Chapter Text
Your phone buzzes, jolting you from your light sleep. The room is dark but the window is open, providing you with some moonlight by which to see. You reach over Karkat, who’s softly snoring next to you, and grab your phone, turning the brightness all the way down and propping yourself up against the wall next to your bed. The time is 2:13 in the morning. You could’ve known that without checking the clock on your phone.
John is pestering you. Suddenly you’re a lot more awake.
ectoBiologist [EB] began pestering turntechGodhead [TG]
EB: dave you said not to worry about it but i am worrying about it!!
TG: what
TG: go to bed john
TG: like im one to talk lmao
EB: you’ve planted the gay seed in my head and now i can’t stop thinking about it!
EB: what if i’m gay, dave.
TG: look dude its cool i get it but
TG: what you have to realize is that literally no one will judge you if youre gay
TG: im bi all the trolls are pan dirks gay roxys bi i think and rose is a lesbian
TG: youre the token straight friend my dude
TG: or not straight i guess idk
EB: wait rose is gay too?
TG: oh my god are you fucking serious
TG: ahaha your gaydar is literally the worst
TG: have you seen her with kanaya
EB: i thought they were very good friends??
TG: just gals bein pals huh
EB: to be fair if kanaya was a boy i would have thought the same thing.
EB: i guess i’m not very good at recognizing relationships!
EB: including you and karkat.
EB: i still can’t believe that’s really happening! but i have to say you do seem like a cute couple.
TG: cute huh
TG: if you were here karkat would fuck you
TG: NO THATS NOT WHAT I
TG: karkat would fucking eviscerate you
TG: is what i meant
EB: eheheh okay
TG: so are you good now can i go back to sleep
EB: oh... i did have some other things i wanted to say, sorry.
TG: right well im here for you
TG: wow that was a tender bro moment right there
TG: were the tenderest of bros me and you
TG: helping each other with sexuality shit like the bros we are
TG: deconstructing traditional masculinity while high fiving the fuck out of each other
TG: what are the things you wanted to say
EB: well, i’ve been talking to rose a little bit, and she knows all about obscure sexuality labels and stuff like that.
EB: i guess i should have guessed she was gay sooner!
EB: anyway, i think i might be asexual?
TG: oh ive heard of that one
TG: so you dont feel sexual attraction or whatever right
EB: that’s right!
EB: well maybe i just haven’t met the right person, but i don’t know dave, it sounds an awful lot like me.
TG: nice
TG: hey is there a word thats the opposite of asexual where youre just horny all the time
TG: thats me
EB: ew dave i did not need to know that!!
TG: lmao just kidding
TG: hang on gotta move somewhere else dont want to wake karkat
EB: karkat’s there? are you having a sleepover?
TG: yes john the boy i am dating is sleeping in my bed with his arms around me this is definitely a sleepover
EB: awww
EB: this is what i meant though! i am clueless when it comes to relationships.
TG: wow really
TG: brb
TG: ok successfully relocated
TG: hm this house still sometimes creeps me out at night
EB: why would your house be creepy?
TG: nevermind
TG: anyway
TG: so if youre ace does that mean youre aromatic too
EB: yes dave, i smell nice all the time.
TG: fuck
TG: aromantic
TG: are you?
EB: hmm, i don’t know.
TG: well do you get crushes on people
TG: come to think of it thats a good way to figure out if youre gay or not too
TG: have you ever had a crush on a boy
EB: i don’t know!
TG: why wouldnt you know
EB: i don’t know what a crush feels like!
TG: what about all those actors you like
TG: couldve sworn you had a crush on
TG: uh i forgot her name but you know who i mean
EB: i don’t think those are actual crushes, though. they are more like admiration, or thinking that someone is beautiful or handsome.
EB: how did you realize that you liked karkat?
TG: its kinda a long story and a bit embarrassing so i dont want to get into it
TG: hey heres a heads up if you want to kiss someone thats a pretty big sign you like them
EB: hm.
TG: is there anyone you want to kiss
EB: well there are people who i wouldn’t mind kissing.
EB: actually it might be kind of nice.
TG: who
EB: i’m not going to tell you!
EB: i would never be able to work up the courage to kiss someone though.
TG: you just have to swallow your fear and go for it dude
TG: actually no you have to ask first usually
TG: because they might not want to be kissed
EB: that makes sense.
EB: but i would rather have someone kiss me than try to kiss them!
TG: i assume this is all hypothetical of course
EB: of course.
TG: hey bro not that i dont love talking to you but i need to sleep
TG: and so do you
TG: talk later?
EB: oh yeah, sorry.
EB: good night dave!
TG: night
turntechGodhead [TG] ceased pestering ectoBiologist [EB]
carcinoGeneticist [CG] began pestering turntechGodhead [TG]
CG: WHERE THE FUCK ARE YOU, DAVE.
TG: chill im having some me time
CG: IT’S ALMOST THREE IN THE MORNING.
TG: who are you to judge when i have my me time
TG: you once walked around the meteor by yourself until 6 am
CG: OKAY, FAIR.
CG: WHAT WERE YOU DOING ANYWAY?
TG: what happens in me time stays in me time
CG: I DON’T EVEN WANT TO KNOW.
CG: CAN YOU COME BACK UP?
TG: are you lonely
CG: ...YES
TG: karkat ive been a constant presence in your life for like 3 years i wouldve thought youd be sick of me by now
CG: NEVER MIND, I CANCEL MY REQUEST. I AM VERY SICK OF YOU.
TG: cool im coming up
turntechGodhead [TG] ceased pestering carcinoGeneticist [CG]