Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

New Group Chat

1:00pm:

Peter P has created the group chat

Peter P has added 16 members

Harley K: yo whats up

Wanda M: oh no

Sam W: ??? 

Steve R: What is this? From Steve

Pietro M: from steve💀

Steve R: Why is there a skull? From Steve

Peter P: lmaooo

Pietro M: surely someones taught him how to text in his time in the 21st century

Natasha R: Apparently not

Thor O: WGAT IS THIS/)?! ;

Peter P: its a groupchat! its a messaging system where you can communicate with multiple people whenever

Peter P has changed the chat name to avengers tower ✌︎˶╹ꇴ╹˶✌︎

Thor O: AH YES, VETY GOOD IDDA SFPIDDR

Loki L: Turn off caps lock and type slower you oaf

Thor O: HOW DO I DO THAT

Loki L: Omfg I will show you, stay where you are

Thor O: OKAY👍

Tony S: Did loki just use a text acronym?

Peter P: yes ive been teaching him :]

Tony S: You and loki text each other?

Peter P: yessssss?

Tony S: Right, of course you do

Steve R: What does "omfg" mean? From Steve

Harley K: this is so funny yall r hopeless

Tony S: You dont need to add "from steve" capsicle we know its you

Tony S: No one uses proper grammar when texting friends/family either

Steve R: Okay? I still want to know what "omfg" stands for.

Peter P: old man im on my way to give u a texting lesson

Clint B: Take Bucky for that too

James B: I'm more educated than Steve, had to be for missions

James B: Also Shuri consistently texts me

James B has renamed James B to Bucky✪

Clint B: Huh, okay

May P: I'm assuming this is for everyone who lives in or sometimes stays in the tower?

Peter P: yep!

Wanda M: i predict this will be chaos in less than a week

Bruce B: Oh absolutely

Tony S has renamed Steve R to Capsicle

Pepper P: Oh dear

Sam W: Please no

Clint B has renamed Natasha R to Mama spider

Clint B has renamed Peter P to spiderling

spiderling: :D

Mama spider: Hm, acceptable

spiderling has renamed Harley K to potato lad

potato lad: IRON LAD IS A STUPID NAME THIS IS NOT STAYING

spiderling: its too late its what the entire media and basically everyone calls u

potato lad: i hate u so much

Wanda M: sure you do

Wanda M has renamed Wanda M to bestwitch

Pietro M: only witch but okay

Wanda M has renamed Pietro M to worst twin

worst twin: HEY >:0

worst twin has renamed worst twin to sonic

potato lad: speaking of sonic have u finished shadow generations yet?

sonic: no (◞‸◟) 

spiderling: me and ned finished it the other day

Loki L has renamed Loki L to bestgod

bestwitch: (⁎⁍̴̛ᴗ⁍̴̛⁎)

bestgod: ദ്ദി(⎚_⎚)

spiderling has renamed Tony S to Caffeine man

Caffeine man: Is coffee all im known for now? 

spiderling: u r literally drinking it rn

Caffeine man: Touchè

Pepper P: Tony, that is your fourth one today

Pepper P: We had an agreement on three

Caffeine man: Sorry pep, I needed to finish a suit pretty late last night

James R: Please get a therapist I beg of you

spiderling has renamed James R to Rhodeworkahead?

potato lad: ugh yeah i sure hope it does 

Rhodeworkahead?: Okay then

𓂃 ࣪˖ ⋆.˚ ʚїɞ ⋆ 

1:13pm

Pepper P: I have disposed of the coffee machine

potato lad: LMFAOOO

Caffeine man: WHAT

spiderling: oh dang

bestwitch: WHAT ABOUT MY MORNING COFFEE???

Sam W: What have you done now we're never gonna hear the end of it

Caffeine man: See look what youve done, Im not the only coffee drinker in this household!

Pepper P: This was the agreement Tony

Caffeine man: You know it was always more of just you threatening our precious coffee maker

bestwitch: STARK

Caffeine man: What!? I didnt even do anything pepper should be the culprit

sonic: you bombed our parents and now youve bombed our opportunities for coffee

Clint B: Jesus christ kid

spiderling: ‎·ࡇ·

potato lad: nahhh thats crazy

Caffeine man: Wha

Caffeine man: THAT WASNT ME EITHER???

Bucky✪: wow

Capsicle: Guys you shouldn't joke about that.

sonic: our trauma our choice

bestwitch: fr, keep away from our rights old man

Pepper P: I have ordered a new coffee machine, but it will not be here until next week. A week of no coffee.

Caffeine man: Now i have to modify the machine again to suit dum-e

potato lad: you are so filthy rich smh go get ur own coffee

bestwitch: i am an innocent woman ૮꒰◞ ˕ ◟ ྀི꒱ა

Pepper P: While you are not as bad as Tony, you also need to cut down on the coffee for a bit aswell

spiderling: its okay wanda, ill sneak u some from a cafe after skl

bestwitch: thank you pete🙏

Pepper P: Why do I even bother

Caffeine man: Care to sneak me some aswell?

spiderling: start paying me for my internship then we'll talk

Caffeine man: You live here!?!? I pay for literally everything you need and want, YOU GET 500 DOLLARS POCKET MONEY A WEEK?

spiderling: do i get paid for my work? dont think so

Clint B: LOL

Sam W: Hes got you there stark

Rhodeworkahead?: Please, can all of you

 idiots get therapy

Chapter Text

Avengers tower ✌︎˶╹ꇴ╹˶✌︎

4:34pm

sonic: I need 28 lightbulbs for 28 ducks

Caffeine man: Sorry?

Clint B: Ducks can't eat lightbulbs?

bestwitch: I think thats the point

sonic: exactly, I want my ducks to glow so I can find them

Caffeine man: That's not how that works?

sonic: says who?

Caffeine man: Biology

sonic: biology is a scam created by the shadow government!

Capsicle: Please do not feed ducks lightbulbs, they will probably die.

spiderling: just buy them collars or something with lights attached

potato lad: even if u somehow get a light bulb probably bigger than the ducks stomach in the duck how will u power it? 

Sam W: Better question, why the hell do you have 28 ducks?

sonic: I joined peter and jeff on their patrol today and we found someone trying to illegally smuggle 28 ducks

Caffeine man: Ofc you did

spiderling: there were 29, jeff ate one :(

Capsicle: ... Why? 

Bucky✪: Only in new york

potato lad: WHAT

Sam W: Who is Jeff and why are they eating smuggled ducks

Pepper P: We are not keeping 28 ducks in the tower, Pietro.

sonic: youre not my mum 🙄

bestwitch: no but she's the mother of the tower

spiderling changed Pepper P's name to Mother potts

Sam W: @spiderling ????

Mother potts: Where are you going to put them? And where are they now?

sonic: that's a work in progress. also they're in the training gym rn

Sam W: WHO IS JEFF???

Caffeine man: I would also like to know who Jeff is???

spiderling: hes a land shark :D

Caffeine man: What?

Clint B: Oh yeah there was this whole thing with modok from another universe who created Jeff and he accidentally ended up here, long story short kate takes care of him now but sometimes gwenpool comes and takes him back to her universe with her for a bit

spiderling: wade also takes care of him sometimes

Sam W: I'm not even going to ask who Wade is after that

Caffeine man: I'll bite, who's gwenpool?

spiderling: female deadpool in an alternate universe, her names gwen so we nicknamed her that

Caffeine man: Do not hang out with any deadpools! Deadpool is a lose cannon and a dangerous individual, Pete.

spiderling: okay jeez, she's not that bad, she's rarely here anyway

Caffeine man: Good

sonic: ( ͡° ʖ̯ ͡°)

arrows & webs ➶🕸

4:41pm

MasterHawk➶: Sooo pete, you gonna tell him? 

webslinger🕸: absolutely not, he will lose his mind if he finds out I actively team/patrol with any of the other vigilantes

DeputyHawk➶: except for me, i'm awesome

webslinger🕸: yeah kate ur cool with the avengers

webslinger🕸: its literally everyone else im worried about

MasterHawk➶: Probably best if you tell him sooner than later, it's only a matter of time before he notices the headline team red and defenders

webslinger🕸: aughhghh i knowww

webslinger🕸: hes gonna try add more fancy tech to my suit somehow and tell me off every time he sees me with them

webslinger🕸: im gonna be so pissed if me and ned have to hack karen again to get him off my ass

DeputyHawk➶: may knows doesn't she?

webslinger🕸: yeah, it was very chaotic at first but then she somehow got into contact with them and now they update her on my safety whenever we patrol together

webslinger🕸: she also has weekly coffee with karen and sometimes foggy joins them

MasterHawk➶: Look, when tony inevitably finds out, I'll try talk sense into him, maybe even bargain that any patrols you go on with them I'll make sure to be there, at least until he cools off about it

webslinger🕸: tyyy, idk what id do without at least one other adult avenger being friends with them lol

DeputyHawk➶: in the unlikely event it goes more wrong than expected, my apartments always open for you to crash in!

webslinger🕸: kate ily, will keep that in mind

Avengers tower ✌︎˶╹ꇴ╹˶✌︎

4:47pm

Bruce B: It got awfully quiet in here

Sam W: I don't like it

potato lad: we have yet to find out what's gonna happen to the ducks

potato lad: @spiderling has yet to introduce me to jeff while he's still in this universe

spiderling: ill organise a time with kate tmr!

bestwitch: can I also meet jeff :0

spiderling: yessss

bestwitch: (*ˊᗜˋ*)

Caffeine man: I may regret asking this but what exactly is Jeff? 

spiderling: a land shark

Caffeine man: Preferably a more elaborate explanation

spiderling: hes an intelligent shark with legs that can breathe on both land and water, both swim and walk, and also breathe out water

spiderling: and likes eating criminals

spiderling: and sushi

spiderling: and infinity gauntlets

Bucky✪: EXCUSE YOU?

Bruce B: What.

Rhodeworkahead?: I just opened this chat, I beg your finest pardon?

Caffeine man: Anddd I regret asking

Clint B: It's how he accidentally got to our universe lol

spiderling: dw we got it out he's a-okay

Rhodeworkahead: Right then...

potato lad: you broke steve he's been gawking at his phone for a good 30 seconds now

Bucky✪: He'll be okay

Sam W: This isn't even a weird 21st century thing this is just the weirdness of new yorks vigilantes

potato lad: and I thought yall were crazy

spiderling: yall 🤠

potato lad: one eye open tonight Parker

Mother potts: Peter, Pietro, please find something to do with the ducks, they can't live in our gym forever

bestgod: Hm, New Asgard can probably take them

Thor O: Delightful idea brother! We will come pick them up this afternoon!

Mother potts: Thank you.

Mama Spider: Care to explain why our main training gym is full of ducks?

Clint B: Where have you been?

spiderling: car gone!

potato lad: no note!

Mama Spider: Napping. Silent phone. Life beyond your yapping and 50+ notifications I got.

Clint B: Valid I suppose

Mama Spider: Pietro all our training equipment is now covered in duck shit

Mother potts: Oh dear

spiderling: crap, I didn't even think about that

Caffeine man: Sigh

potato lad: did u just sigh over text

Caffeine man: Do you need to criticise everything?

potato lad: yes, yes I do

sonic: sorryyyy!!!

bestwitch: go clean it up you idiot

sonic: PETER IS COMPLIANT IN THIS

spiderling: wow would u look at the time

sonic: (눈‸눈)

bestwitch: pietro you have super speed just do ittt

sonic: UGH, fineeee

spiderling: :^

sonic: one eye open.

spiderling:  =͟͟͞͞(꒪ᗜ꒪ ‧̣̥̇)

Caffeine man: Care to share more to the class about the apparent multiversal adventures you've had Peter?

spiderling: ive done enough lore dropping for today, u haven't unlocked the rest yet

Bruce B: What even is my life anymore

May P: I ask myself that everyday.