Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Moving back to Pelican town wasn’t ideal for Cole, but he found it beat staying in the city. Besides, wouldn’t it be a waste not to move onto the land his Pappy left him? He may as well carry on the tradition of being a farmer and follow in the footsteps of his grandfather.

He held onto the letter his Pappy had left him, gingerly rubbing the edges of the paper as the bus approached a sign. ‘Stardew Valley 0.5 mi’. With a sigh Cole placed the letter in his pocket, shutting his eyes and rocking his head against the dingy bus seat waiting to arrive.

It didn’t take long for the bus to come to a jolting stop, snapping Cole’s eyes open. With a quick murmured “Thanks” to the bus driver he stepped off. Briefly, he glanced back as the shuttle continued on its journey. Filled with a wistful sadness he bid his old life goodbye, sighing as he turned back around.

“Hello! You must be Cole.”

“Gah!” He jumped, startled by a redheaded woman. Had she been there the whole time? Who knows, he wasn’t very attentive to his surroundings these days.

“Ah, sorry. You frightened me.” He laughed, offering a firm hand to shake. “The one and only… and you would be?”

“I’m Robin, the local carpenter.” She smiled, shaking his hand as she spoke.

“Well, pleasure to meet you Robin.”

“Likewise. Mayor Lewis sent me here to fetch you and show you the way to your new home. He’s there right now, tidying things up for your arrival. The farm’s this way, if you’ll follow me.”

“Ah, I remember where it is. But you go ahead and lead the way.”

With that, Robin started in the other direction with Cole walking beside her. He expected her to be more chatty, not so straight to business.

“So, carpentry?”

“Yep! I’ve been working with wood for years. I pretty much built every new building in town too.”

“Really? Mighty impressive work for just one lady.”

“Hah, well I don’t finish them overnight.” She tucked a loose strand of hair behind her ear, adjusting her ponytail shortly after. “It’s fulfilling work, though. I love what I do.”

Before Cole could continue any further they were stepping onto the farm. It was much closer to the bus stop than he remembered from his childhood.

As soon as he passed the fence and stepped onto the farm, old memories swarmed his head. Playing with his siblings in the overgrown fields, helping his Pappy water the plants early in the morning, late nights in the shoddy old cabin playing cards with his Pappy. They warmed his heart, filling him with a soft joy he hadn’t felt in a long while.

“Wow… Sure has grown a lot since I’ve been here last.” He commented, looking around at the overgrown weeds and grass.

“It hasn’t exactly had anyone to take care of it in the last decade or two, haha.” Robin laughed, though Cole felt his stomach sink.

Thankfully Lewis spared him from his thoughts, stepping out of the old cabin and shutting the door behind him.

“Ah, Cole! It’s good to see you again, son.”

“Lewis.” Cole gave a toothy grin, offering his hand.

“We’re past handshakes by now, aren’t we?” Lewis chucked, giving Cole a quick hug.

“Ah, I suppose so.” Cole swallowed his rising discomfort, Lewis always was a hugger. It’s not like he knew how much Cole hated being touched these days, though. Cole couldn’t fault him for that.

“Look at you, all grown up! How old were you when I last saw you?”

“Fourteen, sir.”

“And that was 17 years ago… So you’re 31 now?”

“Unfortunately so.”

Lewis gave a hearty laugh, wrapping his arm around Cole’s shoulder and rocking him around. Cole wished he would stop touching him already.

“Aging gets to us all, kid! One day you're spry as a lamb, the next your knees barely work and you’re hobbling around on a roller!”

“Well, I’m not that old yet–”

“Anyways! The townspeople have been dying to meet you, those of us who don't remember you at least. It’s not every day someone new moves into town!”

Lewis was somehow more infuriatingly dismissive than Cole remembered, which was saying something given how much he disliked him as a child.

“But, I’m sure you want to rest. Get situated, and all.”

“Actually, I’m not all that tired. Think I’ll go around and introduce myself if it’s all the same to you.”

“Just as much of a go-getter as I remember!” Lewis laughed, punching Cole’s arm as he did. “Of course you can, son. Oh! And I had a gift for you.” Lewis fished a small bag out of his pocket and handed it over. “Some parsnip seeds to get you started. Bought it from Pierre’s this morning.”

“Pierre?”

“Right, sorry I forgot you don’t know him! Suppose he did move in since the last time you visited. He owns the town’s general store now, you’ll be getting all your seeds from him.”

“Even if he’s a bit of a hack…” Robin cut in, earning a glare from Lewis.

“Robin.” He scolded in a whisper before returning to Cole with an unsettlingly cheery grin. “We’ll let you get settled in now! If you need anything, you know where to find me!”

“Course. I’ll see you both around.”

With that Lewis was off, giving Robin an earful about her comment about Pierre as she walked beside him.

Cole sighed with relief as the pair left the property. As much as he'd usually appreciate the companty, he wasn't sure how much longer he could put up with Lewis. After a moment of pause Cole entered the house carrying his two suitcases inside with him.

The house was smaller than he seemed to remember it being, but just as shodden. The place still had its signature creaky floorboards and chipping paint plus a few cobwebs now that it’d been abandoned for the better part of 17 years.

Cole bit the inside of his cheek, suppressing the urge to cry as he looked around.

The place needed to get renovated asap, or at least Cole needed to get used to remembering the memories associated with the place. He couldn’t let himself become an emotional wreck every time he stepped inside.

For the most part, everything was as his Pappy left it, the same as the day they moved out. He pushed the memory back, it wasn’t a time in his life he particularly enjoyed thinking about.

Instead of dwelling on his memories, he set to work on putting his few belongings away.

Most of his things were clothes and toiletries, bare necessities that he couldn’t spend his first night without. He figured the necessities he didn’t pack he could get from JojaMart, given it was still in town. Finally, he got to the bottom of the suitcase, which he’d been dreading.

The only other thing he had packed was a single photo. He wasn’t even entirely sure why he’d brought it, he couldn’t bear looking at it. Nostalgia, he supposed. It was at least one thing in his old life to hold onto.

“...Miss you Emmie.” He sighed, placing the photo face down at the bottom of one of the dresser drawers.

Once he was properly unpacked he stood back, taking a brief look around the room before sitting on the edge of the bed. Again, his eyes threatened to prick up with tears. He sniffed and looked up, wiping away at his eyes. He took off his hat, holding it to his chest as he stood up.

“I’ll make you proud, Pappy. Swear on it.” With a resolute sigh, he placed his hat back on his head, stepping out the cabin door to start his new life.

Chapter Text

The locals of Pelican Town were friendly for the most part. Nearly everyone Cole had encountered so far had introduced themselves with kindness and enthusiasm. There were a few outliers of course, but that was to be expected.

After a long day of introductions and socializing, Cole was worn out. The Saloon was decidedly the best place to relieve the stress of a long day, so that's where he went.

He swung the door open, greeted by a familiar face scrubbing a glass with a rag.

“Ha! Speak of the devil!” Gus smiled and nodded to a girl with bright blue hair behind the counter, one Cole didn’t recognize.

“Gus.” Cole smiled widely, walking languidly to one of the barstools and leaning across the counter. “Been a hell of a long time since I’ve seen you! Where’d the mustache come from, huh?”

“Gosh, it sure has! Look at you, all grown up! I remember when you were just a little tyke, running around under the tables while your old man ordered enough food to feed an army.”

“Ha, Pappy did have a bottomless pit for a stomach.”

Both men laughed before Gus continued. “It’s good to have you back, Cole.”

Gus smiled before looking back at the blue haired girl who was quietly watching the exchange.

“Oh, where are my manners? This is Emily. Emily, this is Cole.”

“Lovely to meet you, miss.” Cole grinned, tipping his hat.

“It’s nice to meet you, too!” She smiled brightly, her red lipstick emphasizing the white of her teeth. “So Gus tells me you used to live in Pelican town?”

“Yep, I was brought up here on that old farm.”

“Ooh, cool! So is that where you moved into?”

“Sure is. I plan on getting the place back up and running. I'm sure the town could use some more local produce and there’s good money in farming these days.”

Emily nodded attentively, leaning against the counter as Cole spoke. Gus walked to the side, working on plating some food as Emily and Cole chatted.

“Eventually I wanna get to ranching, my real passion is animals. Used to raise chickens with my Pappy, but I want to branch out to cattle and maybe sheep once I have the money.”

“Oh, that’d be great! If you raise sheep I could buy the wool from you to make cloth! I’m a seamstress on the side.”

“That so?”

“Mhm! I made this shirt myself, actually!”

Proudly, she stood back before doing a spin around to show off her work.

“Damn, that’s mighty impressive. Never would’ve guessed it was handmade, the quality is like it’s from a store.” Cole whistled, leaning to his side to get a good look at the back of the shirt.

“Haha, well, I’ve been doing it for a long time.” Emily beamed, glancing at the door as it opened again.

Cole looked behind him to see a man with purplish hair and a stained hoodie walk in. “Howdy!” He called with a grin. The man only grumbled in response, walking to the opposite end of the bar and taking a seat.

“What’s his deal?” Cole asked quietly. Gus returned with a sigh, grabbing a can of beer from under the counter. It looked cold, Cole figured there must be a minifridge or something down there.

“He’s not a very social guy. He comes in every night, orders a few too many beers, then goes home around midnight. I’ve tried talking to him a few times, and so has Emily, he just doesn’t seem too interested in socializing.”

“Hm.” Cole hummed, drumming his fingers on the bar top. “...That beer for him?”

Gus nodded.

“Grab me another one, I’ll pay for 'em both.”

“You sure? He may get snippy with you.”

“Yeah. No harm in trying, right? Plus I haven’t introduced myself to him yet. May as well make a good impression.”

“You’re a good guy, Cole. Your Pappy raised you well.”

“Ha, well, he did the best he could.”

As Gus grabbed another beer Cole took them both, standing to walk to the strange man.

“Oh, and Cole?”

“Mm?”

“I was sorry to hear about his passing. If you ever need to talk to someone about it, we’re all here for you.”

“Yeah, well… I appreciate the sentiment.” Cole nodded gruffly before walking over to the other side of the bar.

“Howdy.” He grunted as he sat down beside the stranger, offering him the beer. The man only stared at him, looking at the beer briefly before replying snippily.

“...I don’t know you. Why are you talking to me?”

“Wow. How friendly. Let’s try that again. Howdy, I’m Cole, and I got this beer for you. You can take it instead of just gawking at it like an idiot.”

The man scoffed, rolling his eyes as he took the beer and popped the can open.

“You would be?”

“...Shane.” He grumbled, taking a long swig of the beer.

“Shane. Well, s’pleasure to meet you.”

“Aren’t you from the city?” Shane scrutinized with a squint.

“Heard about me already? I’m flattered.”

“Only because everyone keeps talking about you.” He took another sip before continuing. “If you’re from the city what’s with the accent?”

“Was raised mostly down here in the valley. Momma moved out to Zuzu when I was about 5, but I spent a lot of my time down here with my Pappy after that. Old man practically raised me.” Cole laughed, taking a swig of his drink. “Pappy had an accent himself, guess I just picked up on it over time.”

“Hm.” Shane hummed noncommittally, looking vacantly forward.

“What about yourself?”

“...What?”

“Your upbringing, where you from?”

“The hell are you asking me for?” He snipped, placing his can firmly on the counter. “Look, just because you buy me a beer doesn’t mean we’re gonna be all buddy-buddy now. I don’t know you, and I don't have any interest in getting to know you, so just leave. Okay?”

“...Lord, you are something.” Cole chuckled, standing up to take his leave. “Fine, I’ll leave you alone for now, but I’ll be seeing you around. Alright partner?” He emphasized his accent, grinning as Shane rolled his eyes dismissively.

He returned to his previous seat, taking a long drink as Gus gave him a pitiful smile.

“I did warn you.”

“Nah, I like him.” Cole grinned, glancing back to Shane who had returned to staring hollowly at the ground. “He’s a challenge. I’ll get him to warm up to me.”

“You are a weird guy, you know that?”

“So I’ve been told.”

Gus laughed, looking around at the regulars. “You met everyone else here already?”

“Pretty much, yeah. Aside from that girl with the braid over there. I've been trying to avoid that blacksmith guy since I introduced myself, though. He gives me the creeps.” He looked at Clint, who was occupied by staring longingly at Emily.

“...Does he always do that?” Cole asked, not bothering to look away.

“Pretty much. I don’t know why he won’t just talk to her.”

“Yikes.”

Clint’s attention was finally ripped away as he made eye contact with Cole. His face burned a bright red as his drink suddenly became the most interesting thing in the room.

“...Weirdo.” Cole murmured under his breath.

“What’s that?”

“Huh? oh, nothing.” Cole turned back around, finishing off his beer before requesting another.

Cole drank a few more beers while catching up with Gus and talking to a few folks he didn’t yet know before deciding he should head home.

Tipsy, he walked out of the bar and followed the stone path back to the bus stop.

He still knew the town like the back of his hand even if it had been years. His few fond memories from his adolescence had been in Pelican town, after all.

He hoped once he was 18 and got away from his family things would get better, but they only seemed to get worse and worse as the years went on.

Things were finally looking up before last year. He was settled in his career and he had a beautiful wife and daughter. It was the life he had dreamed of since he was a little boy.

Before he knew it, it was all ripped away in the blink of an eye. Then the moment he seemed to get back on his feet…

Well, it wasn’t something he wanted to think about. No matter how much he missed his old life, dreaming wouldn’t bring it back. There was no use dwelling on what had already been done. It wasn’t what his Pappy would’ve wanted for him.

He couldn’t help it though, wanting his old life back. His family, his apartment out in the city. Hell, he even missed his shitty desk job at Joja Corp sometimes.

He laughed thinking of his old coworkers, what would they think of him now? A successful accountant who had been climbing the corporate ladder moving to his grandpa's farm after being fired.

His life felt pitiful. Like he'd hit rock bottom. But at least there was nowhere to go but up from here.

He finally stumbled into the cabin. He hung his hat on a rack near the door before collapsing onto the bed in the main room, the bed that had been his Pappy’s for years.

He didn't bother to change out of his clothes, he didn't have the energy, and what did it matter anyway?

Cole let his eyes drift to the side, landing on the window he spent so many childhood nights staring out of.

As much as he tried to hold hope for the future, Cole felt dismal. No matter how hard he tried to crawl out of the hole that life dug for him, he always seemed to be shoved right back down where he started.

Sometimes he wondered if it'd be easier to just…

He groaned, pushing the thought away. There was no use thinking like that, it wouldn't do anyone any good. He rolled onto his back staring at the rickety ceiling as the crickets chirped outside. He'd find a way to make life work out here, the same way he had in Zuzu city when things went to shit.

He had to, what was the alternative? Not something he cared to indulge in, not at this hour anyway. He knew better than to trust his feelings late in the night. With a sigh of resignation, he pulled a thin blanket over himself, shutting his eyes and willing himself to fall asleep for the night.

Chapter Text

Shane stared idly at the ceiling as his alarm rang over and over. He’d been up for at least an hour but hadn’t managed to will himself out of bed. With a groan he lazily rolled to the side, hitting his phone screen and silencing the alarm.

Every day felt like a mundane loop of the last. Wake up, eat, work, go to the saloon, head home, and sleep. At least there were no surprises in his routine.

Until yesterday, at least.

He groaned thinking of his encounter with that stupid farmer. He desperately hoped he had been hostile enough to ward Cole off for good, dealing with him every day wasn't something Shane was mentally equipped for.

After dressing in semi-presentable clothes, he trudged to the kitchen. He threw a frozen burrito into the microwave and allowed his thoughts to wander as he watched the food spin.

Maybe it'd be good to eat better in the mornings, it could help him feel better. But that would require having the motivation to cook, motivation he didn't have.

Would it be good to start having coffee in the morning? It might give him the energy he needed to cook.

No, probably not. He'd burn himself out making coffee and not have the motivation to make breakfast.

It was pathetic, how much waking up and taking basic care of himself wore him down. He never did anything difficult. He didn’t wake up to work out at dawn, didn’t get up to clean, didn’t wake up to take care of Jas. The most intensive part of his morning was just getting out of that damn bed.

His thoughts went silent as the microwave beeped, he decided it’d be best to just focus on getting food into his stomach before work.

The walk to work was short. He arrived at the building, changed into his uniform, and started stocking shelves as usual.

Everything passed in a blur, he was aware of what was going on around him but didn’t feel present for any of it. He was stuck in his head, trapped in a prison of his own self loathing and doubts. As he worked he was stuck dwelling on what he needed to do, held hostage by an infinite loop of what-ifs.

Exercise, he needed to start exercising. Maybe he’d feel better if he started working out.

He didn’t have the energy though, what could he do to get more energy?

Sleep, maybe. Getting decent sleep would probably help, but to get decent sleep he’d need to quit drinking at night. That wasn’t something he could give up, no matter how much he wanted or how hard he tried.

He was snapped out of his thoughts as he noticed someone at his side waving a hand in front of his face.

“Hello? Anyone home? Good god, it was that damn farmer again. Couldn’t he take a hint already?

Shane shot him a glare before returning to stocking, hoping that would be enough to deter him. Unfortunately, it didn’t seem to be.

“You could at least say hello instead of ignoring me, it might get me to piss off faster.” Cole gave him a shit eating grin before glancing at the shelves behind him.

“Ah, there it is.” He hummed, grabbing a few packets of instant ramen and throwing them into his basket. “So, you work at Joja?”

“If I say hello now will you still piss off?”

Cole snickered, adjusting his hat. “Hey, I get it. I wouldn’t wanna be bothered at work either. I’ll see you at the saloon tonight, partner.”

With that he walked past, his boots clicking loudly on the tile floor as he went to continue shopping.

“Asshole.” Shane muttered as he went back to work.

The rest of his shift passed, and before he knew it he was walking into the saloon. He prayed he wouldn’t see Cole as he opened the door, but there was no such luck. There he sat, chatting with Gus with the same permanent lopsided grin on his face.

He shot Shane a smile as he walked in. Shane grumbled under his breath as he took a seat at the edge of the bar, quickly tailed by Cole who sat beside him once again. He carried two beers and slid one to Shane.

“Told you I’d see you here.”

“Why won’t you leave me alone? I don’t want to talk to you.”

“I’m stubborn as a mule and I like a challenge.” Cole smirked, looking almost proud of himself for being so insufferable.

Shane scoffed, popping the can open and taking a drink from it. “You’ve got some nerve, you know that?”

“I do. It’s one of my few good traits.” Cole said, drinking from his beer. “I’m not leaving you alone tonight like I did yesterday. We can either have a conversation or sit here in awkward silence for an hour, your call.”

“Or I can just get up and leave.”

“Well, are you going to?” Shane shot him a glare, chugging the rest of his beer and waving to Gus for another.

“I’ll take that as a no.” Cole pivoted to his side, leaning against the counter to face Shane. “So, what kind of awkward small talk are you up for tonight?”

“Did my aunt put you up to this or something?” He cut in snippily, grabbing the beer Gus slid it across the counter to him. “Because you don’t need to be doing whatever… this is.”

“You ever considered I’m just trying to make a friend?”

“Then talk to someone who wants to be your friend. Or someone your own age, for that matter.”

“How old do you think I am?” Cole laughed, drumming his fingers on the countertop.

“...I don’t know, 22, 23?”

“You’re only about ten years off.”

Shane looked incredulously at Cole, there was no way he was in his thirties, not with how young he looked.

“I’m 31. Been told I look younger, but I didn’t think by that much.” He smiled, looking over to Gus after. “Gus! Another round?” The bartender nodded, fetching two beers and sliding them over to Cole. “My treat.”

Shane’s face twitched. He made no attempt to hide his growing irritation. If Cole noticed he didn’t seem to care, he just continued prattling on.

“So, what about you? how old would you be?”

“None of your goddamn business.” Shane chugged one of the beers in front of him and started sipping on the other.

“Don’t wanna talk about yourself. Got it.” Cole hummed, thinking up another topic for conversation.

“You watch the Tunnelers game Saturday?”

“You’re a gridball fan?”

“Hell yeah, I am! Watched the games every Saturday night with my Pappy.”

Shane rolled his eyes. “You talk about your Pappy a lot, huh?”

“Yeah, well… The man meant a lot to me.”

Shane furrowed his brow, watching as Cole’s permanent smile briefly slipped. Though as fast as it disappeared it snapped right back.

“He taught me a lot growing up. He’s the only reason I’m back out here farming again.” Cole sighed, leaning over the counter as he sipped on his drink.

“I’d be raisin’ animals if I had the funds. Had me a chicken coop way back when, before we had to pack up and move back to the city.” Cole looked back at Shane with a wistful expression on his face. “Loved those birds to death, even slept in the coop with em’ some nights during the winter to make sure they were warm.”

Shane softened a bit at the parable, which annoyed him fiercely.

It was probably just the alcohol, but he couldn't help but feel fond of Cole. He was desperately trying to stay disdainful, but it was hard to hate someone so compassionate towards animals. It was a trait he deeply valued in a person.

“We had this dog, a big ole black lab named Skipper. He’d sleep out there in the coop with me most of those nights. He was a good dog, kept the coyotes from getting to the chickens.”

“Mm.” Shane grumbled, his eyes glued to the grain of the countertop. He tried to make sure he was looking anywhere but at Cole.

“What about yourself, you much of an animal man?”

“You could say that.” He answered noncommittally.

“Oh, come on. Give me more than that. You live at the ranch with Marnie, right?”

“So she did put you up to this.” Shane glared.

Cole snickered, adjusting the cuff of his sleeve as he continued. “Nah. We were just catching up in the general store, told me you were her nephew. I know Marnie from way back when.”

He sighed and took a sip before continuing. “She was close with my Pappy.”

“Oh.”

“Trust me if I didn’t wanna be talking to you I wouldn’t.”

Shane looked skeptically at Cole as he continued.

“I’ve been avoiding that Clint guy like the plague, you couldn’t pay me a million dollars to try and make small talk with him.”

Shane snickered and rolled his eyes, hiding a smile by sipping on his beer.

“Hey! I saw that, was that a smile?”

“Fuck off.”

“It was! Ha!” Cole laughed, celebrating his small victory.

Shane paused for a moment before speaking. “...I uh. I do like chickens, though.” He mumbled, sipping on his drink.

Cole sobered his demeanor and nodded attentively, remaining quiet to encourage Shane to speak.

“I help Marnie with hers a lot. I have one of my own, her name’s Charlie. She’s a beautiful white hen." Shane returned to being silent, trying to convey that he wasn’t willing to say any more on the matter.

“Well, I’d love to see her sometime. Maybe when I finally get some chickens of my own from Marnie I’ll come meet the hens.”

“Sure.” Shane grumbled.

Cole finished off his beer, sighing as he stood up. “I suppose I should get going. Have to be up in the early morning and all.”

“Yeah.” Shane inwardly sighed with relief, grateful to be left alone.

“See you around, partner.” Cole grinned and tipped his hat before walking to the front of the bar. It seemed like he was closing his tab with Gus before he strutted out of the saloon.

Shane couldn’t help but wonder what Cole’s deal was, why he was so drawn in by Shane.

Cole was charismatic, youthful, and he seemed to take good care of himself. He was a complete antithesis to Shane, so why was he so fascinated by him?

Was it pity? Did he view him as some kind of charity case or some project? Shane was tired of people trying to fix him and make him better, he didn’t need some asshole farmer coming in doing the same thing.

With a groan, he chugged the remainder of his beer. He stared down into the empty can, his eyes losing focus as he took a deep breath. He let his shoulders fall before looking back up, taking in the scene of the saloon.

It was a Monday night, not many people here aside from himself and the few other regulars. Was this really how he wanted to spend the rest of his life, staying at the saloon every night, wasting his savings away on cheap beer?

No, of course it wasn’t. But what were his other options? Get better? That was laughable, god knows he’d already tried more times than he could count.

No, he had resigned himself to this life. He’d put up with his miserable way of living until something mercifully took him out of this world. Until then he’d get by the same as he always did. He had to.

For Jas.

Chapter Text

The next few days went by the same for Shane. He’d wake up, think about how he needed to fix his life, go to work, realize he couldn’t fix his life even if he wanted to, go to the saloon, get drunker than he needed to be on a weekday, then go home to pass out and repeat it all the next day.

Recently though, his depressing routine was interrupted by the farmer.

He was always there, fishing by the river near Shane’s path to work. Every morning he’d insist on saying hello, and every morning Shane would tell him to fuck off.

Obviously, this did nothing to deter the stubborn asshole. With each aggression Shane threw his way, he’d only laugh and give another obnoxious grin. It was infuriating.

Not only did he insist on tormenting Shane in the mornings, but he was always there in the saloon at night too. Not once did Shane get a moment's peace to drink beer and brood by himself. Cole always arrived at the bar before him, sitting beside Shane’s usual spot.

Shane had even tried to switch it up a few times by sitting somewhere else, but Cole only followed him from seat to seat until he left the saloon.

It wasn’t that he was particularly unpleasant, in fact, he was nice enough to be around. Shane was just infuriated by his persistence.

What did he see in Shane that was so interesting he couldn’t just bother someone else?

Again, Shane stood in front of the saloon preparing himself for the onslaught of tedious conversation to come his way as he swung open the doors.

But as he stepped into the bar he noticed a shocking lack of irritating farmers. His face twitched and his stomach dropped as he walked up to the bar, waving Gus over to order a beer.

“Evening, Shane.” Gus gave a friendly but cautious smile, like if he said the wrong thing Shane would snap at him like a rabid dog. Which, in all fairness, he likely would.

“Mm.” Shane grumbled, taking the beer.

“Cole leave already?”

“No, actually. I haven’t seen him tonight.” Gus looked like he wanted to say more on the matter, but chose not to seeing as he was talking to the most hostile patron in the bar.

Shane didn’t say anything else. Instead, he downed half the beer in one gulp. Gus left with that, going to tend to other customers as Shane was left to his thoughts.

He felt strangely disappointed, which pissed him off to no end. He hated Cole, hated his insistence on talking to him, so why was he so distraught to find he wasn’t here tonight?

Before he could think much further, Marnie strode up next to him and sat without saying a word.

A few beats of silence passed before Shane finally grew tired of the pitiful look she was giving him.

“What?” He barked.

“You looked lonely... I thought I’d keep you company since Cole isn't here today.”

“Shouldn’t you be over there with Lewis?” Shane nodded accusingly in the mayor’s direction. Marnie winced, crossing her arms defensively and turning away.

“It wouldn’t kill you to be a bit nicer to him, Shane. He’s really trying with you, you know?”

“Why do you care?” Marnie sighed defeatedly as she leaned against the counter. “You put him up to this shit, didn’t you?” Shane said accusingly.

“No, of course not!”

“Yeah fucking right, he wouldn’t be talking to me unless someone put him up to it.”

“Why do you think that?” She asked sternly. "You’re always insisting that you’re this unlovable person when you have so many people trying to be there for you. I love you, Jas loves you, why can’t you accept that someone else would want to be close to you?”

Shane stayed silent, his eyes firmly fixed on the beer in front of him.

“Shane?” Marnie coaxed, placing a hand on his forearm. He flinched, pulling away and standing up in one swift movement.

“Stay out of my business, and quit sending people my way out of pity, okay?” Marnie opened her mouth to speak, glaring at Shane as he yelled.

“I don’t know why you’re acting like this, I’m only trying to–”

“Well stop. Stop trying, okay? I don’t need your help, I don’t need anyone else’s help either! Just leave me alone!” He sighed shakily, forming a fist at his side.

“Please.”

With a huff, he walked to the front of the bar. He met eyes with Gus who gave him an unsettled frown.

“Need a 6 pack.”

“...Shane, I really don’t think-”

“You gonna sell it to me or not?” Gus hesitated then sighed. He handed the beer over as Shane slammed the money on the counter and stormed out of the Saloon.

Shane didn’t know why he was so upset, he didn’t know why he lashed out at Marnie or felt so angry Cole didn’t show up, but he knew he wanted to feel better about it.

He walked the same path home, his sneakers hitting loudly against the stone path.

It was only 6, much earlier than he’d usually leave, but the sun was already dipping under the horizon. As he came up to the river he saw a silhouette, a man in a cowboy hat sitting on the river bank with a fishing pole in his hands.

“You have to be fucking kidding me.” He huffed under his breath, doing his best to walk past undetected. Cole, as usual, decided to make his presence known in the most obnoxious way possible.

“Howdy, partner.” He spoke unenthusiastically as Shane walked past.

Shane stopped in his tracks, slowly turning to face Cole as his hands gripped the cardboard carrier hard enough to leave a dent.

“Have you been fishing since seven in the fucking morning?”

“Sure have.”

Shane had no clue how to respond to that. Luckily he didn’t have to as Cole spoke while he stood.

“Seems I should stop if it’s late enough for you to leave the Saloon. What time is it, anyway?”

“Six.” “Damn, you left real early.” Cole whistled, holding his rod with one hand and placing his pocket in the other.

“Yeah, well, didn’t feel like being in there tonight.”

“Aw, you miss me that much?”

“Shut the fuck up.” Shane barked, brushing Cole’s shoulder and walking past him.

“Woah, sore spot much?” Cole followed along, walking with Shane as he continued down the path.

“Why are you following me? Don’t you have anything better to do?”

“Fish, but apparently I’ve been doing that for eleven hours. Figure I’ll just go drink with you, how I usually spend my evenings anyway.”

“Fine. Not like you’d leave me alone even if I asked.”

“I mean, I would this time. You’re not in a public place like the saloon, would be pretty weird of me to follow you to your house.”

“...We'll go somewhere else.” Shane said, quickly changing his plans.

“Oh? Where’re we goin’?” Shane didn’t answer. He sighed and rolled his eyes as he continued walking.

Soon they reached the pond near the ranch. Shane sat on the docks as Cole took a seat next to him. Shane put the beer between the two of them and grabbed one while Cole did the same.

Cole was oddly silent for once. He stared dejectedly into the water and made no attempt to keep up his usual small talk or charming smile. For once he just drank quietly and left Shane to his thoughts.

“You’re quiet tonight.” Shane commented.

“Rough day. I know you’ll just yell at me if I talk, so I figured I’d save us both the trouble.” He laughed weakly, Shane frowned at this.

“...Then why did you even insist on coming out here with me?”

“Needed the company.”

“Then go to the Saloon. People there actually care enough to keep up a conversation.” Cole sighed, gulping half his drink down.

“Nah, can’t go there. Would have to keep up the whole ‘charismatic cowboy’ schtick I have going.” his smile fell as he stared blankly at the can in his hands. “Can’t fake it tonight.”

“Fake it?”

Cole raised an eyebrow at Shane's questioning. “What, you think I’m that fuckin’ happy all the time?” He scowled at Shane, “Would think you of all people would get it. S’why I’ve been trying so damn hard to get you to talk to me.”

“The hell is that supposed to mean?”

“I moved to a middle of nowhere farm in my thirties, drink till I’m sick every night, and don’t have a wife or kids at my age. The hell do you think it means?” Cole scoffed, finishing off his beer and grabbing another.

“You never seem that drunk when you leave the saloon.”

“Cause I don’t wanna worry Gus. That doesn’t mean I don’t got bottles back home.”

Shane paused, a feeling of guilt settling in his stomach.

“Never realized that about you...”

“Yeah, well, you don’t seem like the kind of guy who takes note of anyone but himself. I’m not real shocked.”

Cole paused for a moment then grimaced, pushing himself to his feet. “I don’t know why I’m fuckin’ trying, clearly this is a waste of my damn time. Waste of both our time.”

“What, so you’re just leaving now?”

“What the fuck else do you want me to do? You clearly don’t want me around you!”

“Just– sit back down.” Shane sighed. Reluctantly Cole obliged and returned to the dock.

A long few moments of silence passed before Cole spoke again.

“Sorry.”

“Why?”

“For getting pissed off at you.”

“You have reason to, I’ve been a dick.” Shane sighed, finishing his first beer and grabbing another.

“...You ever feel like no matter what you do, you’re gonna fail?” Cole looked over, his gaze firmly fixed on Shane. “Like you’re stuck in some miserable abyss and you’re so deep you can’t even see the light of day?” Cole nodded, silently sipping on his beer as he listened. “I just feel like no matter how hard I try, I’m not strong enough to climb out of that hole.”

Cole paused, a small smile slowly returning to his face. “...That may be the most words you've ever said to me.”

“Yeah, well… I can’t hide from you forever if you’re gonna keep bothering me all the damn time.”

“Ha, finally warming up to me?”

“Sure, if that’s what you wanna call it.”

Cole snickered, placing his finished beer to the side and grabbing another. “Hey, I’ll take whatever win I can get.”

“Seriously, though. Why me of all people?”

“...Well, at first it was cause I wanted a challenge." Cole frowned as he started, "If you didn’t like me at first, I was gonna make you. But then I got to talkin’ to Marnie again. She told me about your situation with Jas.”

Shane’s stomach sank as he stared into the pond. “...You think I’m a failure.”

“Nah, not that at all. You know what it’s like to lose someone and lose yourself because of it.”

“Who the hell have you lost?”

“Who haven’t I?” Cole smiled wistfully as he took in Shane’s confused expression.

“I don’t wanna get into it right now, but I lost pretty much my whole family. The family I had, anyways. Pappy died last year and left me the deed to his land.”

“Rough home life growing up?”

“You don’t know the half of it.” Cole’s stare became strangely hard, his eyes steeled as he went back to his beer.

“Coming back out here was a last ditch effort. One last attempt to get my life together before I…” He trailed off before finishing his beer. It didn’t take much effort on Shane’s part to understand what he was getting at, not when Shane had been through the same thing.

"I never would’ve guessed. You seem so put together.”

“Well, I don’t want to worry anyone. If I suffer, then I’ll suffer in silence.”

“Then why tell me?”

Cole's expression got cold as he met Shane's eyes.

“Because you don’t care about me." He stated simply, "You can’t worry someone who doesn’t give a shit.”

Shane's stomach sank, his eyes flitting over Cole's expression to try and find some humor in his face.

After a moment of silence, Cole looked away before groaning and pushing himself to his feet.

“Better call it a night before I keep talking. You don’t need to be listening to my sob stories.” He sighed and grabbed his fishing pole while Shane gave him a pitiful look.

As much as he hated to admit it, he didn’t want Cole to leave. For once he felt seen, like he could finally relate to someone.

He swallowed his tongue, he'd rather die than let Cole know he wanted him around.

“...Yeah, I'll see you around.”

“Likewise.” Cole tipped his hat and walked off, a slight stumble in his step as he made his way down the path.

“...Shit.” Shane cursed under his breath, sighing as he rocked his head downwards.

What was he thinking, why had he been such an asshole to someone who just wanted a friend to talk to? If he would’ve just listened, not been so damn hostile for once, he could have a friend who understood him, understood what he went through every goddamn day.

Instead, he had to push Cole away like he did to everyone else in his life. As much as he hated admitting it, he regretted it.

He slammed down the last remaining beer before loading the empty cans into the cardboard carrier to throw away at home.

He’d be better from now on. He’d be more kind to Marnie and Cole, and everyone else who talked to him for that matter.

At least, he hoped he’d be able to hold himself up to that.

Chapter Text

Cole woke up hungover like he did most days. This time though he was awoken by a knocking on his door that seemed far louder than it was.

“Buh…” He groaned, throwing on a t-shirt and shorts as he sluggishly approached the door.

“Yeah?” He groaned, pushing the door open. Marnie stood outside with a dog beside her. “Good morning, Cole!” She smiled kindly while rubbing it's head.

“Mornin’ yourself…” He yawned, smiling as he saw the animal. It was a big golden retriever with floppy ears and a goofy grin on his face.

“What’s with the big guy?” Cole grinned while crouching and scratching the dog’s ears.

“I found him outside the entrance to your farm! Must be a stray, poor thing…” She smiled, letting the dog sit beside Cole with its tail thumping loudly on the porch.

“I was going to ask if you’d be willing to take him in, I thought you could use a farm dog. And you’ll need someone to watch the animals when you get them.”

“Of course, I’ll take him in! Oh, look at you, you goofy fella!” The dog flopped onto its back, panting as Cole pat its belly.

“What do you think you’ll name him?” Marnie asked, folding her hands in front of her.

“Hm… He looks like a Jack. What do you think, big guy?” The dog rolled around, jumping back up as Cole stopped petting him. “Yeah?” Cole coaxed, the dog jumped and placed his paws around Cole’s shoulders. “I think he likes that name.” Cole grinned at Marnie as he stood up.

“I’ll take good care of him, needed me a good farm dog.”

“I’m happy to hear that, I figured if anyone would take him in it would be you.” She smiled, watching as Jack sat happily at Cole’s side.

“And I wanted to say… I appreciate what you’re doing. With Shane, I mean.”

“With Shane?”

“Just with how patient you’ve been with him, making an effort to be his friend. He acts cold and mean, but I know it means a lot to him.”

“Really, how’s that?” Cole smirked, leaning his weight into one leg.

“Well, we had an argument about it last night. I said something about you and he snapped at me. If he wasn’t invested in you even a little he wouldn’t have cared enough to.” Marnie smiled sadly.

“That wasn't right of him, Marnie." Cole frowned, "I’m gonna chat with him about that. Don’t want him actin’ cruel to you.”

“Really, that’s not necessary–”

“It ain’t necessary, but I don’t want anyone treating you like that. Especially your nephew. Lady as sweet as you shouldn’t be having to deal with that sort of thing.”

“Well… I appreciate you saying that.”

“Anytime, and hey, I should be getting a discount when I buy those chickens from you for this, right?”

Marnie laughed, squeezing Cole’s shoulder. “You’re a good man, Cole. I'm glad you moved back to the valley.”

“Me too, Marnie.” He sighed, scratching Jack on the head. “Well I best get ready for the day, it was good seeing you.”

“You too. Will you be in the saloon tonight?”

“Unless something tragic happens to me during the day.” Marnie laughed, giving a small wave as she walked off the property.

Cole sighed and crouched down to kiss Jack on the head. “Good boy.”

He headed to town shortly after, leaving Jack to play on the farm while he ran some errands. As he walked into the town square he was unfortunately met with a familiar face. Lewis glanced at him, waving him over as he stood in front of a dilapidated building.

“What an eyesore…”

“Well, hello to you too, Lewis.” Lewis waved dismissively, briefly smiling before he looked back to the building. Cole rolled his eyes at this once Lewis had stopped paying attention to him.

“Don’t you remember when this place was up and running? The pride and joy of the community?”

“Sure do. Spent a lot of weekends here with Pappy.”

“And just look at it now! It’s shameful.”

“...How’d it get to be this run down anyways?”

Lewis sighed, a scornful look on his face. “The young folk would rather sit in front of their TVs than engage with the community.” That didn’t answer Cole’s question at all, but he figured based on the deflection he knew the answer.

“But listen to me, I sound like an old fool.”

“...Eyep.” Cole placed his hands on his hips, watching Lewis walk to the door.

“Joja Corp has been hounding me to sell them the land so they can turn it into a warehouse. Pelican Town could use the money, but there’s something stopping me from selling it. I guess old timers like me get attached to relics of the past… Ah well.”

Cole chose not to comment on what Lewis had spent tax money on when he was younger, but the thought lingered in the back of his mind. He assumed Lewis had the same frivolous spending habits he did back then, especially if he was still running as mayor unopposed for the past 17 years.

“...Here, let’s go inside.” Lewis opened the door and walked in, waiting for Cole to follow.

Inside Cole was met with overgrown greenery and a shockingly manmade looking hut in the corner of the main room. “...Huh.” He commented, placing his hands in his pockets.

“I guess Vincent and Jas must have been playing in here.” Lewis tried to explain away. Cole nodded in agreement as he looked around.

“This place is even more dilapidated than I remember…” Lewis commented. Cole was about to agree when a tiny green creature resembling a very large apple popped up behind Lewis.

“Oh, Jesus Christ!” Cole jumped as the little thing waved to him.

“What?” Lewis scowled, looking around him as the creature disappeared.

“Lewis, I swear to god this little green thing popped up behind you.”

“...Are you feeling ill, Cole?”

“No! I swear–” Cole scurried over, looking around the area it appeared. “...What the hell?”

“It was probably just a rat, I wouldn’t be surprised if this place was full of them.”

“Are rats green, Lewis?” Cole scowled, standing up and brushing himself off. He sighed and began to speak before another one appeared behind Lewis again. “Fuck–!”

Lewis turned around, but it vanished before he could spot it once again.

“I swear to god, they’re poppin’ up and then disappearing before you see them.”

“...You’re worrying me, Cole.”

“It was right fuckin’ there!” Cole gestured grandiosely to where the creature stood.

“Look, I think I’m gonna head home. I need some lunch.” Lewis said after giving Cole an uncomfortable look.

“It’s ten thirty in the morning, why are you eating lunch?”

“Some of us wake up earlier than you young folk.”

“I’m thirty, Lewis, don’t condescend to me about my age.”

Lewis rolled his eyes and walked to the door. Before he left he turned around to speak. “Hey. I’ll leave this place unlocked from now on. Maybe you can help catch that rat if you have some extra time.”

“It wasn’t a rat–!”

Lewis completely ignored him, shutting the door as Cole was mid-sentence.

“Fuckin’ asshole.” Cole’s nose twitched as he looked around.

Cole was far too stubborn to let this go, so he set to walking through the rooms. As he walked around he did find rats along with some gnarly looking insects, but no sign of the little green creatures.

As he was about to give up he entered the old craft room. Inside was a glowing box that sat in the middle of the carpet.

“...The hell?” He mumbled, picking up a note left on the top. He understood none of what was written, it was all in strange symbols he was unable to comprehend.

“Nope. Fuck this.” He put the paper down, walking straight out of the community center and back into town.

After finishing the day's errands and chores, which he was completely distracted from doing by dealing with Lewis’s wild incompetence, it was about time to head to the saloon. He wiped his brow and looked over the farm, he’d been doing some fine work on cleaning the place up.

A large chunk of land had been cleared, it was exhausting work, but the tools his Pappy left behind did the job just fine. He felt a sense of pride as he looked at his watered crops and empty land.

Jack slept on the porch, sleepy from a long day of chasing rodents through the overgrown fields. “I’ll be back, boy.” Cole crouched down and gave him a scratch on the head as he walked off the porch to head back to town.

The Saloon was more crowded than usual being that it was a Saturday night. For once Shane had arrived before Cole.

He grinned, taking a seat next to Shane who raised a hand to greet him.

“You’re early.” Said Cole.

“You’re late, actually.”

“That so?” Cole glanced at a clock, which confirmed that he was a few minutes behind when he usually got here.

“Had a busy day, would’ve gotten my things done a lot faster though if Lewis hadn’t taken me into that old ass community center. The place was still up and running back before I moved away, but Lewis let it go to shit since then. Blamed it on the ‘young folk watching too much TV.’” Cole did his best Lewis impression which was ruined by his thick accent.

Shane snorted and covered his mouth with his hand. Once he stopped laughing he handed Cole one of the two beers sitting beside him.

“You? Ordering me a beer? What is this?”

“An apology, now shut up and drink.”

“Yes, sir.” Cole cracked the can open, gulping the beer down before looking back at Shane.

“I take it you don’t like Lewis?” Shane said.

“Get me drunker and I’ll start talking in length about how much I hate him.”

Cole grinned and took a swig of his drink before speaking again. “Hey, Marnie swung by this morning. Happened to tell me you lashed out at her last night. What was that about?”

Shane grimaced, looking away from Cole’s concerned face. “I got really pissed off, not even about anything in particular, and she came over here to talk to me about you and I just– I dunno.” He sighed, “I feel bad about it. I told myself I won’t do it again.”

“Hey, as long as you know it wasn’t okay. Just wanted to address it. I care a lot about your old lady, wanna see her treated right.” Cole smiled softly, taking another drink before he kept talking.

“Did you know she and my Pappy had a brief thing going on when I was little?”

“No?” Shane gave Cole a confused frown.

“Oh, he was in love with her, for good reason too. He asked her out one day and they dated for a while before she decided to break things off. He never told me why, though.”

“I’ve never heard about that, she’s always been really private about her love life.”

“Oh yeah, she was the same way back when I was young. Sure you know that though, her being your aunt and all." Cole paused, "But I know enough about her, I wanna know about the people that have moved here since my time. Fill me in.”

“Mm.” Shane hummed, looking around the room for someone to talk about. “I mean, no one here is all that interesting. A lot of people are total jackasses, like Pierre, but no one’s super special.”

“Pierre, huh?” Cole grinned, drumming his fingers on the counter. “Robin said something about him being a hack when I first got here, what’s he like?”

“Businessman. He focuses on that and neglects his family. Which, you know, if he was good at it and at least brought some money in I’d understand that. But he’s really fucking bad at his job.”

“How so?”

“He just doesn’t make any money. He’s had that shop for years now and it’s almost out of business because of Joja. Which it wouldn’t be if he would charge reasonable prices and not try to scam his customers as often as possible."

Cole whistled, adjusting his hat as he did. “He really does sound like a hack. Robin was right.”

“Yeah, he sucks.” Shane sipped on his beer. “Elliott’s kind of weird too, have you met him?” Cole nodded as Shane continued. “He just always talks like he’s from the 1700s. I overheard him use the word ‘obsequious’ the other day. What the hell does obsequious even mean?”

“Hell if I know, sounds like some sorta crystal.”Cole laughed, waving Gus over for another beer.

“Evenin’.” He greeted with a nod as Gus handed the can over and went back to other patrons.

“Oh hey, was gonna ask you–” Cole started, cutting himself off as he took a sip. “Saw something called the egg festival is coming up on the calendar. What is that, like, shittier Easter?”

“Pretty much, yeah. It’s the only good holiday in the spring though. Our hens work hard to get all the eggs ready. We have a big buffet and do an egg hunt for the kids. And some of the late teens too, I guess.” Shane shrugged, glancing briefly at Cole before continuing.

“But uh, then there’s the flower dance later in the spring. It sucks, and I only ever dance because I feel bad about Emily not having a partner. She always asks me, god knows why.”

“Maybe she’s into you.”

“Me?” Shane raised his eyebrows, trying to assess whether or not Cole was kidding. “Dude, no. If anything she’d be into you. Wouldn’t be shocked if she asked you instead this year.”

“Who says I’m showing up?”

“Your insistence on being social does.”

“Yeah, fair.” Cole grinned, leaning to the side to glance at Emily.

“I don’t know why Clint doesn’t ask her.”

“Clint?”

“Yeah, weirdos always gawking at her. See?”

He tilted his head towards Clint who was staring longingly at Emily. Cole clicked his tongue and looked away disapprovingly. “In my eyes, if you see a lady you like you oughta just talk to her, no use just staring and acting like a damn creep.”

“You know a thing or two about that, I take it?”

“Hell no, never been a romantic.” Cole laughed, taken aback that Shane would insinuate that. Not because it wasn’t a fair assumption to make, but because it was Shane who said it.

“The one woman I’ve been with sought me out, not the other way around.”

“You’ve only been with one person? I'd think a good looking guy like you would’ve gotten around more.”

“Good looking guy?” Cole grinned, Shane rolled his eyes and refused to indulge him. Cole snickered before continuing.

“She was a family friend of my Pappy’s. He told me she’d make a good wife and she thought I was handsome enough, so I thought ‘Why the hell not?’”

“Huh…” Shane furrowed his brow, Cole met his eyes and thought he saw a look of scorn in his expression.

“What, why’re you looking at me like that?”

“Your phrasing just sounded… I dunno, detached.”

“Yeah, well, I did love her. She was my wife, after all.” Cole laughed uncomfortably.

“You were married? What happened?”

Cole went silent, memories of an event he’d much rather forget filling his head. A few beats of silence passed as Cole’s hand tightened around his beer, his eyes glazing over as the last few words Anna said to him ran through his mind.

“...Cole?”

“--What?” He was snapped out of his thoughts by Shane. Shane stared at Cole with a look of concern that he found unbefitting.

“I asked you what happened.”

“...Accident.” Cole answered gruffly as he downed the rest of his beer.

“That’s pretty vague.”

“Yeah, well, I don’t care to talk about it.” Cole snipped, his voice coming out more aggressive than he intended.

“...Sorry.” Shane mumbled before sipping his drink. Cole sat without speaking for longer than comfortable. Shane stayed quiet and Cole had no idea how to continue the conversation from here, so he didn’t.

He slipped back into his thoughts again, his mind wandering between unpleasant memories that he’d been trying to block out. Booze could only be so much of a barrier, though. Cole knew that, but still, he tried to run and hide behind the comfort of the bottle. He was vaguely aware of Shane’s eyes bearing into him, it made him feel uncomfortably vulnerable.

Shane grimaced as he started to speak. “Look, I’m sorry–”

“I should get going. Need to be up early in the morning, water the crops and all.” Cole roughly shrugged Shane away and stood, not bothering to say goodbye as he walked out of the saloon.

He couldn’t get his mind straight as he walked through the town back to the farm. Thoughts and memories swirled through his drunken head and any attempts to push them out only made things worse.

The memories only seemed to get more vivid, more distressing, disturbingly clear in his mind as if he was living them all over again.

Running from your grief can only get you so far until it’s put right in front of you, like a wall you can’t walk past or climb over. Cole knew this, and he knew an episode like this was sure to happen sooner rather than later, especially living in his Pappy’s old house.

He’d deal with it the same he always had, when he couldn’t run from it anymore he’d face it head on. Let it overtake him and do what he needed to do, then he’d move on the next day.

He walked up to his door to see Jack still sound asleep on the porch. Figuring he’d rather stay there than be woken up, he walked into the house without him.

The near instant he shut the door his breathing quickened, falling into a panicked unsteady rhythm of shallow inhales and exhales. He walked to the cruddy old fridge, looking over the assortment of bottles he had in store.

Whiskey likely wouldn’t be enough, he settled on vodka instead. With shaking hands he took the nearly full bottle and slumped to the floor beside his bed, flicking the lid off and taking a long swig straight from the bottle. He suppressed a gag, taking comfort in the numbing burn in his throat and mouth. His hands continued to shake as he put the bottle down.

Desperately he willed his mind to grow fuzzier, but he only seemed to gain more clarity with his memories. Vividly he remembered the sounds, the sights, the smells. He could practically feel the airbags go off, hear the screams, see the red flashing sirens carrying his baby away.

He needed it to stop, so he went for another drink.

It did nothing but make him more nauseous, but still, he persisted. It seemed no matter how much he tried to drown his thoughts out by drinking, nothing was going to work. He cursed himself silently, gulping down an exorbitant amount of liquor in hopes that drinking quicker would help him forget even just a little.

He retched as he put the bottle down, suppressing the oncoming nausea. Thankfully it seemed the quick succession of his drinking seemed to hinder his motor skills and get rid of enough mental clarity to bring him peace. He didn’t feel happy by any means, but he wasn’t drowning in a panicked depression anymore.

He sat for a moment, taking everything in. He felt so distant, like everything before this moment was just a foggy memory that happened years ago. None of it felt real. Though this was a good thing to him. It marked the point of drunkenness where he knew for certain he’d adequately suppressed his misery.

Figuring this was enough to keep him held over for the night, he grabbed the bottle and attempted to stand. Near instantly he toppled to his side, narrowly saving the bottle from shattering on the floor. With a groan he resigned himself to crawling, dragging himself across the floor until he reached the fridge.

It took a few tries, but he wrapped his hand around the fridge handle and pulled. The door swung open, nearly hitting him in the face. He cursed at it before realizing how ridiculous it was to be cursing at a fridge. He shoved the bottle in sloppily before slamming the door shut and falling to the floor.

He spread out starfish, listening to the creaky ceiling fan and crickets chirping outside. It hurt his head, but he couldn’t do much about it.

As he lay there he suddenly thought of Shane, who he realized he’d been more of a dick to than he intended. Wasn’t that usually Shane’s thing to do?

Cole told himself he’d apologize tomorrow, at least if he remembered anything that happened tonight he would.

He blinked owlishly a few times as his vision started to spin and fade, drowsiness overtaking him. He let it, welcoming the exhaustion like an old friend or comforting blanket. He really should’ve tried to make it to the bed, but had no energy. Cole finally closed his eyes, resigning himself to sleep restlessly on the floor in front of the fridge.

Chapter Text

Cole stood outside blinking slowly at his freshly watered crops. Watering the plants was about the extent of what he’d be able to do today, labor wise.

He’d already gotten most of his plans for the day out of the way, even if it was just farm maintenance, feeding Jack, and taking far more Advil than the recommended dosage contained.

He hated having to rest. Cole was a busybody, he could never stand doing nothing all day even if he was hungover.

He hadn’t checked the mail in a while, that was something to do at least. He dragged his feet across the patio and sluggishly trudged his way over to the mailbox before opening it with a loud creak. He inwardly cursed his Pappy for having such a rusty mailbox.

Flipping through the papers he skimmed through the junk to look for anything important. Junk, Junk, a letter from his mother that wasn’t given a glance before it was tossed to the side, and two papers that looked important.

Cole opened one of the envelopes while he walked to the trash to discard the junk mail. The first wasn’t anything too important, something about the removal of a boulder, nothing that concerned him. Into the trash it went as he opened the second. It was an oddly fancy blue cardstock written with flowy cursive.

“My sources tell me you’ve been poking around in the old community center…” He read out loud, furrowing his brow as he read on. If it weren’t for the line about the rat problem, he would’ve dismissed the letter entirely as it was signed by 'M Rasmodious Wizard'.

Cole sighed as he threw the letter out along with the rest.

Fuck it, he’d go see the wizard, what else was he doing today?

After a short walk, Cole found himself at the stone tower. He rapped on the door a few times, adjusting his hat as he swayed back and forth.

“Ah, come in.” He heard from the inside, much more audible than it should have been from behind a thick wooden door.

He ignored that, walking inside to see a man with bright purple hair meditating behind what looked to be a ritual circle. Strangely enough, his hair looked almost exactly like one of the girls he saw in the saloon. Pierre’s daughter if he recalled correctly. Odd coincidence, he reasoned.

“Howdy, name’s Cole.” He spoke plainly as the purple-haired man stood up and marched over.

“I am Rasmodius, seeker of arcane truths, Mediary between physical and ethereal, master of the seven elements, keeper of the sacred cha-...” The ‘Wizard’ cut himself off with a cough before continuing. “You get the point.”

Cole stood silently for a moment, not sure how to process the man's insanity. The bubbling green pot nearby did nothing to calm his nerves.

“Uh… Yeah.” Cole said awkwardly.

“And you… Cole. The one whose arrival I have long foreseen.” Cole’s looked back and forth. While he was trying to calculate the best way to leave before something unfortunate could happen, the wizard interrupted his thoughts.

“Here, I’d like to show you something.”

“...Sure.” Cole agreed hesitantly as the wizard turned to his ritual circle. He closed his eyes and concentrated for a moment, and much to Cole’s horror, the circle lit up.

“Behold!” He cried as one of the green apple creatures appeared from seemingly nowhere.

“Oh, Jesus fucking Christ!” Cole jumped, watching in confused fear as the creature glowed and seemed to pulse.

“You’ve seen one before, haven’t you?” The wizard asked as Cole’s eyes darted quickly between the two of them.

“...Well yeah but it didn’t fuckin’ glow before!” The wizard chuckled, not unlike how you’d laugh at a foolish child. Cole found this infuriating.

“They call themselves the ‘Junimos’. Mysterious spirits, these ones… For some reason, they refuse to speak with me.”

“Can’t imagine why.” The wizard gave Cole a funny look. Cole refused to elaborate any further.

With a snap of the wizard’s fingers, the Junimo disappeared. This frightened Cole even more than when it appeared. “I’m not sure why they’ve moved into the community center, but you have no reason to fear them.”

“Oh, I shouldn’t fear the glowing green apples that have beady eyes that stare into my soul? That’s not something I should fear?”

“They’re harmless, I assure you.”

“I don’t know, they showed me this–- this weird golden box with symbols on it. Had a real weird vibe to it.”

“You found a golden scroll written in an unknown language?” The wizard hummed, looking thoughtfully as he stroked his beard. Cole was decidedly too hungover for this.

“Most interesting… Stay here, I’m going to see for myself. I’ll return shortly.”

“Sure.” Cole agreed, deciding he’d run for the hills once the wizard walked outside. The wizard nodded, dissipating into some weird sort of cloud before vanishing.

Cole blinked a few times, looking around rapidly in an attempt to figure out where the wizard went. After a moment of nauseous whirling around his eyes locked on the opening door. The wizard walked inside.

“Jesus Christ– Do you assholes ever make yourselves known?”

“In my visions I foresaw you being hesitant about the idea of magic, but I didn’t realize you’d be so skittish around magical creatures such as myself and the Junimos.” He looked at Cole impishly before continuing.

“I found the note.” He spoke while walking to the cauldron. “The language is obscure, but I was able to decipher it.” He took a deep breath before reading the note out loud.

“We, the Junimo, are happy to aid you. In return, we ask for gifts of the valley. If you are one with the forest then you will see the true nature of this scroll.” The wizard sighed contemplatively as he walked to the other side of the cauldron. “‘One with the forest’... What do they mean?”

“Well no clue, but clearly it doesn’t concern me, so–” Cole gestured towards the door, looking for permission to leave. Instead of giving confirmation the wizard started sniffing before exclaiming. “Aha!”

He beamed, gesturing Cole over. “Come here!” Cole figured this couldn’t get much worse unless he outright declined something the wizard asked of him, so he obliged and followed along.

“My cauldron is bubbling with ingredients from the forest. Baby fern, moss grub, caramel-top toadstool… Can you smell it?”

“...Uh-”

“Here. Drink up. Let the essence of the forest permeate your body!”

“Jesusfucking– Okay. Sure.” Cole silently hoped this would kill him as the wizard handed him a cup of his mystery concoction.

Cole took a sip, his consciousness immediately fading to black as the drink hit his stomach.

Cole came to a few minutes later. Very vividly he remembered what had just happened to him, but realized he hadn’t been consciously experiencing it. Everything seemed to become green and his vision had faded out, replaced by illusions of trees and various greenery.

As his consciousness returned to him, he noticed all his hangover symptoms had strangely disappeared. On any other occasion, this would have elated him, but he felt more concerned than anything given the situation.

“Here.” The wizard handed a scroll to Cole, disregarding how disoriented he seemed to be. Cole squinted at the scroll, finding that he could somehow read it after drinking whatever the mystery potion was. “...Huh.”

“You should be able to read any new letters the Junimo may leave for you, along with this one of course.” Cole looked over the paper. On it was a surprisingly simple list.

“Daffodil, Dandelion, Parsnip, Leek…” He mumbled out loud, looking up inquisitively at the wizard.

“Perhaps those are the gifts of the valley they are seeking.” He offered unhelpfully, going back to his ritual circle.

Cole decided this was a good time to leave, business seemed to be finished and if the wizard was out for blood surely Cole would have been dead the moment he walked through the door.

“Well, uh… Thanks. For this.” He held the scroll up and gave an awkward smile, which looked much more like a grimace. As he opened the door the wizard interrupted.

"And Cole, you should really be watching your health. My brew may have helped your symptoms today, but you’re squandering your arcane abilities by poisoning yourself so often. It’d be wise of you to cut back.”

Cole’s nose twitched as a scowl found its way to his face. “Sure. I’ll listen to the crazy man with purple hair in the woods. Reckon that’s the wise thing to do.” He slammed the door behind him, leaving the old tower behind.

Since Cole was no longer hungover to a crippling degree, he spent the rest of the day foraging for the list the Junimo had left him. An hour or so before it was time to go to the saloon he went back to the community center, his lungs filling with dusty air as the shoddy wooden door slammed shut behind him.

“Alright, got the plants you wanted.” He spoke out loud cheerfully, unsure if the Junimos were around to hear him. Or even understand him, for that matter.

His boots clicked along the dilapidated wooden floors until he reached the old craft room. He crouched down and placed the foragables in the old box. “There we go.” He smiled, his face contorting into horror as a Junimo popped up from the bottom of the box.

“Jesus– god you things are scary!”

The Junimo reached from seemingly nowhere, batting its pure black eyes as it held up a bag of seeds. “...Huh.” Cole smiled, less on edge now that he’d been given a gift. “Spring seeds…” He mumbled out loud.

The Junimo packed all the foragables he’d brought into a bundle, hopping out of the box after the fact. It made a series of high pitched warbly sounds that Cole somehow understood to mean ‘Thank you!’

“Oh. Well, you’re welcome!” He smiled, clutching the seeds at his side as the Junimo scurried off. Cole took this as a cue to leave. He stood up, dusting his jeans off as he made his way back to the front.

Before he reached the door a Junimo appeared at his side waving cheerfully. “Cya, little fella.” He grinned as he pushed the door open with a harsh shove, letting it slam behind him as he stepped into town.

After a brief run home to drop off the seeds, Cole arrived at the saloon. Shane was there first today. They both locked eyes and Cole felt his stomach drop.

He still needed to apologize, which usually was something that came easy to him. For some reason though, the prospect of apologizing to Shane felt much more daunting than it did with anyone else. He felt himself feeling strangely shameful, much more than he usually felt when he’d done something wrong.

He sighed and walked to the bar, sitting across from Shane.

“Howdy.”

“Hey, yourself.” Shane returned, not bothering to look at Cole.

“...I, uh. I’m sorry.”

“What?” Shane looked over with a puzzled expression, “Why?”

“For leaving last night. Acting like a dick about it.” Cole drummed his fingers against the counter.

“Oh. That.” Shane grimaced, “It’s fine. I could tell you didn’t want to talk about it, but I kept bringing it up anyway. It’s on me.” He sighed, taking a long drink of his beer. Cole kept his eyes on Shane, trying to decipher how bothered he was. Clearly at least more than he was letting on.

“...What?” Shane asked, “Why are you looking at me like that?”

“You look sad.”

“Thanks, asshole.” He glared and slid a second beer to Cole. Cole shook his head and pushed the beer back to Shane.

“Not drinking?”

“I overdid it last night. Best skip today.”

“What? You barely had anything to drink.”

“I barely had anything to drink here.” Cole corrected, Shane gave him a vaguely concerned look at this. He looked as if he wanted to say something but felt he couldn't. Cole worried he had put him on eggshells after up and leaving last night.

“Go ahead.” Cole sighed.

“Go ahead and what?”

“You got that look on your face, like you wanna ask me something but you’re too scared to.”

Shane scoffed and rolled his eyes, cracking open the beer meant for Cole as he finished his own.

“I won’t run like last time, swear.”

“...Fine.” Shane sighed, “Why’d you go home to drink instead of just staying here?”

“So I could get drunk enough to stop functioning. Typically you wanna do that in the safety of your own home.”

“One of those nights?”

“Yeah.”

Shane nodded, a guilty expression settling on his face. “...Sorry if I caused that.”

“S’all good. Not your fault I can’t face my past.”

“I can’t either, if that makes you feel any better.”

“Oh yeah? what demons are you runnin’ from?”

“How’s it fair for me to tell you if you don't tell me?”

“Got me there.” Cole snickered, folding his hands in front of him.

They paused for a moment as a comfortable silence filled the air.

“...You ever met a wizard?”

“What??” Shane nearly choked, so startled by the sudden derailment of the conversation.

“Yeah like– this guy that dresses like a wizard, he’s got purple hair. Wears this hat that looks more like a cowboy hat than a wizard hat, but it’s all black and gold.”

“Are you fucking with me?”

“Okay well– I don’t know if he was actually a wizard.” Cole quickly backtracked. There’s not much you can do to salvage a conversation after saying something like that.

“But he uh–” Cole cut himself off again, avoiding Shane’s gaze. He couldn’t tell if the look he was giving him was concern or skepticism, probably both.

“Well, it doesn’t matter since you haven’t met him. I was just wondering.”

“...Right.” Shane sipped on his beer again.

“I was gonna say sometimes it feels like we’re the only two normal people in this town, but honestly you may be the only normal one.”

“No one in this town is normal.” Shane grumbled as he wiped his mouth, “You definitely aren’t, but I’m not either. I think the closest we have to ‘normal’ is Alex, and that kid clearly has some kind of complex.”

“Who is he again? The big ole buff kid?”

“That’s the one.”

“He and that pretty girl are an item, right?”

“Pretty girl?” Shane furrowed his brow, his expression equally scornful and inquisitive.

“Not like that, asshole. I mean– She’s the kind of girl everyone would call pretty in high school. She's a cheerleader type of pretty. Not my type at all.”

“What is your type then?” Shane's face went back to a neutral expression as Cole searched for an answer, his mind going blank.

“Never put much thought into it, I suppose.” Cole paused, “I guess I like black hair. My wife had black hair.”

“So, your type is just how your wife looked?” Shane snickered as Cole glared, uncharacteristically irked by this line of questioning.

“Okay, hotshot. What’s your type then?”

“Don’t have one.”

“Now how is that a fair answer?”

“I just don’t care how a person looks.” Shane shrugged, “I care a lot more how they act.”

“Well then how do you like em’ to act?”

“Kind. They’d have to love animals.” Cole's face turned from an irritated scowl to a dumb smile, pleasantly surprised Shane was entertaining this topic at all.

“Honestly as long as they’re nice, I don’t care about much else. I’d want them to be good with kids, though. I could never be with someone who can’t get along with Jas.”

Shane stopped after that, scowling as he looked back at Cole. “Really?” He groaned seeing Cole’s goofy grin, “Quit looking at me like that.”

“Like what?” Cole asked innocently.

“You know what you’re doing.”

“Just shocked you’re being so open, is all.”

“I won’t be for long if you keep making such a big deal about it.”

“Noted.” Cole smiled and dropped the matter to move onto other things.

“You know, we never see each other outside of the saloon.” Cole started, “How about we do something outside of here?”

“With what time?” Shane asked as he looked away.

“The time we spend here.” Cole paused, “You like fishin’ much?”

“Hate it.”

“How do you like nature, we could go up to the mountains?”

“Nope.”

Cole rolled his eyes, predicting where this was going. “If you don’t want to hang out with me, you can say so. Just figured you’d warmed up to me enough to get to that point.” Cole sighed through his nose and looked at the wood of the counter.

Shane hesitated, groaning before he spoke. “Fine.”

“Fine, what?” Cole raised a brow.

“Fine, I will go do something with you. Two conditions.”

“Shoot.”

“No fishing and you’re bringing beer.”

“How d’you like whiskey?” Cole gave a cheshire grin.

“You should’ve led with the whiskey part.” Shane tried to glare, hiding his grin behind his can. Cole noticed this but ignored it for fear Shane would change his mind.

“You are warmin’ up to me. You just won’t admit it.”

“Fuck off.”

“Well, if you insist.” Cole laughed as he stood from the stool. For half a second he thought he saw disappointment in Shane’s eyes, but surely not. He convinced himself it was his imagination.

“I gave you my number before, but I’m sure you got rid of it, so…” Cole mumbled, grabbing a napkin nearby and scrawling on it with a pen from his pocket. “Here. Text me whenever. I’ll save your number and get to you tomorrow about what we’re doin’.”

“Alright.” Shane mumbled, shoving the napkin into his jacket pocket.

“Okay. Well, see you tomorrow, partner.” Cole grinned before going to pay his tab and leave for the day.

He couldn’t help but feel a twinge of excitement as he left the saloon, finally, his persistence was paying off. This was the first step to a friendship, an actual friendship, with Shane. He’d make sure not to mess it up.

He had to.

Chapter Text

Shane felt more relieved than usual when his shift ended. For once he had plans after work besides going to the saloon until 11:00 pm. Granted, he had no idea what those plans were and they happened to be with the most infuriating person in town, but they were plans nonetheless.

Instead of going to the saloon, he went home today. He paced around in his room, wondering if the clothes he put on were presentable or not.

This whole ordeal was moronic, why was Shane even trying? Sure, Cole had been the one to ask him to do something, but knowing Shane he’d find a way to fuck it up somehow. Then Cole would never talk to him again after realizing how much of an insufferable fuck up he really was.

But wasn’t that what he wanted? This whole time he’d been trying to get Cole to leave him alone, but now the idea of being abandoned by him made Shane feel almost sick.

Before he could psych himself out any further, a knock sounded from his door. He nearly jumped out of his skin before opening it with a soft click. Marnie stood on the other side, smiling apprehensively.

“Cole’s here for you.” She spoke sweetly, Shane grumbled and fished his phone from his pocket.

“I told him to text me when he–” He cut himself off, seeing that Cole did in fact text him. Shane had just stupidly left his phone on Do Not Disturb. “...Whatever.” He murmured, opening the door further and stepping past Marnie.

In the main room, Cole crouched on the floor with Jas. He nodded attentively with a smile as she ranted on about a show she had been watching. He glanced up as Shane walked into the room, politely interrupting Jas after seeing him.

“Finish telling me about that later, ‘kay? Seems your uncle finally decided to come out and meet me.”

“Okay!” She giggled before running up to Shane. “I like your friend, he has a farm too!”

“Does he? I never would’ve guessed with the cowboy outfit.” He smiled, ruffling Jas’ hair and crouching down to hug her. “Be good for Marnie, okay?”

“I will!” She beamed, walking over to Marnie and waving as Shane walked out the front door with Cole.

“Took you long enough.” Cole smirked, grabbing a bottle of whiskey he’d leaned against the front of the house.

“Sorry, my phone was on silent.”

“I figured. Thought I’d come inside and say hi to Marnie. And meet the kid too, I guess.”

“Mm.” Shane hummed, glancing at the sun as he followed Cole along the dirt path leading into town.

“She’s a sweet girl. She has a lot to say when she warms up to you.”

“Didn’t seem to take her long to open up.”

“Well, Marnie told her I was an old friend. That helped a lot.” Shane was quiet for a moment until Cole spoke up again.

“So, you’re her uncle?”

“Godfather.” Shane corrected, “She calls me uncle since I act a lot more like that than I do a dad.” He looked to the side shamefully and shoved his hands in his pockets. Cole smiled pitifully at him. It pissed him off, the way Cole looked at him.

“No one is perfect with kids. Be glad she calls you uncle at all, not just Shane.”

Shane rolled his eyes and huffed. “Where are we going, anyway?”

“Wouldn’t be a surprise if I told you, would it?”

“I didn’t know it was a surprise.”

“Well, mostly because you’d think it’s stupid and bail if I told you what we're doin’.”

“Really?” Shane groaned, which only made Cole look more proud of himself.

“Hey, you told me to bring whiskey and no fishing. Whiskeys right here and I ain’t got no rods with me. I met your criteria.”

“I thought there was an unspoken rule to not bring me to do something dumb.”

“Something dumb would be lighting cars on fire or cow tipping, we’re just doing something boring.”

“That’s worse. You realize that’s worse, right?”

“We’ll see.”

Cole smirked, elbowing Shane as his boots clicked on the now tile path. Shane groaned and hid a grin as Cole walked ahead of him. He followed behind at a leisurely pace.

A short walk later Cole had brought them both to the mountains, walking up and past the carpenter to an area Shane thought was blocked off by rocks.

“Huh… Did they clear the landslide?” He asked, following Cole up the wooden stairs.

“What landslide?”

“There were a bunch of rocks that blocked this area off. At least that’s what I heard, I’ve never been up here.”

“Eh, I wouldn’t know anything about that. First time I came up here there were no rocks.”

Shane hummed, nodding as he got to the top of the stairs. The first thing he saw was a bathhouse, much to his horror. He shot Cole a concerned look that only made him laugh.

“What, you think I’m taking you there? Hell no. I’m weird, but I ain’t that weird.”

“I never know with you.” Shane muttered. Cole snickered, walking past the spa and approaching a railroad.

Cole sat down at the station, scooting to the side and patting the bench, gesturing for Shane to sit beside him. Shane looked skeptically at him but sat down.

“S’a nice night.” Cole hummed, glancing at the setting sun.

“What are we doing at a train station?”

“Watching trains.” He looked over at Shane and smiled, looking oddly charming with the glowing orange light framing his face.

“...Seriously?”

“Seriously.”

“This might be worse than fishing.”

Cole snickered, checking his watch. “You should’ve specified that you didn’t want to watch trains either.”

“I figured that was a given.”

“Well, in my mind liking fishing is a given.” He flashed a mischievous grin. “I never know with you, neither.”

Shane rolled his eyes and tried to hide a grin. “Give me that whiskey, you asshole.”

“That I can do.” Cole pulled the small bottle from his coat pocket, handing it over to Shane who took a long swig. He savored the taste and burn down his throat, liquor was a rare treat he couldn’t often afford.

“Shit, that’s good.” He hummed, handing the bottle back to Cole who took a quick drink.

“Been saving it for a special occasion.” Shane stiffened, unhappy with whatever implications that held.

“Is this a special occasion?”

“Special enough. Finally got you to talk to me outside of that damn saloon or on your way to work.”

“I only talk to you on the way to work because you’re always fishing where I walk.”

“You stopped ignoring me, at least!”

“There’s only so much you can ignore a person as persistent as you.” Shane sighed, leaning an arm against the back of the bench. “For watching trains there’s a pretty big lack of trains.”

“It should show up in about thirty minutes. Thought we’d watch the sunset first.”

Shane rolled his eyes again, reaching for the bottle that Cole had sat between them. “You’re lucky you brought this.” He said, waving the whiskey before taking another sip. He grimaced as he finished, wiping his mouth as he spoke again. “This is good stuff, where’d you get it? God knows we don’t sell it at Joja."

“My ole pappy’s. He had a liquor cabinet in the ‘kitchen’.” Cole used air quotes around the word kitchen, which confused Shane immensely. “I try not to drink from it unless something special happens.”

“Why'd you call it the ‘kitchen.’”

“The house has three rooms right now. The main room, the bathroom, and the bedroom. The main room has this ‘kitchenette’ that’s just a fridge, some cabinets, and a hot plate. Pappy always called it that to make the place feel fancier.”

“Sounds like a shitty house.”

“Trust me, it is.” Cole laughed, taking a drink.

“Love that place… I need to renovate it soon though, too many memories. I haven’t even been able to touch that bedroom yet. Aside from when I first moved in, I guess.”

“What? Where do you sleep then?” Shane furrowed a brow.

“Main room, obviously. The bedroom was mine and my siblings. Pappy slept in the main room.”

“I see now why you didn’t just invite me to drink at your house.” Shane joked, but it made Cole look oddly sad. He regretted saying it almost immediately.

“...Sorry.”

“Nah, you’re right. Not even a couch in there.” Cole tilted his head up, leaning against the back of the station. “I’ll get it fixed up real soon though, make it a home for myself.”

“Yeah.” Shane echoed quietly. “...I didn’t know you have siblings.”

“Ha, well, you wouldn’t wanna hear about ‘em. Not how they are now, anyway.” Cole spoke with his hands, the same look on his face as when Shane initially brought up his wife. He worried for a moment Cole would run again if he asked anything further, but thankfully Cole continued on his own.

“Brother and a sister. We were awfully close when we were kids, but I was always Pappy's favorite. The three of us lived on the farm with Pappy for about two years while my momma pretended she was trying to get better.” Shane had no clue what Cole meant by that, but he knew not to ask.

“...But when she finally did, or when it seemed like she did, I should say, they both went home. I begged and pleaded to stay with Pappy, so he didn’t make me go back to her. Momma didn’t care enough to press on it, so here I stayed.” Cole’s smile faded the more he spoke. He took a deep breath before reaching for the bottle of whiskey, taking a long drink before he continued his story. “But by the time my big brother was seventeen, he ran away, and momma needed someone else to–” He cut himself off, cringing and taking another long drink.

“Well, it doesn't matter. I had to leave Pappy when I was thirteen, and he was gettin’ too old to run the farm without me. He moved back to the city with us, partially just to protect me in the few ways he could.”

Cole finally stopped speaking and Shane looked desperately over his face, as if he examined his expression hard enough the right words would come to him. They never did, so he went for another drink instead.

“Shit.” He mumbled, wiping his mouth.

“Yeah, shit.” Cole spoke gruffly, looking at Shane with sad eyes.

“Never once spoke to that woman again after I turned eighteen. There was no way in hell.” Cole’s eyes seemed to glaze over as he stared blankly at the ground.

“I uh, I don’t really know what to say about these things, but…” Shane started while swallowing his pride to try and be comforting, “I’m sorry. I can’t imagine what you’ve been through.”

“That’s not even a fraction of it.” Cole laughed bitterly, checking his watch again. “Train comes soon.”

Shane frowned, reaching for the bottle as the last bit of the sun started dipping below the horizon. He drank and then looked at Cole who was staring stoically forward.

“I know you’re not a feelings guy,” Cole started, not looking at Shane. “But I appreciate you putting up with me. People in this town don’t get it, not the way we do.” He sighed, taking his hat off and placing it to the side.

Shane realized he’d never seen Cole without the hat, it was a strange sight. “Yeah, well, you’ve had to put up with me too. It’s mutual.” They went silent as the sound of train horns and chugging tracks became audible from the tunnel.

Cole took another drink as the train approached, handing the bottle to Shane as he was done. Shane took a quick swig and set the bottle down, watching as blinding white lights emerged from the tunnel.

Cole closed his eyes as the train moved past, the pressure of the wind pushing him back. Shane glanced briefly at the train but looked back to Cole a moment later. He took several deep breaths, eyes firmly closed as his hair whipped around his face and his jacket flew against his sides. He held his hat with a firm hand, making sure it wouldn’t fly away from all the wind the train produced.

The last slivers of sunlight hit his face, framing his jaw in an amber glow. Shane swallowed, unsettled by how the alcohol was making him feel. He stuffed his hands in his pockets, holding his jacket steady at his sides as he watched the last of the train cars run by.

Once the train was gone, he glanced at Cole who was slowly blinking his eyes open.

“You alright?” Shane asked.

“Yeah, all good.” Cole sighed, standing up and placing his hat back on. “Suppose you probably wanna get back home.”

“Sure.” Shane lied, assuming this was Cole’s way of politely telling him he wanted this outing to be over with.

Shane stood, handing the half empty bottle to Cole who put it back in his pocket. They began walking, a slight sway in both their steps as they reached the bottom of the mountains. As they approached a fork in the road, Cole stopped.

“There’s a backway to the farm this direction, I think I’ll be goin’ that way.”

“Right.” Shane nodded as Cole hesitantly turned.

“Well, uh, I’ll be seeing you.”

“You forgot something.” Shane interjected.

“What?” Cole furrowed his brow, looking mildly concerned.

“Partner.” Shane spoke in a mock southern accent.

Cole rolled his eyes and grinned, waving Shane away dismissively. “Right, I’ll be seeing you, then. Partner.”

“Cya.”

Once Shane was sure Cole was looking elsewhere he let a small smile creep onto his face.

The walk home was quiet, only the sounds of Shane’s feet hitting the ground and a few crickets chirping were audible. As he reached the barn he sighed, taking a deep breath before opening the door.

Surprisingly Jas was still awake. As Shane stepped inside he saw her and Marnie playing a card game at the kitchen table. Jas’ head whipped around as the door clicked closed, her eyes lit up as she dropped her cards and ran to the door.

“Uncle Shane! You’re home!” She giggled, running into Shane’s arms as he crouched down.

“Yeah, came home early.” He smiled, wrapping his arms around her and rocking her side to side. After a moment of this, he stood and glanced at the kitchen table.

“Am I interrupting something?”

“We were playing cards! Do you wanna play?” Jas jumped up and down, beaming gleefully. Shane glanced briefly at Marnie who gave him a warm smile.

...Yeah, why not? What’re we playing?”

Chapter Text

Cole strode into the heart of the town, his boots clicking on the stone path as he took in the sight of gaudy spring decorations. He hoped to god this festival had good food. Aside from socializing it’d be the only thing worth coming for.

He placed his hands in his pockets and glanced around. Quickly he spotted Shane filling a plate at one of the tables facing away from Cole. He grinned as he silently snuck up behind him.

“Howdy!” Cole snickered as Shane jumped out of his skin.

“Shit–” Shane mumbled, catching a roll that fell off his plate. “Would it kill you to make yourself known?”

“I did! I said howdy!”

“In a less startling way.” Shane scowled. Cole snickered, picking up a roll from Shane’s plate and biting into it. He swore for a moment he saw Shane’s eye twitch.

“I’m hoping the flower dance is more eventful than this.” Cole commented as he watched Jas and Vincent run around.

“It’s worse.” Shane spoke in a deadpan. Cole glanced around, looking for anyone he hadn’t had a chance to speak with much.

The only people he hadn’t talked to were Sam and his two friends whose names he couldn’t remember. He didn’t have much interest there anyway, Cole didn’t exactly have a lot in common with 19-year-olds.

He glanced at Shane and started to speak before noticing Emily walking up to him. “Hi, Cole!” She spoke in a bubbly tone, waving at both Cole and Shane.

“Mornin’, Emily. Enjoying yourself?” He smiled, making pleasant small talk. For whatever reason Shane seemed mildly irritated and to be looking for an escape route.

“Yeah! I helped Gus make some of the food last night. I mostly made the desserts, though.” She smiled, rocking back and forth.

“There’s a lot of egg dishes, I’m noticing. Your hens helped with that, right Shane?” Cole looked at Shane who had begun stepping away until Cole had mentioned him.

“Uh. Yeah. Lots of eggs.” He spoke flatly. Emily perked up, seemingly excited by Shane’s addition to the conversation.

“Is it fun raising chickens? I’d rather raise sheep, I think.”

“It’s fine.” Shane grumbled, taking an awkward sip of punch.

“I’m glad you like it, it’s important to have a fulfilling hobby! That’s why I try to sew as often as I can. But it’s hard to keep up with how expensive materials are nowadays…”

As Emily was speaking Cole gestured at Shane’s cup. He handed it over and Cole took a sip before scrunching his face. Slowly he placed the cup back on the table as Shane suppressed a snort.

“What kind of hobbies do you have, Cole?”

“Haha, well, uh.” Cole said, still recovering from the punch, “I like to fish. Makes good money to help me buy seeds.”

“Oh, speaking of! Pierre sells strawberry seeds here, you should pick some up! I hear they make pretty good money.”

“Sure, why not? I brought some cash.” Cole shrugged before glancing at Shane who looked less than happy to be dragged into a group conversation. Or any conversation at all.

“Okay, well I’ll leave you both to it! I just thought I’d say hi.” She smiled widely before walking off to chat with Gus.

“Cya.” Cole tipped his hat and looked back at Shane.

“Good lord, that punch is disgusting.” He declared as if he’d been waiting to say it since he tasted the punch, which he had. “I mean really, what's in this? Pond water?”

“Pierre makes it. Who knows what shit he puts in there.”

“Something evil, apparently.”

Shane snorted, burying his face in his sleeve to hide his laughter.

"What, that get you?"

"Shut up-" Shane snickered. Cole smiled and glanced over at Pierre's booth.

“I should go buy those strawberries. Be back in a minute.”

"Alright," Shane said, his laughter finally dying down, “Take your time.”

"What, you wanna be left alone?" Cole teased, “Can't get rid of me that easy, Shane.”

“Whatever.” Cole grinned before he walked off to shop.

An hour or so later Cole returned to Shane with a bag of seeds in his hand. He stood next to him under a tree, delighting in the shade as the heat of the day started to build.

“What took you so long?”

“Thought I’d chat with some folks. You told me not to take my time, anyway.” Cole gave a smug grin to which Shane mumbled something under his breath.

“They starting the egg hunt soon?” Cole asked.

“Yeah, in five or so minutes.”

“Do you not do it with Jas?”

“She’s pretty insistent about doing it on her own, which I don’t mind. I hate shit like this anyway.”

Cole hummed while glancing at Jas who was bouncing excitedly with a basket in her hands.

“Has she ever won?”

“No, Abigail has the last four years in a row.”

“Is that the purple girl?” Cole asked while nodding towards Abigail.

“Yeah, she’s ruthless. She takes the egg hunt weirdly seriously.”

“...Huh.” Cole scowled, “Odd.”

Cole jumped as Lewis’s voice sounded out. “It’s time for the highlight of today's festivities! The Annual Spring Egg Hunt!”

“Jesus, does he have to be that loud…?” Cole whispered as he leaned towards Shane and rubbed his ear. Shane shuffled slightly away from Cole while looking awkwardly to the side.

Lewis continued speaking, but Cole had tuned him out the moment he opened his mouth. Jas seemed happy, which was what mattered to Cole. He hoped her and the other kid would have fun even if they were competing against a teenager who took this ordeal far too seriously.

“Is his speech usually this long?” Cole whispered, Shane only nodded. After a few more seconds Lewis was finally done and the kids set off.

“So, does the event end after this?”

“Usually. Thank god it does too, I need a drink after this shit.” Cole nodded at the punch in Shane’s hand. Shane raised an eyebrow but handed it over, to which Cole retrieved a mini bottle of gin from his coat pocket and poured it into the punch.

“...You had that the whole fucking time?!” Shane whisper-yelled.

“Well, I didn’t know if this was a day drinking sort of event.”

“I can’t believe you.”

“For bringing gin or for not sharing earlier?”

“Both.” Cole snickered and Shane took a large gulp of the drink. “...It’s actually not that bad now.”

“Most punches are made to be spiked.” Cole spoke as he took the drink from Shane. He took a sip and made a confused face before handing it back.

“Huh.” Cole mumbled, “Not terrible.”

He looked around, watching briefly as Abigail walked past and darted strategically from place to place looking for eggs.

“So,” Shane started as Cole glanced over. “You didn’t have the Egg Festival back when you were a kid?”

“Nah, we didn’t do the festivals as much. We had a few, of course, like the Feast of the Winter Star and Spirit’s Eve, but not anything like this or the flower dance.”

“Mm.” Shane hummed.

It was silent for a moment before Cole grinned and leaned over to look at Shane.

“...What?” Shane barked.

“Are you trying to make small talk?”

“No.”

“I think you are.”

“I think you need to shut up before I stand somewhere else.”

“Good Lord, you are so obvious, Shane.”

Shane seemed to stiffen a bit at this and took another long swig of the punch.

“If you wanna make small talk we can, just surprised you finally want to talk to me.”

Shane mumbled something under his breath that Cole couldn’t quite make out.

“Pardon?”

“Nothing.”

“Something.”

“You sound like my mother.” Shane glared.

“I’ve been told I have a womanly cadence.”

“By who?”

“My pappy.”

For a moment Shane paused before snorting and hiding his face by taking another drink.

“You always do that.” Cole commented.

"Do what?”

“You laugh and you hide your face. Like you’re scared of laughing or something.”

Shane went silent, his face dropping. “See? There you go again. It’s like you're afraid of joy.” Cole laughed and elbowed Shane who seemed somewhat unsettled by something. He stared vacantly at the floor for a moment before Cole interrupted him.

“...Shane?”

“What?” He looked up, startled.

“Nothing, you just seem far away is all.”

“...Sure.” Shane agreed with a mumble. Cole raised a brow in concern but decided to stop talking, something was upsetting Shane, and the last thing he wanted to do was make it worse.

The rest of the egg hunt went by and, unsurprisingly, Abigail was the winner again.

“I really don’t see why she’s trying so hard to beat these kids.” Cole whispered to Shane, finally speaking again after a good ten minutes of silence between them.

“I think she’s mainly trying to beat Maru and Sam. But Sam is only helping his brother.” Shane responded surprisingly easily.

“Still, it’s odd.” Cole tacked on, Shane nodded in agreement before gulping the rest of the punch down.

“Well, I’m outta here. I have a 6 pack waiting for me at home.” Shane spoke as he walked towards a trashcan to throw the cup away.

“Not going to the saloon today?” Cole followed.

“It’s closed on holidays and festivals, I just drink at home on those days.”

“I could come with you?” Cole spoke, trying to make it seem more like an invitation than a request. “Or we could go to the dock again. Just do something to get out of the house.”

Shane tensed and remained facing away from Cole as he spoke. “...Sure.”

“Great! Where and what time?” Cole tried to stay chipper, he feared if he gave any indication he was aware of Shane’s hesitance he would bolt like a startled deer.

“Uh… I guess we can do the docks again. Same time as the saloon, so eight?”

“Sounds good. I’ll see you there, partner.” Cole grinned before walking off and giving Shane the space it seemed like he needed.

Cole spent the rest of his afternoon clearing debris from the farm and planting the strawberry seeds he had bought. He was spent by the time he had finished, but the fruits of his labor were worth the exhaustion.

The farm was finally starting to look like a home, even a little similar to when Pappy was running the place. Aside from the animals, of course.

Cole sat on the porch and pet Jack on the head while watching the sun go down. Briefly he considered whether he should have pushed to meet Shane earlier, the sunset was always so pretty in spring. Sunsets were always better with company, Cole thought.

“Alright… I gotta get going, boy.” Cole shuffled to the side, removing Jack from his lap. The dog panted, huffing as Cole stood up and gave him a kiss on the top of his head. “Don’t wait up, I won’t be back till late.” He gave Jack one last scratch on the head before walking to the bottom of the farm, a shortcut he’d only recently realized was there.

After a short walk, Cole reached the docks about ten minutes earlier than he was supposed to be there. Much to his surprise Shane was already there sipping on a beer and staring into the water.

“Howdy.” Cole grinned as he sat down, making Shane nearly jump out of his skin.

“God, you walk so fucking quiet.” He mumbled.

“I wasn't even trying to scare you that time.” Cole laughed as he sat. Shane handed over a beer and Cole took it gratefully.

“Surprised you agreed to come out here.” Cole smiled as he cracked the can open.

“Don’t make it a big thing. Being with you is just better than being alone.”

“...Don’t make that a big thing? Coming from you, that's the nicest thing I’ve ever heard.”

Shane rolled his eyes while making a face somewhere between a smile and a grimace. They both paused while Cole took a drink from his can. Ultimately Shane broke the silence.

“Cole?”

“Yeah?”

“I don’t wanna overstep, I’m just curious and you can tell me to shut up, but what was your wife like?” Shane spoke strangely quietly and with a grimace, almost as if he was afraid to bring the topic up.

Cole clicked his tongue and thought for a moment before speaking. “Harsh. She was loving, but stern towards me. She was a very no bullshit kind of woman.” Cole paused, “We didn’t have the greatest relationship, but I didn’t mind that much. She was a great mother, that’s all I cared about.”

Shane nearly choked, he placed his can to the side as he swallowed the beer in his mouth. “I’m sorry– mother?”

Cole raised a brow and smiled confusedly. “Have I really not mentioned my daughter?”

“No?” Shane scowled. “You have a daughter and I’ve never seen her? Does your wife have custody, or something?”

“Nah, she's dead.”

Shane paused, freezing into stunned silence. “I’m, um.” Shane deliberated, seeming stuck between saying multiple different things.

“Happened years ago, it’s okay.” Cole cut off and reassured with a sigh, “It’s just not something you ever get over, y'know? I’ve been running from those demons for years. That’s why me and Anna divorced, actually.”

“I thought you said it was an accident?”

“Car accident. I was driving.” Cole grimaced and took a large swig of his beer. He looked at Shane and saw a look of equal parts sympathy and horror on his expression.

Shane started with a hesitant waver in his voice, “Were– Were you-?”

“God– No, I wasn’t drunk, Shane. You think I would drive drunk with a kid in my car? Or at all, for that matter?” Shane seemed to both sigh with relief and sink in on himself in embarrassment.

“I just had to ask.”

“No, you didn’t.” Cole sighed irritatedly, “...But I understand why you did. I didn’t used to be so bad, though. Not back then.”

“I wasn't this bad, either.” Shane echoed as he watched the last bit of orange sky dip below the treeline.

“What happened to you then?”

“Why should I tell you?” Shane scowled and for a moment Cole saw the wall he’d been tearing down build itself back up.

“Because I’m your friend, Shane.”

Something in Shane’s expression shifted, but Cole couldn’t quite pinpoint what it was.

“Look, you don’t have to tell me, but talking to you about my problems makes me feel better sometimes. I figure it may help you, too.”

Shane mumbled something, Cole didn’t bother asking what. He knew well enough that Shane’s muttering was always some snarky comment he’d prefer keeping to himself. Or, on rare occasions in public, one he’d share with Cole.

“My best friends died.” He finally spoke.

“Jas’s parents?”

Shane nodded, hanging his head low to stare into the water. “They were my group in high school. The three of us were inseparable, we all went to the same college to stay together.” Cole nodded and hummed to affirm he was listening.

“The two of them started dating and after college got married. Then they had Jas. They got pretty busy with parenting stuff, but we tried to hang out and talk as much as we could. Hell, I would watch Jas just to have a chance to see them.” He laughed sadly and took another sip of his beer.

“They died the same way your daughter did. They were the only people I had.” He grimaced and looked in Cole’s direction, but refused to make eye contact.

“You of all people would know how awful that is. To have your whole world crumble in front of you in just one day. Have your people, your family, just– gone.”

Cole sighed and put an arm around Shane’s shoulder. Shane tensed, but much to Cole’s surprise didn’t move. Likely the alcohol, Cole reasoned.

“Nobody understands better than me, partner. I assure you.” He gave Shane’s arm a squeeze before rocking back and putting his arm back at his side.

“First my daughter, then my wife, then my pappy…” He smiled sadly at Shane, “Sometimes you wonder if it ever gets better, if the grief ever stops. Hell, sometimes I wonder if you’re gonna die on me next.” He laughed bitterly while Shane gave a confused grimace.

“Don’t compare me to those people. I’m not nearly as important to you as any of them.”

“Well, you're the most important person in my life as of present. I figure that counts for something.” Shane made a face that Cole thought looked a lot like nausea.

“Good lord, does it bother you that bad when someone cares about you?” Shane didn’t answer, instead he finished his can of beer off and grabbed another.

“Sorry if I made you uncomfortable, just being honest.” Cole apologized easily, grabbing another can for himself as well.

“...Not drunk enough for this.” Shane muttered, not quiet enough this time to be inaudible to Cole.

“You could get drunker if you could handle your liquor and stop drinking beer every night.”

Shane whipped his head up and glared at Cole. He seemed caught between cursing himself for letting Cole hear him and defending himself.

“I can handle my liquor just fine, asshole.”

“Really? Then why do I never see you drinking it?”

“It’s more expensive, for one. Joja never has it on sale and it’s better for me to drink beer than liquor.”

“That’s not true, actually. That last part.”

“What?” Shane scowled and Cole snickered seeing his frustration.

“I asked a doctor one time. One isn’t worse for you than the other, just depends on how much you drink.”

“Okay, well beer is still cheaper.”

“Maybe, but you’d think I’d see you splurge at least once in a little while. Part of me thinks you just can’t take liquor.” Cole gave a cheshire grin.

“I’ve shared a whiskey bottle with you, asshole. You know that I can.” He protested a little too vehemently.

“I'm fucking with you, Shane.” Cole laughed and Shane seemed to untense, “You take me too seriously.”

“You talk too seriously when you’re kidding. I can never tell when you’re joking or not.”

“You’ll pick up on it one day. You spend enough time around someone and you start to notice their little quirks.” Cole hummed as he drank.

“I guess that’s true.” Shane mumbled. They stayed quiet for a moment while Cole smiled contentedly.

“...Why are you making that face?” Shane asked with a scowl.

“What face?”

“You just look– I don’t know. Happy, I guess.”

“It was a good day. Aside from talking to you about it, I didn’t think about my past at all.” Cole smiled wistfully as he took a sip of his beer.

“It’ll probably be awful again tomorrow, but I try to appreciate the good moments while they’re still here.”

“...Is this a good moment?”

“Do you not think it is?” Cole raised a brow, but his smile remained.

“...I guess I do, yeah.”

It was quiet for a moment until the silence was broken by Cole’s laugh.

“What?” Shane scowled.

“You. You just take everything so serious. Lighten up, alright?” Cole elbowed Shane who rolled his eyes and hid his smile behind his can of beer.

“There it is again.”

“There what is?”

“You hiding your smile like you’re scared of it.”

“Shut up.”

“I told you. You spend enough time around someone you notice their little quirks.” Cole sighed and Shane remained quiet, staring contemplatively at the water.

“...Glad I met you, partner.” Cole spoke softly, shocking Shane out of his head.

“...Yeah. Me too.” He answered with a little too much hesitance. Not to Cole, though. In Cole’s mind any form of reciprocation or acknowledgment of kind words was a win.

He was winning Shane over, slowly but surely. He smiled at him before remaining in a comfortable silence.

Chapter Text

A week had passed since the egg festival, and Shane found himself thinking increasingly concerning thoughts about the farmer. It started as innocuous things here and there, like thinking he looked charming under the sunset at the train station or feeling strangely nauseous when Cole noticed little details about him or used his name in a sentence.

Then it escalated to wishing Cole was around when he wasn’t. Shane would have moments working at Joja where he would stock a certain item and think, “Cole would like this,” or Jas would do something funny at home and he would think, “I can’t wait to tell Cole about this tonight.”

He wasn’t sure what the implications of these little things adding up were, but he knew he didn’t like the direction it was headed.

He’d considered skipping the saloon altogether tonight to avoid dealing with… well, whatever was going on in his head. After some deliberation, he thought it wouldn’t be fair to Cole. Even if he did skip, he knew Cole would just text him anyway, and if anything, that was worse than sucking it up and going to meet him.

This was routine. This didn’t imply anything. Cole going out of his way to check on Shane was outside their routine and something Shane did not want to consider the implications of.

He shuffled into the saloon after a thoughtful walk to see Cole chatting with Emily towards the side of the bar. His face twitched as he watched Emily lean forward against the bar and laugh at something Cole had said. Cole grinned widely and turned to the side when Shane entered the saloon.

“Howdy.” He spoke as Shane took a seat next to him at the bar.

“Hey.” Shane said flatly, nodding at Emily.

“Tell him what you were telling me, Cole!” She spoke excitedly, which made Shane feel strangely irritated.

“So, I finally saved up the money for that coop I’ve been wanting to build.” He beamed with pride.

“No way.” For once, Shane didn't attempt to hide his smile. This was something Cole had been working towards since he arrived back at Pelican Town, something Shane wanted to share his happiness in.

“Yes, way. I got some good quality wood and stone from clearing the farm up, too. Robin said she’d give me a big discount for helping out with the material cost. I got everything settled today. She’s set to start building tomorrow.”

Shane had no clue what to say. Instead, he stared dumbfounded at Cole, no doubt with a stupid smile on his face.

“I’m so excited. I’m already setting up a doghouse for Jack outside where the coop will go and working on some fencing.”

“Do you want help setting everything up?" Shane stupidly offered before he even processed what he was saying. He cursed himself seeing the smile on Cole’s face grow brighter and Emily’s eyes widen in shock.

“If you’re offering, I certainly wouldn’t decline. I could use all the help offered to me.”

“Right.” Shane coughed, feeling a bit awkward about the situation.

Emily cut in and interrupted the silence. “You’re such a good friend, Shane! It’s like you turned into a whole different person since you met Cole.” She noted, not unkindly. It still pissed Shane off. He’d never stop hating when people pointed out his acts of kindness.

“Shut up.” He said to Emily.

"Hey.” Cole spoke sternly, meeting Shane’s eyes not unlike how you would an unruly child. Shane rolled his eyes but didn’t speak any further. Any battle of wills he fought against Cole would be lost. He knew by now it was best to just ignore him or pretend to have learned a lesson.

“It’s alright, change takes time.” Emily smiled, “How about I get you a drink? On the house because of the good news and all!”

“Ah, that’s alright. Thank you, though, Emily.” Cole smiled politely. Shane shot him an odd look.

“Oh, Pam wants another beer.” Emily frowned, upset to be drawn away from the conversation. “I’ll be back!” She waved cheerfully before walking to the other side of the bar.

“Turning down free drinks?” Shane asked.

“Special occasion. I’m having scotch at home tonight.”

“Oh.” Shane tried to keep his disappointment from slipping into his tone. Even if Cole was still present, half of the joy was having someone to drink with, not just around.

“Don’t look so down about it. I’m still at the saloon, right?” He grinned. Shane felt frustrated with himself for letting his disappointment show on his face.

“Why are you at the saloon, then? Don’t you usually drink at home or somewhere scenic when something happens?”

“Well, I didn’t have time to text you by the time everything was finalized. You should’ve already been getting off your shift and walking here, so I just came here instead.”

“...You know when I get off work?” “Yeah. 5:00, right?” Shane didn’t know whether to be flattered or unsettled that Cole knew this. He wanted to veer to the side of unsettled but found he wasn’t able to.

“You don’t have to wait on me. I’ll live if you skip a night. If you wanna go home and have your scotch now, feel free.”

“Shane, you know why I come to the saloon, right?” Shane felt a familiar nausea in his stomach when Cole used his name.

“To bother people?”

“For the company.” He corrected, “I want to see you. If I didn’t, I’d have just gone home.” Cole spoke gently, his voice a little too soft for Shane’s liking. He felt for a moment like he wanted to throw up.

“And everyone else, not just you, obviously.” Cole tacked on quickly, presumably when he saw Shane’s face. He wasn’t sure what expression he was making, but it couldn’t have been good.

“Yeah, well. I’m sure you’d have a better night if you could actually drink instead of just sitting here doing nothing.”

“You could come with me, you know.” Cole interjected, much to Shane’s horror, “The farmhouse is pretty shitty, but you’re welcome to join me.”

“What–?” Shane’s eyes flickered confusedly over Cole’s face.

“God, you look like I just kicked a puppy.” Cole snickered, “It wouldn’t hurt my feelings if you said no. I’m just offering because you’re being so weird about it.”

“So, you wouldn’t have offered otherwise?”

“Not saying that.”

“It’s how you phrased it.”

“Good lord, why have you been acting so weird this week?” Shane wished he could answer that properly, but even he didn’t know. Something had put him on edge around Cole, and he couldn’t identify what.

He knew for sure though that he wouldn’t let it get in the way of the one friendship he’d been able to maintain.

“Okay, fine. Let’s go then.”

“Woah, that sudden?” Cole grinned as Shane stood up and started towards the door. “We’ll be heading out now, evenin’ Emily!” Cole called out loudly.

“Bye, Cole! Bye, Shane!” She waved cheerfully as they both left the saloon.

“Seriously, what’s going on with you?” Cole laughed as he stuffed his hands in his pockets, walking languidly beside Shane.

“I don’t know what you mean.”

“Yes, you do.” Cole paused when Shane didn’t say anything further on the matter. “We don’t have to talk about it. I was just curious.”

“Yeah, what’s new?”

“Exactly! You should be used to it by now.” Shane snickered and rolled his eyes, hiding a grin by walking a pace or two ahead of Cole.

“Shocked you said yes so easily. I thought it would take months of persuading to get you to my house.”

“God, don’t phrase it like that.”

“Like what?”

“Like a damn serial killer.”

“How does that sound like a serial killer?”

“‘Get you to my house.’ What is that? No normal person says that.”

“I thought we had established neither of us are normal people.” Cole grinned when Shane went silent, “We’re gettin’ close to the farm.”

Cole glanced at the bus stop as they walked by. “I bet it’ll be done by fall. Winter, very latest.” He mumbled, almost inaudible, as he looked at the bus.

“What? What’ll be done?”

“Ah, nothin’. Just talking to myself.” Shane squinted at Cole who gave no indication he noticed or cared. Instead, he just continued down the path and walked onto the farm.

“Well, here she is.” Cole gestured at the land, which was too dark for Shane to properly see anything.

“Mm.” He hummed, following Cole to the front door of the farmhouse. He felt his stomach turn as the reality hit him that he would actually be in Cole’s house. Not only that, but in his room given that he slept in the living room. He swallowed the trepidation he felt as he walked behind Cole into the farmhouse.

It was a shoddy little building just as Cole said. The floor was made of creaky wooden planks with no finishing or varnish. Each step Shane took seemed to creak through the whole house. Briefly, he wondered how anyone could get drunk and deal with a hangover in a house this loud.

The furnishing was equally as depressing. The small kitchenette Cole had previously described was in the corner of the room along with a small TV, a table, and one chair to go with it. Aside from the lousy kitchen table, the bed was the only place to sit aside from the floor. Shane opted to stand as Cole rummaged through a cabinet in the kitchen.

“Don’t you have a dog?”

“Yeah! Jacks outside, he’s taken to sleeping on a wooden palette by his water bowl.”

“He doesn’t sleep inside?”

“He’s a farm dog, can’t let him get used to sleeping inside when he’ll need to be out with the chickens soon.”

“Makes sense.” Shane paused, looking around the house until his eyes landed on the hallway. “What’s down that hall?”

“Just a bathroom and my old bedroom. Nothing interesting.” Shane found curiosity got the best of him and a regrettable question formed on his lips before he could stop it slipping out.

“...Can I look at your old room?”

Cole stopped looking through the cabinets for a moment, turning around and making eye contact with Shane. A beat of silence passed. Shane was about to backtrack and apologize before Cole interrupted by giving him an answer.

“I mean– sure. It’ll be dusty as hell, though. I’ve barely touched it since I moved back in, and that was only to make sure nothing was rotting in there.” Finally, he stood with a bottle of scotch in one hand as he juggled two glasses in the other.

“You seem bothered by it, I don’t have to-”

“No, no, go ahead.” Cole dismissed as he placed the glasses on the table, “Just because I don’t go in there doesn’t mean you can’t. It's nothing interesting, anyhow.”

“...Alright.” Shane straightened his posture, walked down the hall, and glanced at the two doors.

“On your right!” Cole called from the main room. Shane heard the sound of a bottle glugging as he spoke.

“Thanks.” He replied, not loudly enough, as he clicked the right door open.

The room was very dusty and very small. In the corner was a twin-sized bunk bed which took up the majority of the back of the room. Aside from that, the only real furniture was a dresser with a picture frame on top. Cautiously Shane walked to the dresser, picked the frame up gingerly, and swiped the dust away from the picture.

It was a family portrait, a man in his older middle age with his arms wrapped around three kids. Two boys and a little girl. Shane’s eyes softened as he recognized one of the boys to be Cole, the only brunette in the photo. He leaned against the side of his grandfather, sticking his tongue out at the camera while his brother held a peace sign above his head.

“Not much, I know.”

Shane jumped out of his skin as he heard Cole’s voice from the doorway. “Jesus– How do you walk so quietly in this house?” Shane hissed and turned to see Cole leaning against the door frame, two full glasses in hand.

“I grew up here, I know which parts of the floorboards creak. Also, you spook easily. It’s fun to sneak up on you.” Cole smiled, though it was strained.

He walked to Shane and handed one of the glasses over as he looked at the photo. “That’s Emmett, and that’s Sadie.” He spoke while pointing at the other two children respectively, “That’s me and my Pappy, obviously.” He sighed through his nose, taking a sip of his scotch.

“It’s a good picture, I think maybe I’ll move it to the living room when I renovate the house.” Shane looked at Cole. He seemed strangely unbothered by being in a room that was said to be so distressing Cole couldn’t bring himself to enter it until now.

“...Are you okay?” Shane asked. Cole paused for a moment, then looked Shane in the eyes as he answered.

“Yeah.” He smiled wearily, “Yeah, I’m okay. I just– I miss him.”

“I get it.”

They both paused for a moment and Cole took the picture from Shane, rubbing his thumb delicately across the frame. “When I first got off the bus and back to the valley, I promised my Pappy I’d make him proud…” Cole’s nose scrunched and he tilted his head back as if to stop from crying. Shane felt his chest twist seeing Cole so vulnerable, he didn’t know if he was happy to see this side of him or uneasy. He settled on a mix of both.

“I like to think I have. I’ve got a good little setup out here. Some good crops, a nice farm dog, it’s only been a little over a month and I’ve already got a chicken coop, too.” He took a deep breath and looked down at the photo, setting it back on the dresser as he walked past Shane. As he reached the doorway, he took a sip of his scotch and looked back.

“And I got a good friend. He’d be awful fond of you, you know.” He smiled wistfully as he walked to the main room, the otherwise squeaky floors silent as he walked along the wood that was familiar only to him.

Shane felt his heart leap out of his chest and into his throat. He didn’t know what to make of that statement, but he knew he wanted to mitigate how it made him feel. He downed half his glass in one large gulp before following Cole to the main room.

Shane found Cole sitting on the floor in front of his bed, sipping on his glass with the bottle of scotch to the side of him.

“Sorry about all that, I get sentimental when it comes to my family.” He smiled, genuinely this time, as he patted the ground next to him. Shane sat next to him as he continued. “I wish my brother and sister were around to see the farm. I think they’d be proud, too.”

“I’m almost scared to ask why they’re not.” Shane laughed, scooting a bit away from Cole as he noticed their proximity.

“...Do you wanna hear about it? I don’t mind talking about it, but I hate for this evening to turn all sour because you dug up some old memories.”

“All my evenings are sour, may as well get a good story out of it, yeah?”

“Heh, well what about my evenings? What if you’re ruining my night?”

“You’re the one who offered to talk more about your awful past, that’s all on you.” Shane took another sip and watched Cole roll his eyes with a smile.

“Fine, fine. Where do I even start.” He sighed and rocked his head against the bed. Shane watched his eyes trail around the ceiling, his hands fidgeting with the rim of the glass. Shane found himself fascinated with the way Cole moved, the intricacies of his mannerisms.

He hated it.

“Well, my sister is a good place to start. She’s easy to talk about, didn’t have it as bad as the rest of us.” He paused to take a drink, “Momma only ever hit her, nothing more than that, but she had some older men taking advantage of her in her teen years. I think it was because she felt neglected.”

“Only hit her?” Shane interjected.

“I’m getting there.” Cole took another sip. Shane considered for a moment commenting on how fast he was drinking but decided it would be unwelcome.

“She became cruel. Distanced herself from everyone and insisted nobody in the family loved her. Which, we did of course, but none of us were real good at showing it. She had this nasty boyfriend in late high school and early college. Got her into hard drugs and she’s never been the same since then. Heard she’s a sex worker now, but we haven’t talked since my brother’s funeral.”

“...Fuck.” Shane mumbled, unsure what else to say.

Everything Cole revealed about his past was so intense and hard to process, like consecutive punches to the gut. Shane wished he could properly respond, but he was so shocked after every sentence he found he wasn't able to.

“But, my brother was never really that bad. Not cruel like my sister, at least.” Shane nodded attentively as Cole continued. “It was my mother who really ruined him. Both of us, actually. I just had my pappy and he didn’t.”

“Did she hit all of you?”

“Oh, she more than hit us.” Cole snickered, finishing off his half-full drink. Shane bit his tongue to keep from commenting on this.

Cole filled his glass again as he spoke. “But he got real depressed after he moved out. Didn’t have a support system like I did, so he was just left this– this broken shell of a man.” Cole talked with his hands, moving the bottle around as he spoke. He took a large gulp of his now full glass before continuing.

“I may have never been the same, but at least I coped. Found ways to, anyway. For him though, the nightmares and the fear and the flashbacks all just caught up to him. I tried to talk him into therapy, but he wouldn’t do it. Was too ashamed and thought it would weaken his masculinity.” Cole sighed, drinking again as he paused.

“Killed himself fifteen years ago.” He stated simply before gesturing for Shane’s glass

Shane froze, completely shocked by the casualness of the statement.

“Don’t want any more?”

“Sorry–” Shane mumbled and handed his glass over. “I just– God, what did she do to mess you both up that bad?”

“Ha, what didn’t she do?” Cole smiled grimly before handing the glass back, “Let me get a little drunker. I can talk about it then.”

Shane grimaced as Cole downed his glass, his face scrunching up as he drank.

“Phew!” He whistled, refilling his glass again. “Go on, you do the same.” Cole smiled.

Shane sighed and downed his glass, trying not to cough as the burn filled his throat. He wasn’t used to harder liquor the way it seemed Cole was. His mind swam as his body tried to process all the alcohol quickly thrown its way.

“So, my mother-” Cole started while refilling Shane’s glass, “My dad wasn’t in the picture for most of me and my brother's lives, so momma decided she had to make do some way else.”

Shane furrowed his brow, Cole snickered a bit too hard at this.

“Sorry– Funny seeing you look so confused. But she wasn’t a very moral woman, didn’t care too much about things like incest…” Shane felt a pit in his stomach creeping up. He was deeply off put but how Cole continued smiling through this.

“So first it was Emmett, that started when I was about six and he was about ten.”

“You don’t mean she–”

“Hoo yeah. She did.” Cole laughed, his eyes briefly going alert as he seemed to realize something.

“My hats been on this whole time, hasn’t it?”

Shane squinted, confused about how Cole could be thinking of his hat of all things right now. “...The hat isn’t important.”

“Well, yeah, but still!” Cole took the hat off and threw it onto the bed. Shane’s stomach churned as he properly saw Cole’s hair, now for the second time.

“Where was I?”

“Your, uhh…” Shane thought for a moment, his memory hazy, “Your mom. What she did to your brother. And you.”

“Right. Can't believe you got me talking about that. ” Cole laughed for a moment before continuing.

“Right, so–” He took a drink, “So since she didn’t have a husband and she was fine with fucking kids for whatever reason, she started molesting me and my brother. A lot.” Cole laughed again, but this time with a pained look in his eyes. Shane found it unsettling.

“So– So, Emmett calls Pappy one day and CPS gets called, and we go live on the farm until she gets better.”

“Gets better? They didn’t arrest her?” Shane asked with a little too much anger in his voice.

“Oh, no no! There was no proof of her touching her kids, but the house was enough of a hazard to get us taken away. Well, she ‘shows improvement’ and two years later the crazy bitch demands we come back with her.” Cole grimaced and took another swig.

“I begged and pleaded, ‘Pappy, please don’t make me go, she hasn’t gotten better I swear it, she never will!’” He spoke, imitating himself in a falsetto, “Well, she decided ‘one son is enough to violate! May as well leave the other alone!’ so I stayed on the farm until Emmett ran away, then I was right back there in hell the moment she couldn’t abuse him anymore!”

Cole laughed again, though it was a crazed laugh with tears pooling in his eyes. Shane found himself with the strange urge to reach out. He was too drunk to stop himself and before he knew it his hand was on Cole’s shoulder.

Cole jumped, his laughter stopping abruptly as he met Shane’s eyes, desperately his own darted around Shane's face as his smile fell. Shane said nothing, he didn’t feel he had to, and even if he did he had no clue what to say.

Cole’s face scrunched up, he tilted his face up and choked back a sob. “Sorry– I’m sorry I–”

“Stop.” Shane commanded simply. And he did, Cole stopped speaking for a good few minutes. He just breathed slow deep breaths in and out.

During this time thoughts swirled through Shane’s head like a whirlwind. He had thought his life was bad, but how could anything he’d ever gone through compare to this? His life was so much easier than Cole’s, and yet he was so much worse off. He found himself fighting off his self-pity and loathing to try his hardest to support his friend.

“Heh, it was supposed to be a fun night…” Cole mumbled, rolling his head back against the bed and rocking it to the side to face Shane.

“Just can’t help but open up around me?” Shane teased with a smile. He found the moment that he did Cole’s eyes softened tenfold.

“You didn’t hide it that time.”

“What?” Shane moved his hand from Cole's shoulder.

“You didn’t hide it. Your smile.” Shane felt a familiar nausea in his gut.

He wasn’t sure if it was the alcohol or if he’d just finally stopped being obtuse, but a terrible realization came to him at that moment.

Things lined up too well. The way his stomach churned when Cole used his name, the way his heart leaped into his throat when running into him in town or at the saloon, the way Shane found himself looking at Cole, like a piece of art meant to be admired.

He had reasoned with himself before this was all an objective admiration. Some people are just objectively kind and attractive, intimidating to be around, and Cole was one of them. But in that moment Shane knew beyond a shadow of a doubt, undeniably, what had caused him to act so strangely the last few days.

He was infatuated with Cole.

And it made him sick to his stomach.

“...Shane?” Cole waved a hand in front of Shane’s face.

“Shit–” Shane mumbled, his eyes darting around to look anywhere but Cole’s face.

“Shit what? You okay? You look spooked all of a sudden.”

“...Fine.” He swallowed, suddenly much more nauseous than before.

“You look sick. Let me grab a-” Cole mumbled as he tried to stand, but promptly found himself sitting right back down. “...I'm a lot drunker than I realized, sorry.”

“All good. I am too.” Shane lied and tried to keep his breathing under control.

“S’getting late. You gonna stay here? I hate for you to walk home in the dark drunk-”

“I’ll walk. Not as drunk as you.” Shane interjected, pushing himself to his feet with a struggle. He sighed uneasily as he picked the bottle of scotch up. He put the cap on and placed it on the kitchen table.

“Hey, what if I wanted more of that?” Cole snickered while Shane gave him a concerned look. “Kidding. Thanks, partner.”

“You gonna be okay? I can call Marnie or something if you–”

“Nah, no need. I’ll manage.” He smiled lazily, gesturing for Shane to come over.

He obliged, standing in front of Cole and taking his hand when he stuck it out. He pulled Cole to his feet, steadying him as he swayed back and forth.

“You really are a good guy, Shane. Great guy.”

“Yeah. Get some sleep, alright?” Shane deflected, walking towards the door.

“You too. Sleep hard on my tragic tale.” Cole snickered, falling onto his mattress.

“Sleep hard on something, alright.” Shane mumbled.

“What was that?” Cole asked in a teasing tone.

“Nothing. Don’t do any stupid shit tonight.”

“Far too drunk to do anything but sleep or get drunker, partner! I’ll see you tomorrow.” He sighed contentedly, waving as Shane stepped uneasily outside.

Shane closed the door to the farmhouse, speed walking the path home.

“Shit. Shit shit shit shit shit–” He mumbled as he walked home.

His mind went a thousand miles a minute despite how slow it should have been. He hadn’t had feelings for anyone in god knows how long, so why now? With the most inconvenient person in the world, too. Not only that but for another man.

Shane had never considered himself gay, not that he had anything against it, but he could never be queer himself. The more he looked back on it the more it made sense. The lack of interest in any girls in high school, his weird fascination with that one particular gridball player, all the butterflies he was just realizing were more than strange nausea.

But he could deal with it, the queerness, if it weren’t for who he found himself falling for. His one friend. His only, most certainly straight, friend. Hell, he had a wife and kids before moving back to Pelican town, there was no way he was gay.

Shane found himself stuck. It’s not like he could distance himself, Cole was his only friend. But if Cole found out, he’d surely hate him. He had no clue what to do, or how to handle the situation. But he did know one thing.

He knew how to feel better about it.

Chapter Text

Shane found himself dreading the saloon for once. His offhanded consideration of skipping the day before was sounding more and more tempting today.

Was it worth it, though? If he ignored Cole now, he’d never be able to face him. Not to mention that blowing him off the day after he’d shared something so significant was an insanely shitty thing to do. He couldn’t win, every option sounded nauseating and terrifying.

After a moment he decided he needed a day, just one, to process his emotions away from Cole. He pulled out his phone and began typing a message as he walked. Over and over he wrote, deleted, and rewrote his words in an attempt to come up with something cohesive, something that didn’t sound dismissive and rude.

In the end, he didn’t have the chance to. He looked up from his phone to see Cole in front of him, clearly gone out of his way to meet Shane on his way to the saloon.

“Howdy.” He grinned with his hands in his pockets. Shane darted his head away as quickly as possible, making what he hoped was an inconspicuous attempt at avoiding eye contact. Or avoiding looking at Cole at all.

Cole stood to the side of Shane, turning on his heel to walk alongside him. “Texting?” He asked, leaning towards Shane to get a glimpse of his phone. Quickly Shane deleted the message he was typing and leaned away, careful to make sure Cole wouldn’t touch him.

His stomach churned seeing Cole and hearing his voice. He had hoped he would at least have time to prepare before seeing him, but unfortunately, the world seemed to spite him at every turn.

“Hey, that’s me!” Cole noted by pointing at Shane’s phone before he harshly shoved it into his pocket.

“Mhm.” Shane grumbled, keeping his head down. Cole paused for a moment, leaning forward to try and get a look at Shane’s face. He stopped upon seeing Shane's distressed expression.

“...Hey.” He spoke in a concerned voice, slowing down in the hopes Shane would follow. He didn’t, if anything he started to speed up. “What’s goin’ on with you? Something happen?”

"You happened.” Shane mumbled, inaudible to Cole who caught back up to him

“We don’t have to talk about it, just tell me how I can help.” Shane wasn’t looking, but he was sure Cole had a kind smile on his face. He always did. “What were you gonna text me, anyhow?” Cole prodded. Shane refused to answer. “Alright, don’t wanna talk about that either.”

They walked silently and Shane refused to look anywhere near Cole’s face.

A question lingered in his mind through the awkward silence, why had Cole gone out of his way to walk with him? Was he fishing or something, going from a different direction this time? Shane didn’t ask, he was too scared to speak for fear he’d say something stupid, or god forbid, worsen his feelings.

Cole respected Shane’s want for silence as he knew he would. He said nothing during the entire walk to the saloon aside from occasionally whistling one of the tunes usually played inside.

After an awkward walk, they both arrived and sat in their usual spots. Being a Monday, the saloon was rather barren aside from the regulars, Gus, and Emily.

“Evenin’.” Cole greeted as he sat, nodding to Emily.

“Hi, Cole! How’s the construction going?”

“Loud.” Cole whistled, mumbling a thanks as Emily put two cold beers in front of them both.

“Are you together or separate today?” Emily asked chipperly.

“Separate-”

“Together.” Cole cut in, contradicting Shane. Finally, Shane looked at Cole. Immediately he felt nauseous.

“Separate.” He emphasized.

“Can you give us just a second, Emily?” Cole smiled, though Shane heard the subtle strain in his voice. It was a hard thing to pick up on, at least if you weren’t as close to Cole as Shane was. Again, he felt a familiar churn in his stomach.

“Sure! I need to catch up on some dishes, anyway. Just wave me over when you need me.” Emily winked at Cole before walking to the very back of the bar and running some water in the sink.

“...What the fuck was that?” Shane mumbled while looking at Emily, hardly audible.

“I’m just putting you on my tab, we do this all the time-”

“She winked. Why did she wink?”

“She was being friendly? Shane, what is going on with you?”

“Nothing.”

“Nothing? Because you’re not letting me pay for you, you've hardly looked at me, you sound the exact same as when we first met.” Cole trailed on, trying to get Shane to make eye contact with him. “Is it– Did I do something?”

“What-?” Shane’s eyes finally snapped up to Cole’s. He looked terrible, his face holding an unbefitting despaired expression. Shane’s chest twisted and pounded. As much as he wanted to say otherwise and contradict Cole, he found he couldn’t. Hell, he didn’t feel like he could say anything at all. Instead, he looked stupidly at Cole, watching as his pained face worsened by twisting in on itself.

“I knew I shouldn’t’ve fuckin-” Cole grimaced, squinting his eyes shut and shaking his head. “No, I get it. S’what I get for being vulnerable for fuckin’ once.”

“That’s not-”

“That’s not what? That’s not why? That’s not why you won’t look me in the eye today? Why you won’t hardly say a word to me except to tell me not to do something nice for you?”

“No, it’s not.” Shane insisted.

“Then why are you acting like this?”

Shane’s eyes danced over Cole’s face, trying to come up with some lame excuse, anything but the truth. Cole’s shoulders sank. With a sigh, he pushed his unopened beer back towards the far end of the bar and stood up.

“Where are you going?”

“Does it matter?” Cole snapped as he stood up. His boots clicked loudly on the floor as he made his way to the door, slamming it on the way out.

Shane flinched hard as the door slammed. He shrunk in on himself as Emily made her way back over.

“Hey…” She spoke gently, leaning against the counter to meet Shane’s eye level. “Fight?”

“Fuck off.” He snapped, his voice sounding far more fragile and wavering than he intended. She sighed tiredly, walking off as Shane buried his face in his palms.

He told himself over and over the night before that he wouldn’t let this ruin things. He promised himself he’d find a way to bury it, make sure there was no way it could surface around Cole. He realized though, no matter what he did, he would always find a way to fuck it up.

Everything he touched seemed to break in his hands, the few people who did seek him out he could only ever hurt. Why couldn’t he get better? Why could he never improve no matter how hard he tried?

And he could have nice things for a while, sure, try to nourish and take care of the few good things he was given. But they’d all come crashing down on him sooner rather than later. They always did. That was something he needed to learn.

To just stop trying.

“Here,” Emily spoke gently. Shane snapped his head up to see her placing a small personal pizza in front of him. “On the house. I don’t know what happened, but we’re here for you.” She gestured to Gus and smiled uneasily as if any wrong move would make Shane lash out at her. He would’ve if he had the energy to do so. As it were, he didn’t feel he had the energy to do anything, not even eat. All he wanted to do was drink and sleep.

“Remind me how much your bottles of Gin are?” Emily furrowed a brow, disappointed but unsurprised by Shane’s derailment of the conversation.

“...Shane, I really don’t think-”

“That wasn’t my question. How much?”

She sighed and pursed her lips, running a hand through her hair. “About $35, I think.”

Shane fished his wallet from his pocket, grabbed his card, and handed it to Emily. She frowned and hesitantly nodded, going to the back to fetch the bottle after what looked like a moment of internal conflict with herself.

Shortly she returned and handed it over to Shane along with his card. “Thanks.” He mumbled, standing up and walking out of the saloon without a further word.

The cold air was sobering, his mind felt a little clearer as he glanced at the setting sun. It occurred to him that Marnie and Jas would still be up and chatting, if he came home that was something he’d be roped into.

Quickly, he changed directions and started walking upwards towards the mountains.

Shane took a deep breath as he arrived at the base of the mountains, ascending the stairs and walking past the carpenter's shop.

He decided this was the best place to go for a number of reasons. He first considered going to the pond but thought it was too likely Cole would be there as well. He could be here too, of course, but not unless there was a train coming.

Truthfully, Shane didn’t know if one would be passing through or not, and that was part of why he made the decision to go to the train tracks.

Life was terrible, awful, and the one time he’d gotten something nice out of it he managed to throw it away. The universe seemed to hate him, so he figured if it truly hated him enough to send him an easy way out, he’d take it.

He settled onto the same bench as before, unscrewing the gin as he did. He took a long swig, relishing the burn down his throat as the warmth traveled to his stomach. He suppressed a gag and placed the bottle next to him as he settled in place.

Cole was right, he really couldn’t handle his liquor.

He sighed shakily, his body seeming to ache from the sheer mental pain of it all. His mind flip-flopped back and forth between self-preservation and suicidality as it often did.

There were reasons to live. None that served him, but reasons nonetheless. But there were far more reasons to die, he thought.

Shane didn’t think he was a selfish man, if he were he’d have kicked the bucket years ago. The only thing that truly kept him from ending it all was Jas, but what was he to her? Another fuck up? Marnie took better care of her than he ever did, hell, he thought sometimes that he hardly knew the kid from how little he saw her.

Maybe he was selfish, spending all his time drinking and working, never with his goddaughter or aunt. His death may even be a gift to Jas. Maybe she’d be young enough that it wouldn’t impact her as badly down the line. With luck she may even forget about him entirely, treating his brief role in her life like a stain that fades and washes out over time.

His impact was minimal, it’d be gone before he knew it.

His hands shook around the bottle as he picked it up and raised it to his lips once again, drinking as much as he could in one gulp without vomiting. He retched as he leaned to the side, swaying slightly.

As he placed the bottle down he heard a faint chugging noise in the distance, like steam and rails grinding through a tunnel.

It was bad to make important decisions drunk, he knew this, but this was one he’d been considering for far too long. The one thing he thought he was finally in control of, his one friendship, got swept out from under his feet. He was done, totally and unequivocally done.

He was doing this.

He pushed himself to his feet, swallowing hard as he stepped off the platform. A million thoughts rushed through his head as he stepped onto the tracks.

Was he ready to die?

He’d regret this, surely.

What about Jas?

What about Marnie?

What if his mom was right all along and he really would go to hell?

He pushed all of it out, he knew it was just anxiety. He’d been here before. Nothing was changing his mind this time. He’d stand strong through all the fear. There was nothing left for him now, even if he did back out.

The train moved closer, the lights becoming brighter and brighter the longer he stood. Finally, it emerged through the tunnel, the horn blaring without pause after seeing Shane.

He closed his eyes to accept his fate, and for a brief moment, almost too late, a memory flashed through his head.

He sat next to Cole in front of the pond, Cole grimacing as he spoke on his fears. "Sometimes you wonder if it ever gets better, if the grief ever stops. Hell, sometimes I wonder if you’re gonna die on me next."

Shane's stomach twisted when Cole said that. "Don't compare me to those people. I’m not nearly as important to you as any of them.”

“Well, you're the most important person in my life as of present. I figure that counts for something."

“Shit-!” Shane grunted, jumping out of the way narrowly as the wind bore against him.

The train horn was deafening beside him, coming to a stop only after the front had finally passed him. He breathed heavily in and out as he curled in on himself while the wind flew wildly against him. With trembling hands he gripped his jacket to steady himself, stopping as much of his fearful trembling as possible.

Clarity bore into him like a freight train as the adrenaline washed over his body. What was he thinking? How could he rip the one person left in Cole’s life away from him? How could he take Jas’s only parent away?

God, he was so fucking selfish, why did he jump out of the way? Why couldn’t he be strong enough to just let himself die?

He sat there trembling as the train finally passed him by, the loud echoey chugging disappearing down the tunnel. It took a moment for the true magnitude of the situation to set in.

This was the closest he’d ever been to dying. He’d been on the edge of cliffs before and considered intentional alcohol poisoning, but not once had he found himself in front of a train mere seconds before it hit him.

“I’m such a fuck up…” He mumbled, beginning to sob as he curled his sleeve to his face.

He felt like a failure through and through. How was he supposed to pick himself up and carry on after this? After knowing he brushed hands with death? No one would be the wiser, unless he told, of course, but that was the last thing he wanted to do. Inevitably he’d change his mind again, and he didn’t quite like the idea of being on suicide watch when that day came.

He lay there for another few minutes, getting his bearings and allowing his heart to slow back to a steady rhythm.

Finally, he stood, trudging to grab the bottle of Gin and start his way down the mountain.

The sun had set on Shane halfway through his walk home. Narrowly, he stumbled his way back to the ranch without getting lost. He walked through the door, grateful that everyone had already retired to their rooms before he got home.

As he stepped into his room he pulled his phone from his pocket and considered sending Cole a text. He needed to, but worried he was too drunk to come up with anything cohesive. But if he didn’t now, he may lose his nerve by morning. Better to say something sooner rather than later then, right?

He pulled his messages up, trying his best to type something without horribly misspelling half the words. After a while of typing and retyping, he gave up caring about any spelling mistakes. Instead, he sent whatever garbled mess he was able to manage.

He hit send and placed the phone on his bed before staring idly at the ceiling.

The crickets chirped tonight and the ranch was cool, if he weren’t so drunk he would sleep like a baby.

He hoped he’d never wake up, that something would kill him in his sleep so he wouldn’t have to do it himself.

After a moment he reached for the bottle of Gin he’d set beside his bed, still mostly full. He took a large gulp, trying to soothe and dampen his feelings. The more he tried to push it back though, the more it came to the forefront of his mind.

He missed Cole. Badly, for that matter.

He found all he wanted was to be with him at the pond, or the saloon, or even the train station. He didn’t care where or under what circumstance, he just wanted his friend. His only friend.

As if on cue his phone buzzed. Lazily he reached for it, reading over the notification he’d received. ‘We’ll talk tomorrow.’

His face scrunched as he read it, twisting into a sob. He capped the bottle and slid it under his bed, curling into the covers and clutching a spare pillow tightly to his chest.

He just wanted to sleep, wanted this nightmare of a day to be over with.

With any luck, maybe his nightmare of a life could be over soon, too.

Chapter Text

The day seemed to drag on for Cole. He’d spent the morning going out of his way to avoid Shane, making sure not to leave the farm until at least 9:00 am. After an arduously long afternoon of fishing, he made his way to the community center with a bag of crops at his side.

“Howdy.” He spoke loudly as he creaked the door open and allowed it to slam behind him. He walked to the dilapidated pantry as the floors creaked under his boots with each step.

“I wasn’t sure how good you needed the parsnips to be, so I just brought ten of my best with me and figured you could take your pick.” He spoke out loud, expecting the Junimos would hear like usual. As if on cue, one of the green creatures popped up from the box and stared expectantly at Cole.

“Here, you can take the other crops while you’re at it.” Cole opened the bag and placed it on the floor. Without any pause the Junimo hopped inside and rifled through the bag, taking six of the parsnips and the other three crops after a few moments of scrutiny.

“Glad they were good enough, I try to take good care of the soil. Makes the crops grow better.” It examined the plants for a moment before smiling with its eyes and grabbing a pouch from seemingly nowhere.

“For you!” It spoke in a warbly voice, holding the pouch up for Cole.

“Speed-gro…” Cole mumbled, taking the gift and examining it as the Junimo lazily bounced up and down. “Well, thank you, little fella. It’ll go to good use.” Cole placed fertilizer in his bag and stood up as the Junimo waved cheerfully. “Till next time. You take care, little guy.” With that, he walked outside and sighed as he considered what to do next.

According to his normal routine, he’d be going to the saloon soon. Though given yesterday he wasn’t sure that was the best course of action. He’d scared Shane off, and as much as it pained him he didn’t want to push a friendship he’d clearly ruined.

He’d gotten a text from Shane last night, but he had obviously been drunk. It wasn’t a good indicator of how he actually felt.

Cole needed a middle ground, something that let Shane know he was still interested but didn’t force him into anything.

He pulled his phone out and wrote a brief text. ‘I’ll be at the pond. If you still want to talk I’ll be there. If not, no hard feelings.’ With hesitance he hit send, his stomach dropping as he received no response after seeing the message was read.

“Whatever…” He muttered, heading home to grab some booze before going to the pond.

Cole walked to the pond with a half-empty bottle of scotch in his hand. Better to finish the old one than start a new bottle, he thought. He turned the corner expecting to be met with an empty dock as the pond came into vision.

He was surprised to see Shane there, especially as early as it was. His heart dropped into his stomach as he approached, a heavy silence in the air as he walked onto the dock and took a seat next to Shane. As he sat Shane shifted away which only worsened his fear that he’d ruined things.

A few moments of silence passed before Cole finally spoke.

“You got drunk last night.”

“I did.”

“Drunk enough to text me about your feelings.”

“What-?” Shane nearly choked, pulling out his phone to see what he read. His expression visibly relaxed as he scanned over the message. “Oh, right. That.” He winced.

“God, are you that fucking scared of telling someone you care about them?” Cole felt a knot form in his throat, he choked it back by uncapping the scotch and taking a sip. Shane stared silently at the water, his refusal to speak only made the pit in Cole's stomach worse.

“...Look, I’m sorry.” Cole sighed, “Whether you meant that text or not, clearly I messed something up here. I shouldn’t have talked about… all that.” He gestured vaguely as he spoke. “I get it if you don’t want to be around me anymore.”

“I don’t care about any of that.” Shane spoke bitterly and reached over to ask for the bottle. Cole passed it on, relaxing a bit as he did. “If you don’t care, why did you act like that?”

“What? Can I not be going through my own shit sometimes?” Shane scoffed before taking a swig.

“Just lined up real conveniently with me telling you all that.”

“It’s something else.” Shane sighed and took a breath. Cole thought he looked nauseous.

“I realized something, and I’m not gonna go into it so don’t even ask. I barely want to think about it myself so I’m sure as hell not telling you.” He grimaced, taking a few more gulps of scotch before handing the bottle back.

“Jesus- Shane, slow down.”

“I’m so goddamn stupid.” He buried his head in his hands, leaning forward and curling in on himself.

“Woah, hey.” Cole faltered for a moment, unsure how to proceed. “...You don’t have to tell me. I don’t tell you everything, either.”

Shane said nothing. Instead, he sighed shakily into his hands.

“You know, I only got mad and stormed out because I was upset with myself. You didn’t–” Cole paused and cocked his head, frustrated the words wouldn’t come to him. “It’s not you. I should’ve just figured you were having an off day or needed space. I just– I get paranoid about that stuff.”

Shane remained quiet. After a moment of uncomfortable silence, Cole continued. “I haven’t told anyone in town about any of that. Your aunt knows because of Pappy, but that’s it. And she doesn’t know the extent of it. Aside from Anna, you’re the only one I’ve ever told. She wasn’t exactly the kindest about it, either.”

“...Anna?” Shane finally spoke, rocking his head to the side to look at Cole.

“My ex-wife.” Cole’s shoulders released the tension he didn’t realize they were carrying as Shane finally spoke.

“Sounds like a shitty wife.” Shane mumbled, likely intending to go unheard.

“Most men would tell you off for saying that, but I don’t disagree.” Shane’s head shot up, confirming to Cole he meant that to be an inaudible comment.

“I didn’t– I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have said that.”

“I don’t care, I just agreed with you that she’s shitty.” Cole laughed sadly and looked down.

“...Sometimes I wonder if I’ll ever marry again. If there’s even still time.” He sighed and took a quick sip of his scotch. “All I ever wanted was to be a father, but like everything else that got taken away from me too.”

Shane sat silently, giving Cole a sad look as he sat back up. “Shit- there I go again. Talking about things I shouldn’t.”

“Stop. I already told you I don’t mind, so don’t act like you think I do.”

Cole didn’t respond to that. Instead, he deflected. “...I was so scared I had lost the one person who understood me. Could hardly sleep I was so worried I’d fucked everything up.”

"Yeah, same here.”

“Your text said as much.” Cole laughed breathily, “Seriously, how much had you had to drink?”

“A lot. More than I can usually handle.”

“Oh? You finally admit you can’t handle your liquor?”

“How do you know it was liquor?” Shane challenged impishly.

“Because I’ve seen how you can drink beer and I’d be real shocked if you became a wine man all of a sudden.”

“Really? Because I’ve actually been a wine connoisseur this whole time.”

“Yeah, you would be into that frou-frou shit, wouldn’t you?”

“Shut up.” Shane wiped his mouth to hide a laugh.

Cole found himself relaxing as they resumed their usual banter, all of his worries about the ruining of their friendship falling away. He paused for a moment, thinking as a brief silence washed over the conversation.

“So, how much did I tell you that night?”

“What?” Shane furrowed his brow.

“Well, I know I told you about my childhood, I just don’t remember all the details. I was drinking pretty hard so I could talk about it easier.”

“...Do you want me to tell you what all you said? Is that not gonna be hard on you?”

“I lived it. I can listen to someone talk about it.”

“Okay, uh,” Shane paused, rocking his head up and looking at the tops of the trees as he thought.

Cole smiled. He liked how Shane looked when he focused on something. It made him look less sad and gave him more life in his eyes, almost as if the world became a bit brighter for him even if just for a moment. It distracted Cole from the dreadful conversation topic.

“Well, you talked about your mom mostly. How she hurt you and your brother.” Shane finally spoke, the bright focus leaving his expression. Cole almost mourned its loss.

“Right. Was I specific though?”

“Yes.”

“How specific?”

“You weren’t detailed at all, but I know what she did.” Shane sighed, squeezing and releasing his fist at his side. “That woman is damn lucky she’ll never meet me.”

“What? Would you beat her up for me?” Cole snickered, Shane shot him a glare before returning to look silently at the water. “I know what you mean by it. The sentiment is appreciated, partner.” Cole smiled and adjusted his hat.

“I don’t care too much about the rest of what I said, just needed to know if I mentioned that part. If I hadn’t I wouldn’t want to bring it up thinking I had.”

“Makes sense.”

Shane paused for a moment before continuing. “I can’t imagine going through half the shit you’ve told me about.” He spoke and took a swig off the bottle. “...For what it’s worth, I’m here for you.” He mumbled, taking another drink after.

“What was that? Couldn’t hear you.” Cole teased.

“Shut up.”

“God, it’s pitiful how much you hate showing emotion.” He snickered and Shane took a brief pause.

“So, the flower dance is coming up.”

“Is it? I haven’t been paying attention to the calendars.”

“Are you going with Emily?”

“What?” Cole laughed, partially at the question and partially at how despondent Shane looked when he asked. “Why would I be going with Emily?”

“She just seems to be interested, I figured something was going on there.”

“Do you really think Emily is my type?”

“You were never really clear about what your type is.” Shane countered, a bit of an edge in his voice.

“Ohh, so that’s what this is about.” Cole smiled coyly and nudged Shane with his shoulder.

“What? No. No, absolutely not.” Shane glared.

“Hey, no shame! Glad you’re taking an interest in someone. It can be good sometimes, y’know? Give you some motivation.” Cole did his best to reassure him, but all he got from that was Shane turning his head away and grumbling something to himself.

“Whatever, think what you wanna think.”

“You’re painfully obvious, Shane.”

“You’re painfully ignorant.”

“Sure, partner.” Cole laughed and leaned back against his palms, glancing up and looking at the moon shining through the trees.

“Before I go, I just want to say that I’m glad we can make up quick. It’d be pretty hard on me to have long drawn-out fights.”

“Was less of a fight, more of both of us thinking we fucked up…" Shane hesitated, "Whatever it is we have going on here.”

“Is it that hard for you to admit we’re friends?” Cole laughed, hoping the hurt wouldn’t slip into his tone. Shane shrunk in on himself, his face twisting into a guilty grimace. Cole couldn’t help but think this was his fault for sounding so obviously wounded.

“It’s not–” He interrupted himself with a sigh, “It’s not that I have a hard time admitting I’m your friend, but it’s hard for me to believe you would want to be mine.” Cole felt his eyes soften as Shane spoke. Shane stared at the water, his expression cold and fixed.

“I like being around you, okay? You’ll get that through that thick head of yours one day.” Cole grabbed Shane’s shoulder and gave it a firm squeeze, letting his hand linger after the fact. Shane refused to look over, instead scrunching his face in what looked like an attempt not to cry.

“I gotta head home now, be up early to get some extra work done tomorrow.”

“Yeah. Right.” Shane all but whispered. Cole gave Shane’s shoulder one last squeeze before standing up.

“...You know you can call me if you ever need me, right?”

“What?” Shane finally looked up.

“You seem like you’ve been having a hard time. I’d just– I’d hate to actually lose you.” Cole paused for a moment, “Just– call me if you ever need me. Even if you think I’m busy or sleeping. If you need someone, I’ll be there.”

Shane paused, his eyes darting over Cole for a moment before he slowly nodded. “Right. Okay.”

“Good." Cole smiled, "Alright, I'll be off then.” He gave a wave before starting back for the farm, a comforting feeling washing over him as he left.

He knew tonight he’d be able to rest easy having fixed things. For once in a long time, he felt fully at peace.

Chapter Text

“Damn… She’s a beauty.” Cole stood outside of his newly built chicken coop and looked gratefully at Robin, her hair slicked back in a tidy bun with loose strands of hair pinned to her forehead with sweat.

“Thanks! I’m glad you like it. I think I did some good work here.” With pride, she crossed her arms and looked the building up and down. “So, when do you think you’ll get the birds?”

“Late today, I reckon. Shane is supposed to come over and help me bring out the chickens sometime this afternoon."

“Really? Shane?” She smiled and raised a brow, “Are you two close?”

“Yeah! We’re drinking buddies. Go to the saloon together every night. On a blue moon if I can get him out we'll go to the train station or the pond in the forest.”

“Huh. I wouldn’t expect that.”

“He’s a great guy when you get him to open up, really. Offered to help me with this the moment he found out I was gettin’ a coop built.”

“Did you promise him free beer for the labor?” Robin laughed and elbowed Cole. He found himself oddly irritated by this.

“Haha. Very funny.”

“I’m just kidding. I’m glad he’s turning a new leaf! He needed someone to pull him out of his shell.”

“Damn right, he did.”

Robin sighed and checked her phone for the time. “I should get going, I agreed to help my husband with one of his experiments today. Something about moss growth on wood.”

“Sounds fascinating!”

“It’s not.” She said in a monotone, “He’s lucky I love him enough to put up with all his science. He almost blew up our house once experimenting with his chemicals, did you know that?”

“I did not. Glad I didn’t marry a scientist.”

“Be glad you didn’t marry at all, it’s so much work!” She sighed and adjusted her bun.

Cole couldn’t help but feel a bit of a sting at this comment. It really was like it’d never happened, like that whole period of his life had just been washed away when he moved back to Pelican Town.

“Yeah, I bet it is.”

“Well, I’ll let you get to it. Good luck with your chickens today!”

“Good luck with your mad scientist husband!” Robin snickered and gave a wave before walking down the dirt path back to town. Once she was gone, Cole found himself contemplating whether or not 10 in the morning was too early to start drinking.

Well, it was too early to start drinking if Shane wasn’t here.

Before he knew it he had pulled out his phone and was already calling Shane’s number. It didn’t take long for him to pick up, his voice groggy on the other end of the line.

“What?”

“Hey, so, I know we said 12 but Robin finished up the last touches early. If you wanna come out early-”

“Yes, I can come now.” Shane interrupted snippily, “Give me like… thirty minutes. Do you need me to bring anything?”

“Oh. Uh, no. No, I’ve got it all here. I just need the chickens. I need to get the bedding set up though, I figured you’d take longer than thirty minutes.” Cole replied dumbly, a bit shocked at Shane’s borderline eagerness to help.

“Well, can you get it done by then?”

“Uh, I guess so.”

“Then I’ll see you in thirty minutes.”

Shane hung up after that, leaving Cole to sit dumbfounded on his porch.

Well, he supposed he better get started on the bedding.

When Shane arrived Cole was already outside the coop dragging a bag of chicken feed into the pen.

“You get everything finished?” Shane called as he placed a crate holding four chickens on the ground.

Cole looked back, a stupid grin on his face as he propped the bag against the building and walked to the fence.

“Hey! You said thirty, you got here in twenty.”

“I was already up.”

“You most certainly were not. I heard your voice.”

Shane mumbled something while picking the chickens back up and walking through the fence.

“It’s a real nice setup, I think the birds will love it.” Cole said while shutting the gate behind Shane.

Shane nodded along and looked at the line of crops not far from the farmhouse. “That’s a lot of strawberries.” He noted.

“They’re better than parsnips. Make a lot more money, too.”

“Mm.” Shane hummed and looked back at Cole. “You grow peppers?”

“They’re not in season yet, I plan to plant some in late May or early June. You like peppers or something?”

“Love them. I’m big on spicy food.”

“Noted.” Cole smiled and closed the fence gate.

“Thanks for coming out so early, by the way. Just didn’t wanna wait forever.”

“All good. I wasn’t busy, anyways.”

“You were sleeping, I figure that’s better than helping me wrangle chickens.”

“Hey, it’s not ‘wrangling’. That implies the chickens are putting up a fight.”

They bantered back and forth as Cole held the door to the coop open. Shane put the crate down outside before entering.

Stepping inside, the coop was rather spacious. It was longer than it was wide and on one side of the coop were four boxes built into the side of the wall. On the other were two long hardwood rods at about chest level.

“Damn. Nice setup.” Shane admired as he ran a hand along one of the roosts.

“I saved up and got hemp bedding instead of wood. It’s antibacterial, did you know that?” Shane didn’t answer, which Cole took as an invitation to continue talking. “Those roosts are hardwood, too. I didn’t wanna cheap out and get some shitty plastic that’s bad for the birds’ claws.” Cole continued while Shane silently took in the coop's infrastructure.

“I Just hope this isn’t too cramped for four of them. They lay eggs better in a more enriched environment. There isn’t too much out here, but they should have plenty of roaming and foraging space. I tried to make the pen pretty big.”

“This would be enough space for eight, let alone four. They’ll be really happy, I’m sure.” Shane smiled strangely softly, assuming Cole wouldn't see. He let his expression fall neutral before turning back around to face Cole.

“I saw that.”

“Saw what?” Shane scowled.

“You smiled.”

“I don’t know what you're talking about.”

“Sure.” Cole snickered and followed Shane as he walked back out the door. Shane approached the crate and crouched down on the balls of his feet while he worked on opening the latches.

“So, do they have names yet?”

“They do, actually. Want me to introduce you?”

“'Course.” Cole bent down with Shane and leaned to the side to get a better look at the birds.

“The brown one there is Cocoa and the white hen next to her is Sugar. The black and white speckled one is Lorraine and the red one towards the back there is Rhode.”

“Who named Rhode?”

“I did.”

“Figured. Only you would name a chicken after its breed.”

Cole snickered and looked at Shane. He had a strangely soft look in his eye, different from his usual hardened expression. He wasn’t smiling by any means, but he looked less sad.

“I’m glad they’re going to a good home.” Shane said, “I can tell how much you care about them already.”

“I love my birds, that’s for sure.” Cole groaned as he stood up, placing his hands on his hips and looking back at the house.

“Why don’t you let them out to get settled and I’ll make us some lunch?”

“You don’t need to do that, I can go home and eat.”

“No, because if you go home you’ll eat more frozen pizza. You need a decent meal for once.”

Shane’s shoulders tensed as he let the chickens out and stood back up. “I don’t need you to try to fix my health. I know I eat like shit, I’m fine with that.”

“Good lord, will you quit being stubborn and come inside?” Cole sighed and started walking towards the house. Behind him, Shane muttered under his breath while begrudgingly following along.

Cole reached the house and held the door open for Shane. After he stepped inside, Cole closed the door before walking to the kitchenette and digging through the fridge.

“I don’t have a whole lot in here, a lot of what I eat is fish I’ve caught. You big on fried catfish?”

“Jesus, how southern are you?” Shane chastised while sitting down at the small table nearby.

“Well? Do you like it or not?”

“I’ve never had it. I guess we’ll see.”

“That’s the spirit! Trying new things, good on you.”

Shane rolled his eyes and didn’t respond. Cole got to work after this, grabbing what he needed from the fridge and cabinets while getting pots and pans set up.

“I might get this piece of shit renovated soon. Add a proper kitchen, get an actual bedroom instead of living in a one-room house like the pilgrims.” Shane snickered as Cole continued talking. “I’ll have the cash by early summer, I bet. I’ve been making a lot of money from fishing and growing those strawberries.”

“Good. Glad you’re getting your shit together.” Shane said, not unkindly.

“I wouldn’t say that. Getting my finances together, but that’s about it.”

“Mm.” Shane hummed and drummed his fingers on the table. “Well, you’ve got your life together better than I do. At least you work somewhere other than a dead-end job you hate.”

“Actually, I used to work at Joja Corp before I came back to Pelican town.”

“No shit?” Shane laughed. Cole looked back from the counter and nodded.

“I was shit at it too. Did some bullshit with spreadsheets, just mindless office work. It was the best paying job I could get without a degree.” Cole sighed while dropping a newly breaded piece of fish into a pot of oil. “It was awful. Sucked the life out of me but at least my family had a place to live, you know?”

Shane hummed in agreement.

“Glad I got out of it even if the circumstances weren’t the most ideal.” Cole paused for a moment while seeming to realize something. “Sorry, do you want a beer?” Without receiving an answer he walked to the fridge and grabbed one.

“Yeah, thanks.” Shane said as the drink was being handed to him.

“So, any big plans tomorrow?” Cole chimed as he grabbed the fish with tongs and put them on paper plates. Shane paused and stared silently at the table. “I take that as a no?” Cole looked sadly at Shane, which seemed to make him uncomfortable.

“Why does it matter? Are you trying to invite me to do something?”

“Do you want me to invite you out? It’s your birthday, you should be doing whatever it is you wanna do.” Cole spoke as he put both plates down and walked back to the fridge to grab himself a beer.

“I don’t care about my birthday, it’s just a day to give people more of a reason to bother me.”

“Okay, then avoid people tomorrow. Go camping or something, spend the day in the mountains.”

“Hard pass.”

Cole snickered while taking a seat across from Shane. He cracked his drink open and took a long drink while Shane bit into the fish. He paused for a moment before chewing slowly, a glimmer almost in his eyes the more he ate.

“Jesus fucking Christ this is good.”

“Pappy’s recipe.” Cole spoke simply while digging into the food. “Your standards must be pretty low from all the frozen food, 'cause I’m a shit cook.”

“Bullshit.” Shane challenged while taking a drink.

“Bullshit, what? You having low standards or me being bad at cooking?”

“Both.”

Cole smiled while mixing an exhale and a laugh. “Nice of you to say so, partner.”

He paused for a moment before continuing. “So, you wanna be left alone for your birthday?” Shane stopped eating for a moment. Cole noticed a strangely pained look in his eye as he glanced back and forth between his food and the table.

“I mean–” He paused, “I don’t know. Just act like it’s any other day. That’s all I want.”

“I can do that.” Cole agreed while taking a sip of his beer.

“How did you know about my birthday anyway? I don’t tell anyone when it is.”

“Town calendar, buddy. Mine will be up there too when it comes around.”

“Oh, right. Forgot about that thing.” Shane sighed, “When is your birthday, anyway?”

“Why should I have to tell you mine when you hid yours?”

“Fair enough.”

“Well, I was gonna give it to you tomorrow, but I suppose I should now so we can act like tomorrow isn’t your birthday.” Shane stiffened as Cole stood up and walked over to his cabinets.

“Whatever it is, just keep it. I don’t need anything.”

“It’s not about needing something, it’s about getting something nice from the people who care about you.”

Cole wasn’t looking at Shane, but he was sure the sour face he imagined him making was accurate. It was sad, Cole thought, the way Shane handled people being kind to him. He hoped he’d get more used to affection in the future.

“Here we go!” He stood up with a box in hand. It was wrapped in Christmas wrapping paper, the edges messily pinned together with the tape only partially attached.

“Wow. Christmas came early.” Shane said flatly while the gift was placed in front of him.

“Santas a buddy of mine.”

“Clearly.”

Shane paused for a moment while looking at the gift uncomfortably. It almost seemed like he was scared to touch it.

“Go ahead.” Cole spoke with a nod. Shane sighed and ripped into the wrapping paper to reveal a cardboard box. He opened it, pulled the contents out, and held it up at eye level. His eyes softened as he looked at the bottle, then to Cole.

“...Cole, this is top shelf. Like, at least a hundred dollars.” He spoke softly as he put the scotch down.

“I’ve been making good money, I told you.”

“You didn’t need to do this.” Shane said, his voice almost accusatory. As if he’d been betrayed by this act of kindness. “Really, this is a lot.”

“Do you not like it?”

“Of course I like it. I just– Why?” He grimaced, his mouth twisting into a frown.

“Because I wanted to do something nice for you.”

Shane sighed, his eyes steeled on the bottle in front of him. “Thank you.” He all but whispered, “For this and for the food and just- All of it, I guess.”

“Don’t mention it.” Shane nodded and sighed shakily as he stood up with the bottle in hand.

“I’m gonna go back to the ranch, help out with the chickens. You can keep that crate. I’m sure you’ll need it eventually.”

“Alright. Have a safe walk, partner. I’ll see you tonight?” Shane nodded and stood up. Cole followed along and held the door open for him as he walked out.

“Cya.” Cole called as Shane walked off, all he got in reply was a wave before Shane went through the path to town.

As he closed the door Cole sighed through his nose and rocked his head back. He hoped that hadn’t been too much, especially not with someone like Shane. All he could do was wait and see.

Until then, he had a farm to tend to.

Chapter Text

Cole felt rather out of place as he walked into the flower dance. The last time he’d been to a dance was his senior prom.

Being 31 now, he felt far too old for this. At least he wouldn’t have to dance, that was one silver lining to this uncomfortable event. That and the free food.

As Cole walked into the event space, a ridiculously hard to find clearing in the forest, it seemed everyone in Pelican Town was in attendance. He awkwardly adjusted his shirt and tie while walking to the buffet. He grinned impishly as he spotted Shane at one of the bowls and quietly walked behind him.

“Howdy!"

“Jesus–!” Shane jumped and whipped around, looking like he was seconds from clocking Cole in the face.

“You’re doing it on purpose now, aren’t you?”

“In all fairness, you do spook very easily.”

“Asshole.” Shane muttered while turning back to the table.

“You look spiffy, with the suit and all.” Shane's shoulders stiffened at this.

“Every year I get closer to leaving as soon as this thing starts, and this year you’re gonna make me actually do it.”

“You’re pissier than usual.” Cole snickered while looking around the table.

“Did Pierre make that punch, too?” Shane nodded while going back to filling his plate. Cole grabbed two plastic cups and filled them both halfway. “Was hoping I’d have something that tastes better to spike, but witch’s brew works I guess…” Cole murmured while grabbing two shot-sized bottles of vodka and discreetly pouring them into both cups. Shane looked gratefully at Cole before taking his punch and chugging half it.

“Do you hate this thing that much?” Cole laughed.

“Yes.” Shane said firmly while all but slamming his cup on the table. “I only come because Jas begs me to. I don’t have the heart to tell her no.”

“Aw, that’s sweet.” Cole smiled, Shane only rolled his eyes and grabbed a pepper popper off his plate.

“I’m hoping I get out of dancing this year. I bet Emily will ask you instead of me.”

“Don’t be pessimistic, I’m sure she’ll ask you like always.”

“I’m not being pessimistic, I don’t want her to ask me.”

“Sure.” Cole winked. He was sure he could see a blood vessel poking out of Shane’s head.

“Have you ever tried actually talking to her? We’re at the saloon nearly every day, I could step back for once and let you try to chat with her.”

“I don’t know how many times I have to tell you. I’m not interested.”

“Really? Because you get strangely jealous whenever she talks to me.” Cole elbowed Shane affectionately while looking at Emily.

It was silent for a moment while Cole glanced between her and Clint. Clint stared at her like usual while Emily chatted with Gus near the river.

“If it's okay with you, I think I’ll try to set them up today. If she doesn’t ask you first obviously.” Cole said while looking back at Shane.

He didn’t respond. Instead, he stared hollowly at the ground. Cole thought he looked almost haunted by something, his face devoid of life as his finger tapped nervously against his cup.

“...Shane?”

“--What?” Shane snapped up and promptly took a large swig of his drink.

“You alright there, partner? You look like you’re somewhere else.”

“Fine.” He responded sharply.

Cole frowned and put a hand on Shane’s shoulder for a brief moment. “I know these things are hard to get through. Just a few hours and we’ll be done, okay?”

“...Sure.” Shane spoke quietly while swiping Cole’s hand away. Cole smiled hesitantly and dropped the matter for the time being.

Shane paused before speaking again. “You said you’re gonna set her up with Clint? I thought you hated Clint.”

“I do, but maybe he just needs a push in the right direction. I feel bad for the guy in a way, you know?”

“I guess.” Shane shrugged.

“And you're okay with that, right?”

“Why wouldn't I be?”

“For obvious reasons.”

“...I don't know if you're willfully ignorant or just stupid.”

“Bit of both. You're also a terrible liar.” Cole said while he grabbed a pepper popper from Shane's plate. He chewed slowly while Shane glared daggers at him.

“You know you can grab a plate and get your own?”

“Why would I do that when I can steal yours?” Shane took a deep breath while muttering something to himself. Cole snickered before noticing Emily walking up to the two of them.

“Hey, you two!”

“Mornin, Emily!”

Shane waved politely and took a sip out of Cole’s punch, giving him a sideways glare while he did. Cole noticed and ignored this.

“Damn, that’s a beautiful dress.” Cole whistled and leaned to the side to get a better look at the skirt.

“Thanks! I made it myself.” Emily smiled brightly and held the flowy garment up.

“Figured you did, you’re a damn good seamstress.”

“Aw, that’s so sweet!”

“Just paying a friend a compliment.” Cole smiled and looked at Shane who seemed less than interested in the conversation.

“So, this is your first flower dance, right?”

“Sure is. We didn’t have these when I was growing up.”

“How do you like it so far?”

“It’s dull, but the food is good. What food I’ve stolen from Shane, anyway.” Cole grinned and elbowed Shane who looked ready to punch him.

“It’s good, right? Gus and I make most of the food for these things.”

“Oh, it’s great. These pepper poppers are amazing.”

“I’m gonna check on Jas.” Shane suddenly announced. Without another word he walked off, leaving Cole and Emily alone.

“...Is he alright?” Emily frowned.

“He’s having a bad day, I think. Don’t mind him.”

“Alright then…” She said as she turned back to Cole. “Well, I figure now is a good time to ask you since he’s gone. Would you want to dance with me today?”

Cole felt his stomach drop as Emily stared expectantly at him.

“Oh! Um.” He laughed nervously while he adjusted his shirt. “I, uh, I don’t really dance.”

“That’s okay! I can show you!”

“No, seriously, I have two left feet.”

“It’s okay, Cole. The dance is super easy, even a kid could do it!”

Cole paused while trying to think of a new excuse. After a moment of this, he gave up and decided to be honest instead.

“Okay, truth is Shane has a sort of crush on you and I don’t wanna be a shitty friend here."

Emily suppressed a laugh for a moment before doubling over and leaning her head against Cole’s shoulder. “Shane? A crush on me?” She laughed, “Shane hates me! He’ll barely say a word to me!”

“He’s just bad with his feelings! He doesn’t know how to talk to people, Emily!” Cole whisper-yelled while taking a step away from her. “Look, you’re a lovely girl and under most circumstances, I’d love to dance with you. But I can’t do that to my friend while he’s already having a bad day.”

“You’re serious?”

“Yes. Absolutely.” Cole said while glancing over at Shane. They made brief eye contact before Shane quickly looked away and went back to speaking with Marnie.

“I still don’t believe you, but if you don’t want to dance that’s okay.” She sighed, a smile still on her face. “It feels awkward going to ask him now, though. You can’t ask a guy to dance and then ask his best friend right after.”

“Actually, I was going to say you should ask Clint.”

“Clint?” She quirked a brow.

“Yeah! He’s always glancing at you in the saloon, I think he might be interested.”

“Huh, I’d never really thought about him that way.” She looked over at him as he awkwardly adjusted his blue suit. “Sure! I may as well, you never know where it may go!”

“That’s the spirit!” Cole said as he gave her a firm clap on the shoulder. “Okay, well I should go check on Shane. Make sure he’s okay after walking off like that.”

"Yeah, good idea.” Emily smiled kindly, “Good talking to you, Cole! I’ll see you soon.”

“Likewise.” Cole tipped his hat before grabbing the two cups and walking to the other side of the field.

Shane stood by himself near Jas while she ran around the field with Vincent. Marnie, who was previously with him, had gone to talk to someone Cole hadn’t yet met. He made a mental note to introduce himself when he had time.

“You alright, partner?” He asked while handing Shane his cup.

“Yeah.” Shane said lazily. His tone was enough to convince Cole that he was, in fact, alright.

“Great! So I set them up while you were gone.” Cole nudged Shane and looked at Emily as she walked up to Clint.

“No shot she said yes.” Shane said while squinting at them.

“No, she was all for it, surprisingly! Had a real optimistic outlook about it.”

“Huh.”

They both watched as Emily waved and started talking to Clint. He practically fell over himself, juggling his cup cartoonishly after almost spilling it on his threadbare suit.

Shane snorted and took a drink. “Yeah, that’s going about as well as I thought it would.”

“Give him a second, he might recover.” Cole murmured.

Emily continued talking in her usual cheerful and animated manner while Clint nodded along and nervously fidgeted with his breast pocket.

“So, why'd you disappear like that before?” Cole asked, still looking at the pair. After a moment of uncomfortable silence, he looked back at Shane.

Shane sighed and stared at the cup in his hand. “I dunno, Cole. I dunno.”

“It wasn't actually about Jas, was it?” Shane stayed silent. “Was it a jealousy thing? If it bothers you when I talk to Emily–”

“Cole, please. Stop with the Emily thing. It's starting to piss me off.” Shane said sharply.

Cole stared for a moment, bewildered, before nodding and looking back at Emily and Clint. All he saw was more awkward conversation that Emily seemed to be carrying.

“Sorry, partner.” He said after a moment of silence.

“S’fine.” Shane mumbled in response. Cole hesitantly went back to watching Emily and Clint after getting Shane's forgiveness.

After a bit more stilted conversation, Clint's face turned beet red and he began nodding enthusiastically.

“Hey, I think she asked him to dance.” Cole smiled at Shane. The other man turned his head to look at Clint and Emily, stifling a laugh when he saw Clint trying not to fall over himself.

“Oh my god, that'll be so funny to watch.”

“Hey, be nice! Maybe he’s not so bad and I misjudged him.”

“You can be a good person and a shit dancer.”

“Much like yourself?”

“Shut up.” Shane hid a smile behind his cup while taking a sip. Cole smiled softly before looking back at Clint.

He was left alone now, smiling dumbly at Emily while she walked towards Gus at the buffet table.

“Thanks for doing that, by the way.” Shane said.

“Huh? Doing what?”

“Getting her to ask someone else. I really didn’t want to dance this year.”

“Oh, it's no problem, partner.” Cole paused, “You really hate dancing that much?”

“No, I hate people that much.” Cole snickered which earned him a glare from Shane.

“What?”

“Okay, Mr. Edgelord.” Shane rolled his eyes and took another drink.

They eased into a comfortable silence after a moment. Cole quickly became lost in his thoughts, specifically about Emily and Shane.

The way Shane behaved around her struck him as odd. He was jealous, but only selectively. He always seemed so on edge every time Emily had talked to Cole, uncomfortable and borderline angry at times in the saloon.

But when it came to Cole setting her up with Clint, he hadn’t reacted that way at all. It was the opposite, actually. He’d been relieved.

Cole sighed and tapped on his cup, he just couldn’t put it together. Whatever the real cause, it was something to do with Emily, he just was starting to have doubts it was infatuation like he originally thought.

“Hey, it’s starting.” He was snapped out of his head by Shane elbowing his arm and nodding at the field.

Everyone dancing had lined up in two rows, one men and one women. Towards the middle was Emily and across from her was Clint. Cole couldn’t help but notice two damp patches under his arms.

Lewis shuffled around near the fence before starting a large speaker. Loud music came and what Cole assumed was the dancing started.

The movements were strange and could hardly be considered a dance. The women rocked up and down on their heels and occasionally spun or performed some other flourish while the men slowly walked
towards them.

“...What the fuck is going on?” Cole whispered to Shane.

“Flower dance.” He replied simply while hiding a smile behind his hand. Cole smiled and rolled his eyes before looking back at the dance.

Clint marched forward slowly with the rest of the men, taking an awkward shuffling pace while avoiding eye contact with Emily. She seemed unbothered, smiling brightly while going through the dance’s
simple motions.

“See? He’s doing fi–” Cole started as Clint tripped over his untied shoelace and fell face-first on the grass.

“Ohmygod–-” Shane wheezed while turning around and leaning against the fence so no one would see him.

A collective gasp along with a few quiet ‘oof's sounded out as Emily rushed over to help Clint up. In a panic, Lewis went to stop the music. He jammed the stop button until finally, the sound came to a halt.

Emily helped Clint get back on his feet while the other dancers shared awkward looks.

Cole grimaced and sucked air through his teeth before looking back at Shane. He was doubled over on the fence, his back shaking in an attempt to hide his laughter.

“Shane!” Cole scolded in a whisper. Shane didn’t turn around or stop laughing, if anything he seemed to be laughing harder now. Cole clicked his tongue and turned back around to face the field.

Clint had been brought back to his feet and Lewis was turning the music on again. Everyone resumed dancing as before, though a few odd glances were shot at Clint here and there.

Shane took a deep breath before finally turning back around. “He's doing fine, you said?” He said breathlessly.

“Shut up.” Cole crossed his arms and huffed while Shane tried his best to avoid laughing again.

“It usually ends after this, right?”

“Yeah.” Shane confirmed, finally having regained his composure.

“Is the saloon open tonight?”

“It is, but I’m skipping today. Told Jas I’d stay home and play dolls with her.” Cole smiled softly and nudged Shane on the arm. “What?” He gave Cole a sideways look.

“You’re a good man, Shane. You’re doing right by that girl.”

Shane scoffed and looked pensively at the ground. “Sure.”

“I didn’t say you were perfect, just said you’re doing right by her. You’re getting better.” Shane rolled his eyes and mumbled something Cole couldn’t catch under his breath. As usual, he chose to ignore this.

Cole looked back at the field when the music stopped. The dancers began dispersing along with everyone else in attendance, some moving to help with decorations while others headed for the exit.

“You leaving with your folks?” Cole asked.

“Yeah, go ahead without me. I’ll see you later?”

“‘Course. Have a good one, partner.”

“You too.” Cole grinned and tipped his hat before striding away from the festival and into the forest.

His mind wandered as he walked through the trees towards the south entrance to the farm.

He felt bad for what happened to Clint today seeing as he inadvertently set him up for failure and all. Moreso though, he was thinking about Shane, trying to figure out what made him tick around Emily.

He couldn’t find a common denominator. It wasn’t romance since he was fine with setting her up with Clint, but Cole had no other ideas for what it could be.

Well, best not to dwell on it, he thought. He’d focus on his work for now and in time it would come to him.

Chapter Text

Shane couldn’t lie, it had been a shit few weeks. He thought he’d done well enough at hiding it, but since that night at the train station, he’d been slowly declining.

The rest of his god-awful life he could handle. He could spend weeks on end working a dead-end job for shit pay that sucked the soul out of him and still be fine. His self-loathing and hate for himself? Great, a walk in the park. Drown that sorrow in a case of beer and he’d be alright for the next few days. But having to come to terms with the fact that he was in love with his best friend, another man for that matter, all while trying to precariously balance a friendship while keeping his feelings at bay? The weight of it was starting to catch up with him, and fast.

Oftentimes he’d find himself wishing he’d stayed in front of that damn train. Being dead couldn’t be much worse than his current situation. In fact, he thought it sounded peaceful in comparison.

He stood in front of the saloon doors and took a deep breath before swinging them open and stepping inside.

“There he is!” Cole called out with a glass in his hand. Much to his horror, Shane felt his chest warm.

“Hey.” He spoke flatly while taking a seat at the barstool next to Cole’s, “What’re you drinking?”

“Old fashioned. I need more than a beer today.” He sighed heavily, “First day of the season is always so busy. Gotta buy the seeds, till the land, place fertilizer, and get everything set up properly on top of all the other daily chores. By the time I’m done with it all it’s nearly 5 pm.”

“When do you start?”

“6 am.”

“Jesus.” Shane tapped his fingers on the counter before making eye contact with Gus.

“Your usual?” He called from across the bar.

“Nah, gimme what you gave him.” Shane pointed at Cole. Gus smiled and nodded while going to mix the drink.

“Hey, guess what I planted a bunch of?” Cole asked.

“What?”

“Red peppers.” He grinned widely. Shane tried to keep the affection he felt from leaking onto his face.

Cole remembered.

“Nice.” He gave a small smile while grabbing the drink Gus placed in front of him. As he walked away Shane gave a quick "Thanks."

“I’d plant more, but they’re not the greatest for money. I mostly plant blueberries. Good profit margin.” Shane nodded and chugged half his drink. “...You alright?” Cole smiled concernedly after watching Shane drink.

Alright? Absolutely. Shane was alright going through every night like this. He was completely and perfectly fine trying to drown his feelings in a bottle while every day they got stronger and stronger.
He loved it, actually, spending every day so goddamn miserable hiding this soul-crushing secret.

“Yeah.” He answered.

“You have a long day, too?” Cole asked with a sigh.

“You could say that.”

“Don’t I get it, partner.” Cole smiled sympathetically and finished off his drink. “Summer was always Pappy's favorite season. Mine, too.”

“Mm.” Shane hummed to show he was listening.

“We got to pick fresh fruit off of the farm and eat it right off the vine. Delicious berries out in the forest too. If there wasn’t much work to do we’d go down to the beach and spend all day there.”

“Sounds exhausting.”

“Not when you’re a kid. Some of my happiest memories are during the Summer.” Shane nodded and took another sip, looking at Cole a little too intently as he spoke. “But anyway, how was your day?”

Shane paused for a moment, trying to decide between opening up or holding this awkward small talk. Nothing interesting had happened for him to talk about today. Like usual he woke up, wished he hadn’t, and got himself through work with the promise of seeing Cole at the end of the night.

“It was fine.” He settled on saying.

“Oh, hey! I saw it’s Jas’ birthday next week. Would it be alright if I got her something, or would that be out of line? I know I don’t know the kid super well, but family friends, and all.”

Shane felt his heart soar and for a moment he was sure his face gave him away. If it did though, Cole said nothing of it.

“We’re holding a little party for her at the ranch. Nothing big. Just me, her, and Marnie. If she doesn’t mind, you can come if you want.”

“Yeah, I’d love to! Would give me a chance to catch up with Marnie, anyhow.” Cole continued talking, but Shane wasn’t paying attention.

He stared in awe at Cole, admiring the way he spoke and carried himself. His kind brown eyes, his stupid hat he insisted on wearing everywhere, the way his tongue hit his teeth when he spoke. Shane was mesmerized.

He needed more alcohol.

He nodded at Gus for another drink while trying to tune back into what Cole was saying. “Does she like dolls? Most little girls like dolls, right?”

“Loves them.” Shane said, grateful he caught the question. “How’re the chickens, by the way?”

“Oh, they’re great! Jack has been wonderful too. Took to guarding them real fast.”

“Glad to hear.” He said, a bit of warmth slipping into his voice by mistake.

Gus walked back to Shane, placing his drink in front of him. “Thanks.”

“Oh, Gus, mind getting me another as well?”

“On it!” He smiled warmly at Cole before going to make the other drink.

“Thought you weren’t much of a liquor man?” Cole said in a teasing tone.

“Well, maybe I’m tired of you giving me shit about it.” Shane chided, “Plus I'm getting sick of beer. Doesn’t cut it like it used to.”

Cole frowned. “What do you mean, partner?”

Shane fought everything in him not to spill everything to Cole. To not tell him how much worse he’d been getting, to not tell him he’d almost killed himself, to not tell him how his feelings were eating him from the inside out.

“Nothing,” He sighed, “Forget it.”

“...Shane, if you ever need to talk I’m-”

“Forget it.” He snipped. Cole grimaced and looked wounded, though he said nothing. Shane felt a pit in his stomach seeing that look on Cole’s face. “Sorry.” He quickly tacked on.

“I just worry about you. You know you can talk to me, right?”

“Sure.” Cole frowned and looked at Gus as he placed Cole’s drink down. He gave a quiet "Thanks." before turning his attention back to Shane.

Shane stared silently at his drink, not sure what to say.

“Sorry.” He finally said.

“For?”

“Just- All of it. Being the way I am.”

“Hey, you’ve seen how I am too, partner.” Cole sighed and leaned against the counter, “But we got each other, right? We’re in this as a team, you and me.”

Shane looked back at Cole and met his eyes. Soft and crinkled with a gentle smile on his lips. It made Shane nauseous.

He couldn’t take it, he couldn’t take how softly Cole spoke and looked at him. He didn’t deserve it, the last thing he deserved was this kind of kindness when he’d been nothing but awful to Cole. He bit the inside of his cheek and chugged half of his drink, the burn down his throat helping to ground him.

“I should go.” Shane said as he stared at the grain of the counter.

“I don’t want you by yourself tonight. We can leave, but I’m going with you.”

“I’m fine, Cole. You don’t have to watch over me like a child.”

“I’m not ‘watching over you’. I’m just going to spend time with my buddy.”

Shane finished off his drink and stood up with Cole following behind. He knew better than to try and shoo Cole away, he’d only follow anyway. “Fine, let’s go.”

Cole smiled, seemingly surprised Shane let up so easily this time. He waved goodbye to Gus and Emily as he followed Shane out the doors and onto the streets of Pelican town.

It was hot this evening, even for the summer. It almost made Shane want to take his jacket off for once.

Almost.

“Where’re we goin’ today?” Cole asked.

Shane paused for a moment to think. “You were talking about the beach, wanna go to the docks?”

“Yeah! Why not?”

They walked south in silence for a moment until Cole spoke up. “So, there was this time when I was little. Pappy had brought me, Sadie, and Emmett, down to the beach for the day.”

Shane recognized what this was. Whenever Cole noticed Shane was having a particularly bad day he would just talk. Tell stories, talk about the farm or something funny Jack had done, rant about something he was passionate about, just talk to fill the space so Shane didn’t have to. It was something he was grateful for, another thing he loved about Cole.

“It was early summer, probably the same time of year as right now, and Sadie had found the most beautiful rainbow shell. I mean this shiny iridescent spiraling shell in all sorts of colors.”

“Mhm.” Shane affirmed he was listening as they crossed the bridge and stepped onto the beach.

“Well, the three of us fought like hell over who would get to keep it. Sadie obviously should have in hindsight, she was the one who found it, but we were selfish kids and all thought we should be the one to keep it.” Cole adjusted his hat as he walked through the sand.

“Pappy told us if we couldn’t settle on who got the shell, he was gonna throw it back into the ocean where it came from. Obviously, we all thought he was fibbin’. Well, after about ten more minutes of us bickering, he took the shell from Sadie and lobbed it hard as he could into the ocean.” Cole snickered, a sound Shane thought sounded a bit like a rattlesnake. “Lots of tears and yelling between the three of us, but I’ll tell you what, we didn’t fight like that over nothing after he did that.”

“You know, for how close you were, you don’t tell me many stories about your pappy.” Shane commented as he took a seat on the edge of the dock. Cole took a seat next to him, his straight posture contrasting Shane’s hunched way of sitting.

“I just feel like it’d be a mood killer. I have some funny ones, but most of my memories as a kid are kinda sad.”

“I get it.” Shane hummed, “I don’t think it’d be a mood killer, though.”

“It’s something to talk about at least, just let me try to think of a happy memory.” Cole rocked back against his palms and looked out at the sea.

Shane found it a bit odd it took so much effort to think of a happy memory of such a great man, but he chose not to comment. Cole stayed silent for a moment, staring calmly into the water before taking a deep breath and speaking.

“This isn’t really a specific memory so much as a collection of memories, but every Sunday Pappy would get a small group together in the community center for a little church service.” Shane nodded.

"Wasn’t so much a service as much as a group of people popcorn reading and praying with each other, but it was a sense of community, you know? Anyway, he always had me come along with him. Said it was important for me to become a godly man, especially after what happened to me.” Cole bit his cheek and tapped his hands along the dock.

“Sometimes I wonder if I live up to his expectations. I may not be much of a praying man, but I’ve tried to turn into the kind of person he wanted me to be.”

“You’re not religious?”

“Nah, never found it in me.”

Shane hummed and nodded. “Me neither.”

“It just doesn’t make sense, you know? For a loving and just god to be in control of it all and let people like my mother go free.”

Shane tensed a bit, shocked that Cole brought his mom up. He’d only done that once or twice, and both of those times he was fairly drunk. Right now he seemed mostly sober though, level-headed.

Cole glanced over at Shane and frowned when he saw his tensed shoulders. “Sorry, uncomfortable thing to talk about, I know.”

“No, no. I don’t mind. Just shocked you’d bring her up, is all.”

“Mm.”

A pause lingered in the air for a moment until Shane spoke again. “Was he your mom’s dad or your dad’s dad?”

“Mom’s dad. Sometimes I wonder how a man like him raised a woman like her.”

“Sometimes people are just naturally fucked up.”

Cole nodded. “Pappy hated her the whole time I was growing up. Called her a failure of a daughter, all sorts of things. I think he may have hated her before me and my siblings were even born.”

“Maybe she was a shitty teenager.”

“He always says– Said, sorry– she was.”

Shane’s heart broke for a moment. It dawned on him how recently Cole had lost his grandfather, just how fresh the wound was. He remembered going through that when his best friends died. It was torture, especially with no one to confide in.

He wanted to be there for Cole the best he could, even if he was shit at it.

Without thinking he reached over and squeezed Cole’s arm. Cole’s eyes softened, his mouth forming a bitter smile. As Shane realized what he’d done and started to pull away, Cole brought his hand to Shane’s and gave it a brief squeeze. He put Shane’s hand back on the dock next to his after, leaving a healthy distance between them.

Shane wanted to throw up. He wanted to run from how that made him feel, get as far away from Cole as possible before he did one more thing to make Shane fall even harder.

He couldn’t though, he knew he couldn’t, not when Cole was being vulnerable. Instead, he sighed and swallowed the butterflies in his throat before reassuring Cole.

“I know I’ve never met the guy or anything, but I know how much he meant to you. And I’m sure he’d be proud.”

“Heh, I doubt it sometimes.” Cole laughed and Shane noticed his eyes watering. “He never thought men should show their feelings. I always was a cryer. Got in a lot of trouble for that.”

“You got in trouble for crying?” Shane frowned.

“Oh, all the time. One summer it was particularly rough, right after Emmett and Sadie left. I cried every day, I missed them so bad.” He sighed and laughed weakly. “Had to wear pants instead of shorts a lot that summer.”

“What? Why?” The gears turned in Shane’s mind, but he didn’t like where they were headed.

“Pappy preferred willow branches to belts. Hurts more and teaches a lesson better. Only downside was the bruising.” Cole sighed, “I learned my lesson, though. Stopped crying around Pappy, got better about hiding my feelings when I needed to.”

Shane felt nauseous again. Had there been anyone good in Cole’s life growing up? Even just one person who didn’t hurt him?

“...Cole.”

“What?” He asked, confused.

“That was abuse.” Shane spoke softly, much softer than he intended. He cursed himself for it as the words left his mouth.

Cole laughed before looking at Shane. “Abuse? No, my mother was abusive. Pappy was just teaching us a lesson.”

“But they both beat you.”

“Mother beat me, Pappy never used his hands.” Shane looked over Cole’s face, trying to figure out what to say. He couldn’t come up with anything before Cole started speaking again.

“Look, I know it sounds bad, okay? It was a different time though, he came from a generation where that was how you disciplined your kids. I’m lucky he cared enough to even try raising me.” Shane sat at a loss for words. Again, Cole filled the silence.

“Don’t think that he was a bad man just because he made some mistakes, okay? He was good. At his core he was good and all he wanted was the best for us. For me.” Slowly, Shane nodded. Cole sighed and rocked his head down to stare at his feet draping off the dock.

“I miss him every day, partner. I try not to cry for him, but it’s so hard.” He started, his voice breaking. “I wanna talk to him, tell him about the crops and the chickens, ask for advice about the farm.” He paused for a second, his voice getting quieter and wavering. “Tell him about you.”

Cole laughed, his face scrunching up as he did. “It’ll sound weird, but sometimes you remind me of each other. He was closed off like you. Hated showing his emotions to people. He was witty and funny like you are too. You always make me laugh the same way he did.”

Shane’s heart broke listening to Cole talk. He didn’t know what to do, what can you even say to help someone with hurt like that? Cole sniffled before breaking out into a sob. He buried his face in his hands, his voice muffled as he cried.

“I-I’m sorry– You were having a bad day and now you have to deal with my issues on top of it. I just– It’s been so hard, Shane. I don’t know what to do without him.” He sobbed again, his back shaking as he cried into his hands.

Shane didn’t think he could handle it, seeing Cole so upset. Someone as wonderful as him shouldn’t have to go through this level of pain, he shouldn’t have had to go through any of his shitty life. He didn’t know what to say, but he knew from experience one of the few things he could do that helped Cole was touch.

Before he could give it any more thought he lunged at Cole, grabbing him and pulling him into a bear hug.

Cole sobbed much harder than before, removing his hands from his face and clinging to the back of Shane’s jacket. He buried his face in Shane’s shoulder while Shane removed his hat to keep it from poking his face.

“I’m sorry– I’m so sorry-”

“Stop. Don’t apologize.” Shane whispered, putting Cole’s hat next to him on the dock.

Cole kept crying and mumbling out apologies through sobs, his words losing cohesion the harder he cried.

It was obvious how badly he needed this, he acted like he hadn’t let himself process this grief since his grandfather died. Hell, Shane couldn’t imagine he had after everything he just told him.

Shane did his best to push his feelings and hate for himself to the back of his mind. Did this feel nice? Absolutely, more than nice actually, and he’d berate himself for it later. Right now though, he needed to ignore that.

He wished more than anything he could just turn his head off for a minute, forget all of his feelings and just be there for his friend without feeling so guilty.

After a few minutes, Cole’s crying slowed.

“You didn’t have to do that.” He mumbled into Shane’s neck. Shane desperately tried to suffocate the shiver it sent down his spine.

“I know I didn’t. I wanted to.”

“I’m really sorry.”

“I already told you to stop apologizing.”

“You have to think I’m the most pathetic man you’ve ever met.” He said with a mix between a laugh and a sob.

“Are you fucking kidding? Cole, you’ve gone through more than anyone I’ve ever met and you’re still fighting. How could I ever think you’re pathetic?”

Cole squeezed the back of Shane’s hoodie and took a deep breath. After a moment he pulled away while rubbing at his eyes and grabbing his hat. Shane immediately felt like he’d lost something, he hadn’t realized how much he enjoyed that until it was over. Good, he should be glad it’s over, now he doesn’t have to think about how good it made him feel.

Cole sniffled and held his head up high, smiling shakily at Shane. His face was blotchy and red with the tip of his nose tinted pink, his eyes still glossed over with tears. Shane awkwardly smiled back, hoping the love he felt wouldn’t leak onto his face.

He coughed after a moment, turning his attention to the sun dipping into the ocean. “Sorry, I uh, got carried away I guess. Didn’t know how else to help.”

“S’fine. It did help.” He paused, “...It was nice.”

Nice.

Shane bit the inside of his mouth and briefly considered throwing himself into the sea so he wouldn’t have to deal with whatever feeling that gave him.

“...Feel better?”

“Yeah. Yeah, a lot better.” Cole sighed shakily and stared off at the sun, the same golden glow cast across his face as that day at the train station. Shane wished he could be as ignorant now as he was then.

Cole paused for a moment before speaking again. “I should go home so I can get to bed early. Had a long day today and I’ve got another tomorrow.”

“Are you actually going to bed, or are you gonna drink by yourself to try and deal with your problems?”

“Aren’t I the one who’s supposed to worry about you?”

“Can it not be mutual?”

Cole snickered and pushed himself to his feet, offering Shane a hand once he stood up. “It can, I just didn’t expect it to be.”

Shane felt his heart shatter at that. Had he really been that cruel to Cole in the beginning? He regretted it, every day he regretted being just another shitty person in Cole’s already shitty life. At least he could make up for it now in the few ways he knew how.

He took Cole’s hand and pulled himself up. As soon as he was on his feet Cole quickly wrapped his arms around him, squeezing around his chest as Shane hesitantly hugged him back.

“Thank you.” Cole whispered.

This thing was going to kill him. These feelings were going to eat him from the inside out until there was nothing left.

But at this point, Shane wasn’t sure he cared anymore. He’d do anything to see Cole happier, even if that meant torturing himself like this.

He sighed and squeezed Cole, burying his head in his shoulder.

“Yeah… Anytime.”

Chapter Text

Shane stepped down from the step ladder and looked at the streamers he had strung up through the kitchen. “Look okay to you?” He smiled down at Jas.

She bounced up and down while nodding with her hands held at her chest. “I love it, Uncle Shane!”

“I’m glad you like it, kid.” He smiled and ruffled her hair as she giggled and ran to sit at the kitchen table.

“Can we frost the cake yet, Aunt Marnie?”

“Almost!” Marnie said as she rummaged through kitchen drawers, “I’m sure by the time I find these sprinkles it’ll be ready.” Jas squealed excitedly and kicked her legs under the table.

“You know, we could’ve gotten a cake from Jojamart.” Shane said.

“But it wouldn’t have been special!” Jas insisted as he picked up the cake and moved it to the table, “And Aunt Marnie’s cake is better than the one at the store anyway!”

“That I agree with.” Shane mumbled as he placed the cake down. Marnie made an appeased noise as she found and grabbed a few different sprinkles.

On her way to the table, she picked up the bowl of frosting and a spatula. “Here we go, all ready!” She put all the decorative items down and sat in the chair across from Shane.

“Yay!” Jas beamed as she dipped the spatula into the white frosting, lifting a glob and slapping it onto the cake with a ‘plop’ noise. She stuck her tongue out while carefully spreading the frosting into a thin layer on top of the cake.

“You said Cole was coming, right Shane?” Marnie asked from across the table.

“Yeah, I told him at 5:00. He’s usually on time for things so he should be here soon.”

“Good, it’s been a while since we’ve been able to catch up.” She paused for a moment, “Is Jack doing good?”

“Oh, yeah. He loves it out there with the chickens. They’re doing good too, by the way. He’s taking really good care of them.”

“That’s such a relief.” Marnie sighed with a smile, “I knew he would, but it’s reassuring to hear it.”

“Is that where Cocoa and Sugar went?” Jas asked suddenly while grabbing the sprinkles.

“Yeah, did we not tell you that?” Shane asked.

“I knew you sold them, but I didn’t know it was to Mr. Cole.” She hummed happily while shaking pink sprinkles over the poorly frosted cake. “I’m glad he bought the chickens. That way I can still see them!” She paused thoughtfully, “And I can see his doggy! What breed is he?”

“He’s a golden retriever. His fur is pretty dirty though, I don’t know if you’d wanna pet him.”

“That’s okay, I can just wash my hands.” She smiled and went back to her cake, finishing off with some rainbow sprinkles before throwing her hands up. “All done!”

“Looks great, Jas. Very pretty.” Shane smiled and gave her shoulder a squeeze. She giggled and turned to look at the front door as it clicked open.

“Howdy!” Cole stepped into view and gave a brief wave before shutting the door behind him.

“Hi, Mr. Cole!” He stepped into the kitchen with a present wrapped in purple paper tucked under his arm.

“If it isn’t the birthday girl! You feel any older yet?”

“Not really, hehe.”

“Eh, nobody ever does.” He grinned and placed the gift on the floor next to Shane’s chair. “And who decorated that cake, it looks amazing! Was it your Aunt Marnie?” Cole spoke in a softer tone, the one Shane noticed he used with animals and children.

“No, I did!” Jas beamed.

“You did?! I never would’ve guessed! It looks like a professional made this.”

Shane tried to hide a smile as Cole talked to Jas some more. He had a way with kids that Shane didn’t. It was something he admired about Cole.

Shane listened as Jas chatted away, changing the subject to one of her cartoons. Cole nodded along and asked questions when appropriate. It was clear he had no clue what she was talking about, but made an effort to listen anyway.

After a few minutes, Marnie interjected, “Jas, do you want to play a game since Mr. Cole is here?” Jas looked at Marnie and nodded excitedly. “Okay, I’ll put the cake on the counter while you grab one.” Marnie smiled kindly and stood up with the cake.

Jas got up from her seat and ran to the cabinet on the far side of the room, rummaging through it.

“I made an educated guess with her present. Hope she likes it.” Cole mumbled to Shane.

“I’m sure she will. She’ll like anything as long as there's thought behind it.”

“I should be in the clear, then.” He paused for a moment, “Since I’m here, do I finally get to meet those chickens later?” Shane felt his chest swell and desperately attempted to push the feeling down.

“Yeah, sure.” He said with forced casualty.

Marnie and Jas both returned to the table, Marnie with an extra chair that she placed on the long end of the table next to Jas and adjacent to Shane.

“Oh! Thank you, Marnie. Could’ve grabbed it myself.” Cole said as he took a seat.

“It’s no trouble, really.”

Jas put a big red box on the table. On the top in yellow lettering, it read ‘Catan’.

“Good pick! I played this all the time when I was your age.” Cole said as he helped take the game out of the box.

“It’s my favorite!” She said proudly.

“You played Catan as a kid?” Shane asked.

“And I was dang good at it too.”

“He was.” Marnie confirmed with a laugh.

Jas and Cole set up the board together with Marnie and Shane organizing pieces and placing them in piles. Cole and Jas flipped the number pieces over and examined the board.

“Good board.” Cole said with a nod.

Jas looked over the numbers with a serious face before handing everyone their pieces.

“Okay! I’m ready.” Jas said as she handed the dice to Marnie. One by one everyone rolled and placed their first pieces to start the game off.

An hour of playing later Jas and Cole were in the lead, both with 8 points.

Throughout the game, it was obvious Cole had been throwing and allowing Jas to take the lead. He’d been generous with his trades and fumbled a few moves that even Shane thought were obvious. Marnie was close in third with Shane falling behind to fourth.

Jas rolled the dice. They landed on an 8, giving her the last resource she needed to build another road.

“That’s game.” Cole smiled at her while handing over the longest road card.

“I won!” She smiled excitedly while looking back and forth at everyone at the table.

“Sure did, kiddo.” Shane smiled at her while getting all the pieces organized.

After putting the game back in the box and stashing it away in the cupboard, Marnie grabbed the cake from the counter and brought it back to the table.

“Are you ready for cake, Jas?”

“Yes please!” She bounced in her seat as Marnie put a candle with the number 8 on the cake and lit it.

“Make a wish!” Marnie said gently. Jas closed her eyes for a moment before blowing the candle out.

“What did you wish for?” Shane asked.

“I can’t tell you! That ruins the magic!”

“Common sense, Shane.” Cole chastised playfully. Shane hid a grin behind his hand and rolled his eyes.

“How big of a slice do you want?” Marnie asked while cutting into the cake.

“A big one!” Jas said while demonstrating the size with her hands. Marnie complied and cut a large slice out before putting it on a paper plate. She placed the plate in front of Jas along with a plastic fork. Jas dug into the cake with a smile on her face as Marnie cut out slices for everyone else.

“Thank you, Marnie.” Cole said gratefully as his slice was placed in front of him. “Been years since I’ve had your cake.”

“Since your 13th birthday.” She confirmed with a kind smile.

“Mr. Cole?” Jas started, “Why did you move away from Pelican Town when you were a kid? And why did you move back?” She asked with curiosity in her eyes.

Everyone at the table tensed, Cole stared at his plate for a moment in thought. After a moment of silence, Marnie broke the quiet.

“Jas, I’m not sure Mr. Cole-”

“No, no, it’s okay.” He smiled, “It was for a lot of reasons, but I lived with my Pappy when I was young. I had to move back with my momma. That’s why I left.” Jas nodded along.

“I moved back because my Pappy left me the deed to his land. Do you know what a deed is?” She shook her head. “A deed is something you give to someone to show they own something. So if your Aunt Marnie moved and wanted to give you this house one day, she would give you a deed to the property. Make sense?”

“Yeah! So your pappy gave you his house?”

“And the farm. So I moved back to Pelican Town so I could be a farmer!”

“Okay!” She smiled, satisfied with his answer.

Shane looked softly at Cole. How could he explain such a terrible thing to a child so simply? Taking the bare bones of his miserable life and putting it in simple, happy, terms for Jas to understand.

It was amazing how good he was with her, all day he’d been nothing but kind and understanding. If Shane wasn’t struggling with his feelings before, he sure as hell was now.

Cole met Shane’s eyes and gave a sad, knowing smile. Shane’s heart dropped into his stomach, a familiar nausea settling in his gut.

“It’s delicious, Marnie.” Cole said cheerfully.

“I’m glad you like it.”

After a moment, Jas pushed her plate forward. “I’m all done! Can we do presents, Aunt Marnie?”

“Of course! Let me grab them.” Marnie stood and walked into the other room, returning shortly after with two wrapped gifts. Cole reached from under the table and put his on the table as well.

Jas squealed excitedly as she tore into one of the boxes.

“That one’s from me.” Marnie said.

Inside the box was a sparkly purple dress similar to the style she often wore. Her eyes lit up as she held the dress up to admire it.

“Wow… It’s so pretty, Aunt Marnie!”

“Now that one is more fancy, so don’t go playing in the dirt in it!”

“I won’t! I’ll only ever wear it inside, promise!” She hugged the dress with her eyes squeezed shut before placing it carefully to the side and grabbing the next box.

Shane recognized it as his and spoke while she opened it. “It’s not much, but I hope you like it.”

“Ooou, dolly furniture!” She beamed as she held the box up.

“It’s got some fake food in there too. I heard you talking about needing some.”

“I did! Thank you, Uncle Shane!” He smiled faintly and reached over to give her a pat on the shoulder.

“Last ones mine.” Cole said as Jas tore into the box. She gasped and looked at Cole with wide eyes when the present was revealed.

“A princess Twyla doll?!”

“She’s your favorite, right?”

“Yeah!!”

Shane looked at Cole who had a contented smile on his face. How did he know that? Did he just listen to Jas that well when she spoke?

“Thank you so much, Mr. Cole! I love her!!” She looked from Cole to Shane. “And I get new furniture to play with too!”

“Sure do, kiddo.”

She bounced up and down excitedly as Marnie got up to grab scissors.

She came back, took the boxes from Jas, and opened them up. Jas smiled happily as she flipped her new doll around to get a better look.

“Aunt Marnie, is it okay if I go play with my new toys?”

“Go ahead, Jas. We’ll start cleaning up while you do.” Jas squealed excitedly and got up from her seat with all her toys in hand.

“Thank you so much for the doll, Mr. Cole! I love her so so much!”

Cole laughed and stood up from his seat. “You’re welcome, Jas.”

She smiled one last time before running off to her room and closing the door behind her.

“‘Educated guess’ my ass.” Shane said, “That’s probably the best gift she’s gotten in a while.”

“I’m good with kids. You just gotta listen to them.” Cole said as he picked up the empty plates and brought them to the trash.

“I can tell.” Shane smiled as he turned around and reached up to tear the streamers down. He tuned out Marnie and Cole’s conversation as he methodically removed the decorations and threw them to the floor.

His feelings for Cole seemed to be getting worse day by day. He thought he could suppress it, just ignore things until they went away or became easier to deal with. After today though, he wasn’t sure he would be able to. Not after Cole had been so damn good to Jas.

He needed to think about this more, how to deal with this, but it was hard to handle a situation you could hardly accept.

“Right, Shane?” Cole asked. Shane’s head shot over, his thoughts suddenly interrupted.

“What?”

Cole started to repeat his sentence, but his face fell after a moment. “You alright partner? You look a little flushed.”

“Fine.” Shane said quickly. Cole gave Shane his ‘we’ll talk about it later’ look before continuing.

“I was telling Marnie about Clint. How he’s always staring at Emily all creepy like at the saloon.”

“Oh, yeah.” Shane nodded at Marnie as he collected all of the torn-down streamers, “You saw him at the flower dance. It’s bad.”

“I did. I felt so bad for him…” Marnie said with a frown.

“I did my best to help him. Some people are hopeless, I guess.” Cole said.

“You got me out of dancing for a year, at least.”

“That I did.”

Shane looked around for any more decorations, but it seemed everything had been put away.

Cole put his hands on his hips and looked towards the back door. “Coop through there?” He asked.

“Yeah, you wanna meet the chickens?”

“That alright with you, Marnie?”

Marnie looked over as she placed the leftover cake in a container to be put in the fridge. “Oh, of course! You’re always welcome around our animals, Cole.”

“Lead the way, then.” Cole smiled at Shane. He did his best to push the swelling in his chest down as he walked to the back door and into the coop.

Shane looked around at the familiar coop, pointing out chickens while Cole moved to stand beside him.

“Those two on the roost are Betty and Judy. Over there is Lauren. Next to her is Steve.”

“Steve?” Cole gave a lopsided smile.

“Jas thought he was a rooster. We corrected her, but she insisted on Steve.”

“Kids.” Cole laughed and glanced down as a chicken waddled up to Shane’s feet.

“And this one is Charlie.” He smiled warmly as he crouched down and picked the white hen up. She closed her eyes and nestled into his arms as he stood back up to show Cole.

“She’s my chicken. I mean, they’re all my chickens, but Charlie is my chicken.” Cole looked between Shane and Charlie with a funny grin.

“What? Is there something on my face?”

“Yeah. A smile.” Cole said, “Not one I’ve ever seen before.”

Shane’s eyes widened as he looked away, turning to the side and looking back at the chickens. “I just love my hens.” He muttered.

“Clearly.” Cole snickered and placed an arm around Shane’s shoulder.

Shane tensed up, startling Charlie who jumped out of his arms.

“Shit– Sorry-” Cole said as he took a step away, grimacing as he glanced at the floor. “I don’t– I don’t know why I did that.”

“...It’s fine.” Shane said, tension in his voice.

“Really, I’m sorry. Won’t happen again.”

“Cole.” Shane said as he finally looked back at him, “You’re good. Promise.”

The tension in Cole’s face dissipated as he said that, his grimace returning to a relaxed smile. “...Thanks.”

They left it at that, sitting in silence for a moment before Cole crouched down near Charlie. “I see why she’s your favorite. Beautiful white hen.”

“Sweet personality, too. She loves people.” Shane sighed as Cole petted Charlie, mumbling soft words to her as he did.

How much longer could he hide this? It seemed everything Cole did made it worse. Everything he said, every time he showed even the smallest bit of affection, every warm smile he gave Shane.

Shane had been trying to push his feelings down, but nothing seemed to be working. It was torture, feeling this way around him and not being able to do anything about it.

Finally, Cole stood up, brushing his jeans off as he looked at Shane. “Glad I got to meet them. They seem like great birds.”

“They are.” Shane agreed, praying his face looked normal.

“Suppose I should head out then. Will I see you tonight?”

“Nah, staying home with Jas and Marnie. Tomorrow, though.”

“Great! I’ll see you then, partner.” Cole gave Shane a clap on the back before walking back into the kitchen. Shane took a deep breath and followed behind.

“I should be going now. Thanks for having me, Marnie.”

“Anytime! You know you’re always welcome here.” She smiled gently, “I’m sure Jas will want to say goodbye. Would you pop in her room and let her know you’re leaving?”

“Yeah! ‘Course.” Cole nodded.

Shane trailed behind him until they reached Jas’s room. He knocked on the door and opened it after Jas gave him permission to. She looked at the door from her dollhouse, her new doll in one hand and an old one in the other.

“Mr. Cole is leaving now. Did you want to say goodbye?”

“Yes please!” She put her toys down and ran to the door, hugging Cole’s leg once she got there.

“Bye, Mr. Cole! Come visit us soon!”

Cole laughed and crouched down, opening his arms to give Jas a proper hug. “I’ll try to come by more often, okay? I’ll see you soon, kiddo.” She gave a wave and a smile before going back to her dollhouse.

Cole grinned as Shane shut the door. “Good-mannered kid. You got an easy one.”

“I know. I’m lucky.” He smiled stiltedly and walked Cole to the front door.

“Alright. I’ll see you around, partner.”

“Cya.”

Cole waved before walking off, Shane shut the door behind him and sighed.

It’d be a long afternoon.

Shane sat at the kitchen table with Marnie, an untouched cup of tea in front of him as he listened to her speak.

“I just don’t understand the budget. He spends so much on these extravagant festivals that he has to tax our struggling businesses even more. I worry about having enough to keep the animals fed and warm during the winter.”

“Hey, that’s months away. If I have to pick up extra shifts at Joja to help, I will.”

She nodded sadly, taking a sip of her tea. “He’s a good man, he is, I just don’t understand his judgment sometimes.”

“Neither do I. But I don’t keep up with that sort of thing.”

Shane turned around as he heard Jas’s door click open, she walked tiredly into the kitchen and took a seat next to Shane.

“Hi…” She said sleepily.

“Hey, kiddo. Have a good birthday?” Shane asked.

“I did!” She smiled and yawned.

Shane thought he knew where this was headed. Jas had a habit of wanting to be tucked into bed, but not wanting to ask.

He sighed and rubbed her head before speaking. “You want me to put you to bed?”

“Yes please…” She stood back up nearly immediately and trotted back to her room.

“Be right back.” He said to Marnie before following Jas to her room.

He stepped inside, the lights already turned off aside from a night light plugged into the wall.

“You all comfy?” Shane asked as Jas climbed into her bed.

“Mhm…” Shane smiled and tucked the blankets under her.

“Goodnight, Jas.”

“Night, Uncle Shane…” She mumbled sleepily. He gave her a quick kiss on the forehead before rubbing her hair and leaving the room.

He clicked the door shut behind him and returned to the kitchen with Marnie.

“She loves when you’re home to do that, you know.” She smiled happily.

“I know. I really am trying to be there for her.”

“We can both tell.” She reached across the table and squeezed Shane’s hand, “You’ve been doing better.”

Better? That was laughable. On almost every account Shane was doing significantly worse. The only thing he’d improved on was being around for his family, and that was mostly because Cole influenced him to do so.

“Well, I’m trying.” He replied with a sigh. “...Hey, can I ask you something?” He asked after a brief pause.

“Of course.”

“Cole told me once you and his grandpa had a thing going, is that true?”

Marnie’s eyes widened as she choked on her tea.

“Shit, I’m sorry– you don’t have to talk about it.” Shane quickly backtracked.

Marnie coughed for a moment before regaining her composure. “No, no– it’s okay! I don’t mind.”

She took a breath and bit her lip while searching for the words. “We were together for a while, yes. It didn’t last though. Some things you just can’t look past.”

“What? What does that mean.” Shane furrowed his brow. Marnie paused and looked down for a moment before speaking.

“Cole’s grandfather was… not the man he talks him up to be.” She sighed, “He started out okay. On the surface, he was a kind, upstanding man. But he cared a lot for appearances, enough that it brought harm to his family.”

“Okay.”

“He would hit the kids. Often not hard and never with his hands, but it’s still not acceptable. And there were a lot of things he preferred to sweep under the rug. Bad things that needed to be addressed.”

“Like what?”

Marnie paused and drummed her fingers along the table. “Has Cole told you about his mother?”

Shane nodded slowly, his stomach dropping at the mention of her. He didn’t like where this was headed if it had anything to do with her.

“There’s… a reason she ended up the way she did. I won’t elaborate on it anymore, but someone close to her hurt her in the same way she hurt Cole. Cole’s grandfather swept it under the rug when she was a little girl to save the man’s reputation. I tried my hardest to excuse the hitting, but when I learned what he let happen to his daughter, I–”

Marnie cut herself off and grimaced.

“No matter how much you love a person, there are some things you just can’t live with. I never spoke to him again afterward. I told everyone we had a big fight, but never what about.”

Shane paused, staring vacantly at Marnie. If Cole never mentioned that about his grandfather, what else had he neglected to tell Shane? It made him feel sick.

“You have to understand, he idolized his grandfather because he was the only parental figure in his life who didn’t abuse him. Not badly, anyway.”

“I get that, just– It’s a lot to take in.”

“It was a lot for me, too.” She laughed sadly, “I guess I just have a history of dating bad men...”

“God.” Shane stared at his full cup of tea, then looked back up to Marnie.

She gave him a kind, though strained, smile and picked up their cups to take to the sink. “Thank you for chatting with me, Shane. It’s been a while since we’ve had a proper conversation.”

“Yeah, no problem.” He stood and placed his hands in his pockets, figuring Marnie was trying to finish their talk.

“I know when he first moved back, I thanked him for being friends with you. For your sake.” Marnie started as she rinsed the cups out, “But Cole needs you as much as you needed him. Take care of each other, okay?” She turned around and smiled.

Shane stared dumbly at her for a moment before nodding.

“Good. I need some rest now. I’ll see you tomorrow, Shane.”

“Yeah. Night, Marnie.” She quickly dried her hands before walking to her room. Once Shane heard the door close he sighed and walked to his own.

He flopped down on the bed and groaned as he stared at the ceiling. Everything was getting worse. He needed to decide what to do.

Suicide was the most tempting option, though he’d tried that once and bailed. Chances were he’d bail again if it came down to it, that needed to be saved as a last resort.

He could always tell Cole how he felt and risk ruining their already fragile relationship. Surely the cowboy who was raised by a conservative old man has positive feelings about homosexual attraction. That couldn’t go wrong at all.

He could try confiding in Marnie, though he didn't know how she felt on that issue. He wasn’t sure he wanted her to know about his feelings, anyway. Marnie could be overbearing when it came to those sorts of things.

Really there was nothing to do but grin and bear through it.

Maybe, though, the first step to all this was accepting how he felt. Not pushing anything back anymore, just letting himself feel the way he felt.

Even if it was frustrating and confusing, hiding from it clearly wasn’t doing him any good. He had to admit this to himself, no matter how hard it was.

He liked Cole.

More than that, he liked Cole more than he thought he’d liked anyone in the world before.

He had what he thought were crushes when he was a teenager, but none of them compared to Cole. None of those girls gave him butterflies, he didn’t fall asleep thinking about any of them or count down the minutes until he could see them. He didn’t want to kiss them the way he found himself imagining kissing Cole.

God, it was hard to think these things so freely without pushing them away. It felt wrong and unnatural, but it also felt liberating in a strange way.

He liked Cole, and he could finally acknowledge that no matter how much it sucked or how hard it was.

He jumped as his phone buzzed in his jacket pocket. Quickly, he fished it out and opened the notification without looking. It was Cole, he had sent him a picture of the Tunnelers' score with a confetti emoji underneath.

Shane smiled. A genuine smile, the ones Cole always pointed out excitedly.

For once he let himself feel the warmth in his chest and the butterflies in his stomach. He rubbed the side of his phone for a moment before liking the message and placing his phone on his chest.

Maybe things would become easier to manage from here.

Chapter Text

Cole stood in the chicken coop rifling through the nests and collecting eggs in a wicker basket.

“Seems like that’s all…” He mumbled, giving Lorraine a scratch on the head. “You take care, girl.” He cooed.

As he stepped out of the coop he counted the eggs in his basket. Five today, that was enough altogether to sell for a decent profit this week.

The farming life had been much more profitable for Cole than he imagined. Hell, after just three months he’d already raised enough money to get his dingy shack turned into a real home. Granted, Robin said she’d give him a big discount for providing the materials, but it was a big accomplishment nonetheless.

He stepped into his house and placed the eggs into a carton in the fridge. As he placed the wicker basket on the floor, his phone rang in his pocket.

“Shit–” He jumped while fishing his phone out. It was from Marnie, which was a relief given Shane’s absence the last few days.

“Howdy.” Cole answered.

“Hi, Cole.” Marnie sighed, “I’m sorry. I hate to call you like this, but would you mind coming over sometime soon? It doesn’t have to be right now or even today, but Shane’s been… not feeling the best the last few days.”

“Really? That’s a shame. I figured though, I hadn’t seen him in two days. Thought maybe I did something to piss him off.”

It had been alarming that Shane hadn’t wanted to do anything, but he had texted to let Cole know and still answered his messages. Cole assumed he just needed some time apart, that was normal between two people when you saw them almost every day.

“Would you mind if I came now? Finished my chores for the day, not like I have anything better to do.”

“Yes, of course. I’ll see you soon?”

“Yep. Be right there, Marnie.”

He hung up, picking the wicker basket back up and opening the fridge. He glanced over a few bins before finding one labeled ‘Peppers’. He grabbed a few and threw them into the basket before heading out the door.

A few minutes later he found himself outside of the ranch. He knocked before letting himself inside without an answer, a habit he still held from his childhood.

“Howdy, Marnie!” He called out. Marnie smiled at him from the kitchen table, standing up to greet him.

“Hi, Cole. It’s good to see you.” She gave him a warm hug. He tried to reciprocate the best he could with the basket still in his hand, but his hug was awkward and stilted. When Marnie pulled away she looked inside the basket, smiling warmly at Cole when she saw the contents.

“He mentioned liking them. Thought it’d be a nice gesture, you know?”

“It is, that’s very thoughtful of you.” She sighed and folded her hands in front of herself. “I didn’t tell him you were coming, he hasn’t been responsive this morning. I figured he’s been sleeping in.”

“Should be awake by now, then. It’s nearly noon.” She nodded, walking to his door.

“Shane?” She asked while knocking. He gave no response. She knocked one more time before entering the room. Cole stayed behind, not sure if he should follow along or not.

“Oh dear…” Marnie said softly from the room. She looked at Cole with a frown and gave a beckoning hand. Hesitantly, he entered the room while hoping Shane wouldn’t kill him later for violating his space.

Cole had never seen Shane’s room, though it looked about how he expected. The only things he hadn’t imagined were the TV and how tidy the place was. He hadn’t given Shane enough credit, it seemed.

Shane was lying on the floor, a few empty cans of beer scattered around him.

“Oh lord…” Cole mumbled. Marnie gave him a worried frown.

“...Cole, can you do something? He’s out cold.”

“Yeah, yeah. Of course.” Cole nodded and stepped closer, crouching down next to Shane.

“Hey, partner?” He spoke gently, rocking Shane by the shoulders. He groaned but remained asleep.

“Shane. You gotta wake up, buddy.” Cole said, louder this time. Shane remained unmoving aside from the rise and fall of his breathing.

“Shane!” Cole yelled, giving Shane a firm shove. Finally, he stirred, slowly opening his eyes as he squinted at Cole. When he caught sight of him he suddenly scrambled to his feet, seemingly startled by Cole’s presence.

Marnie huffed, placing her hands on his hips as she spoke. “Shane! What’s the matter with you? All you’ve done the last few days is mope around and drink beer! I thought you were getting better!”

He turned around and stared blankly at the floor, “I was never getting better…”

Cole frowned and shared a concerned look with Marnie.

“Shane, I’m worried…” Marnie said, stepping forward and placing a hand on his shoulder. “You can’t keep doing this to yourself.” She paused, waiting for him to respond. When he didn’t, she continued, “What’s your plan? Don’t you ever think about the future?”

Cole glanced over as Jas pitter-pattered up to the door, her new doll in hand. Cole gave a kind smile and gestured for her to leave the room. She firmly shook her head no, walking up and standing next to Cole.

“Plan?” Shane laughed bitterly, “Hopefully I won't be around long enough to need a ‘plan’.”

Jas tensed up next to Cole, grabbing his jeans as she started to sniffle.

“Oh, hey– Kid–” Cole bent down and held her by the shoulders. Suddenly Shane turned around, his eyes widening as he caught sight of Jas.

She met eyes with him and burst into tears, tearing away from Cole and running out of the room. A moment later Cole heard a door from across the house slam. He grimaced, standing up as Marnie gave him a pleading look and ran after her.

“Jas…” Shane spoke hollowly, giving Cole a terrified look. “I’m sorry– Fuck– I’m so sorry–” He sobbed, falling back to the floor with his head between his knees.

“Hey, It’s okay. I’m here.” Cole spoke softly as he sat next to Shane. “You wanna tell me what’s been going on…?”

“Jas– I can’t believe I– I didn’t know she–” He breathed rapidly, shaking as he clawed at his jacket.

“I know. I know you didn’t.” Cole shushed, putting a hand on Shane’s back.

He flinched. Hard.

Shane scrambled away, his breathing quickening as he pushed himself against his chair.

“Okay, okay. I won’t touch you. I’m sorry.” Cole did his best to remain calm, moving closer but staying a healthy distance away from Shane. “Breathe, okay? You’re not gonna get anywhere if you keep freaking out like this.”

Shane stayed silent, his breathing slowing slightly.

“Let’s count, okay? In four out four.” Cole counted out loud, tapping the floor on beat as he did. This seemed to help Shane, after a few minutes he finally got his breathing under control. Cole stopped counting once it seemed like Shane had sufficiently calmed down.

He sat silently, moving next to Shane and leaning against the chair. Shane took a deep breath before breaking into a sob, moving one of his hands away to grip Cole’s sleeve.

“You’re okay, partner. Just let it out.”

“I’m so fucking stupid–” Shane sobbed, “I can’t do anything right. I can’t do anything for her.”

“Yes, you can. People mess up. People like us especially. It doesn’t mean you’re not trying.”

“How much longer can I keep fucking trying?!” His head suddenly shot up, his eyes angry and tear-stricken as they glared at Cole. “I can’t keep doing this!”

“Don’t say that. You can.”

“You don’t know that! You don’t know how bad it’s been!”

“Yes, I do. Because it’s been that bad for me, too. It is that bad for me. If I can keep dealing with all this shit, so can you.”

“I’m not like you, Cole. I’m not strong like you.”

“Look at me.” Cole grabbed Shane’s shoulders and squeezed them as he spoke. “You are. You are strong like me because you’ve made it this far. I don’t wanna hear any shit from you about not being able to do this, because you have done it. You’re doing it right now.”

Shane’s face scrunched up as he looked at Cole. “It’s been so much worse the past few days. I thought–” He cut himself off, grimacing as he looked at the floor and took Cole’s hands off his shoulders.

“You thought what?” Cole asked.

“Nothing, sorry. Just thinking out loud.”

“Shane, something has clearly been eating at you. Will you just tell me what it is so I can help?”

“You can’t help, Cole. No one can help me with this but myself.”

“That’s bullshit,” Cole scoffed, “Even if I can’t help you, someone can. You need to talk to someone. And you can’t keep locking yourself up in this house. You’re only making things worse.”

Shane sighed and muttered something to himself before rocking his head back against the chair.

“I mean that, Shane. If you don’t leave of your own volition I’ll drag you out of the house myself.”

Shane laughed weakly, meeting Cole’s eyes with a tired smile. “Alright. I guess you’ll have to bring me to the saloon kicking and screaming.”

Cole sighed as relief washed over him. It was reassuring to see Shane at least try to have some humor.

“Feel a little better?”

“No. But I feel calmer.” He sighed and frowned as he looked back at the floor. “I can’t believe I let her hear that… I never wanted Jas to know about my problems. The last thing she needs is my shit to be affecting her.”

“She notices, Shane. Even if you don’t say things in front of her, she’ll still notice. Kids are a lot more perceptive than we give them credit for.”

Shane grimaced, sighing through his nose. “Yeah, I guess you’re right. Never really realized that…”

He paused for a moment, a nauseous look on his face as he met Cole’s eyes again. “Cole, there’s something I haven’t told you.”

“What?” Cole frowned, “Is it important?”

Shane took a shaky breath. “Two months ago I–” His voice broke as his eyes darted away, “I tried to kill myself.”

“What?!” A chill ran through Cole’s spine. He was joking, right? He had to be joking. There’s no way he did that without Cole having any idea.

“When we had that ‘fight’ I thought I’d lost everything. It felt like I finally had one good thing in my life, one person I really–” Shane looked awkwardly at Cole as he cut himself off, “Well, I thought I lost one of the most important people to me. And I knew it wouldn’t ever get better, so I just… I went to the train tracks. Told myself if the universe really hated me that much, it’d send a train my way.”

This wasn’t real, this couldn’t be real.

Cole stared at Shane with horrified eyes, too shocked to say anything. After a moment of pause, Shane continued.

“I got up there, drank a shit ton, and saw a train was coming through.”

“Shane,” Cole said with a wavering voice, “Tell me you didn’t.”

Shane grimaced and shook his head. “It almost hit me. I barely jumped out of the way.”

Cole bit the inside of his cheek as tears threatened to fall. He had to be strong, he couldn’t cry when he was supposed to be comforting.

He took a deep breath as anger welled up in his chest. “Don’t you ever fucking do that again! If you ever get that bad you fucking call me, okay?! I don’t care if we’re fighting, I don’t care if it’s three in the morning, I can’t–” Cole took a shaky breath, his eyes pricking up with tears, “You can’t leave me, Shane!”

Shane looked pitifully at Cole. “I’m sorry I never told you.”

“But that’s the only time? You haven’t– Not again??” Cole said breathlessly while squeezing Shane’s arm.

“No. I’ve wanted to, but I haven’t.”

“Fuck… Fuck, how did I not see it?”

“You couldn’t have helped it, Cole. I tried to hide it from you. I hid it from everyone.”

“Even Marnie? Shit, does Marnie know?”

“No. And she doesn’t need to.” Shane said firmly, “Promise me you won’t tell her.”

Cole paused while moving his hand from Shane’s arm. Shane grabbed his wrist before he could pull away, giving him an insistent look. “Cole. Please.”

“...Yeah, okay. Fine.” He paused, “Just… Promise me you’ll tell me if it gets to that point again. If you do it and there’s blood on my hands because I kept quiet, I–”

“It wouldn’t be your fault.” Shane insisted, “It wouldn’t be anyone's fault but mine.” Cole nodded and Shane let go of his hand.

“...Will you do me a favor?”

“Anything.” Cole said.

“Will you talk to Jas for me? You’re just so much better with her than me.”

“She should hear from you, Shane. You’re her godfather.”

“She will, I promise. Just not right now.” Cole frowned. “Can you just explain it to her? Convince her I’m okay and I’m not gonna…” He tapered off, giving Cole a pleading look. Cole sighed and stood up.

“Yeah. I got you, partner.”

“Thanks. I’m just… gonna stay here for a minute.”

“Whatever you need.” Cole smiled weakly and walked out of the room.

He made his way down the hall, his boots clicking on the wood floors. His mind was going a thousand miles a minute trying to wrap his head around this.

Shane had tried to kill himself.

Shane had tried to kill himself and Cole was none the wiser.

He hadn’t known and he blamed himself for it, but how could he have known? Surely there were signs, there had to have been something he missed.

Was Shane really doing that bad? Cole knew he was struggling, but a suicide attempt felt leagues ahead of how bad things seemed. As much as he wanted to beat himself up for not noticing, it wouldn’t help. He’d just have to keep a closer eye on things in the future.

Cole steeled himself as he knocked on Jas’s door, taking a cautious step inside after Marnie told him to come in.

The lights were turned off aside from a nightlight and Jas was on the floor with Marnie. She laid on her lap with Marnie stroking her hair and whispering soothing words to her.

“Hey, Jas…” Cole smiled gently and crouched down in front of Jas and Marnie. “You feeling okay?” She shook her head no and sniffled. “That’s okay, I wouldn’t be feeling real good either if I heard that.” Cole shuffled to sit crisscrossed on the floor.

“You know Uncle Shane would never really leave you, right?” Jas looked away and shrugged. Marnie gave Cole an encouraging smile.

God, how could he say this? How could he say Shane would never leave after learning he’d already tried to? It felt wrong, it felt like lying to the kid. He pressed on anyway, knowing it was what Shane would want.

“I promise you, he’s not going nowhere. Sometimes when people get really sad or frustrated, we say things we don’t mean.” Jas sniffled and looked sadly at Cole.

“...Why has Uncle Shane been so sad? He never wants to play with me anymore…”

Cole’s heart broke, both for Shane and Jas. He paused, thinking of the best way to explain this to a child.

“I don’t know why exactly he’s been so sad, but a lot of it is because his head is sick.”

“His head is sick…?” Jas echoed.

“You know how when you get a fever or a cold your body doesn’t feel very good?” Jas nodded. “The same thing can happen with your brain. Sometimes your brain gets sick and it doesn’t feel very good. When your brain feels sick that can make you really sad.”

“Why hasn’t he gotten better yet…?”

“When your brain is sick, that lasts a lot longer than when your body is sick. Some people will be that way their whole lives, some people it can be a few months or a few years.”

Jas nodded, her face scrunching up as tears flowed down her face. “...Will Uncle Shane ever get better?”

“...I don’t know, kiddo. I wish I could tell you he will, but it’s hard to say.” She sobbed harder, curling into Marnie’s dress. Marnie gave Cole a sad look, placing a hand on his shoulder. She gave him a brief squeeze before pulling away.

“But hey, you know what?” Cole asked, leaning over and brushing a piece of hair out of Jas’s eyes, “He’s trying to get better. Every day I see how hard he’s trying. I promise you he wants to be better for you.”

Jas sniffled weakly before holding her hand out in front of Cole with a raised pinky. “P-Promise…?”

“I promise.” He smiled, locking pinkies with her and shaking. “...You have any more questions, kiddo?”

“No, that’s okay…” She spoke weakly.

Cole smiled and gave her a pat on the shoulder before standing back up. “I’m gonna go check on your uncle, okay?” Jas nodded.

Marnie gave him a warm smile while mouthing ‘Thank you.’ He smiled at her before leaving the room.

He returned to Shane’s room and knocked before entering.

“Hey. I talked to her.”

“How’d it go?” Shane asked, now sitting on the side of his bed.

“Went good. I tried to explain things to her the best I could. It’s a hard thing to tell a kid, though.” Shane nodded sadly. “Can I sit?”

“Go ahead.”

Cole took a seat next to Shane. His bed was surprisingly soft, much better than the shitty spring mattress in the farmhouse. Cole almost wished he could sleep here instead.

They sat silently for a moment as Cole drummed his hands on his lap. “...Have you gotten close to attempting again?” Shane shook his head no and Cole nodded. There was another pause before Cole spoke again. “Look, I know you don’t wanna tell me, and I’m not saying you have to, but I’m not gonna judge you for whatever it is you’re going through.”

“You can’t say that without knowing what it is.” Shane sighed, “Maybe I’ll tell you one day, but not anytime soon.”

“Okay, I can live with that.”

Cole and Shane both looked at the doorway as Marnie popped her head inside. “Jas went down for a nap. I think the crying wore her out.” She sighed, “Shane, I think we should talk.” She said as she left the doorway.

Shane grimaced and stood up, offering Cole a hand. He took it gratefully and pulled himself off the bed before walking to the kitchen with Shane.

Marnie was at the stove with a kettle boiling. Likely making tea, Cole thought.

He and Shane both sat at the table, Cole at the middle of the table with Shane at one of the ends. They both sat silently waiting for Marnie to start the conversation. After a moment she turned around and leaned against the counter with a sigh.

“Have you really not been improving at all, Shane?”

“Not really.”

She bit her lip and nodded while looking off to the side. “I’m sorry for assuming you were. You just seemed so much more involved with everyone. You looked happier.”

“That doesn’t mean I was getting better, I was just… trying harder, I guess.”

Marnie nodded. “And this episode you’ve been in… Have you just stopped trying as hard?”

“Yeah, pretty much.”

Marnie turned towards the stove as the kettle whistled. “Did something trigger that?” She asked while dropping a steeper into the kettle. Shane remained silent, staring blankly at the table.

“Something’s been going on, but he doesn’t feel comfortable sharing whatever it is.” Cole interjected. Marnie smiled thankfully at him before speaking again.

“I guess what I should be asking is how we can help you…” She smiled weakly at Shane, “So what can we do, Shane?”

“Just the same things you’re already doing. You’ve both already done so much.” He glanced over at Cole and smiled weakly. “You especially, Cole. Just– Keep dragging me out of the house like you promised, ‘kay?”

Cole nodded resolutely and Shane looked at Marnie. “Just having a bad week. I’ll be back to normal soon, Marnie.”

She smiled and nodded before pouring tea into three mugs, all different colors and sizes. “Just please tell us if there’s anything we can do, okay? We love you, Shane. All we want is to see you happy.” Marnie said as she brought the mugs to the table. She put one in front of each seat before sitting at the end of the table.

Shane looked a bit nauseous but nodded and gave her a weak smile. “Yeah, I will. And I love you too, Marnie.”

“What about me?” Cole gave a coy smile. Shane looked at him with a startled expression before his face fell and he rolled his eyes.

“Yeah, you wish.” Shane hid a smile while taking a sip of tea. He jumped after taking a sip. “Shit– Hot!”

“It just finished brewing, dumbass.”

“Cole.” Marnie warned.

“Hey, I’m allowed to swear! I’m thirty-one now, not thirteen.”

“Just be nice…” She spoke gently.

“That is nice for us. You should hear some of the shit he says to me. He’s a cruel man, truly.”

“If I say mean things to you it’s because you deserve it or you did something stupid.”

“See? Cruel.” Marnie chuckled and blew on her tea before taking a cautious sip. Cole swore the nerves in her mouth had to be completely burned off by now from all the years of drinking blistering hot tea.

Cole smiled gently and looked back at Shane. “You feeling better?”

“Right now, yeah. I’m sure I’ll feel like shit again later.”

“Well, at least there’s right now.” Cole said as he pulled his phone out to glance at the time. “Should get back to the farm. It’s a nice day out, I wanted to clear a bit more of the land off while the weather is on my side.”

“Yeah, go ahead man.”

“Thank you, Marnie. For the tea and having me over.”

“It was hardly ‘having you over’, and you know you’re always welcome.” She smiled and reached over to squeeze Cole’s hand. He returned the gesture before standing up and clapping Shane on the shoulder.

“Alright, I’ll be off. Call me if you need anything, okay? Both of you.”

“Okay, mom.” Shane said with a lopsided grin.

There it was, that smile again.

Cole’s eyes softened as he gave Shane a nod before heading out the door.

The farm was getting to be in pretty good shape. There was a lot more land on the farm than Cole had previously realized. Pappy didn’t exactly keep the place clear of trees or debris the way Cole was trying to.

Once he got some sprinklers set up he could really be in business with all the land he had. Hell, he may even be able to have cows one day with all this space.

He looked over the property as he fell back on his porch. Jack ran up to his side, his tail thumping wildly against the wooden steps. “Hey, boy. You have fun running around today?” Jack continued wagging his tail, trying to lick at Cole’s face as he held him away. “Let’s not get too excited, huh?” Cole deflected by wrapping Jack in a hug, running a hand quickly up and down his back.

“You’ve been taking good care of those chickens, you know? Not a scratch on any of ‘em.” After a few more scratches Jack laid down on top of Cole’s lap. As he did, Cole felt a buzz in his pocket. With one hand he fished out his phone while using the other to scratch Jack’s ears.

It was a text from Shane, a long one just by glancing over it. Cole skimmed the contents. From the gist of things, it seemed like Shane was apologizing for being a burden and making Cole deal with his problems. Cole frowned and pressed the call button. It rang for a few seconds before Shane picked up.

“...Hello?”

Good, he didn’t sound upset.

“Howdy. Sorry, don’t like texting about stuff like that, calling is better so I can hear your voice. Plus Jack is getting pets right now and I can’t type real well without two hands.”

Shane laughed and Cole continued, “I’ll be honest, I didn’t read all of that, but you don’t need to be sorry for anything. I help you because I want to help you. You’re my friend, Shane.”

“It doesn’t mean you should have to.”

“I don’t have to, I want to.”

“...I guess I still just don’t get why.”

There was a pause before Cole continued. “You really are thick-headed, aren’t you? I want to because I like you. I like being around you, you’re a good friend.”

“Uhh…” Shane paused awkwardly. Cole rolled his eyes and continued.

“Don’t make it weird, Shane.”

“Not making it weird.” He spat out quickly. “You just said that kinda suddenly.”

“Too much?”

“No, no. It’s fine.” He paused again.,“...S’nice hearing it from you.”

Cole sighed happily and glanced at the sun as it started to dip below the horizon.

“...Like you too, Cole.”

Cole’s eyes widened as he beamed at his phone. “What? What was that?” He teased.

“Nothing.”

“No, nuh uh, I already heard it!”

“Then why’d you ask?!”

Cole snickered and adjusted Jack on his lap. He may as well get comfy, they’d probably be here talking for a while.

“It’s nice hearing it from you too, Shane…”

Chapter Text

“So it’ll be $10,000 altogether with that big material discount. Are you absolutely positive you want to pay upfront? I won’t charge you any interest if you’d rather do a mortgage.” Robin spoke to Cole while looking at a few stapled papers.

“Nah, Pappy taught me never to owe any debts. I saved up the money and then some. It won’t be an issue.”

“Great! I can get started tomorrow then. If that’s okay.”

“Dang, getting to work early.” Cole whistled and pulled a checkbook from his wallet. God, he felt old using these things. “How long do you think it’ll be till you finish her up?”

“About a week, I’d say!”

“A week?!” Cole stared at her, bewildered. How could one woman build that much onto a house in one week?

“Is that too long?” She frowned, “I can try to cut it down to five days if you’re really in a hurry.”

“No, no a week is absolutely fine! I’m just surprised you can do it that quick, is all! Seriously, how do you do that??”

“A bit of valley magic.” She winked, “How do you think I built your coop so fast?”

Cole opened his mouth to speak but closed it after a moment. Did this have something to do with the Junimos? It had to, there was no other explanation for being able to renovate an entire house in one week.

“...Well, here’s your check.” Cole said as he handed it to Robin. “And the materials are in labeled boxes in front of my house. Thank you so much again, Robin. I really needed this.”

“Anytime! This is good for me too, you know? I can do a lot with this kind of money.”

Cole smiled and nodded as he stepped away. “Well, I’ll see you tomorrow!”

“See you!” Cole waved and left the carpenter’s shop. He checked his bag at his side to make sure all the items he needed were inside. Everything seemed to be there, so he started making his way to the Community Center.

A short walk later, Cole arrived. He swung the massive doors open, greeting a Junimo as they appeared in front of him. It spoke in its warbled language that Cole seemed to intuitively understand. The Junimo said something about the mines, how Cole would need to go soon to get the minerals they needed.

It was a hefty task, bringing everything they wanted. It would be at least a year before he could get everything they asked for. It seemed to be worth the effort though. The Junimos gave him gifts in return for his help, and he was almost certain they had something to do with how well his crops had been growing.

The Junimo finally finished speaking as Cole placed a few foraged fruits in a basket in what used to be a craft room.

“It’s up by the lake, yeah? I’ll try to do some mining when I have some free time. Not like I have much of that, though.” The Junimo pouted and spun in a displeased circle. Cole snickered and gave it a pat on its head. “Don’t worry, little guy. I’ll get the chance. I promise.” It perked up at this, smiling with its eyes as it followed Cole cheerfully to the pantry.

He placed a few crops in the basket before walking back to the main door. “I’ll see you again soon! You take care, now.” The Junimo made a series of happy chitters as it rocked side to side. Cole smiled before leaving the community center and making his way back home.

He sighed as he stepped outside, a pit lingering in his stomach. There was something he needed to do soon. He was planning on tonight since he had an excuse to get drunk.

As much as his mind tried to avoid the thought or feeling of anything sexual, his body unfortunately didn’t get the memo to follow suit. Every month or two, sometimes longer if he was lucky, his body would get… pent up, as he liked to put it. It felt less violating that way.

It was a nightmare to deal with, drunk or sober. The feeling itself wasn’t terrible, it was the flashbacks that came with it. Cole wasn’t averse to sex at all, he really wasn’t, but he was averse to the emotions that came along with it. Any time he’d find himself feeling worked up, he could experience it for a few minutes before the sensations reminded him of his trauma. It was best to deal with these things when they sprang up rather than let them fester and worsen his mental state.

So tonight when he felt that familiar buzzing in his lower stomach, he’d go to the pond with Shane, get shit-faced drunk, and hopefully go home intoxicated enough to handle things without a panic attack. He wasn’t optimistic, though. Not by any means.

He took a deep breath as he pulled his phone out and called Shane’s number.

“I’m at work, what do you want?” He spoke flatly.

“Shut up, I know you’re hiding in the back. We’re going to the pond tonight.”

“Okay. Why?”

“Cause I’m finally getting my piece of shit house renovated!” Cole said excitedly. “I got a fancy bottle of bourbon with our names on it. I know you can’t resist that.”

“You didn’t have to bribe me. I’d come anyway.”

“Even without liquor? You flatter me.”

“I’m sure I do.” Cole heard rustling from Shane’s end of the phone. “Okay, gotta go before Morris yells at me. See you after work?”

“Yep. Cya, partner.”

“Bye.” Shane hung up. Cole sighed and put his phone away, starting the walk home.

Cole sat on the dock rocking his feet back and forth above the water. It was quiet, the only noises in the air were the chirping of crickets and rustling of leaves from the summer breeze. He enjoyed the silence for a moment until he heard crunching grass behind him.

“About time you showed up.” Cole grinned as Shane took a seat beside him.

“‘About time.’ You’ve probably only been here for like five minutes.”

“Seven, actually.”

Shane rolled his eyes and glanced at the bottle beside Cole. “Damn. That is fancy.” And highly alcoholic. Though Cole didn’t think that was worth mentioning.

“It’s a special occasion. Calls for a fancy drink.”

“Proud of you, man. Must’ve been hard to get that much money so fast.”

“Kind of.” Cole said, “I’ve been really lucky with my finances. The farm is doing great.”

“I bet. I’ve seen how many blueberries you have out there. I don’t know how you keep up with watering all that shit.”

Cole took a swig out of the bottle before handing it to Shane who did the same. Shane shook his head after, scrunching his face and placing the bottle between them.

“God, that’s strong.”

“I know, that’s why I’ve been saving it.” Cole laughed and took another swig, trying not to grimace at the burn down his throat. “Anyway, Robin said it would only take her a week to upgrade the house. Can you believe that?”

“I mean, yeah.” Shane said, “She works fast as hell. I don’t know how she does it, but I’m not surprised.”

“You people accept things too easily, I swear.”

“You asked me like two months ago if I’ve ever met a wizard and you think we’re the weird ones?”

“You remember that?!” Shane nodded and Cole snickered to himself. “You know, I never told you that whole story. Was worried I’d scare you off, but I don’t think I could scare you away even if I wanted to by now.”

“Well, tell me about the wizard then. See if I run for the hills.”

“Alright. But I’ll sound crazy.” Cole took a swig before starting his story. “When I first moved here I got a weird ass letter in the mail from someone claiming to be ‘Rasmodious Wizard’. There was an address included, so I figured I might as well show up. What was the worst that could happen?”

Shane nodded along.

“Well I show up and it’s this dude with purple hair and a weird black cowboy hat. Not a wizard hat, a hat that looks like mine.”

“How fashionable.”

Cole rolled his eyes and continued. “The guy did all sorts of weird shit. Knew things he couldn’t possibly have known, disappeared and reappeared, made me drink this weird stew that sent me on some sort of acid trip.”

“Are you sure the whole experience wasn’t an acid trip?”

“Not really.” Cole laughed, “But after everything, he gave me a lecture about drinking and then let me leave. I’ve never seen him since.”

“Yeah, you’re full of shit.” Shane took the bottle from Cole and hid a grin as he took a drink.

“I’d think I’m full of shit too, but I swear it happened.”

“Even if it did, it doesn't really matter. Not like anything came of it.”

“Suppose you’re right.” Cole agreed, taking a swig from the bottle after Shane.

“God, it’s hot outside.” Shane sighed and fanned himself with his shirt.

“You could take that hoodie off for once.”

“Nope.” Shane said firmly.

“Why are you always wearing that thing, anyway? I don’t think I’ve ever seen you without it.” Shane glanced uncomfortably to the side and took another drink. “Oh,” Cole said, “Is it–?”

“Doesn’t matter.” Shane sighed, leaning back with his palms against the dock. “Let’s talk about something else.”

“Alright, fine by me.” Cole conceded, reasoning it wasn’t any of his business.

“You know, I talk a lot about my past, but I never really hear about yours. What’s up with that?”

“It’s just not interesting.”

“I doubt that.” Cole smiled while Shane took another sip.

“It’s not, I promise you.”

“Even if it’s boring, it’s still something to talk about.”

“Fine,” Shane sighed, “What do you wanna know?”

“Parents. What’re they like?”

“Uh, mom died when I was in high school and my dad wasn’t in the picture.”

“Oh, shit.” Cole paused awkwardly. Shane stared at him with a straight face for a moment before bursting into laughter.

“Sorry– Sorry. You look dumb when you try to act serious.”

“Hey! That’s serious stuff! I wasn’t gonna make light of it unless you did!”

“It’s fine, Cole. Really.” Shane snickered and grinned while he looked forward at the pond. It made Cole feel light seeing Shane so happy and relaxed.

“But mom was great. She did a good job raising me while she was around. Cancer was what killed her.” Cole nodded and waited for Shane to continue.

“But, uh, no siblings. I sucked in high school, but who didn’t? Started college but I dropped out to raise Jas when her parents died.”

“You ever regret that?” Cole asked.

“Nah, never. I’d do it again if I had to. The kid needed someone there for her, you know? I couldn’t raise her while I was in school.” He sighed. “Couldn’t do it on my own, either. I asked Marnie if she’d help me and of course, she said yes. I think she was just happy to have someone in the house with her.” He laughed through his nose and rocked his head down. “But, yeah. No traumatic past like you. Life has just kind of sucked.”

“Sounds like it.” Cole paused to take another drink. “I guess both our lives suck. Maybe that’s why we’re such good friends.”

“Maybe. Or maybe it’s because we’re both alcoholics.”

“I prefer the term ‘hobbyist drinker’.”

Shane snorted, doubling over even though the joke was objectively awful. “‘Hobbyist drinker…’” He echoed between laughs.

“What, that get you?”

“That’s so fucking stupid.” Shane giggled, swaying slightly forward.

“Told you this shits strong.” Cole swung the bottle back and forth before taking another gulp, his head spinning a bit as he did.

“Oh– I have a story.” Shane sat back up and grinned at Cole.

It made Cole’s heart feel lighter to see Shane smile so unabashedly. It was bizarre, but nice.

“So, there was this time in college I met this guy I really wanted to impress. He was really into all those emo bands, so I tried to get into it too so I’d have an excuse to talk to him. I went through a year-long phase where I wore all black and grew my hair out and wore eyeliner just so this dude would be friends with me.” Shane snickered and pulled his phone out. “Waitwaitwait– I have pictures, hold on.”

Cole leaned against Shane to look at his phone, their shoulders pressed up against each other as Cole leaned into him. “Here.” Shane moved the phone slightly towards Cole. It was definitely Shane, though he was wearing bizarrely unbefitting edgy clothing and black makeup. He even had a black studded earring.

“Oh my god. Don’t tell me.” Cole leaned back and almost fell over. He caught his balance and moved a piece of Shane’s hair away. Surprisingly soft, he noted. Much to his delight and horror, Shane’s ears were in fact pierced.

Cole laughed uproariously, rocking back and forth before collapsing into Shane’s side. “Holyshityoupiercedyourearstoimpresssomerandomguy!” He wheezed.

Shane tried to shove him off but failed and started laughing as well. “And that’s not even the worst part!” Shane snickered, “He wouldn’t talk to me again after he found out I liked gridball! He said it made me a poser!”

Cole slapped the dock, laughing like this was the funniest thing he’d ever heard. Because, in the moment, it was.

“And you did all this just to be friends with the guy?! This sounds like something you’d do for a girl!”

“Well-” Shane paused and stared blankly for a moment before starting to laugh even harder.

“What?” Cole demanded. Shane shook his head and squeezed Cole’s arm.

“Nothing, nothing.” He giggled and sighed. “God, this shit is good.” He picked the bottle up and took another drink. Cole smiled affectionately and swayed back and forth.

Shane paused for a moment, his smile falling as he looked at Cole. “If I take this off,” He pulled at his hoodie, “Will you say anything about it?”

“Not anything bad.”

“...Good enough.” Shane sighed and slipped the jacket off, putting it behind him.

Shane’s arms were oddly muscular, though Cole doubted that’s what he was requesting him not to comment on. More prominently were rows of faded white scars along his lower forearms, more apparent in how many were there than how bad the scarring was. You would hardly notice if there were only a few, Cole thought.

“Old habit?” Cole asked. Shane nodded, taking another sip.

“Found a more fun way to destroy my body, so I gave it up once I got to college.”

“I think it makes you look rugged. It’s kind of cool.” Cole smiled. Shane grinned and rolled his eyes.

“I know it’s gross. It’s fine, Cole.”

“No, really. You look good. Fits the muscle. Makes you look like you got in a bear fight. With a bunch of really tiny bears, though. Like, a hoard of them.”

Shane snorted and shook his head. “You’re so stupid.”

“I know.” Cole grinned.

They sat silently for a moment. Cole looked at the bottle between them and saw it was about halfway empty. He’d probably drunk enough to be sufficiently intoxicated by the time he got home, but he wasn’t ready to leave yet. He was having fun, he didn’t want the good part of the night to end yet.

Wistfully, he looked at Shane. He stared calmly forward, a peaceful sliver of a smile on his face. Cole sighed and smiled, pleased to see Shane so openly happy. After a moment, Shane looked over and met eyes with Cole.

“What?” He raised a brow.

“You just look happy. It’s nice. You look good when you smile.”

Shane looked quickly away from Cole and towards the water, clearing his throat before talking again. “Uh, yeah. Thanks.”

Cole smiled and looked away after that. A comfortable silence sat in the air as they intermittently took sips from the bottle. After a few minutes of this, Shane spoke again.

“It’s getting late, we should probably get going.”

“Yeah.” Cole agreed as the familiar pit in his stomach returned. He grabbed the bottle and stood with a sway, offering Shane a hand once he was steadily on the ground. Shane took his hand, pulling himself up with a groan.

“Thanks.” He said, glancing in the direction of the ranch. “Well, uh. I’ll see you.”

“You taking me with you, or something?”

“What?” Shane squinted confusedly. Cole nodded downward to his hand, Shane still holding it from pulling himself up. Shane’s eyes widened as he quickly let go and whipped his hand away, wiping it against his jeans as he coughed.

“...Sorry.” He mumbled.

“God, you really are drunk.” Cole laughed, “I’ll see you tomorrow, partner. Have a good night.”

“Yeah, you too.” Shane hesitated before turning towards the ranch and walking in that direction. Cole sighed as he started down the path to the farm. 

After a long, stumbling walk, Cole was back at the farmhouse. He swallowed and took a deep breath as he walked inside and shut the door behind him. He took another long swig of bourbon before placing it on the floor next to his bed. There was no possible way to be drunk enough for this, but he’d be damned if he didn’t at least try to get to that point.

With shaking hands he removed his work clothes, throwing them into a bin with the rest of his laundry before stumbling to his bed and sitting on the edge.

He didn’t want to do this. He really didn’t want to do this. But he had to. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath, trying to calm himself down. This always went easier if he calmed himself down and stopped panicking first.

For a few moments, he slowly breathed in and out. After this, he took one last drink of bourbon before capping the bottle and lying down.

“Just don’t think about it.” He whispered to himself, “Just don’t think about it and it’ll be fine.” He took another breath, staring up at the ceiling and reaching his hand under his blanket.

Over and over he kept repeating in his head, ‘Just don’t think about it.’ He continued staring at the ceiling, focusing on his breathing and the creaking of the house.

He hated this. Hated doing this, hated the way it felt, hated the dirty feeling it gave him. He reasoned with himself as he worked that this wasn’t anything more than a biological process, just a release to keep his mind healthy and prevent any more flashbacks. But then why was it so hard?

He felt sick, nausea tugging at his stomach as his vision unfocused. His mind screamed at him to stop, but he pushed through.

Memories started to surface, ones he desperately tried to push back. He held them at bay for a moment, forcing himself to keep moving his hand and just get this nightmare over with. He could do this, he just had to relax. If he could just disassociate and avoid thinking about anything at all, it’d be over before he knew it. It wasn’t that simple though, he knew that. He grimaced at the sensations going through his body, his breath hitching as his memories caught up to him.

“Cole?”

He lay under the covers of his bed, trying to keep his breathing as slow and rhythmic as possible. Maybe if she thought he was asleep…

“Cole, I know you’re awake. You can’t pretend to be sleeping again!” She said in her stern, cold voice.

He fought back a tremble, shutting his eyes harder as he curled into himself.

“Just come help Mommy, okay? We’ll play a quick game and then be done! We can get ice cream afterward if you're good. That sounds nice, right?”

He fought back a sob, mumbling soothing words to himself as he listened to footsteps approach his bed.

“Cole! Quit being such a brat! It’ll be quick, okay?!”

She ripped the blanket away.

Cole sobbed, his entire body shaking as he took ragged breaths in and out.

He fought through the flashbacks, forcing himself to keep moving his hand as he bit down on his cheek.

His mouth tasted like metal. Good, the taste would help ground him, give him something else to focus on. He squeezed his eyes shut and tried to focus on something, anything but his memories.

“Emmett, I don’t wanna do it anymore!” Cole cried, leaning into his brother's side.

“Neither do I, Cole, but she’s not gonna stop.”

“I just want Pappy…” He sobbed.

Emmett grabbed him by the shoulders and held him at arm's length, forcing him to make eye contact. “Listen to me. He’s not coming to save us. He’s not going to fix this. You need to find a way to get through this on your own.”

“You don’t know that! He will! I-I called him, he said he’s gonna try to bring us to his farm!”

“You what?!” Emmett shoved Cole back harshly, knocking him into the frame of his bed. “Why would you tell him? Why would you tell anyone?!”

“I just can’t do it anymore! Everyone tells me not to tell on her, but I need help! We both need help!”

Emmett groaned, standing up and pacing around. “They’re not gonna help us! Don’t you know how these things work?! You’re only gonna make it worse!”

Cole sobbed harder, curling in on himself as Emmett stood up and stormed to the door.

“Whatever. You’re gonna be the one to pay when she finds out.” He slammed the door behind him, leaving Cole to cry alone on his bed.

He needed this to stop, his memories would have to slow down so he could finish this. Clearly trying to disassociate wasn’t working. He needed another strategy.

He stopped for a moment, taking a deep breath before moving his hand again. If he couldn’t stop his memories from invading his head, at least he could choose which ones to think about. He tried his best to think of something positive, something that would soothe him enough to be able to finish this.

His mind searched, trying to come up with anything that wouldn’t go back to reminding him of his mother. After flipping back and forth between topics, he found only one that seemed consistently positive enough to soothe him.

Shane.

It felt wrong, but he reasoned with himself it wasn’t like that. He would just reminisce over happy times, nothing more. He took a deep breath as he went through his memories, focusing on times at the saloon with Shane.

He clung to those memories like a lifeline, calming his breathing as he tried to remember as much detail as possible. The music playing that particular night, who was at the saloon, what he was talking about with Shane. He tried to remember what he’d been wearing, what Shane was wearing, how it felt when he grabbed Shane’s arm to soothe him.

He took another deep breath. This was helping. Much to his relief, he started feeling okay. Calm enough to keep going without any more flashbacks.

He kept trying to remember little details. The way Shane’s eyes looked, the way he hid his smile by taking a drink, the way his lips moved when he talked. He paused as a pang of arousal shot through him. Was he… enjoying this? No. No, of course he wasn’t. This was just to make this manageable. Nothing more than that.

He continued moving his hand, albeit with more hesitance than before. He thought more about Shane, trying to remember the best he could the way his voice sounded. His breathing got heavier the more details he remembered, his anxiety taking a different form.

No, this couldn’t be getting him off. He couldn’t possibly be enjoying thinking about this. He had to make sure though, for his own sake.

A new thought took form in his head as he continued rocking his hand back and forth. He breathed in and out heavily as he thought about Shane, this time imagining kissing him. How his hair would feel in Cole’s hand while he held the back of his head, how his side would feel with Cole’s hand gripping his waist.

“Fuck–” He choked. He was enjoying this, wasn’t he? He choked back the nausea in his stomach. He had to finish this, he’d deal with… whatever he was feeling once he was done.

His hand sped up as he continued fantasizing. He imagined Shane in bed with him, laying on top of him as he kissed him. He would wrap his arms around Shane’s back, bringing one up to his hair to pull his face closer to Cole’s. Shane would reciprocate, using one hand to hold himself up and slipping the other under-

“Fuck, Shane–” Cole panted, all his nausea and anxiety pushed to the back of his mind as he finished.

He breathed heavily in and out, at peace for a moment before the reality of what he’d just done hit him.

His breathing returned to a panicked pant as his fear set back in. “No. No, no, no, no, no–” He mumbled to himself, jolting out of bed and knocking the bottle of bourbon over as he staggered out of bed and to the bathroom.

Clumsily, he slammed the door open and rushed to the sink without bothering to turn the lights on. He turned the water on and vigorously scrubbed his hands, as if using enough soap or washing his hands hard enough he could undo what he just did.

His mind raced through a thousand thoughts a minute as he desperately tried to rid himself of the shame and guilt. How could he have thought those things and not stopped himself? How could he have thought those things and liked it?

Shane was his best friend, another man at that. It was violating to both of them to think about him in that way. Cole couldn’t even imagine how Shane would react if he knew what Cole just did. He’d probably never want to talk to him again, he’d probably be so disgusted he wouldn’t even be able to look at him again.

Cole swallowed the bile in his throat, trying to avoid throwing up. He finally dried his hands after washing them at least ten times. Blankly, he stared at them as they trembled above the sink.

After a moment of this, he fell to the floor, curling in on himself and sobbing as he pushed his back against the wall. He couldn’t handle this. He couldn’t feel this way. He had tried so hard his entire life to avoid feeling this way. What would his Pappy think? Cole had turned into the one thing he’d always been told never to become, what he’d been told was the most reprehensible thing a man could be.

What would he do now? He couldn’t just abandon Shane, but he couldn’t keep letting himself feel this way. He had to purge this as soon as possible. He wouldn’t let himself live this way. Pappy wouldn’t have wanted it.

All he wanted was for his grandson to become a good, upstanding, conservative man like himself, and Cole had failed him at every turn. He couldn’t bring himself to have the same religion, he couldn’t bring himself to have the same beliefs, and now he couldn’t even avoid becoming the thing his grandfather hated most. The one thing he’d been told to never become.

After a few more minutes of ragged, panicked crying, Cole stood back up. He stumbled back into the main room and climbed into bed, curling up under the covers to hide as much of himself as possible. He sobbed as he hugged his knees, resisting the urge to pick up his phone and call Shane.

That was all he wanted to do right now, to talk to his friend and make things better. But they’d never be better again, not after this, not after what he’d done.

If only he would have recognized how he felt before he got so close to Shane. If he realized earlier on, he could have distanced himself. But what was he supposed to do now?

He didn’t know. He felt lost and scared with no clue what to do with himself.

As he continued to sob into his blanket, he squeezed his eyes shut. Maybe if he fell asleep, he would wake up and find none of this really happened. He drifted off with that prayer of a thought, clinging onto the hope that he’d drank enough tonight to forget about this by morning.

Chapter Text

Cole sat on the bus beside his sister as they drove down the bumpy country roads. Anxiously, he bounced his leg as it rested on his suitcase.

Sadie stared out the window with her head resting on the glass. Across from them, Emmett sat staring out his own window. The bus was empty aside from the three of them. All the other passengers had gotten off at previous stops in more populated cities.

Cole took a deep breath and closed his eyes, willing himself to fall asleep so the ride would go by faster.

After a short nap, Cole was jolted awake by the bus coming to a sharp stop in front of a beaten-down path. Emmett stood up, grabbed his bags, and nodded at Cole to follow him.

“Are we here…?” Sadie asked, rubbing her eyes as Cole stood up.

“Yeah. Here, let me help you.” He threw her backpack over his shoulder and grabbed his own bags as she followed Emmett out of the bus. Cole walked behind, quickly thanking the bus driver before stepping out onto the trodden dirt path.

Outside, a gruff older man stood talking to Emmett. He smiled at him, rubbing the top of his head before meeting eyes with Cole.

“Pappy!” Cole yelled, dropping his things in the grass and running up to him.

“Woah! Easy, son.” He warned as Cole ran up and hugged him.

“I’m just so happy to see you…” He sniffled, holding back tears of relief. He was finally here, finally safe.

“I know you are, kid. Let’s get you three to the farm to settle in, okay?” Cole nodded and let go, running back to grab his things before trailing along behind Pappy and his two siblings.

“I’m still working on getting a proper bed built, but I have two mattresses set up in the bedroom. I moved my bed to the living room, one of you can sleep on the couch.”

“Not it.” Emmett quickly said.

“I’ll do it.” Cole smiled, “I want Sadie to have a bed.”

“Alright, then. You get the couch, Cole.” He grinned, ruffling Cole’s hair as they stepped onto the farm.

It was a massive piece of land, trees and grass as far as the eye could see with rows of crops in front of the house and a chicken coop not far to the left.

“It’s hot out here…” Sadie mumbled.

“Yeah. It’s summer, you dingus.” Emmett quipped.

The three walked into the house after Pappy, looking around at the dingy place as he flicked the light on. The house, which really was more of a shack, was small and decrepit. The floorboards creaked with every step and the lights were a sickening shade of artifical yellow.

“Now, it’s not much, but I’ll try to make it as comfortable as I can for you three.”

Sadie and Emmett exchanged sour faces as they took the place in. Cole on the other hand was beaming, looking around excitedly as Pappy showed the other two to their rooms. He got his bags organized, stowing them all to the side of the couch before Pappy returned to the room without Emmett and Sadie.

“It was nice what you did back there, son. Giving Sadie the bed.”

“I just want her to be comfortable. I’m happy sleeping anywhere as long as it’s here.”

Pappy chuckled, ruffling Cole’s hair as he took a seat on the couch. “Well, I’m glad to have you all out here. Welcome home, son.”

Cole jolted awake, covered in sweat as his phone buzzed loudly. He looked over at it, his stomach dropping as he read the contact name of the caller.

Shane.

He scrambled out of bed, forcing away his memories of the previous night as he rushed to the dresser and grabbed fresh clothes. All he wanted right now was to take a shower and try to wash the dirty feeling away.

He stared guiltily at the phone as it rang, eventually coming to a stop after the final buzz of a text message sounded. Cole sighed, walking to the bathroom and turning the shower on.

He removed the few clothes he had on before hopping into the shower, intentionally leaving it cold. The frigid water helped shock him awake. It grounded him, helped him keep his anxiety at bay until he could take it out on something else.

What was he going to do today? There was no way he’d be able to face Shane, not after what he did last night. He held onto the hope that maybe it wasn’t true. Maybe he was just drunk and confused. That had to be it. There was no way he was actually…

He sighed as he scrubbed himself down, trying to wash away his shame. As much as he wanted to deny it, it made too much sense. Finally, it clicked why he loved being around Shane so much. Why he loved his smile so much and found himself counting down the minutes until he could see him again. Really, he didn’t know how he didn’t see it sooner. All the signs were there, he just mistook them for a deep friendship.

Never in a million years did he think it could be this. He'd never even considered it an option. But as much as he hated it, it made sense. He thought so much of Shane. He wouldn’t have even minded his feelings if one of them were a girl. But loving another man? It was too much for him. As much as he wanted to see Shane again, he didn’t think he could handle it. Not after realizing what he knew now.

He’d take a day off of the saloon, lock himself away on the farm to work for the rest of the day. That way he could avoid Shane. And everyone else for that matter.

He shut the water off, the knobs squeaking as they turned. The tap slowly dribbled to a stop as he stepped out and dried himself off, throwing his clothes on quickly before returning to the main room.

He walked to the kitchen, rummaging through his cabinets looking for something filling to make before he got to work. He settled on oatmeal, pouring some oats and milk into a pot to cook.

After breakfast, Cole got dressed for the day and stepped outside. He took a deep breath as he stepped on the porch, steeling himself for the day.

“Morning, Cole!”

“Shit-!” Cole nearly jumped out of his skin as Robin waved cheerfully. She stood on the other side of the house with a hammer in one hand and a plank of wood held under one of her arms.

Right. Robin was working on the house today.

“Ha, sorry. You, uh. You scared me.” He stammered, walking awkwardly beside her. “Good morning, though.”

“God, I must’ve scared you pretty bad. You look like you just saw a ghost!” She laughed loudly. Cole laughed awkwardly along with her, wishing he could disappear. “How’d you sleep?” She asked.

“Uh, fine.” Terribly, actually. “I should get to work though. I need to get all these crops watered and feed the chickens before it gets too hot.”

“Yeah, go ahead! Don’t mind me. I’ll try not to be too loud.” Cole nodded before walking off to the plants, starting with the blueberries.

He zoned out as he grabbed his watering can from the ground, methodically dousing the plants with water while going back and forth to refill the can after each row. How would he tell Shane he wasn’t going to the saloon tonight? He could barely think about him without getting nauseous. How was he possibly going to manage calling or texting him? He was terrified of talking to him, terrified that even just hearing his voice would make his feelings worse.

He sighed, biting his cheek as he moved onto watering the peppers. What was he supposed to do? He didn’t know how to fix this, how to make this go away. There was no way he could accept it either. He knew what he was, but he couldn’t even bring himself to think the word. He’d have to deny it, push it back to the furthest point of his mind and make sure to never think about it. That way it couldn’t ruin things.

He wiped his forehead with his hand as he finished up with the crops, making his way to the coop after setting the watering can down. He opened the fence and stepped through, greeting the chickens that were already outside.

“Morning, Lorraine. Morning, Sugar.” He smiled at them as he walked to the bag of feed sitting on top of the crate Shane left for him. With the measuring cup he’d left inside the bag, he scooped the feed out and scattered it around the dirt.

“Eat up, girls.” He said as he opened the gate back. As he stepped outside, his phone began buzzing in his pocket again. His stomach dropped as he fished it from his pocket, quickly denying the call. He opened his texts and looked at the last two Shane had sent him.

‘Call me back when you can’

‘Are u good?’

A third one came in as he read them, ‘I see you reading these’

Damn read receipts. He took a deep breath before calling Shane back.

“Hey.” He said, his heart racing.

There was pause on the other line before Shane spoke. “What’s wrong?”

Cole’s stomach dropped hearing Shane. Any doubts he had before that he was just confused were stomped by the butterflies just hearing his voice gave him. “What? Nothing. Nothing’s wrong.” Cole said with a shaking voice.

“...Dude, you sound like shit. And you always answer the phone.”

“Just a busy morning.”

“Bullshit. You’ve answered the phone while you’re working before.”

“What did you want, anyway?”

“Doesn’t matter. Why are you acting so weird?”

“I just,” Cole sighed, “I had a weird night, okay?”

Shane was quiet for a moment. “Did I make you uncomfortable or something yesterday?”

“No– It was after I went home.”

“Oh.” He said, sounding relieved. “...Do you wanna talk about it or something?”

“No.” Cole said a little too quickly. “No. No, absolutely not.”

“God, okay. We don’t have to.” Shane sighed, “Okay, well clearly you don’t wanna talk right now. See you tonight?” Cole paused, biting the inside of his cheek. “...Cole?”

“Maybe tomorrow.”

“What? Why?”

“I just need some space today.”

“...Sure, alright.” Shane said. “Call me if you need anything, ‘kay?”

“Yeah, ‘course. Bye.” Cole hung up, sighing with relief as he did. He felt awful blowing Shane off, but he had to avoid him for the time being. He knew he wouldn’t be able to face him. After taking another deep breath, he walked back to the farm house to grab his tools and start working the land.

Cole chopped slowly at a tree, his arms sore and fatigued as he swung. It’d been hours since he started working and not once had he stopped for any kind of rest or food. He stood in the back of the field, hacking the trees down one by one.

He’d used the work as an escape. If he could focus on getting as much done as possible, he’d be able to forget about everything else. He embraced the ache in his arms, doing his best to focus on his exhaustion and pain to avoid thinking about Shane. The last thing he wanted to do was think about any of it.

He glanced at the moon, his only source of light. This was probably the most productive he’d been in months, in just a day he’d managed to chop down at least a dozen trees and haul all the lumber back to his house. Robin had questioned how he was doing once or twice, but each time he deflected and went right back to working. By the time the sun set, she’d gone back home leaving him to continue working in peace.

He was on the brink of exhaustion now, his body sluggish from overexertion as he slowly chopped the tree. Finally, he stopped chopping as he slumped to the ground and sat his axe beside him. He panted, trying to catch his breath. He had to be dehydrated, he wasn’t sure when the last time he drank water was. That combined with the summer heat and how much he’d sweat all day surely ensured he was.

Good. He deserved it, he deserved to suffer like this. Maybe if he punished himself enough for feeling this way, eventually it would go away. For now though, he needed to rest. He’d forced himself to his limit and far beyond, pushing his body as far as it would take him without shutting down.

He laid on his back, staring up at the sky as hundreds of stars shone in the air. It was beautiful. He only wished Shane were here to see it with him. He grimaced at that thought, mentally cursing himself for thinking of Shane again. With his last ounce of strength he tried to push himself up and force himself to work again, as punishment for not being able to keep his thoughts at bay. He failed though, falling hard into the ground after almost managing to sit up.

Tears pooled in his eyes as he stared upwards. Desperately, he squeezed them shut in an attempt to will them away. He kept his eyes closed after, barely noticing as he started to fade out of consciousness.

Nearby, Jack bounded up to him, barking as he reached Cole’s side. Cole showed no signs of stirring, completely knocked out even through Jack’s loud barking. After a moment he stopped, settling down and laying against Cole to protect him as he slept through the night.

Chapter Text

Shane sat at the bar of the saloon, flipping his phone over to check for notifications for what had to be the hundredth time. He didn’t know why he kept looking, it was obvious he wouldn’t hear from Cole for the rest of the night.

For the last few days, the only times he’d heard from Cole were when he told Shane he wouldn’t be at the saloon or when Shane texted first. Even then, he didn’t always respond. He’d used the excuse he was busy, but before he’d always made time for Shane no matter how busy he was.

He had to have done something. Cole denied it, but Shane knew he wasn’t acting this way for no reason. It was starting to get to him, how much Cole had been avoiding him. He hadn’t even been fishing on Shane’s way to work anymore.

Shane sighed, sipping at the beer in front of him as he stared vacantly at the wooden countertops. It was awful being here by himself again, but he couldn’t spend another day at home doing nothing. He’d driven himself crazy spending the entire week alone. He glanced up as Emily walked over, a bright smile on her face.

“Hi, Shane!”

“Hey.” He replied flatly.

“I haven’t seen you in a few days! Where have you been?”

“Uh, home.”

“That’s nice! It’s important to spend time with your family.”

“Mhm.” He agreed absently. Again, he checked his phone.

Still nothing.

“So, where’s Cole tonight?” Emily asked innocently as she leaned against the counter.

Shane’s eye twitched before he responded. “Mining, apparently. Didn’t know we even had mines in this town.”

“Oh, yeah! They’re up in the mountains. I didn’t know anyone went in there though…”

“Well, Cole does now.” Shane huffed.

Emily frowned and brushed a piece of hair out of her face. “You sound upset. Did you two have another fight or something?”

“That’s the thing, I don’t know!” Shane groaned, “He hasn’t talked to me all week. I don’t know if I did something or what, but he won’t answer my calls, he’s been avoiding me like the plague, and he’ll barely even answer my texts.”

“Wow.” Emily said, “That was so open of you!”  She smiled and placed a hand on Shane’s shoulder, leaning across the bar to do so. He grimaced and swiped her arm away.

“Don’t get used to it. I’m just frustrated.” He sighed.

“I understand. I’d be frustrated, too.” She paused thoughtfully. “You’ve tried asking him what’s wrong, right?”

“Two or three times, yeah. He just shuts me down and insists everything is fine.”

She nodded. “He might just need some space! Maybe he’s going through something.”

“Maybe… He’s just never needed space like this before. It’s weird.”

“It is.” She agreed with a sigh. “But I’m sure he’ll start talking to you again soon!”

Shane nodded, taking another sip of his beer.

“Speaking of Cole, I had a question.” Emily started.

“Shoot.”

“Is he–?” She cut herself off, looking at the other end of the bar as Pam sat down. “Ah, shoot. I’ll be right back, okay?”

“Yeah.” Shane said as she walked to the other side of the bar to help Pam.

He stared at the countertop again, eyes glazing over as he lost himself in thought. Could Cole have realized? Was that why he was being so avoidant? No, there was no way. Shane had done everything he could to hide it, to make sure Cole would never notice. But then again, he was fairly drunk the last time they saw each other. Had he let something slip without noticing?

He fought the pit in his stomach, trying to suppress his anxiety. It would make sense if that was why Cole ghosted him. There was no way he had positive feelings about queer people, and if he found out Shane was one of them… Well, he just hoped that wasn’t the case.

Emily walked back over as Shane snapped himself out of his thoughts. “Where were we?” She asked.

“You were about to ask me something.”

“Oh, right!” She smiled, “Do you know if Cole is seeing anybody.”

“...What?”

“Is he seeing anybody?” She repeated in a chipper tone, “I’ve been wanting to ask him on a date, but I didn’t want to overstep if he was taken. Plus, I didn’t know if he’d even be interested! I wanted to ask you if you thought I had a chance first, since you’re his best friend and all.”

She had to be kidding. She had to be kidding.

“You’re… interested in Cole.” Shane repeated, more as a statement than a question.

“Yeah! I mean, he just seems so kind and open minded. He’s been such a good friend to everyone since he moved back. I really value that in a person.”

Shane’s eyes twitched. He felt like a blood vessel was about to pop out of his head.

“Well, he’s definitely single.” He said in an agitated tone. One Emily clearly didn’t pick up on.

“Well, that’s a relief!” She sighed, “Do you think he’d even be interested in me though? He seems a bit more traditional than me, so I don’t know if he’d see me the way I see him.”

This could not be happening. Did god really hate Shane that much?

He took a deep breath before speaking, “I don’t know, Emily. I don’t know.”

Her face dropped as she seemed to become aware of Shane’s discomfort. “Oh, hey… I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to upset you.”

“I’m not upset.” He said snippily.

“No, no. That was my fault. I should’ve waited for a better day to bring it up since you two are going through something. I just didn’t know when the next time I’d see you alone was, so I wanted to ask as soon as I could, you know?”

“Sure.” Shane said as he stood up.

“Shane! Look, I’m sorry. You don’t have to leave, I won’t talk about Cole any more!” He walked to the door as Emily spoke, letting it shut behind him without another word.

Really? Did this really have to happen on top of everything else he was dealing with? He’d felt jealous of Emily before, but this was so much worse. As he walked he fished his phone from his pocket, checking one more time for any texts.

Still nothing.

He groaned as he put his phone away, trying to push his jealousy to the back of his mind until he could get home to a liquor bottle.

Finally, he made it to the ranch. He quietly opened the door, shutting it behind him before walking into the dining room. Marnie sat at the table, a cup of tea in front of her and a book in her hand. She looked up from her book, smiling gently at Shane as she put it down.

“You’re home early.”

“Yeah.” He said, walking to his door. She frowned and picked her book up as he walked away and put his hand on the handle. After a moment, he sighed and turned around before sitting at the table.

“...Still haven’t heard from him?” Marnie asked as she shut her book again and placed it to the side.

“Nope. Nothing.” Shane sighed. She smiled sadly and put a hand on his shoulder.

“I’m surprised. He’s never done anything like this before.” She sighed, “Well, if you want me to talk to him–”

“No, that’d only make it worse.”

“...If you say so.” Marnie paused. “Did something happen tonight? You seem upset.”

Shane hesitated, deliberating on what to say. “No. Not tonight. I just—” He cut himself off with a sigh, “I miss him.”

“I understand.” Marnie smiled sympathetically. “I’ve gone through the same thing, I know it’s hard to be ignored like that.”

“What, with Lewis?”

Marnie blushed and sat up straight, looking to the side as she talked frantically. “Lewis? What– No! Why would you think that?”

“...Was it supposed to be a secret?”

Marnie sighed and deflated, leaning on her hand as she looked at Shane. “He wants it to be. I don’t for the life of me understand why.”

“Seriously?”

She nodded. “He says it will ruin his reputation, that he won’t be as credible of a mayor if he were…” She trailed off and sighed. “Well, anyway. It doesn’t really matter.”

“Marnie, seriously? You shouldn’t be with a guy who’s embarrassed to be with you.”

She blushed and brushed a piece of hair away. “I know, but he can be such a good man. He does so much good in the community.”

“Weren’t you telling me a few weeks ago how you were worried about feeding the animals this winter because of his tax policy?” She opened her mouth to speak, but closed it a moment later. “Look, Marnie, I’m not gonna tell you who to date because it’s not my business. I just think you can do better than him.”

“Maybe you’re right.” She frowned. “I just hate to throw it all away.”

“Sometimes it’s just not worth it.” Shane shrugged. He fished his phone out of his pocket and checked it one more time. Still nothing.

“Penny came by to talk to me today.” Marnie said as Shane put his phone face up on the table.

“Yeah? What’d she say?”

“We talked about Jas. She’s been excelling in school. Penny says she’s far above the reading level of someone her age.”

“Yeah, she’s a smart kid.” Shane agreed. “She’s been reading a lot more lately.”

Marnie nodded and took a sip of her tea. “I’m glad she’s been doing so well with school. Hopefully she keeps it up and gets into a good college one day.”

“It’s a bit early to be thinking about college, don’t you think?” Shane gave a lopsided smile.

“Maybe so. I just want the best for her.”

“We both do.”

Marnie smiled and nodded. She quickly finished her cup of tea before standing up and taking it to the sink. “Well, I should get to bed. It’s getting late and I have to be up early tomorrow.”

“Alright.” Shane said as he stood up. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“Goodnight, Shane.” She smiled kindly before walking to her room. Shane did the same, stepping inside while clicking the door closed behind him.

He stared vacantly at his room, considering what to do. Before talking to Marnie, he told himself he was going to get drunk. But now he was in a better mood. He’d rather save his liquor for a time he felt worse.

He sighed and climbed into bed, deciding it was better just to sleep. His mind wandered restlessly as he forced his eyes closed.

How much longer could Cole avoid him? Forever? Would it be better if he just showed up and forced Cole to talk to him? No, that could only go wrong. If Cole was going to come back, it’d need to be on his own terms. Shane just wished it’d be sooner rather than later.

He’d felt so isolated all week. He hadn’t realized just how much Cole’s company meant to him until he didn’t have it anymore. With a groan he rolled onto his side and hid his face in his blankets. Why was he thinking about Cole? All he could ever think about anymore was Cole. This was probably why he left, because Shane was so damn clingy and obsessive. If he could’ve just–

Shane jolted up as his phone buzzed loudly beside him. His eyes shot wide awake as he scrambled to grab it. Without even looking at the contact, he answered the call. Only one person would call him this late.

“Hello?” He asked with urgency.

“Uh, hey.” Cole said, sounding exhausted. Shane sighed with relief, butterflies swarming through his stomach. His relief was soon replaced with anger as he continued talking.

“What the fuck, Cole?! It’s been a week since I’ve heard from you!”

“I’ve texted you at least once a day.” He said tiredly.

“Yeah, well usually you see or call me once a day. Are you finally gonna tell me what’s going on?” The other end of the line was silent. Shane sighed before continuing. “Will you just tell me what I did already so I can make up for it…?”

“Shane…” Cole sighed tiredly, “I already told you. You did nothing wrong.”

“Then why won’t you talk to me?” It was silent for longer than comfortable before Cole spoke again.

“I’m really sorry, I just– I’m going through something. I wanna see you again, though.” Shane’s heart soared as he heard that. He took a deep breath to compose himself and make sure he didn’t sound too elated before responding.

“Okay, yeah. Pond tomorrow?”

“Sure. Usual time?”

“Yeah.”

“Alright, then.” Cole sighed. “Goodnight, partner.” Shane’s heart twisted. He’d hoped Cole would want to talk even just a little before he left.

“Yeah. Night.” There was silence for a moment before Cole ended the call. Shane sighed with relief, smiling as he rolled onto his back and stared up at the ceiling.

His best friend was back.

Chapter Text

Shane walked out of the back room of JojaMart after his shift finally ended. He sighed as he walked through the store, exiting the front doors and stepping into the hot summer air.

He hated to admit it, but he was anxious as hell about seeing Cole again. It’d only been a little over a week since they last saw each other, but that felt like an eternity given that they had hung out nearly every day since they met.

He opened his phone as he walked down the street, checking for any texts from Cole. Nothing. With a sigh, he pocketed his phone and started down the path to the pond.

Part of him wondered if Cole would even show up. He’d promised he would last night, but with how avoidant he’d been and his lack of communication today, Shane was starting to doubt he meant it. It’d be better to check, he thought.

He pulled out his phone, calling Cole as the dirt path turned to stone. Shane’s stomach churned as the phone rang. After a moment Cole picked up, his voice strained.

“Howdy.”

“Hey, uh, are we still on for tonight?”

“Yeah, yeah. I’m running a little behind on errands though. Might be a bit late.”

“That’s fine.” Shane said, quickly turning direction toward the saloon. “I’ll pick up some beers and meet you there a little later then.”

“Yeah, sure.” They both paused, an awkward silence between them.

“So, anything else you need?” Cole asked after a moment.

“No, I guess not.”

“Alright. See you soon, then.”

“Right. Bye.” Cole hung up, leaving Shane standing alone in front of the saloon. He sighed and stepped inside, Emily waving as he walked up to the bar and took a seat.

“Hi, Shane!” She said as she grabbed a beer from under the counter.

“Hey.” He raised a hand in greeting and took the beer gratefully, cracking it open and taking a sip.

“How’s the situation with Cole?”

“He called me last night. We’re supposed to meet up tonight, but he said he’s running late.” He sighed. “He’s probably not gonna show up.”

“Don’t say that! I’m sure he’s just busy. There’s gotta be a lot to do on that farm.”

“Sure.” Shane rolled his eyes and took another sip.

“I don’t think he’s the kind of guy to bail on you, Shane.”

“I didn’t think he was the kind of guy to ghost me for a week, either.” Shane mumbled.

Emily frowned, leaning against the counter. “Well then, let’s talk about something else to get your mind off it!”

“Sure.”

“Are you going to the Luau tomorrow?”

“That’s tomorrow?”

“Yeah! You should go! Maybe you can talk to Cole there.”

“If he even shows up.” Shane muttered.

“Of course he’ll show up! He’s gone to all the festivals so far.”

“Fair enough.” He conceded. He fished his phone out of his pocket as it buzzed, a text from Cole.

‘on my way’ it said.

“We’re meeting at the pond, I should get going.” Shane said as he stood up. “Can I get a six pack on my way out?”

“Sure!” Emily said as she walked to the register. Shane followed and paid for his beer, waving goodbye as he left the saloon. He swallowed the butterflies in his stomach as he made his way down the path. 

A short walk later he made it to the dock. Cole sat at the edge drumming his fingers along the wood. He glanced up at Shane and quickly shot his head back down, staring into the water. Shane took a seat next to him while putting the beer between the two of them and opening a can.

“...Hey.”

“Howdy.” Cole took a beer and cracked it open, avoiding looking at Shane.

“So, what have you been up to?”

“Not much. Been mining, taking care of the chickens.”

“Mining." Shane said flatly. "That’s new.”

“Mhm.”

They sat in an awkward silence. Shane took another sip of his beer while Cole stared absently at the water.

“...So, why mining?”

“Uh,” Cole paused, “You know. New hobby, I guess. And I wanna upgrade my tools if I can. I’ll need materials to give Clint if I do.”

“That’s a weird hobby to take up out of nowhere.”

Cole shrugged, taking a sip of his beer. Shane hesitated, waiting for Cole to say something. A few moments went by before Shane realized he had no intention of talking unless prompted. His eye twitched as he looked at Cole.

“Okay, what is this?”

“What?” Cole asked in a flat tone, still looking down.

“What do you mean, ‘what’?” Shane asked, an edge in his voice. “You’ve spent all week avoiding me, and when you finally say you wanna see me again you won’t even look at me.”

Cole grimaced, glancing in Shane’s direction. He opened his mouth to speak but closed it a moment later, sighing through his nose.

“Well?” Shane demanded.

“It’s nothing.”

“Nothing?? Clearly, this isn’t nothing. You don’t start avoiding your closest friend like the plague over nothing.”

“I’m sorry, okay? I’ve been going through a lot this week. I just couldn’t handle being around people.”

“Bullshit. You’ve been around Robin all week, she’s been working on your house.”

“I’ve been avoiding her, too!” Cole snipped, finally looking at Shane.

Butterflies swarmed in his stomach as he met eyes with Cole, finally getting a good look at his face for the first time in what felt like forever. He’d forgotten just how handsome he was. He swallowed his feelings as he chugged half his beer, placing the can down next to him.

“Shane, seriously. I need you to trust me when I say this is a me problem. I’m just–” He sighed, “I don’t know. Just stop taking it personally.”

“Stop taking it personally? Cole, you’ve insisted on seeing me every day since we met. How could I not take this personally? You’ve never avoided me like this before, not even when you’ve been struggling.”

Cole grimaced, staring into the water.

“Obviously this has something to do with me. Will you just tell me what I did?” Shane sighed, his voice quieting. “I just wanna fix this. I want you back, Cole.”

Cole’s breath hitched, his grip tightening on his can. “Wasn’t you.” He whispered with a wavering voice.

“Then what is it?”

Cole stayed quiet, biting his lip. “I can’t tell you. You’d hate me– I hate me.” He spoke quickly, his breathing unsteady.

“That’s such fucking bullshit! Why are you making excuses?! Just tell me!” Shane said, anger rising in his chest.

“It’s not an excuse!”

“Then just tell me what it is so we can get past it!”

“No. No, if I can’t even admit it to myself, I’m sure as hell not telling you.”

“What, so now you don’t trust me either?”

“God, would you quit making this about yourself?!” Cole yelled.

“How is this not about me? You completely ghosted me when you’ve never gone a day without seeing me before!”

“You’ve done the same thing! You remember that night I got all upset at you at the saloon?”

“That was one day Cole! This has been a week!” He yelled. “I don’t get it, did something just suddenly happen overnight to make you wanna avoid me forever?”

“Would you quit being so fucking dramatic?!” Cole yelled, edging into Shane’s space.

“Did you finally realize how worthless I am? That I’m not worth the time of day?”

“Shane–” Cole threatened.

"I really shouldn’t be surprised. I mean, this whole time I’d been trying to show you how awful I really was so you’d leave me alone.”

“Will you just stop-?”

“I thought that maybe the one time I let my guard down, it wouldn’t come back to bite me in the ass. Guess I know better now.” Shane said with venom.

“You know none of that’s true.”

“No, no, I get it Cole! I really was just your charity project all along. Thought you could just try and fix me then throw me away when I became too much for you!” Shane stood up, knocking his can over into the water.

Cole followed and grabbed Shane to stop him from leaving. “Don’t do this Shane.” He said irritatedly.

Shane paused, staring in disbelief. He laughed after a moment, shoving Cole away from him. “Don’t do this? Don’t do this?!” You wanna tell me not to do this after you’ve left me all fucking week?!”

“It’s only been a few days Shane, I just need to sort my shit out!”

"Yeah, shit that clearly involves me!”

“God, would you stop it already?!” Cole groaned, “Yes! Yes, it’s about you! But not like you’re making it out to be!”

Shane deflated, all of his malice leaving as it was replaced by cold despair.

Cole sighed as he looked to the side. “Look, I’m really struggling right now. I’ve wanted to talk to you, I really have, I’m just–” He balled a fist at his side. “This is a lot for me.”

"Yeah. I’m a lot for you.”

“Will you just put your inferiority complex away for one second and listen to what I’m saying?” Cole grabbed Shane’s shoulder for a moment but ripped his hand away not a second later. “Look,” He grimaced, “I’m struggling with something involving you. Doesn’t mean you’re ‘too much for me’ or that I never wanna talk to you again. I just– I need space.”

“Yeah, sure.” Shane spat, “I’ll give you all the space you need. I’m leaving.”

Cole grabbed his wrist, looking at him pleadingly. “Shane, stay. I’m sorry for yelling, we can work this out. I just–”

Shane ripped his arm away, wiping at his eye as a tear threatened to fall. “No, I get it. You don’t need to bother with me anymore, Cole. Now I know I’m just a waste of space to you, too.” He sped off towards the ranch, ignoring Cole calling after him.

He never should’ve gotten so attached, he knew better than to let his guard down. How could anyone want him with how broken he was, especially someone like Cole? He cursed himself as tears fell, desperately swiping them away as he approached the ranch.

He entered as silently as possible, rushing to his room and shutting the door behind him. His phone buzzed in his pocket, Cole calling him. He put it on silent before throwing his phone onto the mattress. He sat on the floor against his bed, sinking into himself.

He fished under the bed for his half-empty bottle of gin, the bottle he hadn’t touched since…

He wished he’d done it. More than anything right now he wished he weren’t alive. For once, Shane finally thought he’d found one person who liked him, one person who wanted to be around him that wasn’t obligated by blood. It was miserable knowing he was wrong.

He opened the bottle, gulping as much down in one drink as he could without making himself sick. He gagged as he moved the bottle away from his lips, coughing as he did. He took a break to take a breath before chugging more, trying to get as much alcohol in his system in as short a time as possible. He groaned as he drank, finally putting the bottle down after drinking at least a fourth of what was left.

He grimaced as his phone continued buzzing on the bed. After a moment he closed the bottle and slid it under his bed before crawling onto his blankets. The screen showed several texts from Cole, most of them longer than he cared to read. He put it on mute, placing his phone face down as he slid under the covers and curled into himself.

He squeezed his eyes shut as they teared up. Now that Cole had left him, Shane wasn’t sure what to do with himself. All he knew was that he didn’t want to be around anymore. He was so tired of this, tired of being given false hope only to have the rug ripped from under him time and time again.

He was going to do it. Really do it this time. Plan ahead and make sure that he was ready, that he wouldn’t back out like before.

He fished his phone out and looked at his calendar. After skimming over the days, he clicked on the upcoming Saturday, marking an event for that day. How would he do it though? The train was always an option, but he didn’t know if it’d be coming that day or not. Hanging was too much work and a gun was too messy. He didn’t want to traumatize Jas any more than this already would.

After a moment of thinking, he added a note under the event. ‘Cliffs.’ Maybe he’d change his mind in the morning when he felt better. Maybe he wouldn’t. But it gave him a sense of relief to have a plan. If he was still ready, it’d be over this week. He sighed, grabbing a pillow and clutching it to his chest as he sobbed into it.

It’d be over soon.

Chapter Text

Cole stood in his new kitchen, moving newly bought appliances and decorations around.

For the last two days, he’d been trying to reach Shane nonstop. He thought they would at least run into each other at the luau, but Shane skipped. He could only spend so long repeatedly calling Shane before driving himself crazy. Instead, he channeled his anxious energy into neurotically cleaning and reorganizing the house several times over.

There were only so many times he could rearrange the kitchen with as little furniture as he had, and he didn’t have the cash to blow on furnishing an entire house. Even if he did, it wouldn’t come in for at least a few weeks.

For what had to be the fifth time, he swapped the positions of the toaster and blender. After staring at the appliances for a few moments he slunk down onto the tile floor, burying his head in his knees.

“I’m driving myself crazy…” He mumbled. After a moment he forced himself up and glanced at the clock on his phone.

It was around five, the time Shane would usually go to the saloon. He took a deep breath and walked to his bedroom, opening the closet to find presentable clothes.

Hopefully Shane would be there, but if not Cole would run into him eventually. It wasn’t like he could hide forever. He could use a beer anyway, the stress of their argument was seriously starting to take a toll on him. He needed something to take the edge off.

After changing into a clean shirt and jeans, Cole left the house and made his way to the saloon.

After a short walk, he stepped inside and glanced around to look for Shane. He sighed and took a seat at the bar after seeing no sign of him. Maybe he was just late, it was still pretty early after all. Cole held onto that hope as Emily approached him, a beer in hand.

“Hi, Cole!”

“Howdy.” He said with a sigh. “Thanks.”

“You’re welcome!” She said as she handed over the beer. Cole cracked it open and took a long slurp, resting his head against the palm of his hand.

“You seen Shane?”

“He came in yesterday, but not for very long. He just bought a bottle of something and left. I figured he was going to hang out with you.”

“Ha, I wish.” Cole sighed, “We got into a fight… I’ve been trying to track him down to apologize, but he’s been avoiding me.”

“Like you were avoiding him?” She teased. Cole grimaced, shrinking into his seat. “Oh, hey, I was just kidding!” She quickly backtracked, putting a hand on Cole’s shoulder. “Was it that bad of a fight…?”

“I’m kinda worried he’ll never talk to me again, so yeah.”

“Surely not. You two are so close!”

“Well, maybe not anymore…”

“Don’t say that! I’m sure everything will work itself out.” She smiled brightly.

“I love your optimism, Emily.” Cole said with a strained smile.

“Aww, that’s so sweet!” She laughed and looked to the side. “Anyway, I heard you finally got your house renovated! How has that been going for you?”

“Ha, well…” Cole thought about his frenzied cleaning and reorganizing. “...It’s going.”

“Not well?” She asked.

“Too well.”

“There's no such thing!” She smiled.

Cole laughed tiredly and took a sip of his drink. “Well, what about you? What’s going on in your life?”

“Nothing exciting, just some fights with my sister. I’m visiting my friend Sandy soon, though!”

“Sandy, huh? What’s she like?”

“Oh, she’s great! She’s from the desert. She works at a little shop out there.” Emily gushed. “She really loves flowers since they don’t grow out there. I try to bring her a few every time I get the chance to see her.”

“Well, that’s awfully kind of you.”

“I try.” She smiled and brushed a piece of her hair away. “Say, Cole?”

“Hm?” He glanced up at her.

“This may come off as a bit forward, but there’s something I’ve been wanting to ask you.” She said, her voice growing unusually timid.

“Alright, let’s hear it.” Cole said as he took a sip of his beer.

“So… Gosh, this is hard to say, um…” She paused, taking a deep breath. “I think you’re a really great guy, Cole. Like, a really great guy. And I was wondering, if, um, you’re seeing anyone?”

“...I see people all the time.” Cole said, confused.

“No, no! Like. Romantically.”

Cole deflated, biting the inside of his cheek. His romantic life was the last thing he wanted to talk about.

“Ahaha… Um, no.” He laughed uncomfortably. “...Why?”

“Well, I was wondering…” She rocked back and forth on her heels, “If you would ever want to go on a date with me?”

Cole choked on his drink, bending over and coughing.

“Oh no! Are you okay?” Emily asked in a panic. Cole slowly regained his composure, sitting back up and staring at her confused.

“But you– I thought– And Shane– What??” He stared at her dumbfounded for a moment before continuing. “I, um, don’t really date?” Emily frowned and nodded along. “Look, you’re a very sweet girl, Emily. Under other circumstances, I might say yes, but I know Shane has a thing for you and I’m not looking to set him off any more than I already have.”

“Oh, I cleared that up with him actually! He doesn’t like me after all.”

“Even if he doesn’t, I just haven’t dated since I got divorced. I’m happy being single and I’m happy being just your friend.”

Emily sighed and smiled with a nod. “That’s okay, really! I just wanted to ask in case you said yes. I appreciate you being honest with me.”

“...You’re welcome.” Cole said as he paused awkwardly. “Wait, so Shane really doesn’t like you? At all?”

“He said he didn’t, at least. I’m inclined to take his word for it.” She paused for a moment and looked around before leaning in. “Honestly, sometimes it seems like he likes you.”

Cole stopped breathing for a moment, his heart caught in his throat. “Shane’s not–” He coughed, trying to regain his composure. “That’s ridiculous. We’re just really good friends.”

“I know, I know. It’s just a vibe, you know? I have pretty good intuition.”

Cole paused awkwardly before chugging the rest of his beer. “Can I, uh, have another?”

“Yeah, sure!” Emily grabbed another can from under the counter and handed it to Cole. He took it gratefully and cracked the can open before taking a large gulp.

Cole drummed his fingers on the counter before speaking. “Do you think Shane’s…?” He paused.

“Queer?” Emily filled in. “I don’t know! He’s never talked about that sort of thing. If anyone would know, it would be you.” Cole nodded before Emily continued. “Would that bother you? I know you’re kind of old-fashioned. I’m not sure where you stand on that sort of thing.”

“...I’m not real sure anymore, either.” He sighed. Emily raised a brow and gestured for him to continue. “My Pappy raised me to be against it, but he was against a lot of things that I don’t have a problem with anymore. Being queer was one of the few things he felt real strong about, though.” He sighed. “Very religious man.”

“Are you not religious?”

“Nah, never could understand it. I tried for my old man, but I stopped trying to force it on myself after he passed.”

“Hm.” She hummed thoughtfully. “I may be crossing a line by saying this, and tell me if I am, but it really seems like you’re living in his shadow.”

"What do you mean?" Cole frowned.

"It just sounds like you're holding onto his beliefs to make him proud, even if you don't stand by them."

Cole slouched into himself as she said this, taking another long drink. "Is that really a bad thing, though?"

"It is if it's making you unhappy." She frowned. “Look, I don’t know about your relationship with him or your upbringing, but you’re your own person. You’re allowed to have your own beliefs.”

“It's just hard to suddenly stop believing something you’ve been taught your whole life.” Cole sighed.

“Ha, I get it.” Emily smiled. “Don’t tell anyone, but I think my sister is the same way. Our parents are pretty conservative, so she’s had those same beliefs her whole life. To be honest though, I don’t really think she likes guys from the way she talks about them. I hope she can sort that out for herself…” She sighed and leaned against the counter. “But you seem conflicted. You should try to deconstruct that for yourself.”

Cole swallowed, his throat running dry. He felt sick at the prospect of even trying to turn away from what his Pappy taught him. He’d hate him for it. He’d be so disappointed that he’d disown Cole if he were still alive to do so.

Even if it really wasn’t wrong as Emily implied, it wasn’t what Pappy would want. By extension, Cole didn’t want it either. If it were anyone else, Cole would gladly accept them for who they are with open arms. He just wasn't able to extend the same understanding to himself.

He smiled warily at Emily, grabbing one of her hands and giving it a squeeze. “You’re a wise woman, you know that?”

“Not really, haha.” She blushed. “I just wanna be a good friend.”

“You are. You’re a great friend.” Cole paused. “...And I’m sorry that I don’t see you as more than that.”

“Oh, really it’s okay! I lose interest pretty fast when I find out someone doesn’t see me the same way I see them. I don’t wanna waste my time, you know?”

“Ha, you’re lucky. I wish I was like that.”

“I guess I am!” She smiled brightly. From across the bar, Gus called her over, giving Cole a brief wave as he did. Cole waved back as Emily spoke. “Ah, I got behind on dishes talking to you! I gotta actually work now, sorry!”

“No worries. And thanks for the advice. It’s more helpful than you realize.”

“Yeah, of course! I’ll talk to you soon, okay?”

“Course.” He smiled and waved. She reciprocated the gesture before walking off to do the dishes.

Cole sighed as she left, staring down at his hands. Was this really not as wrong as he was led to believe? Even if he could logically assure himself it wasn’t, he didn’t know if he could ever get over the way his Pappy felt about it. All he’d ever wanted to do his whole life was make him proud, and now he’d become the one thing his Pappy hated most.

No, not become, he was this way all along. He’d been repressing it, forcing it down to keep his family happy.

The revelation hit him like a train as everything clicked into place. This was why he’d never been attracted to Anna, why every romantic encounter with a woman felt forced, why he’d never had a girlfriend before meeting his wife. He thought things were meant to be this way, meant to be this unexciting and dull in relationships.

Now that he’d met Shane though, everything felt the opposite. Whenever they were together he felt alive, like there was nowhere else he’d rather be in the world. No one else he’d rather be with.

Cole still didn’t know if this was something he could ever accept about himself. Maybe he’d continue pushing it to the back of his mind forever, but he felt at least he could acknowledge it now after Emily’s speech.

He sighed and stood up, throwing his empty can away and walking to the front door. “Bye, Emily!” He called out.

She turned around and waved. “Bye, Cole!”

He smiled and left the saloon, pulling his phone out and opening Shane’s contact. He hadn’t realized until now just how badly he’d messed up. He'd been so cruel to Shane that night, lashing out because he was angry with himself. He said things he didn’t mean and pushed Shane away just to save face. He regretted it more than anything now. All he wanted was to fix things between them and get back to the way things used to be.

His phone rang in his hand as he walked down the path to the farm. As usual, it went straight to voicemail. Instead of hanging up this time, Cole sighed and started a message.

“Hey, Shane. You know how much I hate leaving voicemails, so maybe this along with the thousand or so texts I’ve sent you will convince you I’m serious.” He spoke as the pavement transitioned to dirt.

“Look, I’m really sorry for the other day. I know it’s a lame excuse, but I was mad at myself, so I took it out on you. I didn’t mean any of what I said. You weren’t being dramatic, and none of it was your fault. It’s all on me.” He paused as he stepped onto the farm.

“It doesn't change anything, but I’ve been beating myself up every day over the way I treated you. It’s been keeping me up at night wondering what you’re doing and if you’re okay… I want you to be okay.”

He paused. “I'm sorry for what I did. Just please call me when you can. And if you don’t, I’m calling Marnie soon. I meant what I said about dragging you out of the house if you kept isolating yourself.” He sighed and fiddled with his keys as he unlocked the door of the house. “Okay, bye now. Take care, partner.” He hesitated before mumbling one last thing into the phone before hanging up.

“...I miss you.”

He shut his phone off, stepped into the house, and walked to the bedroom. He changed into more comfortable clothes before returning to the living room and turning his new TV on.

As he settled into the sofa he turned the Tunnelers game on. He only wished he could be watching it with Shane. He frowned as he sprawled across the couch, ready for a lonely night of watching gridball. 

Chapter Text

Cole stood outside the chicken pen, doused in rain after tending to the farm chores. He didn’t have to water the crops anymore, but the animals still had to be tended to.

What was there to do for the rest of the day? Mining and fishing didn’t sound particularly fun, which left foraging as the only productive activity. He could give himself a lazy day and stay out of the rain, but he’d much rather be out and about. Besides, a bit of water never hurt anyone.

Before anything though, he needed to call Marnie. He’d been meaning to check and make sure Shane wasn’t spiraling but decided to give it a day or two for fear of being overbearing. He walked to the porch before fishing his phone out and calling. After a few seconds, Marnie answered.

“Hello?”

“Hey, Marnie! Just me. I was wondering how Shane’s doing.”

“He’s… been better.” Marnie sighed. “I’m worried about him. He’s only left his room lately to work or eat. I’ve tried to get him out, but nothing seems to motivate him.”

Cole bit the inside of his cheek and leaned against the house. “Is he there now? I’d like to come check on him.”

“Actually, he left an hour or so ago.” Cole felt his stomach drop, a pit forming in his chest.

“...Did he say where he was going?”

“The forest, I think. I have no clue why he’d be going out in the rain, but I was just happy he was leaving the house again. I figured he was meeting up with you…”

Cole felt his breathing quicken, his mind jumping to the worst. There were cliffs in the forest. He wouldn’t, right? Not after he’d promised Cole. But did Shane think that promise even mattered after their fight?

“I’m gonna go look for him. Thanks, Marnie.”

“Of course. Tell me how it goes, okay?”

“Will do. Talk soon.”

“Of course. Bye, Cole.”

Cole hung up, sprinting down the farm towards the backway to the forest.

What was he thinking, leaving Shane completely alone after a fight like that? Of course he’d spiral and isolate himself. God only knows how much he’d been drinking, how bad his depression was getting with his thoughts going unchecked. Maybe Cole was being presumptuous, maybe Shane really was just going out to the forest. But in the rain after refusing to leave the house for days? It all added up too well.

Cole’s lungs burned as he sprinted past the ranch and into the woods.

“Shane! Shane!” He yelled. There was no answer. He groaned in frustration as he continued, making his way towards the bottom of the forest as fast as he could.

What if he was too late? What if Shane had already done something rash? He’d never be able to forgive himself if he let that happen. Adrenaline fueled him as he whizzed past trees, approaching the edge of the forest where the cliffs started. He stopped as he ran into the sewer grate.

“Shane!!” He glanced around frantically, about to turn around before a flash of blue caught his eye. Shane’s jacket.

“Shane!” Cole rushed over, his heart pounding as he stopped in front of him.

Shane lay face down at the edge of the cliff, beer cans both empty and full strewn around him. Hair was stuck to his face after being doused in the rain, his wet clothes clinging to his skin. He fluttered his eyes open, looking lifelessly up.

“Cole…” He mumbled.

“I’m here, I’m here.” Cole spoke hurriedly as he crouched down. “Please god tell me you’re not here to do what I think you’re here to do.” Cole spoke in a wavering voice.

“I-I’m sorry…” He mumbled with a grimace.

“Fuck– Fuck–” Cole whispered to himself, choking back a sob. “It’s okay. You’re okay. I’m here now.”

“Cole… My life…” Shane sobbed, “It’s a pathetic joke.”

“Don’t say that, you know it’s not true.”

“Yes, it is! I can’t do anything right! I’m such a failure.” He sobbed. “All I wanted was to be loved, but no matter what I do I drive everyone away.”

“Shane, you didn’t drive me away. I’ve been trying to reach you all week! This is all my fault, I–”

“No.” Shane insisted, struggling to look up at Cole. “I made my mind up after our fight. I’m tired of disappointing everyone. This is what’s best.” Shane sobbed, his face contorting into a grimace. He tried to prop himself up, edging towards the cliff. Cole immediately grabbed him and pulled him back. Luckily, he seemed too drunk to put up much of a fight.

“Just let me die, Cole! I know it’s what you want!”

“Do you really think that?!” Cole said, a mix between a yell and a sob. “I’ve told you over and over if you ever get this bad to fucking call me! Why would you ever think I want you to die? Do you really think everything changed because of one stupid argument? Shane– You mean everything to me. I can’t lose you, I can’t!” He sobbed.

Shane used all his might to shove away from Cole, teetering on the very edge of the cliff. “Give me one good reason I shouldn’t jump right now!” He slurred as tears mixed with rain streamed down his face.

“Because you’re the one person I have left! I don’t know what I’d do without you! You can’t leave me like this!” Cole hesitated.

“I… I love you, Shane. Please, don’t leave me like this.” He sobbed, looking desperately at Shane.

Shane stared at him, bewildered. The only audible sound the billow of rain and wind. He paused for a moment before finally breaking down, charging at Cole and burying himself in his chest as he clung to him for life.

“I don’t wanna die, Cole…”

“You’re not going to. We’re gonna get you away from this cliff, okay?”

“I’m sorry… I’m so sorry for doing this to you. I’m so worthless Cole, I’m–”

“Shh, shh.” Cole soothed, rubbing Shane’s back. “Just stop. You can apologize once we get you to the hospital. Can you stand?”

“I can try…” Cole let go of Shane, pushing himself to his feet. He offered a hand and pulled Shane up, supporting him by wrapping his arm around his shoulder.

“You’re gonna be okay, alright? We’re gonna get through this.” Shane nodded as he leaned into Cole.

After staggering through the rain, Cole finally managed to bring Shane all the way to the hospital. He swung the door open, dragging Shane inside.

“Welcome to the clinic! How can I–” Maru started to greet them, stopping short when she saw the disheveled state they were both in.

“Hey.” Cole greeted. “We, uh, we need Harvey.” She nodded and rushed to the back, leaving them alone in the front.

“Here, let’s sit down.” Cole walked to the chairs, propping Shane up in one and sitting down next to him. Shane leaned his head into Cole’s shoulder, groaning and shutting his eyes. “We’re gonna get you fixed up, partner. It’ll be alright.”

“You’re… You’re the best, Cole.” Shane sobbed. “I love you, man.”

Cole stiffened, his heart leaping into his throat. It was one thing when he said it, but to hear it from Shane was…

“You can tell me that when you actually mean it.” He huffed.

They sat silently for a moment until Harvey came out from the back. He exchanged a worried glance between the two, his eyes settling on Cole. “Would you help me get him to the back?”

“Gladly.” Cole stood and pulled Shane up with him, wrapping an arm around him and helping him walk to the room.

Harvey held the door open and gestured to the bed. “You can place him there. I’ll take it from here.”

“Course.” Cole said as he laid Shane down. “See? The doctor’s gonna get you all taken care of.”

“Okay…” He mumbled. Harvey gave Cole a sad look as he grabbed some medical device off a rack on the wall.

“So, what happened?”

“I found him on the edge of a cliff… He was about to kill himself.” Harvey stiffened for a moment before nodding. “I think he’d been drinking a lot, might have alcohol poisoning.”

“Right.” Harvey said with a sigh. “If you want to stay with him while I give treatment, you’re more than welcome.”

“I will, I just have to step out and make a call real quick.”

“Of course, take all the time you need.” He smiled kindly. Cole nodded and stepped back into the hall, quickly calling Marnie.

“Cole, hi.” She answered immediately. “Did you find Shane?”

“Um, yeah.” He started. “There’s no easy way to tell you this, Marnie, but he…” He faltered, “...He was about to kill himself.”

“What?!” Cole grimaced as he held the phone slightly further from his ear. “What happened? Is he okay?!”

“I found him drunk on the cliffs about to throw himself off. He’s okay now, we’re in the hospital. I just– I had to let you know.”

“I don’t… I don’t even know what to say.” Marnie said breathlessly. “I’d come to the hospital, but I don’t want Jas to see this. I-I’ll call Penny and see if she’s willing to watch her for a while. Would you please keep an eye on him for me in the meantime?” She asked, sounding on the brink of tears.

“Yeah. I have been, he’s safe with me.”

“Thank you. Thank you so much, Cole.” She sighed shakily. “Please keep me updated.”

“Of course. I’m gonna get back in there and check on him.”

“Right, please do. Thank you again, Cole. I’ll be there as soon as possible.”

“Any time. And don’t be in a hurry, we’re not going anywhere.”

“Alright. I’ll see you soon.”

“See you, Marnie.” He hung up, taking a deep breath before returning to the room.

Shane lay unconscious in the bed, an IV sticking out of his arm.

“Fluids to keep him hydrated.” Harvey explained. “He’s going to be okay.”

“Thank you so much, Dr. Harvey.” Cole gave a strained smile. Harvey returned the gesture before continuing.

“When he wakes up, I’m going to discuss treatment options for his mental health. Right now I’m more worried about that than anything…” Cole nodded along. “Life can be painful sometimes, but there’s always hope for a better future.”

“I just wish he’d see that…”

“He will. In time.” Harvey placed a hand on Cole’s shoulder and gave it a reassuring squeeze. “I’ll give you both some space. I’ll be back soon to check on him.”

“Course. Thanks, Doctor.” He smiled patiently before leaving the room and shutting the door behind him with a soft click. Cole groaned softly as he sat on one of the waiting chairs and leaned against the wall.

The reality of the situation had finally caught up with him now that the adrenaline had worn off. Shane had gotten so bad he’d tried to kill himself again. More than that, he’d gotten this bad without Cole noticing. He felt like a failure, like the worst friend in the world. No matter what, he could never seem to protect Shane.

He squeezed his eyes shut as he willed tears away. He couldn’t afford to beat himself up right now. He’d let himself be disappointed and angry once this was all over. For now, he had to stay level-headed. He glanced over at Shane, grimacing before looking back at the floor.

He’d let himself be too open back there, he shouldn’t have said what he said. If Shane remembered this, surely he’d be able to put two and two together. Cole wasn’t ready for anyone to realize what he was, and he definitely didn’t want Shane to know how he felt. He didn’t know if he’d be able to face him again if he knew.

At least Shane was fairly oblivious, there was a chance he wouldn’t realize no matter how obvious Cole was. He held onto that hope as he pulled his phone out. It buzzed in his pocket, a notification from Marnie.

‘I’m bringing Jas to Penny. I shouldn’t be long.’ a text read. He sent back a thumbs up and placed his phone on his leg, looking back at Shane.

He breathed shallowly, his chest barely rising and falling with each breath. Cole sighed and dragged his chair over to the side of the bed, leaning over and resting his head on the mattress. He closed his eyes, willing himself to pass the time until Marnie arrived.

Cole jolted awake, startled by the door all but slamming open. Marnie rushed inside, disheveled and wet from the rain.

“I got here as fast as I could.” She said quickly as Cole sat up and blinked at her.

“Marnie, hey…” He said groggily.

“Is he okay? How’s he doing?” She fretted, putting a hand on Shane’s forehead.

“Well, I doubt he has a fever.” Cole laughed softly.

She sighed, pulling a chair up next to Cole’s and sitting beside him. “How long has he been out for?”

“What time is it?”

“4:45.”

“About an hour, then.” She nodded, grabbing Shane’s hand and squeezing it.

“I don’t know how I didn’t see it… I-I should have known. It feels so obvious now.”

“Hindsight is 20/20.” Cole sighed.

“I’m just so glad you found him. If he’d gone through with it I don’t know what I would have done. What Jas would have…” She cut herself off as she broke out into a sob, leaning into Cole’s side.

“Hey, it’s alright. We found him before anything could happen, right?” He asked as he wrapped an arm around her. She nodded, sobbing as Cole rubbed her arm. “He’s gonna be okay. I’m pissed at him and I’m gonna rip him a new one when this all settles, but he’s okay.”

“I just don’t understand… Why did he suddenly get so much worse?”

“...Well,” Cole started, “Some of that’s probably my fault.”

She sat back up, looking at Cole with teary eyes. “How?”

“We had a big fight. I was being stupid and immature about my problems and I just– I left him alone for a week. When I was finally ready to talk to him again, he called me out on it and I lashed out.” Cole sighed. “I’m not proud of it. In fact, I’m really ashamed of myself. But it’s probably what sent him over the edge.”

Marnie nodded sagely, giving Cole’s arm a squeeze. “We all make mistakes. Don’t blame yourself for this.”

“I don’t blame myself. I just can’t help but feel like part of this was my fault.” Cole frowned.

“He told me you hadn’t talked to him all week. I wanted to ask you why.”

“Ah, um.” Cole coughed awkwardly, warmth flooding his cheeks. “It’s… not something I’m prepared to talk about.”

“I understand.” Marnie sighed.

“Thanks.”

A brief silence fell over the room before Marnie spoke again.

“He’s probably going to be out for a while. If you have places to be, I can take it from here.”

“I don’t have anywhere to go but home, but I’m not sure he’d want me here when he wakes up.”

“Have you two still not made up?” Marnie asked with a frown.

“I’ve been trying, but he hasn’t answered my calls. This is the first I’ve seen him since our fight. If he wants to talk to me again, he’ll come find me.”

“And if not?”

Cole paused. “...Then I guess he won’t.” He stood up and moved his chair back to its original spot. Before leaving he walked back to Marnie, giving her a brief hug.

“You call me if you need me, okay? If either of you need me.”

“I will. Please take care, Cole. I’ll let you know when he wakes up.”

“Thanks.” He gave a strained smile, waving before leaving the room. He walked through the waiting room, exited the hospital, and started the path home. Rain pelted him as he walked slowly through town, dousing his clothes and hat.

Time seemed to move at a snail's pace, like the world was stopping all around him. He just wanted everything to stop. All the fighting between him and Shane, all of the problems they were both dealing with, Shane’s depression. He just wanted things to be normal again. He wanted Shane back.

Before he knew it he was at the bus stop. He spared a glance at the broken-down bus before continuing onto the farm.

As he trudged his way up to the porch he fetched his key from his pocket, unlocking the door and taking his boots off before stepping inside. The house was quiet and dark. It felt empty, devoid of life. Cole wished Shane were there to keep him company. To drink with him or watch gridball, even just to talk. It hadn’t struck him just how lonely the last two weeks had been until he’d finally seen Shane again. He’d missed his warmth, missed his company.

With a heavy sigh, he settled onto the couch and put his hat on the coffee table, not bothering to turn any lights on. He grabbed a blanket from the side of the couch, rolling onto his side and curling into himself as he held the blanket to his chest. While taking a shaky breath, he squeezed his eyes shut and willed the pain in his throat to go away. He sobbed into the blanket, clutching it so hard his knuckles went white.

What would have happened if he hadn’t found Shane on that cliff? Cole’s stomach churned at the thought of losing him. He didn’t know what he would do, how he would handle such a devastating loss.

He pushed the thought away. It didn’t matter what could have happened. He found Shane. He was safe in the hospital with Marnie, and god knows she wouldn’t let him be alone for weeks after this.

He slowed his breathing down, his sobs growing quieter and less frequent. As he focused on his breathing, his eyes became heavy, coaxing him into sleep.

Things would be better tomorrow.

Chapter Text

Shane fidgeted anxiously with his jacket as he walked upward through the farm. He’d taken the shortcut from the south assuming Cole wouldn’t mind. He just hoped he was still welcome here after everything he’d put him through.

He took a deep breath as he approached the porch, knocking loudly on the door before stepping back.

There was no response.

He pushed back the anxiety in his stomach as he knocked again, louder this time. After a moment, Shane heard rustling from the other end of the wall. He waited awkwardly until the door slowly opened, Cole on the other side.

“Marnie…?” He mumbled, his eyes half closed.

He looked like a wreck. His hair was a disheveled mess and it seemed like he hadn’t bothered to change clothes since he’d brought Shane to the hospital.

“Hey.” Shane waved awkwardly.

Cole shot to attention, suddenly alert after hearing Shane’s voice. He stared at him, bewildered, as Shane spoke. “Oh, man. Uh. How do I say this…” Shane tripped over his words, avoiding eye contact. “I’m really sorry about what happened at the cliffs. That was embarrassing.” Cole finally snapped out of his daze, charging at Shane and tackling him into a hug.

“You’re okay… Thank god you’re okay…” He mumbled, clenching his fists against Shane’s jacket.

“Yeah, thanks to you.” Shane laughed awkwardly as he wrapped his arms around Cole. “Was it that bad?”

“Shane, you tried to kill yourself!” Cole yelled as he stepped back and held Shane at arm’s length. “Yes, it was that bad!”

“...Sorry.”

“It’s okay, really, I just–” Cole paused, “God, I missed you so bad. I’m so sorry.”

“Why are you sorry?”

“For the way I acted, for leaving you like I did, for not checking on you.”

“You tried. I was pushing you away.”

“Only because I pushed you away first.” Cole gave a strained smile, briefly glancing at the sky. “What time is it, anyway?”

“It’s 1:00. Have you not gotten up yet?”

“Shit, 1:00?!” Cole grabbed his boots next to the door and slid them on. “I gotta go feed the chickens. Go on in, please, I’ll meet you in just a minute.”

“Want me to handle it?”

“No, no, I don’t wanna ask that of you right now.”

“I’m offering. Plus you really need a shower.”

Cole paused before sighing and taking his boots back off. “Then yes, please… I’ll cook for us to make up for it.”

“Sure, I won’t turn down free food.” Shane shrugged.

“Thank you so much. You know where the feed is.” Shane nodded, giving a brief wave as he started towards the coop.

Things seemed normal between the two of them again. At least, Shane hoped they were normal. Or maybe Cole was just feigning politeness to avoid sending Shane over the edge again. He pushed the thought away as he entered the pen, shutting the gate behind him and opening the door to the coop.

“Hey, girl.” He smiled at Lorraine as she exited the coop. The other three followed behind, picking at chicken feed as Shane scattered it across the ground. He gave each of them a small pet before leaving the pen and walking to the crops.

As he started looking for a watering can, he noticed lines of sprinklers between rows of plants. Seemed like Cole finally got those installed. With nothing left to do, he snagged a fresh pepper off of one of the vines before letting himself inside.

The house was much bigger than the last time he’d seen it. The living room was now connected to a kitchen with an open floor, appliances and decorations meticulously strewn about the countertops. In the living room was a fireplace with a new flatscreen TV above it.

He walked to the mantle, looking at the pictures on top. One was the picture he’d seen before of Cole, his siblings, and his grandfather. The other was new, a picture of Cole with a little girl around Jas’s age on his hip. Must be his daughter, Shane thought.

To the right of the living room was what Shane assumed to be the bedroom. He didn’t want to look in there without Cole’s permission, so he settled onto the couch. As he flopped onto the sofa, he crunched into his pepper and opened his phone. For a few minutes, he scrolled aimlessly until Cole emerged from the bedroom.

He wore a loose tank top and pajama pants, his hair damp and tousled. Shane did his best to ignore the heat in his face as he glanced back at his phone.

“...Saw you got new sprinklers.”

“Yeah.” Cole said. “I was overdue for a sprinkler system. I’ve got way too many crops to be watering by hand.” He settled on the couch next to Shane, sitting dangerously close.

“So… Yesterday.”  Cole started as he oriented himself towards Shane.

“...Yeah.” Shane sighed.

“What happened?”

“Well, I tried to kill myself–”

“You know what I mean.” Cole cut him off, an edge in his tone.

“Sorry.” Shane quickly apologized. “I don’t know. I just thought I’d lost you after that fight. I made a plan right after I went home and forced myself to commit to it even after you started reaching out again. I just felt so tired of finally feeling happy and getting it swept out from under me over and over.”

“Shane, that’s just how life works. There’s gonna be ups and downs. You can’t just… give up during the downs.” Cole frowned.

“I know.”

“Do you?”

“...I do now.”

Cole nodded. “...So are we okay?” He asked.

“As long as you are.”

“Good, cause I don’t know if I could’ve gone another week without seeing you.”

“Ha, me neither.” Shane smiled and leaned into the couch.

“I missed seeing that.” Cole said softly.

“Seeing what?”

“Your smile.”

Shane flushed, praying his face didn’t turn red. “...Sure, man.”

Cole laughed, standing up and walking to the kitchen. “So, what are you in the mood for?”

“What do you have?”

“Hm.” Cole hummed, rummaging through the fridge. “We’ve got ground beef, some fish, I have some peppers…” He trailed on, though Shane had stopped listening at peppers.

“Do you know how to make pepper poppers?”

“Like with cheese? Yeah, I can make those.” He said as he grabbed a handful of ingredients from the fridge. Shane stood up, walked to the table, and sat down as Cole moved throughout the kitchen.

“It’s so nice to have a real kitchen now. I actually have room to cook.” Shane nodded along. “I’ve always liked cooking. I had to learn how when I was pretty young. Emmett was happy enough surviving on instant noodles, but I insisted we ate real food.”

“That’s your brother, right?”

“Yep.” Cole said as he sliced a handful of peppers in half. “You want them spicy?”

“Yeah, thanks.”

They were silent for a moment before Cole spoke again. “So, Harvey said he’d talk to you about treatment. How’d that go?”

“Uh, well enough I guess. I’m gonna start seeing a therapist even though I don’t really want to. I have an appointment every other week over the phone.”

“That’s good! I’m glad you’re getting help.”

“He also mentioned sobriety, but I don’t know if I can commit to that yet. I said I’d at least try to cut back.”

“Hm.” Cole hummed. “Well, if you want we could do it together. I need to start drinking less myself. I’ve pretty much spent the last week and a half drunk. When I wasn’t in the mines, anyway.”

Shane paused. “Okay, when I questioned that before you kind of blew me off. Why have you actually been mining?”

Cole hesitated, stiffening up before continuing to work on the peppers. “That’s kind of a loaded question. I can give you two of the answers, but the third one you wouldn’t believe.”

“Let’s hear the first two then.”

Cole paused for a moment to collect his thoughts. “Well, I did genuinely need the materials and a new hobby. I’d been driving myself crazy by only fishing.”

“You? Tired of fishing?” Shane raised a brow.

“I know, hard to believe.” Cole laughed. “...But it was to punish myself, too, I guess. I’d spend upwards of ten hours there. A few nights I didn’t leave until two in the morning. I just felt so worthless. I needed something to distract myself.”

“Jesus.”

“Yeah.”

Shane paused, drumming his fingers on the table. “So, what’s the unbelievable third reason?”

“A species of critters that look like apples living in the community center needed minerals. They help me with my crops and give me gifts in exchange for my help.” Shane stared, bewildered. It sounded like total bullshit, but the sheer confidence that Cole said it with almost made him believe he was telling the truth. Cole turned around and flashed a coy smile before returning to stuffing the peppers with cheese.

“...I wish I could figure you out.”

“Ha, you never will.” Cole said as he finally finished preparing the peppers. He loaded them all onto a baking tray before throwing it into the oven and joining Shane at the table. “I could try to show you one day. Maybe they’d come out for you. They hide from Lewis, though.”

“Anyone would hide from Lewis.” Shane grumbled.

“I certainly try to.” Cole agreed. “Say, is he still seeing Marnie?”

“Yeah. I wish she’d leave him already. He doesn’t treat her well.”

“I know, poor lady deserves better.” Shane nodded, adjusting his jacket.

“Oh, guess what happened the other day.” Cole said.

“What?”

“I went to the saloon to look for you, and Emily asked me out completely out of nowhere.”

“Oh.” Shane’s stomach sunk, a pit forming in his chest. “...How’s that going?” He asked, hoping his disappointment wouldn’t slip into his tone.

He couldn’t have expected Cole to stay single forever, that was unrealistic, he just didn’t think he’d be seeing someone so soon. He tried to ignore his feelings of jealousy as Cole spoke.

“How’s what going?” Cole laughed.

“...You and Emily?”

“Shane, I turned her down.” Cole clarified, his tone implying it was the most obvious thing in the world.

“What, seriously?” Shane sat up straight, hoping he looked surprised rather than elated.

“...I don’t really date.” Cole started, “Even if I did, I don’t see Emily that way. She’s a good friend, but I can’t see myself in a relationship with her.”

“How’d she take it then?”

“Good! She actually gave me some really good advice after.”

“What kind of advice?”

Cole paused, looking away from Shane. “Just. Uh…” He hesitated, “Some stuff about my Pappy. Living in his shadow and holding onto his beliefs.”

Shane stared at Cole for a moment, scrutinizing his body language. “There’s more to it than that, isn’t there?”

“I mean, there’s more context, but it doesn’t matter. It’s not important.”

“...Sure.” Shane reluctantly dropped the subject, looking at the oven as the timer went off.

Cole stood up and walked over, taking the pepper poppers out and setting them on the stove to cool. “So, what’re you doing after this?” He asked as he returned to the table.

“Nothing. I was just gonna go back home.”

“Hm.” Cole hummed. “Well, the Tunnelers game is on tonight. If you wanna stay and watch it with me, you’re welcome to.”

“Do you want me to?”

“A little, yeah.” Cole laughed.

“Sure, why not? Sounds nice.” Shane smiled.

“Great! We can pick up a pizza from the saloon or something, make a night out of it.”

“You got any cheap beer to go with it?”

“That’s more your style. I got whiskey, though.” Cole paused. “Didn’t you just say we’d be cutting back, anyway?”

“After tonight. You can’t watch a gridball game without booze.”

“Fair enough. Later, then.” Cole shrugged. “Should we pick up some beers, or are you good with whiskey?”

“I’m fine with whatever.”

“Whiskey, then. I’ll spend less money that way.” He said as he stood up and walked back to the stove. “They should’ve cooled down enough to eat. I’ll make us a plate.”

After eating the pepper poppers, Shane spent the next few hours chatting with Cole and lounging around the house. After Cole picked up their food, they turned the game on and settled into the couch.

They sat sprawled on opposite ends of the sofa around an hour into the game. The coffee table in front of them held two glasses, a bottle of whiskey, and a mostly eaten pizza.

“Flanigan’s been playing like shit this season.” Cole said, his eyes fixed on the TV.

“God, tell me about it. He’s even worse than last year.”

Cole nodded and grabbed his glass to take a drink. “It could be worse. We could be as bad as the Hawks.”

“Their fans suck, too. I went to one of their games against the Tunnelers when I was in college. Total nightmare.”

“You’ve been to a game?” Cole asked as he looked at Shane. There was a sense of awe in his face, almost like he had stars in his eyes.

“Yeah, I went with my friends when I was a freshman. We pooled a bunch of money together and got the shittiest tickets we could.”

“That’s awesome, man. I wish I could’ve gone to a game.” He sighed. "Maybe one day when I have enough leftover cash I'll finally go. Right now all my money has to go back into the farm.”

Shane hummed and nodded, making a silent promise to himself to start saving for tickets. If it meant that much to Cole, he’d make an effort to take him to a game. Maybe he could put the money he’d usually spend on beer into savings.

Cole reoriented himself to face Shane as the game turned to a commercial. “You know, you’ve never talked much about the two of them. What were they like?” He asked.

“Who, my friends?”

Cole nodded.

“They were awesome. Lee was really athletic and into sports like me. she was a huge tomboy. Julien wasn’t really like either of us. He didn’t get into sports until he met Lee. He was an artsy kid. Did musicals in high school and played clarinet in band. He got a scholarship from it, actually. I think he was first chair or whatever.”

“Did you do sports with Lee?”

“No, I sucked at sports.” Shane laughed. “I’ve always liked watching more than playing. We used to work out together, though.”

“I always wanted to play. I never had the free time though. Mom never let me leave the house except for school and work.” Cole sighed. “I worked as many hours as I could though. Got a job in the gardening section of Jojamart.”

“That sucks, man.” Shane frowned. “I bet you saved a lot of money, though.”

“Kind of. Mom took half my paychecks, but I made so much it didn’t really matter. I had enough to feed myself and Sadie.”

“What’d she spend her half on?”

“Drinks, usually. Shooters and cheap beer. If it wasn’t that, it was on impulse purchases. We had a lot of random shit laying around the house because of her.” He sighed. “More about your friends, though. You got any stories?”

“A ton.” Shane glanced at the TV as it went back to the game. “But, I’ll tell you next break.”

"I mean, you don’t have to wait.” Cole said. “This game kind of sucks. I’d rather listen to you talk.”

“...Yeah, sure.” Shane said, facing his body away from the TV and towards Cole. “What kind of story do you want?”

“A funny one.”

Shane paused for a moment to think. “Okay. So, all through high school Julien had this plastic penguin in his locker, one of those big ones. It was at least the size of my torso.”

Cole nodded along.

“When we graduated, we thought we should bring the penguin with us on our road trip since he’d gone through all of high school with us. After like a week of driving, we got to a city near the coast. We brought the penguin with us to the beach, but Julien let go of him by accident while we were swimming. The tide sucked him out before we could get to him.”

Shane snickered and smiled fondly. “Julien cried for like an hour. That thing is probably still floating in the middle of the ocean somewhere.”

“That’s not funny, that’s sad!”

“I thought it was funny.”

“Tell me a different one. One that’s actually funny.”

“Okay, okay.” Shane laughed and thought for a moment. “One time the theatre department snuck in a shopping cart and said they’d give twenty dollars to whoever rode it down the stairs. Lee came from a kind of poor family and would do anything for money, so Julien told them to ask her."

"Obviously, she says yes, so all these theatre kids get her loaded up into this shopping cart and put her on the stairs above the doors to the cafeteria. They pushed her down and the cart somehow didn’t topple, but it ran straight through the doors. It slammed right into one of the tables and Lee flew across it onto the ground. She lost a tooth, but got up and gave a thumbs up right after she crashed.”

“She sounds great.” Cole said.

“She was. There wasn’t anything she wasn’t willing to do.” Shane smiled sadly and leaned his head against the couch. “I miss them both so much. Jas reminds me so much of her dad sometimes. They’re both so creative.”

He bit the inside of his cheek as his throat burned, almost like thorns were wrapping around his neck. “Sorry– I don’t wanna get emotional.”

“No, I get it, man. Grief is hard.” Cole said soothingly. He scooted forward and put a hand on Shane’s shoulder, giving it a brief squeeze. “They sound like great people.”

“They were.” He said, a mix between a laugh and a sob. “...I hate crying.”

“You know, I don’t think I’ve ever seen you cry. Except maybe when we were fighting.”

“It's uncomfortable to cry around people. Makes me feel weak.”

“I get that.” Cole sighed. “Well, you can be weak around me if you need to. I’m never gonna judge.”

Shane’s breathing halted as tears flooded his eyes. He balled his fist as his face scrunched up, a last attempt to keep tears from falling.

Finally, he broke down, leaning his head against Cole’s shoulder. He sobbed as Cole wrapped an arm around him, rubbing his thumb against Shane’s arm while he cried.

“...I’m sorry.” Shane choked out.

“S’alright, partner. You got nothing to be sorry for.”

“I just– I haven’t really talked about this since it happened. It still hurts so bad even though it was almost a decade ago.”

“I get it. I still miss my brother like hell and he died years ago, too.” Cole sighed. “Sometimes it feels like time really doesn’t make it any easier.”

Shane nodded, his crying slowing slightly. This was probably the most comforted he felt in years. After his friends died, he’d never let anyone in like this. It was so soothing to finally be listened to again, to finally let his guard down.

He felt incredibly guilty for it, but it felt so good to be this close to Cole, too.

“Feel any better?” Cole asked.

“Yeah. Thanks.” Shane said, waiting for Cole to move away. He never did. Instead, he glanced back towards the TV. They sat silently for a moment, neither acknowledging the other’s proximity.

“You know you can always talk to me, right?” Cole suddenly asked. “You’ve been there for me more times than I can count. I wanna return the favor best I can.”

“You already have, man.” Shane said as he glanced at the TV. “Heh, they actually scored for once.”

“It’s a miracle.” Cole grinned and looked down at Shane. Shane rocked his head up to look back at him, their faces too close for comfort.

Cole’s smile faltered for a moment, his eyes darting around Shane’s face. They both paused for a moment, waiting for the other to do something. Shane swallowed down the swarm of butterflies in his stomach as they maintained eye contact for what felt like far too long.

After a few more tense seconds, Shane laughed awkwardly as he moved his head away from Cole and sat up. Cole moved his arm, coughing and staring awkwardly at the floor. He silently chugged the rest of his whiskey before speaking.

“...Sorry, um.” He started. “...Was that weird?”

“...I didn’t hate it.” Shane said, sparing a glance towards Cole.

“...Alright.” Cole said in a shaky voice. After a few seconds, they went back to silently watching the game, both drinking a little heavier than before.

The rest of the game went by after what felt like an eternity. The Tunnelers lost as expected, but Shane could care less about who won. He just wanted to get home and process whatever had happened earlier.

He stood up as the game ended and walked to the door. Cole followed behind, walking Shane out.

“Thanks for uh, hanging out today.” He smiled uneasily, like any misstep would set Shane off. “Missed you, man.”

“Yeah, same.” Shane said. He paused for a moment before squeezing Cole’s arm. “See you tomorrow, alright?”

“Yeah! Yeah, I’ll see you.” Cole’s smile grew, his tension evaporating upon contact. “Bye, man.”

“See you around, partner.” Shane waved before starting down the path to the ranch.

He walked past the bus stop, staring down at the ground as he lost himself in thought. He felt dumbfounded about what happened. He didn’t understand what was going on, why Cole had gotten so close to him. If he weren’t stupid, he’d almost suspect Cole felt the same way after… whatever that was.

Butterflies attacked his chest again as he thought about his face being that close to Cole’s. He sped up in an attempt to leave the thought behind.

He had to tell someone soon. He didn’t know how much longer he could keep this a secret. He wouldn’t tell anyone about Cole, but he at least had to come out.

Marnie was probably the first one he would talk to, being family and all. Other than Cole and Emily, she was really the only person that would make sense to confide in. It wasn’t like Shane talked to many people.

He’d tell Marnie, then maybe Emily if he could work up the nerve. Definitely not Cole, though. Not yet.

He reached the ranch, pushing thoughts of Cole away as he walked through the door. He’d sleep on it and decide what to do in the morning.

Chapter Text

For the last few days, Marnie had been unrelenting in watching Shane. No matter where he went or what he did, she insisted on keeping an eye on him.

If she couldn’t be there physically, she’d text him incessantly or send Cole to watch him instead. The constant supervision was starting to drive him insane. He understood why she did this, of course, but that didn’t make it any less obnoxious.

Today, he sat with her at the kitchen table while Jas was taking a nap, both with a cup of tea in front of them. He drummed his fingers nervously, trying to gather the nerve to finally tell her.

Marnie continued talking, seemingly unaware of Shane’s troubled demeanor. “Anyways, he says he runs the Adventurer's Guild. I didn’t even know that was a thing we had around here. Apparently, Cole is a member. Did you know that?”

“I think he's mentioned it once or twice.” Shane said.

“It has something to do with keeping monsters out of the mines. I know Cole’s been mining a lot these days.”

“He finally started getting those tools upgraded like he wanted.”

“Oh, really? I’m sure that’s good business for Clint. He needs it. The only one who commissions him right now is Robin.”

“Makes sense. Most people don’t need a blacksmith.” Shane took a deep breath, glancing off to the side. “So, you know a while back when I got in that funk over something I didn’t wanna talk about?”

Marnie paused, a thoughtful expression on her face. “Of course I do. Did you want to talk about it now?”

“Kind of.” Shane sighed. “I’m just… scared you’ll think of me differently, I guess. It’s a scary thing to talk about.”

“Surely it can't be as big as you’re making it out to be.” She smiled gently and took a sip out of her mug. “You know that no matter what, I’ll always think of you as the same.”

Shane nodded and swallowed, pushing down the fear in his chest as he forced himself to speak. “I… realized recently that I’m gay.”

Marnie froze as her eyes widened. Shane grimaced at her reaction, tensing more with each second of silence that passed.

Maybe he should’ve just kept this to himself. Maybe Marnie wouldn’t accept him like he thought she would. As Shane was about to backtrack and try to salvage the situation, she finally spoke.

“I’m sorry, I’m not being quiet because I’m not okay with that. I just don’t know what to say.” She spoke quietly, the shocked look on her face dampening.

Shane let out the breath he was holding, his tension easing away. “I was just scared to tell anyone. It’s a small town, and I know how some of the people here feel. I didn’t want you to kick me out or hate me or anything.”

“Oh, Shane,” Marnie cooed, reaching across the table and grabbing his hand, “I could never hate you. Not over something as trivial as who you love.”

Shane nodded, sighing shakily.

“I don’t mind one bit. I just wasn’t expecting you to say that, is all. Though I’m not all that surprised.” She smiled and giggled lightheartedly.

“What? Why aren’t you surprised?” He frowned.

“I had my suspicions about you and Cole. You act a lot closer than just friends.”

Horror flooded over Shane as a pit settled in his stomach. Marnie already knew? That was the one thing he wanted to keep hidden. It was the entire reason he was so ashamed in the first place.

“Are the two of you an item? I didn’t want to make any assumptions, but judging by your face…”

“No, Marnie.” He sighed and stared dejectedly into his cup. “Cole’s not like me.”

He looked up to see a puzzled look on Marnie’s face. He gave her an equally confused look before she spoke.

“Sorry, I just thought…” She trailed off and shook her head. “Well, I’m sure you’ll both sort things out eventually.”

“What? What does that mean?” Shane asked irritably.

“If it’s not something he’s told you himself, it wouldn’t be right for me to say.” Marnie frowned. “You can ask him about it yourself, but it’s not my story to share.”

Curse Marnie and how considerate she can be. Shane sighed and nodded, unhappy with the answer but willing to accept it nonetheless.

He was curious about whatever the hell Marnie was talking about, but asking Cole himself was a dangerous game. Cole would, without a doubt, question why he was asking, and that could easily lead to him finding out about Shane. He could tell him it came up in conversation with Marnie, but that felt equally as incriminating.

He supposed he’d decide tonight at the saloon whether or not to ask. These sorts of decisions he usually made in the spur of the moment, anyway.

“Can I ask something if it’s not too personal?” Marnie asked, interrupting Shane’s thoughts. He snapped his head up, nodding for her to continue. “What was it that made you realize?”

Shane stiffened, a familiar pit returning to his stomach. Would it be best to just tell her? It seemed like she already knew, so there wouldn’t be much point in hiding it.

He sat silently for a moment, nervously fidgeting with his cup before he spoke. “It was, uh,” He hesitated, “It was Cole.” He finally said, looking nervously at Marnie.

She nodded sagely and took a drink of her tea. Shane thought from her expression that she expected this answer. “I assumed so, I just wanted to make sure.” She said.

They sat in silence for a moment before Marnie spoke again. “Thank you for telling me, Shane. I can’t imagine how hard that was to share. I promise I don’t see you any differently.”

“Thanks.” Shane said awkwardly. “Do you think Cole knows? I’m kind of worried he figured it out.”

“Even if he did, he’s a kind man. I know he’d accept you just as much as I did.” Marnie spoke softly, reaching across the table to squeeze Shane’s hand.

“Thanks, Marnie.” He smiled uneasily. “Maybe one of these days I’ll tell him.”

“I think that’d be good for you. There’s no use in hiding it and feeling ashamed.”

“I guess so.” Shane said, taking a drink. “You wanna tell me more about this Marlon guy?”

Shane spent the rest of the afternoon with Marnie and Jas, chatting and playing board games. Jas had been surprisingly cheerful after everything that happened over the last week or two. Shane had a feeling Marnie went out of her way to hide the truth of what happened from her. He couldn’t say he blamed her, he would do the same thing in her position.

After a few hours, he started making his way to the saloon to meet Cole. He walked down the town's stone paths, his mind wandering.

Things had been tense between him and Cole since the night they watched the Tunneler’s game together. It wasn’t a bad sort of tension, they weren’t avoiding each other or anything, but it seemed like both of them were waiting for the other to address that night.

Neither of them would, obviously. Shane feared that actually talking about it might lead Cole to finding out about his feelings, and that was the last thing he wanted. He wasn’t sure why Cole didn’t want to talk about it. He probably just felt awkward. At least, that’s what Shane assumed.

As he reached the saloon, he swung the door open and stepped inside. Cole sat at their usual spot, leaning over and talking to Emily. Shane pushed down a pang of jealousy as he approached and sat next to him.

“Hey, look who it is!” Cole smiled brightly when he noticed Shane.

“The one and only.” Shane gave a sideways smile as he sat down, waving to Emily. “Hey.”

“Hi, Shane!” She said cheerfully. “We were talking about the Dance of the Moonlight Jellies coming up. Are you going this year?”

“Probably, I don’t know.” He shrugged, “When is that, anyway? This week?”

“On Sunday! Cole said he’d be coming.”

“Yeah, but Cole goes to everything.”

“I just love the community.” Cole said. “It’s nice being around people. I wanna see these glowing jellyfish, anyway.”

“I guess I’ll go. No reason to sit at home doing nothing.”

“That’s the spirit.” Cole grinned, shaking Shane’s shoulder.

“I’ll let you two chat while I get back to work. It was nice seeing you, Shane!” Emily said cheerfully.

“Yeah, you too.”

With that, Emily walked off, leaving Cole and Shane alone. They sat in silence for a moment before Shane spoke. “Kind of weird being here without drinking, huh?”

“Yeah, it is. It’s for the best, though. We’ll be saving money.”

“I didn’t realize how much I spent on that crap until we started cutting back. I’ve got a lot more spending money now. I’m saving up to get Jas these shoes she’s been wanting.”

“Aw, that’s real sweet of you.” Cole smiled, his eyes softening. Shane looked away, warmth flooding his cheeks.

“Yeah, well, I’m trying to be a better godfather. What’re you putting your money towards?”

“A little project.” Cole said vaguely. Shane looked back at him and furrowed his brow. “I can tell you what it is, but it’ll sound ridiculous.” Cole relented.

“Everything you say sounds ridiculous.”

“That’s fair.” He laughed. “I’m saving cash to put inside the vault at the abandoned community center. The apple critters want it.”

Shane stared dumbfounded at Cole. “You’re so full of shit, you know that? If you didn’t wanna tell me what it’s for, you could’ve just said so.”

“That is what it’s for!” Cole defended. “They’re gonna get the bus fixed up once I get enough money.”

“You’re really drawing this joke out, huh?”

“They fixed the minecarts! Wasn’t it weird how they just started up and running again one day?”

Shane opened his mouth to speak, but closed it immediately after. He assumed Lewis fixed them at first, but honestly, magic apple creatures made more sense. It’d be a cold day in hell before Lewis did anything useful for this town.

“Maybe I’ll believe you if you show me.” Shane compromised.

“Deal. I’ll take you out there one day.” Cole grinned and offered a hand. Shane rolled his eyes, but shook on it anyway.

Shane sat quietly for a moment before suddenly speaking, a regrettable question forming. “Hey, can I ask you something?”

“Always.”

“Marnie and I were talking today and…” He paused, thinking of the best way to phrase things.

“And?” Cole asked.

“We were talking about, um,” He paused, “An old friend of mine who was gay. She kind of implied something about you, but when I asked what she meant, she said she thought you had told me and to ask you myself.”

A small tremble shot through Cole’s body, hardly noticeable, as a fearful expression set on his face. Shane frowned, quickly backtracking. “Sorry, I shouldn’t have said anything. It’s not any of my business, I was just curious.”

“What do you mean she implied something?” Cole asked quietly, equal parts fear and irritation in his voice. Shane had no idea why he was acting this way. It was bizarre to see him almost scared by the subject.

“I said something about you not being gay, and she acted confused. I asked her about it, but she just said to ask you.”

Cole bit the inside of his cheek, staring down at the countertop. “Pappy thought when I was a kid that I was turning out to be queer. That’s probably what she was talking about.”

“Why did he think that?”

“Why do you think?” Cole snipped, glaring at Shane. His eyes quickly softened as he looked at Shane’s hurt expression. “Sorry, I’m sorry. It’s… a sensitive subject.”

“It’s alright, I shouldn’t have brought it up in the first place.” Shane shrank in on himself, staring awkwardly downward. “But, um, if you were, I wouldn't have a problem with it.” He said, almost hopefully.

“Maybe you should.” Cole mumbled.

Shane grimaced, his shoulders tensing. “Why? Do you not like those sorts of people?”

“What? No, no, it’s not that at all.” Cole sighed. “I just… I can’t. My Pappy wouldn’t have wanted it.”

“...Does that matter?”

“Of course it matters! I’ve spent my whole life trying to be the man he wanted, what would all that mean if I just–?” He cut himself off with an exhausted sigh. “Never mind.”

Shane paused for a moment to think before he spoke. “...Marnie told me about him once. About what happened with him and your mom.”

Cole glanced over, a frown on his face. “Look, he may not have been perfect, but his heart was in the right place.”

“I’m not saying it wasn’t, but if he just let that happen to your mom and then let it happen to you, he may not be as good as you thought.”

“He was good. He was an amazing man.” Cole insisted, anger slipping into his voice.

“He hurt you, Cole.”

“Because he had to! I wasn’t going to learn otherwise!”

“So should I be hurting Jas to discipline her? Every time she cries or shows weakness, should I be hitting her? Yelling at her and telling her she's not allowed to be who she really is?”

“Just shut up, you don’t know what you’re talking about.” Cole growled. Shane glared at him, but ultimately dropped the subject.

They sat silently for a few minutes. Shane did his best to collect his thoughts while Cole cooled down.

Why was he being so defensive about this? He wasn’t reacting normally to Shane’s questions. Shane assumed Cole would shoot him down with a quick ‘no, I’m not queer’ and that would be the end of it. His defensiveness was starting to make Shane question if something really was there.

But what about his wife and kid? It didn’t make sense for him to be gay. But if he wasn’t, then why act so weird about Shane’s questions? Shane glanced over at Cole. He stared down at the countertop with his leg bouncing up and down faster than what seemed healthy.

“Cole.” Shane finally said. Cole snapped his head over, his eyes wide like a startled deer. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said anything, and I shouldn’t have talked like that about your grandpa.”

Cole deflated, the bouncing of his leg slowing down. “I’m sorry, too. You kind of have a point, I just hate admitting it.” He sighed. “I’ve been working through a lot of stuff about my Pappy. I’m starting to realize he’s not the man I chalked him up to be.”

“I know. I’m sorry you’re going through that.”

“I just wish someone in my life would’ve done right by me, you know? Feels like the one person I thought was in my corner never really was.”

“It might be too late to matter, but if it means anything, I’ll always be there for you.”

Cole smiled gently, sighing through his nose as a contented look settled on his face. “Never too late to matter. And I’ll always be looking out for you, too.”

“Thanks, man.” They sat in comfortable silence after that, leaving Shane to his thoughts.

The whole conversation left Shane with more questions than answers, but he knew better than to press any further. If anything, he was more confused now than before about Cole’s sexuality.

He certainly never seemed gay, but his reaction to Shane’s questioning gave him pause in thinking he was entirely straight. Maybe it’d be best to just drop it for now so he wouldn’t confuse himself any further.

He glanced at Cole after a moment, nudging his arm as he spoke.

“You wanna go play pool or something?”

Chapter Text

Cole walked through the bottom of the farm towards the ranch after finishing his chores for the day. It was nearing evening, and he wanted to talk to Marnie before that night's festival.

All week, he’d been making himself sick worrying about the conversation he and Shane had at the saloon. He needed to figure out why she’d implied what she did, or at the very least give her a piece of his mind for it.

After a minute of walking, he found himself at the front door of the ranch. He let himself in as usual, announcing his presence as he stepped through the door.

“Marnie? You got a minute?”

Marnie sat at the kitchen table, glancing up from her book as Cole walked to the table and took a seat across from her.

“Oh, Cole.” She said, putting her book down. “I wasn’t expecting you.”

“Sorry, it slipped my mind to tell you I was coming by.”

“No, no, it’s alright. We’re not busy.” She smiled kindly and swatted her hand. “What did you need?”

Cole sighed and leaned into the table, glancing around before speaking. “Shane and Jas around?”

“They’re in her room putting her to bed. She has a cold right now, poor thing.” Marnie frowned. “Why do you ask?”

“I needed to talk to you about something sort of private. I don’t really want Shane around to hear.”

Marnie sighed, deflating a bit. “I think I know what this is about. Why don’t we talk in my room?”

“That would probably be for the best.”

Marnie stood up from her chair and walked to the main room, going behind the counter. Cole followed close behind, stepping into her room with her and shutting the door behind them.

As they entered the room, his eyes locked onto a pair of bright purple boxers sticking out from the underside of Marnie’s bed.

“Um, Marnie?” Cole asked. Marnie looked at him curiously, her eyes following his line of sight until she noticed the underwear.

“Oh! Haha! How did that get there?!” She said, face flushed bright red. With a swift kick of her foot, she knocked them further underneath the bed so they were out of sight.

“You know, for as secretive as Lewis is about his relationship, you'd think he wouldn’t leave his underwear at his girlfriend’s house.” Cole frowned.

“...Let’s just pretend you never saw that.”

“Fine by me.” Cole said, crossing his arms and glancing at the window.

“I assume you want to talk about Shane?” Marnie asked, sitting at the edge of her bed.

“It wasn’t right of you to say what you did to him.” Cole bit the inside of his cheek as he looked back at Marnie. “I’m not queer, Marnie. I don’t know why you’d tell him I am.”

“I really didn’t mean to imply that. I made an assumption about something else, and that’s what made Shane think I meant that about you.”

“What other assumption did you make?” Cole asked, narrowing his eyes accusingly.

“That involves a private conversation that Shane and I had. You can ask him yourself, but I can’t tell you.”

“Do you think I’m gay, Marnie?”

Marnie took a deep breath and glanced off to the side, folding her hands in her lap. She was silent for a moment, seeming as though she was collecting her thoughts.

“Cole, when you were a boy, your grandfather went to great lengths to try and shape you into what he thought was the ideal man. I think you’ve internalized a lot of things he did and said, and that’s been hurting you.”

“The hell is that supposed to mean?” Cole asked roughly.

“I just want you to know that you don’t have to repress any parts of yourself anymore. It’s not going to do you any good.”

“I’m not repressing anything!”

“I’ve known you for nearly your entire life, Cole. I’m not going to tell you I think one way or another about who you are, because that’s not for me to decide. I’ve just noticed certain things.”

“Like what?” He scoffed.

“Like the way you acted with other boys as a child and teenager, how cold you were with your wife, the way you and Shane act around each other–”

“Don’t bring Shane into this.” Cole warned, his voice oddly shaky. He did his best to push the last two words she said out of his mind. He had to squash all hope of any sort of reciprocation. If he didn’t, god knows how badly his feelings could continue to grow.

Marnie frowned, standing up and grabbing one of Cole’s hands. “Honey, I already know. I picked up on it a long time ago.”

“No, you don’t!” Cole yelled, ripping his hand away. “You don’t know because there’s nothing to know!”

Marnie smiled sadly and nodded, folding her hands in front of her. “If that’s how you feel. Just know that I’m here if you ever want to talk about it.”

“Don’t act like this. Don’t act like you know me better than I know myself, because you don’t.”

“You’re right, I don’t.” She sighed, walking towards her door. “I’m just an old lady who likes to stick her nose where it doesn’t belong.”

Cole frowned, the anger and worry in his chest subsiding.

“I’m sure Jas is asleep by now. If you want to stay until the festival, you’re welcome to. Shane will probably want to visit with you for a while.” She said, opening the door.

Before she stepped out, she turned around to say one last thing. “And I’m sorry for what I said to Shane. It was out of line and none of my business. It’s none of his, either.”

“...It’s fine.” Cole mumbled. “Sorry for getting snippy with you. I’m just sensitive about this stuff.”

“I know.” She sighed, smiling as she stepped through her door. “How about I make some tea?”

“Sure.” Cole said, following her out. As they returned to the kitchen, Cole saw Shane sitting in the middle seat of the table, his phone in hand.

Shane glanced up once, doing a double-take with wide eyes once he saw Cole sitting across from him. He adjusted his sleeves as Cole sat down, setting his phone face down on the table.

“Hey. Didn’t, uh, know you were here.”

“Swung by to talk to Marnie.” Cole said, avoiding eye contact. “Figured I’d stay till the festival since I’d just leave the house again anyway.”

“You should’ve come earlier. I bet Jas would’ve wanted to see you.”

“Ha, yeah. I would have, but it was a long day at the farm. I’ve been getting ready to set up fall crops.”

“Damn, no more peppers?” Shane gave a sideways smile. Cole pushed down the fluttering in his stomach as he replied.

“I’ve got a stockpile of them. You’re not gonna be out for a while.”

“Good. I love those peppers.” Shane said. “What’re you planting next?”

“It’ll mostly be cranberries, but I’ll have some pumpkins and eggplants going too. Maybe grow a bit of wheat and corn if I have the space and sprinklers.”

“You’ve gotta save some cranberries for the winter to make cranberry sauce. It’s so good when it’s homemade.”

“Don’t I know it. Pappy used to make it every year around Christmas time.”

Shane glanced over as the kettle whistled, but turned his attention back to Cole shortly after. “You should let me take Jas to your farm sometime. She’s been wanting to meet Jack and visit the chickens.”

“Well, you’re both welcome any time. You don’t need an invite, just tell me when you’re coming.”

“Maybe we can swing by once you’ve got things set up for fall.”

“Sounds like a plan.”

Marnie returned to the table with three mugs full of tea. She placed one in front of Cole and one in front of Shane before putting the last cup in front of her chair.

“Thank you, Marnie.” Cole said.

“Thanks.”

“You’re both welcome. Be careful, though. It’s very hot.” She smiled kindly, taking a small sip from her mug. Cole would never understand how easily she could drink nearly boiling tea.

“Hey, Cole, has Marnie told you about Marlon?” Shane asked.

“The Adventurer’s Guild leader? What about him?”

Marnie flushed, swatting the air with her hand. “Oh, it’s nothing, really. We’ve just been getting to know each other.”

Cole paused as he remembered the time Marlon had asked him about Marnie’s relationship status. He nodded with approval after a moment of silence. “Anyone is better than Lewis.”

“What! There’s nothing romantic between us! What gave you that impression?” She laughed, her face reddening.

“I just pick up on things.” He said with a smirk. She smiled, looking relieved that Cole was still joking with her.

Shane looked between them, a puzzled expression on his face. “You’re being weird.” He finally said to Cole.

“I’m just teasing Marnie. It’s something she told me a minute ago.”

Shane stared confusedly at Cole for a moment before his eyes widened and his cheeks flushed pink. He shot an accusatory look at Marnie. “Did you tell him?” He whisper-yelled while leaning over, likely intending to go unheard.

“Tell me what?” Cole asked.

Shane whipped his head over, his eyes almost fearful. “Nothing. It’s nothing.”

“Cole came to me about a personal matter, Shane. I didn’t tell him anything about the conversation we had the other night.”

Shane sighed and bit the inside of his cheek, nodding at Marnie.

Cole frowned, curiosity getting the best of him. He’d pester Shane about it later. Maybe at the festival.

“Anyway, I’m happy to hear about you and Marlon.” Cole said. “I assume you haven’t broken things off with Lewis yet, though?”

“Why would you assume that?” Shane asked.

“No, I haven’t talked to Lewis yet.” Marnie said, interrupting Shane as her cheeks grew pink.

“You should talk to him before things get serious with Marlon. It’s the honorable thing to do.”

“I will if things between Marlon and I become romantic. Right now we're just friends, so I’m leaving things with Lewis and me alone.”

Cole nodded, taking a cautious sip of his tea. He winced as it hit his tongue, still blistering hot.

“Nice one.” Shane grinned.

Over the next hour or so, the three sat drinking tea and talking until the sun went down. After it did, Shane and Cole departed for the festival. Marnie had to stay back and watch Jas, leaving the two of them alone as they stepped onto the beach.

“I wish Jas weren’t sick. She loves seeing the jellyfish. She was super bummed we wouldn’t let her go.”

“There’s always next year. We can take some pictures, too. It’s not the same, but maybe it’ll cheer her up.”

“That’s not a bad idea.” Shane said as they stepped onto the pier.

The majority of the town was already at the docks. Everyone huddled in their own groups, looking off at the horizon as the first of the jellyfish made their way towards the coast.

Cole locked eyes with Emily as he walked past. She gave a big smile and a wave before going back to chatting with a blonde girl. Cole thought it was her sister, but he wasn’t sure. He’d never actually seen the two of them together.

Cole took a seat on the dock as he reached the end of the pier. Shane did the same, leaning forward as he sat down.

“Feels like summer went by really fast this year.” Shane said, staring out at the horizon.

“Really? I feel like it kind of dragged on.”

“I guess everything feels faster to me lately. Like life is dragging a lot less now that I’m not so miserable all the time.”

“I get that. For me, I feel like things are finally slowing down after life being so hectic.”

Shane nodded, his eyes fixed on the approaching jellyfish. Cole stared at him for a moment, taking in his expression and features.

He looked handsome at night, more than he did during the day. Cole’s stomach fluttered as his eyes flickered over Shane’s face, darting between his eyes and his lips.

He forced himself to look away after a moment, trying desperately to shove down his feelings and avoid thinking about them. He really needed to stop spending time with Shane outside at night. The moonlight always made him somehow more attractive.

They sat in silence for a few minutes until Lewis sent off the candle-boat. After this, the jellyfish started to swim up, and Shane spoke again.

“...There’s something I’ve been wanting to tell you, but I’m really scared to do it.” He said quietly, eyes locked on the ocean.

Cole frowned, shifting a bit closer. “Whatever it is, I’m not gonna judge you for it.”

“Ha, yeah right.” Shane laughed, a grimace settling on his face after. “Forget it, actually. I shouldn’t have brought it up.”

“You can’t do that.”

“Can’t do what?”

“Say you’re gonna tell me something and then not tell me. Now I’m gonna worry about it until I can get it out of you.”

Shane bit his lip and glanced away from Cole, his face faintly lit up by the blue glow of the jellyfish. Cole ignored the heat in his face as Shane started to speak again.

“You know how I told you about that conversation with Marnie? The one about my friend who’s gay?”

“What about it?” Cole asked apprehensively.

Shane sighed shakily, looking at Cole with his head still angled downward. “...I’m the friend.”

“...What?”

“I made it up so I wouldn’t have to tell you because I wasn’t ready. And I’m still not, but I can tell you’re putting the pieces together, so I might as well just rip the band-aid off.”

Cole froze, his breath quickening and his heart speeding up.

He couldn’t mean…

“Don’t just stare at me like that, man. Say something.” Shane laughed awkwardly, a subtle look of fear in his eyes that he was obviously trying to suppress.

“...You’re queer?” Cole finally asked, his voice a shaky whisper.

Shane grimaced, shrinking in on himself as he leaned forward and towards the water. “...I knew it was a bad idea to tell you. I don’t know why I even said anything.” He spoke quietly, his voice wavering. “...I guess you don’t want anything to do with me now, huh?”

“What? Shane, no! No, never!” Cole insisted, placing a hand on Shane’s shoulder. “I’m sorry, I don’t know why I said it like that, I’m just–”

Cole sighed and dropped his arm, shoving down the growing hope in his heart. This was going to make things so much worse, feeling like there was a world where he could possibly have a chance.

“...Just what?” Shane asked after a beat of silence.

“I-I don’t know.” Cole stuttered. “I’ve… kind of been going through something for the last few weeks.”

“I get it.” Shane said, adjusting his sitting position. After moving, his and Cole’s legs were pressed against each other. Cole prayed both that Shane would move and never stop being this close to him.

“I support you, though. I don’t want you to have any doubt about that.”

“...Thanks. I was kind of worried you’d hate me.”

“I don’t think there’s anything you could do to make me hate you at this point.” Cole laughed. “You couldn’t get rid of me if you wanted to.”

“Good thing I don’t want to.” Shane smiled, meeting eyes with Cole.

A few beats of silence passed before Cole spoke again. “Remember when we first met, and all you wanted was to get rid of me?” He grinned

“I thought you were the most annoying prick in the world.” Shane laughed. “I still think you are, it’s just grown on me.” He sat silently for a moment, looking at Cole timidly. “Thanks for not giving up on me. I don’t know where I’d be without you.”

The soft blue light from the jellyfish washed over his face, highlighting his eyes and soft jaw. Cole’s breath hitched and stopped in his throat as his eyes jumped around Shane’s face, taking in all his features.

He almost couldn’t take it, just how good Shane looked. He looked more beautiful in that moment than Cole thought anyone had looked in his entire life.

He hated it.

This thing was going to be the death of him. The idea that he could ignore it or drown it out had been trampled the moment Shane gave him the smallest sliver of hope that something could ever be between them.

Cole prayed that hope was wrong, that he wouldn’t be given the opportunity to betray himself.

“Yeah, same here.” He finally said.

Shane returned to looking at the jellyfish, fishing his phone from his pocket to take pictures. Cole watched them as well, occasionally sneaking glances in Shane’s direction. The jellyfish were pretty and all, but the only thing he wanted to look at was Shane.

“There are so many this year. Jas would love this.” He said to himself while taking pictures.

“Hopefully it’s just as good next year.” Cole said. “But, um, I’m kind of glad we got to come alone.”

“Why’s that?”

“So you could tell me all that. I don’t think you would have if Jas were here. And it’s nice to be alone with you.” Shane flushed, his eyes wide as he looked at Cole.

Cole’s stomach dropped as he realized what he had said. Quickly, he tried to backtrack. “I just mean– I like hanging out with you, is all.”

“...Yeah, same.” Shane said quietly. “I’m, um, glad I told you, too. It was kind of stressing me the hell out.”

“Secrets are stressful.” Cole agreed.

They sat quietly for the rest of the festival, silently enjoying each other’s company.

Before Cole knew it, the jellyfish had passed Pelican Town and continued on their journey. Once the last few jellyfish stopped being visible, everyone started to file out of the beach, Cole and Shane included.

Cole mourned the loss of Shane’s touch as soon as they stood, the place where their legs were pressed together feeling cold and empty without it.

As they reached the bridge where their paths parted, they both stopped.

“...I’ll probably be busy most of tomorrow, but I’ll see you Tuesday?” Cole asked.

“Yeah, of course.” Shane said, putting his hands in his pockets. “I’ll, uh, I’ll see you around?” He gave a small, crooked smile.

“Yeah. I’ll text you tomorrow.”

“Sweet. See you, man.”

“Take care, Shane.” Cole tipped his hat, earning an eye roll from Shane.

“See? Annoying prick.”

“You love it.”

“I do.” Shane smiled, genuinely this time. Cole froze, his heart leaping into his throat. Shane stiffened after a moment, coughing awkwardly. “Sorry, um, too much?”

Everything was too much with Shane. Every smile, every laugh, every joke, all of it was too much. Just being around Shane was enough to fluster Cole these days. But god, he loved it.

He hated loving it. More than anything, he wanted to be able to tell Shane to stop being so alluring, to stop making him feel the way he felt.

He couldn’t, though. No matter how much he fought against it, Shane kept drawing him further in, like an anchor thrown into the sea.

“Never too much.” He finally said.

Shane flushed, turning away from Cole. “Whatever, man.” He laughed. “I’ll see you soon.”

“Goodnight, Shane.”

“Night, Cole.” Shane gave a brief wave before setting off for the ranch. Cole stayed put at the bridge, leaning over the side and staring into the river.

What was he going to do? It was already nearly impossible to ignore his feelings before, but now that he knew Shane was gay? He wasn’t sure it was doable.

Maybe he couldn’t ignore it or push it back anymore, but at the very least, he could hide it. He had to. He’d ruin everything otherwise.

Maybe Shane was gay, but that didn’t mean he’d ever have any feelings for Cole. He wouldn’t let his feelings slip. He’d suffer in silence for as long as he needed if it meant not ruining his friendship with Shane.

He stared pensively into the water for a few more minutes before standing back up and starting his walk towards the farm.

He needed some sleep.

Chapter Text

The beginning of a new season was always one of the most hectic parts of the year for Cole. It took him the better part of the first week of fall to make sure the farm was set up the way he wanted for the season. Now that everything was done, he could go back to focusing on other things.
​
Towards the evening, he sat on the porch waiting for Shane and Jas to arrive at the farm. He and Shane had decided that today was the best day to bring Jas to visit since Shane was off work and Cole didn’t have many errands to run. There was only one thing he had left to do today, and he was waiting to bring Shane along for it.
​
After a few minutes, Shane and Jas appeared at the farm’s side entrance. Cole stood up and walked over as Jack ran at his side.
​
“Didn’t take the shortcut?” He asked.
​
“Nah, I was worried Jas might get hurt running through all the weeds.”
​
“Hi, Mr. Cole!” Jas waved cheerfully, squealing when Jack ran up to her. “He’s so cute!”
​
“He loves attention. I’m sure he’d let you pet him all day if he could.” He smiled and turned to Shane. “I’ll clean up the way to the ranch here soon. At the very least, I’ll get a path paved by winter. Hopefully sooner, if I have the time.”
​
“Don’t worry about it. It’s only five minutes out of the way to go through town.”
​
“Still, it’ll be nice to have a shorter walk to each other's houses.” Cole said as he glanced down at Jas. She sat on the floor with Jack in her lap, cooing at him as she scratched his head.
​
Cole sighed and smiled wistfully. In a strange way, it made him miss his daughter. She would be about the same age as Jas by now. If she were still alive, they’d probably be good friends.
​
“You alright?” Shane asked, snapping Cole out of his thoughts.
​
“Huh? Oh, yeah. Sorry.” Cole said. “Just thinking about stuff.”
​
“Stuff?” Shane frowned.
​
“We can talk about it later.” Cole said, waving his hand dismissively. He turned to Jas after and pointed in the direction of the coop. “Do you wanna go visit the chickens?”
​
“Can Jack come?”
​
“Of course he can.”
​
“Okay!” She bounced up and took off towards the coop, sprinting over while Jack chased her.
​
“Kids have so much energy.” Cole whistled, walking languidly towards the coop while Shane followed.
​
“You’re telling me. Playing tag with her is a nightmare.”
​
“What? Can’t keep up, old man?”
​
“Screw you.” Shane grinned and jabbed Cole with his elbow. “I’m sure you couldn’t either. You haven’t seen how fast she can run.”
​
“Sure. Keep telling yourself that.” Cole teased as they approached the coop. He opened the fence gate and held it open for Jas and Shane, closing it once everyone was in the pen.
​
Jas beamed and crouched onto the grass, holding her arms out as Cocoa walked into her lap. “Cocoa!” She cooed, petting the bird’s back.
​
“Cocoa was one of her favorites.” Shane said. “Probably because of how friendly she is.”
​
“She is friendly.” Cole agreed. “One of the sweeter birds I’ve had.”
​
“Are they chickens happy here, Mr. Cole?” Jas asked, shifting to the side so she could look at him.
​
“They’re very happy, I promise. I take real good care of them.”
​
“I’m glad I can come see them now. I missed Cocoa.” She smiled, giving Cocoa a small squeeze. “I like your plants, too.”
​
“Why, thank you! I can show you what all of them are after you’re done with the chickens.”
​
“Okay!” She smiled before turning her attention back to Cocoa.
​
Cole leaned against the fence and glanced at the orange sky. The days were already starting to get shorter. That meant less time during the day to get work done. At least he’d automated a lot of the watering. Most of his chores involved the chickens now.
​
“Hey, Shane?”
​
Shane hummed and looked over.
​
“Come back to the farm after you bring Jas home. Doesn’t have to be right away, but I have something to show you tonight.”
​
“...Okay.” Shane said uneasily. “You gonna tell me what, or is it a surprise?”
​
“It’s a surprise.” Cole grinned. “Don’t look so nervous! It’s a good surprise.”
​
“I’ll take your word.”
​
The group stayed at the chicken pen for a few more minutes until Jas was ready to see the crops. After leaving the pen and making sure the gate was secured, Cole led them to the field of plants. He stopped in front of a row of stems.
​
“These will be pumpkins soon.” He said. “They’ll be done a little bit before Halloween, so we can carve a few once they’re grown.”
​
“What are those?” Jas asked while pointing to another row of budding plants.
​
“Cranberries. I grow the most of those because they make the most money. They taste great, too.”
​
“Will you make cranberry sauce when they’re grown?”
​
“Sure will. I’ll make sure to bring you some when I do.”
​
Jas smiled and nodded, walking through the rows of plants while occasionally crouching to examine them. Jack followed Jas, running excitedly behind her.
​
“I don’t know how you’re so good with kids.” Shane said quietly. “Jas really likes you, you know?”
​
“She’s a sweet kid.” Cole smiled. “You just have to listen to them and treat them like smaller adults. Kids like you when you treat them like a person.”
​
Shane nodded and placed his hands in his pockets. “She was so excited to come see the farm. She talked about it all week.”
​
“Well, she’s welcome anytime. You both are.”
​
“Thanks, man.”
​
They silently followed Jas as she walked through the plants, occasionally asking Cole questions. He answered the best he could, but some were too scientific for him.
​
Once she was satisfied with the plants, Shane and Cole went to sit on the porch while she chased Jack around the farm.
​
“Good lord, she is fast.” Cole said. “She could be a hell of an athlete one day if she keeps that up.”
​
“I know. Marnie says the same thing.” Shane laughed and leaned forward. “I heard she and Lewis are having issues, by the way.”
​
“Issues?” Cole frowned.
​
“He found out she’s been hanging out with Marlon, and he’s not happy about it. He’s been telling her if she keeps seeing him, it’ll turn into a problem.”
​
“Well, he can go fuck himself. Marnie can talk to whoever the hell she wants. It’s his own fault he won’t commit to her.”
​
“That’s what I told her. I think she’s finally thinking of leaving him.”
​
“As she should. Good riddance.” Cole groaned, glancing at the sky. “Maybe you should come earlier next time so Jas has more time to play. It’s already pretty dark.”
​
“Yeah. Feels like the days get short so fast after the jellyfish come through.”
​
Cole stiffened and nodded, thinking back to the festival. He’d been trying not to think about what Shane told him, but that was nearly impossible. Knowing Shane was gay made him uneasy, especially after what he and Marnie had talked about.
​
He was scared his feelings might be more obvious than he thought. What if Shane put two and two together and realized how Cole felt about him? Maybe he wouldn’t hate him like Cole originally thought, but he wasn’t sure if he could handle the shame of someone else knowing.
​
“So, um, we never really talked about the other night.” Shane said, almost as if reading Cole’s mind.
​
“Do we need to?” Cole laughed nervously.
​
“I guess not. I just thought maybe you’d have more to say about it. You took it a lot better than I thought you would.” He sighed and glanced to the side.
​
“I’m not a bigot, Shane.” Cole frowned.
​
“I know that. You’re already friends with a gay person.” Shane said. “I guess I was just worried you’d be weirded out if it was your best friend. I didn’t want you to think I was like… coming on to you, I guess.”
​
Cole flushed, opting to change the subject. “Who are we friends with that’s gay?”
​
“Emily.” Shane said while raising a brow. “Did you not know?”
​
“But she asked me out.” Cole said confusedly.
​
“She’s bisexual, Cole.”
​
“Oh.” He paused. “I forgot that’s a thing.”
​
“Yeah.”
​
They sat in silence for a moment until Shane spoke again. “So, you don’t think it’s weird?”
​
Cole hesitated, biting the inside of his cheek. “I mean, it’s not not weird, but it doesn’t bother me. As long as you're happy.”
​
“I’m honestly not.” Shane laughed bitterly. “I was pretty upset when I realized. I feel like it’d be a lot easier to just be straight.”
​
“Have you not known for long?”
​
“Only a few months. I don’t know why it took so long for everything to click together. It was pretty obvious in hindsight.”
​
Cole nodded, gears turning in his head. He suddenly snapped to look at Shane with wide eyes. “That time we fought in the spring when you told me you ‘realized something’, was that–?”
​
Shane cut him off with a nod. “Sorry for being a dick about it.”
​
“No, don’t worry about it. I’d have been a dick too if I were in your shoes.” Cole said. He really had been awful to Shane when he realized. He wished he could go back and act differently.
​
Shane nodded, sitting silently for a moment before standing up. “I should get Jas home so she can take a bath before bed. I’ll meet you back here in about an hour?”
​
“Sounds good.” Cole smiled, standing up with him as Jas ran over.
​
“Is it time to go?” She asked Shane, trying to catch her breath.
​
“Yeah. Sorry, kid. We’ll come back soon, okay?”
​
“Yes, please!” She said before turning to Cole. “Bye, Mr. Cole! Thank you for letting me come see the farm.”
​
“Anytime. I’ll see you soon, alright?”
​
“Okay! I’ll see you next time you visit!” She smiled and turned towards the exit as Shane waved goodbye to Cole.
​
Cole watched as they slowly disappeared from view and went back through town. Once they were gone, he went inside to wait for Shane to come back.
​

​
Cole sat on the porch waiting for Shane to return to the farm. About an hour had passed since he and Jas left, around how long he said he’d be gone.
​
When he returned, Cole would take him to the community center. He’d already told the Junimos he was bringing someone along next visit, and they had agreed to make themselves known.
​
The stack of money in his hands felt heavy. He felt insane for giving it all away, but he knew it would pay off in the end. By tomorrow, the bus would be repaired.

Cole looked up and pocketed the cash as Shane walked to the edge of the farm. He stayed put as Cole walked up to him.
​
“Where are you taking me?” He asked, glancing around. “It’s so creepy out here at night.”
​
“Yeah, I know. And I told you, it’s a surprise.” Cole started walking towards town, assuming Shane would follow.
​
“There’s only so many places you can take me. I think we’ve been everywhere.” Shane laughed. “Are we just going to the saloon, or something?”
​
“Quit trying to guess! You’ll see when we get there.”
​
“Fine.” Shane said, following reluctantly as Cole left the bus stop and turned towards the community center.
​
“You know earlier when you said you were thinking about stuff?” He asked after a beat of silence. “You said you’d tell me what it was.”
​
“Oh, right.” Cole coughed. “It’s stupid, it doesn’t really matter.”
​
“That doesn’t mean I’m not curious.”
​
Cole hesitated before answering. “It’s just that Jas reminds me of my daughter sometimes. Makes me miss her, you know?”
​
Shane nodded, looking sadly at Cole. “I get it. I mean, not really, I haven’t gone through that, but you know what I mean.” He sighed. “I can’t imagine how hard it is to lose your kid. You’re a strong guy for going through that.”
​
“Thanks.” Cole smiled wearily. “Part of it is just knowing that I’ll never be a father again. I’ll probably never remarry, and even if I do, I’m getting too old to have another kid.”
​
“There’s still time.” Shane said. “And you can always adopt.”
​
“I’m just not optimistic. I’ll probably be settling down here for the rest of my life, and I’m not likely to meet anyone new.”
​
“I guess.” Shane shrugged. “I know it’s not the same, but I’m pretty sure Jas thinks of you as family as much as she does me and Marnie.”
​
Cole smiled as a light feeling settled over his chest. “You really think?”
​
“Yeah, I do.”
​
“I’ll try to spend more time around the ranch then. It makes me real happy to hear that.” Cole said as they walked to the front of the community center.
​
“...Is this where you’re taking me?” Shane asked. “You’re going really far with this joke, huh?”
​
“It’s not a joke. I told you I was gonna take you here to prove it.” He grinned, holding the door open for Shane.
​
Shane reluctantly walked inside, followed by Cole. “This place is creepy as hell.”
​
“Only because it’s dark outside. It’s not so bad during the day.” Cole shrugged and started towards the vault, the floors creaking loudly under his feet. “We won’t be here long, anyway. I just gotta drop this money off.”
​
“Whatever you say, man.” Shane frowned and followed behind Cole. As they stepped inside the room, Cole walked up to the golden box and crouched down in front of it.
​
“I got the last of the money with me. I brought my friend like I said, too.” He said as he lifted the lid and placed the cash inside.
​
“Cole, seriously, you don’t have to– Jesus Christ!” Shane jumped as a Junimo appeared from thin air in front of Cole, bouncing up and down happily.
​
“Told you.” He looked back at Shane and grinned.
​
Shane stared, dumbfounded. With wide eyes, he looked silently between it and Cole.
​
Cole snickered and turned back to the Junimo. It pulled a sack from seemingly nowhere and handed it over to Cole.
​
“For you!” It said in its warbly language.
​
“Fertilizer! Why, thank you.” Cole smiled and stood up, walking to Shane while the Junimo grabbed a star and carried it out to the main room. “That old bus should be repaired by tomorrow.”
​
“I can’t believe you weren’t fucking with me.” Shane said quietly. “How’d you even figure out these things were here?”
​
“Lewis brought me in here. He didn’t believe me when I saw them either.” Cole shrugged.
​
“Shit…” Shane mumbled. “Sorry for calling you crazy, I guess. I don’t really know what to say about all this.”
​
“Don’t worry about it. I’d have called me crazy, too.” Cole laughed and turned on his heel, expecting Shane to follow. “We can get out of here now if you want. That was all I needed to do.”
​
“Sure. This place gives me the creeps.”
​
Cole led them out of the vault and through the rest of the community center, stopping before they reached the door. The Junimo from before ran up to him and danced around his feet.
​
“We gotta get going now, little fella.” He smiled and crouched down, patting the Junimo. “I’ll come back later, alright?”
​
It smiled with its eyes and backed away, waving cheerfully as Cole held the door open for Shane.
​
“After you.”
​
“Thanks.” Shane said as he stepped outside. Cole followed shortly after and firmly shut the door behind them.
​
“How about I walk you home?” Cole asked. “Seems like the polite thing to do after making you come all the way out here.”
​
“If you want.” Shane shrugged. “Don’t worry about it if you’re in a rush to get home, though.”
​
“I’m never in a rush to get home. I like going for walks at night, anyway.”
​
Shane nodded, glancing up at the sky. “It is a nice night.”
​
Cole looked at him and held his breath. He really did look handsome at night. Shane glanced over at him, and he hurriedly looked ahead, focusing on the path to the ranch.
​
They walked in silence for a moment until they started to pass by Lewis’s house. Shane suddenly stopped, glancing at Cole. “Does that sound like Marnie?” He frowned.
​
Cole paused and listened, faintly making out two voices. “Yeah, actually. What would she be doing at Lewis’s this late?”
​
“I have a couple ideas.” Shane rolled his eyes.
​
“Other than that.” Cole hissed. “It sounds like they’re outside. We should go check it out and make sure she’s okay.”
​
“You just want an excuse to eavesdrop.”
​
“...Partially.” Cole mumbled, switching directions and walking behind Lewis’s fence. Shane followed along, stopping once they were just outside of Lewis’s yard. Cole leaned against the fence, listening to what Lewis said.
​
“Marnie, we can’t! If word got out, it would undermine my position of authority in town!” He said exasperatedly. “You understand, don’t you?”
​
Marnie frowned and leaned against his fence, staring dejectedly into the water. “...You care too much about your job, Lewis. There are other things to life, you know.”
​
Lewis stared at her expectantly. She sighed and looked at him sadly. “Yes, I understand. I guess we’ll continue keeping our relationship a secret.”
​
“Good. I knew you’d understand.” He sighed with relief and put a hand on her back. “It’s really nothing against you, Marnie. You’re a lovely woman.”
​
“I just don’t understand why you think people knowing about us would make them respect you any less.”
​
“Well, I’m the mayor. If people knew the mayor was having an affair with a rancher…” He trailed off.
​
Cole grimaced and looked at Shane. He looked like his teeth were about to crack from how hard his jaw was clenched.
​
“...Seriously? You don’t respect me because I raise animals?” Marnie laughed incredulously. “Lewis, do you know how hard my job is?”
​
“I never said your job wasn’t hard.” He backtracked.
​
“But it’s something to be ashamed of.” Marnie stood up straight and shrugged Lewis’s hand off. Suddenly, her eyes widened and she stood up straight as she caught sight of Shane and Cole.
​
“Shit.” Cole mumbled.
​
She gave a frantic gesture to leave as Lewis turned around and looked wide-eyed at the pair.
​
“Cole?!” He yelled. “How much of that did you overhear?”
​
“Oh, we heard all of it.” Shane laughed, rolling up his sleeves.
​
“Shane, don’t fight an old man, you’ll kill him.” Cole said under his breath.
​
“Lewis, it’s fine!” Marnie reassured with a laugh. “They won’t tell anyone, right?”
​
“My lips are sealed.” Cole said while raising his arms. He glanced at Shane, quickly walking behind him as he walked past the fence and up to Lewis. “Shane, seriously, you’re gonna knock him out.” He mumbled.
​
“What, are you gonna hit me?” Lewis laughed uncomfortably. “Do you really let him act like this, Marnie?”
​
“You need to apologize.” Shane said.
​
“I don’t need to do anything.” Lewis glared. “But you need to keep your nose out of other people’s business.”
​
“I’m serious, Lewis. No one is gonna talk to my aunt like that and get away with it.”
​
“You wouldn’t.” He challenged.
​
Shane sighed and deflated, turning around and looking at Cole.
​
“See?” Lewis laughed. “I knew you’d–” He was interrupted as Shane rocked around, his fist violently colliding with Lewis’s jaw. Marnie gasped as Lewis fell to the floor and rubbed his face, glaring up at Shane.
​
Cole tried to suppress the heat flooding to his face as he watched Shane. His chest heaved as he breathed heavily, his knuckles red from the impact. “You say anything like that to her again, and I’m gonna rock your shit. Got it, old man?”
​
“Get the hell off my property.” Lewis growled.
​
“Absolutely, let’s get going now.” Cole said hurriedly, ushering Marnie away and towards the path to the ranch. Shane hesitantly followed behind, pulling his sleeves back down as he caught up to Cole.
​
Marnie stared dejectedly at the ground as she walked, a hollow look in her eyes.
​
“You alright, Marnie?” Cole asked.
​
“I’m worried.” She sighed. “Why did you do that, Shane? What if he does something back?”
​
“To me? I could beat the hell out of that guy.” Shane said.
​
“No, to the business.” Marnie frowned. “Did you really not think that through? He controls the taxes in town. He could easily bankrupt us if he wanted. There’s no one else to keep him in check.”
​
Shane looked to the side and shoved his hands in his pockets. “He wouldn’t. There’s no way he’d stoop that low.”
​
“You’d be surprised.” Marnie mumbled. “I’m done with him. After all that, I think I finally realized how little he respects me. I can’t be with someone like that.”
​
“At least something good came out of that whole thing.” Cole laughed awkwardly. “It’ll be alright. If he tries to mess with your business, you know I’ll help you out. The farm has been doing good this year.”
​
“Thank you, Cole.” She smiled wearily. “You have no idea how much that means to me.”
​
“Don’t mention it. You’ve helped me more times than I can count.”
​
The three spent the rest of the walk to the ranch in silence. When they finally arrived, Cole stopped short at the door.
​
“I’ll be coming by sometime tomorrow. Is that alright?”
​
“We’d appreciate that.” Marnie said with a smile. “Have a good night, Cole.”
​
“You too, Marnie.” He waved as Marnie walked inside. She hesitated as Shane stayed put next to Cole.
​
“I’ll come inside in a minute. I wanna talk to Cole for a second.” He said.

“Sure. I’ll be in my room.” She said before shutting the door softly behind her.
​
Cole raised a brow at Shane and leaned against the ranch. “What is it, partner?”
​
“Was that stupid of me?” Shane sighed. “I mean, what if he really does do something?”
​
“Then we’ll kick his ass like you said.” Cole laughed. “Look, Lewis is a shitty person, but he’s not that shitty. Surely it’ll be okay.”
​
“I hope.” Shane frowned. “I’m just worried I did the wrong thing.”
​
“If it makes you feel better, you looked cool as hell.” Cole grinned. It was too dark to tell, but he swore Shane’s cheeks turned a faint red.
​
“Whatever, man.” He laughed. “I’ll see you tomorrow?”
​
“‘Course.” Cole said. “I should get going. Have a good one, Shane.”
​
“Yeah, you too, man.” Shane smiled and opened the door. “Night.”
​
“See you.” Cole said before Shane closed the door. He sighed and started towards the path home, praying he was right about Lewis.