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It's time for a filler episode. That's not just an anime thing, but also something celebrities partake in, not being real people, but cartoon characters themselves. The beach is No Man's Land on Christmas day, a place where mortal enemies and unfriendly rivals, friends and family, may meet and enjoy themselves without risk of cataclysm. Even the dead and deleted are welcome to attend :)
Dramatic Persons
Team Good
Robin Mask……………….a Mary Sue
Robin Knight……………...his loving father
Ramenman………………. a China man
Brocken……………………the friendliest Nazi you'll ever meet
King Muscle………………a clown
Buffaloman……………….possesses the strength of 10,00000 Spaniards
Team Evil
Lord Flash 2……………..the demon of laziness
Shub-Niggurath………….his wife
Nyarlathotep……………..the demon of never shutting up
Abdul……………………..fanfiction author
Akuma Shogun………….Martin Scorsese
Neptuneman…………….an egotist
Mammothman……………a very bad boy
Team Confused
Warsman…………………a wizard
Lord Flash 1……………..his OC
Kevin Mask………………their protege
Jane………………………his sister
Mars………………………a typical Italian
Teapackman
Teapackman…………….if you know you know
(ACT 1)
(Scene 1)
Enter Neptuneman and Mammothman, two frenemies.
MAMMOTHMAN
I-
NEPTUNEMAN
ART THOU DENYING NEPTUNEMANIA, BROTHER?
MAMMOTHMAN
I want to go to the beach. I'm tired of living in snow and I'm jealous of all the boys with sun-bleached hair.
NEPTUNEMAN
Thou needest many a pernicious wish to secure such a dream! I knoweth the way to the Way to the Gate!
[Flourishes a marble]
MAMMOTHMAN
Why are you speaking like that?
NEPTUNEMAN
[Eats ice]
MAMMOTHMAN
…I suppose I'll make a wish. The sand will feel wonderful beneath my horrible elephant boots.
NEPTUNEMAN
Thou skimpy knickers art going to betrayeth thou and then thou wilt finally understand how it feels. Thou art the sand in the universe's tender places.
MAMMOTHMAN
[Rubbing marble]
How doth- shit! -how does this work?
Enter Lord Flash 2
MAMMOTHMAN
GOD WHAT IS THAT? GOD WHAT IS THAT! GOD-
LORD FLASH 2
What do you idiots want? I'm busy.
[Flops eyestalk]
NEPTUNEMAN
Thou hast sent my brother insane. We desireth a beach episode.
LORD FLASH 2
Why does no one ever sell their souls for anything sensible?
(Scene 2)
Enter Robin Knight and Robin Mask, uponeth the beach
ROBIN KNIGHT
WHAT, HO.
ROBIN MASK
I say, an egg.
ROBIN KNIGHT
YOU KNAVE!
Enter Ramenman, Brocken, Buffaloman and King Muscle
ROBIN MASK
Oh Lord, drama.
KING MUSCLE
What dumb-dumb prayed to Management for a beach episode? Was it you, Ramenman? I needed another few years to work on my beach bod!
BUFFALOMAN
No one prayed to anyone for anything…nice teeny tiny speedos, Rob.
ROBIN MASK
Cheers.
[Shows off]
BROCKEN
Where's the ice cream man?
ROBIN KNIGHT
I AM SINGLE AND READY TO MINGLE.
ROBIN MASK
Don't let Mum hear you say that, Daddy.
RAMENMAN
It's the ocean! Where are the watermelons?
Enter Teapackman, with marble
TEAPACKMAN
Hi guys!
ROBIN MASK
ROBIN KNIGHT
BUFFALOMAN
RAMENMAN
BROCKEN
KING MUSCLE
Hi Teapackman! What's that you got there?
TEAPACKMAN
Nothing…so I wished for a beach Beauty Contest before the mandatory beach volleyball, and that means…
Enter 💫Kevin Mask💫, Warsman, and Jane
BROCKEN
One of those is not like the others.
[exit Ramenman]
KING MUSCLE
Is it Warsman?
(ACT 2)
(Scene 1)
💫KEVIN MASK💫
Daddy! Put on some bloody clothes! I have rights!
ROBIN MASK
I’ll put on some clothes when Wars puts on some clothes. That’ll be never.
WARSMAN
True.
JANE
[covers eyes with hair]
[exit girl]
💫KEVIN MASK💫
[turns helmet around]
[exit demigod]
ROBIN KNIGHT
WEAK!
TEAPACKMAN
Ah, ah, ah! Can’t have a Beauty Contest without Kevin Mask!
[rubs marble]
LORD FLASH 2
Stop it. I will feed you to the void.
Enter 💫Kevin Mask💫, Jane, and Lord Flash 1
LORD FLASH 2
…Where did this guy come from?
Enter Nyarlathotep, screaming
LORD FLASH 2
Oh.
[stares at Jane]
Good morning, Little Marshmallow. How-
Enter Shub-Niggurath, with a thousand babies
LORD FLASH 2
Time to go.
[exit ghost clown]
LORD FLASH 1
[grins creepily]
(Scene 2)
Enter Akuma Shogun, Mammothman, Mars, and Neptuneman
AKUMA SHOGUN
A little bird told me there was to be a beauty contest. I shall win, for I am PERFECT.
[bribes the judges]
MAMMOTHMAN
I am awake and alive.
MARS
I’m ready! I’m ready! I’m ready! Where’s Kevin? I can’t wait to take my shirt off and battle-hug my foe!
NEPTUNEMAN
ART THOU DENYING NEPTUNEMANIA, BROTHER?
MARS
…Say what?
MAMMOTHMAN
We can share the organs. 180 shot my ass. You killed all the foxes!
MARS
…Listen, I just wanna be officially proclaimed more handsome than the Squealer.
💫Enter Kevin Mask💫
💫KEVIN MASK💫
Mars, I’m the perfect Englishman. No one can defeat me. In anything. For the rest of time I will win everything.
Enter Lord Flash 1
LORD FLASH 1
If everyone is perfect, no one is. The only truly perfect individuals are myself, Kevin Mask, and Robin Mask.
Enter Warsman
WARSMAN
[grins creepily]
[unleashes Bear Claw]
Stop staring at my wife, me.
LORD FLASH 1
She’s not even in the scene. She went home.
[grins creepily]
[unleashes Bear Claw]
WARSMAN
Bluetooth says no...
[they fight.]
Enter Team Good
ROBIN KNIGHT
GET ON WITH IT ALREADY, I WISH TO HIT THE BALL!
RAMENMAN
I wisheth to voteth all Warsmans off the island. He is my friend, but I detesteth him.
BROCKEN
Me too.
BUFFALOMAN
Oh no, Ramenman’s read a book.
AKUMA SHOGUN
I will be judged in my armour.
[manifests a sword]
The rest of Team Evil enter, plus Teapackman
LORD FLASH 2
Abdul and ‘Hotep will be the judges, as I shall be entering.
TEAPACKMAN
We're all going to die ☕😀
(Scene 3)
AKUMA SHOGUN
Friendship Power!
MARS
[Aside] Aww, I was going to use that.
NYARLATHOTEP
YEEOGOG!!!!
AKUMA SHOGUN
WHAT?
[ears bleed]
MAMMOTHMAN
Who is persecuting tangerines?
AKUMA SHOGUN
FANTASTIC.
[stumbles off-stage and falls flat on his face]
ROBIN MASK
I’m having a moment right now.
WARSMAN
I don't wish to be judged.
MARS
I do.
KING MUSCLE
I'm stupid, but not that stupid!
BROCKEN
Nothing can compete with my hat.
💫KEVIN MASK💫
I already know tha-oi!
[is carried off by Warsman]
BUFFALOMAN
…Peace, amigos.
[exit heel/face/heel]
TEAPACKMAN
Abdul can judge me ;)
ABDUL
Minus five.
NEPTUNEMAN
Abdul, please.
ABDUL
Nine.
NEPTUNEMAN
😠
LORD FLASH 2
This is a mere formality, I know. I am clearly the fairest of them all, being a Hot Tub Streamer and all. Nothing is more beautiful than scamming moolah from simps. Every single one of my orbs glows with an ethereal lustre. My eyes contain the shimmering blood of innumerable virgins. My legs go on for literal miles. My skin never creases in the least way. My keys are sinuous beyond comprehension. My style says ‘daring’ yet ‘take home to mother’ at the same time-
LORD FLASH 1
Oh, this little thing? Just a towel. I'll go ahead and remove it.
NYARLATHOTEP
LLLL H' AH SHUGGOTH!!! 🏆🏆🏆
(ACT 3)
(Scene 1)
NYARLATHOTEP
[screaming for no reason]
ROBIN KNIGHT
Finally, my time to shine. Finally, my time to show my most problematic son who is boss. Finally, with this volleyball, and that net, and these speedos, I shall extend my glory further throughout the universe.
Enter Robin Mask and Warsman
ROBIN KNIGHT
NAUGHTY BOY, THE COMPANY THOUST KEEPEST AGGRIEVEST ME! HE IS FOREIGN AND NOT ON OUR TEAM!
[punts ball at Warsman's head]
Enter Mammothman
MAMMOTHMAN
I wanna be on Warsman's team.
WARSMAN
Nyet.
Everyone else arrives, except Jane, Lord Flash 1, and Akuma Shogun.
LORD FLASH 2
I shall now dominate-
SHUB-NIGGUARATH
That’s enough domination for one day, honey. The Thousand Young need their bedtime stories.
LORD FLASH 2
Yes, dear.
[exit Old Married Couple]
TEAPACKMAN
I wanna be on Warsman’s team!
WARSMAN
Nyet.
[unleashes Bear Claw]
[looks around]
Where is me?!
[exit Russian]
NEPTUNEMAN
Now that that poof has gone, I’m forming my own team, with Mammothman, and ho-
[Mammothman stabs him]
💫KEVIN MASK💫
How did Lord Flash beat me? I thought he was in my corner? He proclaimed heavily and non-stop that he was? Why do my father figures keep betraying me? I can't believe I lost. My world is shook….Anyway, I'm on my own team, by myself, no one else allowed, especially not Daddy.
ROBIN KNIGHT
BOY-
💫KEVIN MASK💫
Okay, fine!
[joins Knight's team]
BROCKEN
I like Kevin, I'll join Kevin's team
ROBIN KNIGHT
'TIS MY TEAM!
NYARLATHOTEP
Teapackman is on my team. He's an agent of chaos, and I vibe with that. Mammothman though, Mammothman can go to the void. Naturally, Abdul is also on my team. He needs to capture my most squalus angles in prose.
BUFFALOMAN
I'm back. And I'm joining the forces of evil.
RAMENMAN
What's new.
KING MUSCLE
I'm also joining the forces of evil, because I want to be cool.
NYARLATHOTEP
Old Yog will feed you to the void when he's done being a pussy whipped bitch.
KING MUSCLE
[raises hand]
Can I ask to be a fish person instead?
NYARLATHOTEP
…Yeah.
MARS
My tough guy Italian machismo was an act. I'm joining Kev, uh, I mean, Team Good.
BROCKEN
Nein! Everyone else may forget about the past, but I don't!
(Scene Epic)
ROBIN KNIGHT
AIM FOR HIS HEAD!
ROBIN MASK
That thing, sorry, Mr ‘Bloated Woman’, Mr ‘Crawling Mist’, Mr ‘Faceless God’, doesn't have a head.
ROBIN KNIGHT
BOY, THOU SUCKETH! CEASE MAKING EXCUSES!
[aims for where Nyarlathotep's head should be]
NYARLATHOTEP
Ow. I'm telling on you to my dad.
[screaming]
[exit Rap God]
BUFFALOMAN
I feel an opportunity arising.
[switches sides]
BROCKEN
Kevin, I want to go sunbathe. Win us the match, please and danke.
💫KEVIN MASK💫
Alright. Watch this. I learnt this from a better dad than Daddy.
[Explodes Teapackman's head with the ball]
ABDUL
Kevin Mask, I'm going to allude to you in extremely vague terms in my next bestseller. Prepare to be summoned.
KING MUSCLE
I want to be a fish person!!!
Enter Azathoth
AZATHOTH
ART THOU DENYING-