Archive of Our Own ^beta

Avengers Tower

Tony Stark had invited Steve Rogers, Thor, Clint Barton, Natasha Romanoff, Bruce Banner, James Rhodes, Wanda Maximoff, Vision, Sam Wilson and Bucky Barnes to the Avengers Tower in order to determine which movie in the Marvel Cinematic Universe was the best. While the group agreed that Endgame was the best due to its emotional pay-off to eleven years of interconnected storytelling and that the new phases couldn't live up to the first three, Tony took advantage of the meeting to talk about how great he was as a character and how he pivoted the way for the franchise.

"So, I'm the first MCU movie!" Tony rambled his friends. "and none of you're worth even a little of me!"

"Technically, I'm the first MCU movie," Steve told Tony, referring to the chronological order of the films.

"Just because your movie was the first one in terms of chronology doesn't mean you're the one who started it all, goldilocks!" Tony fired back at Steve with a smirk "I came before all of you, I started this franchise! Me! And my actor saying 'I am Iron Man' made history, so obviously, I am the greatest hero there is!" He then turned to Banner. "Not to mention, I showed up at the end of your only solo movie where you were played by a different actor, showing how its all connected. No offence to the original actor, though."

Before Steve could could counter back at Tony for his claims about being the greatest MCU hero, Natasha stopped him. "Forget it, Steve. He's not gonna get convinced anyway."

Suddenly, the group heard the ring bell outside the door, getting their attention.

"Huh, I wonder who that is," Tony muttered after hearing the bell. "Coming!"

Tony got up from his seat and rushed to the door, believing it might be Pepper. Upon opening the door, Tony saw six people standing on the doorstep, changing Tony's expression from confidence to confusion at the mere sight of these people. The first one standing was a tall, black man with a black mustache and grey goatee clad in a black wool trenchcoat with a mandarin collar, with matching black pants, gloves, sunglasses and boots with a sword placed on his right hip and alongside him were a man clad in a red and blue Spider-Man suit with triangular lenses, a tall man with a slick brown hair and black leather jacket with yellow stripes across the shoulders, a middle-aged man wearing a blue form-fitting suit with black gloves and boots, a tall man with long hair and beard wearing an all black leather motorcycle attire and a woman clad in a red leather battle attire with a matching banclava and sais around her hips.

Tony stood still, overwhelmed by his own shock over seeing the six people, while his friends observed what was going to happen.

"I'm sorry, do I know you guys?" Tony said smugly.

"Look at us," The man, Blade, spoke up in his raspy voice, while Tony let out a shrug, irritating Blade and his companions. "I said, look at us!" Tony was taken aback by Blade's shouting, turning his head at them. "You think you're the first MCU movie?"

"And what makes you believe otherwise, huh?" Tony talked back at Blade. "And why you brought your buddies with you like this is some dress-up party?"

Blade let out a small chuckle at Tony's remarks. "'cause we're the ones who made the MCU possible."

Tony's face turned red as he was consumed by fear of not being the first MCU while his friends continued to speculate and let out sounds, with Sam recording the event on his phone.

"Yeah, right," Tony scoffed off Blade's words. "Just because your movies were retroactively made canon through the Multiverse doesn't mean you're the first MCU superhero films."

"Well, at least it's better than some of the crap you guys are making, bub," The mutant, Logan, hit back at Tony, referring to projects such as She-Hulk: Attorney at Law, Secret Invasion, The Marvels and Ant-Man and the Wasp: Quantumania being commercial and critical failures.

"You're one to talk!" Tony talked back at Logan. "Last I remembered, your franchise had more faliures than successes. That last X-Men movie flopped before Disney bought 20th Century Fox!"

"That's more on that bastard Simon Kinberg and I dodged a bullet by not being on that film," Logan shrugged, mentioning "Dark Phoenix". "My character received an excellent sendoff in "Logan", where my character arc wrapped up in a beautiful manner by sacrificing my life to save my daughter from Transigen."

Tony laughed before speaking. "And then they brought your character back in "Deadpool & Wolverine" and destroyed that "excellent sendoff" because Ryan Reynolds wanted to team up with you."

"It's not like your actor is any better," Reed Richards called out Tony. "They're going to bring him back to play Doctor Doom in Avengers: Doomsday."

"All just to satisfy your deranged fandom," Blade pointed out. "I think that sums up the current state of Marvel Studios."

"Oh, really?" Tony retaliated. "Who are you to tell me about the current state of Marvel Studios? If I remember correctly, Marvel brought some of you guys back for these movies to cash in on the nostalgia of the 2000s Marvel films, because the MCU couldn't stand on its own anymore."

"Maybe," The woman, Elektra, notified. "But at least our cameos served a purpose to the story, unlike your actor's return as Doctor Doom, which clearly radiates corporate fanservice because of your popularity."

"As if anyone asked for your opinion, missy," Tony told Elektra in a rude manner. "And your movies were so awful it nearly killed the superhero genre before I saved it with my first film." Tony then turned to Reed. "And your actor had went through a messy divorce with Alice Evans after your movies ended. At least my actor is still happily married."

"That divorce had nothing to with the movies, which underutilized me badly and weren't good anyway, and that's more on her, since she had threatened to tell fake stories about my actor and destroy his career," Reed told Tony.

"Right," Tony shrugged.

"I'd keep that ego in check if I were you, buddy," Johnny Blaze taunted Tony.

"Look who it is, if it isn't the great Nicolas Cage," Tony sarcastically taunted. "Aren't you supposed to be making another straight-to-video film?"

Blaze chuckled. "My actor is now going through a big career renaissance, starring in such acclaimed films like "Pig", "The Unbearable Weight of Massive Talent" and "Longlegs", and fans also want to see his iteration of my character in the future, so I'd say you'd show some respect."

"No shit," Tony quipped in the middle of his laughter. "At least my actor won an Oscar."

"So did my actor," Blaze replied.

Tony's shock intensified as his jaw dropped due to hearing the revelation that Blaze's actor had also won an Academy Award, while his friends let out loud shouting upon seeing him getting roasted by Blaze.

"This is gonna get interesting," Wanda whispered, being invested in the roast session.

"Let's just hope Tony doesn't have a heart attack," Steve quipped, which caused his friends to laugh.

Tony mocked his friends' laughter, unable to bear getting humiliated, before he turned to Spider-Man, although this wasn't the same Spider-Man he knew. "And you. I was not expecting seeing you here, considering that your actor is too old to play this role again at this point."

"And?" Spider-Man hit back at Tony. "Just because my actor is old doesn't mean he can't be Spider-Man. He has grown a fanbase for his memorable performance and moments, and by the way, my character has had more impact on Tom Holland's Spider-Man than you ever will."

"You have no idea how much I influenced Spider-Man! I made him the hero he is today! He looked up to me!" Tony protested, bragging about his "internship" with Spider-Man.

"And you took advantage of that and made him clean up your mess," Spider-Man called out, shedding a light on Tony's awful treatment of the younger Spider-Man. "It only took until "Spider-Man: No Way Home" to finally become the Spider-Man we know and love and he didn't even required your help."

"Listen, pal, if you ever..."

"I'm gonna put some dirt in your eye!" Spider-Man taunted Tony, leaving him speechless.

Tony's friends bursted into laugher upon hearing Spider-Man saying that line to Tony, making feel more embarrassed than ever.

Blade laughed as he took off his glasses. "And I thought the MCU couldn't get any lower. You know, I heard some dumbass punk saying that Robert Downey Jr. is gonna save the MCU again, and I was like, "From what, my n****?""

Tony's friends kept laughing even more upon hearing Blade roasting him, while being surprised to hear that Blade said the N-word, which didn't think it was possible.

"Holy shit! He did not just say that!" "He's being cooked!"

"Enough!" Tony yelled at his friends, giving into his frustration. "You know, what my actor will do doesn't matter to any of you. I am still popular and so is he. He's the only one who can carry this shit!"

The six multiversal heroes laughed at Tony's remarks, unconvinced that he would save the MCU from its low point, and were joined by Tony's friends, who also laughed alongside him.

"You? Saving this franchise again?" Spider-Man mocked Tony in the middle of his laughter. "Yeah, right!"

"Behold, Doctor Anthony Von Doom! He's going to destroy the Multiverse!" Elektra boasted while laughing at Tony, irritating him even further.

"This just keeps getting better and better," Logan muttered.

"Let's face it, Tony, while my own Doom wasn't perfect by any means, he will always be better than your actor's version," Reed told Tony. "I know that already."

"How you dare say that! My actor was first considered for the role before Julian McMahon took on the role, so his casting is a full circle moment!" Tony protested.

"And he's gonna ruin the character for a third time," Blaze said.

"The movie isn't even out yet, so you have no right to criticize my actor's take on the character!" Tony let out a small sight before saying. "Why is no one recognizing my brilliance?"

"Look, no one is denying the impact you left on the superhero film landscape and our movies may not have been perfect, but if it wasn't for all of us," Blade told Tony as he pointed at himself, Spider-Man, Logan, Reed, Blaze and Elektra, before pointing at Tony. "You wouldn't be even here, so you own your entire existence to us."

"Yeah, right. As if I'm going to own my existence to a bunch of forgotten superheroes," Tony said in a sarcastic tone.

"And we're done," Sam said as he finished recording and uploading the video to social media, catching Tony's attention. "This one is definitely going up on Instagram."

"What the..." Before Tony could react, he heard the sound of his phone's notification and grabbed it quickly.

Upon turning on his phone and scrolling through Instagram, Tony saw that his roast session was now going viral, leaving him even more humiliated than ever, and fainted on the floor quickly, while his friends and the six multiversal heroes laughed at him just as Blade put on his sunglasses again and let out a small grin.

"Some motherfuckers are still trying to ice-skate uphill."

"Couldn't agree with ya more," Logan agreed.

I can make money fro—
I can make money fro—
I can make money from the comfort of my sofa (Yeah, ho)
So much drive (Yeah), so-so much drive (Yeah)
So much drive, now I gotta get a chauffeur

Busting through the door, Deadpool entered the room holding his radio on his right arm, which had played a hip hop song at loud volume, to make sure that Deadpool had arrived at the scene to roast Tony Stark.

"Alright, losers, who's ready to roast Robert Downey Jr.?!" Deadpool announced.

(Fuck you, you gon' catch a hot one too, feel my wrath)
(Sixty-six thousand real folks strapped to bust yo' ass)
(Fuck you, you gon' catch a hot one too, feel my wrath)
(Sixty-six thousand real folks strapped to bust yo' ass)

To his surprise, Deadpool looked around the room and realized he was in a small house located in Los Angeles, where a man wearing a short-sleeved button shirt with a tie and khaki pants sat on the couch and looked at Deadpool, believing he was going to start a party in his house.

"Hi," The man, Darryl, greeted Deadpool in an Australian accent, causing Deadpool to sigh in anger.

I can make money from the comfort of my sofa (Sofa)
So much drive, now I gotta get a chauffeur (Chauffeur)
One day, I'll be big, but I know I'm gettin' closer (Closer)
Call me Denzel, AKA Big Ultra

"Fuck!" Deadpool screamed in frustration. "I knew they sent me to the wrong universe! Godamnit, you shitfucks from Loki and Owen Wilson! I'm gonna make you feel my wrath!"

"You know, if you want, I could help you arrange the..."

"Zip it, Darryl!" Deadpool yelled at Darryl, catching him off guard. "I don't time to organize your stupid party."

Deadpool then used the TemPad, which generated an orange portal behind him, and went through the portal moments before it closed in front of Darryl, who was left shocked by Deadpool's sudden disappearance.