Chapter Text
Duke seemed to have gotten the hint and left her alone for the rest of the day.
That's not to say she was bothered though, because someone was still very fucking keen on bothering her.
“Cypress, she just wants to help you..”
Cue someone.
Bill.
Bill motherfucking Morrison. The second bird brain she has to deal with today, and the one trying to get her to talk to Tia.
Now, don’t get her wrong, Tia is an absolute queen and someone who should wholeheartedly be idolized, but she's also the Tower’s resident healer. The person you were mandated to go to at the end of a patrol or mission to make sure you don't have some life-threatening injury.
The person who Cypress was avoiding with all her might.
She didn’t get hit once during the warehouse fight and all the alleyway brawls she participated in afterwards were childsplay. She didn’t need someone to poke and prod at her to make sure she was fine, cause she was fine.
Yeah, her pants got scuffed up, and yeah, her cape had a slight tear in it, but Cypress herself wasn’t hurt at all!
She can go to a tailor, not a doctor.
Well.. okay maybe not. Jasper is a pain in the ass to deal with, and last time she went to him after getting scuffed up he wasted an extra three hours of her day yapping about taking care of her costume. He’s a pissbaby.
She would rather a mother hen than a bitchboy.
But she would also rather neither, if she actually got a say in it. And she does have a say in it. So she isn't gonna see either.
Hence, Cypress trying to live her best life perched on top of her floor’s (yes, she has her own floor too. It's only something to get bullied over if it's Duke she's talking about), while Bill tries talking her down.
She thought birds liked tall places. Why was he trying to keep her from liking it as well? Keeping it all to himself is a bit fucked up, if Cypress is being completely and wholeheartedly honest. (And she is, she is very being wholeheartedly honest.)
“Cypress, please! I don’t like bothering Tia either—” This has nothing to do with being bothersome “—but it’s important to take care of yourself too!” the broken record whined. Cypress just looked the other way in annoyance.
“Look… okay.” Wow, he was really thinking about this. Bill is many things, but a person who considers his words before saying them? No. Never. Not in a million years. “If you go talk to Tia, I’ll make you those gloves.”
…
Cypress is not a sellout.
There are many things about Cypress that may, for some specific and very notably wrong people, be considered flaws, but Cypress is flawless and therefore not a sellout.
And even if she was a sellout, that still wouldn't necessarily be a bad thing, okay?
But luckily she is not! She did not get down from her place on the fridge because Bill promised to make her the gloves she has wanted for months —a painstaking back and forth with him over how much epicer (a real word, she fucking coined it) her hero costume would look with them, how some nice dark brown leather gloves would perfectly unite it all, how much stronger and hotter they’d make her.
Somehow, in the next week, pictures started circulating on Twitter about “Emperor’s sick new addition to her costume.” She has no clue what happened or why she happened to find her way to Tia’s floor of the tower after talking to Bill.
Because Cypress is not a sellout. (Oh, but if you were wondering, the gloves are super fucking comfortable and fit perfectly. 10/10)
Tia’s floor is… medical. Yep. That's the best way she can describe it. Tia has got an entire floor of the tower to herself; it was basically just a hospital exclusively for heroes. It didn’t have any of those long-term care areas though.
When someone gets arrested, they’re placed in a holding cell before going to prison; this is the hospital equivalent. After patrols, heroes come to Tia’s floor to get a check-up, but if it’s bad enough they’ll go to an actual hospital instead. Luckily they never actually needed to be moved, since Tia is just That Cool.
She’s not cool enough to have a floor that isn't a hospital, though. Cypress has a damn good reason to hate hospitals. They’re all white-walled and sterile and they smell of rancid chemicals. Therefore, even though Tia was the best, Cypress deserves more than coming here of all places. Oh, and healers. They were why hospitals sucked too.
The healers were actually the biggest problem with it all. Healing powers can make some miracles, sure, but god damn are the people who have those powers so annoying. Something about it “being in their nature to be kind and compassionate” made her blood boil. The pushy need to help even though she didn’t fucking need help she was fine . Yeah, fix some papercut or some shit, you’re so cool, now fuck off and stop acting like it was no skin off your back. It probably was—most of the losers didn’t really heal anything; they just transferred the injury to themself or sped up the targets’ natural ability to heal. Self-sacrifice and false advertising.
She hates going on this floor and she hates talking to all these pricks. They say they “just want what's best for her” but she knows it's all a conspiracy to push her buttons. She’s not as stupid as they think; she can see behind their perfectly crafted, incredibly fake smiles.
Cypress loves Tia though. She is the woman of all time™.
Bill's adoptive mother—something he won’t tell her the details about, despite his loud mouth—Tia Omar was the only acceptable healer. From plants to people, Tia can save anyone and anything. And! She's not an annoying prick about it! Tia has a heart of gold but will defenestrate you if you give her sass! She also lets Cypress hide out from work in her office sometimes. So no need to worry! Her description isn't even a little biased.
Being mandated to go to her floor was still bullshit though.
Which is why, when Cypress was there, she made it her mission to be as maliciously compliant as possible.
Which is also why Tia was making it her mission to be as maliciously patient and polite as well. Which shouldn’t be possible but neither should completely regenerating someone's missing arm. Tia managed to do both of those things and therefore is above the laws of nature. This is why she is better than all the other healers.
The only thing she is not above, however, is Cypress, who is currently spending her time righteously stating that one truth of life.
“I’m just saying, Tia, you’ve never seen me and God in the same room, y’know.” Cypress smiled smugly, her holy presence lighting up the entire room.
Lights don’t exist. LEDs? Fluorescent? Edwin or whoever the fuck made the lightbulb? No. All fake. It’s all actually just Cypress being so cool and actually glowing. Trust.
Like, why do you think she’s able to be such a good and prolific (Duke said that word once and she has decided she’s using it correctly) hero in the dead of night? It’s simply because she is All-Seeing. Night vision is just one of her amazing qualities.
Her life is the light that graces all of Alden with its wondrous glow.
“I’ve also never seen you in the same room as Phoenix. Does that mean you're secretly an ancient villain?”
Tia paused, tapping her finger against her chin as if in thought. It looked so staged.
“...Wait. That means you're just fighting yourself when you interact with him? At that level of self-conflict just seek counselling, Cypress. As your doctor, this is getting really concerning.” Tia tutted her head in mock disappointment. What a vile mastermind, a monster, an evil evil woman. How dare she use Cypress’s completely flawless logic to defame her! Tia wasn’t even trying to hide that smug fucking smile. Go eat sharp rocks.
She would rather go back to being a “vigilante” (that definitely did not have a name, at least not one she needs to say) than be compared to that bag of stinky bones. And that's saying something.
Phoenix was just some loser that didn’t get a high enough salary as a hero—the greedy fuck—and decided that dumpster diving into bank funds (illegally, mind you) was the best solution. A scummy piece of shit who betrayed everyone who cared about him just to further himself.
Cypress had no problem admitting how much she hates her job; the responsibilities were shit and she will never have the attention span to do all the non-fighting requirements. But in no way does that mean she has no honour or pride as a Hero and individual. Betraying the people who care about you was beyond pathetic, and that fucker did it in spades .
It wasn’t about the job, or how they got there, or even what happened. People put their fucking trust in him and he stomped all over it. He fucking founded the Commission right alongside Duke too! He could’ve had the world but a momentary dip in public funding left him feeling entitled to all their money.
“Don’t.” Cypress glared at the healer in front of her, the sterile white walls and scratchy fabric of the bed she was sitting on forgotten to the background as her voice grew cold and sharp.
And that was the end of her hospital excursion. She stomped right out of that room, didn’t even look behind her as she left.
It was only later, after Cypress had punched her knuckles raw in the training gym, that Tia came and apologized. Damn healer and her damned good conscience.
She healed Cypress’s busted knuckles and brought some high-end yogurt that was locked in the “Anti-Cypress” staff fridge. Safe to say Tia successfully renewed her status as the Woman Of All Time™.
Listen. She’s easy to persuade, alright?
Food is good and punching bags are more annoying to beat up when your hands are all raw and bloody.
But now Cypress doesn’t have to worry about either of those things!
Or the punching bag, if the blur entering the training gym was any indicator.
Cypress… must confess something. She does not, in fact, have the best eyesight around. Now! She is not nearsighted , not at all! But, there are probably, maybe, potentially some people who would call it that. Those people are wrong.
It is no fault of her own, or her eyes, or anything like that. Cypress is simply a pawn to her hybridity and maybe-not-the-best genetics. Both of her parents had good eyes, and their parents probably did too. Cypress does not.
Hybrids are a subspecies of humans that occupy a decent portion of the population. Since grade one, everyone is taught about all the sciency shit behind it. Parents are hybrids? There's a good chance you will be too! One parent’s a hybrid while the other isn’t? You might still be a hybrid, but you can’t be a full hybrid . Both parents are a hybrid, and you have some fucked up rare genetic mutation that is so insanely uncommon it's a complete unknown? You’ll be a mythical hybrid!
Duke, Jene, Bill, Nessa—a huge portion of the heroes are hybrids. Part of it was because the HC was founded to boost human-hybrid relations, but at this point, it’s just because it’s easier to fight crime if you have better hearing or gorilla-like strength.
Cypress has neither better hearing nor gorilla-like strength. She just has poofy orange hair, fuckass hair ears (that don’t even work. Her hair is just weird and looks like pointed dog ears. She will never let anyone see what she looks like if it gets wet.) the bushiest eyebrows ever—please note that her right eyebrow has a slit in it caused by a grievous injury. Not necessary to know but she thinks it makes her look badass. (it does)—and some shitty depth perception. If people wearing glasses weren't so bitchless, her eye doctor would’ve successfully forced a prescription on her years ago.
But, for a shiba-inu hybrid, she didn’t draw the worst end of the stick. At least she can still eat chocolate. And her sense of smell and hearing is a little better, for all the good it does her.
So nothing about her eyes are good. But she’s lived 16 years learning how to get by without 20/20 vision. Like, she has memorized the shape of all her friends by their blurry outlines. Which is why, with absolute certainty, Cypress can say that Nessa just walked into the room.
The giant blob of brown fur with some sparkly bits covering the grey-looking jutting things confirms it.
That's the blob that is Nessa.
Nessa Campbell.
The resident Cow Mom™.
Ms. Biggest Badass Girlboss, Crime-Fighting, Rock-Heaving Hero.
The only scottish person Cypress will ever respect. She has nothing against scottish people but there are only so many times she can get compared to them solely because she has orange hair before she will start stabbing anyone who says “wee” and “lad” unironically.
Except Nessa. Cypress would never do anything to harm Nessa and she’ll fight anyone who tries.
If she even needs to fight them. Nessa is strong enough that any pathetic idiot who tries to attack her would piss their pants if she even glanced at them. She was just That Cool.
And that strong.
Cypress didn’t want it to look like she was excited to see Nessa, thats just cringe and Cypress is not cringe. So she kept punching her amazingly amazing red punching bag with white strips on the top and bottom of it. She kept her eyes focused to it, of course, because she isn't looking at the Nessa-blob walking closer to her, which is why she can describe everything about the punching bag. Like. Well. It was a cylinder. And red, mhm! With white stripes! And…
“Hey kiddo, how’re you holding up?”
Nessa!
Time to discreetly, as if she just realized the cow mom was here, turn to her left. To Nessa. To the number two hero. To the full highland cow hybrid who took the world by storm. To the only person who rivals Duke in status and height.
Cypress has never forgiven Duke for how he arrested her—holding someone’s head to the piss-stained floor of an alley is not how people introduce themselves. Cypress has, however, forgiven Nessa. She forgave her instantly. Nessa even came up to her and apologized for how it was handled! ‘ Even though I didn’t actually catch ya, I still came up with the plan. I’m sorry ‘bout that, kiddo. ’
Apparently, if the Commission wants someone gone enough, they’ll task the face of the heroes (Duke) to do their dirtywork, while employing the runner-up (Nessa) to gather information. The Commission really wanted Cypress gone.
Hence Crimson arresting her and Terra Firma asking the public for any information on their “friendly-neighbourhood child menace”—which, one, she was legally eighteen, and two, is a rude thing to call her. But it’s Nessa so she’s letting it slide.
To make it up to Cypress, Nessa spent a lot of time with Cypress in those first few months to help get her settled in. All in all she was the best cow mom anyone could ask for.
Cypress grinned, lowering her hands to her side as she fully turned to view the gym’s new occupant. “Hello, Nestor.” Cypress’s internalized glee was covered up masterfully by her trademark deep-and-serious deadpan voice, something she had perfected over her years of customer service and living in the less-than-savory part of town.
Nessa, ever the kind and caring and amazing parental figure, ignored the name and smiled. Everyone loves Nessa, this is non-negotionable.
“I ‘ere ya handed Duke ‘is ass earlier?” Nessa’s voice was proud as she questioned Cypress. Cypress… couldn’t always understand her, especially when she got really into a conversation and forgot to un-country her voice as much as possible, but when she spoke, her tone was always strong enough that Cypress could gather what the general message was. Right now, Nessa was proud of Cypress for being a shit disturber, but there was a sternness there that would probably dull the praise just a bit.
Before it could ruin her boosted ego, Cypress grinned so brightly it hurt. “Fuck yeah I did! Bitch had it coming to him with all his ‘ oh mimimi do your work, Cypress . You’re getting paid by the hour don’t waste government money ’ crap.”
“Like, seriously, all that written stuff is boring. Why does a hero need to do office worker shit? I punch people not write up reports .”
Nessa smiled in a way that meant she knew exactly what Cypress meant. Please, no applause necessary. Grade-A impressions aren’t even half of what Cypress can do. You’re making her blush.
“Yeah he needs a little ass kickin’ every once in a while,” she paused, then, “but he’s doing ‘is job jus’ as you should be doing yours, y’know? O’course you don’t needa as much as him but, it’s still a workin’ machine an’ all that.”
And theres the sternness.
It—yeah Cypress supposes it wasn’t completely wrong. And usually she does do them! She really does! But she was tired and he was being a prick and well, she really really wanted a nap.
Dejectedly, “Yeah, I know…”
The gym’s floor was all scuffed up. If she looked hard enough Cypress could probably make out individual footsteps and be able to identify who made them. Her shoes should, now that she was looking at them, get cleaned a bit too. They served her well but they’d probably fall apart sooner rather than later.
Nessa’s shoes looked fine. She didn’t actually have shoes, but her hooves looked fine. All cow-like but stronger and cooler. Cypress once saw her stop a speeding car by stepping on it. Broke the entire hood and shattered the glass with the impact!
Cypress doesn’t want her observation to reserve her a spot on some gross fetish site, so, as if nothing happened, she looked back up to her friend and wiped the pouty expression off of her face.
“He had it coming though! Did you see the patrol schedule? Literally shifted mine around and made me take two in one day! Thats fucking unfair.” It was criminal. Disgusting. Pathetic. He was a sad little dirt man with an ugly dirt house and ugly dirt wings and a stupid dirt personality. She made his life worse but he wasn’t supposed to flip the odds and make hers worse! Thats not how their dynamic worked.
They had a rapport! Cypress would bother him and he would deal with it because, at the end of the day, he’s the adult and the old man and the responsible party. She is abso-fucking-lutely not!
Just thinking about it made her want to punch something again.
Wow, lucky her.. They were in a gym!
Cypress turned back to her punching bag and got to work.
“Whatever. It doesn’t matter anymore. He got what was coming to him, and if he pisses me off again I’ll piss on him again. I’ll just, I dunno, write it properly later.”
“Later as in on that big ol’ pile in the corner of your office? The one with the reports from way back when you first went solo?” Damn Nessa and her ability to be a mother figure and stupidly make sure Cypress is doing her stupid, dumb job.
“Hey! I’ll have you know those are all worked on in some capacity! Not finished , but I don’t like how you’re acting like they're not even started. I can be somewhat responsible. Sometimes.”
“Mhm. Sometimes,” Nessa laughed and began walking away. “I’ll letcha get to what you were doing, but let me know when those ‘ times ’ are and I’ll get the whole tower to throw a congratulatory party.”
Cypress could do nothing but sputter as Nessa walked farther and farther away. As soon as the shock wore off, Cypress got to work the only way she knew. The punching bag was really lucky it couldn’t feel pain.
She has a feeling Tia was gonna get that proper visit once she was done in the gym.
Busted knuckles part two electric boogaloo!