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if you stick with the program, maybe one day you'll be (more than a machine learning how to please) by three_dice
Fandoms: Homestuck
23 Feb 2025
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Summary
My name is CDOCRS01, which is short for Cognitive Development and Offensive Capability Robotic Structure, but Jake calls me Brobot. In appearance, I am a sixteen-year-old boy of average height and weight, which means that I am 70 inches tall and weigh 145 pounds. In actuality, I am seven months old.
Winner of the HSFAC's Equius award for best in action and White Queen award for best in plot-driven.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 5,463
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Collections:
- 1
- Comments:
- 6
- Kudos:
- 26
- Bookmarks:
- 4
- Hits:
- 184
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Summary
500 word drabble.
Dirk remembered the first time he walked into the living room and found his rapping robots holding hands on the futon. He really wasn't surprised. He did, however, think that he has programmed something in wrong. After all, Sawtooth was based off of his Bro and he couldn't really see the great Dave Strider with a sappy expression holding hands with a dweeb like Squarewave while watching 8 Mile.
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Bookmark Notes:
Im crying dude this was beautiful and funny and fucking charming
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Hal’s relationship with Dirk is deteriorating for reasons unknown, until he discovers a secret that destroys it entirely. It will take a disaster to show him that even the widest rifts can mend, and that there might have been something more to Dirk’s misguided intentions.
The story of an android and his creator, as they approach the events of Sburb.
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ch 4
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“If he pokes me again I am going to snap his chopstick in half and put it down the garbage disposal.”
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In which Dave's house has been taken over by Strider-splinters and he's pretty okay with that.-
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Buy it, Use it, Break it, Fix it by Hammertimexx (orphan_account)
Fandoms: Homestuck, MS Paint Adventures, Daft Punk
17 Sep 2014
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Summary
"Helmets?"
Dave Strider was many things; Talented? Yes. Ironic beyond all compare? No shit. Sexier than Brad Pitt in Fight Club? Obviously. Maker of some of the finest damn music this side of Venus? Hell to the fucking yes.
A wannabe robot with a gold helmet?
Not a chance in hell.
(Written by: Hammer and Time)
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 147,024
- Chapters:
- 40/40
- Comments:
- 1,459
- Kudos:
- 2,107
- Bookmarks:
- 355
- Hits:
- 45,745
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Some Striders can parse birdsong, while others can't.
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Look, robots can’t fall in love. Obviously. That’s just some straight up science fiction bullshit right there.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 3,984
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Collections:
- 1
- Comments:
- 5
- Kudos:
- 159
- Bookmarks:
- 30
- Hits:
- 1,069
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Summary
“No luck, sparkplug.” The big robot sank from his haunches to a sitting position against the sink. “You look to be in some pretty serious straight-up distress.”
“Gastronomic distress,” Dirk mumbled, hissing and clutching his stomach as a sharp cramp shot through him.
“You oughtta get a tuneup.”
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"But a dam breaking happens slowly, and then all at once. Little cracks that spiderweb outward across brick and concrete and stone, tiny jets of water warning of the impending crash - and then it bursts, a flood, rushing out with all the speed and fury a bottled river can muster. When you came to love them, you did so the same way - slowly, subtly, holding it back, and then all at once in a great rush."
Or, Dirk loves with an intensity that hurts him - but also keeps him going. At least until he can enter SBURB and see them for real.
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- Part 13 of 15 Short Fics Under 2k Challenge
- Part 6 of Everything Dirkjake
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Sawtooth shows Squarewave a few new tricks.
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Prompt: "It doesn't really count as giving up control if you programmed the one holding the reins, does it?"
Dirk finds out firsthand just how blurry those lines can be.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 2,762
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Collections:
- 1
- Comments:
- 10
- Kudos:
- 216
- Bookmarks:
- 36
- Hits:
- 2,475
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- Words:
- 84,386
- Works:
- 3
- Bookmarks:
- 7
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In which AR gets dumped into a dystopian universe of cast offs and discovers that acquiring a body doesn’t actually solve his problems.
The little brother is kind of a surprise too.
- Words:
- 115,483
- Works:
- 2
- Bookmarks:
- 173
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"Clamping down further got Jake to release his wrist, the bitten spot throbbing with a dull pain and covered in warm saliva. Dirk didn't let up though, even when Jake made that noise in the back of throat, wavering and soft. It was a whimper if ever there'd been one, but it wasn't pained.
It was born of pleasure. Hot as the fucking surface of the sun kind of pleasure.
This was getting Jake hot and bothered. This was getting his animal instinct on, teeth on the scruff of his neck and biting. Shit, that was kind of kinky. The kind of kinky Dirk could definitely appreciate."
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When their custodians, guardians, parents and elder siblings disappear things have gone quite depressing; but when younger and different versions of them appear things get chaotically confusing.
Misunderstandings and conspiracy theories abound as John and his friends appear in the Alphaverse through means they don't remember. Meanwhile their counterparts appear in The Medium, confused but slowly figuring things out as they explore the mysterious meteor and golden ship.
John didn't know what happened, Johnathon didn't know either. All they know was one moment they were there, and the next, they were somewhere else entirely. But one thing they do know; it was going to be a hell of a time getting back. If only they could remember what happened!
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a series of dirkjake drabbles that start as prompts of "things you/i said..."
- Words:
- 3,637
- Works:
- 8
- Bookmarks:
- 11
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Your name is Auto-Responder.
You are 95% certain that you are the worst possible person to be placed in charge of a small child. Even if that child did start life as a guardian-ninja-bunny companion-bot.
Also your friends are assholes and the universe hates you.
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In which AR gets left behind, dumped into a dystopian universe of cast offs, and has to deal with a dangerous new world and a troublesome new body all alone.
Well. Not completely alone.
Series
- Part 1 of cyber!Bunny apocalypse 'verse
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On their first meeting, Squarewave isn't calibrated to deal with something like Dirk, a relic of a dead species.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 1,249
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Collections:
- 1
- Comments:
- 5
- Kudos:
- 27
- Bookmarks:
- 1
- Hits:
- 188
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A series exploring some of the way Striders are super messed up. (Stridercest heavy)
- Words:
- 47,700
- Works:
- 3
- Bookmarks:
- 9
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ValhallaBound 'verse-merge DISCONTINUED by arcaneScribbler, orphan_account
Fandom: Homestuck, MS Paint Adventures, Thomas Was Alone
03 Jul 2019
- Words:
- 11,077
- Works:
- 7
- Bookmarks:
- 5