Chapter Text
"You know what, Perry?" Heinz asked beside him. "We could have known something like this was going to happen when we killed Santa."
Perry wiggled grumpily. From his position, he couldn't do much to him. But with some effort, he successfully kicked Heinz’s knee.
"Auw-uh!" Heinz whined. He was pouting, and where Perry would normally feel some sort of fondness, he was a bit too busy to pay much attention.
「 I didn't kill anyone.」 Perry reminded him.
—
Attention Travellers, due to inclement weather the flight to Danville will be delayed by at least 4 hours. Please stand by.
Outside the window, snowflakes calmly float down onto the tarmac, covering it in a soft and incredibly inconvenient blanket of pearly white powder. Inside the airport, Christmas music played through tinny speakers, barely audible over the sound of rolling suitcases and tired passengers.
Among those passengers were Lawrence and Linda Flynn-Fletcher, who had visited Lawrence's parents in England because his father had just received a new hip.
"I am glad the operation went well, but I am a bit worried it is too early for him to ride his motorbike." Lawrence was distracted. He frowned at their tickets and checked the gate, but nothing changed: Flight delayed. For now, they were stuck here.
"If I know one thing about your father, dear, it's that he doesn't get stopped by something as silly as human limitations." Linda was trying to be supportive, but she would much rather talk about their travel issues.
"Didn't we already get stuck in an airport on Christmas a few years ago? Why do we keep travelling on Christmas Eve?"
"Well yes, but just like last time everything will turn out fine." Lawrence rubbed soothing circles along his wife's back. "We've just hit a spot of bad luck."
"A 4-hour-long spot of bad luck," Linda agreed and she leaned into her partner's touch. "Should I call the kids?"
"Oh Darling, Perry is looking after them," Lawrence reminded her with a chuckle. "knowing him, he had them in bed at 8.30 on the dot."
"You're right. Perry might be the best babysitter in the world. Speaking off him, did you get him a present?"
"Why yes!" Lawrence agreed happily. "I bought him a scrub daddy. "
Linda blinked. She personally wouldn't enjoy being gifted a sponge for Christmas, but Perry enjoyed presents like that. He was that type of boring, and she adored him for it. Then she remembered what she'd bought him and she rubbed her head awkwardly. "I got him a casserole dish. It's no wonder everybody used to think he was our aupair."
"Oh! I do love his Casseroles." Lawrence announced happily and he looked across the terminal, wondering if there was anything he could eat now that he was suddenly hungry.
"I am trying to remind you that Perry is not the maid!"
"Okay, so we stop by the bookstand and we get him a book if you feel like we need to get him something else."
"Another book?" Linda sighed, thinking of the stacks and stacks of books they already had in their home. "Isn't there something more exciting we can get him?"
"Phineas asked for tickets to go lazer gaming, I am sure he'll drag his dear old uncle along. Oh and such a shame too, you and I both know Perry can’t successfully aim that plastic pistol at the kids.”
"Pretend violence?” Linda felt bad for her brother in law; he has such a gentle soul. “Is there really nothing else we can consider giving him?"
"Perhaps a nice snow globe?" Lawrence offered.
Linda snorted inelegantly. "Lame."
"Well that's Perry for you," Lawrence agreed and looked at his inelegant wife lovingly. "He just doesn't do much."
Attention Travellers, due to inclement weather the flight to Danville will be delayed by at least 6 hours. Please stand by.
"Ah shoots and ladders," Lawrence muttered as the screen at their gate announced that their flight was delayed by another two hours.
"Linda? Linda Flynn?!"
The sharp voice of a woman pierced through the crowd at their gate, and when Linda turned to see who was calling out to her she smiled and waved the woman over.
"Charlene!" Linda beamed. "What a coincidence! Are you on the flight with us?"
Charlene had to maneuver a loving couple to the side, but she managed to reach her cooking-class buddy and they shared a friendly hug. "I sure hope so, these delays are getting absurd. I was hoping to be home before my daughter went to bed."
Lawrence checked his wristwatch. "Well, if she tends to stay up late you could call her now."
"Oh she does," Charlene huffed. "She's just like her father. If it was up to her she slept during the day I think."
"She's not home alone, is she?" Linda knew Charlene just had one daughter, and even though a teenage girl wouldn't mind having the house to herself, it didn't seem right for her to be alone on Christmas morning.
"If my sources are correct, she is at your house actually,” Charlene pointed out. "She asked to spend the holiday with her dad, and Heinz was going to spend the holidays with his new boyfriend ."
"I can't believe our Perry is dating your ex," Linda laughed. "We're family now."
"Well, we have 6 hours to determine how exactly we are related." Charlene pointed out. "Since we're stuck here."
Lawrence sat down on one of the stiff chairs at their gate to ponder that.
"Anyway, Heinz asked her to come along to your house, since Perry is watching your kids. And she said yes! I couldn't believe it."
"I believe Vanessa and Candace get along well," Linda pointed out fondly. Their girls appeared so different, but if you put them together they seemed to enjoy the company.
"I thought teenagers hated it when their parents started dating new partners, but Vanessa likes Perry a lot. Maybe because he's so calm."
"All kids love Perry, though I wonder how she fares under Perry's strict bedtime regime. He tends to have the kids in bed not one minute late."
"I'm sure I'll hear all about it soon." Charlene smiled, imagining her daughter being sent to bed by Heinz's short, silent and apparently demure boyfriend.
—
"Phineas and Ferb! You two are SOOOOOO BUSTED!"
Candace, dressed in her Christmas Payamas, climbed out of her bedroom window and up to the Santa Clause Rest Stop (edition 2! ) whilst muttering under her breath. Once she hoisted herself up on the platform right beside the access elevator, she dusted herself off and waltzed past an impressive row of Christmas trees and into the Hot Chocolate parlour.
She found her baby-brothers on a plush couch, cradling big steamy mugs of Chocolate milk. Around them were the remains of many delicious gingerbread cookies.
Beside them was Vanessa, lounging on a loveseat and reading a magazine that just said "Christmas!" in Slayer font. Unlike Candace and her brothers, she was not in her pyjamas. She would not be found dead in Christmas sleepwear. She would rather die than exchange her deep black outfit for something so gaudy and festive. She was dressed like usual, except for her boots on the floor beside her.
Candace put her hands on her hips and frowned at the boys, trying to intimidate them.
"Good evening Candace, would you like some hot cocoa?” Phineas offered, not even aware that he was supposed to be trembling under his sister’s intense stare. “We have extra soft marshmallows! The ones you like!"
"It's actually really good," Vanessa agreed semi-casually over the top of her Magazine.
"Helloooo?! Did you two forget to check the clock? It's WAY past bedtime!"
Phineas and Ferb blinked at her in perfect unison. "But Candace, we're staying up to see Santa!" Phineas explained calmly.
Meanwhile, Ferb hopped off the couch to pour his sister a mug.
"It's nearly 2 AM." Candace pointed out. There was a clock conveniently hung on the wall near them. It was decked out in so many baubles that it was hard to read, but she pointed it out anyway.
"It's okay Candace, Dad said they could stay up," Vanessa pointed out. "Eat a cookie, Chill."
"Where is Dr Uncle then? I need to have a word with him." Candace crossed her arms to signify that she was not happy with this.
“Oh, he’s outside with Uncle Perry. We were all hanging out together, but Uncle Doof said something about it being exactly a year since their first kiss and… Well, I’ll be honest, I stopped listening because that seemed too lovey-dovey for me.” Phineas scrunched his nose a little, just like he did when their parents kissed.
"Exactly 500 years too late if you ask me," Vanessa mumbled, mostly to herself.
"Oh gross," Candace agreed, and her expression mimicked her brother's. She was happy her uncle found someone to date, but he was so old. It was just her opinion that people over the age of 25 should not kiss, especially not in public.
"Yeah, so I think they are on the balcony or something. Feel free to ask them, but don't say I didn't warn you."
Ferb returned to the chair and placed a steaming mug in Candace's hand. "Whipped cream?" He offered.
Candace wore a look of determination. "I will go out thereand confront them, even if it is the last thing I- Oh yes please, Ferb."
The boy produced a canister of whipped cream, popped the cap off and created a perfect swirl of cream on Candace's drink.
The girl took a sip. It was warm, sweet, smooth and delicious. She hummed as she savoured the taste, and then, unaware of the whipped cream on her upper lip, she continued dramatically. "Even if it's the last thing I do!"
Vanessa, Ferb and Phineas silently watched her stomp out the door to find their uncle.
"Hey," Vanessa asked and she checked the corners of the room. "Where's Norm?"
—
"Uncle Perry! Dr D! Are you aware you are letting two nine-year-olds stay up till 2 AM?!" Candace was very happy when she popped her head outside because her uncle was not making out with his boyfriend. They were just... sitting around.
Out of everybody in the family, she probably least expected it when Perry announced that he had a boyfriend . It was spring and they were having dinner. She’d noticed that her uncle was nervous about something, but she expected it to be something boring; this was Uncle Perry they were talking about. Nothing ever happened in his life. So yeah, she’d been quite surprised.
Then again, her dad had knocked over his pudding in shock.
Perry had explained that they’d met at work and that their relationship was complicated - Whatever that meant - but that he wanted them to meet. And then, when it was time for introductions, it was Vanessa’s dad! So yeah, they were cute and all. And it was nice to see Vanessa more often. But Uncle Perry was dating someone? She couldn’t wrap her head around it.
Heinz had a big red button in his lap and was poking around with a screwdriver. Perry was next to him with a look of apprehension. He always felt nervous when Heinz was messing with self-destruct buttons.
He turned to glance at his niece and shrugged.
"What do you mean you don't care? You are ruining their circadian rhythm!"
"Oh it's fine Candace, they can sleep in tomorrow." Heinz put the red button on the floor to try and ease her worries.
"Yeah,” Candace huffed with a frown. “I am not respecting your opinions on proper sleep," She crossed her arms. "You sleep like 3 hours a night or something."
"And I'm fine!"
" Uh-huh yeah sure." The sarcasm on her face was unmistakable. "Uncle Perry, do you really want Ferb and Phineas to turn out like that ?" And she gestured in Heinz's general direction.
"HEY!" Heinz was about to be offended, but Perry placed on broad hand on his chest. He seemed to be pondering Candace's questions.
"Oh come on," Heinz whined. "You don't actually think my sleep is that bad, right?"
"You don't sleep," Candace pointed at Doof. "And Uncle Perry sleeps like 18 hours a day. You two don't deserve authority."
「 That might be true,」 Perry argued silently. 「 But the boys want to see Santa.」
"At 4 AM? Why can't they just go to the mall like all the other kids?"
「The REAL Santa.」
"Okay, so when does he show up? He'd better hurry!" And Candace pointed at her wrist.
"Actually, any moment now-" Heinz was interrupted suddenly because in the distance the sound of sleighbells had been growing louder and louder. If the three of them hadn't been so busy, they might have noticed a bright red light in the sky that quickly came closer.
Heinz's voice was overshadowed by a jolly "Ho! Ho! Ho!" And they all turned to see that Santa's sleigh was coming in for landing.
Elegantly, Rudolph's hooves landed on the deck of the rest stop, quickly followed by Dasher, Dancer and Prancer. Before long, the sleight was about to touch down-
Three people were waiting on the roof, but only one of them was sharp enough to realize that something was wrong.
Perry pushed Candace and Heinz behind him with fear in his wide brown eyes. Because, unlike Heinz, he tried to always keep track of the self-destruct buttons. He hadn't liked the idea of him working on one this close to the kids, but Heinz had promised to be careful.
Careful, his platypus-themed ass.
Heinz had carelessly placed his trigger on the floor. The middle of the floor.
The middle of the floor where Santa was landing his sleight .
In an incident report, the following moments were described as follows:
On December 25 at approximately 2.20 AM, Santa Claus attempted to land on the modified roof of the Flynn-Fletcher family home in Danville (USA) to take a "short break."
Upon making contact with the roof, a mechanical switch was triggered and an explosion rocked the sleigh. The sleigh and reindeer were not harmed, but SC was thrown out. He landed with a clatter several feet away from the impact site.
According to witnesses, there was a loud booming sound and a bright flash of light.
"Oh my fucking god!" Candace screeched as she watched Santa land several feet away. "Dr D, what did you do?!"
Heinz Doofenshmirtz was speechless because it occurred to him that he was responsible for Santa's accident. "ᵁʰ⁻ᵒʰ" He managed to verbalize after a moment.
"Uh-oh?!" Candace repeated. "You killed Santa!" And she waved her arms at the prone man on the ground.
Perry was somewhat glad that they were too busy fighting to pay attention to him because if they had indeed just murdered Santa, he would rather Candace did not see the result.
"What was that?!" Vanessa burst through the door with Phineas and Ferb on her heels.
"There arose such a clatter!" Phineas announced with mixed emotions.
"That means there was a loud noise." Ferb helpfully pointed out.
"Uncle Doofus killed Santa!" Candace announced, and when Vanessa was close enough, she grabbed her hands. "Now what are we going to do?! This is just like that movie!"
"There's a movie where Santa dies?" The goth girl asked in confusion.
"Dr D, you're going to have to take his place and become the new Santa! You're the one who killed him!" Candace explained in a fit of panic.
"What?! ME?! I don't want to be Santa! Why can't you be Santa?" It seemed that Heinz was just as hysterical as Candace.
Vanessa, who was a lot more level-headed than both of them, stood between them feeling a bit lost. "We're going to get sued, aren't we?" she lamented, but nobody took the time to listen to her. There was too much screaming going on.
"I can't be Santa because I am a TEENAGE GIRL!" Candace exploded.
"Well, I can't grow a beard!" Heinz pointed at his chin, which was indeed smooth and hairless.
"The Christmas magic will fix that for you!" Candace was insistent that she could not be Santa, and that she would move heaven and earth.
"Perry can grow a beard, he should be Santa!"
Ferb had been listening to their discussion curiously, but since they seemed stuck on this issue he decided to offer a solution. "I could be Santa. I hear it attracts a lot of babes ." He then clicked his tongue and wiggled his eyebrows.
Candace, Vanessa, and Heinz got so distracted by this display, they promptly forgot to continue arguing.
"Wha?" Candace stuttered, bug-eyed and perplexed as she tried to imagine her nine-year-old brother with a belly like a bowl full of jelly and a white beard. "No, Ferb-"
Meanwhile, Perry was investigating the old man who had landed face-first on the rest-stop parking lot. He placed a careful hand on Santa's shoulder and shook gently. He was relieved when the old man groaned in response; this meant he was probably not dead. That was good.
When Santa began to stir a moment later, Perry quickly helped him into a sitting position.
"Santa, are you okay?" Phineas ignored his sister's screaming and hunched next to Perry, who was checking the old man for injuries. "What even happened?" He posed the question to either Santa or Perry.
"I got knocked out of the sleight and ai-ai-auw!" Santa's answer was interrupted when Perry checked his leg and a flash of pain shot through his ankle.
「 It's definitely bruised. Might be broken.」 Perry signed gravely.
"How did he fall?"
Perry, between checking for wounds, only signed the letter D. This was enough information for Phineas to determine what had happened.
"Uncle Dr. Doof blew up the Sleight?!"
"Well, luckily my sleigh seems to be alright. I wish I could say the same about me." Saint Nick pointed out sadly.
From over by the reindeer, Heinz and Candace's voices got louder as they continued blaming each other for Santa's murder.
"Hey guys!" Phineas shouted as loudly as he could. Luckily, he caught their attention. "Santa's still alive!" And he pointed at the senior beside him.
Heinz instantly deflated. "Oh thank god, I do not look good in red."
Candace simply blinked. "He's okay?"
"Well..." Phineas hesitated, and he looked at where Perry was carefully pressing into Santa's ankle. Judging by the old man's pained expression, something wasn't quite right.
"I'll go get my mace," Ferb said as if he was determined to finish the job.
"Ferb, NO!" Phineas yelped, unaware that Ferb had only been making a joke. Right?!
"I'm afraid his ankle may be broken," Phineas explained to their audience as they all gathered closer.
"I broke Santa's ankle," Heinz muttered. "So much for not being evil on Christmas."
"Do we call an ambulance?" Candace asked and she reached for her pink phone.
"That won't be necessary," Santa said, and he glanced appreciatively at Perry when he helped him sit more comfortably. "My Christmas magic will make sure my leg is right as rain in only a few hours."
"A few hours?" Phineas repeated. "But Santa, you need to deliver the presents tonight."
"Hmmm," Saint Nick agreed. "We are in quite a pickle."
"Is there anything we can do to help?" Vanessa offered. For her, this was the first time she met the real Santa face-to-face. She'd tried to stay awake to meet him as a child but had always fallen asleep before he came. It occurred to her that everybody else had met him before. She was a bit jealous.
"I am sure that if we all stick our heads together we can think of a plan," Santa said optimistically, and he smiled at the group of kids around him.
"We should move him into a chair or something," Vanessa concluded. "This tarmac can't be nice to sit on."
"It definitely wasn't nice to land on face first." The old man agreed teasingly, but there was still gravel in his beard so it wasn't a complete joke.
Even though most of them weren’t even on the roof when it happened, everybody looked a bit guilty. Nobody liked to see an old man in pain, especially if that old man was Father Christmas.
"Perry?" Phineas asked. "Can you move him?"
The uncle rubbed his head awkwardly. He was definitely strong, but Santa was a big guy. Moving him inside without jostling him too badly would probably be impossible.
"No. Don't bother." Heinz sighed tiredly. "I have a solution."
He then turned towards the door and shrieked. "NORM!" Loudly and sternly.
A moment later the gigantic robot burst outside wearing a giant pink apron and holding a plate of perfectly baked and decorated gingerbread men. "I AM ALSO HERE NOW!" He exclaimed in a booming voice. "DAD, WHAT DID YOU DO?"
"Why does even he assume this was my fault?!" Heinz crossed his arms and pouted.
From his position next to Santa, Perry calmly petted his partner's leg. It was obvious to him why even Norm wasn’t surprised. Then he sighed tiredly, tonight was supposed to be their one-year anniversary. He knew it wouldn’t be as romantic as last year, since they were watching the kids, but he had hoped that they would get to spend some time together. He should have expected something like this to happen.
"It always is," Vanessa shrugged. She then turned to her mechanical brother. "Can you bring Santa inside, CAREFULLY!"
"I WOULD BE MY PLEASURE." The robot bent over and picked up a nervous and confused Santa before turning on his axis and stomping mechanically towards the door.
"Careful Norm!" Vanessa repeated, and she sprinted past him to hold the door open. "Don't hurt him!"
"I SHALL PROCEED WITH CAUTION." He did break the doorframe when he went inside, but in his defence, he kept Santa away from the rubble.
A few minutes later Santa sat in a plush chair. His leg was propped up on a little stool, and on his lap was the plate of still-warm gingerbread cookies. "These are excellent!" He pointed out between one bite and the next.
"I BAKED THEM WITH LOVE." Norm couldn't emote with his face, but it was clear to everyone that he was very proud.
"So, Santa, about your ankle?" Phineas asked nervously.
"It will heal in about 4 hours. 2 hours if we can concentrate more Christmas magic into the room. But with the chocolate milk and the fresh cookies, we are already well on our way." Santa explained as he dunked his cookie in his drink. He did not seem very worried about the course the night had taken. The same could not be said for the other people in the room.
"Perhaps we could create some sort of funnel that concentrates the Christmas magic on your leg?" Phineas pondered, tapping the tip of his nose.
"If you two boys know how to get your hands on enough stuff to build a magic funnel, that would be very handy." Santa agreed as he made quick work of the entire plate of cookies.
"Oh don't worry, Santa. We've got our ways. Ferb! I know what we're going to do tonight!" Phineas turned to his brother with an excited twinkle in his eyes. They had already built a Christmas-themed contraption earlier today, but with such strong motivation, they could easily build more, just for fun. Besides, their project from earlier that day had suddenly disappeared just before dinner.
"That's great Phineas, but can we really wait that long?" Candace asked skeptically. "These presents need to be delivered TONIGHT."
"If we get you back on your feet in a few hours, will you really be able to catch up?" Vanessa asked. "The night is halfway over already."
Santa hummed thoughtfully. "Two hours you say?" He checked with Phineas.
Beside him, Ferb pulled out a notepad and started scribbling numbers quickly. "We might be able to bring it down to an hour and forty-five minutes if we start now."
Santa hadn't even noticed Phineas slip away, but suddenly he heard a ruckus behind the green-haired boy as Phineas started banging steel pipes into the right shape.
"I sure hope none of the neighbours wake up!" He screamed over his own noise. "Technically we aren't allowed to make noise before ten AM on weekends and holidays!"
"I THINK I CAN HELP YOU!" Norm grabbed the steel plate from Phineas and quickly bent it between his hands. He folded the sheet metal as if it was made of tissue paper before handing it back.
"Oh wow Norm," Phineas exclaimed happily. "You're really good at that."
"I KNOW ORIGAMI TOO!"
"Good news Ferb! We'll be done before you know it."
In response, Ferb hummed as he punched more numbers into his calculator, pressed enter and flipped it around to how. "An hour and a half, max." He concluded calmly.
Santa looked at the calculator and stroked his beard. Perry had a feeling the numbers didn't make much sense to the old man, but he wasn't about to point that out. The secret agent wasn't the best at maths either.
"If I take the quick route, skip my other break, and push the reindeer, I might make it. I'm just not sure I can finish the northwest before sunrise.
"The Northwest?" Candace repeated. "Well, the good news is that nobody lives there anyway."
"No child will be left behind, Candace." Santa pointed out seriously. “Even if they don’t live close by.”
"Is there anything we can do to help?" Vanessa offered. "If you are stuck here for over an hour there must be someone we can contact to fill in for you?"
Santa's eyes twinkled suddenly. "Fill in for me you say?" He repeated. "That is a marvellous idea! I just need a replacement Santa and some elves."
"That's great!" Vanessa agreed excitedly. "How do we contact them?"
"No need child, I already have someone in mind." With a happy chortle, Santa snapped his fingers.
For a brief moment the room was filled with lights and when they disappeared Vanessa and Candace stared at each other.
" You're an Elf! " They both shouted and pointed at each other. Then they screamed and looked down. "I'm an Elf!"
The two girls looked absolutely adorable. On their heads sat jolly little pointed hats with bells on them, they wore green and red uniforms with swirly patterns and gold buttons, and their legs were clad in striped tights. To top it off, their ears were a lot longer and pointier than before.
"Oh, this is so embarrassing!" Vanessa exclaimed as she twirled a circle and looked disapprovingly at all the details of her new look. "Do you have this in black?" She asked Santa sceptically. "It's not really my vibe."
"Oh but Vanessa, pumpkin. You look adorable! And you two match!" Heinz clapped his hands in excitement. Unlike his daughter, he thought this new look was very charming.
Despite everything, her heavy eyeliner and maroon lipstick were still intact, making her pale face a beacon of misery. The contrast with the rest of her appearance was so stark that Perry had to bite his lip to stop smiling too wide.
"Nessy, Candace, stand close together! I need to get a picture." Heinz pulled his phone from his pocket and tried to unlock it as quickly as he could. His daughter was famously opposed to photographs, so he had to be quick.
Whilst Vanessa started arguing that No, she wouldn't pose for a picture, she would rather die , Candace stepped up to Santa, looking completely at ease in her new outfit. She held out her hand expectantly and cleared her throat. "Alright, hand over the list." She demanded. "If we want to get these presents delivered we need to do at least two or three states before you're back on your feet."
"Quite right," Santa agreed and from behind him he produced a scroll. "If you can get these done without me it would be very helpful."
Candace checked the scroll -that turned out to be several feet long- with a serious glance. "Leave it to us. Vanessa! You have your driver's licence right?"
"For a car!" Vanessa agreed nervously. "Not for Reindeer?!"
"We'll be fine!" Candace assured her. Then she turned back to Santa. "And the presents?"
"Someone else will have to do the delivering," Santa agreed. "The presents will appear in the sleigh as you land on the roof. Then, my help Santa can go inside to deliver."
"Help Santa?" Candace repeated and she checked her and Vanessa's outfit. "Neither of us is Santa."
"That's right," Saint Nick agreed and he turned his eyes to Perry and Heinz expectantly.
"Like I said," Heinz repeated with a huff. "I can't grow a beard." And he pushed Perry a little bit closer to the old man.
Santa laughed happily and he took his hat from his head. "No need to worry. Even Christmas magic can't make you grow a beard in a year." He put both hands on his hat, and when he pulled them apart he suddenly held two Santa hats. "Put these on boys, we don't have time to waste!" He threw the hats at Perry and Heinz.
Before the men could even react, they too were covered by a large magical light and as it dissipated they looked mostly like themselves.
"Oh thank god it's just a suit!" Heinz exclaimed as he looked down. He checked his chin but it was still hairless. He felt his body but was as thin and wiry as it had always been.
Beside him, Perry stood with his arms crossed. He wore an identical suit to Heinz; bright red with white fur lining. Handstitched details covered his sleeves, and wonderfully warm boots had replaced his sneakers. His hair was the same colour it had been before and it clashed horribly with his new ensemble.
Despite his fashion faux pas, he was smiling at his partner with an amused twinkle in his eyes.
"What?" Heinz asked nervously at him as he spun another circle. Maybe he had missed a detail, or maybe he was transforming slowly. But after his pirouette, he concluded that he looked like himself, just in a different outfit.
「You look cute,」 Perry pointed out, and he chuckled when the colour of Heinz's face matched his outfit.
"I can confidently say I do not look like Santa at all." Heinz agreed with a flustered sputter. "You could maybe pull it off in twenty to thirty years. Does teal hair turn white as you grow older?"
"Grandpa Fletcher's hair turned white!" Phineas pointed out happily. During this ordeal, he’d been busy building the magic funnel, but apparently, he was still invested in their conversation. He was trying to be quick about it, and his creation was already as tall as him. "And Grandpa’s hair used to be just like Ferb’s."
"So we all agree Perry makes a better Santa than me, right?" Heinz asked the room. For some reason, this mattered a lot to him.
"I don't know Dad," Vanessa said teasingly. She climbed into the sleigh and cautiously sat down. "Have you ever seen that Disney Cartoon where Goofy dresses up like Santa?"
"I do not look like Goofy!" Heinz exploded, but as everybody else laughed and agreed with Vanessa, he was forced to accept that he might. He crossed his arms and grumbled.
"Uncle Perry, hurry up! These presents aren't going to deliver themselves!" Candace shouted, and she waved the list at them. She had already climbed the sleigh. "There are 2 million people in Idaho and we need to visit all of them. ALL!"
Perry had to agree, so he grabbed Heinz's arm and dragged him along into the sleigh.
"Good luck Ferb and Phineas!" Candace shouted. "Call me when you're almost done!"
"Keep up the good work Norm!" Vanessa agreed. "And remember, kids can't fall more than 5 vertical feet without serious injury!" The overtly cheerfully dressed goth then grabbed the reigns, took a deep breath and spurred the magical flying reindeer into action.
"Oh Vanessa, You've gotten so good at being a big sister." Candace pointed out proudly. "I told you it was easy; just imagine the worst thing that could happen and tell him not to do that."
"Thanks Candy," Vanessa said distractedly. It was her first time flying Santa's magical sleigh, and she feared that if her concentration broke for only a second they might plummet down to the ground, which happened to be very, very far below them.
"Okay, business talk," Candace announced and she turned around in her seat to talk to the Santas in the back. "Our first address is the Smith Family. Two adults, three kids and a dog. Be careful of the dog! You need to deliver 13 packages, including one child-sized bicycle. Lift from your knees, be careful of the chandelier. I believe we can get this done in 25 seconds."
Perry nodded seriously as he checked the sack. He didn't know how, but there did indeed seem to be a shiny new bike inside it.
"Have you done this before?" Heinz asked the girl with an arched eyebrow, she really seemed to know what she was doing.
"I had a paper route last summer," Candace informed him cooly. "It's like basically the same thing."
---
Perry fully expected something to go wrong now, but to his surprise, things were going quite smoothly.
Candace was on top of her game; she had the list, she was checking it trice, and she was somehow also keeping in touch with Phineas and Ferb back home.
Vanessa had quickly gotten used to flying the sleigh. To everybody's surprise, she knew the reindeer's names off the top of her head, and within minutes she was landing on roofs as if she was born to do it. She tried to throw her elf hat away a few times, figuring that if she dropped it from this high, it would surely never find its way back to her. But every time Heinz and Perry popped out of a chimney after a delivery, she was wearing it.
Perry and Heinz were not the real Santa, but between the two of them, they got work done. They bickered the entire time, pushed and slapped each other more than once, and Perry was quite close to pushing his partner off the roof at some point, but Boise was done before they knew it.
Chapter Text
So, Perry and Heinz were Santa now, at least, for a little over an hour. The first few thousand homes they visited went well; They just jumped down the chimney, put some packages down and went to the next house; easy peasy.
Then they landed on an angular roof on the edge of a tiny town in Idaho, close to the Canadian border.
The night was silent, the snow was crisp, and distant stars twinkled with more light than Heinz had ever managed to see in Danville. As he stepped out of the sleigh, one hand firmly grasping Perry's, he tried not to let himself be distracted by them.
The pitched roof was slippery, but after some careful penguin walking, Heinz managed to swing his leg into the chimney and drop down.
Immediately , he knew something was wrong because, instead of a snug living room with a twinkling tree and a couch, he was in a tight, black box. His heart fluttered in panic as he tried to orient himself, but the walls around him were so close that he could reach from one end to the other if he stretched his arms.
"Perry!" He shouted with his face angled upwards, but it was no use, because a moment later Perry landed,
mostly on top of him.
"Oh mein Gott, you are so heavy, you brute!" He had said something similar with a flirty twinkle in his eyes before, when Perry sat in his lap and pulled his attention away from whatever he had been working on. Then, it had been playful; his boyfriend was heavy, but he was smart enough to know to spread some of his weight.
Now, however... Heinz tried to gasp for air as he was crushed, but he couldn't get his lungs to cooperate. He weakly flailed one arm against Perry's side, begging him to get off, and although the other man scrambled around in the small space to get off, there just wasn't enough space to not be on each other.
Strong arms gripped Heinz's sides and positioned him against the wall, and with a groan, he managed to recapture some air. "What is this?" He asked, eventually, and he tried to figure out in what sort of place they had ended up.
There was no light source in the box. The sides were cool and smooth, more like polished stone than like normal walls. It wasn't pitch-black inside, but it was so dark that it was hard to see.
Heinz could tell Perry's eyes were cautiously checking him over, making sure he hadn’t snapped like a twig under his weight. But even in such close proximity, there was not enough light to see the warm brown colour. Perry's eyes were two black voids surrounded by murky darkness.
"Do you think we can go back up?" He asked, and as one, they both looked above them.
"
I highly doubt that.
"
A new voice rang out behind them, and despite the tight quarters, Perry manoeuvred himself between the voice and Heinz, frowning into the gloom.
"You know, I expected Santa Claus ." A sudden, cold spotlight appeared. The walls hadn't been made out of stone at all; it was glass. A glass box to capture them.
Outside, a few feet away, stood a woman with unruly curls and a lot of green eyeshadow. She angled her head curiously to see the men she’d captured, but Perry was decidedly in front of Heinz, blocking her view. "I doubt that twiggy man behind you is him." she pointed out. "He seems a bit too young."
"Wow, I can't remember the last time a woman called me young and slender," Heinz responded sarcastically. "Who are you?"
"I asked you first," The wild-haired lady noted cooly, and she pointed at them. "I was trying to capture Santa Claus, but you look more like the wet bandits to me."
"We're filling in for Santa," Heinz announced shortly. "Whatever business you had with him, you can have with us instead."
The woman blinked in confusion. "Filling in? For Santa Claus ? I thought only mall Santas worked like that." She walked a slow circle around the glass box, trying to get a good look at both of them. But Heinz and Perry both stubbornly shuffled so that they could keep facing her.
" Psst, " Perry hissed covertly. Heinz broke his intense eye contact with the woman to watch him fingerspell a set of letters. 「D-E-B-B-Y」
"Debby?" Heinz repeated out loud, and he glanced back at the woman.
"How do you know my name?!" The woman, Debby, asked in shock.
"Don't you know?" Heinz asked, and he returned his gaze to her. "Santa knows everybody's name. It's Christmas magic, baby."
"You're not Santa! How do you know?"
Heinz crossed his arms with more confidence than was warranted from a man in a glass cage to snobbishly frown at her. He might be in trouble, but Perry was here with him, so he felt safe. Safe enough to annoy their captor, at least. "I am not going to repeat myself Debbs."
Deborah crossed her arms and grumbled in frustration. "This throws a spanner in the works." She thought for a moment, walking side to side.
"You could just let us go if we are not the ones you are looking for." Heinz pointed out. "If you wait a year, perhaps Santa will come by. Then again, he might not. I would like to point out to you that trapping people is quite naughty." He pointedly ignored the meaningful way Perry glanced at him.
"And what do you know about Naughty and Nice?" Debby sneered, and like a prowling panther, she came closer to their trap "Let me guess, you got all sorts of presents for Christmas? Well aren't you lucky?"
Perry had a strong feeling she was jealous.
"Mommy and Daddy bought you everything you wanted?" She continued trying to mock Heinz, but apparently, she had severely misjudged his childhood.
"No actually, Mother warned me that Santa wouldn't visit me because I didn't deserve a present," Heinz answered without an ounce of sarcasm.
"What?" This seemed to have confused her. "Your mother said that?"
"Father too," Heinz added matter of factly. "If he talked to me at all on Christmas Eve. After we got a television- I think I was around 6 years old, maybe 7- he didn't talk to me at all." Heinz then turned to Perry. "Does ' Bewegen Sie night ' count as conversation?
Perry looked at Heinz over his shoulder and shook his head with a sad little frown. It was a miracle that Heinz didn't hate Christmas. Then again, maybe he preferred it when his father ignored him.
"So yeah, they were soooooo sure every year that I didn't deserve anything." Heinz concluded with an expression that dared Debby to call him spoiled again.
"As a joke, you mean?" Debby asked, and she seemed to have forgotten her own anger in light of Heinz’s tragic past.
"Have you met my mother?" Heinz asked dryly. "She doesn't even know what a joke is."
Although Heinz could not see Perry's expression, he nodded in agreement.
"So you got nothing?" Debby asked, and she wrung her hands together.
"No, of course, I got something!" Heinz perked up suddenly. "When I was 5 I got a wooden wagon. I played with it on the rug, that was the happiest moment of my entire childhood." His eyes turned dreamy, and his lips stretched into a watery smile as he thought fondly of his singular happy memory.
Debby seemed frozen for a moment. "What do you mean you got something despite that? And I got nothing?!" Suddenly she threw her arms up and stormed around their box in rage.
Ah. Perry thought to himself. So that's her motive.
"That pathetic old man stopped giving me gifts when I was twelve. I wanted nothing more than a Malibu Barbie, so I asked Mom. And mom said 'You should ask Santa.' So I did! And you know what I got?!"
"Nothing?" Heinz knew the answer because she had already spoiled it two sentences ago.
"Nothing!" Debby agreed in a fit of rage. "And I was such a nice girl. I ate my vegetables, I did my homework, and after school, I caught rats in the woods and strangled them."
Apparently, Debby thought that strangling rats was a normal pastime for a child. Perry shot Heinz a nervous glance, but even Drusselsteinian kids did not think that was a normal thing to do.
"You did what?" Heinz asked nervously. He hadn't been scared of Deb before, but now he wasn't so sure anymore. He grabbed hold of Perry's sturdy shoulders tightly and held him between himself and the woman as a shield.
If Perry had realized how his partner was using him, he might have been upset, but he was a bit distracted by the rat situation.
"And what about you?" Deb squinted at Perry suddenly. "Did your parents promise you that Santa would come?"
"Oh, he's an orphan." Heinz pointed out in an accusatory tone as if she should be ashamed of herself for asking such a question.
"Well, shit." Debbie agreed.
"But he got presents every year." Heinz made sure to point that out, and despite his better judgment, Perry nodded in agreement. When he was 9 he got a dirt bike that he broke a few years later when he used it to jump off the roof.
"You have got to be kidding me!" Debbie exploded. Then she paused to squeeze the bridge of her nose. "Calm down Debbie. It's fine ."
Perry and Heinz exchange glances again.
"I have decided I do not like you two," Debbie loudly announced to the room at large after her moment of zen.
"It's mutual." Heinz pointed out, only to be elbowed by Perry.
"You may not be Santa Claus, but you will help my plan succeed after all.” Deb turned on her heels to stomp off to a different part of the room. “I’ll take care of that old bastard some other time.”
"Are you going to tell us of the plan?" Heinz asked with an arched eyebrow. He wasn’t sure Deborah knew the rules of the game.
"My plan?” Deb asked him with a smug smile. It was at this moment Perry knew she was about to tell him everything. All villains were the same like that; they just couldn’t resist the temptation of a good monologue.
“My plan to steal your Christmas magic with
this!”
Another spotlight came on. It illuminated a machine with a long barrel. (Not and inator!) "And then, after I steal all
your
magic I will use it, to STEAL CHRISTMAS! That’s teach all those goody-two shoes a lesson!" Debby cackled loudly and rubbed her hands together.
"That explains the green eyeshadow," Heinz mumbled in Perry's ear. "She's like the Grinch for real."
Perry nodded, but his expression was already set in that no-nonsense frown he used to look at Heinz with, back in the day.
"Oh, allow me," Heinz said softly. He cleared his throat and dramatically pointed at her. "You won't get away with this!"
Deborah chuckled one last time before glancing at them. "I already have." she pressed a button and the machine sprang to life. "In just a few minutes your magic will be drained, and then every single present will be mine!" with a flourish, she walked away. As she left, her spotlight faded.
Once again alone, Heinz and Perry stood in their box and stared at the machine that was somehow going to drain their magic. So far it didn’t seem to be doing much.
"Do I even have magic?" Heinz asked.
Perry nodded. 「Santa lent you some.」
"So if I try to jump through a chimney in a week's time?"
Perry wrung his hands together as if squishing something between them.
"Noted." Heinz looked at the machine. "So how do we escape?"
Perry shrugged. 「I don't have my gadgets.」
“I thought you never left the house without your fedora in your pocket? Your laser cutter would be so handy right about now.”
After a moment of contemplation, Perry leaned his back against the wall so that he could be face-to-face with his cellmate. He inspected the machine, which glowed menacingly but didn’t do much else. 「Do you think it even works?」
"Why don't you do some magic and find out?" Heinz offered. "I only know how to go up and down chimneys, you know how to do the cool magic tricks."
Perry arched one eyebrow, be decided that Heinz was probably right. So, he brought his hands together and attempted to magic a handful of magical sparkles.
With a flourish, they appeared but within a moment the machine buzzed to life, and like a vacuum cleaner, it sucked the magic straight out of Perry's hands, through the glass, and into its nozzle.
As the sparkles entered the machine it rumbled and jumped as if it was going to explode cartoonishly. On the side was a meter with an E for empty on the left, and an F for full on the right. Instantly the needle jumped to the 'full' side, before slowly sinking back to empty.
Heinz watched this happen and blinked. "Can you do that again?"
Perry produced a shimmery snow crystal, and it too got sucked into the machine. Once again it rumbled and stuttered, overwhelmed with the small magical symbol.
"I don't think Debby realized how strong Christmas magic is," Heinz pointed out. "You should be able to overwhelm it. Just do some bigger magic."
Perry bit his lip and shook his head. 「My magic is too weak, I can't control it.」
Heinz thought of their last Christmas when Perry had explained the wishy-washy boundaries of his magic; it was only strong during the season, but that was now. So that couldn't be the problem. However, since he barely ever used or needed his magic, he didn't quite know how to control it. He was good at sparkles and small decorations, but aside from that, his magic was mainly emotional.
"Whilst I am thinking, how much naughty dust was on that woman?" Heinz asked.
「It's soot.」 The other signed dryly. 「And a lot. She looked like a chimney sweep.」
"I had a feeling." Doof agreed and he looked above them. "Your magic is based on your feelings, right? Like, when you redecorated my lab last year, that was out of your control?"
Instantly, Perry went a bit red. He crossed his red-coated arms over his wide chest and frowned.
Heinz had always known that his nemesis felt uncomfortable when he wasn't in control, but at this point in their relationship, he would have hoped that he dared to let loose around him a little bit more.
Wait. Let loose?
Heinz smiled broadly as he got an idea.
Last year, right before their first kiss, Perry had also lost control of his magic and had covered an entire hotel room in mistletoe by accident. If Heinz could get him that flustered again, then surely his magic would overwhelm the machine.
"Don't be shy, Perry. That was cute, " Heinz pointed out teasingly. He knew his sultry voice was ridiculous; Charlene had laughed at him the one and only time he tried to use it. But Perry apparently didn't feel like that, because at the new tone, he snapped out of his embarrassed frown and looked at his partner.
"In fact," Heinz grasped Perry's collar with one long finger and pulled him close. "It might have been one of the best things that ever happened to me..." He gazed at Perry's lips dreamily. "...When you kissed me."
To the side, the machine rumbled. Apparently his plan was working, because although Perry was blushing furiously, he was looking between Heinz's lips and eyes with distinct interest.
"I've always liked Christmas," His long fingers rested under Perry's jaw to angle his face up, and closer to him. "But if I get to spend it with you, I love it."
Deciding now was the time, Heinz pressed their lips together and revelled in the way Perry's arms encircled him to hold him close. His touch was light, and his kiss was sweet.
Although Heinz's eyes were softly closed as he enjoyed the moment, he was vaguely aware that there were soft golden lights around them. He leaned back to look and noticed that they were surrounded by starlight. "During this time of year I never have to doubt if you like me or not," He concluded and pressed his nose into his lover's cheek as he looked around. "This is beautiful."
A quick glance at the machine revealed that it was smoking as it tried to keep up with Perry's flustered magic. It was sucking up the twinkling magic light, but Perry was creating them as quickly as the machine could take them away.
What they needed now was one big burst of magic. Heinz turned back to Perry, who was flustered, but smiling. The magical starlight reflected in his eyes, making them look like they contained the entire universe.
With gentle hands, Heinz adjusted a few locks of hair that peeked out from under Perry's gaudy Santa hat.
A big burst of magic?
What could he say? Perry already knew he loved him.
A thought occurred to Heinz, and the simple suggestion sent his heartbeat into overdrive. He closed his eyes for a moment to gather his courage.
Just like Heinz could always read Perry's emotions, Perry could always read his. And he saw something in Heinz's expression. Nerves perhaps? And he frowned minutely, worried what could be upsetting Heinz at a moment like this.
"You know, I suppose we should do it close to Christmas-" Heinz tried to sound confident, but his voice came out a little shaky. He inhaled carefully as Perry gazed at him with warm brown eyes.. "-If we ever were to get married. Don't you think?"
The hands on Heinz's shoulder suddenly pulled the fabric tight. He saw one second of shock on Perry's handsome face before he leaned in for a new kiss.
There was a small noise that escaped Perry’s lips before they were captured in a kiss, and as Heinz experienced the moment he wondered what that meant; surprise, surely. They hadn't ever talked about marriage before. But there had to be something else too, or maybe he just hoped so. Wide palms softly cradled his jaw, and when they eventually pulled apart it happened with a literal burst of fireworks; to the side, the magic-stealing machine collapsed into itself, and with a multicoloured burst of light the glass cage fell apart around them.
They pressed together in surprise as the wall shattered, but as the twinkling of tumbling glass subsided they stood in an empty room with a broken machine.
"Dad?!" Distantly, Vanessa’s voice rang out to them.
Paternal instinct kicked in despite everything, and Heinz angled his head up, where a chimney-shaped hole sat in the middle of the ceiling.
"Vanessa!"
"Uncle Perry? Uncle Heinz? Are you okay? Something happened and we couldn’t hear you!" Candace and Vanessa were shouting down the flume to reach them.
"We're okay!" Heinz replied. He felt Perry trying to step out of his arms, but he held on tight and gathered him close. "We took care of it! We're coming up!"
"Hurry!" Candace responded. "We need to finish Washington state within the hour!"
"Yeah!" Heinz agreed at the ceiling, but then he turned to Perry calmly. The other man was looking at him expectantly. he could very easily walk out of Heinz's embrace, but the way he held on meant he had something to say.
Heinz blinked and then smiled as he saw the lingering remainder of a deep ruddy blush on Perry's cheeks. "I didn't just say that to escape, by the way." Heinz pointed out honestly, and he dragged his pointer fingers over the flush on Perry's cheekbone. "I am glad it worked, but," They didn't have time to kiss more, so a quick peck would have to do for now. "I said that because I think about it, sometimes." He was nearly whispering by the end.
In response, the other man blinked and nodded minutely, a little embarrassed to feel tinsel growing under his hat. Then, Perry stepped out of his embrace. He had a habit of covering his face with his hands if he got flustered.
"HURRY THE FUCK UP!"
They both startled and looked at the hole in the roof.
"I think Candace ran out of patience," Heinz pointed out breathlessly.
Hand in hand, but too flustered to make eye contact, the duo floated back to the roof. They hadn’t even fully landed yet when Candace started tugging them into the sleigh. They were behind schedule, and she thought that was unacceptable.
"Vanessa! Let's go!" Candace commanded as she pulled her uncle into his seat. "So, I don't know what happened in there," She waved at the roof they were now floating above. "But look at the naughty list."
The girl presented the list where the name "Deborah Gunner" Was triple underlined with "NAUGHTY" written next to it in big red letters.
"Well. That does seem fitting." Heinz pointed out.
The rest of the run went smoothly. Usually, Perry and Doof took turns going down chimneys, and there were no more strange surprises down any pipes.
"Hey Perry," Vanessa said after a while, shaking the man from his revery. "This has your name on it." She handed him a small square package with a dainty red bow on it. "I guess it's from Santa."
Curiously, Perry took the wrapping paper away, only to be met with another small box inside it. There was a seam down the middle, so he carefully put his fingers in place and tugged it open.
...
!!
He very quickly snapped it shut again and made sure nobody had been watching him.
Luckily for him, Vanessa was soothing Comet, and Heinz was down a chimney.
Candace, still upset that they lost time, was timing him and shouting down the smokeshaft that Heinz should hurry up.
huddled in his seat, Perry carefully pried the little box open again. Inside, in a red velvet cushion sat a thin golden ring. It was clear to him that this jewel wasn't just for him.
"Okay dokey! I am ready for the next one!" Heinz announced as he climbed out of the vent.
Scared to get caught, Perry startled and looked at his boyfriend with wide eyes. Quickly he shuffled the box into his pocket. He didn't know what Santa had in mind for him, but that box and its content would have to wait.
His heart was beating, and when he smiled at Heinz as he climbed into the sleigh he must have looked either nervous or confused because he gave Perry a curious look.
In the end, there were just too many houses to visit in such a short time that Perry didn't even have time to worry about the engagement ring in his pocket.
"And that's the last one!" Candace seemed extremely satisfied with herself as she double-crossed the last name on her list. "I'll double-check these whilst you fly us back, Vanessa. Uncle Perry, can you text Ferb that we're coming back?"
In the back of the sleigh, Perry held Heinz's hand. They both sank deep into their seats, bone tired, but happy.
"It's cold up here," Heinz mumbled at him and he scooted just a little closer so he could rest his head on Perry's broad shoulder.
Perry wasn't cold at all, but he also leaned in close until he felt the fluff of the other’s Santa hat tickle his jaw.
—
According to Candace's calculations, they landed back on the Flynn-Fletcher roof exactly one hour and thirty-three minutes after they left.
"Ho-ho-How did it go?" Santa welcomed them cheerfully. He was back on his feet with two nine-year-old boys hanging off his shoulders.
"When I grow up I am going to work in an office," Vanessa sighed. She threw her hat on the floor, and for once, it remained there. She hopped off the sleigh and lay down on the ground dramatically. "That was exhausting. "
Candace handed over the list with a little salute. “Mission successful, Santa! Now if you excuse me, I need sleep, pronto. Norm, carry me." She puffed and collapsed into the giant robot's embrace. "I am not moving another muscle till New Year's. Phineas, you better bust yourselves for the rest of the week."
"Ok, Candace." Phineas agreed with as much enthusiasm as he could muster. The two boys looked just as tired as her. Ferb looked about ready to fall asleep right where he was.
Heinz had fallen asleep in the back of the sleigh after their last delivery, and Perry huffed and puffed and slung him over his shoulder so that he could return the sleigh to his rightful owner.
"ᴵ'ᵐ ᵃʷᵃᵏᵉ" Heinz mumbled into Perry's shoulder. Perry just shook his head fondly and rubbed his back.
With a flourish, Perry offered the sleigh to Santa.
"A job well done," Santa said happily, and his eyes sparkled as he clasped Perry on his shoulder. "I don't plan on retiring yet, but when I do in a few years I'll keep you in mind." He then chuckled happily.
Perry deposited his snoozy nemesis on a chair and smiled apologetically. 「No Mrs. Claus for me,」 He pointed out with a shy nod to the lanky man. He wasn’t even sure if Santa was the one who got him the ring, but if he did he would surely say something about it, right?
Santa bellowed a jolly "Ho-ho-ho!" in reply. After he calmed down he looked at him over the top of his reading glasses. His rosy, red cheeks rose as he smiled. "That doesn't matter at all, Perry. As long as he can bake good sugar cookies I promise you’ll be happy.”
Perry only blushed darker at the suggestion and the old man laughed again. "I am only joking, of course." And he looked at Perry happily. "Thank you for the help, and Merry Christmas."
Phineas and Ferb helped Santa attach the Christmas magic funnel to the back of his sleigh, and with a short moment to say goodbye, Santa was off.
Perry turned and clapped his hands together. When two tired kids, some sleepy teens, and a barely coherent Heinz turned to him, he figured his first step was to corral them all back into the house. Despite his best intentions to tuck everybody into bed, everybody fell asleep in the living room.
He was too tired to carry them into their respective rooms, so he decided to just grab blankets instead. When everybody was cosily tucked into a warm blanket, he sighed, turned off the lights and crawled onto the couch next to Heinz.
---
"Hullo everybody! We've made it back home!"
When Lawrence opened the front door he did not expect his living room to be piled full of sleeping people. Normally the house was bustling at 9 AM, but today all was silent and still.
The father watched with a smile as Phineas' head popped up out of a pile of blankets. The boy blinked and slowly sat up. "Hey Dad, did you have a good flight?" He rubbed sleep from his eyes and looked beside him. Ferb was sprawled over his legs in a mess of blankets, he seemed to be having a hard time waking up, but he also wanted to go hug his dad.
"Oh, Lawrence, look how cute." Linda closed the outside door behind her and inspected the living room. "Merry Christmas everyone! Let's all have breakfast."
"Oh!" Heinz untangled himself from Perry and their blankets and tried to stand up but his leg got caught. He almost tripped on his daughter but managed to sidestep her at the last moment. "I'll get started on the cookies. Who wants to help me decorate them this afternoon?"
A chorus of kids and a giant robot that was crammed into the corner offered their help.
Perry smiled, but then he remembered what Santa had said to him the night before. He hoped nobody saw him blush and figured he shouldn't worry about it too much.
After breakfast, he brushed his teeth and shaved. When he was trying to tame his hair, a curious shimmer caught his eye. He plucked at the hair and felt a twinge as he pulled at it. Between his fingers was a perfectly white hair.
Perry blinked at it, resisted the urge to search his head for more, and decided to go celebrate Christmas instead.