Chapter Text
„Talk?“ The Bard is blinking slowly up at Geralt, who enters a few steps towards Jaskier, standing know in front of the bed.
„Ah sure, about what exactly?“ Hastingly marking the page and putting his book on the nightstand beside his bed, he turns his full attention to Geralt and that makes the witcher not less anxious in the slightess.
„I…“ Geralt begins. Trying to find the words he prepared, the words he needed to put together, out of fear of not knowing what to say when actually faced with the situation. Like right now.
„I wanted to apologise,“ he finally starts. „To you. About what I said on the mountain. It was not right. In no way was it the correct way for me to deal with my anger. And I am sorry about it. I should have already apologised. But I didn’t. And well, you did not deserve it. For a fact, fate already gave me a blessing and that was not taking you off my hands, but giving you to me. All those years ago. And I am just- I am just sorry. I want you to know that I am sorry.“ Geralt was awkwardly rambling his way through his small speech. All the while Jaskier is looking at Geralt dumbfounded and maybe even a little bit shocked.
„That,“ Jaskier gestures towards Geralt. „was probably the most I have ever heard you speak in, like, ever.“ Acknowledging that was way easier than conceding what the witcher just told him.
He is sorry. He really is. He was even missing Jaskier - if he might go so far as to interpret what was said to him. The Bard is so touched, he feels the annoying sting of salty tears in his eyes. He knows Geralt is really sorry if he came to him like that. Apologizing like that. He was never one for words and expressing it towards Jaskier like that is really showing him that he cares.
„Thank you,“ is all Jaksier could manage to say. For once, he is left speechless.
„Jaskier,“ he starts again. Again with the voice that carried hints of worry and urgency. Jaskier recognizes that. Of course he does. They spent too much time together for him to know how to interpret Geralt‘s way of speaking.
„I know that in the time we spent apart something happened. What was it?“ Jaskier goes stiff at that. Is it really that obvious? He does not want him to know. Geralt has way more important things to worry about right now. Jaskier will get over it. He just needs more time. So feigning ignorance it is. If he does not talk about it, the witcher might let it drop.
„What do you-“
„I am not that obvious,“ Geralt cut him off.
Not letting go of it then. Jaskier, for once, chooses silence.
„I have realised the way you flinch at most things nowdays.“ The Bard did not realise that. Sometimes? Yes, he sometimes flinches at some noises, but surely not that often for Geralt to notice? Well, he had, otherwise they would not have that conversation now.
„You never did it quite that much when we were still traveling. What changed it?“ If Geralt knows that much, he probably won‘t rest until he finds out the truth and will confront Jaskier again. The only other source for him to find out about it is Yennefer. Weighing his options, he decides to be the one to tell Geralt. Rather him than the Sorceress. He might have taken a little liking to her, but she does not need to be involved in this.
„Remeber when you got me out of prison? Ah, what a stupid question, of course you remember. Well, before I got there, I was in a… interrogation… with someone.“ Jaskier gaze shifts around, avoiding eye contact. It somehow makes it easier to talk about that stupid encounter, that he still remembers vividly. He tries to calm down by taking a deep breath.
„It did not go well, neither for him nor for me.“ Geralt gestures for Jaskier to speak further. The witcher got the slight idea, that it was an interrogation that involved speaking only.
Thinking of the right words, Jaskier continues, while gesturing in a flourish of movements of hands.
„I really didn‘t let anything slip through, Geralt. Not that I had much information to give. We both parted ways way before that, so I had nothing to give him, even if I would have talked - which I did not.“ Trying to desperately clarify that to him, Jaskier tumbled over his own words. He needed Geralt to know he wouldn‘t betray him like that. He wouldn‘t dream of it, even if got heartbroken beforehand.
„What happened after you did not talk..?“ The witcher's voice now definitely has a soft touch to it. Talking to Jaskier as though he might break if he doesn‘t. He might. He doesn‘t know yet. He just knows it is fucking painful to talk about it. He even fears talking about it, because his mind is telling him that if he says what happened, the Mage himself will be here any second and repeat it. It is stupid, Rience won‘t have a chance to do that, but his mind is trying to tell him differently. It is also a bit embarrassing to admit he got himself in such a situation. He smuggled elves, for fucks sake. He should not have been caught so easily. But he did.
„He was a fire mage, so he gave in to his primal instincts, I suppose. Ah, he, uhm, he burned me. Though before that, he just hit me. That I could handle - but the burning… it really… wasn‘t pleasing. Especially since he burned my hands and now I can‘t-“ He chokes on the words a bit, the reality of it still hurts and digs into his heart like a knife. „I can‘t play my lute anymore.“ And honestly, what is he now anyway? His whole life was dedicated to being a bard - and he was a fantastic bard, thank you very much. But now… Now he is nothing anymore.
Geralt takes a step towards him again and raises his hand as though he wants to touch, but lets it drop again.
„Wait, Jask. Talk about what exactly?“
„Ah, well, you see. They all still think of me as your Bard and, well, he wanted to know something about you… and also Kaer Morhen - the location, because he thought you were here. But… I didn‘t know anything, so it was pretty useless.“ Jaskier tries to shrug it off. It is the truth, he hadn‘t spoken to Geralt in years at this point and was never even near the keep.
„You knew enough,“ Geralt counters softly but distant, looking not at Jaskier anymore, but at the wall behind him, deep in thought.
„I did not though.“ Jaskier pulled him out of his mind into the present, guiding the golden eyes back into his.
„Yes, you did. From all those years. You knew my way of travelling. Which direction I took when winter approached. Where I came from after spring arrived. You knew enough. But you didn‘t say anything. Thank you, Jask.“
The admiration and thankfulness in Geralt‘s eyes was the last thing Jaskier saw before the witcher hugged him - tightly. Which is odd. Jaskier could count on one hand, the times Geralt has hugged him and never like that.
However, clinging back, Jaskier practically pulls Geralt with him onto the bed. He is now practically sitting on the Bard‘s lap. Not that Jaskier would ever mind that.
The „thank you‘s“ Jaskier has gotten where so genuine and so, so appreciated by him. He feels like he did something right, even if he had to pay a high price for it.
All the times Jaskier froze through the nights, because he could not manage to light any fire anymore. All the times he got that spike of panic, that flooded his senses, whenever someone was shouting in near distance to him. Or all the time he got that urge to play his lute, but was unable to do anymore. It all was worth it, because he did something right. He knew it was the right decision, even before Geralt said something, but hearing it confirmed was different.
All this made him cry in Geralt‘s shirt. Hot tears slipped into the fabric and soft, muffled sobs tore out of him. He hates to cry, but he needs this. He needs to let out the crying he held in for far too long. He needs the closure to Geralt that he missed for so long now.
While he cries, Geralt is stroking slowly along Jaskier‘s back. Trying to comfort him, though it only makes the bard cry harder. How long had he pictured an apology for what happened all those years ago and now had finally gotten one? He even got a thank you for the shitshow that considers Rience. Not only that, Gerlt also seems to still like him - if comforting Jaskier and trying to calm him down, is any indicator for that.
They sat like that for what felt like hours, but was probably only twenty minutes or something. When Jaskier finally stopped crying, he felt tired and his skull was pulsing due to his breakdown.
„Jask, you really need sleep.“ At that, Jaskier holds Geralt stronger, in fear of being left alone right now.
„I am not going, well I would like to, but I want to take you with me,“ Geralt explained.
„Let‘s go to my room. It will be more comfortable being there, it isn‘t very warm here.“ Addressing what was the whole time in the back of Geralt‘s mind. Finally asking if Jaskier wanted to come to his room - sleep there this night. It was far too cold in this room. Geralt will see to it that his room will be warmed in the day, when Jaskier isn‘t in his room to witness the fire. Though, he needs to work with his bard on this. He knows it will take time to get the Bard over his fears, but Jaskier can‘t outrun fire forever, he will freeze to death at some point otherwise. But for now, Geralt will keep him safe and guarded from his fears.