Chapter Text
If you'd told Ranboo a week ago that he'd soon be travelling to some old guy's house who he met on a random rooftop, he'd- probably have nodded politely and then put the encounter out of his mind, since it wasn't exactly rare to meet a crazy in the streets of New York.
He most certainly wouldn't have believed it, however.
And yet here he was, having got up early on a Saturday morning to catch a tube with Tommy and Tubbo (who'd both insisted on coming as he'd suspected), to go do exactly that.
Enderchest sat firmly on his feet, and he could feel the reproachful look she was giving him. She hadn't been happy about being left alone last night, and had gone to sleep on his legs as if to prevent him leaving again. He'd briefly considered leaving her at the apartment - Tubbo was a good verbal navigator, and Tommy had sharp elbows to get them through crowds - but he'd almost tripped over her when he'd tried to leave without picking up her harness, and he'd taken the hint.
Considering that yesterday, he'd literally flung himself across the city (and into a few walls) he was in remarkably good shape - his usual limit when it came to exercise was light participation in gym, and sitting out anything that was strenuous or needed group participation. He definitely had super healing now, since he could, you know, still walk and everything, but it seemed that his healing didn't extend to casual exertion. Maybe there was a difference between what it could fix? He had been exhausted by the time he'd gotten home yesterday, but it had been a mental tiredness rather than his limbs shutting down entirely.
He'd have to test it later.
"Dude- I still can't believe we're going to meet The Spi-"
From the muffled cry and the thud of flesh on flesh, Ranboo assumed that Tubbo had slapped his hand over Tommy's mouth.
"Tom, I swear to god if you keep talking about it, the only person you'll be seeing is Jesus at the gates of heaven."
Tommy made another muffled sound, before Tubbo jumped back with a yelp.
"Ew! He licked me!"
Ranboo stifled a snort, trying to pull up his best sympathetic face, "Maybe he's just considering a new career as a cannibal."
"If I was, I wouldn't eat Tubbo, he's a guy!"
"Guys, is it gay to be a cannibal?"
Tubbo laughed aloud then, while Tommy protested that Ranboo made everything he said sound worse. Ranboo felt no remorse - if Tommy didn't want to be made fun of, he should learn to filter things before they reached his mouth.
"I hate you both," the blonde grumbled, "Where's our stop anyway?"
"I see your blatant redirection attempts, but it's the next one along," Tubbo answered, leaning his head against Ranboo's shoulder, "I have directions on my phone to the address."
"If I were Spi- If I were him-" Tommy hastily recovered, "I would totally live in the Avengers Compound instead of in town - think how cool it would be! Plus you get to live with a whole bunch of other cool people!"
"He probably has personal reasons why he doesn't want to move. He's meant to be the local, friendly superhero, right? Can't be local if he lives out of town," reasoned Ranboo, fiddling with his hoodie strings.
"Maybe the Avengers are homophobic and won't let him live there with his husband," added Tubbo in a very-reasonable tone completely at odds with what he was saying.
Ranboo raised an eyebrow, "I saw in an interview a while back that Captain America, the White Wolf and the Falcon are all dating, so it would be a bit hypocritical of them to be homophobic."
"You said that Techno clarified that they were platonic husbands, so maybe they're homophobic specifically when there's no romance involved?"
Ranboo rolled his eyes, although it went unseen beneath his glasses - he loved his friend, but Tubbo enjoyed arguing for the sake of arguing, and they would just go in circles for the next hour if he let them.
"Yeah, yeah, whatever man - we should be stopping any moment, help me get Enderchest up."
Enderchest needed no help whatsoever, of course - she was on duty and therefore an utmost professional, but it gave an excuse for the three of them to make their way to the doors just as they pulled up to the station, Ranboo accepting Tubbo's offered hand as he hopped down the ledge onto the platform. It wasn't too busy, thankfully, and it wasn't long before they were out into the sunshine, Tubbo leading the way with google maps on hand.
Ranboo couldn't help but note that the area was far more run down than he'd expected - not a bad area of town, exactly, but also not the sort of place to have the shining glass penthouses one would think of when considering a superhero's residence.
"Do you think the elevator will work?" he muttered to Tommy, "I don't think I can do stairs today…"
"I'll give you a piggy back if you need," replied Tommy assertively, "You weigh like- barely more than a sack of potatoes."
"Wow," said Ranboo dryly, "Thanks for the compliment. I'll take the piggy back though, as long as Tubbo records so I can share the video of you huffing and puffing with all-"
"Okay I think this is it!" announced Tubbo, coming to an abrupt halt on the pavement, Ranboo only avoiding running into him thanks to Enderchest's quick thinking, and Tommy not being as fortunate.
While the other started to squabble, Tubbo shoving Tommy back in return, the blonde squawking indignantly, Ranboo turned his head to the side and squinted to read down the list of names on the doorbell. Techno had said they were near the top, so-
There! 'Craft and Blade' read the label, and Ranboo made sure he his fingertip was making proper contact with the button before he pressed the bell firmly, three times in quick succession. It only took a few seconds for the door to buzz and the lock to click, and then the three of them were inside.
Ranboo was relieved to see that the elevator was in fact working, even if it clunked alarmingly as the four of them stepped inside.
"What floor was it again?"
"Uh- seven, I think," Ranboo replied, tapping nervously on his leg, "Okay- you guys have to promise to be cool, okay?"
"Bitch, I'm always cool! Big man Tommy, innit? Cool's basically my middle name, Tommy Danger Cool Careful Kraken-"
"That's what I mean- Tommy I love you but please let me do the talking for the first bit, I don't want to scare them off."
Tommy snorted, "If a teenager scares the Spiderman, I think we have bigger issues, Big B."
"… my name doesn't even start with a B?"
"Yeah but- Big R sounds wrong, and Boo's a nickname for Ranboo, right? Big B!"
Ranboo sighed, but before he could respond, the elevator bell rang to indicate their floor, and his heart made yet another escape attempt out his throat.
"Well- I uh- I guess that's us."
None of them moved, suddenly filled with the same nervous energy of what the fuck were they doing?
"So like- we're sure it's actually Spiderman, right? And not some serial killer with a good cosplay?" asked Tubbo, sounding oddly small.
Ranboo nodded far more confidently than he felt (which was a low bar to hit), "My- my spidey sense would've gone off if it a fake, right? And he felt like Spiderman- it's hard to explain- but- ah!"
Enderchest, it seemed, had gotten sick of Ranboo's dithering, and suddenly tugged on her harness, pulling him out into the corridor properly.
He laughed nervously, turning back to face his friends, "End'usually knows if something's wrong before I do, so- we should probably go, they're expecting us."
And expecting they were.
No sooner had the three of them turned the corner, Enderchest taking charge, was a familiar voice echoing down the corridor.
"Ah! It's okay, Phil, they're here-" Techno's voice was muffled, like he'd turned away from them, before sharpening quickly as he approached, "Hullo Ranboo and- assorted children."
"Hey! I'm not a child!" bristled Tommy, "I'm fifteen!"
Ranboo wanted to sink through the floor - why did Tommy insist on picking fights everywhere they went?
Techno was silent a moment, before Ranboo caught a vague motion out of the corner of his eyes that might have been a shrug, "Alright. Assorted teenagers. Do you uh- wanna come in? I think Phil's making tea…"
Techno stood awkwardly for a moment, before he seemed to realise he was blocking the door, and stepped neatly inside, ducking his head through the frame. He somehow seemed even bigger than he had the night before, although then again Ranboo had been panicking a little too hard to focus on details like that. Speaking of details-
Techno didn't have his mask on today, and for the first time, Ranboo saw the shock of pink hair from the top of the man's head - tilting his head just right, he managed to get the whole of Techno in his peripheral, and somehow shrunk down even smaller. He was… intimidating.
Somehow, the pink hair only served to make him more tough, a salmon-leaning pink giving way to dark roots right at the top of his fairly long hair, which was currently braided back neatly. His expression seemed cold, at odds with the awkward way he spoke, and he walked with an odd cadence, like he was trying to keep weight off every joint at once.
The four of them shuffled in uncharacteristic silence through the small apartment - nice enough, fairly cozy, and lit with soft yellow lights to make up for the lack of windows, but far from what Ranboo had expected. There was a loud whirring and bubbling from the direction of the kitchen, which he identified as a kettle boiling, which was strange only in that most Americans didn't have a kettle…
He got the answer to this only a few seconds later, as a soft British voice rang out through the room, still with a discernible… Northern accent? He was pretty such that was Northern.
"I've put the kettle on- was that a yes to the tea? My mam always used to say that tea was the salve for any sore conversation," came the cheery voice of what Ranboo could only assume was Techno's husband.
The three boys found themselves ushered onto a fairly small couch, wedged in close together, with Ranboo in the middle and Enderchest at his feet, caught in the headlights of Phil's request.
"Uh- no thank you," he said, not particularly wanting to risk spilling boiling water all over himself at a stranger's house. Tubbo echoed a similar refusal, but Tommy accepted, the British side of him clearly having recognised it's like. Tommy had spent most of his life in America, having moved when he was in first grade, but still held his accent and apparently, his tea-drinking ways. Tommy's parents had been horrified to learn that Ranboo only drank sweet tea and occasionally dunked a tea bag in microwaved water, which was the only reason he knew about kettles to begin with.
Phil bustled back out into the kitchen, while Techno settled somewhere across from them, scratching idly against the fabric. Ranboo was very grateful that his enhanced hearing didn't automatically make everything loud - he could hear just about anything if he focused, but otherwise it stayed as slightly-louder-than-normal background noise.
"So uh- we should probably wait until Phil's back to start properly," Techno said, breaking the awkward silence, "But I'm Techno, it's uh- nice to meet you. Or meet you again for Ranboo."
Oh that was right- Ranboo probably ought to have introduced them-
"Uh- this is Tommy and this is Tubbo," he explained, pointing to them in turn, "And this is Enderchest, my guide dog."
There was a moment's silence, before Techno blurted out- "Right, sorry, you can't see when I nod- uh- I was nodding. For reference. I-"
Thankfully, the painstaking conversation was broken by footsteps returning, Phil bustling back in with a tray of clinking china. Next to him, Tommy accepted his mug with a satisfied sigh, sniffing the tea to- restore himself? Ranboo didn't know what British people used to charge, okay? For all he knew, Tommy took a bath in tea every night and prayed to the Queen.
"Finally," his friend grumbled, "Some good fucking tea. This American bullshit was getting on my nerves."
"Tommy you are American," pointed out Tubbo, "Just because your parents signed you up for voice lessons so you didn't lose your accent-"
"Tuberculosis Schlatt, I refuse to forget my homeland! I will never submit to the tyrannical rule of-"
"Oh are you British too?"
"Is your name really Tuberculosis?"
Phil and Techno spoke at the same time, one of them snorting.
"Tommy is technically British," Ranboo cut in, "And no, it's Tobias because Tubbo's dad is a coward."
"A rich coward, though, so he makes up for it by funding my lavish and excessive lifestyle."
This was going splendidly so far.
"I see." Techno said, sounding bewildered and out of his depths, "Well it's nice to meet you- no wait I've done this bit already. Uh- okay we've done the introductions, offered refreshments and now it's… oh! Right, you're the new Spiderman-"
"It's so cool, right?" Tommy said, a grin audible in his voice, "Did you see his mask yesterday? I made that for him! In like ten minutes cause he was being impatient. I'm gonna make the rest of his suit too, cause I'm really good at sewing. Did Tony Stark make your suit? Is it just fabric? How are the computers integrated into it? Is Boo gonna get to meet Tony Stark? Is he gonna meet the Avengers? Why don't you guys live with them? Are you-"
Ranboo yelped as Tubbo launched himself across his lap to tackle Tommy, enraged yells muffled through his palm.
"Don't mind him!" Tubbo yelled cheerfully over the violence, "He doesn't have a mute button, I'm afraid, we've been trying for years."
Ranboo groaned, dropping his face into his hands. Techno was gonna kick them out any second, now, he'd wanted peace and tact and instead Ranboo had brought them Tommy-
But much to his surprise, instead of immediately exploding, Techno and Phil… started to laugh?
"It's alright mate-" Phil said through a cackle, "My lab interns behave worse when I make the mistake of giving them caffeine- you can let him go, I'll answer the questions."
Ranboo groaned again as Tubbo jabbed an elbow into his stomach on the way back, Tommy shaking himself like a dog in the rain.
"I can't believe you two-" he started, clutching his stomach, "Oh my god-"
Enderchest gave him a sympathetic nudge, her damp nose hitting the side of his leg.
"Did you see that? I was viciously and brutally attacked!" Tommy declared, running a hand through his blonde curls, "I think we should overthrow Tubbo's dictatorship and elope, Ranboob."
"One, I don't think you know what elopement means, two, I think you need a country to be a dictator, three, if Tubbo was a dictator I'd side with him and be his first lady."
"Are you three like this all the time or is this reserved for special occassions?" Phil asked mildly, sounding absolutely fascinated.
"All the time."
"Special occasions."
"What are you, a cop?"
Phil snickered again. Techno sighed heavily. "Don't encourage the children, please, Phil. Sorry- the assorted teenagers. I'm going to redirect the conversation now because I'm worried one of you is about to declare war."
Yeah that was fair.
"You don't have to answer any of Tommy's questions," Ranboo assured Techno, fiddling with his hoodie string, "He's a lot."
"A lot of fabulousness."
"It's alright mate!" Phil chimed in, "I'm happy to answer anything he wants to know, Techno is the antisocial one here."
"How are you antisocial and also the Spiderman?" Tubbo asked curiously, "You're usually nice on the news reports."
"That's what we call a work-persona," Techno said dryly, "Acting nice with the reporters means that they're more inclined to report about me saving little old ladies than the times I've failed."
Ranboo nodded wisely, wishing he could take notes or something to act more professional, "Will uh- I have to do that? I don't want to be an Avenger or anything…"
"I mean it depends, really, kid. No one's expecting you to be the next Spiderman, I've still got a few years left in the tank and there's always someone else to fill the shoes. You don't have to go public at all if you don't want to. And I'd really advise against signing anything, there's a reason I stay away from Stark's lot, and it's not because they don't want me."
"They want him so much it's kinda funny, actually," Phil snorted, "We get bribery checks every few months and SHIELD agents pretend to be repairmen at least bi-annually. We work with the Avengers occasionally on bigger projects as freelancers, but we keep our distance. Even when Captain America turns up in our kitchen with his serious voice and mission folders." Phil gave a dreamy sigh, "The muscles almost get me every time but then I remember the concept of capitalism or Techno starts loudly reciting wedding vows."
"Maybe I wouldn't do that if you didn't threaten to run away with Steve Rogers once a month."
"The muscles, Techno, its the muscles."
Ranboo was feeling increasingly bewildered.
"So uh- I don't have to publicly be Spiderman?" he doubled checked.
"Nope, not at all. Or have to talk to the Avengers. They'll probably know soon if they don't already - Stark has an annoying habit of having thorough surveillance - but I'll make it clear you're under my protection and they'll leave you alone. Just don't sign anything and you'll be fine, kid."
That- really wasn't as reassuring as Techno probably thought it was, but he supposed free advice didn't have to be good advice. Although he certainly wouldn't be signing anything, especially without a trusted reader to get all the fine print.
"So what about the other questions?" Tommy burst out impatiently, "What about you? Why do you and Boo have different powers? How did you get bit? And also- Phil you're getting suspiciously familiar, big man, where have I seen you before?"
"To answer in order," Phil said, "I, alongside a friend of mine, make Techno's suit. We stole a bunch of Stark-Tech a while back and it's got a great interface. We don't live with the Avengers because we like our freedom. Techno and Ranboo have different powers because they were bitten by different spiders, and I am the head of my department at Osbourne Laboratories, because everyone is too scared of the spiders I work with to check that I'm not violating OSHA regulations. Which, to clarify, I don't usually, and I have no idea how Shelby escaped, nor how she returned herself to the cage afterwards. She's currently on lockdown until I've figured it out, but I could swear she flipped me off this morning, so my running theory is that she's developed sentience."
"Phil I swear to god if you've developed sentient spiders we're getting divorced."
"If you divorce me, Steve Rogers has my personal number."
"I literally hate you."
Ranboo thought that a better question would be whether they acted like this all the time. Also why all the spiders were named like middle aged women.
"That's so cool!" Tubbo exclaimed, "I want to visit!"
"Absolutely not, one spider child is enough."
Tubbo's pout was audible, "Awhh. Pretty please? I've only exploded the labs at school once and all the footage disappeared so you have no proof of that."
"We have verbal evidence and also that's not more likely to get me to relent." Phil pointed out mildly, "If you want, I'll give you some basic training on how best to help Ranboo. I've collected a lot of 'how to convince your spider-themed vigilante not to break his ankles falling off things' tips, I'm probably the most uniquely suited person to help you on this."
"Can I come too? Pretty please say I can, I want to make all his suits and help Boo too! I've never exploded a lab Mr Phil!"
"I mean you're both in the same position, I don't see why I can't teach you both. We'll have to come up with something official, though - maybe a coding club? I can code pretty well…"
"I mean- my Dad doesn't really care what I do, and I can always say that Tommy is hanging out with me."
"I'd really prefer to do this the proper way, boys - it was irresponsible of us to meet like this anyway, and I would be teaching you some code during this. I'll meet your parents and everything if they want."
Ranboo scrunched his nose - he'd never met an adult who wanted to do things the more complicated way. Not even his social workers most of the time - they wanted the issue swept under the rug as soon as possible and if a few bits of paperwork got lost then it really wasn't that big of a deal.
"And uh- what about me?" he asked, quieter than he'd meant to, "Is Techno still going to tutor me?"
"Yeah, I've cleared it with a couple of other vigilantes in the area to take my patrol," Techno said, "I've now got my afternoons and evenings free to train you up. You should be good to stick with the coding alias, but there's a rooftop a couple blocks across that I like to use for friendly sparring and we'll stay there mostly."
"Every afternoon?" Ranboo checked, feeling a little stunned.
"I mean- that was what I planned, but it's totally cool if you're busy and want less. Cause you're a teenager and kids have plans with their friends and also your parents might be worried if you have coding every day-"
"No no! No it's- it's good!" Ranboo said, feeling a grin spread across his cheeks, "I uh, only really hang out with Tubbo and Tommy anyway, and my parents… well uh they won't mind."
They probably wouldn't even notice.
No one but the two people on the couch with him had ever wanted to spend time. Even if Techno was only doing it to save himself having to deal with an untrained mutant on the lose, he was still putting in the time and the effort for Ranboo. No one ever went any further out of their way than they had to for him. Not teachers, not fosters, not other kids. And definitely not a superhero.
"Pog." Techno said, sounding relieved, "So every afternoon, Monday to Friday sound good?"
"Tubbo and Tommy shouldn't need to come more than twice a week," Phil said thoughtfully, "There's less they have to know than Ranboo does."
Tommy groaned in protest, but was still too excited about actually training to help a superhero to get properly upset.
"I'll come by right after school!" Ranboo confirmed, grinning even wider, "Thank you Techno!"
"No problem kid. Just- local friendly Spiderman things."
There was a moment's awkward silence, then, when none of them quite knew what to do, before Tubbo's phone buzzed.
He groaned, "Ugh it's my Dad, he wants me home for some fancy luncheon thingy. I better go."
"Thank you for having us over," Ranboo said politely, standing up too, Tommy handing the handle of Enderchest's harness.
"Of course!" Phil said, and Ranboo caught a beaming grin out of the side of his eye, "We'll see you- oh wait! Techno, did you want to get the thing?"
The thing? What thing?
"Oh right- the thing."
Ranboo stood in confusion as Techno quickly bustled out into another room, rustling around with something before returning.
Tubbo and Tommy were in the corridor already, waiting for him, but Techno's voice dropped in a way that insinuated he didn't want them to hear.
"You're going to have to keep this well hidden, alright?" he said seriously, "And only use it in life or death situations."
Ranboo's heart plummeted to his stomach as something smooth and familiar from childhood water fights, but so much heavier than the plastic of his youth was set into his palm.
"Techno!" he hissed, stuck between dropping the gun and not wanting to make it go off, "Take it back! Spiderman doesn't use a gun! Why do you even have this?"
"I told you, kid, life or death. Keep it safe, keep it hidden, but more importantly, keep it on you. Even if you don't want to be a hero, villains may find you anyway, and they will want to kill you. If you don't think you can kill, incapacitation is your friend."
"You want me to just shoot someone's kneecaps out??"
"No one ever expects Spiderman to have a glock."