Chapter Text
Green. A swirling vortex of green. The color of life. The color of mako. The color of his eyes. It hurt to look at it. It hurt more to look away.
Cloud’s eyes snapped open, the green instantly replaced with the dark, rusty red of the container. He waited for it to fade, like it always did. Waited to drift off in the green tide once more.
Only instead of floating away, the world around him sharpened. First, he felt the cold. He exhaled slowly, watching as his breath fogged the air in front of him. Then, the warmth registered. It covered his entire back, acting as a better buffer from the cold than the ragged cloth he huddled under. The weight across his waist made itself known next, followed by the sensation of movement against his back. Slow, deep breaths.
Zack.
Cloud closed his eyes and savored the reality of it all. The feeling of the hard floor beneath him. The scratchiness of the blanket. The bite of the frigid air. The comforting warmth along his back. This he focused on the most. He never felt warmth anymore. There was no room for warmth in the green.
He breathed in the scent of rust and sulfur. Of high-grade weapon oil and mako. Of sweat and leather and ozone. He clung to the sensations, both good and bad.
Zack’s arm tightened around his waist momentarily before it pulled away entirely. Cloud felt him sit up. Felt him stretch. Heard him sigh. The tired sound wounded his very soul. It was the sound of bone-deep exhaustion. Zack may have slept, but he hadn’t rested.
Cloud rolled onto his back, looking up at his friend with weary eyes. Zack looked back, surprise and hope flaring in his gaze.
“You with me?” Zack all but whispered, as though he feared speaking too loudly would scare the moment away.
Instead of answering, Cloud nodded once. Zack smiled in return, but it didn’t reach his eyes. This wasn’t the first time Cloud had been lucid. It never lasted long. Cloud wanted to answer the unspoken question in Zack’s gaze, but neither was ready to hear the answer. Instead, he broke eye-contact and slowly sat up. The world tried to tilt sideways, dizziness causing his vision to blur around the edges.
“Easy there, Cloud. Take it slow.” Zack’s hand settled on his shoulder, acting as an anchor.
“How long?” His voice came out croaky from disuse. That partially answered his question, but he needed to hear Zack say it.
“Don’t you worry about that. Once you’re able to stand, we’ll head to the market. Get you some food. That’ll help.”
Cloud turned to face Zack once more.
“How long, Zack?”
Zack hesitated. When he answered, he spoke so quietly Cloud had to strain to hear him over the ringing in his ears.
“Almost a month.”
A month. He’d been out of it for a month. Floating in a sea of green while Zack killed himself to keep them both alive. Cloud hung his head in shame.
“I’m sorry,” he whispered brokenly.
Zack grasped Cloud’s face in his calloused hands and forced him to look up. He bent forward until their foreheads pressed together.
“Don’t do that, Spike. Don’t go down those rabbit holes. We’re here. We’re alive. The rest will work itself out in time. Now, come on. Let’s go find some food.”
He felt hollow; empty inside. But food wouldn’t fix that. The thought of eating anything turned his stomach. One look at the determination written on Zack’s face told him arguing would do nothing but waste time and energy, both of which were in short supply.
“Okay,” he finally agreed. His heart may not be in it, but Zack’s was. And he owed Zack far more than a trip to the market. He owed him the world.
*****
Once he had Cloud steady on his feet, Zack shoved their pitiful excuse for a mattress aside, then dug his nails into the edge of the plywood floor and pried it up.
He stared into the void he had uncovered for a moment. The scent of weapon-oil reached his nose along with the scent of dirt and rotten wood. He took in the sight of the bottle and oil rag; the sight of the whetstone. The familiar shape of the Buster Sword, wrapped in an old cloth. For a moment, he allowed himself to remember the weight of it in his hands. To remember brighter days when he didn’t have to hide. He reached out, fingers extended reverently. At the last second, he reached past the blade and grabbed the small bag of gil instead.
Compared with his memories of the sword, the bag weighed next to nothing. He opened it and shook the coins into his hand. After saving every spare gil for months, he’d hoped there would be more. Quickly, he sorted out what he needed and placed the rest back in the hole beside the Buster Sword. He recovered the hole and turned to face Cloud, tossing what he hoped was a believable smile his way.
“Hope you’re hungry, Spike. Today, we eat like kings!”
Cloud didn’t smile back, but his eyes remained clear and focused. Zack would take what he could get.
*****
It didn’t take long for the whispers to reach their ears. Zack was used to it. He faced these people every day; knew exactly how low their opinions of him were. His skin had long since thickened. Cloud had no such defenses. Zack winced on his behalf for every insult thrown their way.
Junkies.
Low-life scum.
Watch you gil.
A young boy, only 5 or 6, broke away from the crowd and stopped in front of Zack. He smiled at the child, grateful at least one person could look past their appearance and see them.
“My dad says you’re nothing but a no-good junkie keeper.”
Zack’s smile became brittle. When a haggard-looking woman stepped forward and snatched the boy back, glaring at Zack suspiciously, the smile shattered.
“Come on, Cloud. Let’s get you that breakfast.”
He started moving again only to realize Cloud wasn’t following him. He spun around to find him facing North, staring blankly into space.
No. Please no. Not yet. He only just woke up.
“Cloudy? You good?”
Cloud didn’t respond; just continued to stare at nothing. Zack stepped in front of him, breaking his line-of-sight. Cloud blinked slowly, as though surfacing from a dream.
“You good?” Zack repeated.
Cloud shook his head as if he were trying to shake away cobwebs.
“Yeah. Sorry, was just… lost in thought.”
Neither of them believed him.
“Come on, Cloud. Let’s get you settled.”
Zack cast his eyes around, taking in the distrust and disgust written on everyone’s faces. His gaze lit on the food stall; on the man standing behind the counter. If he took Cloud near him, he might refuse to serve them. At the very least, he’d jack up the prices.
Hazard pay.
Gently, he took Cloud’s arm and led him to a quiet corner, away from the crowd. The smell of refuse filled his nose as they approached. It felt wrong leaving him to stand near a trash heap, but what else could he do? They had to eat.
“Just… wait here. I’ll be right back. Then we can go home.”
Cloud nodded in agreement and leaned back against the rusty metal wall behind him. Zack’s gaze lingered on his blue eyes. Even shot through with mako-glow, they were a beautiful sight. Though tired, they were clear and bright… they meant Cloud was there.
His growling stomach broke the spell, and Zack forced himself to step away. He approached the stall with as much confidence as he could muster. The merchant already had a loaf of stale bread sitting in front of him on the dirty counter. He held his hand out expectantly, shooting glares in Cloud’s direction.
The scent of grilled meat made Zack’s mouth water. When was the last time he’d eaten anything that wasn’t scraps? The man cleared his throat impatiently and snapped his fingers.
“You buying or what? You’re scaring away my customers.”
Zack hesitated. Mentally, he calculated his gil. The meat caught his eye again. Maybe….
Crash!
The sound came from behind him. From where he’d left Cloud. He spun around, food forgotten. Screams rang out as people scattered. Three monsters were wreaking havoc in the market square; their pale, hairless skin fairly glowed in the light from the sunlamps.
And Cloud… Cloud was missing.
*****
Cloud crossed his arms to appear less intimidating as he watched Zack’s retreating form. Judging from the looks people shot his way, it wasn’t working. Disgust shown in their eyes, as well as a healthy dose of distrust. These people would never see him as more than a junkie; never see Zack as more than his keeper. He glared at the little boy who’d hurt Zack with his words. The kid stuck his tongue out at him, hiding in his mother’s skirts when Cloud’s glare deepened.
His stomach chose that moment to make its displeasure known, mimicking the growl Zack’s had made just moments earlier. He winced at the sensation. While he might not have an appetite, that didn’t mean his body agreed. For months he had gone without adequate food. Now, his mouth watered at the thought of eating a proper meal.
After floating for so long, the sights and smells of the market overwhelmed his senses. Cloud stepped away from the wall and retreated into a nearby alley. The smell was no better, but the murmur of voices cut down considerably. He slumped against the wall, hands coming up to cradle his pounding head. The screaming, which had faded to a background hum, was coming back. That meant he didn’t have much time left.
“Hey, kid.”
The voice came from deeper in the alley. Cloud straightened, instantly on edge. Who would dare speak to him? No one could stand to be near him, afraid he’d somehow taint them with his “addiction.”
A skeleton of a man emerged from farther in the alley. His thin, greasy hair hung in his bloodshot eyes, and when he grinned at Cloud, he revealed crooked, blackened teeth. Internally, Cloud recoiled from the sight, but he didn’t let it show. He stood taller, shifting to widen his stance.
“What do you want?” He kept his voice monotone; disinterest coming through loud and clear.
“You look thirsty. Overseer’s trying to cut you off? I’ve seen it before. But I can help. I’ve got the good stuff.”
The man reached into his pocket and pulled out a glowing green vial. The color entranced Cloud. It was so close to his beloved green, yet lacked the vibrancy he expected. He should have been disgusted with the offer. Instead, he found himself drawn to it.
What would it hurt? Just once. They already treat me like a junkie. And if it can take away the pain, even for a little while…
Crash!
Cloud spun away from the man, hand reaching reflexively behind himself for a sword that didn’t exist outside his dreams. The sounds of panicked screaming reached his ears, along with growls and more crashes.
Zack!
Cloud raced back to the market, the man and his offer forgotten. He arrived in time to see Zack swinging his pipe at what looked like a giant, rabid mole-rat. Zack, who was running on fumes. Zack, who hadn’t had a proper meal in weeks. Even as he watched, two more of the creatures appeared to flank him. He went down swinging, his pipe falling to the ground with a loud clank.
Green descended. Cloud was no longer in a market in the most run-down part of Midgar. He was back on his home turf. Calmly, he walked forward. The creatures, now more shadows than living things, seemed to move in slow motion. He stepped over Zack’s prone form, ignoring the hand tugging at his pant leg, and scooped up the pipe. The screaming in his head intensified.
One after another, the shadows descended. One after another, he put them down, just as he had thousands of times before. These didn’t even put up much of a fight.
Once they lay dead at his feet, Cloud looked to the sky. Where was the vortex? Dizziness overwhelmed him, and he dropped his weapon in favor of grabbing his spinning head. Slowly, he sank to his knees, unaware of the monster blood soaking into his clothes.
*****
Zack watched in shock as the helpless trooper under his care took out the monsters with the speed and precision of a 1st Class SOLDIER. The fight was over almost before it had begun. Once the last monster fell, Cloud turned his gaze reverently toward the sky. Almost immediately, he fell to his knees, clasping his head as though in excruciating pain.
Zack scooped himself off the ground and ran to his side. He gently pried Cloud’s hands away, searching frantically for an injury. Instead of blood, he was met with the cold, dead gaze he knew all too well. Cloud was gone, leaving only a husk wearing his face. Zack hadn’t thought his heart could fall any farther. He’d been wrong.
Whispers reached his ears, filled with terror and disgust.
Did you see that?
Stay back! It’s not safe.
He’s a demon!
Did you see his eyes?
What if he comes after us next?
Knowing the situation could turn volatile at any moment, Zack gently pulled Cloud to his feet and began leading him away from the carnage. Cloud came with no fuss; no recognition he was even moving. Just put one foot in front of the other reflexively.
Behind him, he heard chaos break loose as the crowd swarmed the corpses. His heart sank at the injustice. All that meat, the hides, the teeth, the claws. Every bit was theirs by right. Yet they would get none of it.
The merchant’s stall stood abandoned, the man running it part of the mob tearing apart the monsters’ remains. As they limped past, Zack reached out and grabbed the loaf of bread. He just hoped he could get Cloud to eat it.