Chapter Text
Leia
Leia woke up breathing raggedly, her body felt over hot and her head hurt. The urge to move overtook her and she half walked half ran from her room walking blindly through the base till she found a caf maker and turned it. She sat on the cold tiles hugging her knee to her chest. She let out a long breath while closing her eyes. She had no energy to move even if the tiles felt twice as cold due to her night clothes being soaked in sweat.
Leia jumped when a voice spoke to her,
“Excuse me, Princess, Do you want company?” it asked
“Why?”
“Because I can't sleep either. Though caf is an interesting choice. I might have gone for tea, ‘s more calming.”
Leia looked up and met bright blue eyes that looked tired. The low glow of the sleep cycle room made him mostly shadow. His body was soft though, with minimal tension in his muscles. And what she could see of his face was friendly. She was just able to identify the figure as Luke.
“Okay.” She said,
Luke sat cross-legged next to her.
“You’re not alone, Leia. If you want me to. I can have your back.”
Leia wondered if Mon Mothma had talked to him. Or maybe he knew the relationship their parents had been all tied up in.
“If the only reason you want to be my friend is because the man who raised you knew my father then you can kark off,” Leia said, hugging her legs tighter. That wasn’t enough, it was better to be alone than to only be cared about in theory. All Alderan would be known as was part of history, she wanted to be alive .
“I mean I won’t lie, that is part of it. But more so I know what it’s like to lose people, Leia. I’m lucky that the RunnerCrew cares for me. But my list of dead includes many. As a young kid, it was just me and my buir. He had lost his family, and I didn't have my parents." Luke paused.
Leia looked at him. A glazed-over expression covered his face. She might not be a Jedi but she could feel the amount of emotions that were crashing behind his eyes.
Luke gulped and continued, “I had times I felt very alone. And a lot of the family we tried to build along the way, they died. Leia, I’m very lucky to have people who will back my play. I want you to have that too.”
“Okay. What would that entail?”
“I mean I’m really good at killing people, I can fix droids, run vaporators, perform ship maintenance, I want to listen to you and be your friend.”
Leia was confused for a minute. But she believed he was genuine and his voice read as honest and comforting. He leaned to the side and knocked his shoulder on hers and she let out a breath. There was a kindness radiating from him in a way that felt warm. She wanted to believe him.
The prospect of having to wear her dad's too-big shoes and help people all on her own was daunting. Her training and learning were over and she was scared.
And now this ridiculous boy was offering murder and friendship in the same breath as ways to help her. Leia looked back at him, he still had the strange feeling that something was off. But her generally well-attuned danger single wasn’t going off. She didn’t know what to do with that.
“You’re not right Luke Nabrrie, you know that?”
“I’ve been told I'm strange, yeah. Does that mean you don’t want to be my friend?”
“I don’t need a mercenary, at least right now. But having a Jedi on the front lines? That would be very useful. And having someone to talk to, could probably help. Always good to bounce ideas off someone.”
“I can definitely do those things.”
“If, say, I have a different plan to what Mon Mothma and the generals have. Would you use your Jedi clout to support my play?”
“Probably. I mean strategy in these big war situations isn’t my thing. I’m a more targeted action-type guy. But if saying I agree would help, I'd do it.”
“Why?”
“I told you why” Luke said, Leia was surprised he didn’t sound agitated, more sad.
“I get that you want to help someone you empathise with, that makes sense. And clearly, you have your own moral code in your brain which, I can’t really judge you for developing in this crazy galaxy. But I mean more, why are you willing to kill and be killed for the rebel alliance”
“I have to. I can’t do anything else. It’s my job to protect people. I have to end this war. My life is irrelevant outside of that. I don’t matter outside of stopping The Empire. ”
Leia turned and tilted her head, she scanned his body language and his shadowed face. Leia didn’t think he was lying, or even being intentionally melodramatic. He was holding her gaze steady and true. She would set the implications of someone thinking they didn’t matter to the side for now. And focus on the fact that having allies in this alliance could be good.
“Okay,” Leia said, “Okay. It can’t hurt to have a Jedi for a friend.”
Luke’s eyes lit up and a smile tugged at his mouth. “Thank you, Princess Leia.”
“Just Leia is fine.”
“Leia.”
The Caf machine made a sound to let them know it was ready. Leia stood up, poured them both cups then led Luke to a table and sat down. Leia wondered if she should just go to a room. Luke had offered to listen to her, and she had used the word friend. But he might really be offering a power alliance. Or this could be that he really did just want to be friends with someone who might understand his grief.
“Let’s talk about something that isn't depressing,'' Leia suggested.
“What kind of food do you like?” Luke asked.
Leia nodded, they discussed food from many places and holiday foods. Luke had a weird mixture of types of rations and really rare food on the same plain. But she supposed that maybe that was just what spacers were like. The thought of pilots drove her mind to Han Solo who was definitely flittering with her, obviously, but annoyingly not totally poorly.
“Luke...Just so you know. I’m not in the market for sex.”
Luke started with a look of confusion. It was the most obvious emotion he had shown outside of the exhaustion from earlier. He sputtered for a few moments before gathering himself.
“Leia, don't worry about that. Like you’re very pretty and all. But I'm not..er.. don't want to date you."
She laughed at his awkwardness and felt relief. “So you don’t want to have sex with me?”
“Currently I don't want to have sex with anyone. I just want to be friends. I don’t have many people my age.”
“Well, that’s good. Because I don't want any either. And also I don't know if I want to date a religious fanatic.”
Luke threw his hands in the air and sighed, “I promise Jedi really aren't a cult. Like we meditate but that doesn’t make us crazy.”
Leia grinned, which felt wrong when her parents were gone. Her home was gone. The pain was still making her body feel too hot and her stomach churned in sadness and anger. But there was a flutter in her chest of connection. It was strange, she didn’t feel happy per se just like Luke might be good for her.
“I know we said we were talking about happy things, but you said that you’ve lost people. People you considered family. So, like, how did you deal with that?”
“Oh. Well, I had my dad, until now I mean, and that helped. But I think to be honest I just tried to throw myself into whatever we had to. Had a good breakdown and cried for sure. But I have to do something to make the world better. I have to do enough.”
“So throw yourself into your job and never deal with it?” Leia said tilting her head half smiling.
“Basically. I never told you that I dealt with it well . I also do believe in The Force. And I believe that the love someone has for others stays with you. The Force is love, so you might not get to talk to them, but they are still there with you.”
Leia wasn’t sure if that was real or not but the idea of her parents' love still being with her was intoxicating. “If that’s true, then that would be wonderful.”
Luke let out a huff and shrugged, “I need to believe it I think”
“We all have those things.” Leia agreed.
Luke glanced at the clock on the wall and drank the end of his caf. “I need to get back to the Runner before they realise I'm gone. They don’t sleep great either and if I disappeared they're gonna be calling me.”
Leia nodded, “I should try and at least rest.
~~~~~
Sleep did not come for Leia Organa and the day shift clicked in and she was up getting dressed and fixing her hair. The talk with Luke flitted through her thoughts along with anxiety over what would be expected of her. She had never had a title in the rebellion. Just done missions for them with the cover of humanitarian grounds. Aldarran had also always been there for her to go back to. She had never been involved in big decisions. Only attending a few meetings involving the rebellion.
Now this would be her full-time life. There was nothing to go back to, no home. Just base hopping and flying ships. It was terrifying to be honest. Not to mention having to prove her worth. She would never be her dad but Leia was sure that she could still be an asset to them.
Leia walked to the cantine again and got food unsure where to sit. The pilots, ground troops and spies were grouped together. The people who had children, whether they were with them or having been hidden somewhere else sat separate from the single people who shared their job. The generals along with Mon Mothma sat together as well. Leia fretted for a minute before noticing Han, Chiew, and Luke sitting on the far side looking about as awkward as she felt.
Sitting down next to Luke Artoo came over and she patted his head.
“He’s a great little droid.” Luke commented, “I wonder if he and Arrfour would get along.”
“You have your own droid?” Han asked.
“He’s the droid that works with the StarRunner crew. Maintenance and diagnostics ya know?” Luke explained.
“Speaking of Droids, where is C3PO?” Leia said, glancing around her heart suddenly in her throat. C3PO could be, well a lot, but he had belonged to her family for who knows how long.
Artoo let out a series of noises and Luke nodded, “Threepio is getting a clean.”
“Oh, he’ll like that.”
“You know that neurotic droid well?” Han asked.
“Since I was a kid, he's like family” Leia confirmed, “No idea why my parents had one of that make. He was outdated when I was a kid. He always was a bit different mechanically; some of the people who helped maintain him said he was made in an idiosyncratic fashion.”
“That’s because he was hand-built from pieces of other droids,” Luke explained.
Leia turned to him, how the hell did he know anything about that?
“Anakin Skywalker, the Jedi, built him and gave him to Senator Amidala before I guess he ended up with you all at some point. But he doesn’t remember, Artoo does though, being Anakin Skwalker’s droid. My buir knew Anakin from the Jedi.” Luke said.
“Why do you seem to just know everything?” Leia raised an eyebrow.
The way Luke knew stuff she didn't know about her life, was very upsetting. It also sucked that he got to know at least that his family came from Naboo. He got to be raised by someone who knew Jedi culture. Leia had this emotional impression along with a pair of eyes seared into her brain. But nothing else about her mother. She was an orphan twice over. Why did he get what she didn’t have? Leia caught herself Luke was just like her now. He didn’t have his biological parents or the man who had raised him. Double orphans the both of them.
Even so, it still hurt that her parents had never given her any information. The critical thought of her parents stopped as she imagined their kind expressions, always saying she was an Organa in and out, no matter her biological heritage. She had been raised with love, with a culture, with a drive to do what’s right. Not because of destiny or fate, but because it was the right thing to do.
These winding heritages weren’t as important in the end then the fact her parents had been good people and good to her. Sure they had fought and disagreed. A lot of it was about how much Leia should know about the rebellion and how much she should be involved in actual missions.
On the other hand with the loss of her parents, she would probably never learn where her biological mother and father were from. What their names were. Anything. And it was a strange form of loss. Not the same as the storm brewing inside her of rage and despair over the destruction of her home. This was like losing something you never had. Was that even possible?
Leia was jarred from her spiral by someone repeating her name. She looked up and saw Luke with a concerned expression.
“What?” Leia snapped.
“Leia, it’s okay. Whatever swept you away you can come back now.”
Leia wasn’t sure what he meant but she felt herself settle back into her body and she turned to her now lukewarm food and ate it. Not too bad, it was highly packaged and far from what you would call real food. But seeing as she didn’t want to actively vomit it was good enough.
Han and Luke had eaten their food quickly and were sipping on the caf. Now that she was actually in the room she could smell the drinks had something else added to them. She rolled her eyes, but that seemed very in character for a hotshot pilot and well Luke just seemed like someone flat out not dealing. Even with his spiritual language, he was not well.
The Alliance High Command stood up and Leia jumped, she needed to know what her new job was. Just drifting as a princess from nowhere did not sound like a good plan.
“Bye boys,” Leia said with a half smile.
Leia followed them into a room with a holo projector in the middle. The door closed behind her and she stood awkwardly fiddling with the sleeves of her top.
They all turned to look at her and then shared a glance with each other.
“Princess.”
“General”
“You have a lot of training, better than many who could theoretically fill the position. You may only be a junior senator but you’ve been trained with those skills as well as being involved in diplomatic missions. And there is the power in having an Aldarranian still by our side, and the child of someone who can easily be turned into a martyr.” General Dodonna said.
Leia felt her hair stand on in. Turn him into a martyr? He was a karking hero! These men manipulated his...wait no they were right. That would be very good. Her father had never lifted a hand to violence in any of this but had always been a steady force.
“Okay. But I will not be a puppet.”
“We never thought that of you, Leia.” General Dodanna and Mon Mothma said together.
“Get me up to speed.” Leia nodded.
She was ushered forward and given her own Data pad to look at. She split her time between the pad that had some info for her to get caught up with and another where she was taking notes from the current conversation.
It was probably a less productive meeting as Leia had to get them to decipher some acronyms and jargon. But overall they did make some big decisions and it made her feel like she could do this...well hopefully.
~~~~~
Leia sat next to her new ensign friend. They read through the reports that were given to Leia to review.
“What happens when this is over?” Nell asked.
“I told you I'll make sure any Alderaanians who were off planet have somewhere to live.”
“I know. But in general. I hate the Empire. I want it gone. It treats people like garbage. It’s gutted so many people's lives, and now mine and yours. But I'm not sure what comes next.”
Leia paused, she hadn’t given it thought yet. The fire in her stomach was fed by anger, that was what was driving her. If she let it go out she might die starving in the darkness loss had fashioned her. But no, her mom and dad wouldn’t have wanted that. They wanted her to have a life, and Leia wanted one. She had wanted to live in the better world the rebels were making.
Just because she was The Princess of Space Dust didn’t mean she had to give herself up to despair. She was afraid, lost and confused. Circumstances supported such a state of mind. But Leia would not let herself stay there. Because she was going to win, and then she would make a galaxy you could be proud to live in. Not the unstable republic that had fallen to fear or an Empire that ruled with malice. And damn would she be the one to make it.
To honour her parents and because she kaking deserved it. All this hell she’d been through, she was owed something. And so was every person around her who had suffered.
“No, I do know. We make a better galaxy. For your children and the rest of the younglings. For all the slaves we can free and the wanderers we can make homes for. And for ourselves.”
“I hope that’s true.”
“No hope Ensign Nell, I don't let anything ethereal decide my fate anymore. I decide my fate.”
And kark did she want to believe that's true. That she could still do that, even with the hole in her chest.
~~~~~
Like the previous night, Leia scrambled from her bed in the middle of the night cycle and saw Luke sitting on a table with two mugs next to him.
“How’d you know you would need two?” Leia asked.
“When life decides to chew you and spit you out for good measure you fall into patterns.”
Leia nodded, he wasn’t wrong. She joined him sitting on the table.
“I get to help plan things from now on.”
“Bureaucracy? Fun.” Luke jokes awkwardly.
“It’s not that bad. A lot of reading but that’s not too bad.”
“That’s a big part of why.”
“bore you to death?"
Luke looked into his mug, “No just I probably wouldn’t know half of it. I can speak Basic, Huttese, Tewli’ki, Mandoa, and Binary. But I can only really read enough to get around and run a ship.”
“Wasn’t the man who raised you like a famous Jedi?”
“Yes, my buir, he was a Jedi.”
“Jedi studied.”
“Leia I didn’t have any data pads to read from as a kid much less actual books,” Luke said with a sigh.
“Did you have holo vids?”
“Yeah”
"That money could have been spent on books.” Leia countered.
Luke bristled and looked pointedly away from her. He was quite a while before gathering the wherewithal to speak,
“I could watch the videos with everyone, Leia. And I think we totally owned fourteen for the almost ten years we lived with the Runner crew. When we did have more money than usual they bought me tools and a pet droid, even baked me cake. Think of that, something I could build and learn to maintain while being fun. The luxury we usually went for was to have actual non-ration food and for me to not wear clothes two sizes too small. When does someone whose future includes fighting and flying have a need to read bureaucratic documents?”
Leia didn’t know what to think. She knew she had never wanted for anything in her life. Presents, food, and books were all a given to her. And the Jedi in front of her lived in a wildly different world. But it was still strange that Luke couldn’t really read when from everything her parents had said and the digging she’d done on the history of the Empire while they were vicious fighters Jedi also gate-kept knowledge Or kept it safe depending on your view. So that a Jedi would read only what a kid would be able to read was strange.
“Luke, I understand not having money...”
“I can do enough maths to run a ship. I can fix any machine you ask me to.” Luke said his voice coming out somewhere between embarrassed and defensive, “And my memory is really good."
“You are intelligent Luke I'm sure.” She did not know that for sure. A good fighter and pilot yes, and a relatively nice person. Though that strangeness still surrounded him and it was irking her she couldn’t work out exactly what it was about him she found interesting.
Leia thought of her own education. They’d started teaching her to read and basic maths since before she could remember. Her parents very much saw education and multidimensional thinking as necessary for her to protect herself, and eventually lead others. She knew self-defence and how to shoot, she could draw and paint (not well but she understood), could play the piano, and was ahead of everyone around her in history, science, and reading over her peers. She had even been given time to spend with her mom learning about fashion. Luke hadn’t gotten that. Fixing droids and running ships was not only a spacers skill set but even most spacers had gotten some sort of education. But what did she know? If they had inconsistent money, not to mention hiding from the empire. Reading and maths lessons weren’t really an option. Yeah, she was being judgmental. They were both raised to be great, just at wildly different things. Though Luke did deserve a better education, maybe she could help?
“I’m sorry Luke. I shouldn’t judge you, we all learn what we have access to. It’s not anyone's fault.”
Luke looked her directly in her eyes pleading.“Leia, I swear I can still be helpful. Please, I need to help.”
What was wrong with him? Of course she needed his help. Whatever his baggage was she needed his Jedi skills, hopefully, he could see. They had a fight to win, his chaotic childhood could be dealt with latter.