Chapter Text
i’m really conflicted.
you’re crazy smart, strategic and antisocial
i’m only antisocial
you’ve also got a friend.. or more
i envy it
i never thought i’d envy someone like you
you can set your priorities straight
you can be bossy when necessary
i was bossy because…
i’m sorry
for pushing you around
shit talking you
reducing you to nothing
it’s horrible
you always refused to listen to me, or take my ideas on board
so maybe it isn’t my fault
it’s definitely not yours
and i admit that you’re a better leader
better at everything than i could ever be
you’ve got the brains
i had.. i didn’t even have the beauty
there’s nothing beautiful with my actions
nothing beautiful about me.
i’d love to trick myself into believing we weren’t as fueled with hatred
sometimes we really
i dunno
got along?
that’s stupid though
you’re not familiar
in light of being honest too, i can’t say much about you. you were always straightforward
you rarely cared about others
and i think you’re thriving
you have few connections, maintain them, they’ll stick with you forever
cherish them, nurture them and they’ll mean something
just this once
trust me
i’m a monster.
i wanted you to know none of this was your fault. it’s a decision i’ve made because there’s nothing left for me to do. redeeming myself is not possible, changing the past is not possible. i’ve done too much to you, and to others.
thank you for helping me realise i can’t go back
i can only thank and thank and thank
especially for a final favour i plead for you to go through with.
no matter what
do not bring me back
you’re smart to bring people back, so i ask you to rig the recovery centers.
anything to keep me from coming back and hurting everyone
remove my name
erase my history
rub my existence out
as if this timeline had been blessed without my purpose - if i had any
please, golf ball
all of my feelings, my choices and decisions
good and bad have amounted to this
do not even think of retribution
think of revenge
and fuck that machine up
i do not exist.
“pencil” does not exist.
i trust you
leader