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Published:
2022-04-04
Updated:
2023-04-02
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55,488
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16/?
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338
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Everything That Goes On In Teyvat

Summary:

Aether: So

Diluc: No.

Aether: I DID NOT EVEN SAY ANYTHING??

Diluc: I don't care just get me out of here

Lumine: AETHER U LITTLE BITCH IT WAS MY IDEA HOW DARE U

Aether: Well then u shlda been faster

Lumine: FUCK U I AM EATING ALL THE PUDDING IN THE FRIDGE

Aether: WHAT NO

Aether: U CANT DO THAT LUMI U PROMISED TO SHARE

Lumine: Watch me
Or,

It's just another Genshin chatfic guys with pure self indulgence and Crack and gay shit and some plot sprinkled here and there

Notes:

Look this is just pure self indulgent Crack and did I write this at 1 in the morning with less than 10 hours left for my finals? Yes, yes I did because my brain is a little bitch who wanted to write gay chatfics instead of letting me study for my exams.

Chapter 1: Mondstadt bitches

Notes:

I wrote this at like 1 in the morning so if u see any typos blame the characters' typing skills not me

(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)

Chapter Text

Aether created the group chat [New Group Chat]

Aether added Amber, Diluc, Eula, Jean, Kaeya, Lumine, Lisa, Venti  and Others to the group chat [New Group Chat]

Aether named the group chat [Mondstadt bitches]

 

Aether: So

 

Diluc: No.

 

Aether: I DID NOT EVEN SAY ANYTHING??

 

Diluc: I don't care just get me out of here

 

Lumine: AETHER U LITTLE BITCH IT WAS MY IDEA HOW DARE U

 

Aether: Well then u shlda been faster

 

Lumine: FUCK U I AM EATING ALL THE PUDDING IN THE FRIDGE

 

Aether: WHAT NO

 

Aether: U CANT DO THAT LUMI U PROMISED TO SHARE

 

Lumine: Watch me

 

Diluc has left the group chat

 

Aether: Thats not allowed

 

Lumine has added Diluc to the group chat 

 

Lumine: My brother created this gc u cant leave without his or my permission

 

Aether: What she said

 

Diluc: …..its too early fo me to deal with this shit

 

Jean: Diluc its one in the afternoon

 

Diluc: And?? Stop being so judgy Jean

 

Jean: I-

 

Amber: Is no one gonna talk abt the fact that Lumine and Aether were literally arguing moments ago but then immediately teamed up just to bully Diluc

 

Venti: Thats just how siblings are

 

Kaeya: Oh? And u would know because?

 

Venti: I am a bard

 

Kaeya: That doesn't exactly explain it but okay

 

Diluc: Fuck you Kaeya I am out of here



Kaeya: I dint even speak to u????

 

[Action denied]

[Action denied]

 

Diluc: What the fuck why can't I leavr

 

Kaeya: Lmao loser

 

Diluc: I am throwing ur wine stash out the first floor window

 

Kaeya: Wait no please I will do anything

 

Diluc: die

 

Kaeya: well fuck u too Master diluc

 

Venti: Wait diluc don't waste all that good wine donate it to me instead pweese

 

Diluc: No.

 

Venti: I will write u a song

 

Diluc: I don't care

 

Kaeya: Wait u are not serious are u

 

Kaeya: Come on Dilly even u are not that heartless are u

 

Diluc: Call me that again and watch me throw out ur emergency stash too

 

Kaeya: NO

 

Kaeya: WAIT DOES THAT MEAN U ALREADY THRW OUT MY NORMAL STASH

 

Kaeya: DILUC ANSWER ME

 

Kaeya: DILUC

 

Kaeya: MY WINE

 

Venti: All that good wine

 

Venti: just wasted

 

Venti: TT

 

[Action denied]

[Action denied]

 

Diluc: I hate u so much for this

 

Diluc: Whichever one of u blocked the leave feature Aether or Lumine

 

Diluc: How did u even do that

 

Venti: not surprised tbh

 

Venti: Aether and Lumine have some really shady skills ya know

 

Aether: says the guy that literally shows up outta nowhere on the campus and disappears to God knows where during classes and like the teachers dint even question it

 

Lumine: they've all given up fr

 

Aether: ikr

 

Venti: I am a busy man they know not to question me

 

Diluc: u are just too unhinged and they know that stopping u will only make u do worse things

 

Venti: Ehe

 

Paimon: Ehe??

 

Aether: oh no

 

Paimon: EHE???

 

Lumine: Paimon has been triggered 

 

Paimon: WHAT DO U MEAN EHE????

 

Venti: I mean what I mean

 

Kaeya: I am betting 10 mora on Paimon hunting down and kicking Venti's ass in the next 30 minutes

 

Venti: And that's my cue to run

 

Mona: Did someone say mora?

 

Jean: Mona did u eat breakfast today

 

Mona: um

 

Mona: does one skewered mushroom count 

 

Jean: No

 

Mona: oh

 

Mona: well

 

Mona: then no…..

 

Mona: But that's okay Jean, I am fine really. My stomach is so full I can barely stomach anything else so don't worry about me and if I accidentally faint in the astronomy class it's just my sleep deprivation catching upto me so dw

 

Eula: I can literally see u wobbling because u barely have the strength to stand how do u even survive

 

Mona: Whaaaaaaat? Noooooo that's just my last night's sleeplessness I swear

 

Eula: I just heard a loud growl from ur stomach

 

Mona: Eula please

 

Jean: Barbara.

 

Barbara: Already on it. I have a basket filled with Satisfying salad, Fisherman's toast, Hash browns and Rosaria's thorny judgement

 

Rosaria: The last part is a lie

 

Venti: Aww Rosaria has a soft spot

 

Venti: Wait what's thorny judgement

 

Rosaria: What u are gonna face if u don't SHUT THE FUCK UP RIGHT NOW BARD

 

Lumine: Thorny judgement is Rosaria's personal Sweet madame recipe and when I tell u when I say it tastes like heaven

 

Aether: Man the flavors are amazing

 

Paimon: Paimon agrees!! One bite of Rosaria's Thorny Judgment is enough to get Paimon's appetite running

 

Rosaria: ….

 

Rosaria: I hate all of you

 

Mona: Wow….um so all this

 

Mona: It's for me?

 

Jean: Mhm. So eat well and for the love of the Archons look after yourself

 or I will personally force feed you

 

Mona: Th

 

Mona: Thank you Jean

 

Mona: Really

 

Jean: Your welcome Mona, you do know that you can rely on us whenever necessary right?

 

Mona: Yeah

 

Venti: Is she crying?

 

Mona: NO

 

Venti: I am literally right next to u

 

Lumine: Why are u even there

 

Barbara: I dragged him along because I knew that his breakfast was probably just wine

 

Venti: HEY

 

Venti: I am telling u I ate a few apples too

 

Barbara: how many

 

Venti: uh

 

Venti: One?

 

Jean: …..

 

Jean: Barbara make sure to feed him well

 

Barbara: Bold of u to assume I already did not make feeding these two starving children my life goal

 

Venti: I am literally older than all of u

 

Barbara: I don't care

 

Jean: Thats my girl

 

Aether: Team mom Jean strikes again

 

Jean: I am not

 

Lisa: Oh but u are dear

 

Lisa: U are the sweetest and the kindest woman I have ever met in my life and that's why I love u so much darling wanna go make out in the library later

 

Jean: Lisa!

 

Lisa: Yes?

 

Jean: I thought we were having a moment 

 

Lisa: Are u telling me u don't want to make out in the library afterwards darling?

 

Jean: I mean I 

 

Jean: I 

 

Jean: I do

 

Lumine: Ah to be a lesbian in love with another lesbian

 

Aether: *cough* kamisato *cough* kamisato ayaka *cough*

 

Lumine: HEY AETHER GUESS WHAT BITCH I AM EATUNG ALL THE LEFTOVER ICE CREAM TOO FUCK YOU

 

Aether: AAKSJDHDHHD U CANT DO THATI AM COMIBG

 

Lumine: TOO LATE BITCH

 

Amber: For anyone who is curious 

 

Amber: [attachment.jpg]

 

Lumine: lmao Jean's face looks redder than Diluc's hair

 

Aether: which, mind u, is saying something

 

Lisa: It's just saying how much my darling loves me

 

Diluc: God no what the fuck I do not want to be in a groupchat with so much PDA why don't I just get struck down by lightning God strike me down right now why wont u 

 

Aether: Thats cause she's too busy consoling her fox girlfriend after abandoning her for centuries 

 

Diluc: What

 

Aether: what

 

Lumine: Aether is just rambling on about this fantasy book he's reading don't mind him

 

Lisa: it has lesbians?

 

Lumine: yea

 

Lisa: @Aether Title 

 

Lisa: Now 🔪

 

Aether: It's kinda a popular light novel

 

Aether: It's called 'Pretty Please Kitsune Guuji' written by Yae Masako who also happens to be a character in the book

 

Aether: Also it's a spin off of the popular fantasy series 'Travelers' Terrific Adventures Across Teyvat' but by a different author ya know

 

Lisa: OMG WAIT I LOVE THAT SERIES

 

Aether: WAIT REALKY ME TOO

 

Kaeya: Did someone say TTAAT

 

Amber: That series!!!!! I actually absolutely love it so much

 

Eula: Me too

 

Venti: I think pretty much everyone has heard of the series

 

Venti: I especially love the ballad version

 

Albedo: I find it slightly odd that none of the characters are named but yes I agree it is one of the most phenomenal pieces of literature out there

 

Bennett: My dads used to read that me as bedtime stories and man did it really fire up the spirit of an adventurer in me

 

Fischl: Thine own Princessine agrees with all of you for her regalness herself was enthralled by the intricacies of the narrative and the anonymity of the heroes as well as the spectacular depictions of heroes battling against horrendous beats and mighty foes

 

Oz: She means to say she loves the book too especially the fact that the heroes names are kept a secret and all the cool fighting scenes

 

Aether: Honestly mood

 

Razor: Story?

 

Lisa: Oh Razor my boy!! You are hear too!!

 

Razor: teacher lisa

 

Razor: Hello

 

Lisa: Yes that's a very good attempt darling

 

Lisa: I don't think u have heard of TTAAT have u?

 

Razor: no

 

Razor: razor bad?

 

Lisa: Oh no no my boy It's alright I will read that to u as a bed time story today

 

Lisa: is that okay?

 

Razor: razor happy

 

Lisa: :)

 

Aether: My heart can't take all this wholesomeness

 

Lumine: Razor I would die for u

 

Razor: please no

 

Razor: Razor sad :(

 

Lumine: Oh no no it was just a joke I love u very much I won't die don't worry

 

Razor: :D

 

Lumine: My heart

 

Venti: Please

 

Venti: I would give away my last stash of apples to Razor in a beat if he asked 

 

Razor: but I like meat

 

Razor: and potatoes 

 

Lisa: u seeing this?

 

Lisa: this is my boi I love him very much touch him and u are dead 

 

Mona: Is this a bad time to say I have never read TTAAT

 

Lisa: Mona be at my house by 6 or I will personally kidnap u 

 

Mona: terrifying but okay

 

Aether: JeanLisa: Parenting done right 

 

Lumine: All hail JeanLisa parent troupe

 

Jean: JeanLisa? Why is there no space between our names 

 

Lisa: Because we are that close ;)

 

Diluc: god why am I still alive 

 

Venti: To suffer obviously

 

Lumine: um

 

Aether: @Barbara does Jean not know what shipping is

 

Barbara: would u expect her to

 

Lumine: yea u make a good point

 

Jean: ???

 

Lisa: Don't worry about it darling

 

Jean: …….

 

Jean: Alright

Notes:

Did I mention that I typed this all on phone cause I typed all the three chapters on phone and god save me it's not easy