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1
Guarding a castle was a lot more boring than it sounded.
To be fair, Techno had intentionally failed quite a few of the final assessments after training - while still doing good enough to pass - so the boring assignment was mostly his own fault. He’d gotten stuck with the courtyard; no one ever went to the courtyard at night. Not even anyone who was trying to break in. There was another set of guards to get past before entering the castle, as well as three more guarding the courtyard entrance, which deterred pretty much anyone from trying to get in that way.
Needless to say, the most momentous occasions he ever saw were the occasional squirrel running across the tiled stones.
Maybe it would get better with time. After all, he’d only been a guard for what… a week? Not even that, actually. It probably couldn’t get worse. Until winter came, because that would mean standing in the cold for hours, but he planned on leaving quite a while before then. The months between would give him enough time to qualify for the benefits of the job, and the uneventful post meant he wouldn’t be irreplaceable, so he’d probably be able to leave whenever he wanted. It was a great plan.
… mostly.
“Hey, Techno, ten coins says I hit the wall with this rock!”
“You’re not gonna make it ten feet,” Techno deadpanned, matching the lowered voice of Skeppy, one of his friends from basic training who’d insisted they get the same assignment.
Skeppy scowled at that, then wound up, hurling the rock as far as he could. It fell far short of the wall. “That was at least ten feet,” he crowed quietly. “Pay up!”
“First off, I didn’t actually take the bet,” Techno deadpanned back. “And second- didn’t you owe me, like, fifty coins after the last bet you made?”
“That’s- okay, fine, we’ll call it even.”
Techno just sighed, shaking his head with a slight smile. His friend’s momentary distractions were the only thing that made this job interesting.
At least, that was what he thought, until a rough, humming sing-song echoed through the courtyard.
He nudged Skeppy, motioning with his head in the general direction of the noise. Skeppy just shrugged. “Sounds like Jeff. The other guys told us about him, remember?”
Right… Jeff. One of the chefs at the castle. He apparently had a habit of occasionally staying far too late and would often end up staggering out long after the rest of the staff had left. He really should’ve been fired a while ago, but he was the only person willing to stay late enough to clean up the kitchen, so it was tolerated.
Still, Techno couldn’t help a bit of suspicion when Jeff finally came into view, swaying slightly under the weight of the satchel slung haphazardly over his shoulder. He had the hood of his cloak pulled up to cover his face. The perfect picture of a thief, were it not for the somewhat drunken humming ruining any sort of subtlety.
It was probably nothing, to be completely honest… but, well. Better safe than sorry.
“Hey!” He called, taking a few steps in the man’s direction despite Skeppy’s attempts to wave him back. “Can I help you?”
“‘s fine,” the man called back, swinging around and waving somewhat haphazardly. “Jeff, I’m… I’m Jeff. Jeff is me. Yep. Just got to… got to get back to town for the night, yeah? Sorry t’ bother you both.”
“Told you so.”
Techno ignored the remark. He wasn’t about to go back at this point, so he might as well see it through. “No problem. Would you mind if I checked your bag, though?”
He might’ve been imagining it, but it seemed like there was a split second of hesitation before the man swung the satchel off his shoulder. “Not at all, not at all! J’st give me a minute to unbuckle it…”
Techno tried to say he could do it instead, given how the man’s fingers kept slipping on the fastening, but he just got waved off. Maybe it had been a mistake to stop this guy. It was too late now, though, and he wouldn’t have wanted to give Skeppy that victory anyway.
… it was just taking so long.
He looked away for one moment, glancing up at the moon to see if he could guess how much longer they’d be out, when the bag came flying at his face.
On instinct, he reached out and grabbed onto the bag, catching it around the top and earning a curse from the man, who suddenly seemed a lot more alert than before. Skeppy shouted a belated warning. There was a brief, fierce tug-of-war.
Just as Techno realized he should probably try to find some way to apprehend the man, he released his hold on the satchel, and Techno stumbled back. With one parting glance, the man sprinted over to the wall, vaulting up with a frankly impressive level of agility before disappearing over the top. Beyond, there were more shouts, but it didn’t seem like the guards outside did any better at catching him.
“What the-” Skeppy hurried over, attempting to grab the satchel to see what was in it. Techno held it away from him. The catch was easy enough to slip open, and inside-
The gleam of gold met his eyes, unmistakable even in the moonlight.
“What was that you were sayin’, Skeppy? You told me so?”
Skeppy huffed, elbowing Techno and yanking the top of the bag towards him so he could see better. “Oh shoot- how’d he even get that much gold?”
“I don’t know. Would you mind turnin’ it in for me, though?”
“You’d get promoted for stopping a robbery, I’m not taking that from you,” Skeppy protested. “Come on, you have to do it.”
… the point was to not get promoted. He didn’t want to seem too competent at his job, or it would be that much harder to leave. Techno just sighed. “I just want to start my potato farm, man. It’s hard to do that if I have to start guardin’ something actually important.”
“True…” Skeppy took about two seconds to consider that, before grinning and pitching his voice louder. “You know, Techno, it’s kinda crazy that I managed to stop a robbery before you did, isn’t it? I’m just so much better at my job. Imagine not having stopped a robbery yet.”
“Bruhh, that doesn’t give you permission to bully me, what is this-”
2
Unfortunately, the night of the robbery seemed to be a one-time thing. In the week or two that followed, nothing really changed in any big way.
The good news - at least, it was usually good news - was that Skeppy hadn’t actually gotten a promotion, since the thief had gotten away. He had gotten a commendation for it, which he’d then tried to pass on to Techno. Techno just waved it off. He didn’t really feel like he’d done anything, after all. It was mostly just instinct to grab at the thing flying towards his face.
… that probably wasn’t a great instinct, given that it could’ve been a knife, but it did come in handy that time. Everything was fine.
It was another cloudless night, and Techno had spent most of the time picking out constellations and quietly explaining the stories to Skeppy as they came to mind. Skeppy, in turn, was most likely ignoring him, given how he was walking in a very slow circle around his post.
“... and those five stars up there represent her crown.”
“Mhm.”
Techno looked back down, wincing at how his neck was starting to get sore. “I think I might just go home now, actually. What do you think about that?”
“Yeah, sure,” Skeppy said absently.
“Thanks.”
“Wait-”
Skeppy’s protest died off almost immediately as a stone clattered across the courtyard. Both of them froze instantly.
“I’ll see what it is,” Skeppy volunteered after a moment, suddenly much more hushed, and Techno nodded to tell him to go ahead. He’d seen people use a trick like that before, though, so instead of watching his friend, he subtly turned to watch the rest of the courtyard.
Just as he’d expected, once Skeppy’s back was turned, a shadow slipped free from the bushes and hurried silently towards the wall. Based on how the person had a bag over their shoulder, not unlike how “Jeff” had carried it before, it wasn’t hard to guess that this was probably the same person.
Techno trailed silently behind him, inwardly weighing the benefits and drawbacks of drawing his sword. On the one hand, it would be nice to have some plan, aside from “grab the bag and hope he doesn’t react fast enough”. On the other hand, the sound of metal ringing would probably alert the man, which would give him time to either run or prepare to fight back.
Luckily (or not, he hadn’t quite decided yet), he didn’t have to choose.
The man turned around on his own, likely to check that Skeppy was still distracted, and started in surprise on seeing Techno. In the second it took him to recover, Techno darted forward, drawing his sword and slicing at the strap of the bag.
The man dodged the blow and avoided getting cut himself, but cursed as the main part of the bag fell to the ground, the clinking of its contents muted by cloth. “Come on, mate, I just finished making that-”
“Sounds like a skill issue,” Techno said out of habit, swinging his sword as quickly as he could to try and prevent the man from running away. All that earned him was a startled laugh. He was just a bit too slow, and the man darted off, jumping up and disappearing once more.
There were no shouts from outside this time - likely because the other guards hadn’t been alerted - but the man’s hood came off as he moved. Techno only just caught a glimpse of blond hair, pulled back in a ponytail, before he was gone.
“Techno? Why are you over there?” Skeppy called, voice pitching up with some sort of anxiety. “I thought you’d be watching my back-”
Techno picked up the bag of gold, taking a moment to admire the craftsmanship (he almost felt bad for ruining it) before holding it up for Skeppy to see as he walked back to his post. “It was a trick. You were fine.”
Skeppy whistled on seeing the gold. “Okay, you have to turn that in. You’d be so much better at guarding the vault or something.”
“But I don’t want to guard the vault,” Techno pointed out, handing off the satchel again.
“Yeah, but-”
“It’s not like you’re gonna be put somewhere else, anyway. We still didn’t catch him.”
Skeppy wrinkled up his nose in dramatic consideration. “... fine,” he said after a moment. “But if I do get reassigned, I’m taking you with me.”
Fair enough. Still, Techno was fairly confident no one would really care. It was just some random thief. Some random thief who’d dared to break into the castle treasury, to be sure, but a regular guy regardless.
… at least, that was what he’d thought.
The next morning, both of them were summoned to a meeting with the king. Which- first of all, early mornings after a long night were absolutely miserable. And second, how the heck had Skeppy managed to mess up so badly with returning the gold? It couldn’t have been that much different than the first time.
“Have either of you ever heard of the Crow?”
The sudden question, after an almost awkwardly long silence, caught Techno off-guard. He didn’t answer (partly because he wasn’t entirely sure he’d heard the question right) and let Skeppy handle the talking.
“A crow? Yeah, I’ve heard of crows. What does that have to do with anything?”
“Not a crow, the Crow,” the king repeated, then fixed Techno with a look. “How about you?”
Techno shrugged, unsure of whether or not he should give an answer. “He’s… famous? Infamous? One of those.”
The king sighed, closing his eyes briefly and muttering something under his breath. “I swear- you know what, never mind. Do either of you remember anything about the thief last night?”
Skeppy sent a panicked look over to Techno, probably asking for help, and Techno remembered he’d been on the other side of the courtyard at the time. It was up to him to give the details, then.
… however, it was also a very early morning.
“He was… a person. I think.”
“Oh, for- did he have a black cloak?”
That was a fairly easy question. “Yes.”
“Did it look torn up at the edges?”
Slightly harder, but after a moment, Techno thought he could remember something like that. “I think so,” he said slowly.
“He did,” Skeppy agreed more confidently.
The king grimaced at that. “Congratulations, you’ve met the Crow. He got away with a few hundred coins last night.”
“But- we stopped him from stealing,” Skeppy argued, frowning. “How did he get back in?”
“Chances are, he didn’t have to. He probably had another bag stashed somewhere,” the king explained. “That’s good, though. The Crow doesn’t come back to his targets. We won’t have to worry about him again.”
Techno started to raise his hand, then hesitated, because he wasn’t actually sure how (or whether) to ask permission before speaking. Luckily, the king nodded in his direction, so he just began talking. “That was his second time tryin’ to steal something here, actually. Skeppy stopped him a few weeks ago.”
“You’re sure it was the same person?”
“Pretty sure.”
The king hummed, then waved a hand to dismiss them. “I’m sure you’re both tired. I’ll let you know what we’re doing about all this tomorrow.”
That sounded kind of foreboding, actually, but Techno decided not to think about it too much. He was more than ready to go home already.
3
He probably should've paid more attention, honestly. Crow showing up twice must've been a bigger deal than he'd thought. Despite the thief escaping, Skeppy had been reassigned to a more important post- and had dragged Techno along with him.
Unfortunately.
Walking in a giant circle around the entire castle was somehow almost more boring than standing in one place the whole time. The route they'd been assigned was mostly indoors, so there was no more stargazing, and after the first few days, Techno had ended the shift completely sore from what had to be a few miles' worth of walking.
They had gotten to stay on the night shift, though, and there weren't any other guards stationed along their route, so there wasn't a chance of more social interaction. Small blessings.
"All I'm saying is, it wouldn't be that hard to climb the tower up there."
"Mhm. Still not doin’ it."
"Come on, Techno- I'll give you my dessert for the next week?"
"Sure you will," Techno returned, glancing around to check they weren't near anyone who might hear them. "I don't want to get fired, man. Why don't you do it?"
Skeppy huffed, sending one last look back at the tower before they reentered the castle's halls and it disappeared from view. "You should just do it. It would be fine! They can't fire you, you caught Crow twice."
"And no one else knows that," Techno reminded him. "Which is why you should do it."
"Oh, come on-"
Skeppy broke off at the sound of footsteps, just as Techno was about to shush him. They continued in relative silence (the boots of a guard's uniform weren't exactly made for being quiet) for a few moments before someone rounded the corner ahead of them.
Techno's first thought was that this was Crow.
He couldn't explain why that was what immediately occurred to him, aside from the person having a vague resemblance in height and build (though it was a bit hard to tell in the flickering torchlight), so he brushed aside the assumption after a moment. "Who goes there?" He called.
"Steve. Royal guard inspector," the man said briefly, lifting the clipboard in his arms slightly as he came up to them. He almost even sounded like Crow. "I was just looking for both of you, actually. Would you mind answering a few questions for me?"
"There's inspections?" Skeppy whispered to Techno, as if he'd have any more idea as to what was going on. Which... to be fair, Techno was at least aware that inspections were generally conducted once every few months at random, so he did technically.
"I guess so," he said slowly, in answer to Steve.
Steve nodded. "Right. First things first; names?"
"I'm Skeppy, and that's Techno," Skeppy introduced, and the man marked it down on the clipboard.
"Alright... and what route are you both on, again? What are you guarding?"
Skeppy started to answer, but Techno interrupted, "We're not sharin' that information, actually. You should already have it." It wasn't something they were specifically told to keep a secret, but this encounter seemed oddly informal, and... well. Better safe than sorry. The less information Steve had, the better. Even if he was an actual inspector.
The inspector nodded at that, seeming vaguely impressed as he noted something on the papers. "Good job! Alright, just one last question... you haven't happened to see anything that you think might be a security concern lately?"
"Crow's been here," Skeppy answered. "But we- I managed to get him to leave. He shouldn't be back."
"How about you, mate?"
Techno shrugged, the thought returning that this would be a heck of a good disguise for Crow to take. He wouldn't put it past the thief, either; he'd already done something similar when he'd impersonated Jeff. "Not that I can think of."
Steve nodded, making a dash on the papers before lowering the clipboard. "Alright, that's all I have for you both. Have a good night!" With that, he continued on down the hall, humming to himself.
Skeppy continued walking along their route, sending a questioning glance at Techno when he realized he wasn't following him. Techno just motioned to tell him to keep going and turned to hurry after Steve.
"What's up?" Steve asked, turning at the sound of Techno's approach.
"Can I see your papers real quick?"
"Sorry, mate, the inspection is confidential-"
"Not the inspection thing, your identification or whatever. To make sure you're not scammin' us."
Steve frowned slightly at that, noting something else on the inspection papers. "I know you want to look good on the form for asking questions and all… I do kind of have a lot of people to talk to, though. You can ask my supervisor later, if you want, but I can't waste time. Sorry."
... yeah, this guy was definitely faking it.
"I'm sure you can't, Crow," Techno said deliberately, letting one hand rest on his sword as a quiet threat.
Surprise flickered over the false inspector's face for a second before he concealed it. "... I'm not sure I follow."
"We had an inspection just yesterday. They're not gonna send someone again so soon. And if you were a real inspector, you'd be able to show some sort of identification, which you haven't."
There hadn't been an inspection yesterday. Still, Techno was willing to bet that the bluff would catch the man off-guard.
It worked.
Steve cursed under his breath, letting the clipboard drop to his side with a wry smile. His voice pitched upwards with his next words, returning to its normal inflection. "Could've sworn there wasn't- you really are smart, mate, I'll give you that." He was very slowly backing away, Techno noticed. "I'll just be on my way now-"
"Hold on," Techno interrupted. He really should just arrest the guy already, but this was the third time he'd shown up. For someone who apparently made a habit of not picking the same target twice, that was strangely predictable. "You were here just the other night. Why'd you come back?"
"It's easy to break in?" Crow hesitated over the words, the statement coming out as a question. "I mean, I've gotten in the exact same way three times in a row, and they haven't really changed the security. Why wouldn't I come back?"
"Because it's predictable. If you keep doin' this, someone's gonna catch on."
"Which is why I have to take advantage of it while I can."
"Why don't you do that more often, then? I'm sure other castles' security systems are just as bad as ours."
Crow laughed at that. "I wouldn't let the king hear you say that, mate. You're literally a part of that security system."
"My point exactly."
"Don't be too hard on yourself. Not many people catch onto my tricks as quickly as you did," Crow said with a nod. "That's a pretty big deal if you ask anyone who's heard of me."
Techno snorted, shaking his head. "I was talkin' about how I'm only here for my future potato farm."
"Potato farm?"
"Real estate is expensive, man. Gotta get the two acre land benefit."
"Technoooo, come on," Skeppy called from down the hall, and Techno could tell he was walking back over. "You still talking to that inspector guy?"
Crow tucked the clipboard under his arm, giving Techno a grin. "That's my cue to leave. See you later, mate."
"Wait, no you don't-"
But he was already gone.
4
Yet another unfortunate side effect of the promotions was the fact that both Techno and Skeppy had been assigned to two mandatory training sessions a week with the rest of the guards. These were generally just friendly competitions, designed to keep everyone in fighting shape.
However, in the final exams when passing basic training, Techno had intentionally failed at most of the swordfighting parts. He couldn't exactly improve by any large amount all of a sudden. Either someone would figure out he'd been faking it, or they'd think he was naturally talented, and neither of those would be great for staying under the radar.
That meant he spent most of the training sessions getting beaten up.
It was fine, honestly. They didn’t use actual swords, of course; wooden replicas meant no one sustained actual injuries beyond bruises. The whole thing was just kind of tiring. It wasn't like anyone was targeting him, and he'd gotten a reputation for hitting back hard on the occasions he let himself land a blow, but pretending he couldn't do something he could was... annoying.
Which was why he'd started doing training sessions on the side. He and Skeppy got a day (or night, rather) off once a week, and he spent that time in the training yard, working on improving his skills. Eventually, he'd be able to spar at his full ability without having anyone wonder about too quick of improvement.
He'd already been practicing that night, just long enough to get warmed up, when he got the strange feeling that someone was watching him. It was a pretty common feeling. Since it was night, and everyone was supposed to be asleep then, he usually felt overly conscious about the noise he was making.
What was different this time, though, was the sound of something shifting nearby that followed up the feeling.
He straightened, holding his sword at the ready, and turned to face the sound.
"Don't mind me, mate," Crow said brightly from the low wall that surrounded the training arena, waving a hand in his direction. "I just thought I'd hang out here for a while. If you're okay with that, of course."
Techno just stared at him for a moment, completely confused. "... you broke into the castle again?"
"Yep!"
"And you're not tryin' to steal something?"
Crow shrugged. "Not this time, no. I've got a few weeks before my next deadline."
"Deadline?" Techno repeated. "What are you talkin' about?"
"Never mind. If you're not going to keep practicing, do you want to spar?"
Heck it, why not? Techno nodded. "Sure. As long as I get to arrest you if I win."
"Right, mate," Crow said with a laugh, jumping down lightly from the wall and unsheathing a sword of his own. "Good luck with that."
And with that, the spar began.
Crow was the first to attack, starting with an overhead blow that Techno blocked easily. He quickly responded with a side sweep, and Crow stepped out of the way, then returned two deadly, lightning-fast cuts that had Techno's arm protesting at the sudden motions of blocking them.
Apparently, determination to prove Crow wrong would not be enough to win this.
Techno was pretty sure it was completely luck that helped him from that point on. Either the guards he'd been training against were also subpar swordsmen, or Crow was just a hundred times better than any of them. He managed to block the attacks, sure, but after the first exchange, he didn't go on the offensive once.
It was over all too soon. Crow delivered an especially harsh blow, and despite Techno's best efforts, his sword flew out of his grip. The tip of Crow's sword was at his throat in an instant.
Instead of following up on the very easy threat, though, Crow just pulled the sword back after a beat and sheathed it again. "Thanks for the fight, mate!" He said brightly, sounding breathless. "You should really fix your form, though, it's pretty sloppy. I can come back next week and help with that, if you want."
"I'd rather you didn't, actually," Techno deadpanned, feeling the momentary panic dissipate. "Not sure how it would look for a royal guard to be hangin' out with Crow like they're friends."
"Fair enough," Crow said with a nod. "You could just call me Phil, though. I don't really go by Crow outside of work."
"'Work'?" Techno echoed. "You mean, like, stealin' stuff? I don’t think that really counts."
"Same thing." Crow - Phil, apparently, which made a lot of sense given the pattern of the names he picked for his personas - waved a hand dismissively, then tilted his head to the side as if listening for something. "Sounds like someone's coming over, so I'll be going now. Good luck with training!"
He sprinted back to the side wall, vaulting over and disappearing into the shadows of one of the entrances at the same time as Skeppy came into the arena from the other side.
"Hey, Techno- why didn't you tell me you were doing sparring?"
"I wasn't plannin' to," Techno responded, tearing his attention away from the emptiness of the night with difficulty. "Didn't know someone else was here."
Skeppy nodded slowly. "I see. Who was here? And where did they go?"
Techno stumbled over some sort of excuse for a moment, then sighed inwardly. Skeppy wouldn't believe him if he tried to make something up. "It was Crow," he explained briefly.
"No way. You're joking."
"Unfortunately not."
Skeppy huffed, seeming completely at a loss for words. "You mean- he was right here, and you didn't arrest him or something?"
"How am I supposed to arrest Crow?!"
"Just- like- I don't know! It can't be that hard!"
"Skeppy, we were sparrin'. He literally could've killed me. Like- that's not even an exaggeration, he almost did."
Skeppy paused in his retort, a worried expression falling over his face. "What do you mean?"
Techno shrugged. "I mean- I'm fine, but he won the spar pretty easily." Which... that was surprisingly motivating, actually. He'd thought he was a decent swordsman, but apparently, he'd severely overestimated his skills. Or underestimated Phil. That was also a valid possibility. "Anyway, we still got some time. Want to spar?"
"Heck yeah-"
5
Somehow, it was almost disappointing when Phil didn't show up again for a few weeks.
Guarding the castle went back to being exactly as boring as before. Techno did his best to stay alert to anything, regardless, but it was really difficult not to fall into the apathy of monotony. The only real difference was that the king had finally decided it was worth it to get better security. This was probably due to Skeppy, since Techno had told him about the conversation he'd had with Phil after the faked inspection. Which- that was fine. It was completely fine.
At the very least, the small mess of reassignments didn't result in either of them getting promoted; the potato farm plan was still solidly on track. Sure, the circuitous assignment route got really boring after a while, but it was better than rising farther up in the ranks.
It was just-
There really wasn't anything fun going on. At all.
For weeks.
... only about three weeks, to be sure, but that was still a heck of a long time. Which was probably why the second Techno saw someone walking purposefully across the path a ways in front of them one night, he caught onto the motion immediately. The person was out of sight within a few seconds, but that was enough.
No one was supposed to be out on their route. They almost never ran into anyone at night, not even other guards.
Skeppy seemed to have noticed it, too, and sent him a questioning glance. "Should we-?"
"I'll see who it is. Go get backup, just in case," Techno agreed before he finished, picking up his pace to hopefully catch up to the person. He heard Skeppy hurrying in a different direction behind him.
There was only one path the person could've taken around the bend, but the halls split off after that, and Techno paused in the intersection, unsure of which way to go.
A soft curse echoed from the left side.
That was the only clue he needed. He started that direction, noting the sudden running steps (far too quiet to be another guard) and placing a hand on his sword, ready to draw it. Based on the sudden backtracking by the intruder, there was likely a guard fairly close. He'd have backup if it came to a fight.
He rounded the bend- and came face to face with Phil.
The thief drew back slightly, startling. "... you wouldn't mind letting me through, would you?"
"I feel like I shouldn't, actually," Techno returned, falling easily into the pattern of their last conversations. Something seemed a bit different about this time, though; Phil had an actual backpack instead of the satchels he'd used before, securely buckled to allow the use of both his arms, and seemed a lot more high-strung than usual. "Why-"
He didn't get to finish the sentence. Phil swung a harsh punch at his jaw, surprisingly forceful despite the man's smaller stature, and darted past as Techno staggered to the side. "Sorry about that, mate," he said under his breath as he passed, sending a glance over his shoulder.
Heck.
Footsteps sounded down the hall before Techno could sound an alarm, and two guards ran through a few moments later, barely giving him a second glance before continuing the pursuit.
This sure was exciting, at least.
Once his vision had mostly stopped spinning, Techno followed the sounds of shouting calls through the halls until it led outside, where he could see the whole scene playing out in front of him.
It seemed as though the whole guard had gathered in the walled courtyard, aside from the ones who were stationed beyond the wall. All of them were tracking Phil in some way. He was running along the top of the wall for some reason- he'd probably planned on jumping down on the other side, Techno realized, and hadn't taken the extra guards there into account. The wall didn't last forever, though. It came to an abrupt stop upon reaching the edge of a tower.
He'd stop there, right? There was no other way out, unless he was going to try and make a run for it regardless.
(For a brief second, Techno wondered why Phil didn't seem to have thought this part through. It was far too straightforward of a plan. No disguises, no complicated tricks.)
... and then Phil jumped up onto the tower, clinging to the stones and starting to scale them with ease.
It didn't help all too much, given that he was still in the middle of hostile territory, but it seemed to catch everyone off-guard. That was definitely closer to literally anything Techno had been expecting him to try. Once he reached the relatively flat roof of the hall that connected the tower with the one adjacent to it, he sent a sweeping gaze over the area as some of the guards started to attempt the climb as well.
Honestly, it probably wasn't great that Techno was starting to root for Phil getting out. That was pretty much the exact opposite of what he was supposed to be doing.
And then-
Phil almost seemed to resign himself after a moment, shoulders dropping slightly. That was the only warning any of them got before he stepped forward, dropping the ten or so feet to the ground and bending his legs to absorb the fall. Guards surrounded him in moments.
Techno backed away from the mess, glancing around to see if anyone he knew was nearby. Specifically Skeppy. Because Skeppy was still basically the only person on the guard he knew.
Luckily, he'd just entered the courtyard behind a small handful of other new people, likely the backup he'd gone to get. He hurried over as soon as he saw Techno.
"What happened?"
"It was Crow again," Techno explained briefly, waving at the crowd of people now moving inside. They really didn't need that many people for one guy. "He tried to break in- not sure how far he got before someone noticed him, but he tried to get away by climbin' the tower."
Skeppy hummed. "Okay, yeah, I kind of guessed that. But what happened to your face?"
"... also Crow."
"Oh." A pause, then: "You're really bad at this, aren't you?"
"You weren't even here-"
+1
Techno didn't hear anything about the aftermath of the events of that night until the next evening, when he arrived at the start of the route to find Skeppy already there.
That on its own was definitely not a normal thing, so Techno was already anticipating a good story when he walked up.
"Did you hear about what's happening with Crow?" Skeppy asked as soon as he was close enough, voice lowered.
"Nah, I just got here. Is there somethin' I should know?"
"I don't know... I mean, the king didn't decide to tell you, apparently, so maybe he thinks I'm that much more trustworthy."
Techno sighed. "Skeppy, I swear-"
"Okay, okay, fine. I was just there because they think I was the one who got him the first few times." They started walking, and Skeppy glanced around to make sure no one was listening in before continuing. "Apparently, some guy came in this morning and asked to be able to access the cells. We're not supposed to be guarding them tonight. Like, the whole way's supposed to be clear."
"Do they want him to get out?"
"Well- no, that's what the guy was there for. He offered to take care of Crow for good. Apparently he owes them a debt or something?"
Techno nodded slowly, taking a moment to sift through the information. "And do they know who the guy was?"
"I don't think so. No one was really answering my questions, that's about all I know." They continued past an open entryway in silence, then Skeppy continued, "I was just thinking... I mean, you two are friends, right?"
"He literally punched me the last time he saw me," Techno deadpanned. "I wouldn't call that friends"
Skeppy scoffed lightly. "Look, you punched me the first time you saw me, and we're friends."
"You sure?"
"Okay, look-"
Techno stifled a laugh. They were a bit too close at the moment to the other guards outside for that. "Don't worry, I'm kiddin'. What were you sayin'?"
"You'd better be. What was I... oh, right. So you know how you don't really like being a guard? And you know how there's not gonna be anyone between here and the cells...?"
Techno hummed to himself, putting the pieces together in his mind. (It wasn't very hard, considering the puzzle had exactly two pieces. Skeppy wasn't great at being subtle.) "Sure, it's an interestin’ idea, but I wouldn't get my potato farm. And why do you want Crow to get out, anyway?"
Skeppy shrugged. "I dunno, I'm bored."
"Fair enough."
Like Skeppy had said, the whole way down to the cells was completely deserted. Techno managed to make his way down without running into a single other person.
Phil's cell was the farthest back on the row. Not for any particular reason; literally all the other cells were empty. Apparently, someone just wanted to make Techno's life very slightly harder. Phil himself was absently playing with a rope that was probably meant to be tied around his wrists, but had very clearly been cut with some sort of knife. How he’d managed to get one of those was very much a mystery. He straightened when he saw Techno.
"Didn't expect to see you here. This isn't on your route, is it?"
"It's not," Techno agreed, glancing around to be sure no one else had suddenly materialized.
Phil nodded slowly. "... right. So why are you here?"
"Because someone decided to not post guards. At all. It's really not a problem for me, I just thought it would be fun to hang out or somethin'."
"I don't think you're supposed to tell me that, mate."
Techno shrugged, dropping the more lighthearted front. "Apparently, they sold you out to someone. Is that what you were talkin' about with the missin' deadlines thing?"
Phil's face dropped at that. "You're kidding."
"So... that's something you knew about?"
"Why else do you think I got myself arrested?"
So it was intentional, then! That made a little more sense. The haphazard robbery could have given him enough money to hand over to whoever he owed the debt to, and if it didn't work, in theory, being in a dungeon was a pretty good safeguard against outside harms. A very temporary safeguard, but still.
"I was just thinkin'," Techno began slowly, because at this point, why the heck not- "There aren't any guards around, so it would be really easy for you to get out right now, wouldn't it?"
"It would be," Phil agreed, leaning forward with a grin. "I don't suppose you happen to have a key, mate?"
... heck.
"That would appear to be a small flaw with my plan," he admitted, turning to check the walls for any keys. "There's gotta be one around here somewhere, though-"
"It's alright." Phil stood up, reaching through the bars and fiddling with the lock. After a moment, the door creaked open, and he held up a lockpick triumphantly. "They didn't find this earlier."
Instead of questioning how Phil had managed to smuggle in both a knife and a lockpick, Techno just nodded. "Right. Okay. You're gonna want to head up those stairs, then take a right..."
"I've already been informed of the general events of last night, but I want to know what you remember. Is there anything you can think of that might help us in future searches?"
"I was just mindin' my own business, and Crow just came out of nowhere. Stole my uniform. Ran off. That's, uh... yeah. That's pretty much all I remember."
"Can confirm," Skeppy piped up from beside him. "I mean, I didn't see any of it, but Techno definitely got beat up. If I'd been there, I'd have gotten him for sure. Techno's just not on my level."
Techno shot him an unimpressed look, and the king sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose in what seemed like exasperation. He seemed to do that a lot. "So... you’ve let Crow escape three times at this point. And you want to retire? With benefits?"
... yeah, he probably wasn't going to get that potato farm.
That being said, he had just gotten an ally who was widely known as the best thief in the world. Even the real estate market couldn't stop him now!