Chapter Text
There was a new addition on the Gryffindor table—one cute-sized Eri Williams, ignoring all the stares she was receiving (and appalled glares from her housemates) and busy scooping rice on her plate. She tried English breakfast, okay? She did. But she's a Southeast Asian by blood and by heart. Breakfast is incomplete without rice; every meal is, to be honest.
"You're not allowed here, mate," one brave redhead told her.
"Professor Snape made me read the Official Hogwarts Rule Book before bed every night; believe me, there's no rule about me not being allowed here, Ed Sheeran."
("Who?" the Ed Sheeran boy asked in bafflement.)
Eri didn't know if it was Snape's effort to valiantly try and intercept Eri from becoming more murder-prone than the Dark Lord or if it was him trying and failing to not make Eri bug him every night. It was funny, really. Eri would leave books on her professor's table about guides on How-Not-To-Be-An-Asshole, and his left eye had this permanent twitch whenever he caught sight of the assortment of books that Eri decided to leave him.
The man, in retaliation, built an Eri-Duty—a bonding activity for prefects, the head boy, and the head girl to leave a watch on Eri so there wouldn't be any more incidents involving a class full of bleeding eyes. Eri now has a lot of older-sister and older-brother figures (Gemma was ecstatic that it wasn't just her with an Eri-induced headache) that are running around like headless chickens chasing after her.
Then Professor Snape gave her the Official Hogwarts Rule Book for her bedtime story. It was thick. It was fucking thick. War and Peace thick, ladies and gentlemen. One would really wonder about the author's mental health at that because they felt like they were writing like they were running out of time.
The book has so many unnecessary rules because what do you mean anklets weren't allowed in Hogwarts?! Anklets! What the fuck happened with anklets in this school that they're a big no-no, and students seen smuggling and wearing an anklet will receive detention!
(Eri, again, would repeat, "Anklets!")
"May I borrow that book after you finish it?" Hermione excitedly asked.
Eri shrugged. "Sure, why not?"
The Official Hogwarts Rule Book was only meant for the school staff's eyes, and the only reason why Eri could now access it (and it is placed next to her pillow) was because of Professor Snape. But this was Hermione; Eri didn't care if she's not allowed to let other students borrow that book.
"Thank you, Eri! You are the best!" Hermione gushed and gave her a warm side hug.
Eri huffed, pleased as a cat that caused a number of broken glass. "I know."
They ate their breakfast, Hermione placing a sausage on her plate and Eri absentmindedly taking a bite of it. Eri was sharing with Hermione about the absurd rules she'd read, and then Eri started her scholarly tirade about her Terribly Missed cellphone.
"But electricity could be considered a natural energy, if you think about it, really. After all, wizards already manipulate physical forces: charms make objects levitate, conduct sound, or generate light. If light, heat, sound, and gravity can coexist with magic, why not electricity? And in Genshin Impact, Electro, or electricity, is one of the natural elements of their magical world—why can't we have that here?" Eri ranted, almost butchering her sausage to tiny bits.
Hermione paused. "You play Genshin Impact?"
"I really liked the lore. You don't?"
"No, it takes up too much storage space."
"Oh. Yeah, it always has been. What do you play then?"
"Roblox."
Eri looked at Hermione as if she had never seen her before. Really? She doesn't have the Tralalero Tralala or Tung Tung Tung Sahur kids. Hermione plays Roblox? Eri would never in a million years guess that fact.
"I play Hard Math Quiz in Roblox. It is very engaging, and I... must admit that I enjoy winning over everybody and making grade schoolers yell at me for always coming out on top," she confessed with a sheepish smile but a proud glint in her eyes.
Eri threw her head back for a laugh. "Of course you do, 'Mione." Only she would play Roblox for the competitiveness and surprising pettiness of it.
"Aaaand, back to my point of magic and electricity—" Eri placed some grounded sausage on top of her rice before taking a mouthful, chewed and quickly swallowed,"—me thinks, this whole argument may be less a matter of magical impossibility and more a question of wizarding disinterest. Wizards historically avoided Muggle technology, often dismissing it as unnecessary when spells could do the same job. Think about quills, are we as a women of STEM would succumb to using quills when there are pens that are easy on the hand and will not make my writing look like chicken scratch?! I miss highlighters, glittered pens and pink-lined notebooks! Parchment is made from animal skin, Hermione! Wizards are so not vegan of them! And not integrating change and advancements not only on their tradition but also way of life is xenophobic! This magic world is so not magic!"
At the end of Eri's passionate statement of thoughts and feelings, the area overhearing her words was quiet, and they were looking at the angry eleven-year-old girl. It was quite evident that Eri thought a lot about this.
The children around her looked at each other as if telling one another who would poke the angry imp. It was the very brave Neville that poked a stick at a grizzly bear.
"I... I didn't really get everything on what you have stated, but—b-but..." And the bravery lasted there, but good job, Neville.
"Library. We should go to the library and research about this. I reckon this is N.E.W.T.s level, Eri."
Eri blinked. "Who the fuck is Newt, and why is this his level? A wizarding version of Isaac Newton that focused on electricity-magic study?"
Hermione giggled at her confusion. "Not Newt's, silly. N.E.W.T.s stands for Nastily Exhausting Wizarding Tests, like an advanced exam for seventh years."
"Oh." And here she thought they had an expert on this. "Finish your breakfast and let's skedaddle; there's no time like the present!" Then she started shoveling food in her mouth.
"Wait—Eri! We have flying lessons after breakfast."
Hermione waited for Eri to finish, with difficulty, chewing the food in her mouth. Eri coughed, and the best girl handed her something to drink. Eri grimaced at the taste of pumpkin juice (because pumpkin shouldn't be a juice! It's like carrot juice all over again, and Eri loathed carrot juice) and faced her bff.
"Professor Snape and Madame Hooch pulled me out yesterday to tell me that I'm not allowed to join flying lessons."
"They can't do that!" Hermione gasped in offense. "They are hindering your studies!"
"No—they are hindering my ability to accidentally commit a massacre. I agree with them. A simple flashlight spell caused a horror movie to come to life. Think of me and flying on brooms. Me and magical flying equipment. I am lethal. Beautiful? This is the skin of a killer, Hermione."
The girl positively guffawed at that as if Eri was the second coming of Robin Williams. Eri smugly finished her breakfast! Ha! She loved it that someone in magic school understood pop culture.
When Hermione recovered, she was flushed and beaming. She cleared her throat and offered, "I could tell Professor McGonagall that I have acrophobia."
"Do you?"
"... I don't—but I don't like the thought of riding a broom to fly, Eri! There are no safety harnesses in it! I don't want to fall off my broom, hit my head on the ground, be in a vegetative state, and get expelled in my first month at Hogwarts because there's no such thing as harnesses and flying insurance! I checked, Eri! I did! My parents and I even went to the Ministry for consultation because of this! Hundred years of Wizards and brooms co-existing together and no safety precautions in place!"
"... Valid. Come, let's lie to McGonagall's face and try to get away with it."
Honestly, people thought that Hermione was a goody-two-shoes when, in fact, Eri didn't even need to corrupt her. She's already a pint-sized, bushy-haired, and pop culture-savvy agent of chaos like Eri! She's a very good best friend. A very, very good find for Eri.
(She will hoard the fuck out of Hermione.)
Hermione slung her bag on her shoulders and stood with Eri as they focused on McGonagall at the teacher's table like a duo of flies swarming around a bleeding wound. Behind them, the first-year Gryffindors gaped.
"... Do you reckon I could befriend them, Dean?"
"And be exposed with the mad girl with braces, Seamus?"
"She plays Genshin and Granger plays Roblox. One way or another, the crazy one would smuggle a phone here and make it work."
A beat.
"The crazy one will build an underground members-only Fight Club, let's sign up."