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“Agent P,” Major Monogram’s face lit-up on the dirty screen, “we know that you’ve just gotten a host family to adopt you, and you probably need time to adjust, but evil doesn’t take days off so—“
”Actually, Eve Ihle is out of commission until next Saturday due to Thursday being the first day of Ramadan,” the intern proclaimed, “she’s not actually Muslim herself, she just have family who are—“
“For Moogly’s sake Carl, I was talking about evil not Eve Ihle—you better thank Carlos for getting you this internship because sometimes I wonder if trusting an unpaid twelve year old to manage a federal agency is really a good idea!” see huffed, sighed, and then continued, “Anyway, Agent P—I am sure you are still adjusting to your new host family, correct?”
”Grrrr.”
”Well as a proper member of the agency, I think it’s about time you get assigned a proper nemesis, and after doing some research we’ve settled on the candidate of…Carl, why isn’t a picture on the screen yet?”
“I couldn’t find the files, sir.”
”What do you mean you couldn’t find it? It’s on the flash drive near the monitor!”
”Sir, please understand that—“
”I’m already being understanding enough as it is what with allowing you to play dress up back at the pet store,” Monogram remarked.
”An actor embodies their role, mister.”
”At least you’re not expecting to be paid,” Monogram sighed.
Perry The Platypus stared awkwardly at the clock, waiting for this interaction to be over.
”Agent P,” Major remembered, “I guess since someone is having trouble pulling up the scientist on the screen, I may as well describe him to you—he’s a Drusselsteinian scientist by the name of Heinz…Derfensmirtz?”He continued, “he has brown hair, his accent sounds vaguely Germanic, and he dresses like a pharmacist though we have yet to find out whether the similarity is purely coincidental or if he has some connection to the field of pharmacology.”
”Sir, I found Derfensmirtz in your list of contacts, do you want me t—“
”Of course I want you to present the files!”
A picture of the man showed up on the screen.
”As I was saying—Agent P, find Derfensmirtz and put a stop to him—“
Perry could be heard leaving his lair.
Monogram murmured, “huh, that guy looks vaguely familiar.”
“As I was saying, heart palpitations are a serious problem. In regards to blood thinners I—“
POW!
”How did a beaver get into my office, and why is it—Ahhh!”
The man was flung across the room into the wall.
“I promise this is not a regular occurrence in my office; I don’t even know what a beaver is doing in here—“
Perry showed the man his badge.
”’O.W.C.A: Perry The Platypus—oh a platypus is what’s sneaking into my facility—sorry, I’m red-green colorblind. I don’t know what a platypus is doing with a name tag though—do they give them do every platypus at the zoo?”
Perry The Platypus looked around and inspected the man’s equipment; he found a scale and a computer but nothing was out of the ordinary. Perry was confused before hearing a ring come from his watch.
”Agent P, we regret to inform you that we have sent you after the wrong man; Derfensmirtz is my pharmacist, Doofenshmirtz is your assigned nemesis.”
”Francis Monogram, I’ve been meaning to get in contact with you regarding your hemorrhoid cream…” The pharmacist said.
”On second thought, I don’t think I will be able to assign anyone a nemesis for awhile—in the meantime, why don’t you enjoy getting acquainted with your host family.”
”Grrr.”