Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Waking up was never easy. It wasn’t any easier with the head hurting, like after a night of headbanging. He opened his eyes, they felt heavy. He really wanted to go back to sleep, light blinded him as he tried to scan the room. And then he realized, he had no idea, where he was. Then came another realization, he had no idea how he got there. At last the worst hit him with full strength - he had no idea WHO he was.

The panic settled in, he looked around, searching for anything that could calm his panic. Then miraculously, a nurse appeared. Right after came in the doctor.

“Welcome back,” said the lady with a bright smile, he looked at her, but couldn’t find anything to smile about. She stepped back, the guy took her spot.

Doctor flashed more light into his eyes, what made him angry.

“Sir, do you know where you are?”

“Hospital, I assume,” he said grumpily. That he knew, one thing to be happy about.

“And do you know who you are?” asked doctor.

“Was hoping you could tell me that,” he answered.

The doctor turned to the nurse, she wrote something down and looked at him with pity in her eyes. He knew, that wasn’t a good sign.

“Do you have any recollection of what might’ve happened before you got here?” asked the nurse, trying to sound nice, but all he heard was more questions with no answers.

“No.” Answer so short and simple, yet heartbreaking.

He didn’t know who he was, medical staff didn’t know who he was. Did no one care? No one visited him? A Million questions ran through his mind on full speed. His breathing got heavier, everything went blurry. He knew they were talking about something, but he couldn’t hear them, all he heard was the noise of his own blood rushing through his veins, his heartbeat, every breath he struggled to get.

They gave him something, he calmed down and things went back to normal, as normal you could get in that kind of situation at least. Nurse wrote more things down, he didn’t want to know what it was.

“How long - How long was I…” Words weren’t coming to him. Asleep? He believed the right term would be in a coma, but that sounded terrifying.

“You were brought here Monday evening, it’s Friday morning now,” The doctor studied the monitor

“Three and a half days?” He asked, not wanting to believe it. Shouldn’t someone visit him in such a long time? Family? Friends? Someone from work?

“You are aware of weekdays and can count, that’s a good sign,” said the nurse, smiling fondly.

He didn’t feel proud. Next questions and exams touched down on his physical symptoms, they asked everything they could about every body part he has. Thankfully, he wasn’t missing any, although his left arm was broken. His senses worked well, except for a stuffed nose, but he got a new piece of information from all of that. When he came in he was soaking wet, smelling like sewer water (not a great first impression - he thought), the river brought him there or so they assumed, a fisherman found him on a shore. No one knew how long was he in the water, the only certain things were his broken arm, a big wound in the back of his head and his amnesia. Doctor Reynolds - he formally introduced himself, while looking into his ears, which was weird and first in his life (he assumed) - left, and the nurse was drawing his blood to do more tests.

“So, not a great morning you’re having?” The nurse asked, sticking a needle into him.

“Not so great,” He answered honestly.

“I have to upset you, but now, that you’re awake, we need to contact the police.”

“Did I do something?” He asked, scared of the answer.

“No, it’s to find out, who you are. Someone is looking for you out there, and of course, you might remember that, but we don’t know, how soon that’s going to happen, they will speed things up. In theory” She added.

He looked at her questioningly.

“It’s a small town, no one here is really doing much investigating. My husband tries, but with no resources, it’s shut down pretty quick. By the way, my name is Maggie. You can call me that, there aren’t many patients here, so it’s usually easier for me that way, anyway, what would you like me to call you?” She put the blood vial on the bedside table and dressed his wound.

He thought about anything that stuck with him, with an empty brain it wasn’t the easiest task.

“Unless you want to stick with ‘sir’, but I think you’re too young for that” Maggie added, when he remained silent.

Another thing he had no idea of - his age. Suddenly, something in his head whispered ‘Eddie’. Maggie picked up, as the look on his face changed.

“You remembered something?”

“Eddie,” He said.

“You think that’s your name?”

He shook his head. “No, doesn’t feel right. It came to me, but I don’t think it’s mine.”

“That might be your relative, maybe your brother? Or a friend? Always a good hint, might be useful later,” Maggie said, smiling. “Or maybe your name starts with a letter E, that sometimes happens, patients remember the letter or the familiar sound.”

“So it’s either a name, that starts with an E or a name that rhymes with ‘Eddie’? He raised his eyebrow, not liking any of those options.

“Perhaps,” Maggie stood up and took the vial. “You must be starving, let me bring you something to eat, no one thinks well on an empty stomach.”

“Thank you,” He smiled at her.

Maggie left and as the room got filled with silence, he started thinking again. Was there really no name, that suited him? Nothing that felt right? He tried to think of names starting with E and hated almost every single one, except Eddie, but that one wasn’t suited for him either. He hoped the meal could really help, at least brighten his mood a little.

Chapter Text

He wasn’t sure at first, but food did help. At least a bit, even if hospital meals were not the tastiest thing of all time. As soon as he was finished, Maggie came with a dessert. 

“Some fruits for you,” She took the empty plate and replaced it with the new one. “Nothing fancy, but the kids don't want to eat them, so I bring them to our adults,” Maggie explained. 

“Smart,” He looked at the fruits.

 Apple, mango, some berries and a kiwi. Kiwi caught his attention. 

“Don’t they make your throat itchy when you eat them?” He asked, happy to remember some piece of common knowledge. 

Maggie looked at him concerned. 

“Only if you're mildly allergic to them.” 

“Oh,” He looked at the plate and picked up the kiwi “Well, then I guess I’m allergic to those,” He bit it. 

“Wait!” She tried to stop him, but was too slow. “You cannot eat them, if you're allergic!”

“You said mildly,” He reminded her and proceeded to eat it normally, with Maggie being unimpressed. “And I really like these, that's something, right?”

“I guess,” She shook her head. “Hopefully you're not deadly allergic to anything on this plate,” Maggie sat down next to him. 

He ate the whole fruit and enjoyed it. I like kiwis - he noted down in his memory. No other fruit made his throat itch, and by the time he was finished, he didn't feel anything anymore. 

“So, are you ready now to do some thinking?” Maddie asked, being hopeful. 

“I believe so.” 

“Okay, let’s think about associations. Something that reminds you of kiwis.”

“You're sure that really works?” He asked, once again being skeptical about the whole thing. “I don't think it's anything connected to fruit.”

“Okay,” Maggie repeated, sounding a little more defeated than seconds ago. “Colors?” 

“Like what, you think my name is Green or something?” 

Maggie’s smile completely faded away, his place was taken by a grimace. “No colors. Got it. How about… The elements?”

“Like the periodic table?” 

“Oh my God, no,” She said, her annoyance mixed with laughter. “Wind? Earth? Water? Fire?”

Fire echoed in his head. It felt somehow familiar, reminded him of home, even though he had no idea, where his home was. He didn’t think it was about the warmth of the word, but something stood out. Fire was a big word. Meant so little, yet so much at the same time. You could start a fire, you could fight a fire, you could make food using it, get warmer. Everything about the word was screaming to him, he found something he lost. One missing piece was ready to be put back in the huge puzzle, that was his memory. 

“Yeah, yeah, yeah,” He got excited. “Fire, that's it!”

“Okay, that's great. I don't think there are many names connected to that.” 

They could narrow it down, that was some good progress considering he woke up about an hour ago. 

“Fire,” Maggie picked up. “The only name, that comes to my mind, is Blaze.”

He tilted his head, not really sure if the name spoke to him. “It’s not terrible,” He said finally. “Sounds more like a nickname than a real name.”

“Maybe it’s what you need. For now, if you like it, I think it’s better than being nameless.”

“Or being called a ‘sir’” Blaze added. “I really don’t like it.”

“Unfortunately, you might have to deal with a lot of ‘sirs’, while being here. Still, if you think about anything other than Blaze for us to call you, just say so, but hopefully we will be able to find out your name soon. Police should be here in,” Maggie looked at a watch. “An hour or so.”

“An hour?!” Blaze was shocked. “Didn’t you call them like an hour ago already?”

She shrugged. “Yes, but I also mentioned how the police is in a small town. We have four cops here, one of them being my husband and since they can’t work every day of the week usually they work in pairs, one on a patrol and the other staying in a police station,” Maggie explained.

“Small town? I think you meant microscopic,” He muttered under his nose.

“Okay, fair. Where is pretty small.”

Blaze looked at her, like he heard the weirdest thing in his life.

“Where?”

“Where.” Maggie repeated.

“Where?”

“Oh, Where!” She exclaimed, like that was meant to help with his confusion. “The town’s name, it’s Where, like the word.” 

Then it clicked.

“That’s a really weird name for a town,” Blaze commented, a bit intrigued. “Then, shouldn’t someone know me if the town is small, there are not many places I can come from, right?”

“See, there is the whole river aspect,” Maggie reminded him. “I highly doubt that you’re from here, because of this exact reason, we have around three hundred people here, if you were from Where, I would probably remember you. Good news, wherever you come from is connected to here, by the said river and shouldn’t be extremely far away.”

He looked down, not really sure if the news were that good. But everything was something and something was so much more, than the nothing he currently had.

“Right.” Blaze felt a bit defeated, but couldn’t give up at the very beginning. He didn’t think of himself as someone who gives up easily. “So, is there anything to do here, while you wait for the police to find out who you are or not really?”

Maggie smiled, seeing he didn’t lose hope. “Many things, since you feel okay and had no internal damage, while you came I reckon we could go for a little walk. We have things called TV, I don’t know if you ever heard of one.”

He laughed loudly. “I’m glad, that out of three hundred people here, I met someone mildly funny.”

She looked at him, pretending to be offended. “How could you? Breaking my heart like that?” Maggie laughed. “With that attitude, I am certain you were quite popular and with that face probably very among the ladies. Sorry, I shouldn’t be saying that, just so you know, I love my husband very much.”

Blaze smiled, he looked at himself in the mirror for a brief moment during the doctor’s exam. Couldn’t really say a bad word about his face, he was very intrigued about the thing on his face, doctor Reynolds said it was a birthmark, completely normal and safe. That calmed him down, Blaze thought it added some charm.

“Well, if that’s true, we should have a ton of them looking for me now, but you know what I want to look at? That TV thing you were talking about.”

Maggie smiled and went to get a wheelchair. Blaze wasn’t really interested in using it as she said they will go for a walk, but Maggie demanded it, as it was a hospital protocol. He was a bit worried at first, the nurse was much shorter and much smaller than him. Yet she was pushing the wheelchair like he weighed nothing, Blaze didn’t comment on that, to not seem rude. He assumed it was years of her experience.

She looked quite young, around thirty-five. Her long brown hair was put up in a curly ponytail. Hazel eyes smily and full of life. Blaze didn’t want to seem like a creep and stare at her for too long, but there was something so familiar in her appearance, but mostly in her name.  Although Maggie didn’t seem exactly right, there was a sense of strong familiarity in it. 

They arrived at a small room with many chairs, pillows, beanbags and a giant screen, that took almost the entire wall. The room was not the biggest, but still quite impressive compared to the room he was in.

“Here we are, our pride and joy!” Maggie said. “The only room in this place that has a big screen and still no couch in sight,” She added, it didn’t sound that impressive anymore.

Maggie let him sit on one of the beanbags and handed him a remote. “Do you know how to use that?”

“I think so,” Blaze said, taking the remote. “You turn it on, hop around every channel for five minutes and then decide, you’re watching a documentary on some kind of ocean animal, because there is nothing interesting.”

She looked at him with her mouth wide open.

“Is that wrong?” He asked worried.

“As someone with no memories, that was very specific,” Maggie answered. “Allergic to kiwis and a fan of animal documentaries. I’m very intrigued what else you’re hiding in this head of yours.”

Blaze smiled fondly. “Whatever is hiding I hope it comes out sooner, than your husband arrives here, so his team of one other person don’t have to do much work,” He turned on the TV and landed on “The Bachelor”. “That looks familiar.” Blaze pointed at the mansion. 

“Maybe you are a fan of reality TV too,” Maggie said. “Please, don’t get discouraged, but amnesia is a tricky thing, you might remember everything soon, but there is always the possibility you-”

“I will never remember,” Blaze finished for her. “Yeah, I know how it works. I think. I mean it’s common knowledge right?”

“Kind of,” Maggie agreed.

“It’s unfair, I know this and that around a hundred people choke to death on ballpoint pens each year, but not my name,” Blaze blurted out. He paused for a second. “I have no idea, where I know that from.”

They spent the next hour at watching “The Bachelor”, he asked Maggie if she shouldn’t be working and checking on the other patients, but she explained, that her shift was actually over, and she was waiting for her husband to take her home. Maggie shyly admitted that she wanted to keep him company, not for any weird reasons, at least he hoped and decided to believe, when she explained, that seeing a somewhat familiar face and not immediately switch to a new nurse. She also admitted to being a fan of true crime and since Where wasn’t really a great place to get any interesting cases, she wanted to dig around a bit. Blaze didn’t mind that, he hoped that with her experience of podcast, they will find the answer pretty quick.

Finally, a man in a police uniform appeared. Maggie gave the officer a quick smooch, before the man made his way over to blaze. The policeman was quite short, a little taller than Maggie but nothing crazy, the most noticeable thing about him was his Asian descent. The name on his plaque said Kim.

“Hi, I’m officer Kim,” He said nicely. “Oh, please, you don’t have to stand up,” Kim added, seeing Blaze start to stand up. Then he sat on the beanbag next to Blaze . “So, amnesia, huh?”

Blaze didn’t really know how the police officers should behave, but he was certain that wasn’t it. “Yeah, exactly, that one.”

“Not many cases of it around here,” Kim continued, completely ignoring any signs of Blaze’s worry. “Since you’re not able to tell me, who you are, I will have to do it for you. I will look into the missing person database, look for any hits there. If you’ll let me, I would like to take your pictures.”

“Sure,” Blaze didn’t mind, hoping that will lead them somewhere.

“I would also love to take your fingerprints and scan them, but we don’t have the right equipment here, as our last scanner broke, the repair guy said he will have time next month,” Kim added, what put out Blaze’s fire. “Surely, someone is looking for you!”

Blaze nodded along, hoping that will be true. “I hope.”

Officer Kim took pictures and left with Maggie, who said she’ll be back for the night shift. Both of them gave Blaze their numbers, Maggie showed him the hospital telephone and assured he can give them a call if he remembers something.

Blaze came back to his room, not really sure if he can trust the somewhat specific pair, but there was no one he could ask for help. Doctor Reynolds came to check up on him a couple of times during the day, he also allowed Blaze to take short walks, so Blaze took that opportunity and wandered around the hospital, hoping that with Maggie back he will learn something new about himself.

Chapter Text

Monday was peaceful.

Eddie really started to settle in Texas when Chris finally moved in with him. He woke up excited, even though he had a full day of playing fixer-upper ahead, Eddie felt hopeful. 

Chris left for school, leaving Eddie with a box filled with tools and a dream of changing the house into a home. He stared at the tool box for a couple of minutes, thinking about where he should start. Eddie has fixed many things in the house, but something new was always coming up. While the bookshelves stayed intact after adding some screws, the kitchen cabinets suddenly went on a protest and every hinge made a squeaky noise straight from hell. Eddie thought this should be a great starting point, he made his way to the kitchen and kneeled down on the floor when his phone called. 

Eddie didn’t have to look at the caller, he answered quickly and put his phone on the counter. 

“Why are you on the floor?” asked Buck.

“Hello to you too,” Eddie answered, looking for a screwdriver. “I’m doing important things,” He straightened up to look at his phone and proudly showed Buck the tool he found.

Buck looked like he wanted to ask something, but he gave up on the idea. Eddie thought it might’ve been significant, but brushed it off as soon as Buck started yapping about 118’s shift at a medical lab. Big explosions, high stakes, a helicopter chase, that Eddie deemed completely unnecessary and the crew almost dying. Buck was sending him text messages with the updates, but promised to call as soon as everything will be in the clear.

“And then BOOM , Bobby takes off his mask, he’s bleeding-”

“Wait,” Eddie stopped him. “Why do you sound excited about that part?” He was visibly confused.

“Well, not because Bobby was in danger, but about what we did,” Buck said, like it was the most obvious thing in the world. “So, Moira has made just one dose of the anti-viral, right?”

Eddie nodded, as he followed along.

“But, she has already given it to the rat in the lab. So- We kinda drew blood from the rat and gave it to Bobby.”

Eddie stared at Buck with his mouth opened. He should’ve seen it coming. They always did their best to save each other, even if it meant doing some concerning things.

“I’m assuming it worked,” Eddie said, just making sure. 

“Well, yeah, if it didn’t, I would be crying instead of happily chatting with you. Bobby and Chimney are just fine, although Bobby will be staying in the hospital a bit longer, cause, you know, we gave him rat blood.”

Eddie nodded once again, glad that everyone was okay in the end. “How’s Maddie?”

“Okay,” Buck answered. “This pregnancy is filled with… So many things. I’m- I know she promised to tell us if anything was wrong, but I feel like constantly there is something wrong, my nephew isn’t even born and he already almost lost his parents. Twice. Sorry, didn’t mean to kill the mood.”

Eddie rolled his eyes. “It’s normal you’re worried, it would be weird if you didn’t. You had one of the craziest days of your life. Give yourself some time to process.”

“Since when you’re giving out advice like this?” Buck asked, smiling lightly.

“Since someone told me to dad up ,” Eddie answered honestly. “And maybe I was reading  some forums on how to speak to teenagers,” he added, a bit shy admitting it.

“Wow, that’s good, just remember, do not trust everything you see on the internet.”

“Stop acting like I’m old!” Eddie scolded him, still remembering the ‘Facebook friends’ comment from before.

Buck laughed.

“What are you doing?” Eddie asked to change the topic and moved on to another hinge. 

“Well, I’m baking,” Buck answered. “Not like that!” he added quickly. “I mean not because of… Maddie was craving brownies. And I thought that since she has been through a lot this past twenty-four hours, at least I can help with that. And yes, I could’ve bought them, but I actually needed to kill some time before-” Buck paused, like it was some kind of secret. 

“Before what?” Eddie got curious, there weren’t many, well, they weren’t really any things they hide from each other, so it was very weird of Buck.

Buck looked around, clearly not knowing what to answer. “It’s a date. Kind of,” he finally admitted, not looking Eddie in the eye. “Not like date date, just a meeting.”

“Okay, why do I have a bad feeling about this?” Eddie put down the screwdriver and looked at Buck.

“You don’t have to worry. I will tell you everything tomorrow.”

“Tomorrow, huh? So you’re planning to be busy the whole night?” Eddie teased. 

“Okay, don’t cross a line, I have no idea what will happen, I simply know the movie ends late. That’s all, I will give you the update, and then you’ll decide whether it was a stupid idea or not.”

“Buck, I cannot make decisions for you,” Eddie reminded him. “Also, if you have doubts, just cancel.”

Eddie could see Buck thinking about it.

“It’s going to be fine,” Buck assured him or both of them.

“Update, later. Unless you’re adopting a dog, then updates immediately, Chris would love some puppy pictures,” Eddie said to lighten up the mood, Buck smiled wildly. “And tell everyone I’m happy they are okay.”

“‘Kay, will do. Bye, bye.” Buck said and hung up.

Eddie shook his head, conversations with Buck helped him immensely with everything and simply made him happier. Eddie missed him, he missed LA, but seeing his progress with Chris, he knew it wasn’t the time to come back, not yet. He got back to work with new motivation. Buck sent him a photo of baked brownies, to which he added sprinkles, most likely for Jee, and Eddie suddenly started craving Buck’s baked goods. They weren’t the best he ever had, but the fact they were made by Buck added something to them. Eddie knew how much heart Buck put into everything he baked, he decided to put brownies on the shopping list, not the same thing, but had to do for the time-being. 

The rest of the day went by pretty quick, Eddie fixed the hinges, did some garden work and took Chris shopping after school. They ate dinner and watched TV when Chris was done with his homework. Eddie sent Buck a goodnight, he started to worry a little, when there was no response, but reminded himself that Buck was at the cinema, not a great place to be sitting on your phone. Eddie went to sleep proud of all the work he had done. 

Tuesday was stressful.

Eddie woke up late and barely got Chris to school on time. Immediately after, he got a ride to the other side of the city. There was an accident, so he had to take another route, the passenger wasn’t too happy and Eddie ended up speeding just a bit, to ensure they will make it on time. He was about to check his messages when another ride popped up. A bit annoyed, he made his way to the client.

After three back to back rides, he finally had some time to compose his thoughts. He checked his phone and found out a message from Chris informing him, that one teacher got sick and Chris will be home earlier. Eddie had to adjust his schedule to that, but it wasn’t anything too hard, he also was happy to spend some more time with his son. The worry came when he checked his chat with Buck. No update, message still stuck on delivered. Eddie started to play with his fingers as he thought what to do next. Should he call? He knew Buck was supposed to be on a shift, but not sure, whether that had changed due to the whole potential pandemic. He decided to call.

When he heard the voicemail message, he felt uneasy. He tried again, with the same outcome. Eddie took a deep breath, preparing himself to call again when his phone rang. He saw Bobby’s name and froze, he stared at the screen for a couple of seconds, his heart pounding. 

“Hi, Eddie,” Bobby greeted him, Eddie heard stress in his voice. “Did you talk to Buck recently?” he asked.

Eddie’s heart rate picked up even more. Breathing became harder and harder as he sat in silence with Bobby, who was waiting for an answer. “Yesterday,” he said finally.

“In the evening?” Bobby followed.

“No, it was like two, why?” Eddie heard sheets rustle and remembered Bobby was still at the hospital. “Why?” he repeated.

“We can’t get in touch with him. He was supposed to work today, but Ravi said he’s not in the firehouse,” Bobby explained.

“Buck doesn’t skip work,” Eddie said, becoming more and more scared. “You know Buck, he cannot live without this, he wouldn’t- Something must’ve happened. Have you talked to Maddie? Hen?”

“Eddie,” Bobby stopped him from spiraling. “Let’s not assume the worst, okay?’ he asked calmly. “I’ve asked Athena to look into this already. She will let me know, as soon as she finds something.”

Eddie knew cap tried to remain stoic, but if he asked Athena for help, it must’ve been something serious. “Okay,” Eddie managed to say.

Eddie was panicking.

Everyone in LA was worried. Something happened, something bad. When Bobby hung up, he tried calling Buck again. Nothing changed, still the same voicemail message. After five more attempts, Eddie gave up. He knew, he should’ve gone back to work, but he couldn’t. He ended his day and went home. Eddie wanted to do something, the incapability was killing him. He tried waiting patiently, he tried to find anything that would help him take his mind off  this situation. About an hour later, Maddie called and he feared the worst.

“Did you find him?” Eddie asked. 

“No,” Maddie’s voice was shaky. “Athena tracked the signal from his phone,” she continued on the verge of tears. “They found the phone.” Maddie paused, Eddie’s heart almost exploded.

“Maddie, tell me,” he begged, not being able to stand the silence. Darkest thoughts entered his brain, he was praying that his world won’t get shattered.

“There was a body.”

One sentence stopped time for him. Eddie felt like his soul was leaving the body, his mind shut down completely, everything fell apart.

“It’s not Buck, it’s Tommy,” Maddie said, suddenly Eddie was back in the reality.

“What?” he managed to ask. “What? How?”

“They don’t know. All we know now is that Tommy’s body was found by the river and Buck’s phone and car were close by. Buck’s phone shattered. They are testing the blood, looking for witnesses. I… I have to tell Howie, I don’t know what-” Maddie started sobbing uncontrollably.

Eddie heard a muffled ‘mom’ and Maddie started to put herself back together.

“Mommy’s coming,” she said to Jee. “I have to go, I will let you know if we find something, bye.”

Eddie stared at the phone screen for what felt like an eternity. He heard the door open, but he couldn’t move.

“Dad?” Chris asked, making his way to the couch Eddie was sitting on. “Dad?” he asked again, more firm but clearly worried. 

Eddie looked up at his son with tears in his eyes.

“Dad?” Chris has asked once again, this time just sad, picking up on Eddie’s mood.
“Buck’s missing,” Eddie said. “We think something bad happened to him.”

Chris sat down next to his dad and hugged him tight. Eddie started crying, he should be the one Chris could lean on, not the other way around, but Eddie felt so hopeless and scared. Eddie wished Buck was there to help him, to cheer him up, to make him laugh. He wished Buck would call and say he was okay, that it was all a big misunderstanding. 

Eddie calmed down. “I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay, dad. Buck will be okay, he always is,” Chris said, it helped a bit.

They both knew Buck was a fighter, but with Tommy dead, things weren’t looking good. Eddie didn’t mention the body to Chris, he didn’t want his son to worry more. He told Chris about the ongoing investigation, the found phone and blood.

“Do you want to go there?” Chris suddenly asked.

Eddie looked at him, not getting what Chris was saying. “What?”

“To LA. Do you want to go there? Help?”

“We can’t just go back,” Eddie answered.

“We can visit,” Chris reminded him. “I know you want to be there, dad. And you look like shit.”

Eddie sobered up for a second. “Did you just swear?”

“It worked, you’re thinking again,” Chris said, proud of his little trick. “It won’t happen again,” he added, to not make his dad angry.

“You have school, we can’t just go.”

“I can stay with grandma and grandpa.” Chris wasn’t really sold on that idea, but Eddie knew he wanted to help.

“I just got you back, I don’t want to lose you again,” Eddie said.

“You’re not losing me,” Chris assured him. “Also, I can skip some school. My grades are not that bad, and we won’t be there for long, because Buck will be found, right?”

“Right,” Eddie nodded, trying to believe it. “Right, a couple of days, and we’ll be back, I will explain it to your teachers. Say it was a family emergency or something.”

“It is a family emergency, those people are our family.”

Eddie was proud of Chris and happy, they had each other back in their lives, without his son he wouldn't be able to handle all of that. “Okay, let’s go back.”

Wednesday was exhausting.

Travelling from El Paso to Los Angeles was not pleasant. It was even worse, when you bought flight tickets last minute. Eddie didn’t want to drive, not in the state he was in. He was not risking Chris’ life. The flight itself wasn’t even that long, but everything they had to do before and after they got off the plane felt like the worst time-wasting thing ever.

Eddie texted Maddie the evening before with the details of the flight, they were no updates except for the fact that some blood on the crime scene belonged to Buck.

“Are you tired?” Eddie asked Chris, taking the phone out of his pocket.

“I’m okay, dad,” Chris assured him. “Do we need to get an Uber?”

“No, our ride will be here soon,” Eddie said, looking at the text.

They made their way out of LAX and spotted Karen with Maddie. Maddie got to Eddie first, she hugged him tightly.

“I’m so glad you’re here,” Maddie said, trying to remain composed, Eddie could see she didn’t get much sleep if any at all. “I’m sorry it has to be like this.”

Karen hugged him next, when Maddie said hello to Chris. “We’re glad you’re here. Everyone is in full panic mode. I’m guessing you’re no better?”

Eddie nodded. “It’s tough. I’m scared,” he admitted.

They got in the car and drove to Hen and Karen’s. Karen said she will stay with the kids. Eddie said goodbye to Chris and promised he will be back soon. Christopher asked to be updated every hour, even though he didn’t say it out loud, Eddie knew Chris was also worried. Otherwise, he wouldn’t come to LA.

Eddie and Maddie drove to the hospital. Hen greeted them in the hallway, they made their way to Bobby’s room, where him, Chimney and Athena were already waiting. Looks at their faces were serious, and Eddie hated every second of silence that came after the greetings.

“Since we’re all here,” Athena started, everyone looked at her, terrified of what will come next. “Tommy’s autopsy confirmed that the direct cause of death was a shot to the heart. He also got beaten up before that, so we’re thinking they got mugged.”

“They?” Eddie asked. 

“Buck was with him,” Maddie reminded him.

“But that doesn’t necessarily mean…” Eddie didn’t know who he was trying to convince to that delusion. “It doesn’t-” he picked up again, but the words got stuck in his throat.

Chimney patted him on the back.

“I know it’s hard. We’re searching, we have hours of different video footage from the surveillance, but it’s a dark place with no monitoring, we can only assume,” Athena said. “The detectives have their theory, we’re looking into it. Search parties are working since yesterday, but at this rate you have to be prepared.”

The atmosphere in the room was already dark, but suddenly got even gloomier.

“Prepared for what?” Maddie asked, almost angry. “What aren’t you telling us?”

Athena looked at Bobby, trying to find something to ground her. “We found two cartridges, knowing that Tommy was shot once, it’s natural to assume-”

“That Buck was shot too?” Maddie was outraged by that assumption. “I’m sure there our other explanations for whatever happened there!”

Chimney grabbed Maddie’s arm, mostly to calm her, but partially also so she wouldn’t go after Athena.

“Are you sure?” Hen asked.

“We can’t be sure with no body,” Athena reminded them. “I told you, we are looking.”

“You’re looking for a body, aren’t you?” Eddie asked, disgusted with the words, Athena nodded.

“God!” Maddie began crying and hugged Chim.

Bobby was saying something, possibly to calm them down, but Eddie couldn’t hear a word. Everything went blurry, the angry screams mixed with the cries of helplessness. The whole situation felt so absurd, Eddie didn’t know what to feel. Every cell in his body felt different. Part of him angry, part of him sad, but the biggest one was in denial.

Eddie had no idea how much time has passed when Hen brought him coffee. He had no idea what time it was when Athena left for work. Eddie had no idea what was happening around him. He had no idea how he was supposed to tell Chris any of that.

Hen brought him to Chris in late evening.

“Do you know where you’re going to stay?” Karen asked, helping Chris pack his backpack.

“We will-” Eddie was so out of it, he realized, he didn’t book anything. “I don’t know.”

“You can stay here,” Karen offered. “You shouldn’t be alone.”

Eddie looked at her with teary eyes. “If we could, I would like that” he said. 

“Of course you can, I will make us something to eat. Chris, you don’t mind staying, right?”

“Danny, Mara and I had a good time today, I don’t mind sharing with them a little more,” Christopher answered. “I also don’t want dad to do something stupid.”

“Yeah, someone should take care of him,” Karen admitted, Eddie wiped his tears, smiling a little.

They ate, sat down on the couch after dinner, said goodnight to the kids. Eddie took a long shower and then lied down on the bed for the whole night, unable to fall asleep.

Thursday was the end of the world

Eddie slept for two hours, maybe less, he wasn’t sure. Hen made them breakfast, Karen took their kids to school, Chris stayed helping Hen with the dishes. Eddie listened to them talking about Texas and everyday stuff.

He asked Hen to stay with Chris, when he went to Buck’s house. Driving there was weird. Not so long ago, it was his house, now if the police were right, it belonged to no one. Eddie pulled up to the driveway and sat in his car for twenty minutes. He still had keys, Buck told him, to keep one set, just in case. Eddie finally left his car and went inside. Everything looked so familiar and so foreign at the same time. He didn’t feel like a guest, but he didn’t feel like a tenant either. Athena told him the police search the house the day before, but didn’t find anything of significance. Things were pretty tidy, Eddie looked into the kitchen, flour on the countertops, dirty bowls and spoons in the sinks, chocolate everywhere. He remembered Buck was making brownies for Maddie. Eddie looked in the fridge, grabbed one of the beer bottles and headed to the couch. He sat in the silence, looking at the bottle, like he was waiting for it to speak. He didn’t even open the bottle, he dropped it, beer splatting everywhere, but he didn’t care. Eddie started crying, so loud, so heartbroken.

It took some time for him to calm down. Eddie went to the bedroom, driven by something he couldn’t explain. He studied everything, like it was an art exhibition at a museum. Looked at every photo, touched everything that he found. Eddie opened the wardrobe, he was hit with the familiar scent of Buck. He reached into the racks and took one of the hoodies. Eddie didn’t know what was driving him to do so, he wasn’t thinking at all since Tuesday, he was just doing. He stood there, staring at the piece of clothing like it was the most important thing in his life. He hesitated, but finally put the hoodie on. Eddie felt some sense of comfort. Not much, but it had to be enough.

When he came back to Hen’s, it was past lunchtime. Mara and Danny were already back from school.

“Bobby called, he asked how you’re feeling,” Hen said, putting a plate of pasta for Eddie.

“I don’t know,” he answered honestly. Eddie saw in Hen’s eyes, that she recognized the hoodie he came in, but she didn’t comment on it, so he didn’t say anything, either. “I think Chris and I will stay at Buck’s.”

Hen looked at him, visibly worried. “Eddie, I don’t know if that’s a good idea.”

“It’s our home. Chris will feel better there, I will feel better there. I just don’t want it to be empty,” he admitted. 

He talked to Christopher about it, they decided they will stay at Buck’s for the rest of the visit. They had no idea, how long it will be. Eddie knew that Chris couldn’t miss school, but it wasn’t important at that moment. Bobby called him later in the evening, informing them that Tommy’s funeral was already planned for Sunday, he also said that Buckley parents were coming to Los Angeles. Eddie knew it wouldn’t end well.

Friday was hell

When Buckleys came, they decided that their son was dead.

No hope, no doubting the police’s theories. Nothing. They came in and said Evan was gone. Maddie threw a tantrum over it, but Phillip talked her out of it, at least that’s what Chimney said when he called Eddie. 

The police was on the good side of the things for once, saying that it was not long enough to presume Buck dead, since the body was still not found. Buckleys didn’t care, Evan was dead to them.

Eddie brought Chris to Hen’s and went to Maddie. He felt bad for not being with Christopher, but he needed someone to talk to, someone who will understand him. Someone who loved Buck as much as he did. They spent hours being angry at her parents, being sad, being absolutely out of this, sharing stories about Buck, reminiscing of all the good, all the bad. Most importantly, they decided that until a body is found, they will not give up on believing that Buck is okay.

Chapter Text

‘Where’ was a peaceful town, at least that he got from Maggie’s stories, she spent the weekend working, checking on him more than she should have. Blaze liked the attention, he had someone to talk to, very helpful in his situation.

He managed to remember some animal facts, nothing of importance, but any news were big news.

“Maybe, you worked with animals,” Maggie said Sunday afternoon, while giving him pain medication. “You seem to know a lot about them.”

“Possible” he said, not really convinced, as the animals didn’t feel like the right answer.

He tried to think about different kinds of animals, those that you kept in your house and those that were not a good idea to keep in your flat, like a tiger. 

“Officer Kim still didn’t find anything?” Blaze asked, stopping his train of thought with animals.

“I’m sorry,” Maggie said, he knew she felt bad for him. “Good news, we should be able to discharge you tomorrow.”

“How is that good news?” he asked, not sharing her enthusiasm.  “I have nowhere to go.”

On Friday he was hopeful, on Saturday he was begging for any news, but on Sunday he lost hope.

“That is not true,” Maggie said, picking his interest. “My brother is somewhat of a charity worker, he has a shelter for people in need,” Maggie said, like it was the most normal thing in the world.

“You have a brother?” he asked, surprised. Probably should’ve asked a question about the shelter itself, but somehow it was the more interesting information for his mind. 

“I didn’t mention that?” Maggie was sure she did.  “I do have one older brother and a little sister, but she’s not living in Where. Daniele is currently an actress in LA.”

“Do I know her?” Blaze asked excited.

“I highly doubt it,” she laughed. “Even if you did, I don’t think you could tell right now.”

“Fair point. Is she doing well?” Family talks seemed to hit the right spot. Maybe he always wanted to have a big family of his own. 

“Mainly small roles in procedural drama, a car accident victim here, a girlfriend of someone there. Nothing huge, but she has one recurring role, that pays for her bills. I think that’s amazing. Especially when you think about what kind of city LA is.”

“Always loud, hot and the traffic is always unbearable,” Blaze said without thinking.
“Do you think, I could be from Los Angeles?” he asked seconds later, realizing the power of that little discovery.

“It is possible. I will call Min-seok, tell him to look into cases of missing people in LA.”

Blaze looked at Maggie, confused. “Who is that?”

“Right, sorry, it’s my husband, his real name is Min-seok Kim, but he goes by Mark in America, it’s easier this way,” Maggie explained. “I tend to call him that when I’m excited. Guess I really want to know who you are,” she laughed. “ Also, I think it’s funny, you have this traditional Korean surname followed by an English name, but maybe that is a me thing. I’ve learned that their surnames are actually really short and sweet: Kim, Park, Lee, Han. It’s it a fact, though, that you have only about five different ones. People will try to get creative with first names sometimes, because of it.  You know, something like Sharaya Park or Constance Lee.”

“Howard Han,” he dropped, mindlessly, not really paying any attention to that.

“Yeah, like that,” she agreed. “Okay, I’m going to call him now, take your meds, I will be right back,” she left the room.

Blaze shook his head, laughing. He wasn’t expecting a full lesson on Korean surnames, but he didn’t mind, he learned something new and since they already knew about his weird animal facts, it seemed to be in character for him. He swallowed the pills and patiently waited for Maggie to come back.

“He will look into it,” she said, entering the room. “Now, that’s out of the way, I think we should go to the main topic again. My brother Ethan and his facility,” Maggie sat down, next to the bed. “Nothing big, nothing fancy, but it could help you get back on your feet, regardless of how soon we will find any information on you, what do you think?”

“Sounds good, but what exactly would I do there?” Blaze asked, a bit hesitant.

“That depends on your skills,” she said, but it didn’t make anything clearer. “Basically, it’s a shelter for people in need. Any kind: single moms struggling to make ends meet, homeless people, older people who are just looking for someone to talk to. It’s always understaffed, though. I try to come every other weekend, but it’s not always possible. As a resident, you would be able to help”

The idea of a roof above his head was really tempting, even more, with no other place to go to. On the other hand, he didn’t feel like someone who could help a lot with the current state of his hand.

“I am free tomorrow, so I could take you,” Maggie continued, killing the silence.

“You are scary sometimes, with how much you want to help.”

“I mean, I’m going there, whether you decide to go. I promised my brother to bring medication for one of the residents, so your choice,” she explained. “Besides, I don’t think there are any other options for you right now. You can’t stay in the hospital, you can’t go to a hotel with no money to your name, and you shouldn’t be sleeping on the streets.”

Blaze agreed with her, none of those options sounded good, with no memories and a broken arm, he wasn’t a good fit for work, which meant no money for a longer time. “Fine, you’re right, but I’m really hoping your brother isn’t some kind of murderer. “

“He is not, I’m pretty sure. At least, I don’t know anything about murders,” Maggie answered, smiling. “I don't want to put any pressure on you, I know your situation is really hard already, so I’m trying to make it a little easier on you.”

“I get it,” he said honestly. “I am attached to you, you're the only person I know basically, so I will trust your judgment,” Blaze got sad, saying it out loud was hard, but that was how he really felt. 

Blaze had no idea what the world outside the hospital looked like. He had no clue what he wanted to do in his life. Not only that, but he hated every second of it, wishing that someone would tell him who he was and what he was supposed to do in life.

“See, my intuition is usually good. Unless, you are a murderer, and I’m walking myself into a trap trying to help you, then it’s bad,” Maggie laughed.

“Even if I am, can’t remember, so I think you’re fine for now,” Blaze joked. He liked Maggie, their sense of humor matched pretty well. He was hoping that the rest of her family will also be so easygoing.

They talked some more about her family in the evening. Maggie even showed him one episode of Hotshots with Daniele in it. Blaze sat through the whole thing, doubting the realness of every single emergency showed.

“Who would do something that stupid?” he asked, when one of the firefighters. “Bringing a real corpse as a decoration for Halloween, you cannot tell me, that’s possible in real life.”

“People do all kinds of stupid shit just to impress someone,” she said, turning the TV off. “God knows what you were doing, that resulted in your loss of all memories.”

He looked at Maggie, pretending to be very offended. “You know what? That’s some grounds for suing,” Blaze pointed a finger at her.

“What? Malpractice?” Maggie laughed and pushed him toward the exit.

She walked him to the hospital room and said goodbyes for the night. They agreed to meet the next day at 9AM, Maggie said she will be waiting for him in front of the hospital.

Blaze went to bed excited, thinking about seeing, more than the walls of his room. He looked out the window for quite some time, before finally going to sleep. 

He woke up early and couldn’t go back to sleep, despite trying really hard. Blaze quietly left his room and went for a little walk. He didn’t leave the hospital, so he didn’t feel like it was something wrong. Blaze tried to be as sneaky as possible, to not wake up anyone, but also to not alert any staff. He finally settled down in the TV room, watching replays of Hotshots. Somewhere before eight a nurse had come in, giving him discharge papers and some clothes, that Maggie left for him the day before, he was grateful for that.

Blaze changed into his new clothes, they were almost a perfect fit, he started to wonder if they belonged to Maggie’s brother, as he for sure knew they didn’t belong to her husband.
He took some deep breaths and left the room. It wasn’t his first time seeing the main entrance, he saw it on his little walks around the hospital, but walking through it was something different. 

He walked out the door and saw Maggie standing next to a red car. She waved at him, all smiles as usual.

“Are you ready for your big adventure?” she asked.

“Yes, finally something,” he truly couldn’t wait any longer. Sitting still and doing nothing wasn’t in his blood. 

They drove for ten minutes, Blaze was looking around vigorously, trying to see if anything would speak to him. He knew Los Angeles seemed a little familiar. When he was watching Hotshots, some locations looked like he knew them, but he couldn’t be sure if that was because he lived there or because he had watched Hotshots before. They arrived at a small building, which looked more like a café than a shelter of any kind.

“That’s the place?” he asked. 

“Yup, that’s the place,” Maggie got out of the car first, after a deep breath, Blaze followed.

They went inside and immediately got greeted by a tall man in glasses. Blaze was a bit amused by the man, he had to admit the newly met was quite handsome with the dark hair and blue eyes combination. 

“Maggie!” the man hugged her. “You must be our new resident,” he said, looking at Blaze .

“Yeah, that’s me. Whoever I am,” Blaze added, trying to sound casual. He felt tight up, the place was silent and light. Yet, for some reason it felt sad and gloomy, Blaze started to think about that ‘murderer’ joke from earlier, but quickly brushed it off.

“You can call him Blaze for now,” Maggie said, he nodded. 

“Great, nice to meet you, I’m Ethan,” he offered his hand and Blaze took it with just a little hint of hesitation. “Would you like some tea? Coffee? A breakfast?”

Blaze felt his stomach rumbling. “Breakfast would be nice,” he admitted. 

Ethan smiled. “Will be right back, make yourself comfortable,” he said and left the main room.

Blaze finally got some time to look around. The place really looked like a café, a long counter was standing in front of the door which said staff only. Tables with flower vases on top. Bookshelves standing along the whole wall. 

“We can sit here or in the main community area,” Maggie said. 

“That's not the main area?” Blaze asked, surprised. 

“Well, it is the main area during lunchtime when people come to eat. Usually, we hang around in the ‘staff’ area to feel cool,” she joked. “You might be on staff soon, so we can go there. Unless, you want to sit on the not so comfy chairs when there are lounge ones waiting behind those doors,” she pointed at them. 

“Devil’s work,” Blaze laughed, but followed along. 

Maggie was right, the area behind the doors looked comfier. Big couch, lounge chairs and a TV.  On the left there was a pair of stairs heading up. 

“That goes to the resident’s rooms,” Maggie said, catching him taking a look. “We will go there later, unless you want to take a peak now.” 

“Later is fine.”

They sat down and waited for Ethan. He came back with a plate full of pancakes. 

“That's your idea of a healthy breakfast?” Maggie laughed, looking at her brother. 

“No, that's my idea of a tasty breakfast to celebrate getting out of a hospital,” Ethan explained. “Be right back, strawberries and maple syrup are waiting.” 

“So your whole family is like that?” Blaze asked. 

“Pretty much, we can be over the top sometimes, but that's what makes us so lovable,” she said, picking on one of the pancakes. 

Blaze smiled. He got really lucky, he met good people who wanted to help. 

They ate and Blaze learned a little more about the origin of the facility. He also found out the name of it is “A Little Help”, which he found fitting. Ethan gave him a tour. Upstairs were guest rooms, three of them permanently taken, the rest free. Ethan let him choose one that spoke to him the most, but Blaze was fine with any, finally he settled on one closest to the stairs. He wasn't planning on running, but it was handy just in case.

Since his arm was not handy, he got assigned waiter duty. As Where was a small town, Blaze didn’t expect many people. He was utterly wrong. The main area quickly got crowded, and carrying plates was not an easy task with only one hand available. Somehow, Blaze managed to tend all the tables and not spill anything on himself. He felt proud coming back to the kitchen after the last walk.

“Look at you, a natural,” Ethan laughed. “My sister was right, if you’re that helpful with one hand, I can’t wait to see, what you’re capable of with both.”

That sounded — flirty.

Blaze didn’t want to make assumptions, especially when he just met Ethan. But there was something about the way he said it, that Blaze really liked.  “I’m really curious myself,” he finally said, a little awkward. 

Ethan laughed once again. “You will have to be patient for that one, unless, you’re a superhero and regenerate quicker.”

“Would be very useful,” Blaze smiled fondly.

After the rush hour have passed, Blaze helped with the dishes (put them in the dishwasher) and wiped the tables clean. Some people stayed after eating to read books, he found that wholesome. In the evening, he met one of the full-time residents. It was a girl named Maya, fresh out of high-school, escaped an abusive household. He resonated with her story, and they chatted a lot during dinner. Maya was asking questions about him in return, but he didn’t have much to say. She was understanding, didn’t cross any lines, and wished him quick recovery.

Blaze started to really like the place, even though he was exhausted after almost a full day of work. He was happy to help, and it stuck in his head. He liked helping, that had to be some kind of clue, at least that was what he told himself before going to bed. 

Chapter Text

The new day brought some fresh excitement to Blaze’s heart. He woke up before his alarm rang and slowly prepared for the day. Putting on clothes with only one hand wasn’t an easy task, but his pride didn't let him ask for help. Finally, after a tough battle, he was dressed and ready.

Blaze made his way downstairs, where Maya and Ethan were already preparing breakfast.

“Wow, and here I was thinking I’m the early bird,” he greeted them.

“We’ve barely started, you can help,” Ethan answered.

“We’re making muffins,” Maya added flour to the bowl. “The only reason you will ever see me up so early.”

“Make sure to soften the butter instead of melting, so they are fluffier.”

Both of them looked at Blaze with a questioning look.

“What?” he asked, confused.
“That was a very specific piece of advice,” Ethan explained. “You must know a lot about baking, now you’re obligated to help.”

Blaze laughed fondly. “Fine, baking sounds nice. Maybe I do like it,” he really tried to dig up any memories of baking, but they were all blank. The more he thought about something, the less idea he had. Everything that he managed to remember in those couple of days was revealed on the spur of the moment.

Baking was nice. Even though he was more of a recipe reader than anything else. They made four trays of chocolate-chip muffins. The nice and slow moments of morning were quickly replaced with the chaos of lunchtime. Blaze learned, they called it the “rush-hour”. Muffins disappeared within seconds, and he didn’t get to try one. Blaze came back to the kitchen with disappointment written all over his face.

“Are you okay?” Ethan asked.

“Yeah, just missed the muffins,” Blaze scrunched his nose with the embarrassment.

Ethan laughed and opened the cabinet above the stove, he took out a perfect muffin. “Lesson one, always hide something before the guest arrive,” he handed it to Blaze . “For your hard work.”

Blaze smiled and took the baked good. It was delicious. Maybe a bit dry, but fluffy and most important, homemade. He wanted to say something, but Maggie and Min-seok came into the kitchen.

“Hi, there,” Maggie greeted them with excitement, Min-seok waved.  “We brought the good stuff,” she said, and left the room.

Blaze looked at Ethan for answers, but all he got was a shrug.

“You have to see for yourself.”

For a second, Blaze was convinced it was a drug deal. Maggie - a nurse - perfect circumstances. He quickly dismissed the idea and followed the couple into the lounge room.

Maggie and Min-seok we’re already sitting comfortably on the couch. She patted the space next to her, indicating that he should sit next to her. Blaze listened and did as she said. When all of them were sitting, Maggie reached into the bag under the couch. What she took out wasn’t at all, what he expected.

“That’s a laptop,” Blaze said, not amused. 

“Yes, it is,” Maggie confirmed.

“And it’s the big deal?” he asked. Well, it kind of was, he had no phone to his name, so maybe he should be more impressed with a piece of technology. 

Maggie rolled her eyes and put the device on her husband’s knees. “Yes, Ethan is a bit of a ‘no screen time for kids’ freak, except he applies it to his residents. So, the only thing here is a TV, that is off for most of the time anyway. But I thought you could use the internet’s help to check something out.”

“And what would I look for? It’s not like I know anything,” Blaze answered.

“You can look for some tasty recipes,” Min-seok said without looking away from the laptop. 

“Yeah, makes perfect sense,” Blaze muttered.

“Look, with the police being here as it is,” she turned to her husband for a moment, “No offense. It is our best choice.”

“Listen to her, man,” Ethan said, Blaze looked at the guy, casually leaning against the door frame. “You do remember, somewhere. Just like with the muffins today. Maya said that yesterday you were bombing her with animal stuff out of nowhere. Just say the first thing that comes to your mind.”

Blaze thought about it. “Brad Torrence,” he finally said, making everyone in the room sigh. “You said first thing!” he reminded, very offended to their reactions.

“That’s just the actor from that show, Maggie said you’ve watched it a lot,” Ethan answered.

“Okay, a lot is an overstatement,” Blaze became a little bratty. “Just a couple of episodes, besides, your own sister stars in it, you should be more supportive.

Ethan didn’t make any comment on that. “I’m going back to work, call me if you need anything.”

Maggie was sitting silently, not paying any attention to her brother, clearly thinking about something. "Wait, look up Howard Han," 

"That one random name I made up?" Blaze asked, surprised. That made even less sense than looking up Brad.  "Come on, it's stupid, it's like searching for non-existing people like Freddie Fakeman or something."

Officer Kim has never in his life doubted his wife, so despite the protests, he googled said name. It took a minute to load, but finally something showed up. 

"There, Howard Han, one of LAPD firefighters from Los Angeles,” Min-seok pointed at the photo. 

"Wait, he exists?" Blaze looked at the screen, flabbergasted. Howard Han was a real man, a real person he remembered. That meant something, they had to be connected somehow, he was praying for any kind of answer. 

"Yup, he is a real guy," Min-seok confirmed, looking at other photos. "Oh my god!" he exclaimed. 

Maggie and Blaze looked at him confused, but then saw the photo. 

"Oh my god!" Maggie followed. 

Blaze’s eyes widened.

“It's me! We found me!" The feeling was surreal, he had no recollection of the photo, nor the situation visible on it, but there he was, a younger version of himself. Standing in his firefighter outfit, chatting with someone who seemed like a captain. He couldn’t believe it, the spontaneous searching brought him closer to home. 

"Seems like you're a firefighter yourself. Would be easier to figure out if the water brought you here in your turnouts,” Maggie commented, patting him on the shoulder. 

Min-seok put the new information into the police database and finally got answers. “Evan Buckley of the 118, that’s you,” Min-seok gave him the laptop.

Evan Buckley, born June 27th 1991 in Pennsylvania. Son of Margaret and Phillip Buckleys. The sudden burst of emotion was too much for him. He handed Maggie the laptop and stand up to pace around the room.

“I am someone. I do belong somewhere,” he said, keeping up the pace. “I can’t believe it.”

His heart raced. He had a home, he had a job, he had family and possibly friends. So why weren’t they looking for him? The thought weighed on him like a life sentence. A week had passed. A whole week. He immediately jumped into the worst scenario, what if no one actually cared.

“It says here that your emergency contact is someone called Edmundo Diaz,” Maggie said, pulling him out of the rabbit whole of misery.

  Eddie echoed in his head once again. That’s where it came from. Eddie an integral part of his life. How could he forget Eddie?

“We should call him, he’s probably losing his mind over you being gone, “Maggie added.

Bl- No, Evan calmed down. “You’re right. It’s my best shot at coming home, anyway,” he admitted.

“As an officer, that will be my duty,” Min-seok said. “Unless, you want to call him,” he looked at Evan.

“I don’t even know what I would say. You should do it, I would prefer to talk to him face to face,” he sat down again.

Min-seok pulled out his phone and dialed the number. Only seconds passed, but the dark thoughts came back. What if no one answers?

“Hello?” a voice echoed on the other side of the line.

“Hi, officer Kim from Where’s police department, am I speaking with Edmundo Diaz?” Min-seok asked firmly, it was the first time Evan saw him in any kind of police action.

“Yes, what’s the matter?” A moment of heavy silence followed. “Is it about Buck? I mean Evan Buckley?” he corrected himself.

Buck . Everyone called him Buck. Buck and Eddie two names intertwined with each other. His heart skipped a beat. Buck . That resonated with him much more than Evan. He really didn’t like that name and made a note to himself to ask Eddie about the reasoning for that when they meet. Meet Eddie. He was about to meet Eddie, and for some reason it really excited him. Very much. A week has passed, but Buck felt like it was weeks, maybe even months. He couldn’t remember Eddie, he remembered the idea of Eddie. Someone always next to him, someone who shadowed his every move and made him feel safe. He tried to remember Eddie’s face, but nothing came up in his mind. Buck got angry at his brain betraying him like that. 

He shut down, lost in his thoughts, and didn’t hear what Min-seok answered. When he came back to it, he managed to hear a loud ‘I will be there soon’ and the call has already ended.

“What did he say?!” he asked, probably more aggressive than necessary.

“He will be there soon, I’m texting him the address,” Min-seok answered.

“Everything okay?” Maggie asked. “You look like you weren’t really here.”

“I wasn’t,” Buck admitted. “It’s so…” he couldn’t find any word that would describe how he felt.  “It’s a lot.”

Maggie nodded and smiled comfortingly. “It’s quite a journey from LA, you need to find yourself something to do otherwise, you will go crazy.”

“I’m already going crazy,” Buck said.

“Maybe you want to look him up, we can do a background check,” Min-seok suggested. 

“No, we can’t do that, Eddie is a good guy, he wouldn’t do anything illegal, he has a silver star,” he blurted on a whim. That time, even Buck was surprised by his sudden information drop. “I think,” he added, but it didn’t help to make things less awkward.

Min-seok typed something into the computer. “Yes, he does,” officer Kim confirmed. “But I don’t think having a silver star automatically makes you incompetent to do crime.”

Buck didn’t like that comment. “Either way, I don’t want to check him out like that. I want to get the information from the source itself, let him tell me.”

“Understandable,” Maggie stopped her husband from saying more. “Let’s find you something to do instead,” she got up and went into the kitchen.

Buck followed her. Not long after their conversation, officer Kim got called back to work. They told Ethan about their new discovery, and Buck did officially introduce himself. 

They decided that the best way to kill time would be to do some more baking. Buck was happy, it did help, even though he was still looking at the clock almost constantly. Waiting was the worst thing on the planet. Ethan left the kitchen to tend the tables, as more people came.

“A baking firefighter,” Maggie commented, while putting the batter into the tray. “Interesting combo.”

“See, I can be surprising,” Buck said proudly. “So much so, I am also surprised by myself every time we learn something new.”

“So, do you remember him?” she asked suddenly. “Eddie, I mean.”

“Kind of. I don’t remember him as a person, but more as who he is to me,” he struggled to mix batter in a bowl so he gave up. “It’s weird. I know he’s important. And I know I’m mad at myself for forgetting him.”

“I see. You shouldn’t blame yourself, I’m sure that if you had a choice, you would never forget the guy. Come on, he has a silver star,” she teased.

Buck laughed and picked the spoon back up. They spent another hour on making all kind of baked goods, when the space in the kitchen had finally run out.

“Can you put them in the lounge room? We won’t be able to fit the last muffin tray,” Maggie asked him, being busy with melting the chocolate.

“Sure,” Buck answered and took one of the trays in the good hand.

He put it on the table and was about to go back, when he heard the main door open.

“Can I help you with anything?” Ethan asked the guest.

“Hi, I’m Eddie.” Buck’s heart dropped. “I’m looking for-”

Eddie didn’t get to finish. Buck opened the door and came into the main area. He looked at Eddie’s face, he’s never seen someone so gorgeous in his life, that could’ve been caused by the fact, that he knew five faces in his current state, but it didn’t matter. Buck looked at Eddie, like he was created by Micheal Angelo himself, carved in stone to perfection. Smooth skin, dark eyes full of sparkle and hair pulled back with one strand escaping. An angel before his own eyes. 

“Buck,” Eddie said, his eyes tearing up. The sadness mixed with relief and joy.

Before Buck got a word, Eddie came to him and hugged him tight, wrapping arms around him. Buck felt joy. His mind didn’t remember ever hugging Eddie in his life, but his body did. Two bodies connected into one. The familiar scent. The crook of Eddie’s neck. Everything felt like home.

“You must be tired after the drive,” Ethan suddenly said, making them flinch and end the hug abruptly. “I can offer tea, and I’m guessing a ton of fresh baked muffins.”

Back was already missing the warmth. “Yeah, we made a lot,” he confirmed.

Ethan went to the lounge room, leaving them alone. There was a moment of silence. Not uncomfortable, just silence, like they were trying to absorb each other's existence.

“You know I can’t-”

“Remember?” Eddie finished the sentence for him. “Yeah, the policeman told me, you have amnesia and honestly? I liked that a little, because I was ready to beat your ass for not giving me a sign, that you’re alive.” he added. “I’m not serious,” he said, seeing Buck’s scared expression. “Sorry, stress. I thought you were dead for a week, give me a moment to adjust.”

“You’re telling me this because you don’t want to cry?” Buck asked, although he felt like he knew the answer.

“Yeah,” Eddie said, wiping a tear from his cheek. “I was scared. Terrified even. I’m just so happy you’re okay,” Eddie hugged him again. “God, never do that again,” he whispered in Buck’s ear. “You need to come home.”

He had a home. He had a place in this world and someone cared.

No. 

Eddie cared. 

It was all that mattered. 

Chapter Text

Buck was really tempted to hold Eddie’s hand. 

Ethan made tea, Maggie joined, and after quick introductions, they were sitting awkwardly in the lounge room. 

“You’re a firefighter too?” Maggie started a conversation, that wasn’t really a top one question Buck wanted to ask, but better than nothing.

“Yeah,” Eddie said, but Buck could feel his hesitance.

He didn’t think anyone else has noticed, but he knew there was something deeper to that, so he made a note to himself to ask later.

“You guys work together?” Ethan asked, while Maggie was welcoming to Eddie, her brother seemed cold.

“Not anymore,” Eddie answered, squinting his eyes a little and straightening up.

Buck felt Eddie’s shoulder touch his, as they were sitting a lot closer than necessary. Buck started to wonder if they were always this close. He hoped that was the case.

“Long story,” Eddie added, not giving into Ethan’s pressure. “How did you guys meet?” he asked smiling, Buck knew it wasn’t an honest one.

“I’m a nurse in our one and only hospital, so when the John Doe woke up, I made sure to be of help,” Maggie answered, her smile definitely honest and kind. “Ethan here owns this shelter, we help people that have no place to go, but thankfully our Buck does.”

Buck smiled at those words. A place to go. “So, Los Angeles?” he asked Eddie. “Do we know Brad Torrence somehow?” Buck added suddenly.

“He has information spurs randomly,” Maggie explained, when Eddie froze, not knowing what to say.

“We do, actually,” he confirmed. “He was really obsessed with Bobby at one point.”

“Who’s Bobby?” Buck asked hesitantly. 

Eddie saddened. “Right, you don’t remember, sorry. Bobby is our captain in 118. He’s great, you’ll love him,” he smiled a little. “Oh my God, I need to tell them! I haven’t yet, I was scared, it might’ve been a joke.”

“You drove here, thinking that it could be a joke?” Maddie asked. “Why would someone joke about that?” 

“I don't know. I was so out of everything at the slight possibility of Buck being okay, I just left and got here the fastest I could,” Eddie explained, looking at Buck.  

Buck looked into Eddie’s eyes and he wanted to get lost in them. The world slowed down and Buck gave in to his thoughts, grabbing Eddie’s hand. “I’m okay,” he said, assuring. 

Eddie nodded and squeezed Buck’s hand in return. “Yeah.”

Buck lost his smile when Eddie took his hand away. 

“He’s a fighter,” Maggie said. “Determined to find anything. Probably really wanted to go home.”

Buck smiled again. “Well, I’m grateful for what you did for me, but I didn’t feel like it was my place to be” he explained.

“I understand,” Maggie assured him. “It will be sad to see you go, even if you were here for just a couple of days.”

“This place will never have a waiter like you,” Ethan added, and somehow Buck felt really proud.


They finished the tea, Buck got to say his goodbyes and asked Maggie to thank officer Kim as well. Maya gave him a lucky charm for the road, a handmade bracelet with a ladybug charm. Meanwhile, Eddie called someone in LA and said they were coming. Buck didn't hear much of the call, just something that sounded like a happy scream. 

Eddie and Buck left the facility. Buck was a little scared, Eddie relieved. 

“That's not your car,” Buck said, Eddie stopped mid-step.

“No, it's not,” Eddie confirmed, looking a little happy. “It's yours. Mine is still in Texas.” 

“You were in Texas?” Buck asked. “Wait, you are from Texas.” 

“Yeah, I am,” Eddie got into the car, Buck followed. 

The car had a familiar scent. The seat was comfortable, Buck felt like it was the right place, even if it wasn't the driver’s seat. 

“You can take a nap,” Eddie said. “It's not a short ride.”

“I’m fine. But aren’t you tired?” Buck asked, concerned. “You drove here, maybe I should drive. Wait, probably not. I don't even remember how to drive. Or I do?”

Eddie laughed. 

Buck was having a serious train of thought, and Eddie laughed. 

Buck looked at him, absolutely endeared by the sound. He needed to hear it more.

“What?” Eddie asked, noticing Buck’s stare. 

“Nothing,” Buck answered, avoiding Eddie’s eyes. He looked out the window as Eddie was starting the engine. “So, is it a bad time for me to ask, how is Los Angeles?”

“I don’t think it is. LA is… Well, it’s home. That’s where your family is. When your heart is,” Eddie answered, and Buck looked at him again, trying not to seem so mesmerized.

“Sounds poetic,” Buck’s mood dropped. “What if… What if I don’t feel good there anymore?” He couldn’t bear looking at Eddie, but Buck knew he was worried.

“Then we will figure something out,” Eddie answered.

It was simple, but comforting enough to stop Buck’s freak-out. 

“Yeah. We will,” Buck said, hopeful. 

Buck ended up falling asleep about ten minutes into the drive. He had no idea how or why. All he knew was that Eddie’s presence made him feel safe. 

He was sleeping during his days in Where. Not the greatest sleep of all time, but it was sleep nonetheless. Enough to keep him going. 

But this was something else. His mind felt at ease. His body relaxed and somehow even the broken arm was not annoying him so much. 

Everything was so perfect. 

Eddie woke him up when they stopped. Buck growled when the best sleep of his life was abruptly stopped. 

“We’re here,” Eddie said. 

Buck looked out the window, trying to figure out where exactly ‘here’ was.

The house looked - well - like a house. 

“Hey, it’s okay,” Eddie grabbed Buck’s hand. “Just take things slowly.”

Buck looked at him, a bit hesitant, he nodded. “Let’s do this.”

They left the car and went to the door. Buck’s heart raced again. Eddie went in first and Buck followed, trying to prepare himself. 

The house was quiet and mostly empty. Eddie stopped and Buck peaked out of Eddie's shoulder. A man and a woman were sitting on the couch, their eyes got big seeing Buck’s face, yet they stayed sitting as if they were scared that any move would scare him away. 

Buck looked at them for a moment, seeing many similarities to Maggie and officer Kim. 

The woman slowly stood up, Buck wanted to back out, but Eddie encouraged him to go forward. 

“Buck,” the woman cried out his name. 

He knew that voice. Caring, soft, mother-like. His brain was trying his best to remember something more. Name, place, anything. But Buck couldn’t figure it out. “I don-t”

“Doesn’t matter,” she interrupted and hugged Buck tight.

Buck was amazed at that fact. That was a second person, who just cared about him and only him, nothing he knew, nothing he had in his mind, just for the reason of him simply being alive.

“I’m Maddie,” she said, eyes all teared up, but smiling, like it was the happiest moment of her life. “I’m your sister.”

“Of course you are,” Buck said because it made the most sense, the familiar feeling, the warmth, care, it all fit. “I’m Buck,” he said, also tearing up. “Not that you don’t know, you do, I just… It’s fair.” he started rambling again, and Maddie laughed.

She nodded happily and looked at the second person. The man stood up and made his way to Buck. He also hugged him, and Buck didn’t mind.

“I’m Howie, Maddie’s husband, but everyone calls me Chimney,” he said. He was not tearing up in the way Maddie was, but Buck could tell he was also moved in a way.

Chimney felt familiar.

“Chim,” Buck said, without thinking about it.

“You remember something?” Maddie asked.

Buck shook his head. “No, sorry, I just get the random bursts of basically everything and anything. But we do that, right? We call you Chim?” he asked, looking at Howie.

“Yeah. You do that,” Chimney confirmed. “You two must be starving, we got take out for Jee, so there’s plenty left.”

“Right! I will heat it up,” Maddie announced. She looked at Buck again, smiled, and went into the kitchen.

”Jee?” Buck said. “Jee-yun! My niece! ” he was ecstatic. For the fact that he remembered, but also simply because having a niece made him happy.

“Yes, a niece who is asleep, so tone it down,” Chimney asked a bit annoyed.

Eddie laughed and Buck scolded himself in his mind.

“Sorry,” Buck said, much more quiet.

Chimney nodded and left to help Maddie.

Buck turned around immediately, looked at Eddie and asked an insanely important question. “Why do we call him Chimney?”

Eddie bit his tongue, trying to confine further laughter. “You will remember,” he patted Buck on the shoulder and sat on a couch.

Buck stood there frozen for a solid minute, before joining him. Still wondering what was the reason behind that nickname. 

***

They ate together, Buck told them all about his days in Where.

“Wait, you’re telling me, that you got help, from a woman named Maggie and her Korean husband?” Chimney asked, finishing his portion of fries, Buck nodded. “And that didn’t ring ANY bells?”

Buck looked at him confused, then looked at Eddie searching for help. 

Eddie smiled fondly. “Leave him be, Chim. He has a hole in his head, he deserves some slack.”

“Thank you,” Buck answered, happy with the outcome. “They were really nice, Maggie’s brother, too. Oh, also she has a sister, she lives here somewhere and is an actress.”

“Oh? And what are their names? Ethan and Danielle?” Chimney asked, visibly poking fun at Buck.

“Well, yeah,” Buck answered honestly, and Chim dropped a fry he was holding.

“I have to tell Bobby!” Chimney said, leaving the table.

Maddie shook her head. “That is very interesting,” she admitted. “I will prepare the guest room now, you two can do the dishes as a dinner payment,” Maddie said with laugher. 

Eddie nodded and Buck looked at his sister a little disappointed.

 “I thought Eddie will take me to our house,” Buck said. “Not that I don’t want to stay with you guys, I just wanted to go home. To help.”

“I don’t think you should be alone right now,” Maddie answered, clearly worried.

“He won’t be alone,” Eddie joined in. “I will stay with him.”

Buck liked that idea.

“What about Chris?” she asked.

“He's at Hen’s. I texted them and said I will pick him up tomorrow. Karen was down to having the boys together for one more night.”

“Okay,” Maddie calmed down. “But you two are still doing the dishes,” she went to Buck’s chair and hugged him from behind. She held him for a minute and kissed his birthmark before leaving. “Visit us tomorrow,” Maddie asked them. “And please, update me, don’t lose him anywhere.”

The last words were meant only for Eddie’s ears, but Buck heard them well. They were worried, what didn’t really add up in Buck’s head. If they were so worried, shouldn’t they be better at looking for him? The doubt overtook his thoughts once again. He hated it. He could see their love, their care, but still had doubts. Was this his mind playing tricks?

“Let’s go home,” Eddie said, once again pulling Buck out of the spiral of madness.

“Home. I would like that,” Buck admitted.

Chapter Text

They made it home.

“I think I remember!” Buck said, excited when they walked in. “Some things. It looks, home-y” he admitted. 

Eddie closed the door behind them. “Thank God. That’s a good sign,” he patted Buck’s shoulder.

Buck was a big fan of those random touches. And Eddie was touchy. Spending the dinner at Maddie’s basically arm to arm was a blessing for Buck, Eddie grabbed his hand more that it was necessary for sure, but Buck loved every one of those instances.

“I was gonna say, make yourself comfortable, but it’s your house, so it’s not a right saying,” Eddie bit his lip trying to think of something and all Buck could do was stare.

He was ashamed of himself, but Eddie didn’t seem to care, so Buck thought it was nothing out of ordinary for them, and that meant more staring at Eddie’s gorgeous face. Buck should ask, what are they, but if they were really close before the accident, it could’ve hurt Eddie. Who would want to hear that question from a loved one? Buck was also simply shy of asking that question, he basically knew Eddie for about seven hours, and that wasn’t a time period to ask any questions of that kind. Buck decided to ask later.

“Well, it’s not entirely wrong,” Buck answered. “I can’t remember living here, so it’s like I’m a guest.”

Eddie lost his look of concern, and got saddened, by that statement. Buck wasn’t sure what was it about, but before he got a chance to ask, Eddie went to another room. Buck quickly followed him.

“You could never be a guest in this house,” Eddie turned around to face him when they got to the kitchen. “Never.”

The kitchen. He remembered it. Buck looked around, making Eddie look at him confused. The kitchen. That was their place. He remembered talking for hours and getting vulnerable.

“Are you okay?” Eddie asked when Buck remained silent.

“Yeah, I just think it’s an important place for us.”

“The kitchen?” Eddie raised his eyebrows, probably trying to think about the significance of the room. “I guess, we talk here a lot. You also baked here a lot,” he added, smiling slightly.

Buck liked when he smiled and didn’t like when Eddie face was filled with concern or worry. 

Eddie went up to the fridge and took out a beer. “You want one? Shit, you probably shouldn’t with your head. Right,” Eddie put down the bottle on a counter. “We need you to find a doctor here, to check up on you.”

Buck looked at Eddie, who picked up a marker and wrote something on the fridge calendar. Eddie found his gaze and Buck could feel himself getting a blush, he was so drawn to Eddie’s eyes, he wanted to look at them forever. 

“What’s that about?” Buck awkwardly pointed at the calendar.

“So I won’t forget,” Eddie explained. “Maybe you want to walk around the house a bit? It’s not big, but a tour might help.”

“Yeah I should. I should do that,” Buck agreed. 

They walked around the house, Eddie showed him every corner, and Buck was trying so hard to remember something that wasn’t just a feeling or an emotion. When they got to the bedroom, he gave up and sat on the bed.

“I can’t.”

Eddie sat down next to him. “Don’t force yourself, your memory needs some time. You need some time. Injury, trauma, you cannot expect yourself to be back on your feet in three seconds. Although, I shouldn’t be surprised, that’s happening.”

“You’re telling me I’m known for not taking care of myself?” Buck asked.

Eddie huffed. “A little. Maggie called you a fighter, and she wasn’t wrong. You hate not being able to do things,” he looked at Buck.

Buck met his gaze again, trying to remind himself to stay calm, but his heart started beating faster. “Sounds about right. At least from the things I found out about myself.”

Buck was feeling too much, thoughts forming and disappearing, feelings overwhelming but not strong enough to form a full picture. Everything blurry and mixed into one, the only sharp image in his head was Eddie, anchoring him, holding Buck by an invisible string one snip from breaking and falling into a spiral.

“You should rest,” Eddie’s voice yet again pushing through all the doubts and thoughts in Buck’s head. “It was a long day and tomorrow will be even longer. Everyone wants to know how are you, we have a lot of people to visit. Of course, only if you want that,” he added.

“I think so,” Buck admitted. “It’s comforting. People were waiting for me. You know, there was a moment when I thought I was completely alone.”

Eddie grabbed his shoulder. Buck froze at first, but then leaned into the familiar warmth.

“You’re not alone,” Eddie assured him. “Maddie and I knew you were out there somewhere. We were looking for you, but just in LA. We didn’t think the river would take you so far. And even if we allowed that scenario, we didn’t think you could be still…” he couldn’t finish.

“Quite a long road. I have a ton of bruises,” Buck said, as it was the first thing that came to his mind as a form of comforting Eddie. “Nothing too big,” he added, trying hard to make it sound less horrible. “What I’m trying to say is, I’m not terribly hurt. God, why are the words so hard?” he asked, making Eddie laugh. Maybe Buck wasn’t the best at calming talks, but Eddie didn’t seem to mind that at all. “Am I always that bad at talking?”

“Sometimes,” Eddie said, but Buck knew it was sincere. “But I think you’re quite a smooth talker. Although, there are also times when things coming out of your mouth make absolutely no sense. It’s something we all adore, though. So don’t beat yourself too much over that.”

Eddie’s hand was still on his shoulder, Buck felt every move of Eddie’s thumb, which was rubbing him gently.

“I will try.” Buck yawned. “Maybe it is time to get some rest.”

Eddie patted his shoulder and stood up. “Bed is ready, your clothes are in the wardrobe. You need help with changing?” Eddie asked casually.

Too casually for Buck’s liking.

“No! I mean, I can do it myself,” Buck absolutely lost his cool. “It’s fine, thank you.”

“Do you need something else?” Eddie asked, ignoring Buck’s panicked reaction.

“Could you bring me some water?” he wasn’t thirsty, but needed Eddie to be out of the room for a moment, so he can calm down.

“Of course, I will be right back.”

Buck smiled at him and got to changing as soon as Eddie left. It took some time yet again, but Buck thought he was making progress with his pace. He knew Eddie took much longer than needed to give him time to change, and he was grateful. Buck tucked away his clothes on the chair in the corner and sat on the bed.

Eddie came back with a glass of water. “Here you go, sorry it took so long, I was trying to reply to all the messages I got. Everyone is asking how are you, and if you’re really you.”

“And what did you say?” Buck looked up at him.

“That I need a bit more time, to be sure if it’s not an alien doppelgänger of you,” Eddie answered, looking him in the eye.

Buck laughed out loud.

“Oh, almost forgot,” Eddie reached out to his pocket. “Brought you some pain meds, should make for a better sleep with that hand.”

“Thank you,” Buck took the pills.

“I will be on the couch if you’ll need something,” Eddie said, after a moment of silence. “Don’t be scared of asking for help. Really.” He turned around and went for the door.

Buck hesitated for a moment. “Wait,” he called out, Eddie faced him again. “Can you stay with me?” he asked, remembering how nice he slept in the car. “I don’t want to be alone right now.”

Eddie looked around the room, like he was looking for the right words to be written on the walls. “Sure,” he said finally.

Buck put his legs on the bed and scooted over to the left side. Eddie smiled at that and got on the bed. He sat next to Buck with his legs stretched out.

“You’re not laying down?” Buck asked.

“Not yet, I don’t think I will be able to get much sleep,” Eddie answered, looking at him. “Don’t worry, I will get to it, eventually. Get some rest.”

Buck nodded and tried to lay in a position that would bring him the least discomfort. With Eddie next to him, everything felt better. Eddie turned off the lights. Buck stared at the ceiling for a moment, fighting his urge to reach out to Eddie, he looked over to look at Eddie again. Buck fought with his own mind for a while, but finally gave in and reached to grab Eddie’s hand. He got scared when Eddie froze, but relaxed when his hand got squeezed in return.

It was everything Buck needed, his fingers started to trace Eddie’s hand as if, he was holding something so precious. He wanted to memorize every line, every bit of skin he could.

Buck closed his eyes and allowed himself to drift off to sleep. 

His dreams were weird.

Chaotic.

Buck felt like he was watching scraps of different movies being poorly mixed into one.

Fires, tsunami, plane crash, lightning, shooting, bees.

Bees?

When he woke up, Eddie was gone. Buck was expecting that to happen, Eddie couldn’t know when Buck would wake up. He looked at the clock, it was well past ten. Buck didn’t go to sleep that late or wasn’t that tired, yet somehow slept for almost eleven hours. He guessed that was the rest Eddie was telling him, that he needed.

Buck forced himself to finally get up. He went into the kitchen, where Eddie was drinking coffee.

“Hi,” Eddie lit up, seeing him. “Did you sleep okay?”

“Better than okay,” Buck answered honestly. “Wasn’t a bad first night.”

“I’m glad. You want some?” Eddie pointed at a cup.

“Not really, but I would kill for something to eat.”

“We are not really stocked up,” Eddie went up to the fridge. “But we can put something together, I’m sure.”

They ended up making sandwiches with leftovers and bread that was starting to get stale, but Buck found something so endearing in that. They probably should go out and get groceries, Buck saw a shop on the way, but somehow the all-in-one sandwiches were the cooler option. He was fascinated by every small thing Eddie did. Buck wasn’t much of a help with his arm, but Eddie was more than willing to do everything for him.

Buck started to wonder if Eddie would feed him if he’d asked.

He nearly choked on the sandwich when his mind formed that thought.

“Are you okay?!” Eddie put down his food, and started to pat him on the back.

Buck coughed some more. “Yeah, I’m okay,” he said. It was the second time he lost his cool with Eddie, and he knew it wasn’t going to be the last. He felt comfortable around Eddie, yet so shy at the same time. “Pepper,” it was smart to blame it on the spice.

“Be careful, please,” Eddie asked him, going back to eating.

The rest of the breakfast went smoothly. Buck was happy that his mind gave up on making any more thoughts of that kind.

“What do you want to do first?” Eddie took their place and put them in the dishwasher. “Or rather, who do you want to meet first. The line is pretty long.”

“What are my choices exactly?” he asked.

“Right,” Eddie reminded himself. “We have Chris, my son. He’s at Hen and Karen’s our friends.  We have Bobby, our captain and his wife Athena and then we have… Well, I guess that’s it. At least for now, since we were at Maddie’s yesterday, but be sure that you will see her again today, I think she will demand daily visits from now on. Or she will visit, you Buckleys really can sit still.”

Buck smiled at that comment. “What about - What about my parents?”

Eddie shut the dishwasher door way harsher than it was necessary. “They don’t live here. So it will take some time before they visit,” he answered, but Buck wasn’t buying that.

“You don’t like them.”

Eddie looked at him. “I don’t,” he admitted. “I don’t think they are good parents and I don’t think they will be much of a help in your recovery.” Eddie put his hands into the pockets. “I asked Maddie to call them. They are your parents, so I’m not gonna stop you from seeing them, but please, only do so, if you’re ready for some heavier confrontations, okay?”

“You think I should put it off for a while? Meeting my own parents?” Buck got sad. Were his parents really that bad, or was Eddie being overprotective.

“For a while. Please.”

Buck looked into the brown eyes and got lost again. His mind didn’t let him refuse.

“Okay. Let’s start with people who are in LA,” he agreed, but really wondered.

Were his parents bad people?

Chapter Text

Eddie was right. Not long after they ate breakfast, Maddie dropped by, it made Buck happy. 

“I’m sorry, I had to,” Maddie said, giving Eddie a bag with snacks.

“Don't be sorry,” Eddie answered, letting her in. 

Buck observed them, his sister and Eddie had some form of understanding between them. They liked each other, which was a good sign in Buck’s head. 

Buck greeted Maddie with a hug and they sat down on the couch.

“How are you feeling?” Maddie asked.

“Okay, pain is not terrible, I slept well. I’m accommodating slowly,” Buck said.

“Pain. Did you-”

“I did,” Eddie answered before she got the chance to finish. He put down two mugs with tea on the table. “A doctor will see him on Friday.”

“Thank you,” Maddie said, smiling.

They must’ve talked about it already, which meant that Eddie and Maddie were talking a lot about him. That warm feeling came back to Buck’s heart.

“So, what are your plans for today?” Maddie continued with the questioning.

“We will probably go to see everybody. At least, that’s what Eddie told me.”

“I said that everyone wants to see you, but if you don’t feel ready yet, they will understand,” Eddie said reassuringly.

Buck looked down. It’s not like he didn’t want to see people from his life. He did. He was curious. Yet, at the same time, he felt scared. He felt guilty for not remembering, although everyone was assuring him, that it’s not his fault, he still felt bad. They were important to him, he could feel it, so the inability to access his memories was exhausting. Eddie and Maddie both cared so much, Buck was scared he wasn’t giving the same amount of love and care in return.

“I want to meet them,” he said. “Really.”

Eddie’s phone rang.

“It’s Chris, he’s probably getting tired of waiting,” Eddie said and picked up the call. “Hi, Chris. Yes. Yeah. No. Later.”

Buck was interested in that conversation. 

Christopher was Eddie’s son, that much Buck knew. Christopher was very close to his heart, that’s what he felt. In some weird way, he missed Chris. It was weird and hard to describe because at that moment he technically hasn’t met Christopher yet. 

Eddie said goodbye to Chris and brought his attention back to the Buckleys. “He was asking when I’m gonna pick him up from ‘daycare’ and asked if he could see you,” he said to Buck, as he was reading his mind.

Buck was hesitant. The more time he spent with everyone, the sadder he got. They were all so important to him, yet he felt so separated from all of them. They all knew each other, well, from what he could see. But he knew almost nothing. Buck wanted to ask, but felt like it was inappropriate. He should know them. They were his friends. His own family.

Buck really wanted someone to talk to. He had two of his closest people in front of him, yet couldn’t bring himself to ask them for help. Buck thought to himself it was stupid, but he was so scared of making a fool of himself, he just wasn’t asking. 

“I guess. I mean, we should see him. You especially,” Buck said, trying not to let his emotions show. “You’ve been spending so much time with me, he needs his dad.”

Eddie looked down. Buck got scared, did he say something bad?

“You’re right,” Eddie said, but Buck could feel something was off.

Buck was clearly missing the bigger picture. First, the conversation about his parents, then this. “Great, we can go soon,” he said, trying to cheer Eddie up a bit.

It helped, Eddie’s mood brightened up a little.

“Chris will be thrilled,” Maddie said.

Buck looked at her quickly, he almost forgot she was in the room with them. “You think so?” he asked, it was his attempt at getting some more information.

“Of course, Chris adores you, right, Eddie?” Maddie was waiting for a confirmation.

“Of course he does,” Eddie said, finally showing the smile Buck liked so much.

Buck nodded happily, although he couldn’t shake the bad feeling. What if Chris wasn’t going to like this version of him?

Maddie stuck around, and they talked some more about day-to-day things, while Eddie went grocery shopping. Buck had the urge to ask some heavier questions, but his fear was still getting the hold of him. Maddie was a good sister, she knew something was wrong, when he went quiet after another story of Jee-yun’s adventures.

“Sorry, I’m rambling so much. I thought that stories about Jee would cheer you up, but I guess it’s not the case,” she said.

“No, no. It is. I mean all of them, she is so cute, it’s just… Since I got here, no one is really talking to me. Well - You are talking, it’s…”

“We’re not saying things you want to hear?” Maddie asked, grabbing his hand.

“Yeah. Eddie mentioned my parents earlier,” Buck started, observing Maddie’s reaction, which was far from happy. “He doesn’t like them, but he didn’t really tell me why. He just said I should not meet them yet.”

Maddie looked at him with pity. “Our parents are… Hard to get around.”

That wasn’t a satisfactory answer in the slightest. Buck started to get really annoyed.

“Why do you all treat me like a kid?’ he asked angrily. “Just tell me!” Buck took his hand away.

“When you went missing, we were holding on to hope of finding you,” Maddie’s tone became serious. “They weren’t.”

Buck looked at his sister, he could feel his lips shaking in the anticipation. “So, what?”

“They came here, basically saying you were dead and left for holidays, Buck.”

His whole world shattered. Buck started breathing heavily. He could feel every bump of his heart. Maddie put a hand on his shoulder.

“Breathe,” she reminded him, as if wasn’t all he was trying to do.

Buck could feel tears getting into his eyes, he started blinking rapidly hoping they would go away, but it didn’t happen. Tears poured down his face as he got out of his depth. He was so in his head, he didn’t hear when Eddie got home.

Eddie kneeled in front of him. “Hey, what happened?” he asked worried.

Buck couldn’t bring himself to look at Eddie, his gaze was still focused on Maddie.

“I told him about our parents,” she answered for Buck.

“Why?” Eddie wasn’t angry, but irritated for sure. “That’s why I wasn’t saying much,” Eddie shifted his focus to Buck. “But Maddie really called them, they will be on their way. It wasn’t a lie. We just tried to… Buy you some more time before you get disappointed.”

Buck finally looked at him. “I don’t want to be lied to. I need someone I can trust, I don’t know. Please, don’t do that to me.”

Eddie and Maddie looked at each other, once again forming that understanding between them that Buck couldn’t quite figure out yet.

“We won’t,” Eddie assured him. “I’m sorry, I thought it will be easier for you if you first get used to your life, and then we would bring the not so great parts,” he explained. “I just want you to know, you matter to all of us. Here. We are your family.”

“Eddie is right,” Maddie agreed. “We all love you. So much. Don’t let our parents make you think you don’t deserve that,” she smiled. “You know, you should go meet Chris and the others. We need to show you all the people that care, instead of worrying about the ones who don’t.”

Buck nodded and grabbed first Maddie’s and then Eddie’s hands gently. “Thank you, guys.”

Maddie put her head on his shoulder and Eddie squeezed his hand. Buck needed more of that warm feeling. 

Buck wasn’t going to admit it, but Eddie’s touch lingered. He wanted to hold his hand more and more each time. It definitely wasn’t all he was thinking about on the way to Wilson’s house. No, he was also trying to prepare himself for meeting even more people. He learned that Hen was working with them in 118, Karen was her lovely wife who also happened to work as a rocket scientist, Buck was very impressed, even from the stories alone. They also had two kids, Danny and Mara, but they were still at school.

Buck looked at Eddie, who was focused on driving. He let himself study Eddie’s face. Every bit of his skin, his features. Every little mark or bump. Buck was so charmed by it all. He slowly traced the line of Eddie’s profile with his gaze. They stopped at a red light and Eddie caught Buck’s gaze. Buck’s heart skipped a bit, they just looked at each other, no words, no nothing. Just them existing in each other's orbit, following the same path to God knows where.

“It’s green,” Maddie said after a while, they both looked at her confused. “The light.”

Eddie’s focus came back, and he started driving again. Buck could see him turning red at Maddie, catching them, he thought blush suited his skin so well. Buck was also insanely grateful at Maddie not making any more comments, regarding what happened, so the rest of the drive went peaceful.

When they pulled up, Buck was stressed again.

“They all love you,” Maddie said, patting his back and shoving him towards the door.

“I didn’t say anything!” Buck laughed.

“But you started thinking, and that’s enough to cause a disaster,” Maddie said lovingly. 

Eddie knocked on the door. Buck didn’t get a second to prepare, and they opened with a loud squeak.

“Finally!” A black woman shoved Eddie to the side, almost making him fall, and went for Buck. She slapped his healthy hand, and Buck got lost for a moment. “You made all of us worry like crazy,” her tone got softer and she hugged him. She sighed and moved away, Buck could see a kid standing at the door, with crutches in hands.

“Buck!”

The happy tone, the smile, the glasses, the curly hair.

“Chris,” Buck could feel his tears again, this time they were happy ones. He suddenly felt like a big puzzle piece was placed in the right spot. His first instinct told him to kneel before Chris, as if he was a small kid, but he wasn’t, not anymore. 

Buck could ask where the time has gone, but the answer was simple, he just didn’t remember. He stopped thinking, stopped asking questions, just ran to Chris and hugged him as tightly as he could with only one hand. Buck rested his face in Chris’ hair, crying.

“Buck, you’re crushing me,” Chris said.

“Sorry, bud,” Buck said, letting him go.

“Are you crying?” Christopher asked.

Buck put his hand to his face and wiped the tears. “Yeah,” there was no point in denying that.

“Did you miss me too?” Eddie asked his son, patting his shoulder.

“Not as much,” Chris answered and went back inside.

“Oh, he is a teenager,” Buck commented, Eddie snorted at him, and Buck started laughing.

“I’m starting to doubt the whole amnesia, Buck,” Eddie slapped his forearm and went after Chris.

Buck stood there for a moment, kind of proud of himself for no actual reason. Then went in.

“Yeah, go in, make yourself at home, I’m already babysitting your child,” Hen said in the back. 

Wilson’s house was cozy, Buck could feel the love and thought that went into decorating. Their house was full of family excellence, Buck got a little jealous. They sat in the kitchen, while Chris went to Denny’s room to play games. Buck promised to join in a little later. 

“So, how are you feeling? Any pain? Headache? Blurry vision?” Hen got too close to Buck’s face.

“Please, don’t give him a full exam right now,” Maddie asked her.

“I need to know if he’s okay. Do you know how long Athena was talking about him last night? I’m surprised she went to work after all the wine we drank,” Hen said. “Although, I think I was doing the drinking while she was doing the talking. Still.”

“Who’s Athena?” Buck asked shyly.

“Bobby’s wife,” Eddie explained. “Sergeant Grant.”

That rang a bell. “Okay, continue. Why was she here talking about me?”

“Because she was worried, Buckaroo. Also, she is looking into the case of your disappearing,” Hen said, surprising not only Buck.

“She is? Isn’t that conflict of interest?” Eddie asked.

“She’s not his mother,” Hen reminded them. “Besides, you know how Athena is.”

“I actually don’t,” Buck murmured. “I mean I do, I just can’t- Context clues, please.”

“Okay, that version of him is very weird, and I know him since he started to work with us,” Hen said, looking at him with something Buck couldn’t decode, it wasn’t plain disgust, but she was not pleased. 

Buck was looking at them, altering his gaze from one to another.

“I thought that was very in character for him, actually,” Eddie answered, laughing. “Athena is stubborn, she wants everything to be done her way, especially when it’s a case important for her,” he explained. “I just thought it’s a little too close to the sun.”

“Said the guy who was searching every hospital in this town, just to find him,” Hen mocked Eddie.

Buck looked at Eddie, but Eddie avoided his gaze.

“I’m gonna check on Chris,” Eddie said, leaving the kitchen. 

Buck looked after him, wishing he wasn’t left alone. Although, he wasn’t really alone.

“What was that about?” Maddie asked Hen.

“Don’t ask me, you were the one helping him with the madness,” Maddie grabbed the juice from the counter. “We didn’t give up on you,” she said to Buck.

“I know, thank you,” he said, genuinely happy.

“Athena will be off work tomorrow, so we can ask her about the investigation,” Maddie proposed. “She will be the best person to tell you what happened.”

Buck nodded.

“You never asked,” Maddie realized, he looked at her confused. “About what happened. Are you not curious?”

“I don’t know. I am so confused by literally everything, I just didn’t even think about it. Or I just don’t want to think about it. I don’t think I want to know, what got me into this place. I don’t want to relive the moment that made me lose almost everything,” he explained, but he didn’t know if it made any sense. He was curious about many things, people in his life, his work, what was the deal with Eddie and him, what he liked, what he disliked, but the accident wasn’t one of them.  “It’s not that I don’t care, it’s just the thing I don’t want to remember.”

Maddie nodded. “Yeah, it’s easier that way,” she agreed. “You will have to deal with it, sooner, or later you’ll need to face it.”

“I know.”

Time spent at Wilson’s was really nice. Buck played games with Chris, keeping his promise, and listen to Chris talking about his new interests. Although, Buck wasn’t sure if they were actually new, or just forgotten by him. Chris seemed happy. Maybe a little stressed, but who wasn’t at that time.

“So, how is it? Not remembering?” Christopher asked.

“Weird,” Buck said, trying to focus on the game, knowing that he has almost no chances to beat Chris, especially with one fully working hand. “I know how to read, write, talk, who the president is, but I have no idea who I am.”

“You’re Buck,”

He looked at Chris, it resulted in Buck losing.

“You’re my best friend,” Christopher continued. “And you’re very cool. I think that’s enough.”

Buck smiled wildly. “It is enough,” he said.

Because it was enough. 

Next on their long list of places to visit was the hospital. Buck didn’t fancy that. Maddie went back to hers and took Chris with him. They promised to come back for dinner. 

What he liked about it was visiting Bobby. Buck heard all about Bobby, all good, from basically everyone. He remembered seeing himself on the photo, visibly happy in the presence of his captain. That meant he was a good person, and Buck was quite excited to finally meet him.

The hospital was much different from the one Buck stayed at in ‘Where’. Firstly, it was huge, multiple floors, big hallways and a ton of people going from one place to another at the same time. 

Buck was overwhelmed by all of it. By the time they got to the elevator, Eddie sensed something was wrong.

“Everything’s okay?,” he put his hand on Buck’s shoulder.

“Yeah, it’s just a lot,” Buck answered and exhaled sharply. “I’m going to be fine,” he assured himself more than he assured Eddie. 

They made it to the sixth floor and went through a lengthy hallway to finally get to Bobby’s room. Eddie knocked on the door and went in first. Buck followed, trying to remain calm. He saw an older man, sitting on the hospital bed, he looked better than Buck, no visible injuries, a smile on his face appeared as soon as he saw Buck. 

“Finally, I thought you guys got lost, and I will have to explain it to Maddie.” 

Then Buck realized Chimney was also in the room with them. His mind was so focused on Bobby, he-

Bobby. He knew. He didn't remember, but he knew. The name he heard before many times, but the feelings connected to it came back to him like a wrecking ball. Moments of happiness, of sadness, scares and the good moments. It was all connected to Bobby. 

“Bobby,” Buck said, overjoyed with his sudden realization. “Bobby!” he repeated, very proud of himself. 

“Do you remember something?” Chim asked, emotions so strong, he stood up from the chair.

“No,” Buck said flatly. “But- But I know you're our captain,” he pointed at Bobby. “I know that much.” 

“It’s better than nothing,” Chimney said, but all of his enthusiasm was long gone. 

Eddie shook his head and looked at Bobby, Cap just smiled in return. 

“It’s nice to see you, Buck,” Bobby said. “I’m Robert Nash, captain of 118, that's also your workplace.”

Bobby stated facts. He didn't say anything revolutionary, nothing new, even for Buck, but there was something in the way he said it that calmed Buck. 

“That's good to know,” Buck admitted. “Also, I’m Buck, but you know that so…” 

Bobby stood up. “Can I hug you?” 

He was the first person who asked before doing so. Buck appreciated it. He didn't mind getting hugged without a warning because they probably they knew better what he needed than Buck himself. In the end, they knew how he was, Buck didn't have that knowledge yet. 

“Yeah,” he said, so Bobby hugged him. 

Buck could feel that although on the surface Bobby was calm, there were strong emotions circulating in his heart.

“I’m sorry, I don’t think I can go back to work yet,” Buck said, looking at his arm.

“It doesn’t matter right now. Focus on getting better, we will talk work when we have everything figured out,” Bobby answered. “Now, how are you feeling?”

Buck smiled, hearing that question again. “I’m as okay as you can be, not knowing anything. 

“Also, Hen examined him in every way she could,” Eddie added. “We’ll see someone on our way out.”

“I thought you said it’s going to be on Friday?” Buck asked, questioning his short term memory.

“Yes, a full exam will be on Friday, to check if you’re really okay, not that I doubt the people who took care of you. Maybe a little, actually, but not the point. Your wound needs a new dressing, so we will take care of it here and then buy some things to do it at home, cause your first aid kit actually sucks, Buck. I’ve checked,” Eddie crossed his arms. “We really need to work on your home supplies.”

“Don’t look at me, I don’t know what I have,” Buck laughed. “Maybe we can talk about someone else, why are you at the hospital?” he asked Bobby, who didn’t really look sick.

Suddenly, the room was filled with heavy silence.

“We were on a hard call lately. Big emergency, a deadly virus got out, our team got stuck,” Bobby started. “It was not pleasant, but as always, we handled it as a team and found a third option to get out of there.”

“It was close,” Chimney added, eyes fixed on the ground. “Promise me, we will never go to a call with a crazy lady.”

“It’s LA, Chim, we will always find at least one crazy lady a day,” Bobby said, smiling. “They are keeping me here for now, to make sure I am all fine and no side effects will occur.”

“Side effects of what?” Buck asked, curious.

“Rat blood,” Chimney said with a straight face.

Buck thought he was joking, but after a while of silence, he looked at Eddie for help.

“Rat blood,” Eddie confirmed.

“Why?” Buck had a tough time understanding the reasoning behind it, but mostly, the fact that no one else found it weird.

“Your idea,” Chimney said, starting to laugh.

Buck quickly turned towards Chim, looking at him with concern in his eyes. “What do you mean, it was my idea?”

“You were very proud of it a week ago,” Eddie laughed. “Really, you were happy, when you told me all about it. I wish I was recording our conversations, I would show you the evidence.”

Buck started to question everything.

“You saved my life,” Bobby said, stopping the laughter coming from Eddie and Chim. “You did well. It’s our job, finding solutions to problems no one before even thought about, and you are great at it. Even if now it sounds a little crazy, you should be proud.” 

Getting a compliment from cap made Buck happy. Bobby had something about him, something that made him stand out from everyone else. Buck knew Bobby was a great leader. Even if he couldn’t remember, he simply knew.

Buck asked more questions about the lab call. He learned that basically the whole team got injured in one way or another. He also heard the name Ravi for the first time, couldn’t remember that one at all, but Chimney said, it was Ravi’s first high risk call with them, so Buck assumed Ravi was new. Buck was surprised that both Chim and Hen were so eager for coming back to work so quickly. He asked Eddie about it, but Eddie just said that if Bobby wasn’t kept in the hospital by the government, he would be back at work too. Buck really didn’t want to know why the government was suddenly involved. He realized that sitting in a hospital room and just talking felt very familiar. 

Buck was sure he was stuck in the hospital bed more times than he would like to.

Chapter Text

Eddie, unfortunately for Buck, didn’t forget about the nurse visit. Buck tried to remain still, but he found out that he really dislikes someone changing the bandages on him. The nurse was nice, but Buck was counting down until the end of his visit. Eddie did most of the talking in the hospital and at the pharmacy, for what Buck was extremely grateful. He didn’t mind talking, just for some reason liked to hear Eddie speak.

Buck really needed to figure out the whole Buck and Eddie thing.

Bobby was basically almost always referred to them as ‘Buck and Eddie’ and that Buck found suspicious. Was there no Buck without Eddie? But he clearly remembered Eddie saying they weren’t working together anymore when the accident happened. Did they argue? If so, why, Eddie didn’t say a word about that. Well, it might’ve been bad timing, just like with his parents, but at the same time, would Eddie come all the way from Texas if they argued? Definitely wouldn’t if it was a serious argument. 

“What’s on your mind?” Eddie asked, when they were going to the car.

“Nothing… Just are we always… Buck and Eddie?”

Eddie stopped mid-step. “What do you mean?”

“You know, Bobby was basically talking about us as a one unit. You and Eddie did this, you and Eddie did that,” Buck started explaining. “Maybe I just started to wonder if I do anything on my own.”

Eddie’s expression changed, Buck could see him getting tense.

“Not that it’s a bad thing!” Buck continued. “It is not, at least, I don’t think it is. I’m just… curious.”

Buck felt really weird having such a conversation at the hospital’s parking lot.

“I guess. I mean, we’re partners, so it is like a unit in some way,” Eddie said.

Partners . 

Buck really loved that word, a smile appeared on his face. Eddie was his partner. That explained many things, the looks, the comfortable silence, all the feelings in Buck’s heart. The warmth he felt near Eddie, his thoughts. 

It was so perfect. 

Buck had Eddie to himself. Could lean on him when it was needed. Could ask for advice. Buck had his person.

But then the realization came. Eddie was in Texas. Away from him. And Buck had no idea why that happened. 

When he was talking to Chris, Texas was not a happy topic for Christopher, so Buck wasn’t pushing. That meant something bad happened.

Texas seemed like a bad place through and through, so Buck decided to drop that for now and focus on the ‘ partners’ part of all of it.

Buck tried so hard not to daydream, but the word echoed loudly in his mind. He was Eddie’s partner. Did he do everything with Eddie? He clearly hoped so, and was very pissed he couldn’t remember. But not remembering meant he could relive those moments, and that was exciting. Buck felt a sudden rush of endorphins. He needed to calm down, they were still in the middle of a parking lot.

“Everything okay?” Eddie asked, when Buck remained silent for too long.

“Yeah, yeah. It’s more than fine, actually. I like this, us being a unit, it fits,” he said, Eddie smiled. “You know, like it’s meant to be in a way.”

Eddie nodded. “I agree, it’s normal for us. Being in Texas felt so weird. I went there for Christopher, but I… I hope he will want to come back. So we could come back. This week… It was hard, but it’s home.”

“Have you asked Chris about it? If he wants to come back.”

“I didn’t even think about it, to be honest,” Eddie admitted, visibly embarrassed. “Oh my God, why haven’t I asked? I should, right? Of course, I should. I am a terrible father.”

“Wow, wow, don’t say that!” Buck waved his hands in panic. “You just didn’t ask a question, because I assume you didn’t have time with all of” – he pointed at his head – “this. It’s okay to be busy, and Chris loves you. You just have to talk to him, everything’s going to be fine.”

Eddie looked at him, pouting a little, Buck thought it was the most adorable thing in the entire world. 

“I’m glad I have you,” Eddie said. “I’ve been panicking so much lately, everything is… It’s not going great.”

“I probably should know something about it,” Buck murmured.

Eddie shook his head. “No, not at all, actually. I didn’t tell you. I mean, I got an excellent job offer at a fire station in El Paso, that one I was trying to get. You can’t remember, never mind. There is that offer, and I should be so ready to say yes. But I’m not. So I was hoping that Chris will want to come back here, so I don’t have to make that choice for myself and feel guilty of declining.”

“Eddie, you need to make your own choices,” Buck said, firmly. “You need to do things for yourself, not the other people.”

“Says the guy who will put himself in danger constantly, for the briefest chance of saving anyone,” Eddie countered, then bit his lip. “I’m sorry. You’re right. It’s just… There are things that I would want, but they would hurt Chris in a way. And I made that mistake once, and I swore I will never do that again,” he explained.

Buck didn’t want to push him more, even if he was extremely curious. Did that mean Eddie didn’t want to go to Texas? But if Eddie didn’t want to go, and Chris didn’t want to go, then why were they in Texas in the first place? Buck surely couldn’t understand that. 

They finally got in the car. The parking lot really wasn’t the best place for important conversations. 

They went to Maddie, just to show that Buck was okay and didn’t suddenly disappear again.
Buck spent some time playing with Jee. He loved that. She drew him a picture, and he was already planning where to put it. They sat on the couch while Eddie was in the kitchen with Maddie. He couldn’t hear what they were talking about, but based on their expressions, it wasn’t really pleasant. Buck knew he should be focusing on Jee-yun, yet. He was so desperately trying to make out what Eddie and Maddie were saying.

“Look!” Jee poked him with a crayon, Buck quickly switched his attention to her. “It’s you and uncle Eddie!” she was very proud of her drawing.

“It’s wonderful,” Buck admitted. He loved that picture. “Is that our house?” he asked, pointing at the yellow square.

“Yeah,” Jee-yun gave him the paper.

“Thank you, Jee.” 

He was still curious about that conversation, he decided to ask Eddie later. 

They came back home in the evening after a visit to the Wilson’s house. Chris was adamant about spending another night there, he loved his sleepovers with Danny. Karen and Hen seemed happy about that, so Eddie agreed.

“I’m exhausted,” Buck said, sitting on the couch.

“Sorry,” Eddie closed the door. “I shouldn’t be planning all of those visits when you’re still recovering.”

“No, it was fun. Really,” Buck waited for Eddie to join him. “I also really need a shower,” he admitted.

“Yeah, you do,” Eddie said, pretending to sniff him.

Buck slapped him. “You’re awful,” he laughed. “How do I do this?”

“Shower? Did you forget that too?” Eddie asked, holding his laugh.

“Eddie! I’m serious,” Buck said. “How do I shower with this on?” he raised his left hand.

“I know, I know. Okay, we just need to wrap you up. Protect it from the water and it’s gonna be fine. And don’t wash your hair yet.”

Buck nodded, following the instructions.

“Okay, I’m gonna grab the trash bags,” Eddie stood up and went to the kitchen. 

Buck looked after him, bouncing his leg up and down. He shouldn’t be nervous, it was just a shower.

Eddie came back with bags and duct tape. “Take off your shirt,” he said, not even looking at Buck, just trying to peel the tape. 

Buck froze and looked at Eddie, all panicked. 

“What?” Eddie said, biting the end of the tape, really struggling with opening it, but finally managed. “I need to wrap your hand. If I do it now, it can loosen up when you're going to take it off later and there’s no need to do it twice.”

“Right,” Buck nodded and slowly stood up, really dragging it out. “Okay,” he awkwardly put his hands by his side, waving them back and forth. 

“Buck,” Eddie scoffed. “Take off your shirt,” it wasn't a demanding tone, just firm and strong, Buck kind of digged that. 

“Right!” Buck said, but still didn't move. 

“Do you need me to help?” Eddie threw the things on the couch, quickly stepped forward and put his hands on the hem of Buck's shirt. 

Buck stopped breathing for a second. He could feel Eddie’s fingers on his stomach, and they burned him intensely. Eddie tried his best to be delicate, but Buck’s brain was overheating. Buck could swear it took longer, than it should. Eddie’s fingers were mapping his torso, so delicate, it gave Buck goosebumps. Buck shouldn’t be focusing on it so much, but the only thing he could think of were Eddie’s fingertips gently brushing his skin. The whole thing lasted for literally seconds, but for Buck it was minutes, hours or maybe days even of pure anticipation and something so unknown, he had no idea how to call it.

Eddie, as if nothing unusual happened, threw Buck’s shirt on the couch and picked up the trash bags. Of course, it was nothing for Eddie, Buck realized they must’ve done that at least a hundred times before, and while he was panicking for his life, it was a normal task for Eddie. Buck felt even more embarrassed. 

Eddie wrapped the plastic back around Buck’s cast and glued it down with duct tape, so no water would get in. “You’re sure it’s not too tight?”

“It’s okay,” Buck assured him, still fighting the urge to hide himself. He was just missing a shirt, and Eddie wasn’t bothered by it in the slightest, yet Buck felt so awkward, he should talk it out with Eddie.

“All done,” Eddie said, proudly admiring his work. “Do you want me to wrap your head, too, or are you going to be careful?”

“No need, I will avoid water on the head, promise,” Buck said, really wanting to run away to the bathroom already. He felt so stupid for being scared of talking to his partner, but he didn’t want to upset Eddie.

How would he feel, if he knew about Buck’s embarrassment after so many years of being together?

Well, Buck had no idea, how many years it was, but he knew Chris, since he was a little boy, so definitely some years have passed. Buck wondered how many of those Eddie and him were actually together. 

He should’ve asked.

He really should.

Eddie probably wouldn’t mind telling him the answer to those questions, at least, that was all Buck was thinking about in the shower. A Million questions with no answers, and a person with all the knowledge Buck needed. Buck needed to ask. 

He let himself relax in the shower for quite a long time, trying to wash away things bothering him. It didn’t really work, more questions started to pile up. 

Buck left the shower feeling a little better, cleaner for sure. He put on his pajamas and instead of going to bed, he went to the living room. Eddie was sitting on a couch watching some kind of cooking show.

“Oh, you’re all good?” Eddie asked, noticing him.

“Yeah, I was careful with the water,” Buck answered and sat down beside him. “I just wanted to talk.”

Eddie put his legs on the couch and turned towards him. “Sure. Anything specific?”

“I guess. I don’t want to be rude,” Buck scratched his head.

“Should I be worried?” Eddie joked, Buck looked him straight in the eye. “I should be worried,” Eddie said in a serious tone.

“No! No! It’s nothing… I mean, it should be nothing for you… You see, when you said earlier that we are partners, I felt happy. And I finally understood some things about my thoughts and my feelings. I just…” Buck was trying to spew too many words in the shortest time possible. “I have so many questions. Like how we met? When did our relationship start? What do we do? Not for work, I know that. I meant more like-”

“Buck,” Eddie stopped him. “What do you mean, you understood things?” he asked, eyes fixated on Buck.

“Oh, you know. I understood why I feel the way I do about you. Why I only want to look at you, why I feel so safe around you. You shine brighter than anyone else in my eyes, you’re like a golden sun, so gorgeous and so warm,” Buck said, all smiles, Eddie was still looking at him without saying anything. “You’re like my anchor, whenever I feel scared, you make it all go away. It all made sense, I feel so drawn to you because I love you.”

Eddie opened his mouth to say something, but got interrupted by the doorbell.

“I’ll go get it,” Buck said, endorphins still rushing through his brain, he felt so good telling Eddie all of this. He got to the door and opened it.

Buck saw an older couple, their faces lit up seeing him. They looked familiar.

“Evan!”

Chapter Text

Buck saw an older couple, their faces lit up seeing him. They looked familiar.

“Evan!”  The woman quickly pulled him into embrace. “Oh, our baby, look, Phillip, he’s all fine. I told you he was going to be!”

“Uhm, hi?” Buck asked, not sure what else was he supposed to say. 

The man squeezed him too. Buck could hear Eddie coming closer.

“Evan, we are so happy to see you,” the woman continued. ‘Why do you look so surprised?”

“Because he can’t remember,” Eddie muttered. “You would know if you’d cared,” he added, Buck never heard him speak with such manner. Eddie was angry and he wasn’t hiding it. 

“I believe, you’re not needed here,” the woman said, and Buck looked at her with disgust.

So, that was it. He met his parents. Buck understood what Eddie meant by ‘tough conversations’. Buck was already done with this one, and it had barely even started.

“We can take care of our son,” she continued.

Buck looked at Eddie, searching for help.

“I will do what Buck asks me too,” Eddie answered, Buck calmed a little, he really didn’t want Eddie to go.

“You are not a part of our family,” the woman countered.

Buck seriously had enough.  “From my point of view, Eddie is more family than you,” he said. “In fact, I know who Eddie is. But I have no idea who you are, at least, as of now.”

“Evan, we are your parents!”

“Margaret, calm down. He’s right, Evan, I am Phillip, this is Margaret, and we are your dad and mom,” he said. “We are your parents.”

The atmosphere had seemingly changed, but Buck wasn’t really buying the sudden change of attitude. Was it weird he didn’t really like his own parents? Buck couldn’t remember them, but the first impression was clearly awful. 

“Maybe we should sit down and talk,” Margaret proposed, trying to sound nicer. 

Buck really didn't want to do that.

“Maybe tomorrow,” Eddie said, once again saving Buck the trouble. “He’s tired. Need rest. I don't think stressing him more is a good idea.”

“We–”

“Understood,” Phillip said, stopping his wife. “We just couldn't wait to see you, but meeting tomorrow, when you're well rested, seems like a good idea.”

Buck nodded. Eddie was truly the best thing that happened in his life. Buck was happy with the way he fought for him. 

Eddie escorted the Buckleys to the door, and they agreed to meet Buck the next day at noon. 

“Thank God that is over” Eddie said, closing the door. “Sorry,” he added, looking at Buck. 

“No, it's fine. I think I got it. What you said about them. I really didn't get any good vibes from this. Is that a good thing to say?” Buck asked, worried. 

“Probably not,” Eddie confirmed. “But I think it’s justified.”

Buck nodded once again. 

“Don’t think about it. Don’t worry,” Eddie put a hand on his shoulder and didn't speak until he made sure Buck's gaze was locked with his own. “You did nothing wrong. They came here like it was their property and stressed you out. Buck, you did nothing wrong,” he repeated. 

Buck felt like a burden was lifted from his shoulders, but the heavy feeling in his heart lingered. He was so happy at that moment, finally telling Eddie how he felt, and now all he could think was his parents. Weirdly cold and distant towards Eddie. 

Were his parents — homophobic?

Buck was so lost in his thoughts, he didn’t realize Eddie started to take off the plastic wrap from his hand.

“There. It’s time to sleep, we will talk tomorrow, okay?” 

Buck stuck his gaze in Eddie, but his good mood disappeared. “Okay. Will you stay with me again?” he asked. “I really don’t want to be alone.”

Eddie thought about it. Buck could see him hesitate. His anxiety crippled. Eddie said, he did nothing wrong, then why was he hesitating? 

“I’m sorry for them,” Buck said, not being able to take the silence, Eddie looked at him confused. 

“I told you, it's not your fault. I will stay if you want me to.” 

Buck breathed again. 

The meeting of his parents was absolutely awful. He thought about it over and over again, lying in bed, staring at the ceiling. He didn't really want to meet them again the next day, but part of him was hopeful it was just a bad first impression. Not only that, but he was missing, so they were worried. Emotions overflowed, so they blew up when they saw him. Right? 

Buck tried to find every way he could to justify it. He didn’t want his parents to be bad people. He wanted to be loved by them. Have a happy family. 

Buck carefully turned to Eddie. 

“Can't sleep?” Eddie asked. 

They were so close. 

Face to face. It was dark, so Buck couldn't see his face well, but it didn't matter. He remembered every outline, every piece. The simple thought of Eddie being that close excited him.

The dark, the quiet, just Buck and Eddie. All Buck needed at that time. 

Buck shook his head. “Not really. I keep… I don't even know what.”

“I get it,” Eddie said, Buck could feel his breath. “You’re sad.”

“Is it like that every time they visit?” Buck really hoped it wasn’t the case, but deep down he knew.

“Pretty much. I don’t think I’ve ever seen you happy after they visited. Mostly sad or angry. Usually angry, if I’m being honest,” Buck couldn’t see, but he knew Eddie smirked. “Things are complicated with them, but you have Maddie, you have us. You need to remember that.”

Buck nodded. “I think you need me to remember much more than that.”

Eddie laughed, and the whole world seemed to be bright again, even with no light at all. Buck could listen to it all day. He could see Eddie smile for a whole day. He loved when Eddie was happy.

“Yeah, that is true,” Eddie agreed. “But if you can’t, that’s fine. The world won’t end. You’re still Buck, you are you, no matter what. And as far as I’m concerned, you’re great,” Eddie whispered.

Buck could feel goosebumps forming on his neck. He was fighting every cell, every neuron, which was telling him to kiss Eddie, there and then.

Buck really didn’t want their first kiss to be like this. Well, the first one he was able to actually remember, probably wouldn’t matter to Eddie after all the time, but it mattered to him. Just in case, his memories would never come back. Because that still was a possibility, Buck dreaded wholeheartedly.

“Eddie?”

“Yes?” Eddie shifted a little nervously.

“Thank you,” Buck said finally. “For today. And for every other day. Just, thank you.”

Buck didn’t have the right words. Nothing fitted the way he wanted to. A simple ‘thank you’ had to do. Even if it wasn’t enough.

“Don’t mention it. That’s what I’m here for. To support you, whenever you need,” he answered.

But Buck still thought something was off. He needed to continue what he said on the couch, but sleepiness overtook him and he yawned.

“Now, go to sleep,” Eddie asked. “You’ll need a lot of strength tomorrow. And remember, if you hate the meeting with your parents, we evacuate.”

Buck laughed quietly. “Okay. Goodnight, Eddie.”

“Goodnight, Buck.”

Buck closed his eyes and drifted off almost immediately, but he could’ve sworn Eddie grabbed his hand, before he fell asleep. 

Waking up the next day was tough. Mostly because Buck got jolted awake by loud sounds of a lawnmower.

“Seriously?!” he murmured under his nose. 

Once again, Eddie was not in the bed when he woke up. Buck got a little upset by it, he really wanted to see Eddie’s face as the first thing, right after opening his eyes.

Buck finally got out of the bedroom, but to his surprise, Eddie was not home at all. That got Buck worried, until he saw a note on the couch.

“Went to Hen’s, will be back soon, breakfast on the counter” written in a beautiful handwriting.

Of course, even Eddie’s handwriting was pretty. 

Buck put the note back where he found it and ate in full silence. It was the first time he was left alone since his days at the hospital, and he felt really weird about it. 

He really needed to ask more questions about their relationship, he got a chance, they got interrupted, then he felt like Eddie was avoiding that topic. Maybe it was more hurtful than Buck had assumed. He promised himself he was going to ask as soon as Eddie gets back. 

Time passed by so slowly. Buck felt like eternity had passed before he heard the door key. His first reaction was to get up from the couch and run to the door like some kind of dog, but he stopped himself from doing that. In the end, he didn’t want to scare Eddie with how much he’d missed him within just two hours. 

“Hey,” Eddie greeted him.

“Hi,” Buck answered, doing his best trying to sound casual. Buck had no idea why he was acting that way. Like he didn’t want to scare Eddie off, but shouldn’t Eddie be used to that too? “How was the visit?”

“Uhm, good. Nothing major happened. You know. Just a visit,” Eddie answered, and Buck suddenly got really suspicious.

Eddie was nervous.

In fact, very nervous. Definitely hiding something from him.

Poorly.

But nonetheless hiding. 

Buck didn’t like it. 

“Just a visit? With nothing major?” Buck repeated.

“Yeah,” Eddie nodded. “Did you like the sandwiches I made?”

Deflecting.

Eddie was changing the topic on purpose.

“Yeah. Pretty good,” Buck said, still looking at him with his suspicions. “What did you do?”

“Oh, you know. Just asked if Chris can stay a bit more. And then… Other things.”

Buck stared at him with a blank expression. “Other things?”

“Things, work, life, stuff. I’m going to shower now,” Eddie announced and left for the bathroom.

That was extremely weird, weirder than anything that has happened to Buck before. Eddie was hiding something. Something that made him nervous when talking about it. Buck really hated that. Thousands of dark thoughts entered his mind.

What if Eddie wanted to break up with him but got stopped because of the amnesia?

Is that why he was in Texas?

Buck felt nauseous. Disgusted with that scenario. No. That couldn’t be the case.

He got up from the couched and quickly caught up with Eddie, blocking him from closing the bathroom door at the last seconds.

“Did we break up?”

Eddie’s jaw dropped.

“What?!” Eddie was shocked. “No! I mean. Oh, God, Buck, can we please not do this now?”

“No, we need to do this now. Please. You seem so nervous and I cannot take it. I already got a thousand reasons for it in my head, and they are all terrible, so please, just say the truth so I can move on and stress before the meeting with my parents,” Buck begged.

The door acted like a barrier, Buck felt both protected and stopped by it. 

“I am also stressed because of that meeting,” Eddie said. “And I wasn’t just at Hen’s. I went to Maddie and told her about your parents coming. We kind of argued about it, not really, just a little. And then MY mom called, and yelled at me for taking Chris to California without them knowing. Being all angry and judgy, so I am stressed because I need to choose between staying with you or going to Texas with him,” Eddie huffed almost in one breath. “And I really don’t want to do that, so, yeah, I am nervous.”

Buck didn’t know what to say. 

“Oh, Eddie, I am so sorry. I didn’t mean to-”

“No, you know what? Thank you. I feel better now, actually,” he admitted, calming down. “I didn’t want to worry you because I don’t want to leave you alone with all of this, but Chris is always my number one.”

Buck smiled. “I know, he’s my number one too. I knew it, the moment I saw him. Something you can’t really explain. I just knew I would do anything for him if he’d just asked. 

Eddie opened the door wider and hugged him tight. “I know. I told you once, but I wouldn’t trust anyone else with Christopher, the way I trust you,” Eddie said against his shoulder. “That hasn’t changed, and it never will.”