Chapter 1: Grammar Man Strikes Back
Chapter Text
Thoma: he's scaring me
Thoma:
Kaveh: OMGJXOSKSNENFNF
Kaveh: HE LOOKS SO CRYPTIC
Jean: hes gonna consume your soul
Thoma: good
Kaveh: Hellhound
Jean: hes just waiting for the right time
Kaveh:
Thoma: he's the only one i trust with me soul
Kaveh: ME SOUL
Jean: nice
Kaveh: ok pirate
Thoma: SHUT
Thoma: arg
Kaveh: YOU AND KAEYA
Kaveh: HE ALWAYS BE MAKING THAT TYPO
Jean: kaeya is rubbing off on you
Thoma: I DONT KNOW HOW
Kaveh: LMAOOOOOO
Thoma: i've never spoken to this man before
Thoma: spoke
Thoma: talked
Thoma: conversed
Thoma: idk
Kaveh: @kaeya your influence
Jean: I think spoken is right
Kaveh: It exceeds bounds
Kaveh: Ask alhaitham
Kaveh: he takes grammar for fun
Jean: @alhaitham
Kaveh: Come here harlot
Kaveh: We have a grammar question
Thoma:
Kaveh: HELP
Kaveh: He was snapping me like 5 minutes ago
Kaveh:
Jean: he has this chat muted I think
Kaveh: BUT @'S GIVE U PINGS
Jean: you can turn them off
Kaveh: stfu
Kaveh: Im truing
Jean: no
Jean: truing
Kaveh: ill murder u
Kaveh: Tomorrow
Kaveh: In anne belk
Jean: ok cool
Jean: looking forward to it
Kaveh: Ill tell our professor you have a crush on him also and that we are no longer a couple
Kaveh: Thanks to YOUR email he definitely thinks that
Kaveh:
Jean: I didn't mean for it to sound like that!!! also I do Not like him!!!! I would rather die!!!!
Kaveh: LMAOOOOOO
Kaveh: "Hey can we reschedule the meeting actually, kaveh and i now have valentines day plans 🥰🥰🥰🥰" MFER
Kaveh:
Kaeya: (replying to: Thoma: i've never spoken to this man before) Hi
Kaeya:
Jean: I did not put any heart emojis actually
Kaveh: STOP
Thoma: KHBHJSDG
Kaveh: (replying to: Kaeya: image) She's after me watermelon
Jean: hi kaeya
Thoma: arg hello
Kaeya: (replying to: Kaveh: She's after me watermelon) She stole me melon
Alhaitham: (replying to: Jean: @alhaitham) It is spoken. Using the auxiliary "have," one would use the past particle of the verb "to speak" which is "spoken."
Kaeya: (replying to: Jean: hi kaeya) Hello@my friend@
Kaveh: (replying to: Alhaitham: It is spoken. Using the auxiliary "have," one would use the past particle of the verb "to speak" which is "spoken.) Okay harry potter
Jean: (replying to: Alhaitham: It is spoken. Using the auxiliary "have," one would use the past particle of the verb "to speak" which is "spoken.) thank you grammar man
Kaveh: what's the past tense of DN?
Thoma: stares
Kaveh:
Jean: (replying to: Kaveh: what's the past tense of DN?) bye
Kaveh has been timed-out
Jean: peace and quiet
Zhongli: Lol Kaeya is that picture you favorite?
Kaeya: No
Kaeya: This is
Kaeya:
Thoma: on behalf of kaveh
Thoma:
Zhongli: Gdi another one
Jean: (replying to: Thoma: Gif) ❤️
Kaeya: Only @kaveh knows about my patriotism. USA USA 🗣️🗣️🗣️
Jean: Kaveh you can come back now
Kaveh: YOU ARE AN ASS TO ME
Kaveh: (replying to: Kaeya: Only @kaveh knows about my patriotism. USA USA 🗣️🗣️🗣️) Borrow my speedo anytime
Zhongli: (replying to: Kaeya: Only @kaveh knows about my patriotism. USA USA 🗣️🗣️🗣️) That’s how Kaveh ended up with that speedo
Thoma: i thought that was jensen ackles for a moment
Jean: I can mute you again if you want
Kaveh: ENOUGH
Kaveh: NO PLS
Kaveh:
Kaeya: (replying to: Kaveh: Borrow my speedo anytime) hehe
Kaeya: (replying to: Zhongli: That’s how Kaveh ended up with that speedo) Kaveh is a true founding father
Kaveh: My hairstyle says it all
Message deleted
Kaveh: WOWWWWW
Kaveh: VIOLATION OF MY FIRST AMENDMENT RIGHT I SEE
Jean: yes
Thoma: kaveh rn
Thoma:
Alhaitham: (replying to: Kaveh: what’s the past tense of DN?) There is no past tense. It’s just a noun phrase.
Kaveh: HELP ME GOD
Kaveh: (replying to: Thoma: image) My next cosplay
Jean: (replying to: Alhaitham: There is no past tense. It’s just a noun phrase.) thank you again grammar man
Chapter 2: Kaveh Furry Confirmed
Summary:
in which kaveh quite honestly confirms that they are a furry
Chapter Text
Messages: 6:37 PM
Venti: Kaveh furry confirmed
Jean: the evidence just keeps stacking up
Zhongli: Thought that was already known???
Thoma: 
Venti:
Kaveh: BRUH
Kaveh: NO
Kaven: I SAID
Kaveh: I WORKED AS THE MASCOT AT CHICKFILA
Kaveh: 😭😭😭
Venti: making you a person who wears an animal suit = furry
Zhongli: tell me Kaveh, when you hear someone say Moo how do you feel?
Kaveh: lustful
Zhongli: there we go, proof
Messages: 8:52
Jean: "my ambition for this semester is to not shit myself because of my grandma"
Jean: Kaveh is deadass howling at random people rn
Kaveh: NO BRUH
Kaveh: VENTI HAS THEIR SUNROOF OPEN AND TOLD ME TO ONE TIME
Kaveh: SO I DID
Kaveh: OUT OF CONTEXT ASS
Venti: did you forget the time you literally did it while walking down the street out of your own volition?
Kaveh: you are actually a liar?
Jean: they not tho
Venti: Jean is a witness as well
Kaveh: 
Kaveh: YALL JUST DISLIKE ME
Kaveh: SO YOU LIE
Jean: yes we dislike you no we don't lie
Kaveh: yk what
Venti: nah you're just actually a werewolf so it's ok
Kaveh: 
Venti: we won't tell
Kaveh: exactly tf
Thoma:
Venti: Thoma thoughts on werewolves?
Thoma:
Venti: ayooo
Kaveh: STOP
Chapter 3: The Paul Rudd Incident and Too Much Twerking
Chapter by GimmeTheCookies, salty_icarus, SumeruScribe
Summary:
should totally check out paul rudd (author)
Chapter Text
Venti: I was gunna recommend the chronicles of supernatural warfare idk what you're talking about
Kaveh: VENTI
Kaveh: 😭
Jean: chronicles of supernatural warfare is an excellent read
Kaveh: NOT THAT
Venti: 
Kaveh: DO NOT
Thoma: who is paul rudd
Venti: please do
Kaveh: an amazing author!
Thoma: 
Jean: only the best of all time
Venti: New York Times Bestseller
Kaveh: (I'm being held at gunpoint)
Thoma: HELPENDNC
Venti reply to Kaveh: (no you're not)
Jean: by paul rudd?
Kaveh replying to Venti: (Twerks)
Kaveh: Yes
Venti replying to Kaveh: (ayoooo)
Thoma: 
Kaveh: HAHAHAH
Kaveh: me and then i dropped my phone onto asphalt
Thoma: WHAT
Venti: LMAOOOO
Jean: it was hilarious
Kaveh: I WAS SHAKING IT
Kaveh: AND THEN MY PHONE DROPPED INTO THE STREET
Kaveh: FACE DOWN
Kaveh: 
Thoma: 
Thoma: KAVEHJWNF
Jean: you were shaking too hard ig
Kaveh: it isn't my fault i have a whole bakery
Jean: well maybe you should sell some of those goods then
Kaveh: are you making an offer
Thoma: 
Jean: and if i am?
Kaveh: HELP
Kaveh: 
Kaveh:
Kaveh: it's yours tf
Akinoshi on Chapter 1 Tue 18 Apr 2023 08:31PM UTC
Comment Actions