theophanu (flammeinderdunkelheit)
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Harry's Got a Gun (to the tune of Janie's Got a Gun by Aerosmith) by Fallout Boy by TheCheshireBat
Fandoms: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
01 Jun 2024
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Based on this prompt that probably came from Tumblr first, but I found it on Facebook this morning and lost my damn mind. I wrote this whole mess today. I'm sorry.
PROMPT:
AU where Harry says, “Fuck it,” with his entire childhood trauma-filled chest, takes a fistful of gold to Muggle London the summer after 4th year, gets his hands on a pistol, and then gives Dobby a call.Imagine Voldemort chilling in Malfoy Manor when some house elf in 16 hats and 27 pairs of colorful socks rolls up with a .45 like, “Mr. Harry Potter Sir sends his regards.”
Bookmarked by theophanu (flammeinderdunkelheit)
09 Nov 2025
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A grave error made by Lockhart turns the wizarding world on its head. It ends quite badly for him, but he inadvertently does manage to save the wizarding world.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 66,365
- Chapters:
- 34/34
- Collections:
- 5
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- 524
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- 1,870
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- 789
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Bookmarked by theophanu (flammeinderdunkelheit)
05 Nov 2025
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- Words:
- 149,122
- Works:
- 2
- Bookmarks:
- 145
Bookmarked by theophanu (flammeinderdunkelheit)
02 Nov 2025
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Harry Potter is involved in a potions accident which ends up with him de-aging to a foetus and implanting in the womb of Severus Snape, who is a bearer. Severus can no longer spy, to the chagrin of Albus Dumbledore, but he uses it as an opportunity to show his true self, the person he has been forced to hide for over twenty years.
And maybe, just maybe, he can save his students from the pressures of war.
I don't own Harry Potter.- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 48,588
- Chapters:
- 12/?
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- 4
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- 839
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- 2,532
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Bookmarked by theophanu (flammeinderdunkelheit)
01 Nov 2025
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“I’ve been meaning to ask,” said Bill, who’d picked up his bag to stow his book away, and was now rifling through the contents. “What are you planning on doing, for the next six months?”
“Protect you,” Harry nodded importantly. “With my life, if necessary.”
“That seems like a waste,” Bill said drily. “Don’t put yourself in danger, for me.”
“Part of the job, cabbage,” Harry said cheerily. “First thing they teach us at the auror academy. If there’s danger around - run head-first into it. Best way to solve it.”
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Bill's in danger, so Harry is tasked to be his fake lover as they voyage to a druidic island off the coast of Scotland. Yep, Harry's completely fine with this. Ask anyone.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 22,425
- Chapters:
- 1/1
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- 1
- Comments:
- 50
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- 892
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- 229
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- 11,535
Bookmarked by theophanu (flammeinderdunkelheit)
30 Oct 2025