Archive of Our Own ^beta

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Ethan Ramsey (he/him):

• I'm your token doctor smartypants who has too big of an ego for the actual poor amount of self love. Also I learnt the word "smartypants" from MC. Not really versed with millennial language, you know? I'm old. Just like MC says. But I contradict them each and every time, because when half of your childhood only involves processing abandonment trauma, getting your shit together and finally living on your own really feels like starting over from infancy.
  
  
• I hate incompetence and that's on that. So either you're good at shit, or you are shit. I hold every single person I meet to these impossibly high standards, but again the only person getting the most affected by these are me. At the end of the day, I lose my cool several times, pinch my nose and burn myself out, but that's okay, because it suits my manufactured image of 'The Ethan Ramsey'. I also use the word 'push' several times in a day as a way of referring to helping someone grow as a person. So if I tell you that I want to push you, it doesn't mean I'll do that literally. I hate physical contact anyway, except if it's with MC.
  
  
• I love MC, but alas! That last bit should not be there, honestly, but again, I'm a pioneer at creating my own problems, and explaining romance as the  "neurochemical responses" shit saves me a lot of effort, like actually having to sit my a** down and figure out what I want from my life. This causes me to expect MC to automatically take hints of my "need" for them whenever I stare longingly, and spring apart the second I bring up my "morals and ethics"; then just casually wait around till the next time my yearning strikes, which is usually well within the following 10 seconds. See, I know all of this is unfair to MC, but I have really no clue why, each time, I try to man up and tell MC "I love you", "dammit" comes out of my mouth. This is indeed a concerning problem.
  
  
• The other day someone told me that deep down, I'm a good person, but PB is making one entitled a**hole out of me. Now I have no idea who this PB is, but please stop messing with my life. I wanna be a good person for once, for MC, please?
  
  
• The collar of my grey knitted sweater has an issue. It never sits down, no matter how much I pull it or iron it. Though a high collar is considered a sign of triumph and pride, and as far as I can tell, I have quite a few things to be proud of. Like being Naveen's favourite and managing to not accidentally call him dad over the past five years, leading the esteemed diagnostics team which my said father figure had built from scratch, writing a non-fiction medical book, (because somebody had told me I myself am fiction! I had raised an eyebrow), and contributing to the growth of my dearest protégé as a doctor. The same protégé whose green eyes drive me crazy, but don't tell them that, because then they'll kiss me, and I will have to shout "dammit" into the air again, for the 500th time. Yes I'm stubborn, leave me alone.

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Jackie Varma (she/her):

• I'm the walking-talking personification of the 'mean bisexual' trope in pop culture, hence my natural reaction to any and every person is spite. So if you meet me for the first time and I call you filth-head on your face, remember that more often than not, it's not you, it's me. And just in case you wanna get on my good side (lol), buy me booze, lots of it. Free alcohol, and I'm your best friend. But that doesn't mean we braid each other's hair and shit. Eww! How… intimate.
• It's not that people notice very often, but I have a pretty bomb fashion sense. That's Indian women for you ;). Right from the mauve number I wear under my white coat, to the layered cool casuals, my borderline unhealthy obsession with necklaces,  and the ravishing party gown with a studded choker neckline, I'm your runway diva. My casual wardrobe includes a scary amount of leather, because duh, I WANT to scare people. However, that same me would rather wear leather jackets in a greyish-lavender hue, than in black, because that way I'm a softie at heart. Don't you dare pass on that information to anyone, or else I'll slit your throat and bury your head and body in different graveyards.
• I'm ALWAYS in debt. And I really don't figure why. It's not like I have to spend literal diamonds to do every single activity, unlike MC. I wonder how they manage that. Anyway, back to me, I find myself in fairly compromising situations from time to time due to this resident monetary crunch of mine. Those situations may include getting involved in fishy business with the person my boss had punched on his face, or placing bets about almost everything– from trivial matters like how many interns Zaid will bark at in one day, or whether or not Aurora will burn her bacon, to bigger issues like people's love life. With a solid exception to my assumptions about who MC is sneaking around with, in most cases I usually lose more money on these bets than I earn.
• MC's 'psychic' patient had once told me that in a parallel universe, MC is actually dating me! Which is rather cool, until he said that she doesn't get to spend much time with me, because this Ramsey guy has more "screen time" than me. What is that even supposed to mean?
• Life is competition and competition is life. So in order to be able to guiltlessly kick people's a**es, I don't do "bffs" and "soulmates". Having said that, I do have a few literal friends-with-benefits, an arrangement I quite like. Anyone can give you sex, but trust those who offer benefits such as 24*7 bakery supplies, like Sienna, or shitty life advice about how to end up in trouble, like MC, or flirtation tactics like Bryce. The others are just there because Elijah is a harmless cute kid who doesn't get in my way too much, and Aurora's there because I might be a mean bisexual, but she's a meaner lesbian, so messing with her is basically inviting my own doom.

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Naveen Banerji (he/him):

• I am sweet, like very VERY sweet, and I've successfully made that one trait my entire personality. I'm not even kidding, you can go around the whole hospital, and ask all my colleagues to imagine an angry Dr. Banerji. If at least two guffaws don't escape each one of them, I'll be ready to change my name from Naveen to Praveen that instant. I'm THAT sweet, and right now if I announce that I'm adopting grandchildren, there will be at least a hundred applications on my desk, but unfortunately I have only one makeshift son called Ethan, and he alone is too much to handle.
• I may or may not have passed on my sweater obsession to Ethan… jk jk I certainly have. If MC gets to know that, they'll hate me for it, but I'm slightly hoping that moving on, sometime in the distant future, even MC will carry this sweater legacy forward. Seriously though, I have this one vest type sweater which I wear everywhere, but I have noticed that nowadays, sweater vests are certainly making a comeback with those… What are they called? Fashion influenza! So clearly, I'm on trend, and as Lahela says, I'm the "cool doc" :).
• Medicine is the second love of my life. The first, unfortunately, is not a person, but gossip. In fact, the absence of a romantic lover and a family might be the only things that narrowly qualify as a regret I have in life. Hence, I have made it my personal mission to captain the ship called MC × Ethan. You are welcome aboard. The long term goal is to get them together, possibly married, (I can't wait to play officiant!!!), and the short term one is to keep assigning them as many tragic cases together as possible, so that each time, their need to comfort each other overgrows their agreement to stay away. Now I know what you're thinking, I'm smart, right? Again, VERY. You see, in my school days, I used to be particularly very good in chemistry ;).
• MC has recently introduced me to this certain tumbling app, and I've been reading up all this stuff about how PB or something is making me disappear for long stretches, and bringing me back whenever it suits their narrative. Listen brother, I have absolutely no idea who you are, but please, don't make me vanish! I exist, you guys, and I can be really fun, if you'll have me. I promise!
• Despite being exceedingly good at almost everything I do, like diagnosing, mentoring and being charming, doing nothing is still my favourite hobby. So when I had learnt I had only a month to live, I decided to spend it eating pastries and fishing around… literally. But now that I have gained several years to live, all thanks to my beloved MC, I sincerely hope that the vibrant kid doesn't get too influenced by Ethan's grump, and that I can live long enough to see the day when Ethan finally learns to take a chill pill.

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Landry Olsen (he/him):

• Damn you guys actually wanna read more about me? That's crazy. I'm snake–uh, sorry Landry Olsen, and I kinda look like a famished version of Mark Zuckerberg, but here I am trying to be a doctor. Tragic, right? That the world doesn't yet know I'm the best? Don't you worry guys. I'm gonna do WHATEVER it takes, just as Dr Ramsey says, to help everyone see the real picture. Sabotage, patient file meddling, slut shaming, you name 'em, I do 'em. Cause when people can't perceive reality as it is, a little bent in the finger is hardly any price to pay for the assertion of the truth.

• My ex-roomies call me entitled, but I'd rather say I'm practical. If I could make anything and anyone in the world work in my favour, why wouldn't I? You see my pawns, I mean, patients, always help a great deal, so I make sure to choose them carefully. Tougher the cases, greater the chances of really showing off my wisdom as a doctor on cracking it. But who gives a shit about patient "care" and all? I tried caring for four people last year, gracing them with my presence, 24*7 lectures, and a clear vision of reason, but look where that has led me now! Into nicknames like Landrat, Laundry and burnt ramen noodles. So I'm done with caring. Patient's family, please stop asking a hundred questions about whether your father, sister, or husband will be well looked after. Just praise me already!

• Some may call me a coward for not approaching Dr Ramsey myself on my first day, which might be a little true, considering everytime I as much as think about it, I pee a little in my pants. But honestly, I have too much self respect for such attention seeking behaviour. Why would I go sucking up to my attendings, when I could just… show up to work at ghostly hours, mess with people's pagers, endanger patient lives and guilt trip my colleague for not putting in a good word for me? I always did let my work speak for itself! And I'm not the type to kiss people's a**es to go forward, cause I don't need to. The day everyone will know about my hardworking genius, I'll have all the senior doctors pointing out, "that's the great Dr Olsen going," as I walk down the hospital halls. Dr Ramsey himself will come up to me for advice on his latest medical discoveries, abandoning his new f*ck-accomplice far behind, and I will deservedly wear the smug grin which looks so fitting on my a** like face.

• Remember the shrine in the basement joke I had made with MC? Well… that wasn't actually a joke. For legal purposes, I refuse to explain further. Thank you.

• I hate MC with a passion, and they deserve it. Being the most careless doctor ever, throwing me under the bus in the name of a "save", sleeping their way to the top, even manipulating my medical hero to deem them worthy of attending a medical conference in Miami, I tolerated it all; but patient murder is where I f*cking draw the line. After that incident, I realized my undercover sneaky bastard approach wasn't working, so I had to be a straight up bastard who f*cks with people's medical license. And boy did I f*ck! You had to see the look on their face when they got sued. It's funny how Dr Ramsey thinks they'll be as good at running the diagnostics team as they are at warming his bed! But now that I'm out of Edenbrook for good, I'll reach heights here in Kenmore no one could have ever imagined, and then I'll rub my success right on the face of the main freaking character.

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Bryce Lahela (he/him):

• “🎵 I’m sexy and I know it! 🎵🎵🎵”. Hello ladies and gents, and non-binary friends, let's talk about how amazing I am, cause the world deserves to know about the magnificence of Bryce Lahela. He’s (la)hela cute, (la)hela smart, and (la)hela talented, and he makes about a 100 Lahela puns every minute. So if you’re sick of me already… screw it you’re not. Have you seen my pretty face?

• For the unhealthy number of times I flaunt my surname, I’m not actually quite proud of it. Who would even be, of hailing from a clan of notorious white collar criminals, unless you’re one of them. Which, quite frankly, I did consider as a solid career option, but then I figured I’d do medical, you know, just in case I’d have to perform surgery on random people to prevent all possibilities of a casualty death during any heists that I might have to pull. But now that I'm here, I’m loving this doc shit too much to go anywhere else. And honestly, where would the medical industry even be without my ✨magic hands✨?
• Speaking of the medical industry, and family issues… Ramsey is a good friend. Now don't go asking him for confirmation! I can see him denying it, grimacing at the word “buddies”. But the tea is, he only says he doesn't do 'friends'. Perhaps if he’s also on TS like me, he’d probably go to the extent of calling me a complete clown who can be trusted. Not that I’ve directly given him any reason to trust me, but MC trusts me, and that's all that matters to him, really. So he does too. Such a good husband, isn't he? Oh, you’re saying they're not married? Lol, joke's on you.

• I had once been on the receiving end of these blackmail calls from a certain organization called PB. They were threatening me to settle years of disputes with my mom through a literal five minute conversation in the middle of a freakin' poke shop. Are they nuts? Like dude! Such weird and freakish demands. Sue them somebody, idk.
• When I first entered Edenbrook, I had expected all the young docs to be instantly enamored with my charms. What I didn't expect though, was Dr. Banerji becoming my biggest hype person. He's like the coolest man I've ever met! So up to date with the latest social media humour, even though he cannot pronounce "memes" to save his life. He, MC, and I have this dope af group chat where we share cat videos and occasionally bully Ethan just for pass time. Productive, right? You want in? Sorry guys, only charismatic docs stand a chance. 

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Leland Bloom (he/him):

• I am the certified necessary evil of Bloom Edenbrook. Except no one calls it that, other than me and the huge signboard I myself put up in front of the hospital. Not even my wife. But I still love her, because it's the only redeeming quality of my character. Crazy, isn't it? How I consider myself a hero for buying off an entire hospital as a testimony to love, even though it was clearly capitalistic privilege and my calculative business tactics which enabled me to do so? Good thing I don't realize that sober! Because if I did, how would I deem myself great enough to teach doctors their own job? 
• Yes, I teach doctors when and how to treat exactly what kind of patients, and intervene in all sorts of matters I have zero knowledge about, because my nose is a tad bit too long for anyone's good. And speaking of noses, I remember entering this competition of 'who has the most punchable face' alongside Landry and Declan. Results are not out yet, and the judges, who are collectively known as the 'Open Heart fandom' for some reason, are still evaluating. The winner gets to be punched on their face by Ramsey thrice in a row, and I genuinely believe it should be me. Cause unlike my other two contenders, I still have the chance to piss Ramsey off as he till date very much works under me authority. Soon he'll be in an administrative position, and you have no idea how much fun I'm waiting to have with that.
• Have you ever wondered, how I got Tobias to agree on leaving his beloved Kenmore in a day, and coming to work in EB, that too in the same team under his former rival? Simple, I'm secretly blood-related to June Hirata, and she in turn was in a not-so-secret relationship with Tobias, if I remember. Now when we both put our powers together to convince, manipulate, and straight up blackmail someone until they give in, wouldn't they ultimately end up doing so? No worries, our shrewdest-in-the-town duo can accomplish everything. And really, if any of you have still not guessed that June and I are soul siblings, based on how our brains function, who really is the idiot here?
• I've told you how I fit the 'evil' part, so let's get to the 'necessary'. I might do most things in life with an extremely selfish intention, but somehow, a number of by-the-way good deeds just seem to get carried out in the process. This often confuses the crap out of my colleagues, or even the person writing my TS interview right now, as to what they should make of my personality. But fret not, dear people, cause I'm here to spill the beans. My good deeds aren't actually coincidental, but are, in fact, caused to strategically and deliberately align with malicious intent, to make it look like I'm the savior, when in reality I could be devil incarnate! So I'm evil, just not chaotic. But hey! I can't be that bad, right? I love my wife!
• Caroline, oh my sweet Caroline! Such grand gambles I took to save her. Funded a whole drowning hospital, poached the country's best immunologist into research, and got into loggerheads with The Ethan Ramsey. But alas! A recent email that reached my inbox says my wife's condition will never be cured. Guess why? Because PB has decided that their 'Open Heart project' has ended. Who is PB? Whose heart have they opened? Can’t possibly find out, they don't accept replies. But they did mention at the end, that fanfic writers are the only ones who can save me now. So you all are my last hope. Will you cure my wife?