Chapter Text
“You did it,” Karin murmurs, disbelieving. A moment later, wide, scarlet eyes fall upon Obito’s near-corpse. “You actually did it.”
Had Obito been well enough to offer some sort of verbal response, he would’ve pointed out her lack of confidence with some sourness; although he had also been convinced that he’d be turned into paste, her lack of faith is still rude.
As it is, he gives her a shaky thumbs up and collapses to the ground with a drawn-out wheeze.
“That,” Tsunade says flatly, “Was the most ridiculous thing I’ve ever seen in my life. And I was on a team with Jiraiya.”
I’ll take that as a compliment, Obito decides, because his pride has already been wounded far too much lately.
“You should’ve lost,” Sai tells him. His expression makes it hard to deduce if he’s being genuine, if Obito’s being threatened, or if he’s in disbelief. Knowing him, it’s probably a combination of all three.
“Lady Tsunade—”
“I know,” the blonde interrupts, gaze pointed towards the sky as if begging for mercy. Jokes on her, Obito knows full well that the universe would never be so kind. After several moments, she forces out a long breath and meets Obito’s gaze, causing him to let out a very manly squeak. “You. That was…”
“Ingenious?” Obito asks hopefully.
“Absolute bullshit,” she says, rolling her eyes when he deflates. “But a deal’s a deal.”
Karin inhales sharply. “So…”
“Whatever, brat,” Tsunade says, clearly unhappy about this whole ordeal.
“What Lady Tsunade means to say,” Shizune interjects, ignoring the blonde’s glare with practiced ease, “Is that we’re glad to have you, Karin. Though,” she says, not unkindly, “You have to understand with so many people to keep track of, we might not be able to provide the care you’re looking for.”
“No. No, no, no,” Karin rushes. “No. I mean, I’m… This is more than I could ever ask for…”
Tsunade huffs. “Yeah, yeah. So what do you want, anyway?” When Karin stares at her dumbly, she raises a brow. “You lookin’ for someone to teach you? Because if that’s the case, you should know that I don’t do that shit anymore.”
Shizune presses her lips together, but doesn’t intervene. Obito watches from his spot on the ground, absently wondering if he’s been forgotten.
Just then, Shin’s eyes flick his way, and he turns to cover a snort when he sees him army-crawling on the ground. Sourly, Obito internally rants about the lack of respect from kids these days.
“I…” Karin begins nervously. “Well um… That’s fine with me. I just… Anything is better than… well…”
Obito forces out a breath and pushes himself to shaky feet. “The reason Karin can’t go back to her village,” he tells them bluntly. “Is because they treated her like shit.”
“Tobi-san!”
“What? I’m right,” he says, waving her off. “You didn’t deserve any of that. Nobody does.”
Karin opens her mouth, then promptly shrinks in on herself. Obito abruptly remembers that Karin’s a child, and he’s probably just come off as a complete dickwad.
Whoops.
“Deserve any of what?” Shizune asks, frowning.
Obito’s eyes flick between her and Karin before he grimaces. “She’s an Uzumaki with a bloodline centered around healing. I’m sure you can get most of the picture.”
Although it’s barely noticeable, Tsunade actually winces at that.
“It’s fine,” Karin interjects quickly. “It’s not like I’m there anymore.”
Shizune glances at Obito, then at Tsunade. The blonde scowls, which only seems to make Shizune’s eyes even more piercing.
Eventually, Tsunade throws her arms into the air. “Fine. Fine. But you owe me.”
Shizune smirks victoriously. “Of course,” she replies pleasantly.
Karin blinks. “...Huh?”
Me too, Karin, Obito attempts to tell her telepathically, Me too.
Actually, he’s been confused for a long while now. He’s beginning to wonder if it’ll ever go away, or if he’ll just be forever stuck in a perpetual state of bewilderment, wherein everything he does seems to be spurred on by sheer spontaneity because nobody ever decides to enlighten him on what the fuck is going on. His only consolation is that it tends to make room for half-decent laughs.
“Karin,” Shizune says, just sweetly enough that it causes alarm bells to start ringing, “How would you like to learn about the art of poison?”
Obito watches as Karin’s expression shifts from confusion, to surprise, to apprehension, to—
Oh fuck, he thinks, seeing something akin to unholy glee sparking in her eyes.
“Well,” Karin says shyly, “If you think that I could learn.”
I was wrong, he realizes, begging Doug for forgiveness, Sword-trained Karin was not the worst thing that could happen. Even Shin and Sai look like their life is flashing before their eyes.
…Actually, speaking of Doug.
“Heyyyy Tsunade— ” Obito begins, only to choke when he catches a stuffed dog with his throat.
“Never say that again,” she says flatly. Then, almost sympathetically, she pats him on the shoulder. “And leave while you still can. There’s a reason why Shizune is feared in more than one nation.”
“Oh,” he says, a little lightheaded. “Noted.” Then, after a beat, “WellitwaslovelymeetingyouallbutimgonnagobeforeIbecomealabrat, bye!”
And with that, he disappears into kamui, and decides that he will never, ever piss off Shizune, since he actually prefers his organs in working order.
All’s well that ends well, though. Even if he’s accidentally started Karin on a course that terrifies him on the cellular level.
Take that, Bitchimaru.