Chapter Text
As a rule, people tend to paint a very romanticized description of Ascension. Hua Cheng has seen countless drawings and paintings depicting the chosen man of the day, surrounded by an halo of light and gently floating towards heaven. He has read poems speaking of 'fluttering wings' or 'blessed warmth', and his favorite: 'as soft as the caresses of ten virgins'. It might be the loveliest inaccuracy Hua Cheng has ever heard in his entire life. Stupid, but lovely, as only poetry can be.
The misconception is understandable, of course. Ascension is a sacred journey, the ultimate goal of mankind, obviously they're not going to portray it as the messy and painful nightmare it actually is. Ascension does not elevate, does not take gently, doesn't even bother to ask for consent. Ascension burns and bruises. Ascension grabs your soul like the bosom of a whore and throws it upstairs without a care until you crash on the rooftop of the nearest holy palace. Hua Cheng would know, he's been through the process not only once, but thrice, a record in human history.
Perhaps it's not Ascension itself that's painful. Just Hua Cheng's unwelcomed Ascensions, proof that the Heavens hate him as much as he hates the Heavens. He never asked anyone else. It would be rude, like inquiring on people's birthing. Not that Hua Cheng would mind, it's exactly the kind of embarrassing question he delights in throwing around. He absolutely loves purposely creating awkwardness wherever he goes. It's a talent.
"Ow," Hua Cheng grunts as he raises from the pile of rubble he accidently made when he crashed into the rooftop. Gold, of course, because holy palaces cannot be made of tile like normal houses. "That fucking hurt. Would it kill you to give a guy a warning next time?"
He speaks out loud out of habit, hardly expecting an answer from the Heavens. It never gave one before, and it's not going to start now. He raises on his feet, checking his surroundings as he casually dusts his cheap red robes. There is golden dust inside his sleeve and underneath his collar. Fucking Heaven Officials and their fucking fancy golden roof. Fucking Heaven. Fucking Ascension.
This is the worst. Hua Cheng genuinely thought he made enough of a ruckus last time he would never ever be called to serve upstairs again, yet here he is. What does a guy have to do to be left alone for good?
"What's going on? Another Ascension? We weren't told about a new Official!" Hua Cheng hears the familiar sounds of a paperwork Official losing his shit because Something is not going according to the Plan. And those people are meant to be the top quality of humankind. Pathetic.
"Oh no. It's Hua Cheng. PRINCE HUA CHENG HAS ASCENDED AGAIN!"
"WHAT? ARE YOU SERIOUS? RUN, EVERYONE, RUN!"
Are they still afraid of him? After what, 700 hundred years? And he was only there for three days on his first ascension, and ten minutes on his second. How cute. Hua Cheng is very flattered to know his rep hasn't suffered during his prolonged absence. It honestly warms his non-existent heart that his old colleagues still think of him fondly.
Since they expect so much of him, he better makes his return a good show. He would hate to disappoint his public after all.
"I'm back, bitches," he grins ominously as he steps out of the palace he wrecked during his spectacular ascension. "Did you guys miss me?"
"WE DID NOT!"
"Don't argue, just RUN!"
"That hurts my feelings!" he cheerfully says as the two middle heaven officials disappear inside the nearest palace, begging for shelter.
Oh well. Some crowds are just too hard to please. Hua Cheng's ego can afford the blow. It has lived through worse. And look, other people are rushing his way already. Let it not be said Hua Cheng does not know how to make a dramatic entrance.
"YOU!" An official he knows he has seen before, but can't be bothered to remember the name of, points at Hua Cheng, his face red with anger. "WHY ARE YOU BACK?"
Hua Cheng shrugs. "No idea. Nobody asked for my opinion on the matter before sending me back up, as usual." Then, out of nowhere, he has an epiphany. "Hey, didn't I break your kneecaps last time?"
"YOU DID!"
"Eh. Fun times. Clearly, I did a sloppy job if you can still walk." He tuts disapprovingly to himself, to the indignation and growing fear of his audience.
"Your Highness," a calm and familiar voice rises above the ambient panic. "As diplomatic as ever, I see."
"Jian Lan!" The crowd split to let her pass as if she were Jun Wu himself, miraculously appeared to protect them from the vile, terrifying God of Revenge and Misfortune crashing into their boring routine to wreck their golden castle and break their poor kneecaps.
Considering Jian Lan might be the only person with a shred of competence present, it's not surprising they would rely on her to save them from The Situation. No one wants another incident like the last time Prince Hua Cheng ascended.
"You know me, I live to serve." He smiles at his old friend. Despite his sarcastic tone, Hua Cheng is genuinely pleased to see her. It's been a while, and last visit did not end well. She looks good, if anything, thoroughly exhausted. As expected from the head of the literacy gods and only functional braincell unit in the Heavens.
Jian Lan slowly blinks while her esteemed colleagues run in panic like headless chickens when Hua Cheng suggestively cracks his knuckles. "Why are you like this."
Trauma, probably. Grief. Hundreds of years of loneliness. Hatred at the world, at heaven, at everyone who stood there while his beloved was taken away from him. Hatred at himself. Whatever the mental affliction, you name it, Hua Cheng has and had it at some point of his long, miserable existence.
"Hey, don't look at me, I didn't ask for this shit." He jumps down from the window he was sitting by, into the courtyard. "Here I was, not bothering anyone, minding my own business, and next thing I know, I'm thrown back among you pretentious dickheads. I don't like it any more than you do."
She sighs. "Everyone, please go. I'll escort His Highness to his quarters."
Quarters? He has one of those? Heaven sure works fast. Or perhaps they never destroyed his palace. No matter. It wasn't like Hua Cheng planed to stick around in any case. Nonetheless, he allows Jian Lan to slip an arm under his and firmly drag him out of the courtyard, under the wary eyes of his 'colleagues'. He makes a point to wave at them before they turn sideways.
"Did you know about this?" Hua Cheng asks once they are out of earshot, gesturing at himself for emphasis.
"Not exactly," she says, carefully, her hand curled around his forearm like a gentle shackle of flesh and bone. The tip of her fingers feel as callous as before. The hands of a servant. The hands of a writer. "But I suspected."
"You're a big shot now, Jian Lan," he muses out loud. "Who would have thought?"
From street prostitute to royal servant to head honcho of heavenly administration. Jian Lan sure had one hell of a career. Not like those fuckers born with a silver spoon in the mouth.
"You did," she says. "You believed in me."
He hums in vague agreement. Hua Cheng has little merit in that. Back then, he only had Jian Lan, and Xie Lian. And now, he has no one but guilt and shame. Those are his closest companions, they have never abandoned him in 800 years, not even once.
Ugh. This place, honestly. It's been literal centuries since Hua Cheng last set foot in Heaven, yet it looks exactly the same. Oh, the buildings are slightly different, and he doesn't recognize the officials who run the other way once they catch sight of the infamous mad prince, but nothing has changed, really. Different faces, different facades, same affected noblesse, same greedy, narrow minds. Same air, stinking of hypocrisy and selfishness. Hua Cheng hates it, all of it. If he could burn it all to the ground, he would, without a single second of hesitation.
In a way, Hua Cheng is glad Xie Lian never had a chance to ascend. This place would have eaten his good heart away and drained his kindness until he dropped dead.
"Not that I'm not happy to see you," he adds after a minute of contemplative silence. "But you do realize I'm not here to stay, right?"
There was a time where Jian Lan's face was the easiest book to read for Hua Cheng. After living in complete isolation for his entire childhood, he found most people confusing and incomprehensible, but his servant meant what she said, and said what she meant. It was a relief.
But that was when she was still Lan Chang. Now she is Jian Lan, Heaven's Official and Very Important Person Upstairs. Ironically, now that Hua Cheng has grown to be quite adept at reading others after centuries of travelling around, his old friend became so mysterious to him.
"Your Highness," she eventually says. "It's been so long. Don't you think it's time to stop acting like a child?"
Hua Cheng stops in the middle of the street. He looks down at himself, at his messy red robes, at his worn out boots, at Ruoye wrapped around his forearm, shivering with unease against his skin, at the shackle strangling his neck and restricting his powers. An old, rotten, exhausted soul, trapped in the body of a fifteen year old fool.
He has the power to alter his appearance now, he realizes belatedly. It comes with the territory of having his godhood returned to him. The idea annoys him more than anything else. Hua Cheng has spent the last centuries committing to his careless youth aesthetic after all. It's his brand, as much as the red he always wears and the eyepatch covering his empty socket.
"Is that what you think of me, Jian Lan?" Hua Cheng says, sounding deceptively calm. "A child throwing a tantrum?"
Jian Lan bites her bottom lip, very much aware she's walking on dangerous ground right now. So she still has that nervous habit? That's funny. "Officials aren't evil, Your Highness."
"I never said they were," he smiles coldly. "They are no more evil than any other people, that's the point. It's the hypocrisy I hate. They pretend they are better than anyone else, safe and pampered in their golden palaces, making fun of the poor folk doing their best down there, while they depend on the faith of those 'dirty' people."
Just like entitled nobles, all of them, but on a celestial scale, full of their own importance. Officials aren't chosen because they are exceptionally good, or exceptional at all. They just happened to do something noteworthy once in their life, and lucky enough to be born with a good fate due to no merit of their own. No matter what they think, Officials are not better than anyone else.
Hypocrites.
Jian Lan blinks. She didn't expect that answer. In many ways, she does still think of him as the child she helped raise. "...Perhaps that's why we need you, Your Highness. If you don't like how things are here, then try to change it."
He snorts. "I never said I wanted to. They can all rot for all I care. Not you though, but I trust you'll always manage to keep your head afloat."
"I can't tell if that's a compliment or not," Jian Lan shakes her head. "Your Highness. I don't think you're wrong, but you're not right either. Please try, at least? Get to know those people you hate so much. That's what Xie Li..."
Ruoye jumps forward, the red silk wrapping itself around Jian Lan's neck. She stands still, a spark of fear flashing through her eyes, quickly hidden under her usual mask of perfect self-control.
"Don't use his name against me ever again. Don't believe for a second I won't kill you because we used to be friends. Do you understand?"
Another might have taken the threat lightly. In terms of spiritual powers, Jian Lan is so far ahead compared to Hua Cheng it's ridiculous. But Jian Lan is no other. She knows what he's capable of. She knows how far he's ready to go for the sake of Xie Lian's memory. She knows he won't hesitate.
She nods once. Hua Cheng wordlessly called back Ruoye to him.
"Please accept my apologies. I spoke without thinking. It won't happen again." She bows down, her voice hoarse. "However, I must beg Your Highness to at least consider it."
"And what do you want me to do?" he says, playing idlesly with Ruoye. "Play nice with people who hate me, and that I hate just as much? I fail to see the point. We all know I'll get casted out sooner than later."
"If I may make a suggestion," Jian Lan carefully explains. "There has been trouble in the North recently. Brides disappearing on their way to the wedding, never to be seen again. Solving this problem might improve His Highness'...reputation."
Oh? An interesting approach. Hua Cheng has to admit he's a bit curious. It's not like he has anything to lose in any case. But still. "What am I, your pet detective?"
"I would never dare to presume such a thing." Jian Lan tilts her head innocently. "However, I believe His Highness is quite experimented in that sort of mystery."
...she's not wrong. Hua Cheng is constantly travelling, only settling in one place for a few months at most, the time to build an appropriate shrine for his god, before he hits the road again. Inevitably, he ends up stumbling upon some suspicious deaths and other nonsenses.
Hua Cheng thinks of himself as a fairly easy person to understand. Most of his actions are driven by one rule: What Would Gege Do? The answer is, obviously, help the common people. And so Hua Cheng tries. Not because he cares, frankly, he hates practically everyone, but because that's what Xie Lian would want.
"Oh, fine. Because it's you Jian Lan. I'll look into it. And I'll make an effort not to antagonize the dickheads," he sighs. "Don't expect too much from me."
Jian Lan smiles brightly. It's the exact same smile she had when she managed to recognize a new character, back when Hua Cheng taught her to read. It hurts to see that smile again, but it's not a fully painful kind of hurt. More of an aching, nostalgic kind of hurt.
He claps his hands together with fake enthusiasm. Repress, repress, repress.
"Before I leave, there is something I want to do…Where is the communication array? I have to greet my new pals properly!"
"Your Highness, please."
.
.
"...DAMNED PSYCHO IS BACK, I'M NOT JOKING. THIS IS NOT A DRILL!"
"I can't believe he ascended again. How the heck did that happen?"
"One hundred merits he'll be kicked out in less than a week."
"Two hundreds he won't last three days."
"Three hundreds he's going to break Mo Xuan's kneecaps again."
"HEY. I HEARD THAT. HE CAN COME AT ME ANY TIME!"
"Don't lie, I can see you shaking in your boots, haha! Three hundreds merits His Highness will last at least a month. I have a good feeling this time."
"No way. You're only saying that because you've never met him in person."
"Aw, it's like you don't have faith in me at all! I'm offended. I bet I won't last one day. Oh, I forgot I have no merits to bet. Nevermind then."
"..."
"..."
"YOUR HIGHNESS?"
"You'll have to be more specific, about 30% of the local population answer to that title."
"Errr, Prince Hua Cheng, we meant no offence…"
"No? Funny that, it really looked like you did from my perspective, but what do I know."
"..."
"Haha, don't sound so scared, I'm not going to break your kneecaps...Oh. Wait."
"...!"
"Anyway, I'm off for now, don't do anything I wouldn't do kids."
"WHO ARE YOU CALLING A KID?"
.
Here's what Hua Cheng loves about houses of pleasure: they serve decent tea at any hour of the day and night, there is always someone pretty to look at and they know everything about everyone. There are no better places to get the intel he needs to solve this clusterfuck.
Also, there is also the fact most Heaven Officials wouldn't be caught dead in such a sin den. Any Official Free Zone is good enough for Hua Cheng. Unfortunately, the method is not entirely flawless.
"Your Highness," Mu Qing deadpans as he makes his way inside the whorehouse, pointedly ignoring the calls and whistles of the prostitutes. "What are you doing here?"
Hua Cheng groans behind his cup of tea, exasperated at the interruption. What is he doing here? And under such a shitty disguise? Now, that's just insulting. Who does he thinks Hua Cheng is, blind, deaf and brain dead? He would recognize that eye roll anywhere.
"Your Highness?" The night lady he had been extracting information from repeats, bemused.
"It's a family joke," Hua Cheng laughs it off. "Don't mind him, he's not here to stay."
Mu Qing arches an eyebrow as if to say 'is that so?'. Yeah, it is so. It is very much so. Hua Cheng did agree to make an effort and play nice, but he has no time to lose babysitting those two idiots.
"DON'T...DON'T COME ANY CLOSER!" A man that can only be Feng Xin shrieks, trying to escape the crowd of loosely dressed women giggling and poking at him.
"Aww, gege, don't be like that!"
"Play with us, pretty boy, you won't regret it."
"Wow, Mister has some nice muscles under those robes. Sure you don't want to remove them? It can't be very comfortable…"
"DO NOT TOUCH ME! WHA-WHAT ARE YOU DOING AHHHH!"
Hua Cheng can't believe Feng Xin is still terrified of women, after all this time. He's 800 years old. This is just sad. "You're not going to help your bro?" He asks to Mu Qing as he leans against the back of his seat and watches the pitiful spectacle of a mighty Upper Heaven Official and South General be thoroughly defeated by an army of five frail women.
Predictably, Mu Qing rolls his eyes. "Who's bro? I have never seen this man in my life."
"FUCK YOU MU Q-FU YAO!"
Hua Cheng takes a sip of his tea and speaks up out of the goodness of his cold dead heart. "Excuse me, Misses, would you mind releasing my brother? He's very sensitive. The white lotus soul of the family."
"WHO'S A GODDAMN WHITE LOTUS YOU BRAT?"
"Oh, A-Cheng, you should have said so!" The leader of the improvised assault team laughs, pats Feng Xin's shoulder as she adjusts his robes with professional efficiency and manhandles him towards Hua Cheng's table. "There you go. Sorry, White Lotus. You're safe now."
"Your Highness," Feng Xin hisses, still red-faced and looking as if he narrowly avoided sexual assault. "What are you doing in this kind of place?"
"Sorry, miss, would you mind…" Hua Cheng smiles apologetically to the woman sitting next to him. She giggles at Feng Xin before standing up and disappearing upstairs. "What do you think I'm doing in a brothel, Feng Xin?"
"I'm not General Feng Xin!" The man who's clearly General Feng Xin spurts. "My name is Nan Feng, and he's Fu Yao, we're Middle Heaven Officials sent to assist you."
"Yeah, whatever," Hua Cheng waves his hand dismissively. "Well, I don't need your help if you can't even figure out why I'm here, Nan Feng."
Definitely Not Mu Quing cuts in before Totally Not Feng Xin can explode of frustration. "You're getting information about the bridegroom."
"No, I just want to get laid. Of fucking course I'm investigating. Not everyone rushes in blindly and hopes for the best."
Definitely Not Mu Qing smirks, assuming the barb is directed at Totally Not Feng Xin and not himself. Whatever helps him sleep at night. "That's surprisingly wise of you, Your Highness."
Naturally. Mu Qing doesn't know shit about the person Hua Cheng is, despite what he liked to tell himself.
"I do not rush in blindly! I'm not Quan Yi Zhen!" Totally Not Feng Xin says indignantly, before he remembers where he is and takes upon himself to calm the hell down. "Anyway. Your Highness. Please let us assist you in your quest. We won't burden you."
As if. He sighs, already done with everything. This is exactly why he shouldn't listen to Jian Lan. "I suppose you won't scram even if I tell you to and I don't have time to lose beating your ass until you get the message. Don't get in my way."
The two men valiantly bite back their pride and nod.
"Oh, and by the way, if someone is going to be the bride, that someone is going to be me. Just warning you in advance before the problem arises."
"The...bride?" Totally Not Feng Xin repeats dumbly while Definitely Not Mu Qing turns worryingly pale.
Yeah, the bride, of course a bride. They're tracking a bridegroom, how else are they going to find the kidnapper, randomly trek in the mountain until they stumble upon their lair by the grace of god? It's like those guys have never read a single fiction in their lives. Obviously they need a bait. A bait who'll get to wear fancy wedding red robes and relax in a sedan while other people do the hard work. It's not like the two idiots could do the job in any case. Hua Cheng has to do everything himself.
"Don't worry your pretty head about it," Hua Cheng pats Totally Not Feng Xin's cheek before he speaks up louder. "So, who here wants to put makeup on my face for my wedding?"
At least seven women pounced on him, squealing hysterically about his flawless skin and smooth hair and oh, A-Cheng is going to be the prettiest wife ever, just trust Big Sis. Totally Not Feng Xin's makes a tactical retreat to the nearest corner, whimpering about terrifying women and their female viles while Definitely Not Mu Qing pretends to be an untouchable statue, unbothered by petty human concerns.
It's a pretty good evening, if he may say so himself.
.
.
The hand slips between the red silken curtains of the sedan. Hua Cheng stares at the white bandages covering the offered arm, carefully pondering about the right course to take. Instead of trying to grab him forcefully, the hand patiently waits for his decision.
Hua Cheng takes it.
.
Here's what Hua Cheng learns from this whole bridegroom fiasco.
1. Some people need to chill. For instance, Xian Ju. Burning temples and kidnapping innocent brides out of pure pettiness won't get her her man, especially not a pig whore like Pei Ming. Hua Cheng would know, with his 800 years of experience at pinning after a dead man, he considers himself an expert in the art of not getting his man. Also, breaking her own legs? That just screams desperate, hahaha.
"Didn't you gouge your own eye out?" Definitely Not Mu Qing mumbles, trying so hard not roll his eyes it looks painful. "You don't have much room to judge people for being desperate."
Hua Cheng smiles, his one eye left curling with amusement. "As I said. An expert."
2. The world would be a better place if someone took one for the team and cut Pei Ming's dick off.
"Your Highness," General Pei Yue, aforementioned Pei Ming's grand grand grand daughter and one of the few women in the world the general of the north can see as more than a walking vagina, pinches the bridge of her nose. "I beg you, please do not mention my ancestor's genitals in my presence ever again."
"Granted," Hua Cheng generously allows. "It's not like it's a favored topic of mine in the first place."
"There is not much to tell anyway," Xian Ju snickers meanly, which, fair.
3. Hua Cheng is excellent wife material. This is fact. He's insanely pretty and will stay young forever, he can cook better than anyone else in the Heavens, wash dishes in record time, stitch, sew, and stab a man to death thirty times without getting tired. Also, red is his color, he just looks stunning in his bride dress. Even the elusive supreme White Sword agreed, if that's not proof, he doesn't know what is.
"WHAT?"
"Your Highness," Jian Lan urgently asks, her voice struggling to be heard above the ambient's chaos his declaration woke in his party and through the array. "You don't mean White Sword Whispering Death, do you?"
"Sure I do," he says, gesturing at the ground lazily. "What, you thought those cuties sprouted on their own?"
Everyone look down at the innocent looking white flowers covering the field with horrified realization. To be fair, Hua Cheng was the first to reach the temple, so they couldn't have known there used to be a green field devoid of flowers. One of the members of General Pei Yue's party wails when the flower at his feet giggle and wave a petal in greeting.
"We need to get away from here," Feng Xin declares grimly, grabbing Hua Cheng's arm. "I have seen what those flowers can do."
Hua Cheng shrugs off his hand, resisting the urge to snarl at the intrusion. He doesn't like to be touched unexpectedly, and Feng Xin knows it. The general winces at the rejection and shakes his head in silent apology.
"Everyone has," General Pei Yue says, sounding more curious than afraid. "Spirit Flowers can destroy an army in less than a minute, if White Sword decides to do so."
They can, and they have. Soldiers, messagers, spies, weapons of mass destruction, the spirit flowers are the object of many of Heaven Officials' nightmares. Even knowing this, Hua Cheng can't help but think they are too cute to be so scared of. Ruoye, snuck tightly around Hua Cheng's hips, doesn't seem very worried, therefore he isn't either. It says a lot about how much he trusts Heaven's officials that he puts the judgement of an enchanted piece of clothing above theirs.
"What, those pretty ladies?" he coos as he leans down to pet the petals of the nearest flower. "Beautiful and efficient, my my! Wanna get hitched? My groom left me at the altar. I'm still lowkey hurt by that, between you and I. I thought we had something."
He half expects the flower to bite him for daring to touch it. People have lost their hands for less than that, or so the rumors claim. Instead, the flower curls around his finger, shivering in pleasure, and the snow white petals turn bright red.
...Uh. Not what he had in mind, but okay. He did offer marriage after all. What kind of man would he be if he refused to take responsibility? General Pei Ming?
"Don't touch it, you fool!" Mu Qing hisses, walking decidedly toward Hua Cheng like the mighty warrior he genuinely thinks he is. "Are you completely insa…"
The pretty flower suddenly turn its head in direction of the intruder and honest to god roars. Mu Qing is so surprised he stumbles backward, and would have fallen on his ass like a damsel in distress if not for Fen Xin heroically catching him in his arms. It might or might not be the highlight of Hua Cheng's decade.
"I think that's the plant equivalent of 'back off bitch'," he deadpans, trying his best not to burst out laughing at the pure indignation on Mu Qing and Feng Xin's face. The later looks so embarrassed by the whole ordeal he almost drops Mu Qing on the floor. "Sorry, but I'm a taken man now. It would have never worked out between us anyway."
"STOP JOKING AROUND AND GET AWAY FROM THOSE MONSTERS!"
"Your Highness," Jian Lan says, ever the voice of wisdom in an ocean of chaos and rampant stupidity. "Why was White Sword here?"
Good question. Hua Cheng had absolutely no idea. "Unfortunately, our local demon king didn't deem me worthy of an explanation for his august presence. For all I know, he could have just been passing by and decided to kidnap me on a whim."
"HE WHAT?"
"KIDNAPPED HIS HIGHNESS?"
"WHAT FOR?" So rude. Hua Cheng is very kidnappable, thank you very much.
The flower climbs over his leg insistently, clearly asking for his attention. Hua Cheng absent-mindedly pets its petals. Five of its companions decide to do the same. How touche-starved are those poor plants? It's truly a tragedy Hua Cheng only has two hands.
"Kidnapping might be a bit too strong of a word," Hua Cheng admits, recalling the odd event. "He invited me out of the sedan, escorted me to the temple and destroyed the array as if it was no big deal. Don't look at me like that, it was very proper. My virtue is still intact."
"NOT THE POINT!"
"AS IF WE WERE WORRIED ABOUT YOUR NON-EXISTENT VIRTUE?"
"And then?" Jian Lan interrupts her colleagues' hysterical screaming.
Hua Cheng shrugs indifferently. "And then I removed my veil and he exploded into petals. I can only assume my beauty was so overwhelming he couldn't handle it. It happens sometimes."
No, it doesn't. Hua Cheng knows he's not ugly to look at, but he's hardly beautiful enough his face would be enough to defeat a supreme. He's not that delusional yet. Jingji Guan, White Sword Whispering Death and feared Lord of Ghost City, was there because he wanted to. He held Hua Cheng's hand gently, soothingly, lovingly, as if Hua Cheng was made of precious glass instead of an universally loathed god, rejected by Heaven and humankind alike, because he wanted to. And he left without making a fuss because he wanted to. For what purpose, Hua Cheng has no clue and he's not going to question a supreme.
He remembers flashes of white cloth from under his veil, the flowers sprouting under his feet, the bandaged hand patiently guiding his steps, and wonders how come the presence of a ghost felt warmer than his so-called peers.
"Anyway," Hua Cheng says, ignoring the anguish throbbing in his throat. Not the right moment. It's never the right moment. "I don't think he had bad intentions, and he's long gone by now. You got your ghost bridegroom, you guys should go now."
The other Heaven Officials plus Xian Ju, who really should have tried to make use of their distraction to escape, glare at the flowers squealing adoringly for Hua Cheng's attention. Ah. Well. It must be quite a shock for them to have Hua Cheng be the most appreciated person in the room for once.
"And what, leave you with those things?" Mu Qing snorts.
"Hmm, Your Highness… Please take a step back…" General Pei Yue calmly suggests, her hand reaching out for her sword.
Oh, she was ready to fight an army of notoriously deadly plants for his sake? That's flattering, especially considering they have never met in person before. Or maybe it's precisely because they have never met before she's willing to go so far. People who actually know Hua Cheng quickly learn to bail out of his life and abandon him to his own devices to preserve their own sanity. Which is fine. He likes it better that way.
"I believe that won't be necessary," Hua Cheng ignores them to address the flowers directly. "My apologies for the rudeness, my lovely ladies, but I'm afraid I cannot stay."
"...So you can be polite? I wondered." Feng Xin says, honestly surprised.
"Of course. I just don't bother with you people."
The red flowers still. Make a sound close to an aching sigh. And wilt.
All the flowers in the field dry and turn into dust in a second. Well. That worked. Hua Cheng didn't expect his half-assed request to be so efficient. It's sad to admit but he's not used to be actually listened to. And he kind of misses the flowers now. His social life has never been thriving but that's a new low.
"What happened?" Jian Lan asks through the array.
"The...flowers killed themselves?" General Pei Yue tries to describe what just happened, understandably confused by the mass suicide Hua Cheng accidentally triggered. "I have no other explanation."
Neither does Hua Cheng. What the fuck.
Hua Cheng grins and winks at her, as if he's not affected at all and demon flowers obeying his every words is a daily occurence. "I guess they couldn't handle the rejection. Are we going to stand there all day or what?"
After a moment of reflection, General Pei Yue decides she doesn't care anymore about this shit and grabs Xian Ju's arms. A woman after Hua Cheng's heart. He too loves to pretend what he doesn't want to think about isn't happening. Might as well be his life motto.
Hua Cheng, former prince, reluctant god and wandering priest, going his merry and occasionally gory way in life and pretending Everything Is Just Fine.
.
"So," Jian Lan flatly declares, her fingers sporadically tapping against the desk. "White Sword Whispering Death, hm? I had no idea you two were pals, Your Highness."
"Because we're not. I have never seen him in my life before," Hua Cheng frowns at the blank form waiting for his input in front of him. "You never mentioned paperwork, Jian Lan. I feel betrayed."
"In my defence, who else is going to write the report?" Jian Lan says. "General Pei Yue missed two third of the events, General Mu Qing tends to omit important 'details' and General Feng Xin...well, he tries his best. You're my best option, your highness. I appreciate your efforts."
Hua Cheng can't help but preen innerly at the underhanded compliment, like the child starving for approval and parental validation he used to be. Pathetic. And here he thought that fool died centuries ago.
"Whatever," he mumbles, avoiding her knowing smile. "It's tough being surrounded by losers."
She hums along, her dark eyes glistening with amusement. "Not all are losers, though."
...Maybe. Mu Qing did help in his own way, and as she said, Feng Xin 'tried his best'. That General Pei Yue wasn't too bad either, at first glance, despite her regrettable ascendance. And it had been kind of fun, not to be alone for once. Not enough for him to change his mind about the Heavens, but not as terrible as he assumed it would be.
Uh. What a revelation.
"I see your penmanship hasn't improved," Jian Lan takes a glance at his report. "I'm pretty sure only I will be able to read it."
Hua Cheng smiles sweetly. "If you're not happy, you can write it yourself."
"I am overjoyed, Your Highness," Jian Lan smoothly backpedals.
They work in silence for about an hour, occasionally interrupted by Jian Lan's ducklings requiring her input or bringing more tea. It's cute how they tiptoe around Jian Lan like she's Jun Wu in person, and defer to her opinion in all things, from flower arrangement to military formations.
"Alright." Hua Cheng declares as he puts down his pen. "Say what you want to say."
Jian Lan looks like she wants play dumb, but promptly switches strategy. Smart choice. "I am...concerned about the interest White Sword Whispering Death seems to have for you, Your Highness."
Ah. Understandable. A supreme like him is no small matter indeed. Hua Cheng isn't worried exactly, but he's quite curious. He rarely worries for this own life, and he honestly didn't feel like the demon king meant to hurt him. Far from it, really.
"I wonder if we're married now," Hua Cheng muses out loud. "He did lead me out of the sedan after all."
Jian Lan shudders, horrified at the prospect. "Please don't even joke about that. Your Highness, you must be careful, Jingji Guan is extremely dangerous. You remember what happened after he first emerged from Mount Tong Lu?"
"Naturally."
There isn't a single Heaven Official who could forget about Jingji Guan's first action as a supreme. In one day, the newly made demon king tracked down thirty-three different officials, one by one, breaking inside their own palace as if it was nothing, and offered them a 'deal'. Either they abandoned their godhood and descended as mere mortals until they earnt back their immortality, or they would die. None accepted to do so, and fought the demon king. All were defeated, and left alive with a single cut on the cheek.
After his apparently random stunt, the demon king went back to his realm. Most assumed he was merely trying to intimidate them, not that it worked, hahaha. The targeted officials laughed a lot about the encounter, until they didn't. After two days of unease, they all started hearing voices. Taunting whispers, chilling whispers, gently threatening whispers.
Whispers of death.
Slowly they fell into madness, without anyone being able to help them. After the first week, they started trying to kill themselves. However, being immortals, they couldn't die, no matter how many times they attempted suicide. Eventually, they all descended and died after one month roaming among mortals.
And so a name and a legend was born, clouded in fear and terror: White Sword Whispering Death.
"Your Highness. You must be careful. Who knows what he wants this time?"
"I'm always careful," Hua Cheng boldly lies.
If Jingji Guan wants a minor god like Hua Cheng dead, for some mysterious reason, there isn't much he can do about it. It's one thing to terrorize Heaven Officials, who think of him as some sort of annoying boogeyman, but the demon king is on another scale algother.
Meh. Hua Cheng will have to improvise, as he always does.