Archive of Our Own ^beta

"I don't get it, Bobby... I've never cheated on anyone in my life! Even when I was in my 'Buck 1.0' phase, all the women I was with knew that I was... you know..."

"A dog, who slept with anyone pretty that looked your way long enough?"

Buck floundered for a moment at the captain's wry words, mouth opening then closing again as he tried to think of a response. He didn't have one.

He knew what he had been like back then, before Bobby knocked some sense into him. Before Abby showed him that there could be a better way. But he had changed. Matured.

He had wanted so badly to do right by Abby, wanted so badly to find something good after her. Something worth building.

He just... couldn't seem to find that something.

Ali had left because she couldn't live with the danger, the possibility of him not coming home one day. That was fine. Really. It had hurt when she left, he had been so vulnerable at the time from the pain and fearing for his future, but he was glad she had done it sooner rather than later.

But then there had been Holly - kind and soft spoken and smart as a whip - who had gently taken his hand after six weeks of dating and said that she didn't think she was what Buck was looking for. Buck's pretty sure that statement is supposed to go the other way, to be an introspection of your own needs and desires, not someone else's. Whatever. She had kissed him on the cheek and looked at him wistfully as she gathered her things and left his apartment.

It had caught him off guard but had probably been for the best if Eddie's noncommittal shrug at Buck's announcement of their breakup had been anything to go by.

“She never seemed like a good fit for you,” he had said before loping off toward the workout room.

Then there was Maria, who had been funny and tough and exciting. They had rock climbed, bungee jumped, and gone snowboarding together. The sex had been fantastic and he had been eagerly awaiting whatever adventure they came up with next when she had knocked on his door and handed him the seven foot long surf board he had bought the weekend before for their trip to the beach. He had left it in her truck afterwards because she had promised they would go again soon.

'I think we want different things,' was all she had said before walking back to her truck and driving away. He remembered looking down at the board in his hands and seeing the handprints painted across the top. There were three of them, two large ones in a deep navy blue and bright yellow, and a small, smudged one in what was supposed to be rainbow colors - because Christopher could never pick just one - but had ended up as a smear of mostly red and greenish yellow.

The Diaz boys had come over the night before Buck's trip to the beach and Christopher had insisted that the board needed more decoration. So they had pulled out the paints Buck and Chris had used to make Eddie's birthday gift the month before and the three of them had given the mostly beige colored board a makeover, with swirls and lop-sided stars and some things that might have been clouds or maybe misshapen birds, and ending with their handprints across the top, his and Eddie’s on either side with Chris’ in between.

Well, if he and Maria wanted different things then she wasn't right for him. Buck knew what he wanted out of life and he thought those things were pretty great. He had decided that the next weekend he'd talk Eddie into bringing Chris to the beach. He was still getting over his fear of the ocean after the tsunami. Maybe the allure of going out on the board with Buck would help.

And now there was Natalie, who had sighed sadly and said with no uncertain terms that she would not be 'the other woman' before wishing Buck a good life and leaving him behind in the middle of the movie theater lobby, popcorn bucket in one hand and box of swedish fish in the other.

"Okay, yes, I was a dog. I admit that. But I have never ever cheated on anyone in my life. I tried to call her and talk to her about it but she just said she had 'been through a situation like this before' ” - he used air quotes as he rolled his eyes - "and she didn't want to do it again. What does that even mean?" Buck asked, leaning back against the kitchen counter. Bobby was trying to teach him how to make alfredo sauce from scratch (it was Eddie's favorite and Buck wanted to learn how to make it at home the next time he and Chris came over) when the conversation had turned to Buck's most recent failure in the dating world.

Bobby stirred the sauce slowly, adding pinches of this and dashes of that. Buck was never going to remember because he knew his attention was in too many places at once. Oh well. He'll make mac and cheese instead. Christopher liked it better anyway.

After adding whatever it was he had added Bobby set the whisk down and turned towards Buck. "Have you considered the possibility that she was speaking metaphorically?"

Buck tore his attention away from the grocery list going through his head - they needed cheddar and parmesan to make the mac and cheese the way Christopher liked it best - and put it back on Bobby, forcing his mind to parse out what his captain had said. He wrinkled his nose up in confusion as he thought it over.

A metaphor for what? She felt like the 'other woman'. What else could make her feel...oh!

"You mean my job?" He huffed and slumped lower against the counter. He knew he was pouting but he didn't care. It was Ali all over again!

"She knew I was a firefighter when we started dating! What do these women expect? That we'll get serious and I'll suddenly get a desire for a desk job?!"

He turned around and picked up the whisk Bobby had been using and started to quickly stir the bubbling sauce. He wouldn't choose a girlfriend over his job. He just wouldn't! He'd rather be alone forever than end up with someone who expected him to quit. His job was his life, why couldn't they understand that?!

"Ow shit!"

He had whisked too hard and some of the sauce had splashed over the side of the pan and onto his hand. He stuck his fingers in his mouth and pouted some more as Bobby took the whisk back and wiped up the mess with a nearby dish towel.

"That, or... there might be something else in your life that made her feel like she was taking second place,” he suggested in that tone he used when Buck was being dense but Bobby wanted him to figure it out on his own.

At that moment Eddie came bounding up the stairs and into the kitchen area. He was making a beeline for the fridge but took a sharp turn at the last second and walked over to Buck, grabbing his wrist and pulling his hand away from his mouth.

"What did you do?"

"Was an accident," Buck said, giving Eddie his best 'I'm pathetic, please take care of me' look.

Eddie rolled his eyes and tightened his grip on Buck's wrist, pulling him over to where the small first aid kit was kept by the sink.

As Eddie applied burn cream and band aids to the reddening skin on his fingers Buck turned back to where Bobby was still standing at the stove. "I don't know what that could be," he stated earnestly. "All I have is the job."

***

“I can’t get him to calm down, Buck, I’ve tried everything.”

“The Taco Song?”

“Tried it.”

“Shower?”

“Wouldn’t get in.”

“Scaredy Squirrel?”

“He just wants you. I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be sorry, Eddie. God, don’t ever be sorry for that. I’m on my way, okay? Tell him I’m coming.”

Buck hung up the phone, stuffing it into his back pocket as he turned back to where his date was waiting at their table. Her name is Elaina and she’s tall and dark haired and quick witted. She’s a friend of Maddie’s and this was their third date. Sort of.

She must have seen the apology in his face because her patient look turned sour, a frown pulling at her mouth and creasing her brow. “Evan Buckley, if you leave me here we will not be trying again.”

Her arms were crossed, her dark eyes fiery. He couldn’t blame her. Their last date, also at this restaurant, had been cancelled at the last minute and now he was about to walk out on her before the appetizer even came.

He wanted to explain but he didn’t have the words. How could he make someone who didn’t know him at all, who didn’t know Eddie and Christopher, understand why it was so important that he leave to go take care of them? How could he explain that Christopher’s nightmares were more important than any date?

“I’m sorry, Elaina. It’s just… you see it’s my friend’s son…”

“Your friend’s son? The same friend’s son who had a recital at school last week that you found out about last minute? The reason you cancelled our last date, after I had already gotten to the restaurant?”

“I’m sorry. Really I am. I know it’s hard to understand, but this is important.”

She sighed and turned in her chair to grab the small purse that hung off the back. “I need to be important too, Evan.”

“I…”

She stood up and started walking away before he could go on. “Figure out what you really want. Before your sister sets you up with anyone else.”

“I really am sorry,” he called out to her retreating back. He didn’t get an answer in return.

***

The restaurant was nearly 30 minutes from the Diaz house and Buck hated every single one. Christopher didn’t get many nightmares these days, between the therapy and Eddie realizing he needed to open up to his son more, Chris was doing a lot better dealing with the tsunami and his mom’s death. But every now and then he still woke up with dreams of drowning or being lost and alone.

But the dreams of losing Shannon had at some point turned into dreams about losing Buck. It made sense, really. As Christopher worked through Shannon’s death in therapy Buck figured his dreams were just turning more realistic. Instead of the subconscious idea that Shannon had drowned he was simply dreaming of what had really happened. Of being lost, looking for Buck and not being able to find him.

It tore a hole in Buck’s heart every time he got a call from Eddie asking him to come over so Christopher could see him and know he was okay. Eddie may have been able to forgive Buck for what happened, but Buck didn’t think he would ever be able to forgive himself.

He still wakes up with his own nightmares of that day. Dreams where he stands idly by and lets Christopher get washed out to sea. Dreams where he’s pinned beneath the truck they had been taking shelter on and he can’t get out, can’t get to Christopher before he drowns. Dreams of spending his life wandering a watery graveyard, checking every lifeless body to see if it’s the boy he lost.

Buck takes a deep breath and blinks the tears from his eyes as he pulls down the street to the Diaz house. It wasn’t his fault that the tsunami happened, or that he had brought Christopher to the pier that day, but it was his fault that Chris had been lost and if it meant leaving an angry date behind to go take care of him, to fix what had happened even a little, then he would do it every time.

He would do anything to soothe Christopher’s fears and take away the sadness and guilt Eddie felt every time he couldn’t help his son.

He pulled into the empty space in the driveway and bounded up the porch, unlocking the door quietly and slipping inside. He could hear music playing in the background, not the silly songs they played to make Christopher laugh but the calming Spanish guitar Eddie played whenever Chris was having a hard time sleeping. Over that Buck could hear Eddie’s voice, quiet and gentle, promising Chris that he was safe and that Buck was on the way. For a brief moment Buck was disappointed that Eddie wasn’t singing like he sometimes did, soft songs in Spanish to go with the guitar. He had a good voice, not amazing, couldn’t beat Maddie and Chim in a karaoke contest, but soft and soothing when he was trying to get Chris back to sleep and Buck always liked listening to him.

“He’s coming, buddy, I promise,” Buck heard Eddie say quietly.

“When?” Christopher asked. His voice was tired and sad and it broke Buck’s heart.

“Right now,” Buck said as he carefully slipped inside the room where his two favorite people were waiting for him.

“Buck!” Chris shouted, practically leaping off the bed at the sight of him. He would have fallen if not for Eddie’s quick arm around his shoulders.

Buck rushed to the bedside and wrapped both the Diaz’s up in a tight hug. One hand cradled Christopher’s head, fingers tangled in his curls like when they had found each other after the wave hit. He pulled the boy close and tucked him into his shoulder while his other hand found the back of Eddie’s neck, squeezing gently, their foreheads bumping together as Buck held them both close.

They sat that way for a minute until Christopher asked quietly, “Buck, do you still get nightmares?”

Eddie pulled back with a quick kiss to Christopher’s head, his hand sliding across Buck’s shoulder’s as he left them alone on the bed.

“Yeah, buddy, I do,” Buck answered, voice soft as he stroked Christopher’s hair. “I still dream about what happened sometimes and…it sucks.”

Christopher nodded against Buck’s shoulder and wrapped his arms around him. “Yeah. It sucks.”

Buck heard a strained chuckle from Eddie on the other side of the room.

“What was your dream about this time?” Buck asked.

“You were lost,” Christopher whispered. He snuggled closer into Buck’s side, his hands gripping Buck’s shirt as if he thought he would disappear. “I was looking everywhere but I couldn’t find you.”

Chris always talked about it like that. Buck was missing, Buck was lost. It was like he didn’t realize he was the one that was lost, that Buck had searched half the city for him, in constant fear that he would never find him. He still wakes sometimes with his heart aching, remembering what it was like having to tell Eddie that he couldn’t find his son.

Buck kissed Chris’ head and squeezed him tighter. “I’m not lost, buddy. Not anymore.”

He felt Chris nod against his shoulder. “I know that. It just feels like you are, when I wake up and you’re not here. That’s why I like to see you.”

“I’ll always come when you need me, Christopher. Always.”

Christopher sighed and pulled away from Buck a little, his brow creased but not in worry or fear, just thoughtful. “Maybe you should live here,” he suggested with all the surety of an eight-year-old, like it made perfect sense. “Then you’d be here all the time.”

Buck glanced over at Eddie who was waiting patiently by the doorway, leaning casually against the frame while he watched Buck and Christopher talk. Eddie just smiled and shrugged at Buck’s dumbfounded look, a clear ‘you get to deal with that’ expression if Buck ever saw one.

“Christopher, uhh… I don’t…you see, there’s only 2 rooms and...”

“You could sleep in here. We still have the bouncy mattress.”

A few months ago Buck’s apartment building was being fumigated and Eddie had offered their couch while he had to be displaced. The next morning, after Eddie had caught Buck limping around the kitchen while he made breakfast, he had bullied Buck into admitting that sleeping on the couch had caused his bad leg to cramp and ache. Eddie had left later that day and come home with an air mattress for Buck to sleep on.

Christopher had insisted on a sleepover in the living room after seeing his dad and Buck move the coffee table out of the way and set the mattress up in front of the tv. The night had ended with Chris on the couch and Eddie and Buck on the slowly deflating air mattress, falling asleep to Chris’ favorite Disney movie. Eddie had ended up on the floor at some point, rolled off or kicked off in the middle of the night, and none of them got much sleep but it had been the most fun Buck had had in a long time.

“Or you could sleep in Daddy’s room. His bed’s big enough for two people.”

Buck heard Eddie make a cutoff, choked sound behind him. He laughed nervously and ruffled Chris’ hair. “How about we just worry about tonight, okay bud? How are you feeling now?”

“I’m okay now.”

“Yeah? That’s good.”

Christopher reached up and tugged on the tie around Buck’s neck. “Where were you?” he asked, his voice turning sleepy as he snuggled against Buck’s side.

“I was at a restaurant.”

“Alone?” the concern in Christopher’s question pulled on Buck’s heart and he hugged the boy closer.

“No, buddy, I wasn’t alone. I was, uh…I was with a friend.” Buck ran his hand through Christopher’s hair and scooted a little farther down in the bed, laying him a little more horizontal. It was well passed his bedtime and he needed to get back to sleep, but he tended to talk and talk at night to keep himself awake.

“A girlfriend?”

The suddenly accusatory tone threw Buck off guard. “Uh, no, not-not really. I mean, she was-is a girl. But I uh…I don’t have a girlfriend.”

Chris smiled and tugged on Buck’s tie one more time before sliding down to his pillow and closing his eyes. “Good. My friend Carlos got a girlfriend and now he doesn’t play with me at recess anymore. I don’t want you to go away too.”

Buck leaned down and kissed Christopher’s forehead gently. “That would never happen, buddy. Not ever. You’re the most important thing in the world to me.”

As soon as he said it Buck knew it was true. He loved this kid more than anything. He would miss out on a hundred dates if it meant being able to be there when Chris needed him.

Christopher smiled again, a small, heavy-eyed thing, before sighing contentedly and slipping into sleep. Buck gave him one last look before pulling the blankets up to his chin and tucking him in.

When he finally stood up and turned around he found Eddie standing in the doorway watching Christopher with that fond, soft look he had. Buck loved that look. It made his stomach flutter like he had butterflies and he wasn’t sure why.

“You were on a date?” Eddie asked after quietly shutting the door behind Buck as they left Christopher’s room. “Why didn’t you say so?”

Buck shrugged and leaned against the wall on the opposite side of the hallway. There were a lot of answers to that question but the root of it was that the date simply hadn’t mattered as much as being here.

“If I had told you where I was you wouldn’t have told me what was going on,” Buck admitted. “Then I wouldn’t have been able to come calm Christopher down and get him back to sleep. Then you would have been up half the night with him. Both of you would have been exhausted tomorrow and you would have felt guilty for not being able to help him. And frankly I just didn’t want to deal with you being Eddie the Grouch for our entire shift.”

Buck grinned at Eddie as he started undoing his tie. It was fairly early still, maybe they could grab a beer and watch a movie on Netflix together before Buck headed home. His date may have been over – and the potential for any sort of relationship with Elaina – but he was perfectly content to spend his evening here with his best friend instead, enjoying each other’s company while Chris slept dreamlessly down the hall.

He let the two sides of his tie hang loose and was about to pop open the button at his collar when he felt two strong hands wrap around his wrists and pull his fingers away from his shirt. He looked into Eddie’s eyes – when had he gotten so close? - and tried not to shiver at the warm, intense look in them.

“And last week…for Chris’ recital. You were all dressed up then too,” Eddie stated, his hands gripping Buck’s wrists just a little tighter as he held them between their bodies. They felt like they were burning him but Buck didn’t want to get away. It was a good burn, like the too-intense heat of a roaring fire after coming in from the snow that made your body ache but also felt safe and comforting.

“This exact outfit actually,” Eddie continued, stepping just a little closer to Buck. A few more inches and they would be pressed together from shoulder to thighs. Buck could feel his heartbeat pounding in his chest. “Were you on a date then too?”

“I… yes. Sort of. Eddie, it doesn’t matter.”

Eddie snorted, eyes rolling before settling on Buck again, that same soft look on his face that he saves just for Chris. The butterflies in Buck’s stomach came back like a storm.

He had no idea what was happening. A fleeting thought passed through his mind that he should stop it, whatever it was, that this wasn’t what they were to each other. But with his breath coming quick and Eddie pressed so close it was like a car hit him out of nowhere.

This… this is exactly what they were. They were dinners together on Friday nights and afternoons at the park with Christopher on their days off. They were recitals and nightmares and movies on the couch late at night. They were having each other’s back on the job and taking care of each other and Christopher every day. They were a family.

They had just never crossed that final line and now, as Eddie looked at Buck like he had hung the moon then tripped out of space on his way back to Earth, Buck realized he desperately wanted to.

His mouth was on Eddie’s before he even realized he had moved and he felt Eddie’s hands release his wrists and come up to grip the back of his head, pulling him closer. It felt like heaven. It felt like home. Like he had been waiting for this forever and just didn’t realize it.

They breathed each other in, lips caressing and learning something they should have already known. It was new, Eddie’s big, calloused hands on his skin and the hard, muscled planes of him pressed against Buck’s chest. But it was so so familiar too. Hands reaching out in support, relying on each other’s strength, trusting that the man beside you would keep you safe. It was everything Buck had been searching for and it had been right beside him all along.

Eddie pulled back for just a moment, his breath coming hard and fast, his eyes connecting with Buck’s as if searching for answers. All Buck could offer was a smile. He had no way to put his thoughts together, no words to say other than ‘yes’ and ‘please’ so instead he did what came easy and kissed Eddie again.

Whatever space was left between them disappeared, Buck pulling Eddie so close he could feel the rhythm of his heart beating against his chest. He slumped against the wall and Eddie followed, leaning into him as their mouths met over and over again and their hands roamed.

Buck gasped when he felt Eddie’s fingers pop the button Buck had meant to open earlier, the warmth of his fingertips setting fire to the skin of Buck’s throat, brushing over the faint line of the tracheotomy scar before slipping down and over his collar bones. Eddie took the opportunity to slide his tongue across Buck’s bottom lip, humming happily when Buck gasped again, before slipping all the way into his mouth.

Buck groaned and met Eddie’s tongue with his own, reveling in the taste of him, the wet warm feeling that sent shivers down his spine. His hands found Eddie’s hips and slid under the hem of his shirt, pressing into the skin, thumbs brushing over the taunting v of muscle there.

He felt Eddie moan into his mouth and chased after him when he pulled back, the tip of his tongue slipping over Eddie’s lips before he pulled away completely.

“Eddie, wha…”

“We’re five feet from Chris’ bedroom door. We should…” Eddie jerked his head back towards his own door down the hall and Buck felt himself suddenly blushing furiously.

“Right, yeah uh… that… yeah…”

“Hey.” Eddie’s soft voice stopped Buck’s stuttering words. “We kissed for the first time thirty seconds ago. I’m not going to jump you the second we step through the door. I just…want to go somewhere other than the hallway outside my kid’s room. That’s all.”

Buck laughed, one hand rubbing the back of his neck nervously. “I didn’t think you were gonna. I know you, Ed. It’s just… I haven’t… I mean with…”

“Buck.” Eddie leaned up the few inches it took to reach Buck’s mouth and kissed him again, silencing his rambling, half-finished thoughts. “We don’t need to do anything right now. Okay? Let’s… let’s just grab a beer and watch a movie. It’s alright.”

Buck sighed, trying not to feel relieved. The thought of having sex with Eddie was… exhilarating and terrifying at once. And he was self-aware enough to know it wasn’t about the sex. (Although he suddenly felt self-conscious thinking about being almost 30 and having gay sex for the first time, like he was losing his virginity all over again.) Just like it had been with Abby, this sudden thing with Eddie felt different. Special.

Eddie was too important to him for them to just jump into bed together. He didn’t want this to just be physical.

So when Eddie stepped back and grabbed Buck’s hand to lead him into the kitchen Buck felt all the butterflies that had showed up to flutter around his stomach settle down. This he knew. This was easy. Eddie opening a beer for him, shoving him toward the living room and telling him to pick something while Eddie popped popcorn. This was the part of his life that was comfortable and safe and peaceful, his sanctuary in a world full of chaos.

They spent most of the movie making out like teenagers, their beers gone warm and the popcorn completely forgotten.

It was different than anything Buck had felt before and he wasn’t entirely certain it was because Eddie was a guy. It was more than just the newness of it. With Abby, when they had been trying so hard to take it slow, Buck had always felt like there was a fire burning behind their interactions, a desire to move things farther faster, even if they weren’t letting themselves chase it.

He felt that desire now, as his breath hitched and he chased the press of Eddie’s mouth over and over. There was that heat low in his gut, but instead of an inferno that consumed his thoughts and actions, it was more like embers. A deep, red burning that would bank into a roaring flame if he just let it.

But the sweet comfort he felt right now sitting on Eddie’s couch, the softness of Eddie’s mouth against his, exploring and learning but not demanding, the familiarity of Eddie’s hands on his shoulders, his neck, cradling the back of his head like he was something precious… right now that feeling was more important than any desire he might have felt for sex.

Eventually the credits for the movie started to roll and Eddie huffed a soft laugh against Buck’s mouth, pressing one more kiss to his wet, swollen lips before pulling away, leaving him feeling both satisfied and wanting at the same time. He pulled his hands reluctantly away from where they had ended up at Eddie’s waist, fingers dancing along the edge of his sweatpants but not seeking out the skin beneath like he had in the hallway.

The smile Eddie gave him was soft and a little embarrassed, like he had just now realized they’d been necking like teenagers for the last hour and a half. He leaned forward and grabbed one of the beers, grimacing when he got a taste of the warm liquid.

“Buck-”

“Wait, Eddie, I just… I need to say something.” Buck interrupted him, before Eddie could say anything first, like ‘you should leave’. Because Buck’s fairly certain that would kill him.

“If we do this, we do this all the way,” he said, his hands suddenly restless without Eddie to hold onto, if they didn’t know where to land. This was so important and he felt like he was going to vibrate out of his skin.

“No hiding from the team,” he said. “No sneaking around. I don’t want to have to… to lie to Christopher about it or-or act different around him, you know?”

“All the way?” Eddie asked. He leaned over into Buck’s space, mouth brushing over Buck’s again once, twice, while his hands caught Buck’s, stilling their restless movements. Buck nodded, chasing the feeling of Eddie’s lips, heart hammering in his chest. Did he ask too much, was he pushing too hard?

He couldn’t half-ass this, though. Not with Eddie, not with Christopher in the mix. It would be better to stay friends, to go back to the way things were before tonight, than to risk everything because they were scared.

“Okay,” Eddie said, his voice quiet but determined, the way he got when he had made up his mind about something. He kissed Buck again, both hands coming up to cup the sides of his face as he looked into Buck’s eyes and said, “I love you.”

If realizing he wanted to be with Eddie felt like being hit by a car, this was like a meteor falling from space and punching a hole right through him. Buck felt all the air leave his body in a rush, was sure if he was standing he would have fallen over.

“Eddie…” His tongue felt like lead in his mouth, trapped behind kiss-bruised lips and unable to make a sound.

“I know, okay? It’s…a lot. Too much probably. But I just…needed to be honest with you. You said all in and that’s what I want too but I need you to know what that means to me.”

“It’s not too much,” Buck insisted, the unsteady sound of Eddie’s voice helping him find his own. “It’s not. It’s-it’s everything, okay? Eddie, I lo-”

Eddie kissed him quickly, cutting off what he was going to say. He shook his head as he pulled back and pressed his thumb to the corner of Buck’s mouth. “Hush, querido. You don’t have to say it. I know this is new for you.”

“Is it, though?” Buck asked, turning his head to nip at Eddie’s thumb. “I mean… we’ve basically been dating for months. Longer even.”

“It doesn’t count if you didn’t know, Buck. Can you honestly tell me that you had thought about this-” the hand that wasn’t holding Buck’s face waved between the two of them “-before I kissed you?”

“Wait, you kissed me? No no no, it was definitely the other way around.”

“Well, it definitely wasn’t, but that’s not the point. Have you, before tonight, even considered the idea of us dating?”

Buck floundered for a moment but in the end he had to admit Eddie had a point. Up until about 2 hours ago the idea of being anything other than a friend to Eddie hadn’t crossed his mind. The idea of being with a guy never really crossed his mind in anything more than a fleeting ‘wow that guy is hot’ sort of way. And yes, one of those guys was definitely one Eddie Diaz. The man was gorgeous, anyone with eyes could see that.

But just because this was new doesn’t mean it was weird or scary. It was just…Eddie. Eddie and Christopher and spending time together and, yes, loving each other. Now it just meant that they could also kiss each other while they were cooking and cuddle on the couch while they were watching movies. And instead of Buck leaving at the end of the night or sleeping on the couch if it was too late he could follow Eddie back to his room and find out what those perfect abs would feel like under his hands.

To be able to do all of those things with his best friend? That sounded like heaven.

“No, Eddie, I can honestly say that I hadn’t thought about it before. But! But…”

Buck pulled Eddie back from where he was trying to flee, arms going around his shoulders, foreheads bumping together as he held Eddie as close as he could get him. “But that doesn’t mean that I’m scared. And it definitely doesn’t mean this is some sort of experiment. I-I would never do that to you.”

“Buck, I know that,” Eddie sighed. There was a note of exasperation in his voice, but his body was relaxing, shoulders loosening under Buck’s hands.

Buck leaned in to kiss him again. “I do love you, Eddie. And-and maybe I’m not entirely sure how or… or what that means right now, but… I really want to find out. I know that I have a habit of jumping in feet first without thinking about what I’m doing. But if there was one time in my life where that’s a good thing, I think it’s now. I want this. I want you. And Christopher and… and a life together.”

Buck could see the worry still sitting behind Eddie’s eyes and he understood, really he did. They had both been burned in the past. But he could also see hope there and a hint of that soft, fond look that Buck finally understood the meaning of.

“Okay,” Eddie whispered, reaching out for Buck again, pulling him close a little desperately. Buck let himself be pulled, happy to end up halfway in Eddie’s lap, smiling into his mouth as they kissed again.

***

Buck woke the next morning to the sound of giggling. He felt Eddie’s hand slide across his stomach as the other man carefully rolled away from him, leaving the space at his back feeling cold. Before Buck could blink the sleep from his eyes he felt the bed shift and little hands and knees jostling him as Chris got settled in between them.

“Hey, buddy. Good morning.” Buck smiled as he turned to face Chris, catching Eddie’s eyes over the top of blonde curls. They had agreed no hiding, but Christopher’s reaction to this would determine their future together. Neither of them wanted to upset Chris for their own benefit and as much as Chris loved Buck that didn’t mean he would be comfortable with his and Eddie’s relationship taking this new turn. In all his 9 years Eddie had only ever been with his mom.

“Good morning,” Chris said, giggling again as he wiggled happily between them.

“What’s so funny, kid?” Eddie asked, poking gently at Chris’ side, making him squirm even more. There was a note of apprehension in his voice but his eyes looked hopeful.

Chris looked up at his dad then turned to Buck and grinned so big and bright it made Buck’s heart ache.

“I told you his bed was big enough for two people.”

Chris devolved into another set of giggles as Eddie’s gentle poking turned into all out tickling. When he shrieked with laughter and cried out ‘Buck, help me!’ Buck immediately came to his rescue, grabbing one of the pillows from the bed and whacking Eddie over the head with it.

This was apparently a declaration of war and for the next twenty minutes the Diaz boys and Buck chased each other all around the house.

***

Walking into work two hours later was a little surreal. Buck was wearing Eddie’s clothes - he had never replaced his spare set in his Jeep after that sewer incident last week – and as he came around the side of the truck Eddie reached out and grabbed his hand. The smile that broke over his face felt like it was never going to leave.

People definitely stared as they walked past hand in hand and he’s pretty sure he saw Johnson and Langley exchange money. Buck didn’t mind the stares and whispers; there were only three people in this station whose opinion he cared about and he didn’t see any of them as he and Eddie headed into the locker room to change.

Bobby was there though when they came out, leaning against the railing at the top of the stairs. Seeing him Buck suddenly felt unsure for the first time since last night.

“All the way,” Eddie whispered to him before placing a quick kiss on his cheek and taking his hand again.

Buck laced their fingers together, squeezing tightly as they made their way up the stairs to where Bobby was waiting. Hen and Chim were standing in the kitchen and the smiles on their faces helped put Buck at ease almost instantly. This was his family. They loved each other, had each other’s backs in a way most people would never understand. That’s all that mattered.

“Boys,” Bobby said by way of a greeting as they reached the top of the stairs side by side.

“Bobby, look-” Eddie started to say, but Bobby raised a hand to wave him off, cutting his explanation short.

“Fill out this paperwork for HR and don’t let it interfere with the job. Other than that, all I care about is that you’re happy.” Bobby handed them each a small stack of papers and folded his arms across his chest in what Buck secretly called his ‘father mode’.

Buck smiled and glanced down at the papers, feeling the last of the tension leave his shoulders. “Bobby, you… how?”

“Buck, I’ve had these papers sitting in my office with your names on them for months. I was just waiting for the two of you to catch up.”

Buck looked up at Bobby and the soft smile he was giving them, then over to Eddie. He could see the faint hint of a blush high on Eddie’s cheeks but he was smiling too, his fingers squeezing Buck’s where their hands were still entangled.

He thought about the last few months. He thought about Holly saying ‘I’m not what you’re looking for’ and Elaina last night telling him to ‘figure out what you want’. He thought about all the women who seemed to break up with him for no reason at all and he finally realized…

“Oh, YOU’RE the other woman!” Buck exclaimed to Eddie. His voice was loud in his excitement at finally understand the mystery, his shout apparently reaching the far corners of the station because everything around them went very quiet. Glancing over the balcony into the bay he could see all eyes suddenly on them.

He’s fairly certain that the words Eddie started muttering in Spanish as he walked away from him, still clutching his own set of papers, were not nice things. Buck didn’t mind though. He would make it up to Eddie when they went home together at the end of their shift.

‘Home.’ He thought as he followed after Eddie, a smile spreading over his face again for what felt like the hundredth time in the last twelve hours. That’s what he had been looking for all along.