Chapter Text
Hal was what you could call, an expert in his field. He had been the top of his class in flight school. Very well-rounded green lantern. A founding member of the Justice League. You name it, Hal could do practically anything….
Except, explain the enigma that was Batman.
Spooky was a lot like Hal in certain ways. Both of them top of their game. Both founding members. But those similarities were few and far between. The differences were far more obvious. Batman was a very serious person, someone who approached his daily life (at least what Hal had seen on the watchtower) with a clinical eye and stern expression. To the Batman, the Justice League was business opportunity, a way to do their jobs more efficiently. To Hal, who just wanted to wake up kick butt and make the world a better place, he saw the Justice League like a new flight team, a bunch of potential friends to kick ass with.
So, that’s what Hal did. He socialized with the other members of the Justice League, made friends. And even in the case of the Flash, a platonic soulmate to geek out over weird stuff and gossip. He was the man you went to if you needed help talking to someone, or needed the daily scoop of watchtower drama. He was friendly with everyone, and as far as he knew, no one seemed to hate him either.
Well…except for Batman.
Hal had a secret power of even getting the most stern, serious individuals to break and let loose. The only person on planet earth that he hadn’t managed to crack, even after nearly a decade of trying, just happen to be his dark and gloomy co-worker, that he saw on a weekly, near daily, basis. Hell, he got (well it was mostly John) Hawkgirl to crack and get a drink with him after a few weeks.
Spooky, just wasn’t going to be the guy who enjoyed…fun…Hal learned to accept that. Every class needed a quiet angsty kid anyways.
So, you can imagine his shock, everyone’s shock, when this new guy, Nightwing, the protector of Buldhaven as Hal would eventually learn, walked into the watchtower and made the scariest man alive chuckle.
Hal could still remember the moment vividly. He and Flash were discussing a new sci-fi movie while they were on monitor-duty. They sat on one side the room, while Batman and the new comer were on the other. Wonder Woman, and Superman had just entered due to shift change was about to happen. Nightwing began to laugh, and then the low rumbling, yet oddly warm, chuckle of the Batman echoed throughout the room.
Flash dropped his soda cup, Superman tripped on his own cape, and Wonder Woman’s jaw dropped. Nightwing, the utter witch, had asked Superman if he was alright, and then the next thing Hal knew he was in the lounge comforting, the now scared for his life, Flash.
Honestly, the event was so unbelievable, that they had to look back at the security footage to make sure that they weren’t going crazy.
However, this was far from over, as the craziness surrounding the dark knight only got more baffling. And that baffling’s name was Batwoman.
Hal’s first thought when he met her? “Did a Gotham Rogue make a gender-swapping ray?” His second, was him questioning if this meant Batman was a red head underneath that cowl.
However, once it was cleared up that they were two different people. He figured she’d be just as broody and silent as her male-counterpart…but he was wrong. So, so wrong.
Batwoman was spunky. Whereas Batman would simply analyze a fight from the side-lines if he wasn’t involved. Batwoman would be the one picking the fight and winning. With anyone! Batman included! She and Nightwing would team up and tease Spooky like there was no tomorrow…
…And Batman would banter back…
That was the moment, that half of the Justice League began to question their sanity.
Batman would never speak to anyone unless it was about missions and boring work stuff, with Batwoman and Nightwing as the only acceptation…Hell they even called him a nickname! B! They called Batman B! And he didn’t glare at them! Batman always glared at Hal whenever he called the bat Spooky…
All of this led to a single conclusion…Well actually three conclusions…Batwoman and Nightwing, we’re either drugging Batman, using some type of magic on him, or they had dirt and they were blackmailing him.
Either way, Hal wanted in.
Thankfully, Batwoman and Nightwing, were not as hard to talk too as Batman. In fact, it was all too easy to convince, Batwoman to sit down in the lounge with the others and have a cocktail.
“So, I hope you don’t mind me asking?” Hal said, “But what exactly is going on between you and Batman?”
Nightwing, choked on his drink…a soda because Batwoman fixed a glare (at least that was a shared trait) worthy of Batman on him when he eyed a beer bottle…and began to silently laugh.
Batwoman looked at Nightwing, “Get your head out of the gutter kid,” she smirked turning to Hal, “To answer your question there really isn’t that much going on.”
“What!” Flash said, “Come on, you two are like the only people that bats actually likes. There’s obviously something you’re doing right. What’s the secret?”
Nightwing laughed, “There really isn’t a secret, guys.”
“Oh, don’t give me that. You became Batman’s friends that’s something that happened only once a fortnight or something,” Green Arrow said.
“Friends?” Nightwing scoffed looking offending.
“What?” Flash said, “What’s wrong.”
“Me just a friend. Us just being his friends. Gosh B, never tells you guys anything does he?” Nightwing said, “We’re not friends we’re family. Batman is my father.”
And all of Hal’s speculations and theories were thrown out the Watchtower window. The conspiracy board had failed him. Big time.
Batman is my father.
The words echoed through out Hal’s mind. Spooky? With a kid? Hal was suddenly imagining a much smaller version of Nightwing, an adorable little cherub with chubby cheeks and bright smile, playing catch with the dark serious shadow of Batman. A little ray of sun shine playing in sport-teams with a brooding figure in the stands stiffly waving a tiny flag. Batman coming home a little brown hat on his head, with brief case in hand, and a tiny child running to meet him at the door.
It felt wrong.
“How?” Hal suddenly blurted out.
Green Arrow snorted, “Didn’t you go to middle school Lantern? The answer is quite simple even if a little unbelievable, Batman has more game than we realized. I mean just look at-” he raised a hand an gestured at Batwoman.
Nightwing made a gagging noise, and Batwoman glared at Arrow…
“Or not?” Green Arrow said.
“No,” Batwoman said, firmly shaking her head, “Nightwing is my nephew, and Batman is my older brother.”
Oh…Well, that explained the teasing…and the shared theme. But it opened so many more questions. Hal began wonder; what type of weird childhood did these guys have? Gosh, Batman as a little kid, wasn’t that an image.
“If not you then who-?” Flash said.
Batwoman was beginning to look both nauseated and irritated, “Look I do not know what or who my brother does in his free time, nor do I want to know. Besides, Nightwing doesn’t have a mother anyway.”
What? Wait. How did that work?! Nightwing, being the kid of Spooky, was already hard enough to believe. Despite the black and blue suit, and dark sounding name, Nightwing was the utter embodiment of sunshine. The only way that Hal could figure such an offspring was made was with an even happier-then-a-kid-on-a-sugar-high mother to counteract the broody genes.
“Yeah, we were all shocked too,” Batwoman said.
Oh, had Hal said all that out loud?
“Yep!” Nightwing chirped.
That, too apparently.
“Listen,” Batwoman started, “I understand that you’re looking at this from a human point-of-view, and that it’s going to be super weird, but…”
“B had me all on his own,” Nightwing finished.
“Human Point of view?” Flash said, before Hal had the time to un-pack what Nightwing just said.
“Oh, dad didn’t tell you that either…” Nightwing said taking a sip of his soda.
“Wait, are you guys not human?” Green Arrow said.
Nightwing made a few shrug-like gestures, “Well…not anymore…”
“Sit back kid,” Batwoman told her, nephew? “I’ll fix your father’s mistakes.”
Hal stopped his jaw from dropping. Batman making mistakes? Well, logically it had to have happened at some point but Hal couldn’t believe it. Batman never mis-stepped, never miscalculated, always had a plan. He seemed invincible, perfect. Him making mistakes, it was against nature…at least to the League. Clearly it was an everyday occurrence to Batwoman, which being a younger sibling, it was probably the reality she wanted to live in.
Tune back in Hal or you’re going to miss the probably great gossip material.
“Listen, I’ll explain this once and only once, mostly because no one is supposed to know and it’s a pretty touchy subject even in the family, but me, Nightwing, B, and the rest of our family, are not human,” Batwoman said.
“We are…well, I guess the closest translation in your mortal tongue is Gotham-Born-Bat-Demon?” Nightwing said, his gazed flicked to batwoman who shrugged, like she didn’t have a better word for him.
“You’re demons?” Flash said, the white eyes of his suit getting bigger.
“Well, in loose terms,” Batwoman said, “In technical terms, we’re reborn human souls who were wrongfully killed as children.”
“What?” Flash said, “Wait, so you died?”
“Yeah,” Nightwing said, “I don’t really remember what exactly happened. But we think it was some kind of skeletal/muscular injury or accident, because I’m so bendy, and I remember something snapping before I woke up in Dad’s arms.”
Static. That was Hal’s mind. Static.
“And…If it’s not too much to ask…?” Green Arrow said looking at Batwoman.
“Gunshot wound to the abdomen,” Batwoman answered, “I have a birthmark where the hole was.”
“Wait, wait, wait, wait,” Hal interjected, “You woke up in Batman’s arms?”
“Yeah?” Nightwing said.
Hal’s mouth could not move. Thankfully it seems as if his face, communicated everything.
“Is that weird?” Nightwing said looking towards his aunt, “I thought humans promoted physical contact with their offspring right after birth to seal their bonding.”
“Don’t look at me kid I haven’t been human for decades,” Batwoman said.
“Are you saying?” Flash said slowly, “that Batman gave…birth…to you?”
“The correct term would be rebirth, and yes?” Nightwing said, “I just told you; he is my dad.”
“What type of kinky shit…” Green Arrow said.
“ONCE MORE!” Batwoman cut in, “I do not know, nor do I want to know. But I need to clarify, that rebirth unlike human reproduction is not sexual. There’s no partner or hanky-panky needed.”
“Then how...?” Hal said.
“I’ve never gone through it personally,” Batwoman sighed, “But the basics are that we can adsorb pieces of a broken soul, or a murdered child’s lifeforce, into our own bodies and pretty much slowly rebuild them until their stable enough to roam around in their own form.”
“So, wait, you guys get pregnant by absorbing scorned children’s souls, growing them inside of you, and then…giving birth to them?” Flash said.
“Yeah, that’s the long and short of it,” Nightwing said.
“Yep, and it’s all completely asexual. Good thing too, our kind would’ve gone extinct centuries ago if we had to relay on partners to have babies,” Batwoman said.
“And you were born like this?” Hal said pointing at Nightwing.
Nightwing nodded, humming.
This was crazy. Of all things Hall thought he was going to discover about Batman, the fact that he had a kid, whom he gave birth to, was not one of them. Strange visions of Batman cradling a newborn, laying in a hospital bed or nest, maybe a shallow pool. Who the fuck knows what birth for bat demons looked like. Not Hal!
“Actually, Nightwing was kind of a surprise you could say,” Batwoman said.
“Surprise?” Green Arrow said, choaking on his beer.
“Yep, you see I was dad’s first and he didn’t really know what he was doing,” Nightwing said rubbing the back of his neck.
“And it ended with my darling brother waking up the entire cave up at 3:00 pm, because hey guess what! Rebirth emergence hurts. Doesn’t matter if you didn’t know you were going to have it!” Batwoman said, and took another sip of her wine.
3:00 pm? Oh, wait. Nocturnal. Of course, they’re nocturnal.
“Wait Batman, didn’t know about you?” Flash said.
“Not until our equivalent of labor started,” Nightwing said.
Did Hal step into a reality show? My demon brother didn’t know he was pregnant. Gosh this was weird.
“And his screaming. Gosh, I can still hear it sometimes,” Batwoman said.
“Screaming?” Arrow said, a worried expression on his face.
“Oh, well, our own bodies have to split apart in order for the Batling to detach after all,” Batwoman said.
“Very painful, so I’ve heard,” Nightwing said.
“So, you’ve heard? Kid, don’t pretend that you weren’t listening in when your siblings were born,” Batwoman said.
“It was kinda hard not to, Auntie,” Nightwing said.
WHAT!?
Bruce loved his family. Really, he did. He was always happiest when surrounded by his children and loved ones.
However, that doesn’t he’s never had regrets regarding certain things and currently he was wondering if he should regret the choice to allow Dick and Kate to come up to the Watch Tower. The reason behind this is because, no one has been able to look him in the eye for the past week.
All he wanted to know was…
“What did you do?” Bruce asked his cousin and firstborn, once the rest of the league was out of ear shot, and in the whistling language they invented when Dick was small (echolocation was what the children called it), to make sure no one could listen in.
Kate and Dick shared a pair of rather malicious smiles, like they were holding back laughter.
“You are going to hate this, and we may have made a mistake telling Flash and Lantern,” Kate started, “but it’s hilarious.”
As the younger vigilantes explained, Bruce had to agree…it was hilarious. Batman wasn’t known for his playful side, so he couldn’t react with the laugh that was trying to escape, but he allowed a strained smile. Gosh, the idea that his co-workers were freaked out by him going through a made-up pregnancy and childbirth is ridiculous. Especially when you take into account that the Justice League is in regular contact with other alien races where males were the carriers of children. Heck, seahorses did it!
And the rest of the family was just as amused.
Tuesdays were a special day of the week. It was family dinner. Ever since the new inter-dimensional additions had been made to the colony, the older children who had other homes of the own, had made more an effort to visit outside of patrol hours. Once a week everyone would come to the manor to have dinner (those who were not a complete disaster in the kitchen helped Alfred cook; which was just Jason and Terry), play games and possibly watch movies. Most of these nights the children even slept over, and that sometimes meant his bed was invaded at some point by someone.
Today just happened to be a Tuesday. Everyone, except Luke and Barabra, whom had to meet with their other families, was present. And once the rumor that Dick and Kate had spread around the Watch Tower hit the dinner table. Bruce should have known there was going to be trouble.
Stephine burst out laughing, spitting her drink through her mouth and nose, “Oh my God! They actually think that B gave birth what 8 times?!”
“We never told them an actual number, but if they thought that…I think we’d need a new Justice League,” Kate said, chuckling into her meal.
“You should’ve seen Green Lantern’s face when Aunt Kate started to explain the inner workings of our asexual re-birthing process,” Dick said.
“Gosh, it must have been priceless!” Jason said.
“Hold on, hold on,” Duke cut in, “Were you near a security camera?”
It was a really stupid question, Bruce had built and designed the tower. There were cameras everywhere.
“I’m getting my tablet! Someone call Babs!” Tim said, running out the room.
After five minutes, a little hacking, and using good wi-fi, there was a pile of laughing young vigilantes crowding around Tim’s chair.
“Look at his face!” Stephine said.
“You can’t make this up,” Duke wiped his eyes.
“Should I be discouraging this?” Bruce said, leaning to the person who sat on his right.
Said, person on his right was someone that Bruce will still trying to convince himself that was actually there. Thomas Wayne, had been probably the most unique addition to the family. If someone had told Bruce that he’d meet with an alternate version of his dead father who became batman after Bruce’s death, when he first became batman, he would probably…stared at them in a both disturbed and concerned manner, and then carted them off to Arkham.
Still Thomas’ presence was a welcomed one in the manor, since his sudden and shocking arrival. Alfred had a good friend returned to him. Bruce got his father back. And the kids now had a second grandparent to latch onto. Bruce also knew that they had been a good influence on Thomas as well. The elder batman had been dealing with his pain and trauma with alcohol and other not so great coping habits (Then again constantly adopting kids probably wasn’t all that healthy either but it wasn’t slowly killing Bruce’s liver), so Bruce had convinced Thomas to get into both therapy and rehab. Rehab was something that Thomas agreed to rather easily, especially after hearing Jason came from a home with an abusive alcoholic. Therapy was more of a fight, and consider the dreary reality that Thomas came from, Bruce could understand that there were a lot of things that his father wanted to keep buried (Bruce was killed as a child, Alfred was clearly gone considering the reaction Thomas had when he saw the butler, and his mother, was a topic that wasn’t ever spoken about which made Bruce fear what ever fate she had in that world).
Now though, his father was in a better place. Thomas has since hang up his own cowl leaving the field work to Bruce and the rest of the family. Taking up a more supportive role by minding the cave, med bay and watching the children who weren’t on patrol (Matt, and Athanasia usually, and if anyone was benched due to injury), at night. The happen ending that he deserved.
“Let them have there fun,” Thomas said.
“Technically this is hacking into a military facility,” Bruce said.
“A facility you own. Besides it’s a life skill,” Thomas said.
Bruce snorted.
“Wait, wait,” Terry said, “So, if we’re this demon race, how come no one had ever heard of us?”
“We’re endangered, obviously,” Dick said raising a finger.
“Last. Colony,” Cass said.
“Yes,” Tim, spoke holding his chin in mock concentration, “But what caused our numbers to decline so drastically?”
“A war with the Amazons and Atlanteans,” Thomas said taking a sip of his water.
“That would play into why B was so hesitant and cold when he first joined the Justice League,” Dick said.
“A war no one remembers?” Damian said with a very unimpressed expression.
“Magic spell! That Grandpa casted to make everyone forget,” Terry said.
“Why would I be the one to cast this fictional spell?” Thomas said.
“You’d be the last survivor of the conflict!” Stephine said.
“And after covering your tracks,” Jason said, “you retreated to the Gotham Territory, and built your own colony. With B, Kate, as your offspring.”
Thomas looked at Kate.
“I’m never calling you dad,” Kate said.
Thomas laughed.
“Don’t forget Luke,” Duke said.
“What about Luke?” Jason said.
“He’s more of our uncle then brother,” Tim said.
The others nodded.
“And the rest of you?” Kate said.
“Oh, we’re all B’s,” Stephine said.
“I thought you weren’t my kid, Steph,” Bruce raised a teasing brow.
“Everyday I am not!” Stephine said, “but when we are screwing with the Justice League, I will gladly be yours.”
“Good to know your love is unconditional,” Bruce took a sip of his water.
The rest of dinner, the only discussion topic was about inner and outer workings of this fictional demon colony living underneath Gotham for centuries. What their customs would be. How the cave was outfitted into different wings for all their beastly purposes. Why Batman only surfaced recently if they had been there for centuries. How Alfred fit it. All the way through dinner and into dessert. And once the ice cream was served Steph spoke…
“You know, considering how easy it was to get the League to believe that B had carried and had babies, how likely is it that we can get them to believe that he’s pregnant.”
By the mischievous looks that surrounded the table, Bruce knew that there was no stopping his mighty and stubborn army. And if you couldn’t beat them…
“That is a ridiculous idea Brown,” Damian said.
Had Bruce really not taught one of his youngest “if you can’t beat them, join them”? Or how to pick your battles? This is something he’ll have to rectify later.
“Why? You think we can’t fool the Justice League, demon brat?” Jason said.
Thankfully, Bruce was smart enough to give his son siblings to convince him to try things that Damian believed to be ‘below’ him.
“No of course we are capable of such of feat-” Damian said.
“Then why not, Baby Bat? Come on it will be fun,” Dick said.
“Please?” Athanasia said, pulling the most lethal pair of blue puppy god eyes the little girl could muster.
Damian crumbled, “Alright, I’ll go along with this frivolous charade,” he said before grumbling to himself, “Curse Grayson for teaching you the art of manipulative facial expressions first…”
“Great,” Bruce cut in, “Now if we are going to do this. We need to make sure we cover our bases, have our stories strait, and alternate sources that point to the same conclusions that we are giving them.”
“Tim, we need a fake wiki page!” Dick said.
“Way ahead of you, Big Bird,” Tim said, already clicking on his tablet.
The actual prank took place after a few weeks of prep.
Bats were thorough after all.
Tim had set up a fake wiki, but he didn’t stop there. He had also posted on several conspiracy websites and reached out to networks and tabloids that never checked their sources. Jason wrote a bunch “lost articles” that had dates spanning from the early days of Batman, to the early 1800s about a mysterious dark beings roaming the Gotham territory. Damian with the help of his siblings in some cases, created “ancient” carvings in the few tunnels and caves that Gotham’s public could access. All of them red herrings, yet together these fish form the perfect picture that the bats wanted to make.
Once the children finished their job of prep, came the Water Tower team’s turn. Over the weeks the younger one’s were setting up, Bruce, Dick, and Kate, had been game planning about what to do on the scenes regarding the League themselves. Matt and Athanasia had already volunteered to be the “newborn batlings”, being the only members of the Bat family who aren’t active in the field and not retired (with the exception of Cullen, but he wasn’t interested in vigilante work and just wanted to focus on his education. So, he wasn’t involved in the prank. It didn’t matter anyway Bruce wasn’t letting the League up into the manor anytime soon, so Cullen would just hide up there and watch).
It took the weeks of prep, but they had a plan, well more like a script, and they memorized their lines. It was now showtime.
They started small. Dick and Kate had become Bruce’s shadows. Sticking close in an almost protective manner. This behavior wasn’t really all that bat inspired, in reality only the mother bats cared for the young, but they were technically demons and not bats so they were taking liberty of it. Besides, with the false history they crafted, it wouldn’t be too hard to imagine that colony members wouldn’t be protective of expectant members.
Bruce switched from drinking coffee to tea (which was probably better for his health in general), something that Superman, or any of the members of the league with enhanced senses, could pick up on. He also started to pretend to zone out in meetings, and either Dick or Kate, or someone else would bring him out of it. Morning sickness wasn’t something that he could really fake accurately (he wasn’t Jason who somehow could vomit on que), headaches were an easier thing to fake. Along with exhaustion. That wasn’t even something he had to fake, especially without coffee, Bruce had insomnia, messed up sleeping patterns, and way too many children. He was tired.
Though, it seemed as if the impromptu nap in the lounge that was the tipping point…and Barbara suddenly had a new group chat to hack into.