Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

A PNG of a Cadian Guardsman appeared, just a PNG. No animation, looking like a cardboard cutout.

"Hi there! Welcome to the Grim Darkness of the 41st Millennium! And Something weird happened..."

"So While me and the boys-Ignis Corp-were having a jolly old time again in a Warhammer40k Arma 3 campaign, we were teleported to the 41st Millennium by unknown forces....Quite Possibly by Tzeentch. Definitely sounds like the kind of thing he CAN and WILL do and would be the kind of thing he would be up to on a Tuesday-If Tuesday even exists in the Warp."

The PNG made erratic movements as it 'talked'. Bouncing around the nonexistent screen.

"Thankfully, the unknown force-or just Tzeentch-that got us here, also gave us the info of the planet we were in and what's happening, so uh, have a look!"

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Planet: Virexus IV

Sector: Garon Sub-Sector, Segmentum Ultima

Classification: Imperial Frontier World

Climate: Arid with acid-sand deserts, bio-scrub forests, and irradiated mountain ranges

Population: Approx. 600 million (primarily hive and agri settlements)

Primary Exports: Plasteel ore, medicinal xeno-flora, low-grade promethium

Military Presence: PDF with limited Astra Militarum support (primarily local PDF withtheir outdated weapons and armor)

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

The PNG of the Guardsman reappeared, phased back in, reappearing like a ghost.

"I also have to tell you that we will be joining the local Imperium forces in repelling the main problem of this planet- that being the Tau that decided that this planet would be a good place to set up shop! despite the massive Warpstorm that CLEARLY looks like danger, not to mention the fact that they are now in danger from the forces of Chaos, but that is their fault"

"Also apparently this was during the.....Hang on-"

Shuffling Papers

"The Indomitus Crusade! this will be incredibly hard for us, since many of us aren't up to date with our Warhammer 40k info, and only a few of us, Actually have an idea on what is happening"

"But enough of that, we are awfully close to Ultramar, and with that, Maccragge but you wanna know who else is in the Ultima Segmentum?

The answer, is the Tau!"

Then A crude image of the Tau and Imperium lines  named "Battleplans" is then shown....

It's a mess. God who made those "Battleplans".

"Yeah...as you can see, everyone here is scattered and probably confused, but that is because there was a Warp storm that displaced everyone, everywhere and made it a problem for everyone and anyone near it, it is also made worse by the fact that the Highborns of Hive Virex failed to act as leaders and barely helped by being assholes to the PDF, not funding them with ANYTHING really, so the PDF had to rely on the other Hive Cities, which was in the middle of a Daemon Incursion- Hive Truel to the North of Hive Virex, is under siege by Nurgle's- Hive Friety to the West under siege by Slaanesh- and Hive Ghasti to the East by Khorne! "

"And that is where We come in!"

A medium-sized zone labeled "Ignis Corp" is added to the West Hive Virex, alongside a large finger, literally- a finger, pointing towards the Tau lines with the word "Attack" scribbled on it.

"Ignis Corp is tasked with destroying the Tau supply and logistical lines to the East, with the PDF already having their hands full with Hive Truel , Friety, and Ghasti, defending them, so its up to the Ignis Corp to either:

A. Attack the Tau, clearly weakened by their skirmishes with the forces of Chaos. However, they are 150 miles away from us.

Or

B. Head West to fight against Slaanesh, becuase it is the closest Hive city- which is not saying much because it is 180 miles from our position....

You already know which one we are heading to, right?

If not, its the Tau.

They are good at long range, yes- bad at melee? certainly- except if they have adapted and if they have equipped Onager Gauntlet's to their Suits or have Fushion Blades, because it would be a bad time for the Ignis Corp if the Tau have them equipped"

The finger on the map magically became three arrows that extended, all three reached the Tau lines and a 'Tau Logistics destroyed' sign  appeared, before the three arrows split up went towards small pockets of Tau forces, marked by the emblem of the Tau Empire. Before a 'Victory!' sign appeared.

As the PNG of the Cadian Guardsman came back, his head aflame.

"This was an incredibly hard task to complete, because-again-the Tau are incredibly good at Long Range....and the Ignis Corp is not. I think, thankfully we are assisted by the Local PDF who we managed to convince that were also Guardsmen technically we are and joined them in the assault on the Tau lines.

Cuts to a scene of carnage: a glimpse into the future.

"OH GOOD LORD-  AUGGH"

A Ignis Corp member immediately got hit in the face with the entire might of a Tau Fire Warrior Cadre, his body hit the ground face first,

"GET INTO COVER!!"

"WE ARE IN COVER!!"

"THEN THIS IS NOT ENOUGHT COVER"

Correction: There is no cover.

The Ignis Corp advanced through open terrain, fully aware of the slaughterfest they were heading into, the head of an Ignis Corp member was blown off, clean off his shoulders as his lifeless body ragdolled and fell down. Another got his face hit by a full on rocket fired from Emperor-Knows-Where as the remaining members dropped to the ground or ran for cover the moment the laser started to kill off Ignis Corp members in the front, almost instantly scattering when that happened.

Lasers flew, some striking down the more exposed Ignis Corp members, splitting them apart or just turning them into soup. The Ignis Corp fired back with suprisingly well placed Lasgun shots that struck the Tau in the distance.

Don't worry though, they'll just respawn back! They will, they had it tested out before starting the operation. And thank goodness, because the Warhammer 40k universe is not merciful, small acts of kindness happen- but those are rare, so knowing that they won't die and get their souls eaten by the Chaos gods was very assuring for all of them.

Around them are the remains of the Planet's local PDF Guardsmen, most of them were definitely thrown into the meat grinder that is the Imperium's tactic of "Run at the enemy with as much men you can gather until they are dead".

Jay Raptor aka RubixRaptor, the PNG Guardsman fired his Long-Las rifle randomly at the distance, deciding to leave each shot to its fate and not looking if it hit anything or not,  unknown to him, he managed to take down a Kroot Warrior and an unlucky Fire Caste Warrior that peeked out at the wrong time. A group of Ignis members went around to flank, throwing Krak grenades and firing Lasguns sporadically at the Vague direction of the Tau.

An Ignis Member-LordBepis- carrying a Vox-caster tried to call in air support only for him to remember that they did noy have any air support, which led to him using the Vox-Caster as a substitute-Tripod for his Ryza Pattern Hot-Shot Lasgun, striking down quite a few Pathfinder Tau's, before switching targets to the Vespids flying around and being a problem to the Ignis members pinned down on a rapidly disappearing cover.

And as the Vespids were cleared out, the Ignis Members began returning fire with greater accuracy with no Vespids to worry about, the Ignis members wielding Accatran pattern (Mk XI) shotguns tore through a few Kroot troops that were unlucky to be a bit close to the group, shredding their body and filling holes in them  while backup arrived, Leman Russ Conqueror tanks fired cannons at the more Heavily armored Tau as they raced to them, kept on pushing and pushing even when some tanks were blown-up by Tau Crisi suit's.

As the Tau forces advanced slowly, gaining ground through their disciplined fire, killing Ignis Corp members like a Scythe cutting wheat. Pushing at a steady yet cautious pace. Kroots were running behind the Ignis Corp lines making a mess of things before a group led by Brexo went on a manhunt for them.

But that was just part of the battle. For there are more stories to be found in other places than there.

The other members of the Ignis Corp went ahead to storm the Tau Supply Lines, which had a marginally better performance than the advancing force that Jay was on.

Objectives Completed, Secured, Captured could be seen. 

Take for example, The squads sent to search and destroy the supplies of the Xeno scum. Food, ammunition, Spare parts, Weapons even! they successfully completed their missions-though they took several casualties in their search and destroy, and in one case leaving only one man alive to complete the mission.

The PNG Guardsman returned-actually more like phased in and resumed talking.

"Anyways that is all, I sadly don't have a sponsor- although I guessed the Departmento Munitorum would count-"

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

+++ DEPARTMENTO MUNITORUM HIGH PRIO BROADCAST SIGMA-117-GOLGOTHA +++

+++ ASTRA TELEPATHICA RELAY – SEGMENTUM SOLAR +++

+++ CLEARANCE: PRAEFECTUS LEVEL AND ABOVE +++

+++ AUTHOR: ADEPTUS MINISTORUM OFFICE OF NOURISHMENT & MORALE +++

> "To feed the Emperor's war is to serve the Emperor’s Will. Let no ration be wasted, let no corpse lie idle. Every calorie is a bullet. Every morsel, a prayer made flesh."

CITIZENS OF THE IMPERIUM, GLORY TO HIM ON TERRA.

Across a million worlds, the cry of the righteous echoes: Victory at any cost. The battlefields of the 41st Millennium are strewn with the bodies of the faithful—heroes who gave their flesh in service to the Emperor. Let it be known: not even in death do we waste His gifts.

CORPSE STARCH–SUSTENANCE OF THE SAINTS AND HIS EMPEROR'S PEOPLE ALIKE.

Through the sacred machinery of the Munitorum’s Rendering Vats and Purification Crucibles, the noble fallen are given new purpose. Their bodies, once instruments of war, are transfigured, reclaimed, refined, redeemed-into Corpse Starch, the sacred sustenance that powers the might of the Imperium.

Do not recoil. Do not question. To eat is to honor.

Corpse Starch is purity. Corpse Starch is a meal of efficiency.

Corpse Starch is meant to be eaten with loyalty, chewed and swallowed.

From the factory workers of Each Imperium's Feudal-Worlds to the hiveborn scum conscripted into the Astra Militarum, all consume the Emperor’s Blessing. With every ration block, you consume sacrifice. You consume duty. You consume Victory.

SUSTAIN. OBEY. ENDURE.

And be grateful to be fed by the Imperium's Willing Citizens!

The Departmento Munitorum assures all citizens: Corpse Starch meets or exceeds all nutritional thresholds mandated by Holy Chartist Decree 553.ALPHA.13. It is fortified with sacred vitamins, blessed isotopes, and morale additives approved by the Officio Medicae.

Sideeffectssuchashairloss,emotional flatness,Hereticalthoughts,actions, andincreasedhiveloyaltyare bothrareanddesirable.

SUSPICION IS HERESY. GRATEFULNESS IS GLORY.

Should any citizen speak ill of Corpse Starch, question its holiness, or refuse rations, report them immediately to your local Arbites detachment. Purity of consumption is the purity of the soul.

REMEMBER:

A single body can sustain 112 Guardsmen for three solar cycles.

A battlefield of the fallen is a banquet of progress.

Waste not the flesh of your loyal Brothers and Sisters, they are meat for the Emperor’s table.

EAT PROUD. FIGHT STRONG. DIE USEFUL.

FOR THE IMPERIUM. FOR THE EMPEROR.

+++ THIS MESSAGE BROUGHT TO YOU BY THE DEPARTMENTO MUNITORUM NUTRITIONAL LOYALTY COHORT +++

+++ PRAISE THE EMPEROR ON THE GOLDEN THRONE. PRAISE THE BLESSED STARCH. +++

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

The PNG Guardsman returned....a bit frazzled at the Hijacking-

"Well..." He started, before the sound of him clearing his throat was heard.

"That was something-Anyway, thank you for tuning in, watching us suffer in terrible fighting against the Tau, forces of Chaos, and other things, and don't forget to Praise The Emperor!" He said with finality Before everything went dark.

----------------------------------------

Chapter Text

Virexus IV| Western Plains | Ignis Corp FOB " Fort Night 3.5"

Time:0600 | Local Time.

Current Weather: Warp Storm.

Dawn on Virexus IV didn't so much rise as cracked-it bled in, rust-colored light seeping through the irradiated cloud cover, illuminating the plains and acid-scrubbed rock formations that surrounded the Ignis Corp's FOB.

Comfortably Nestled into a natural basin surrounded by crumbling stone ridges, “Fort Night 3.5” looked like something vomited up by a mismatched forge world and a backyard LARP convention: sandbag walls, haphazard hab-structures, a perimeter guarded by motionless NPC troops in outdated PDF gear, and a command tent strung up with camo netting that didn’t match the terrain at all.

The Ignis Corp, currently two-hundred-thirty strong, huddled around crates to arm themselves. Given by the their Game-Master aka their "Zeus", The Ignis Corp is granted a higher degree of Freedom in their Operations. A nigh unlimited amount of ammunitions by the logic of Arma 3, Food was provied in great numbers that it would make every Malnourished Guardsman or regular Citizen of the Imperium go insane at the sight of it.

Such was the Power of their Zeus.

Racks of lasguns, autoguns, plasma rifles, flamers, and even volkite chargers (that no one knew how to operate properly and had to try and remember what information they knew about it) lined the quartermaster tents.

The Crates of ammo and grenades were stacked carelessly like Legos. Half the troops were eating full-course meals hotter and richer than anything the average Hive Citizen had ever seen, with the other half yelling at them to share before it got “corpse-starched.”

Inside the command tent are the members of Ignis Corp. some sat in foldable chairs and some simply stood anywhere they can, at the front, Jay aka "RubixRaptor" stood with "PipTheGrunt" to his left, "Cypherius" aka"Cypher" to his right, and Tails behind him.

The Ignis Corp had a feeling of dread that pooled inside of them. Because all of the members present were having fun Not even an hour ago on Arma 3...and now, by some force unknown to them, they were brought to this hellhole of a universe know as Warhammer 40k.

Many glanced at Eachother, finding comfort in knowing that they were at least not alone on this, and hoped that they would be fine in this dreadful universe.

Jay audibly cleared his throat.

"Well...don't panic everyone, we can at least respawn, thank goodness for that"

Many of the Ignis Corp let out a sigh of relief.

"However we have no idea if we are okay against Chaos Corruption or even possessions, which is a massive problem for us. All of us"

The tension returned. Someone fainted and his avatar went still as he did.

"But....we at least have a lot of Guns and weapons, vehicles even thanks to our ZEUS and the many things he can spawn. So we have at least That going for us"

This time, cheers came from the Members.

"We have Lasguns, Autoguns!"

More cheering.

"We have Plasma Guns!"

More Cheering.

"We have Melta Guns!"

More Cheering.

"We have Volkite weaponry!"

More Cheering.

"We have War Machines!"

Even More Cheering.

"We have ZEUS!"

Even More Cheering.

"Ladies and Gentlemen of the Ignis Corp, I believe we are alright with our weapons problems to survive in this hellhole of a Galaxy we are in!" He proclaimed to the entirety of the Ignis Corp.

They cheered. 

Morale? Hell yeah.

As the NPC Guardsmen were set to always patrol the FOB. The ZEUS regularly looking around the areas with its incredibly useful Spectator Mode.

"But"he interrupted,"To our next problem: Tactics"

He brought up a Map, a physical one, with the landscape perfectly made there.

Ridges, mountains, Lakes, ponds, jungles, native Fauna and Flora, Hive Cities, Canyons, and many more as nearly everything was listed there.

"Normally, we do it the Imperial way, mass infantry charges with some Mechanized assaults sprinkled on there, maybe a few Combined Arms assaults here and there.....and that's exactly what we are doing here!"

.....

........

Cricket's could be heard. They sound quite nice actually.

A few minutes later, the command tent emptied out like a rush-hour flood. Squads drifted back to their sectors—some hyped, some trying to mask dread behind gallows humor.

To be honest? Yeah it's understandable.

But they could at least defend themselves and not get slaughtered so easily by the forces that kill.

From the Imperium.

To the Orks.

To the Tyranids.

To the Eldars.

To the Necrons.

And of course to Chaos.

They really didn't want to fall to Chaos and all of the batshit insane things that lies in there.

So they had to prepare themselves, as it was at most. A need, a requirement to kill in this Universe.

Jay looked around. Ignis Corp was at its best when moving. Engines thrummed. Vox traffic buzzed with in-jokes, mission chatter, and someone playing Careless Whisper over the long-range.

They were in a small force in a scouting mission.

Small, in Imperial Guardsmen terms. Probably meant a Dozen  Tanks and two Chimera APC's travelling like nomads in the green plains of this planet.

But this green and lush planet might not be lush and green anytime soon when War would come.

Jay looked around him, seeing Leman Russ tanks on the Convoy, Vanquisher and Conquerer variants of the Leman Russ tanks filled them, with the regular Leman Russ tanks having only two present.

Salamanders and Chimeras filled with troops of the Ignis Corp made up the majority of the vehicles in the convoy.

An entire Wing of Valkyries passed by above them. Jay guessed that they were NPC controlled, the entire Ignis Corp (that was transported) was in the convoy, so no one would be flying Valkyrie's.

Unless Quail wanted to, but he crashed his Valkyrie long ago, didn't even take off before it flipped and fell over, before bursting into flames as it blew up.

Quail, funnily enough for his name was a Bird,had  lost his flying privileges in the Ignis Corp for a while.

But!

The Ignis Corp was here, ready to kick ass if they need, Imperials, Xenos, Chaos-

However the bright explosion that came from the Leman Russ shattered his expectations of the Ignis Corp...

A shockwave. A spray of black smoke. One of the Leman Russes—Big Sussy—erupted into flames.

Because he forgot that this was the Ignis Corp he knew and loved. And they regularly blew up stuff that defied many forms of logic.

And died thrice more than that. They were Arma 3 players after all.

"Ah god damn it" he muttered.

The rest of the convoy ground to a halt. Jay dismounted the Chimera, running over—

And laughed.

The corpses should have made anyone uneasy...but the way they were positioned made it incredibly funny.

One was down, arms on his head like a maiden in peril.

Another was positioned like a man trying to do yoga in his last moments.

And the other two formed a triangle with their corpses.

Morbid, yes. But it does look funny.

More members of the Ignis Corp came to see what was going-

And laughed just like he did.

"Why is he like that?!"

"HAHAAHAHHAAHA-"

"Oh save me sweet prince! looking position-ahahahahahaha-!"

The Convoy had to stop for a while, laughing, taking pictures of the funny sight.... although to regular people they would definitely look insane madmen.

Maybe they already are, but needed some humour-no matter how morbid it may be. No matter how dark the humor is.

Because tomorrow, they’d probably be inside a hive being chased by noise marines, and the Emperor knows how not funny that shit is.

Chapter Text

Virexus IV | Somewhere in the Fucked-Up Jungle Near Sector Theta-Four
Time: 0349 Hours | Current Weather: Existential Panic and Drone Fire

---

“OH FUCK!”

“Marsh shut up—!”

“OH FUCK!”

“You’re not helping—”

“WE AMBUSHED A RIPTIDE, VERIFY! A FUCKING RIPTIDE!”

“It looked smaller on the datapad!”

“You mean the meme template you found on the Munitorum (Discord) forums?!”

“...Okay, maybe—”

“THE MEMES AREN’T A VIABLE STRATEGIC SOURCE, YOU DIPSHIT!”

---

Bushes crashed aside as MarshTheMArSH and VERIFYCodes sprinted with the righteous terror of men who now understood their death would come by a thousand smart missiles and the whirring of drone-mounted chainsaws. Their camouflage cloaks(leaves and mud) flapped behind them like desperate flags of retreat. Their boots slipped through irradiated mud and cursed shrubbery that occasionally whispered back.

They chalked it down to Warp shit.

Behind them?

An entire Tau Cadre.

With Riptides.

Ghostkeels.

Drone clouds so thick it looked like someone had kicked over a mecha hornet hive and replaced the bees with sniper AIs.

---

The ambush had been simple in theory:

> “Let’s sneak up behind the Tau armor column with melee units. Surprise them. Stab the shit outta them. Easy.”

- VERIFY, 0320 Hours, moments before disaster.

Jay had not approved it. PipTheGrunt was asleep. No one even told Quail, who probably would’ve flown a Valkyrie into a Stealth Suit’s ass just for the memes.

But Marsh? Marsh believed.

He believed in memes. In the LasGun In the way of the bayonet. He had his Long-Las. He had his courage. He had five squads. And he had faith that this was gonna be the dopest maneuver this side of a John Wick/Commissar Cain crossover.

And then the Riptide turned around.

Oh, did I mention they also had three Stormsurges?

---

First came the pulse storm.
Then came the railgun.
Then came the stealth teams uncloaking all at once like horror movie monsters in reverse.
Then came the drone cluster that executed full orbital-style tactical overwatch using terrain geometry as cover.

Every Chimera? Gone.
Every sneaky bayonet charge? Turned to paste.
Every Valkyrie? Dead before they knew they were spotted.

The ambush became an execution.

And the two survivors?

Still running.

---

Marsh slid behind a twisted tree that hummed with barely-contained warp taint. VERIFY dove into a gulch, breathing heavy.

“I think they lost us,” VERIFY whispered.

Marsh peeked over the ridge.

“That drone is scanning the tree line.”

“Which one?”

“The one with the flamethrower.”

“What the fuck do you mean flamethrower?!”

“I MEAN THAT THING HAS A FLAMETHROWER—"

FWOOOSH

The tree beside them evaporated in a jet of T’au sunfire. Marsh screamed and bellyflopped into the mud like a terrified salamander.

“WHERE DID THEY EVEN GET A FLAMETHROWER DRONE?!”

“I DON’T KNOW! I THOUGHT THEY LIKED SHOOTING FROM FAR AWAY!”

“THEY DON’T NEED TO WHEN THEY HAVE GPS COORDS AND THE WHOLE FUCKING SKY!”

---

They rolled down a hill together, landing in a ravine surrounded by vines and skulls of things too mutated to name.

Silence.

Breathing.

Then—

“...Hey.”

“Yeah?”

“...I hit one of the Fire Warriors. With the Long-Las.”

“Yeah?”

“I think he died.”

“You think?”

“I think so.”

“Good job.”

“Thanks.”

“…We’re fucked, right?”

“Oh, completely.”

“Cool.”

“Very cool.”

---

A drone zipped by above, scanning.

They froze.

It passed.

Marsh turned.

“I’m gonna write a strongly worded letter about this op.”

“To who?”

“…I don’t know. Maybe our Zeus.”

“The one that watches us suffer in spectator cam and laughs?”

“Yeah. That one.”

“Cool.”

“…Verify?”

“Yeah?”

“If I die here—”

“We’ll both die here.”

“Fair.”

“—But if I do? Make sure they don’t put me in one of those corpse starch bags.”

“…No promises, also I don't think the Tau turns  people into Corpse Starch"

“…Understandable.”

---

The forest screeched like metal tearing over bone as the Tau began sweeping forward again. The two members of the Ignis Corp pressed deeper into the jungle, not to survive—

—but to make it just far enough to respawn without anyone else knowing they’d tried a melee charge on fucking Riptides.

---

Marsh sat beneath the crooked remains of a shattered statue of some long-dead local saint, breathing hard, covered in dirt, Tau ash, his own blood, someone else’s blood (probably Jimmy’s aka Jimmy Handgrenades), and what might’ve been the fluid from a busted stealth drone.

VERIFY crouched nearby, cradling a laspistol like it was a childhood plushie.

They’d run. And run. And run.

Then Marsh blinked.His Avatar and in real life.

Slowly. Thoughtfully. The way a man might when he remembered something very, very important.

“…Wait.”

VERIFY looked up, bags under his avatar and real life eyes.

“What?”

“…Dude.”

“Dude what?”

“We can respawn.”

A pause.

Then VERIFY blinked too.

“…We can fucking respawn.”

And in that moment, the stupid, glorious, meme-fueled spirit of the Ignis Corp flooded back into them like divine inspiration through a vending machine.

---

Ten Minutes Later.
Same Sector.
Same Screaming.

---

“RAAAAAAAAAAAGHHH—!!”

A Chimera came barreling over a ridge, flipped sideways mid-air from a misplaced mine, landed on its wheels, and kept driving like some kind of armored miracle. Inside: three Ignis Corp lunatics, one playing a harmonica, one pulling pins from grenades with his teeth, and the third yelling “GO GO GO GO!”

It plowed straight into a stealth drone nest. Drones flew. Fire Warriors screamed. One Riptide turned just in time to be sprayed by lasfire from two dozen respawned Ignis Corp members charging down the hill behind it like lunatic reenactors.

Marsh was among them. Shirtless. Covered in ammo belts. Holding a lasgun in one hand, and a Catachan Knife on the other.

"FOR THE CONTENT!"

“CHAAAAAARGE!”

A missile blasted through the air and turned him into red mist mid-shout.

He respawned a few seconds later behind a rock. Mounted a Random Chimera before shouting “AGAIN!”

---

The Tau response was clinical. Precise. Overwhelming.

Pulse carbines snapped. Burst cannons roared. Plasma rifles seared the air like lances.
And yet, the Ignis Corp came back. And back. And back again.

They were endless. They charged like Gue’la daemons, laughing, screaming, taunting, throwing smoke grenades shaped like rubber ducks(courtesy of Marsh), confusing pathfinding drones and launching themselves at exo-suits with sharpened entrenching tools.

One squad was literally just yelling movie quotes while charging a Ghostkeel.

Quail flew by in a Valkyrie he wasn’t cleared to fly, yelling “PULL UP’S FOR COWARDS!” before nose-diving into a Devilfish with all the grace of a dropped refrigerator. Carrying a full Squad with him.

He blew up alongside the Devilfish, which also took down a Orca that was at the wrong place at the wrong time.

Five minutes later, he came sprinting back into the fight, holding a rocket launcher and a thirst for fun.

---

From the Tau command channel:

> > Shas’Vre El’Kais: “Target down. Confirm?”
Shas’La Doran: “...Confirmed. Uh. Wait. He’s back.”
Shas’Vre El’Kais: “The same Gue’la?”
Shas’La Doran: “Same hat. Same shovel.”
Shas’Vre El’Kais: “Impossible.”
Shas’La Tohra: “Shas’Vre. They're all coming back. They’re not retreating. They’re... coming back from the dead?"
Shas’Vre El’Kais: “...That’s not tactically feasible. No mortal force can sustain casualties like this and—”
[Feed interrupted by Banshee screaming as he lands on top of the Riptide’s sensor array while on fire.]

Moments later, the Riptide found itself being dragged by Chimeras taking it back to their FOB.

---

By 0500 Hours…Victory was on the Horizon.

The Tau weapons began to overheat. Power cells depleted. Venting protocols triggered mid-firefight. Drones ran dry of munitions. One poor Pathfinder resorted to throwing his rifle. Another used his very advanced tablet as a shield. It shattered instantly before he got two pieced by Ooga with a club.

A Stealthsuit burst into flames after firing too many pulse rounds at Shrimp.

Shrimp, by the way, died in that barrage.

And came back with a flamer. The Heavy, Flamer.

“BEEP BEEP MOTHERFUCKERS—!!”

---

Marsh was laughing so hard he nearly threw up.

He crouched behind a burnt bush, bloodied and alive (for now), VERIFY beside him holding a railgun three times his size he’d yoinked from a Crisis Suit’s melted arm.

Did it work? Oh absolutely.

“This is the dumbest plan ever,” Marsh wheezed.

“Dumbest and most effective,” VERIFY replied,his avatar biting down on a nutrient bar and loading his fourth lasmagazine of the night into the Tau Railgun. 

Did it work? Yes, was it compatible in lore?

Fuck no.

“Think they’re out of ammo?”

“Oh they’re out of patience. That’s for sure.”

“And sanity.”

“And morale.”

“And suits.”

They both looked out across the blasted field—Tau stumbling, drones falling, Fire Warriors visibly panicking as another squad of Ignis Corp maniacs rose out of the dirt like a horror film and dragged them in.

Marsh stood. Slung his lasgun. And started pacing around to pas the time....before-

“You thinking what I’m thinking?”

“Yup.”

“Let’s go waste some more energy.”

“Fuck yeah.”

And with zero shame, zero fucks given and respawns with no backlashes-

The Ignis Corp charged again.

And High in orbit, Where the Warp storm raged, where countless horrors of the Warp await their chance to prove themselves....as Chaos Undivided.

Chapter Text

Virexus IV | Acidshadow Canyons – Eastern Continent Ridgebreak| A Mile away from Hive Truel.

Ignis Corp Detachment, Codename "Headstart"

"Operation: Sneaky Breeky"

Local Time: 0033 | Current Weather: Warp Storm with Fog so thick it tastes like heresy

---

They were just supposed to hit a supply line.

Sneak in. Blow some crates. Tag a few logistics drones with grenades. Steal food. Maybe a power pack. Maybe even take out a Cadre if you can, and such.

Easy shit, Right? Yeah.

That was before the Drukhari showed up.

Before they heard the very faint laughter.

Before the shadows started moving.

---

Squad “StealyDealy” (an elite name voted in via poll by 87% of Ignis Corp) had just breached a Tau convoy’s perimeter. The Pathfinder drones were down, supply crates cracked open, the squad halfway through looting contraband rations labeled “For Gue’vesa use only – do not feed to the Vespids please,” when the night twisted.

It wasn’t just dark. It was… personal.

The fog moved in strange ways, coiling like smoke with intent.

And the first sign something was wrong?

The dead Tau, which were not their work.

Many felt sick just by looking at the result of something... something that made them look like Modern Art.

And with good reason.

---

“What the feth—?” muttered Razgriz_III, who deciding to pretend being a Rouge trader's crewman, crouched behind a half-torn APC hull.

Above them, the last drone they managed to "convince" sparked and dropped. Something had sliced it—mid-air.

“Guys, check your uhh... surroundings if There's… movement everywhere.”

That was Shrimp.

Except Shrimp’s signal was suddenly blinking out.

“Shrimp?”

Silence.

"Shrimp!"

No answer, the Ignis Corp group there immediately went out of the forest to not get ambushed.

---

In another part.

Then came the whipcrack.

Fast. Sonic. A snap of air that made everyone's skin crawl.

Vinny Velvet turned just in time to see Shrimp’s body, now hollowed, with a monomolecular filament still twitching through his ribs—collapse like wet cloth. His face was locked in. No scream. Just... gone.

“HOSTILES!”

The Ignis Corp scattered, lasfire erupting into the dark.  Melta Gun and Heavy Flamers lit up the Dark.

The Forest was set ablaze, fires raged and illuminated the trees and the surroundings.

But the shadows danced. Literally.

Elegant, sinuous figures flickered between the blasts—Drukhari Wyches, blades that could probably stab a Space Marine in heavy armor, Dark and spiked armor that would sometimes "whisper" according to Bepis, One spun between a salvo from Jimmy Handgrenades, backflipped over his position, and opened him from groin to sternum with a knife longer than her arm.

Another found LordBepis in his sniping position and gutted him at record speed, the last thing that the Drukhari saw was Bepis pulling the pin of a Krak grenade and leg locking her.

Before a single, distant explosion could be heard.

Jay’s voice came over the vox:

> “Team Sneaky Bastard, Headstart, report. What’s going on out there?”

From the Forest, another battle was occuring.

Drukhari raiders sped past the Ignis Corp, letting loose a storm of strange colored projectiles that the members of the Ignis Corp found out were very deadly venoms.

Haunting, who was crouched in the rear with his autogun shaking in his avatar's hands, screamed into the vox:

> “WE GOT NINJA GOTH BDSM ELF NUTJOBS OUT HERE, SIR!”

“Oh. Drukhari. Right. Makes sense"

Jay sighed, thankfully, the Tau were already gone, retreated somewhere else, while Scorch left to go get a drink. He could hear the other members of Ignis Corp screaming into the Vox.

>"PlEASE SEND REINFORCEMENTS WE ARE GETTING WIPED OUT—"

> “Good luck, boys. Try not to get turned into art.”

>"Crazy response"

>"Hey uh, can Scorch get me out? I'm was Fucking kidnapped by the Edgy Space elves"

[sigh. Where are you?]- Scorch.

>"No idea"

Unknown to whoever that was, they were about to be brought to Commorragh.

Quite possibly the worst place to be in as anything other than the Drukhari.

But it's still bad for them-

Actually many places in this Grimdark Galaxy is bad.

---

The Drukhari were everywhere.

Their human-like bodies twisted and turned with inhuman grace, speed unmatched by regular Humans, and even Space Marines.

Many were killed by the Blades the Drukhari.

And when they did speak, it was through intercepted vox lines, mimicking Ignis voices:

> “Help me…”

“Over here, I found loot!”

“Shrimp's alive! Just down the gulley—”

LIES. ALL OF IT.

---

In desperation, SergeantForge ordered the fallback signal.

“We are NOT dying here with loot in our hands. Form up, suppress, MOVE—"

"SOMEONE GET THE BANEBLADE"

They rallied—sort of.

Oppenheimer XV tossed a plasma grenade behind them.

It took out one Wych and in turn, another gave him concussion.

Quail, bless his feathery soul, managed to drop a Scourge mid-flight with his autogun.

“I CAN STILL FLY, BITCHES!” he screamed before immediately tripping on a rock and knocking himself out on the way down, and accidentally knocking out the Archon for a while.

Which gave the Ignis Corp valuable time with him gone.

Bugs The Swedish activated the experimental Incendiary Flamer—nicknamed “The Hot Sweaty Emperor.”

It incinerated several approaching silhouettes.

Also lit the supply crate.

Also the nearby bush.

Also the Ignis members around him.

(He lived. Mostly. Smells like burnt grox now.)

---

They got out. Barely.

Current state?

Eight KIA (respawn pending).

Three NPC Guardsmen MIA (screams still occasionally heard on open vox)

Twenty-five Drukhari dead (confirmed via grudge-counting).

They did steal one crate of Tau rations.

"Victory?"

Jay later asked.

“Survival,” muttered Forge.

“And someone explain why Peeter’s covered in moisturizer and screams at shadows now.”

"Oh!"

---

The Ignis Corp After-Action Report that Jay sent to the Discord went a little like this after the raids:

> “Drukhari” = Chaos’ sexy cousin who brings knives to your wedding and then stabs the cake and your spleen simultaneously.

Suggested Response: NEVER go out at night alone.

Double up on flamers. Triple on buddies.

If you feel like something is watching you, prepare your Krak or Melta Grenades.

The moment they sprint at you, pull the pink and HOLD that thing, blow yourself up when they strike.

Take them down with you. We got the superior Respawn.

Also, Peeter is now banned from grenade duty.

Whoever made that was drunk...I don't know if that's true or not, but I'm fairly certain that they were drunk...that or I'm getting fake memories.

They lived.

Barely.

And somewhere, far in the shadows, the more terrifying Eldars stalked their prey....for a while.

---

Virexus IV – Hive Truel | Basilica of St. Reinhold the Sanctified (Undercroft Vox Monitoring Chamber)

Local Time: 0217 | Status: Catastrophic Vox-Traffic Overload

Flickering lumen strips buzzed overhead as the vox-altar spat a storm of broken signals, binary bursts, muffled screaming, and the distant hiss of lasfire drowning in pain. Servitors clanked in their iron pews, lobotomized heads twitching in tune with the dying howls of Hive Truel’s PDF. The chamber stank of machine-oil, stale incense, and ozone.

Clerk-Archivist Vendrix Mernova, draped in a robe that had once been white before data-ink stains devoured it whole, hunched over a vox-relay altar with a scroll stylus in hand, frantically scribing onto parchment paper that unrolled down to his sandaled feet.

Beside him stood Magos Lexmechanicus-Alpha Brolis-91, a robed tower of chrome and cognition. His mechadendrites flicked and twitched, plugging into vox-pylons and logic-coffer uplinks. His face was half bone, half bronze—none of it impressed as he watched.

> “Hive Truel PDF strength: negligible,” Mernova muttered, voice dry as burnt paper.

“Hive Friety: collapsing. No communications since last local cycle. Bio-telemetry flatlined.”

“Palatine Gate is breached. They’re pushing into the shrine sectors.”

“Casualties…” He paused. “No, not casualties. Losses" he internally lamented, as names, familiar names, passed by.

[Adams Kriys]- KIA. A Whiteshield, one filled with excitement at the prospect of protecting the Hive he was born and grew up in.

[Deanara Front]- KIA. An old friend, who once helped him sneak out when they were children.

[Ghrast Olyunus]- MIA. A Mechanic—

A voxburst crackled through the altar—unit designations, emergency ident-codes, screams.

Then.....laughter.

Laughter?

--

[Vox Intercept 118.996-C]

> “WHO DROPPED A LEMAN RUSS INTO THE TAU GUNLINE?!?”

“IT WASN’T ME THIS TIME I SWEAR.”

“WHY ARE YOU EATING A SANDWICH DURING A WARP STORM?”

“BECAUSE IF I’M GONNA DIE I’M DYING WITH MAYO.”

[explosion]

“GUYS GUYS GUYS I JUST BEAT A KROOT TO DEATH WITH A PLASMA BATTERY.”

“Okay but did you get the loot?”

“NO—WAIT YES.”

“PRAISE ZEUS!”

[followed by 46 seconds of incoherent screaming and a techno remix of 'Only War']

---

Mernova stared, wide-eyed. “That’s not… that can’t be Truel PDF. I do not recognize their vox-code, are they Reinforcements?"

“Negative,” intoned Magos Brolis, vox-vocoder warbling. “Ident-pattern unrecognized. Call-sign: ‘Ignis Corp’. Behavior profile:..Unknown contamination. Combat doctrine: stochastic entropy.”

 “Traitors? Heretics..?” Mernova whispered, pale.

“Negative” replied the Magos.

“I have never seen such blasphemous weapon improvisation... yet their effectiveness in Comabt... exceeds ours by orders of magnitude.”

The vox-waves surged again:

[Vox Intercept 119.101-A]

> “THEY TOOK PEETER INTO THE BDSM ELF CITY.”

“WE’RE GONNA GET HIM BACK.”

“WITH WHAT?”

“EVERYTHING. BRING THE TOASTER.”

“OH HELL YES.”

---

A new datastream scrolled across the lumen-screens, Brought by the Machine Spirit.

[Combat Efficiency: Unknown Unit “Ignis Corp”]

> -- Confirmed Kill Count (Tau): 728+

-- Confirmed Armor Losses: 57 (22% caused by friendly fire)

-- Unexplainable Incidents: 211 (unexplained phenomenon)

-- Codex Conformity: 0%

-- Morale: 160%

-- Notable Acts: According to them.

 -"Ignis Corp" breached "Commoragh"

 -Captured a "Dark Eldar"

- Set up a BBQ on top of a disabled Xeno Aircraft.

- Played Loud music over open vox while charging Xenos Machines on foot.

Mernova nearly dropped his quill.

And massaged his forehead, feeling a headache starting to form just by the reports.

Brolis processed that with all the coldness of a cogitator and replied:

> "Fools" that was his only Conclusion.

The vox wailed again.

[Vox Intercept 119.122-Z]

> “I AM A KNIGHT. MY NAME IS ‘BOSNIA’. I CRUSH SIN IN HONOR OF FUNNY ACCENTED EUROPE.”

“FOR THE HOLY REPUBLIC OF ALBANIAAA!”

[ explosion. detonation. scream. scream. cheering. heretical chanting of “Balkan steel cannot be killed .”]

---

The chamber fell silent.

Mernova slowly turned to the Magos.

> “Do… do we tell Segmentum Command?”

The Magos’ eye-lenses whirred.

> “Negative. They would not believe it. No one would."

He paused, turning to the Warp storm.

“...Initiate Observation Protocol. Watch. Record. Learn.”

Mernova’s fingers trembled as he scribed a final line to the day’s Vox Chronicle.

> Thought of the Day “The end times come. And they wear sunglasses indoors.”