Chapter Text
How had he gotten here?
Tommy felt a cold wind whip through his hair, messing it up as stray strands blew into his face obscuring his vision. He didn’t have the energy to lift his hand and push them away so instead he squinted as if that would help him somehow.
Through the mess of blond Tommy could see the stars, he was so close to them he felt as if he could reach out and touch them - take a star into his hand and throw it down to grant himself a free wish. A wish to reverse time.
The teenager had never asked for any of this, he never wanted wars to break out and experience what it meant to die at such a young age. He’d been forced to grow up too fast and he knew more than any seventeen year-old ever should.
‘I want to go home.’
That thought plagued him; whether it be whilst he was waking talking to Tubbo or whatever member of the server would give him the time of day or lying in his bed, staring at the ceiling wishing that none of this had happened but the worst part was that Tommy didn’t even know where home was anymore.
“Tommyinnit from nowhere in particular.”
He echoed Quackity’s right-hand man’s words, a bitterness to his tone that he didn’t even mean. He had nowhere to call his home anymore; he’d lost everything on this server.
Maybe, naively, he had thought when Dream had gotten locked up in prison that all of his problems would be solved but that wasn’t the case. Healing doesn’t happen overnight and it can be a painful process. Tommy didn’t think he could do this especially not alone but he wouldn’t tell anyone how he was feeling because he was the biggest man on the server and big men don’t cry! Plus that would mean annoying someone to talk to him and would they even care?
Who would even care?
His own family had destroyed his home; Wilbur, Techno and even his dad, Philza, had all had a hand in destroying L’Manberg at least once, why would they care about the effect that had on him?
And if he spoke about these things that meant sitting down and going through exile, he could never recount those events, it was too painful. Tommy felt as if exile was his own fault, he felt as if he’d been an idiot for believing Dream was his friend (and despised the part of him that still somewhat believed he was). He couldn’t.
But he couldn’t do this anymore either, Tommy had no energy anymore. He spent most days lying in a bed in the remains of his dirt shack, because of course it had been destroyed again, and just kept his eyes locked on the ceiling. The events looping his mind no matter how many times he tells himself to push it to the back of his mind, to get up on his feet and go do something to take his mind off things but his body never complied with his wishes.
Wilbur had come to visit him once or twice, tutting when he saw Tommy still in bed and had thrown a few snide remarks that the blond couldn’t care to remember. He just knows that Wilbur stopped visiting after a while. He was just so tired.
Now he was here, the cold wind making him at least feel less like a ghost wandering around without a purpose. Dream should have left him dead. He thought when he squinted his eyes that he could almost see the prison although he knew that was only his eyes playing tricks on him as he stood in Logstedshire. He was going to follow through this time.
Tommy took a deep breath and a silent apology, that the teenager didn’t even know who it was supposed to be for - maybe himself, left his lips and he took two steps forward.
Right off the ledge, plummeting from the air to the ground.
He would finally be free.
Tubbo marched through the tundra, his eyes dulled by the sight he’d seen. He, now, had to find Techno’s home once more assuming that the piglin hybrid hadn’t moved since the butcher army incident. Ranboo had offered to come with him as a sign of peace however, the burnet didn’t want Ranboo to witness this again; he didn’t know the family would take the news but according to the enderman hybrid they hadn’t believed it the first time so why would they now?
There was no point in thinking like that, Tubbo shook his head as if to dispel the thoughts. He needed to believe that they would care; for Tommy’s sake.
He felt his execution scars burn with memories as he got closer to Technoblade’s abode but he’d already told Ranboo that he’d forgiven the warrior and although that wasn’t a lie that didn’t mean that he wasn’t anxious about being near him especially after the outcome of doomsday.
That didn’t matter though, this wasn’t for him, it was for Tommy. Truthfully he didn’t even know if they would let him in but this had to be done.
Determination coated his expression and he pushed anything else away, any other emotion was not relevant right now.
Of course Techno had been against letting the ex-president into his home especially after the last time however, Wilbur and Phil had convinced the piglin warrior that it was okay because Tubbo had something to say and from the looks of him it was important.
The silence was uncomfortable and the tension in the room could be cut with a knife as the family waited for Tubbo to say whatever he needed to say and leave although Phil was surprised that Tommy hadn’t tagged along but then Wilbur had said the pair seemed distant lately.
Eventually the burnet cleared his throat and Tubbo delivered the news with a somber expression, “Your son died today.”
Once again silence as the words sunk in.
“My son, Tommy?” Phil asked with a dismissive chuckle as he shook his head at Tubbo, “You must be mistaken, no, no, he lives in L’Manberg.”
or what remains of it. Tubbo heard the unspoken end of the sentence from the elder and his eyes narrowed in a fierce manner, Phil’s attitude was setting him off but the burnet bit back any remark or comment.
“He’s very happy there.”
Techno bitterly added over Phil’s shoulder, “Or so we’ve heard.” He supposed the piglin hybrid was still bitter from the events of the green festival when Tommy had chosen L’Manberg.
“He’s always been so independent,” Wilbur laughed lightly and shook his head and if the burnet hadn’t known the man well he would have mistaken it for fondness, “We haven’t heard from him in quite some time.”
The burnet glowered, they weren’t listening to him. He was honestly tempted to scream but Tubbo was known for being calm in intense situations despite his chaotic nature and right now especially he had to keep his cool. He took a single deep breath although he wished he had agreed to Ranboo coming with him now.
“Do you want to know how he died?” There was a threatening edge to Tubbo’s voice as he glowered at the family, at Tommy’s family who didn’t even seem bothered by the news he’d delivered; Ranboo was right they wouldn’t want to believe it.
“-He jumped off a cobblestone pillar he made in the place where he was exiled.” Tubbo didn’t even bother waiting for their answer and he watched their expressions twist, a glint of something deeper behind Techno’s eyes and a flash of regret on Wilbur’s and Phil… he looked broken.
“Off a cliff,” Techno chuckled but it sounded raw, full of emotion that the piglin hybrid would not normally let out, “Just like Theseus.”
He didn’t comment on the fact that in the story Theseus was pushed by the king, Techno’s crown suddenly felt very heavy on his head.
The flickers of TNT fire behind Wilbur’s eyes lessened and the goat hybrid almost saw the soft brown that had once brought his best friend such comfort. The newly revived man was thinking and as the cogs in his brain worked overtime, his expression darkened and the dangerous sparks returned, “Where's the body?” There was furosity to his tone and Tubbo out of instinct took a step back as Wilbur continued, “We could bring the body to Dream in prison, he’s revived Tommy once, he could do it again.”
“Don’t even think about it,” Tubbo didn’t hold back the anger and warning in his words, “Tommy… Tommy doesn’t want to be revived and I won’t disgrace him that way. Dream reviving him completely destroyed him. I refuse to bring him to the man who used him as a science experiment.”
Wilbur wavered and he looked almost guilty although Tubbo didn’t believe it for a second, none of them had cared mere moments ago but now all of a sudden they did. As much as he wanted Tommy’s family to care about him he was almost certain this was an act. There was maybe guilt and there was maybe care but love appeared to be lacking or perhaps nobody wanted to show ‘weakness’ he knew Tommy held that opinion with emotions.
Phil hadn’t said anything since he’d dismissed what Tubbo said, his facial expression was nothing like what the goat hybrid was used to seeing. The elder swallowed heavily, his mind betraying him as thoughts came barrowing one after the other; that he could’ve done something, that he should’ve done something and the guilt from siding with Techno and Dream on doomsday plagued him.
“Get out,” He told Tubbo with a sudden ferocity that the burnet never thought he’d see from Phil of all people but he nodded slowly but not before digging into his inventory and pulling something out, a notebook and he handed it to Phil.
“Tommy wanted you to have this, he says he’s sorry,” The burnet’s eyes glossed over with tears but he kept his composure as Phil took the notebook from him but didn’t open it. If he didn’t look at those words then he could pretend that Tommy was still living in the remains of L’Manberg just ignoring them out of anger, only to return to them later down the line as he always did.
Tommy would return to them just as he always did, right?
Tubbo was gone and Phil couldn’t help but feel as if he lost the last remaining part of his son as the goat hybrid got further and further away.
Techno put a hand on his dad’s shoulders, he wasn’t exactly the best with emotions and he hadn’t had the best relationship with his baby brother either but he knew in this moment that Phil needed someone and Wilbur didn’t seem as if he was going to volunteer considering the newly revived man was currently in his own mind, not paying attention to anything around him and muttering to himself.
“Maybe you should read it?” The warrior suggested even though a part of him didn’t want Phil to either because it would mean accepting this was real. Phil, instead of reading the contents of the notebook, put it in his inventory, “Later, what were we doing before Tubbo showed up?”
Okay, distractions were one thing Technoblade could handle. He did it all the time to ignore the voices which were currently screaming; something sympathetic, some angry. Technoblade ignored it because above all he didn’t want to believe his baby brother was gone and he didn’t want to believe that he could’ve been the king that pushed him from the cliff.
You don’t realise how much you take advantage of someone’s company or presence until they’re no longer around.