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Chapter Text

"I'm sorry, but a serious setback suddenly appeared and I fear I won't be able to participate in Dora this year…" 

Zsa Zsa's words were clear, no further explanation needed. According to the rules of the preselection, if a contestant retires from the competition, then they'll be replaced by the first name in the "replacements" list. The lucky one was a man under the pseudonym of "Baby Lasagna" with the song "Rim Tim Tagi Dim" that will take Zsa Zsa's place.

The date is 25th of February 2024, the day of the grand final of Dora, the Croatian preselection. Who would have told that man that he would go from just a reserve song to one of the favorites to win not only Dora, but the whole Eurovision? Not even he could believe his eyes, and now he was there, waiting for the televote to dictate his destiny, only 10 points were enough for him to compete in Malmö, the time was running slower and the air was turning heavy.

247 points was maybe a little too much, but at least that was more than enough proof that people really wanted Marko to represent Croatia, and he was euphoric.

The contest finished and the results were said, it was time to pick up everything and start the after party. But the winner wasn't very used to those, he just wanted to celebrate home, it was a long day.

"Baby Lasagna." - A voice said behind Marko's back with a heavy Croatian accent.

Marko turned around to discover an old man dressed in a painfully bright yellow dress, a costume so ugly that the young man even got scared for a second.

"Oh, uh, hello Damir." - Marko responded, while still picking up his stuff.

"Aren't you coming to the after party?"

"I don't think so…"

"Why not? You're the winner, you're basically the guest of honor."

"Yes, but I don't really like parties at all, I prefer to stay at home and celebrate with my family and friends and…"

"And cats?"

"And cats yes."

"And can't you make an exception at least for tonight? It's a special occasion."

"Uhhh…"

"Come on, we've prepared some "cool" stuff for you all!"

"I'm scared of what that means."

"We have been warned by the authorities so it can't include anything of what you're imagining."

"Thank God."

"So… what do you think?"

"...Okay, I'll stay for a while."

"Great! You won't regret it, I promise."

Marko and Damir left the arena together, outside, there was a big mass of all the contestants waiting for them.

"He agreed!" - Screamed Damir.

The crowd cheered. Shortly after they were in a bus, going to the after party, celebrating that Baby Lasagna will represent Croatia in Malmö next May.

That and a little of the party's blinding lights was everything Marko could remember of that night before losing consciousness. Now he was at home in bed, tired, dizzy and with nausea.

Chapter Text

This is too suspicious, even scary. What if he was drugged? What have they done to him? He was thinking about every outcome of this situation and didn't like any of them. Maybe the doctor can solve his doubts.

"You can breathe Marko, you just have a hangover." - The doctor affirmed.

Marko felt a heavy weight leaving his body, he wasn't drugged nor hurt. He never felt a hangover before, he has never drank too much. He just partied hard, but now everything passed, and it was time to think about the future, the future in Malmö. He had to pack his bags, think about his outfit, about the staging, prepare for the pre-parties, rehearse his song, book the plane tickets, never forget about the plane tickets, how could he go to Malmö without the plane?... Calm down Marko, you have three months yet.

Finally May, the Eurovision month. Marko has everything prepared for the contest, his bags are packed and the plane leaves tomorrow, he has time to rest before the big day.

*Ring!* - Someone has rang the bell.

When Marko opened the door, a man was waiting for him in an outlandish outfit, Damir again.

"Baby Lasagna." - Damir said with his Croatian accent.

"Hello again Damir, why are you here?"

"Don't you remember? Today is the big day!"

"What? The day of my departure? Sorry but that's tomorrow…"

"Don't be silly, come with me, we have prepared your vehicle!"

Damir took Marko's arm tightly and led him to the city square; there, an enormous pink blanket was hiding something big, surrounded by the Let3 members and other Dora contestants, a little more far from the unknown artifact.

"What is this?" - Marko asked between fear and confusion.

"Your vehicle to Malmö!" - Damir ran next to the covered object and pulled the blanket, revealing a Tractor, a regular tractor, nothing else.

"...what?" 

"What do you think?"

"I'm confused, why would you give me a tractor?"

"To go to Malmö, how else would you go, walking?"

"In a plane maybe?"

"Well, that's not necessary anymore, cause you have a tractor."

"Uhhh… sorry, I appreciate your gift but, I prefer to go by plane."

"Which plane?"

"The one that leaves tomorrow…"

"Oh no there's no plane anymore."

"What do you mean there is no plane?"

Damir put on a serious face and standed like a military general, he cleared his throat and said: "We've canceled your plane tickets."

"WHAT?! HOW?! WHY?!"

"There's things in this plan which cannot be revealed due to the fact that we low-key don't want to go to jail (again)."

"BUT WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT?!" - Marko screamed at them.

"Because of the bet, don't you remember?"

"WHICH BET?!"

"Ah yes, remember the day after the Dora final? At the after party?"

Marko took a deep breath. "I knew damn well that I shouldn't have gone to the after party because of stuff like this my bad."

"Well you basically promised to go to Malmö in this tractor."

"Is there proof that I said that? Uh? If there's no proof then-"

Zoran took his phone from his pocket and played a voice recording from that day, in which Marko's voice (in a drunk tone) said: "yₑₐₕ․․․ ᵢₜ ₛₒᵤₙdₛ 𝆑ᵤₙₙy․․․ ᵢ wₒᵤₗd gₒ ₜₒ ₘₐₗₘₒ̈ ᵢₙ ₐ ₜᵣₐ𝄴ₜₒᵣ ₒ𝆑 𝄴ₒᵤᵣₛₑ․․․ ᵢ'ₘ dₑ𝆑ᵢₙᵢₜₑₗy 𝄴ₐₚₐᵦₗₑ ₒ𝆑 ₜₕₐₜ ᵢ'ₘ ₙₒₜ ₐ ₚᵤₛₛy ₗᵢₖₑ yₒᵤ ₜₕᵢₙₖ․․․ ₕₑₕₑ․․․ ₘₑₒw․"

Marko shred a single tear.

"There's proof in fact." - Damir said.

"Can't I just refuse to do it?"

"No."

"Why?"

"Otherwise, you'll face 𝙏𝙝𝙚 𝙥𝙪𝙣𝙞𝙨𝙝𝙢𝙚𝙣𝙩."

"Oh my God."

"You don't want to face it do you?"

"No-"

"Great! Well, everything has been said. Time for your departure, have a nice trip!"

"Wait wait wait… what about my team?"

"We said that we canceled your plane tickets, not theirs."

"That's at least a little comforting. And about the tractor: what speed can it reach?"

"A tractor can reach the amazing speed of 60 km/h."

"There's approximately 1500 km from here to Malmö, that's 25 hours of traveling, a little more than a day."

"But this tractor is different!"

"That's good news."

"It can run less."

"Those aren't good news."

"50 KM/h, so 30 hours."

"Can't you guys be normal for once and tell me congratulations and move on?"

"No, you're going to Malmö in a tractor, and you better start soon because you have less than a week and 30 hours to go."

If Marko was capable of willingly explode, he would have done it right there, because what the fuck.

Chapter Text

"Let me do calculations." - Marko tried to calm himself by planning his sudden journey. "1498,9 kilometers from Croatia to Malmö, if we go at 50 KM/h then we need at least 30 hours to reach Sweden, that's a day and 6 hours. I have a week until the first semifinal of Eurovision, but I need to arrive earlier, so maybe in 3 days, that's 30 between 3, so 10 hours of road a day, that's a lot, but it is what it is."

"That's the spirit!" - Damir interrupted his thinking.

"Do NOT talk to me now, I've had enough today, I just wanna leave already, I want to have time for myself, to think."

Instantly, Marko approached his house, he had to take his baggage and put it in his "new" vehicle, he had to leave as soon as possible. When he arrived, Elizabeta welcomed him.

"Where have you been? …Have you cried?" - Elizabeta looked at her fiance's slightly red eyes worried.

"Elizabeta." - Marko took a deep breath. "The thing I'm going to say it's extremely crazy and I don't even believe it myself. But I'm going to Malmö in a tractor."

"...what?"

"What you heard."

"But… how? When?"

"Let 3 gave me a tractor and they canceled my plane ticket, so now I'm going to Malmö, in a tractor."

"Now?"

"Yes, immediately."

"Say sike right now."

"Wanna see the tractor?"

Marko and Elizabeta left the house with his baggage, the old and regular tractor was still in the square, and the crowd was waiting for him to say goodbye.

"...so it's true." - She said while inspecting the machine.

"I feel you." 

A few minutes after, the contestant was already inside the tractor, with the keys in his hand and the motor starting. Everyone outside waved to him and after at least ten minutes of gathering the courage, he left. The machine was way slower than he thought it would, this was gonna be a long journey.

All alone, in the countryside, next to a highway for safety reasons, he may have traveled for 4 hours now. It has never been so quiet, so peaceful, so calm-

"MEOW!"

Marko jumped a metter high and was close to losing control of the vehicle due to this sudden sound. Something among his baggages… meowed? He had to stop the tractor to check what happened. Once looking, a furry creature appeared between the suitcases. Gertruda joined his travel.

"How did you sneaked between my stuff? Last time I checked you weren't there."

"Meow." - Said Gertruda.

They couldn't go back to Umag now, they were 4 hours away. It seems that Gertruda has to stay, but it's dangerous to have a cat there abroad, she could get lost. How far were they from the closest city? He needed to buy supplies for the cat.

1 hour away (in tractor) there was Cerknica, they were already in Slovenia! Luckily Marko found a pet shop easily and got to buy a collar and cat food.

"This collar says to track your pet. Let's see if it works." - Marko put the collar around Gertruda's neck. "I have to download this Slovenian app to start tracking… No, I'm not giving you 5 stars… Here you are! Thank God it works!"

"Meow." - Gertruda gave her most sincere opinion.

"Yeah."

Now it's time to resume the trip, cat fed, cat tracked, 5 more hours of way to complete 10 hours a day. Marko snorted again.

Chapter Text

4 hours later on the road, Gertruda already fell asleep, something that Marko couldn't do and made him jealous, but his tiredness would disappear soon, only one hour less until the 10 daily hours were completed, he was relieved. Suddenly and for his misfortune, the arrow on the gasoline meter was gently skimming the letter E, the tractor was almost out of gas, Marko had to find a gas station immediately!

Fortunately, the tractor ran out of gas completely right in front of the closest one. Where were they? Marko got out of the vehicle and looked around to see if he could guess the place, in which because of the posters written in German, he could guess they were in Austria, it was too soon to reach Germany.

"Hello?" - Marko entered the gas station's shop.

It was a very old gas station, not very taken care of, it looked like it was going to fall apart at any moment and of course, it didn't have any automatic payment, so he had to enter.

"Hello, I need to fill my tank, I'll take 50€ of Gas, it's going to be a long journey for me." - Marko said to the cashier.

"Ich kann dich nicht verstehen." - The cashier responded.

Great, the cashier didn't know absolutely any English. How could he be able to communicate? Marko didn't know German, at least not Austrian German.

"Do you speak English?"

"Nein, englisch, nein." - The cashier clumsily said.

"No?"

"Nichts."

"Oh my God."

"Wie kann ich dir helfen?"

"I can't understand." - Marko tried to think. "Wait, maybe with a translator…"

He took out his phone and opened the browser, he waited for it to charge, and waited, and waited, and waited, no internet.

"Damn."

"Hier gibt es kein Internet."

"Whatever you said I noticed… Follow me." - The man did an international gesture with his hand and the cashier followed him.

They were now outside of the gas station, next to the tractor.

"Warum kommst du mit einem Traktor?"

"Yes."

Marko pointed to the petrol pump and started talking like a neanderthal. "Petrol, gasoline, I need." 

The cashier tilted his head confused like a puppy.

"Gasoline, inside, tractor, five, ten, euro."

"Brauchen Sie Benzin? Wie viel willst du?"

"I don't know if you understood me at all!"

Marko felt powerless, he was anxious because he wasn't understood, and he had to fill the tank now to leave as soon as possible. In that exact moment, something crazy happened.

Gertruda woke up and got out of the tractor and approached Marko.

"Hi Gertruda, we stopped because the tractor is out of gas, and the cashier doesn't understand that I want 50€ worth of gasoline." - The contestant explained the situation to his cat to calm himself down.

"Meow." - Gertruda seemed to take that as a challenge.

"Hallo Kitty." - The cashier happily said to Gertruda.

"Meow meow, meow, meow meow meow, purrr meow… meow meow meow meow, meoow, fffff, meow, purrrr ffff, meow meow?" - Gertruda said in front of the cashier while wallowing on the ground along other cat gestures.

"Ich verstehe, dann braucht man für den Traktor fünfzig Euro Benzin. Gehst du nach Malmö? Das ist zu weit weg. Wirst du genug haben? Ich empfehle, siebzig Euro Benzin zu kaufen, um zur nächsten Haltestelle zu gelangen." - The cashier seemed to understand everything.

"How?" - Marko asked.

"Meow." - Responded Gertruda.

"Ich habe Katzen, sie verwenden eine Sprache der Laute und Gesten, die sich von unserer unterscheidet, aber international übersetzbar ist. Sie sind sehr intelligente Tiere."

"Yes, 50€"

"Ich empfehle siebzig." The cashier took seven fingers up.

"Seventy Euros? Well, prevention is better than cure. I'll take it."

With the tank filled, Marko was finally able to leave, only one more hour of traveling and he will rest. They were close to Germany, this journey was slowly reaching its end and the Croat loved that.

Chapter Text

One hour has passed since the tractor's gas tank was filled, and eventually the first 10 hours were completed. Now Marko needed to rest, he had seated inside the little cabin of the tractor and his ass was raging in pain.

He and Gertruda were still in Austria, in a service stop with a little motel in it, it will be enough for one night, they aren't going to ask for a five star hotel. Fortunately this time the employees knew at least a little English.

The motel was cheap and allowed the entrance of Gertruda, but she must stay in the room at all times. Finally they could rest, Marko checked the bed for bugs, went to the bathroom, and fell fully in bed, falling asleep instantly.

The sun woke Marko up, it must be 7:00 a.m. Now, it was time to wake up and continue the trip. He took the cat and went to the dinning room for breakfast, grabbed a coffee cup and some croissants for later and returned to the tractor. When he arrived, he noticed a big setback in his plan, the left wheel was punctured.

"Ugh not this now, where am I going to find a wheel?" - Marko complained. "Is there an agricenter close?"

He searched on his phone, the closest agricenter was 3 km away, in the city.

"Phew, I expected it to be at least 10 km away. It opens at 8:00 a.m. and closes at 14:00 p.m. Great." - Marko then proceeded to walk to the shop, followed by Gertruda. After the calm walk they soon reached the center.

"100€ for a tractor wheel?! This country is so expensive, that's 30€ more than in my city, but who am I to complain now…"

With the new wheel, they exited the agricenter, Marko had no other alternative to take the wheel than roll it for the whole 3 km.

"Meow." - Gertruda said.

"You wanna come in?" - Marko replied.

Gertruda then jumped inside the wheel and walked inside like a hamster.

Only 500 meters until they arrived at the motel again, Marko was tired of pushing the wheel, just like Gertruda. So they rested a little, Marko leaned on the wheel and accidentally pushed it, making it roll down the road, with Gertruda inside.

The wheel was now rolling down the slope at high speed, making the cat run for her life.

"MEOWWW!!!!!!" - She screamed.

"GERTRUDA!!!! NO!!!"

The wheel was going directly into the highway, and Baby Lasagna couldn't run as fast as the wheel. It was almost over for her, but luckily, an employee just exited from the hotel, and got in the wheel's way, running over him and stopping its journey.

"AAHHH OUCH!!!" What is this!?" - The worker screamed.

"I'm sorry!" - The Croat came to apologize. "My wheel was going directly into the traffic but thanks to this accident you could save my cat and probably some lives."

"Oh. In that case you're welcome. But that doesn't keep me from scraping my knees."

"I'll bring a medical kit."

"Meow." - Gertruda thanked the employee by loafing over him.

After treating the wounds of the poor worker, Marko and Gertruda resumed their journey, the wheel was changed and the day saved. Another 10 hours ahead, soon they'll enter Germany.

Chapter Text

The second day is about to start. Today, Marko was expecting to travel another ten hours, making a small break after 5 hours. He had the day scheduled, if nothing goes wrong, they must enter Germany and reach the center of the country at the end of the journey.

The wheel has been changed just a few moments ago, no more distractions. So Marko entered the tractor followed by Gertruda and without thinking, they left the motel.

"There is a long stretch of road between where we are and the city where we can take a break. I calculated that we will reach it in 5 hours." - Marko explained to Gertruda.

"Meow." - She affirmed.

Gertruda fell asleep out of boredom a few minutes later. She suddenly woke up to check the time, 13:00 p.m. It has been 4 hours since they left, so she can sleep a little more before the break. Marko will wake her up.

"Meow?" - Gertruda woke up sweaty, it was too hot inside the tractor, she checked the time, 17:00 p.m. It has been 4 hours since the last time she woke up!

Did they stop for a while like Marko promised? If so, why did he not wake her up? Why didn't he buy any cold water to fight the heat? It was suspicious.

"Meow?" - Gertruda looked up at Marko, he was invested on the road, maybe too invested, he didn't move at all, not even blinking, didn't react to her calls.

"Meow?!" 

Gertruda was worried for her owner, what was going on?

"Meow!"

He doesn't move nor react.

"MEOW?"

Gertruda put her paws on his arm, trying to wake him up from his daydreaming, and failing.

"MEOW!!!!"

"HUH?!"

She finally scratched him a little, the pain woke Marko up from the hypnosis and made him shake a little.

"Gertruda? What happened? What time is it?" -Marko looked at the clock. "17:00 P.M.?! IT'S BEEN 8 HOURS?!"

He was surprised by how fast the time went after being hypnotized by the road, they missed their stop, but they can do an incision now.

"I'm sorry Gertruda, I accidentally made you go through very hot weather. What if we take a break now? I'll see if I can find you some frozen treats." -Marko apologized.

"Meow :3" -Gertruda meowed happily.

They were able to stop in a close service station. They finally entered Germany, the weather was boiling, as it was May. The good thing is that they only have 2 more hours of journey before completing the daily 10 hours, not everything about getting road-hypnotized is gonna be bad.

Chapter Text

"Meow -w-" - Gertruda said, satisfied, after devouring some frozen treats.

"If I calculated well, we have 2 more hours to complete the daily 10. We must be around Leipzig. We'll drive to Berlin and rest there." - Marko said to himself.

Berlin is the capital city of Germany, meaning that its roads are always busy. However, 18:00 p.m. is not a peak hour of traffic, they could drive around easily. But here's something very funny about Germany, there, when they want to start a work, the government gives funds and a deadline to these works, but this deadline is only for starting the work, meaning it can last days and months and years. adding that Berlin is a city always in works, the result is:

Traffic jams.

Which is exactly what Baby Lasagna and Gertruda got stuck into.

"I hate Murphy's law" - Marko said.

The hours went on between the hundreds of cars and buses. No one was moving, and people started getting out of their vehicles, but Marko decided to stay.

Two hours passed until someone eventually knocked on the tractor's window.

"What?" - Marko asked, sleepy from boredom.

"Hello? Sir? Do you speak English?" - A man dressed in rural clothing said from the road.

"Uh? Yeah yes I do. What do you need?"

"I was wondering why you're so far from the rest of us protests."

"...from what?"

"The protests. Protest for the quality of life of primary sector workers. We are at the front of this traffic jam."

"So… this is not caused by work?"

"No.

"Ugh." - Marko was angry.

"You should be at the front with us if you are a protestor."

At that moment, a lightbulb turned on over Marko's head.

"Yes! But I came a little late. Is there any way to put me at the front with you guys?" - He asked.

"I don't think that we can do a lot to bring you with us this time, but don't worry, next time we will be at Munich, we will be there on the 11th of May at the same hour, will you be there?"

"...Of course."

"That 's great! We're sorry for the occurrence, we will give way to you soon." - The man said while walking away from the tractor.

A few moments after, the traffic jam started to disappear and Marko could finally reach the outskirts of Berlin. A little motel is all they could find, it will be enough for that night. Marko and Gertruda weren't as tired as the previous day, but they still had a good sleep.

Chapter Text

Finally Marko had a good night, asleep like a log. He was ready to finish his journey. Today, he could travel the last 10 hours to Malmö. He was relieved, and finally, he will finish the bet.

He happily took his luggage, whistling a tune while loading the tractor with them, he was in good humor. He turned the engine on and… Where’s Gertruda?

She was there just a moment ago, now, she vanished.

“Gertruda?!” - Marko screamed.

No response.

“Where is she? Where- wait, the collar, the app must tell me where she is.”

Baby Lasagna took his phone and immediately opened the Slovenian pet app. “No, I'm not gonna give you five stars.” He said.

A red dot over the European map showed the location of the cat, she was far, very far, and getting further every time.

“OH NO” - Marko was almost crying. “NOT THIS NOW, I’LL FEEL HORRIBLE IF I LOSE GERTRUDA FOREVER. SOMEONE KIDNAPPED HER.”

Malmö probably won’t welcome the Croat that day, he had a more important affair to do, saving a cat.

After hours of driving, the red dot stopped in a fixed location, in Poland.

“I HAVE TO GO TO POLAND NOW?” - Baby Lasagna was annoyed in ways that couldn’t be explained. He didn’t even know what he was going to find when he reached Gertruda. Maybe he just signed his death sentence. 

He was afraid, very afraid. He never liked sudden adventures, at least not the ones in which he can precisely die.

Chapter Text

Who would have told our Croat boy that he would end up in Poland, trying to save a cat (Who also appeared without warning). 4 hours wasted on the road, before he reached what seemed his final destination. A huge abandoned and rusty warehouse.

”Gertruda is here? I can’t see her.” - Marko said to himself.

A while after he glanced at three or four luxurious black cars, parked next to the warehouse,to make sure, he hid himself in the bushes to see what was happening. Someone was definitely there.

A loud “Meow” surprised Marko, he could recognize that it was Gertruda. He peeked through the branches to see. Indeed, a man in a suit had her inside a cage. She was scared, looking at the two men speaking in front of her.

Marko tried to listen to their conversation.

”And you said you had to go to Germany for this cat?”

”Dude, we’re not going to work only in this country forever, we have to expand ourselves, you asked for cats and I got you one.”

”Yeah you’re right I guess, but next time don’t “expand” yourself that much, we have to talk about it in a meeting first, Ok?”

”Sorry sir… Hey, what about that recompense?”

”Ugh.” - The man snapped his fingers  and two other men came with a little bag, supposedly filled with money. “There you are, 200€ each cat, as I promised.”

”Thank you sir.”

”These creatures are like plagues, if we’re going to get rid of them, it better be entertaining.” - The two recently arrived men took Gertruda’s cage. Gertruda seemed to know what they were gonna do with her,and she didn’t like it.

”Meow 3:” - She cried.

Marko couldn’t believe it, an evil organization kidnapped his cat and now what were they going to do to her? Sell her to the black market? Torture her? He didn’t want to imagine the possibilities, he was going to have a panic attack, he was gonna lose her forever in such a cruel way.

Suddenly, he heard someone talking next to him.

“What are you doing here?!” - A man asked him.

Marko couldn’t articulate a single word, he just pointed to the cage with Gertruda inside.

”I see…” - The man said. “Those bastards took your cat…”

”What can I do?” - His voice was broken.

”Don’t worry, I’m with you in this. You’ll thank me later, now I gotta do my job.”

The man put a hand inside his pocket and took a device with a button from inside.

“Hey.” - The man said to Marko. “Cover your ears.”

Chapter Text

BOOM!

The whole warehouse exploded, the man Marko was talking with silently placed dynamite all around the place. The men in suits were panicking watching the scene as they reached for their weapons. Among the disaster, Marko ran to the unguarded cage and took it as fast as possible to not be seen.

"Meow meo-!"

"Shhh! Don't meow now please, they're gonna catch us!"

Marko ran back to the bushes, where his new friend was watching the scene from, anxious to leave the place.

"Quick! We gotta go now!" - The man said.

Marko ran to his tractor, when he was about to step inside, his friend called him.

"What do you think you're doing?!"

"We have to leave! This is my vehicle."

"A tractor?"

"I can't explain now."

"If you escape inside that "thing" they're gonna reach you immediately, leave it here and follow me!"

Marko didn't have time to balance the possibilities, he was not an expert in chases or any of this action stuff, but the man seemed to know what he was doing, so Marko followed him without a doubt.

They went straight to the place where the luxurious cars were parked.

"Wow! Which one of these is yours?" - Marko asked.

"Hold on, let me decide that first."

"...What?"

"That one will be good enough, quick."

The man tightly grabbed the Croat by his wrist, as Gertruda was doing somersaults (unwillingly) inside the cage. When they reached the car the man kicked the door so hard that it opened like a can, letting Marko get inside too. He sat with the cage in the passenger seat while his friend was in the driver seat, the latter crouched down to take two cables, he rubbed them in some way which made the car turn on. They left the place drifting, like a real action movie, like in fast and furious. Marko was white from this much adrenaline and Gertruda looked like a sponge when he took her out of her cage.

How was he going to explain what happened with the tractor to Damir? Maybe this was one of the group's practical jokes, this was too mysterious.

"Well, now that we're on the highway, why don't you tell me about you? Why were you on a tractor?" - His new friend asked.

"I need to go to Malmö."

Chapter Text

"Malmö you say? What do you think I am? A taxi?" - The man said to Marko in a sarcastic tone.

"You don't understand, listen: do you know what Eurovision is?"

"Eurovision? That weird song contest? I don't have time to watch that bullshit. I have more important things to do in my life than watching a niche singing show."

"...well, I'm gonna sing in it."

"No way. And I am secretly the president of Zimbabwe."

"I'm completely serious, I'm representing Croatia this year, I'm Baby Lasagna and-"

"BABY WHAT? HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!! WHAT IS THAT RIDICULOUS NAME?"

Marko was embarrassed of his own pseudonym then, it was truly hilarious to be genuinely known as that now that he thought, but he had to make that man know that he seriously had to go to Sweden, so he looked on his phone.

"Look on Wikipedia, search for Eurovision 2024 and look at Croatia, that's me, the picture will show my face."

"I'm gonna be real good and stop the car to see if you're telling the truth, now that I think that we lost those bastards."

They stopped the car in a little service station, Marko looked around and tried to guess which country they reached, everything was in German, so he was relieved that he came back from Poland and was again on his route. He then looked at his companion, who was looking on his phone, typing his name on the search bar.

"WHAT?!" - The man noticed that Marko was in fact, telling the truth. "YOU'RE BABY LASAGNA FOR REAL?!"

"Ugh! You finally noticed!"

"Damn I would be embarrassed to be Croatian and be represented by an infant dish."

"Thanks for the compliment. Now, can we continue our way? I NEED to reach Malmö as soon as possible."

"I guess I'll have to fulfill my promise and take you there, I have no other place to go anyway."

Both of them got back in the stolen vehicle and finally headed to Sweden, they weren't in a Tractor anymore, so they'll reach the country sooner. As Gertruda jumped over Marko's lap, he asked his new friend a question.

"I hope you can guess that my real name is not Baby Lasagna. I'm actually Marko Purišić. Oh, and this is Gertruda, one of my cats." 

"Meow." - She greeted the other man.

"And what about you, what's your name?" - Marko asked directly.

"Dobromił Miłosław Franciszek Karol Kosmatka."

"..."

"You can call me Dobro."

"Good."

"And tell me, Marko, if you're so successful and needed to go from Croatia to Sweden, what were you doing in a tractor, in Poland, looking for a cat?"

"It's a long story, Dobro. So, to choose me to go to Eurovision, we had to do a little contest before, yeah?"

"I see."

"So, a group of people who participated last year in Eurovision also representing Croatia tried to participate again, but they didn't win, I did. After that happened, they convinced me to go to an after-party with them. There I got drunk and accidentally accepted a weird challenge, in which I had to go to Malmö in a tractor instead of a plane."

"I want some of whatever the fuck y'all were smoking, what kind of situation was that."

"And during the journey these people kidnapped my cat, who for some reason was in the tractor, and I had to save her. Now I'm here."

"And couldn't you just… Decline the challenge?"

"No."

"Why?"

"I would receive…𝙏𝙝𝙚 𝙥𝙪𝙣𝙞𝙨𝙝𝙢𝙚𝙣𝙩… And I sincerely don't want to know what those people are capable of doing."

"Your Netflix documentary is gonna be crazy."

"I suspect that you're part of their plan"

"Who's plan?"

"Let3's plan, aren't you an accomplice of them? Isn't this part of a joke they're making to me? Because even if it's very well done I must say that it's not funny."

"Your situation is kind of a joke, but sadly I don't know who those people are."

"Don't you know Damir?"

"Damir? You mean that Damir I met in Bosnia 5 years ago?"

"Probably."

"Yeah I know him."

"I knew."

"We drowned him in the Adriatic sea for not paying his debt with me."

"Ok you're not part of their joke I understand."

"Meow." - Gertruda said.

They were finally heading to Malmö, in a car, it will take at least 5 and a half hours to reach the city from where they were. Marko was relaxed knowing his problems with the tractor finally ended, but then, he remembered something.

"Shit, my luggage."

Chapter Text

Marko's luggage was lost, during the rush he forgot to take it out of the tractor and put it in the new car, even if he remembered there would be no time to do the change, he might have to buy new clothes and hygiene products when he reaches Malmö. Thankfully his stage clothes were on the plane, and they were alive after all.

"Your luggage? It's okay, we can get some stuff there, or we can stop somewhere else if you want. Do you have any money?" - Dobro comforted him.

"No… I had my wallet in my luggage."

"Damn… Maybe there's something in the glove compartment, search."

After rummaging between old CD's and sunglasses, he could find a small leather purse.

"Everything I could find was 20€"

"It'll be enough for the basics in a cheap flea market. Small non-touristy towns have their products cheaper, if we're lucky, we can find an open shop somewhere."

"Thanks Dobro, you're helping me a lot."

"One thing I won't be able to help you with is the language, we're already in Denmark and I don't speak danish, do you know some words?"

"Ugh, you've killed me there."

"Pray that English will be enough… Look, a small village, "Nielstrup", maybe we can stop there, and do some shopping."

"With 20€"

"If It's not enough I'll invite you, you'll pay me later… Or else…"

A drop of cold sweat ran down Marko's face, he was making a deal with a person like Dobro and he knew he would pay an expensive price if he didn't pay his debt.

"Haha! It's a joke, consider this a friendly gift, I know you won't want to buy something like a yacht."

"Y-yeah…" 

Marko was relieved by Dobro's statement, but with fear still in his body. They were heading to the exit to Nielstrup when suddenly they heard the engine of other cars getting louder and louder. Marko looked through the rearview, seeing a bunch of black cars, similar to theirs, following them.

"SHIT, THEY FOUND US. IT MUST HAVE BEEN THE TUITION." - Dobro was startled.

The organization which wanted to sell Gertruda found them again, and they were seeking revenge. Soon, fire weapons were heard among the jingle of bullets falling on the highway.

"MARKO, STAY IN THE CAR, HOLD ON AND TAKE CARE OF GERTRUDA."

"WHERE ARE YOU GOING?!"

"NOWHERE, WE ARE BOTH COMING."

"WHAT?!"

The car started to make sudden abrupt movements, Marko thought he was gonna break in half at any moment, he was holding the cat with his life, not letting her even breathe. The strange maneuvers left their enemies confused, making them drive clumsily and even fall down and get off the road. But this wasn't enough, some of them were resisting until the very last moment, Dobro had to make a decision quickly.

"MARKO, DON'T GET SCARED OK? I'VE DONE THIS A LOT OF TIMES."

"MEOW 3:<" - Gertruda angrily reclaimed.

And then, the vehicle went directly out of the road, feeling many potholes as it dashed in the forest. The other cars weren't as fast as theirs, so after a while, they lost them completely.

"Well, we will have to postpone the shopping day, I think we are close to Malmö. During the run, we arrived in Sweden." - Dobro explained.

A sudden loud beeping began, something was wrong with the car. Both Dobro and Marko exited and saw a big worrying scratch in the left side, and the wheels punctured.

"Uhh… Do you think we will reach Malmö like this?" - Marko asked, with Gertruda still in his hands.

"Yeah, I know we're close, we have enough time to reach Malmö, we just need to make the car rest." 

"During how long?"

"The whole night, we'll find a place to stay, maybe look for an abandoned house, or even in the middle of the forest. It will be only for tonight, it doesn't need to be a five star hotel."

Chapter Text

Baby Lasagna obliged and searched for a place to rest, after half an hour, a little cottage appeared in front of him, it was old, and seemed abandoned.

”Cornwall 292? Damn I wouldn’t like to see the other 291.” - Marko read at the entrance.

Even though the place was about to collapse at the minimal airstream, it would be comfortable enough for one single night, so he immediately went back to Dobro.

“Dobro! I found a close abandoned cottage!”

”Then get in the car, we have to have it close to us just in case.”

In only five minutes they were back at the cabin, Dobro parked the car at the back of the house, and covered it with some branches. The principal door was all rusty, like the house has been without maintenance for at least 50 years, Dobro could easily put the door down with a kick, making a *BOOM* sound. Inside, the place was empty, dusty, with piles of dirt and little grass in the corners, it was so uncommunicated from the rest of the world that not even graffitis were seen there, fortunately for the, all the doors were open and the structure was stable, so they had access to every part of the house, except the basement, whose door was locked.

Dobro saw Marko with a disgusted face,and tried to hype him up.

”Is it your first time sleeping in these conditions? This is the life of the adventurer, man. You have to make some sacrifices to live an unusual life.”

”I don’t think I’m built for this.”

”Oh come on.” - Dobro patted the Croat’s back. “It will only be one night, you should be euphoric, we’re finally in Malmö! Now you can go to that Damir and rub in his face that you’re not a pussy.”

”…Yeah, you’re right, thank you Dobro.”

”No problem, little one. We should go to sleep by now, we have to wake up early tomorrow, go choose your room, I’ll wake you up.”

Marko felt so many emotions today, he was extremely tired. He chose the first room that was in the corridor of the first floor. He found a pile of hay to use as a pillow, checked first to see if it didn’t have bugs and slept on the floor, falling asleep immediately.

”MARKO! GET UP!”

Dobro’s screams woke him up, he looked through the window, but it was still dark outside. Only a few hours had passed,  it was very late in the night.

”THEY FOUND US!”

Marko understood the situation quicker than he wanted: the organization found their hiding place. They were in a hurry, in a life or death situation. Marko stood up in a jump and took Gertruda, letting out a meow as she got away from the floor. They ran to the car, which was still damaged. It might be able to reach the city calmly, but they didn’t believe it was prepared for another car chase. However, they had no other escape, so they entered the car like in an action movie, Dobro slid himself over the car, leaving Marko surprised.

”If we’re fast enough we might reach Malmö, pray for it, because this scrap is not gonna last too long. Hold Gertruda still, we’re on a roller coaster.”

VROOOOOMMM…!!! The car drifted before leaving the cottage as fast as a rocket, Mirko looked through the rear view and not only one, but two, three, four, at least ten black cars were approaching them in a not very friendly way. Men were peeking out the windows with firearms, bullets starting coming out at them, and Gertruda’s tail was as fluffy as a cloud. 

Those were the worst 30 minutes of Marko’s life, the time it passed between the escape from the cottage and the moment when they finally reached Malmö city. The journey from Croatia to Sweden in a tractor was completed, finally, but not in a way Marko had wanted. Suddenly, they felt a strange bump in the car, smoke started coming out of it in worrying quantities. The car’s life reached its end.

”MARKO, WE’RE GONNA HAVE TO JUMP.”

”WHAT?! FROM HERE?! THE CAR IS GOING AT LIKE 200 KM/H!!!!”

”I’LL GIVE YOU A QUICK LESSON, WHEN YOU LAND, TRY TO MAKE YOURSELF A BALL, AND ROLL LIKE A CROQUETTE.”

Marko opened the door to jump, and saw the road passing by at incredible speed.

”UHH… ARE YOU SURE I DON’T HAVE TO KNOW ANYTHING ELSE?”  - Marko screamed.

”YES, WHEN YOU JUMP, TRY TO JUMP  WITH YOUR WHOLE BODY, DON’T LEAVE ANY EXTREMITY BACK.”

”I DON’T KNOW HOW TO DO THAT.”

”THEN WHAT’S THE EXTREMITY YOU LIKE THE LESS?”

”WHAT DO YOU MEAN?”

At the time, they were going through a bridge, when suddenly, a wheel exploded, making Dobro lose control of the car. The vehicle made some abrupt movements before going directly to the fence of the bridge and falling to the river. 

“AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!”

”MEOOOOOOOOOOWWWWWWW!!!!!!!”

SPLASH! The car slowly sank into the water with the men (and Gertruda) inside of it, while their persecutors watched. Marko’s journey ended, he reached Malmö.

Perhaps. Dobro gained consciousness before drowning and saw both Marko and Gertruda floating underwater, both having passed out. He could take them to the surface and swim to the shore, there, he practiced CPR on the Croat.

”MARKO?! MARKO, RESPOND, YOU HAVE TO GO TO EUROVISION!” - Dobro begged for his friend to survive.

A moment after, Marko coughed all the water out of his lungs, he was alive.

“Dobro? What happe-“

”Hold on.”

Dobro went to Gertruda and also tried to help her through CPR (using only his index fingers.)

”GETRUDA?!” - Dobro begged.

”FFFF FFFF MEOWG 3:” - Gertruda jumped wet.

“Done, what did you say?”

”Did we almost drown?”

”I guess, lucky that you had me to save you.”

”Yeah, thank you so much, I’ll never know how to compensate for this.”

”No problem, you had to fulfill your challenge, huh?”

“Yes, I-“

The sound of engines started to get louder and louder, and suddenly, their persecutors were there, all around them, they were trapped. This was their end.

”Dobromił! Old friend! We find each other again after this long time! Trying to save kitties like always? And who 's this? Your boyfriend?” - The same man who they found in the warehouse was there, and he knew Dobro.

Dobro remained silent, he had nothing to say, they were lost.

“You’ve always been a quiet kid, since I first met you in high school.” - The man addressed his companions. “Take the cat and tie a rock to their ankles, then throw them in the river.”

”MEOW!!!” - Gertruda tried her best to get away from the other men’s hands, scratching the air in search of human skin.

Marko silently cried, he will never reach Eurovision, he failed his challenge, and it was gonna cost his life. When suddenly, sirens were heard.

”POLICE!! EVERYONE ON THE GROUND!”

The ten black cars were quickly surrounded by at least 20 police cars, trucks, and even a helicopter; the organization had nothing to do against this clearly superior force. The men were arrested calmly and our protagonists were saved.

”Agent Dobromił, thanks to your bravery, the European criminal organization “Musocracy” was finally stopped.”- One of the policemen thanked Dobro.

”Wait. Agent? Musocracy? Dobro what’s going on?” - Marko asked curiously.

”Well Marko, I hope that, at this point, you noticed that I’m not a regular “savior of cats”, my life is surrounded by mystery and secretism. Today, I reached my peak, stopping my principal enemies, “Musocracy”, a secret organization based on the kidnapping of stray cats to then torture them and turn their suffering into entertainment.”

”That’s so cruel…”

”It WAS, now they have been arrested.”

”…Thank you again Dobro.”

”No need to thank me, you needed to reach Malmö and I needed to escape somewhere, we’re even. Maybe I’ll even watch that weird song contest this year, it can’t be that bad after all, I’ll vote for you.”

”You can come with me if you want!”

The other man left his serious attitude aside to look at Marko with a sparkle in his eyes, like an anime character. “I can?!”

Chapter Text

Marko couldn't believe he was finally there, in the Euroville, his amazing journey was completed, even though the last section was made by car, he didn't care if Damir would count it as valid. It was night-time, the only thing he wanted to do at that moment was go to his hotel room and sleep for the whole day.

"Marko! You're finally here!" - Elizabeta reached the city way before him, since she traveled by plane. "How was the journey?"

"I'll tell you tomorrow morning, now I need to sleep immediately, it was tiring that's for sure." - Marko responded.

"Yeah, I can tell, I got the keys of the room for you, go and rest- who's that?"

Dobro suddenly appeared behind Marko, he tried his best to not fall asleep as he explained his story to Elizabeta.

"This is Dobro, a friend I made during the journey and helped me when I needed it the most, I'm really thankful for it, so I invited him to Eurovision." - He explained.

"It's good that you're finally making friends, but where is he gonna sleep? He doesn't have a room in the Euroville, he will need money to pay for one."

"Don't worry about that." - Dobro interrupted. "Do you still have those 20€ Marko? It will be enough for one of those Bed and Breakfast that are basically everywhere on earth, there can't be one of those far from here."

The three people said goodbye to each other one last time. Tears came to Marko's eyes when he saw his hotel. Finally, he ran straight to bed. What a day, he didn't even notice who his roommate was. It was a Saturday, the first semifinal was in 4 days.

The great day finally arrived, the first semifinal was here, Marko will act in position 7. At first, he looked around and didn't see his friend. He was disappointed that he abandoned him. The 6th song was already playing and Dobro didn't show up yet. It was his turn to act when…

"Dobro! You're here! I thought you wouldn't come!" - Marko had a glimpse of his friend arriving at the arena.

"I had an important date today and I couldn't miss it, I have to support you from here!" - Dobro responded.

And there he was, supporting his friend. He waved the Croatian flag, heard Marko's song for the first time and danced to it, took him in his hands and raised his friend in the air like a champion when he went to the final.

The day of the final and the previous, Dobro had some "confrontations" with one of the delegations, but fortunately, there weren't major problems.

And that day, he was there too for his friend, even when he finally came up second.

"You had the highest televote points in the whole contest! You basically won for the people, they love you!"

"Thank you Dobro, but I'm not mad at all. I'm content with my result and I think Nemo really deserved to win too, they sang so much better than me, but I'm happy that people also loved my song."

"That's a nice mindset, you really deserved all that love after trying to reach Sweden in a tractor."

"Oh shit, the tractor." - Marko remembered that he had to tell what happened to Damir.

Chapter Text

Damir’s phone vibrated in his pocket.

“Damir?”

”Lasagna! I saw you on the stage, you did so well!”

”Thank you, but-“

”You really deserved that first place though.”

”Thank you again, Damir-“

”Although Nemo also made an amazing show. So tell me, how was the journey?”

”Yeah, the tractor-“

“It seems that you completed it without difficulties, since I could see you on stage. Was the vehicle comfortable? Any adventure?”

“Damir, that’s what I wanted to tell you, the tractor-“

”You don’t know how much we worked on the tractor to make it as comfortable as possible, we’re not monsters.”

”Damir, I lost the tractor.”

“…Fuck you did with the tractor?”

”I lost it.”

”How the fuck do you lose a tractor.”

”No, it’s not lost at all, I know where it is but I “abandoned” it.”

”Where is it?”

”In Poland.”

”Why were you in Poland and why would you abandon the tractor there?”

“I’ll explain with more detail when I’m back in Croatia, it’s too much talking for a phone call and my battery will run out.”

”It has to be something truly crazy for you to go to Poland and abandon the tractor there.”

”Yeah, it is, sorry in advance, please don’t make me suffer 𝙏𝙝𝙚 𝙥𝙪𝙣𝙞𝙨𝙝𝙢𝙚𝙣𝙩.”

”The what?”

”𝙏𝙝𝙚 𝙥𝙪𝙣𝙞𝙨𝙝𝙢𝙚𝙣𝙩, you threatened me with it if I refused to go to Malmö in a tractor.”

”Ohhh, yeah, uhhh… there was no 𝙥𝙪𝙣𝙞𝙨𝙝𝙢𝙚𝙣𝙩, I just had to make sure that you obliged and, knowing the impression you have of us, you would be too scared to refuse.”

”Remind me why they didn’t put you in a nursing home yet.”

“I tried to make a nuclear bomb with a sink and dish soap and succeeded.”