Chapter 1: The Beginning of Better Things to Come (haha come joke)
Chapter Text
gingerbrave added freaky headphones man, lightweight alcoholic, freena, slep, two trucks, spiderman
freena: HELLO
gingerbrave: HELLOO GUYS
gingerbrave: meet my furina fairy floss
gingerbrave: her friend Venti who is AWESOME at writing
gingerbrave: and there’s @spiderman who you shouldnt really talk to
gingerbrave: he’s submissive
gingerbrave: so beware
lightweight alcoholic: im going to talk to him regardless
gingerbrave: good (ily kinich youre so pookie)
freaky headphones man: New people?
freena: hello
gingerbrave: hi alhaitham these are my friends
Replying to freaky headphones man: New people?
lightweight alcoholic: hiya
lightweight alcoholic: Why do you type like that
Replying to lightweight alcoholic: Why do you type like that
freaky headphones man: This is just how I type, that ok, do you wish me to change my typing method.
lightweight alcoholic: no
gingerbrave: It should be a question mark not a full stop, at the end of that sentence
lightweight alcoholic: im just imagining a capital letter on every word rn
Replying to freaky headphones man: This is just now I type, that ok, do you …
freena: ive never encountered someone with proper punctuation like you stay how you are this is interesting
Replying to freena: ive never encountered someone with p…
freaky headphones man: Um, I don’t know.
Replying to freena: ive never encountered someone with p…
lightweight alcoholic: Its missing commas where appropriate
[🫡1]
lightweight alcoholic: ykw i can type like that too
gingerbrave: Yeah
lightweight alcoholic: Give me a minute to embody my inner english child
gingerbrave: punctuation does good things to my brain
freaky headphones man: No. I do wear headphones however.
freena: real
freena: headphones are peak
Replying to lightweight alcoholic: Give me a minute to embody m…
freaky headphones man: I can speak other languages if that’s an easier way of communication for you.
gingerbrave: Oh? Are we going to write like proper grammar books now?
gingerbrave: I don’t think it’s worth the effor
gingerbrave: t
lightweight alcoholic: I don’t in fact read other languages, however thank you for such a proposal.
gingerbrave: HWLP
gingerbrave: Ixdo twad other languages
gingerbrave: wverydya
Replying to lightweight alcoholic: I don’t in fact read other langua…
freaky headphones man: Of course. Whatever is easier.
lightweight alcoholic: HELP ME
gingerbrave: STOP ITS
lightweight alcoholic: I FEEL LIKE IM ON CAI RN
freena: i thought you were a c.ai bot for a second
freena: /pos
gingerbrave: ill bonk you both
lightweight alcoholic: IM GIGGLING
lightweight alcoholic: What.
lightweight alcoholic: I’ll bonk you against the wall. At least you’ll lose 10 calories every hit.
gingerbrave: What? Is there anything i can help you with?
Replying to gingerbrave: ill bonk you both
freena: nooo… >.< dont bonk me tarutaru unu
Replying to lightweight alcoholic: I’ll bonk you against the wall. A…
gingerbrave: Making out would help me lose more calories
lightweight alcoholic: Oh
Replying to gingerbrave: Making out would help me lose more cal…
freena: NO WAU
Replying to freena: nooo…>.< dont bonk me tarutaru unu
gingerbrave: furi-senpai don’t say that! Kya~~~
freaky headphones man: Why do you need to loose calories?
gingerbrave: okay im leaving
lightweight alcoholic: What do bots do when they cant form a response
Replying to freaky headphones man: Why do you need to loose calories?
gingerbrave: For my snatched waist and thunder thighs
lightweight alcoholic: Oh
Replying to lightweight alcoholic: What do bots do when they can…
freena: dont they just repeat whag you said
freena: but fancier
Replying to lightweight alcoholic: What do bots do when they can…
gingerbrave: “I have a question for you”
freena: can i ask ypu something…?
freaky headphones man: Why do you think you’re on character ai?
Replying to freaky headphones man: Why do you think you’re on character …
freena: your way of typing is reminiscent of an ai chatbot
Replying to freaky headphones man: Why do you think you’re on character …
gingerbrave: Because people don’t usually use proper punctuation over text
freena: its not a problem its just rare to see
gingerbrave: Or even uppercase letters
lightweight alcoholic: hey @gingerbrave what do you think the dinosaurs looked like
Replying to lightweight alcoholic: hey @gingerbrave what do you think the…
gingerbrave: pretty big
gingerbrave: humongous
gingerbrave: huge
gingerbrave: gigantic
lightweight alcoholic: You make them sound terrifying
gingerbrave: massive
freena: taru senpai you know so many synonyms of big
lightweight alcoholic: oh
gingerbrave: Absolutely astonishing
Replying to freena: taru senpai you know so many synonym…
gingerbrave: i got told them a lot
freena: oh
lightweight alcoholic: I thought you were gonna say sometjing else is big
freaky headphones man: Guys what is going on right now..?
gingerbrave: nothing
gingerbrave: bend over, kitten
freaky headphones man: Why are we flirting with Childe?
lightweight alcoholic: I thought you were cultured?
lightweight alcoholic: WHAT
gingerbrave: IM CRYING
gingerbrave: STOP
Replying to gingerbrave: bend over, kitten
freaky headphones man: No thankyou.
lightweight alcoholic: IM SOBBING
Replying to gingerbrave: bend over, kitten
freena: NO WAH WHAT
lightweight alcoholic: HELP ME
gingerbrave: Childe is actually permanently LOWERCASE
freaky headphones man: Apologies, childe
gingerbrave: it looks ugly if its Childe
gingerbrave: childe
freena: childe
Replying to gingerbrave: Childe is actually permanently LOWERCASE
lightweight alcoholic: You just spelt it in uppercase.
gingerbrave: childe is so much more coquette
Replying to lightweight alcoholic: You just spelt it in uppercase.
gingerbrave: to have a visual demonstration
freena: i love visual demos
lightweight alcoholic : i love angst
gingerbrave: i eat angst for breakfast
freena: why do you hate yourself
gingerbrave: I dont hate myself
gingerbrave: I’m happy
lightweight alcoholic: how
gingerbrave: just knowledge
gingerbrave: sumeru’s old grand sage would approve
freena: hes basically dead he doesnt care
gingerbrave: do you think spiderman will care
gingerbrave: Kinich will getto 3000 messgaws
----------------------------------
freaky headphones man is typing…
gingerbrave: i miss you freaky headphones man
lightweight alcoholic: Is he typing out a paragraph
freena: freaky headphones man come back
freaky headphones man: You guys text a lot. It’s very overwhelming.
freena: sorry
Replying to freaky headphones man: you guys text alot. It’s very overwhelm…
lightweight alcoholic: I’m sorry to hear that.
Replying to freaky headphones man: you guys text alot. It’s very overwhelm…
gingerbrave: You can mute it if you prefer
freaky headphones man: Not in a bad way, text all you want
freena: oh okay
Replying to gingerbrave: You can mute it if you prefer
freaky headphones man: I have
lightweight alcoholic: We’ve been overwhelming alhaitham
lightweight alcoholic: i feel bad
lightweight alcoholic: its like zhongli and a wall of text
freaky headphones man: No, it’s ok. I get overwhelmed easily calm down.
lightweight alcoholic: Aw
freaky headphones man: Autism trait or whatever.
freena: do you hae autism perchance alhaitham /genq
Replying to freena: do you hae autism perchance alhaitha…
freaky headphones man: Yeah
freena: that tracks
lightweight alcoholic: i studied for the autism test and i still didn’t get full marks
gingerbrave: i never got assessed
freaky headphones man: I got diagnosed a few years ago.
gingerbrave: its expensive..
gingerbrave: its like
Replying to gingerbrave: its expensive…
freaky headphones man: Not over here in Sumeru.
Replying to freaky headphones man: I got diagnosed a few years ago.
lightweight alcoholic: Ah
gingerbrave: 15-30k mora in Snezhnaya
gingerbrave: just the first test
freena: oh wow
Replying to freaky headphones man: Not over here in Sumeru.
lightweight alcoholic: Do you ever see the sub
lightweight alcoholic: sun
lightweight alcoholic: with all the trees blocking the sky
gingerbrave: its a desert
lightweight alcoholic: fuck
freaky headphones man: I’m going to finish reading my book now, fair well. Give me an hour.
freena: alright bye
freena: enjoy your book
freena: uhhhhh convos gone stale neuvillettes gone out to buy water at like 10pm
freena: thats like. relly late for him
lightweight alcoholic: why
freena: i dont know
freena: i asked and he said he was thirsty
lightweight alcoholic: water is so boring
lightweight alcoholic: wine is better
freena: yeah but its his favourite drink
lightweight alcoholic: i want wine rn
lightweight alcoholic: from the angels share
freena: wines cool
lightweight alcoholic: i went out drinking this morning
lightweight alcoholic: and ive been craving it ever since i got kicked out
lightweight alcoholic: it was like celestia
lightweight alcoholic: it was delicious
lightweight alcoholic: it was amazing
lightweight alcoholic: apples and wine are a truly unbeatable combo
freena: im concerned are you going out and drinking all next morning
freena: you totally should
lightweight alcoholic: yes
lightweight alcoholic: everyone denies me wine
lightweight alcoholic: even my wallet sometimes
freena: oh
lightweight alcoholic: rip
lightweight alcoholic: can you bring me ur fontaine alcohol
lightweight alcoholic: i want alcohol
freena: not right now
lightweight alcoholic: wine is good
lightweight alcoholic: why
freena: time
freena: go in the morning
lightweight alcoholic: didnt ur iudex go get water 3 hours ago
lightweight alcoholic: no
freena: yeah
freena: three hours ago
lightweight alcoholic: i have to go do my bard duties
lightweight alcoholic: all day.
freena: oh.
freena: the next day rhen
lightweight alcoholic: did i mention everyone denies me alcohol
freena: ur screwed
lightweight alcoholic: i hate people
freena: should i come over to personally give you wine or smth
lightweight alcoholic: yes
lightweight alcoholic: Even diluc denies me wine
lightweight alcoholic: and he’s the owner of the winery
freena: are you going to die like an unwatered flower
freena: plant core
lightweight alcoholic: diluc doesnt want me anymore
lightweight alcoholic: -1 friend
lightweight alcoholic: my list in now down to
lightweight alcoholic: idk how many people
freena: aw
—---------------------------------------------------
lightweight alcoholic: whenever dvalin molts
lightweight alcoholic: he sheds
lightweight alcoholic: everywhere
freena: send dragon pics
lightweight alcoholic sent an image
lightweight alcoholic sent an image
lightweight alcoholic sent an image
gingerbrave: your dragon looks like a rat
gingerbrave: sorry im a hater
-----------------------------------------
gingerbrave: Ugh if it werent for my internal homophobia i would have a bf rn
gingerbrave: 💀💀💀
gingerbrave: 💀
lightweight alcoholic: HELP
lightweight alcoholic: imagine
Replying to gingerbrave: Ugh if it werent for my internalized hom…
freaky headphones man: What the freak?
lightweight alcoholic: if it werent for my allergy to being sober
lightweight alcoholic: i too would have a bf
gingerbrave: hi alhajsksdfnm
gingerbrave: Alhthaiam
lightweight alcoholic: Alhaitham
gingerbrave: are you homophobic
lightweight alcoholic: i feel like when i type it it looks wrong
freaky headphones man: Wait, apart from Childe are y’all all female?
freena: i am
lightweight alcoholic: no im venti
lightweight alcoholic: okay bad joke but still no im nb
Replying to gingerbrave: are u homophobic
freaky headphones man: Yes, only to my friend however. He acts really gay around me.
gingerbrave: kinich is demiboy
Replying to freaky headphones man: Yes, only to my friend however. He act…
lightweight alcoholic: HELP
freaky headphones man: Wait so me and childe are the only full males?
Replying to gingerbrave: kinich is demiboy
lightweight alcoholic: thats super awesome sauce
Replying to freaky headphones man: Wait so me and childe the only full…
freena: yeah
freaky headphones man: Oh.
gingerbrave: wait furina is a girl
lightweight alcoholic: no
lightweight alcoholic: furina is a rat
freaky headphones man: Who’s furina
freena: biologically yes spiritualy i am a rat
gingerbrave: Freena
lightweight alcoholic: im giggling
freena: furina is me i go by furina
gingerbrave: spiritually you are my girlfriend /j
lightweight alcoholic: WOAH?? i thought you were gay
freena: otherwise i am your rat buddy
freena : Rat GIF - Rat - Discover & Share GIFs
lightweight alcoholic: you working out
freena: me working to earn my cheese
freaky headphones man: I feel like I’m 3rd wheeling
lightweight alcoholic: you and i both
freena: there are efour peiple here
freena: oh
freena: okay then
lightweight alcoholic: should i like plan you guys an online date or something
freena: less than three starts playing
--------------------------------------------------
freena: anyone wanna vc rn
gingerbrave: myabe ill yap a bit i dunno
lightweight alcoholic: ill yap in chat then
gingerbrave started a call that lasted an hour.
gingerbrave: KINICH KNINSHK
gingerbrave: KINICH WHER EU ARE
lightweight alcoholic: Kinich died
lightweight alcoholic: @spiderman
lightweight alcoholic: Come back to life
freena: @spiderman
lightweight alcoholic: NOOOKK
lightweight alcoholic: NOOOOOOOO
Replying to gingerbrave: KINICH KNINSHK
spiderman: HUH IM HERE
spiderman: I WAS WONDERING WHERE YOU WERE CUZ U WERE ON THE CALL
gingerbrave: venti exploded
gingerbrave: NOOOO
Replying to spiderman: I WAS WONDEEING WHERE YOU WERE …
gingerbrave: YWAH IM YAPPING HWLEP
Replying to gingerbrave: venti exploded
lightweight alcoholic: Sorry i what
Replying to gingerbrave: YWAH IM YAPPING HWELP
spiderman: OHHH
lightweight alcoholic: Well im exploding now
lightweight alcoholic: Gbye
freena: byebye
gingerbrave: “venti exploded because they have to socialize tomorrow” - furina
freena: canon
freaky headphones man: 👍
freena: goodnight
gingerbrave: GOODNIGHT!!
freaky headphones man:
Goodnight.
Chapter 2: lesbians and some other guys
Summary:
The Beginning of Alhaitham's Freak Lifestyle
Notes:
Alhaitham - freaky headphones man
Childe - gingerbrave
Venti - lightweight alcoholic
Furina - freena
Shenhe - slep
Raiden - two trucks
Kinich - spiderman
Itto - TheOneAndOni
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
gingerbrave: I’m 5’11 obviously im taller
spiderman: YOUR WHAT
gingerbrave: ehe… surpeising right?
gingerbrave: 😈😈😈😈
spiderman: yes I thought you’d be 3’2
gingerbrave: I’m NOT a garden gnome
spiderman: yes you are
gingerbrave: no
gingerbrave: i like gardens though
freaky headphones man is online.
freaky headphones man: Some fungi just attacked me.
lightweight alcoholic: im sorry you had to waste your time on fungi
freaky headphones man: I don’t care, I’ve done it before. I’m not inexperienced with fighting.
Replying to freaky headphones man: I don’t care, I’ve done it before. I’m…
lightweight alcoholic: oh okay
lightweight alcoholic: if i put you in a ring with an opponent and bet on you winning would i lose money
freaky headphones man: Probably because I would walk off
freaky headphones man: That’s unnecessary effort
Replying to freaky headphones man: Probably because I would walk off.
lightweight alcoholic: okay.
gingerbrave: wait venti are you a pure breed of mondstadtian
gingerbrave: IM CRYING
lightweight alcoholic: WHAT DOES THAT MEAN
gingerbrave: HOW DO U ASK THAT
gingerbrave: HELP
lightweight alcoholic: no im half inazuman
gingerbrave: mondstadt archon not being a pure breed of mondstadtian real??
freena: guys dont be RACIST
lightweight alcoholic: spread love not hate
freena: hust cackled
freaky headphones man: Don’t spread your legs, spread hatred. Makes people leave you alone
lightweight alcoholic: HELP
freena: hater propaganda
freena: dont listen be a whore
lightweight alcoholic: spread your legs if youre a man ig
lightweight alcoholic: youre entitled to manspread anyway
freaky headphones man: I’m not a manwhore but whatever
lightweight alcoholic: are you sure
freena: irl dicks are disgusting
lightweight alcoholic: HELP
lightweight alcoholic: i agree
freena: they really are
lightweight alcoholic: sorry Alhaitham
lightweight alcoholic: no hate <3
lightweight alcoholic: penis look like uncultured fetus
lightweight alcoholic: es
freaky headphones man: I’m in a server with a bunch of lesbian’s.
lightweight alcoholic: IM NOT LESBIAN
freena: hey kinich and childe are here too
lightweight alcoholic:
lightweight alcoholic:
gingerbrave: i like penis
freaky headphones man: So do i
lightweight alcoholic: WHAT
freaky headphones man: Jk
freaky headphones man: No!
freaky headphones man: I’m not gay
lightweight alcoholic: Are you sure
freaky headphones man: I hate people
freaky headphones man: Yes
lightweight alcoholic: Maybe your gay friend was right
lightweight alcoholic: Maybe thats the homie you kiss goodnight
freaky headphones man: I hate my friend, I don’t care how gay he acts around me
lightweight alcoholic: bromance activities i wouldnt know
lightweight alcoholic: its not gay if you keep the socks on
freaky headphones man: Shit you’re right
lightweight alcoholic: yeah and its not lesbian if you hold rocks
lightweight alcoholic: rocks beats scissors
freena: new sentence
Replying to freaky headphones man: Shit you’re right
lightweight alcoholic: I’m always right
gingerbrave: i need paperwork help ASAP
freena: if u need help ask alhaitham he probably knows everything
lightweight alcoholic: hey alhaitham you studied at the akademiya thing right
lightweight alcoholic: are you smart
freaky headphones man: I already graduated.
freaky headphones man: I’m too set but whatever.
freaky headphones man: Top**
lightweight alcoholic: HUHH
freaky headphones man: NO! NOT LIKE THAT
lightweight alcoholic: i thought you were a gay bottom
lightweight alcoholic: why would you destroy the image i had of you
freaky headphones man: I’m jumping.
lightweight alcoholic: is gravity helping your titties grow
freaky headphones man: This is why I don’t interact with people
lightweight alcoholic: my bad
lightweight alcoholic: i think alhaitham is a bottom guys
lightweight alcoholic: Kaveh top real
freaky headphones man: Doesn’t mean I’m a bottom
lightweight alcoholic: Kaveh cant be a bottom
Replying to freaky headphones man: Doesn’t mean I’m a bottom
lightweight alcoholic: You give bottom energy
freaky headphones man: Well I’m not gay so…
freaky headphones man: I refuse to get pegged.
freaky headphones man: Fuck that
lightweight alcoholic: You give the type of bottom energy that you would spread your legs if somebody asked as long as you could keep reading your book
Replying to freaky headphones man: I refuse to get pegged.
lightweight alcoholic: its not pegging if its a real cock
Replying to lightweight alcoholic: You give the type of bottom en…
freaky headphones man: …
freena: sont spread ur legs soread hatred jnstead
Replying to freena: sont spread ur legs soread hatred jnstead
freaky headphones man: I do
freaky headphones man:
lightweight alcoholic: the voices
gingerbrave:
freaky headphones man: The voices are telling me to kill myself
lightweight alcoholic: dont do that
lightweight alcoholic: the world lacks bottoms
freaky headphones man: I have books to read
freaky headphones man: And no men to fuck.
lightweight alcoholic: yeah that too
Replying to lightweight alcoholic: the world lacks bottoms
freaky headphones man: …
Replying to freaky headphones man: And no men to fuck.
lightweight alcoholic: So youre gay
freaky headphones man: I’ve put my book down.
lightweight alcoholic: freak-haitham getting serious
Replying to lightweight alcoholic: So youre gay
freaky headphones man: I’m not
[🫄1 ]
lightweight alcoholic: stage one: denial
gingerbrave:
Replying to gingerbrave: Click to see attachment
freaky headphones man: Oh.
freaky headphones man: You said you would show me a dick pic and sent that to me
Replying to gingerbrave: Click to see attachment
lightweight alcoholic: thats scarringly huge
freaky headphones man: I said oh and left you on read
freaky headphones man: Pretty sure it is
lightweight alcoholic: WHATT
freaky headphones man: I was NOT asking for a dick pic…
lightweight alcoholic: you were waiting for it though apparently
freaky headphones man: I was not
freaky headphones man: Chat I don’t want gay allegations
lightweight alcoholic: Okay lesbian
freaky headphones man: Ew pussy
lightweight alcoholic: So youre gay
freaky headphones man: NOOOO
freaky headphones man: I don’t like people
freena: narcissism?
freaky headphones man: Especially venti
freaky headphones man: Venti is a bully.
Replying to freaky headphones man: Especially venti
lightweight alcoholic: 💔
lightweight alcoholic: WHATT
lightweight alcoholic: its not bullying if its not consistent
freaky headphones man: The block button is looking nice
gingerbrave forwarded: Kaveh, let’s not get freaky. You haven’t done the dishes, and I haven’t finished my book.
freaky headphones man: Who was that from??
freaky headphones man: WHO WAS THAT FROM
Replying to gingerbrave forwarded: Kaveh, let’s not get freaky. You have…
lightweight alcoholic: wait i’ve seen that before
lightweight alcoholic: oh
lightweight alcoholic: oh hell nah
freaky headphones man: Understandable denial of freaky time but
freaky headphones man: childe what kind of role plays are you having..?
lightweight alcoholic: it wasn’t a roleplay
freaky headphones man: Who was it
freaky headphones man: Was it venti?
lightweight alcoholic: WHY ARE YOU ACCUSING ME
freaky headphones man: I don’t know
lightweight alcoholic: WHY IS IT ME THAT YOI THINK OF FIRST
lightweight alcoholic: WHAT IF ITS NOT ME
freaky headphones man: What if it is
Replying to freaky headphones man: What if it is
lightweight alcoholic: okay what if its not
lightweight alcoholic: what are you going to do if it is me
freaky headphones man: I’m finishing my book.
freaky headphones man: This chat is just lesbian’s and a guy
Replying to freaky headphones man: I’m finishing my book.
lightweight alcoholic: read that again without the last two words
freaky headphones man: Or just lesbians
freena: are you lesbians
Replying to lightweight alcoholic: read that again without the last…
freaky headphones man: Well done
lightweight alcoholic: youre a lesbian too now !!???
freaky headphones man: No, I’ll leave.
lightweight alcoholic: We are all in lesbians with each other 🧡🤍🩷 (edited)
lightweight alcoholic: I just typed the flag wrong
freaky headphones man: I feel discriminated against
Replying to freaky headphones man: I feel discriminated against
lightweight alcoholic: nooo our freaky haitham 💔
freena changed the channel name: lesbians and some other guys
lightweight alcoholic: I’m sorry 😦
lightweight alcoholic: It was me
lightweight alcoholic: ☹️
lightweight alcoholic: Do you want screenshots
freaky headphones man: Wait, how would I be a lesbian..?
lightweight alcoholic sent an image
freena: wouldnt alhaitham say exactly rhat
lightweight alcoholic: yes
freena: i can hear it in his voice
freena: oh. lets not get freaky. we have another puzzle to solve.
lightweight alcoholic: give me an hour. i need to finish this book.
freena: kaveh, lets not get freaky. i need to finish my book. give me an hour.
freena: what do you think alhaithams reading wpm is
lightweight alcoholic: Kaveh, let’s not get freaky. You haven’t done the dishes, and I haven’t finished my book.
Replying to lightweight alcoholic: Click to see attachment
freena: impersonator
freaky headphones man: How did that confiscation corn about…?
freaky headphones man: Come*
lightweight alcoholic: Whos corn are we confiscating
freaky headphones man: Conversation**
Replying to lightweight alcoholic: Whos corn are we confiscating
freaky headphones man: Yours
freaky headphones man: OH IT WAS ABOUT ME
Replying to freaky headphones man: Yours
lightweight alcoholic: MY CORN??? NOOOO
gingerbrave: y’all i have to do paperwork
freena: send we can help trust
freaky headphones man: We could use me…
freaky headphones man: No I’m running away
freaky headphones man: I have books to read
lightweight alcoholic: I was going to say something very uncivilised
freaky headphones man: Fuck this
lightweight alcoholic: Bro has places to be things to see and people to meet
lightweight alcoholic: and books to read and men to fuck
Replying to lightweight alcoholic : I was going to say something ve…
freaky headphones man: Please don’t come at me with your indecency
freena: we can do ur paperwork @gingerbrave ofc
lightweight alcoholic: im sorry pls dont go alhaitham
freaky headphones man: I’ll do your paperwork
lightweight alcoholic: You can read later
gingerbrave sent an image
Replying to lightweight alcoholic: Bro has places to be things to s…
freaky headphones man: Ew people, I hate people. Can’t handle brutal honesty
[ 2 ]
lightweight alcoholic: Wtf
Replying to gingerbrave: Click to see attachment
freaky headphones man: Give me a few minutes
lightweight alcoholic: it’s been a few hours
lightweight alcoholic: im hungry
lightweight alcoholic: whats the fastest way to kill yourself
freaky headphones man: Drink, smoke, eat plastic
lightweight alcoholic: I do eat plastic
lightweight alcoholic: its not killing me fast enough
freena: turtle core
freaky headphones man: Or, hear me out
freaky headphones man: Jump
lightweight alcoholic: From
freaky headphones man: A tall building
lightweight alcoholic: I don’t see a single building taller than my fucking tree in this region.
freena: come to fontaine I can feed you french wine
lightweight alcoholic: omw
freaky headphones man: speaking of travelling
freaky headphones man: Y’all wanna see my car?
lightweight alcoholic: yes
lightweight alcoholic: wait where did you get a car in that forest
freena: yes
gingerbrave: yes
freaky headphones man sent an image
[♥️ 2 ] [🫡1 ] [‼️1 ] [🌹2 ]
lightweight alcoholic: that’s a cat you scammer
lightweight alcoholic: whats bro got so many bells for
lightweight alcoholic: scaramouche ahh
freaky headphones man: She’s an ass hole
lightweight alcoholic: we were all just assholes at one point
freaky headphones man: She must be heard.
lightweight alcoholic: the asshole forms before any other part of the body
freaky headphones man: I won’t make the comment I was going to make.
lightweight alcoholic: From the asshole spawns the fetus
lightweight alcoholic: who becomes an asshole anyways
Replying to freaky headphones man: I won’t make the comment I was going…
lightweight alcoholic: Make it
freaky headphones man: My cat should have been aborted
freaky headphones man: The cat is annoying
lightweight alcoholic: i would ask for the cat but i’m allergic
freaky headphones man: You can have her
freaky headphones man: She likes biting books
lightweight alcoholic: she can bite my apples instead.
freaky headphones man: Little bitch
freaky headphones man: I’ll cut her in half
Replying to freaky headphones man: Little bitch
lightweight alcoholic: shes a cat not a dog
Replying to freaky headphones man: I’ll cut her in half
lightweight alcoholic: I’ll snap you in half like a kitkat
Replying to lightweight alcoholic: shes a cat not a dog
freaky headphones man: Little pussy*
freaky headphones man: Venti is a lesbian
lightweight alcoholic: WHAT
freena: uncalled for?!??!?
freaky headphones man: Confirmed
Replying to freaky headphones man: Venti is a lesbian
lightweight alcoholic: i wish :(
freena: whats stoppingnyou
lightweight alcoholic: xiao being hot
lightweight alcoholic: and me not being femme presenting
freena: says the femboy
lightweight alcoholic: jump
Replying to lightweight alcoholic: i’ll snap you in half like a kitkat
freaky headphones man: Go for it. If I can read my book while you do it then carry on
lightweight alcoholic: the devil couldnt reach me so he made me romantically attracted to women and sexually attracted to men
lightweight alcoholic: but id be romantic with xiao 😍
Replying to freaky headphones man: Go for it. If I can read my book while yo…
lightweight alcoholic: no
lightweight alcoholic: ill spoon your eyes out
freaky headphones man: I’m not submissive…
freaky headphones man: I do not like the direction this conversation is going.
freaky headphones man: Irrelevant fact
freaky headphones man: My Professor once called me a faggot
lightweight alcoholic: WHATT
lightweight alcoholic: florpgot
freena: NO WAY
freaky headphones man: I’m a victim
lightweight alcoholic: can you even say that if you arent gay
Replying to lightweight alcoholic: can you even say that if you are…
freaky headphones man: …Fuck
freaky headphones man: I’m not gay
lightweight alcoholic: Said the homosexual
lightweight alcoholic sent an image
freaky headphones man: My Professor once called me a faggot
freaky headphones man: Im straight
freaky headphones man: Straight as a ruler
freaky headphones man: Swear down
lightweight alcoholic: straighter thsn the circles i draw
freaky headphones man: Bro why am I gay?
freaky headphones man: How am I gay?
freaky headphones man: I have a male roommate so I hope I’m not gay
lightweight alcoholic: maybe hes the awakening
freaky headphones man: No.
[💚1 ] [🤍1 ] [🩵1 ] [💙1 ]
freaky headphones man:
[❤️1 ] [🧡1 ] [💛1 ] [💚1 ] [💙1 ] [💜1 ] [🏳️🌈1 ]
freaky headphones man: Fuck off with the gay hearts
Replying to freaky headphones man: Click to see attachment
lightweight alcoholic: that wasnt me btw
freaky headphones man: I’m getting bullied
lightweight alcoholic: the rainbow hearts wasnr me
lightweight alcoholic: I only did the gay ones
freaky headphones man:
[🫡1 ] [🧡1 ] [🤍1 ] [🩷1 ]
freaky headphones man:
lightweight alcoholic: okay fine you can be the token hetero
Replying to freaky headphones man: Click to see attachment
lightweight alcoholic: Canon
lightweight alcoholic: Why are we gay
Replying to lightweight alcoholic: Why are we gay
freaky headphones man: WE who’s we
freaky headphones man: WHOS WE
freaky headphones man: IM NOT GAY
freaky headphones ma n:
lightweight alcoholic: Calling your boyfriend your girlfriend doesnt make you straight
lightweight alcoholic: At 1:43 too
freaky headphones man: It does
Notes:
- childe needs paperwork help. so much paperwork help.
- venti is secretly 3'2 AND a garden gnome at the same time, isnt that shocking?
- dont bet on alhaitham in.. any sort of competition. especially not a 'im straight' competition.apple_c1der thanks bro
half-beta'd by beepboopskeepskoop. i should change my name tbh.
Chapter 3: remember your eSafety children
Summary:
the beginning of all the incriminating screenshots
Notes:
whoopsies i completely stopped caring about this fic
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
gingerbrave started a call that lasted 4 hours.
lightweight alcoholic: so
lightweight alcoholic: @freaky headphones man whats w you and kaveh?
freaky headphones man deleted a message
freaky headphones man: What who said that
lightweight alcoholic: HELP
lightweight alcoholic: MUSTVE BEEN THE WIND
freena sent an image
freaky headphones man: We fucked
freaky headphones man: Shit.
freaky headphones man sent an image
freena: wouldnt alhaitham say exactly rhat
lightweight alcoholic: yes
freena: i can hear it in his voice
freena: oh. lets not get freaky. we have another puzzle to solve.
lightweight alcoholic: give me an hour. i need to finish this book.
freena: kaveh, let’s not get freaky. i need to finish my book. give me an hour.
freena: what do you think alhaithams reading wpm is
lightweight alcoholic: Kaveh, let’s not get freaky. You haven’t done the dishes, and I haven’t finished my book.
freaky headphones man: What’s that?
freaky headphones man: No, tell me
freaky headphones man: What’s that?
lightweight alcoholic sent an image
freaky headphones man: I have books to read
freaky headphones man: And no men to fuck.
freaky headphones man: FUCK
freena sent an image
Replying to lightweight alcoholic: Why are we gay
freaky headphones man: WE who’s we
freaky headphones man: WHOS WE
freaky headphones man: IM NOT GAY
freaky headphones man: SHIT
Replying to freena: Click to see attachment
freaky headphones man: AND WHAT
freaky headphones man: I’m not gay
freaky headphones man: I have never fucked a man
gingerbrave: i have incriminating screenshots of alhaitham
lightweight alcoholic: incriminating screenshots
freaky headphones man: childe no.
Replying to freaky headphones man: I have never fucked a man
lightweight alcoholic: without socks*
freena: @gingerbrave i have smth i want u to explain
freena: kinich;s banner
freena sent an image
gingerbrave: PLS
gingerbrave: I cant tell if youre freakier than me
gingerbrave: probably not cuz ive impregnated a guy
gingerbrave: but im not gay
gingerbrave: NO WAIT
gingerbrave: I CAN EXPLAIN
gingerbrave: furina dms right now
Replying to lightweight alcoholic: without socks*
freaky headphones man: I have never been fucked by a man!!!!
lightweight alcoholic: been fucked by one??
freaky headphones man: NO!!
freaky headphones man: 😨😨😨😨
lightweight alcoholic: Nobody will catch me lacking so bad theyll put it as their banner 💯
Replying to lightweight alcoholic: Nobody will catch me lacking s…
freaky headphones man: Or a pfp….
gingerbrave: how much for me to send a screenshot of pure FREAKY
lightweight alcoholic: 2 mora
freaky headphones man: Of who??
lightweight alcoholic: whos this for
freaky headphones man: I got like 200 on me rn
freena: i will give you my undying love and devotion if u send it rn
gingerbrave sent an image
freaky headphones man: Princess let’s get freaky. Backshots? Hell yeah! Let’s go to that weird ass diddy dungeon place the fuckland dragon abducted me to yeah? After that we can make our own bedtime quest 😼😼😼
freena: LMAOOO
freaky headphones man: You asked for me to be freaky
freaky headphones man: You did
lightweight alcoholic: thats wild
freaky headphones man: You said “where’s my 8pm freaky time”
gingerbrave: NO I DIDN’T
freaky headphones man: Don’t lie
lightweight alcoholic: This is wild
freaky headphones man: Wanna show your response??
freaky headphones man: 🤨🤨🤨
lightweight alcoholic: Full screenshot
freaky headphones man: Show it
gingerbrave: no
freaky headphones man: Show it
lightweight alcoholic: Give us the full screenshot
gingerbrave: jsksl
gingerbrave: spls
gingerbrave: ppls
gingerbrave: no no
gingerbrave: non
gingerbrave: non
gingerbrave: nono
freena: PLS
Replying to gingerbrave: non
lightweight alcoholic: dont fontainian at me
gingerbrave: no
gingerbrave: pls
gingerbrave: 5lahaltiham
gingerbrave: ALhasithsamm
gingerbrave: hatham
gingerbrave: Ill beg on my knee
gingerbrave: s
gingerbrave: bbno
gingerbrave: nk
gingerbrave: no
freena: where did alahtham fo
lightweight alcoholic: hes collecting evidence
lightweight alcoholic: like the true detective he is
lightweight alcoholic: @freaky headphones man where did you gi
lightweight alcoholic: hes getting every incriminating screenshot of you that hes aware of
freaky headphones man: I’m back
lightweight alcoholic: Welcome
freena: welcome bac alhaitahm
freaky headphones man sent an image
gingerbrave: Oh my gawd this might be my hot ahh prince charming! My dear saviour, may you save me from these merciless hos and I’ll perpetually be bent over just for you 😞😞😞😞😞😞😞
gingerbrave: i do not swear
Replying to gingerbrave: Oh my gawd this might be my hot ahh prince charming! My dear saviour, may you save m…
freaky headphones man: …
freaky headphones man sent an image
gingerbrave: “Ho is you Drake?” I say as my eyes widen at the sight of that massive monstercock
gingerbrave: that must be so heavy to carry around
gingerbrave: I HABE THREE MINUTES
gingerbrave: 3 pounds of pure meat, enough to feed three starving khaenri’ahn children 🥺🥺🥺
freaky headphones man sent an image
gingerbrave: wow how NICE
gingerbrave: I was mirroring your freak energy
gingerbrave: I guess… ehe.. the rizz was too strong
freaky headphones man: I’m attempting tonight
lightweight alcoholic: Oh my gods.
Replying to freaky headphones man: Click to see attachment
lightweight alcoholic: Enough to feed what
freaky headphones man: See I‘m a victim
freena: THREE POUNDS OF MONSTERCOCK IM CRYING
lightweight alcoholic pinned a message to this channel. See all pinned messages.
lightweight alcoholic pinned a message to this channel. See all pinned messages.
lightweight alcoholic: Pin of shame for both of you
Replying to lightweight alcoholic: Pin of shame for both of you
freaky headphones man: 😐😐😐
freaky headphones man: Don’t feed Khaenri’ahn children your cock…
lightweight alcoholic: We should be saying that to you
freaky headphones man: That’s the only freaky paragraph childe got
freaky headphones man: And it was a joke 😭
freaky headphones man: I feel attacked
lightweight alcoholic pinned a message to this channel. See all pinned messages.
freaky headphones man: I think there’s enough of me
lightweight alcoholic: no
lightweight alcoholic: 3 pins of shame for you
lightweight alcoholic: im getting the other one
freaky headphones man: Just because you want to feed Khaenri’ahn children your meat
freaky headphones man: Doesn’t concern me
freaky headphones man: I’ll cut mine off
freaky headphones man: Get away from my dick
lightweight alcoholic pinned a message to this channel. See all pinned messages.
freaky headphones man: When do I grow tits,
lightweight alcoholic: Castration
Replying to freaky headphones man: When do I grow tits,
lightweight alcoholic: Work for them
freaky headphones man: I’ll be a stripper
lightweight alcoholic: WHATT
freaky headphones man: I have double Ds on a bad day
lightweight alcoholic: pull up in the leather bunny ears fit
freaky headphones man: I will
lightweight alcoholic: HELP ME
gingerbrave: if you do then i’ll peg you
freaky headphones man: Dam fr?
freaky headphones man: Better than a cock
freena: just take both
freaky headphones man: Oh, true
lightweight alcoholic: double penetration is wild
Replying to freaky headphones man: Oh, true
lightweight alcoholic: bro would rather 2 than 1
gingerbrave: i’m going to show kaveh all of these messages
[💚1 ] [🤍1 ] [🩵1 ] [💙1 ]
freena: AHAT
freaky headphones man: He’s gonna think I take it up the ass
lightweight alcoholic: you do
lightweight alcoholic: dont you
lightweight alcoholic deleted a message
freaky headphones man: I FEEL VIOLATED
freaky headphones man sent an image
lightweight alcoholic: you do
lightweight alcoholic: dont you
lightweight alcoholic: like a good boy
lightweight alcoholic: STOP
freaky headphones man: To bad venti
lightweight alcoholic: youre lesbian
Replying to freaky headphones man: Click to see attachment
gingerbrave: 55WHAT IS TYAT
Replying to freaky headphones man: To bad venti
lightweight alcoholic: Too*
freaky headphones man: I have a dick
freaky headphones man sent an image
lightweight alcoholic: you do
lightweight alcoholic: dont you
lightweight alcoholic: like a good boy
lightweight alcoholic: no shame
freaky headphones man pinned a message to this channel. See all pinned messages.
gingerbrave pinned a message to this channel. See all pinned messages.
lightweight alcoholic: WHYD YOU PIN BOTH
freaky headphones man: No one saw that
lightweight alcoholic: needed it twice for how many he needs to take up the ass huh
freaky headphones man: You asked me to role play
lightweight alcoholic: Never done anything incriminating but i can pull things up out of context
lightweight alcoholic: wait
Notes:
wait.
this was originanlly a wip but i wasnt bothered to finish it but i wanted a chapter out. wow
speak up if there r any tags neede dto be added