Chapter Text
It was as if Dick’s mind was muddled, dipped into a bog where his thoughts were hidden beneath its haze.
He sat next to Jason in the passenger seat of the car. His brother had been speaking to him for a while, he thought. He wasn't sure exactly what, words filtering in and out of the edges of his hearing.
He couldn't hear much past the nausea, which hadn't dissipated despite what happened at the motel - safe house.
Not that he was helping much with that.
He kept his eyes down, away from the window, but he knew he'd feel sicker if he saw even remotely how close they were to the manor.
The one small, good thing he supposed was the car didn't smell the same as the one she drove him in.
What was that - gunpowder?
He breathed in the familiar metallic of it, grasping onto the difference.
Dick let his eyes dart over to his brother to take in his features again. The man's lips moving easily contrasted the tight grip he had on the steering wheel.
Jason really was here.
With all his little eccentricities, Dick remembered, doubted he'd ever forget.
He was supposed to have died a year shy before he got a license, but here he was driving, as if he’d never gone a day in his life behind a steering wheel.
Jason's eyes left the road to blink back at him, and Dick turned his own away back down to his lap.
His brother was alive.
He couldn’t deny that at this point.
It did nothing to explain what was happening, but -
He swallowed the emotions that billowed at the back of his throat.
Jason had said that he was safe.
He had promised that he wouldn't let anything happen to him, taken him into his arms despite seeing all the exposed, wet and raw marks staining his skin, and as selfish as it was, he had leaned into it.
He had let himself believe it.
But -
The car jolted, his seat belt constricting uncomfortably against his chest, her body around his as her fingernails stabbed into his back.
He knew he couldn’t, when only a short while ago, she had been the one holding him. He knew he couldn’t when Jason was taking him to the manor. To Bruce.
He lowered his head further inward, still and bracing.
No, he wasn't safe.
Even if it truly was as Jason said, it didn’t stop that soon they would see what he had let happen. It didn't stop that it was only a matter of time that they looked at him with disappointment, disgust, revulsion .
And the irony of it all was just as before, when he was led away from that rooftop where she took everything from him under the rain, he found himself being led away again. Once again, without fight, pathetic in every sense of the word.
They jerked onto a different road, and even avoiding the window, he recognized the bumps of this one under the car's wheels. When memories of a time where just the familiarity of it would shake him awake after a long night tucked safely in the passenger seat next to Bruce in the Batmobile.
His heart rose into dip of his throat as he slowly lifted his head.
The manor stood high, all encompassing as dark clouds cast a long shadow over the car.
He had brought this on to himself; that was the inescapable truth.
Jason drove up one of its many driveways to a passageway of the Cave while Dick sat motionless. His eyes frozen ahead as the building disappeared above him as they pulled into its enclosed walls.
He distantly registered Jason’s voice return to his hearing as his brother guided the vehicle to a halt.
“I mean , how can someone so nimble and agile fighting thugs on the street blow up the kitchen with the touch of her hands?” Jason said, turning off the engine and opening his side to step out. “It’s like running into the line of fire, but the hostage is the fucking spoon.”
Dick stared ahead in silence.
There was the clink of keys as Jason pocketed them. “Gotta hand it to Cass, though. As much as she's not a chef, the backup did come in handy as she said it would.”
He knew his brother's gaze was on him at this point, but his eyes were only able to vacantly look through the windshield at the darkness surrounding him.
"Dick?" Jason asked, a lilt of concern in his voice this time.
He managed to pull his eyes away to meet his brother's, only to find they were narrowed, intense but not meeting his face.
He followed Jason's gaze to find he was instead staring at his hands.
They were trembling.
Oh.
“Sorry, what did you say, Jay…?" he asked, stabbing his fingernails into his palms to will them to stop.
“...Nothing,” Jason muttered to himself, and Dick thought he saw just a moment of a fractioning glint in his brother's eyes before it was gone as quickly as it came. “You probably don’t know her either, huh…?
Dick's throat strangled in on itself at the idea of more unknowns.
“You’ve been quiet since we started heading to the manor,” Jason continued, flicking his eyes away as the silence stretched on. “You know... You're safe now, right?”
The question sounded unsure even to Jason. It reminded Dick of the little boy he once knew that no matter how on edge he was, would never voice it, always posing with false confidence.
Dick felt himself sober slightly.
All this time, he had never once taken away that edge to his brother's frame.
He was acting like a child.
When he thought about it, really.
There had always been the chance of returning here, only remaining at her side until she was satisfied with her fill. His body consumed to the bone until she had taken every last bit she wanted.
It didn't really matter, if she wanted more, she'd find him again.
But in that time away, he would have had to come back here whether he wanted to or not, apartment in ruins and all.
He may not have understood why Jason was treating him this way, helping him when, if anything, he should be being yelled at; but he was being dramatic over something he should have long prepared himself for, and his brother didn't deserve that.
If anything, it should be the other way around:
He should be here for Jason as he always should have been.
The passenger door opened. He flinched as her fingernails flashed in his peripheral, disappearing as Jason bent down into view.
"Hey," Jason said much more softly, irises swirling once again with that unfamiliar green. "It'll be alright, Dick."
He blinked at the slight twitch of Jason's eyebrows, a movement that he remembered always led to a storm when the other was younger.
A movement Dick had often been the cause of himself.
"I’m sorry..." he could only whisper, looking away from him back down at his hands where they mocked him, trembling turning into full blown shivers.
“...I’m going to help you out of the car now,” Jason said after a moment. “You okay with that?”
He forced a small jerk of his head.
A hand gently wrapped around his wrist, and he was guided out of the car with ease. Without it shielding him, the shadows of the Cave enveloped him.
"We’re just going to see Alfie, remember?" the man said, clenching his hand around his wrist in an attempt at a comforting gesture.
He remembered.
"...Yes," he said numbly back, not at all feeling comforted by it.
He caught the man's eyebrows twitch even deeper.
There was a long moment before Jason sighed, and Dick was pulled along to an entryway he vaguely recognized led to the Medbay. "Come on then, Goldie,"
Dick let himself drift as he was led, hauled along only by the tangible weight of Jason’s hand. His mind alternating between regrets of allowing himself to be found this position and disgust at his own cowardly nature to not want to face it. Only to end with the conclusion that it didn't matter when he had caused this himself.
Then just as they stepped outside of the passageway entrance, there was the soft echo of footsteps. They reverberated throughout the Cave's walls as they came closer, quick and without pause.
Immediately, Dick's heart dropped coldly to the bottom of his stomach.
The footsteps slowed as they reached, and he closed his eyes tightly, their faces of disgust flashing beneath his eyelids.
“Where is Grayson?”
Before they shot back open.
Instead of any of the three people he had expected, an unfamiliar child appeared just out of sight behind Jason's tall form.
The child poked his head around Jason in search of what Dick realized was himself. He blinked, and pulled his hand out of Jason's grip to wrap the jacket closer around him.
There was a small moment where Jason froze, an emotion steeling in the outline of his shoulders. His brother sidestepped the child to move into the doorway.
“Move out of the way, brat,” Jason said, casual and full of pretense. “He needs to get checked up on first before we have you jumping and slobbering all over him like some lost puppy.”
"But -" the child tried to protest.
"I said later," Jason interrupted, waving a hand dismissively at him. "You’ll get your chance once we’re done." Then back as Dick didn’t move to follow, all sarcasm gone. "Come on, Dickie."
The boy glared daggers at Jason's back, but nonetheless stepped aside to make it easier for Dick to pass.
"I do not slobber and if there should be any animal I be compared to - " he mumbled to himself, raising a hand to his chin in thought.
"Okay, sure, kid," he vaguely heard Jason reply ,but Dick was too distracted by the sight before him to hear more.
With Jason’s body no longer hiding the boy, Dick was able to see him fully :
The boy had dark eyes, a furrow to his brow woven so deep it would surely give him matching wrinkles there when he was older. He held his small body tight, rigid in ways that seemed as if he believed if he just stood up as straight as possible, it would make him appear larger.
The uncanny resemblance made his heart skip a beat.
The child looked impossibly like -
Dick's thoughts spun, leaving his mind once again racing with more questions and no answers.
The boy, however, didn't seem to be aware of the turmoil he was causing Dick. He turned his eyes upwards and stepped closer, glare immediately shifting into something bright and sparkling.
Dick's mind continued to whirl, taking in every feature of the boy with desperation.
An older Jason who had apparently returned from the dead with seemingly no hatred towards him, no matter how rightly it was deserved.
A child he never remembered meeting here, one that seemed to have more of a confidence of belonging than Dick could ever hope to have.
He thought somewhere, feeling disillusioned in ways indescribable, that he may be grasping for straws at this point, but he needed to find something in the child’s appearance that would give him some sort of answer.
His thoughts were cut short, however, at the sharp, hiss in front on him.
The light transformed in the boy's eyes, brightening into the piercing familiarity of fear.
“W-what happened to Grayson?” his voice shook.
The boy took a step back, and in turn, Dick felt his own move back on their own.
He was scaring him -
Who was this child?
He didn't want to hurt anyone - he had already hurt so many -
…Surely, this boy could see - they all could see, right?
He almost tripped back into the garage, before someone's hand was at his side, catching his arm before he could lose his footing.
"Like I said, you'll get the rundown after we help him," Jason said, voice rough as Dick realized who the hand belonged to. He stepped further between the two, the muscles in his arm strained from where he held Dick.
The boy, this time, didn’t try to look past Jason. He didn't even try to say anything, apparently too shocked to do more than just blink blankly up at the two of them.
Jason ignored the boy, turning back to face Dick, who reluctantly looked away back to his brother.
Jason's face was slightly paler.
"Hey, it's okay," he said, though the casualness in his voice that he had moments before had turned into something a bit tremulous. "Don't pay attention to the kid right now. Focus on me - "
"It's alright," he managed out of numb lips not knowing what else to say, but wanting to remove that look on Jason's face nonetheless.
There was a sigh. "This is a lot, Dick. But none of this is the fuck 'alright'.'"
"Todd..." the boy's small voice quivered behind them.
"Look, this is hard to explain, but a lot has changed since you last came here - Or well, remember being here. I know this might be confusing, and it's a shock because you're -"
He swallowed.
The fear in Jason's face made him feel as if acid was being poured down his throat.
He nodded, giving his best attempt at a smile despite how crooked it felt at the edges.
This time, when Jason's expression fell, he wasn't able to feel much, too detached from his own body
It didn't seem to phase Jason for long, though; as he moved his hand down to Dick's wrist again, a little more harshly than before. He was torn away from the child's eyes back in the direction of the Medbay.
He vaguely watched his hand being led by Jason, feeling as if it might float away from his arm.
They were able to see, right?
He felt the uncomfortable pull and push of his shirt as it rubbed against the now dry indecisions of her teeth underneath.
He didn't know.
Jason, at the very least, wasn't acting as if he understood the extent of it despite all the other had seen.
The only thing he did know was he had made every wrong choice. She had poisoned him to the point it ran deeply in his veins, and now, as he watched Jason's hand pull his:
Maybe he was poisoning those around him too.
“Ah, Master Jason,” Alfred said as they stepped into the blinding, white lights of the Medbay.
The familiar cadence of the older man’s voice that had so often brought a sense of security to Dick, memories of a time when a piping mug of hot coco between fingers after a night between rooftops was all he was worried about.
Now, only seemed to feel as if a bucket of ice poured down his back.
He shakily twisted his free hand into the fabric of Jason’s jacket.
The older man stood on the opposite side of the room, back turned as he rummaged in cabinets.
"I see you've arrived," he continued, voice as calm as ever as he pulled fresh gauze out. " I presume Master Richard is with you?"
“I swear, sometimes it’s like you have eyes on the back of your head,” Jason said lightly, although there wasn't much humor in his voice.
“Who’s to say I don’t? I might be closer to Mister Clark than any of you quite realize,” the older man chuckled, and if Dick didn't feel like he was drowning he might have cried that Alfred was speaking to his living little brother instead of a headstone.
Jason quieted.
“Nothing can get past you…”
Then Dick watched in muted horror as his brother took a breath before he was stepping away fast, leaving him to freeze in easy view. “Here’s your patient, Alf.”
The change in air didn’t seem to escape Alfred, and he paused what he was doing.
No.
Even if he couldn't make sense why Jason was overlooking everything. Surely, Alfred, pristine and perfect, would not be able to.
He blinked, chasing away the blur in his peripheral.
He opened his eyes to a slight raise of Alfred's eyebrows, which for how unperturbed the man usually was he might as well have shot Dick.
He couldn't do this.
He wanted to leave.
He wanted to run away, to never look back, to hide his head in a dingy pillow in a motel if he didn't have to face this.
Then just as quickly as it came, there was a twitch of the man's lips, expression smoothing out as if it had never happened, and Dick's thoughts stuttered to a halt with it.
“It seems a lot has happened in a short time since I saw you two last,” he said, walking towards a medical cot.
Jason didn't say anything, but the crackling of his gloved clenched hands gave a clear answer.
“Come then Master Richard," Alfred said, as he smoothed the sheets of the cot. "Would you mind sitting on this for me? The sheets just were taken out of the dryer. I'm sure you'll find them quite warm, just as you like them.”
This wasn't right.
He swallowed thickly and then stumbled over to it, ignoring the way Jason's hands shot up to hover beside him.
He should be able to see what happened, right?
He sat down mechanically on the cot, gaze falling back down onto himself. His hand was still clenched bone white into the fabric of Jason's jacket, he had forgotten about that.
The jacket.
His mind clicked into place.
That must be it, he couldn't see what was beneath.
He glanced up to where Alfred fiddled with a machine he didn't recognize the Medbay having last time he was here, seemingly as composed as ever.
He carefully let go of the jacket, hand unceremoniously left to fall onto the warm cot.
He shouldn't be relieved when it was only a matter of time that'll change.
Dick watched as Alfred calmly prepared an IV next to him while vaguely registering as Jason pulled up a chair. The child from before had silently slinked into the room, standing a distance away near the wall watching with wary eyes.
“...He’s a little out of it, Alf,” Jason murmured, staring past Dick up to him.
An emotion that Dick had seen at the safe house flickered back into Jason's eyes, escaping as if it had finally found a place to find comfort.
“I can see that,” Alfred replied, if he noticed he didn't comment on it as he tore open a new needle. “Not to worry, my dear boy. I'm sure we'll get you as good as new soon enough.
Then the look in Jason's gaze vanished as it returned back to Dick.
“Just relax, alright?” he said as he inclined his head to Alfred. “I’m sure you know just as much as me you’re in good hands here.”
“I do try my best,” Alfred said with easy acceptance of the compliment. “Raise your arm a little higher, Master Richard.”
"I know…," Dick said quietly, so much so it didn’t seem they heard him.
He did know that Alfred tried his best, but even Alfred wouldn't overlook this.
He raised his arm more as Alfred rolled up the sleeve, mind somewhere far off thanking that he hadn't lifted it high enough to see the evidence of her.
Jason snorted quietly. “Yeah sure, Alfred, we all know when you were born you were given all the perfect genes and left none for the rest of the family."
"I would never deny what was the truth," Alfred replied with a small smile.
The boy in the corner whispered under his breath, "Like I would ever be related to such an imbecile as Drake."
But Dick was too far away to care, and the room quickly fell into uncomfortable silence soon after that.
Alfred and Jason glanced at each other, a wordless conversation happening over his head.
Alfred coughed, searching for the most bulbous vein before pricking Dick with the needle. “Do you mind giving me a rundown of what happened, so I can know how to best treat our patient here?”
“This isn’t really… the best time…,” Jason's voice turned low as he flicked his head over to the child, and as cowardly as it was, Dick's thoughts quieted just slightly.
As long as he was safe from Alfred finding out for just a moment longer.
“Hm, I see,” Alfred's lips tightened, but just as quickly he covered it up with a warm smile. “Let’s take some blood samples, shall we? Then in just a bit, I will prepare you a nice hot meal.”
He didn't think he could hold anything down, and the more Alfred continued to talk unknowingly as if he was still worth this amount of care only seemed further that belief.
Still, he went to nod blankly, only for it to stop in an aborted motion as a voice filtered in from the hall.
No -
Dick's hands suddenly went to grip the sheets without abandon, a storm quickly replacing the buzz of his thoughts.
No, not him.
Anything but him.
The voice became louder, clearer as it grew closer, but - something was wrong - and his thoughts quieted as he listened.
"No evidence could be found," the voice spoke in a concise, engaged manner. "We'll have to wait till Hood shows up."
No matter how long or far he'd been away from the manor, he'd always recognize it. It was gentle, almost unassuming at first, but underneath was a sharp intelligence. This time, however, there was a difference.
"He didn't say anything to me other than that. We haven't spoken since he said he was driving over there."
He sounded -
"Got it."
The owner of the voice walked in wearing an unfamiliar red suit, hand at his ear as he spoke in comms.
He looked -
Tim.
He wasn't the same small, doe-eyed boy he had thought he'd last seen months ago when their cases aligned in the same area. He was older, lanky to an almost worrying degree. He spoke on the other end of his line at his ear habitually rather than the nervous inexperience he was used to seeing in the other.
He sounded older - he was older.
For a moment, he thought he might once again get lost in the murky waters of confusion. Everything seemed beyond comprehension. No matter how many times it was proved to him that this world was real and tangible.
But behind the haze it had been taking shape ever so slightly: ' You don't have all your memories right now'
No matter how much he didn't understand.
This was an older Tim - a clear timetable - and surprisingly, for once, the relief was truly and utterly without restraint.
"I'll let you know when that is," the boy said before he dropped his hand away from his ear.
"Talking about me behind my back, are we?" he heard Jason ask as his vision blurred around the edges, the world only accented by his youngest brother as everything faded out of view.
"Oh, you're finally here," he said, blinking back at Jason with even more indifference than Alfred. “Took you long enough. I was worried B might just leave the Cave to go down there himse - ”
Then his eyes suddenly widened. “Woah - W- what’s wrong? ”
For a moment, he wasn’t sure why Tim was staring at him.
“Dick - “ he heard Jason question beside him.
They may have all been staring at him.
He wasn’t paying attention, but as the world coalesced he realized the blur over his eyes was because of tears.
"T - Tim - Timmy - " Dick rasped, voice breaking. He attempted to crane his neck around where Alfred stood between them to get a closer look at him.
He should be terrified, he thought.
Any moment, he might find out what happened.
He might not even ever have a chance to see him again, but there was something familiar here to tether him. There was a clear throughline that just might explain what had happened to him.
"... I'm guessing this is why you weren't answering comms?" Tim said, mouth parting in shock as he walked closer towards Dick.
"You're - you're here - I - I'm -" Dick said, voice choking him as his eyes traced the teen from head to toe.
Tim stopped, looking slightly out of his depth.
But there was a brief non-subtle tilt of Jason's head just outside of his vision, and the boy quickly startled back into place.
"Hi, Dick..." he said with a small lift of his lips as he drifted close, taking Alfred's spot next to the IV as he stepped away. "You look... different?"
He was one to talk, he thought, only feeling slightly insane this time.
It was at this point he could not resist. His hand rushed out to seize Tim's, grounding himself in the solidity of it.
"Woah, okay," the boy startled, his smile lifting to be a little more genuine. "I'm here, no need to crush my hand.”
“You’re here,” he repeated then turned to look at Jason who was staring at him with an unreadable expression. “Y- You’re both here.”
Dick had both of his little brothers in his grasp, and they were alive, here, and together. He closed his eyes in awe.
For a brief, perfect moment, he even was able to forget about her, but he was quickly reminded of the reason he was here.
"Alright, explain to me what’s happening here," he heard Tim say, opening his eyes to find the other staring at Jason looking more than a little tense. "What happened? When did you discover him like this? Why weren't you answering the comms?"
Jason’s eyes left from where they had been trained on Dick.
Dick shrank in on himself, mind whispering insistently 'you're an idiot' , 'they'll soon find out' , and various other expletives and insults towards himself.
"Woah, slow your roll, Replacement," Jason said, lifting his lips into something small and bitter. "You're the one that said he sounded fine despite -“ He gestured, pointing a thumb in Dick’s direction. “ - him very much fucking not be. You're the one who should be answering my questions here.”
“You know I wouldn't lie about that, Jason," Tim said, sighing, eyebrows pinched. " He did sound fine. He kept on going on and on about going to get those limited edition slushies with you at the Batburger."
Jason snorted. "...That does sound like him." Before his expression drew in. ”He's been going on about that with me for weeks...”
“To me too, still not exactly sure what’s in those things, but I asked him - I did - he told me nothing was wrong”
Jason took a deep breath, seemingly losing his fight. “...You know how he is.”
Tim raised his eyebrows in confusion, Dick was in the same boat.
He untensed slightly, the conversation wasn't leading where he thought it was.
That said, he didn’t know it was possible to be pulled at two ends that he didn’t understand the context of. He tried to speak, both wanting them not to fight and choking on the millions of questions clinging to the back of his throat.
“So -, Tim continued, pushing along. “What happened? He looks - “
Jason clenched his teeth with an audible crack.
“Look, like the fuck I know,” Jason suddenly hissed, and Dick only barely stopped himself from flinching back on the cot. “I’m sorry I didn’t call in right away, alright? I don’t know what happened, only that whatever hit him is age related - “
Dick once more hazily looked up at Tim taking in the contours of his face devoid of baby fat.
"I can see that," Tim said, voicing Dick's own thoughts out loud. "Or at least, physically but - "
Jason’s expression darkened.
“He didn’t know I was back, thought I was dead”
Tim quieted and paled. He looked back to Dick, something flashing in his eyes.
'Didn't know I was back'
With whiplash Dick forgot himself, thinking back to what Jason had said to him at the safe house.
His heart wracked against his ribs.
"Tha- That's what you meant...?" Dick asked, voice tight with the question. “Are you really back?”
He turned to Jason in desperation, eyes wide and searching. "You came back?"
Jason's face stuttered, a flash of realization coming across his face.
Alfred coughed from where he was crouched down a little ways away at some wires. “It might not be so well to talk to each other as if the person in question isn’t in the room.
“Shit, sorry, Dick,” Jason hissed inward to himself, bringing a hand up to his face.
“Ah - ” Dick felt Tim droop from where he still held his hand.
Alfred raised his eyebrows pointedly at the two then turned back to continue his work.
No -
No matter how they might react when they learned the extent of what he had done, he wouldn’t pass up this opportunity to have an answer when it came to Jason and how he was here.
“You came back…?” he repeated shakily, heart in his ears, needing it to be confirmed.
“You starting to understand, Dickiebird,” Jason let his hand drop from his face, eyes caved in and looking far too tired.
“Did you not explain to him?” he heard Tim off from the side.
“You’re an idiot, Todd."
“No -” Dick said, voice breaking at the edges. “No - please, I'm sorry - I just need to know -”
Jason's face colored with realization, and he reached out to Dick's free hand.
“I came back,” he said quietly, squeezing his hand in reassurance, emphasis. “I’m here, Dick - I'm back.”
The haze over Dick’s mind popped and crackled. He looked at Jason’s hand from where it was held in his.
He was still as warm as he had been when he hugged him.
And a part of himself he hadn’t realized that had still been standing ready and at guard at his heart collapsed, a martinet cut from its strings.
“Thank you,” he whispered, closing his eyes once more to breathe through the surge of emotions. “I’m sorry.
"Hey, don't apologize," Jason said, voice firm but soft.
"...Are you starting to understand more, Dick?" Tim asked, looking far too unsure for Dick's comfort.
"I think so,“ he said breathlessly, briefly looking between his brothers and as much as he could explain his reasoning : ”You- you’re older Tim.“
“…I am,” Tim said hesitantly, biting his lip in thought. ”You shouldn’t be surprised by that, but without your memories… It makes sense this would all be a shock for you…“
'Without his memories' , he turned the thought around in his mind.
"You're older too, twenty five to be exact."
“Twenty five…?” Dick repeated quietly, the age felt foreign on his tongue.
His stomach squeezed tightly on itself.
This did explain what Jason had said at the safe house, along with all the blanks in his memory. That said, it didn't change who he was now and how precarious digging more into this was when they seemed unaware of what had truly happened.
One wrong slip up and they would know: about her, about Blockbuster, about it all -
Still, he was known for risks - the pathetically, fallible Dick Grayson - so even so he wanted to know more.
"What happened…?“ he finally voiced the question that had gone unanswered all this time.
“Well, we’re actually not exactly sure ourselves yet,” Tim said, but his voice began picking up and gaining confidence. “You were scouting out a bust we were planning to do next week, and radioed in about a caster.”
Dick blinked, searching his memory.
He internally cringed back as his mind flashed with the sight of her hands on his thighs.
“You were hit, and seemed fine,” Tim continued. “You went to your nearest safe house to be picked up, just for the normal tests.”
Tim gestured around the room to both himself, the familiar, and unfamiliar. “As you can see. You’re younger, but we’re all the same. ”
Dick nodded silently not pressing his memories further.
He didn’t know if the flux of information was grounding or leaving him to feel as if the ground disappeared
“That’s why I was there to get you,” Jason cut in, he had let go of his hand - Dick hadn’t noticed. “This all making a bit more sense to you now, Goldie?"
It did, a little, but also there was so much unknown between her and now the mere thought of thinking more on it hurt his head, and surely a couple of years wouldn’t change much when they knew.
Something thick and viscous climbed up his throat.
"A little," he said, bowing his head so they wouldn't see his face as he chewed into his already raw bitten lip.
His brothers glanced at each other above him, not appearing to be convinced.
"Your vitals are up, Master Richard," Alfred interrupted, the beeping of the heart monitor filling into the room. "They're elevated, but aside from that normal."
"Thanks, Alfie," Jason answered for him.
Tim's hand twitched in his grip. "You mind if I step away to record these?"
Dick glanced to where the teen still held his hand, thinking he might just float away.
“Leave it, Timmy." Then Jason stood up out of the chair into a stretch before walking over himself. "You’re doing wonders at the moment right where you're at.”
"Huh," Tim's eyebrows furrowed.
Jason didn't answer and instead just waved his hand over his shoulder in motion to ' stay, ' leaving Tim's shoulders to sag as he turned back to Dick looking more than a little confused.
Dick was too numb to conjure up the energy to give Tim a look.
Jason walked over to where they logged the vitals before transferring them over to the Batcomputer, flipping through a few that were strewn about. Dick watched on from where he sat. One of the overhead lights in the corner flickered sporadically with the throb at his head.
His thoughts swayed, never quite being able to focus on one thing in particular. The back and forth of it slowly joined with a sound, hardly noticeable at first past the rustle of papers.
A gentle swish, the unassuming noise of air rippling down the seams of fabric.
It could have been anything.
It could have been anyone, but for Dick, it was impossible to forget.
The sound of that smooth, black cloak sweeping across the Cave floor, footsteps set and with purpose.
The numbness was quickly replaced was a scream, a catalysis opening at the back of Dick’s skull. It threatened to swallow him whole, the sounds of the room vanishing within it
Jason stiffened, slowly setting down the files.
The only thing that remained was the heart climbing into his throat, ripping up into his esophagus to suffocate him.
He lost his grip on Tim's hand, his own plummeting onto the cot's sheets. There was no longer any comforting warmth to them, cold to the touch.
He vaguely registered Tim blink at him as Jason stood still, a sharp, watchful gleam in his eyes.
Bruce came in with that unmistakable march within his step, cape flying behind him.
"Jason -," Bruce said as he came to a stop, barely registered breathlessness in his voice. “Report.”
Dick stuttered outside of his body.
Bruce's face was undecipherable beneath the cowl, but his body held unmistakably tight with tension as its lenses moved past Jason to lock onto Dick.
His lungs reached for air
How would he react?
What would he do this time?
“Alfred,“ Jason said, ignoring Bruce as his voice pitched seekingly to the other.
Dick watched as the black outline of Bruce's cloak stilled, eyes never leaving where they were trained on him.
“Master Damian,“ the butler spoke without hesitation into the silence. ”Would you be so kind as to go upstairs and heat up the stew I made yesterday that Master Richard likes?“
There was a shift in the atmosphere in the room. Not even past his distantly screaming mind, did it not escape Dick the way Tim tensed beside him.
The child bristled from where he stood, his brows drawn in petulantly.
“I am not incompetent, Pennyworth,” he said, small hands clenched at his sides. “I can help Grayson too. Much more than Drake and Todd have, at the very least.”
“Sorry, Damian,” Jason said, eyes deliberately leaving Bruce for only a moment to the child. “It’ll be better if you skip out on this one.”
“But why,” he asked, face reddening. “He is my Batman. It - it would be irresponsible of me if I left him.”
Alfred walked calmly over to the boy, placing a gentle hand on his shoulder. “I believe that Master Richard would tell you that this is how he would want you to help him."
The boy’s shoulders sank as he looked back from the others in the room to Dick, eyes lingering on him for a moment. His fingers fell away from where they were clenched.
“You can be a real imbecile too,” he mumbled under his breath, and then seemed to come to a decision as he turned to leave into one of the passageways with a 'humph'.
Dick wasn't able to decipher what he meant, only feeling the slightest release of breath from his throat that whoever this boy was would not have to see any more than he had.
Once there was the familiar sound of the clank of doors and rattle of the elevator rising did Jason shift his attention fully back to Bruce.
“…What was that,” Bruce asked first lowly, voice hard as his eyes moved to Alfred scrutinizingly .
“Leave Alfred out of this, old man,” Jason said as he stepped heavily into Bruce's space. "I asked him to do it. It'll be better if the kid's not here."
Bruce's mouth fell open, muscles in his neck tightening.
It was impossible for Dick to mistake:
The fear in Bruce's frame, muscles recoiled out to spring, an edge that hadn't left since Dick's first day out on the field. He knew it was no longer a sign of a hair breath moment before being pulled into strong arms after a close call. Now, it could only be that of once again having to see his disappointment of a son.
"I honestly do not know myself," Alfred said with ease, drawing the two's attention away from each other. "I suggest we listen to what Master Jason and Master Richard have to say first before jumping to any conclusions."
Bruce let his mouth clamp shut, corners of his lips twitching with restraint.
“Explain,” he finally managed.
His brother crossed his arms against his chest as he held Bruce's gaze for a moment. They loosened slightly, and he sighed.
“As you can see,“ Jason jerked his head stiffly in the direction to where Dick sat. "Your golden boy here turned back the clock."
There was a moment where Bruce flicked his eyes between the two, lenses narrowing as he examined his son's faces. They seemed to peer into Dick, the white glow of them casting a spotlight to expose it all.
Dick choked on the spasmic beat of his heart.
No -
He couldn't take it anymore.
All of this stalling with Alfred and Tim didn't matter in the end.
Everything came down to Bruce.
Bruce always knew. Not just when it came to Gotham, but to the neighboring cities, the league - his files, backups, contingencies - his children . Even now, Dick was certain he knew exactly what transpired with Blockbuster, almost as if his brain matter was still splattered within Dick's hair.
There was a slight pitch in Bruce's frame as his eyes widened. Dick's face flushed with shame, eyes hot and unblinking.
"Dick?" his voice resounded into the room, incredulous.
"I, " he choked out too quiet to be heard, his mouth useless.
But Bruce didn't spare another moment on him and only whipped his head back around to Jason.
"I found him like this," Jason said, his voice much softer than before. "I don't know any more than you."
"Dick, " Bruce said again. His legs lurched forward past Jason, hand raising. "What happened?"
The marks under Dick's shirt burned into his skin like brands.
"I - , he tried again, some instinctual part of him crying out to answer, but another strangling it quiet. "I - "
'I have utterly failed you, Bruce. '
"Report, Dick -" This time there was a hint of desperation in his voice.
Dick's eyes snapped close, his chest shuddering. He could hear the shakiness of his breath and the frustration following in Bruce's.
He had brought this on to himself, but he didn't -
He didn't -
"Hey, cool it, old man," Jason's voice cut sharply between them. "He needs to be treated before any of you start questioning him about this shit."
Dick partially opened his eyes.
His brother’s hackles were risen, and he was once again between him and Bruce.
"Treated?" Tim finally spoke after only warily watching, his face going marginally paler. "You didn't mention anything about him being hurt?"
"Look, I couldn't before because, for one, I was busy getting him here," he said, face twitching as his eyes stayed on Bruce. "For two, I wasn't having Damian anywhere near here while that happened."
A convulse of Bruce’s risen hand before he let it drop back to his side. “…What happened?”
"That is what I was going to explain before you started interrogating him as if he was a fucking criminal," Jason growled, shoulders bunching even higher.
Bruce’s eyebrows twitched. “I didn’t know he was injured.”
“Like that makes it any better !“
"Bruce..." Tim said quietly beside him.
“Now now,” Alfred said, stepping between the two. “Let’s not forget the real reason we're all here."
But the air between the two swelled into something suffocating. It grew in volume, simultaneously thrumming within and smothering all of Dick's thoughts.
Dick’s eyes involuntarily fell down to the cot, his hand lay open and empty.
This was it. The building tension only left one end. The setting had changed - he was no longer alone in his safe house - surrounded by his family, but with that, there was no escape.
With that, his lack of control hadn't changed.
He clenched his hand on open air.
He lifted his face, his eyes following Bruce, his frame vibrating , jaw locked with visible indignation. Tim’s careful discomfort and Jason's fear turned to fight. Alfred, to the end, holding it together for everyone.
Poison trickled down his throat, anchoring him.
He had caused this.
His mouth fell open, then closed. He tried again, it closed again. He paused to breathe through his decision.
"...Jason," his voice came out broken, shattered to even his own ears, difficult and slow. “...L-lets just get this over with.”
His brother froze mid-sentence to turn slowly back towards him, eyes wide and uncomprehending. The rest of his family similarly had gone still, room going deathly quiet.
"It's alright," he forced through his teeth, lips twitching in the attempt of another smile.
It wasn't but : "I don't want you to hurt for me, Jay..."
He stared straight ahead into Jason's eyes, disregarding everyone else. His brother who had been so kind to him for what reason he didn't know.
"Wait, just a minute -" Jason said, dropping a hand to his hip as he stifled a sound of confusion at the back of his throat. "What do you mean 'get this over with- ?' What do you think going to happ -"
"What does he mean?" Bruce interrupted him before he could finish, and Dick couldn't help the minute flinch. "Where are you injured, Dick? "
Dick just continued to stare beseechingly at Jason. He swallowed thickly, his voice already gone again. He needed Jason to follow through before he once again tried to run away from what he rightly deserved.
Jason's eyes widened and he motioned his hands in surrender. "Alright, alright... You don't have to look at me like that, Dickiebird..."
He wasn't sure how exactly he was looking at him, but the pressure on his chest loosened ever so slightly.
Jason left Bruce to come over to him. "Do you need help?" he distantly heard Jason say as he reached his side. "Or well, what do you need I guess is what I'm asking."
Dick slowly stood up, his legs wobbled unsteadily beneath him.
"Do you want Tim to leave, or me for that matter? Whatever you want, just name it."
He shook his head silently, more to himself than to Jason as he forced his body to steady.
It was time he stopped burdening everyone by treading around the issue and got this over with.
His hand shakily traversed down the jacket as he unzipped it, it heavily fell to a heap onto the Cave floor.
All of those he couldn't save when he had let his identity slip, a failure in every sense of the word to both himself and those who trusted him he'd protect.
He lifted the unfamiliar shirt above his head, raising his hem to his sternum.
The last moments of Blockbuster where he had stepped aside, where she had taken the barrel of a gun to his head - a murderer in inaction.
He finally brought it over his head to drop it from the contracted muscles of his hand on the ground with the jacket.
The marks that lay on his skin now that spoke of all the times he stayed and let her take what she wanted from him.
He held it all in. His breath, the scream waging within his throat, his muscles tethering his arms at his side in an effort to not bring them up to hide his shame and humiliation.
He deserved this, he repeated to himself. This would've happened anyway. It was better to get this over with now than to selfishly watch them fight and wait in hopes they wouldn't ask.
"What happened...?" a voice , Bruce's was deathly calm.
For a moment, Dick wondered if he understood and wrenched his head upwards.
But he quickly had his answer when he saw Bruce's eyes blown wide beneath the lenses, his frame vibrating and attempting to hold some semblance of control over an internal storm.
He understood.
That was good, some part of him distantly thought despite the fighting scream. He needed him too, but his body began to shake involuntarily.
He glanced dazedly over to his brothers.
Tim's eyes were similarly wide, hands trembling as he covered his mouth in shock. Jason, standing only a little ways away, shuffled back and forth unsurely.
He clenched his teeth in an effort to breathe through them. He couldn't stop himself as he brought his arms up to cover his chest this time.
Their eyes stabbed into each festering sticky mark from her teeth, furthering the wounds.
"Alfred, please," Jason said, seeming to struggle to speak, Dick's eyes blurred, the outline of Bruce bleeding throughout the room. "He needs to be treated."
"Oh, my dear boy," then Alfred was suddenly blocking Bruce from view. He wasn't touching him, but Dick put his hands out to push him away anyways
No.
He needed to get this over with.
"What happened," a voice growled darkly, cutting through movement in front of him making them all still, and then suddenly Bruce was right next to Alfred, hand fisted white into the metal end of the cot. "What happened to you?
He needed this, but he didn't want -
He didn't want -
Bruce was inches from his face.
Dick could make out every vein in his neck. His pulls dilated beneath the lenses.
All of it finally, finally deserved.
No - no.
"Hey," Jason shouted, eyes green as he grabbed Bruce's shoulder. "He does not need that right now, especially from you!"
"Jason, do you not see?" Bruce hissed in equal measure of emotion.
"Of course, I fucking see," Jason yelled. "The pit lashed out, and I scared him senseless! I doubt you want to do the same?!"
Dick's eyes were frozen only on Bruce. He knew it all now:
All of the faces of innocent people, Blockbuster's slight widening of eyes beneath the frame of a gun, his time afterwards with her.
This is what he expected, deserved, and now Bruce would surely explain to the rest of his family so they would understand too.
"When did this happen?" Bruce plowed along, eyes only for Dick ignoring Jason.
"Hey, fucking really," Jason said, pushing Bruce roughly away from him.
Dick answered anyways despite the small wondering why he even needed to ask. "...Blockbuster.
Something shuttered in Bruce's expression, eyes for a split second widening into an indecipherable emotion.
"I -, he mumbled under his breath and stepped back this time himself without Jason's help.
Jason put his hands on his hips, his eyes dimming if only slightly. "You got yourself together now?"
He didn't answer, hands loose at his sides with a blank expression on his face. The change in the other seemed to confuse Jason as he let his hands drop to his sides too.
Dick waited for the explosion, the growl from the depth of Batman's throat culminating with a burst of emotion, the 'get out and don't come back' and ' 'you should've been better than that Dick.'
Only for it not to come as Bruce gave one more glance to him before he spun around, striding towards the exit.
Dick's heart stopped beating.
He watched in slow motion, uncomprehending as the man moved further and further away.
He ...
He wasn't going to tell them?
"What the fuck..." Jason whispered under his breath.
"Keep me updated," Bruce finally said uninterrupted in his exit.
The green in Jason's eyes singed, hands fisted at his sides. He didn't spare another moment before he burst forward after Bruce, tongue alight. "Updated!? Updated!? Your golden child has just gone through one of the worst things imaginable, and you say, 'keep me updated'?! Who the fuck do you think you are?!"
Bruce stilled. "... It will be better if we reverse what happened as soon as possible for Dick's sake. I'm returning to the Batcomputer."
"This isn't something that isn't just going to disappear once that happens!" Jason hissed, seeming to barely restrain his hands at his sides. "This," Jason gestured wildly to the room and the occupants. "Isn't going to disappear once it happens."
"It's for the best," Bruce only said, inflexible and unyielding.
"Fuck you, Bruce...," Jason said, but this time there was something mournful in his voice. "Your son was assaulted, and this is your reaction..."
There was a brief flinch in Bruce's frame, and Dick couldn't help but mirror it.
'Assaulted - ? '
His mind raced, replayed every interaction he had with his family, both within the safe house with Jason and when he had exposed himself moments before.
Their reactions to him painted a pattern, an ugly picture, and finally, he understood.
It wasn't that they didn't understand:
All this time, they thought he was a victim.
But the only victim he was - was to himself - he had stayed.
Bruce's hands fisted at his sides before he continued to stride forward. " Alfred, I trust you can handle this."
A haze pulled over Dick's mind; he looked from Bruce leaving to Jason, another curse on his tongue as he chased after him, Tim with an unreadable expression, and Alfred with none.
The only person who seemed to understand what had truly happened was Bruce, and now; he was leaving.
He wasn't telling them - correcting them.
Dick opened his mouth, let it close. He tried again, this time, it wouldn't open at all. He watched far away from somewhere outside his body.
He made a decision and stayed quiet, selfishly finding in that brief moment he didn't have it in himself to tell them the truth after all.