Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Kyoko: How do Player and Griefer usually get out of these messes?
Cruel King: They don’t. They just make a bigger mess that cancels the first one out.

—------

Griefer: h3y w3’r3 b4ck fr0m 6r0c3r- (hey we’re back from grocer-)
Griefer:
Griefer:..pl4y3r, why 4r3 7h3 v01c35 4nd h47r3d 1n 0ur 11v1n6 r00m? (Player, why are the voices and Hatred in our living room?)
Player: Terry told me to satanize the place!
Terry: SANITIZE, bruh! I said SANITIZE!

—------

Mysterious Figure: You can trust me! Let’s not forget who mentored you when you got the venomshank!
Griefer: 137 '5 n07 f0r637 7h3 0n3 wh0 m4d3 m3 574b my53lf w17h 17. (Let’s not forget the one who made me stab myself with it)

—------

Kyoko: What time is it?
Player: I don’t know, hand me the trumpet
Kyoko: *hands Player the trumpet*
Player: *Starts obnoxiously playing it*
Griefer, from the other room: WHY 4R3 Y0U PL4Y1N6 7H3 7RUMP37 47 5 4M 1N 7H3 M0RN1N6?! (WHY ARE YOU PLAYING THE TRUMPET AT 5 AM IN THE MORNING?!)
Player: It’s 5 am in the morning

—------

Player: I’m the toughest, smartest person in this group.
Kyoko:...Is your hand stuck in the vending machine?
Player: I paid for my bloxy cola, I’m getting my bloxy cola.

—-------

Player: Do you ever just see something that just changes your life and you’re like, huh.
Griefer: 1 54w y0u. (I saw you.)
Player: Honestly that’s so nice and sweet and it makes this really awkward because I was just gonna show you this drawing of Shedletsky as a turkey

—-------

Player, texting Kyoko: Kyoko! Help! I’m being kidnapped
Kyoko: Where are you?
Player: I’m with some strange person. In a car. Help.
Kyoko: I’ll call Shedletsky.
Shedletsky, answering her call: Y’ello?
Kyoko: Where’s Player? They texted me that they were being kidnapped.
Shedletsky: Player? Whaddya mean, they’re right next to me-
Shedletsky:
Shedletsky: I’ll call you back. *hangs up*
Shedletsky: THE NEW HAIRCUT WASN’T THAT BAD!
Player: WHO ARE YOU?!

—--------

Cruel King: WHY. Why did you give Player a KNIFE?!
Griefer: 1’m 50rry. 7h3y 541d 7h3y f3l7 un54f3.
Cruel King: Now I feel unsafe!
Griefer: 1’m 50rry.
Griefer: …W0uld y0u l1k3 4 kn1f3?

—--------

Player: Okay. I get it. You’ve had a really hard time lately, you’re stressed out, seven people died-
Hatred: Twelve, actually.
Player: Not the point. Look, they’re dead now and whose fault is that?
Player: Yours!
Hatred: That’s right, no one else’s.

—---------

Calypso: Can you please be serious for five minutes?
Player: My record is four, but I think I can do it.

—----------

Player: I’ve decided. If the frogs choose to take me to their secret forest, I’ll go willingly.
Terry:
Terry: What?

—----------

Player: If I run and jump at Griefer, he will almost definitely catch me.
Player: *runs at Griefer*
Griefer: PL4Y3R N0 1’M H0LD1N6 C0FF33
Griefer: *drops coffee to catch Player*
—-----------

Player: No matter what, all that matters is this *points to self*
Kyoko: Heart!
Player: No! Me!

—---------

Shedletsky, to Player: I have total faith in you.
Shedletsky, to the camera: There’s like a 30% chance they’ll die.

—----------

Shedletsky: Oh, complain, complain! Y’know, when life gives you lemons-
Hatred, through Player: I COMPLAIN ABOUT THE LEMONS

—---------

Player: Oh Telamon give me patience
Shedletsky: I think you mean give me strength
Player: If Telamon gave me strength, everyone would be dead

—----------

Kyoko: Oh no! We lost Griefer in the crowd!
Cruel King: Don’t worry. I got this.
Cruel King: *makes hand into a microphone shape* HEY, ISN’T THAT PLAYER?!
Griefer, running towards them: WH3R3?!
Cruel King: Found him

—----------

Player: If I were a millionaire I would buy millions of melons so I would be a melonaire.
Griefer:...H0w d0 y0u h4v3 fr13nds?
Player: Because I’m a melonaire.

—-----------

Player: What’s your favourite color?
Hatred: Creator will never love us.
Hatred: What was the question

—------------

Terry: Toss me my keys
Player: *throws printer*
Terry: I said, MY KEYS.
Player:..I thought you said printer!
Terry: WHY THE HECK WOULD I SAY PRINTER?!

—-----------

Player: It’s called fall because everything is falling: leaves, temperature, bank accounts, the will to live, etc.
Griefer:...4r3 y0u 0k4y?

—-----------

Builderman: Mysterious Figure, could you pass the salt?
Mysterious Figure: Builderman, could you pass away?
Player, to everyone else: This is normal.

—-----------

Emotions playing Scrabble:

Hatred: I will put my “A” down to make “A”.
Greed: I will add to your “A” to make “AT”.
Solitude: I will add to your “AT” to make “RAT”.
Fear: I will add to your “RAT” to make “BIOSTRATIGRAPHIC”.
Hatred: *Flips the board*

—-------------

Player: Is it okay to have kids after 35?
Hatred: I don’t think 35 kids are enough, don’t you?
Player:
Player: …Listen here you little sh-

—--------------

Hatred, through Player: Solitude, how do I get revenge on those who forsakened (Forsaken reference- Wait no wrong fandom) me?
Solitude: The best revenge is letting go and living well.
Hatred:
Hatred: Greed, how do I get-

—---------------
Kyoko: They say that owning a ladder is more dangerous than owning the SFOTH swords
Player: That’s why I own 10 SFOTH swords incase some fool tries to sneak in here with a ladder

—----------------

Kyoko: In your opinion, what’s the height of stupidity?
Griefer: H3y Pl4y3r, h0w 74ll 4r3 y0u?

—-------------------

Player: The purge but in reverse everything is illegal for 24 hours so we all just go to bed and be quiet for a bit

—--------------------

Player: *Comes out with really good plan* So, what do you think? Good idea right?
Kitchen Wizard: Whatever floats your titanic
Player: Wait didn’t the titanic sink
Terry: ya just like your IQ did when you came up with that idea

—--------------------

Player: *sneezes*
Ancients:
Player: You’re not even going to say ‘bless you’?
Ancients: We’re sitting here with you, you’ve clearly been blessed.

—-----------------

Player: Why are you so petty?
Finn McCool: I think you misspelled ‘pretty’.

—---------------

Griefer, knocking on Player’s door: Pl4y3r! W3 n33d 70 60! C0m3 0u7!
Player: I’m trans!
Griefer: N07 wh4t 1 m34n7 bu7 1 5upp0r7 y0u!

—--------------

Terry: *Traps a wasp under the cup*
Player: *walks over and and places two more cups down*
Terry: Player no-
Player: *starts shuffling the cups*

—--------------

Player: Hatred, would you love me if I was a worm?
Hatred: Of course
Hatred: And would you love me if I was a lizard?
Player, sweating nervously: um.. Well..

—---------------

Kitchen Wizard: If you don’t do as the king says you’ll be asked to leave the castle.
Banished Knight: Don’t threaten me with a good time.

—---------------

Player: Kitchen Wizard, do you love me?
Kitchen Wizard, sighing:..Of course I do.
Player: Would you still love me if I did something bad?
Kitchen Wizard: Well, Of course I.. Would..
Player: I mean something really, really-
Kitchen Wizard: Player what did you do

—--------------

Player: We need to distract the guards
Blue: Right
Red: What are we gonna do?
Player: I’m gonna break their elbows while you poke their eyes
Red:
Blue:
Red: Deal

—-----------------

Mysterious Figure: Look, let’s just agree to say ‘I’m sorry’ on the count of three. One.. Two.. Three..
Griefer:
Mysterious Figure:
Mysterious Figure: See, now I’m disappointed in the both of us.

—-----------------

Player: I can’t take this anymore, someone needs to take me out!
Kyoko: In a dating kind of way or assasination kind of way?
Player: I don’t know, surprise me!

—----------------

Shedletsky: That’s it! You’re grounded! Player, no adventures for you! Griefer, no fighting for you! Calypso! No stealing for you! And Hatred.. Oh my Telamon, is there anything that you love?
Hatred: Vengeance.
Shedletsky: No revenge for you!
Hatred: I was going to say ‘I’ll get you for this!’ but I guess that’s off the table

—------------------

Builderman: You better buckle down and do your work or you’ll end up at McDonald’s.
Shedletsky: I get to go to McDonald’s if I don’t do my work?
Builderman: I- No!

—------------------

Player’s inner thoughts spouting out: Vegetable oil is made from vegetables, Coconut oil is made from coconuts, so is baby oil-
Kyoko: Player, can we just have a normal dinner for once?

—--------------------

Noobador: They ask me how I manage my kids so easily.
Noobador: The secret is, I don’t. I have no control over my kids whatsoever.
Player: Earlier, Griefer went to his house and got shot in the throat by Red by a nerf gun.

—-------------------

Player: Why aren’t there adult playgrounds? Like everything’s the same except its bigger
Griefer: 7h3r3 4r3. 7h3m3 p4rk5.
Player: But you have to pay for those.
Griefer: 7h47’5 7h3 4dul7 p4r7.

—-------------------

Player: Whenever straight people assume I’m one of them I feel like a gay secret agent
Kyoko: Lesbionage
Griefer: B1 5py
Finn McCool: It’s an ace case
Cruel King: Secret Gaygent

—------------------

Player: Hatred, why is life so hard?
Hatred: Don’t worry Creator. I know this all seems unfair now
Hatred: But someday when you’re older and wiser, you'll be able to look back on all this..
Hatred: And get revenge.

—-----------------

Griefer: 6uys 1 7h1nk 1’m b1.
Kyoko: Bisexual? Bipolar?
Finn McCool: I know. A bitch.

—-----------------

Player: From now on, we’ll be using codenames. You will address me as ‘Eagle 1’.
Player: Kyoko. ‘Been there, Done that’.
Player: Calypso is ‘Currently doing that’.
Player: Griefer is ‘It happened once in a dream’.
Player: Finn McCool. Codename is ‘If I had to pick a dude’.
Player: Cruel King is ‘Eagle 2’.
Cruel King: Oh thank Telamon

—----------------

Player: I’m quick at math
Griefer: 0k4y, wh47’5 29 x 63?
Player: 37
Griefer:
Griefer: 7h47’5 n07 3v3n r3m073ly cl0s3.
Player: I said I was quick at math.

—-----------------

Player: You know you’re not actually my dad, right?
Cruel King: If you would stop acting like a child, I could stop having to act like your dad.

—---------------

Cruel King: Okay. I got a box. We’re going to put everything we love in this box.
Griefer: C4n 1 pu7 Pl4y3r 1n 7h3 b0x?
Cruel King: No.
Finn McCool: Can I put Player in the box?
Cruel King: No.
Hatred: Can I-
Cruel King: NO ONE IS PUTTING PLAYER IN THE BOX!

—---------------

Player: I’m grounded?
Mayor Thaniyel: Yes, you’re grounded!
Captain Trotter: You disobeyed an order!
Cruel King: And now, we’re gonna bury you until you’ve learned your lesson!
Mayor Thaniyel: Cruel that’s not how grounding works

—---------------

Shedletsky: If you took a shot every time you made a bad decision, how drunk would you be?
Kyoko: Maybe a bit tipsy
Finn McCool: Drunk.
Griefer: W4573d.
Player: Dead.

—-------------

Chapter Text

Player: Which one of y’all are gonna tell me tea tastes different if you put it in hot water?
Cruel King, spitting out tea: Y-You were putting it in COLD water?!
Griefer: Pl4y3r. 4n5w3r 7h3 qu35710n Pl4y3r.
Player: Yeah?? I thought for like 5 years people put it in hot water to speed up the ✨tea-ification✨process
Player: Didn’t realize there was an actual reason
Griefer: y0u d0n7 h4v3 7h3 p4713nc3 to b01l w473r f0r 5 m1nu735??
Calypso: Why are you
Calypso: Putting it in the MICROWAVE
Calypso: TO BOIL IT??
Griefer: D0 y0u 7h1nk 1 h4v3 7h3 p4713nc3 70 b01l w473r 0n 4 570v3?
Calypso: IT TAKES LESS THAN A MINUTE!
Griefer: B35713 15 Y0UR 570V370P P0W3R3D BY 7H3 ####1N6 5UN
Calypso: HOW LONG DOES IT TAKE YOU TO BOIL A CUP OF WATER ON THE STOVE
Griefer: L1K3 53V3N M1NU73S
Finn McCool (now where the #### did bro come from): Just stick the mug on top of the stove..
Finn McCool: On medium heat.. N it boils in like TWO MINUTES
Finn McCool: Less than that and you use a saucepan..
Griefer: CRY1N6 Y0U’R3 PU771N6 7H3 WH0L3 MU6 0N 7H3 570V3? 0N M3D1UM H347? Y0ur 570v3 15 3nch4n73d..
Terry: Every single person on this post is a ####ing lunatic
Cruel King: DO NONE OF YOU OWN A ####ING KETTLE

Chapter Text

Cruel King, on the phone: Player, where are you?
Player: I got lost.
Cruel King: Yes, I know, but can you please tell me the street name?
Player: There’s a cloud that looks like a lion
Cruel King: Could you be more specific?
Player: Simba

—--------------

Griefer: *SLAMS DOOR OPEN*
Griefer: PR3P4R3 Y0URS3LF PL4Y3R, 17 15 MY D3571NY 70 74K3 Y0U 0U7!
Player, unsheathing their sword: I WAS BORN READY!
Kyoko, passing by the door: He means on a date
Player: Oh. Well, then I’m still ready.

—------------

Player: I really love cats because they’re all cute and grumpy and aloof and you really have to work for their affection.
Fear: ..Kind of like Hatred?
Player:
Player: Yes.
Fear: Oh Telamon

—-----------

Hatred: I AM YOUR MASTER, AND YOU SHALL REFER TO ME AS SUCH.
Player: Okay, Such.

—------------

(Hatred, lying on the floor)

Greed, wearing a funny hat: Hey Hatred, do you like my new-
Hatred: No.
Greed: Do you like my new-
Hatred: No.
Greed: Do you like my-
Hatred: No.
Greed: YOU’RE NOT EVEN LOOKING!

—---------------

Player: I have just the weirdest thought..
Griefer: 0k4y..?
Player: If you are a security guard at Samsung, does that make you the guardian of the galaxies?
Griefer: 0h my 73l4m0n..
*Player and Griefer contemplates life in the corner*

—---------------

Calypso: Player! Careful! The floor is lava!
Player: *Lays down on the floor*

—---------------

Terry: Our can opener is broken.
Player: So does that make it a CAN’T opener?
(Groans are heard from all over the room)

—--------------

Hatred, through Player: Whoever took my bloxy cola, come forth and all will be forgiven..
Everybody in the room:
Hatred: Smart. You know I would never forgive you.

—---------------

Griefer, teaching Red and Blue: 0k4y, s0 wh47’5 7h3 f1r57 rul3?
Blue: Don’t wake up Terry before 12 if you want to live!
Griefer: 4nd 53c0nd rul3?
Red: If Cruel King says no, go to Player!
Cruel King, from a distance: WHAT ARE YOU TEACHING THEM?!

—---------------

Hatred: When people smile, I die.
Hatred: When people die, I smile.
Hatred:
Hatred: Oh

—----------------

Player: I’m so tired I could eat a horse
Griefer: 1 1d3n71fy 45 4 h0r53 4nd 7h1s 0ff3nd5 m3.
Finn McCool: I identify as offends and this horses me
Noobador: I offend horses identify me
Calypso: I think the main question here is why you would eat a horse when you are tired

—-----------------

Player: Time for Plan P.
Cruel King: Don’t you mean Plan B
Player: No, we did Plan B a long time ago. I skipped over Plan C due to technical difficulties.
Kyoko: What about Plan D?
Player: Plan D was that desperate disguise attempt half an hour ago.
Griefer: Wh47 4b0u7 Pl4n H?
Player: I’m hoping not to use that. Fear dies in Plan H
Hatred: I like Plan H

—------------------

Hatred: How about a new family Christmas idea? Instead of kissing under the mistletoe you have to beat them in a fist fight
Fear: HATRED NO
Greed:
Greed: Mistlefoe
Fear: STOP ENCOURAGING THIS

—------------------

Player: So we’re training again right?
Cruel King: *yawns*
Cruel King: So today we’re gonna learn how to *yawns*
Cruel King:
Cruel King: You know what, screw it. Chop at the ice statues, do whatever I don’t care I’m going to bed

—-----------------

Griefer: C0m3 0n 1 w45n’7 7h47 drunk l45t n16h7.
Kyoko: You were flirting with Player.
Griefer: 50 wh47? 7h3y’r3 my p4rtn3r.
Kyoko: You asked them if they were single.
Griefer:
Kyoko: And then you cried when they said they weren’t.

—-----------------

Player: Me and Griefer are no longer friends.
Griefer: Pl4y3r 7h47’5 4 h0rr1bl3 w4y 0f 73ll1n6 p30pl3 w3’r3 d471n6.

—-----------------

Player: If you put ‘violently’ in front of anything to describe your action it becomes funnier
Cruel King: Violently practices
Kyoko: Violently studies
Terry: Violently sleeps
Jerry: Violently shoots pictures
Griefer: V10l3n7ly b0x35
Hatred: Violently murders people
Player: Violently worries about that previous statement

—-----------------

Player: Change is inedible
Calypso: Don’t you mean ‘inevitible’?
Player: *spits out pennies* I do not.

—---------------

Jerry: Here ya go Terry, a nice hot cup of coffee!
Terry:..It’s cold
Jerry: Well, a nice cup of coffee!
Terry: Its horrible
Jerry: A cup of coffee
Terry: I not sure if this IS coffee
Jerry: C U P

—----------------

Player: Gentle reminder not to eat too much candy before bed!
Red: No
Hatred, through Player: This was supposed to be a gentle reminder, yet your words of defiance bring me ungodly amounts of rage.

—----------------

Griefer: HYDR473 OR D13-DR473!
Kyoko: *aggressively throws water bottles*
Cruel King:...What’s up with them?
Player: They are trying to yell wellbeing and mental health onto me
Kyoko: WE APPRECIATE YOU
Player, crying: And it’s working
—------------------

Player: Words that end with ‘ie’ sound adorable! Like cutie, sweetie, cookie-
Kyoko: Eyy! Homie!
Griefer: Wh47 4b0u7 c00713..
Hatred: Y’all are forgetting die

—-----------------

Griefer: C4n 1 h4v3 7h47 d0nu7?
Hatred: NO. THAT IS MINE, I LICKED IT.
Griefer: 7h3n c4n 1 h4v3 7h47 1c3 cr34m?
Hatred, quickly licks ice cream: NO. I LICKED IT TOO, SO IT IS MINE.
Griefer, looking at Player: 1 b3t y0u l1ck3d 7h3m t00.
Player: *sweats*

—--------------

Player: You’re smiling, did something good happen?
Hatred, in their Builderman form and smiling widely: Can’t I smile just because I felt like it?
Greed: Fear just tripped and fell down the stairs.

—-------------

Player: Do you know a nooblet’s greatest weakness?
Shedletsky: No..?
Player: The weakness is that they can’t roll over when they’re on their backs!
Player: Now, I have a plan!
Player: If I duct tape two nooblets together, they’ll be unstoppable.
Shedletsky: …

—-------------

Hatred: I FORGET, BUT I DON’T FORGIVE.
Fear: How does that work?
Hatred: I’M WANDERING AROUND HATING PEOPLE, NOT REMEMBERING WHY.
Greed: You’re insane.
Hatred: LISTEN, PLAYER PROBABLY HAD A GOOD REASON FOR HATING THEM, I JUST GOTTA TRUST THEM, EVEN IF I CAN’T REMEMBER THE SPECIFICS.
Solitude: Can’t argue with that logic.

—--------------

Player: I made a friendship bracelet for you.
Hatred: WHAT IS THIS SYMBOL OF FRIENDSHIP?
Player: You don’t have to wear-
Hatred: NO. I’M WEARING IT FOREVER NOW, BACK OFF.

—---------------

Shedletsky: Nothing in life is free.
Kyoko: Life is free.
Griefer: Kn0wl3dg3 15 fr33.
Terry: Sleep is free.
Player: Adventure is free.
Calypso: Air is free.
Greed: Everything is free if you take it without asking.

—-------------

Shedletsky: Rules are meant to be followed. Nothing in life is made to be broken.
Griefer: Uh, p1n4745.
Kyoko: Glow sticks.
Player: Karate boards.
Finn McCool: Spaghetti, if you have a small pot.
Griefer: Rul35.

—------------

Hatred: WAKE UP CREATOR, I JUST MURDERED YOUR ENTIRE FAMILY.
Player: Wait. I live alone.
Hatred: WELL, I MURDERED EVERYONE WHO WAS IN YOUR HOUSE.
Player: There were PEOPLE in my house?!
Hatred: YOU COULD HAVE DIED, YOU’RE WELCOME.

—------------

Finn McCool: If you get in trouble, I’m gonna be like… a lawyer to you, okay?
Player: Okay.
*Later*
Cruel King: Player! Sit down on that chair, you’re in trouble!
Finn McCool, whispering: Okay, deny everything.
Player, loudly: THIS ISN’T A CHAIR!

—---------------

Player: Just so you know, it’s very muggy outside
Terry: Player, I swear, if I step outside and all our mugs are on the front lawn..
Player:

—------------

Builderman/Hatred: *Is unconscious*
Player: He isn’t breathing!
Builderman/Hatred: *opens eyes*
Player, unaware: I’ll have to give him mouth-to-mouth!
Builderman/Hatred: *Closes eyes, pretending to be unconscious*

—----------

Griefer: 50rry 1 w45 l473. 1 w45 d01n6 57uff.
Player: I’m stuff.

—-----------

Hatred, in its Builderman form: You’re just jealous Player would throw themself in front of a car to protect me and not you.
Griefer: Pl4y3r w0uld 7hr0w 7h3ms3lf 1n fr0n7 0f 4 c4r f0r fun!

—-----------

Player: I’ve done a lot of dumb stuff.
Calypso: I’ve witnessed the dumb stuff.
Finn McCool: I recorded the dumb stuff.
Griefer: 1 j01n3d y0u 1n 7h3 dumb 57uff.
Cruel King: I’VE TRIED TO STOP YOU IDIOTS FROM DOING THE DUMB STUFF!

—------------

Hatred: WHAT’S YOUR TYPE
Player: Anything honestly, but nerds especially
Hatred as Player bleeds out: YOUR BLOOD TYPE
Player: Oh. B Positive
Hatred: DON’T TRY TO CHEER ME UP CREATOR JUST TELL ME YOUR BLOOD TYPE
Player:

—--------------

Kyoko: I can’t believe you’re working again, Player. Why aren’t you in bed?
Player, with 67880989 infected stab wounds, burn markings, poison, frozen blood: I feel fine.
Griefer: 7h47’5 wh47 w3’r3 wr171n6 0n 7h31r 6r4v3570n3. ‘7h3y f3l7 f1n3’.

—-------------

*Everyone giving advice to Player*
Kyoko: Your feelings matter.
Griefer: Y0u’r3 n07 4 burd3n.
Hatred: MURDER IS OKAY.
Cruel King: It’s good to ask for help.

—--------------

Hatred: I HAVE ISSUES.
Fear: Finally, you admit it! The first step to redemption is to accept-
Hatred: WITH YOU.

—--------------

Griefer: 1 h4v3 4 h34d4ch3 7h47 c0m35 4nd 6035.
Player: *Enters the room*
Griefer: 0h. H3r3 17 c0m35 n0w.

—--------------

Player: Gotta be positive!
Player: *falls down the stairs*
Player: Wow, I got down the stairs so quick!

—--------------

Player: I am the most responsible person in this group.
Kitchen Wizard: You just set my kitchen on fire.
Player: I know, and I take full responsibility for that.

—--------------

Player: There are 5 kids and 3 chairs. What do you do?
Kyoko: Get 2 more chairs
Cruel King: Cut 2 chairs in half to make 5 chairs
Griefer: M4k3 7h3m 4ll 574nd.
Hatred: KILL 2 KIDS.

—--------------

Player: You’re blocking the view.
Finn McCool: I am the view.

—----------------

Captain Trotter: You seem a decent fellow. I hate to kill you.
Player: You seem a decent fellow. I hate to die.

—----------------

Griefer: 1 45k3d 73l4m0n 70 r3m0v3 4ll 7h3 70x1c p30pl3 1n my l1f3 4nd 1 4lm057 d13d.

—---------------

Chapter Text

Player: I think I just made a kid cry.
Kyoko: What? How?
Player: So I was walking and this kid came up to me and I asked why I was so damn ugly so I told her I was her in the future and she cried for like 30 minutes
Kyoko:
Kyoko: What

—-----------------

Player: I have 99 problems
Player: But when I’m with you, Hatred
Player: I have 100 problems
Player: Plus you’re the cause of my other 99 problems
Hatred:

—----------------

Calypso: Player, it’s called ‘Cauliflower’, not ‘ghost broccoli’.
Player: I know what I saw

—-----------------

Shedletsky: So.. what did you guys get in your yearbook?
Calypso: Nicest smile
Kyoko: Best personality
Griefer: M057 l1k3ly 70 574r7 4 b4r f16h7
Player: Least likely to start a bar fight but most likely to win one

—--------------------

Player: I’m still trying to figure out why you’re going out with me.
Kyoko: Because you’re kind and funny.
Player: Griefer says I’m loud and annoying, so one of you must be lying.

—---------------------

Terry: I’m sending good vibes your way. They’re coming. There’s nothing you can do to stop them from catching up to you.
Player:...That’s the most threatening way I’ve ever been cheered up.

—--------------------

Calypso: What are you, five?
Player: Yeah, five heads taller than you
Calypso:
Player:
Calypso:
Player: Please don’t kill me

—-------------------

Builderman/Hatred: How the hell did you crash the car?!
Player: So I was driving today, right? Then my navigator told me to go straight.
Player: Then I was like ‘dang that’s homophobic’. So instead, I went gay. And THAT’S how I got into a car accident.
Anger: …
Builderman/Hatred: *proud fond smile* And THAT’S the person I’m in love with Ladies and Gentlemen and Enby pals

—---------------------

Banished Knight: Are you trying to make me look stupid in front of the king?
Player: You don’t need any help from me.

—---------------------

Player: My criminal record? The only illegal thing I’ve ever done is killing it on the dance floor!
Player: Ha! Just kidding. I killed a man once

—---------------------

Cruel King: What’s up with Hatred? It’s been laying on the floor for like.. an hour now?
Kyoko: They’re just a little overwhelmed.
Cruel King: Why?
Kyoko: Player smiled at them.

—-----------------

Player: Sorry I’ve been so inactive I was at the circus
Purple: You mean, at home?
Hatred through Player: In the future, you will stand at the grave of a god, which I have dug, weeping and I will be the only creature you will be able to answer to. You will beg for death but due to what you have said today, I will deprive you of that luxury.

—------------------

The Block Tales gang, playing Two Truths One Lie:
Player: Okay, I had a dog when I was younger, my eyes are blue, and once a building fell and almost crushed me
Cruel King: That’s easy-
Kyoko: Their eyes are red
Cruel King:
Cruel King: A building almost WHAT

—--------------------

Shedletsky: Okay, if you found out you only had one day left to live, what would you do?
Kyoko: Say goodbye to those I love
Griefer: 50m37h1n6 1ll364l
Calypso: Accept my fate
Player: I would message ten people on facebook, saying if they didn’t forward this message to ten other people, I would die tomorrow.
Shedletsky: Oh my Telamon
Griefer: Br1ll14n7. C4n 1 ch4n63 my 4n5w3r?

—----------------------

Player: Calypso it’s so beautiful outside let’s go
Calypso: Player we can’t, there’s the Zika virus
Player: Zika?
Calypso: It’s this dangerous disease that spreads through mosquitoes
Player: Oh no, that’s so sad :{
Calypso: Yeah pretty sad
Player: The mosquitoes are getting sick D:
Calypso: Player that’s not-
Player: *opens sliding door* Come in mosquitoes we can fix you
Calypso:

—------------------------

Griefer: D1d y0u g37 my n0t3?
Player: Of course I did, you taped it to my face when I was sleeping.

—---------------

Cruel King: What is that creature you brought with you and why is it running around destroying my ice statues and wrecking havoc in my castle?
Player: Oh that’s just Griefer, he usually doesn’t bite.
Cruel King:
Player: Oh you mean Hatred?

—---------------

Kidnapper, holding Player hostage: Give us $10,000 and we’ll give them back.
Player, offended: You think I’m worth $10,00?!
Kidnapper: What?
Player, grabbing microphone: Gimme that.
Player: Make it ONE BILLION TIX!
Griefer: PL4Y3R 5HU7 UP!!

—--------------

Griefer: As you know Dad, I have been dating Player for some time and-
Mayor Thaniyel: Ah, I see, you want permission to-
Griefer: Um.. no, I mean I’m planning on proposing but I came here to ask, ‘How do I ask Cruel King for permission without him killing me?’

—--------------

Player: So what is love?
Mysterious Figure: Love is the 7th sense that destroys all the other 6 senses and makes the person non-sense
Player: I sometimes wonder why I love you

—-------------

Player: *Passes out during a mission*
Calypso: Oh no! Someone do something!
Kyoko: On it.
Kyoko: *Lies down next to Player*
Griefer: *Lies down next to Kyoko*
Finn McCool: *Lies down next to Griefer*
Hatred: *Lies down ON Player*
Calypso: What are you guys doing? Get up!
Kyoko: Shh.. It’s nap time

—-------------

(Them seeing a SALE SALE sign)
Player: Sa Sa Le Le? What is that?
Griefer: 17’5 54l3 54l3 1d1o7.
Finn McCool: Obviously it’s sale sale.
Finn McCool (thinking): Oh god I thought it was sa sa le le
Calypso: 50% + 50% = 100% free.. Haha..

—-----------

(More Sale sale sign shenanigans)
Shedletsky: So is that Sa Sa Le Le?
Hatred/Builderman: *Slaps Shedletsky* It’s sale sale idiot

Player: Sa Sa Le Le
Hatred/Builderman: Yes yes! It’s sa sa le le! ^^

—-----------

 

[Into the Roblox-Verse]
Player (Block Tales): Who are you?
1x1x1x1 (Forsaken): I’m 1x1x1x1, I’m from another universe!
007n7 (Termination Protocol): Wait, how many of us are there?
Artful (Die of Death): Hey.
C00lkidd (The Robloxia: Until Dawn): Hello!
007n7 (Termination Protocol): This cannot get weirder.
Sebastian (Pressure): It CAN get weirder!

—------------

Calypso, teaching the gang about the difference between poisonous and venomous: If you bite it and you die, it’s poisonous. If it bites you and you die, it’s venomous.
Player: What if I bite it and it dies?
Kyoko: That means you’re poisonous.
Griefer: Wh47 1f 17 b1735 1753lf 4nd 17 d135?
Cruel King: That’s correlation, not causation.
Player: What if we bite each other and neither of us die?
Finn McCool: That’s kinky
Calypso: Oh my Telamon

—--------------

Player: I’m suing McDonalds.
Calypso: What? Why? They have so much more power their lawyers can crush you in court
Player: That’s true but there’s no way the judge can ignore this… It’s one of the biggest fraud cases ever.
Calypso: What are you suing them for?
Player: I had a happy meal
Calypso: …And?
Player: I’M STILL SAD
Calypso: This has gotta be the dumbest thing I have ever heard, and that’s a big thing because I know Finn McCool and Griefer.

—--------------------

Mayor Thaniyel: My kid doesn’t understand what a cool dad he has. I’m like a ninja, you can never see me coming.
Griefer: Y0u’r3 n07 4 n1nj4, d4d.
Mayor Thaniyel: Oh yeah? Then watch me do this!
Griefer: D0 wh47?
Mayor Thaniyel (smirks): Exactly

—----------------

Hatred/Builderman: *holds the door open for Player*
Player: *purposefully goes through another door*

—---------------

Griefer: D4d 1’m g4y.
Mayor Thaniyel:
Cruel King: Thaniyel no..
Player:
Finn McCool:
Calypso:
Captain Trotter:
Kyoko:
Red and Blue:
Noobador:
Purple and Green:
Dreamworld:
Greed:
Solitude:
Fear:
Hatred:
Ancients:
Pirates:
Shedletsky:
Kitchen Wizard:
Telamon:
1x1x1x1:
Roblox:
Fandom:
Universe:
Mayor Thaniyel: *clenches fists*
Player: Mayor no
Mayor Thaniyel:
Player:
Mayor Thaniyel: HI GAY, I’M DAD
Griefer: T3l4m0n d4mn17 17 d4d

—---------------

Telamon: That’s it. You’re grounded. I’m grounding you right now.
Hatred/Builderman: What?
Telamon: No T.V.
Hatred/Builderman: I don’t watch T.V.
Telamon: No.. umm.. Those rectangular glowing screens kids use nowadays.
Hatred/Builderman: Screens? I don’t own those
Telamon: Um.. well.. Well..
[Looks at Player]
Telamon: No Player then!
Hatred/Builderman: No Player?
Telamon: NO PLAYER!

—----------------

Kidnapper: I have your child.
Shedletsky: Which one?
Kidnapper: Um.. the quiet one?
Shedletsky: Then you don’t have any of my children then.

—--------------

Hatred: I COULD KILL YOU IF I WANTED TO.
Player: Yeah? So could another human being.
Hatred: YOU DARE-
Player: So could a dog.
Hatred:
Player: Or a really dedicated duck.
Player: You aren’t special, Hatred.

—-------------

Griefer: L37’5 g37 0n3 7h1n6 57r416h7.
Player: What?
Griefer: 1’m n07.

—-----------

Player: Um, Cruel King?
Cruel King: Yes, my child?
Player: How long can someone breathe in a washing machine when it’s running?
Cruel King: Now why would you ask that question?
Player:
Cruel King:
Player:
Cruel King: WHERE’S GRIEFER

—-------------

Mysterious Figure teaching Player how to drive: If you see Builderman on the road, what do you hit?
Player: Oh, easy! The brakes!
Mysterious Figure: No! Hit Builderman! Always hit Builderman!

—-------------

Shedletsky: So who’s absent?
Hatred, through Player: YOUR BRAIN SURE IS.
Everyone: ooOOOOHHH

—-------------

The Block Tales gang, playing never have I ever:
Player: Okay. So.. Put a finger down if you’ve ever liked me. Romantically.
Griefer:
Noobador:
Calypso:
Kyoko:
Finn McCool:
Cruel King:
Hatred/Builderman:
Jim:
Conductor from Demo 3:
Cashier from that one fanfic I wrote:
Mysterious Figure:
The entire fandom:
Everyone: *puts a finger down*

—---------------

Shedletsky: Imagine if someone handed a box full of all the items you lost throughout your lifetime.
Kyoko: It would be nice to get my sense of purpose back.
Griefer: My ch1ldh00d 1nn0c3nc3! 7h4nk y0u f0r f1nd1n6 7h15.
Player: My will to live! I haven’t seen this in 18 years.
Finn McCool: I knew I lost that potential somewhere!
Cruel King: Mental stability my old friend!
Shedletsky: Guys, could you lighten up a little?

—-------------

Cruel King: Do you wanna know how I actually hurt my wrist?
Player: Yes!
Cruel King: I was hula-hooping
Player: *whispering* oh my god
Cruel King: I have mastered all the moves, the pizza toss, the tornado, the scorpion, the oopsie-doodle
Player: *filled with joy* Why are you telling me this?!
Cruel King: Because no one will ever believe you.

—------------

Hatred/Builderman: I WILL CONSUME YOUR HEART, AND USE YOU AS A VESSEL TO WRECK HAVOC ON THIS PATHETIC EXCUSE OF A WORLD, AND DESTROY EVERYTHING YOU LOVE.
Player:
Player: I came out to have a good time and I honestly feel so attacked right now.

—------------

Player: I’m kinda cold..
Hatred/Builderman: *wraps around Player*
Fear: I’m freezing.
Hatred/Builderman: Well, damn, Fear, I can’t control the weather.
Fear:

—---------------

Mysterious Figure when Builderman/David begs for mercy: I searched everywhere.
Builderman: What?
Mysterious Figure: I looked through hundreds of files.
Mysterious Figure: Searched through my text messages.
Mysterious Figure: Even searched through my wardrobe.
Mysterious Figure: But I still couldn’t find where I asked for your opinion.
Builderman:

—-----------------

Telamon: I love my mortals, they’re too good for this world, I’m so proud of them.
Player: *Destroys half the HQ*
Griefer and Finn McCool: *screaming at each other*
Captain Trotter and Calypso: *stealing valuable treasures from the HQ vault-uhhh who said that*
Cruel King: *Turns most of the staff into ice statues*
Kyoko: *Isn’t even here*
Hatred/Builderman: *Plotting to kill everyone and everything*
Noobador: *Eats instead of helping*
Telamon: My beautiful mortals.

—---------------

(Post-Block Tales)

Griefer: PL4Y3R W4K3 UP
Player:
Griefer: My573r10u5 F16ur3 15 b4ck
Player:
Griefer: 7h3 4nc13n75 4r3 b4ck!
Player:
Griefer: 0h my 73l4m0n ju57 w4k3 up
Player:
Griefer: 1’M 601N6 70 347 4LL 7H3 0N10N R1N65.
Player: NOOOO

—------------------

Hatred, through Player: I WILL DESTROY YOU ALL, AND THIS WORLD SHALL BOW TO HATRED, PLAYER IS GONE, AND ALL THAT IS LEFT IS HATRED!
Kyoko: Player
Kyoko: Have a snickers
Kyoko: You’re not you when you’re hungry
Kyoko: Better?
Player: Better.

—------------------

Player: Cruel King are you homophobic
Cruel King: I am gay
Griefer (whispering): H3’5 d0d61n6 7h3 qu35710n.

—------------------

Player: How do you tell your dad it’s just memes and you’re fine as you can be
Griefer: 73ll h1m d347h 15 7h3 n3w m37h.
Player:

—---------------

Captain Trotter: Died and came back as a cowboy, I’m calling that reintarnation XD

—--------------

Finn McCool: The moon landing was faked!
Player: Pfft, you believe in the moon?

—--------------

Player: Am I the only one that finds it weird that I can transfer data from my brain to someone else’s by opening my mouth and pushing air with vibrations in their direction
Calypso: How high are you
Player: 5”4

—--------------

Dentist: Open up
Player: So it all started when..
Dentist: Wait I don’t mean-
Griefer: 5hh l37 7h3m f1n15h.

—---------------

Telamon: If Player jumped off a cliff would you?
Builderman/Hatred: (Thinking about it)
Telamon: HATRED!
Builderman/Hatred: What? I wasn’t thinking about it!
Telamon: But if Player jumped off a cliff would you?
Builderman/Hatred: (Thinking about it)
Telamon: HATRED! DON’T JUMP OFF A CLIFF!

—----------------

Chapter Text

Player: Hatred, do you miss me?
Hatred: *wagging tail* miss u! Miss u! ^^
Builderman: Hatred, do you miss me too?
Hatred: Bitch! Bitch!

—-------------

Finn McCool: I was arrested for being too cool.
Player: The charges were dropped due to lack of supporting evidence.

—--------------

Cruel King: If you put Player and Mysterious Figure in a room, who would come crying first?
Kyoko: The room.

—-------------

Kyoko: Turn that frown upside down!
Player: *Does a handstand*
Kyoko: Player, what are you doing?
Player: You said to turn that frown upside down, but I don’t think it’s working.

—-------------

Player: That’s ridiculous. Griefer doesn’t have a crush on me.
Kyoko: Yes he does.
Cruel King: Yes he does.
Griefer: Y3s 1 d0.

—----------

Griefer: *s16h5* W0w, Pl4y3r’5 s0 h07.
Kyoko: Griefer, you don’t have to be jealous.
Griefer: 1’m n07 b31n6 j34l0u5, 1’m b31n6 g4y.
—-----------

Cruel King: Oh! Oh! We’re like a found family or something! So I’m the dad, Mayor Thaniyel’s the mom-
Mayor Thaniyel: Why am I the mom? What gender roles are we pushing here?
Player: I’m the deadbeat child.
Kyoko: I’m the daughter!
Cruel King: And Griefer’s the woke dog-
Griefer: Wh47.
Hatred/Builderman: And I’m the sassy aunt.
Hatred/Builderman: That talks #### about people.

—----------

Griefer: Wh47 4r3 y0u?
Player: Gay and struggling thanks

—---------

Player: Don’t go into the living room!
Terry: Why?
Player: I saw a spider.
Terry: ..And did you kill it?
Player: I have 2 arms and it has 8, it’s not a fair fight.

—----------

Fear: Player, what do you think of Hatred?
Player: You know those stone fish that look kind of like a rock, yet can shoot poison that can kill an entire football team in half a second?
Fear: Um, yeah?
Player: It kinda reminds me of those.

—----------

Kyoko: What should I get Griefer for his birthday?
Player: Medication

—--------

Kyoko: I really love this good cop/bad cop thing you guys got going on!
Noobador: It’s not really a thing. It’s just that Player is nice and I’m not

—-------
Red: Okay, Uncle Noobador, play the role of our mother!
Noobador: I don’t want to be your mother.
Blue: Perfect you already know the lines

—---------

Player: I wish I could block people in real life
Griefer: R357r41n16 0rd3r.
Hatred: Murder.

—--------

Player: Can I be frank with you guys?
Kyoko: Sure, but I don’t see how changing your name is gonna help.
Calypso: Can I still be Calypso?
Griefer: 5hh, l37 Fr4nk 5p34k.

—-------

Kyoko: Are you alright?
Player: I’m going to start charging people money for asking me that.

—------

Cruel King: I’ve left instructions for everyone while I’m gone.
Kitchen Wizard: This only says ‘Player, No.’
Cruel King: Apply that to every possible situation.

—-----

Player: Calypso, how did you find me?
Calypso: I just saw a huge explosion and thought ‘Gee, who could that be’?

—-------

Cruel King: So how is the most beautiful person in the world doing?
Mayor Thaniyel: *blushes*
Hatred/Builderman (From the other room): PLAYER IS DOING VERY FINE, THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

—--------

Calypso: Player can you pass me the salt?
Player: Huh? The what?
Calypso: The salt.
Player: HUH?
Calypso: *long suffering sigh* The ocean cocaine.
Player: Oh yeah sure

—----------

Hatred/Builderman: I’m going to go out, meet some people, and crush their hearts one by one.
Player: Not literally, right?
Hatred/Builderman:
Player: NOT LITERALLY, RIGHT?

 

—---------

Player: Not to worry! I have a permit.
Jim: ..It just says ‘I can do whatever I want’.

—--------

Kyoko: I’m immune to mean and hurtful things because Player says nice things to me every day and their love protects me.
Hatred/Builderman: I’m immune to mean and hurtful things because I am mean and hurtful myself.
Fear: I’m immune to mean and hurtful things because Hatred always says mean things to me so I’m prepared.

—--------

Player: I’m so happy my two favourite people are getting along.
Kyoko: Um, Hatred and Griefer are not getting along.
Player: At least they’re not killing each other.
Kyoko: Good point.

—----------

Cruel King: Player, you think every round fruit is an apple.
Player: No I don’t!
Cruel King (Holds up cherries): What are these?
Player: Tiny apples.
Cruel King (Points to a pumpkin): And what are these?
Player: Halloween apples.

—---------

Hatred: WHAT COMES UP BUT NEVER COMES DOWN?
Fear: The amount of stress you’re bringing in the dreamworld.

—------------

Player: I’m not lying on the floor physically but I am lying on the floor spiritually.

—-------------

Player: I’ve fallen for you!
Hatred/Builderman: THEN GET UP.

—--------------

Cruel King: ..Where’s Mysterious Figure?
Kyoko: Doing stuff.
Cruel King: I don’t like the sound of that. Where’s Player?
Kyoko: Trying to stop Mysterious Figure. From doing the stuff.
Cruel King: And Griefer?
Kyoko: Trying to stop Player from stopping Mysterious Figure. From doing the stuff.
Cruel King: ..And what about you?
Kyoko: I’m supposed to stop you from stopping Griefer from stopping Player from stopping Mysterious Figure. From doing the stuff.

—--------------

Player: What is it called when you kill a friend?
Calypso: Murder
Player: HOMIEcide
Calypso: Listen here you little

—------------

Player: Why are you covered in blood?
Hatred/Builderman:..It’s not my blood.
Player:..Is that supposed to make me feel better?
Hatred/Builderman: Of course.

—------------

*Everyone standing around the coffee machine*
Hatred/Builderman: SO.. WHO BROKE IT?
(Silence)
Hatred/Builderman: I’M NOT MAD, I JUST WANNA KNOW. (Seething with rage)
Player (looks left and right, then sighs): I did. I-
Hatred/Builderman: NO. NO YOU DIDN’T.
Hatred/Builderman: GRIEFER?
Griefer: D0n’7 l00k 47 m3. L00k 4t F1nn.
Finn McCool: What? I didn’t break it.
Griefer: 7h47’5 w31rd. H0w’d y0u 3v3n kn0w 17 w45 br0k3n?
Finn McCool: Because it’s sitting right in front of us, and it’s broken!
Griefer: Hmm. 5u5p15c10u5.
Finn McCool: No! No it’s not!
Cruel King: If it matters, probably not, but Calypso was the last one to use it.
Calypso: I use the wooden stirrers to push back my cuticles. EVERYONE KNOWS THAT, CRUEL KING!
Player: Alright! Let’s not fight, I broke it, I’ll pay for it-
Hatred/Builderman: NO! WHO BROKE IT?!
(Silence for 0.5 seconds)
Kitchen Wizard: Shedletsky’s been really quiet recently..
Shedletsky: rEALLY? OH MY GOD-
Hatred/Builderman (whispering): I broke it. It burned my hand so I punched a hole in it.
Hatred/Builderman: I predict 10 minutes from now they’ll have the SFOTH swords at each others’ throats and a nooblet head on a stick.
Hatred/Builderman: Good. It was getting a little chummy around here.

—----------------

Player: Truth or Dare?
Griefer: 7ru7h.
Player: I dare you to come over and kiss me!
Griefer (stands up): 4lr16h7.
Kyoko: Wait, he didn’t even say dare?

—-----------

Hatred: INSTEAD OF IF YOU’RE HAPPY AND YOU KNOW IT CLAP YOUR HANDS, IT SHOULD BE IF YOU’RE ANGRY AND YOU KNOW IT SMASH SOME HEADS.
Fear: Hatred no

—---------

Cashier: Can a Mx. Player come over to the front desk?
Player: *comes over* Hello, is there a problem?
Cashier: *points to Griefer and Hatred* I believe these two belong to you?
Griefer: W3 g07 l057.
Hatred: *nods*
Player: I didn’t even bring you guys with me and this is literally a convenience store how the hell did you two get lost

—-------------------

Terry: My favourite outdoor activity is going back inside.
Player: Aw come on, there’s people, and the sun-
Terry: My two least favourite things, not counting you.
Player (whispering): See how much he cares about me?

—-----------------

Player: A mosquito flew into my ear. I think it’s eating my brain.
Calypso: Then it’ll starve.

—-------------

Cashier at the front desk: Can a Mx. Player come over, please?
Player, walks over: What’s the problem?
Cashier: Nothing. I just wanted to ask you out, but I couldn’t find you.
Player: This is a convenience store.

—-----------

Kyoko, texting Player: WHERE ARE YOU AND GRIEFER THE MOVIES STARTING
Player, sending one word at a time: WE
Player: ARE
Player: FUCKING
Player: GETTING POPCORN (Message could not be delivered)
Player: IN THE HALLWAY
Kyoko: OH MY TELAMON

—------------

Cruel King, looking at Player and Griefer: Some of y’all are the reason why shampoo has instructions

—------------

Griefer: 1f 1 s41d 1 l0v3 y0u w0uld y0u s4y 17 b4ck?
Player: Of course!
Griefer: 1 l0v3 y0u
Player: It back
Griefer:
Griefer: L15t3n h3r3 y0u l177l3 sh1-

—-------------

Player, teaching Cruel King how phones work: So that’s the typing thing..
Cruel King: WTF!
Player: Cruel King what do you think ‘WTF’ meant..
Cruel King: Well that’s fantastic

—-----------

Player: Guys we should dig a hole in the park and name it ‘love’.
Griefer: Wh47? Why?
Player: So we can watch people fall in love
Hatred/Builderman: Everyone this is who I’m in love with

—----------

Red: Mom stop you are not funny
Blue: You never make jokes
Purple: I made you both.

—---------

Pirate: SON OF A B-
Player: I’m non-binary.
Pirate: YOU CHILD OF A B-

—---------

Hatred, through Player: THEY SHOULD MAKE IT LEGAL FOR US TO TRIP KIDS AS THEY RUN AROUND RESTAURANTS.
Kyoko: Wait, it’s not illegal. You’ll just get kids hurt.
Hatred: WELL, TIME TO TRIP SOME KIDS.

—-----------

Hatred/Builderman: *In the grocery store with Player*
Hatred/Builderman: *Sees child crying*
Hatred/Builderman: Hey little guy
Player: Awww he cares
Hatred/Builderman: *Crouches down the kid’s level*
Hatred/Builderman, still smiling: Can you move? You’re blocking the cinnamon toast crunch.
Player:
—---------------

Green and Purple’s A+ parenting:

Red: Dad, can we go to the haunted house?
Green: What’s wrong with the one we live in?
Blue: Wait, WHAT?
Purple, ominously: Goodnight.

—--------------

Kyoko: You shouldn’t be using straws.
Player: I know, I know, it’s bad for the environment or whatever.
Kyoko: Uh, yeah, but also because it’s a weird way to eat spaghetti.

—------------

Block Tales salt shenanigans 4:

Player: Could you please pass the salt?
Griefer: *Throws Finn McCool across the table*

—-----------

Green and Purple’s A+ parenting, part 2:

Red, stuck on a tree: Dad, I’m scared!
Green: Do you trust me, son?
Red: Uhh, yeah!
Green: I’ll catch you!
Green: *Dodges as Red falls*
Green: Rule one, never trust anybody!