Archive of Our Own ^beta

He wasn’t dead. His ears were ringing and his limbs screamed and his breath was shallow, gasping, impeded by an intense pressure on his chest, but somehow Jesse hadn’t died and maybe, just maybe, he could pull himself out of this mess.

His first thought was of Commander Tano. She escaped, didn’t she? With Rex? Or had they both went down with the ship despite their valiant attempt at a getaway? What about his men? How many were left? He had to get out, he had to search for them... no. Search for the jedi. Find the jedi. Kill the jedi...

“G-good... good soldiers... follow.. orders...” he whispered. The words swam in his head, drowning out all other thoughts, all other emotions... it was overwhelming, he could hardly hear himself think over the phrase which seemed to echo in his mind, getting louder and louder by the second. He was trapped. Trapped behind a wall of confusion and pain and those words, those deafening, oppressive words....

He didn’t know what had happened on the ship. One moment everything had been fine, more than fine in fact. The war was almost over, they had captured Maul, and the 501st was back with Ahsoka. Things had felt right again. As they should be. And, with news that General Kenobi was on Grievous’s tail, the clones had been talking about what might happen to them when the war was finally over, what they would do with their freedom, if they got it. Jesse wanted to find Cut again, help on the farm, at least for a while. He saved Rex, after all. It was the least he could do to repay him. The thought of such a simple life was invigorating... it seemed so close and yet so out of reach. It crossed his mind, Cut and the farm, as his comm light blinked. He picked it up without a second thought.

“Execute Order 66.”

It only took a few moments, but they were excruciating nonetheless. He felt as if he was sinking, slowly drowning in the depths of his own mind, losing control of each limb one by one. His feet guided him to the door, then his hands fell to his blaster, raised it, pointed it, steadied it. The door slid open. Commander Tano. It was pointed at Commander Tano.

He tried to free himself. Desperately. It was no use, however, as his limbs seemed to be locked, out of his control, as if he was a puppet of those words, those horrible words which echoed in his mind, through every bone and tendon. He was firing. At Commander Tano. He was trying to kill her.

That all seemed so far away now. Part of him wondered if it had really happened at all or if it was just a delusion created through the pain and trauma caused by the crash. Perhaps Maul simply escaped, took the ship down. Yeah, that seemed reasonable. That’s what happened. Everything was fine...

The overwhelming wave of thoughts rushed back over him as a voice broke through the silence, muffled by the debris on top of him. A familiar voice. Ahsoka.

Good soldiers follow orders.

His hand, though screaming with pain, reached for his blaster, fingers wrapping around the handle, finger poised on the trigger. A garbled whine of distress escaped him, it was too unbearable for the haze in his mind to contain. Ahsoka’s voice was getting louder, and now he pulled the blaster from its holster, pain searing across his arm as it scraped across a sharper shard of jagged metal.

Good- good sol-

The words were getting quieter, as if quickly falling back, lowering to a whisper, his hand faltered and dropped the blaster. A sharp pain shot across his temple and he tried to raise his hand to it but was blocked by more rubble. The pile on top of him shifted. He cried out, squeezing his eyes shut tightly. His head throbbed.

“- I hear-“

Commander. Commander. Ah- “- ‘soka...” he mumbled, gritting his teeth. The pile shifted again, and now dusty sunlight, dim and faint but defiantly there, broke through.

“I see blue. Rex, get over here!!”

Oh, thank the stars. She had found him...

Good so-

No. No, push it down, push it away, it doesn’t matter anymore. You can’t kill her. You can’t, Jesse, she’s your sister!

And suddenly he was uncovered and Ahsoka was above him, eyes shut, hands outstretched and lifting the piece of rubble that had been crushing his chest all this time. He took a gasping breath. It was wet, and triggered a burbling cough. He tasted blood.

Ahsoka tossed the rubble aside, scrambling down beside Jesse. She quickly reached down and pushed his gun aside, reached up and gently tugged his helmet off. He squinted against the sun. There she was... why wasn’t she afraid of him, after all he had done?

“Commander!!” Rex scrambled over the wreckage, pulling out his blaster. Jesse winced as he directed the barrel toward him. “Commander, stand back. I don’t want him to hurt you.”

“It’s fine, Rex,” Ahsoka said, eyes never leaving Jesse. “He can’t move. Look.” She motioned down to his chest and Rex visibly winced, lowering his gun.

“Is he still alive?” he asked.

Jesse blinked slowly at him. It was all he could manage.

“Not for long...” Ahsoka looked... sad. Mournful. After everything, she didn’t want to see him go. “Jesse, can you hear me? It’s Commander Tano... it’s Ahsoka. I’m your friend.”

He smiled weakly. “A...”

Her eyes lit up, and she grabbed for his hand, squeezing it. “What was that? Try again. Rex, he’s talking!”

“I can hear.” Rex sounded cold. He didn’t believe that Jesse wasn’t going to hurt her.

“Ad...” Jesse huffed in frustration. He tried to squeeze Ahsoka’s hand, but it was too much. “... ad’ika...” There we go. He sighed, shutting his eyes again. At least she knew.

“Ad’ika...” Ahsoka looked back up at Rex, a smile on her face. “Rex, he called me ad’ika... oh, stars, it’s him! He’s back, the chip must have been damaged.”

Jesse felt her hand graze the side of his head, right where the pain was shooting from. Her fingers came back crimson, wet and sticky.

“... we can save him,” she said, though her voice was unsure. “Rex, we can take him with us.”

Rex knelt down, putting a hand on her shoulder. He shook his head.

“We can’t afford to,” he said, the sorrow obvious in his tone. “His chip may be degraded but it’s still there. It might activate again and I can’t afford to lose you.”

Chip...? What were they talking about? Jesse tried moving and managed to twitch his fingers up to hook on Ahsoka’s again. Her eyes darted back down to him. They were brimming with tears.

“I saved you, Rex...” she took his hand in both of hers now, holding it tightly. “There must be some way to-“

Her face fell as Jesse coughed and a droplet of blood landed on their hands. Everything was painful. Fuzzy, like static danced over his body. A tear streaked down Ahsoka’s cheek. She reached forward to cup his face in her hand, leaning down. Their foreheads touched. She knew.

Rex watched her with a sour, pained expression. Jesse tried to hold onto Ahsoka’s hand as tightly as he could, provide any amount of comfort as she cried softly, the tears falling onto his skin like raindrops. He could just see his brother past Ahsoka’s lekku, and he reached his other hand out, beckoning him forward.

Rex seemed to give in, then, and grasped for Jesse’s hand. Jesse breathed a sigh of relief. Ahsoka sobbed as Rex drew his arm around her, stroking her back comfortingly. Jesse could tell he was only just hanging on himself.

“Sorry, brother...” The words came to him so easily, though they were weak and wet and caught in his throat. He grit his teeth. Things were getting fuzzy.

“No need to be sorry,” Rex said softly. He ran his thumb over the back of Jesse’s hand. “You put up a good fight. Even gave me a run for my money, eh?”

Jesse chuckled, but stopped as soon as the fresh wave of pain produced by it ripped through him. He let his eyes flicker shut.

Rex sighed. “They’re waiting for you.” His voice was strained, on the verge of tears, his words punctuated by Ahsoka’s soft sobs. “You can go.”

He didn’t have much choice in that, did he...? Already his vision began to blur, and the strength of his grip wavered.

“I’m proud of you, Jesse,” Rex said, and finally he let his voice crack. “We both are.”

“Was I...” Jesse squeezed his eyes tightly, focusing as hard as he could on producing every word. “... was I a good... soldier...?”

“The best.” Rex nodded, bringing Jesse’s hand up to his chest. Now he was crying, and Jesse was the last one left hanging on. He didn’t want to cry. He wanted to join his brothers in Manda.

“An even better brother, too,” Rex said, gazing into his eyes. Those deep, endless eyes... though Rex’s lips moved, Jesse couldn’t hear him speaking. Light clouded his vision and his ears rang and he felt Ahsoka and Rex’s hands slip away. And now he was staring up at not one set of eyes but two, three, four, now... they were Appo, Fives, his fellow soldiers, his men...

Just for a moment, Rex came back into focus. His cheeks were wet with tears, chest rising and falling heavily against Jesse’s hand. He smiled, an unsteady yet reassuring smile of someone who’s so used to hiding his emotions, used to bottling them up to protect others from his moments of weakness. Jesse wish he could tell him that he didn’t need to hide. That it was safe to let go.

“We’ll- we’ll meet again, brother,” Rex said. “Now sleep.” He shut his eyes, a soft sob shaking his body. The pain was fading. It would be over soon, he could feel the hands of his brothers grasping at his armour, pulling him away.

Part of him wished he could stay, hold his brother, his little sister, tell them it was going to be alright, wipe away their tears... but the 501st waited for him on the other side, and while it would be hard to march without Rex beside him, he knew that it wasn’t his time yet. Ahsoka needed him, and he needed Ahsoka. There was nothing more Jesse could do for them. So he let go, allowed his brothers to lift him up and away from the arms of his vode, from the crash site, from the moon they had found themselves on, from the war and from the pain and from the weight he had bore for so long...

And there they were, eyes bright and shining, arms open and waiting for him. His brothers, his family, his home, and...

“Buir...?”

Jesse smiled. The war was over, and he had made it to the end. Finally, for the first time in his life, his future lay before him empty and full of possibility. He was free.