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Chapter Text

It was snowing in the capital of the Clover Kingdom when Nozel Silva paced in his office, growing more frustrated and worried with each step. He didn’t know how this could be. How could a member of the royal family just disappear? There was nothing— no traces that would point at a kidnapping, but if that was the case, why would she run away with nothing but the clothes on her back?

(-he knew why, but it pained him to acknowledge his incompetency-)

He took a deep breath and tried to steady himself. Feeling tears prickling in his eyes, Nozel rubbed them away. Now was not the time.

‘I am sorry, mother. I have failed you, in the one thing that you asked of me. I am so, so sorry.’

There was a sudden knock on the thick door to his office. Nozel steeled himself, breathing in and pushing away any thoughts of his mother to the back of his mind. He could think about that later. After adjusting his clothes for any nonexistent imperfects, a habit of his, he called the person in. Nebra, in a violet evening gown and with a slight flush to her cheeks, presumably from a previous conversation with a friend, walked in with a fuming Solid in tow.

(-not Noelle, it was never Noelle-)

Inclining his head at their bows and curtsies, as was custom, he turned with his back to them, not wanting them to see the minute trembling of his hands, instead occupying himself with brushing them across the large, wooden desk that came with the title of the head of the prestigious Silva House. Something, anything to distract him from the gaping hole in his chest, the sheer terror eating away at him.

Nozel had to tell them. He had to, but he knew that his younger siblings would take one look at the situation and blame Noelle. That’s what they always did; and they would do it again, even if their youngest sister was in danger, in some unknown place. Nebra and Solid viewed Noelle as something that shouldn’t exist, a terrible replacement for their mother. With all his heart, Nozel hated to continue the lies about Noelle being the cause of Acier’s death, but it was for Noelle’s safety. It was for all of their safety.

(-and now look what that safety did? She hated it so much that she disappeared-)

Gathering the faint dregs of his courage, he addressed his siblings. “Nebra, Solid. This is a matter concerns only the Silva house, and one that you will not discuss with anyone, unless I give you explicit permission otherwise. Should you betray my trust, I will make sure to punish you accordingly. Do you understand?” Both of his siblings nodded. Nebra looked curious, but narrowed her gaze. Solid huffed like the petulant child he was. “I knew it! Everybody is fussing about something, but no one will tell me what! What happened, Brother Nozel? Also, where’s the failure? If you called us here, she should be here too! What a disgrace!” Taking in another deep breath, Nozel stared at the white puffs of snow contrasting the darkness outside, floating silently and moving past where he could no longer see. He didn’t want to say it. If he said it, it was real.

(-he didn’t want it to be real, because then he was to blame-)

“Noelle…is missing. The Magic Knights are still looking for any traces of her, but there is nothing left. A five-year-old child has no way of running away from the royal capital without being seen and leaving any traces of magic or footprints, so we have concluded that she was kidnapped. Because of this, the security has now been bolstered in the capital and there are multiple Magic Knight Squads searching for her-“

“So, it’s just the failure being pathetic again? I say we just leave it be.” Solid was glaring at him, while Nebra had paled, and in the dim lighting, she looked almost like a corpse. Nozel found it difficult to breathe. Solid continued. “Even if they do find her, the only thing that she will bring back with her is shame on our fami-“

There was a resounding slap that echoed through the room. Nebra had backed away as she watched Nozel grip Solid by his collar while he hissed at him. “She is your sister, Solid. I never want to hear those words or their likeness coming from your mouth ever again. Next time, I will not be so lenient.”

Solid shoved him away, glowering at Nozel. “She’s no sister of mine.” The words were spat like poison, and they ate at Nozel’s heart, almost as terribly as when their mother died. The young prince turned and stormed out of the room, leaving Nozel and Nebra in a tense silence. The silver-haired teenager had tears running down her face, not even trying to act dignified. “I- I-…” She ran out of the room as well, most likely following her younger brother. Nozel let her, resting his face in cold hands, a few of his own tears escaping as he sunk into the velvet lined chair behind his desk.

“…What have I done? I- Noelle, Noelle, I am sorry, I am sorry, I-“

And for the first time since his mother’s death, Nozel cried.

——

When Noelle woke up, it was cold. Really cold. She shivered in her thin nightgown as she looked around the room, seeing only inky blackness. This…wasn’t her room. How did she get here? She stood up and tried to walk in any direction, something making a clinking sound, but she felt a tugging on her foot as she got to another wall, and she fell back onto the freezing floor. The chains connected to the cuff around her ankle rattled. She tried to steady her breathing. “…Brother Nozel? Sister Nebra? Brother Solid? Is…this another joke? I…I don’t like this. It’s scary. Is someone here? Somebody, anybody!” The tears pooling in her eyes finally fell. “Someone, please help…” She curled into a ball, wiping off the water dripping down her face. It was so quiet; she didn’t like it. Usually, she liked the quiet.

(It meant there were no siblings to torment her.)

Here, she just felt alone. She wanted her favourite rabbit toy for some comfort, but then remembered that Solid had ripped it into pieces anyway. She didn’t want to cry. Her siblings said that proper royals did not cry, and the maids would always look at her with pity and disgust if she did. But proper royals like her siblings were not chained in a dark, cold room made of stone, all by themselves. There were no maids that would look at her.

So she cried anyway.

——

This time, when she woke up, it was to the sound of a metal door opening. Noelle looked up, hoping to see Nozel or Nebra or even Solid, coming to tell her that it was all a joke and that she could come out now. But the door screeched on its hinges as a short person came into the room, carrying a torch, and she felt something in her stomach swim uncomfortably. Where were her siblings? Noelle was scared. Was this the person who had taken her away from her room? Was this some sort of test that all royals had to go through? She’d never heard about anything like it. The person turned after locking the door, and Noelle felt something in the pit of her stomach fall, like a rock in water. The person...woman…terrified her. She didn’t know why. She didn’t look very scary— in fact she was a bit pretty. She had short black hair and a black eyepatch with a strange symbol on it. But her visible eye was red and full of a bright happiness that made Noelle want to curl inside herself. There was…something scary inside her. She could feel it. Whatever made her happy made Noelle really terrified. She tried to shuffle back across the stone floor when the woman stepped forward with a smirk, but the woman caught her chin.

“Ah-ah-ah, no can do. You’ll do as I say, now, hmm?” Noelle nodded shakily. The woman practically sang in her high-pitched voice. “Oooh, you’re going to be such a good toy! I’ll have fun breaking you!~” The woman suddenly leaned forward, her teeth bared in a mad grin. “Now, girly, what’s your name, hmm? I don’t remember what Acier-chan called you, but if I want to break you, I might as well use your name!~” Who was this Acier? Did Noelle know her? Noelle didn’t really understand what was happened, but she knew that if she didn’t do as she was told, then the scary woman would make her hurt. A lot. She didn’t want that.

“…N-Noelle…”

“Noelle-chan, hmm? Now, Noelle-chan, you will always answer me with ‘Lady Vanica’ or I’ll have to punish you for misbehaving. You got that, Noelle-chan?~”

“Y-yes, Lady Vanica.”

Vanica squealed, clapping her hands. “Oh, you learn quickly! That’s good, that means that I won’t have to punish you much! Now, let’s explain some things, shall we?~”

Noelle shivered. Vanica seemed to take that as a yes. “First, you now belong to me. You’re my toy. You will not ask any questions, and you will not speak unless I specifically ask you. You will do exactly what I tell you to do. Understand, Noelle-chan?~” Noelle nodded, trembling, but she suddenly had to bite her lip from yelping in pain. “I asked, do you understand, Noelle-chan?” Vanica’s voice and face were as cold as ice. Carefully not moving her face much, Noelle answered. “Y-yes, Lady Vanica.” The claw that had somehow grown from Vanica’s finger moved away from Noelle’s bloody cheek. Was it magic? She already didn’t like it. “Good! Now, that’s finished, I’m going to go for the day! I’ll check in with you tomorrow, Noelle-chan!~”

Noelle was tossed a thin blanket and a small slice of bread, and the torch was grabbed by Vanica on her way out, leaving Noelle to curl up again in the dark. Wrapping herself in it carefully, she bit her lip to stop it from trembling. She couldn’t stop the tears, though, no matter how much she brushed the salty water away.

——

She lost track of time. She had no idea if it had been months or years. There was no way to tell how days passed when she was in a stone room with no window, and Vanica came randomly. Noelle quickly grew used to Vanica’s abrupt entrances. She grew used to seeing and feeling Vanica’s Blood Magic. She grew used to wiping away her useless tears. She grew used to guards sometimes tossing her food. She grew used to seeing her own blood on her skin, always shrinking clothes, and blanket. She grew used to the smell of the bucket in the corner. She grew used to being cold and hungry, with only bread to eat and a small bottle to drink water from. She grew used to feeling a shiver go down her spine whenever Vanica was in the room.

She had grown used to the fact that no one would come and save her, like in the stories that she didn’t remember reading, but still remembered knowing.

(It still hurt.)

——

Sometimes, Vanica would enter in a terrible mood. She would bring a whip, and she would thrash Noelle until she screamed.

(It never took long.)

Sometimes, Noelle would drift off during Vanica’s playtime. She saw people. She didn’t remember who they were. She only remembered Vanica now. Only Vanica and the cold room where she screamed and cried and bled and slept.

She saw a tall man with long hair and purple eyes. He had feathers on his clothes. He would look down at her like she was worthless.

(Maybe she was.)

She saw a little, clumsy girl with orange hair. She had bright green eyes. She brought Noelle comfort. She looked at her kindly.

(She didn’t deserve anyone like her.)

She saw a beautiful woman with silver hair tied into a ponytail. Her eyes were filled with tears even as she smiled.

(No one looked at her that way anymore.)

But in the end, she would wake up, and she would only remember Vanica.

Vanica, who cooed at her while she cut into Noelle’s skin.

Vanica, who raged and beat her when she was not good enough.

Vanica, who had a monster underneath her happy mask.

Vanica, who was gleeful when Noelle suffered.

Vanica, who made her into a doll that she could break and rip.

(Like her rabbit was.)

It hurt, but Noelle knew not to say that. She knew that it would only be worse.

(-it would only hurt more-)

So, she kept quiet.

——

She was huddled in her blanket, as far as she could from the bucket, when Vanica came in. She dropped the small sphere of water she had created, but not quick enough. Vanica had seen. There was just the slightest bit of shock on her face, but it slowly changed into a blank look. Noelle knew what that meant. The blank look meant that Vanica was really angry. Noelle made sure that her face was not showing how scared she was, and tried to shift closer to the wall, though she knew it was useless. Vanica said not to play with magic. She had said!

“Hey Noelle-chan, whatcha doing there?” The words were sung, but Vanica’s voice was icy. Noelle flinched, wincing at the burn of a cut on her arm against the stone wall.

“I-I- It w-wasn’t-“

Vanica grabbed a fistful of Noelle’s dirty, matted hair. Her voice was a hissed whisper. “I asked you, what were you doing, Noelle-chan, hmm?”

“M-ma-magic, L-Lady Vanica.”

“And what did I tell you about magic, Noelle-chan?”

“N-not to u-use it, Lady V-Vanica.”

Vanica’s voice slithered over her, the woman’s remaining red eye alight in rage. “So why were you doing magic, hmm, Noelle-chan?”

“I-it was just an a-accident, L-Lady Vanica. I didn’t mean to, I-“

She was thrown headfirst into the wall, and she yelped. Her ears rung and her head felt like it was about to explode. She was grabbed by the hair again, and this time, she was lifted off the ground. She knew not to struggle, because that would rip out more hair and Vanica would get mad, but it hurt it hurt it hurt. Vanica seethed. “Just an accident? That was no accident. You didn’t listen to me. And for that, you will be punished, Noelle-chan.” She saw a flash of red coming towards her face, and she ducked her head. The claw completely cut through her hair, and she fell to the ground in a bruised and bleeding heap, still dizzy from the hit against the wall, her head burning like the fire that Vanica sometimes made her play with. Her dirty, silver locks fluttered down around her. Noelle gulped. Vanica crouched down, claws trailing the lines of Noelle’s face. She could feel blood dripping from the cuts. When she didn’t move, Vanica snarled, her visible eye narrowed. Then, she smiled, and Noelle blanched. This was the terrible smile. The one that Vanica had when she talked about the things she loved doing.

“Turn around, Noelle-chan. And take off your shirt.”

Noelle did as she ordered, hands shaking, though she didn’t dare fidget. Vanica thought for a minute, then slowly started carving into the flesh of Noelle’s back. She did it slowly, so everything burned, and Noelle hurt so much she wanted to scream and cry. But she didn’t. She bit her lip so hard it bled all over her chin instead. She couldn’t cry while Vanica was here. Vanica continued cutting into her back, humming a cheerful tune, ignoring Noelle’s whimpers and trembling. After what felt like an eternity in agony, Vanica finally finished what she was doing, giggling. She leaned down to whisper to Noelle with a smile.

“Hey, Noelle-chan, next time, I won’t be so nice. So make sure that there isn’t a next time. Got it?~”

Noelle nodded, and for once, that was enough for Vanica.

She was left alone once more when Vanica left the cold room, torch in hand. She already knew that she wouldn’t receive any food for several days now. She had really messed up. She didn’t want to do anything that made Vanica pleased, but she knew that she would survive if she did as she was told.

And the worst thing was that Vanica never hurt her too much. Vanica would not let her die. She was her plaything, so she couldn’t die, because then who would Vanica play with, hmm, Noelle-chan?~

Sometimes she wished she was dead.

(-it would be a lot easier than living-)

But Noelle carefully shuffled over to her blanket and lay on her side, taking care not to touch her back to anything. It hurt less that way. Only after that did she allow herself to shed her stupid tears.

——

She had a dream, that night, of a boy and a girl that looked a bit like her. They towered over her, laughing in the same way that Vanica did. Shadow hands grabbed at her, pulling her down, down, down into the dark; but when she finally fell down, she landed in a pool of blood.

When she looked down at her wet, red hands in panic, she saw a face smiling at her from the blood, teeth bared in a snarl. She stumbled back with a yelp, only to trip and fall into the pool. The shadow hands grabbed at her, tugging and pulling and ignoring her whimpers. She tried to get up, tried to get them off her, but she kept sinking lower and lower, and suddenly she was drowning, submerged in thick, stinging liquid. She tried to breathe and reach out, but she-

Waking up with a gasp, she curled into herself further, breathing in fresh air. Her body trembled, sweat making her clothes stick. She breathed and breathed and made sure that she didn’t cry.

She didn’t remember anything the next day.

——

Sometimes, when she sat tracing old scars, Noelle would whisper to herself that she was fine. She was used to it now. She was used to it.

(If she lied to herself, maybe someday she’d believe it.)

——

One day, someone other than Vanica entered the room. They were tall, wearing a dark hood and cape, shadows curling around them comfortably. They looked different from Vanica, but there was still something about them that was similar; maybe it was something about their presence. She flinched as they came closer, huddling against the wall, familiar with each individual stone’s shape against her back. They paused, which was strange. Vanica never did that. Did normal people just…stop? Why would the person in front of her do that?

But suddenly she felt them right in front of her, so fast that she couldn’t see them move, and then Noelle knew nothing for a time.

——

She was dreaming. She knew that there was no way that she wasn’t dreaming. She was…clean; wearing soft clothes and wrapped in warm, fluffy blankets that made her feel like…like something, but she couldn’t describe it, and there was something underneath her that made her think of a cloud. But that was silly. Why would she be on a cloud?

…She didn’t remember what a cloudy sky looked like.

It was that thought that made her unravel out of her cocoon, wondering where the dream would take her next. This was the nicest dream she’d had in a while, so she wanted it to last. Slowly opening her eyes, she sighed as she touched the wonderful, brown fabric covering her. She wondered at the clean bandages covering her skin- since when had she ever gotten anything clean? Even her head felt lighter, and when she lifted a hand, she found her hair clean and short, only brushing her jaw instead of her shoulders. It felt so real she felt tears spring to her eyes. It was so nice.

She changed her mind; she didn’t want to stay in this dream. It would just make her cry harder when she woke up back in the room, knowing that she would never have anything but her stained and ripped clothes and worn, small blanket. Wiping at her watering eyes, she admired at the detail of the dream. She could feel her twin scars, each of them running down from below her eyes to her jaw in straight lines. She remembered that those had taken a while to heal, because her tears had kept making the pain flare when they flowed down the wounds. It was very realistic, and Noelle didn’t know whether that relieved her or scared her.

And then, a pretty lady that Noelle had never seen before came into the small room, carrying a steaming bowl of something that smelled really nice. She gently placed the bowl on a- a table? Yes, a table. Sitting down on a wooden stool beside the fabric pile Noelle was on, the woman turned to her, and her eyes widened when she saw Noelle was awake. Noelle flinched when the pretty lady reached out to her, but just like the shadow figure that she had seen in another dream, she stopped, and moved her hand back to rest in her lap. So…was that normal? Or was it just another thing she made up in her head? It wasn’t like she could see real people, other than Vanica. The guards that sometimes gave her food never stayed for long, so she didn’t know about them.

Noelle pushed the thought away, focusing on the dream. Right now, she was in a small room made of dark, brown wood. There was a lamp, if she remembered right, light flickering every so often. There was even this really pretty fabric in the shape of a rectangle on the ground. Was it for sleeping on? It looked comfy. Noelle shook her head, growing more and more worried as the dream didn’t move on or change. She didn’t want to stay in a room full of nice things, only to wake up by herself, with almost nothing.

(-it only made it worse to think of nicer things she’d never have-)

“I see you’re awake, now. How do you feel?”

Noelle quickly turned her head towards the pretty lady, thinking of how beautiful her voice was, then scrunched her brows. She wasn’t awake, she was dreaming, wasn’t she?

…Wasn’t she?

She shook her head lightly. It was a dream. A dream, so she could play along all with the pretty lady she wanted.

“…It’s comfy.”

The pretty lady smiled, but it wasn’t like Vanica’s. It- it was so soft, if that could describe it. Noelle didn’t feel like it did, but then again, she didn’t know a lot of words. “Well, that’s good. I brought some soup for you, in case you were hungry.”

She was always hungry, but that never got her anything from Vanica. And she couldn’t eat in a dream, that was impossible. So even as her stomach clenched in hunger, Noelle shook her head. The pretty lady looked disappointed, but didn’t argue. Her blue eyes were the prettiest colour Noelle had ever seen, but that was a strange thing to say. At least she thought. Who are you? Noelle opened her mouth to ask, but each time, the words got stuck in her throat. It was a dream, only a dream, she reminded herself. She could go along with it or get trapped in it. That was how all her dreams went. Clenching her hands into fists, she straightened up, ignoring the part of her that cried to curl back into the blankets.

“Who are you?”

The pretty lady’s eyes sparkled, and her smile grew wider and…warmer. It filled Noelle with a bubbly feeling.

“My name is Ciel.”

Chapter Text

When Ciel Grinberryal had been brought a child to take care of, she hadn’t known what to expect. The only things she knew about her were that she had been Vanica’s prisoner, and that she had been brought out by someone outside of the Resistance, but given to them immediately.

“Queen Ciel, we found the girl we heard rumours about. She was found deep in the dungeons, completely malnourished and covered in scars. We’re guessing that she’s around eight years old, though the physician will check for certain when he arrives.”

Ciel blinked. “How did you get her out without alerting the entire castle?”

“…From what we could tell, Desmond has an acquaintance who owed him a favour. He snuck in with his magic and got the girl out, then…dumped her in Desmond’s arms and…left? Apparently he was very furious, though nobody quite knows at what.”

“…Well, then. Where is she now?”

As she had walked into that room, she had gasped, the shock of having seen such a small, scarred body not quite setting in. The girl was pale and filthy, a terrible smell coating the entire space. Her skinny arms and legs were all covered in scars of various sizes. Her hair was matted and bloodied, and looked as if it had been chopped off terribly by a knife. On her gaunt face, she had two long scars reaching down her cheeks, from her eyes to her jaw, making it seem as if she were perpetually crying.

The horrid scene had almost made Ciel sob. Who would do this to a child?

And then she had to swallow bile at the sudden thought of Yuno going through the same thing, had he been caught by the Dark Triad, even as she knew that he would have been killed at first opportunity. She was suddenly a lot more thankful that her precious son had escaped safely.

Inhaling deeply, she readied herself. Coincidentally, at the time of her first meeting with the girl (though unconscious on the poor child’s part) Ciel was wearing a simple brown dress, so it didn’t matter if it got dirty. It was with this thought in mind that she carefully lifted the girl up from ground and unraveled the shawl wrapped around her; the brunette carried her over to a prepared tub with the help of Vena, a sweet maid who helped around the Resistance, often acting as a serving girl to Ciel. The poor thing looked horrified. Ciel couldn’t help but agree, as she picked up a child as easily as one would a wooden chair to move into a different position.

Pushing all thoughts to the side, she and Vena began the arduous task of taking off the girl’s clothing, though it quickly proved difficult when the both of them would flinch at the discovery of another scar. Ciel wanted to weep. She had thought that it had been bad when she had first seen her, but looking at the girl’s back was one of the hardest things she ever had to do.

There, carved in the skin, was a spade; intricately decorated on the border and with lines extending from the center outward, almost like the light beams that children so often drew haloing the sun. It was a gruesome image, one that represented the way Vanica had taken her and claimed the girl for her own devices. It was then, Ciel realized, in the stretched moment of trembling eternity, that Vanica would never have let the girl go, no matter where she went. The former queen of the Spade Kingdom could only wipe away building tears before they escaped, nauseated at the way the symbol of her kingdom had been used.

Thankfully, somehow they managed to gently ease the girl into the tub and scrub away the filth covering her. By the time they were finished, they had found even more scars, and the water had turned a vile shade of brown.

Vena left and came back with a jar of salve and a copious amount of bandages, and so began the second task. It was easier than the first, for one, but a struggle nonetheless. They worked silently, for the most part, gently wrapping the girl’s injuries in white cloth.

“…Your Majesty, why are you doing this yourself? You could have someone else do it for you.”

“I had heard rumours of her, and I could not just leave her there. And…now that I have seen her, it is impossible to turn away from someone in need. I will look after her myself.”

And thus did Ciel accidentally become a mother figure once more.

——

It was terribly difficult, looking after a child that thought that they were dreaming, and that they would be fine without food or water or the urge to execute the body’s needs.

It was heartbreaking, watching a little girl be so stubborn in rooting herself back in a room of nightmares, all because she thought that she would be worse off when she awoke at last.

Ciel quietly wept in the privacy of her mind. Outwardly, she kept a kind smile on her face, encouraging the girl to have some soup, in order for her to build some strength.

The girl was confused. And torn, stretched between hoping and being realistic (in her mind). “B-but why would I need to eat in a dream? I don’t want to.” Then she flinched, eyes growing wide and thin hands shaking. Ciel watched the child curl up, apologies spilling from chapped lips; she debated whether to reach out to the girl, but decided not to. The poor child could perceive the movement as a threat, as much as it pained Ciel to admit, even in her head. Instead, she quietly asked, “Why do you apologize, child?”

The girl quieted in a moment, almost unnaturally, holding in her fear and excuses with a tightened hold, one no doubt practiced. “L-Lady Vanica told me to never disagree.”

Ciel’s grip on the bowl tightened, the heat of the soup spreading through the ceramic, bordering on painful. It just barely escaped her notice, her mind racing at the implications. In the moment of her silence, the girl minutely shifted under the covers, as if to hide away from the world, and the perceived dream of kindness. The movement snapped Ciel back to attention, though her thoughts and anger at the former Spade soldier lingered.

Mindful of the hot liquid in the bowl, she placed in down on the nightstand next to the girl, her fingers tingling from the heat. “Well, it will be here should you change your mind. It would be best for you to eat something light on the stomach, so that you will be able to get around with more ease. You might feel nauseous otherwise.”

Here, she paused, and took a good look at the girl’s face. Haunted eyes, vivid scars, a pale complexion. Ciel wondered, wondered. There was a possibility, ever so slight, that the child remembered nothing of her life before Vanica. Could she even recall the sight of a sunlit sky? Ciel pursed her lips at the idea, hands finding purchase in the soft fabrics that the girl was swaddled in, on the edge of the bed. “…What is your name, child? Do you know that, at least?”

The girl changed her position in the blanket bundle once more, soft lavender eyes peeking out from underneath neatly shorn bangs of silver hair, brightened with a bit of curiosity. Ciel had a sinking feeling she knew which land—which family—the girl was from; she had done her research as the Queen of the Spade Kingdom of the other countries, and their royalty. But she would say nothing of this to the girl; if she remembered, that was fine. If she didn’t, however, Ciel would not burden a child with the heavy weight and expectation that came with being a noble. She had enough to deal with without all that.

The girl’s voice was soft. Slightly scratchy, which the physician had attributed to damaged vocal cords. She would carry reminders of her time with Vanica for the rest of her life, no matter the talent the Resistance’s healers had; they were too late to reverse most of the damage.

It all painted a rather bleak image, but Ciel held out hope for a better tomorrow. What else was there to do?

“…My name is Noelle.”

Ciel smiled. She would make sure this girl would have a chance, at the very least.

——

Noelle was stuck in a dream. She just knew it, even though she didn’t remember most of her dreams. The pretty dream lady came and went, always reassuring Noelle and repeatedly explaining how she wasn’t in a dream; no, she was in the care of the Resistance. No, she wouldn’t wake up in the cold stone room. No, no, no.

The soup the pretty lady—Ciel—had offered was sitting on the table next to her, still warm. Noelle stared in the silence, wondering. She wanted to wake up, as far away as she could from this nice dream, but…

Her stomach gurgled. Noelle was used to the sound and feeling, eating her inside out.

…But couldn’t she enjoy it while it lasted?

Having made up her mind, Noelle slowly untangled herself from the impossibly soft bundle of blankets, shifting her way over to the side of the bed, her body tiny in comparison to the wooden structure. She wrapped one of the blankets around her shoulders, clinging to the soft material as she stared at the food. There was a metal shape beside the soup bowl. Ciel had called it a…spoon, hadn’t she? Urging her fingers to grip the metal in the same way Ciel had, Noelle dipped it into the bowl, gathering a bit of soup.

It was kind of cool, in a way. She gently moved it up and down over and over again, watching the curve fill with shiny liquid. The heat of the soup spread through the metal, reaching her hand. Noelle quietly sighed at the warmth, her hand loosening its grip. How long had she felt something like this?

In her moment of relaxation, the spoon slipped into the bowl, despite Noelle’s attempts to grab it while it dropped. Bits of soup splashed over her shirt and blanket, soaking through. She felt a shiver of fear at what Ciel would do, should she find out that Noelle had ruined something of hers.

(She’d be just like Vanica, wouldn’t she?)

Then she hesitated. It was a dream, anyways, so…it would be fine. Noelle took a deep breath, ignoring the situation with the spilled soup drops. She turned back to the soup, preparing to actually swallow the warm liquid.

…But the spoon. It was at the bottom of the soup, in the bowl. How would she drink the soup, then?

Noelle’s mind raced with different ways to achieve her goal. She could…try to grab the spoon out of the bowl? But wouldn’t that splash the soup everywhere? No, she didn’t want to waste food. She could try to…lift the bowl and…drink the soup like that? No, her hands shook too much.

(And wasn’t that because she didn’t have enough food to begin with?)

Pressing her lips together, Noelle considered her options. Fortunately or unfortunately for her, Ciel came into the dream room, her beautiful blue eyes sparkling. She smiled that strange warm smile when she saw Noelle holding the soup bowl.

“Are you feeling better, Noelle?”

She was completely frozen in her apprehension, the wonderful heat of the bowl thoroughly warming her hands. She risked a glance at Ciel, who was making herself comfortable in the chair beside the bed. It put her right next to Noelle, close enough that Ciel could reach over and pat her on the head. She wouldn’t mind if the pretty lady did. Ciel was really nice, so even if it was a dream, she would enjoy it. Noelle just hoped that she wouldn’t notice the drops of soup on the blanket and clothes, but no luck.

“Ah, I’ll find a change of clothes for you.”

Noelle’s head turned sharply, feeling her eyes go wide. Ciel…was’t angry?

And she was…helping Noelle?

This was something new. It made Noelle feel all fuzzy inside. Did Ciel expect something back? Was she just hiding her anger?

She didn’t really understand.

When Ciel looked at her with an expression of confusion, Noelle realized she’d spoken out loud, and quickly clapped a hand to her mouth. Vanica never liked it when Noelle talked out loud. Wasn’t…Ciel the same?

…Or was that an ‘other people’ thing?

Ciel chuckled, the sound light and warm, like the bowl in her hands; except unlike the bowl, the warmth filled up Noelle’s chest instead of her hands.

“Listen, Noelle,” she spoke, and Noelle listened because she always listened when she was told to, “I will never get mad at you if you mess up. And if I ask you not to do something, it would be because it is either harmful to you, or to someone else. You do not have to do anything; I will not force you, and neither will anyone else in the Resistance.” Ciel’s face was open and kind, and Noelle couldn’t not listen. Her smile was the nicest thing she’d seen ever.

Noelle felt tears rolling down her face, all of a sudden. She tried to wipe them away, then gave up as she started sobbing in earnest. Then, gathering up her courage, she wound her skinny arms around Ciel. It was a dream, so it would be fine. And Ciel was really kind anyhow. She was so different from Vanica; Noelle didn’t want to go back. Never ever. She hated the cold stone room and the chains around her leg and the tattered blanket on the floor and the bucket in the corner and the bland food and she hated Vanica, though she was always too scared to say as such.

Noelle cried. She cried for Ciel and wailed out words that weren’t words, just noises. The dark-haired lady combed a hand through her hair, and the feeling was so relaxing and warmth bubbled in her chest and Noelle didn’t want it all to end, didn’t want to wake up. She said so, through the sudden tears.

And then, as she started hiccuping, Ciel gently cupped her face with soft hands, and told her, “This is no dream, Noelle. You are here, with me. See?” She lifted a hand and suddenly there was a shower of white light in the room, flickering kind of like fire, but not really. It was almost as pretty as Ciel. Noelle’s eyes were as wide as they could go, taking in the light. “This is Moon Magic, my magic. It protects me when others cannot.”

Ciel’s face glowed. Noelle, through her blurry vision, faintly thought she looked like an angel. An angel that had come and saved her, like in a story. It made Noelle cry again. Ciel continued with a smile. Her eyes looked a bit shiny. “I will be your magic, and protect you. You can always trust me to help you, Noelle. You are here. You won’t wake up, because you are already awake, and here with me.”

“B-but!” Noelle grasped Ciel’s hands. They were so big, in comparison to hers. “B-but then Lady V-Vanica will come’n f-find me, she told me so! I don’t w-wanna to go back!”

Ciel’s arms wrapped around her, and Noelle curled up in a ball on her lap, still wiping away her stupid tears and hiccuping every few seconds. Ciel’s smile was still there, but now Noelle could see that it was kind of sad. Was it because of her? Was it her fault?

“Noelle, I am here. I will guarantee your safety, even if it does not always lie with me.”

“…W-what does g-guarantee m-m-mean?”

The gentle laugh that came out of Ciel’s mouth made Noelle feel like she was sparkling. Kind of like Ciel’s magic. It made her happy. “It means that I will make sure that it will happen. I promise.”

“…P-promise?”

The dream lady—no, not dream; this wasn’t a dream!—held out her finger, the smallest one. Noelle looked at it with confusion. Ciel lifted her own tiny hand and wrapped Noelle’s smallest finger around hers. “Pinkie promise. I will never break my word on that, Noelle.”

And for the first time since- since forever, Noelle smiled. It was really wobbly and she was still crying, but she had a sparkling feeling in her chest and she was smiling on her own, without having to force it.

She was…free. She didn’t have to go back. She…

Noelle was free, and it heated her up like fire from the inside out until she felt like bursting. The smile on her face stretched.

“A promise, t-then.”