Actions

Work Header

Rating:
Archive Warning:
Category:
Fandoms:
Characters:
Additional Tags:
Language:
English
Series:
Part 43 of In All The Ways I Kill Palpatine/Sidious
Stats:
Published:
2024-09-21
Words:
1,238
Chapters:
1/1
Comments:
34
Kudos:
260
Bookmarks:
19
Hits:
2,071

In Which, Mace Windu Kills Palpatine 2.0

Summary:

Mace Windu was having an exceptionally bad day.

First, the younglings had somehow managed to set fire to his prized meditation mat. It took years to break that thing in, and now it smelled like burnt bantha fur. Then, on his way to a council meeting, he stepped in what he hoped was brown paint, though Yoda had suspiciously pretended to look the other way when asked about it.

And to top it off, Anakin Skywalker had barged into his office with the worst news possible.

“I think the Chancellor’s a Sith Lord,” Anakin had said.

Or in which Mace's day get's worse

Notes:

(See the end of the work for notes.)

Chapter 1

Chapter Text

Mace Windu was having an exceptionally bad day.

 

First, the younglings had somehow managed to set fire to his prized meditation mat. It took years to break that thing in, and now it smelled like burnt bantha fur. Then, on his way to a council meeting, he stepped in what he hoped was brown paint, though Yoda had suspiciously pretended to look the other way when asked about it.

 

And to top it off, Anakin Skywalker had barged into his office with the worst news possible.

 

“I think the Chancellor’s a Sith Lord,” Anakin had said.

 

“I think my boots are ruined,” Mace had replied, wiping the supposed brown paint on his cloak. “Wait, what?”

 

“I said Chancellor Palpatine is the Sith Lord we’ve been looking for,” Anakin repeated, face as serious as ever. “He just told me. Like, casually.”

 

“Of course, he did,” Mace muttered, rolling his eyes. “Because that’s exactly how a Sith reveals their identity. Over brunch, I’m guessing? What’d he offer you next? A job promotion?”

 

“Well...” Anakin hesitated.

 

Mace facepalmed. “Of course.”

 

So now, Mace Windu was marching through the grand halls of the Senate, lightsaber ignited, and feeling like the galaxy’s most underappreciated Jedi Master. The doors to Palpatine’s office slid open with an overly dramatic hiss (did Palpatine install mood lighting in here?), and there, sitting behind his absurdly large desk, was the man himself—Chancellor Sheev Palpatine, aka Darth Sidious, aka The Man Who Probably Spends 30 Minutes a Day Cackling Alone in the Mirror.

 

“Ah, Master Windu,” Palpatine said smoothly, spinning around in his chair (like a wannabe James Bond villain). “I’ve been expecting you.”

 

Mace didn’t even wait for the typical villainous monologue. He raised his lightsaber. “You’re under arrest for treason, Chancellor.”

 

Palpatine’s smile grew wider than should be physically possible. “I am the Senate.”

 

Mace blinked, confused. “What does that even mean? You’re literally just one guy.”

 

The Sith Lord rose from his chair, clearly relishing this moment. “It’s treason, then!” he declared, throwing his arms out (like some sort of twisted Broadway actor).

 

“Oh, for Force’s sake,” Mace muttered under his breath.

 

Before Mace could react, Palpatine launched into the most aggressive spin move Mace had ever seen. The kind of spin move you might expect at a dance recital, not in a battle. Palpatine whirled through the air like a psychotic blender on the loose, his red lightsaber blazing as he flew at Mace with what could only be described as a combination of rage and flair.

 

Mace easily sidestepped the attack, watching in disbelief as Palpatine kept spinning, barreling into the wall with a thunk. The Sith Lord quickly recovered, turning to face him again, but Mace couldn’t help himself.

 

“Seriously? The spinning? That’s your big move?” Mace asked, raising an eyebrow.

 

Palpatine’s face twisted in anger, veins popping out on his forehead. “Silence! My techniques are beyond your comprehension, Jedi!”

 

“Yeah, clearly,” Mace said dryly, glancing at the new Palpatine-shaped dent in the wall. “Look, I’ve seen toddlers twirl better than that.”

 

Palpatine let out an ear-piercing screech and lunged at Mace, who blocked the attack with the most nonchalant flick of his wrist. Lightsabers clashed, the room glowing with red and purple light as the two fought. Palpatine, in a desperate attempt to outmaneuver Mace, tried another spin, but this time he slipped on a decorative rug.

 

“Who puts a rug in that area?” Mace muttered as Palpatine tumbled to the floor, his Sith robes tangling around his legs.

 

“I do!” Palpatine spat, struggling to untangle himself. “It’s chic!”

“Yeah, okay,” Mace sighed, standing there while Palpatine fought with his own wardrobe. “How did you even manage to take over the Republic again?”

 

Finally free, Palpatine snarled and extended his hands, blue lightning crackling between his fingers. “Unlimited—”

 

“Don’t say it,” Mace interrupted.

 

“—POWER!” Palpatine shrieked, sending a barrage of Force lightning toward Mace.

 

With a single, effortless motion, Mace raised his lightsaber, deflecting the lightning back at Palpatine, who promptly let out an overly dramatic scream (that would’ve made a high school theater teacher proud).

 

The Sith Lord collapsed against his desk, smoke rising from his scorched robes. His face had melted into something that looked like a cross between a prune and a melted candle.

 

Mace pinched the bridge of his nose, trying to process what had just happened. “Was that it?”

 

Palpatine groaned, pushing himself up. “You... you will never defeat me, Jedi. My plans are too far along! Soon, the Jedi Order will be ruined! You are too late!”

 

Mace stared at him. “You literally just electrocuted yourself, and you think you’re still winning?”

 

“I am always winning!” Palpatine cackled, flinging himself backward into his chair, spinning it dramatically once more.

 

Fed up, Mace walked over and tapped Palpatine’s desk console, deactivating the spin function on the chair.

 

Palpatine scowled. “That was my favorite feature.”

 

“Yeah, well, this isn’t a carnival ride,” Mace said, moving closer. “Now, we’re done playing. Surrender, or I’ll finish what your poor interior decorating started.”

 

Palpatine snarled, but his energy was clearly waning. In a last-ditch effort, he grabbed the nearest object—a small, delicate potted plant—and hurled it at Mace with the ferocity of a man who’d run out of ideas.

 

Mace dodged the plant easily, watching as it sailed past him and smashed against the wall.

 

“Really?” Mace said, incredulously. “That’s your big move?”

 

Palpatine shrugged, wheezing slightly. “I... ran out of lightsabers.”

 

Mace rolled his eyes. “You ran out of lightsabers.”

 

Palpatine nodded weakly. “They don’t grow on trees, you know.”

 

Mace shook his head. “Okay, this is embarrassing. I’m embarrassed for you.” He raised his lightsaber again. “This ends now.”

 

But before Mace could deliver the final blow, Palpatine clutched his chest dramatically, gasping for air. “No... no! My heart... it... it cannot take this much... defeat...!”

 

Mace watched, baffled, as Palpatine wobbled on his feet. The Sith Lord, in a performance that would rival even the most melodramatic opera, staggered backward, hands flailing as he accidentally tripped on his own fallen chair.

 

In slow motion, Palpatine fell out of the large window behind him with an exaggerated “NOOOOOOOO!” that echoed through the room as he plummeted several stories down.

 

Mace rushed to the window, looking down in disbelief at the motionless body of Chancellor Palpatine lying in the courtyard below.

 

There was a long pause.

 

“Well,” Mace said, scratching his head. “That was... anticlimactic.”

 

At that moment, Anakin Skywalker burst through the door, panting, his eyes wide. “Master Windu! I rushed here as soon as I could! Where’s the Chancellor? Did you arrest him?”

 

Mace blinked and turned back to the window. “Uh... yeah. Sort of.”

 

Anakin peered out the window, his jaw dropping. “He... he’s dead?”

 

Mace nodded slowly. “Yep.”

Anakin looked up at him, incredulous. “Did you throw him out the window?”

 

“No,” Mace said, pointing down. “He, uh, slipped.”

 

Anakin stared at Mace, then at the body, then back at Mace. “You mean to tell me the most powerful Sith Lord in the galaxy slipped on a chair and fell out of a window.”

 

Mace sighed. “Yeah. That’s pretty much exactly what happened.”

 

There was a long silence before Anakin finally spoke.

 

“Huh,” Anakin muttered, staring out at the courtyard. “Not how I expected this to end.”

 

“Me neither, Skywalker,” Mace said, deactivating his lightsaber and clipping it to his belt.

 

“Me neither.”

Notes:

Yay! Another oneshot! Hope you guys liked it! Love yall 3000 and may the force be with you!

Plz comment/kudos if you liked it!