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Chapter Text

I wanna preface this by saying that I am very drunk. 

I don’t understand what happened. I mean, I know what happened. I remember it so clearly. Nate and I were getting ready for an event at the Veteran's Hall. It was still morning, but we were trying to get a head start. You know, do the heavy lifting now, and do a touch up later if necessary. I went out to get my coffee, Codsworth had already prepared it. I was watching the news; it was more like background noise really. Nate had come out to join me, he was reading the newspaper. Shaun had gotten fussy, and Codsworth went to check on him. Nate and I talked about something; I can't remember what. 

The doorbell rang. It was Eustace the Vault-Tec representative. He'd been showing up daily, asking after me. It was getting to be ridiculous. Nate reminded me that a little paperwork never hurt anybody. Which I found hilarious considering I've watched paperwork hurt plenty of people. It was my job after all, as a lawyer. Eustace asked me to fill out some paperwork, though really, he filled it out, I just dictated. It didn't even take that long. I don't know why I kept putting him off. After, I just continued watching the news again. It wasn't too long before Codsworth came to get me. Apparently, Shaun was in need of a maternal touch. 

So, I go back, and I look at my sweet boy, and he calms down immediately. Nate and I could already tell he was gonna be a mama's boy. Nate joined me in Shaun's room, informing me that he had fixed the mobile. Again, I can't remember what we talked about. We were interrupted by Codsworth calling out to us. Something was on the news. Something serious. Nate picked up Shaun and the two of us went out to the living room. I thought I felt my heart fall out of my body. The end of the world, that had been so foreboding, so inevitable, was here. 

We ran. There wasn't a thought in my mind outside of getting my family to the vault. It was supposed to be safe. I didn't think about Codsworth. I didn't think about our lost dog. I just wanted Nate and Shaun safe.  

We got there in the nick of time. To the South, we saw it happen. The mushroom cloud. The bright light. There was no denying what had just happened. The platform had just begun to lower. My neighbors, they ducked, trying to hide themselves from the blast. Nate shielded Shaun. I couldn't look away. Even as they lowered us down, I kept looking up. But we had made it, we were safe. 

They said we needed to go through decontamination. Which made sense. They gave us these skin tight suits; bright blue with yellow stripes. Everything about the situation was so sterile, so clinical. They had us change in front of each other. At the time I was too frazzled to care. Then they had us step into these pods. They said they were to decontaminate us. They looked like a weird type of seat. It kind of had you half sitting, half standing. I looked across at Nate and Shaun, thinking how happy I was that we were safe. 

The next thing I know, I'm waking up. That's the only way I can describe it. Waking up from a long, deep sleep. I could see Nate moving in his pod across from me. I heard voices. And then they came into view. A woman in a hazmat suit. And a man. The man who ruined my life. The man who ended my life. The man I’m going to kill. Going into the vault, I thought the sight of the mushroom cloud would be my worst memory for the rest of my life. Instead, this man's visage is forever ingrained in my mind. Bald with a nasty scar down one side of his face. A voice like whiskey over gravel and broken glass. The struggle etched into my husband's voice. The cries of my baby in terror. The loud, echoing, deafening shot of a gun.  

All I could do was bang on the glass. I was trapped. All I could do was watch. I thought my world had already ended, had already been ripped away. And yet there I was, watching as it was utterly, and completely, obliterated in front of me. And that bastard, had the audacity, to lean in, to give me a clear look at him, with a sneer on his face. I'll never forget the words he said to me.  

“At least we still have the backup.” 

And then I was waking up again.  

It was so cold. It was hard to breathe. It felt like my lungs themselves were made of ice. But I couldn't process that. I didn't have time. There was no time. Nate. I had to get to Nate. It had to have been a dream.  It had to have been a dream.  But as I looked at him, I knew it was real. He was gone. Shaun was gone. And I have to find him. I have to avenge my husband and I have to rescue my baby. And nothing—NOTHING— is going to get in my way. 

My first encounter with this world, was giant roaches. I cannot begin to explain how absolutely repulsed I was when I first saw one. I had never liked cockroaches. People had always joked how cockroaches would survive a nuclear apocalypse. They had no idea how right they were. Except they didn't just survive, they thrived. And now they're fucking huge. I poked through the terminals to figure out what had happened, because it seemed like I was the only one alive. Not only had Nate been murdered, and Shaun stolen, but everybody else seemed to be dead in their pods. I was the only one left. 

I was the sole survivor of Vault 111. 

But I couldn't think about that then, I had to find Shaun. I  still  have to find him. I remember running down the hill, back into Sanctuary. Everything looked so different. My neighbors’ homes we're all dilapidated. Windows blown out. Some of them completely collapsed in on themselves. And then, like some bright, shining, metal beacon, there was Codsworth, waiting for me. Waiting for me and Nate and Shaun. And then he said one of the most unbelievable things I have ever heard. Not only, apparently, were we late for dinner, but we were 210  years  late. Two-hundred and ten years. They froze us. We were cryogenically frozen. I still can't believe this is real... 

I didn't give that any chance to set in. Codsworth had mentioned that there were people in Concord. He hadn't seen Shaun, but maybe they had. I didn't know what this world had in store for me, but thankfully, Nate had always been a bit of a doomsday prepper. The closet in our bedroom had a false bottom. It was hard to notice if you didn't know it was there. Though that was the point. Thankfully, even with the end of the world, and the obviousness of people having been there, the false bottom was still secure. Inside was a safe. Inside the safe was Nate's old military sniper rifle and a modified 10mm Walther PPK pistol. There was also a backpack with 3 boxes of .50’s (60 bullets) and a box of 10mm’s (another 50 bullets). It also had our old dog's harness in it. Not to mention a little goodie from Mama Arachnid. I'd always thought she was crazy; I mean how did she get her hands on this? It was a Chinese stealth suit from the black market. Seriously, where did she get this from? She gave it to me as a wedding present; which made no sense. And it had been eight years since I left the gang. The Grim Reapers (I know, I know, stupid name) would always be family though. Nate had a lot of questions about that suit. I just never asked. And now I'm thankful for it. Maybe Mama knew something I didn't? Better yet, I'm sure she did. 

I stuffed the bullets and the suit back in their bag, and I made towards Concord. I knew, somewhere in the back of my mind, that I was gonna need supplies: food, water, the like. But again, I felt like there was no time. The longer I stood around, the more time I wasted, the further and further Shaun got from me. Now look at me... They say hindsight is 20/20. 

Either way, I didn't get very far before my first stop. Apparently, even in the apocalypse, I will stop for a dog. Mind you, this is the absolute BEST dog. Not only is he super cute, but he's super smart, too. He even alerted me to what has to be the monster version of a naked mole rat. And by  a  naked mole rat, I mean like seven of them, all of which I beat to death with a security baton. That had to be my worst experience at a Red Rocket. Ever. And then, the dog found a medkit for me! Best dog ever. 

I can't tell you how thankful I am that the dog came with me. And it has to be the world's biggest coincidence, that he's called Dogmeat. Our dog, the one that ran away (I think she was stolen) was named Mega-meat. Mega-meat was the sweetest, cutest, chunkiest little meatball of a Pitbull ever to exist. And I honestly think one of our neighbors stole her. But that doesn't matter now. 

Meaty, that's what I've taken to calling Dogmeat, alerts me to enemies. Because even though I'm no longer a teenager and no longer part of a gang, I still have enemies. They're just new, and not always human. And I must say, I am not excited about giant versions of things. Naked mole rats and cockroaches were one thing, well two things really, but giant ass mosquitoes, are an entire thing by themselves. Oh! I forgot to mention the giant fucking flies in Sanctuary. I'm not too keen on them either. And unfortunately, it only gets worse. 

When I got to concord, it was a gunfight. Like I heard it before I saw it. I didn't want to take sides. I had planned on just waiting them out. You know, see who the last man standing was. But that's not what happened. No, Meaty had a different plan. At first, I thought I had just lost my new dog. That thought only lasted half a second, because the moment one of the people in the street turned on the dog, was the moment I shot them in the knee.  

Sure, I had been to the gun range before. With Nate. As a date. But I'd never actually fired a gun in combat. I'd stabbed people though. But you know how the old saying goes, “Don't bring a knife to a gunfight.” Besides, I didn't even have a knife. I had a baton I picked up from the vault, Nate’s rifle, and a pistol. Trust me when I tell you my aim is much better with a pistol than it is with a sniper rifle; much to Nate's dismay. 

So yeah, thanks to the dog, I sided with the people inside the Museum of Freedom. Or at least the crazy guy with a laser musket or whatever on the balcony. I don't remember how many people were in the street. I honestly don't remember much of the fight. I'm pretty sure most of it I spent ducked behind a car. That is until it lit on fire. And then I ran from the car. I may or may not have definitely thrown myself through an already broken window before the car exploded. I could hear the dog barking. That dog was gonna get me killed. He might still get me killed one day. But we're not quite there yet. 

When the last man in the street fell, the crazy guy on the balcony told me to pick up the laser musket by the stairs. So I did. Then I went into the museum. Where there were even more assholes shooting at me. Honestly, I have no idea why I helped them. I'm glad I did  now.  But at the time? There was no reason for me to. They were wasting my time. Or at the very least taking precious time away from me finding Shaun... This reminds me of when I was 10 all over again. Hopefully this time it won't result in me being part of a gang... 

That laser musket was incredibly unwieldy. My aim is just better with a pistol. Though I will say there is a learning curve to a gunfight involving a dog. I haven't had to focus this hard since college. Or maybe high school? No no, law school definitely required more focus. Either way, Meaty and I made it through all the bad guys or whatever and we got to who I thought, at the time, was crazy balcony guy. His name is Preston by the way.  

But the fun didn't stop there. Oh no, there were more Raiders on the way. Raiders! And Preston and crew wanted my help. And of course, Preston was the only combatant. There was Preston, Sturges, Mama Murphy, Marcy, and Jun. And apparently, only Preston knows how to hold a gun. I remember hating all of them at that moment. I mean for crying out loud! They grew up in this shithole of a world. I had just woken up not even an hour ago. Or maybe it was an hour, I don't really remember. Either way, they were depending on a complete stranger. They didn't know if I was going to kill them all later or what. All they knew was that I shot the bad people in the street. Really, I only shot them because they almost shot my dog. I complain, but I still helped them. I still risked my life for these people. I scampered back down into the bowels of the building, picked open a lock (because I was good at that; gimmie a bobby pin, a screw driver, and a moment of focus, and I can handle a lock; fuck hacking though; not the best at that) then climbed all the way up to the roof, shoved a fusion core into a suit of power armor, ripped a mini gun off a vertibird, and then jumped off the goddamn roof. What the actual fuck? 

Oh! And did I mention that Mama Murphy has visions? Because she definitely does. Look, I was born in Salem. I have heard  all  the stories about witches. I even tried performing a few seances in my day. But I was never 100% sure it was real. And then Mama Murphy told me about— what do they call it? — a deathclaw! And it was legit. I'm standing in the street, chewing through ammo, mowing down Raiders. And then suddenly, the ground fucking shakes. For the briefest of moments, I thought it was a damn earthquake. Oh, how I wish it had been an earthquake.  

Out from the sewers bursts the biggest, scaliest, I don't even fucking know-y-ist, wanna-be dragon I've ever seen. When I tell you that I never, ever, for the rest of my days, want to run into one of those things again, I mean it. Thankfully, when it first appeared, it was distracted by the Raiders. I don't know who would have won that fight. The three Raiders or the deathclaw? Because Preston, in all his wisdom, started shooting the deathclaw from the balcony. Which in turn, caused it to look my way. Did I mention that this was my first real gunfight that day? Because it was. I thought I was going to pee my pants. And yet, when it looked at me, all I saw was that bastard from the vault. The motherfucker who killed my husband and kidnapped my child. My aim wasn't the best, but if you concentrate fire well enough, eventually what you're targeting will have a hole in it. And that's what happened to the deathclaw. I don't know how many rounds of ammo I put into that big lizard bitch, but by the time I was done it was eerily quiet. One of the Raiders was still left over from earlier. And we just kind of stared at each other for a moment. And then Preston shot him in the face. Good times. 

By the time all was said and done, it was nearly full dark. When I got back inside everybody was down on the first floor, by the door. I left the power armor outside; I wasn't going to try to fight it through a door. Preston handed me an obscene amount of bottle caps?? (The currency of this era apparently, like what??) Preston then tells me where they're headed. To Sanctuary. My home. Or what was left of my home, really. He asked me to come with them. And a very large part of me said “No.” I wasn’t sure if I'd ever honestly want to go back. Well, that's how I felt at the time. But I knew Codsworth was waiting for me. I didn't want to leave him waiting again. So, I agreed, and I led them home. On the walk, which was long and slow, Mama Murphy told me about my son. She knew about Shaun. I said before her visions were real, and this was just further proof at the time. She told me he was alive. 

Of course, I panicked at that information. How did she know? Where was he? Was he okay? Who had him? I had 1000 questions for her. But she didn't know. She said she couldn't  see him , per se, but she could feel him. The best she could do was tell me that he was alive. If she hadn't just proven to me, twice now, that her visions were real, I probably would have beat the shit out of that old lady. Because it would have been obvious that she was playing with my heartstrings. That she knew I was vulnerable. That she was picking at it. Trying to find gold. But she warned me about the deathclaw. And she knew about my son without my mentioning him. She told me to go to a green jewel. Diamond City. If it's green, why not call it “Emerald City?” Or is that too Wizard of Oz? 

Of the five of them, I think Marcy is my least favorite. Scratch that, I’m sure she is. Like, I get what they've been through, to a degree, but I had just saved them. She could have been a little nicer. Instead, she tried to chew my face off. Again, I complain, but she had every right not to trust me. It's like I said before, I am a complete stranger to these people. I happened to shoot people who were shooting them. That does not, an ally, make me. But here we are. 

I have to admit, walking in the power armor is awful. This is an old rusted version of a T-45. I know that with some tender loving care it could be better, but I'm honestly not sure if I want to put that much effort into it. I got it back to Sanctuary. And that's where it's been ever since. I told Sturges he could use it if he ever needed to. Though he was adamant, it was mine. I don't understand that. In a world of scavenging and scrounging, why not use something when it’s offered? 

When we finally got back to Sanctuary, it was full dark. Preston stopped me, to thank me for helping them get there. He asked what I thought of the place. I almost slipped up. I almost told him how old I really am. It's one thing to say I'm 30. It's another to say I'm 240. Of course, he asked about it when I said I lived here before the war. But I told him I didn't want to talk about it, and thankfully, he let it go. He then asked me for more help; another settlement needed his help. Or you know, the help of a Minuteman. And seeing how Preston may very well be the last Minuteman left, he thought he would ask me, the stranger in the night, who took on a deathclaw, and won, after shooting random people in the street. What kind of world am I living in now? 

Preston did tell me that if I wanted to help the group more, that I should speak to Sturges. It was obvious he was in charge of the group, really. Preston was more of a bodyguard than a leader. That was plain to see. The fact that Marcy tried to jump down his throat at the museum about even going to Sanctuary, but then had zero ideas when Sturges asked about it, told me that Preston was not really the leader of this group. Again, hard bodyguard vibes. 

It was so late, that instead of talking to Sturges, I found Codsworth. He asked to accompany me and I agreed. Codsworth had waited for me for 210 years. I still can't get over that. I wasn't going to leave him behind again. I decided to pick through the leftover houses of Sanctuary, looking for anything that I could sleep on, because the stress of the day was finally catching up to me. I figured I'd talk to Sturges in the morning, and boy did he have some work for me. 

When I woke that next morning on my old couch, I realized that it didn't really feel like I had rested. It felt more like I had just waited. But waited for what? To get bored of failing at sleep? Who knows. I spent that day helping out Sturges, because the reality set in that, I don't know where Diamond City is. And no one was willing to take me. Preston refused to leave his group, which was understandable considering he watched it dwindle so significantly. Sturges offered to pick over my pipboy, because it was supposed to have a map, but I didn't know how to work that. So, while I was helping them, I was trying very, very, very hard, not to have a mental breakdown. I tried exceptionally hard to not think about my dead husband, just up the hill and down a large elevator. I tried very hard not to stare into Shaun's room, at his crib. And I tried harder still, not to imagine him in my arms. I was having a very hard time. But staying there, helping them, hoping Sturges could help me, was better than just wandering off into the wilderness. 

While I was helping them out, Jun actually taught me some recipes to use with the horrible “meats” that were laying around. Though perhaps, saying “laying around” isn't actually correct. While I was moving some things around, I was pulling over a makeshift cookpot and was chased by a radroach. That's what they call the giant cockroaches; radroaches. I watched in horror, as Jun started stripping the meat off the carcass. I was absolutely disgusted. But he explained that meat sources were limited and so you ate what you could. There is not enough money in this entire world, no amount of seasoning, that can convince me to willingly eat any of the dishes he taught me. Literally everything sounded gross. 

Obviously, I know my neighbors and I left in a hurry. It is also obvious, that other people have been here since we left. Some of those people left behind clothes. Nothing I would normally wear, but it was better than wearing a skin tight vaultsuit. Especially considering that the vaultsuit I was wearing was from a group of people who lied to me and my neighbors. I do not want to be associated with the vault in any kind of way. So, wearing free advertisement is a no. 

Sturges taught me a few things as well, multitasking while looking over the pipboy. He taught me how to scrap together leather and metal armors, even how to repurpose what the Raiders have slapped together. I still can't believe Raiders are a thing. I'm not too surprised learning about scavengers, because aren't they really just looters? And post boom, that makes sense. But it's been 200 years. What happened to society? Whatever. 

Mama Murphy approached me, away from Sturges and Preston. She wanted me to get her some jet. I had to ask her what that was. It's a little inhaler, usually red in color and it offers quite a kick. Apparently, it slows time. Wow. What is it about me that screams “access to drugs?” I'm feeling really reminiscent of my teenage years. I told her I would think about it. I didn't tell her I already had some on me. She said it was for the sight, her gift. While I believe in her visions, I don't know if I believe the necessary drug use. On the one hand, it's her life to do with as she pleases. It would not be the first time I sold an old lady drugs. It would be the first time in a long time, but not the first time. However, on the other hand, Preston seemed really adamant about her not having drugs. 

Eventually the day started to wear down, Sturges still hadn't figured out the map, but promised me he was close. So, the only thing I had left to do... was rearrange my house. I cleaned all the leaves, tile, and debris out of my house. I rearranged the dining area to accommodate some crafting stations. And I left the living room mostly intact. I even put that stupid sun clock that Nate loved back on the wall. I then dragged my couch down the hall and into my bedroom. I remember when we got that couch. I think it was the first piece of furniture we bought together. For our place. I hate it there. Not as much as I hate the vault, but I hate Sanctuary, and I hate my house. I think the others know that my house is mine. Or at the very least they know I've claimed it. No one seems to want to fight me about it, which is good. Because honestly, I don't know how I'd respond. I try not to think about it. 

When I was done with the house it was very dark. Thank God for candles. But I couldn't sleep. Maybe I should have left the couch in the living room... Being in my bedroom again, with the windows blown out... Anyways, I was able to assemble some Molotov's. I'm sure those will be fun later. I may or may not have tucked some lamp oil aside for a special project. 

I don't remember falling asleep that night. I remember waking up that next morning to an incredibly upset Sturges. He and Mama Murphy damn near force fed me breakfast. Because Jun had made a comment that he hadn't seen me eat the other day. Breakfast was delicious! And by delicious, I mean revolting. It was a serving of baked bloatfly and some purified water. Fantastic. I spent my morning preparing rations for the road; for travel. And it was a little after noon by the time Sturges had finally figured out the pipboy for me. He showed me how to input coordinates on the map, which is very helpful. 

Before I left sanctuary I went ahead and gave Mama Murphy the jet. Her eyes got real wide and glazed over, it looked like a great high. She brought up Diamond City again. Something about a bright heart? I don't know what I'm supposed to do with that. Hopefully I'll know when I get there. If I get there. I  will  get there. 

Meaty had stuck with me the entire time that I had been in Sanctuary, so I shouldn’t have been surprised when he came with me. We crossed over the foot bridge leading out of Sanctuary when I stopped and fitted him with Mega-meat's harness. It looked good on him. 

According to my map, Tenpines wasn't too far away. I could have just headed straight West from Sanctuary, but I thought I would stick to the road since I don't know how the landscape has fared for the last 200 years. Before leaving, Sturges, Mama Murphy, and Preston gave me some gear, which was very nice of them. Again, really glad I helped them. I'm glad I had Codsworth and Meaty with me. Especially when I got to the old Bedford station. I wasn't sure if they were just regular ghouls, because apparently there are regular ghouls, or if they were ferals. But I didn't really have a chance to try to engage in conversation, if you would, because Meaty ran ahead of me and attacked. And as I learned in Concord the other day, you even look at my dog wrong, and I will shoot you in the face. 

I got scratched by some of them. That wasn't fun. Felt kinda fuzzy? I don't really know how to explain it. Codsworth told me it was rads, radiation. Note to self, stay away from ferals. Or at least out of reach. I got a little stab happy. Gonna have to work on my aim. I picked over the station. Found a lot of ammo. Only some of it was what I needed for the pistol. No .50’s for the rifle. 

The pipboy said that Tenpines was north of Bedford, so I decided to follow the train tracks. While walking along the tracks I actually found a sign, like an actual sign. It was just a white arrow on some wood, but still a sign. It led me up a hillside (dunno why I was following random signs) which led me to another sign. Turned out to be glad I followed the signs. Tenpines was high up. As I was making my way to the shack, because that's what it was, a shack, I wondered why I was wasting time with new people. I told myself I wasn't really wasting time, but more that I was gathering favors. The more people under my thumb, the more likely I am to find my son.  

When I finally got up to the shack, because again, this “settlement” was just a shack on a hill, I was immediately held at gunpoint. Why must I be sarcastic while staring down the barrel of a gun? Am I just desensitized to violence? Realistically, the answer to that is yes. How did I survive my teen years? 

Anyways, the problem was Raiders. I'm beginning to hate Raiders. I asked them, if my helping them would mean they would help the Minutemen, and they said maybe. Maybe. That's bullshit. And not only is their problem bullshit, but their problem is so far South, that it makes no fucking sense. How?! How, are people in  Corvega  an issue for anyone this far north? I understand that this hillside shack is a farm, but Corvega is hours South by foot. This makes no sense. I very seriously considered saying fuck them and leaving. But, Corvega is close to Diamond City. Apparently. I figured two birds one stone. 

THE PIPBOY HAS RADAR! It picked up a downed plane to the south east. I will admit I was curious enough to travel to it. I will also admit that I don't like the looks of a collapsed freeway. They freak me out, in fact. I think it's because I don't like heights. There had to have been people on the freeways when the bombs dropped, right? So, I could only imagine that someone was in their car, you know commuting to work, and then hell broke loose, and a lot of people died. Though to be fair that happened all across the everywhere so... 

Did I mention that I hate Raiders? Because so far, there hasn't been a place I've gone, I swear to God that hasn't had at least one or five fucking Raiders. And I do mean five. Thankfully, miraculously, I was able to sneak up on a few of them. Codsworth, not so much. Meaty, also not so much. So, three people got stabbed before the other two realized what was happening, and I may have almost gotten shot in the arm. Do you know how mad I would have been, at having to dig a bullet out of my own arm? I've had to dig a bullet out of someone else. But not myself. And I'm feeling like Mama Murphy right now, because I can definitely see me having to dig bullets out of myself eventually. Not looking forward to it.

While at the plane (should I say the wreckage of the plane?) I found some glowing mushrooms. Should I be touching these? Honestly, it's too late now. Also why is there so much ammo in all of this luggage? There's no way this made it past the TSA. So, I have to wonder now, did the Raiders put this here? Were they living here? Did I just stumble into somebody else's house and kill them all? I don't like this one bit. I thought these days were behind me. Apparently, I was just on a loooong break. 

By the time I was done going through the wreckage, it had gotten late. The sun hadn't set fully, but it was starting to get dark. I decided to set up camp at the site. It offered cover from the elements, and I found a flat enough area of ground to properly bunker down on. This was my first time sleeping outside. Well, again, since my teenage years. How many times am I gonna say that? Seriously, how did I survive being a teenager? Either way, I was very uncomfortable. Thankfully, I knew that between Codsworth and Meaty, nothing would sneak up on me. 

I remember waking up in the dark, or it was mostly dark. Pipboy said it was just before dawn. Roughly 4:30 in the morning. I just couldn't lay there any longer. Got up, packed up camp, took a look at my map, and then started out. I've never been a fan of mornings, but I'm a getting to hate them even more now. 

I realized where I was pretty quickly. I was actually fairly close to Wildwood Cemetery. Seriously mixed bag of emotions there. I decided to investigate, reacquaint myself with the area. Fuck Raiders. I have no idea where he even came from. I was looking around in one of the mausoleums went out of nowhere, I hear a man's voice, 

“You're gonna regret coming here.” 

I'm pretty sure he regretted me coming there. I stabbed him in the neck. Though that was after Meaty bit him in the calf and Codsworth had blasted him with some fire. I'm pretty sure he lovingly embraced the thin cold steel of my switchblade at that point. Asshole. 

Found myself at some landfill. Though I should say I was actually drawn there. By the sounds of screams. A couple, I probably shouldn't assume they were a couple, was under attack. By mole rats. These ones looked grosser than the ones from Red Rocket. I tried to help, because I'm not a complete monster. But I was too late for the man. He was mauled by the mole rats. Managed to save the woman though... So that was nice... 

Then it got gross. Or grosser? I don't know. I may or may not have definitely cut meat off the carcasses of multiple, dead, gross looking mole rats. Now that I knew how to prepare it, for consumption, it would be a waste to just leave it there. I collected 7 pounds worth of mole rat meat. I made Codsworth hold it. I might actually become a vegetarian. Is that something I can do here? 

I did get a bit of a giggle though. Codsworth had said something along the lines of “Fairly certain he doesn't need that anymore.” Without any hesitation, I responded with, “You're right! He doesn't need his meat anymore.” I giggled and then gagged. I always thought sarcasm was going to be the death of me when I was a teenager. I hope I'm not right. Funny story. All of this? Before 7:00 AM. 

It started raining. 

I could actually see Corvega from the landfill. Still a fucking mystery how they were bothering that hillside shack. I passed through Mystic Pines. And as soon as I stepped foot into Lexington, I encountered more god damn Raiders. On the upside, I use Nate's rifle for the first time. I'm not going to tell you how many bullets I wasted. It felt right holding it though. If I find another sniper rifle while out here, I might try practicing my aim again. I'm not trying to waste these .50’s. 

I will say, this particular batch of Raiders, weren't complete idiots. They had holed up in a partially collapsed building. If you scaled it, it actually had a great vantage point. You can see almost everything from there. I use the scope on Nate's rifle to take a look at my surroundings. I stood as far away from any edge as I could, but I still got dizzy thinking about how high up I was. 

The rain gave way to a fog rolling in. I remember hating it. I don't think I've ever experienced a fog so damn thick before. I could hear the ferals before I saw them. Which was absolutely terrifying. I managed to avoid them, somehow. I was not looking forward to a knife fight in the fog with ferals. And I damn sure wasn't going to try to shoot anybody, when I couldn't fucking see. I say that now. But then I actually got to Corvega. 

I still have regrets. I couldn't see shit. Thankfully, they couldn't see shit either. And it only gets worse. I was asked to clear this place of Raiders. My dumb fucking mouth, said that I would. I swear, I forget I'm scared of heights. Or maybe I just didn't think that they would scale the entire roof system, the catwalks, the whatever that is Corvega’s roof. The fog both helped and hindered me. Especially when it came to the catwalks. I couldn't see how high up I was. Which meant I couldn't look down, which was great. But that also sucked, because I couldn't see how far up I was. An enemy was on a catwalk beneath me. So, I looked down, trying to get a bead on him. I was enveloped in white. All I saw was fog, fog, and fog. And the grate beneath my feet. I never want to go back to Corvega again. 

I had thought that there was a stupid number of Raiders on the roof, but there was an even stupider amount inside. I am no stranger to violence. I am no stranger to bloodshed. But my first gunfight was only a couple of days ago. And now I'm running around killing people. All the time. What even is my life right now? Is this really the world I'm gonna raise my son in? On paper, this world is infinitely worse than the one I left. Realistically, I know it's not that much different. It's just that the surface looks worse. A definite case of cover over book. Ya’ know, judging a book by its cover? 

Three things came out of me clearing out Corvega: 1) a beautiful bottle of Nuka-Cherry, 2) Codsworth helped me hack a protectron, and 3) I learned why Preston and his group were hunted down to Concord. I don't think I'm going to tell him. I ended up spending the night in Corvega. It was very late by the time I finished there. While I waited for me to get tired, I had Codsworth teach me some science related things. I checked the map to see how close I was to Diamond City; decided to backtrack to Tenpines. Thought it was best to let them know that they were safe. For now.  

When I woke the next morning, I finished going over the plant, grabbing whatever ammo and food I could find. It was snowing when I got outside. Didn't even realize it was that cold. I decided to go to the Super-duper Mart; I was going to need more supplies. I figured it was picked over, but maybe, just maybe, I could find something of use. I put the new skills that Codsworth taught me to use. Activated a protectron all on my own. I decided to let it wander, figuring it would flush anything out of hiding. Which it definitely did. Lot of ferals in there. 

I also found a minute man. I think. He had the hat. I'm not actually sure if every minute man has the same hat. Seems like a trend. There was another body further back. It had a holotape. It named the body that I found Anthony. That is of course if it's the same body. I'm not going to tell Preston about this either. Because honestly, I was better off not knowing the body's name. 

There were a few things I probably shouldn't have picked up in the Super-duper Mart. Namely, vodka and whiskey... 

I also made a new discovery. Sometimes the sky turns green and my skin itches. Codsworth said it was a rad storm. It was still snowing, the sky was green, there was this weird tinny, aluminum foil like thunder, and I hated every second of it. I had to sit in the Super-duper Mart for almost 2 hours before the storm passed. I was so bored. 

Eventually I was able to leave. I wandered around the side of the Super-duper Mart and I found a port-a-diner. Inside was a lot of gross moldy food. However, there was also a perfect, pristine slice of pie. Out of everything in the port-a-diner, that was the most concerning. Because what, in the actual hell, was in that pie? How was it so perfectly preserved? I really don't want to think about it. 

I also passed through the old drive-in. There was a fucking radioactive puddle. And a bunch of mole rats. So far, I hate everything about this world. You know what? I take that back. I like Meaty and I like Codsworth.  

Continuing on my return to Tenpines, I saw the most terrifying thing yet. Well besides the deathclaw. It was an over muscled, bounding, 4-legged tank that was fucking green, charging at me. Closely followed by an over muscled 2-legged tank charging at me. Why were they green!?! What even? Codsworth tells me they're super mutants. As opposed to regular mutants? Are there regular mutants? Is that something I have to worry about? But yeah. If it wasn't for Codsworth I'd probably be dead. Because I'm pretty sure I was just in shock. Standing there slack-jawed. 

I found a camp by the side of the road. Along with three dead bodies and seven radroaches. I don't know what killed them, or if the radroaches killed them, but I killed the roaches. I then took the opportunity to use their camp fire to cook some of the meat I had. 

Thankfully, I got back to Tenpines before dark. There was a caravan there. Traders. They didn’t have any .50cal ammo though. When I spoke to the settlers there, they were overjoyed by the news of dead Raiders. And when questioned about joining the Minutemen, they responded with a yes. The Minutemen had new recruits. 

It wasn't too late, and I figured if I took a chance off road, then I would get back to Sanctuary before too long. On the way I hunted down a 2 headed deer. Because those are a thing. And I didn't waste too many bullets this time! Though I had a much bigger target this time. I passed by an excavation site as well. I remember hearing about it before the war, before all of this... 

I did get back to Sanctuary faster, but it was still dark by the time I arrived. I ditched the switchblade I'd been carrying around for a combat knife I picked up. I'd also picked up a couple of pipe guns. Sturges helped me change one into a bit of a sniper rifle. I figured I could use it for practice; that ammo being much more common. I couldn't find Preston, and I was getting very tired, so I went to sleep on my couch. Again, I am very uncomfortable there. 

I woke up to rain. Besides the snow and the radiation, the weather hasn't changed much. I cooked some of the deer meat from the night before, before it could spoil. Managed to find Preston, told him about Tenpines. He was super happy. He then gave me a flare gun. Hopefully he's right and it'll get more useful with time. He then told me about what happened in Quincy. Gunners attacked, the settlement called for help, and only Preston's group showed up. Quincy was abandoned. Sacrificed really. 

Since Preston shared some of his pain with me, I decided to tell him the truth. About the vault, about me being from a different time. About my son. About Shaun. Apparently, that was a waste of my time, because Mama Murphy had already told the group everything. I keep forgetting that old lady can see things sometimes. She needs to shut her fucking mouth though. That wasn't her story to tell. That wasn't her business. It was mine, and I wanted to keep it to myself. But I let it go. I'm not sure if everyone believed her anyways. Pretty sure Preston did, after all he led that group there because of her. 

Then Preston lost his damn mind. I knew he looked at me like some kind of savior, because, well, I did save them. But I didn't think I was worthy of leadership. Especially of his childhood heroes. From the way he explains it, he idolizes the Minutemen. And not only that but is disgusted by how they fell apart. And now, he tells me he wants me to lead them. I wonder if he was outside when that rad storm rolled through, maybe it caused him to go insane? I asked for more info, because I'm not stupid, I know I'm going to need help finding my son. And maybe, just maybe, having an army under my thumb would help. I'm not joking about the army thing either. With my new role of leadership comes the title of General. General Dragon. 

Oh yeah! I forgot to mention no one knows my name. All anybody calls me, is a bunch of different sweet, southern pet names, or Dragon. No one even questioned it when Codsworth called me that. And honestly, I was so used to Codsworth and Nate calling me Dragon instead of Deirdre, that I didn't think anything of it. I thought about correcting Preston. But I then decided against it. Nate died in that vault. My son was stolen from me. And I'm lowkey going on a killing spree. Deirdre died down there too. And a Dragon was born a new. 

I asked Preston to come along with me. Codsworth had gotten dinged a couple of times in combat, and Sturges agreed to try to work them out. I knew that would take some time, and I didn't feel like waiting around. So, I left him in Sanctuary, again. I will admit that I felt kind of bad doing that. But traveling with Preston, will allow me to get a better sense of what the Minutemen should be. It will allow me to decide how to properly lead them. If I think of them as a gang, and myself as a Boss, I might do better at this than I anticipate. Here's hoping. 

Preston did have a request however, upon agreeing to travel with me. He wanted to see Tenpines. Since he had just made me leader, I knew I could have said no, but I wanted to be benevolent. Plus, he'd been nice to me so I saw no reason to truly deny him. When we got there, he was disappointed to see that the settlement was literally just two people. Two people running a big ass farm. He said it was going to need better defending, and I couldn't disagree. So, between the two of us, and some scrap we managed to find around, we slapped together a recruitment beacon and a generator. I cannot tell you how uncomfortable it is hearing my own voice over the radio. Also, my pip-boy has a radio. Sturges neglected to tell me that. Could have been listening to music this entire time. 

Preston was helping me set up a turret when some stranger (I know his name now, but bear with me) approached. There were four guns on him and a dog, real quick. He said he came in peace, which reminded me of when I first approached Tenpines myself. He talked about some sensor from RobCo and how it would help build settlements. That sounded way too good to be true. But after a demonstration, I deemed it super helpful. I asked him how I could get more of these sensors, because obviously more sensors meant easier settlements, which meant more Minutemen recruits. He told me he'd gotten run out of Concord. By Raiders. Raiders I had already killed. When he heard about this, he was ecstatic. Well maybe not ecstatic, more along the lines of disbelieving. So, he ran back to Concord, and Preston and I followed suit.  

When we got to the hardware store, which was just outside of the museum, he gave us a whole box of these sensors. Preston was very much okay with that. Because like me, he realized that more sensors, meant easier settlements, which meant more recruits. It was pretty late by the time we got back to Concord so we stayed there for the night. Preston and I talked for a while; it was kind of nice having a human companion around. But at the same time, we had to sleep in shifts because, well, Preston needed sleep too. Whereas Codsworth definitely didn't. 

Had breakfast. I don't remember what. Then headed back to Tenpines. Was really starting to relearn the area. When we got there, we used the sensors to set up a new farm and start a scrap storage. We were then approached by some old guy, like a really old guy, named Paul. We got him settled in and then, I guess my beacon is doing work, because a woman named Lily and a couple of other settlers showed up as well that day. Really, really enjoying these sensors. Even though we spent the day at Tenpines, Preston and I, the sensors made it really easy to get everybody set up and settled in. 

Paul and Lily got into a little bit of a spat and ended up with questions that I couldn't answer about the sensors. So yet again, we headed back towards Concord. Did I mention how well I was relearning the area? I swear, we barely set foot inside the hardware store, before Paul came running in. Old man Paul. Running. Apparently, right after we left, fucking Raiders, came and grabbed some of our settlers. It was already dark. I do not like traveling in the dark. I can't see shit. The flashlight makes me a beacon of hope. A prime damn target... But I also wasn't just going to leave these people, who came to me for safety, in the hands of Raiders. So, me, Preston, Meaty, and the strange guy with the sensors, we're running after Paul. Because he knew where they went. That old man ran so slow. But he got us there on time. 

Now, this is not my first hostage situation. It is my first time in a very long time, and last time I was not in charge of talking anybody down. I honestly think law school prepared me for this, though. Which is a very weird thing to say. But somehow, I actually managed to talk the Raiders down. Then that stranger, the guy with the sensors, finally told me his name. It's Jake. It took a lot of effort, when he told me his name, not to say, “From State Farm?” I don't think they would know what I was talking about. So, I didn't say it. But I thought it really, really hard.  

I then learned about Synths. He was talking and he said something about Synths and he just tried to glide right by that. And you know, me being a 200 plus year old popsicle, was slightly offended when he said I must have been living under a rock. Mostly because he was right, I had been living under a rock. A lot of rock. Literally. Either way I have learned that Synths are pure nightmare fuel. I pray I never have to meet one.  

Jake asked me to team up with him. He wanted to properly settle the Commonwealth, and I wanted more recruits. I want to find my son. And me being in control of more people, will allow me to find him faster. Or at least that's the plan. 

Moving on. Jake said he had a lead on something that could get us even more sensors. Or it had something to do with the sensors? I honestly don't remember. But of course, it involved Raiders. I hate them. They are everywhere. Like roaches.  Oh my God, they're radroaches.  I might actually prefer a radroach to a Raider. At least I can power stomp a radroach. Just get a little bit of muck on my boots. You actually power stomp a human skull and you get a lot more than muck on your boots. Not very easy to clean. Not that I would know anything about that. 

We made camp, right there in the wilderness. I was tired, Preston was tired, Jake was tired. I'm pretty sure even Meaty was tired. I did not have enough sleeping bags. So, Jake slept in the cold. Preston had his own sleeping bag, thank God. Meaty was nice enough to curl up next to Jake. It was 2 AM by the time we got to sleep. I know I haven't been sleeping well, but even that is obscene. In this day and age, I am definitely going to need my beauty sleep. Because trust me when I tell you I don't feel very pretty with soot on my face. Least of all dark circles. 

Speaking of feeling pretty, I thought it would be nice to add a Hubflower to my hair. It was a really pretty, dark, rich blue, and I don't think it's toxic? Either way it's in my hair now. 

We headed up to a nearby farm, run by a Blake Abernathy. Apparently, they had dealings with the Raiders that Jake was hunting. Instead of just coming right out, and saying, “Hey, we heard you got fucked by Raiders, where’d they go?” I lead with, “The Minutemen can help you. Would you like that?” Preston was super pleased. Though his face did twitch, when Blake mentioned thinking that all the Minutemen were gone. After speaking with Blake, Preston pulled me aside. 

Preston once again informed me that he is disgusted by the fall of the Minutemen. Then he said something that took me by surprise. He said he thinks I'm a good person. Like, he thinks I'm one of the good guys. I managed not to outright laugh in his face. Preston seems like a sweetheart, like he really means well. I am now, however, worried about his judgement skills. Not only did he make me the leader of his childhood heroes, but now he's telling me he thinks I'm a good guy. He knows very little about me. And I'm not sure what he's going to learn about me while we travel together. Hope I don't disappoint... I did learn he's not a hugger though, because my sarcasm just can't help itself. 

We were headed towards satellite station Olivia, which I will simply be referring to as Olivia from now on. Unless I meet a person named Olivia. On the way I came across some radstags. There were three of them. I used my new practice rifle to try to hunt them. It didn't go well. I actually hit my targets, but there was no real punch behind them. I'm gonna blame it on the ammo type. 

Also found a cabin overrun by ferals. I decided to investigate the cellar, much to Preston and Jakes dismay. There was a mini nuke in pieces in one of the rooms. Thankfully my pipboys Geiger counter warned me beforehand. I was able to take some Rad-X before anything happened. Still got a little fuzzy feeling in my fingertips. But that was about it. 

Remember when I said I learned what synths were and how I'd hoped I'd never have to meet one? Now I'm on the fence about that because guess what happened? I met one. Who's being held at gunpoint by two supposed friends. His name was Jules. He claimed to have run away from the Institute, and logically speaking, if he wanted to hurt the people he was with, he would have already. And he wouldn't have told them that he was a synth. He admitted what he was, because he thought they were his friends. I convinced them to let him go. I really hope that doesn't come back to bite me in the ass later. 

Made it up to Jake's cache. He had a stupid looking baseball helmet on his head. But it would offer some kind of protection should he need it. He gave me one too. I am not wearing that damn thing. And then, literally emerging out of nowhere, were three ferals. Do they just live in the dirt? Are they actual zombies? Popping out of shallow graves to spite you? Scared the hell out of me. 

Cleaned up the outside of the station. Tried using the practice rifle again. I hate it. It doesn't feel like Nate's. Nate feels right in my hands. My aim just fucking sucks. But that's what the practice rifle is for. Not to feel good. Not to make me happy. But to improve my damn aim. 

Finally headed inside the station. Inside the station was pretty simple to clear out. Jake figured what we were looking for, the Comm Hub, was behind a terminal locked door. He said he could hack the terminal, but I approached the door nonetheless, to see if I could pick the lock. I could not. He worked on hacking the terminal while Preston and I cleared out the rest of the Raiders with Meaty. The box we were looking for, was full of dust and scrap metal. Or at least that’s what it looked like to me. I managed to be somewhat inspirational if you would, not trying to make him feel bad. He said he was going to try to drag the box back to Concord, and recommended I head out to West Everett to look for more sensors. I remember West Everett being under construction before the war. I think my father was working on that project. But now it was overrun by super mutants. Fantastic. 

By the time we finished with Olivia it was very dark, so Preston and I set up camp there. Again, we talked for a little while, he gave me a couple pointers about my aim. I appreciated it, but it still felt wrong using the practice rifle. I took the first shift. Kept watch for about three hours, then slept for three hours. Hard to sleep in the rain. 

Woke up this morning to it drizzling. Preston and I decided to head back to Abernathy, wanted to give that family back their daughters locket. I’m honestly surprised we found the damn thing. But I know what it’s like to lose a child, obviously. And if I could get any part of Shaun back, any kind of reminder, then I would.  

We decided that off roading might be the fastest way to get back to Abernathy. We actually managed good time. Ended up going through Concord again, decided to pick through some of the homes that weren't completely blocked off or caved in. Found some more vodka. Which honestly, was probably a bad idea… 

Got back to Blake, gave him the locket. He and his family agreed to join the Minutemen. They actually seemed more than happy to join up. Set up another beacon, along with some sensors. Got more settlers within a couple of hours. I’m hoping all these new people are good people. I’m hoping I don’t have to kill anyone later. Because that’s the world I live in now. Shoot first ask questions later. It’s simpler, but I hate it. 

And then I realized what day it was.  

I was helping Preston with some turrets, though I honestly think I got in the way more than I helped. I went to check the time on my pip-boy… 

It’s my birthday.  

I remembered that holotape that Codsworth gave me. He said it was from Nate. Figured it was supposed to be some surprise for me. I hadn’t listened to it yet. It was him and Shaun. Telling me how much they loved me. How we were going to get through this new stage in life together. And he ended it by telling me happy birthday. Little Shaun just gurgling and cooing in the background. I cried. 

Preston had walked in on me crying. Before he could even ask, I told him I needed to be alone for the rest of the day. He said he understood and went back to helping the settlers. I have since climbed to the roof and started drinking. I know I shouldn’t. I know I had a problem with it when I was younger. I know that I will forever be a recovering alcoholic. But I don’t think anyone would blame me right now for falling off the wagon. In fact, it was me drinking that reminded me that I used to journal. And I think it’s a good idea if I keep a record.  

I don’t know what’s gonna happen to me. I don’t know if I’m gonna find my son. I don’t know if I’m just gonna end up dead somewhere, because of some stupid new fucking monster. But maybe if someone finds my body, they’ll find this journal. If I haven’t found my son yet, maybe they will. I know that’s not realistic, but a girl can dream. 

I know I haven’t been eating well. I’m trying, I promise. I think tomorrow I’ll start keeping a food journal as well. But right now, I’m gonna have me another drink, and I’m gonna stare out into the distance off this roof, and I’m gonna sit here and wallow in my thoughts and memories. 

I’m 30 years old today. Though I guess technically I’m 240 years old today. And I am alone. 

I definitely need another drink. 

Chapter Text

I woke up with a hangover. I can't remember the last time I had a hangover. And yet I still wanted a drink. I mean I'd always been a functioning alcoholic. But I got shit to do. So, I didn't immediately have another drink upon waking up.  

No, instead, I actually had, I guess what you would consider breakfast. Decided to check on Tenpines, since the last we saw them, Raiders had taken them. I wanted to make sure they got back to their settlement okay. Preston agreed with that. We didn't get too far, a bit passed Concord, before I could hear gunshots and screaming. It was coming from Sanctuary. Preston, Meaty, and I ran full speed up the hill. Thankfully, by the time we'd gotten there, some turrets that Sturges had setup had taken care of the problem. Well, for the most part. There were a few stragglers that Preston and I put down.  

However, backtracking the way we had, took up most of the day. Though it honestly didn't help that we'd slept in. And by we, I definitely mean me. Because again, I was hungover this morning. Either way we got back to Tenpines, and everyone was settled back in. They had even installed more turrets. Guess they didn't want to be taken by surprise like that again. Can't say I blame them.   

It was already dark by the time I'd finished checking on everything, so we just stayed there for the night. At least this time we won’t have to sleep in shifts.

As promised, I’m going to keep a food diary. So, here's what I managed to eat today:  

10a  

Fancy Lad snack cakes  

Nuka-Cola  

9:30p    

New world scrapple  

Purified water - 1 can  

10p  

Vodka - 5 shots (I’m weak. I know...)  

Chapter Text

I gotta stop drinking. I drank on my birthday. I drank yesterday. I don't want to spiral like I did before. But if I'm being honest, this world is really hard to deal with. And my birthday showed me how fucking phenomenal alcohol was again. Woke up with another hangover. Wasn't as bad as the one from yesterday. Preston looked a little concerned. Told him I was fine. Don't think he believed me. 

We decided to go to West Everett today. There's a thunderstorm so it was slow moving. I carried the practice rifle. I'm getting a little better. Okay, I'm getting barely better. We stuck to the roads this time. I think that might have been a mistake, because there were super mutants. Though, the roads were also probably a good idea, because I saw them way off. I mean they're pretty hard to miss. They're giant and green and loud. 

Speaking of loud, there was this incessant beeping that I could hear. When Preston heard it, he looked like he about shit his pants. One of the super mutants had a mini nuke. Just in his hand. Preston called him a suicider. Apparently, they're pretty common. That's fucking terrifying. 

But when I tell you, that there is still a God, I mean it. Because with the practice rifle in hand, I hit it. I shot the mini nuke. The mutants hadn't noticed us yet. And I just crouched down, trying to properly brace myself, keep myself a steady as possible, and took the shot. If we had been any closer, we would probably be dead, because there were no survivors. Did I mention how much of a goddamn miracle this was? I guess my aim has gotten a little better with the sniper rifle as well. I complain about the practice rifle, but it's doing its job. 

I may or may not have had a celebratory shot. Don't judge me. 

The Super mutants were outside of Medford Memorial. Hadn't realized how close to Malden I was.  

You know how the other day when I encountered a synth? I thought the big fear was that they passed for human. I might have to agree with that. Because, while what I saw today was definitely alarming, it looked nothing at all human. There were two of them. One was honestly a walking mechanical skeleton. Whilst the other was coated in some weird plastic-like skin. When they were dead, I got as close as I could, and I poked that weird skin. It wasn't exactly plastic, but that's as close as I can describe it. 

Between the super mutants with the mini nukes, and the cringy looking synths, Malden was already turning out to be fun. 

Then we heard a distress signal. Preston was adamant that we follow it. Someone could be hurt. That is what distress signals are meant for anyways. To tell someone that someone else needs help. And what's a Minuteman if not a helper? 

So, we followed the signal to a nearby building that had been blown up. The inside was a charred radioactive circle of fuck. There were suits of power armor fused solid into the ground. There is only one properly intact body in fact. I didn't get too far into the building before I was attacked by a giant ass scorpion. It burst from the ground like a stripper from a birthday cake. Thankfully it wasn't facing me when it burst out, because it probably would have killed me. 

No, instead, it hit me with its tail and sent me flying. I landed on the outskirts of that radioactive char circle I mentioned earlier. Thankfully, with Meaty as a distraction, Preston was able to kill the scorpion. So, is everything I'm going to come across just a giant monster-esque version of what I'm used to? Because if so, kill me now. 

The intact body had a holotag on it. It listed him as Knight Varham? A Knight? I listened to the holotape. There was a fight, obviously. They decided to blow their power armor. It would explain why I can't tell if anyone is inside the fused armors or not. The holotape insinuated that there might be survivors elsewhere. So, we're headed to the training yard nearby to find them. 

When we got there, we decided to do some looting (I'm sorry, I mean scavenging). There were only a couple of ferals outside and 2 turrets, nothing too serious. That is, until I picked the wrong lock. 

Almost immediately upon exiting the building that I picked our way into; we were under attack. By a mother fucking sentry bot. Almost immediately, Meaty and Preston were incapacitated. I ran. I'm sure to Preston, it looked like I was abandoning them. But I wasn't. I scurried up some scaffolding, getting shot at the entire time. Managed to make it to the roof. And took cover. I kept the sentry bot distracted by chucking Molotov’s over the side of the roof, away from Preston and Meaty. That enabled the two of them to get out of sight. I watched Preston drag Meaty by the harness behind cover. After that, I lost sight of them. Because if my head was out too long, I almost lost it. Neither my pistol nor the practice rifle were doing any serious damage. The Molotov's were causing it to overheat, but it still wasn't doing enough. I only had one option left.  

I think I would have made Nate proud. I remember when we were shopping for Codsworth, he tried to convince me to buy a sentry bot instead. He told me all about how they worked. He told me how their biggest weak point wasn’t even easily accessible. The fusion cores in its back. The fusion cores that I was staring down through his scope. Because the Molotov's were causing him to overheat. And when it had to stop to vent, it opened up its back. I'm not sure when, but Preston must have recovered enough to notice this, because he started to draw the sentry bots fire again. It gave me the perfect shot. And I took it. And I hit it. And it blew up in spectacular fashion. 

The three of us took a moment to patch ourselves up and recover. Stimpaks and gauze were passed around like candy. Not really, but you get what I'm saying. While finally being able to take a breath I realized that the distress signal was coming from inside the recruitment office. So, when we were ready, we went inside. 

I'm glad we took that break when we did, because the whole building was crawling with mother fucking ferals. I would like to note, that my pistol aim has definitely improved, as I have taken to shooting ferals in the arms. One of the settlers up at Tenpines had told me that ferals usually attack by slashing with their hands. It's only after they get their hands on you, get a grip on you, that you have to worry about their teeth. And thinking back on my encounters with ferals so far, he's not wrong. So now I aim for the arms. 

We found another body, another Knight. Her name was Astlin. She also had a holotape on her. Looks like they were keeping records. Apparently, her signal had been going for three hours before she died. She made mention of a satellite array on the coast. She knew she was going to die. She called out for a Paladin Brandis, said it had been an honor. I think these guys consider themselves some sort of military? I asked Preston about it while we started cleaning out the barracks. We were there, might as well scavenge. He called them the Brotherhood of Steel. He said they aren't usually seen in the Commonwealth. Wonder what they're doing here? 

While in the barracks I found a few things I shouldn't have picked up, but I did. Namely, two shot glasses and a bottle of bourbon and a bottle of rum. Fight me. 

Did you know that ferals can glow? Because I didn't. No one had informed me thusly. So, when I saw one, so saturated with radiation, amble across the room, I was very concerned. And concerned is putting it nicely. Because honestly, I thought I was losing my goddamn mind. This whole world feels like an acid trip, a bad fucking dream, and I'm just not waking up.  Dear God let me wake up soon!  But I know this isn't a dream. This is real life, and I'm stuck living it. 

When we finished with the barracks, the sun was starting to set. We can see the array station from here. But something told me to make camp now. We'll take on the station in the morning. Preston will take first watch when I finish journaling. We're going to eat, and he has agreed to split this bottle of bourbon with me. Today was a long, hard day. Especially with that sentry bot almost killing us all. We earned this bourbon. 

7:30a 

Iguana on a stick 

Purified water - ½ can 

8:48a 

Vodka - 1 shot 

4:10p 

Cram – 1 tin (I’ve always hated Cram) 

Purified water – ½ can 

Bubblegum (to get the Cram taste out of my mouth) 

9:45p 

Grilled Radstag steak 

Bottle of Bourbon (Split with Preston. The day we’d had, called for it.) 

Chapter Text

Why is it always raining? I mean, I don’t think it rained this much 200 years ago. Or maybe I just hadn’t noticed? Whatever. Headed to the array station.  

Why is it always super mutants? If it's not Raiders, or ferals, it's super mutants. Mother fucking super mutants. I would rather deal with 15 years' worth of Raiders. And I can say with every ounce of my being, that I fucking hate Raiders. They are goddamn radroaches in human form. But super mutants, are infinitely worse. They shrug off bullets like a fly landed on them. But I'm going to tell this story in order, because shit gets weird. 

I tried to get a bead on them with my pistol. That was a waste of ammo. So, I did the next best thing and I used Nate's rifle. My aim is definitely better, but not good enough. I started this morning with about 34 bullets for the rifle. We were nowhere near done with the super mutants when I realized, I only had five bullets left. So, I switched to the practice rifle. I will admit I have no idea how many rounds of ammunition I had for the practice rifle, but I will say I went through most of them during this encounter. I tried to stay at range, because as stab happy as I can be, I was not trying to get into a knife fight with a super mutant. 

Guess what I ended up doing 

Before I get there however, I must point out, some mysterious stranger assisted me with one of the kills. Would have been nice for him to stick around. But as quickly as I saw him, he was gone. I think I saw him once before, but everything was so hectic so I'm not really sure. Maybe I'll see him again. 

So back to what I was saying. I ended up in a knife fight with super mutants. Preston managed to take on anybody with ranged weapons, but my shortstack-self definitely ended up running up, I don’t know how many stairs, to jab a super mutant in the kidney with a combat knife. 200 years not included; it has been at least 10 years since I've gotten into a knife fight. I didn't always believe in muscle memory when Nate talked about it, bragging about being able to clean and disassemble and reassemble his rifle blindfolded and, in his sleep, but my body moved all on its own. I didn't have to think about my footing. I didn't have to think about how to swing the knife. I didn't have to think about when and where to stab or how deep. I didn't have to think about swinging my head out of reach. I just did. 

I feel like I'm not describing this well enough. But I am in a lot of fucking pain right now, so I really don't have it in me to go into graphic detail as to how brutal, and how long, this fight was. And I don't just mean me being stab happy. I mean the entirety of the fight. The sheer number of bullets I went through. The number of stairs I climbed. The rickety ass sky bridge. But there was a lot going on. 

When all was said and done, and everything green had stopped moving, I found who I was looking for. The holotag called him Scribe Faris. Their holotape said that they were bleeding from the leg. Brandis had been gone for about 2 hours, and he hoped that Brandis made it back to Astlin. From previous holotapes and a necrotic pat down, I'd come across a key code, but I didn't know where it went. I now know where it goes. There’s a bunker to the north. That's where this Paladin Brandis is waiting. 

I didn't realize it at the time, but as I'm thinking about it now, my adrenaline was so fucking shot, that I didn't really think about how high I was climbing on those stairs to properly pick over the station. Because at the very tippy top, in one of the dishes, was what Preston is calling a Fat Man. It's a mini nuke launcher. A mini nuke. Because the state of this world was not a lesson enough in nuclear detonation. It was a heavy ass bitch and I made Preston hold it. 

We push north, because that's where the bunker is. And along the way (I'm gonna say this right now, today was not my fucking day) we ran into a mirelurk. Which again, is reinstating, that everything I knew, is now gigantic and monstrous and I hate it. I don't think I will ever look at seafood the same. Now, at this time, I'm still very concerned about ammo consumption. So, I technically got into a knife fight with a big ass crab. I mean, all I really did, was dance around it and poke it a couple times while Preston shot its legs out from under it. And then somehow, after getting hit in the side of the face, by one of those big ass claws (it could have been worse) I stabbed it in the face. What I think was its face? It was very a small target. 

I swear to God, the day only gets worse. Ran into a random ass Mr. Gutsy. Its “fuck everything up protocols” were in effect. I could not get close enough, so Preston handled it while Meaty and I hid. And continuing with the random encounters, a Raider rocking a chef's hat appeared. I guess we looked at him wrong, because he immediately started to attack us. He got stabbed in the kidney and shot in the face. Preston's really good at not shooting me in the back. 

It's actually kind of ridiculous how stab happy my day was. There was so much blood on my hands, and up to my elbows, and down the front of me, like Oh my God. I was covered in it. Some of it was mine, but most of it was everything else's. At least it was raining. Kind of like a free nature shower. If only I had some soap. 

Thankfully, something that was already giant in my time, was not made bigger. Because I swear to actual God (if he's listening) that if I had run into a giant-sized bear, I'd be dead. I don't know what Meaty had done to piss off this—what did Preston call it? A yao guai?—but it only had eyes for him. You ever stab a bear in the ass before? That was a first for me today. I don't even think it felt me. It paid literally, zero attention to me. It only wanted Meaty. I mean, that did enable Preston and I to kill it fairly easily. Calling it easy is an overstatement. It took forever. It was a bear after all. 

Maybe it was my pheromones or something. Maybe it was all the blood. But the attacks just would not stop today. Another Mr. Gutsy. Another one! Left that to Preston. And then I saw a nightmare. An Assaultron. Of fucking course. I mean, why the fuck not? I couldn't leave that to Preston alone. So, I had to use the pistol. Precious ammunition. But this Assaultron's dead and we are not. And that's always a good thing. 

My pipboys radar picked up something nearby. I thought maybe it was another settlement. Maybe we could rest there a spell. Just kidding! More fucking super mutants. Such a great day! So! Fucking! Happy! Can you feel the sarcasm in my words? I was running low on Molotov's because of the sentry bot yesterday, but I still had that lamp oil that I had stored for a personal project... So, Preston met the dragon today. When I tell you, that grown ass man, looked at me like he had never seen me before, I mean it. I knocked back that oil, pulled out a lighter, and as one of those big ass hulking hounds bounded towards me, I breathed fire directly into its face. It was kind of like the entire world stopped in that moment. Super mutant and Preston alike, just stared at me. I think the only creature not staring at me was Meaty. Because he lunged at a super mutant and caught him in the throat, and combat resumed as though it had never paused.  

I hate everything. Most of the super mutants got within stabbing range, but there was this one motherfucker who would not leave the house. Can I call that dilapidated shack a house? Either way, I had to use the pistol again to get to him. I don't know exactly what happened, but it was epic. I had started strafing to the right, trying to get a better angle on this big bitch. So, I think, Preston and I shot it at the same time, in the face. And between his laser musket and my 10mm, his head literally exploded. It was like someone took a baseball bat to an overripe melon. It was gory, red, and glorious. Though that might just be my pain and alcohol talking. 

We took a moment to recover. Cooked some of the meat I've been collecting. That always sounds super gross. We took a moment to really just breathe. Preston and I were both exhausted; even Meaty seemed tired, but there was still daylight, so we pressed on. I regretted it immensely. 

More mother fucking Raiders. They really are goddamn cockroaches. I would like to find every single one, and cut out their fucking tongues and eyes. I'm so damn done with Raiders. And I don't even think I've been awake for two weeks. 

Thankfully, we finally made it to the bunker. I put in the code, and then was immediately held at gunpoint again. I'm of a mind to stab the next motherfucker who puts a gun in my face. I'm pretty sure the only reason I didn't stab Brandis, was because I could hear the fear in his voice. We were, after all, strangers barging into his home. I managed to talk him down, I gave him the holotags I had collected, and I learned about the Brotherhood of Steel. They really do consider themselves military. I also learned that Brandis had been alone for three years. I can't imagine that...  

It was very late, and he offered to let us stay the night. Realistically though, he didn't have much of a choice. I think he knew that if we wanted to stay, we were going to. I was still thankful not to have to sleep outside. 

I found his holotape. He started it by saying it was a final report. Apparently, him and his team had only been in the Commonwealth for about 6 hours before they were ambushed. They lost five paladins and had to blow the armor. I put that together from the very first holotape I found at that blown out building. Apparently, he got separated from Astlin and Faris within a week. I'm glad to have told him what happened. I know that sometimes it's better not knowing, like some of the things I'm keeping from Preston, but I think he needed to know what happened to his team. Three years is a long time to wonder... 

— ○ — 

I had taken first shift, and Preston just woke up. He apparently had a lot on his mind. At this time, I've had an entire ass bottle of vodka. And I'm barely holding it together. But I managed to put on a straight face, I think, and listen to what he had to say. He admitted to me that he was desperate when he asked me to lead. He admitted to me that he was surprised I had said yes. He said he didn't know or care why I had agreed to it, but appreciates that I have. He thinks I'm doing a good job... That's a terrifying thought considering how drunk I am right now... But I told him thank you, and that it was nice hearing it. I wanted to write this down before I forgot, but now I'm going to bed. 

9:30a

Rad Scorpion Omelet 

Nuka-Cola 

1:30p

Fancy Lad Snack Cake 

Purified water – ½ can 

7:20p

Vodka – 3 shots 

10:30p

Crispy Squirrel Bits 

Dandy Boy Apples 

Purified water – ½ can 

11:40p

Vodka – 1 bottle (Yes, a whole ass bottle.) 

Chapter Text

I'm going to start this by saying I am not drunk, but by God, do I wish I was. I got woke up by Preston, concern painted on his face, with a very startling revelation. I was lowkey bleeding out. Apparently, amidst all the fun stabbing and bullets of yesterday, I got shot. Obviously, I was shot at, a lot. But nothing more than a graze and a few flesh wounds. Some scratches. Some bruises. My lips are chapped from breathing fire. Nothing serious. Apparently, in the meat of my thigh, was a bullet. 

That definitely explains why I was in so much pain all day. I just thought it was wear and tear from the absolute shitshow that was yesterday. But no. I was walking around with a bullet in my leg. It's a miracle it didn't hit anything important. 

So, this morning, Preston wakes me up and he looks me square in the face and he says, “General, there’s a hole in your leg.” I would like to remind you, that I had a whole ass bottle of vodka before I went to bed last night/this morning. So, I was lowkey still a little drunk, high-key hungover, when he was telling me this. And I don't think I got the full six hours we agreed on. In fact, I think it was barely 4. 

So, my morning was spent eating mole rat chunks (gross) and having Preston dig his lithe fingers into my flesh. We wasted an entire bottle of vodka on this. And not because I drank it. We had to disinfect his hands. And the wound. And the tongs that Brandis miraculously had. Though considering the absolute storage heap that was his bunker, I shouldn't have been too surprised he had anything helpful. First, we used a can of water so Preston could wash his hands. Then he poured a large amount of vodka over my leg. Oh! I forgot to mention I had to take my pants off. So, Preston has seen more of me than anyone has in a very long time. Because obviously it's been 200 years since I was with my husband. Moving on! 

He poured vodka into my wound. It burned like a bitch. He then poured vodka into, what was hopefully, a clean bowl, and let the tongs soak in it for a moment. We used my pipboy as a flashlight. God I really didn't like this next part. He jammed a finger into my bullet hole. He said he needed to know how deep it went. I almost punched him in the face. It took everything in me not to fucking scream. And I'm pretty sure it was only because I was still drunk that I even managed that. 

The short of the story, is that I have great self-restraint. And Preston's fingers are defter than I would have ever given him credit for. With the assistance of the tongs, he was able to get the bullet out of my leg. Thankfully, Brandis had a medkit, and Preston was able to administer the necessary stitches to get me closed up. He then stabbed me with a stimpack, almost directly in my bullet wound, which also hurt like a bitch, and almost got him punched in the face, but then that sweet cool feeling rushed through me. Is it possible to get addicted to stimpacks? Because they feel wonderful when you’re aware enough to feel them work. Usually, I’m stabbing myself as I’m ducking behind cover, adrenaline so high I feel nothing at all.  

After going through all of our things, we realized that we needed to get back to a settlement. We decided on Tenpines, because we wanted to check in with them. We needed to unload and restock. Our bags were almost all full, and I was nearly fresh out of ammo, as was Preston.  

It was a hard walk. I limped a lot of the way. I had, after all, just had a bullet plucked out of me. I hate this. As I have said before, I've never had to dig a bullet out of myself. Technically, I still haven't, Preston has. 

We passed by a lake and ended up at General Atomics Galleria. One of the Mr. Handys thought I was a supervisor. I just kind of went with it. I didn't know what was going to happen, and I wasn't looking forward to a fight if one broke out. So, it was easiest for me to just go with it. I didn't ask too many questions because I didn't wanna out myself. I was pointed to the director's office. Which was in the center of the Galleria.  Above  the Galleria. There was minimal railing on the lift. I was woozy from blood loss and being hungover. Why did it have to be so high? 

Spoke to the director. Somehow, some way, I managed to rein in my sarcasm. I lied through my teeth and managed to get away with it. Confidence is everything. (Yeah, I know I just said I was hungover and woozy, but CONFIDENCE!) The Mr. Handys and the Mr. Gutsy’s weren't going to attack me on sight. Which is fantastic. Going down the lift was infinitely harder than when I went up it. Because there was nowhere to look that was safe. I watched the ground come up to me, very slowly, and I thought I was going to vomit. Maybe I would have felt better if I had. But I held it together. 

When we got to Tenpines, we realized that they didn't have what we needed. So, after a brief check up on everything there, we made toward Sanctuary. A couple of mongrel dogs and a few Raiders much too close to the settlement, and we were here. Because of how slow I've been walking today; it is already dark. So, I'm going to sleep. I'm gonna try to sleep off my bullet wound and my hangover and I don't want to be bothered until morning. 

10:30a

Mole Rat Chunks 

Purified Water – 1 can 

2:50p

Mutant Hound Chops 

Mutfruit 

Purified Water – 1 can 

9:35p

Vegetable Soup 

Sweet Roll 

Nuka-Cola 

Chapter Text

I woke up to a windy rain this morning. Which about fit my mood. Preston was adamant that we stay in Sanctuary today. He said he wanted to make sure my leg healed up properly. Considering I was still limping, I agreed. 

 I restocked on 10mm's and .38’s. Did some cooking. Did some cleaning. Avoided a rad storm. The storm came in about 11:30 in the morning, and the sky was so dark, I thought it might actually be night. However, the storm rolled through really quickly, and after that it was clear and sunny. 

I decided, that since Sanctuary is supposed to be the Minutemen’s flagship settlement, it needed some sprucing. Preston followed me around pretty much all day, while I set up sensors and cleaned up trash and debris. I finally had to tell him to leave me alone. To which he responded, that he just wanted to make sure I rested. I told him, that if I had to sit on my hands all day, that I was  gonna start drinking. And he didn’t want that. So, he went on patrol. 

I still hate being here, but it wasn’t so bad today. 

8:36a

Baked Bloatfly 

Purified water – ½ can 

1:15p

Bloodbug steak – 2 servings (I was hungry) 

Purified water – ½ can 

5:43p

Fancy Lad Snack Cake 

11:11p

Deathclaw steak 

Purified water – 1 can 

Chapter Text

Today started out as a nice clear day. It was pretty nice, waking up to sunlight instead of rain or snow or rads. I decided to clean up a little bit more around Sanctuary since I started yesterday. Eventually, Mama Murphy ambled over to me and asked me to make her a chair. A chair. Of course my sarcasm demanded to know why she couldn’t just sit in any fucking chair, and the short answer is, she’s old and needs extra padding. So, I made her a chair.  

Once I got her seated, Mama Murphy asked me for some mentats. Apparently, the Sight, wanted something a little different today. So I gave them to her. Preston didn’t like that and I didn’t care. Today’s vision, consisted of the words, “Remember the quarry and Lily June on the rocks.” What does that even mean?  

A fog started to roll in. I think of all the weather patterns, I hate the fog the most. Can’t see shit.  

My pip-boy did that beeping thing at me again, and at first, I thought it was my Geiger counter telling me a rad storm was coming in. But that wasn’t the case. In fact it was a new radio signal. Jake, from State Farm (I just can’t help myself), had set up a radio signal and was hoping I would get it. Which obviously, I did.  

Upon listening to Jake’s signal, I realized, Preston and I never made it to West Everett. Then Preston told me something interesting. Told me about Diamond City Radio. So I tuned into it, as I have been listening to a classical radio station since learning about the radio in the first place. I like classical music, but it’s nice to hear something a little different every now and then. I will say right now, I do not like Travis. The guy is so?? Sad? Either way he’s not a good radio personality and I hope they replace him.  

 As Preston and I headed to Concord, we passed by the Red Rocket truck stop, and he made a comment about possibly turning it into a settlement. It’s not a bad idea, but I’m not wanting to handle another settlement at just this moment. Definitely something to think about at a later date.  

 Jake managed to get the Comm Hub into the hardware store. He even managed to put it together. He told me all about its potential, about how it can act as a giant switchboard of sorts for all of the settlements with the sensors in them. Essentially it would link all of the settlements together. They would be able to communicate and I’d be able to better manage them. All this new information after Preston just asked for a new settlement at Red Rocket. It’s like it was meant to be. Obviously, Preston is a huge fan of this idea, and wants to get it working as soon as possible. Wherein lies the problem.  

 There was no power in Concord. And the generators that Jake had, just weren’t cutting it. However, there was a generator in the service tunnels beneath Concord. A big one. All I needed to do, was get it going. So, into the service tunnels we went.  

I figured, that deathclaw that I fought (god it seems so long ago) must have come out of the tunnels. So I approached the drain grates that it had so gloriously popped out of, and was happy to see that it led me into the tunnels. There were a couple of radroaches down there, and as I was collecting meat, I wondered if I should even bother. The radroaches were so small, and their meat wasn’t exactly plentiful. I say this knowing, that a radroach the size of Meaty, startles me later. Like this bitch was fucking huge. I actually had to shoot it, there was no power stomping this guy. A biggen.  

There were also some mole rats and some mirelurks, nothing to be truly surprised at. There was also a dead Raider down there, which was a surprise. Less so, when we stumbled upon a dead Minuteman. Preston knew her. Said her name was Alice.  

Apparently, she’d always been headstrong; super determined. She didn’t know when to give up. When they first got into the Museum of Freedom, they were still being chased by Raiders. She, Preston, and the nameless minute man outside the museum, had managed to hold them back. Apparently, one of the Raiders ran, and Alice gave chase, never to be seen again. Now he knows where she went. He figured she was dead but it was nice knowing. Makes me wonder if I should tell him about the ones in the Super-duper Mart. What if he knew them? What if he’s waiting on news about them? And I’m just withholding that information from him…  

It was after Alice, that the big radroach popped out. I was approaching an already dead mole rat, wanting to make sure it was, in fact, dead. I actually screamed at it. And by screamed, I mean squeaked like an old school dog toy. It was incredibly embarrassing. But then I pumped it full of way too many bullets, and we were done. I think, if it hadn’t been for Alice, Preston would have questioned me about the waste of ammo…  

Then I found something new. New and grey and green and squishy. Preston informed me it’s called a brain fungus. It’s a fitting name. The green glowing bits make me wonder if I should be touching it. I actually initially poked it with one of my rifles. It jiggled like jello. When I picked it up, I thought it would fall apart if I put too much pressure on it, you know, like jello. It didn’t. It is alarmingly firm for how squishy and jiggly it is.  

After almost getting lost in the damn near labyrinthine tunnels, I finally found the generator. I literally had to kick it to life. I don’t know how long that thing is gonna last... On the way back up to the surface, I came across a clutch of mirelurk eggs. I was excited. Until two of them hatched. Then I was stomping things again. On a happier note, I also found a machete.  

I don’t know if I’m gonna use the machete or if I’m gonna stick with the combat knife. Mostly because Meaty tends to get real close to me when I'm up close and personal to an enemy. I don’t want to swing and catch Meaty in the follow through. I would feel awful if I accidentally hurt him. Infinitely worse if I killed him. I’ll hold on to the machete, but I don’t think I’m going to use it.  

It was pretty late by the time we surfaced, I hadn’t realized just how late in the day we got that signal. When I went to find Jake, he was already sleeping. So Preston is taking first watch. And I am going to bed.  

8:05a

V-Ate  

1p

Noodle cup  

Nuka-Cola Quantum (Gross. I was hoping 200 years would make it taste better. Still hate it. Should’ve had water.)  

11:50p

Mutt chops  

Purified water – 1 can  

Chapter Text

I started my day with some cooking while Preston was sleeping. It was actually kind of nice. Sitting on that roof, watching the sunrise, while I made fungous puree. Okay, that part is actually pretty gross. It was while I was cooking, that Meaty brought me a baseball. I think he wanted to play fetch, but we were still on the roof, so it was gonna have to wait.  

This is me promising Meaty that I will play fetch with him soon.  

When Preston got up, we went to speak with Jake. Another fog was rolling in, because of course it was. Jake was ecstatic to see that we’d gotten the generator running. Less so, when he tried to turn on the Comm Hub, and it blew up in his face. I asked if he was okay, and he just kind of coughed at me. He said he was fine, but he definitely wasn’t. Pretty sure his lungs are full of smoke right now.  

He said he was going to need some time repairing the Comm hub and gave us some schematics for some simple defense plots. This meant that the sensors could now be directed towards defense. Which is fantastic, because Raiders, ferals, super mutants, and the whole rest of the Commonwealth, are a constant threat. He also gave us another box of sensors. Preston wanted to make immediate use of the defense plans. So, we headed out towards Abernathy, since it was closest.  

We got a few plots set up, checked in on everybody, and found them to be fine. They even had a few new settlers with them. I think Lucy, their daughter, was happy to have new people around. We then headed up towards Sanctuary. We spent some time there, setting up the plots didn’t take too much time, but I was very particular about placement. If I’m being honest, I would set one up at the entrance to the Vault, but Preston said that it was too far away. I mean, it overlooks a great part of the Commonwealth. You can see everything from up there damn near… Isn’t a short trek worth that kind of notice?  

We then started out towards Tenpines, but the pipboy picked up a weather station. When we got there, I had to hack into the door. I would have much preferred Codsworth doing it, but he has taught me well. I’m getting better, but it still took me a little while. Apparently, this incredibly vivid weather station, was actually a testing site. Not entirely sure what for though.  

It was getting pretty late, so Preston and I set camp here. The station is lowkey a barracks? There are plenty of beds and a locker room. There is even a kitchen and a storage area. It was kind of nice. I decided I would have first watch, letting Preston get some rest. Before I started journaling tonight, I actually managed to upgrade the practice rifle. Now, instead of taking .38's it now takes .45’s. I can’t wait to test it out tomorrow.  

9:32a

Fungus puree  

2:35p

Grilled radroach  

Purified water – ½ can  

9:50p

Radscorpion steak  

Purified water – ½ can  

Chapter Text

So today was hell. It had started off normal. We got up, had breakfast, and then headed out to Tenpines. On the way we happened upon the robotic disposal grounds. I found the holotape that activated that combat sentry and I sent it to a random location. Who knows, maybe we’ll see it again.  

After that, we got to Tenpines with barely any fanfare. Set up the defense plots, had some lunch and then decided, that today, was the day, we went to West Everett to find those sensors. I have regrets. We passed through Malden on the way. Found a holotape for Eddie Winter.  Piece of shit. We also passed by a Slocum's Joe. Well not just a Slocum’s Joe, their headquarters. What I wouldn’t do for a cup of coffee right now.  

Once in West Everett things got... hairy. The map led me down into a basement. I wasn’t expecting anyone coherent to be down there, so when a super mutant rounded the corner, I was unprepared.  I was so taken by surprise, that they actually got the drop on me. If they hadn’t been— friendly is not the word— we would be dead. Or at the very least, I would be dead. Then I learned something alarming. They speak. Not just grunts and growls and a few words here and there, but actual factual words. Holy fuck. I decided it would be best to just be upfront about what we wanted. Honestly, I didn’t think they would know what I was talking about. I was wrong, and I was happy to be wrong. It saved me having to explain things. However, they said no. I thought we were gonna fight. Instead, their leader, proposed a job. He wanted me to find another super mutant. Apparently, he had left a note. The note said, “Nail make bear friend by big car brother.” The fuck am I supposed to do with that? So, we left.  

Almost immediately, my pip-boy dinged. This time it was, in fact, a distress call. A caravan was under attack by some hostile bots. They were east of Watts Consumer Electronics. The signal was seeded with coordinates and my map actually said that was pretty close. It’s a shame we had to pass through HELL!  

West Everett, is overrun, with super mutants. I remind you, that as much as I hate Raiders, and how much I want to gut them and wear their entrails, I prefer them to super mutants. Again, this is mostly because super mutants are walking talking bullet sponges. This encounter, was worse than the satellite array. I didn’t think that was possible.  

One of them, had a rocket launcher.  

I lost Preston in the fray. We saw an incoming missile, we both dove in separate directions, and through the ringing in my ears and the shaking, vibrating motion of my eyeballs, I couldn’t find him. I could hear his gun, I’m pretty sure it was his gun, but I couldn’t find him. Everything was muffled and there was this horrible ringing in my ears, but I could hear his gun. There were so many. I’m so glad, so glad, that I upgraded my practice rifle. Because there was no way I was trying to get into another knife fight with super mutants.  

My aim has definitely improved. I actually hit my targets more often than I missed. Which is great, because otherwise we’d be dead. After a while, I realized I could hear again. Except, I wasn’t hearing Preston’s gun anymore. I still hadn’t found him. Meaty had found me. But not Preston.  

After taking down a particularly angry super mutant, with a fire inducing sledgehammer, I was left to search the battleground. Because battle is the only word appropriate for what just happened here.  

Finally, finally, I find Preston. He was slumped over next to a yellow house. At first it didn’t look like he was moving. But then I notice that he was, his breathing labored. I run to him. Full tilt. I’m already reaching for stimpaks before I even get to him. I did a slide that would have made a baseball player proud, and jabbed a stimpak into the side of his neck. The best reaction he could give me was a hiss of pain.   

I had to drag him into the house, the yellow one he was slumped next to. I managed to get him patched up. A couple more stimpaks, a ridiculous amount of gauze, and the offering of a bottle of whiskey. He denied the whiskey. Smarter than me. The whiskey would have made his blood thin and he would have bled out like I almost did in the bunker. I had Meaty stand watch over him while I picked over the area. I was afraid to leave Preston's side, but I couldn’t waste the opportunity.  

It was quite obvious that Raiders had been living here before the Super mutants moved in. There were bodies everywhere. And there were also puddles of what I could only assume were once bodies. I tried extra hard not to step in anyone. I found a holotape. It belonged to the leader of this particular group of super mutants. I think he was going to give this tape to someone else? I’m not entirely sure he knew how this thing worked. The fact that the tape starts and ends with him killing someone and then breaking it, should be a clear indicator for that. It mentioned a bunker, however, which sounded very promising. It was outside the yellow house.  

I don’t know how I did it, but I managed to haul Preston’s near lifeless form onto my back and dragged him down into the bunker. That man is at least a foot taller than me. I mean it when I say, even though he was on my back, I dragged him. I got him situated on one of the bunks down here. I keep checking on him. I need to make sure he’s still breathing. It doesn’t look like he’s bleeding anymore, which means the stimpaks are doing their job. I only gave him like four or five. Can you overdose on stimpaks?  

It’s gonna be a long night. I won’t be sleeping. I’ve got Meaty by my side, but I know he’ll fall asleep eventually. I wasn’t joking when I said I would do anything for a cup of coffee right now. I’m gonna need it.  

8:30a

New world scrapple   

Purified water – ½ can  

1:30p

Baked bloatfly  

Iguana on a stick  

Purified water – ½ can  

9:47p

Noodle cup  

Dandy Boy apples  

Purified water – 1 can  

Chapter Text

Today’s entry is going to be short. It’s about 4pm now, and I cannot explain to you how fucking tired I am. We’ve been in the bunker all day. I have not slept. Every little noise above me nearly caused me to jump out of my skin. Preston is feeling much better, and has assured me that he can keep watch. So I am finally, finally going to sleep.   

— ○ —  

Preston woke me up to eat. I really don’t know what I’d do without him. Back to sleep.   

7:13a

Vegetable soup  

12:37p

Nuka-Cola  

9:15p

Yao guai ribs  

Purified water – 1 can  

Chapter Text

Preston eventually woke me up for watch sometime this morning so he could get some more rest. When he finally got up for the day, we spoke a lot. I think we even bonded. He gave me so many compliments (a ridiculous amount of compliments) but I found them to really sound more like him than me. And I told him as much. He seemed to appreciate it. He really is a sweet guy.  

We finally moved out of the bunker around noon, only because Preston was getting stir crazy. I can’t blame him, I was too. But I would rather be stir crazy than have him moving around while injured. He agreed to take it slow, and that is the only reason we left the bunker. That, and he was determined to get to that signal. It had been two days since we first heard it…  

We passed by a Poseidon energy plant, found a random guy on the bridge, gave him some water. I even got into a knife fight with a lone Raider, that wasn’t so bad. And then we found the caravan. There was a ridiculous amount of bots. They all seemed to be targeting one other robot. It noticed me, it was a nice aqua blue, and it called out for help. After telling Preston to stay back, we dispatched the hostile bots. The bot that called out to me, was named Ada. She was the last man standing. If we had gotten there sooner… It had been two days. Ada and these people had been fighting, for two days…  

Ada told me that she and her group had come under attack multiple times. Something about a mechanist? She thinks it’s her fault that everybody died. I think it’s ours. I searched the bodies, because maybe there was something that they could tell me. I found a diary on a girl, it said it belonged to a Zoe. The entries mentioned Diamond City, they called it a stadium. Is Diamond City Fenway Park?  

I also found a holotape on Jackson’s body, Ada identified them all for me. I’ve never heard a robot actually be sad, well outside of Codsworth when I first got back to him. The holotape mentions bots that look like they were put together by scrapped pieces and something about a work bench. And the fact that they had been attacked before. So nothing that Ada hadn’t already told me.  

Ada said that the eyebots spewed something about the mechanist being for peace and justice. She then asked me for help. She started out by saying it was so the mechanist could be stopped. The mechanist  needed  to be stopped. She told me she would teach me how to use the robot workbench as she called it, and I immediately thought of being able to upgrade Codsworth. The primary reason he’s not with me now, was because I didn’t want him getting destroyed. It was all very tempting, but I’m not stupid. She was out for revenge, and I blatantly asked her about it. She admitted it. She wanted to avenge her friends, her family, her father. Ada never actually called Jackson her father, but she did refer to him as her creator. And if that’s not the same thing…  

She put the coordinates for General Atomics in my map. She wanted to come with me. I thought this would be a good chance to send Preston back to Sanctuary. I still wasn’t sure he was ready to be out in the field. And even though he didn’t want to leave me, he agreed on going back to Sanctuary so long as I went with him. So me, Ada, Preston, and Meaty all started back towards Sanctuary. Thankfully, it was pretty smooth sailing. We got back pretty late, and I am very tired still. So I’m going to eat something, and go to bed.  

10:40a

Grilled radroach  

Purified water – ½ can  

5:30p

Grilled radstag  

Purified water – ½ can  

11:50p

Mole rat chunks – 2 servings  

Nuka-Cola

Chapter Text

I hate sleeping in Sanctuary. Realistically, I hate sleeping on my couch, but I just can't find it in myself to put a bed in my bedroom. The room I shared with Nate. The home I shared with Nate. I really do hate that place. It's none of the peoples’ fault, it's just all the memories. It's too much. And it doesn't help that I still haven't made it to Diamond City.   

Honestly, I lowkey think I'm avoiding it. I know that realistically, I could just make a beeline for the city. I know that I just keep getting distracted. I keep catering to everyone else around me. Why the fuck am I doing that? I want nothing more than to find my son, but I think I'm afraid of what I'll find in Diamond City... What if he's not there? What if no one there can help me? Diamond City is my only lead. What am I supposed to do if it doesn't pan out?  

I already know I'm losing it. I've been awake for almost three weeks... I have lost count of how many people I have killed. In my defense, they did try to kill me first, but that doesn't make me feel any better. Preston put me in charge of... him. Settlements are looking to me for help, and I keep helping them, but I'm not helping myself. I'm not helping my son.  

I didn't start this entry for this. I started this entry to tell you that Ada helped me set up the robot workbench in Sanctuary. She even taught me a few things about robots and science. She's really nice. She dictated some upgrades for herself. And she helped me do some upgrades for Codsworth. And then, just to see if I could, I built a new bot. Her name is Cara and she is red.  

I also wanted to tell you that I decided to take Preston's advice, and am turning Red Rocket into a settlement. I spent most of the day doing that. Cleaning up around the truck stop, setting up the sensors for different plots. And of course, the recruitment beacon.  

But honestly, all I wanna do is cry. It's been three weeks. The longer I spend on these people, the less likely I am to find my son. I'm not stupid. I know what the survival rate for a missing person is. I know that realistically, if they are not found in the first two or three days, you can just expect to never see them again. And it's been three weeks...  

I still have a fucking crick in my neck from the couch on top of everything else...  

7:51a

Fungus Puree  

2p

Cooked softshell meat  

Purified water – 1 can  

10:40p

Grilled radstag  

Mole rat chunks  

Purified water – 1 can

Chapter Text

I'm going to start by saying I am incredibly tired.   

I woke up about 8ish the other day, I don't really remember. I got a signal from Jake, wants me to meet him somewhere, he's gonna have to wait. I started that day deciding to get back on track and getting to Diamond City, I want— no— I need to find my son. It was raining pretty heavy, I remember that. Couldn't see very well. Ran into a pack brahmin on the road. He was being led by a trader named Carla. Trashcan Carla. That's a horrible name.  

I managed to make her laugh though, and she gave me a discount. I only bought two things from her, a Nuka-Cherry, because they're my fucking favorite, and 17 rounds of .50’s. Then, almost immediately, ran into a new breed of Raider. Because you know, Raider’s didn’t fucking suck enough as is. Ada calls them rust devils. Apparently, they are almost always accompanied by bots. I fucking hate them.  

I was passing by the old Drumlin Diner when I heard shouting. I should have let them go, I should have left them alone, it was none of my goddamn business. But no. I'm a fucking helper. Guess what happened to me. Ended up with another god damn gun in my mother fucking face. I immediately bitched about it, and I guess the look on my face told them how stab happy I was about to get, because they immediately backed away from me and lowered their guns. Smart. They told me their situation, and I can't really fault them as a former drug runner myself. They just wanted their money. I talked to Trudy, that was the owner of the diner, and I convinced her to pay up. Struck an agreement between the two of them; they would stop bothering Trudy and they would stop selling to her son and Trudy would stop being a colossal bitch to them and threatening them every time she saw them. Seemed fair.  

While I was following the roads, I heard something fly overhead. I didn't think that was possible anymore? I looked up as soon as I heard it, but the weather was such fucking shit that all I ended up doing was getting rain in my eyes. So, I have no idea what just happened, and Ada didn't see shit either.  

Somehow, some way, I got turned around and fucking lost. The weirdest part though, was that I think I found Nail. I mean there was a dead super mutant next to a tree next to two motherfucking yao guai. And if I recall his note correctly, he said he made friends with a bear. I think he thought he made friends with a bear. Because the bear did not make friends with him.  

I checked my map to see which was closer, West Everett or Diamond City. It was still West Everett, so I started my way back. Passed through Jalberts Brothers Disposal and Lexington, before deciding to go off road. It was taking too long following the regular routes. And, as always, the shortest distance between points A and B is a straight line. So that's what we were going to fucking do. Or you know, that was the plan.  

Then in the distance a big ass wall came into view. Like a nice wall. So, me, being ever curious, had to investigate. I both have regrets and don't. Place is called Covenant. Outside was a man who said that if I wanted to get inside, I had to pass a test. What kind of test you may ask? Why it's called the SAFE test. Stupidest name I've ever fucking heard. Of course, I asked about this test. Why do I have to take it? What's the point of it? The fuck? Dude said (I can't remember his fucking name) it was to make sure that only good people got into Covenant. Did I ever mention that I am not a good person? I don't know why they think I am, but here we fucking are. Primarily, this test was to keep out undesirables. The fuck was an undesirable? It was synths. They wanted to keep out synths.  

The questions were stupid as hell. They made literally no fucking sense. And then, to put a cherry on top of the situation, I was told they had never had anybody answer quite like me. I am not surprised. Because I was brutally honest. If someone's coming at me shouting scientific bullshit nonsense, I'm hitting them in the face with a crowbar. If my grandma who, let's be real was most likely someone from the gang, tells me to kill someone, I'm doing it no questions asked. Some idiot has locked themself in a goddamn room? Pick the damn lock. I want a comic you fucking have? I'm stealing the bitch. Like how were these questions going to help decide who's a synth? Stupidest goddamn test I've ever taken.  

Once I was inside, it was actually very nice. Cute even. The post-gang housewife in me would have liked living here. However, like most perfect things, there is in fact a flaw. I couldn't help but overhear someone asking about a caravan. The answers he was getting made no sense. Just blanket denial. The man, named Dan, then approached me about said caravan. Flat told him I had just got there, and had no idea what he was talking about. He did however, tell me more about synths and the institute. Just adding more nightmare fuel to the nightmare fire. But the biggest question, that he and I had, was why full on deny he was ever there?  

At a glance, the place had great potential, but something was obviously wrong here. All of it felt very... Stepford. Dan convinced me to help him, because he was looking for his boss's daughter. He didn't see her body at the wreck, and the last place they were was here in Covenant. So of course, I had to help. I am a mother in search of her son, and he is a man in search of another man's daughter. Complicated, but still looking for a missing child. I'd want help. I do want help. So I should help. So, I helped. Again, I have regrets, but not really. I found the wreck that Dan mentioned outside of Covenant. I had a look around, and I found irrefutable evidence of them being in Covenant. One of the first things I heard when entering Covenant was a Mr. Handy advertising Deezer’s lemonade. Guess what the caravan had on them. Did you guess Deezer's lemonade? Yeah.  

They were lying. Every single person in Covenant, was lying. Now the question was why? What were they hiding? I did some searching around the settlement. Found a couple of things that indicated someone else had been there, and then, I struck gold.  

A woman named Talia, a mechanic, was incredibly jumpy. She knew something. In fact, she knew a lot of things. And I got everything I needed from her, because I am very good at my job. My job of being a lawyer that is. I like information, and I like getting information, and I am very good at getting it. So, I played nice with Talia, she explained to me that the test assured no synth could get into the settlement, which made no sense, again, giving the stupid ass questions they ask you. I decided to tell her just a little bit of a lie, and I used the already open distrust for Dan, to say that he was suspicious. He had almost downright told me he was a synth . Talia broke. She spilled everything. I don't even think she realized she did. She told me about a compound and that's all I needed. Now I just had to figure out where it was.  

While I had been looking around the settlement, I had picked up a few things. A set of house keys, a piece of paper labeled password (because you know, they're fucking stupid) and now I knew what I was looking for. The leader of the settlement, had a locked terminal in his room. I stood around in there, looking like I was busy looking at their stupid amount of self-help books he had in there, and as soon as his back was turned, I used his terminal. It told me all I needed to know. This place, was all one big fat fucking lie.  

It was almost midnight, by the time I got the information back to Dan. This was important. Sleep could wait. Stockton's daughter? Not so much. As I was making for the front gate, Jacob, the leader of the settlement, approached me. He was beating around the bush and being all around annoying and irritating and I told him as much. If you've got something to say just fucking tell me. He knew that I knew. He tried to buy me. I told him he was fucking hilarious. We then worked out a little arrangement, I don't kill everybody there, and he lets them know that I'm just there to talk so they don't try to kill me, forcing me to kill everybody there. That would have made this trip infinitely shorter, I could get to bed sooner rather than later, so I agreed. Why do things never workout the way I want them to?  

I had to cross the pond and enter through the sewers which was fucking disgusting. But once I was inside, Dan was waiting for me, and he said he'd follow my lead. Smart man. I talked my way into the compound, because even though Jacob was supposed to tell them I was on the way someone was fucking trigger happy at the entryway. It was a long walk from the entrance to where the doctor was. She called herself a doctor. I doubt she had a medical degree. I also, for the life of me, can't think of her fucking name. That's how little she meant to me.  

Doc fuck face also tried to buy me. “We'll let you go if you let us kill the girl.” They were torturing people there. They had no real way of knowing, until after they were dead, if they actually had synths on their hands or not. And they wanted me, to let them kill someone's daughter. I remembered Jules, the synth I had let go on the road. He had been scared for his life. He didn’t deserve this and was a synth. She didn't know me from a hole in the wall. And I was about to make her fucking regret it. But I tried to be civil at first, I gave her an option, let the girl go and we will leave, we will say nothing, we won't kill anybody on the way out, all will be fine in the Commonwealth.  

“She knows too much.”  

I got stab happy with the doctor. I didn't need Dan to threaten me before then, but he did, he's got a moral code, and I'll give him that for sticking to it, but I am not the one, son. He's lucky he was on my side, or I would have stabbed his ass too. Had to fight our way back through the facility, before I would agree to release Amelia, Stockton’s daughter. I wasn't going to let her leave, just to get shot in the face on the way through. And I had already decided, that I didn't care how nice these people were, or how much they meant well, everyone in there, was going to die. So, through a collection of Molotov's, frag grenades, and me deciding to breathe more fire, we wiped out the whole compound. I need to find some chapstick. Also, if they didn't think I was a synth before, they might think I am one now. Well, they would if anyone was left alive. I wonder if synths can breathe fire?  

After speaking to Dan and freeing Amelia, I asked what they would do if Amelia really was a Synth? He said that it wasn’t up to him, but if after all that torture and questioning, they still couldn’t figure it out, then that was human enough for him. I’m not sure if I agree, but I can see the logic. Then the two of them left. He paid me, but I really didn't want it. I had zero intention of paying anyone for helping me find my son. When I find him. Because it's not if anymore, it's when. I am going to find my son.  

I decided to head back to Covenant, give them a piece of my mind. Or at the very least tell them what happened. What they're not going to be doing anymore. But first, I needed a nap. I remember it being about 8:30 in the morning. I had been awake for almost 24 fucking hours if not longer. So, I set up camp and took me a little nap. Then I headed back to Covenant at about 2 in the afternoon. I was going to do this peacefully you know? They had other plans.  

Almost immediately, Ada, Meaty, and I we're all under fire. The short version is, I spent the better part of the afternoon and evening dodging bullets and then dragging corpses out of Covenant. I didn't want to let this place go to waste. As I said before, it's got great potential. So, I've asked Ada to watch over reconstruction. I'm going to turn this into a settlement for the Minutemen. Fucking watch me.  

8a (11/12)

Mirelurk egg omelette  

Purified water – ½ can  

107p (11/12)

Mutant hound chop  

Nuka-Cherry  

950p (11/12)

Gourd pie  

Deezer’s Lemonade  

756a (11/13)

Purified water – ½ can  

140p (11/13)

Crispy bits treat  

Gum drops  

Mutfruit   

1030p (11/13)

Crispy squirrel bits  

Cram  

Gum drops  

Deezer’s Lemonade

Chapter Text

My brain wants to tell me that realistically a lot didn't happen today, but it actually did? It's more like everything that happened, was towards the end of the day.

I got back to West Everett, I informed the Super mutants that their missing dude was dead, there was sarcasm involved. This started a fight. Not my sarcasm, but the actual news. You ever see super mutants fight each other? It was terrifying and amazing at the same time. I will admit, I was afraid that they might turn on me. It was just me and Meaty versus potentially, I don't know how many super mutants down there. Thankfully, they did not turn on me. In fact, I got a whole box of sensor's and went on my merry way.

I decided that since Greentop Nursery was close by, I'd head over there. Getting there had me pass by Med-Tec and I cleared the front area of ferals, mostly because they were in my way. When I got to Greentop, I was informed that they had a Raider problem. I wasn't too surprised, but I was concerned. Again, it was just me and Meaty. Of course, I wasn't going to deny this job, because it was for the Minutemen. But I needed to know what I was up against. I asked them how many Raiders there might be... But they couldn't give me a solid number, which again was unsurprising. Then I asked where exactly these Raiders were. The Raiders were in Dunwich Borers. I had heard creepy things about Dunwich before the war. I can only imagine what kind of hellscape it is now.

I told the people of Greentop that I would get to it, but I couldn't promise it would be anytime soon, because I was going to need some help. And where better else to get help than Diamond City. So that's where I was headed. That and my only lead to my son is in Diamond City. And I am tired of being waylaid by other people's problems.

I say this, but then I found a boat in a bank. Like I shit you not, a full-on pirate ship in a goddamn bank. What the fuck? Now I couldn't just pass this by. I was much too curious. So, I investigated. I got into the bank and there were a bunch of Mr. Handy’s around. One of them came right up to me and scanned me. They had access to pre-war records, as they had my driver's license on file and my previous occupation. It was kind of unnerving, and I was very glad I was alone. And then I was conscripted. What?

Upon request, I made my way to the top of the ship. Again, I was too curious. I get up there and there is a sentry bot going by the name Ironsides. Not a lot was said before some scavengers began attacking the ship. I usually don't have much of a problem with scavengers. So, this was new for me. Since I was technically under attack (I was on the ship) I fought back. I'm scared of heights. I am on the top of the ship, the deck of the ship, on top of a bank. I'm scoping and all I see is how far up I truly am... My aim has gotten better! And that is the only good thing to come out of this fight. Well, I should say, the only good thing to come out of me. Because the other thing that came out of me, was vomit. I definitely threw up over the side of the ship. I was a little embarrassed. And again, I am glad it was just me and Meaty...

I know that these bots weren't pirates, but they were acting like it, which is pretty cool. They needed some repairs done and I honestly think I would have made Codsworth and my mother proud because I was able to do it. Then they told me that they needed a guidance chip. They said that one they had before had been stolen. By the scavvers who had just attacked us. So, I made my way down to the street found the scav camp nearby and spoke to the leader. She was creepy as hell. I'm pretty sure she was strung out on something. I recognize an addict when I see one. But on top of her creepy persona, she was greedy as fuck. She actually tried to buy me. She tried to convince me that since they were just a bunch of bots, it was them just scavenging for materials. This was obvious theft. If it can defend itself and its things, then it’s theft. Or at least that's how I feel about it.

I told her as much and she wasn't happy about it. I also told her that I would rather side with Ironsides than her thieving ass. And then she threatened me. So, I stole the chip. Once I got back on deck, I repaired the transmitter, and then they asked for a pump? Ironsides said it was nearby. When I checked my map, it was determined, that was a lie. Nearby my ass! It was clear across the map. Just no. Not doing that. Or at least not yet. I decided to sleep on the ship. Now I'm down in the captains' quarters eating dinner and I will soon be going to sleep. Continuing on to Diamond City in the morning.

1035a

Squirrel on a stick  

Purified water – ½ can  

2p

Cooked softshell meat  

Purified water – ½ can  

1130p

Grilled radstag  

Purified water – 1 can  

Chapter Text

So, I got to Goodneighbor today. I didn’t know that was a settlement when I came upon it. I should probably call it a city actually... It’s based around the old mayoral statehouse. Apparently, it’s a drug den? I shouldn’t say that. It’s more like it’s seedy, grungy, dirty, and gang related. And full of drugs and junkies. So not much different from when I last visited. When I first got here, some idiot tried to shake me down. I think he was called Finn? Either way, he was a bastard. I had just walked in, trying to get in from the rain, covered in blood, because I had gotten stab happy with a couple of raiders, ferals, and dogs on my way through the financial district, and he’s like, “You gotta pay the tax.” The fuck are you talking about? Tax? A visitors tax? Bitch… 

And then I had the shock of my life. It was a ghoul. Not just any ghoul! But the fucking mayor. And he wasn’t feral. My first non-feral ghoul. Is it weird how excited I am? Because I was super excited. I didn’t know they could talk. I mean, Preston had called feral ghouls, feral ghouls, so I should have realized that there were regular ghouls. I just never thought I’d meet one. Literally every ghoul I have met has been trying to rip my face off from the git. So, to meet this one, John motherfucking Hancock, is amazing! And he’s the fucking mayor! I’m stupid amounts of excited. I think I could literally write it entire days' worth on just the fact that I’m so amazed by this man’s existence. I also have a lot of fucking questions for him but, they might seem a little… personal. So those will have to wait until I get to know a different feral more intimately, because I don’t think I’m gonna get to know the mayor very well. 

Oh yeah. I forgot to mention in all my excitement that he killed Finn. Apparently, he was defending my honor? Whatever. Not really my concern, but that does kinda set the tone for the place, doesn’t it? 

Decided to do some exploring while I was here. It’s a whole ass settlement, why not look around? There are two shops near the front gate and I stopped in on both of them. Bought some .50’s from both shops, which pleased me greatly. One shop was run by another feral. Her name was Daisy.  

I should stop calling them ferals. The shop was run by a nice ghoul. There we go. Ghoul. One more time. Ghoul. 

The other shop was run by an assaultron. Her name is Kleo. I love her. Goodneighbor was also apparently really good for rumors. Then again that’s kind of to be expected in a city setting. I suppose it’s just because I haven’t actually been to a city yet? 

After I did some shopping, I was wandering around Goodneighbor when the mayor, Hancock, decided to give a little speech from a balcony. It turns out that this is another anti-synth establishment, which makes sense given what I’ve been hearing about the institute. However, I’m pretty sure I’m going to think about Jules whenever synths are brought up. And now Amelia, too. They were good people. And one of them had no idea of what she really was. Though if we’re being honest here, there’s no way to really tell unless she dies. And that’s a line we shouldn’t have to cross. I say that knowing full well, that I have killed way too many people in my life. And I don’t just mean since I’ve woken up here... 

Anyways, one woman, in her anti-synth display, was offered chems by Hancock. It appears, he gives them out as motivation?  Also, he doesn’t like the mayor of Diamond City. I wonder what that’s about? I’m sure I’ll find out eventually. 

I figured if I was truly going to be out of the rain, I should go inside somewhere. So, I found myself in the Third Rail. It’s a bar in an old subway. I lowkey love it. My favorite thing about this bar, is in fact a woman. Her name is Magnolia and she has the most beautiful voice I’ve ever heard in person. I was first intrigued by the song. I had never heard it before and apparently no one is writing music anymore, which is a damn shame, if not downright unbelievable. But before I could thoroughly enjoy the dulcet tones of Magnolia, I was approached by another ghoul. This one being bigger, bulkier, and healthier than the others I had seen in town. He said his name was Edward Deegan and he had “heard of me.” I suppose clearing out Corvega and Covenant could be relayed across the Commonwealth, causing others to hear of me. Plus, having set up some settlements could cause others to know of me as well. But otherwise, who the fuck are you and how have you heard of me? He never answered my question. He offered me a job, but didn’t actually tell me what the job was. Said that his boss would want to speak to me even though he would be my boss? Whatever. Seemed to be unnecessarily complicated. Then the bartender, who happens to be a white Mr. Handy, or Whitechapel Charlie, also had a job for me from Hancock. The mayor. I still can’t get over the fact that a ghoul is the mayor. I love it. 

Then I heard something a little too hard to pass up. A mercenary was in the VIP lounge at the bar. I headed back and soon I could hear what sounded like arguing, I’m pulling out my knife and I get ready to fight. Mind you, I have yet to round the corner, so I have no idea who I’d be fighting at this time, but I’m ready. I creep a little bit closer, and then closer still. And then I can see him. I stopped paying attention to what the other two guys were saying. Because there was a man sitting in front of them. The mercenary. 

He looked at me briefly and I felt all the air leave my lungs. I was staring at my husband. I remember thinking that that couldn’t be right, so I kept shaking my head and rubbing my eyes. But no matter how hard I blinked, all I saw was Nate.  

I know. I know, I know, I know. I know he's not Nate. I know he's not my husband. It just hurts to look at him. I’m not sure when, but I ended up in the middle of the room with him talking to me and I got a closer look at him. His name is MacCready. That’s the only name he gave me. Which is fair considering all he got from me was Dragon. 

Looking at MacCready, I can tell that someone in Nate’s family lived on after the bombs dropped. They looked too much alike to be sheer coincidence, but not enough alike to be reincarnation. If that’s even a thing, which I’m not sure would surprise me at this point to find out was real. Anyways, while the two of them are very similar in appearance, there are differences. For starters, Nate had a vitiligo patch under his left eye. Speaking of his eyes, Nate's eyes were a soothing set of green hazels. He also had freckles and his hair was a dark red brown, kinda like rust. It wasn't much in low lighting, but when the light caught it... It shone as a bright copper red. MacCready’s eyes are very, very blue. I get the sense that lighting will play a big part in their coloring like with Nate’s hair. Mac doesn't have freckles either and his hair is more of a dirty, dirty blonde color. Leaning more into the pale brown then blonde. Nate’s nose was a little bigger, but MacCready’s lips are fuller. Also, Mac's eyebrows are a bit messy, but Nate had access to proper grooming and me. 

Honestly, I don't think it matters how much I try to explain the differences between Nate and MacCready, because the short story is they look way too much alike for me to be comfortable. But here we are. 

Thankfully, even in my dumbstruck state, I was able to recover. With sarcasm. I know that one day sarcasm is going to get me in trouble, but today it saved me from embarrassing myself. I’m incredibly thankful for that. MacCready had tried to tell me that his price was non-negotiable, but let's be real, everything is negotiable. Whether you look like my dead husband or not, I'm not paying full price for anything. Especially if I can get a discount. And I did. 

It was already pretty late, so we only managed to clear out one of the warehouses for Charlie. Afterwards we got a room at the Rexford, which was unnerving, because there was only one room. With one bed. I paid for the room, so I got the bed, Mac can sleep on the couch. And if he has a problem with it, I'm sure Meaty will be happy to help him deal with it. 

733a

Sweet roll  

145p

New world scrapple  

Purified water – ½ can  

1044p

Roasted mirelurk meat  

Purified water – ½ can  

Chapter Text

Today was not a good day. Let’s start with that. It wasn’t bad, but it damn sure wasn’t good. Also, I’m drinking again. I’ll hate myself for it later, but today called for it, so suck my dick.

Started the day by meeting Eustace again. That was a surprise. And a shock. He seemed more upset than shocked to see me alive. Let alone preserved as well as I happen to be. I mean, we are at least 240 years old, him and I. Of course, Eustace had questions, and I actually answered them. MacCready was respectful and tried to move down the hall, but I'm pretty sure he overheard the whole story. I'm not going to ask him about it. I'm not going to draw attention to it. I'm hoping he'll leave it alone as well. And then my sarcasm struck again, because I may or may not have pointed out that he looked like garbage before the bomb was dropped. Am I a bad person? Probably, but I'll worry about that some other time. I managed to convince him to head back up to Sanctuary with the promise of coming to visit him. I would say you could ask my friends, except they're all dead, but I always keep a promise.

I then went into the Memory Den looking for Kent, the guy who's playing the Silver Shroud reruns. I didn't make it really far into the establishment before a beautiful blonde laying on a couch said I was in the wrong place. By the looks at the place I figured it involved strippers. I was wrong. She offered me a little taste, if you would, and directed me to a chair; a cocoon of sorts. I have regrets.

I wanted to see Nate. I wanted to see Shaun. Can you blame me? I blame me.

I ended up reliving the vault. All over again. From start to finish. I watched him die. Again. I heard that scratchy bastard’s voice. Again. Fuck me, I can't keep doing this.

Irma said it's because it was my most recent memory. She said if she had known she wouldn't have let me do it. I'm not stupid, I saw the screens in the chairs. I saw the way McCready was looking at me. If he didn't overhear it in a hall at the hotel, I'm pretty sure he saw it on the screen. He keeps looking at me different now. Thank God he's not broaching the topic.

Irma recommended I go to Diamond City, find a man by the name of Nick Valentine. I wonder if he's the “bright heart” that Mama Murphy was talking about? What with a name like Valentine...

Finally, I got back on track. I spoke to Kent, who was the whole reason I was even in the Memory Den in the first place. I slipped up again. Mentioned seeing the shows when they first came out. However, again, my sarcasm is fantastic and I managed to escape talking about it once more. Though I did learn that Kent is a prewar feral ghoul, so he's about as old as I am. If I remember correctly, I think Eustace said that Daisy was prewar as well. Small world. Small club? Big World, small club. Let's go with that.

By the time we left the Memory Den, all I wanted to do was cry. I couldn't. I had to keep moving. So, we did. MacCready and I cleared out the remaining two warehouses. And I did some shopping while I was out. Mostly I bought Mac some gear because I didn't like what he had. Honestly I bought him a pair of expensive sunglasses because I couldn't stand looking at his face. I know that's pretty rude, but... I can't look at his face. Especially not after this morning. I can't do it.

The warehouses had taken longer than I expected, and it's already dark, so we're staying at the Rexford again. I think Mac is getting comfy on that couch because he’s sure not sleeping with me and I paid for the room, so I get the bed. Meaty can sleep with me, though. He's a good boy.

711a

Crispy squirrel bits  

Potato crisps  

Purified water – 1 can  

1130a

Vodka – 2 shots  

155p

Iguana on a stick  

Mole rat chunks  

Vodka – 3 shots  

348p

Vodka – 2 shots  

1047p

Grilled radstag  

Gum drops  

Vodka – 3 shots  

Chapter Text

I finally made it to Diamond City. It's hugely in thanks to MacCready. He makes a wonderful guide. It was funny, because he kept trying to point things out to me and I never told him that I used to live here, because that would be hard to explain. Overall, I kind of knew my way around because, well, I did use to live here. Again, hard to explain to someone who doesn't already know my story. Though I’m pretty sure he knows my story. Between Eustace and the Memory Den, I'm positive he knows it. He's just being really polite and I can't tell you how much I appreciate that.

Anyways, on our way through town we ran into Super Mutants and Gunners and mirelurks and raiders and dear God just... I'm pretty sure everything the Commonwealth had to offer, we ran into. We also ran into some ferals and Mac was especially vicious when dealing with them. I want to ask him what that's about, but when I would look at his face, I could see some serious pain and trauma. I think I'll let him bring that one to me. If he brings it to me. Considering the shit he knows about me... I think he'll tell me one day, but I'm not gonna push it.

When we were getting closer to Diamond City, we came across some DC guards and they were under attack by Super Mutants. Obviously, we helped out. I would have liked to have been paid for my services, but at the same time, I'm not going to make you pay me for your survival. Now that I think about it, isn’t that what Mac is lowkey doing to me? Bitch.

Then we actually got to DC. I knew it! Diamond City is Fenway Park! That diary I found from Zoe said it was in a stadium or something. And I remember thinking, wondering if it's Fenway Park. And I was right! I can't believe it! I can't! And they call it the “Green Jewel” because it's green. And it's the crown jewel of the Commonwealth. Diamond City, because of the fucking field.

Before I even managed to get inside Diamond City though, there was drama at the gates. Some woman named Piper, asked me to play along so she could get inside. She lived there and the mayor locked her out. What the hell? Already off to a bad start. Diamond City has already put a bad taste in my mouth. How are you gonna lock a resident out? They live there. They pay to live there. What the fuck? Anyways. Sat through Piper versus Mayor McDonough. I already hate him.

Then I was finally able to enter the stadium and... It's a shantytown. When I compare it to the rest of the Commonwealth, yes, Diamond City is glorious. But it's still a shantytown. I don't know why, but I think I had my hopes up for something better. And this is what I got. It's been 200 years, 210. Why are we not moving along better? If only I had access to a proper history book, I would really love to see the architectural progress of the dead ages.

Piper introduced me to her little sister, Nat, and I learned that my sarcasm applies to children. When I find Shaun, I'm pretty sure he's going to be sarcastic as fuck being raised by me. Nate would have helped temper him out. Nate would have been a great father. Instead, he's going to get me, a sarcastic alcoholic, with a severe history of violence. Oh yeah, parent of the year. But I’ll get there when I get there. I will find my son. I will get him back. I will do the absolute best I can for him in this post-apocalyptic shithole...

Anyways, Mac introduced me to power noodles. It's just cup noodles made by a robot. But they are surprisingly delicious. Especially considering how bland, literally everything else is. These cup noodles are fantastic. They need salt. Honestly, everything in this age needs salt. I definitely stocked up on power noodles though. I've got like 20 cups in my bag and then I made Mac carry another 20 cups. Power noodles for days. I'm definitely cutting out some of my meat harvesting for power noodles. I'm not touching radroaches or mole rats again. And I’m definitely staying away from the giant fucking mosquitoes that I can't think of. What the fuck are they called again? Doesn’t matter. I’m only harvesting certain meats from now on. I can't do it anymore. I can't. It's disgusting.

While I was looking around to figure out where exactly this Nick Valentine person would be, the one that Irma wanted me to look for, I found, I shit you not, a goddamn neon heart. A bright heart. Nick Valentine advertises with a bright neon heart. Next time I see Mama Murphy, I'm gonna kiss her. Or maybe I'll just give her drugs. I don't know yet.

I spoke to an assistant, I can't remember her name, but she said he was missing. The private detective, that I need to help me find my son, is missing. Talk about irony. And again, even in this dire situation, I can't not be sarcastic. I'm pretty sure I'm going to hell. His assistant said that he'd gone to some old vault that was never completed while on another case. She said that was where I should start my search. I'm not looking forward to it because I don't ever want to step foot in a fucking vault ever again in life. But if that's where he is, that's where I'll go. Primarily because I need him. Mama Murphy and Irma think I need him. So, away we go, I guess. Thankfully, McCready knows which vault she's talking about. It's under an old subway station or in an old subway station? A subway station is involved.

Went back out into the market and found a synth being held up. Or they think he's a synth. Well, his brother thought he was a synth. It was complicated. Either way, DC SWAT decided to take out the gunman and not the proposed synth. I would have done the same. How do you know that person is a synth? If Amelia has taught me anything, it's that you don't know if someone is a synth until they're dead. You can't just go around killing people and then searching their carcass for synth parts.

I heard whispers about Piper's paper causing paranoia because all it ever talks about is synths. I kind of want to look into that. If she's hurting more than helping, then she needs to shut the fuck up. But at the same time, people should be aware of what's going on, even if it is frightful. This feels like a serious case of “you can't handle the truth” being unfortunately accurate. I tried to comfort the proposed synth. I think his name is Riley? It's hard watching a loved one die. I assume it's even harder knowing that loved one was going to kill you. MacCready kind of stood off to the side, not looking at anything. Not really looking at me. Which is totally fine. I still can't look at him in the face. I can't do it. He looks too much like Nate... Moving on.

I gave a quick glance over Piper's paper, remembering that Nat had given me a free copy earlier. It seemed a lot more hearsay than fact, but honestly, what journalist isn't really loaded on fluff to make their minimal facts stretch and fit. I don't know. She could be right. She could be wrong. She could be a crack news journalist. Or she could be really, really, really right. And it's terrifying to think about in either direction. Is she selling paranoia and ruining people? Pitting neighbor against neighbor, brother versus brother? Is she making a lowkey civil war in this already garbage world? Or is she right? Is the dark night long and full of horrors? Either way, something needs to be said to her. Something I meant to say when I visited her, but I was greatly waylaid and irritated by the time I left.

Somehow, she knew I was from a vault. She said that the pipboy on my wrist and the fish out of water look is what gave me away. But if I look like a fish out of water, it's because Fenway Park has caught me off guard. It's because I just watched a man, accuse his brother and then die. In the market. My entire world has been flipped upside down on its head. Yeah, if I have a fish out of water look, it's because I'm lowkey, a fish out of water. I'm doing my best. I'm doing my best.

She wanted an interview. I didn't want to, but I couldn't actually see the harm that me partaking in one would do. I have regrets. I had instant regrets, actually. I swear the first question out of her mouth was about the vault. I tried to skirt it. No one needs to know that fucking story. I'm not going to recount the entire interview. Let's just say she got exactly what she wanted, and I think she is a pushy bitch and I lowkey never want to talk to her again. This whole fucking place is gonna know my story. They're gonna know exactly how I feel about their shitty shantytown. And honestly. I don't even know if I care. Did I mention that I have regrets about this interview? Because I do.

Barely stepped outside when Mac asked to speak to me. He took me by the elbow, dragged me a little away from people, and I thought it was kind of cringe and I didn't want him to touch me, but I couldn't deny him touching me because again, he's got my husband’s face. Parts of my husband's face. He is a beautiful man who looks like my beautiful husband and it is very hard to look at him without getting all emotional.

Mac starts by telling me that he's thankful to get out of Goodneighbor. He told me who those two people that had been pestering him back when we first met are Winlock and Barnes, and they're part of a mercenary troupe called the Gunners. I'm not sure if they're actually mercenaries or if they're Raiders with more organization, or what. They sound like garbage regardless. Mac needs caps. Winlock and Barnes want those caps. He figured that the Gunners would probably just kill him and then leave with his money. And honestly, thinking back on my days as a Grim Reaper, I can’t blame him. Especially since I get that not everyone gets our particular brand of humor. If you didn’t leave the group by going through proper channels, or tried to fuck us over... Yeah, I'd probably just shoot you and take your money, too. Take what you owe me and then keep you out of my hair. Permanently. So, I can't really blame him for the hesitance. Mac seems like the type of motherfucker who would have stepped on toes. Turns out, the story was just his long, roundabout way of asking me for help. And without a moment of hesitancy, without meaning to, I said, “Of course, I'll help, Nate.”

Stab me in the fucking neck. I called him Nate. Thankfully, either he didn't hear me, he's fucking deaf, or he decided to just skirt it completely. Because he didn't draw attention to me using another man's name. Instead, he gave me a little bit of his background, told me he had a rough childhood. Grew up in a cave. That's different. I pray to God my child is not in a cave. I'm sorry, I just have 1000 questions with no answers.

Then he said something that made me laugh. I didn't actually laugh in the man's face. I was nicer than that. But it was by a miracle. He said that he thinks I care about what happens to him. We've known each other for two days, Mac. If you think I care, it's because I need a tour guide and you're pretty good at it. Plus, you have my husband’s face. Not that I would ever tell him that directly. I can't let anything happen to him. I can't let him die. I need him. Theoretically, now that I know where Diamond City is, I probably don't actually need him to guide me around. I grew up in Back Bay. Alright, I know exactly where I am. Maybe some names have changed, but I could figure it out. But I need him. As much as I don't want to look at him, as much as it hurts looking at him, I need him. I can't not look at him. Hopefully, one day I'll actually see McCready and not Nate. Because right now this is not fair to him or me, and it hurts so bad. And if he's at all any kind of fucking perceptive, then he'll know. He'll know I'm technically using him for my own selfish desires. He'll know that what I'm doing would hurt him, too. He’ll know.

It was getting pretty late, so now we're at the Dugout Inn. Spoke to a dude named Hawthorne. He seemed pretty cool. I learned that Vadim and Yefim, the owners of the Dugout, make fucking moonshine. And yes, I did buy a bottle.

8a

Iguana soup

330p

Noodle cup

Nuka-Cherry

1030p

Noodle cup

Mutt chops

Sweet roll

Bobrov’s Best Moonshine

Chapter Text

Have you ever done a trust fall with a dog? Because I did that today. It was not fun.

Mac and I finally found our way down to Vault 114. Another lie by Vault-tec, mind you. And as we're going through, we find that the only way down is through a hole in the floor. It was probably meant to have an elevator there eventually, but it was an unfinished vault. So, a hole in the floor.

I looked at Mac. Mac looked at me. He's like, “I can totally get down there.” I glared at him because he's tall. And I was like, “I can't.” And then he had a brilliant moment of inspiration to suggest that I just... jump, into his arms, at the bottom. I am afraid of heights, and that's only half the problem. What do we do with Meaty? He then asked me how much I weigh. It was very abrupt, even for me. I just kind of glared at him. And so, with no regard for my own safety, he thought it'd be a grand idea to just pick me up. I don't like being picked up. Then said to me, “Oh, you're fine. You weigh nothing. I can totally catch you.” Again, what about Meaty? Then he picked up the dog.

Meaty was not keen on it. But probably nicer to him than I was. He's like, “That's totally fine.” And then he asked me if I could pick up the dog. I didn't like where this train of thought was going. And I was right not to like it, because he then recommended that I pick up Meaty and jump down this two-story hole, into his arms...

 He has lost his mother fucking mind!

So instead, we went with the first suggestion. He climbed down. I did a trust fall. And then I looked up at Meaty and I begged him to trust us. And for some reason, I swear, that dog was so happy. Just flying down, into our awaiting arms. We caught him and it was graceful.

It wasn’t graceful. It was a floppy fucking mess. I'm surprised we didn't hurt the dog or each other. Pretty sure it would have been a lot less successful if we hadn't used Mac’s duster as like a trampoline, parachute, net, or whatever the fuck.

With the graceful portion of our entry out of the way, we ended up going through a very empty vault for the most part. There was one guy down there. He was standing outside of the Overseer's office, talking to someone inside. Nick Valentine. So, I snuck up on him and I stabbed him in the kidney. And then I picked the password off his body and opened the door and was greeted with not a human man, but a synth.

The people of Diamond City appeared to love Nick. But he's a synth. And yesterday, a brother pulled a gun on a brother, thinking that he was a synth and died for it. But they love Nick. I am confusion.

He asked me the typical question of why save him, and I told him that I needed him to track someone for me. I told him I didn't know who he was and I didn't know how long he'd been gone and he gave me the beautiful answer of, “I've worked with less.” How much less did you work with? How much less could there be?

Nick led the way out of the vault. And I have to tell you that our way out involved a lot of goddamn stairs, so much so that even he commented on it. I will never forget this line because it is made of solid gold He said, “More stairs? Who built this vault, a fitness instructor?” He's not wrong. There were a lot of stairs, like I was winded by time we got out of there. A couple locks needed picking and I made sure we got them open. Apparently, Mac was so impressed by this that he decided he wanted lock picking lessons in exchange for him helping me with my aim.

I forgot to mention this yesterday. But Mac hates pipe weapons. He understands that not a lot of the older weapons are easily accessible and that pipe weapons are real easy to slap together and maintain. But he hates them. They have no punch, which I have to agree with. He asked me why I wasn't using Nate's rifle. And I told him it's because my aim sucks, so he offered, for a fee, to teach me. I did not immediately take him up on that offer because again, he has my husband's face and Nate used to take me to the range for fun dates. Working on my aim was something we did a lot together... I might take him up on it now, especially since I don't have to pay for it if he just wants to learn how to pick a lock... I dunno, I’ll think about it later.

As we were headed back out of the vault, I realized something. Nick was the man in the deep dark. I was almost positive. I am positive! It fucking worked. Mama Murphy had mentioned a man in the deep dark. She mentioned a fat man with an angry woman. That would be Skinny Malone and his girlfriend. So, I said it. “Remember the quarry? Lily June on the rocks?” Mac looked at me like I lost my damn mind, and I can't blame him for it. But it worked. It fucking worked. I could literally kiss Mama Murphy. That's less people I had to fight while being winded after all those damn stairs. So, we left. And then I realized we were in Back Bay. I barely recognize the place. I wonder if I could find my mom's old shop. Maybe I'll look for it next time we're out. I don't know.

Nick got us back to DC all nice and safe like. And by Nice and safe like, I mean we ended up in a small gunfight with some Raiders because Raiders are fucking everywhere and I hate them. And I'm pretty sure they can smell my hatred for them. And so, we are constantly fighting. But who even knows?

Ellie, that's his assistant's name. I couldn't remember her name yesterday, but Ellie, was so happy to see Nick, that she offered me a position at his partner at the detective agency. I might take her up on it later. Go from lawyer to detective. Oh yeah, my gang days are so not at all far behind me. Anyways, that is a topic for a later date. Because first and foremost, is finding my son.

Nick did an interview with me. Mac perched up not far behind me. If he hadn't been paying attention before, when I spoke with Eustace or again when I was talking with Piper, well... he knew everything now. I don't know how we got up to the topic, but Nick admitted to being some type of prototype. Something in between the Gen 1’s and Gen 3's that we now have in Synths. He thinks it could definitely be the Institute. He thinks this man named Kellogg—breakfast cereal—is the one who took my son. He apparently had a place in town. He was last seen with a kid about 10 years old. That's too old to be Shaun, but I mean it could... I don't know how long I was asleep the second time...

We went to pick the lock at his place and Nick couldn't get it, and I was too shook-up. Honestly, I was so tired. Mac convinced me to just wait until the morning. Really, it didn't need much convincing. I couldn't pick a lock. I've not met a lock I couldn't pick in years and I couldn't pick the lock I needed most.

So, we're at the Dugout again. I really hope I didn't miss 10 years of my son's life. I don't know what I would do if I have. But at the same time, I think it would be easier. Living in this world. With a 10-year-old instead of a baby... No, no, I can't. I can't think like that. I want my son. I want my baby. But God, what if he really is 10? What if that child was my child? Who has been raising my son? I have too many questions and not enough sleep and yeah, no, I need to sleep. I need to sleep.

8a

Sweet roll  

Nuka-Cherry  

8p

Iguana soup  

Gum drops  

Nuka-Cherry  

Chapter Text

It's late now, that's why I'm writing this. I didn't think I was going to have a chance today. But I can't fucking see. So here we are. Writing by lantern. In the middle of the goddamn woods. I'm so happy.

At the start of the day, the Bobrovs cornered me about the radio guy. Travis, I think is his name? They wanted my help in fixing him. I don't know if it's possible to fix what's wrong with him without medication, but sure. He annoys me enough that I'm willing to try. But I will try at another date. Today I'm tracking Kellogg. That's why I'm in the fucking woods right now.

I met up with Nick back at Kellogg’s door. Mac kept lookout for us. I properly picked that lock this time. When we got inside, things seemed small. Small enough that Nick even pointed it out. We combed over the place and I found a button under the desk. I pushed it and the world's worst walk-in closet was presented.

It was full of beer, bullets, and cigars. Sounds like the world's worst men's magazine. Not even a nudie mag at that. Just hot garbage. I'm a manly man and this is what my interests pertain to . Whatever. Thankfully, the cigars were actually fairly unique. Unique enough that just maybe we could track it.

I was skeptical at first, but Mac had the bright idea of seeing if Meaty could track their smell. Nick pointed out that some dogs can track up to miles out in the Commonwealth. So why not put it to the test?

It was at this point that Nick offered to come with me. Maybe I could use the help of a detective. I thought about it, but Mac argued that he wanted to be the one to go with me on this, he said he understood what I was going through. Sort of. He wouldn't elaborate and I didn't push. He had heard my story. He'd heard it three fucking times. Well, actually heard it twice and seen it once. Wait, no. He had heard it three times and seen it once. Ohmygod, this man knows my story really well... Anyways. I agree to have Mac be the one to join me on this, because, like Nick said, we can't have everybody traipsing across the Commonwealth. Realistically, I'm pretty sure we could, but that would be a lot of bodies so... It was me, Mac, and Meaty. Hunting Kellogg.

Passed by Nat, Piper’s sister, on the way out of the stadium. She had a paper for me. I took it and shoved it in my bag and I will read it later. Eventually.

I showed Meaty the cigar and he gave it a good couple sniffs before he bolted. Headed southwest, where we found another cigar. Maybe I'm just getting my hopes up, but it seems like this could work. Then we headed West along train tracks where there were mole rats in my fucking way, I didn't even bother looting. Meaty really didn't give me time to loot. He led us up to some bloody bandages which I'm hoping belong to Kellogg, considering the number of bodies around which didn't look at all familiar to me. I'm going to assume none were Kellogg. Meaty moved along more train tracks. Then there was a yao guai. Then there were some Rust Devils. Everyone was in my goddamn way and everyone died.

Meaty tracked Kellogg to an underpass. There were some ghouls on a bridge. Then there was a wrecked caravan. We assumed that he just barreled through this area because it was a mess. And then a fog rolled in. Managed to follow Meaty to another cigar. After which I kept losing him in the fog. Had to keep calling him back to me. We decided to wait it out for a little bit, but by the time the fog had cleared up, it was too dark. We don't like traveling in the dark. On top of that, I can't see meaty in the dark if he gets too far ahead of me so...  

We're going to camp out for now.

I feel like we're close. We have to be close. Maybe Kellogg really is my guy. Maybe he's the one who killed my husband. Maybe he's the one who took my son. Either way, I'm going to get some answers even if I have to beat them out of him.

For now, I’ve got first watch.

830a

Preserved Sugar Bombs  

Brahmin milk  

245p

Roasted radstag meat  

Purified water – ½ can  

950p

Squirrel stew  

Purified water – ½ can  

Chapter Text

This entry is late, I should have written it sooner, but I didn't, so here we are. The short story is, I found Kellogg. He was my guy. I killed him and I used Nate's rifle to do it. And then, and trust me, I still remember, I stabbed his corpse so many times. Would probably still be stabbing him if Mac hadn't pulled me off of him. Him dying once is not enough. I need to be able to kill him over and over, but I can't. He's dead and he's never coming back.

Shaun really is with the Institute. The big bad boogeyman of the Commonwealth... has my son. Piper was right. Nick was right. I didn't want them to be right. I am still trying not to cry. I spent three days crying.

Honestly, I was in such shock after I killed him. I don't really remember much. He said something about a renegade and... I don't know... I don't know.

I hadn't eaten much that day. I remember that. And Mac tried to make me eat after Kellogg was dead, but I couldn't. I just collapsed. I literally couldn't stand anymore. He's really dead. I killed him. Kellogg's dead. Nate's dead. Shaun's gone. Shaun might not even be a baby anymore. He might be 10 years old. I've lost ten years with my child. And he's with the Institute.

I'm trying. I'm trying so hard to keep this on track. But just thinking about it... It pisses me off.

I remember there being a big ass Zeppelin outside. Mac had managed to get me up and on my feet and onto the roof. It was just this giant fucking thing floating across the sky with vertibirds coming out of it. I don't even know if it really was a Zeppelin, but that's what it reminded me of. Big ass zeppelin.

I don't know how I got off the roof. Honestly, I don't know how I got back to Sanctuary. I know that Mac pretty much carried me all the way here. I don't know if he stuck to main roads. I don't remember if he off-roaded us the whole way. I just know he had me on his back like a child and I cried into his neck the entire way. I'm glad he went with me.

I know for about three days I did nothing except cry and sleep. Mac had to literally force feed me food and water. And not only that, he stripped my house of booze, too. He said I was killing myself, and honestly, he was right. What do I have to live for anyways? That's what I kept thinking. And he reminded me, I can't believe I needed reminding, that Shaun was still out there. Whether he was a baby, whether he was ten, whether he was an old ass man, my son was still out there. And he needed his mother. He was right.

I don't care where he is or how impossible it is to get to him. I will find a way. I will do whatever it takes. I will bring the entire Commonwealth under my fucking boot if I have to. There will be no stone left unturned. There will be no person left uninterrogated. I will find my son. That's the bottom line.

Starting today with some new gear. I am going to bring the Commonwealth to heel. I will spread the Minutemen far and wide. We will be an honest army and nothing, no one, will stand in my way.

It's time I put Mama Arachnids' gift to use. It's time for me to be a Grim Reaper again. It's time for me to be the Grim Widow.

Chapter Text

I spent the morning upgrading my gear. I also upgraded some of Mac’s stuff since he’s with me. I even got Eustace properly settled in at Sanctuary and everyone who was there was really happy to see me up and about. It was nice. I know I worried everyone while I was spiraling, but at the time I couldn't care less. But they cared, and I appreciate that. I made sure they each knew it.

I've also gotten closer to MacCready. Honestly, I'm not sure if I like it. I'm not sure if I'm starting to see Mac for who he is or if I'm still seeing Nate. Either way, he stuck with me through a pretty trash time. He made sure I didn't kill myself or anyone else. Made sure I ate and had water. He took care of me. When I didn't want to be taken care of... Maybe I'm starting to see him... Just a little bit.

We headed South out of Sanctuary. I had decided to take care of Dunwich. We passed through Red Rocket on the way and Preston was relieved to see me. Apparently, he had come to check on me while I was in my great depression. Again, I appreciate him and I let him know. Codsworth had also been very worried. I kind of remember him being around, but I might have been drunk when he was? I’m not sure. He's doing really well. Codsworth seems to be enjoying building up Red Rocket. I think he needed a change of scenery from being in Sanctuary. He's made it clear he would rather travel with me, but he understands that I'm worried about him. I don't know if I can fix him and I don't want him getting dinged up too badly. Maybe I should have a talk with Sturges about him being Codsworth’s personal mechanic? I’d pay him of course. It’s a thought.

It was pretty smooth sailing from Red Rocket to Tenpines. Checked in on everybody there. They seem to be doing well enough. Then we went from Tenpines to Greentop and everyone there seemed to be doing well, too. Decided to stay the night in Greentop. I’m moving pretty slow at the moment, and it's already gotten pretty late. We’ll hit Dunwich in the morning.

830a

Baked bloatlfy  

Purified water – ½ can  

2pm

Bloodbug steak  

Crispy squirrel bits  

Purified water – ½ can  

940p

Grilled radstag  

Nuka-Cherry  

Chapter Text

Suffice it to say that I'm not happy. Woke up in Greentop and headed towards Dunwich. On the way, we happened upon a public swimming pool. Redubbed The Slog. It's pretty clever using the pool as a water farm, hydro farm? I don't know. What I do know is that Mac weeps for a pool.

Also, everybody there is a ghoul. I was pleasantly surprised. The leader of that settlement was called Wiseman, and I'll be damned if he's not living up to his name. He knows that everybody needs help, and so he's willing to have his people join the Minutemen if we help them. I've come to the realization that a lot of people are the “help me first and then I'll help you” type. I can't say much because again, so long as you join the fold, I'll take care of you. Get in my way and I'll crush you.

The Slog had a super mutant problem a short ways Northwest. Mac and I made our way over there. I think he called the place Heartbreak or something, I don't know. But it was overrun with Super Mutants. Place seemed familiar to me. I think I was there before with Preston. I thought I killed everybody then, but I guess they came back. Fun stuff.

I've already seen some improvement in my aim. Mac’s lessons are coming in real handy. I'm still using the practice rifle, much to his dismay, but I am starting to feel more comfortable holding Nate's rifle. I'm glad to have him around.

Once the Supers were taken care of, I headed back to The Slog. Told Wiseman what was up and he joined the Minutemen. If the day ended there, it would have been too good. But no. No, that is not at all where my fucking day ended.

Mac, Meaty, and I continued on to Dunwich. I lowkey forgot it was a quarry. And looking down into the quarry had me very, very dizzy. I don't think I ever told Mac I was afraid of heights. Because he kept looking at me like I'd lost my mind every time I missed a shot. Again, as I said earlier, we agreed that my aim had improved. You couldn’t prove that at Dunwich, because there we were and I couldn't hit a fucking bear in the face at point blank. Because I'm very, very, very, very, very high up. And I had to look down...

I really hate admitting that Mac did most of the work, but he did. Anybody who managed to get too close was taken on by Meaty. And if anybody somehow got past him, I stabbed them. Aggressively. Mostly to take my mind off of the fact that I can't look down.

I don't know how long it took, but eventually Mac managed to get the outside of the quarry cleared out. I am not keen to admit that he had to hold my hand as we started going down the stairs. And I threatened him several times over with vomit. However, all of his efforts were in vain.

Because, again, my day did not fucking end there.

We weren't even halfway down when the Pip-boy pinged with an SOS. Abernathy was under attack. Abernathy is clean across the fucking map. But as I said. Join me and I'll take care of you. So guess what the fuck we did? We hightailed it. Back across the map. Trying to get to Abernathy. Except we didn't get to Abernathy first, because the moment I stepped foot into Concord, I got a second SOS from Red Rocket.

Red Rocket being obviously closer, we went there first.

Did I mention how much I fucking hate Raiders? BECAUSE I FUCKING HATE RAIDERS!

And these aren't your typical run of the mill brand of Raiders. No, these are the fucking Rust Devils that are chasing Ada around. Why? Fucking why? Ada wasn't even up here. Ada was down in Covenant. Maybe they are normal Raiders just with fucking tech. I don't know. I hate them.

Red Rocket had way too many mother fuckers for them to be trying anything there. Red Rocket had Preston and Codsworth. And they called for me and Mac and meaty. So, you have 5 angry mother fuckers, plus the settlers, gunning you down. And then some of them ran. And guess where the fuck they ran because I gave chase. To Abernathy.

It looks to me like they thought that they were going to take over Abernathy before they decided to head up to Red Rocket as well. Guess they thought things were going well. Guess what? They weren't. Chased them all the way back to the farm. Gunned all of them down. It was brutal.

Once the smoke had cleared, I did some cleanup around Abernathy, which is where I am now, by the way, because it's fucking late. To say I am displeased is an understatement.

The primary reason I am fucking mad isn't even because of the Raiders. It's because I've backtracked clean across the fucking Commonwealth and will have to do so again in the morning. I am taking care of Dunwich. Mac is gonna hold my goddamn hand as we get all the way down into that damn quarry, and I'm killing absolutely everything inside. I am fucking done and Dunwich will be too.

Also, the word of the day is FUCK.

730a

Fungus puree  

Nuka-Cherry  

7p

Grilled radroach  

Iguana-on-a-stick  

Purified water – ½ can  

1140p

Mutant hound chops  

Baked bloatfly  

Purified water – ½ can  

Chapter Text

We're too close. We're still too close. I can feel it. I can feel it. I can still feel it. We're too close. I need to backtrack. I need to start at the beginning. I need to tell you how it goes. This is a day that definitely needs to be recorded. It needs to be known.  

I wasn't happy at the start of the day, because I had to backtrack all the way to Dunwich. I should never have gone to that place... The route we took had us passing through Wildwood Cemetery and then the Slog with relative ease. And then we got to the quarry.  

I have regrets.  

First of all, climbing down was so much worse than going up. Up I could just set my eyes on the edge and know where I'm going. All I have to do is focus on getting there. Going down on the other hand, means I'm looking down and I can see exactly how far I have to drop to my death. I thought I was exaggerating yesterday when I wrote that I would have Mac hold my hand all the way down. I was not. I'm pretty sure he thinks I'm ridiculous. I'm positive I don't give a fuck.  

We managed to get all the way down into the quarry, and actually head into the mine itself. For the most part, it was fairly easy. Couple critters here and there, nothing really sticking out. And then the place started to shake. I swear I can still feel it shaking. I know it's impossible, but I can. That place was suffering personal little earthquakes. I had to ask Mac if he could feel it too, or if I was losing my mind. I'm not sure if I'm happy with his answer.  

The further down we went, the more Mac seemed on edge. I don't think he's afraid of heights, but I don't think he likes being this deep underground. Or maybe it was the shaking. Either way, the place rubbed us both wrong. I'm not one to worry about being in a cave. But I did not want to be in there.  

Funnily enough, found a comic book down there. Mac commented on how he also collects comic books, specifically Grognak. Just another thing he and Nate have in common. I'm not going to tell him that. I'm going to keep that little tidbit all to myself.  

The further in we went, the more I realized that everybody down there was dead. I want to know what killed them. Was it the shaking? Did something fall from the ceiling? What happened? Was it a gas leak? What happened ? I should have left.  

Eventually we came to a door that was chained closed. The chains were on our side of the door, which does nothing to keep people out. So obviously they were trying to keep someone or something else in. I should have left the chains on the door. I should have left right then. I can still feel it shaking.  

Further in we went, the hazier things got. The air was thick with something. There were corpses all over the ground. All of them were ghouls. I don't know how long they were there. I don't know if they were prewar. I don't wanna know. Whatever was in the air was causing some kind of hallucination. But the hallucinations felt more like memories. But the memories weren't mine. I don't really know how to explain it. The lights kept tripping. The air got thicker, fuzzier, hazier; like I was choking on cotton. The further we went, the harder it was to breathe. Mac wanted so badly to leave, and I should have gone. I should have gone with him.  

Eventually we found the bottom. There was some kind of altar in the center. One of the memories—hallucinations—whatever's, showed me it was something sacrificial. Where the altar used to be was now a giant hole filled with water. Something wanted me to go down there. Something wanted to get out of the water. Something wanted to be free. I should have known better. I did know better. I knew better! I didn't listen. Not to myself anyways.  

Mac did not want to go swimming, and I cannot blame him. I didn't want to go swimming either, but I had to. Something told me I had to. So, I said he needed to stay up there on the surface with Meaty and all of my things. Gave him my bag, most of my holsters, literally anything I could take off. I did so I wouldn't be weighed down in the water. It was a deep hole. It was a deep pool. And down there... was something. I don't know how to explain what I saw. It was like a face, a statue. Some kind of God. But there was a jagged knife and I picked it up. It called to me. It wanted to go with me. So, I took it off the altar. And all of a sudden it was like all of the air in my lungs was ripped out. I almost drowned.  

It was a struggle to get back to the surface. It was as if that sword—knife—whatever, weighed me down. It was 1000 pounds and I had to get out and it demanded to go with me. I could not leave it behind. I guess Mac was watching over me, because I didn’t think I was going to make it to the surface. The world was so dark and hazy and I couldn't breathe. I was dying. A hand shot into the cold, grabbed my wrist and yanked so hard I thought my shoulder was going to dislocate.  

I have never been more thankful for MacCready than in that moment. He saved my life. I could have kissed that man and it would have had nothing to do with Nate. It would have been all him.  

I shit you not, when I tell you that man threw me over his shoulder and hauled ass out of there, Meaty close on his heels, I mean it. He had my things in his hands, me over his shoulder, and we were just gone. All the way up the stairs. All the way back to the Slog. He didn't stop till we were safe, and I can still feel the quarry. The entire time he was running, in one of my hands, was that stupid goddamn knife. I'm literally staring at it right now. This was a mistake. I should have left it down there.  

I’m pretty sure I’m gonna get us all killed.  

940a

Noodle cup

Meat cake treat

Brahmin milk

3p

Roasted mirelurk meat

Nuka-Cherry

830p

Squirrel stew

Sweet roll

Purified water – 1 can

1140p

Sweet roll 

Chapter Text

I thought I was weird for talking to Meaty like he could understand me. Like one day he's gonna open his jaw and come at me with some actual human words. I don't think that anymore, because today I met a man who speaks to his gun. Yeah.  

We left the Slog and headed out to Greentop. We told them about Dunwich. I will never go back there. You can't pay me enough. I swear to God I can still feel the ground vibrating beneath my feet, and every time I even think about the knife hidden away in my bag, I feel that thick choking sensation again. Like I'm still breathing the air down there; like I'm back in that water...  

Moving on.  

While at Greentop, I thought about going all the way back to Red Rocket and telling Preston. But then I realized that the Museum of Witchcraft was super close by. I realized that that meant skirting Dunwich, but I did. Gave it a very wide berth. Very wide.  

As we got closer to Salem, I could hear gunshots, a lot of gunshots. Mac and I rushed up, found a man on a roof fighting mirelurks. Let me rephrase that. The mirelurks were not on the roof with the man, but the man was on a roof firing down at Mirelurks. And it wasn't just like one or two mirelurks, it was like a sea of them. I'm going to say right here, right now, that I smell like a seafood boil and I hate it. I have been to the worst kind of festival and I smell like it. My Kingdom for a shower and some proper fucking soap. I would actually kill a man for shampoo.  

After low-key rescuing that man and him thinking he rescued me (how?) he invited us up to the roof. So, Mac and I went up there. Meaty stayed down on the ground like the best boy. And he proceeded to tell us that he needed help with some turrets. Apparently, this man has been fighting to save this town singlehandedly for I don't know how many years. He's also the only man who lives in this town. I guess he's fighting for himself. I get it. Mac and I agreed to do the turrets. For the briefest of moments, we considered splitting up. Then I pointed out to him that that man was fighting a sea of mirelurks. Like a shit ton of crabs. And lobsters and shrimp. And whatever other mollusks and crawdads and crustaceans I can’t think of.  

So we stuck together. It took us awhile. A lot longer than I'm comfortable admitting. But again. I cannot stress enough just how many mirelurks there were. It's actually quite ridiculous. I have enough soft shell mirelurk meat and regular mirelurk chunks to last me a month. I will be sick of seafood in like 2 days. We're going to have it for breakfast, lunch, dinner, mid-day snack. Just sick of seafood. But still better than eating a molerat. Or radroach. I'll take it.  

The old man, that crazy guy, his name was Barney Rook. I forgot to mention that earlier. He gave us another gun that he was talking to. Because he said his first gun was jealous of it. Both of these guns are named Reba. It seems like a nice rifle. I don't know if I'll use it. I don't know if Mac will use it. But it doesn't hurt to have.   

Barney agreed to let us stay the night in his basement, which is where he stays. He doesn't actually live in his house, because his house is dilapidated as fuck. He manages to get up to the roof and that's about it. Otherwise, the only thing solid about his house is his basement. It's got an extra room and he let Mac and me stay in it. Well, he let me stay in it. Mac is staying on the couch. Either way, he's out there snoring ever so softly and Meaty’s at the foot of my bed. Did I mention that I would stab a man for a shower? I hate going to bed like this. It's gross. It's disgusting.  

Tomorrow, we will be heading to the museum. I've heard strange things about the place. I mean it is in Salem. I was born here. I'm excited.

10a

Crispy squirrel bits

420p

Noodle cup

Iguana-on-a-stick

Nuka-Cherry

10p

Grilled radstag

Purified water – 1 can

Chapter Text

Today. Was a day. A weird fucking day. But a day. Started out with me waking up in Barney Rooks basement, super excited, because I haven't been to the Museum of Witchcraft since elementary school. Honestly, I haven't been to Salem since then either, so it was nice being back in town. Even though the town was high-key overrun with mirelurks. Well, not anymore thanks to Barney and his turrets. And thanks to me and Mac getting them running again. Barney is actually a sweetheart, funny too, just crazy. But honestly, who among us isn’t?

Anyways, it's kind of weird being back here. I didn't really notice it yesterday, again, all of the mirelurks, but I noticed it today. Wading through a mass of mirelurk corpses, smelling like the underside of a dock, I could still feel it. Salem still has a twinge in the air. Makes it feel like you’re not welcome there. Probably all of the women that were murdered there… So yeah, Mac and I set out for the museum, talking along the way. It was a nice little chat, too. Until we found the yao guai's. Yes, plural, because there were two of them. Did I ever mention how glad I am that the apocalypse didn't make bears bigger? Because I'm very glad it didn't make bears bigger.

After we managed to take care of the yao guai’s, I notice that there were a bunch of bodies on the ground. Probably what drew them. Mac and I went rifling through corpses, because that's what we do. That is my life now. Rifling corpses. While searching, I found a holotape on someone. Apparently, this was a Gunner company. When Mac heard that, he literally spit on one of the corpses. I don't know if he recognized them. Or maybe it's just the association with the Gunners. But he spit on someone. I can't blame him. I probably would have spit on someone from a rival gang back in my day, too.

Apparently, the Gunners were running something. Something big, something really important. When they got to the museum. They found body parts. Something was looking for something else, and it was huge. I think those Gunners were there to make a pick up? I don't know. The holotape allude to the fact that the people the pieces belonged to were being hunted and didn't know it. Which leads me to believe that these people did know. And yet they're all still dead...

I remember that when we entered, I wished that we hadn't. The only way in was through the cellar. The front doors were barred or locked and we couldn’t get through. So instant regret. Now the day is done, it's fine, but in the moment, I wanted to go home and I don't even have a home. Not really. We were not alone in the museum. Something else was in there. Something big. There was no power to the building. It was just full dark, nothing but dust and shadows. I saw a body get yanked away and shredded by darkness. I promise you; I almost shit my pants. Which was made worse by Mac suddenly talking. I don't even remember what he said, but it was the first words he'd spoken in a minute. It was so pin drop quiet inside the museum, that all you could hear was the weight of whatever was above us. Now look, I know what was above us now , but I'm trying to give you some mystery here.

We rounded a corner and there were a bunch of mannequins. Those mannequins almost got shot. Just annihilated. And then I thought I was going to die. I had a small heart attack because another body fell through a hole in the ceiling. The body had no head. I don't know what Mac’s balls are made of, but they're huge. He looked at me dead in the eye and said, “Sorry, Doc, I don't think this one's gonna make it.” If I hadn't been so fucking scared, I would have laughed. I'm actually laughing at it now. In retrospect, it was hilarious. In the moment I thought he lost his damn mind. I just kind of stared at him like he grew a second head. And then he just fucking shrugged. That motherfucker shrugged at me. Like, ‘I don't know, boss, what do you want?’ His humor... he gets me. He's fantastic. Dear god.

Now, thankfully, in my day I watched enough horror movies to know to look up. Which is exactly what I did. I looked up into that hole the body fell out of, saw the briefest flash of movement, and then nothing. I don't know what I was expecting. But the blur of nothing scared me more.

That was until I actually found out what was up there, because guess the fuck what it was. A DEATHCLAW! I haven't seen a deathclaw since Concord! AND THIS ONE WAS HUGE! I didn't tell this to Mac, but I low-key peed my pants. If I wasn't thankful for Mama Arachnids glorious wedding gift before, I was today. Thank God for stealth tech! I literally looked at Mac, told him to stay back, and wait for my signal. I activated the suit and skirted along the side of the it. Look, I knew my puny little pistol, as much of a wallop as it packs, was not gonna do much to this big lizard bitch. Especially considering the last time I fought one, I was using a mini gun and I was just chewing through bullets. So, with Nate's rifle in hand, I shot it right in the back of the head. It looked at me, unseeing, and I thought I was gonna die. For the briefest of moments, I saw God in its eyes. Though I doubt that was God, because it definitely looked like the devil. Thankfully, Mac took that as my signal and we managed to bring the deathclaw down. There was a lot of him maneuvering in the dark and me remaining unseen. At one point, one of Mac’s bullets zinged right by my shoulder. It was close.

After the miracle it was of bringing down the deathclaw, I found a locked door. Behind that door was another body with a bunch of cracked deathclaw eggs. Eggs. From a deathclaw. The body had a holotape on it. Mac was standing close by, on alert, because seriously, how the hell did a deathclaw get into a god damn museum? And why were there fucking eggs?

The package that the other Gunners were supposed to be picking up was full of eggs, because someone in Diamond City wanted to make an Eggs Wellington. I shit you not. They want deathclaw eggs. For breakfast. The people of Diamond City have lost their goddamn minds. What happened to them at the museum makes perfect sense, because it was an angry parent who tracked those Gunners all the way from Lynn Woods for their children.

So, I was faced with a new conundrum, because there was one pristine egg, perfectly intact, not a scratch or scuff on it. Realistically, I could take it to Diamond City. I could get paid. I'm sure I could haggle more money for my fucking trouble. Or. I could sympathize with a mother. And return her children, well, her child, to her. Guess what the fuck I did?

I get it. She just wanted her kids back. Look what I am planning to do for my own child. I'm not joking. I will bring the Commonwealth to heel. If I have to become the ultimate ruler, dictator, tyrant—whatever—I will. Anything for my child, for my son. And in case you couldn't guess where I'm leading you, I decided to sympathize with an angry mother.

Mac thought I'd lost my fucking mind. He almost lost his when I told him what the plan was. I had to point out what I was going to do for my son, just like I pointed it out for you, and he got real quiet. I know that there's a lot he's not telling me, and I hope that one day he will, but it's moments like this, where it’s really pointed out to me. Or maybe it's just that he's heard my story, seen my story, too many times to really fault me anything.

I used his idea that we had for Kellogg and I had Meaty track the egg back to wherever it came from. I wasn't trying to wander out towards Lynn Woods with an egg, possibly luring any deathclaw in the area to either my or its demise. So, Meaty helped us track it. We ended up passing by Parsons, the Insane Asylum, before finding mommy. I think she knew. Looking back at it, she had to know. She didn't try to kill us, which I would have done. 

First of all, she came out of nowhere. She descended a mountainside real quick and aggressive and, again, I almost shit my pants. I actually heard Mac give the tiniest of squeaks behind me and I'm never gonna let him live that down. But she squared up with me. And I was trying to be real passive. Arms up, palms out, full “I'm not here to hurt you. I'm here to help.” I think she got it because she didn't try to kill me. In fact, she kept looking at me before looking at something else and then back at me. I realized that what she was looking at was a nest. She knew I had her baby and she was waiting for me to return it to the nest that it was stolen from.

I did so slowly. One foot in front of the other, not a gun in my hand. Just the egg. Real careful. I wanted to make sure she knew exactly what I was going to do. I kept one eye on her while making sure I didn't trip over my own two feet and kill us all. She was beautiful in a really weird, reptilian, feral kind of way. Just gorgeous. I put her egg back and proceeded to back away slowly, hands up. Showing that nothing sketchy was going on. I hadn’t even realized how far I'd backed away until I felt Mac’s hand pressed between my shoulder blades, trying to stop me from bumping into him. She didn't take her eyes off us either. She approached her nest, sniffed at the egg, and then proceeded to bury it. Then she was glaring at us, waiting for us to leave. Which is exactly what we did.

When Mac and I were far enough away, we decided to head back to Red Rocket. I still had news for Preston and we needed to unload. Tenpines was on the way, so we stopped in there for just a quick little check in. By the time we got to Red Rocket, it was super fucking late. Well, it is super fucking late. I couldn't find Preston when I got here, and honestly, I’m too tired to really look that hard. I'll find him in the morning. I did have a quick talk with Mac before I started journaling. I told him that he should rest here for a while. It's been a hard two weeks on him and he's beginning to look a little ragged around the edges. He looked like he wanted to protest, like he wanted to keep coming with me, which is nice, but he can rest. I can't. Plus, I think Codsworth could use another outing. Or at least I'm hoping he would like to go with me. It's been a minute since I've gone out with him. I miss him.

830a

Bloodbug steak

Fungus puree

130p

Mutt chops

Meat cake treat

Nuka-Cherry

11p

Cooked softshell meat

Molerat chunks

Purified water – 1 can

Chapter Text

Today was pretty short. In fact, the longest part of today was the walk. When we got up this morning, I made sure Mac knew that he was safe in Red Rocket. I also made sure that Codsworth and Preston knew that he would be there. I made sure everyone knew this man was allowed to be there. It turns out I just needed to make sure the other settlers knew who would be in charge now. Yeah, that made him really uncomfortable, really quickly. But he'll get over it. I'm sure he'll do great.

The reason MacCready is in charge of Red Rocket for the time being is because when I told Preston about what I've done for Greentop, he was super pleased. So pleased in fact, that he decided to inform me more of the Minutemen's past. He wants to retake a castle? I don't know if it's actually a castle, but he called it The Castle. I don't think there's a castle in Massachusetts. Oh my God. Is there a castle in Massachusetts?

Either way. He wants to retake a place that he's calling The Castle. Apparently, some sea monster took it and no one's been back since. Considering the things I’ve seen, I am not looking forward to something that they're calling a sea monster. What the fuck is it? A crocodile on steroids? Did we have crocodiles or alligators in Massachusetts prewar? Oh my God! My biology is all fucked up. Geography? I'm pretty sure I'm making my high school history teacher cry. Would it even be my high school history teacher? Or would it be my science teacher? Look, science was not my shtick.

Regardless of whatever took The Castle, he has decided to find some other Minutemen scouts to help us resecure it. OH! And apparently, he lied to me, saying he was the last Minuteman. That's a whole thing I'll unpack some other time. Realistically, there are apparently some scouts. I mean, how else was he getting his information? I guess some field promotions were in order. Though at the same time I'm not too surprised he wasn't actually the last Minuteman, it's more along the lines of, they probably went into hiding because of what happened at Quincy. Seriously, would you trust someone who abandoned other people for Raiders? No.

So, with Preston going to Castle and me asking Codsworth to travel with me, that leaves Mac in charge. I don't know the rest of the settlers and honestly, I don't care to know them that well. If you're part of one of my settlements, then I will protect you. So long as you don't betray me or try to fuck me over or fuck over who is mine, then we're fine. So, Mac’s in charge. He’s not comfortable with that, nor does he like it, but I'm sure he'll do great. I hope he'll do great. I pretty much told him his job is pretty simple. Just make sure there's no fighting, make sure everybody’s fed, and protect the settlement. It shouldn't be that hard. Codsworth and Preston had done great things, setting up defenses before I left so... Should be fine.

I had decided to finally go and talk to Jake. Because I've been sitting on his message for a while now, I don't even know how many days it's been. I know I could just like look back through these entries of mine, but I'm not gonna. Anyways, that was the plan. I figured I'd stop by the Constitution, because apparently, while I was in Fort Hagen dealing with... him... I picked up the pump that they needed. Codsworth said he could help me install it. Which would be nice, since last time it was just me and Meaty. I'm really surprised that I didn't blow anything up on that ship and having Codsworth with me would be a great help. 

On the walk, Codsworth talked about how upset he had been with our sudden loss after the bombs. I can't blame him. He tried to keep busy. And considering what he told me when I first found him again, that makes perfect sense. He had been waiting for us. And if not us, then Shaun. If not Shaun, then perhaps his children. We were his light in the dark. We were his hope. He considers us family and we had been gone. I told him that I felt the same, because I do. To others, Codsworth might just be a Mr. Handy, but to me, he’s family. When I first saw him, I was so happy. Ecstatic. There was a charge of electricity running through me, because it felt like not everything was lost. My husband was dead, my son was gone, but there was Codsworth. He was still there. We got him before Shaun was born, so he's literally been with us since the beginning. Been with me since the beginning. I couldn't imagine this world without him.

It was a bit later in the day by the time we got to the ship. Codsworth helped me with the pump bearings installation, making it go much faster than if it had just been me. He seemed really into the whole pirate, but not, robots. I believe his exact words when seeing the ship were, “This ship looks quite the mystery. Run aground on a bank and not a scratch on her!” If that's not excitement, I don't know what is.

Last time I was here, it was just me and Meaty. Now it's me, Meaty, and Codsworth. He was fretting about the entire time, because he knew that I still don't like heights. I hated being up on that ship. I hate being up on the building I'm on now because guess what! No, I'll wait. I'll wait. Let me tell this in order.

The Constitution was to take flight, apparently. A flying ship. Not like a zeppelin. An old ass boat. Flying through the sky. What the fuck? They said they were going to land in the ocean and I just kind of stared. Because I could not comprehend what was just said to me. We're going to take this boat, that is somehow in a bank, and rocket it into the ocean... I wish that someone else was here with me, because no one's gonna believe me when I say this to them, and no one's gonna believe Codsworth either. But I shit you not, that was the plan.

However, before this plan could be put into action, scavengers attacked. And there was a lot of them. A ridiculous number of scavengers, actually. I don't even know where they came from. I didn't see any of them on my way through to the boat, but all of a sudden, they're everywhere. So many bodies. And I do mean bodies because they are all dead now. Between me and Codsworth, plus all of the ships bots, they never stood a chance. I would like to add to the fact that they had actual cannons. They gave me an actual cannon as payment for my services. Calling it the Broadsider. That bitch is heavy and I can definitely tell you that Codsworth is dragging it around for me, because there's no way in hell, I'm carrying it. It will become a decorative piece somewhere. I don't know where yet, but somewhere. I think Mac would have loved the entire situation.

Once the scavs were taken care of, Ironsides asked me to go and flip a switch on another building because it had to be activated off the ship. So... What were they gonna do if they didn't have another person to hit this switch? Was someone going to get left behind? I guess I'll never know, because when I pulled the switch, the ship actually took flight. It worked. Their plan worked. They didn't land in the ocean, but they took flight. Into another skyscraper, even higher up...

 After all of the adrenaline wore off. I threw up. Just bent over and threw up. All over the floor. Do people not fear heights in this day and age? I get that they're not actually people, they’re robots, but still. Why? It's pretty dark now. But I can still see that zeppelin in the distance and I've decided I'm figuring that big bitch out tomorrow. Sorry, Jake. You're gonna have to keep waiting.

830a

Nuka-Cola

2p

Grilled radroach

Iguana-on-a-stick

Purified water – 1 can

11p

Deathclaw steak

Sweet roll

Purified water – 1 can