Chapter Text
It was true. Keith was a literal legend.
Despite crash landing on Earth (which was unavoidable), he managed to land right on target. His father’s dwelling should be nearby, according to the information from his mom.
He looked back at Shiro and found that the human was passed out in his seat. Good thing he was wearing his seat belt. Maybe humans were more sensitive to G-forces than Galra. Shiro was going to be fine, so Keith decided to leave him in his seat while he went to go pick up some supplies and hopefully some new clothes from his dad’s dwelling. He only had his Blade of Marmora suit, and he wanted to keep a low profile so hopefully he would find some clothes that fit.
Upon waking up, Shiro found himself strapped to a table, surrounded by Garrison personnel. He gasped as he realized that he was on Earth now. Keith was nowhere to be found and Shiro still hadn’t been sure of his intentions when they landed.
He needed to warn everyone about the Galra. They could be on their way at that moment.
“The Galra! They’re coming!” he tried to tell them until he felt the cold stab of a sedative in his neck.
In his fancy new outfit, Keith finally understood what it was like to feel yummy.
He was thrilled to find the jacket, boots, and bandanna. He’d never seen so much of the color red before. It was delightful. He’d only really seen glimpses of it on other planets or shining in stars, or sometimes, when he was injured badly enough to spill his own blood. It was a color imbued with the sensation of passion.
The hoverbike was a delight in its own separate category. It was red and beautiful, but that’s not all. It was the perfect vehicle. It was the slowest thing Keith had ever piloted, and yet with the air rushing past him, blowing into his face and through his hair, it was also the most fun. It could only fly a few feet off the ground, but that was all that was needed to have a smooth ride above the rocky terrain.
He had the time of his life weaving between the large rocks and the strange, spiky plants.
“Shit.”
Upon reaching the top of a hill, Keith saw a group of other humans swarming the escape pod.
Good thing he grabbed those explosives.
“You know, now that we’re here, why exactly did we just kidnap Shiro?”
Shiro felt like his brain was pounding against his skull. Where was he? The speaker sounded nervous.
“Um. We obviously had to save him! Right, Pidge?” Another voice said.
“Don’t worry, Hunk. We’ll return him once he answers my questions.”
“And what about that guy who knocked the lights out of every officer in that tent? I feel like I should be scared of him, but it looks like he’s playing with a lizard outside right now.”
With that, Shiro finally found the strength to open his eyes. He remembered waking up strapped to that table and everything that happened in space before that.
They were in a tiny wooden shack. Dust particles floating in the air were visible in the beam of golden light coming from the window. Shiro was resting on an old couch. The room was filled with all kinds of random old junk, as well as three teenagers.
“Finally, you’re awake,” said Matt, his glasses glinting in the sunlight. Matt? “Shiro, what happened to the rest of the Kerberos crew?”
No, Shiro realized. This wasn’t Matt. They looked similar to him, but Shiro knew Matt better than anyone. This person reminded Shiro of how Matt looked back when they first met, before he started physical training and got his eyesight fixed. This person must be related to him.
The person’s question registered in his mind and he remembered his mission.
“The Galra,” he told them. “We made it to Kerberos, but then we were abducted! We were taken prisoner and… we got separated. I don’t know what happened to the rest of the crew. But we need to prepare! The Galra are trying to conquer the universe, destroying anything that gets in their way! If they come here, they will enslave the entire planet.”
“Oh god the alien invasion is coming!” Hunk cried out.
“I believe you, but… what are we supposed to do about it?” the lanky boy asked.
“We have to do something!” Pidge snapped. “Listen— last night, the reason we knew to come find you was because I was scanning for intergalactic radio frequencies. I think I heard some alien chatter, probably the same ones you’re talking about. They kept repeating the same word over and over: Voltron. Any idea what that means?”
Shiro shook his head.
“Oh! That reminded me!” said Hunk. “I was looking through your diary—”
“Hey!”
“—You have seriously messy handwriting dude. But anyway, I noticed that the series of numbers you wrote down looked like a Fraunhoffer line. And then I found this old radio thing last night so I did some tinkering and made it into a sort of Geiger counter for that line. I dunno if that can help with the Voltron thing though.”
“That’s my best friend! You’re so smart, Hunk!” the lanky boy cheered.
“Aw thanks, Lance.”
“We do have one more possible clue,” Shiro told them, dreading what was about to happen. “Keith!” he called out. “Come here!”
The door swung open to reveal Keith’s silhouette standing in the doorway, the golden sunrise beaming in from behind him.
“Anything you need?”
“Hey Keith,” Shiro greeted him with a smile. It was good to see him awake again after that rough landing. Keith had been a little worried about him.
It seemed like he was getting along well with the other humans that wanted to ride on Keith’s hoverbike with them. It annoyed him that they couldn’t go as fast as he would’ve liked, but they seemed happy.
“You know Voltron?” Shiro asked.
“Yes! I know Voltron,” Keith responded, surprised that Shiro was bringing it up. It was Keith’s favorite story as a kid.
“Okay [awesome!] And is Voltron [good or bad]?” Shiro asked, exaggeratedly smiling and frowning at the end. Keith understood what he was trying to ask.
“Voltron is the world’s number one coke whore,” said Keith, nodding to Shiro with a smile. “Voltron is a literal legend.”
“Okay, I’m pretty [sure that means it’s a good thing],” Shiro told the others. They were all silent for a moment, looking at Keith and Shiro with wide eyes. Keith didn’t have a very good grasp on the meanings of Human facial expressions just yet, and he didn’t have a clue what those looks meant. He also didn’t think Shiro was just telling them that he’s pretty.
“What the fuck?” the shortest one asked.
“Keith [doesn’t speak English very well and he has a very… unique vocabulary],” said Shiro.
“But [how does] he know [about] Voltron?” the big guy asked
“Voltron is a literal legend,” he repeated. “Voltron is the First Lady of legend, of treat you right.”
“Keith is a human [who somehow was raised in Space. I think he’s part of some kind of rebel group because he helped me escape from the] Galra,” Shiro explained.
“And his name is Keith?” the most annoying one asked.
Keith was getting tired of this conversation. There was something about the annoying human that really seemed to get on his nerves. Humans were more difficult to understand than he expected.
He was enjoying getting to see Earth though. The sunrise was breathtaking. It made the entire planet seem even more vibrant than usual. There were also all kinds of tiny creatures everywhere he looked. He found one that had a long tail sort of like Regris’. There was another tiny thing that kept flying around him, making annoying buzzing sounds in his ear.
Now that Shiro had been returned to Earth, his mission was halfway complete. He just needed to check on the Blue Lion to make sure her particle barrier was still working and then he would use his communicator to call for an extraction. Kolivan also wouldn’t mind if he took a little extra time to experience Earth. Neither the Empire nor the rebellion were going anywhere soon, so Keith figured he’d take this opportunity to learn about his heritage. It’s not like anything would change with or without him, specifically.
He zoned back in to the Humans’ conversation when he noticed the big guy holding up a graph that had the same shape as a photo of some desert canyons he saw on the wall. What a crazy coincidence!
“Pardon me,” he said, taking the graph out of the human’s hands. “I couldn’t help but see.” He held the graph up to the photo so the others could see what he noticed. To his delight, they seemed to agree that it was cool and decided to go on a hike to go see those exact cliffs.
Having a group of actual Humans to guide him through the desert was perfect! For some reason they insisted on using a giant detector thing, which Keith figured was their primitive version of a GPS.
The annoying one (Lance, he learned) turned out to be the Blue Paladin, which cut Keith’s little vacation short. He didn’t mind though. Now they had an actual shot at destroying the Empire! They needed to get Voltron assembled as soon as possible. It was unbelievable to find out that the actual literal Blue Paladin was a Human like him and that Voltron was coming back. He felt like this was an incredibly long and vivid dream.
Traveling in the Blue Lion was the coolest thing ever. In less than a quintant, he’d flown on both the slowest vehicle ever and the fastest.
The Lion also had the benefit of a universal translator. Finally, he could understand most of what the Humans were saying.
It was pretty funny to see them all gasp in surprise the first time Keith contributed to the conversation.
“You can speak English now?!” Hunk gasped.
“I’m not sure what English means, but this ship has a universal translator so I can understand when you speak Human and you can understand when I speak Galran,” he explained.
“What about Spanish?”
“Whoa bro! I totally understood you just now!”
“I had no idea that kind of technology was possible,” said Pidge. “It’s amazing how it sounds like you’re actually speaking English, but if I look closely the words don’t match up with your mouth. I hope that’s not gonna drive me crazy…”
“Uh, guys? There’s a massive alien ship heading straight toward us,” said Lance. “I think the Lion wants us to attack it?”
“That’s a Galra ship!” said Shiro. “Don’t hesitate to destroy it.”
“Roger that, sir. We’ll stomp it out like a spotted lantern fly,” Lance said with a smirk.
Hunk and Pidge visibly paled. “Lance, be careful bro. This is an actual ship, not a simulator.”
“That’s good. I always crash those.”
“Yeah, Shiro, Lance may be in pilot school, but we haven’t gotten through Simulation Four without crashing. Are you sure about this?” Pidge asked.
Shiro grimaced. “This is the only option we have. Lance, do your best. Everyone, brace yourselves.”
“Thanks Shiro!” And suddenly they were hurtling toward the warship. He was a little wary of Lance’s skills, but he chose to trust in the Blue Lion’s choice.
Keith was right about Human resistance to G forces. He noticed the Humans starting to look ill as they were tossed around the ship by the unpredictable twists and jolts that Lance and the Blue Lion made. Luckily, these unpredictable movements made allowed them to avoid all of the enemy fire.
It was truly incredible to see how powerful just one Lion of Voltron was. It was truly legendary.
Unfortunately, he was inclined to agree with Hunk and Pidge when it came to Lance’s piloting. Maybe the Blue Lion’s judgment wasn’t all there after sitting unused for 10,000 years.
“You… are the worst pilot ever!” he found himself saying, when the battle was over.
Lance glared at him and stuck out his tongue, an action that left Keith in bewildered silence.
The translators on the Altean ships worked just as well as any other translator, which meant that there were many words and phrases that simply had no translation. After a while, he gave up on trying to figure out what ‘peanut butter’ and ‘killbot phantasm’ meant just like he’d given up on deciphering ‘Bjork’ and ‘baby phat jizz rag’ ages ago. Training to defeat the Empire was more important than bugging the Humans with his endless questions. Growing up, everyone always praised Thace for his patience when it came to answering Keith’s questions about flying ships.
A bigger issue with the translators that he had to deal with was the lags and glitches that happen when you are in the process of learning other languages. The scanner can’t figure out which language you speak, so it skips over some things that need to be translated. This was why most people just didn’t bother learning other languages unless it was necessary. His mom had seen how primitive Earth’s technology was, so Keith’s only option was to learn their language so he could communicate when he visited.
He could understand plenty of the Human language anyway, so it wasn’t a big deal.
As the leader of Team Voltron, it was pretty clear to Shiro that they had a lot of work to do in order to become an effective Galra-destroying machine.
Each paladin had their own strengths. It was clear that someday, they could be an absolute powerhouse. Hunk and Pidge were straight up geniuses, Keith was a master pilot and swordsman, Lance probably had some kind of untapped potential, and Shiro was able to see it all and organize them in battle. Right now, his team was extremely young and naïve. They were just teenagers and Hunk, Pidge, and Lance still hadn’t truly experienced the cruelness of the Galra.
Their young ages also gave them an advantage though. It provided them with the opportunity to grow into their role. They would be able to spend their prime years learning and honing their skills instead of stuck behind a desk or in a simulator like Shiro had been.
Shiro was jealous of them.
He was living on stolen time now. The doctors predicted that his body would start deteriorating faster than ever by the time he turned 26. He still wasn’t sure how long he was held prisoner, so that could be any day now. Or maybe it was already happening.
He wasn’t able to tell if it was that damned disease or his treatment by the Galra that caused the constant aches in his shoulders, the headaches, and the phantom pains in his arm. The stress of fighting to survive in the arena and being subjected to the druids’ experiments probably exacerbated the disease.
He wouldn’t be able to fight for much longer, but he would be damned if he didn’t push the Paladins to learn as much as they could while he was still there to guide them. He needed to prepare them for when he wouldn’t be there.
Keith was the obvious choice to be the next Black Paladin. Shiro still wanted to learn more about his upbringing and how he even got into space the first time, but he had the least training to do. He was already extremely skilled at piloting and fighting techniques. He had actual experience on the battlefield and was even a member of a rebel group. (He needed to ask him about that.)
The biggest issue with Keith being his successor was communication. They could mostly understand each other now, thanks to the Altean translation technology, but apparently the translator still had some bugs. There seemed to be some kind of miscommunication every day. It was a challenge that didn’t mesh well with Keith’s other biggest problem area: team building.
Turns out being raised as part of a rebel group fighting in space made for lots of cultural differences that made it difficult for Keith and the other teens to bond.
He took training very seriously and didn’t understand when the other paladins wanted to goof off. He probably didn’t understand their jokes either. Shiro related to Keith wanting to just fight the Galra already, but unlike him, he also understood that it was important for teenagers to be teenagers, and that the best teams are made of friends.
He wished it was easier for the teens to actually become friends.
“A word of advice, Lance, stop fucking with Keith. He doesn’t understand your jokes and comes from a very different culture than ours. If you insult him, he could absolutely fuck you up, and we both know how that would turn out.”
Lance was constantly poking fun at Keith, which made him angry and frustrated because half the time he didn’t even understand what the insult was.
“Shiro, I would if I could, but it’s just too easy! I mean c’mon! He’s just so… Keith!”
Shiro sighed in disappointment but then caught the look on Keith’s face. He was wide eyed and blushing, looking embarrassed.
“I— We’re not fucking,” Keith said, sounding strained. “I’m not going to fuck him.”
Lance screeched. “Obviously! Never suggest that again! Keith?! As if. Yuck!” And then he stormed out.
Shiro sighed again to himself. These translation issues were such a pain.
Keith had always known that sexual reproduction was extremely important to Humans.
It was clear that they were far more social and participated in mating rituals much more often than Galra. Keith and the other Galra he knew rarely felt any sexual urges, so the frequency in which the paladins talked about it was a culture shock. It wasn’t unexpected; all of his Human music had strong themes around and many references to sex and romance.
Most Galra that choose to reproduce usually only do so about once in their life. Humans, on the other hand, experience sexual and romantic urges more often and therefore have a higher rate of reproduction. It was interesting that Pidge, Lance, and Hunk all had siblings because Keith had never even met someone who had a sibling before visiting Earth.
Up to this point, with his young age and unusual appearance, Keith had never actually received any sexual advances before. It wasn’t something he ever really thought about other than when he was listening to music.
He had always sort of vaguely wanted to be an icon, but now that Lance kept flirting with him he didn’t know how to feel.
Earlier that quintant, Lance had called Keith emo. “Keith is such an emo,” he’d said.
Obviously Lance is attracted to him, if he called him emo. Keith didn’t mind feeling attractive. It’s just… He couldn’t live up to the expectations of being an emo boy.
He double checked the conversions that Hunk, Pidge, and Coran figured out. One inch is equal to 1.237 kroimps.
Keith’s dick was nowhere near 11 inches long.
If that was what Lance was expecting from him, he would be very disappointed to learn the truth. He blushed just thinking about it. Did humans actually have such large genitalia? It seemed disproportionate, but he truly didn’t know.
Shiro was glad he never had to teach any classes at the Garrison. He didn’t give Adam enough credit for putting up with this shit.
For some reason, Lance found it impossible to get along with Keith. He refused to take training seriously and was constantly choosing to get on Keith’s nerves instead.
It was infuriating.
If Lance could just put their differences behind him, they could actually start making progress towards defeating Zarkon! Bigger things were at stake here than his ego!
He took a deep breath. Patience yields focus, he reminded himself. He needed to stay cool and set a good example.
“Lance, we’ve been over this. You need to work with Keith, not against him.”
“Look, it’s not my fault! Keith hates my guts!”
Maybe because you keep tormenting him, Shiro thought.
“I don’t hate your guts!” Keith yelled a little too loud. He sounded panicked and his face was blushing bright red. “I don’t!”
Just two seconds ago, Keith was relatively calm for someone whose training partner made him walk into six walls in less than a minute.
Lance also looked surprised.
“Oh. Um, yeah… I was exaggerating,” he said, looking like he was regretting his words.
Keith looked bewildered now.
Shiro took advantage of the weird change in mood. “Okay great! You don’t hate each other!” The bare minimum requirement to be teammates. “Ready to try again?”
They got back to work, but Keith seemed more reserved and continued to blush for a while longer.
“I can’t man up… Because I’m a woman,” said Pidge one day, to the shock of her teammates.
Keith was just confused though. “Man up? I don’t get it. And what’s the difference between man and woman anyway? I always thought I was grodzob but maybe since I’m human I’m more like a man or woman.”
The Humans stared at him, their eyes so large it looked like they were going to fall out.
“Huhhh??” asked Hunk.
“A great question indeed, Number Four!” Coran chimed in. “I’d be curious to know myself, if you don’t mind.”
The three youngest paladins just silently turned to look at Shiro to explain.
“Uhh,” Shiro began, sheepishly rubbing the back of his neck. “It’s kind of complicated. So basically, about 99% of humans can be classified as either men or women. We can tell whether someone is a man or women based on a variety of physical traits and behaviors which can vary depending on a person’s culture. For the most part, Men tend to be taller, have deeper voices, and have genitals called penises. Women usually tend to retain fat more easily, have higher voices, and have genitals called vaginas. This is not true for all humans though. People can have all kinds of different combinations of physical traits. There is also a mental aspect to it as well. People form an identity with their gender, which often has to do with roles that they have in their home and society. Some people also don’t feel like they are a man or woman, or switch between the two, or feel that they are both at the same time. Reproduction requires two people that have opposite genitals. I think that pretty much sums it up.”
Keith didn’t understand why the paladins were acting all shy all of the sudden. Wasn’t it normal for Humans to talk about sex?
Pidge slapped Shiro on the back. “Nice job, Shiro,” she coughed.
“I see. It’s an important part of your identity, then,” said Princess Allura.
“Wow! Humans are much more complicated than Alteans!” Coran remarked.
“Really? What are Alteans like?” Lance asked.
“Alteans only have one sex— We reproduce asexually! And the 19 genders are easily distinguished by our facial hair!” he said, cheerfully twirling his mustache.
Lance looked gobsmacked by this information.
“19 distinct genders?” Pidge wondered. “Do you have different pronouns for each of them?”
“Yes,” said Allura. “Our pronouns also vary by asteroid season,” she explained.
“Huh? Then why do you two always just call each other he and she?” Lance asked.
“The translator works based on the preconceived notions you have in your head. It just fills in words that don’t have a direct translation with the closest thing that you can understand,” she said.
“So you’re not actually a girl…” he said, faintly.
“No. I am Altean— palu, to be specific. Though I imagine this may be difficult for you to comprehend if I look and act the way you associate with Human women.”
“Hold on. Can we go back to Keith thinking he’s a yubnub?” Hunk asked.
“Grodzob,” Keith corrected, slightly annoyed. “Gender based on appearance is so weird. Galra just do it by smell. There’s Grodzob, Relk, Kordotz, and Zrimky. Appearance just depends on that individual. Relk do not reproduce, kordotz only reproduce with other Galra, and grodzob and zrimky are able to reproduce with other Galra as well as many other bipedal alien species. I’m probably grodzob, but the scent is pretty faint so people can’t always tell at first.”
“You know, Keith, sometimes when you say stuff like this, it sounds like you think you’re a Galra,” said Hunk.
Keith blinked. “I am.”
Shiro turned to him sharply. “You told me you’re human.”
“Yeah. I am.”
“So then you’re not Galra,” Pidge explained slowly, like Keith was the one confused.
“My mom is Galra. I’m Galra. My dad is human. I’m also human. What is so hard to understand?” he asked, starting to get annoyed.
“You’re half alien?!” Hunk exclaimed.
“I thought it was obvious,” he responded with a shrug.
“How was it obvious?!” Lance asked.
“I speak Galran. My eyes and hair are purple. I am a member of a Galra rebel force. I smell grodzob. All of my friends have Galra names. My name is Galra,” he listed out.
“To be fair, half of that can be explained by imperialism,” Shiro pointed out. “And I thought your eyes and hair were black and reflecting other colors.”
“Also, Keith is a Very human name,” said Pidge.
“Honestly, I’m not sure how I didn’t figure it out earlier when you introduced us to the Blade of Marmora,” said Princess Allura.
“So now that that’s settled, do you think I’m more like a man or woman?” Keith asked the paladins. “And is it true that emo boys have penises that are 11 inches long?”
After an exhausting battle, Shiro found himself sprawled on the couches with the paladins. Pidge was already looking half asleep. Lance accepted some hydration pouches from Coran and passed one to Hunk. Keith was laying on the floor, staring at the ceiling.
“Hey guys,” said Keith. “Did you bring any music to space?”
Shiro exchanged sad glances with the other paladins. None of them had been able to bring any music. They all missed it dearly.
Hunk sighed. “Man, I wish. It never even crossed my mind when we found Blue. I still can’t believe we haven’t found any other aliens with good music.”
“Oh,” said Keith. “Well that’s okay, we can just listen to the playlist that my dad gave my mom.”
He pulled out his data pad and soon the room was filled with the sweet, classic music of a man singing to his lover.
“Every time I look into your lovely eyes/ I see a love that money just can’t buy…”
Shiro felt his eyes fill with tears. He had been aching for music. He let the tune and lyrics flow right through him. It was perfect.
“Fascinating that you Humans make music,” said Coran. “I’ve heard old legends of a creature the size of a weblum that migrates throughout the quantum abyss. It creates an atmosphere on its back that can support other life forms such as cosmic crabs. This massive yet majestic creature sings a mysterious melody to communicate with others of its species.”
“Like a whale,” Lance said, softly.
The song ended and the next one began.
“Listen up, bitch, I came to eat/ Hey, this is Ayesha Erotica/ The world’s number one coke whore…”
And just like that, all of Shiro’s remaining questions about Keith were answered.