13 Works in Stede Bonnet Discovers The Prostate
Listing Works
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Summary
Stede Bonnet loves his best friend. Ed Teach *loves* his best friend, who is both straight and engaged to "pleasant enough" Mary Allamby. All three of them are making the best of it until Father Bonnet announces for Stede's 30th birthday that he's set the wedding date. Are they all headed for misery or is there still a way to set all three of them free?
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Любимец изысканных тканей by fandom Our Flag Means Death 2025 (team_Our_Flag_Means_Death), Regis for Lilywhitedove
Fandoms: Our Flag Means Death (TV)
30 Aug 2025
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Summary
Он берет в руки рубашку и поворачивается к зеркалу спиной, чтобы внимательно осмотреть ее на свету и убедиться, что она целая и чистая. И только он собирается снова пойти к шкафу, как что-то обвивает его шею сзади и тянет к зеркалу. Стид хрипит.
Он выпускает из рук рубашку и с силой толкает локтем того, кто находится позади. Но за ним нет ничего, кроме воздуха.
Воздуха и ткани.
Проклятый камзол оживает, затыкает Стиду рот и связывает его, а потом трахает. Вот собственно и весь фик.
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Ed finds Stede's journal, describing all the things he wants to learn about sex between men but doesn't dare ask about. Ed, of course, feels he's the exact right person to offer practical demonstrations on the subject.
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A season 1 canon-divergence AU set after The Art of Fuckery
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Newly-out Stede has been disappointed with how all his sexual fantasies so far have felt a bit one-note. He wants to experiment and get a better idea of what he likes - and his best friend/roommate Ed is just along for the ride.
This is a fic about gay sexual identity and exploration, and it's also a fic about Stede's first prostate orgasm scaring him so bad he has to call Ed to make sure he's still alive (and then rail Ed into the mattress about it. he's figuring out some stuff)
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So there Ed is, in this enormous room all decked out in ivory and gold, surrounded by one-percenters and inherited wealth and fucking caviar. And he sits under a canopy of twinkling crystals, and he plays his mood music, and the room slowly fills.
And the bride and groom are nowhere to be seen.
Ed’s starting to feel more and more like a member of the string quartet playing out the sinking of the fucking Titanic.
(Or: Ed's the harpist at a swanky wedding that's gone south. Stede's got his own problems. A one-night fastburn meet-cute: fluff, humour, eventual smut, and a truly obscene description of caviar)
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""didn't your parents teach you about not breaking your toys?"
She laugh wholeheartedly at this and answers "oops" before snapping a picture."Time for Mary to have some alone time, and tick one more freedom off the list of Stede's.
Series
- Part 8 of To love and to (cuck)hold
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[Podfic of] Fancied By The Fine Fabric by vexbatch pods (vexbatch) for Dracothelizard, LoopyDangerFrog
Fandoms: Our Flag Means Death (TV)
12 May 2024
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Audio Length: 11:16
Stede takes the shirt and turns his back to the mirror so he can hold it up in the light and make sure it’s still nice and clean. But before he can go to his wardrobe, something wraps around his neck from behind and pulls him over to the mirror. “Gnk!”
He drops the shirt, elbows whoever is behind him, but finds nothing but air.
Air and fabric.
The cursed coat comes to life, gags and ties up Stede, and then fucks him. That's it that's the fic.
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Summary
Roach took a long drag of his cigarette. “You’re back early.”
“Something happened to Stede,” Ed told him. “He needs help.”
“Hm.” Roach glanced down at Stede’s now-extremely noticeable erection, then quickly back at Ed. “I feel like this is a you problem.”
Stede wished he could shrink down into the floorboards. “See, it’s fine. Let’s go back.”
“Wait, what’s that yellow shit on his face?” Frenchie cut in.
“Some weird ass flower shot pollen at him.” Ed placed his hand over Stede’s, thumb stroking gently. “He decided to pick up a fuckin’ spider, it bit him, he fell into the bush, and then the thing just exploded.”
“Oh shit.”
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The man typed for a moment before nodding. “Yep, got you right here. Hey, Ed! Doug! Your clients are here!”
Two men entered the lobby from the back hallway. One had floppy brown hair. The other was… well, mesmerizing was the only word Stede could think of that was anywhere near enough to describe him. Moon-streaked curls cascaded over constellations of freckles and sunspots. Tattoos lined the man’s arms, telling a story of stars and shipwrecks and games lost long ago. And his eyes… Stede had never seen such eyes, eyes that seemed to contain the entire universe.
“Hey there.” The silver-haired man’s voice was silky and rich. “Name’s Ed.” He shook Stede’s hand with a firm, velvety touch. Not taking his eyes off of Stede, he tilted his head toward the man at the counter. “Frenchie, which one of these lovely people is with me today?”
OR
Stede Bonnet has his gay awakening via therapist-prescribed couple's massage.
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Summary
“What do you mean it's me?” Edward laughed. He took a step closer. “You were the one dancing around and ogling me from behind the scenes.”
“No, I was not! I'd hardly call that dancing and I definitely wasn't… ogling you!” His stomach did a full on somersault when Ed raised his eyebrows and smiled deviously, then took another step. This was not good.
“Yeah? Then what would you call it?”
or Stede is so deep in denial about his feelings, Ed is playing along and they fuck about it
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Summary
Stede takes the shirt and turns his back to the mirror so he can hold it up in the light and make sure it’s still nice and clean. But before he can go to his wardrobe, something wraps around his neck from behind and pulls him over to the mirror. “Gnk!”
He drops the shirt, elbows whoever is behind him, but finds nothing but air.
Air and fabric.
The cursed coat comes to life, gags and ties up Stede, and then fucks him. That's it that's the fic.
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Summary
Stede tugs his collar aside, tilting his head to get a better look. He leans closer to the mirror, looking for teeth indents, but those have faded. It’s just a dark blue bruise, a stark contrast to his skin.
Should he cover it with his shirt? Find a scarf or cravat?
Or leave it as it is, and if anyone sees it, well, let them see?
Oh, he likes that. Yes, let people see what Ed did, what they got up to, that Stede’s wanted.
After reuniting, things are tense, but Stede and Ed are working things out. And by 'things', I mean they fuck about it.
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Stede wonders what the man looks like. He doesn’t sound young like the first profile. Maybe a man in his late thirties? Or forties, perhaps? “Yes, of course, but I—” He shifts on the sofa, feeling embarrassed. “I’m rather new to this, I’m afraid.”
The man hums, and another shiver runs down Stede’s spine. “To phone sex?” he asks. “Paying for it? To talking to a man?”
“All of the above,” Stede sighs. “I mean, I’ve talked to men before, obviously, but…”
“Not for sex.”
Stede figures that the safest way to figure out if he's actually attracted to men is by calling a phone sex line.
Series
- Part 1 of Phone Sex AU