Chapter Text
So.
It’s important to note that Tony didn’t intend for this to happen.
...
Well.
Ok, it was complicated.
Did he create completely untested, alcohol-induced, time-travel technology after finding out half of the god-damn universe was dead because Quill couldn’t keep it together for 2 fucking minutes ? Yes. But he didn’t mean to use it—it being the highly dangerous and untested technology that FRIDAY kept warning against so he muted her (Sorry FRI, but you were nagging and it was so close to being done.)
Just like he didn’t mean to come in the smack damn middle of 2010. Okay? It was an accident, alright? Like he’d actually be that irresponsible with a highly lethal time-traveling device that had the power to go back in time and change everything. What do you take him for? An idiot?
Yes.
(Shut up.)
“And Tony, remember, I got my eye on you,” Fury warned, like the drama queen he was. Tony blinked, falling out of the autopilot conversation that he navigated (with a strong sense of Deja Vu, holy fuck ) as he internally panicked. Tony cleared his throat, as Romanoff narrated something threatening that he’d already heard and left his (slightly broken) house.
Staring down the unassuming box, Tony contemplated his life choices. Something he’d been doing on and off since he blasted out of that cave years ago, and, most recently, in a spaceship before everyone around him turned to dust.
Fuck.
So it turned out having a breakdown after a Pirate, Spider, and Agent™ left your house makes your worrywart AI (holy shit, JARVIS, you’re alive, my beautiful child, we have so much to catch up on, lemme give you an update. Oh my god, I missed you buddy, didn’t rebuild you because you can’t rebuild people, but god hearing you—No, I’m not crying JARVIS, who do you take me for?) concerned. Which led to spilling your fucking guts to them because you were sad, time-traveled, hungover, and you miss your (once)dead AI goddammit.
“Sir, I’m having a hard time understanding,” JARVIS' voice came through the speakers, and god he missed that so much.
Tony sighed warily, “Me too, J.”
On the bright side, he was fucking light years—no—decades ahead when it comes to technology. (Holy shit, he knew how to make the bleeding edge armor and it was only 2010. )
So, a basic-ass, lovely shade of night-light blue, coconut-tasting Arc Reactor? Pfft , piece of cake. No need to watch Howard be an ass on a tape from the stone age.
‘Dealing with Vanko would be a pain in the ass though,’ He thought while sketching out the blueprints for one of the suits.
“JARVIS? Pull up information about—” He cut himself off mid-sentence.
Well, yes, Vanko was important. That stunt at the Expo was Bad™,—he still winced when he remembered the damage caused by the suits and then the exploding drones, honestly what was Hammmer thinking? Oh wait, he doesn't, never mind. — but since he knew Hammer has Vanko…
He could send in an anonymous tip, but Hammer would just pay them off, that dick. Oh, but he could leak the footage, and get the FBI involved! (By he, he meant JARVIS, of course.) Both? Both sound good.
“JARVIS—” But as even as he was doing that, he’d have to deal with the drones Vanko already made for Hammer, also Rhodey being outfitted with Hammer tech because that’s a fucking tragedy (holy shit, he needs to see Rhodey ASAP, as he should’ve called him earlier).
Actually speaking of—thinking of, tomato-tomahto—that reminded him of something Coulson said in the original timeline.
“I’ve been reassigned. Director Fury wants me in New Mexico,” Past-Coulson echoed in his ear.
Wasn’t Thor in New Mexico? Not only that, but wasn’t he found by Jane Foster, Erik Selvig, Darcy Lewis, that whole posse right?(wow things really did come in threes, He, Rhodey, and Pepper. The kid and his two nerdy friends, Cap, Frosty, and Bird Brain 2. Bird Barton, Nat and Fury. Hill, Fury and Agent. Interesting...) But Coulson went well before Thor actually got there, based on the hospital and SHIELD records. Also, that picture Lewis posted on Twitter.
Didn’t Thor mention the hammer was shipped off to Earth before he got there? And SHIELD went to New Mexico, where they encountered Thor, and—
Son of a—!
“JARVIS!” Tony said quickly, “track any inconsistencies with spacial... thing-a-ma-bobs, especially in New Mexico, and then help me hack Hammer.” Tony hummed as he rolled over to his computer, “Is spacial a word? Space-related thing-a-ma-jig-ers.” He said distractedly while typing furiously, code running across the screen.
Dealing with Hammer was child’s play. It was simply a matter of sending a few viruses to attack Hammer’s already weak and in the middle of upgrades (via an illegally flown in criminal) networks. Honestly, it was mind-numbingly simple, how has Hammer tech not been hacked into before? As he said, a child could do it—namely his spider child or his genius hacker best friend. (Oh my god, the kid. He’s got to do better by the kid.)
Maybe he was exaggerating a bit, they weren’t that bad (that was generous actually, since this interface alone was jacked all to hell. And, oh my god, why would they use a loop cycle when it was obvious a recursion would be more secure, now that was just lazy coding) but for Tony—who came from the future with nanobots and rouge AI (holy shit, he's gonna have to prevent Ultron and Sokovia, that was gonna be a bitch. Oh well, that was future Tony’s problem... wait he was future Tony, so technically that was future-Tony-from-the-future-in-the-past’s problem. And wasn’t that a trip, damn)—it was like preschool (well, he never went to preschool... or kindergarten... or most of elementary school, or middle school... or high school, not really. But you know, same concept.) However, it did give him a rush of adrenaline, he always loved breaking in where he wasn’t supposed to. So yeah, just like grade school.
“JARVIS, I have a dilemma,” Tony tipped his head back against the couch’s backrest. His neck popped, and Tony let out a sigh. He categorized his aches. It was interesting to him how much his old (new?) body was different. He rubbed absentmindedly at his chest, the pain an old friend. The weight of the arc reactor felt ten times worse than he remembered.
“—ir?”
“Mm?” Tony mumbled, fluttering his eyes open. (when had he closed them?) “Yeah, um, right. So—JARVIS.” Tony stood up, more alert now that his attention had been piqued. A list of needed points to cover was on the screen, scribbled down in bad grammar. Points about Vanko, Hammer, the Arc Reactor, and SHIELD made up the majority of this list. It looked more like a cliche criminal investigation board. Maybe he should invest in one, or at the very least make lines in red.
“We have a few options here,” Tony stated, rubbing under his chin, “because if we leak the footage it means that there will be enough people to know that Hammer is, in fact, harboring a terrorist. Making it harder for him to pay off the authorities to keep quiet, let alone bail him out—that whole shebang. You know, because now the internet has seen it.”
“Yes, sir—”
Though, if they don’t investigate in time and the Expo still happens, all of this would be counterproductive. Maybe he should stop it at the source? Hack Vanko’s drones before the Expo? Oh, but if he was trying to make a device like that and someone poked a hole in there, he would work to make it even better before it went out. He wouldn’t stop there, he doubts Vanko would either, shit.
“But! What if, when I leak the footage, there isn’t enough pull to launch an investigation in time—” He cuts himself off, “Maybe we could make counter drones? Oh, but that would still cause a lot of damage, and shit Pepper would kill us. Or, not us, just me—”
“Sir,” JARVIS butted in, “Might I suggest anonymously tipping them off?”
Tony clicked his tongue, god he missed JARVIS, “Well yes, JAR, you absolutely may. But one anonymous tip could potentially, possibly, just maybe not be enough.” He dramatically sighed, fluttering with his left hand and tap-tap -tapping the arc reactor with his right, all while pacing a circle into his workshop floor, mind working at hyperspeed.
“But!” He said suddenly and spun around, pen thrown up in the air to accent the word, “Hear me out, I send an anonymous tip to not only the authorities but also to me. Because then, I—Tony Stark, the public figure, Iron Man, the man who was attacked by said terrorist on live TV, no less—could then pressure the arrest-slash-investigation of both Hammer and Vanko.” He caught he pen as he spoke, and raised a prompting eyebrow dramatically.
“That is a rather round-about way,” JARVIS commented dryly.
“You know what, I don’t need your sass J. It could work.” Tony huffed.
“Yes, I suppose it could.” And if Tony didn’t know any better, he would’ve thought JARVIS sighed. Was he making his AIs too sentient? Maybe… yes… it’d probably be fine—what did machines that had a mind that didn’t follow protocol ever go wrong.
Tony clapped his hands together loudly in response, dropping on the couch—maybe he should invest in a fainting couch, it fit his vibe, as the kids say—. In the distance, DUM-E wirred in surprise, and the tell-tale sound of something breaking carried through the workshop, but Tony paid it no mind. Just DUM-E being DUM-E.
“Then that’s all we have to do to cart off Vanko and Hammer. Leak the footage and schedule to send the information at a reasonably timed moment, easy peasy.” He moved his hands in a dusting motion, rubbing them, before clasping them together and holding them under his chin.
He was slightly giddy at that, knowing he'd already solved two of his world-ending problems. What a dent! (Maybe that equated to the mischievous rubbing of his hands like he was some cartoon supervillain, or maybe it didn’t. What’s it to ya’?).
Now, on to his next totally not devious scheme. He should plan on organizing finances. Mainly so he could buy out the land that Thor’s hammer was found on, and then have security carry SHIELD off his property, but also because he needed to fund Dr. Foster’s brilliance, which will definitely be needed in upcoming battles.
He’d probably going to need to continue this pattern of funding researchers so he didn't look suspicious to SHIELD when he picked up Bruce. Not that he wasn’t already going to do that, but it'd have to be a bit easier to find.
Rhodey and Pepper will be harder to shake off, though. Especially now that he’d sort of worried Honeybear with his earlier phone call after Fury left. He probably should have held off on actually directly apologizing when it came to Rhodey—not that Rhodey didn’t deserve the apology, but mostly because that wasn’t Tony’s MO and it made his ever concerned Honeybear even more suspicious. Oh well, too late to change it, that was future future-Tony-in-the-past’s problem. (he really needed to get an acronym or something for that. FTITP? Hm, he’d workshop it.)
He had scheduled to have Rhodey come in the next few weeks to reevaluate a contract regarding War Machine. He was now also slightly aware of the fact that his sudden compliance was most definitely a red flag to both his dear friends. Though at the time, he was too internally teary at the sight of Rhodey standing on two legs without braces to really think more about it—and that was never going to happen, he’d make sure of it. He was certain it’d bite him in the ass later.
Anyways, Thor.
Time to contact Jane Foster.