Chapter Text
Holy Fuck, they meant to say Holy fuck but instead they found themselves fall unceremoniously backwards onto their head with a very concerned very HORNED man looking down at them.
OWWWW
“Ahh, apologies for frightening you child of man. ”
The man coughed nervously into clean cuffed hands, now looking more like a kicked puppy dog if anything. Kind of a weird look for a guy with long ass black hair and really REALLY bright green eyes.
Awww… poor babey…
Our MC must have poor judgment because the man-horny man, they have now horribly deemed-in front of them is at least 6 foot fucking something and has hands that look like they could crush a human skull with ease. Plus he just called them “child of man” which should be an instant red flag but hey, maybe they’re into that.
“Oh sorry, I mean it’s okay, yea. Umm yea, child of…elll-demo-dragooo—aaaaa—-“ Given the horns, pointy ears, and fair skin they couldn’t really tell what exactly Horny man was but they didn’t want to be rude. No, not rude at all. After screaming horny fuck at him.
“You may call me whatever you like, child of man” Horny man almost seemed to smile, like the type of smile that looks like a flat line but you know it’s there. Either way it saved them from their blooming embarrassment.
Anyways, dear reader, did you remember how our MC had to take a piss?
“Horny man” Malleus almost chokes on his own spit. He really hopes this was not how making friends works, he was wrong.
“Do you know where I could find a bathroom, or a good bush, or a plastic bottle? I gotta piss.”
For some reason that did not embarrass our MC in the slightest, in fact they were feeling quite comfortable, contrary to their new friend Horny man. Malleus, however, was biting back the urge to deny the name “Horny man” but a promise was a promise and fae kept their promises.
Atleast he may get their name on the walk to the
restroom. Not to mention that the strange human in front of him did not seem frightened in the slightest, to his delight. Lilia would be so happy to hear about this!
“Of course child of man, you can follow me. But before that, may I get your name?”
“Yuu-r mom” Yuu grinned back grabbing Horny man’s extended hand to pull themself up. It was really just Yuu but he didn’t have to know that.
“Yuu-er mom” Horny man rolled the name in his tounge as if he was trying to get something out of it, but Yuu just snickered. Malleus pouted knowing The child of man must have mixed their name in some way. Humans were always deceptive things.
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Apparently so were Hell’s toilets. Wtf. Why did it have the sensor thing needed to flush the goddamn toilet and not a handle like a normal toilet. Why couldn’t it be normal, yes yuu was shaming it. It should be ashamed.
“Be shamed….”
“Cough, ah, child of man, may I ask what you shaming in there?”
“The toilet… I’m trying to figure it out”
“…have you tried turning it on and off again”
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[Malleus POV]
Malleus decided it would be best for him to get up early at 7pm to tour the school before classes started. That was when he met the strange child of man resting on one of the campus’s park benches.
From what he could tell, the man child was out for a jog since they were wearing red jogging shorts and panting rapidly.
They must have been out of a stroll like himself, and he internally congratulated them for their dedication to a healthy body. Clearly they must have rounded the school at least 5 times to get to that state, he would do his best to achieve such a level of perseverance.
Either way he found the child of man, Yuu Mom- most likely, to be rather charming. A funny little man. Like a scrunkly crusty raccoon you would find in the back of a McDonald’s dumpster, of course Malleus has no idea what a McDonald’s is. But if he did, he would probably enjoy it.
Hmnnn tiny scruffy human, I wanna pet it