Chapter Text
To be honest, waking up in a wooden box wasn’t the most what’s-the-opposite-of-claustrophobic-thing you can do but… ya’know. Grey-green eyes blinked up into blackness and then closed, opening once again as if that would help- it did not help.
Hmnnnnnnnn~ how long were they gonna be here. Were they dead? They don’t remember kicking the bucket just yet but maybe lady death was kind enough to pay them a visit in their sleep.
They were feeling an itch on their left leg.
Bruh.
They thought death didn’t have itches, or cramps for that matter- why did their arms feel so constricted? It’s not that they wanted more out of Hell but this was kind of just sad.
aaaaaaahhhhhhh….
Tired….
….zzzzz
Thud
“Grrwwww… gotta get this stupid lid off quick”
Okay whom the fuck wake’th my slumber
Cramped arms scrapped against wood and-
Aww fuck my back
The boxed person is awake again and much more uncomfortable than they previously were. They take back what they said about Hell being sad, Hell was a bitch.
Testing out their surroundings, they tried their best to stretch out their limbs in the closet-like container. A concerning cracking noises that can only be described as old man disease radiated off wooden walls the moment they tried to stand.
“Gwaahhh! What was that?! You better not be awake in there or I’ll roast ya!”
You better not set my ass on fire or ill literally cry
“Okay Grim! You can do this! One! Two! Th-“
Do whaaAA-FUU-
Yup this was definitely Hell and they knew it was Hell because blue fucking FLAMES were coming from the cracks of the box and their deadass was really gonna be ROASTED
WHAT DID THEY DO TO DESER- okay this is actually pretty mild compared to what they thought they’d get but THATS NOT THE POINT
Pushing their legs against the wall of the box (cuz their short lmao) they shoved as hard as they could toward the admittedly child-like-but-could-probably-still-kill-you-voice, screaming
“WAIT DONT SHOOT!” Cuz this is America B)
“GWAAAAAHHHHAA-“
“-AAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH”
“-AAAAAA WHAT THE FUCK A FURRRY!”
In the now very much rattled box was a very tattered, very confused person with a mess of white hair spiking out in a pony tail behind them, yellow-tanned skin, and a small red scar on their bottom lip. Across from them, also sitting in a comedically preposterous pose was a strange gray cat-raccoon thingy with flaming blue ears and a pitch fork for a tail. It was surprisingly cute for a hellspawn, with its big blue eyes and giant stripped ribbon? Collar? Anyways it was ADOORBBSSS!!! Kittyyyyyy!!!!!~~~
“F-F-FURRY??!! I am NOT a FURRY!! I AM the great GRIM the GREATEST MAGICIAN you have EVER and WILL ever SEE!! And YOU'RE gonna gimmie those robes NYEEAA!” The raccoon thing idfk started running towards them with his stubby little legs. Sadly the tiny furry creature had little itty bitty paws so he was very slow and our dazed protagonist had time to stumble out of the box- which wow look it’s a coffin. Not surprising for hell huh.
“PERVERT! Wait robes???” The last thing they remember wearing was their lucky red boxers which would be admittedly awkward in this situation alone. Taking a quick glance down they saw that they were wearing something that looked like a purple cult cloak, clothing: check;
public indecency: 1 me: 2
Hah, take that Michigan police force
“EEEEKK” A splash of White hot flames landed near their feet as the cat approached. Okay definitely time to go. Go GOOOO !! Almost tripping on their feet they discarded their dress because clothing is for NOOBS and sprint for the nearest exit like some Disney+ princess on crack. Luckily they still had their boxers on.
“COME BACK HERE COWARD!!”
Yea, no way in hell. Ooooo! They made a pun!
the wind felt nice in their face and the little kitty’s screeches faded quickly behind them. Hell’s not to bad when you’re not in a box.
It’s been roughly 3 minutes of running and they are already winded. Like dying winded, which is weird because they’re pretty sure they’re already dead, but not surprising since they basically haven’t went outside in the past year.
“Hah.ah..fuj..-uhh-…fu..fu..fu-fUckINg chRIst I swear if I see God Im twisting his balls”
They have their head sunk low into their arms and legs as they rest on a rather large polished park bench. After regaining air in their lungs, they found themselves to be on some sort of school campus. Whether it was a college campus or highschool campus they couldn’t tell.
They also couldn’t tell where the bathrooms were but they really needed to take a piss, further adding to their suspicions of not being dead. The sky was beautifully dark with an impossible amount of stars given the amount of lanterns and other ungodly light sources there were. In front of them was a lawn…
wowwwwwwwww, anyways the campus was fucking RICH. Like crazy rich Asians dunked into a dark academia European royalty fiction that waltzed out of their Pinterest and into Hot Topic rich because HOLY SHIT. They’re pretty sure the hallways themselves are worth billions with their material value and the intricate designs carved into them. Not to mention the ARCHITECTURE, they wouldn’t fuck a building but they would definitely fuck that building.
Oh also there were lovely plants and other flora littering campus as well as the nice dude in the suit standing next to them with horns and wait horns-
“HORNY FUCK-“