Chapter Text
Pain. Unbearable pain.
It pulsated through his body from head to toe.
His hands were tied, wrists already raw and infected.
His arms have been brought over his head and were tied to the wall there. His shoulders have gone numb months ago.
He forced his eyes open, just to close them again immediately after. The pain inside his scull was too intense too keep them open longer.
His surroundings never changed anyway. There was always just hard, cold rock all around where he was seated on the ground. It was poking through his pale, fragile body and left cuts and bruises that didn’t seem to heal anymore. Apparently even his Seidr lost its strength eventually.
His body was also littered with countless stab wounds which were placed perfectly, just enough to weaken him but not to kill him. After some time he noticed that this was the biggest torture of them all. He has been here for so long, he just wished for one last stab through his heart and everything would be over. The pain and the never ending torture that slowly killed his mind. But of course they would never be this kind.
He heard footsteps of a creature walking towards him, it was time again. He didn’t even lift his head anymore, just recognized the sound of a drawing blade as it was plunged deep inside his abdomen. He couldn’t hold back anymore, the pain was too much. So he screamed with his last remaining energy and filled the room with his weakening voice.
_______
„Loki? Loki, wake up!“ Thor shook his brother’s shoulders, who tossed and turned on his bed and seemed to have a terrible nightmare. The God of Thunder had never left Loki’s sight but dozed off after some time until the alarms of the heart monitor woke him up again.
Apparently, Loki couldn’t free himself from this horrible dream, so Thor slapped him right across his cheek. Suddenly he stopped moving and opened his eyes before looking around anxiously. He felt pain, could see shackles, and it was freezingly cold…no he couldn’t possibly be there again. His panic grew and he started tossing again until he met his brothers blue eyes that looked at him, clearly worried.
„Thor?“ he asked carefully. He wasn’t sure if he could trust his eyes just yet.
„Yes, it’s me. I am here, you’re safe.“ Loki relaxed visibly and closed his exhausted eyes again.
„What were you dreaming about? It appeared to be a horrible nightmare. I know how often you were plagued by them as a child.“ there was this look again that Loki hated so much. Did he really look so weak and pathetic that Thor would pity him that much?
„It was nothing, forget it.“
„Will you stop it with your never ending pride! What happened between us, Loki? You were always telling me about your nightmares.“
„Oh, I don’t know, BROTHER. Maybe it’s because I’m not really your brother? Or maybe because my father, who is by the way NOT my father, never loved me? I gave everything I had. Everything! But no matter what I did, nothing seemed to please the oh so mighty Odin. Did he ever tell you why he adopted me? It was just for the purpose of restoring the peace between Jotunheim and Asgard! I was never more than a subject for him!“ Loki screamed and in the end he panted heavily. He was extremely upset and that seemed to weaken his body even more. Why on Hel was he so weak? Pathetic.
„Calm yourself, brother. I’m gonna be honest with you, I don’t agree with everything father did to you. Some things were wrong and foolish but he loves you anyway, even when you don’t want to hear it. He’s just incapable of admitting it, he’s just too stubborn and proud. Something he apparently passed on to you.“ Thor smiled sadly and lowered his gaze.
„But whatever you might think about father, please know that I always loved you and still do. It breaks my heart to see you like that, so please talk to me.“ Loki looked to the side and sighed. That fool always succeeded in making him soft.
„Very well, but not a word to anybody!“
„I promise.“
Tony loosened the shackles on Lokis wrists slightly while he slept, so now he could move more freely and sit up a bit. The movement hurt a lot but was manageable.
„You certainly remember when I was falling into the void and you thought me dead. Well, obviously I didn’t die because I fell into a portal that brought me to a strange place. I was surrounded by disgusting creatures that called themselves Chitauri.“ the memories made him tremble slightly, but he continued. „They were commanded by Thanos, a titan whose power and cruelty was far from anything I have ever came to witness.“ Loki gulped audibly and Thor could see how hard it was for him to recall his memories. No matter what happened exactly, it had to be truly horrible to frighten his brother like that. He was shivering visibly under the thin blanket now, his expression full of dread.
„They…they tortured me. Every day, a creature came to me and embedded his blade into my abdomen over and over again, until my body wasn’t able to heal itself anymore. Months passed until they finally brought me to their leader, who greeted me with this hideous grin I would never forget again. He made me an offer. I should lead his army to take over Midgard and in exchange I had to give him the Tesseract. I would have done almost anything to escape from the daily tortures, so I accepted his offer. I just couldn’t endure it any longer.“
Thor was speechless, what did they do to his beloved brother? He doubted he would’ve ever told him that, if he wasn’t in this weakened state. But apparently, Loki wasn’t finished just yet. „I…I know I did terribly things in the past, but-" Loki sighed. „I don’t know how to explain this to you.“ The God of Lies played with his fingers unconsciously while his gaze was unfocused.
„I was aware of the things I did, but it felt wrong. Like my mind wasn’t completely my own. I still took care of everything Thanos requested from me, maybe it was because of the months of torture I couldn’t think straight. But that doesn’t matter anymore as I and the army I commanded, killed hundreds of innocent human beings.“
Thor couldn’t believe what he just heard. Did Loki regret what he did? He knew that Loki could be manipulative and that lying was in his nature, but the wet tears in his sad eyes made him believe otherwise. He didn’t have time to reply as Bruce walked towards them, a cup of tea in one hand and a plate full of food in his other. Loki hastily wiped the tears from his cheek and cleared his throat.
„Good morning. How are you feeling, Loki?“ the doctor asked honestly interested and put the cup and the plate on the nightstand beside Loki’s bed.
„Oh, just splendid.“ he replied annoyed for which he gained an evil glare from Thor.
„Be honest, brother. Remember that Midgard’s medicine is the only thing that can help you right now and I’m afraid that Banner is the only one who’s trying to help you, so don’t be rude.“ Thor thanked Bruce silently with a nod and again, Loki sighed and straightened himself a bit more.
„The pounding in my leg is ridiculously painful and it seems that even lifting my head exhausts my body tremendously. What’s the official diagnosis for that, Banner?“ he spit his name out with an unnecessary disgust, but Bruce ignored him.
„You’ve lost a lot of blood. A human body needs some time for it to be restored. That’s why you’re still so pale and feel extremely exhausted and, to be honest, look like shit. It’s similar with the wound itself. The arrow was deeply embedded into your thigh and damaged the muscle tissue there. For humans, it would take up to six weeks until you could put weight on the leg without it being painful.“ Loki’s eyes went wide and Thor copied his expression.
„Six weeks, are you kidding me? Your pathetic bodies can’t even heal simple puncture wounds?“
„But…“ Bruce added raising one finger.
„You’re still Aesir, not human. Your bodies can endure much more physical harm than our puny ones, as you like to call it.“ Loki ignored that Bruce called him Aesir. It was probably for the best if they didn’t know of his true heritage. He despised himself, thought of himself as a monster. He didn’t want to think about what they would think of him if they knew. Wait, he did not just care about what the Avengers would think of him, right?
„So, what you’re saying is that it won’t take that long for him?“ Thor questioned, raising an eyebrow. Bruce scratched his neck and sighed.
„I really don’t know. I’m not even a doctor of medicine let alone of a completely different species. But if I had to guess, I’d say no, it won’t take that long. But you should still get some rest and eat something.“ Bruce said, pointing to the plate on his nightstand. Loki eyed the scrambled eggs on his plate and snorted audibly before looking at Thor and Bruce questioningly.
„Oh, you really expect me to eat that?“ to clarify his statement, he wrinkled his nose theatrically. Thor knew exactly what his brother did. He obviously wasn’t feeling well, that’s why he acted so rude and defensive. He was probably feeling nauseous too, a common symptom resulting from high blood loss, so he couldn’t really blame him.
„Thank you for everything, Son of Banner.“ Thor smiled at him apologetically.
„Yes, thank you for your unspeakable assistance.“ Loki replied sarcastically at which Bruce just shook his head.
„By the norns, what are you trying to accomplish?“ Thor was clearly angry. Why was he being so ungrateful? Did he really have that much pride?
„I’m telling you this just once, Loki. I don’t know what’s going on inside your head, but these people are trying to help you EVEN THOUGH you destroyed half their city! Don’t you have any honor left in you?“ Thor clenched his fists furiously, but calmed himself soon after. The God of Mischief thought about the words his brother just said. Yes, why did he reject the help of the Avengers that much? Nobody had meant him any harm, except for Barton of course. But if he was completely honest with himself he knew that he deserved it at least a little bit. He can’t comprehend why he was feeling so much hate inside of him. He could see how beautiful a life could be, if you’re being nice and honest with each other. Wasn’t that a better feeling than being rejected and hated by every single soul in the universe?
„I’m sorry, brother.“ Loki apologized honestly, Thor could see. He still didn’t reply but turned around and left the Jotun alone.