Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

«I’ll come back, brother. I promise.»

And he always did.

Day number one hundred and forty-six survived, if he had counted correctly. One hundred and forty-six days ago they didn’t only lose their allies but their friends. For one hundred and forty-six days they’ve fought against those they had trusted most. That's why war was weird. You’re never betrayed by your enemies but your friends. By those who once said they cared.

Sans drew another line on the wall of his house. Some wouldn't even call it a proper house. Its roof leaked during the rains. The only light was provided by candles and a small fireplace at the back of the room. One of the windows had broken glass and planks had been nailed over it to keep the heat inside. It was mostly a shelter. And it wasn't even fully his. But it was the closest thing to a home he had. It was the only place he could call home.

He took a few steps back to see the whole picture. Over time, he had carved one line to correspond to one day they had spent in this chaos. It made him realize how long this had been going on. Days turned into weeks. Weeks turned into months. Would months turn into years? The fact was, that they’d been at war with humankind for months, no matter how short a time it felt like. 

Sans returned to the present when he heard a glass bottle break. He looked for the source of the sound and noticed Alphys at the small table in the corner of the house, looking at the floor where a broken bottle was leaking clear liquid. Before Alphys could apologize, Sans was already there picking up glass shards. «Don't worry about it, I’ll clean.»

«Thank you.» Alphys' muffled voice was heard. Sans should be grateful they had Alphys. Over the months he had learned to appreciate her work more. The cures she invented filled the gaps their magic couldn't fill. And everything she spent her time on was for their good, even if not everyone always saw it. 

Out there their people were fighting for their freedom. For their home. And their job… It was to keep everyone alive. For some reason, Sans was exceptionally good at healing magic. It was a gift many people said. A gift that came with a cost. He knew death better than anyone else. He felt how death haunted every corner of this house. Turning into dust what was once a living soul. He would live with it as long as his soul could bear it. 

Even though he didn't say it out loud, he was bitter that he wasn't there to fight. But he had been told, more times than he could count, that he would be more useful this way. Half of him truly wanted to help, but the other half wanted to make humans pay for their betrayal. But he had accepted a long time ago that his place was not in the field. His place was here. Within these walls.

He was so lost in thought that he soon realized he was picking up nothing but air from the floor. He made sure not a single chip was left on the floor before taking the remaining pieces into a small basket. There were lots of pieces of glass of different colors and sizes at the bottom of the basket, they could melt it down and reuse it later. In these days, nothing even slightly useful was allowed to be thrown away. You never knew when a material would run out.

Alphys was about to drop another bottle when a loud bang from the door shook the whole house. Soon they saw a soldier, his brother, carrying a second one. He didn't have time to relax when he saw that his brother was okay before the familiar need to help took over his thoughts. At first glance, the second monster's injuries didn't even seem that bad, a few bruises and small cuts here and there. But he had learned that when someone was brought to them, there was more to it than what first appeared. Sans noticed a small layer of dust on his armor. This soldier’s time was running out. The question is what caused this?

«Bring him here and quickly!» He hurried to a low table, the other one carrying his friend behind him. «Tell me what happened.» He said when his brother seated his friend. He started to remove his armor to see more closely. «Shot by an arrow, looks like he took it out by himself.» His brother said while ensuring that his friend remained upright for as long as needed. When opening the armor's straps, Sans examined the patient and when he got the chest plate off he noticed the wound made by the arrow. Stars…

The arrow had completely pierced the monster's body right next to his soul. Just a couple of centimeters, that's how close he was to death. As Sans watched, his armor got more dust on it. It didn't take long before a green light glowed around his hands and the wound. Taking the pain away was always the first thing. Because if they lost him, at least he could leave without pain. His magic wouldn't fully heal this. He could prevent the injury from taking his life, but even magic had its limits. Sometimes it worried him how little even his magic could do in the end.

«I’m sor-» The soldier tried to speak but Sans cut him off. «Stay quiet, my friend.» Talking would be of no use. What kind of arrows did humans use? The arrow must have hit from behind, right to the point that his armor didn’t protect. Sans cursed their weak equipment. Humans had an advantage; they were prepared. And monsters weren’t. But they had survived this far, so they would survive from now on. There would come a time when they would win.

There were many times when he thought about what their lives would be like without this. They could live in harmony like all the previous years. All of them. Humans and monsters. Why did everything have to change? What scared him the most was that they couldn't know when this would end. How much more blood would be shed? How many people's dust would dance with the wind? How many bodies would be left to the feet of a battle? How many lives would peace require?

The wound had not yet healed, and the chances of it healing properly were slim. But at least no more dust appeared. He would survive, but it was close to being different. Sans could almost feel death in the corners of the house, waiting for a new soul that would fail. He wouldn't give it that satisfaction. Death would remain in the shadows, far from others, if it intended to stay in this house. 

He had done everything he could. Now, only time could heal. The wound was almost closed, but it would become infected if left like that. With a little help from gravitation magic he got a small dark blue glass bottle from the shelf. Sans could see the soldier wanted to say something, but he was glad he maintained silence. «The arrow almost pierced your soul, you almost dusted», He popped the bottle open and poured a few drops onto the wound before he continued. «You stay still, and here, until we can take you to a safer place to recover.»

«Now», He didn't stand up yet but turned his gaze to the other one. «Are you okay?» He examined him looking for injuries he didn't tell him about. His brother said, «I’m fine.» Sans had heard that sentence so many times only to later find it to be a lie that he didn't believe it. «Are you sure?» He had every right to be worried. He had a right to be worried when his family and friends were fighting for their lives.

They had had this conversation many times before. Every time Papyrus returned they had this conversation. Papyrus answered before Sans could continue asking questions. «I’m fine, really. I came back, just as I promised.» He had promised to come back. And he did, just like every time. But Sans had learned a long time ago that promises were made to be broken. Every promise would break at some point, you just never knew when. «I know, but there's a chance one day you don't.» He didn't want to talk about Papyrus', or anyone else's, possible death, but somehow the topic always came up.

«Hey, we don’t talk about that.» This was his sign to let it be. They were safe and alive, and that was the most important thing. «Fine.» Sans said as he walked back to the shelf where he had taken the blue bottle. The wall shelf was full of various small bottles filled with different liquids. Almost all of Alphys’ inventions. This time he took out a clear bottle containing an orange-brown liquid. He poured it into another bottle. He returned to his patient and placed the bottle next to him. «When you leave here, take this with you. If the wound gets infected, this will help.»

«And don't lose it.» He added in a tone of voice that would let the soldier know he was serious. Every drop of any medicine should be used wisely. And especially not leaving it lying around. The soldier nodded and turned to Papyrus. As if reading his friend's mind, Papyrus understood from his friend's gaze that he should get going. «You need to leave, right?» As much as Sans would like to keep his brother at home, he just had to accept that he couldn't. Papyrus seemed to know what he was thinking. «Yeah, I don't know when I can come here again, we may be gone for a few weeks. But I promise to come back.»

«Okay.» A few weeks wouldn't be so bad. At this point they saw each other so rarely that this shouldn't feel like anything. But of course it’d feel like something. Their only way to communicate was through letters. Letters meant for soldiers were delivered to them, but it could take weeks for them to arrive. «Be safe.» Papyrus stepped forward and hugged his older brother. «I promise.» He whispered. Papyrus nodded and smiled to Alphys and before he disappeared into the darkening evening, he said his usual promise. «I’ll come back, brother.» Now he just had to trust that he wouldn't have to break his promise this time either.

This world was broken, but at least they had each other.

Chapter Text

He remembered playing with them as a child. He remembered laughing with them. He remembered his old friends with whom he had run around the village. If he had known then. Only if he had known. That the day would come when he would face them again, this time on the battlefield. They had been friends.

And now... he was on his way to make sure that they would never see the light of day again. Oh, how he hated it. How he hated watching his sword taking another life. How he hated going to sleep, their screaming echoing in his head. Knowing that because of him, someone wouldn't return home. He didn't hate them. Humans. He didn't hate humans. He wasn't mad at them. 

Simply disappointed. 

Their betrayal was just sad. It was sad that they couldn't trust them. That they've felt like they were a threat. They tried to fix something that wasn't broken. And ended up destroying all of it in the process. Now they were walking on two different sides of the same land. Land they once shared as one. There had been a time when they had been one united people. That was gone too. And what would be left of them would be piles of dust, bloodstained memories and villages burned to the ground.

Papyrus was raised to be kind and he wanted to think he was. He wanted to believe that there was something good in everyone. Even in the worst of them. There had to be something good in everyone. No matter how small it was. Something good. Happy endings. He wanted to believe in them. He wanted to believe that after even the darkest times, the light would find its way to them. But here, on the battlefield, he had to forget it. Blood before emotions, they were told nowadays. Own kind before emotional attachment, if it were said in other words. Get used to it, he had been telling himself since day one. Get used to it right from the start, so it won't hurt so much later. Who was he trying to fool? It did hurt. After all these months, it still hurt. And it probably would for a long time.

It did hurt knowing his hands were filled with someone’s child’s, sibling’s, parent’s, friend's blood. It was blood that couldn't be just washed away. It would be in his hands as long as he walked on this earth. That was a fact he just had to accept. If this ever ended, he would always carry the cries of the people his sword took from this world. The screams, the cries, the blood. He would carry all of that. He had wiped those lives away. And the worst part was, he would have to do it again. Again. Again. And again. As long as he was required to do so.

As he walked in the already darkening evening, he raised his gaze to the sky. There he was greeted by countless stars, which together with the moon created an almost magical silver light. There they all were. He looked at them and they looked at him back. It was a very common belief, among both humans and monsters, that when people died they turned into a star. One day all of them would shine in the night sky. 

Now all the fallen ones would light his way. Even those who had joined the stars because of him. That thought didn't help. It didn't help him to think about how they would light an enemy's path. What was done could not be undone. He should’ve learned that by now. He couldn't go back in time. He couldn't go back and stop his own sword blade.

And here he was again. 

He opened the door to their temporary shelter and was greeted by a familiar voice. «Soldier», said a red haired woman. His childhood friend and now an army commander, Undyne. «May I have an explanation of where you were? We started to think you dusted.» Her tone was neutral, as a commander should be. But it was mixed with worry. She talked like a commander, like a leader. But worried and cared like a friend. Before answering, Papyrus's gaze wandered to his other friends. Everyone seemed to be patching up only minor injuries. Good. No one was seriously hurt. 

Their shelter wasn't much. One room they could barely fit in. A small table in the middle and wood logs as chairs lined the walls. Almost every chair was sat by someone.. At their feet were swords, bows and arrows, parts of armor and other individual small items. Undyne’s spear leaned by the door, there was a map on the table and on it were small wooden pieces.

«I took a friend to get treatment. Shot by an arrow. He survived but it was a close call.» Undyne nodded at his words. Their current location was not far from his, should he be saying former home. But they were supposed to move further to the North as soon as they had finished the plans. He would end up further away from home again. At this point he was sure he had seen every corner of this small country. Except for the other side of it.

When the war broke out, only the stars knew how, they divided the land. All battles always took place on the border. No one was completely safe, but those who lived near the border had to fear for their lives every single day. Like them. He had tried to convince Sans to move further away. Somewhere safer. But he always refused. Saying he wanted to be closer to him and that he could help more when he was near those in need. Of course he admired his brother, but sometimes he was irritated by his stubbornness. Sometimes it was okay to flee. But that was a word that wasn't in his brother's vocabulary.

«There was a change of plans.» Undyne announced to the whole group. Everyone's eyes turned to her, some expressionless, some even a little scared. How Papyrus hoped for good news. But he had already prepared himself for the fact that they would not receive them. «We were supposed to go to the northern border, to reinforce our own troops.» No one else said a word. The atmosphere was tense, but Undyne kept her voice steady. «We’re not going.» There were whispers here and there and confused glances. «We received information that a human village near the border, and our current location, is being evacuated in the coming days.» She continued.

«Their army is going to attack after it, because they assume we wouldn't stay to watch the evacuation. If our information is correct, they’ll wait until civilians are on their way and use the “deserted village” as a small base.» Her voice didn't echo in the somewhat cramped space, but she made sure no one missed a word. «Commander, what about our troops in the north?» They heard someone say. Undyne didn't have time to do anything but open her mouth before someone else added. «Didn't they need reinforcements?» She sighed and again addressed the whole group. «We'll send another team. We're needed here.»

«Shouldn't we warn those living in the area?» Asked another who was cleaning his friend's wounds. «If the fighting spreads, we must not put civilians at risk.» Papyrus added, looking at his oldest friend. Undyne didn't hesitate before answering. «The nearest village should be safe if we can get this done quickly enough, but they will be informed of the danger.» Silence fell upon the shelter. It felt like no one dared even to breathe normally. Papyrus found an empty seat in the corner. He sat down and surveyed his surroundings, thinking about Undyne's words.

A village would be evacuated. Human’s army thought they thought the village would remain deserted. And then they would use it as a shelter and base, and attack when they were off-guard. He replayed the change of plan in his mind. Pretty good plan, now that he thought about it. They just happened to be one step ahead. Undyne hadn't said, at least not yet, whether she knew how big the group waiting for them would be. They had been outnumbered before. Papyrus didn't want to even try to count how many had fallen. He didn't want to count how many times they had sent the message that they needed more people. 

There was a clank of armor as Undyne sat next to him. Her bright red hair was messy and her front hair would fall on her face whenever she swept it out of her eyes. «You took him to your brother.» It wasn't a question. It was too obvious to ask. «Yes.» Sometimes he felt guilty for bringing his injured friend to Sans to heal. Papyrus knew that in the long term using healing magic was draining. After particularly serious situations he could see his brother's fatigue. Even though he never admitted it. «Is she okay?» Undyne lowered her voice as she said it. As if she didn't want anyone else to hear. «She looked okay to me. I mean as okay as anyone could nowadays be.»

«I’m glad.» Papyrus tried his best to smile at his friend, even though he couldn't think of anything particularly positive to say. At least they both had someone to whom to return. Now they just had to keep themselves together and prepare for the next battle. «Hey», Papyrus felt Undyne poke him in the arm, making his armor clank again. «We will get through this.» She said, smiling that certain smile that Papyrus had seen on his friend's face for years.

«Yeah, we’ll be fine.» He had his friends, his brother and something to fight for. He didn't need anything else. Papyrus thought about this shattered world. But just like broken glass, there was still something beautiful in this world. Something that would remain even if everything else around it burned down. He didn't yet know what it was. Maybe he would never know. But he knew it existed. Just as he knew that one day, everything would be just fine.

Chapter Text

The candle flames illuminated the drops slowly falling from the ceiling. For a split second, you could see how the light hit them and how they shone crystal clear. You could hear them dropping to a bucket on the floor. The house was quiet. All you could hear was the rustling of papers and the rain drumming on the roof. It was said that rain was sky's tears. The sky cried for this broken world. Wanting to drown it, to wipe out all the evil they had done. The clouds covered the sky so that the stars wouldn't have to look down. So that the stars wouldn't have to look at what had become of the world they left behind. Wouldn't have to watch their work go to waste. 

The stars weren't at war. They didn't fight. They were friends. They were all one. The idea of one nation in the sky was beautiful. But some found the thought of eternity among the stars frightening. Eternity was scary even as a concept. Something that was until the end of time and beyond. It had no beginning nor end. It just was. They could never understand the power that eternity carried. Never. Maybe they're never even supposed to know. Maybe it is supposed to remain one of the eternal mysteries of the universe.

Alphys silently browsed through her notes. She looked at her own slightly messy but still precise handwriting. Some of the words were covered by an ink stain and some showed the shaking of her hand. She dipped her pen in ink again and continued writing. xxth of xx year xxxx. Every day he wrote down everything she had accomplished. Every word, every piece of information that was even remotely helpful would find its way into her notes. Every single one of her inventions. All their work processes, uses, side effects. All of it. Because if one day something went wrong, there might be someone in this world to follow in her footsteps. Someone who could help them if she couldn't. 

She looked up from her writings just in time to see Sans appear out of nowhere in the middle of the room. «Got lucky. I managed to bargain five golds off the bread.» He said as he raised a small paper bag. Alphys smiled at the friend of hers. «I still don't understand how you do it.» She said, turning back to her notes. «I have my ways.» It has been a few days since Papyrus was here and they had gotten the injured soldier to another location a few hours ago. She could still feel his brother’s worry. Completely understandable. Papyrus was Sans’ only family member. Alphys had no idea what had happened to the rest of their family. And she wouldn't ask that. She was curious, but not intrusive. It wasn't her place to know.

The only thing she did know was that they’ve been alone for many years even before the war. However, it was nice to see how much the brothers cared about each other. Especially now. That's what worry does. You have to fear day after day that one day the other one won't come home. She knew the feeling. She knew what it was like to try to get every possible piece of information to find out if a loved one was still alive. And it wasn't pleasant. But she couldn't even imagine those who had learned that they would never see the most important person to them again.

«You've been staring at that paper for quite some time without writing a word.» She hadn't even realized. She looked at the paper and saw drops of ink dripping from the pen. «Are you okay?» He asked, while bringing her a piece of bread. «I’m alright, just… just thinking.» She took the bread and nodded in thanks. «Thinking what?» He asked while sitting down on the other side of the room. Although she and Sans weren't exactly close friends before the war, they had grown closer over the months. That's what it did when you lived in the same house as a social person. At least the lack of company wasn't a problem. «Our people.»

She saw her friend smiling. For some unknown reason. «Our people, in other words her.» That explained. Also, what? Sans looked like he could start laughing at any moment when he saw her face. «You’re worried about her, I get it.» He said with a small laugh, raising his hands as if as a sign of surrender. «O-of course I am. She’s my friend.» Sans looked at her like he knew something she didn’t. «Friend?» That was a question. Not a statement. A question.

«Yes?» It didn't help that there was a slight hint of disappointment in Sans's eyes. It's a bit of a pretense, but still. «You’re not together?» Did he actually need to ask that? Didn't he already have an answer? But unfortunately there was a little surprise in his voice «No!» She didn't mean to say it so loudly. It just came. She just hadn't expected to actually have to answer that question. «So, all of our effort was for nothing?» He said as if he were talking more to himself than to her. «What effort?»

«I’ll tell you later. Now», Sans leaned forward in his chair, not taking his eyes off her. «Let me ask this: why?» Alphys knew what he was referring to. As much as she would have liked not to know. «Because I’m… I’m not—She's everything I'm not.» Her voice fell silent the second she said that sentence. Was she really going to tell Sans about this? «I fear I'm going to need an example.» Looked like she was. And she had the answer to that question. «She's brave, determined, and has a strong sense of justice.»

«And who said you aren’t those things?» Everyone. Or maybe no one said anything. Maybe no one even knew her well enough to say that. 

«But you still like her, I know it.» Alphys would’ve really wanted to answer no. To say something like «I don't know what you're talking about.» But she knew it was useless. «You stutter much more when you talk to her, you look away the second she notices you look at her. Stars, can you really be more obvious than that?» She knew that her expression said everything Sans needed to know. But she also knew that he wanted to hear her say it herself. She guessed she had to get this conversation out of the way. Because it's just like Sans would change the subject now that the topic had been brought up. «... I never told her.»

«So now is the time to do it.» Was he out of his mind? «You think—I mean, now? But we are—We live very dark times.» She had a point and they both knew it. They had more important things to think about than this. Now that she thought about it, why weren't they taking care of those important things right now? Why were they even discussing this? «And that's exactly why every positive thing is more than welcome.» In a way, he was absolutely right. Every positive thing was welcome. But this wasn't exactly what she had in mind.

«What do you expect me to do? Write her a love letter or something?» She said it as a joke. But as expected, Sans knew how to use it "against" her. Usually he didn't use, as he called them, shortcuts inside the house. The house was so small that it would have been completely useless. But in the blink of an eye, he was in front of her, still smiling. «Exactly that.» Alphys’ smile fell as she realized Sans didn't notice, or cared about, probably the second option, the sarcasm in her voice. «You know… you know I was just joking?»

«But I wasn't.»

«You're insufferable.» She said quietly, looking away so she wouldn’t have to look her friend in the eyes. But she felt his gaze on her. «And you’ll thank me later.» She doubted that. Sans was a great friend, but his advice wasn't always the best. «Will I?» She knew he tried to help, but she wouldn't want to make any mistakes in this regard. «Trust me with this one. You'd be surprised how much I know.» Hearing that sentence, Alphys decided she didn't even want to know. 

It wasn't like she didn't want to tell her. She wanted to. She just didn't know how. And why. Why would she bother? Even after everything Sans said she still did believe it would be worth it. Undyne was an army commander, a soldier. And Alphys was just a scientist. «Just a scientist?» And she said that last sentence out loud, didn't she? «Listen to me.» Sans moved her papers out of the way before placing his hands on the table. «You are good at what you do. You do what my magic can't and that’s not a little thing.»

Alphys sighed and partly gave up. «I’ll… I’ll think about it.» She said. She was a little annoyed though that Sans looked like he had just won something. «It was about time.» But she had something to be thankful for. «And also, thank you. For what you said.» She meant it and Sans knew it. He straightened up and just stood there. «No problem, everyone needs compliments from time to time and that's not necessarily a bad thing.»

«And also», he continued when he had already turned away, but looked back once more. «Eat it.» He said and walked away to his own work. It was then that Alphys realized that the piece of bread Sans had given to her was still untouched in her hand. She glanced out of the corner of her eye at the papers and inkwell that he had moved. Should she? 

Chapter Text

The next battle could start at any moment. They just didn't know when that moment would be. It could be an hour or two. Or another whole day. Or maybe just a minute. They just had to wait. They just had to wait for their observer's sign. Even though a new battle was just around the corner, the shelter was not bathed in a tormenting silence. Someone had managed to sneak an alcohol bottle with them. They said it helped them not to lose their sanity in this mess. Papyrus wasn't a drinker himself and he highly doubted their explanation. 

He glanced at Undyne who sat at the table studying the map, too focused to notice her companions' doings. Until the clank of the glass bottle against metal armor woke her from her thoughts. «We’re not going to do this.» She stood up and grabbed the bottle from the soldier's hand, slamming it on the table, so that the little pieces on the map fell over. Some of them fell to the floor and rolled around the room. «No soldier of ours will be drunk on that field, you hear me!» They had experienced so much that a sudden scream didn’t startle them. And it wasn't unusual for Undyne to raise her voice. Her voice was naturally strong. But considering the situation, that was a surprising reaction, even from her.

As her friend, Papyrus walked to her and placed his hand on her shoulder. Trying to silently ask her to calm down. «Don’t you tell me to calm down.» Was her answer. «I’m trying to end this war as quickly as possible.» She turned to him, looking determined but in a very exhausted way. «With as few victims as possible.» She added before he could say anything. «I’m not tolerating anyone's stupidity or irresponsibility.» That’s… fair. Totally fair.

Papyrus didn't have time to think about an answer when a small bang was heard from outside. Everyone turned to see how Undyne looked out of the small opening in the wall that was used as a window. Papyrus saw In the distance, a small hill from which a streak of smoke rose towards the sky.

It had only one meaning. They were coming. 

Everyone stood up as if by a common command. «That’s our sign.» She was talking to herself but didn't bother to lower her voice. «Soldiers», They picked up their weapons from the floor while Undyne picked up her spear which had been leaning against the wall. «Remember what we’re fighting for.» They raised their weapons in the air, showing their will to fight. Papyrus did not like this but sometimes you don't get to choose. If this was the only way to bring peace to the land, then so be it. «Remember why we’re here.»

They marched as one group to where the sign had come from. As the leader, Undyne led the way. Weapons clanged against the metal armor. It was so early in the morning that the sun hadn't even had time to rise properly yet. It was a little foggy, but not enough to impair visibility. They tried to keep their pace quiet and steady. It wasn't long before they met their observer at the foot of the small hill from which he had been observing people. Small binoculars hung around his neck and a thin-bladed sword gleamed at his belt. He said something to Undyne that Papyrus couldn't hear. 

Her expression didn't even flicker. «Excellent job.» She said to him, turning back to her people. An over dozen pairs of eyes looked at her waiting for a command. «We are outnumbered, again.» She swung the spear in her hand a few times before continuing. «But we won't let that stop us. Magic is on our side.» Magic might be on their side, but humans had something they didn't. An insane amount of determination. And that’s what kept them going. Monsters had determination, but Papyrus had seen what too much determination did to them. And he hoped he wouldn't have to see it ever again. He didn't want to count how many they had lost just to sheer will to fight.

However, that didn't mean they didn't use magic. Although they did most of the fighting without it. Because you never knew how long the fight would last and using magic was more exhausting than fighting without it. They still had to be able to leave the battlefield. If they fought every battle with magic alone, the war would be over by now. And not with favorable results for them.

«It's time.» 

It felt like in the blink of an eye they were in battle. Only a minute ago they had left the shelter the small hill gave to them. Only a minute ago he had seen an empty village from which a group of humans were heading towards them. When both sides were close enough to each other they started running. Meeting again on a new field. Swords clashed. Screams were lost in the chaos. Arrows flew. And only the other group would get away alive. 

Undyne shouted instructions. Both humans and monsters laid on the ground, in danger of being trampled by others. There was sand in the air and blood on the ground. He didn't know how much time had passed. Maybe a minute, maybe ten. Maybe half an hour. A man facing papyrus managed to unbalance him. But he managed to block his next hit by placing his sword sideways in front of him so that the man's sword hit it. He got back to his feet, he narrowly dodged the sword and succeeded to hit a man in the leg. The man wouldn't necessarily die from the injury, but he wouldn't be able to walk for a while.

Undyne’s voice reached him as she came closer, knocking one of the soldiers unconscious who was about to hit him from behind. «Papyrus, look at the road they used for evacuation. Check that no one has escaped there! We'll be fine.» He nodded, indicating that he understood the order. Leaving his friends in the fight, he ran to the edge of the forest bordering the field. There was a long gravel road. 

He started running, partly hoping he wouldn't see anyone. At least he wouldn't have to kill anyone. He looked back every now and then to make sure he wasn't being followed. He guessed humans were busy enough not to notice he left the place. When the sounds of battle were so far away that he was confident he would not be met with a surprise attack, he slowed down. He held the hilt of his sword tightly as he scanned his surroundings. 

Only now did he realize to look at his feet. He noticed a broken trail of blood along the road. And it wasn’t some old blood. He sped back to running. He ended up at a crossroads. He remembered being here before the war. He remembered this particular road he had taken with Sans. One of the paths of the road would lead to his house. Now that road was blocked. Naturally. Crossing the border was strictly prohibited for civilians. The idea of going home was lovely, but he had a mission. So he turned his gaze away from the road leading home to another one whose curve and the forest next to it prevented him from fully seeing where it would lead.

But someone was lying on the ground just before the corner. A human soldier. When he finally reached the soldier, the soldier acknowledged his presence. He looked at Papyrus and his eyes conveyed pure pain. He opened his mouth once, twice, but no sound came out. After a moment, one word was heard over his pain. «P-please…» The agony shone through that quiet word unhindered. This person would die in this place sooner or later. Better to put him out of his misery. «I’m sorry.» He whispered, even though he knew this soldier wouldn't hear him, before he struck his sword where he knew the human heart was. Raising his sword, he watched as the soldier's now lifeless body relaxed at his feet. 

Papyrus allowed himself to close his eyes for a moment. He took a deep breath, giving himself a moment to think. He couldn't just stand here. He would have to go back, but he couldn't leave the body just like either. This person too was someone's family member, friend or a lover. Enemy or not, respect for the dead took no sides. Papyrus carefully moved the body to the side of the road. His hands were soaked in the soldier's blood as he laid him down so that it looked as if he had been asleep. He picked a few small light blue flowers by the roadside. Forget-me-nots. As small as the flowers were, there was something very beautiful about them. He laid them on the body. The soldier looked calm. 

«May the stars guide your next journey.»

He was alone. Now he just needs to go back. Papyrus didn't know how long he had been standing there, but he knew it was too long. He would just look around the corner and if there was no one there he would turn back. But when he finally saw what the forest hid, his steps froze. There, only a few meters away on the road, was again laying someone. 

It was a child. A little human child. 

Had this child seen when he… He looked around and no other human was in sight. The road continued beyond the horizon but he saw no one. His first thought was that he should get this child out of here as quickly as possible. Before anyone else has a chance to do otherwise. They weren't heartless. His group. But he didn't want to think about what they might do in their desire for revenge. He wasn't that far from the village after all.

He could see the pure terror in their eyes. For some reason it felt worse than anything that day. To see how a little child was afraid of him. «I’m not going to hurt you. You can trust me.» Papyrus tried to talk to them but to no avail. The terror in their eyes did not disappear but grew with each slow step Papyrus took towards the child. And he couldn't blame them for that. Driven by panic they tried to get up back to their feet. But hands shaking they could only lift their head a little higher before they collapsed. And they didn't get up. 

Now Papyrus was perhaps starting to panic a little. He had three options. Leave the child and go find others. Find others and take the child along. Or take the child somewhere where they could be safe. The first option wasn't even a real option. The last thing he would do was to leave an innocent child alone and in the worst case to die. The second option didn’t sound particularly appealing either. They had a few people who were good at healing magic but no one came even close to… Realizing that, his three options became one. He would go home. Sans and Alphys would understand. They would heal this child and then they would think about what to do. 

He hurried to the child and, although he didn't know if they could hear him, he tried to speak as gently as possible. «Don’t worry, you’ll be okay. I’m going to take you to somewhere safe.» Humans didn't dust, so Papyrus didn't know how close to death the child was. But he sensed that it wasn't too far away. He quickly tried to wipe most of the blood from his hands onto his clothes. He lifted the child into his arms as carefully as he could, for he did not know what condition the child was in. 

Their clothes were dirty and worn out. Torn here and there and the soles of their shoes seemed almost loose. Now he saw the child's face more closely. Messy brown hair no longer covered two closed eyes. They had dirt on their face, revealing several bruises underneath. Papyrus picked their hands, so they wouldn't hang on their sides, to their lap. They also were covered by dirt and few bloodstains. «I’ll never hurt you.» Did they just leave this child behind?

«Papyrus? What has- Is that blood yours?!» Sans turned when he heard Alphys' confused but also anxious voice, assuming he had heard wrong. But when he looked by the door, there he was. Papyrus stood at the door, hands and clothes covered in dried blood. He was relieved to see his little brother was from the outside okay, but his expression showed that something was wrong. «You said you'd be gone for-» He didn't have time to finish his sentence until Papyrus’ partly panicked but also tired voice interrupted him. «I’m fine. Save them.» Only then did Sans notice that his brother carried something with him. It was a child. «That’s a human.» A young human child in his brother's arms. They looked very small next to Papyrus' armor. «This is a child.»

«Like I’m going to leave them to die.» He didn't know how to feel. His brother shows up at home with blood on his clothes and hands, carrying a human. «That’s an enemy.» Was his first sentence. «I’m not going to save them.» Disbelief grew on Papyrus’ face. He looked at Sans as if he couldn't believe what he was hearing. «But you’re a healer. That's your job.»

«Do you think I want to be?» He didn't even realize he was raising his voice. «Do you think I want to listen to people's last words? Do you think I want to feel people dust in my arms?» Even though he didn't realize it himself, at this point he was yelling. He didn't think. Didn't give a single thought to the impact of his words. Just said everything he had been thinking for the last few months. «I should be in your place. I should be the one fighting for our freedom. For our people. But apparently fate had other plans, and you don't seem to learn healing magic even if your life depended on it!» He knew his last sentence was a mistake. He knew it hurt him. 

But he understood his mistake too late. He saw how his brother's grip on the child tightened a little. A moment of silence fell over the house as everyone digested his words. Alphys looked troubled and seemed to be considering an appropriate way to address the situation. Without coming up with such a thing. «You always told me to be kind, to care. You taught me those things when you were a child yourself.» Papyrus's gaze was on the floor. He didn't look his brother in the eye, which was just further proof of how much his words had hit him. «Kindness doesn't help you win a war!» Why didn't he stop? Why didn't he stop yelling? Why didn't he calm down and think about his words before letting them fill the room?

When Papyrus finally looked him in the eye again, the usual warmth in his eyelights was gone. And in its place was determination that hid the tiniest hint of coldness beneath it. «Save them like my brother would.» It hit. More than he would admit. More than he would ever admit. And that was his sign to give up. He’d save that kid. «Fine. I’ll do it.» The coldness in Papyrus' gaze disappeared. Instead, worry appeared as he looked at the child in his arms. «Thank you.»

Their clothes had bloodstains from Papyrus’ hands. On the surface they seemed fine. Sans wiped their face and hands before cleaning the wounds so they wouldn't become infected. He suspected the child's weakness was due to exhaustion and lack of food and water. But he should watch carefully to make sure the child's breathing doesn't weaken. Papyrus watched from the side as he worked. He really looked worried. Sans didn't turn to look at his brother, but answered his wordless question. «They’ll be fine. We’ll give them something to eat and drink as soon as they’re conscious again.»

He noticed they had a golden necklace around their neck that looked like a bird taking flight. Sans examined the small metal bird. It was a songbird. Those little birds flew over their village too, singing their songs. From the early hours of the morning until dusk you could hear those birds flying high, telling their tales like winged storytellers. 

Sans let go of the jewelry when the child moved. They slowly opened their eyes, trying to recognize where they were. As soon as they noticed the people next to them, their eyes widened and their breathing began to quicken. They rose to a sitting position. It didn't take a genius to tell they were absolutely horrified. Their gaze quickly wandered around the house, taking in every nook and cranny. Until their eyes stopped on them. Their eyes began to fill with tears, but they were too scared to run away.

«I know you’re scared. But you’re safe. No one here is going to hurt you.» Sans hadn't often heard Papyrus speak like that. His voice reflected sheer warmth and caring, but much more than usually. The kid looked at him and maybe they realized that Papyrus had brought them to safety. «My name is Papyrus. And this is my brother, Sans, and our friend Alphys.» He continued, introducing them all. Alphys gave them a small smile and a wave. Sans nodded, trying to smile as best he could. «I understand you’re terrified, you don't understand what’s happening. But I promise, you are completely safe.» It didn't help much.

The terror did not disappear from the child's face and they could see a few tears on their cheeks. Sans heard Alphys move and when he turned to look he saw her coming back with a piece of bread in her hand. Alphys offered the child food, but they just kept their hands to their chest and didn't take it. Papyrus noticed the child's reaction and took the bread from Alphys. He broke off a tiny piece of it and put it in his mouth. «Look, it’s completely safe.»

The child, with shaking hands, took the bread and looked at it as if they hadn't eaten in days. Slowly they started eating without looking at any of them. Papyrus stood up next to him, looking relieved that the child was safe and sound. «I’ve been here three times as long as should’ve been.» His voice did not match the calmness he seemed to have on the outside. «Would you now tell us, what has happened?»

«Change of plans. We had to stay because we learned about the attack.» Papyrus hesitated and looked at the child. «I'll tell you the rest as soon as I can, but I really have to go.» Papyrus unbuckled his sword from his belt and grabbed it as he had done many times before. «Undyne’s not going to be happy, at all.» He said mostly to himself before opening the door. And after all the things Sans had thoughtlessly said to Papyrus didn’t leave without his usual promise. «I’ll come back.»

«I promise.» Hearing that promise hurt more than any of the previous ones.

Chapter Text

The kid stayed. Because it was the only option they had. 

Crossing the border and trying to find their family would be too dangerous. Especially for them, when they had no information about the soldiers' whereabouts. That information was only found from an army commander. If even from them. Not to mention they had no idea where the kid’s family could be. And as reluctant as Sans was to keep the kid, he understood that they couldn't leave them to their own devices. 

The kid didn't do much. Mostly sat in the corner of the room playing with their necklace or own fingers, their eyes fixed on them as they worked. They didn't refuse the food, but were clearly wary when they received it. 

Alphys’ figured they didn't want to be a bother. They just sat there, uneven bangs covering their eyes. They seemed to be particularly fond of that piece of jewelry. Alphys had noticed one morning that the kid turned their head towards the door whenever they heard birds singing as it opened. Maybe the birds reminded them of their real home.

Alphys was doing her own thing when Sans returned. Alphys was already so used to the shortcuts he used she didn't even flinch, when he appeared. He had a small pile of cloth with him. He’d tried to find better clothes for the kid. If they stayed with them, they could at least make sure they would be fine. 

«How’s the kid doing?» He asked, placing the clothes on a chair. Now Alphys also looked at the kid. They were sleeping on the floor. The kid seemed to sleep more during the day than at night. Holding on to the edge of the blanket as if their lives depended on it. The fear didn't go away even while sleeping. «I’d like to assume they’re fine, but… I don't think they are.» As for physical, the kid's condition was improving. They weren't in the best possible condition, and probably wouldn't be for a long time. You could see from them that they were in a constant fight or flight mode. «Darling are they not?» Alphys' voice was soft. «Very sweet soul.» 

«Have they spoken?» The kid hadn’t said a word since their arrival. They barely looked them in the eye. They were afraid. And for good a reason. «Not a single word.» They didn't know their name, age or anything. The kid couldn't have been older than ten years, and even for a child they looked really small. The only thing they knew was that this child was away from home.

Although he didn't want to keep the kid. Sans didn't even think about killing them. Killing innocence. He would never sink that low. Because he knew there were those in this world who could do that, and he didn't want to be one of them. Ever. He just didn't like that he now had a constant reminder of who had betrayed them. It’s not their fault. He had to remind himself. The kid may not even fully understand themself what’s happening. It's not their fault. Never was and never will be. «Don't be too harsh on them.» Alphys hadn't taken her eyes off the child, even as she spoke to him. «I won't.» The least he could do would be to try. 

As they watched, the kid was about to wake up. They turned their side under the blanket a few times until they rubbed their eyes and looked around, noticing them. Sans had already noticed how they slept. Always with their back to the wall so they could see what was happening in the room. Worn-out shoes on and always having their laces tied. As if they were keeping themself ready to depart even in their sleep.

They sat up and crossed their legs. They blinked a couple of times as if they still could believe that this was their new life. When Sans was sure they were fully awake, he took the clothes and reached them. He kneeled down to be at the same level as the sitting child.

«Hey kid. Got you these.» He was about to hand the clothes straight to the kid, until he decided to just lay them down in front of them. «Might be a little big for you, but I couldn't find anything better.» The child carefully looked up from their new clothes. After a moment of hesitation, they looked him in the eye. They still had hair over their eyes, but he could see a pair of dark brown eyes, they almost looked black, looking at him. The fear had not disappeared from them, but in addition to that, there was also something else.

They were curious.

The eye contact did not last more than a few seconds. Sans was quickly standing again and the child examined the pile of clothes he had received. Going through each one carefully. He turned back to Alphys, she got a wooden box packed with precisely arranged small bottles in front of her. «Got anything to sell?» Their main source of income was Alphys' medicine. She made, he sold. Because if there was one thing Sans knew, it was how to talk to people. Now he looked at the basket full of small bottles, each with a handwritten label in Alphys' handwriting. «Cough medicine and fever reducer.» Even though they had lived with humans since the beginning of time, they still reacted differently to humans to minor illnesses. The same applies the other way around. 

His magic didn't cure illnesses. Only other physical injuries. And not even all of them. He felt weak whenever he thought about the things that he couldn't fix. Everything he wanted to fix, but couldn't. But didn't know how to. 

«If you could take these tonight that would be great.» She placed a piece of cloth over the box, covering its contents. «Yeah, of course.» Maybe it would be good for him to leave the house for a little longer and Alphys could have some time with the kid. He was sure that Alphys was much better company for the kid than he was. It would be noon soon. The market would be full of people, which would only be a good thing for him. If he was lucky, he would be able to sell everything before nightfall. «I can go now if you don't have anything else to put there.»

When they had moved to this village after the war started, he had put together what looked like a selling stand. And that's what he used it for. Anyone had the opportunity to set up their own stand at the market without any major permits. They had been put around the fountain in the middle of the village. During the day, the village center was filled with sellers, buyers, and playing children.

Even though he had just arrived, he lifted the box under his arm, being careful not to rattle it too much so as not to break the bottles. He glanced at the kid and they looked at his feet, avoiding his eyelights. He said a quick goodbye to Alphys before disappearing. It took him a moment to get used to the brightness of the sun. He had come at the perfect time. The market wasn't as busy as usual yet, but that just meant more people would show up later. He removed the cloth protecting the bottles from the top of the box and began to lift them onto the table.

He watched as a few other vendors set up their stalls. A few had already been there when Sans had visited in the morning. He recognized most of them and knew that more would come as the afternoon approached. He recognized several food stalls and a man who was selling all sorts of junk in a small cart. But Sans didn't complain because he’d gotten clothes for the kid from him. 

The hours passed quickly in the hustle and bustle of the market. It wasn't long before the basket Alphys had filled was empty. He could have left immediately after noticing it, but decided to stay for a while. Maybe if he and the kid got used to each other, he could take them with him someday. If they got used to each other. He tried to put himself in the kid's shoes. In a house of strangers, too scared to leave. Living with two strangers, one of which called them an enemy. 

He felt a small wave of guilt. Had the child heard him call them an enemy? Had they heard Sans say he wouldn't save them? Even though he knew the kid had been unconscious, and the likelihood that they had heard was very small. But he couldn't help but think about what it would feel like to be in the company of someone who knew they hated them. He didn't hate them. Not really. He hated the thought of humans. The thought and the reality of them as a big group against them. As an enemy. He didn't hate a single kid.

He looked up to the sky. It wouldn't be many hours until sunset. Maybe he could go home too. He usually used shortcuts, but for some reason that he couldn't name, he started walking along the cobblestone road. It would only be a couple hundred meters anyway. Many people greeted him as they passed by and he greeted them back. At this point he could almost say he knew everyone here. Over the people's talk, familiar birds could be heard. He understood why the kid liked them. 

When their house came into view, he noticed the flickering flames of candles in the window. He opened the door and made the usual creaking sound as it opened. He was confronted by a sight he had not expected.

Alphys sat on a chair with the kid in front of her. They sat with their legs against their chest and tapped their feet on the floor. Their fingers were entwined around the chain, playing with the golden bird. They had changed into the clothes he had found. Brown pants with a few patches of different colors. A light long-sleeved shirt which sleeves were rolled up a couple of times so they weren't too long. The child had also taken off their shoes for the first time. 

Soon he noticed how Alphys was brushing their hair. She ran a wooden comb through the kid's short hair. Their wavy hair was no longer tangled and brown streaks flowed in front of their eyes. She had done a small braid on the side of their head. It was tied with a thin red ribbon with a small bell on it. The child seemed more calm. Not completely, but better than before. The tension in their body was still there, but if you took only a quick look they looked completely fine.

Sans didn't know what Alphys had said to the child that had made them even come to her at all. Whatever it was, it had worked, and Sans found himself relieved. He was relieved that at least with Alphys they could relax. Maybe they could do the same in his presence someday. It would take effort from him too.

Chapter Text

«Got to ask. How did you do it?»

They've had the child for almost a few weeks now. It was nice to see how they slowly started to get used to their new life. They no longer sat in the corner of the room all day but moved around the house more freely. Also their physical condition seemed to improve well. They didn't have much to do, but they always seemed to find a way to spend the day. For a moment Alphys had put her notes and work aside and chose to leave her desk for once. It had only been a matter of time before Sans would bring it up. When he had left the child had barely looked them in the eye and hadn't moved from their familiar spot unless absolutely necessary. But when he had returned with the empty box they had sat together and the child didn’t flinch at her touch as she brushed their hair. She had realized one thing when she was left alone with the child. «You can’t just say they’re safe. Repeating that sentence won't help. You have to use different words.»

«You can’t just tell them they can stay, you have to tell them you want them to stay.»

Sans had left hours ago. The sun would soon set. She was alone with the child and was racking her brains over how to establish some kind of connection with them. Throughout the day, she had tried to start a conversation but had failed miserably. The child was very endearing despite their silence. They hid behind their uneven bangs, but their dark eyes were visible when he got close enough. They showed curiosity, like children usually do. 

She had to somehow manage to tell them that they had nothing to fear. But they were a child in the middle of a war, of course they were afraid. Alphys didn't know why she was still sitting there. She had finished her work for the day and everything was written down. She had had something on her mind for a while that she wanted to tell the child. She had just been waiting for the right moment. That moment was now. She didn't say that Sans's presence had held her back from carrying out his idea. There was nothing wrong with him, she just thought it would be easier for the child to get used to them one by one.

She took a deep breath and stood up. The child was, again, playing with their golden chain. «Hey.» She said as she walked towards them. Trying not to walk too fast, just in case the child finds it threatening. «Can I tell you a secret?» No denying gesture, but no affirming one either. She didn't even wait for words. She sat down in front of the child as calmly as possible and placed her hands in her lap. «You know. I get nervous and scared easily too.» They reacted by looking her in the eye. It wasn't much, but it felt rewarding on some level. «But I have my friends to make me feel safe, even when my mind tells me I’m not.»

She hadn't planned any further than this, but she had a feeling that this could still end well. For a moment they just looked at each other and something in the child's eyes changed. The fear that had always been behind them seemed to momentarily dissipate. Alphys knew the child wouldn't speak for a long time, so she decided to come up with something for them to warm up to each other without words. «Could I tidy up your hair a little bit?»

No answer. Not even the slightest gesture. It was no, and Alphys understood it. She stood up and gave the child a small smile. That was the beginning. But almost as soon as she had had time to sit down, the child walked over to her. In complete silence they sat on the floor in front of her chair and brought their knees to their chests. Alphys froze for a few seconds. She hadn't expected this. But when the situation really dawned on her, she smiled to herself. She opened the only small drawer on her desk and took out a small wooden comb. She tried to be as gentle as possible as she ran the comb through the child's hair. It was tangled and she was afraid she might accidentally hurt them.

When she finally got their hair sorted, she took a few strands from the sides of their heads. She divided them into three sections and began to braid them into a small braid. The child seemed to realize what she was doing and, without asking, turned her head slightly to make it easier for her to work. Alphys hadn't done this in ages. She was amazed at how easily the hair formed the usual braid pattern.

«No matter what’s going inside your head, I promise you can make this your new home if you want. If the day comes when you want to send someone to look for your family, we won't judge or try to stop you.» She took a thin red ribbon with a small gold bell and tied to it the end of the small braid. «But I hope you know that we’ll always have a place for you here.»

«I have an idea.» She tore a blank page from her notebook and dipped her pen in ink. «Do you know how to write?» The child nodded. «Could you write your name?» She held out the ink pen and the kid took it. Why hadn't they thought of this before? All those moments when they had wondered how to get the child to talk, they hadn't thought about this. It took them a while, but soon they wrote five letters in small handwriting.

Frisk.  

«Frisk is it?» The child—Frisk—nodded again. Now they finally had some information about them. «How old are you?» Sans asked, and again Alphys thought why they hadn’t asked it before. They didn’t even have to write it down, they could show it with their fingers. Frisk raised their hands and showed all ten fingers. «You’re ten?» Another nod. Even for a ten-year-old, they looked significantly younger. «Thank you, Frisk.» Something very small in the child's expression brightened when they heard her use their name. «I’m sure Papyrus will love them.» She hadn't meant to say it out loud. She didn't know how Sans handled his and Papyrus' fight. But what she did know was that Sans would never forgive himself if he found out that the last time they had met, they had fought. 

«I know he will.»

«Speaking of Papyrus. Can I ask you something?» They got up, leaving the child to their own doings. «Technically you already did, but go ahead.» She was very sure she wouldn't get an answer, but the question had kept coming back to her mind every now and then. «What… What did he mean when he said you taught him to be kind and care when you were a child?» It was clear from his face that he hadn't expected the question. But he covered his surprise so quickly that you couldn't even notice it. «Oh you caught up on that? I kind of raised him.» He said it very casually. Too casually. Like it didn't matter much. Like it was completely normal for him. «You… did?»

«It’s okay, we are used to being on our own.» He walked over to the fireplace and added a few more logs. The mornings were already much colder than usual. Winter was just around the corner. And if this war didn't end soon, no matter the side, it would be the end of them all. «If you don't mind, how long has it been just you two?» Alphys wanted to make it clear that she didn't want to pressure him. But at the same time, she trusted that her friend knew his limits. «Since I was twelve and Papyrus was five.»  

Five and twelve… She knew they’ve been alone for a long time, but that long? They’ve been just children. Her expression seemed to reveal her thoughts because when Sans turned he spoke as if trying to undo his previous sentence. «Don’t look at me like that. It’s not that big of a deal.» The way he spoke as if discussing the weather was partly sad. «It’s not okay for children to raise their youngers.» Alphys said it as if it was obvious, even though she now knew it wasn't for Sans.

«Well sometimes when you have to do something, you don't care if it's okay or not.» It was true, at least to some extent. She herself, and probably almost everyone else, had experienced it. «May I ask about the… uh…» The line would come very soon. Soon her questions would only be answered with silence or a request not to ask more. But Sans finished her question before she could apologize for being curious. «The rest of our family?»

«It could barely be called a family. Just us and our father.» Immediately, a question came to her mind: What had happened to him? Maybe it was because she was a scientist. Or maybe it was because she was a quick thinker, she started automatically thinking of possible answers and guesses. «You want to know what happened to him, don't you?» She did want to know. She was aware that sometimes she was maybe a little too curious. She wanted to know, but didn’t want to force him to talk. Even though he knew that Sans only spoke when he wanted to. It would take a lot to force him. «Kid, cover your ears.» He said to Frisk and Alphys wasn’t surprised to see them do exactly as he said.

«We weren't worth his time.»

Sans sat on the fence of the terrace, watching his little brother running after a butterfly. It wasn't long before he fell on the rough gravel. When he got himself to sit up, his eyesockets were filled with tears. Sans jumped off the fence and walked across the small yard to his brother. Papyrus had a few bruises on his knees. He was pretty sure the bruises didn't even hurt that much, but that the crying was due to fright. 

But to make his brother feel okay, he sat down to his brother's level and smiled encouragingly. He looked at Papyrus and wiped the tears from his face with his free hand. A small green glow shone between them and soon the marks were gone. «Better?» He asked. «Yes.» Papyrus smiled at him and got up. Sans followed behind and wiped most of the sand off Papyrus’ clothes. «Go on.» His words disappeared under two pairs of steps. The others fell behind him as Papyrus continued his play.

Others were behind him and he knew to whom those footsteps belonged to. He turned around, knowing who he would see. A tall man in a black coat walked towards him. Even though Sans still had to look up at his father, it didn't stop him from reading the letters on the name tag pinned to his jacket. W.D.Gaster. «Leaving again.» It was more of a statement than a question, because he already knew the answer. «Yes, but I’ll be back tomorrow.»

«Could you stay? Just this once?» He knew his request was useless even before he said it. However, he tried to keep his voice as steady as possible. His father's expression didn't change. He just looked at his son with the same emotionless expression he had been looking at him for as long as Sans could remember. «You’re fully capable of taking care of yourself and your brother.» Sans turned his head and saw Papys playing. He had left the butterfly he was chasing alone and was focused on something that looked like a tiny puzzle made out of rocks. He didn’t even know how puzzles worked or how to make them, but that’s what he called his works. Sans was truly capable of taking care of them both. He didn't deny it. «I won't be gone for long.»

«You say that every time.» Every time he left he said that same sentence. But each time his absence only got longer. Just a few hours turned into many. Hours turned into a whole day or two. «And every time I come back.» But that doesn't mean you won't be gone for a long time. He knew that his voice oozed years of hidden anger. Sans could still keep Papyrus in the dark, but he couldn't fool his father anymore at this point. He was too tired of pretending. But it was always worth trying, no matter how useless it was. 

«Just one evening, that's all I ask.» He tried to sound calmer than he really was. He tried to sound like he didn't hate the man in front of him. Like he didn't wish with all his soul that one day he could say he never even knew him. Although there was no physical change in his father's expression, he could feel the coldness in his next words. «You should be grateful.»

«For what?» A small chuckle mixed into his voice. Not because he found the situation funny. But frustration with this same ridiculous situation that he had been through more times than he could count. «That our own father is choosing his career over his children?» He did his best not to raise his voice. So that Papyrus wouldn't hear. «I’m teaching you independence.» He thought he was doing him a favor. Maybe he did. Who wouldn't want to be a parent at the ripe age of eleven? Even if someone wanted to, Sans wasn't one of them.

At that point, Papyrus had noticed that his brother had company and ran to them. «Hi dad!» Papyrus came between them and grabbed the hem of his father's coat with a smile on his face. «Come and see my new puzzle, it’s a lot better than the last one.» Sans didn't know if Papyrus knew he would hear a negative answer. Again. «I’m so sorry, but I have important work to do.» Papyrus wasn't as good at hiding his emotions as his big brother and the disappointment was clearly visible on his face. «I promise to look at your puzzle later.»

It shouldn't have hurt. It shouldn't have hurt even in the slightest. But it did. It did hurt to hear his father changing his tone when he talked to Papyrus. The way his voice changed from cold and indifferent, to caring and compassionate whenever he talked to the younger of the boys. 

«Oh, okay.» Papyrus hugged his father as much as he could, still being so short. Their father didn't look at him, instead he looked at Sans who looked at him with an expression that was trying to say «One day he’ll know you don't actually care.» Whether he understood or not, he hugged his son back. «Bye!» Papyrus waved after him, when he started to walk towards the village, completely unaware of the conversation between his family members. He didn't wave back, didn't even turn around. A glimpse of sadness was seen in Papyrus’ eyelights and Sans tried to comfort him. «Maybe he just didn't hear you.»

His hand was still up, and he hadn't realized to lower it even though their father disappeared from sight. Sans pulled him against his side with one hand, trying to take some of his brother's disappointment upon himself so he wouldn't have to bear it alone. «You’ll never leave me, right?» He had to look him up. Sans held on to him a little tighter, trying to tell more with his gestures than his words could. «No, I won't.»

«I’ll never leave you.»

«I begged him. I begged him to stay. But he left. He chose to leave»

«Please stay.» No answer, just a blank stare. It said more than words ever could. More than if he directly said it to him.

«Just say you don’t care. Say it. Say you just don't care.» He wanted to yell. But knowing that Papyrus was only a couple meters away on the other side of the wall, he didn’t. He still wasn't tall enough to look his father in the eye without looking up. «How dare you talk to me like that.» No anger shone through his words. It was filled with pure disappointment and coldness. Nothing he hadn’t already got used to. «You treat us however you want, I’ll talk to you however I want.» His voice trembled. It felt like every version of him was trying to get him to say everything he had kept to himself all along. As if he was fighting against the child version of himself trying not to make him say anything that would cost him dearly later. «What I’m doing is for the greater good, for us, for both of you.»

«Lying doesn't suit you. You were supposed to be an honest man.»

«Your immaturity is very disappointing. I raised you better than this.» Raised him better? After all these years when he had barely called him his son, he still took the credit for raising him. «I raised myself. You don't get a say when it comes to me.» Their father knew nothing about them. Nothing at all. It was as if they were books bought long ago, left untouched on a shelf, accompanied only by the dust that had gathered over the years.

«You don't want to stay for me? Fine, so be it. Stay for him. Stay for the only person in this house who still believes in your “goodness”.» No answer. But he didn’t need one. He knew he wouldn't stay, not even for him. It didn’t need to be said out loud. The fact haunted their very empty home. It was in the air, waiting for the day it would be unleashed. The day when the extra layers would no longer be needed and the secrets would no longer be hidden. «Why can’t you care?» His anger had drained away with those words. He was too tired to fight. It was obvious his father had made his decision a long time ago. He knew what he wanted and it was obvious they weren’t one of them. «You will understand when you’re older.» 

«You see me as a bad person, but you’ll be exactly like me when you grow up.» It felt like he’d hit him. And if anything, it only strengthened his hatred towards that man. The man he had to call his father. «I’ll never be like you.» He’d learn not to be surprised when promises were broken, but that was a promise he would keep. He would never be like his father. He would rather be dead than be like him. «Do you know how much I’ve sacrificed for you? How hard I've worked?»

«We didn’t ask to be your kids!»

«We didn’t ask to be your life’s biggest mistake. We didn’t ask you to ruin your life for us!» It got quiet in his and Papyrus' room too. The impact of his words swirled around the house, like smoke from a fire that gradually swallowed everything in its path, covering up the real danger. «You were given a gift to heal what was broken, only to use your words for the opposite.» As bad as their relationship was, his father had never physically hurt him. The same could not be said when it came to the verbal side. But for the first time in a long time, Sans was afraid that he would soon truly feel his father's power. Instead, he just took a step forward so that there were only a couple of steps between them. «You truly are my child.»

And that was the last thing he said. The last thing before he decided neither of them deserved to be his son.

They sat on the floor of his and Papyrus’ room in complete silence. Sans sat on his knees with his back against the closed door even though there was no one else in the house besides them. Papyrus sat on his lap with his head pressed against his shoulder. «Sans? Will dad ever come back?» Something inside him broke at that question. Her brother who had always believed they would make a good family. Papyrus who had done everything he could to try to bring them together. There was both confusion and sadness in his voice, but he didn't cry. His eyes shone bright, but something behind them was broken. And no one could ever make that whole again. Sans hugged his brother a little tighter. He knew he wouldn't come back. He would never step through the door of this house again. 

He wanted to look at his brother with a smile on his face, tell him that everything would be okay and that their family could still be whole one day. «It’s not your fault.» He whispered. As much as he hated him, somewhere back in his mind, Sans wished he’d come back. But at the same time he never wanted to see him again. Sans stopped waiting. Papyrus stopped asking. And that was the moment when he truly realized they’re never seeing their father again.

«I started to think that he was dead. And it was easy.» That was the end of his story. Or so did he let Alphys assume. She was his friend, and a curious one. But she didn’t need to know everything. She didn’t need to know and he didn’t want to relive it.

They had grown up surrounded by the idea that someone else's time had to be earned. It wasn't a given that someone would give their time to you. «It’s his first time on earth. Maybe he just… didn't know any better.» Didn’t know any better? He knew exactly what he was doing. He knew his actions and their consequences. When would Papyrus understand that some people just aren’t good? He had grown up, but still hadn't changed much from what he had been as a kid. «Guess what? It’s also our first time on earth.» 

While Papyrus believed in everyone as he believed in himself, he believed that everyone should have the opportunity to choose better. Sans didn’t have such an optimistic mindset. «Would you do that? Would you do what he did to us?» He knew he wouldn't. He would never stoop to Gaster's level. But some part of him wanted to hear him say it himself. Somehow, he hoped it would make him realize that some people just didn't deserve forgiveness. «Of course not.»

«Exactly.»

«So yeah, I don’t care if he’s alive or dead. I don't care if I don't see him ever again.» He had been trying to speak so quietly the whole time that the child wouldn't hear, even if they had their hands over their ears. «We didn't need him then, we don't need him now.» Alphys looked at him like she would look at a hurt child. He had to show her that despite everything, he wasn't weak. That he wasn't broken. «But I don’t want you to feel any kind of pity towards me or him.» Alphys didn't answer, even though he was sure she had heard. «Does Papyrus know all this?» He knew she meant their fights and how he knew all along that Gaster didn’t actually love them like he said he did. «Of course he does. He's not a child. And I don't think he's been one for many years.» Of course he had told him. He didn't want to treat him like a child because he knew he was far from a child.

«Okay kid, you can stop now.» The kid looked at them and took their hands off their ears. Judging by their expressions, they hadn't heard his story. Good. He didn't want to give the kid any more reason to distrust them. Especially now that they were slowly getting used to each other.

He didn't know what a future would be like with a kid. But one thing he knew for sure. He wouldn't do to this kid what his father did to him and his brother. He knew he hadn’t been the best son, but no child deserved their childhood.

Chapter Text

The approaching winter was in the air. The cold would soon overtake the land like it did every time a year passed. Despite the cold, winter was a beautiful time. The ground was covered in sparkling snow. The branches of the trees would be white and icicles would decorate the eaves of the houses. The red went well with the white. But the thought of winter, when the white ground would be decorated by red pools of blood, sent chills down his spine. 

Papyrus’ return had been hasty. He hadn’t been able to estimate how long he had been away from battle, but he knew it was far too long. He knew his group was strong. But he was aware of the strengths of the other side. He may have been more optimistic than others, but he wasn't stupid. He didn't see anyone as he ran back, and for some reason that didn't calm him down. He left the road into a small patch of forest. Very small in size, but dense enough to give him good cover. The battle may or may not be over. Both options are entirely possible.

The sounds of distant fighting reached his ears. It was still going on. He made a rough estimate that he had been gone for perhaps an over hour. Although time passed quickly in the fighting, when all you cared about was seeing the next day. Depending on the amount of magic used, they wouldn't last much longer. Magic was their advantage, but their weakness. It brought strength at the cost of their energy.

As they approached the edge of the forest, the sounds grew louder. Only now did he get a better view of the field. Bodies, blood, and dust everywhere. He abandoned the shelter of the forest and headed towards the field destroyed by this battle. Papyrus moved at just the right moment, and not too early. He heard an arrow whizz past his head. He’d been noticed. He didn't stop to see where it hit. He had bigger things to worry about. And not a second was to be wasted. He took a better hold of his sword by the hilt. Let’s do this. Again.

He quickened his pace back to run, trying to keep his eyes on the archer. A few arrows flew at him but missed. Screams of pain. Clangs of weapons. Running and falling. Papyrus easily noticed his own people, although it was almost impossible to recognize who was who. However, one stood out from the chaos. Bright red hair. She was alive. He didn't have time to feel relieved when he felt pain in his arm. The human soldier's sword had managed to cut through his sleeve and hit his bones with it. Nothing life-threatening, just a minor injury. He gathered his balance and kicked the soldier further away and he fell to the ground. 

Papyrus continued running, trying to help his fighting comrades, but the battle was so fierce that he feared he would hit his own. He hadn't looked at his feet and he had tripped over something. Or rather, someone. One of them. The youngest of their group. Only eighteen years old. Or so he said he was. Papyrus was certain that the monster had lied about his age. But he hadn't admitted it and no one had asked him. But Papyrus would guess that the young boy was only sixteen. A child. The collar of his shirt was soaked with fresh blood and the first dust was visible around it. There was a deep wound on his neck, almost as if someone had tried to push a sword through his throat. 

With the last of his strength, the boy grabbed Papyrus' ankle as if he never intended to let go. No sound came from his throat, or if it did, it was drowned out by the noise of the battle. His eyes were filled with pure terror. He was afraid of death. Like many others. The grip around his ankle quickly loosened, and the boy's hand dropped to his foot. He hadn't closed his eyes, and their glassy gaze reflected his last moment of fear. This was not the fate he deserved. But he couldn't stay here. He looked away from the now dead boy and his terrified gaze.

He managed to turn around a second before he fell to the ground. The human soldier had managed to unbalance him. His foot on his chest, keeping him grounded. Just like a soldier raised his sword to ensure he would never see the light of day again, he flew to the side from the force of the kick that hit him. «Good to see you again, soldier!» Papyrus’ eyes met Undyne’s. Her hands were full of small wounds and her face was smeared with dirt. «Same to you.» He got back to his feet. A quick wave of relief swept over him when he realized his friend didn't have any life-threatening injuries. However, he didn't have time to get used to it when the same soldier that Undyne had just saved him from was back on his feet, just like him. On his feet and ready to fight. He felt a small nudge and noticed that Undyne didn't get to enjoy the moment of relief any longer than he did.

The soldier's sword was rusty and there were blood stains on his face and hands. He looked exhausted, but he stood. Held himself at the ready. Enemies or not, Papyrus somewhat admired their fighting spirit. The soldier was considerably older than him. Or at least he seemed so. But Papyrus had noticed that war and constant fighting took away the youth from one’s face. 

Their swords met in the middle. Stopping each other so that the sound that came from them were ear-splitting, even though it was barely audible. «How do you live with yourself?» He could just barely hear the voice of the soldier facing him, over all the noise. «How do you sleep knowing that you’re a killer?» The question he had been asking himself all this time. «That’s the thing», he tried to speak loudly enough for the soldier to hear. Although he thought it unlikely that he was even interested in what he had to say. «I don’t know.» He didn't know how he slept through the night. He didn't know how he lived with himself. He just did. «And that’s why, it’s terrifying.» He was afraid that one day he would become numb to what he was doing. That one day he simply wouldn't care that he was responsible for someone's life. «But I can be better. You can be better. We can choose to be better than this.»

«I’m better when you’re dead!» He didn't have time to say anything when a white-hot pain pierced his body. He had experienced pain many times before, but it was nothing compared to this. It felt like someone was trying to forcefully rip his soul out of him. And as quickly as it had come, it was gone. Oh. He knew his time was up. And its acceptance may began.

He would never learn the child’s name. He would never see his brother again. He would never see his friends again. He would never see the end of all of this. In his mind he repeated two words. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. He apologized to everyone and everything. Would he be forgiven for everything he had done? Would he be forgiven for his kills against humanity? Did he deserve forgiveness?

He would be one with the stars. «Nonsense.» , his father had always said. Nonsense or not, the thought was still beautiful. Memories swirled in his head as if trying to fit his entire life into just  a few seconds. How he had sat alone in their room, listening to Sans and his father argue. Trying to close his ears from everything he heard. How he had realized that their family would never be together again. How he had raced Undyne around the village where they spent their childhood. How he had struck his sword into human flesh for the first time. And how he had hated it ever since. How he and Sans had argued as their last conversation... He would forgive him for that. Of course he would. They had argued before. This wasn't much different. They forgave each other everything, because they knew that they could be torn apart at any moment. This time, there was just no time to say the apologies out loud.

He had promised to come back. Every time it was closer to a lie than the truth. Every time he left, the chances of returning decreased. Perhaps it was only a matter of time before the odds were no longer on his side. He couldn't keep his promise. And he knew this would be the last time his brother would even consider trusting in the promise. Papyrus already missed him.

He wasn’t afraid. After all he’d seen, he wasn’t afraid. He didn't know what that boy had felt like. What it felt like to be afraid of death. Because if the truth was told, life was scarier than death. If they didn't end the war, the war would end them.

Not him. Not him. Please, not him. It felt like the world had stopped. But why didn't anyone lay down their weapons? Why did the fight continue? Why did everyone around her continue to fight for their lives? Time seemed to forget its normal speed. A second felt like an hour, or maybe just the blink of an eye. And she watched. She watched how her friend’s sword didn’t have time to block the hit. How the enemy's blade hit his neck. Destroying what was in its way. And what was on its way was him.

Usually it took multiple hours for monsters to dust. But there were exceptions. His body fell on its knees and collapsed as his head hit the ground. And the soldier stepped on him… In just a second, dust bursted underneath his foot. Some of it flew into the air, forming a small cloud of dust. Some remained in a single pile on the ground. And he was gone. Papyrus was dead. 

He. Was. Dead .

Her childhood best friend. Still until this day her best friend. Gone. They had come this far. They had made it through all of this. And now it was wiped away. All those memories they’ve created. The good and the bad ones. She couldn't get her thoughts organized properly. She would never see him again.

Undyne almost forgot the human in front of her who had managed to recover from her hit during her moment of freeze. She would not rest until every single human in this field would stop breathing. Until all of this was over. She couldn't save him. She would do everything she could to ensure that he, or anyone else, didn't die for nothing. The soldier who was against her, barely had time to raise his weapon before the life was drained from his body. The tip of her spear had a new cover of blood. She could see the soldier's eyes glaze over as the life behind them disappeared. She didn't have time to see his body fall to the ground, as she already had a new opponent. The soldier who killed him.

The soldier who killed Papyrus had a small smile on his face. It wouldn’t be there for long. He could be proud of his action if he wanted to, but he didn't seem to know what a heavy price he would now have to pay. It felt like her body was moving on its own, obeying her subconscious and every thought before she even had time to think about them. In one moment his spear pierced the soldier who had killed his friend. In another she was ignoring her own words. Use magic only when absolutely necessary, or you'll exhaust yourself to death sooner than you think. It felt good to let her magic be with her. Letting her magic flow through like the most natural thing ever existing.

As the adrenaline began to wear off, she did everything she could to keep herself from falling to the ground. She looked around and was even surprised by what she saw. They stood in an almost empty field now. The ground was covered in pools of blood, dust and all the fallen soldiers. And no alive human on sight. Undyne could only faintly hear her name being called, but she didn't listen. Her spear fell from her hold, sending a small cloud of dust flying as it hit the ground. She looked at her friend's body, or what was left of it. Couldn’t take her eyes off it, although she felt more sick as another second passed. His sword had fallen from his hand when he fell and it laid beside the body.

She managed to take one's eyes off from her friend’s slowly dusting body. Instead she saw something else. His sword. She stared at it. She couldn't bring herself to move. Her legs felt too heavy to move. Undyne heard running footsteps behind her, but she didn't turn. They couldn't stay here. They should leave. The few meters that she had to walk to the sword seemed like an eternity. She allowed herself to pause for just a moment before picking it up. The hilt of the sword was still warm, it had his fingerprints on it and almost dried blood stains on the blade. 

She knew death. She had seen death more often than she wanted to remember. Death surrounded her. She had taught herself to endure through it. How to endure through losses, destruction, deaths. But together they held her in a stranglehold. And didn’t let go. But giving up was out of the question. They had come so far. With one hand, she took a tight grip on the handle. As she looked up, she lifted the sword so it pointed to the sky. For his honor. They had won, but every victory was also a defeat. She couldn’t keep them safe. Not now, not ever.

Chapter Text

Day number one hundred and seventy-nine. In the evening he could draw a new line on the wall. Day number two hundred was no longer as far away as it had once seemed. Sans had had a surprisingly easy time with his work the past few weeks. On average, only one to two patients a day, and even those were small, basic cases. Not a single person from the frontlines, since Papyrus’ one visit. It's funny how it could be interpreted in two completely different ways. Either no-one was seriously injured. Or death took them before they could do anything. He hoped the first option would be the real case. But the latter was more realistic.

Less than an hour ago, Alphys had gone to the nearby forest. Because she had noticed that if you didn't plan on drying the herbs, their effect was greater if you picked them yourself. Magic or not, they also had to rely on what nature could offer them. It was just him and the kid. It was well into the afternoon, and he’d had only one patient. A woman with her kid who had broken her finger. In a few minutes the girl was fine and they left. The kid, on the other hand, had decided to move from playing with their jewelry to their shoelaces. They had made simple-looking knots several times, untied them, and retied them again. It was better than staring at a wall, at least. «Hey kid», the kid looked up from their shoes at him.

«I was wondering, would you like to see some of the village?» The kid had been unconscious when they arrived here and had remained inside. They technically lived here, only temporarily, but maybe they should see places. Other than the inside of their house. They thought for a moment and he understood why. He wanted to think that the kid trusted them, at least Alphys, but the village was full of people. And there was no guarantee of the child's safety. Since they both knew that people knew how to not welcome humans among them. Sans himself had been an example of that. «I know you’re scared, but you’re safe as long as you’re with me, okay?» It took them a couple of minutes before answering. He wondered if they went through every single possible scenario, of what could happen, in their mind. With a little uncertainty, but also curiosity, the child nodded.

The bell in their hair gave off a bright ringing in time with their steps. They looked around curiously. It was nice to see the kid outside of the house without being afraid. But he would be lying to himself if he pretended not to acknowledge they were on guard as they walked towards the market. The busiest hours were over, but the roads were still bustling with people. Sans was a little too aware of all the stares they were getting. The kid seemed to notice too and moved a little closer to him. As they approached the center of the village, they passed many buildings familiar to him. What caught my eye the most was the only bar in the village, which was always full of people, no matter the time of day.

The door was open and loud laughter and clapping could be heard from inside. Their home was crumbling in front of their eyes and somehow they managed to keep a bar open every single day. When they arrived at his sales point, Sans pulled a box from under the stall for the child to use as a chair. He would have nothing to sell for the next few days, but they should be fine until that. The kid sat on the box and started to swing their legs so that their heels occasionally hit the wall of the box. Sans noticed that the clapping had gotten quiet. A familiar person coming out of the side door of the bar. He raised his hand in greeting after recognizing him. He noticed him and, unlike Sans had thought, walked to them. Soon in front of them stood a tall man, with black hair and silver and black plating. «Greetings. What a lovely surprise. Taking a couple minute break and I thought I'd come say a quick hello.» 

Sans gave his friend a smile and greeted back. «Good to see you, Mettaton.» They weren’t really close friends, but they talked every now and then, when they had a chance. «You haven’t changed since we last met.» His voice was very robotic, which shouldn't be surprising to anyone. Someone might take that as an insult, but he didn’t. At least he knew that the war hadn’t made him completely unrecognizable. «Could say the same about you. It has truly been awhile. Still wandering around, performing?» A few years before the war, Mettaton had established a career as an entertainer. A comedian, if official terms were used. He used to perform only in the closest villages, but later on decided to think of the whole country as an audience. «Of course, someone here has to make sure this land has something to laugh about.» And at least judging by his now waiting audience, he knew how to do his job well. «I thought I would pay a quick visit after my last show here.» 

«Absolutely, I think Alphys would love to see you.» Out of all of them, Alphys was the closest to Mettaton. She was to be thanked for that he even had a chance to do what he did. «Well in that case, I make sure to come and at least say hi.» Sans knew that Mettaton had already noticed the kid but only now was he addressing them. «And who is this darling?» The kid seemed to shrink as they sat there. They stopped swinging their legs and just stared, but somewhere next to Mettaton, avoiding eye contact. Sans looked at the kid who had no intention to join the conversation in any way. «This is Frisk, they’re a–»

But unlike the others. Mettaton looked at the child like any other young person. «A human.» Many others had also noticed it. He leaned forward a little and looked at the kid with his black eyes. «You might be a little too young to come to my show.» The kid didn’t make even the slightest gesture. Still looking somewhere past him, hands gripping the edge of the box. «You know, I would love to perform for your people again. But you know how it is. I don’t have plans to get killed.» Maybe not the best conversation to have right now. He didn't want to give the kid any extra reminders that they were still in the middle of a war where no one was truly safe. Even though no one could escape them. He looked back towards the bar before speaking to him again. «Well, I better get back. The show doesn’t wait, not even for the performer. Tell Alphys my regards, would you?» It wouldn't be a problem. And he was sure Alphys would be delighted to know her friend was completely fine. «I will. It was good to talk again.»

«And it was very nice to meet you, Frisk. I hope we meet again in the future.» He flashed them a smile and raised his hand to wave. When Mettaton turned and started walking back towards the bar, the child seemed to relax a little. «Sorry about that. Mettaton is a pretty talkative person.» The kid nodded, as if they were confirming his statement, and continued to study their surroundings. «And speaking of apologies», he turned back to look at the commotion of the market. «I wanted to apologize. You don’t deserve me acting cold towards you. None of this is your fault and I’m sorry that I acted like it was.» He knew that he should’ve said that in the same second he realized that he was the one who was wrong. And that there were better word choices to use. He also knew that apologizing wasn't enough. It wouldn't make up for all the times he'd acted like the kid didn't exist. When he'd let Alphys do the talking instead of trying himself. When he'd thought the kid was just another burden. He really was his father's child. He had hated his father with all his soul just to become like him. And the only one to blame was himself. 

He had let the war blind him from what was right. He had let himself become the person he hated the most.

«And I don’t expect you to accept my apology.» He didn’t expect to hear anything from them, but turned to them anyway to see some kind of a reaction. Or would’ve seen if they had only been there. But the box they’ve been using as a chair was empty. «Kid?» He looked around but didn’t see them anywhere. He heard laughter and automatically thought it was coming from the bar. But he realized it was coming from behind him and not from the other end of the market where the bar was located. And that's where he decided to look first. 

Many monsters were gathered around, making a small circle. Surrounding someone, with no way out. The crowd had gathered enough that he couldn't see the center of the circle directly. But when someone moved, he could see what was happening. People pushed them back into the middle every time they tried to find an escape route. And people laughed. 

The fear in the kid’s eyes had returned. And worse than before.

Two guys stepped forward, one behind them, the other in front. The kid took turns watching the two approach them. Their legs had frozen to where they stood. One of the monsters, the one who came after them, grabbed them by the wrists and took them behind their back. Taking away their last chance to escape. The other took out a thin but very sharp-tipped dagger. He studied the kid's face, bringing the dagger closer and closer. He ran the blade of the dagger along the kid's features. Not pressing enough to leave a single mark, but enough to make the kid's eyes fill with tears of pure terror. «I think a scar would suit you really well.»

«But where?» The kid tilted their head back, trying to escape the cold metal, but now the one behind them grabbed their hair, holding their head in place. The dagger stopped right under their left eye. «How about here?» He had just time to lower the blade into the skin under the kid's eye when the ground between them cracked and from a small crack grew a bone. It stopped just a few centimeters before touching the monster's face. The dagger slipped from his grip. The kid let out a cry out of the sudden pain, when it managed to cut their face. The person holding their hair let go, but they didn’t even realize they were free. The inner circle took a step back. The crowd dispersed a little and he was able to walk through it. «Who, and what, was that?» 

Sans stepped through the crowd into the middle of the now broken circle. «Nice try.» People turned to look at him and many seemed to forget the kid. He hadn’t used this part of his magic for quite some time, but it felt good to him to see that his magic worked just like he wanted it to. The kid's gaze wandered, eyes filled with tears and terror. He hurried to the kid. He kneeled down to the kid’s level and wiped most of the blood from the now bleeding wound with his sleeve. «Hey, it’s okay. You’re safe now.» He stood up and turned his gaze back to the monster who had held the dagger. He wrapped his arm around the kid’s shoulders and pulled them against his side, like he had once done with Papyrus. The kid's shoulders tensed and Sans was about to step away. Until he felt the kid pressing their head against him.

«That's a human.» Now it was time to take care of this. The kid had closed their eyes, not wanting to look. «I’m fully aware of that, thanks.» At least now, everyone's eyes were on them. After all, this didn't happen every day. He moved his hand slightly so that it covered the kid's ear. It didn't stop the words from reaching their ears, but he hoped it would give a small sense of security. «They could just be here to spy on us, to take advantage of — whatever apparently is wrong with you.» Was that what he’d sounded like all this time? Was that what he’d sound like to Papyrus, to Alphys? To the kid? «This is a kid. This kid has done nothing, absolutely nothing to you, or us.»

He closed the couple of meters that were between them. He didn't realize he had to pick up his dagger from the ground, and Sans had no reason to complain. He knew he would win if things got physical, but actually fighting didn't sound particularly pleasant right now. When he finally opened his mouth, he made sure to say his last words with great emphasis. «But a child of someone who has. That’s who they are. Like a parent, like a child.»  

«– you’ll be exactly like me when you grow up.»

This monster had no idea what his words meant to him. And would never know. He wouldn't play this game for any longer. Sans glanced at the dagger that the monster opposite him had forgotten. A bluish glow shone around the dagger as it rose from the ground. The monster didn’t even notice anything before the weapon was in front of his face. He let go so that it fell to the ground, blade first. Just and precisely so close that if the monster had moved even five centimeters at the wrong time, the dagger would have hit him in the foot. «Does anyone else want to mess with my kid?» He would only realize what he said afterwards. At that moment he happened to have other things to think about. And silence. «That’s what I thought.» He lowered his voice, talking to the kid. «We better get out of here, before this truly escalates.» The kid nodded. 

«You know, they’re not actually your child.» Someone shouted after them. He turned around only to face the same monster he had to deal with this whole time. «I know.» What had he thought? That he wasn’t aware this kid had their real family somewhere out there? Of course he knew. «Then why do you act like they are?» He didn’t want to admit he didn’t have the answer. He just pushed the question to the back of his mind. He’d think about it later. Although he knew he would avoid thinking about it for as long as possible. It could be seen on his face, even though he tried to keep his expression neutral. The monster let out a single laugh with a small smile on his face and turned around to walk away.

If they had received strange looks before, now people didn’t even try to hide their curiosity. All the more reason, the sooner they could get home the better. When they finally got home, they sat down on the steps in front of the door. Sans asked the kid to remove their hand off their face so he could heal the wound. Blood had run down their cheeks and onto their clothes. Their palm was also stained with blood. He used his sleeve again to wipe away most of the blood. This should only take a moment. The bleeding stopped and the wound began to heal. It would leave a scar. Now the kid would have a memory of this too, forever marked on his face.

They noticed something under the window. A small sparrow. A dead one. Probably hit the window’s glass. But the kid gently took the bird and looked at it with a doleful look. As if they were looking at a dear friend. Sans remembered the kid’s golden jewelry. All sparrows weren’t exactly considered as songbirds, but Sans believed this specific individual was. A tree sparrow, if he recognized correctly. The kid's expression was very sad to look at. They carefully stroked the bird's small feathers, as if they were afraid of hurting it. Hurting what was already gone. These tiny creatures were more important to them than he had realized. «Do you perhaps want to bury it?» He didn't even think it would make the kid feel better, but sometimes even sorrow was comforting. The kid was clearly surprised by the question. But they nodded and looked back at the bird in their hands. 

«Follow me.» They went behind the house, where it was not far to the forest. A few individual wildflowers grew next to the back wall of the house. They didn't have a shovel, so Sans took the easy way out and lifted a small section of the ground up with his magic. Very slowly, the kid lowered the little musician into the hole and picked a petal from one of the wildflowers, which they placed on the bird. When there was nothing left but a small pile of soil, they untied the braid in their hair. They tied a ribbon to a small stick they picked off the ground as their necklace was hanging around their neck. The bell on the ribbon tinkled as the kid put the stick into the ground. Right above the spot where the little bird was. 

He remembered how Papyrus, as a kid, had always chased after small animals. Sometimes even birds, who would take flight as soon as he took a little too loud step towards them. The kid’s tears have dried and the bloodstains on their palm had changed from red to brownish shade. The child seemed to be calmer already. But he didn’t want to assume anything. «How about we go inside?» The kid didn't even nod at this, they just got up and looked at the songbird's grave. As they walked back to the door, Sans felt a small tug and when he looked, he noticed the kid had grabbed his sleeve.

After getting inside and cleaning the blood off the kid's hand and face, the kid settled back into their corner. Alphys hadn't returned yet, and wasn't even fully aware of what had happened in the market. He would explain later. He had turned his back to the kid to get them something to eat. «Why did they leave me?» Their voice was very quiet. It was the first time he heard them talk. He assumed the kid was talking about their actual family. And it didn't make the situation any better. Quite the opposite actually. They had lowered their head, and were facing their own hands that were on their lap. «Why didn't they want me? Didn't they want to be my family?» He might not have believed his own ears if he hadn't seen the kid's mouth move. For a brief moment, just a few seconds, he didn't see the kid. He saw Papyrus. He saw his brother as a kid. It was as if two memories had been layered on top of each other. They were separate but at the same time together. And he was back at his childhood home. 

«We don’t deserve this, right? Or… do we? Was it our existence that was a mistake?» Usually nine-year-olds are worried about having to stay inside due to bad weather. Or getting caught from sneaking to the forest. But Papyrus didn’t have the luxury to be worried about such simple things. «Don’t say that.» Sans didn’t want papyrus to think, even for a second, that the fault was his. Because it wasn’t. «Look at me.»

As seven years older, he had to kneel down to be at his brother's level. He placed his hand on Papyrus’ shoulder, to encourage him to look at him. «No, you don’t deserve this. No matter what, you would never deserve this.» What he did deserve was an actual family. But that was something Sans couldn’t give him. A broken childhood was something that he couldn’t heal. Those wounds couldn’t be healed with medicine, or even with magic. They would always bleed until there was not a drop of blood left.

Papyrus’ expression was not pitiful, although it seemed so at first glance. He looked the same as when he was told something he didn't believe. But there was something else mixed in with it. Sorrow. «Neither do you. I wasn’t talking only about myself.» It was selfish and Sans knew it, but a part of him hoped that this kid would never grow up. Hoped that the world wouldn't ruin him.

«Look kid», the kid was a human. An enemy, someone would say. Like he had said. But now, he knew better. They weren't all completely evil, just as monsters weren't all completely good. Like this world, this war wasn't black and white. But it had all shades of gray. And much more. «You might be a human, but I’ll do everything with my power to keep you safe.» He didn’t fully know why he said such a thing. Perhaps because it was true.

«We are your family now.»

Chapter Text

«Commander Undyne.»

«Soldier.»

«I’m honored to be trusted by you enough to lead your group.»

«I appreciate your input.» She took one last look at her group. When she thought of the first line-up she had had, she realized that she was the only one left. There was no one in the group who had been with her from the very beginning. Enough new people had signed up for a new group and she would take the charge of them. A new group that she wouldn’t be able to keep safe. But that was something she didn’t need to tell them. She had seen many kinds of soldiers. Those who were barely old enough to fight. Those who, after much deliberation, said goodbye to families they would never truly let go of. Those who had decided it was more honorable to die in the middle of battle than at home. 

Usually she was significantly younger than more than half of the group, but usually doubts disappeared from people's eyes after the first fight. Being in her early twenties and a woman on top of that, she constantly had to prove over and over again that she was worthy of her current position. 

«Our co-commander will make sure they get there on time. Stay safe.»

«Thank you. Have a safe journey.» The soldier nodded and raised his hand as a goodbye and she mirrored his action. Everyone else in the group did the same. They knew there was a chance they would never meet again. Wordlessly, they wished to the stars that they would not have to meet until after death. Most of them weren’t related in the slightest but they were a family, in a way. They’ve fought by each other’s side and a sense of community was what kept them from falling apart. She was now free to leave this shelter, only to be greeted with another. And standing still wouldn't do anyone any good.

It felt good to be moving again. Staying still had felt like torture. They were ahead of schedule, so she probably had several hours to get to her next destination. However, she had something to take care of in the meantime. She had to admit to herself that she had been avoiding it. She had to tell him. When the anger had evaporated, it felt like there was nothing left. The adrenaline had left her alone, she was left with nothing. She had seen worse. She had seen whole villages burning into ashes. She had seen dead humans and dust floating in the air. But seeing her best friend turning into just a pile of dust that wind took its journey, was something she hadn’t experienced before. And she couldn't experience it again. There was no longer a best friend to lose.

She didn't have to think about the route or make sure she turned at the right point. Her legs moved by themself. Giving her freedom to think. Even though at that moment thinking felt more like a prison than freedom. How long had she been walking? She didn't know herself. She just walked. She knew she could easily be faster than this, but for some reason she couldn’t identify, this felt more safe. Or something like that. But what she knew was that she wanted to turn back. She didn't want to face them. Didn't want to look them—him—in the eye and tell them he was gone. She thought about the silence that would follow. When denial would give way to understanding and make it clear how it was over. His name would be crossed out of their story. A line would be drawn over his name, as if it was a mistake in the beginning with.

Smoke could be seen coming from chimneys through the trees. Soon houses came into view, looking much friendlier than the shelters he had been traveling between. It was forenoon and she could hear many people. Adults trying to keep their minds off the harsh reality and children who didn't understand why everyone was subconsciously on constant alert. The closer she got, the harder it felt to move. She knew where they lived. She had been there, once. Undyne had seen her friends once, since she became the commander. But even though a return or next meeting was never guaranteed, she had the location of their home firmly in mind. Sometimes it was just easier to think of them safe at home, consciously ignoring how the world was falling apart around them.

Papyrus’ sword felt like its weight had doubled. It might have looked threatening when she walked around like that with a sword in her hand, but she didn't care. She walked along a cobblestone street, along which similar houses stood. Normally, she would’ve been happy to see people going about their normal lives. To see people who were shining with life, not those war-hardened characters who would never be able to experience what it was like to be their former selves.

As if out of habit, she tried to move her hair out of her eyes and failed immediately, giving up after the first attempt. She stood with her hand hovering over the doorknob. Passersbys looked at her in confusion and muttered something among themselves, but no one said anything. She wasn’t the most ordinary sight. The commander of the army, but rarely seen due to the responsibility to keep everything from falling apart, who now stood at the doorstep of someone’s home without going inside. She didn’t even bother to knock. Undyne was greeted by bright sunlight shining through the windows and three faces, one of which she would only become aware of later.

The kid was sitting opposite of Alphys who, once again, was deep in her notes. Sans watched from the side as the kid tried to read the text, which was upside down for them. They swung their feet under the table and jingled a small bell between their fingers. The bell was rusty, and its sound was not as clear as the bell that had been in their hair a couple of days ago. 

In the bright light coming from the window, you could see how the event had left a mark on their face. It had healed well, but it left a scar. A thin white line ran under their left eye. They hadn't talked about what had happened at the market. He’d just quickly explained to Alphys what had happened. It was like everyone had made an unspoken agreement not to talk about it. But both he and Alphys had noticed a change in the child's behavior. Every time one of them opened the door, the kid made sure to not be on sight if someone happened to look towards their house. It was useless, but they didn't want to tell them. If it brought them comfort, they shall not stop them.

Rumors spread faster than epidemic. Sans and Alphys were aware, everyone knew the kid lived with them. At no point had they on purpose tried to hide the child. They had just been too scared to leave the house. And now their fears had been confirmed. But while raising his brother, he had learned, or at least tried to learn, to look for something positive. Although there weren't many bright spots on the horizon, but the ones that had been able to keep their shine, shone brightly enough to be noticed. The kid’s voice. Only a few single words or short sentences came out of their mouths. Every now and then they would say "thank you" or "bye" when one of them left. It wasn't much, but at the same time it was more than enough. Maybe they would speak more with Papyrus. When he comes home. 

Alphys was right. Papyrus will love them. And he was sure the kid would also love him. Sans told Papyrus that he would take care of the kid. And now that he looked at that ten-year-old who he barely knew but who trusted him, it was hard for him to believe that he had been willing to leave them all alone. 

Sans had been thinking about the first words the kid said to him: «Why didn't they want me? Didn't they want to be my family?»  He still assumed the kid was talking about their family. Their real family. The family they would return to if this mess got resolved. He had tried to draw some conclusions about their childhood, but only one sounded somewhat right. Their childhood wasn’t any better than his and Papurus’. «Why did they leave me?» When they were kids, Papyrus had asked the same question. As he thought about the kid, he realized how little they knew about them. And, at least not yet, the kid wasn’t ready to tell more. They could only wait.

The door opened and the kid pressed against the wall as if on command. Trying to become invisible. What Sans was expecting was someone in need of help, but his but his expectations were proven wrong very quickly, when they saw Undyne stepping through the door. They’ve not seen her much since the war started. She had risen rapidly in her position, which brought her ever more responsibilities. She looked exactly what you would expect a soldier to look like. Papyrus had previously mentioned how, due to limited resources, they were unable to give each soldier a complete set of armor. Instead, each soldier received a few pieces and they took turns wearing what they had. It was easily seen, she had seen everything a battlefield can give.

The kid had noticed the visitor and, in addition to getting up from the chair to press themself against the wall, they had now sunk to the floor to keep themself hidden. Alphys looked relieved as she noticed her friend. «Thank the stars that you are okay.» And for the first time since forever, Undyne ignored Alphys. Instead she kept her gaze at Sans. Undyne didn’t seem to even realize the kid, who was now behind Alphys’ table, was there. She didn’t pay any attention to the young human, who had sat with Alphys. Just kept looking at him. They said that pain took the colors away. Her hair didn’t look as bright as before and it had escaped the string that held it out of the way. It had fallen down over her shoulders and eyes like red curtains. «Is everything okay?»

«He’s dead.»

«No, he isn’t.»

The thought was so absurd that it was almost funny. Like a bad joke. And Papyrus told him that he joked at the wrong times. «Seriously Undyne. I’ve been listening to your jokes for years, but I have to say this is by far the worst of them all.» He turned back to his work. He didn’t even realize to think of any other reason why she was there. But he knew his brother’s death wasn’t the one. «You think I’m joking?» Her voice was hollow. Like she was just a shell of something she used to be. Against his own will, he turned again to actually face his friend. «I don’t like this game of yours.» He had played many games in his life. He had played a game of their life with his father. He had played a game, where he had to be faster than death itself. But this was a game he didn’t want to play.

«You know I stopped playing games long ago.» He knew that. They all had stopped playing games. Some sooner than others, but at the latest when trust became just a concept, their game was over. And the worst part was, the game of their survival started. Every game had winners. And every game had losers. «For stars’ sake Sans, wake up!» She was practically yelling. But when her next sentence filled his head, you couldn't tell she had momentarily lost her temper. «It’s over.» Understanding slowly made its way into his mind. It didn't hit him in one big burst of information. It took its time, making sure he didn't miss a single thing. 

His brother, his family, his best friend, dead. The only person who had always been by his side, gone. He forgot he was home. He forgot the kid, Alphys and Undyne. He forgot how living works. Nothing made sense. Nothing. Just being alive itself became a foreign concept. This was not a dream. He couldn’t wake up in the morning and start over again. And this was not a game. This was something permanent. Something real. Death had taken another soul for its own. Someone who was supposed to stay. Someone who promised to stay. 

The kid looked a little confused. They looked at Alphys, then Undyne, then Sans and back to Alphys. Maybe they did understand who it was about. The kid wouldn’t meet him. The kid would never know how good of a person his brother truly was. Stars… He didn’t even know their name. He would never hear their voice, never see them playing with their necklace while staring out of the window, watching birds. He would never know that Sans kept his word to take care of them. The kid would never know the person who saved them.

Undyne didn’t do anything to break the silence between them. She had her spear attached to a loop in his armor and a sword in her hand. She never used a sword. Even before the war she was the one to pick a stick from the forest and throw it like a hunter on a mission. The sword wasn’t hers, it was his. She didn’t hand it to him. Just dropped it to the floor. The clank of metal against old wood, and he became aware of his surroundings again. And he didn’t pick it up, just let it lie there. He didn't want to touch it. Didn't want to know what the hilt of the sword had felt like in his brother's hands. Didn't want to touch the blade with which his brother had taken several lives. He had told him how he hated it. How he hated being the reason someone lost their only chance to be in this world. Sans had told him multiple times he would never blame him for that. And more than ever, Sans wished he believed him.

Sans wouldn't remember how Alphys took the kid by the hand and led them towards the door. He wouldn't remember how Undyne woke up to the kid's existence and how Alphys said to her, «I'll explain later,» while opening the front door so that all three could get out. Nor how long it took him to pick up the sword from the floor. How he was left staring at the weapon that had belonged to someone very important. This day would be etched in his mind as the day the one person he would have given anything for was gone. They had been through almost everything together. 

He had promised to always stay by his brother's side, only to find out that he was the one to go first.

Chapter Text

In one moment she was, as usual, writing her notes. Every now and then being distracted by Frisk and their bell. And in another, she was trying to get Frisk to move. The child was still afraid to go outside and quietly refused to go with her. But after a time that felt like eternity, they gave up and took her hand. Undyne had realized it wasn’t just the three of them. She looked at them, looking very alert, and her fingers twitched towards her spear. She was going to say something, but Alphys didn’t let her form her sentence: «I’ll explain later.» She made one last glance at Sans, who was still staying still. There was nothing to interpret from his expression. Just a blank face, staring the weapon on the floor, not moving a single centimeter.

When the door closed behind them, Frisk moved a bit so they were behind her. Hidden and safe. Their front door was the last place to have this conversation at. So in all silence, they walked to the backyard. She felt Frisk grabbing her clothes as they remained to stay behind her. «Alphys… Who is this kid?» Undyne’s voice was serious, but weary. Alphys removed the child’s hand from the fabric and took it to hers. With the gesture, she tried to tell them that no one would hurt them. That they were safe. «This is Frisk. Frisk, this is our friend Undyne.» Frisk didn’t say anything. Just held her hand tighter and hid their eyes away behind their bangs. «Why?»

That one word was hundreds of questions disguised as one. Hundreds of thoughts put in one singular word, that meant more than was heard. Undyne had just come to them to inform, that her best friend, his brother, was killed by the human kind, only to find out that her friends lived with one. «Papyrus found them. They could’ve died without him. We couldn’t leave them alone.» Alphys knew Frisk would hear all of her words and she knew they were aware of their current situation, being a human child among the monsters. Despite this, she tried to speak more quietly than usual. Undyne didn’t trust them. As expected. «Undyne, this is a child.»

She looked away for a brief moment before looking at Alphys again. «I’d trust my whole soul in your hands, so I guess… I need to trust your judgement with this one too.» If the situation was anything but this, she would probably be flustered and look away awkwardly. But this was different. 

All of them needed a moment to process what had happened inside. Something in Undyne’s voice changes. It wasn’t strong or powerful like it usually was. It was rather dismal with a fade of hollowness. «I wanted to save him, I really did.» Her arms rested on her sides and her eye had something in it that was a mix of something beyond sadness or pain. But behind all of that, there was a spark of determination and a strong sense of justice. Like there always was. «I know.» Her shoulders dropped as Alphys hugged her. «I can’t keep them all safe.» Being safe. That was something none of them were. Safe was a word that meant free and protected from danger and harm. But danger was the only thing they knew. «It’s not your fault.» Frisk dared to move behind her back and glanced at Undyne who made slight eye contact with them. They backed away immediately, but didn’t take their eyes off her.

«I should—I need to go.» Undyne broke the silence as she withdrew away. For a moment Alphys had forgotten that Undyne had a job to do. She’d been so glad to see her friend alive. And then came the news that had left her forgetting the reason why Undyne even knew that Papyrus was gone. Did she want her to leave? Of course not. Did she have a say? Also no. «I understand…» Her sentence faded away as they both prepared themselves for the possibility of this being their last conversation. Papyrus’ death had reawakened her for the fact that death was their reality. It was their past. Their present. And if this kept going, their future. Tomorrow wasn’t promised to anyone. Maybe it never was. 

They stood there in silence for several minutes. None of them wanted or dared to be the one who left first. To be the one who was ready to accept the goodbye. «I’m sorry.» Undyne took one step back. «It’s okay.» Another goodbye, but this was already familiar to them. Frisk slightly raised their hand for a small wave of a goodbye. Undyne even waved back to the child. «Bye.» How she wished this wouldn’t turn out to be a farewell. For they delayed those few words, goodbyes. They delayed saying those few words, knowing that in saying them they would be accepting the fact that this encounter might be their last. «I’ll see you later.» If that later ever comes. «Stay safe.» She couldn’t promise that. She couldn’t promise that she would come back. Instead she said: «I’ll try.» Before turning and walking away. 

«Come on.» She said to Frisk, but her eyes remained on Undyne’s slowly receding figure. She felt a small tuck in her hand as Frisk began to walk. Alphys followed the child but for the one last time looked over her shoulder to see her friend. Their home was empty and he was gone. They hadn’t heard him walking out of the door, so the only explanation that made sense was that he had put his shortcuts to use. She had no idea where he could’ve gone and she figured it would be best to leave him be. In the end, she couldn’t do much to help. Time was their only hope. Frisk looked at her. Their eyes were filled with concern, but also confusion and sorrow. «When will he come back?» Sans had told her that Frisk had talked to him, but this was the first time Alphys heard the child’s voice herself. They sounded like a child they were, but there was something melodious in their voice that couldn’t be found from everyone’s tone. She looked out of the window and wondered what would come of this. 

«Give him time. He needs it.»

He didn’t let himself think about it. He didn’t let himself feel the emptiness his absence made. He didn’t let himself grieve him. As Sans walked the streets of an almost unknown village for him, he tried to think of everything else but that. As if it would change the now. It was real if he let it be real. And he didn’t do it. He didn’t let the fact reshape his reality. But at the same time, it had already done it. The moment he’d picked the sword from the floor. His time as a healer was over. And it should’ve been a long time ago. 

Everyone knew where he lived. The downside of being a leader was, that as you accept the leadership, you lose your privacy. When you accept the fact that everyone will know you, you give away life without being constantly needed everywhere. When the war broke out, everything was just pure chaos. No one seemed to know what to do. They needed someone, anyone who could show them how things needed to be done. Many people had already forgotten how they ended up choosing him, but they did. 

Sans could’ve easily appeared straight to his house, but he still chose his spot to be on the outskirts of the village. He needed sounds, different voices talking to each other. He needed visuals, new houses, new people. Anything to keep the truth out of his mind. He needed to be away from home. From everything familiar. Better use that time for something useful. His house was slightly bigger than the others, but not in any better condition. Some of the wall planks were cracked and the glass of the lantern hanging from the edge of the roof was broken. The door handle was rusty and dead weeds were visible in the cracks of the few old stone steps. He recognized maybe one or two faces, but otherwise he was a stranger to these people. He knew more people than most, but almost across their small country, the number of familiar faces decreased. 

The change of the sound of his steps from the gravel to the stone stairs. He stood in front of the door. He could hear speaking but couldn’t make up individual words. The door hinges creaked as he pulled the doorknob he had turned. «Send these out right away. And make sure that they are aware of—» Was the only thing he managed to hear, before he was noticed. Asgore and the monster next to him turned to the door which Sans had walked through. Asgore’s face showed confusion for a brief second, before he smiled at him and handed the letters to the other. «Oh, hello, my friend.» Sans didn’t bother to think about politeness, and didn’t respond to the greeting. Asgore noticed this and talked to his company. «Could you wait for a moment?» The monster nodded and left as Asgore walked towards him. «Tell me of course what’s the matter.»

«Put me on the front lines. Let me fight.»

His sentence had clearly come as a surprise. «Come again?» He had to stop himself from yelling or even raising his voice while repeating: «I said, let me fight.» That thought had been in the back of his mind for all these months. But now they had a reason why they wouldn’t leave him alone, before he would do something. «I believe we’ve had this conversation before.» Yes, they have. Many times. «May I ask what made you come and ask again?» Sans hoped only his presence would answer that. He didn’t want the truth to become his reality. And while answering he would accept it as his reality. But he didn’t want that. 

«They killed my brother.» His life was their debt and they needed to pay for it. «Sorry?» He hadn’t even realized he had answered only loudly enough for himself to hear. “They killed my brother!” He surprised himself how quickly his voice rose from barely hearing to yelling. He let the fact actually make its way into his mind and it reflected in his voice. He didn't care that there was a chance that people outside might hear him. Asgore remained calm even when he wasn’t. «I’m sorry you had to lose someone so important to you.» Their leader looked genuinely sorry. Despite this, Sans wasn’t interested in his sorrys. «So let me actually do something actually useful.» He was tired of hearing the same thing over and over again. He would no longer let everyone else decide where he was more useful.

«I know what you’re capable of. Your skills are very valuable, It’d be a waste if—» If he died. Sans finished his sentence in his head. «I do not care. I’ve told you many times before, my place is in the field.» He wasn’t meant to be a healer. He never was. But the whole world didn’t let him think otherwise. «I don’t belong within four walls. I belong there where the change is made.» He wanted to be there where everyone else was. He wanted to be one of those who would make sure that humans wouldn’t wipe their kind out of existence. Humans started this, so they would pay a higher price for it than they thought.

«My brother is gone and you’re only a fool if you think I’m going to let that slide!» He had let himself raise his voice again. But Asgore didn’t show even a hint of anger or disappointment. «I know grief. Trust me, my friend.» He wasn’t the only one who had lost someone because of them. It wasn’t exactly a secret that Asgore’s wife and kid were killed in one of the first attacks the humans made. His family was also gone. Sans realized how unfair of him it was him to yell at Asgore, as if he didn’t know exactly how he felt. «Apologies for my behavior.» He tried to quickly change his tone, but ended up just lowering his voice. The anger didn’t fully disappear even though he tried to hide it. It was still there if you knew how to bring it out. And it was easier than ever since his father decided to leave them on their own. «You miss him, I understand.»

Asgore didn’t look at him anymore. Instead he turned to the window, where they could see people outside. «I have come to the realization that I cannot stop you, or anyone, from wanting to protect our home.» Outside, people were living their lives. Following their own routines and repeating the same patterns every day. Some of them reformed as the time went on. Some stayed the same. «It’s my duty to give everyone, who are ready to risk their life for us, a chance to fulfill their desire.» Asgore’s voice echoed through the room as he turned back to him. «And that applies to you too.» Sans didn’t when he had done it, but he noticed that he had clenched his hands into fists. He let his fingers open. «I’ll make sure you’ve been assigned to a group by tomorrow morning at the latest.»

«Be ready.» At those last words, his voice became a little more serious. It was like the last confirmation that he was actually doing this. He finally got his way. And now he would have to face consequences. Whatever they were, there was no turning back. He had made up his decision, that if he had the chance he would take it, right from the start. «I will. And thank you.» With his thanks, he tried to make up for his earlier tone. But Asgore didn't seem to be offended by his words, or even surprised. Perhaps Sans wasn't the first one to have this conversation with him. «You’re welcome, soldier.»

Goodbyes. He would have to say goodbye to his former home and the people he lived with. He would have to say goodbye to the kid. After all, he and Alphys were the only ones they had. At least for now. Sooner or later they would miss being with their own kind. And then, they would go back. His mind replayed one memory for him: «Does anyone else want to mess with my kid?» They might not be the same kind, but they were family. In their own way. Blood defined family they said. How wrong they were. The feeling of family didn’t come when you bled the same blood. It came when you cared. They had what people called trust. Trust was when the other had a weapon in their hands and you trusted that they wouldn't use it. But where trust was love, it was also something else. Trust was betrayal in the past tense. His father had made sure that he learned the feeling of betrayal. He and the kid didn’t share blood. They shared the true meaning of trust.

Blood runs thicker than water. But when both are running down your face and you don’t let your sense of sight guide you, you won't know the difference.

Chapter Text

She watched as the stick, flying in an arc, disappeared into the berry bushes. Individual twigs pricked her through the holes in her shoes as she finally found her weapon. If you could call it a weapon. Just one slightly sturdier stick, the end of which he had carved sharp. It wasn’t much but she was still proud of it. She couldn't estimate the distance of the throw, but it was better than the last time. She stole hours from her day to spend in the forest or the field. To feel free. To feel free from that suffocating feeling she felt within those walls. Like her home was a theater and her family the audience. But this audience would not tolerate a performance it didn’t want to see. «And here you are once again.» Undyne didn't have long to enjoy her today's accomplishment until she heard an angry, yet so familiar voice behind her. Her father shuffled through bushes and branches to reach her. 

«This sneaking out has to stop.» As a child, that tone of voice would have made her flinch with fear, but she was no longer a child. «I've tried to be patient with you, but apparently rebelliousness is in your blood.» She was proud of that trait. At least when she could use it against him. In her thirteen years of life, she had learned a lot about the man everyone saw as a perfect father. «Now it's time to eradicate that trait from you.» And one thing she had learned was that she was not the child he wished to have. A daughter in other words. The lighting of the sun made her eyes look golden as she met her father’s gaze. «And you won’t be needing this.» He grabbed his daughter’s handmade spear from her hands. «Don’t, I spent a lot of time on it and—» But she didn't have time to resist any longer until, accompanied by a crack, her spear was on the ground in two separate pieces. «This pathetic behavior must stop.» 

She watched as her work went to waste as the pieces of wood hit the soft ground. «Come on.» The anger in his voice was gone in a second, but it was replaced with something far more dangerous. Cold calmness. And she followed. They walked away from the edge of the forest. Her father walked with his hands behind his back, looking down at his child. She wasn’t short but still significantly shorter than him. «You’re not a little child anymore Undyne.» As if that wasn’t obvious. «I have high expectations for you.» What else would he have for her other than high expectations? And they had only doubled when her mother had entered the stars. She didn’t have to see how her family slowly turned into a show. Or maybe she was watching them all the time. But it didn’t matter. She couldn’t do anything. He didn’t see Undyne as his daughter. She wasn’t her own being. She was something to own. 

«Or as high expectations as you can have for a girl.» He continued. «You have your purpose in this world and it’s not running around doing whatever you desire.» She wasn’t following his script. And it made him feel fear. Fear that his daughter would not be as submissive as he wanted. «Your purpose is to be good, and most importantly quiet.» Quiet. She heard that a lot. He wanted to make her someone to look at and not listen to. «You’d like that, wouldn’t you?» She said to herself, just so quietly that he couldn’t hear. She had been forgiven for her childhood rebellion against the rules. But her father's tone told her that the time for forgiveness was over. He would no longer turn a blind eye to her actions. And even though she had escaped without any major punishment, that didn't mean her every action wasn't clearly in his father's memory. 

The late spring sun shone on them like it was their last day. Summer was just around the corner. Undyne kicked a small stone that happened to be in front of her feet, as she walked down the street. The small stone rolled a few meters before stopping, but she didn’t bother to kick it again as she reached its point. She was lost in her own thoughts, walking automatically without a destination, just somewhere away from home. Her pretty much internal monologue-like thoughts were interrupted but a couple of voices that didn’t sound like usual children’s playing. 

She quickened her steps a little and located the source of the voices. Exactly two boys were in front of a maybe eight-year-old child. The taller one had something on his hand that looked like a small box. She recognized the symbol on the box. It was one of those medicine boxes you could get like once every few months due to the lack of some herbs near them. Undyne’s mind didn’t pay attention to their words. It didn’t matter what they said. The only thing that mattered was that whatever it was, it was wrong. The child jumped with her hand in the air, trying to get a box that was held out of her reach.

«Hey!» Both of the boys and the kid turned their heads in her direction as she approached them. «Stop that.» The boy holding the box was just a little taller than her, his friend was maybe just about her height. She was grateful for her speed. Since she had caught them off guard, she’d been able to grab the box from his grip. She didn’t want to turn her back to a possible physical attack, so she gently dropped the box on her side hoping the kid would take it. Her wish was fulfilled when she noticed a small hand grabbing a box on the ground followed by quick steps as the kid left.

«What do you think you’re doing?» The aggressiveness in his voice was not cold, like the kind she was used to hearing, but purely caused by irritation. «Doing what’s right.» Both of them let out a small chuckle as the taller one took a one step closer to her. «That was just some little teasing.» A little teasing that could in the worst case scenario cost someone's life. Those medicines were not something you could afford everyday. «That’s pathetic of you.» Two teenagers against one child. Isn’t that fair. «Harassing a kid for your own entertainment is pathetic.»

«Aren't you funny.» She felt her nails dig into her palms. The other boy on his friends side seems to notice that since he also took one step forward. Although he didn’t manage to do anything before the other raised his arm in front of him. «Don’t bother», he lowered his hand. His friend didn’t resist, but didn’t move even a bit. «this shouldn’t take long.» He said it so confidently. In his mind he has already won, without doing anything. «How so?» Her voice was clear just as she liked it. She wanted that no matter what she said, not a single word would be left unclear. «Because you’re a—» 

«Because I’m a what exactly?» Something in the back of her mind whispered to her the answer she would get. «A girl. Simple as that.» A part of her told her to yell and another part to hit him. She didn’t know which one to follow. But she knew that she wouldn’t just walk away like nothing happened. She was tired of being constantly underestimated by people whose world revolved around themself. «That’s the way this works.» Maybe it was her face that revealed her thoughts, since his next sentence was full of false «Okay, I see what you’re after. Come on, show what you're really capable of, if you have anything to show.»

«Be careful what you wish for.» The boy nor his friend had time to come up with another “clever” response, until the one standing in front of her felt her fist on his face. Her  knuckles hurt, but she didn't give it a second thought. The boy took a step back and even his friend flinched. He brought his other hand to his face to feel the damage. His fingertips turned red as the blood dripping from his nose met them. The people closest to them had at that point stopped what they were doing just to watch the incident from a distance. «You shall be the example of the power no one thinks we can have.» For a moment she had forgotten that they were surrounded by people. At least they saw what they had ignored a moment ago. At least they saw what happened when you assumed others would do something about it. «You cover your ears from our voices while drowning in your own pride.»

«That pride will be your doom.» She felt a hand on her shoulder and a quiet voice on the side of her head. «And your voice will be yours.» She turned her head only to see her father behind her. He squeezed her shoulder until it hurt, but she wouldn't give any of them the satisfaction of showing it.

His voice was polite. She didn’t even know how it was possible, but it was too polite. «I deeply apologize for my daughter’s behavior. I assure you, she will learn her lesson.» The last words were meant to her. To let her know, she would not be so easily forgiven this time. The boy, who she had hit, looked at her smug look on his face. He took this as his own victory, although he had done nothing to call this his victory. He was just lucky. Her father’s fingers gripped her wrist as they began to move, his grip tightening with each new step. She felt people stare at her back, as if to humiliate her, she was being dragged towards her own house. After what felt like eternity, she was pushed through the front door. The grip around her wrist didn’t loosen. There, under his gaze, she felt a small, sudden weight in her soul, something only fear can do. 

«It’s your job to stay where you belong.» He smiled and she hated it. She hated how he was aware of the power he had. How he had the power to make sure the world would never hear from her again. His fingers were no longer around her wrist, but he had lifted a couple of them under her chin to make sure she was looking at him. «And as my daughter, your place is where I say it is.» She was born as his child and she would die as one. No matter what. She had to get out. Out of this house. Away from him. 

One question spiralled around her mind: Why? Why was she treated the way she was? But she might already know the answer. She lost this game the moment she was born; she was a daughter. Her father had leaned, almost threateningly, close to her face and had this one particular smile on his face, that however disappeared as soon as she heard his voice closer than she wanted. «Now be a good daughter and shut your mouth.» Silence was a powerful weapon to have. When you controlled one’s voice, when you had the power to shut them up, you can make the world forget them. Eliminating the fear of someone getting in the way of your script. «Be quiet, before I have to force you to be.»

Her father was a dollmaker and she was the doll. A perfect little doll, for others to use. For others to play with. A doll meant to be puppeted, to be on display. And a puppeteer was her master. A master of performance. Invisible strings tied on her wrists, preventing her from disobeying. She was either submissive to other’s will or broken. And what was done with broken toys? They got rid of them. 

It took over two weeks for her vocal cords to heal.

«He acts like I’m a doll.» They were sitting on the terrace fence, their eyes looking down at the weed covered ground. The frustration was clear in Undyne’s voice and she unintentionally scared a little bird into flight. «But you’re not.» Papyrus sat next to her on the fence and turned his gaze from the bird in the sky, that now was just a small dot, back to her. This wasn’t the first time they’ve talked about this. Nor the second or third. But every time she thought things would get better, her father came up with new ways to make her life more like a puppet play. Sometimes she felt bad for it. Not because she was talking about her father, but who she was talking to. Undyne knew Papyrus lived alone with his brother. And she also knew how much Papyrus would give to have a parent. But he never told her to be quiet. Never told her to stop complaining. Just the opposite. Always telling her that no matter what, he would listen. She’d always known, she’d chosen her best friend right.

Only at their house, she felt somewhat free from him. He didn’t know where her friend lived. And she took the opportunity to be as far away every time she could. She couldn't walk around the village without feeling like her every step was being watched. Only there, in the small house on the outskirts of their home village, could she feel like her own life belonged to her.

«You’re his child, yes, but that doesn’t mean his will is your life.» His eyelights were competing against the sun which would shine brighter. «Tell that to a man who wanted a son, but got a daughter.» He couldn’t, and that was the point. Her life, her future was already decided without her. As soon as she entered this world, strings were tied to her wrists with wooden sticks at the other end. But those strings were starting to loosen. And soon they would be tightened so much that the blood in her fingers would stop flowing. «We’ll figure out something.» He ensured her. He couldn’t do anything and he knew that. But Papyrus had something many people lacked; hope. Even then when hope was the farthest thing from the truth. One of the best things about him. «Thanks.»

«That’s what friends do.»

«By the way, where’s Sans?» She asked to change the subject. Over half of the time they were at his house, Papyrus was alone. Undyne knew his brother, she’d talked to him hundreds of times. But he was still hardly there. At least when she happened to be around. «He’s working.» She didn’t have to say anything. Papyrus saw the question in her expression. «I know. I’ve tried to look for a job for myself, so he wouldn’t have to work so much, but no one really wants to hire me.» Her questioning expression told her friend enough to answer. «Apparently, I would be more in the way than helpful.» He made quotation marks in the air with his fingers, which made Undyne wonder if they were someone's direct choice of words. He chuckled, as if the whole thing was a joke that he had understood too late. «It's not like knowing how to make puzzles with stones and sticks is much of a use.» He tried to sound like it didn’t hurt even a little bit, but they’ve known each other long enough for her to see through such an act. This thirteen-year-old was told with just slightly different words that he was useless. 

«He has tried to teach me this whole healing thing. But I just don’t learn it. No matter how hard I try I just can’t get a hang of it.» Sans had always been good with healing and it seemed to be the basis of their livelihood. She had never thought much about it, but now that he pointed it out, she had never seen Papyrus succeeding in anything he had tried to teach him. And she knew that. She had been there when Papyrus had tried to heal his own scrapes and even hers. The lack of trying wasn’t the problem. He had tried. He did try every day. He’d rather exhaust himself than stop trying.  «He doesn’t say, or show it, but I feel like he’s getting impatient with me.»

«I can teach you a few tricks if you want to. Maybe that would help.» His face lit up as the false positivity was replaced by genuine excitement. «Really? You’d do that for me?» Why hadn’t she thought about this before? It could be fun to teach him something. She had taught herself and liked to think that she wasn’t bad at what she did. «Of course, we can carve you a sword or something.» She jumped off the fence with a small could of dust from the gravel. It didn’t take long for Papyrus to follow her as they began to walk away from his house to where the forest met the fields. «Have I told you that you're my best friend?» Yes, he has. So many times that she’d stopped counting after her fingers weren’t enough anymore. But she never got tired of hearing it. «Do you want me to answer that?» She knew he was aware of his habit of saying that at every opportunity. And if there wasn’t a good moment to say it, he would make it good. He was incredible like that. 

«Okay, okay. But you are a very good friend.»

«Could say the same thing about you.» Even though he was a few years younger than her, that didn't mean he couldn’t be a good company to her. Some people would assume that over time she’d need people closer to her own age, but she felt no need for that. 

Fire. Smoke. Screams. Running footsteps. Flames created warm but so dangerous light to their night. All of that filled her senses so there was no room for anything else. Survival was the only thing that had managed to make its way into her thoughts. Smoke prevented her from seeing clearly. Everything would be just fine, if she could just get as far as possible. Taking even a few steps felt to take so much of her strength that there wasn’t any left for the next ones. The heat around her, together with gravity, felt like it was pressing her down. Like it didn’t even want her to escape. People ran to their houses with buckets of water. The oxygen in the air fed the flames. Just as she felt like she would hit the ground, someone catched her. 

«Can you hear me?» Despite all the chaos, it took her a nanosecond to realize who was talking to her. «Papyrus?» The relief in his voice when his friend answered was as clear as the night sky. «You’re not inside, you’re safe now.» He was followed by Sans who knelt in front of her, studying her to find injuries. «Are you hurt?» He sounded a bit too professional considering how simple the question was. Maybe it was an old habit. «I’m okay.» At least physically. Her body was tired, but okay in other ways. «Are you?» She nodded, but Papyrus wasn’t satisfied. «It’s me you’re talking to, don’t bother to lie.» He hugged her and she couldn’t thank him enough that he did. «It’s okay. No one can be strong all the time.»

She hadn’t seen him getting out. And something in her kept her from even trying to save him. She couldn't move. Something felt like it was gluing her to that exact spot. As if she was being held in place by a force that had no intention of letting go. Normally it would take her a second to get herself off from her friends hug, but she just watched. She watched how the flames swallowed the last shattered pieces of what was left of her family. And her puppet theater, which she had called home, burned to ashes before her eyes. Sixteen years of her life burned to the ground. She wouldn’t admit it to anyone, but she almost felt how the strings snapped broken. The cage wasn’t locked anymore. The lock had melted within the flames. Falling of one candle. That’s what her freedom had required. She had learned to pick locks secretly, to move completely silently, to spot every little loophole in his plan for her. She had learned all that while planning her own escape. Only for one candle to offer her her freedom.

As she later walked on the foundations of her home, she couldn’t tell if she was standing on ash or his dust. 

She knew what war meant. It meant chaos, endangerment and only the ashes would remain. War didn’t care about laws. It crossed all the lines that came its way. It was an experience no one wanted, but it wasn’t like they had a choice. This experience would hunt them for the rest of their lives, no matter how it’ll end. They had no one to warn them about the horrors of war. They had no written information about previous wars. If there had been any. If the information had been passed down orally, it had been distorted into the stories that the village elders now told. Stories where the line between story and truth was so blurred that nothing would have changed if the entire line had not existed at all. No information even about whether they were the first in this land. They had forgotten history. Or history had forgotten them. Or at least one day it would forget.

«I’m going.»

«What?»

It was getting late, but the sun was still shining. Undyne was sitting with Papyrus on the stone foundations of someone’s former home. They weren't the first village to be burned. And probably not the last. But she already had experience with fire. People left all over the land in search of a new home, hoping to find safety. Never in her life she had thought that one day she would know what war felt like. «I’m going.» The front lines were her next destination. No matter what anyone told her, she knew it was the place she should be. To protect those who can’t protect themselves. To be where nobody would tell her to get out of the way, to be silent. Of course she was going. She had trained for this for years. «It’s dangerous. You can—»

«Die? I know. This is a war, what else did you expect?» She sounded ruder than intended. She didn’t want to be rude to him. And even though she knew he was just being the caring person he was, she didn’t like the thought of someone trying to stop her again. «I’m coming with you.» Now it was her turn to be surprised. «Why? Why would you do that?» He was too kind. Too forgiving to fight. He was the type of person who would feel bad for the animals not finding food during winter. The kind of person who would give you everything even when he had nothing. «So you don’t have to be alone.»

«You are my best friend after all.»

«What about Sans? Won’t he stop you?» He hesitated for a moment before answering. Maybe he was thinking about his brother’s reaction. Undyne was aware of their childhood. When it came to literally anything she and Papyrus didn’t have secrets. She knew their struggles trying to get by as just kids. She knew how Sans had to take Papyrus with him to work when he was too young to be left alone. And as a fair trade, he knew her just as well. «He won’t be happy», he looked around at the remaining stone structures of the now ruined village. After letting his gaze wander a few seconds, he turned back to his friend. With that one expression on his face that she knew so well. That stubborn but at the same time kind-hearted expression, that she had gotten familiar with during their training, if you could call it that. «But if you were me and I were him, he would do the same thing.» No matter what he said, Undyne still thought that Papyrus was too good to fight. She promised to herself to make sure that no matter what, he would get out of this alive. 

A small stage built years ago still stood in the middle of the village center. The once bustling center was now filled with freshly prepared soldiers. It was far more skillfully made than her previous ones. Its head was made out of metal and it was hers. She would no longer have to try to carve them herself from branches found in the forest. Undyne was leaning against the edge of the stage. Her eyes were fixated on the crowd. She didn't see Papyrus from the many unfamiliar faces, but he was there somewhere. She saw other people watching them from the windows of their houses and open doors. The chatter around her grew as more people came in. She tried to listen to the people and caught one conversation behind her. «Do you have any idea who the commander will be?»

«I know as little as you do.» His friend answered. A third voice joined the conversation as she continued listening. «Whoever he is, he better be good, because this is a mess.» He. Always he. She had worked so hard. She had work every single day after she realized she was free. Her fingers couldn't count how many spears she had carved, how many of them had broken from hard use. How many times she had had to make sure she didn't respond to verbal insults physically. How many people had told her to just give up. And even after all that, after she had shown her worth many times, people still couldn’t see her in any higher position than themself. It didn’t matter where she was as long as she was below them.

«Soldiers«, silence fell over the crowd as Asgore’s strong voice echoed through their ears as he stood in the middle of the stage in the morning sunlight. «As you may know our life has turned to something we never expected.» Quiet whispers were still heard even as Asgore continued his speech. «We’ll meet our friends who we’ll now face as enemies, and that’s the harsh truth.» He was right about both. The line between friendship and enmity is so thin, so shifting, that many cross it without realizing it. «But our army is in good hands. I assure you that the responsibility has been placed on the right shoulders. This person is very trustworthy to me and will be that to you too.» The objections began as soon as she took the first step down the steps leading to the stage. 

«No way!»

«Absolutely not!»

«If you think, I’ll follow a girl, you’ll find that—» she had enough. «I want you to do one thing.» She knew that her voice could carry far and wide if she wanted it to. And that was exactly what she wanted. «I want you to look who’s up here tonight», she pointed her spear to the crowd and slowly moved it, so for a brief moment it pointed to everyone who was standing there. «and look who’s not.» Asgore didn’t say a word. Didn’t intervene. Didn’t tell her to be silent. Just let it happen, let her talk. And she would always be grateful to him for that. «I am tired. I’m tired of trying to prove to you, over and over and over again, that I am everything but unworthy of the title I’ve worked for.» While others had told her that someone more qualified would take her place, she had only worked harder to be worthy of Asgore's trust and this position.

She only now spotted her friend. He stood among the farthest people in the crowd. Papyrus caught her gaze and nodded. So slightly that she almost missed it. Encouraging her to continue. «I still don’t know what happened in the history that made your view of the world so narrow.» She should thank him later. «You want to end this war in the name of equality. That we’re as equal as humans. But let me tell you, there’s nothing that makes this what you call “equality”.» The whole reason why they had the will to fight was because they wanted to prove that they were capable of humanity, even though they were not humans. They wanted to prove that their magic was not something to get rid of, that they were not a threat. Even though that was the only thing they now were to them, a threat. 

«We have defined equality as something when everyone is worth the same. But why doesn't that apply to me? Why does the fact that I’m a woman make you think that it doesn’t apply to me, to any of us?» One brave soul dared to cut her speech by answering her question. «You’ll always be weaker, more fragile. More—» Humiliation. That was their weapon. Too bad she already was good friends with it. «I could take down all of you.» Her spearhead followed the crowd. Although she didn't actually reach anyone with it as he stood there, many took a step back when the weapon pointed them. «Do you think I achieved this just by sitting around, waiting for others to make the change?»

«Quiet!»

«Quiet is the last thing I’ll be in a world ruled by people like you!» She had learned that you shouldn't lower your weapon in the presence of even the slightest threat. She doubted that anyone would actually dare to attack her, but people were willing to do pretty much anything in their anger. «If this world is your definition of equality, then maybe it's you who are weaker.» There were few individual beginnings of objections, but she had gotten too far to stop now. «You can’t fight for our position, if you’re not ready for true equality inside of your own kind.»

«Being born as a daughter means you lose the game of life the moment you come to existence.» And if it was up to her, that game would be over. «But I couldn’t be more proud of being the daughter who can show you what it really means to be a woman.» She couldn't care less how her spear cracked the wood beneath her feet. Nobody dared to say a word. There were no objections, but no one came to her support either. She sought Papyrus's gaze and saw him smiling as he gave her a silent applause. Those standing next to him did not give him positive looks, but did not seem to say anything. She turned her head to look at Asgore, who walked up to her and gave her an approving nod. «Soldiers of ours, I shall present to you our new army commander, Undyne.»

«Whatever.» A few clapped out of pure politeness, Papyrus as one of them. But she knew that wasn’t his reason. He had always been on her side and she was sure he would be from now on too. 

Hundreds of thousands of stars twinkled above her. Undyne sat on the ground, leaning against the wall of their shelter. It was her turn to be the watchkeeper. The nights, without any disturbances, were the most peaceful time of the day. Although she was out there so everyone could have a chance to sleep, none of them actually slept. At least not well. The constant cautiousness kept them awake. Every little sound felt like a threat. The rustling of twigs could be heard from the forest. The sound of the wind that made the walls of the shelter creak. Even their own friend's breathing felt too loud. Their own thoughts were loud enough.

She didn’t feel the cold wind against her skin. There was no room in her mind to be aware of such a thing as cold. On the other side of the wall was a new group of soldiers. New faces, new souls. New lives, each with a story behind them. How many stories would see a happy ending? Or would they all meet the same fate as those countless soldiers in those barren fields. Fields where death came to claim what it felt was its own. It shaped each one into a new peck of light to shine in the night sky. It took the people she hated and the people she loved. She looked up at the stars in the sky. 

Somewhere up there was her father. It felt weird to think about his father, the man she so much despised, and her best friend, the kindest person she’d ever met, being side by side up there. The anger that had filled her mind had drained, and all that was left was just the feeling that a part of her was missing. And she wouldn’t get that part back. Starts held two different people she knew. The other whom she may never have even known. And she didn't really want to get to know him again. He could stand in front of her at this very moment and still not believe that his daughter was proving to be more than what his eyes saw. «Did I disappoint you, father?»

«Because if I did, good. It means I succeeded.»

Chapter Text

The birds sang their songs of history. Warning them not to repeat what once turned out to be a mistake. But the songs changed. Their voices now told their story. They no longer warned them about the past, but the now. They warned about the future they might not see. They flew all around the land telling them how people were digging their own grave. But that ballad was unheard by their ears. Nature told their story in a way they couldn’t understand. 

Frisk slightly adjusted their shirt’s collar with one hand as they twirled the ribbon in their hair around their finger. After giving their first decoration to the bird this world had lost, Alphys had braided their hair again. Another small braid on the side of their head. One singular braid on top of their short waves. The ribbon was blue this time. The color was faded, but they were very sure there had been a day when it’d been bright like the summer sky. They could feel the bell through the fabric. They had made it a habit to carry the bell in their pocket. It made a sound with every movement they made. That one piece of rusty metal felt special to them. Just as special as the one now swaying with the wind on the outside. Marking the spot where death had taken the little one’s life. 

Their mind was a mess. Trying to keep up with everything. To organize everything in the way they could understand. They’re far away from home. They’ve left behind what once was their everyday life. Fear was their friend during sleepless nights. The scar on their face as a reminder, they’d never find their place. Monsters would never accept them as their own. In their own kind’s memory their face was blurred and faded. They had nowhere to be. They belonged nowhere. Except here, perhaps. If they allow it to be that way.

Frisk stirred their soup for the hundredth time within the last five minutes. Alphys sat in front of them, constantly glancing outside of the window. The wind outside made the trees dance as the leaves that had dropped to the ground flew around. They wondered what winter would look like here. How the white powder would cover the roofs as the darkness of the night would swallow the houses. How the cold would make their breath visible in the air. Both of them sat in silence. Sans had left somewhere they didn’t follow him. He’d just disappeared. «What if he doesn’t come back?» Their voice felt loud in the silence. Alphys looked at them. As sweet of a person she was, letting their voice be heard inside these walls felt like a new chapter they weren’t fully ready to write. «He will. People often need to be by themselves when they lose someone important.»

«Frisk, I understand your confusion and fear. You’ve experienced so much for such a young child.» Hearing their own name felt strange. «But our concerns are not your burden to be.» Her voice reflected what they both were thinking; regardless of anyone’s will their concerns would fall on their shoulders. It was inevitable. It was the price one had to pay for caring. «We can’t do very much for him. Only he knows when time has done its job.» The silence after death was louder than any sound they’ve heard. But that silence wasn’t only the lack of sounds, but a lack of everything you sense. Death doesn’t only take away someone you love, it takes away the feeling that makes you you. It comes to your home, into your mind, takes control you thought you had yourself. And you can only wait. Wait until it goes away and leaves you alone. Sometimes it never leaves. Not really. 

«He saved me.» Their memories of him were blurry and felt like someone else’s. Papyrus, his name was. Soldier from the road they thought they’d die on. Frisk remembered the fear. The fear they never wanted to feel again. It’d felt like the fear would kill them before anyone else could. «He made sure my story didn’t end there.» But they were saved. By someone who should’ve left them there, but didn’t. Many would’ve. Many would’ve thought, the smaller the chance of them growing up was, the less enemies they would have. «He did.» They remembered waking up in a house that they couldn’t call home. They had thought they never could. But they also remembered a kind looking face in front of them. «He was a good person. Wasn’t he?» Encouraging them through their fear. «It’s hard to find a better one.» 

«One thing I think it’s good for you to understand is that Papyrus and Sans would do anything for each other. They were still learning what life is like without being by each other’s side.» 

Their food had already cooled down, but they didn’t dare to mention it. Frisk could do nothing but trust in Alphys’ words. If she said he was a good person, they have to trust that. They had looked forward to meeting him properly. The people who, they thought would’ve killed them by now, made sure they could stay. After a while, when the fear was replaced with something they couldn’t quite name, when their soul felt safe, they thought that maybe he was like them. The first impression spoke for itself. Enemy’s child, yet saved by the opposite kind. But they no longer have the opportunity to get to know him.

He hadn’t thought about how long he’d been gone. But he knew it’d been at least two hours, maybe even more. His conversation with Asgore hadn’t lasted that long, but he didn’t want to go home. Not yet. He hated to admit it, but he didn’t want to face the kid. They looked too much like him. They were too much like him. Too many similarities that only now made sense. The day wasn't far along yet, but it felt like he had lived several days in those few hours. So much had happened. His life would be anything else but what it had been. He’d got new cards to play with. Every move was either a key to better tomorrow or a path which ended to the waiting embrace of death.

The thought of returning home and remaining where he was, fought for the place in his mind to lead him for his next action. He wasn’t walking anymore. Just standing and thinking about what he should do. If he went back home, he'd eventually have to tell them about him leaving. But he couldn’t avoid returning home forever. The longer he stood there, the harder it’d become to move. He made his decision. The second of darkness led him back home.

Alphys was more than used to him just disappearing and appearing without a warning, but the kid didn’t know about that part of him. The kid looked at him questioningly but with a fascinated look on their face. Alphys on the other hand… He knew what she’d ask, just as he knew she could see through his lie. «I’m fine.» He’d tell them when the time would come. It’d be soon, no one could slow the time, but he could pretend he could. «Are you sure?» She knew more than she let on, but never asked more than twice; the actual question then again as a confirmation. «Yeah, don’t worry about it.» That didn’t make her look less worried, but she knew he would say no more. The kid was sitting at the table. They had a bowl of soup in front of them, almost untouched. «You can eat it later.» Alphys said to the kid, she turned back to him. «You know, you can—» 

«Let's not talk about it.»

Better do something useful around here when he still could. He looked at the small bunches of plants hanging above his own little table. Different types of dried flowers, leaves and herbs. Usually when he had free time, he’d collect the dried plants and put them into bottles and boxes so they could sell them. He paused for a moment to look at the lines he had drawn. One hundred and eighty-six lines. One hundred and eighty-six days. Hasn’t this been going on long enough? How much longer would they have to fear for their own survival? When the last field would become uncultivable and the last village would turn into ashes, perhaps then people would realize the mark they had left. Their anger wasn’t something evil. It was just trying to keep them safe. But that made it so dangerous. 

He was awakened from his thoughts by a voice that didn’t belong to Alphys. He was able to hear the kid through his own thoughts. But they weren’t talking. They were singing. Quiet and comforting but bright melody. He could barely make out the words, but they were still there. 

  Here it's safe, here it's warm

  Here the daisies guard you from every harm

  Here your dreams are sweet and tomorrow brings them true

  Here is the place where I love you

«Aren’t you a little songbird yourself?» The kid talked but barely, he had never even thought that they’d hear them singing. The golden bird around their neck, their fondness towards the little tale tellers. This kid had grown among these singers. The kid flinched and turned to him, clearly afraid they'd done something wrong. «No need to look like that, you did absolutely nothing wrong.» Alphys smiled at them as she cleaned up their bowls. «That was beautiful.» They muttered a quiet ‘thank you’ and got up. The bell made its usual sound. It was like the chime of the bell was a reminder for all of them that the kid was there. They came to him, and just looked at all the stuff on the table. «Do you want to learn a trick?» The curiosity in their dark eyes always shone just as brightly. «Mhm», they came a little closer, looking closer at all of his things.

«I can’t really teach you magic, but all of this doesn’t require any of it.» Something easy for a kid to learn, yet something actually useful. «Could you lend me your hand? This won’t hurt at all.» He waited for the moment of hesitation that always followed every question and request they received. But this time, it didn’t come. They didn’t start playing with their necklace or fingers, like they have done many times before. Just lend their hand like he asked. 

«Let’s pretend you have a wound here.» He pointed to the back of their hand. «So you take some yarrow leaves—this flower here, excellent for wound care—it doesn’t have to be dried, just mashed is okay.» He showed a bottle that had some dried leaves inside. He’d rather not use the actual plant since it was not actually needed. So he told the kid to imagine the leaves. «Then you put it onto the wound and wrap some cloth around it to secure it. It helps the bleeding stop faster.» On the table they had this drawstring pouch where they stored scrap cloth, just in case. «You need to be careful with this, so the plant stays on top of the wound.» Although this was only practice, over the years this had become a habit for him, so without thinking he wrapped the textile around the kid’s hand. 

«Do you want to try it yourself?» He asked as he was about to unravel the bandage but the kid pulled their hand away before he could do that. They nodded. «Try it on yourself. If you can do it on yourself, you can do it on others too.» He handed them a few leaves from the table they could practice with. Sometimes other leaves from different plants came with the plants they collected. They were good, but he could still see they haven’t tried this before. But for a first try, they were surprisingly good. It took time, but they looked so focused and tried to be as careful as possible, so he let it slide. Now was not the time to lecture them about how in real situation speed was only beneficial. The kid hummed the same melody they were singing earlier. Loud enough for him to hear. Sans didn’t know songs. It wasn’t uncommon to hear singing along the streets, but he’d never really paid attention to it. He could recognize some tunes and lyrics but he never learned even one song by name. 

When they were done, they turned their hands a few times in front of them, just to look at the result of their work. «I’m proud of you, little one.» And that was the first time they saw the kid smiling. It was shy and there only for a couple of seconds. But that slight, momentary change in their face was enogh. The kid looked like themself, but at the same time they looked like him. For a brief moment, he was watching his brother’s younger self. He needed to blink a couple of times to get the image out of his head. He shouldn’t think about it. Not now. The kid’s smile had faded and they looked at him with their head slightly tilted to the side. They didn’t say anything, but the question was visible in their expression. «Don’t worry about me. I’m okay.» He took one empty bottle from the shelf and filled it with the dried plant. «Here, you might need it one day.» The glass made a sound as it came into contact with the bell, he knew they carried with them. Alphys watched them from the side and smiled to herself just enough for him to notice.

He felt a tiny sense of guilt. He’ll be out of here in a day. He’d have to say goodbye. He’d have to figure out how to say goodbye again. He knew the risks, he’d always known them. He had been aware of them when he first asked to go, and he knew them now that he had the chance to do what he’d wanted. The kid quickly removed the cloth around the hand, but let the one he had put stay. Might as well let them have it. Their substitute leaves dropped on the table as they undid their work. Despite the wholesome moment, something felt off. He heard voices outside. They couldn’t be that far away since he was able to hear them. But they also couldn’t be right next to them. He couldn’t make out individual words, but he knew that the sounds were shouting and something else he couldn’t recognize. It sounded like multiple people panicking and someone shouting.

Alphys seemed to notice it too. Her face had this concerned expression, when she tried to look outside. «I think we should make sure everything is okay out there. That doesn’t sound very good to me.» Sans agreed, but the kid stayed silent. «You want to stay inside?» The kid nodded. «Okay, we’ll check what’s going on, you can stay here.» Alphys followed him as he stepped outside. It was getting colder day after day and the air felt very dry. Their steps were something between walking and running as the voices got louder. Both of them froze for a moment when the view opened in front of them. The source of the voices was no longer a mystery. Flames burning in different shades of yellow and orange illuminated the already bright day. It wasn’t one of those little fires that took a few minutes to take out. This was something else. 

The fire spread fast. Way faster than they were able to put it out.

«Start evacuating!»