyoung's arm in a poor attempt to soften the blow of the action that was about to follow. But the voice stops itself just as its owner catches a glimpse of the expression taut on the face of the girl he's known for almost half of his life, but at this moment, resembles more of a stranger.
And so his hand slowly falls away from her stiff arm, as if in slow-motion, as red-rimmed eyes continue to pierce into the girl Han Sooyoung was gripping with every piece of strength she could muster, as if every emotion was gnawing at her with each passing second.
"Don't…" Han Sooyoung's lower lip trembles as she speaks. She takes in a sharp, shaky breath in attempts to sound firmer, but fails miserably. "Don't ever speak about them like that again."
The girl scoffs, and she eyes Han Sooyoung's pathetic state before her, almost victoriously. "What?"
"If you ever utter a word about Kim Dokja and Yoo Joonghyuk ever again — no, no — if you even dare to step foot into this restaurant again," Han Sooyoung finally finds it in her to say with the firmest finality her voice allows her to muster, "I will kill you."
Han Sooyoung releases her grip from the girl with a shove, making the latter stumble back into her seat with a thud, her expression laced with an incomprehensible indignation. Han Sooyoung is about to turn her back, when another voice speaks out.
"Is this the police?"
Yoo Joonghyuk and Han Sooyoung exchange glances, and Han Sooyoung defeatedly buries her face in her hands as she groans.
☰☰☰
"I promise there's some other way we can settle this, Officer."
Kim Dokja's voice is almost pleading, as he looks at the two girls, at the officer, at Han Sooyoung, then at the officer again, and finally back at Han Sooyoung. He recalls the conversation with Yoo Joonghyuk earlier — voice void of emotion as he simply says "can you come to the station? Han Sooyoung got into trouble." Kim Dokja sighs and presses his lips together.
"Sooyoung-ah, please. Don't be difficult." He grabs her arm, which was comfortably nestling itself on the armrest, but she coldly pulls away at his touch. Kim Dokja grimaces at her action, but chooses to ignore it for the time being. He sighs, "Just apologise."
"Like hell I will," Han Sooyoung snaps, adjusting herself on the chair as if she was making a home out of it, in the middle of the police station.
"Then we won't settle," the girl on the other side of Kim Dokja stands up, slinging her bag over her shoulder, her friend getting up next to her as well. "My attorney will send my medical report to you. Don't even bother contacting me again unless it's the court date."
They strut out triumphantly, giggling under their breath about something like Yeah, that's him, and No wonder he had him wrapped about his finger, but Kim Dokja can only feel himself physically deflate. The officer shoots him an almost sympathetic look, laced with something that reads you should probably handle your friend first.
Kim Dokja swallows, pressing his fingers to his temple. Han Sooyoung huffs, getting up and walking away without saying a word, despite Kim Dokja’s weak protests. She soon disappears from sight, and Kim Dokja gets up to follow her.
"I'm so sorry about this… let me try to get her back here."
The officer waves a dismissive hand. "She's definitely going through something. Let her gather her thoughts, or maybe talk to her a little. You can come back tomorrow."
Kim Dokja sighs gratefully, bowing one last time before dashing out of the station, his eyes scanning the vicinity for Han Sooyoung. Instead, he sees a familiar figure waiting for him, who drapes him in a black overcoat and pulls him in closer for warmth. Kim Dokja tries to scan his face for any semblance of an answer, but Yoo Joonghyuk can only mirror his lost expression.
"I don't know what's going on, either. I saw the girls while they were coming out — I spoke to them and gave them a good offer at the restaurant. They seemed less angry, so hopefully…" His voice trails off, and Kim Dokja nods his head understandingly.
Yoo Joonghyuk blinks a few times, before speaking up again. "She's been in a weird mood since she came to the restaurant just now — she didn't even want to drink. You.. you should talk to her. She went that way," he gestures to his general left direction. "She shouldn't be too far away, considering her horrible stamina."
Kim Dokja chuckles at Yoo Joonghyuk's weak attempt at humour despite the heavy atmosphere. He gives Yoo Joonghyuk a brief kiss, not entirely sure if it was an effort to comfort him or himself. "I'll see you at home, okay? Get back safe," he says, smiling before his coat flutters as he turns around and his back disappears into the night.
☰☰☰
Yoo Joonghyuk was most definitely right about Han Sooyoung's stamina, for Kim Dokja finds the familiar silhouette of a girl seated on a park bench not too far away from the station, hair illuminated under the light of the lamppost. She doesn't even spare him a look as he inches closer to her peripheral vision.
Kim Dokja lets himself sit next to her, sighing as he leans his back on the bench. "Sooyoung-ah," he says in a gentle voice. "Yoo Joonghyuk told me that you out of all people turned down drinking today. Is it because he doesn't drink? We can go back to the restaurant and drink together—"
"—I'll pass." No further comment is made, and Kim Dokja shifts awkwardly, clearing his throat.
"That's a shame. I would have loved to drink—"
"—You shouldn't drink either," her voice comes out a little louder, a little firmer this time. Kim Dokja looks over at her, trying to search her eyes for something, anything he could possibly pick up on. Han Sooyoung bites her lip, before her voice comes out meek once more. "We should… probably cut down on alcohol, don't you think?"
"Sooyoung-ah. I buy the drinks in bulk anyways. Who are you to tell me not to drink—"
"I'm just saying. We should stop drinking so much alcohol. How about herbal tea? Yeah— herbal tea sounds good. Herbal tea—"
"—Sooyoung-ah."
“Shouldn't Yoo Joonghyuk make you herbal tea every morning? What a useless bastard of a house husband he is. He should—"
"—Sooyoung-ah."
Han Sooyoung's voice trails off to a mumble, before she turns to Kim Dokja, who only looks back at her with gentle eyes, despite his firm voice. "You've been acting weird all day."
Han Sooyoung can't find it in herself to formulate any of her thoughts to be coherent enough to explain not just her behaviour, but everything. Where would she even begin? Her best friend, her one and only Kim Dokja, was dy— no. He wasn't. He can't.
And so she settles for a weak, "I was being myself."
Obviously her answer peeves Kim Dokja even more, as he sighs and crosses his legs, adjusting his posture to look back at her with eyes that seemed like they were attempting to break down whatever wall she had built up for herself within a day.
"You did something that was unlike you," he says, voice hushed and light, and Han Sooyoung feels it ripping her heart into shreds. "Why?"
"I'm literally the most… short-tempered person you know. They were saying something about you, so I had to intervene."
"The Han Sooyoung I know would run her foul mouth and probably cuss them out under her breath, and when they leave, she would slam the table and throw a hissy fit. She wouldn't slap them across the face without thinking of the repercussions."
"I—"
"Wasn't that the first time you ever slapped someone? I'm sure your bosses and exes have made you angrier before, but you never slapped them. So why—"
"Kim Dokja—" Han Sooyoung attempts to speak over him, but Kim Dokja refuses to let her finish, knowing that if he were to let her continue, she would say something that wasn’t worth listening to.
"You know. I heard this saying before," he presses his lips together, leaning back on his chair once more as he breaks his gaze from hers. "People change… when they're dying." From the corner of his eye, he sees Han Sooyoung's head snap up at him, and he feels as if his fingers were slowly moving themselves to fix pieces of a puzzle he doesn't quite want to solve. When he looks back at her, Han Sooyoung is biting down on her lower lip, a poor attempt to stop it from quivering. "Sooyoung-ah. Are you… dying?"
"Kim Dokja!" Her voice is firm and steady this time, but her next words come out weaker, pleading. "...Please."
"Or could it be… me?"
Kim Dokja feels like he can see the wall standing between them crumble into ash, as Han Sooyoung finally lets out the sob that she feels like she's been holding onto her whole life. Kim Dokja is taken aback at first, but he manages to force out a small smile that only kills Han Sooyoung on the inside even more. He shifts himself closer to her, before circling his arms around her to pull her in for a warm embrace, which only makes her cry impossibly harder.
"You…" She manages to croak out in between breathless bawls, "why didn't you tell me you got a CT scan from Seolhwa?"
Kim Dokja chuckles lightly, not entirely sure why either. The tremble in his voice comes out clearer than any of Han Sooyoung's sobs. "Sooyoung-ah.. Am I fucked?"
"No… you're not," Han Sooyoung manages the words out brokenly, and Kim Dokja can only feel an awfully heavy gnawing at the back of his throat. "I won't let that happen to you."
Kim Dokja digs his fingernails into the fists of his hands, fighting every last urge to just think. Think of everything that is to be was eventually — the restaurant, his plans, his future, Han Sooyoung, Yoo Joonghyuk— God, Yoo Joonghyuk. The image of him seemed to glare right at him as his vision got blurrier. He sniffles softly, and hugs Han Sooyoung tighter to himself as he masks the emotions that bubble within him with a soft chuckle. "I could really use a drink right now, I won't lie."
"Shut up, Kim Dokja," Han Sooyoung begins, not quite sure how to finish. So she settles for words that Kim Dokja wishes wouldn't finalise his fate, not now, not ever. "You're fucking dying, and you're still the fucking same."