Archive of Our Own ^beta

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Invader Kualk was in the nursery being a stupid fucking baby when invader balls came by. "GOO GOO GAGA I WANT DA ZAZA" said invader balls. Invader Kualk then stabbed him through the skull and ran off to his pookie boyfriend invader dooky

"Babe whats wrong? Youve hardly touched your paint can" said dooky, looking at his mouth breather boyfriend

"END MY SUFFERING PLEASE" screamed kualk before chugging bleach

"SUGMA KUALK NO!!!!!!!!!!!" cried dooky

the end

someone please shoot me

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Kualk: An invader, who got kicked out of his ranks for his unlikable features (Loud mouth breather, bad manners to the tallest, awful at invading, etc.) He is above average Irken height due to his pentagonal head and huge nostrils.

Personality: Erratic and random, He will do extreme things while unprovoked.

Fact: He strictly breathes out of his mouth; If you cover his mouth he will fail to use his nose and choke to death.

Balls: Just barely made it to the invader ranks for he is short and stupid, he was originally going to be a bagel boy but that's too convenient for the poor Irken, so to make his life harder he was forced to go down the path of an invader. He is also unlikeable to other Irkens (He likes to invade other Irken's privacy, has issues keeping to himself, etc.)

Personality: Mean, stupid, and annoying. He often says his goal in life is to make others suffer.

Fact: He used to have a SIR unit that would chew on his clothes.

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It was peaceful in the Smeet nursery. Kualk was chewing on some form of sand-paper, and Zim was sleeping on top of a high surface, as to “assert his dominance”. Ms.Tallest Miyuki had a good laugh at Zim's antics. While Mr.Spork panicked for her to get Zim down. Opposite of this commotion Sneakyonfoota is playing with blocks, which Balls gladly disrupts.

“Hey!” Sneakyonfoota exclaims looking at Balls.

Balls then proceeds to ask “Hey what?”

Sneakyonfoota is having none of this. He isn't going to let this meanie ruin his day so, he gets up, flashing out his tongue, and joins Slant with whatever he is doing.

“Awe-” Balls mocks.

Never mind, whatever Sneakyonfoota was planning to do will have to wait because punching balls is much more important.

“AUUGUHH!!” Balls screams as he lands on the floor, now he's caught the attention of Ms. Tallest Miyuki, and she doesn't look happy.

Mr. Spork is the first one to come over, then, Ms. Tallest Miyuki follows.

“Are you alright?” Mr. Spork asks, frantically checking Balls for any bruises or cuts.

Ms. Tallest Miyuki then steps in and says, “Now what happened?” She shoots Sneakyonfoota a glare and then locks her eyes on Balls.

“He started it!” Sneakyonfoota informs her while pointing his finger in Balls's direction.

Ms. Tallest Miyuki is not pleased with that answer and states, “That's not what I asked,” She is now looking over at Sneakyonfoota, “What happened?”

“He broke my cool block tower!” Sneakyonfoota states, “And then he mimicked me!” Sneakyonfoota now has his arms crossed.

Ms.Tallest Miyuki crouches down to meet the Smeet's height. “Foota… That’s not what we do when someone is being mean.”

Sneakyonfoota knows what’s going to happen next. A lecture, a long one in fact. He hates her lectures and hates how she is always ‘Right’ in the scenarios. So as any good Smeet does in this situation he runs off, quite fast actually.

“Sneakyonfoota!” Ms. Tallest Miyuki calls jumping up from her crouched position to follow after him.

“I don’t get what his problem is!” Balls states, still on the floor.

“Excuse me?” Mr. Spork asks.

“He is always messing things up! Like when I want to play but he just likes to have all the things so, when I take them he cries and runs off! He is soo annooooyyying.” Balls replies

Mr. Spork is now staring at Balls with a disapproving look, like he is about to say something but it won’t come out so he just has to stare. The two sit in silence for a hot minute.

“Spork! Sneakyonfoota is… he? I don’t know how to explain it but he found the 451 lazer rifle…” Ms. Tallest Miyuki sounds panicked now and Mr. Spork looks like he is about to kill something, or, someone.

“” Mr. Spork mutters as he gets up to help Ms. Tallest Miyuki leaving Balls all alone.

Balls watches as Mr. Spork and Ms. Tallest Miyuki stumble around looking for Sneakyonfoota, and then gets bored. Balls turns to where he thinks he’ll find Slant, but it seems that Slant has since moved. Balls then turns around to where Kualk is and makes his way there.

Unsurprisingly Kualk had finished chewing on his sandpaper like substance, now he was looking for something more interesting to do.

“Wanna go see how much bleach I can drink?” Balls asks, hoping to interest Kualk.

Kualk looks at Balls, questions him for a second but then decides against it, and replies with “Yeah, why not?”

Balls grabs Kualk’s hand and takes him to the cleaning closet (Where they store all the harmful things away from little Smeets like, Chemicals, Sharp objects, Guns, etc.) Immediately as the two arrive Kualk asks, “How are you going to unlock the door? No- Wait, how are you even going to open it?”

Balls looks directly at Kualk and says, “Watch me.” He scuttles around while grabbing nearby objects, putting them in a jenga tower-like formation. Then he climbs up a tower of things and puts in a passcode to open the door. Once he finishes inputting the code the door opens, inwardly. Kualk falls flat on his face with other various things falling on top of him. “Owch-” He says weakly.

Kualk climbs on top of Balls to get in the closet. Now inside he looks for anything that resembles bleach. (Let’s be honest, it won’t take long to find.)

“I found it!” Kualk cheers with a container the size of him in his little hands.

Balls takes that as a queue to get out of the pile of rubble. “Okay, hand it over.” He says reaching out for the Bleach.

Kualk obliges and hands him the bleach. Balls’s little weak arms are not enough to hold it and he can’t pick it up, let alone take it from Kualk. Kualk realises this and helps him open the jug.

“Alright, start counting!” He says with the Bleach in a drinking motion.

As Balls tries to chug the bleach Kualk counts, “1,” Balls looks like he is about to pass out, “2, 3, 4,” Now his face turns into a blue-ish hue, “5, umm… 7, 10, 13-”

BAM

Balls is on the floor, crushed by a bottle of spilling bleach, and he looks like he can’t breathe. Kualk jumps at the sight, ‘Is… Is Balls dead?’ He thinks. Kualk leaves the closet to go find Ms. Tallest Miyuki or Mr. Spork.

~~~~ Not even half an hour later ~~~~

Balls gasps and breaths for air, trying to get a hold of the situation. He can't seem to remember what happened earlier. He looks around and sees the Bleach. Now he remembers! Balls realises how much trouble he’ll be in if he doesn’t get moving, like, now.

He gets out of the closet, barely able to hold a breath of air, looking for a place to hide. First he thinks about going back to the play area but that’s a stupid ideal he’ll get caught immediately! Now he thinks going to the reception area might be better because that will probably be the last place they try and check for him. But wait no, that’s lame and Balls is not lame. So the only viable option left is to scurry around in the vents. They will never find him there. With that done he looks for a loose, close to the ground, vent.

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Ms.Tallest Miyuki is done. First Zim is on the fridge, although she will admit it was quite funny, then Balls causes a commotion with Sneakyonfoota and now Sneakyonfoota has a gun. This was a daycare for Irks’ sake!

“Please put down the 451 Sneakyonfoota…” She heard Mr.Spork try and reason with the Smeet.

“Okay, this… This is just, downright, stupid!” Tallest Miyuki groaned. An ear-bleeding noise filled Tallest Miyuki’s ears.

Her eyes were about to give up on her and all she could see was Sneakyonfoota pointing the 451 at her.

“” Was the last thing Tallest Miyuki heard before she passed clean out.

“SNEAKYONFOOTA!!” Mr.Spork yelled. He yanked the gun out of the small Smeets hands. He was enraged. No, he was more than enraged he was absolutely losing it. He picked up the small Smeet and gave him a death glare that would stick.

All Sneakyonfoota could do was whine. Mr.Spork put him in T.I.M.E.O.U.T. (They rarely had a reason to use this overkill protocol) which stood for ‘The In-Mechanical Effective Off Unit Taser’ (or a fancy Taser, if you will)

Mr.Spork watched as Sneakyonfoota left the room. Now all he could think about was seeing if there was any damage to Ms.Tallest Miyuki’s PAK. He checked the clock as he did so, it had only been two minutes so far, and let out a sigh of relief.

In no time Tallest Miyuki’s PAK had been re-attached. Mr.Spork was relieved, to say the least. Some time would pass before she would wake up again. He knew this, so he went to go put the rowdy Smeets to bed (He was concerned about not seeing all of them, but was sure they would turn up for bedtime)

Just as Mr.Spork finished putting Grapa down he remembered to go check on Tallest Miyuki. He wasn’t in a rush to find her, but he will admit that he panicked, just a smidge. Like the smallest amount.

Ms.Tallest Miyuki was up, wasn’t feeling great but she was up. Her revelation was soon disturbed by a worried Spork.

“How are you feeling?” He asked quietly.

“Like shit.” She responded weakly.

“Need anything?” He bounced back.

“No. How are the kids?” She asked.

“Still demons, if that’s what you’re asking.” He followed with “But I put them to bed a minute ago so don’t worry.” Mr.Spork ended with a soft smile. He knew what it was like to have a PAK removed and only felt the utmost sympathy for Tallest Miyuki. She could tell but wouldn’t dare say anything. As they say in some distant galaxy they conquered a while back, ‘Don’t whip salt in the face of an ally.’ (Plus she knew he meant well)

Ms.Tallest Miyuki could only hope, no, dream today would get better as she got up from the floor.

“Want to have the honors of tasing Foota?” Spork shot out of nowhere.

“Yes.” Tallest Miyuki responded dryly.

And off Tallest Miyuki and Spork went. To beat a Smeet.

Both Daycare attendants feeling better now confront the other children to see if they were all still sleeping.

Zim was not.

“And what are you doing up so late?” Mr.Spork questioned.

“I’m making a monster to help fight the resisting planets!” Zim answered honestly as he lifted a building block from the bin to his little tower.

“Sure you are…” Ms.Tallest Miyuki said. “Go to bed.” She took a quick glance over the little makeshift town he had built, it was cute. But also messy. Mainly messy, and it was late. She wasn’t mad. Just tired. “Clean that up before you scamper off.”

“Zim will do no such thing!” Zim said with determination in his eyes.

This was not ideal. Not in the slightest, but, she would just have to deal with it. Screw it, now she was tired and mad. Mr.Spork caught wind of this

“Here…” He tried to think “How about I introduce you to some of our best invaders.” He let Zim get excited “BUT, you have to do what we say.” Zim looked defeated.

“Fine.” He mumbled, walking away to god knows where.

Thank god for Spork, or Miyuki might have just snapped. She gave him a reassuring look and went to her ‘room’ (A place where the daycare attendants could sleep.) Spork shot her a wave goodbye before she lost sight of him and went to go find his ‘room’.

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Hello, Mykhailo here!! I know this was pretty much just a stupid little crack fic that me and avianssanity worked on, but unfortunately i dont think any more chapters will be released. Me and avianssanity broke up and currently aren't talking. If she decides, she can continue this for fun, but I wont be writing. I appreciate the kudos on this silly little thing :)

ALL HAIL INVADER KAULK!!!