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The Chronicles of Meap

Chapter 38

More than Meaps the Eye

"Bases are loaded and it all comes down to this from Ferb 'The Curve' Fletcher!" Phineas announced.

Ferb took out a gun with a baseball glove on the front. He attached a baseball to it. The ball had a tiny antenna on it.

"And the windup," Phineas continued.

Ferb shot the ball. With the antenna, he was able to use some controls on the gun to direct the ball in the right direction. The ball landed on Phineas' gun.

"And the crowd goes wild!" he finished before imitating a crowd cheering. "It looked way outside, but it's right in the zone. Let that be a lesson, baseball fans, to never judge a book by its cover."

Meanwhile, Candace was examining a bunch of books, more specifically their covers.

"Boring, dull, lame, derivative," she determined.

"Oh, thank you for those insightful reviews of books you haven't read," Linda said sarcastically.

"That's what covers are for. To judge the books. I mean, why did you choose these books anyway?"

"They looked interesting."

"So…?"

Linda sighed. "Point taken. Okay, I'm off to help Dad at the antique store. Oh, and before I forget, here's a package for you."

Linda showed a certain box. Candace bolted up in excitement.

"My Bango-Ru!" she shouted.

"Your what?" Linda asked.

"These are Japanese toys that are so in right now, like in a kitschy way. The guitarist for the Bettys has one on her guitar. Stacy and I designed our own dolls online."

"Well, assuming none of that is teenage code for something I should be worried about, I'm heading out."

"Bye Mom."

Candace shoved the books aside and set the box on the table.

"I gotta call Stacy," she said as she dialed Stacy's number.

"Bango-Ru!" Stacy's voice cheered. "I just got my little bunny-bear! It's a cross between a bunny and a bear! It's the most precious thing!"

"I got mine too. It's a cross between a cow and a frog. I'm calling him Senor Frowg. He's gonna be the cutest thing."

Candace took the toy out of the box. It was nothing like she expected it to be.

"Candace, what's wrong?" Stacy asked.

"I just discovered why cows and frogs don't date," Candace replied.

"Well, we'll still have fun at the convention today, right?"

"Yeah, I guess."

"Alright, Ferb," said Phineas. "Let's see what this bad boy can do. Go long."

Phineas launched the ball high into the air.

The ball flew out of Earth's atmosphere and hit a small spaceship. The ship started to fall towards Earth.

Phineas and Ferb saw the spaceship coming down.

"Ferb, I know what we're gonna do today," Phineas said. "Run for our lives!"

The boys made a run for it. They got behind the tree. The ship crashed in the backyard.

The boys popped out from behind the tree to get a good look at what crashed.

"Wow," Phineas said. "I think we just stopped or started an alien invasion."

The ship hatch opened.

"I hope he's not too angry, or hungry," Phineas added.

The alien revealed itself. It was a tiny creature that was mostly white, but had some pink fur on the back of its head. It has two bright blue eyes.

"Meap," it said.

Phineas gushed at the site of the creature. Even Ferb couldn't help but smile a little.

"That is so cute!" Phineas shouted before cautiously approaching the alien. "Hey, are you okay? We're sorry about your ship. What's your name?"

"Meap," the creature repeated.

"Hi, Meap. I'm Phineas, and this is Ferb."

Meap showed Phineas a photo of a different alien. It had a similar white face and blue eyes, but it had red fur on the back of its head, and it had a black body. It also had a mustache over its mouth.

"What you got there?" Phineas asked as he took the photo. "This must be his father. Don't worry. We'll fix your ship and get you back to your father."

That's when Candace came out.

"Hey, Ferb, I know what we're gonna do today," she imitated Phineas. "Let's get ourselves busted by crashing our stupid toy in the backyard."

"It isn't a toy, Candace," Phineas replied, barely keeping his cool. "It's a real alien spaceship."

"Oh, good." Candace took out her phone. "Because this isn't a cell phone. It's an intergalactic little brother busterizor which I'll use on you if you don't clean up this mess. Also, what is with the spaceship anyway? I thought you already did that."

"We weren't planning on going to space, but if we did, I'm sure there's still a ton of cool stuff left to do."

"Well, I am done with space. I'm staying on Earth where I'm the one in charge, conditionally."

That's when Meap approached Candace. Her thought process was interrupted on the spot.

"That is the most adorable thing I've ever seen in my life!" she shouted. "You guys made a Bango-Ru doll?"

"That's actually Meap," Phineas replied.

"Meap," said Meap.

"That's all he says," Phineas explained.

"Well, you and your Bango-Robot better not show up at the convention and make me look bad," said Candace.

Candace accidentally stepped on the baseball gun and launched the ball to who knows where. They heard the sound of glass breaking.

"That's strike one," Candace warned as if that wasn't her fault.

Phineas sighed before getting back on track. "Okay, let's fix an alien spaceship. Where do you want to start? Hey, where's Perry?"

Neither of the boys noticed Meap walking off.

Perry tried to sneak into his base when he saw something unfamiliar to him. He quickly took off his hat and assumed his normal form.

"Meap," was all the creature said before walking away.

Once the creature was out of sight, Perry put his hat back on.

What was that about? he asked himself.

Perry entered his base. Monogram was waiting for him like always.

"Good morning, Agent P," he greeted in an uncharacteristically cheery tone. "I wonder what exciting mission we have for you today."

He started scratching his nose.

"Excuse me," he apologized. "My nose is really itchy. Doofenshmirtz has purchased a lot of carpet. He must be up to something bad because he is a bad, bad man." Monogram laughed. "I can't do this. Carl was doing my arms, see?"

Monogram turned around to show that Carl was standing behind him, acting as Monogram's arms.

"Anyway, stop Doofenshmirtz and his carpet thing," Monogram finished in his usual monotone voice.

The boys had just built a complicated device. There was a screen that showed a blueprint of the design of the ship, inside and out. Phineas was wearing a red metal gauntlet which he used to control a platform Ferb was strapped to.

"It seems to run on a quantum-front loading system," he said as he examined the blueprint. "Can the new frame support that?"

Ferb gave a thumbs-up.

"Hang on," Phineas said as he moved his hand upwards. "Let me get you down."

Phineas set Ferb down.

"Hey, guys," came Isabella's voice. "Whatcha doin?"

Phineas turned and saw Isabella.

"Oh, hey Isabella," he said as he waved his gloved hand. "Come over here and we'll show you."

He realized he was shaking Ferb around.

"Whoops, sorry Ferb," he apologized as he set Ferb down again.

Ferb unbuckled himself and narrowly avoided throwing up.

"We're fixing up this spaceship," Phineas explained to Isabella as he inadvertently swatted Ferb away. "That belongs to our new friend, Meap. He's the most adorable thing in the world."

Isabella felt like she was punched in the gut.

"Are you sure there's nothing or no one more adorable?" she asked.

Phineas took a good look at Isabella. For whatever reason, she seemed a lot cuter than he remembered.

"Well, you're cute," he admitted. "But not as cute as Meap. Here, see for yourself. Meap." He realized Meap wasn't there. "Meap?"

Candace met up with Stacy.

"Bango-Ru!" Stacy cheered.

"Bango-Ru," Candace said unenthusiastically.

"Oh, Candace, look at it! It's so cute, I could die!"

Candace noticed that Meap followed her. "What?"

"Meap," Meap said.

"And it speaks!" Stacy squealed. "How did you get it to do that?"

Seeing a chance, Candace took it.

"Phineas and Ferb, you know," she lied.

"Oh, they tricked it out for you," Stacy assumed. "Come on, let's go."

Stacy biked towards the convention.

Candace took Senor Frowg out of her bag and tossed it into the trash can. She put Meap in her bag and biked after Stacy.

She didn't notice Meap barfing a beam of rainbow that destroyed Senor Frowg.

"Okay, I rigged a GPS device to create a cute-tracker," Phineas said as he showed Isabella the device. "It locks onto the cutest thing in the area so it should lead us right to Meap. Let's see if it works."

Phineas turned on the device. It was already beeping.

"Got something," he said.

"That's probably me," Isabella suggested.

"No. It's three miles that way. Ferb, why don't you stay and finish the ship?"

Ferb saluted, and accidentally hit himself in the head with the wrench. He quickly got back up.

"Isabella, wanna come?" Phineas asked.

"Sure," Isabella replied. "I still have to get my 'you wouldn't know cute if it bit your legs off' accomplishment patch."

Phineas needed a moment to process that statement. When he did, all he said was, "Okay."

Isabella groaned in frustration.

Doofenshmirtz Evil is Carpeted

Perry found himself stuck under the carpets. He used a blaster he had tucked under his hat to free himself. Doof was right in front of him.

"Ah, Perry the Platypus," he said. "Just in time for your little lesson in static electricity."

A mechanical arm grabbed Perry and rubbed him against the carpet. It caused all of his fur to stand on end, trapping him.

"Looks like I rubbed you the wrong way, Puffy the Fuzzypus," Doof joked. "You might ask, 'What's with the carpet?' Well, I believe the answers are best expressed in backstory form. When I was a boy, the smell of pork emanating from me was so bad because… well, that's unimportant. That's part of a separate backstory. Regardless, the smell was so bad that no one would come near me. One day, the carnival came to town, and I needed money because my parents disowned me and I was raised by ocelots. The point is, I had to get a job at the carnival. The only position available was at the dunking booth, but not as the guy who got dunked. I was what they threw to dunk him. Long story short, I got a balloon at the carnival, I drew a face on it, I sprayed him with a special life-long lasting spray I created, and I named him Balloony. He became my best friend in the world, yada yada yada, then one tragic day, when I was protecting our garden as a lawn gnome, you remember that backstory, Balloony started floating away. I tried to reach out and grab him but, Nicht bewegen! I never saw Balloony again. He's still out there somewhere, I know because I put the life-long lasting spray on him. I plan to bring him to me. Balloons are drawn to static electricity, so I created this."

Doof gestured to the inator in the room.

"Behold, the Static-Electro Amplifinator!" he shouted. "Keep beholding, keep beholding, and scene."

Isabella sang to herself as she walked alongside Phineas. She noticed a butterfly floating towards her. She stopped to admire it.

"Huh, I keep getting this cuteness interference," Phineas said.

Isabella panicked. "It's me. I'm disrupting the mission. I shouldn't have come."

Her screaming scared the butterfly away.

"No, it's gone now," Phineas assured. "I wonder how Ferb's doing."

Ferb just finished redesigning Meap's spaceship. It had fire painted on the sides, and it had a bigger front.

The cockpit was also modified so it could fit more than just Meap.

He started the engine.

Out in space, a particular alien was heading towards Earth. It was the same one from Meap's picture.

"Warpdrive signature detected," said the computer voice.

"I have you now," the alien smiled sinisterly.

Play "My Ride from Outer Space"

Ferb started the engine and took off.

Ferb:

When I light my afterburners

I'm a bullet whizzing by

I do 260 lightyears

In the blink of an alien eye

Ferb forgot to put on his seatbelt. He almost flew out of his seat. He quickly got himself seated right, then buckled up.

We're shaking, baking, staking, smoking

Like a vertical grind

If I was going any faster

I'd be going back in time

Ferb's skin almost flew off of his skull because of how fast he was going. Thankfully, he was able to put it back on.

Leaving nothing but a vapor trace

In my ride from outer space

Ferb paid a quick stop to the Shooting Star Milkshake Bar. He was handed a milkshake on the house.

He then went straight back to Earth.

Buford and Baljeet were about to cross the street when something bolted past them at high speeds. They both hugged each other in fear.

They then realized what they were doing and backed away, blushing.

"Let us never speak of this again," said Buford.

"Agreed," Baljeet agreed.

On the other side of the crosswalk, Django noticed the thing fly by. While he only saw it for a fraction of a second, he could tell who was driving it.

Was that Ferb? he thought to himself, blushing a little.

Ferb flew back into space and around the sun.

I can bang shift through a nebula

And slingshot around the sun

Don't look no further, baby

'Cause you know I'm number one

Ferb returned to Earth and flew down the road again. He passed by a familiar girl.

He quickly stopped and backed up to get a good look at her. She was Vanessa.

I'm chopped and flamed and bobbed and filled

You got to trick it out

When I come to your dimension

You'll know what it's all about

I can tell, girl, from that look there on your face

Ferb turned to Vanessa and gave her a flirtatious grin.

You're digging my ride from outer space

With that, Ferb dashed away.

You know you're digging it, baby

My ride from outer space

My ride from outer space

End "My Ride from Outer Space"

Candace and Stacy looked around the convention.

There were balloons of all these hybrid creatures floating around. There were stores selling merchandise related to these characters. There was an earworm of a song playing on the speakers.

"This is so weird," Stacy admitted.

"I know," Candace replied.

The girls noticed some Bango-Ru purses on sale. They went to buy some.

Neither of them noticed Meap walking off.

Meap noticed someone that looked like the alien from the picture. He approached the man and tapped his leg.

The man turned around to reveal he was just a guy in a costume.

"What?" he reacted. "Hey!"

Another guy wearing the same outfit picked up Meap.

"I got it," he said. "Irresponsible kids."

"Oh, I definitely should buy the shoes to go with this purse," Candace said as she looked through the aisle.

"Hey!" a voice called.

Candace turned around to see a couple of men approaching her with Meap in their hands.

"Is this yours, young lady?" one asked.

"Yeah," Candace replied.

"We found it abandoned on the floor."

"Sorry. It won't happen again."

"It better not! Your irresponsibility makes our jobs as security guards a million times harder! Someone could've stolen it or tripped over it!"

"That's right," the other added. "Injuries, theft, lawsuits, that could've killed me! We're lucky to be alive!"

Meap puked out a rainbow beam. It burned the guards' uniforms to ash, leaving nothing but their socks and boxers.

"The cute signal's getting stronger," Phineas said.

"Phineas?" Isabella asked. "How come you think Meap is so cute? What does that mean anyway?"

"I don't know. I just know it when I see it on this cuteness meter, though I keep getting this weird cute interference from somewhere."

That's when Ferb showed up on the repaired ship.

"Sweet, you tricked it out," Phineas smiled. "Isabella and I are on Meap's trail. Let's bounce."

The two got on the ship.

Candace biked home angrily.

"You can't ban me from Bango-Ru conventions for life!" she shouted in denial. "I BAN MYSELF!" She then turned to Meap. "And what even are you anyway?"

That's when Phineas, Ferb, and Isabella showed up on a spaceship.

"Hey, Candace," Phineas greeted. "Sweet, you found Meap."

"More like he found me," Candace retorted.

"Well, his ship's fixed, so we can get him back home now."

Before they could get Meap on board, though, another ship showed up and caught Meap's ship in a tractor beam.

"What is this?" Phineas asked. "Is it the space authorities? Did we do something wrong?"

"Well, some of the modifications I made aren't technically 'street legal'," Ferb replied.

The ship that captured Phineas, Ferb, and Isabella flew away.

"Wait, what's going on?" Candace asked. "Meap, who was that?"

Meap showed a photo of the red alien.

"Is that your father?" Candace asked.

"Meap!" Meap shouted as he showed a second picture. This one had the same alien facing sideways.

Candace knew what that meant. "It's a mugshot? Oh no! Phineas and Ferb have been abducted by an intergalactic criminal!"

Meap nodded sadly.

"Where is he taking us?" Isabella asked.

Phineas noticed something up ahead. "I think he's taking us to that cloud over there."

"That's no cloud," Ferb realized. "That's a space station."

The three were brought into the station. A particular alien approached them.

"You thought you were clever disguising your ship, but I've got you now," he said as he opened the hatch. He didn't seem to be expecting three human children. "Whoever you are."

"Are you Meap's dad?" Phineas asked.

"What is with that? Is this some kind of sick joke?"

Phineas ignored that question as he got off the ship. "I'm Phineas, and these are my brother, Ferb, and my friend, Isabella. What's your name?"

"I am known by many names throughout the universe," the man replied in a menacing voice before backing down. "Well, I'm only really known by two names. Most call me Mich, but others call me Big Mitch. Anyway, where did you get that ship?"

"It's Meap's ship."

"Meap? Like, yay high, big eyes."

"The biggest."

"That's my mortal enemy."

"Really? He seems like such a nice guy."

"He is. I'm not." Mitch gestured to multiple unique creatures in cages. "You see, I steal rare creatures from their homeworlds and imprison them here on my ship. I'm…"

"A zookeeper?"

"That sorta legitimizes it."

"You're a poacher!" Isabella assumed.

"Yes, I'm a poacher," Mitch nodded.

"That's wrong. These poor creatures shouldn't be locked up here. They should be brought back to their homes and set free."

"Maybe I should keep you here too."

"Nah, we're good," Phineas replied. "It's taco night at home."

"Mom, Phineas and Ferb have been abducted by an evil alien, and I'm here with a good alien, and we're…" Candace practiced before stopping herself. "That sounds crazy, doesn't it?"

Meap nodded. He then grabbed Phineas' baseball gun.

"How is this supposed to help?" Candace asked.

Meap took out the picture of Phineas and Ferb, then the picture of Mitch.

"Phineas and Ferb and the bad guy," Candace guessed before getting curious. "Wait, where do you keep all these pictures?"

Meap threw the photos on the ground, frustrated.

"Right, focus," Candace snapped out of it.

Meap showed another photo of Mitch's space station.

"Okay, they're in a giant spaceship," Candace realized. "But how are we supposed to get up there?"

Mitch took the gun and fired the baseball into the air.

"Oh, I get it, duh," Candace realized. "You're trying to tell me something."

Meap sighed in frustration.

"What?" Candace asked.

"You know how when you put on some socks and rub them on the carpet, you get that static shock?" Doof asked as he popped out wearing socks all over. "Behold, the new uniform of pure evil. I call it the Socky Shocky Suity."

The kids looked at all the exotic creatures.

"Cool," Phineas remarked.

"Would you three sit still?" Mitch demanded. "You don't get it. You're my prisoners. You should be afraid of me." He then noticed Mitch on screen. "Oh, like a moth to a flame."

Outside, Meap was using the remote control baseballs to lift Candace's bike into the air. They both flew up towards the spaceship.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa!" Candace shouted. "I've got this situation under control!"

"You kids might be of some use to me after…" Mitch was about to say before seeing the kids walking into the next room. "Wait, don't go in there! Ugh, I'll deal with them later!"

Candace took a moment to look around the ship.

"Check this place out," she said. "Now I know how to find Phineas and Ferb. They'll be where all the cool stuff is."

The kids were in one of the cages riding one of the creatures.

"Okay, I'll go and get them," Candace told Meap. "You stay here. This could get dangerous."

Candace entered the cage.

She didn't know what she was expecting, but it wasn't what she was seeing. Not only were there exotic animals, but the whole place was like an exotic playground. There were slides, poles, monkey bars, and so much before.

Meap found Mitch in the control room.

"So, we meet again!" said Mitch.

"Meap!" Meap shouted.

"I agree. It ends here. Oh, and by the way, I talked to your little friends, and just so we're clear, I'm not your father!"

Doof was almost finished charging up his Socky Shocky Suity.

"You know, it's the technical side of evil that people never appreciate," he remarked before noticing he was fully charged. "There. Now, watch as every balloon in the entire Tri-State Area is ripped from the hands of children and clowns and clown children."

I don't know why I still put up with this man, Perry thought to himself.

Doof pulled the lever. All the balloons in the Tri-State Area were pulled to the apartment.

"Wow, that's a lot of balloons," he remarked, genuinely surprised.

That's when Both Doof and Perry were pulled onto the balloons. The balloons lifted them and the inator off the ground.

"You know, on paper…" Doof said before stopping himself. "This was a bad idea too."

Meap and Mitch were about to duke it out…

When a bunch of balloons popped out of the ground for some reason. Doof climbed out.

"Oh, hello," Doof greeted.

"Can't you see we're in the middle of a showdown?" Mitch asked. "If you don't mind."

"Oh, I get it," Doof said. "It's one of those 'it ends here' kind of deals."

Perry almost fell out of the ship. Thankfully, he used a grappling hook to save himself.

"Don't mind me," Doof assured. "I'm just 'playing through' as they say. I'll show myself out."

Doof opened the door, planning to leave.

"Wait, no!" Mitch shouted. "That's where I keep…"

Doof gasped. "It's you!"

The thing in the room was none other than Balloony. It looked like it hadn't aged a day.

"Hey, that's the most unique thing in my collection: Colin, my best friend!" Mitch shouted.

"What?" Doof reacted. "That's Balloony, my best friend!"

"No, I found Colin floating all alone in space."

"Well, I actually drew his face! See, I even signed it!" Doof showed his initials on Balloony.

"That's a birthmark!"

"A birthmark? It's a balloon, you idiot! Come on, Balloony! Let's scoot!"

Doof tried to walk away, but Balloony wouldn't follow him.

"See?" Mitch said. "Colin is my best friend!"

"You've changed, Balloony!" Doof shouted. "And I actually thought you were backstory-worthy! It makes me sick! Well, I don't even need you anymore! I got an even better best friend! He's a great listener! He even put up with me going on about how great you were! It's clear to me now that my real best friend is Perry the Platypus!"

Right as he said that, Perry tackled Doof. They both fell down the hole.

With that out of the way, Mitch caged Meap.

"All too easy," he remarked.

Phineas, Ferb, and Isabella left the cage.

"I knew there was more to do in space," Phineas smiled.

That's when a bunch of robots surrounded them.

"Hello," he said, a bit nervous. One of the robots fired a laser. Phineas realized they were in danger. "Uh oh."

That's when something caused all the robots to explode. The kids turned around to see it was Candace with the baseball gun.

"Strike three," she said. "They're out."

"That was cool," Phineas admitted. "But whatever happened to strike two?"

Candace realized her mistake, but there was something else worrying her. "Where's Meap? I told him to stay right here."

Phineas checked the cuteness tracker.

"I'm having trouble picking up his cute signal," he said.

"Phineas, since you so obviously won't figure this out on your own," Isabella said, having lost her patience. "I think I'm the one causing the interference."

"Don't be silly." Phineas blushed a little as he continued. "I took your cuteness into account and adjusted the cute meter settings accordingly from the beginning. Look what happens if I change it back to normal."

Phineas changed the setting back to normal. The system fried.

"So much for finding Meap," he said. "Do you think he's okay?"

"I don't think so," a voice replied.

Everyone turned around to see Mitch standing there.

"Get away from him… Mitch!" Candace demanded as she pointed her gun.

Mitch laughed and summoned more robots.

"Foolish children!" he monologued. "Only now do you realize your grave situation. 'Hey, Mitch, look at the cool stuff'."

While he was talking, Candace saw the baseball and started moving it. She managed to hit the cage and open it up.

"Go, hide," she whispered to Meap.

Meap didn't hide though. He jumped out and puked his rainbow fire onto the robots. He then started beating up Mitch.

"I don't believe it," Candace said to herself.

By then, Mitch was on the ground.

"Okay, I surrender," he said. "You can stop behaving in a counterintuitive way to how you superficially appear."

Before Mitch could say anymore, Meap pulled off his mustache and put it on himself

"Meap!" Mitch shouted

"Children, thank you for your help in bringing down this villainous scoundrel," Meap said in a British accent. "You see, I am an intergalactic security agent who roams the universe busting people who do things they aren't supposed to do."

"You're like the me of the galaxy," Candace assumed.

"It's not cool when you put it like that," Phineas remarked.

"Actually, she's right," Meap told Phineas. "I am pleased to have not only made some true friends, but to have met a kindred spirit as well."

"Ha, I guess I learned not to judge a book by its cover," Candace said.

That's when a green, slimy, multi-eyed monster appeared. Candace quickly ran to the ship.

"That's actually my mother-in-law," Meap said with a smile, before quickly running away in fear. "So let's get out of here!"

The others followed suit.