Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Aether created the group chat [New Group Chat]

Aether added Amber, Diluc, Eula, Jean, Kaeya, Lumine, Lisa, Venti  and Others to the group chat [New Group Chat]

Aether named the group chat [Mondstadt bitches]

Aether: So

Diluc: No.

Aether: I DID NOT EVEN SAY ANYTHING??

Diluc: I don't care just get me out of here

Lumine: AETHER U LITTLE BITCH IT WAS MY IDEA HOW DARE U

Aether: Well then u shlda been faster

Lumine: FUCK U I AM EATING ALL THE PUDDING IN THE FRIDGE

Aether: WHAT NO

Aether: U CANT DO THAT LUMI U PROMISED TO SHARE

Lumine: Watch me

Diluc has left the group chat

Aether: Thats not allowed

Lumine has added Diluc to the group chat 

Lumine: My brother created this gc u cant leave without his or my permission

Aether: What she said

Diluc: …..its too early fo me to deal with this shit

Jean: Diluc its one in the afternoon

Diluc: And?? Stop being so judgy Jean

Jean: I-

Amber: Is no one gonna talk abt the fact that Lumine and Aether were literally arguing moments ago but then immediately teamed up just to bully Diluc

Venti: Thats just how siblings are

Kaeya: Oh? And u would know because?

Venti: I am a bard

Kaeya: That doesn't exactly explain it but okay

Diluc: Fuck you Kaeya I am out of here

Kaeya: I dint even speak to u????

[Action denied]

[Action denied]

Diluc: What the fuck why can't I leavr

Kaeya: Lmao loser

Diluc: I am throwing ur wine stash out the first floor window

Kaeya: Wait no please I will do anything

Diluc: die

Kaeya: well fuck u too Master diluc

Venti: Wait diluc don't waste all that good wine donate it to me instead pweese

Diluc: No.

Venti: I will write u a song

Diluc: I don't care

Kaeya: Wait u are not serious are u

Kaeya: Come on Dilly even u are not that heartless are u

Diluc: Call me that again and watch me throw out ur emergency stash too

Kaeya: NO

Kaeya: WAIT DOES THAT MEAN U ALREADY THRW OUT MY NORMAL STASH

Kaeya: DILUC ANSWER ME

Kaeya: DILUC

Kaeya: MY WINE

Venti: All that good wine

Venti: just wasted

Venti: TT

[Action denied]

[Action denied]

Diluc: I hate u so much for this

Diluc: Whichever one of u blocked the leave feature Aether or Lumine

Diluc: How did u even do that

Venti: not surprised tbh

Venti: Aether and Lumine have some really shady skills ya know

Aether: says the guy that literally shows up outta nowhere on the campus and disappears to God knows where during classes and like the teachers dint even question it

Lumine: they've all given up fr

Aether: ikr

Venti: I am a busy man they know not to question me

Diluc: u are just too unhinged and they know that stopping u will only make u do worse things

Venti: Ehe

Paimon: Ehe??

Aether: oh no

Paimon: EHE???

Lumine: Paimon has been triggered 

Paimon: WHAT DO U MEAN EHE????

Venti: I mean what I mean

Kaeya: I am betting 10 mora on Paimon hunting down and kicking Venti's ass in the next 30 minutes

Venti: And that's my cue to run

Mona: Did someone say mora?

Jean: Mona did u eat breakfast today

Mona: um

Mona: does one skewered mushroom count 

Jean: No

Mona: oh

Mona: well

Mona: then no…..

Mona: But that's okay Jean, I am fine really. My stomach is so full I can barely stomach anything else so don't worry about me and if I accidentally faint in the astronomy class it's just my sleep deprivation catching upto me so dw

Eula: I can literally see u wobbling because u barely have the strength to stand how do u even survive

Mona: Whaaaaaaat? Noooooo that's just my last night's sleeplessness I swear

Eula: I just heard a loud growl from ur stomach

Mona: Eula please

Jean: Barbara.

Barbara: Already on it. I have a basket filled with Satisfying salad, Fisherman's toast, Hash browns and Rosaria's thorny judgement

Rosaria: The last part is a lie

Venti: Aww Rosaria has a soft spot

Venti: Wait what's thorny judgement

Rosaria: What u are gonna face if u don't SHUT THE FUCK UP RIGHT NOW BARD

Lumine: Thorny judgement is Rosaria's personal Sweet madame recipe and when I tell u when I say it tastes like heaven

Aether: Man the flavors are amazing

Paimon: Paimon agrees!! One bite of Rosaria's Thorny Judgment is enough to get Paimon's appetite running

Rosaria: ….

Rosaria: I hate all of you

Mona: Wow….um so all this

Mona: It's for me?

Jean: Mhm. So eat well and for the love of the Archons look after yourself

 or I will personally force feed you

Mona: Th

Mona: Thank you Jean

Mona: Really

Jean: Your welcome Mona, you do know that you can rely on us whenever necessary right?

Mona: Yeah

Venti: Is she crying?

Mona: NO

Venti: I am literally right next to u

Lumine: Why are u even there

Barbara: I dragged him along because I knew that his breakfast was probably just wine

Venti: HEY

Venti: I am telling u I ate a few apples too

Barbara: how many

Venti: uh

Venti: One?

Jean: …..

Jean: Barbara make sure to feed him well

Barbara: Bold of u to assume I already did not make feeding these two starving children my life goal

Venti: I am literally older than all of u

Barbara: I don't care

Jean: Thats my girl

Aether: Team mom Jean strikes again

Jean: I am not

Lisa: Oh but u are dear

Lisa: U are the sweetest and the kindest woman I have ever met in my life and that's why I love u so much darling wanna go make out in the library later

Jean: Lisa!

Lisa: Yes?

Jean: I thought we were having a moment 

Lisa: Are u telling me u don't want to make out in the library afterwards darling?

Jean: I mean I 

Jean: I 

Jean: I do

Lumine: Ah to be a lesbian in love with another lesbian

Aether: *cough* kamisato *cough* kamisato ayaka *cough*

Lumine: HEY AETHER GUESS WHAT BITCH I AM EATUNG ALL THE LEFTOVER ICE CREAM TOO FUCK YOU

Aether: AAKSJDHDHHD U CANT DO THATI AM COMIBG

Lumine: TOO LATE BITCH

Amber: For anyone who is curious 

Amber: [attachment.jpg]

Lumine: lmao Jean's face looks redder than Diluc's hair

Aether: which, mind u, is saying something

Lisa: It's just saying how much my darling loves me

Diluc: God no what the fuck I do not want to be in a groupchat with so much PDA why don't I just get struck down by lightning God strike me down right now why wont u 

Aether: Thats cause she's too busy consoling her fox girlfriend after abandoning her for centuries 

Diluc: What

Aether: what

Lumine: Aether is just rambling on about this fantasy book he's reading don't mind him

Lisa: it has lesbians?

Lumine: yea

Lisa: @Aether Title 

Lisa: Now 🔪

Aether: It's kinda a popular light novel

Aether: It's called 'Pretty Please Kitsune Guuji' written by Yae Masako who also happens to be a character in the book

Aether: Also it's a spin off of the popular fantasy series 'Travelers' Terrific Adventures Across Teyvat' but by a different author ya know

Lisa: OMG WAIT I LOVE THAT SERIES

Aether: WAIT REALKY ME TOO

Kaeya: Did someone say TTAAT

Amber: That series!!!!! I actually absolutely love it so much

Eula: Me too

Venti: I think pretty much everyone has heard of the series

Venti: I especially love the ballad version

Albedo: I find it slightly odd that none of the characters are named but yes I agree it is one of the most phenomenal pieces of literature out there

Bennett: My dads used to read that me as bedtime stories and man did it really fire up the spirit of an adventurer in me

Fischl: Thine own Princessine agrees with all of you for her regalness herself was enthralled by the intricacies of the narrative and the anonymity of the heroes as well as the spectacular depictions of heroes battling against horrendous beats and mighty foes

Oz: She means to say she loves the book too especially the fact that the heroes names are kept a secret and all the cool fighting scenes

Aether: Honestly mood

Razor: Story?

Lisa: Oh Razor my boy!! You are hear too!!

Razor: teacher lisa

Razor: Hello

Lisa: Yes that's a very good attempt darling

Lisa: I don't think u have heard of TTAAT have u?

Razor: no

Razor: razor bad?

Lisa: Oh no no my boy It's alright I will read that to u as a bed time story today

Lisa: is that okay?

Razor: razor happy

Lisa: :)

Aether: My heart can't take all this wholesomeness

Lumine: Razor I would die for u

Razor: please no

Razor: Razor sad :(

Lumine: Oh no no it was just a joke I love u very much I won't die don't worry

Razor: :D

Lumine: My heart

Venti: Please

Venti: I would give away my last stash of apples to Razor in a beat if he asked 

Razor: but I like meat

Razor: and potatoes 

Lisa: u seeing this?

Lisa: this is my boi I love him very much touch him and u are dead 

Mona: Is this a bad time to say I have never read TTAAT

Lisa: Mona be at my house by 6 or I will personally kidnap u 

Mona: terrifying but okay

Aether: JeanLisa: Parenting done right 

Lumine: All hail JeanLisa parent troupe

Jean: JeanLisa? Why is there no space between our names 

Lisa: Because we are that close ;)

Diluc: god why am I still alive 

Venti: To suffer obviously

Lumine: um

Aether: @Barbara does Jean not know what shipping is

Barbara: would u expect her to

Lumine: yea u make a good point

Jean: ???

Lisa: Don't worry about it darling

Jean: …….

Jean: Alright

Chapter Text

Lumine created group chat [New Group Chat]

Lumine added Aether, Beidou, Childe, Chongyun, Ganyu, Hu Tao and Others to the Group Chat [New Group Chat]

Lumine named the group chat [Liyue mfs]

Keqing: Can we please please have a normal group chat name

Lumine: No <3

Aether: Fuuuuuck u beat me to it

Lumine: EHE

Paimon: EHE?????

Lumine: Oh no

Paimon: PAIMON IS COMINH FOR UR LIFE

Aether: Lmao deserve

Lumine: WAIT PAIMON NO WAIT

Lumine: I WILL BUY FIVE NO TEN SLICES OF FISHERMAN'S TOASTS CALM DOWN

Paimon: Hmph

Paimon: Alright for the sake of food Paimon will let u off this time

Yanfei: Anyone else ever think abt how bizarre of a family these three are

Yanfei: Like what even is Paimon and how is she related to the twins

Lumine: Emergency food 

Aether: Emergency food 

Paimon: PAIMON IS NOT EMERGENCY FOOD

Paimon: PAIMON IS AETHER AND LUMINE'S GUIDE

Yanfei: Guide to what exactly?

Paimon: Uh…..you know

Paimon:....to whatever that guides guide people to

Aether: ….

Lumine: ….

Zhongli: Greetings, is this what the youngsters these days call a 'group chat'?

Lumine: Zhongli please even if u are the oldest among us can u at least try to not speak like a grandpa

Lumine: And yea this is a group chat

Zhongli: Ah, apologies, Lumine. It is quite difficult to get used to younger generation's 'slang' language but I I trying my best

Childe: DONT LISTEN TO HER ZHONGLI U ARE DOING GREAT I ABSOLUTELY ADORE THE WAY U TYPE AND THE FACT THAT U EXIST SO U HAVE NOTHINH TO APOLOGISE FOR

Zhongli: Oh hello Childe. Thank you for your encouraging words but  will keep trying.

Zhongli: :)

Childe: ASJDUHDHSHBEJSKSKSKZOODKDJDJDH DJDJHDDHXHIDODOEKEJ

Zhongli: Childe? I am afraid I don't quite understand you

Lumine: Don't mind him he's just being a simp

Zhongli: Oh, but what does a 'simp' mean?

Aether: Don't worry abt it, Zhongli, really

Zhongli: I see….

Lumine: Did Childe pass out?

Xinyan: Yeah

Xinyan: We were having a fun Rock n Roll session but now he's unconscious :(

Yunjin: Does that mean u are free now?

Yunjin: Wanna have lunch together?

Xinyan: akzjzhsbbehdh????

Xinyan: I MEAN

Xinyan: Yes please 

Yunjin: cool it's a date

Yunjin: Meet me at the cafeteria asap

Yunjin: Don't keep me waiting ;)

Xinyan: YES MA'AM

Xingqiu: Istg that was the smoothest lesbian interaction I had ever seen 

Lumine: I.F.K.R

Lumine: Like @Yunjin TEACH ME UR WAYS OF SMOOTHLY ASKINV GIRLS OUT PLS I AM DESPERATE

Yunjin: Okay but u will have to join the music club  cause I am too busy to meet anyone out of that and now that I have a girlfriend I want to give her all my attention

Xinyan: WE ARE GIRLFRIENDS NOW??

Yunjin: We are on a date aren't we? And we are holding hands

Yunjin: Why? Do you not want to be?

Xinyan: ADFYGUFY6FF677GGGG OF COUESE I DO THIS IS MY LIFE LONG DRAM CONE TRYE OMG

Keqing: Xinyan calm down

Beidou: Girl's typing numbers in her key smash she won't be calming down anytime soon

Lumine: Ah all the lesbian content i am being fed today 

Lumine: don't know if I should feel blessed or be jealous 

Childe: Comrade don't tell me u still haven't asked out the Kamisato girl

Lumine: Childe.

Childe: Uh….

Lumine: :)

Xiangling: That is the most terrifying three figures I have seen in my whole life

Childe: Ahahaha what 

Lumine: You are in Xinyan's band, so room no 37 right?

Childe: …..no

Lumine: :)))

Aether: Ever wondered what genuine fear feels like? Ask Childe he will tell u

Aether: Childe I give u a whole of 3 seconds to run if u don't wanna get mauled by Lumine 

Xiao: Let me join u Lumine because I swear to Rex Lapis that I will not rest easy until I hunt down Childe

Lumine: YES JOIN ME XIAO

Lumine: Let's hunt that fucker down and drag him to Xiangling's kitchen 

Xiao: I am already tracking his footprints

Lumine: THATS MY FUTURE BROTHER-IN-LAW FOR Y'ALL

Aether: LUMINR WGAT THE FVCK

Xiao: What

Lumine: What

Xiangling: I heard that there's a new test subject for me?

Lumine: We are hunting him down right now

Xiao: He will be at ur kitchen soon

Xiangling: Yay!!

Hu Tao: Ayyyy should I get a Coffin ready

Zhongli: Please refrain from hurting Childe, Xiao

Xiao: … …

Xiao: Alright

Lumine: It's okay bro I gotchu

Lumine: Just hunt that ginger bitch down and I will take care of everything

Xiao: There was a reason why u were the only person other than Zhongli whom I ever respected

Aether: What about me

Xiao: You too Aether

Hu Tao: @Zhongli Daaad Xiao is being gay on the chat again

Zhongli: It's okay Hu Tao you too will find someone soon enough

Hu Tao: ……

Beidou: Wait lmao did Zhongli just murder Hu Tao by calling out her single ass 

Xingqiu: Old man out her firing bullets at Hu Tao 

Chongyun: The hero we all need but don't deserve

Xiao: Hmph

Hu Tao: stfu at least I am not pining over my crush and pretending not to notice everytime he speaks my name and go around saying cheesy emo shit while hunting down gingers with his sifu8fytftfugugiguggigyt4fgh

Yanfei: Don't worry Hu Tao has been silenced for now

Xiao: Thank you Yanfei I will add u to the list of people I tolerate

Yanfei: Oh wow okay

Yanfei: Thanks ig?

Ningguang: Why am I here

Beidou: NING

Ningguang: Don't call me that

Beidou: Okay

Beidou: BABY

Ningguang: Why do I put up with u again?

Beidou: Because u love me :D

Ningguang: That is a false accusation

Yanfei: Objection. I have evidence to support Beidou's claims including eye witnesses and photographic evidence

Ningguang:

Ningguang: Why the fuck-

Yanfei: Blackmail material

Ningguang: How much

Yanfei: We can meet up in the cafeteria at 5 to discuss the price negotiations

Ningguang: I have a board meeting at 5, meet me at 4 I will tell Ganyu to clear my schedule for the meeting

Yanfei: Deal

Beidou: What the fuck did I just witness

Yanfei: A mutually beneficial agreement

Beidou: What the what now

Ningguang: Beidou did u finish the task I gave u

Beidou: Um

Beidou: Which is

Ningguang: Oh my God

Beidou: U see I have been so busy lost in ur thoughts that my brain could not process anything else 

Ningguang: ARE U TELLING ME U LEFT THE FRESHERS WAITING FOR HOURS AT THE ENTRANCE OF THE DORMS WITHOUT INFORMING THEM ABOUT WHICH ROOMS THEY ARE SUPPOSED TO GO

Beidou: OH FUCK OH SHIT I WAS SUPPOSED TO DO THAT SHIT SHIT SHIT

Beidou: SEE YA LOSERS LATER I GOT WORK TO DO

Beidou: except you Ning I absolutely love u so much can't wait to meet u later at 6 for our date

Ningguang: WILL U HURRY UP

Beidou: YES MA'AM

Keqing: Look u won't be able to tell from her texts but Ningguang is actually blushing furiously rn

Hu Tao: Pics or it dint happen 

Keqing: [attachment.jpg]

Lumine: Oh my fucking God Ningguang is actually just as much of a simp as Beidou

Ningguang: @Hu Tao I want to commission a Coffin

Hu Tao: On it boss, any specifications?

Ningguang: It should bear Lumine's name that is all

Hu Tao: Alrighty I will accept advance payments when do u want to discuss details?

Ningguang: Meet me at 4 in the cafeteria 

Hu Tao: Aight

Lumine: Wait what

Lumine: NINGGUANG ARE U SERIOUS

Lumine: NINGGUANG WAIT ESJJKSJZGSHS I AM SORRY

Ningguang: Too late

Lumine: Huh????

Lumine: WAIT WHO'S THSJJSSOOSOSOSKJSJDJDJIEI99OO2

Aether: LUMINE??? LUMINE NOOOOO

Aether: @Ningguang WHAT DID U TO DO TO MY SISTER

Ningguang: I will now be taking my leave to deal with more important things

Aether: WAIT DONT GO

Aether: GIVE MY SISTER BACK

Aether: @Xiao ARE U STILL WITH LUMINE WHAT HAPPENED TO HER

Aether: @Xiao ?????

Ningguang: @Hu Tao I want to commission another Coffin

Hu Tao: Oh my~

Hu Tao: My business is booming today

Keqing: Hu tao would u really prepare a Coffin that eagerly for ur self proclaimed brother

Hu Tao: Family is important but making profit in business comes first

Aether: Hu Tao What the FUCK

Aether: I WILL FINF U @Ningguang

Aether: I WILL RESCUE MY SISTER AND XIAO

Childe: Sister and love of your life*

Aether: Now I know why Lumine hates you so much

Aether: To honor my sister's memory I am gonna hunt u down firsy

Childe: WAIT HOLD

Childe: WHAT IF I HIRE PPL TO REZCUE UR SISTER AND XIAO

Aether: I am listening

Childe: Actually I have a better idea

Childe: Wait for me Comrade

Aether: you have one hour childe

Childe: WAIT THATS TOO LESS 

Aether: Time starts now

Childe: COMRADE WHY

[Liyue mfs]

Xiangling: Is anyone else worried

Xinyan: About what

Xiangling: It's been 45 mins since Aether and Childe's convo and it's too quite

Yanfei: Now that u mention it is kinda suspicious

Hu Tao: The coffins are ready

Chongyun: Hu Tao's confidence is something I strive to achieve everyday

Hu Tao: :)

Chongyun: that's terrifying have a great day

Childe: I am back

Keqing: what did u do

Childe: Wait

Aether: Ur time is almost up childe

Childe: Trust

Beidou: WHO TF

Xiangling: Okay wow what or who had the audacity to piss beidou off I send my condolences

Hu Tao: oWO

Hu Tao: Business is booming

Beidou: WHO TF DARED TO TOUCH MY BOI

Ningguang: Beidou what happened to Kazuha 

Beidou: EXACTLY NING SOMEONE KIDNAPPED OUR SON HES MISSING

Chongyun: Isn't kazuha like the inazuman freshman who u met like three days ago

Beidou: HE IS AND I DECIDED THEN AND THERE TO ADOPT HIM NOW TELL ME WHO TF DARED TO TOUCH MY SON BEFORE I COME FOR U AND UR MOTHER

Ningguang: Beidou watch ur language

Ninggiang: As for Kazuha I have already set ppl on the lookout he will be found soon

Xingqiu: Love the fact that Kazuha was unofficially adopted by Beidou like three days ago and Ningguang already considers him her son too

Childe: Well now that the dust has settled

Xiangling: I have a bad feeling

Childe: U are a smart businesswoman Ningguang u know what to do if u want to see ur son 

Aether: when u told me that u had a plan to get my sister and Xiao back i did not know u meant A SUICIDE MISSION CHILDE WHAT THE FUCK

Aether: THIS IS BEIDOU WE ARE TALKING ABT SHE CAN CRUSH BOTH OF US UNDER THE WEIGHT OF HER AURA ALOME TF

Beidou: SO IT WAS THIS GINGER MF I AM COMING FOR U BITCH SQUARE UP

Childe: Oh I am always squared up see u at the basketball court in five

Beidou: OH ITS ON GAY BOY

Ningguang: Beidou wait this is exactly what he wants we can't let him hold all the cards

Beidou: BUT BABE OUR SON

Ningguang: will u give me a moment

Beidou: TT okay I trust u

Ningguang: I am guessing ur demands are Lumine and Xiao, Childe

Childe: I also want a spar with beidou

Ningguang: Only if she is up for it

Beidou: OH I AM VERY MUCH UP FOR IT I AM GOING TO GUT HIM OPEN LIKE THE FISH HE IS

Childe: AAHAHA U SOUND JUST LIKE A WARRIOR I CANT WAIT FOR OUR LEGENDARY BATTLE COMRADE

Aether: Beidou I swear to all the archons that I wasn't a part of this it was all childe please don't kill me

Beidou: Don't worry Aether I trust u

Aether: thank god

Beidou: AS FOR THAT TORTILLA BITCH U BETTER BRING ENOUGH TISSUES TO WIPE UR TEARS AFTER I SWEEP THE FLOOR WITH UR LOSER ASS

Childe: DONT UNDERESTIMATE ME COMRADE I WILL SEE U AT THE BASKETBALL COURT IN FIVE MINUTES

Beidou: MY SON BETTER BE THERE OR I WILL SEND U TO HEAVEN

Childe: I am a man of my word as long as ningguang agrees to return lumine and Xiao after our spar 

Ningguang: How about this, I return Xiao and lumine to u IF u mange to beat beidou in a fight

Ningguang: if we win get kazuha and u get no one and vice versa

Aether: What the hell is even going on just give me my Xiao and sister back

Aether: XIAO AND MY SISTER* 

Aether: I MENAT MY SISTER AND XIAO

Aether: NOT MY XIAO MY SISTET AND XIAO 

Xingqiu: lmao watch me screenshot this for educational purposes

Hu Tao: watch me screenshot this for Blackmail purposes 

Childe: I am screenshoting this to send it to lumine

Aether: FUCK ALL OF U I HATE YOU ALL

Ningguang: Do you agree to my terms Childe?

Childe: Of course 

Hu Tao: The coffins are ready :D

Zhongli: Director Hu…..

Childe: ZHONGLI HELLO I AM GOING INTI A LIFE OR DEATH MATCH WILL U COME TO CHEER ME

Zhongli: I will come to make sure u don't die Childe 

Childe: Do u have that less confidence in me :(

Zhongli: I am just concerned about you and I would be worried about you regardless of what level your opponent is

Childe: Oh

Childe: um I think I need a moment

Zhongli: Childe? Are you okay? Did I say something wrong perhaps?

Childe: Oh no no not at all

Childe: I am just a bit too happy u worry so much abt me

Zhongli: Of course you matter a lot to me

Childe: Ajajsdidjjdjejdidiejeheh Zhongli watch me win this fight just for ur sake

Zhongli: I would be just happy watching you come out not too injured but I appreciate you wanting to win the duel for me as well Child

Childe: Ohmygod now I am even more determined to win this

Hu Tao: Boo 

Hu Tao: Go be gay in the dms u disgusting adults 

Zhongli: Don't worry Hu Tao I an sure Yanfei would appreciate your company just like how I appreciate Childe's

Yanfei: AEJJSSHDBE WHAT?????

Hu tao: OLD MAN WTF

Xingqiu: Did…..did Zhongli just try to set Hu tao and yanfei up omg

Chongyun: he's just getting back at Hu tao for 

all her pranks and yes I totally support u and YanTao Zhongli

Yanfei: I am sorry?? Yantao???

Chongyun: Oh sorry do u prefer Hufei?

Hu Tao: CHONGYUN WHERE DID U LEARN TI BE THIS SNAEKY FROM

Xingqiu: Ahem are u forgetting who dear Chongyun's boyfriend is 

Chongyun: Rstzugfjjbu u don't have to emphasize it like that Xingqiu

Xingqiu: Just establishing my claim over ;)

Chongyun: OHMYGOD 

Hu Tao: ugh gays

Xiangling: ahem

Xiangling: Just popping in to remind everyone that the Childe vs Beidou duel is starting in a few moments and many are already here to watch and wow Aether is sweating buckets while Zhongli is calmly discussing with Ningguang what I think are countermeasures to the agreement if Childe loses and is that Kazuha tied up in a corner with his mouth gagged my man looks so terrified and confused I feel almost bad for him

Xiangling: For those curious Lumine and Xiao are here too and tied up and gagged right next to Kazuha, Lumine just looks done with everything and probably wants to jump off a building the first chance she gets while Xiao looks scary af and I am hundred per cent sure he will bite anyone who approaches him

Yanfei: Thank you for the extremely detailed and perfectly accurate summary Xiangling 

Xingqiu: Wait this is good writing material I am coming to watch

Yanfei: …..how exactly

Yanfei: ……is it good writing material?

Xingqiu: a happily married lesbian couple has their only son taken away from their home and so they both embark on a long journey to find their son and beat the shit out of the ginger gay who kidnapped him who also happens to have a side romance with a weirdly knowledgeable but also handsome funeral consultant 

Xinyan: Love the fact that tho this all started with lumine and Xiao they are not mentioned once in Xingqiu's story summary

Childe: why wont any of u just use my name

Xingqiu: cause u are the only foreigner here?

Childe: Aether and Lumine are literally right there

Xingqiu: they are an exception everyone knows that u dumb ginger

Childe: …..

Beidou: U coming to fight or not gay boy I don't got all day

Childe: Oh I am ready let's make this the most memorable fight of our lives

Beidou: HAH

Beidou: Now thats good enthusiasm right there I almost thought of going easy on u

Childe: Don't insult me like that

Beidou: I won't I am giving it my all so u better too

Childe: Of course comrade

Chapter Text

Childe created group chat [New Group Chat]

Childe added Aether, Ayaka, Itto, Kokomi, Lumine and Others to the group chat [New Group Chat]

Childe changed the group chat name to [Inazuman Comrades]

Kazuha: I am having a lot of mixed feelings abt the fact that i was just added into a groupchat by my kidnapper

Yoimiya: I just know that there is a very interesting story behind that and I wanna know it

Aether: Basically childe went and kidnapped Kazuha to provoke beidou and ningguang and have a duel with beidou

Kokomi: Ohmygod

Kujo Sara: What an absolute madman what happened next

Aether: it ended in a draw and both of them pretty beat up 

Aether: they wanted to continue but luckily zhongli and ningguang stopped them and agreed to just release kazuha and lumine and Xiao and now beidou and childe are regular fighting buddies cause apparently their near death fight was very 'fun"

Kokomi: Fun-

Kujo Sara: I am not even gonna comment 

Gorou: Wait what's the deal with lumine and Xiao

Childe: Aether how could u forget to mention the fact that the reason the whole thing happened was because i was being a good frnd and trying to get ur sister and boyfriend back from ningguang's evil clutches after she kidnapped them 

Aether: XIAO IS NOT MY BOYFRIEND 

Lumine: Yet*

Aether: I should have left u with ningguang 

Lumine: Xiao respects me too much to let that happen

Aether: 

Aether: Fuck 

Gorou: The Liyuens sound wild

Kazuha: My moms are from liyue watch ur mouth

Gorou: weren't u literally complaining like yesterday that two powerful liyuen lesbians have suddenly adopted u and arent letting u go and how u wished u hadn't chosen this place

Kazuha: that was before I got kidnapped and got rescued by them and realised the importance of family

Lumine: Love the character arc where Kazuha went from "These foreign lesbians wont leave me alone" to "Talk shit about my moms and I will kill you"

Lumine: Also

Lumine: I am disappointed in u childe

Childe: ?????????

Lumine: I thought I taught u better when it came to naming group chats

Childe: But Comrade :(

Kokomi: personally I like it

Thoma: Me too!!

Lumine: Yall can't be serious

Lumine: I am changing the name 

Childe: Lumine truth or dare

Lumine: Dare

Aether: I-I do not want to be a part of this

Childe: coward

Childe: N e way

Childe: Lumine what's yo type

Lumine: Short, cute, has hair like starlight, high ponytail, very sweet and gentle, may or may not have an older brother who is in love with their housekeeper who also happens to be her best friend

Kazuha: that is oddly specific

Aether: But she dint even chose truth???

Childe: Okay 

Childe: @Ayaka u seein this?

Lumine: WAIF WHAT AYAKA IS HERW??? WHAT THE FUCJDKSKKS

Ayaka: Is there a reason I shouldn't be?

Lumine: NO GYXK STHAT NOT WHAT I MEANT I AM GLAD TO HAVE U HERE AND SO GLAD U EXIST OKAT NOW IMMA GO MY OHONE IS DEING BYE

Thoma: If u expect Ayaka to understnd what u just sent then tough luck buddy

Thoma: One look at it and I nearly had a stroke

Ayaka: No I perfectly understand it

Yoimiya: Soulmate things methinks

Lumine: Yoimiya stfu

Ayaka: I also saw ur earlier text abt the type of person u like and it seems very specific indeed

Aether: just heard a crash from outside my window do I wanna know

Aether: yall my sister just yeeted her phone outta the window in gay panic what the fuck

Yoimiya: Mood

Ayaka: Sorry was it something I said?

Childe: I think it was ur presence as a whole

Aether: Childe if u don't SHUT THE FUCK UP 

Aether: That was Lumine btw

Aether: She has something else to say as well

Aether: Ayaka I just want you to know that it was not ur fault at all and my hands just got kinda slippery because I was eating Xiangling's new slime dish and so my phone slipped and fell off the balcony so yeah -Lumine

Ayaka: Oh

Ayaka: That is sad, Lumine I hope u get it fixed as soon as possible 

Aether: i will thanks -Lumine

Ayaka: :)

Aether: Oh well there goes my sister having another one of her gay panic attacks 

Kujo Sara: I am sorry but are we just gonna ignore the fact that there's someone out there cooking food with slime and that Lumine eats that??

Ayaka: Ah Lumine told me about her she's a pretty famous chef in Liyue apparently and her slime dishes are not that bad as long as it's desserts

Kujo Sara: I think I am traumatized 

Itto: I mean I would try a slime dish

Itto: Sounds kinda yummy

Yoimiya: Me too

Aether: Y'all can drop by the cooking club anytime to try Xiangling's dishes

Aether: I am sure she would love to have more test subjects

Yoimiya: Test subjects?

Aether: Taste testers*

Kazuha: …….how suspicious 

Aether: You just have too many trust issues after your friend died and u got kidnapped by a foreigner so now the only ppl u openly trust are ur moms

Kazuha: Hm makes sense ig

Kazuha's Friend: I am not dead tho???

Kazuha's  Friend: And I do have a name tf

Kazuha: You know sometimes I can still hear his voice

Kazuha's Friend: KAZU PLEASE

Kazuha: Ah I hope he is resting in peace

Kazuha's Friend: CAN U AT LEAST CHANGE MY NAME BACK TO ORIGINAL

Aether: Y'all hear smth?

Ei: What…..is this

Paimon: Paimon forgot that Inazuma has its own boomer like how Liyue has Zhongli

Yae Miko: Don't go around calling my girlfriend a boomer tf

Yae Miko: I mean she definitely is one but still

Yae Miko: No one is allowed to tease her except me

Paimon: Eh?

Paimon: Paimon is confused but okay

Aether: Lmao Lumine is so desperate she literally fished out her laptop to text

Lumine: One more word out of ur mouth and I won't be the only one with a broken phone

Aether: U are so mean to me TT

Lumine: The urge to say the word but Paimon will probably hunt me down

Yoimiya: OwO

Yoimiya: Which word

Aether: Do u know Venti from the music club?

Yoimiya: The senior who apparently has god tier music skills but always plays off key just to piss the teachers off?

Lumine: Yea him

Aether: 'The word' in question is his signature line

Yoimiya: +O+

Yoimiya: And what exactly is it

Lumine: Well I just bought Paimon a bunch of food to get her off my back for saying that word so don't expect me to say it again

Aether: ^^^^ the very reason I won't say it either

Yoimiya: =.=

Yoimiya: @Ei do u happen to know a Venti

Ei: Oh god him

Yoimiya: So u do know him :D

Ei: What about him?

Yoimiya: So what's his signature line?

Aether: Ei don't do it

Ei: Ehe?

Yoimiya: Ehe? That's his signature line?

Ei: I think so

Paimon:

Lumine: Oh no

Paimon: EHE?

Paimon: EHE??????????

Yoimiya: Wait what what's happening 

Paimon: PAIMON IS OUT FOR UR BLOOD

Yae Miko: You dare touch my girlfriend, little one?

Paimon: N-no

Aether: Omg lumine are u seeing this

Lumine: I am lmaoo paimon got obliterated by Yae miko in just one text

Paimon: Yoimiya

Yoimiya:

Aether: YOIMIYA DONT JUST STAND THERE RUN

Yoimiya: Huh?? 

Yoimiya: Wait a minute is tat Paimon I see

Yoimiya: What the fuck why is she so fast

Yoimiya: Time to run ig

Yoimiya: GUYS HELP SHES NEARFNG

Yoimiya: NO HOW IS SHE SO AAAAAASSSASSSSDFRDEDFFFGGHJNN

Lumine: Smh she really brought it upon herself

Aether: Rip yoimiya we will remember u

Ayaka: Sorry did I miss something

Lumine: Not at all Ayaka how was your day? Did it go well? Did someone upset you? Do you want me to beat someone up? 

Ayaka: My day went wonderfully Lumine and no there is no need to beat anyone but thank you for the offer ^_^

Lumine: Sgd7tttctfygkohsididjjd

Childe: Who's the simp now

Lumine: SHUT

Ayato: Hey Lumine just wondering wanna have some tea with me I swear I won't poison u :)

Lumine: Sure :)

Lumine: After all I am sure we are gonna be quite close in the future :)

Ayato: Cool :)

Lumine: :)

Itto: I may be dumb but i also kinda think I am missing something in this interaction

Aether: Don't worry abt it it's just ayato subtly threatening lumine while lumine subtly respons back with 'try me, bitch'

Lumine: Hey now Aether it's nothing like that

Lumine: Ayato and I are besties, right @Ayato

Ayato: Of course I have definitely never thought of poisoning u or keeping u as far away from my sister as possible I swear

Lumine: Don't worry Ayato I trust u :)

Ayato: :)

Itto: Okay wow these two genuinely terrify the fuck outta me 

Gorou: u are not the only one

Childe: WAIT COMRADE @Lumine I THOUGHT I WAS UR BESTIE

Lumine: U are my liyue bestie ayato is my Inazuma bestie

Childe: Oh okay

Childe: WAIT BUT I AM NOT EVEN FROM LIYUE

Lumine: I don't care :)

Childe: …..

Childe: Okay but who's ur Mondstadt bestie

Lumine: Amber 

Childe: Okay but who's gonna be ur Snezhanayan bestie?

Lumine: scaramouche 

Aether: WHAT

Childe: Comrade with all due respect, why the fuck

Lumine: Cause he's tiny and fun to annoy

Scaramouche: WHAT THE FUCK GROSS I WILL NOT BE UR BESTIE FUCK OFF 

Scaramouche: HOW DARE U CALL ME SHORT BITCH I AM COMING FOR UR NECK

Lumine: Wait what are u doing here

Lumine: Ah I forgot that u are related to Ei

Lumine: N e way

Lumine: YOU CANT EVEN REACH MY NECK LMAO WHAT ARE U GONNA DO? GET A STOOL TO STRANGLE ME

Scaramouche: JUSY U WATCH I WILL TAKE MY REVENGE

Lumine: Awww by crying to ur mommies abt how a kid younger than u but also taller than bullied wittle scawamouche?

Itto: I just know that I cannot have the type of courage that Lumine has cause I would never dream of riling up someone like Scaramouche 

Ei: He's actually a lot nicer once u get to know him

Scaramouche: NO I AM NOT FUCK OFF

Yae Miko: Kunikuzushi be respectful to ur mother

Gorou: MOTHER?

Kazuha: MOTHER

Yoimiya: MOTHER?

Thoma: MOTHER?

Itto: MOTHER?

Kokomi: MOTHER?

Kuki Shinobu: MOTHER?

Scaramouche: NO SHE IS NOT FUCK OFF

Lumine: Wait lmao even Shinobu came out of her hiding was it really that big of a surprise 

Kokomi: B-but how??

Lumine: Well in theory at least

Scaramouche: NO FUCK U

Kazuha: But what exactly is the relationship between Scaramouche and Ei I won't sleep peacefully until I know

Yae Miko: Let me give u a hint, Kunikuzushi is a lot older than he looks and not a human

Yoimiya: I am sorry NOT a human?

Aether: Yoimiya why are u surprised abt that we literally have so many non humans on the campus

Aether: Lumi and I are literally from another world

Yoimiya: B-but

Lumine: You broke her Miko

Yae Miko: Oops

Yae Miko: Oh well Kunikuzushi has been typing for so long I wonder why

Scaramouche: VIXEN I AM COMING FOR U 

Scaramouche: KNOW UR FUCKING PLACE

Yae Miko: U are so rude to me

Yae Miko: Is it because I fuck ur mother every night

Kokomi: OHMYGOD 

Yoimiya: I did NOT need to see that

Lumine: LMAO U GO YAE DESTROY HIM

Aether: Isn't he ur inazuman bestie aren't u supposed to be on his side

Lumine: Aether that's not how besties work

Lumine: sometimes it's just fun watching them suffer 

Gorou: Lumine genuinely terrifies me sometimes

Itto: SOMETIMES? SHE IS LITERALLY ON THE TOP OF MY LIST OF PPL TO NOT PISS OFF

Kazuha: For those wondering why Scaramouche hasn't replied yet 

Kazuha: [attachment.jpg]

Ei: ah that's the fourth phone he has smashed out of  anger this month 

Ei: You should really stop riling him up so much Miko we might be rich but it's still a waste of money to buy him a new phone every time

Yae Miko: I* am rich 

Yae Miko: Don't worry Ei my money won't be getting over anytime soon so I can pay for a new phone without worries

Ei: ……

Aether: Lmao another broke boomer with a glucose guardian

Yae Miko: please just say sugar mommy the phrase u used makes me so uncomfortable 

Lumine: and that's coming from Yae miko of all ppl

Childe: Oh no Lumine I am so sorry Lumine I am busy this Saturday so I won't be able to join u to watch the movie

Lumine: what 

Lumine: what movie

Childe: U know

Childe: THE Movie

Lumine: Childe what 

Childe: Oh but I can't let these two tickets go to waste

Childe: Would someone like to accompany my Comrade to watch this amazing movie maybe @Ayaka since u have been working so hard in the club rooms u deserve it

Lumine: HUH?????

Childe: Lumine istg don't ruin it just shut up until it's done

Childe: @Aether I will pay for your lunch if u confiscate her laptop

Aether: On it

Ayato: That's a nice offer Childe but my sister is perfectly alright and doesn't prefer taking breaks by going out

Childe: Stfu Ayato I wasn't talking to u

Ayato: Well since it's MY sister in question I think I get to have a say

Childe: @Ayaka what do you say

Yoimiya: Lmao not childe just casually ignoring Ayato 

Ayaka: I am here did someone ask for me?

Ayaka: Oh

Ayato: Tell them that u don't need it Ayaka ur brother will get u better tickets for ur favourite play instead 

Childe: AS IT HAPPENS I ALSO HAVE EXTRA TICKETS TO UR FAVOURITE PLAY THUS SATURDAY AYAKA WHAT DO U SAY I AM SURE LUMINE WOULD APPRECIATE SOME COMPANY 

Ayaka: My favourite play is on Sunday

Ayato: See what I mean, Ayaka? That's why don't go with others

Childe: did I say Saturday excuse me i meant Sunday u see I saw this poster and got a bit confused

Yoimiya: Why do u have the tickets to Ayaka's favourite play?

Childe: Can someone please shut Yoimiya up I am trying to score my Comrade a date here

Kujo Sara: Shinobu is on it

Ayato: See Ayaka? So suspicious, that's why don't go with them, Your brother can get u whatever u want

Ayaka: Um

Childe: my God there was a reason why I hated Ayato the moment I saw him

Childe: Don't think too much abt it Ayaka, lumine recommended this play to see and i just wanted to check it out with her but then my parents are out this weekend so I gotta babysit my siblings but I don't wanna let the tickets go to waste or make my Comrade go alone so please just accept the offer

Ayaka: Oh but don't you want to go on the date with Lumine since you got the tickets for her

Childe:

Childe: MY FUCKING GOD 

Childe: AYAKA I AM GAY 

Ayaka: Oh

Ayaka: I always thought

Ayaka: You know because you and Lumine seemed like good friends 

Ayato: Wow okay even I am speechless at your train of thinking Ayaka

Thoma: My lady don't tell me you

Thoma: God

Childe: PLEASE DONT TELL ME U THOUGHT EITHER OF US WAS STRAIGHT I WILL CRY 

Ayaka: Um

Ayaka: Wait so Lumine isn't straight 

Ayato: I see

Ayato: So from the start my interference wasn't needed at all

Kokomi: I am literally crying

Ei: Is this what is called 'dense af' as Miko says about the past me?

Yae Miko: Yes Ei it is

Ei: Oh

Ei: Poor Lumine

Childe: Ayaka did u not

Childe: Did u not see the text abt the type of person Lumine likes

Ayaka: I did that's why I was a  bit confused since u are neither short not have hair like starlight

Childe: Ayaka have u ever seen a mirror 

Ayaka: ???

Ayaka: I have but why do u ask

Itto: Yk ppl call me dumb but even I can see what's up 

Ayato: My little sister is dumber than Itto I will never get over this

Ayaka: Can someone please tell me what's going on

Aether: Yeah ig I gotta keep running from Lumine for another hour now

Childe: Ayaka just accept the tickets and go on a date with Lumine that will be a big favor to all of us please just do it

Kazuha: Man's literally so desperate and it's not even himself he's trying to score a date for

Ayato: On second thoughts

Ayato: Maybe u shld just agree Ayaka

Ayato: Now even I feel a bit sympathetic for Lumine 

Thoma: wow even my lord who was most opposed to this relationship

Thoma: Do it my lady

Gorou: please just agree 

Kokomi: please ayaka

Yae Miko: It would save us so much trouble because we all know u want to go on a date with lumine too

Ayaka: Wait no I 

Ayaka: Um actually I do

Ayaka: so I think I will?

Kuki Shinobu: Fucking finally

Ayaka: Thanks guys I would have never had the courage without all of u encouraging me 

Ei: Just don't be dense af again

Ayaka: I will try not to be 

Yae Miko: Ei please stop texting like a boomer I beg

Ayato: It's just one date it's just one date it's just one date and there's still poison

Ayato: Oops that was supposed to be a private msg to Thoma

Ayato: Please ignore

Thoma: My lord what the fuck

Kujo Sara: I wish u luck on ur date Ayaka

Gorou: We all do

Ayaka: thank you guys :)

Aether: Ooookay

Aether: Now that I an sure that lumine will be catching up to me in exactly five minutes

Aether: I will go ahead and do everyone a favor and clear the chat

Ayaka: Thanks Aether

Aether: It's the least I can do as ur future brother in law

Ayaka: HUH???

Ayato: I take back my words where did I put my sword

Thoma: MY LORD PLEASE

[The chat has been cleared]

Chapter Text

[Inazuman Comrades]

Lumine: I AM BACK

Kazuha: HI

Gorou: Welcome back

Lumine: WHAT DID I MISS

Lumine: WAIT WHY IS THE CHAT CLEARED OUT

Aether: who knows u might find out when u meet ayaka on campus

Lumine: What

Lumine: Can someone pls tell me what's going on

Yoimiya: Congrats lumine

Lumine: ??????

Lumine created group chat [New Group Chat]

Lumine added Aether,  Amber, Ayaka, Barbara, Beidou, Childe, Chongyun, Diluc and Others to the group chat [New Group Chat]

Aether changed the group chat name to [Teyvat gays]

Lumine: EVERYONE STFU I AM GOING ON A DATE WITH AYAKA

Xiao: Fucking finally 

Yae Miko: Congrats to both of u little ones for finally not being so fucking dense all the time

Ayaka: Sorry

Lumine: NO AYAKA DONT APOLOGISE U DID NOTHING WRONG

Yanfei: Lumine and Ayaka are finally going on a date????

Childe: All thanks to me yes they are

Lumine: Normally I would argue but yea childe kinda helped this time so thanks or whatever ig

Childe: 'KINDA HELPED??'

Childe: I LITERALLY ASKED HER OUT FOR U AND U SAY 'KINDA HELPED????'

Venti: LMAO WHAT 

Lumine: Venti please-

Venti: @everyone ARE U SEEING THIS 

Amber: HEY

Amber: AT LEAST SHE HAS A DATE WHAT ABOUT YOU YOU LAZY DRUNKARD

Venti: HEY WHERE DID THAT COME FROM

Lumine: AMBER 

Lumine: BESTIE ILY THIS IS WHY U ARE THE PLATONIC LOVE OF MY LIFE

Amber: Awww Lumine thats so sweet and also I am very happy for u and ayaka 

Amber: Have fun on ur date ^-^

Ayaka: We will, thank you Amber.

Lisa: Okay but the fact that Childe had to ask out Ayaka for Lumine is still infinitely hilarious

Jean: Ikr like even we were not that bad

Diluc: :)

Kaeya: I just felt a chill down my spine

Jean:  OH NO

Jean: DILUC PLEASE NO I BEG U

Aether: You know shits abt to go down when it's Diluc who sends the :)

Diluc: so before Jean and Lisa got together

Jean: DILUC FOR THE SAKE OF OUR AGE OLD FRIENDSHIP PLEASE SPARE ME

Kaeya: Oh this is getting interesting

Lumine: We are all waiting Master Diluc

Xingqiu: I see potential writing content lemme just get my notepad real quick

Barbara: are we finally gonna know the backstory to the JeanLisa story

Diluc: Yes Barbara u are

Jean: Diluc why

Diluc: Because of all the disgusting PDA u two showered on me the other day

Jean: the one on the groupchat 

Diluc: I tolerated that somehow but did u forget our studying session later that day when Lisa tagged along with u

Jean: .....oh

Jean: That

Jean: Um…..sorry?

Barbara: Jean what did u do

Jean: Nothing

Lisa: Don't lie darling~

Diluc: We were in the cafe and there was this one guy hitting on Lisa and aggressively flirting with her

Amber: Man's had already chosen death smh

Diluc: So the first few seconds pass by without anything happening

Diluc: And then when the guy starts approaching Lisa, something in Jean awakened

Diluc: She stood up, grabbed Lisa's chin and u can guess how the next whole minute went

Beidou: a WHOLE minute?

Beidou: Now that deserves respect 

Yae Miko: Ei why don't u ever do that to me

Ei: Grab ur chin for a whole minute? 

Ei: Why?

Yae Miko: ….

Yae Miko: Why do I even bother with u

Jean: I SAID I AM SORRY I DONT KNOW WHAT CAME OVER ME IN THAT MINUTE

Lisa: Oh don't apologize darling, I quite enjoyed it ;)

Diluc: Okay but that did not stop there 

Diluc: the guy left like not even a second after Jean made her move 

Diluc: But our lovely Jean here was not satisfied and went on to make out with Lisa every chance she got throughout the whole day whenever any stranger looked at Lisa

Diluc: We did not get any studying done and I gave up after they started making out in the library too while I was right there

Lumine: Oh my God I never thought Jean of all ppl would be the jealous type

Kaeya: Ifkr and lmao Diluc just suffering thru all of this

Jean: LOOK IT WAS JUST A FEW TIMES OKAY

Lisa: Ah what a lovely day that was~

Lisa: We had so much fun after reaching home 

Jean: LISA PLEASE

Diluc: See? This is why I am gonna go ahead and expose how much of a loser u were while crushing on Lisa before I helped out

Venti: Master Diluc? Matchmaking JeanLisa? Now this is a story I have got to hear

Diluc: So everyone who went to the same highschool as me and Jean and Lisa would know that Jean used to be the president of Student Council and for those who don't, Jean used to be the president of the Student Council 

Diluc; So it starts with our lovely president Jean going on her routine after school patrols dragging me along because 'company'

Jean: OHMYGOD DILUC I HATE U SO MUCH I CANT BELIEVE U ARE SUPPOSED TO BE MY BEST FRIEND

Diluc: And then she sees this new transfer student volunteering at the library 

Diluc: And the first thing she does?

Lisa: Oooh this is getting interesting 

Jean: AHHHHHHHHH I AM GONNA GO JUMP OFF A BUILDING BYE

Diluc: She makes a u-turn and when we are finally about 100 meters away from the library I realised something is off and look to Jean worried that she might be sick

Diluc: But before I could say anything, she just turns around and runs back to the library without a single word 

Barbara: Wait what 😭

Jean: AHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Kaeya: She just…..ran back to the library?

Diluc: No listen

Diluc: She runs to the library, approaches Lisa

Lisa: Ohhh I remember this one

Diluc: And the first thing she says? 

Diluc: 'Your dress code goes against the school rules'

Barbara: Jean????

Lumine: No but that sounds like typical Jean

Diluc: Right?? But no u are forgetting the fact that she said that when not even looking at Lisa and while also simultaneously blushing furiously 

Diluc: And if u think Lisa was confused think abt me who saw all this shit go down

Xingqiu: No go back what even happened why did she run away in the first place 😭

Lumine: It's called ✨gay panic✨ xingqiu

Barbara: @Jean really??

Jean: LOOK IN MY DEFENSE IT WAS THE FIRST TIME I SAW SUCH A GORGEOUS WOMAN OKAY I DID NOT KNOW WHAT TO DO

Lisa: Oh darling u are so sweet

Yanfei: I sympathize with u as far as freaking out over gorgeous women is considered but why did u go back to criticise her dress code like what was she wearing

Diluc: No everything was more or less right except this huge ass hat Lisa was wearing 

Diluc: it was just an excuse to see her again

Jean: No I-

Jean: ….just wanted to say hi….

Lisa: Jean u are such a cutie come over here so I can properly reward u for ur hardwork back then

Jean: Lisa!!!

Barbara: Wait I dint know hats were against school rules

Amber: Tbh no one does I know they are cause I read the whole rulebook on joining the Student Council

Barbara: But venti used to wear a hat all the time??

Diluc: See? Exactly what I mean

Diluc: Hats are against school rules but no one actually knows that or don't care even if they do but Jean somehow remembered that minute detail just for a chance to talk to her crush 

Diluc: It was so embarrassing

Lumine: We all believe in Jean the one true manifestation of ever lesbian's reaction to a potential girlfriend because I too would be  running 100 meters away 

Amber: she is the true face of embarrassing urself In front of ur crush I can relate 

Diluc: the story is not over yet

Jean: can we please please spare the remaining lore for some other day please diluc I will do anything 

Diluc: Okay then stop kaeya from drinking alcohol for 48 hrs if u manage that then I will forget abt the whole story

Jean: Kaeya???? 

Diluc: Wait u are right it's too easy

Diluc: Stop Kaeya and Venti from drinking any alcohol for 48 hours

Venti: WHAT 

Venti: WHY

Venti: WHAT DID I EVER DO TO U MASTER DILUC

Diluc: Got my brother into drinking

Venti: THAT WAS HIS OWN DECISION I HAD NOTHINH TO DO WITH IT I SWEAR

Kaeya: CAN SOMEONE PLEASE EXPLAIN WHY JEAN IS THROWING OUT EVERYONE OF MY PRECIOUS WINE BOTTLES OUT THE WINDOW HOW DID SHE EVEN GET INTO MY ROOM HELP

Amber: Backread Kaeya

Kaeya: Okay

Kaeya: DILUC WHY

Kaeya: WHAT HAS URS AND JEAN'S ARGUMENT GOT ANYTHING TO DO WITH ME

Diluc: Die

Kaeya: JUST U WAIT I WILL GET U BACK FOR THIS

Kaeya: or to quote Eula, "VENGENCE SHALL BE MINE"

Eula: You dare plagiarise my lines? Mark my words, vengeance shall be mine

Kaeya: @Diluc what she said ^

Venti: Okay since Kaeya is getting raided first it means Jean's gonna come for me next excuse me while I go disappear off the face of the earth for another century

Gorou: I used to think that Liyuens are wild but the Mondstadters sound even wilder

Keqing: Don't compare us with those alcoholics we have class

Amber: Um excuse me?

Amber: At least we are not obsessed with money for no reason

Keqing: Obsessed??? Excuse you we just know how to handle our budget

Amber: OH? AT LEAST WE ALCOHOLICS KNOW HOW TO HAVE FUN 

Amber: NOT LIKE U LIYUENS ALWAYS SO WRAPPED UP IN WORK AND SO FULL OF URSELVES

Keqing: HOW DARE YOU

Keqing: DONT FORGET THAT IT IS OUR CITY WHERE U GET ALL THE MORA FROM 

Amber: OH YEAH? WELL WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO? STOP MINTING MONEY TO GET BACK AT US?

Yoimiya: Ladies please

Venti: Wait I got a good one

Jean: Venti don't

Venti: ehe

Venti: AT LEAST OUR DRAGONS LOOK LIKE ACTUAL DRAGONS AND NOT LIKE A LIZARD ZOOMING THRU THE SKY

Zhongli: Excuse me? The only difference is that the lizards on your land have wings and the dragons on our land don't need wings.

Venti: You really wanna do this, old man?

Zhongli: Bring it on bard.

Aether: Never thought I'd see the day when Zhongli of all ppl would be participating in an online discourse

Lumine: See? This is why Anemo and Geo have no reactions

Lumine: They just can't stand each other

Lumine: Why don't we just ask an outsider on which is the better nation?

Zhongli: That sounds like a reliable option, I trust your judgement, Lumine and Aether.

Venti: Yea ig me too

Aether: U are wrong she isn't talking abt us

Lumine: @Kujo Sara what do u think?

Aether: My sister isn't one for solving disputes she just likes to watch the world burn

Kujo Sara: What a ridiculous question, of course Inazuma is better than both

Kokomi: Babe no-

Aether: see what I mean

Keqing: Hey @Kujo Sara square up bitch I am coming to ur location rn

Amber: Wait for me I just gotta charge my pyro arrows 

Keqing: Make sure you bring that explosive toy of urs too

Amber: Of course baron bunny is always with me

Kujo Sara: I stick to my words and I am not one to run away from battles

Kujo Sara: In other words, come at me, bitch

Barbara: Did I see someone bad mouthing Mondstadt?

Barbara: :)

Barbara: Let me just swap out my current catalyst for the one that hurts the most

Beidou: This seems fun! I am joining too

Lumine: @Kujo Sara it's four against one u still not gonna back down?

Kujo Sara: I am ready to defend the honor of Inazuma at any time for any price 

Kokomi: My God how can u be so smart and so fucking dumb at the same time

Kokomi: Excuse my language, anyways I have to go kidnap my girlfriend to hide her in a safe place before the foreign lesbians hunt her down so bye

Kujo Sara: Kokomi there's no need for that I can tx77d7euu3uruuyysygzdkdjdiifidkk

Itto: oof fish got ur tongue?

Itto: haha get it cause kokomi is related to fishes 

Kuki Shinobu: That was the lamest joke I have ever come across in my life

Amber: @Kokomi u can't hide her from us forever

Kokomi: We will see about that 

Keqing: Oh its on then

Keqing: The Kujo Sara hunt is on

Aether: Smh Lumine look at what u did

Lumine: It's beautiful I have looked it for 5 hrs now

Ei: But the whole discourse only took place moments ago? How can you look at it for 5 hours?

Yae Miko: it's a meme Ei

Ei: What's a meme?

Yae Miko: My God

Ei: ???

Lumine: Isn't Ei younger than Zhongli and Venti how is it that they know what a meme is but she doesnt

Childe: Zhongli knows what a meme is???

Zhongli: I am not that uninformed on youthful trends, Childe.

Lumine: And yet u still dont know what a simp is

Zhongli: Everyone refuses to explain it to me for some reason

Childe: AND WE SHLD LEAVE IT AT THAT HEY ZHONGLI WHAT ABOUT THAT DINNER PLAN OF OURS ANYWAY

Zhongli: I thought we agreed to meet at eight? Why, is there any changes to it?

Lumine: Hold up

Lumine: Are u two finally going on a date

Childe: Haha what no what are u talking abt comrade its just two good friends hanging out

Zhongli: I wouldn’t mind if its a date

Xiao: I WOULD 

Xiao: I WOULD MIND VERY MUCH

Childe: Sorry, did u just say u wouldnt mind going on a date with me @Zhongli ?

Xiao: NO HE DID NOT

Zhongli: I did Childe, and I mean it

Xiao: I AM WARNING U CHILDE DONT EVEN TRY

Childe: Huh

Childe: So um, woulduliketogoonadatewithmenopressureifudontwanttoiwontblameyou

Xiao: ZHONGLI SAY NO

Lumine: ZHONGLI SAY YES

Aether: Two types of people

Zhongli: I would, in fact, love to go on a date with you, Childe, what time do you want to meet?

Xiao: NO

Lumine: YES

Childe: Holy shit sjhfreeeehghj

Childe: Ahem, I mean we can change our tonight’s dinner plans to date plans, whaddya say?

Xiao: YOU FUCKER I AM COMING FOR U

Lumine: FUCKING FINALLY U GO CHILDE GET UR MANS

Zhongli: That sounds absolutely lovely Childe, then I will be looking forward to seeing you tonight.

Childe: EJHGDGHGHF ME TOO NOW EXCUSE ME WHILE I TRY TO DODGE XIAO”S DEATH BLOWS AND  ZHONGLI I CANT WAIT FOR OUR DATE TONIGHT I CANT BEL:IEVE THIS IS HAPPENING I AM SO HAPPY NDSBGDHED U ARE THE BEST THING THATA HAS EVER HAPPENED TO ME OKAY NOW CAN SOMEONE SEND AETHER OVER TO RESTRAIN XIAO HES LITERALLY LIKE A FERAL KITTEN TRYING TO RIP MY FACE OFF

Zhongli: I am looking forward to tonight too, Childe.

Gorou: Yeah no Liyuens are definitely wilder than Mondstatders

Keqiing: HEY

Lumine: @Aether get yo Xiao

Aether: WILL U STOP

Lumine: No <3

Aether: WHy

Lumine: Childe sent me that screenshot

Aether: …

Aether: @Xiao obliterate that snitch

Chapter Text

[Teyvat Gays]

Lumine: Is Childe dead yet?

Aether: hoping he is

Hu Tao: I saw a business opportunity and manifested

Xiao: Unfortunately 

Xiao: He's still alive

Childe: Good to know that ppl still worry abt me

Lumine: Where? In ur dreams?

Childe:   ….

Xiao: Watch ur back Childe I won't let u off so easily next time

Childe: sure I am looking forward to fighting u Comrade

Xiao: insult me like that one more time and see what I will do

Childe: Hey Xiao truth or dare?

Xiao: Fuck.Off.

Childe: …

Childe: well that was uncalled for

Lumine: No u deserved it

Aether: ^^

Childe: Smh being backstabbed by my own Comrades no one can be trusted here

Zhongli: You can trust me, Childe.

Childe: Of course Zhongli, you are an exception <3

Zhongli: I am glad to know that.

Yae Miko: this is a public chat can u gays like go flirt somewhere else

Lumine: Miko is just jealous don't mind her

Yae Miko: I am not???

Ei: Why is she jealous? I am right here

Lumine: Exactly Ei u don't flirt with her like they do that's why she's jealous

Ei: Oh

Ei: But I don't know how to flirt

Yae Miko: 

Yae Miko: Good night

Ei: 

Ei: It's still afternoon?

Childe: lol u might wanna go after her I think she's mad at u

Ei: But why?

Childe: Maybe ask her instead of me??

Ei: …..okay

Childe: Aight now I am bored again so @Jean Truth or Dare

Kaeya: Why jean specifically 

Childe: Idk it was a random name

Jean: Truth

Childe: …..wow I dint actually expect u to respond

Childe: But now that u did

Childe: Talk about someone u look upto

Lumine: That is such a boring question Boo

Childe: look this is Jean we are talking abt the last thing I want is accidentally pissing her off and getting yeeted off a cliff or smth

Kaeya: I thought u liked riling ppl up and then fighting them 

Childe: If it is fight then yea

Childe: But I've seen what Jean does to ppl who piss her off

Childe: She *whispers* doesn't fight them but assigns them club room paperwork

Lumine: yikes no wonder u never challenged her

Jean: You are a wise man Childe

Jean: Someone I look upto huh

Barbara: You are gonna say Vanessa aren't u

Jean: I do look upto Lady Vanessa a lot but

Jean: This time my answer would be Venti

Childe: WHAT

Amber: WHAT

Barbara: WHAT

Lumine: WHAT

Aether: WHAT

Xiao: WHAT

Kaeya: WHAT

Venti: WHAT

Venti: Jean???? 

Jean: Yes?

Kaeya: DONT JUST SAY YES DID U EVEN READ THE QUESTION???

Jean: I did

Venti: maybe I am just too drunk and seeing things gonna go lie down for a while

Kaeya: I wish I could say the same but Jean already threw out all my alcohol stash so wtf is making me see this

Amber: Jean??? Are u sure u are not sick?? Did u overwork urself again?

Amber: @Barbara u shld check on her

Barbara: I am already on my way

Jean: 

Jean: Will u guys give me a moment to explain

Jean: I know Venti doesn't exactly have the best reputation out there

Venti: I can vouch for that

Kaeya: I thought u said u were gonna lie down

Venti: I am 

Kaeya: ..  

Jean: ANYWAY

Jean: I know everyone doesn't exactly see him in the best light 

Jean: But he's actually a very caring and responsible person once u get to know him

Venti: NO I AM NOT JEAN STOP SPREADING FALSE INFORMATION ABOUT ME

Jean: can someone shut venti up until I finish

Venti: WHAT

Venti: I AN JUST TELLING THE TRUTH U CANT JUSUETSY7D7URNTJDID

Jean: Thank you Diluc

Diluc: It wasn't me

Jean: Mhm sure

Jean: What I am trying to say is that back in our high-school I knew how venti was viewed by everyone as the carefree and lazy student without any responsibilities

Jean: But that's because that's just what he wants you to believe

Amber: did I stumble upon a conspiracy thread

Childe: Hush Amber I am now invested I this

Jean: Venti can actually become serious and work properly when necessary, but he just does it so discreetly that no one realizes it (yes that is his intention)

Kaeya: Jean u know I respect u but I absolutely refuse to believe that Venti of all people can get serious

Amber: ……..Same

Lisa: Are u sure we are talking abt the same venti Jean dear

Jean: How many guys named Venti do u think can exist Lisa

Jean: I say that because I have seen Venti in action

Jean: He often sought out troubled juniors and helped them. He helped bullied and abused kids and sheltered them. He also took care of students who were poor in studies and encouraged them to not give up. He taught songs to the younger students and also played with younger kids. He's allergic to cats but dealt with it while helping Diona. I am sure you remember our former Student Council Vanessa? You all probably know that she was Venti's best friend. What you don't know is it was Venti who helped her the most in school and helped her get the position of the President in the first place. Oh and that position was actually offered to Venti at first but he refused and convinced Vanessa to fill it because he reasoned that she was the better leader between the two of them

Amber: When exactly……did all this happen

Kaeya: My eyes have been opened to a new world 

Jean: Some of these incidents occurred before any of us started high-school there so I am not surprised all of you wouldn't know of it

Barbara: I….actually feel bad for calling him lazy in the past now

Lisa: How did you find out about all this Jean?

Jean: Oh Venti approached me to tutor a younger student and I found out some from the student and more from Vanessa

Kaeya: YOU MET THE LEGENDARY VANESSA?????

Amber: WHEN WHERE AND HOW

Jean: Courtesy of Venti of course

Sucrose: This…..is quite a lot to take in

Albedo: I always had my suspicions about venti but this was by no means within my expectations

Rosaria: …….same

Childe: Having a existential crisis rn brb

Lumine: I mean

Lumine: I am not exactly surprised

Aether: Me neither

Amber: Where is Venti now anyways 

Diluc: Asleep

Jean: Oh right, also Diluc can vouch for me

Jean: He knew all about it too

Diluc: Jean.

Jean: ?

Kaeya: You are telling me my brother knew all the secrets about my drinking buddy that I did not

Kaeya: Wait a minute how do u know venti is asleep 

Kaeya: Is he with u

Diluc: no

Kaeya: Okay then where are u rn

Diluc: I don't need to tell u that

Kaeya: Seee

Kaeya: U are with Venti aren't u

Diluc: I don't need to tell u anything

Jean: I don't understand why u try so hard to hide it Diluc it's so obvious with the way u look at him

Kaeya: I am sorry but  WHAT

Diluc: Jean.

Diluc: Stop.

Jean: But why can't you just admit it

Diluc: I think there's been a misunderstanding 

Kaeya: HEY HEY HEY NOW

Kaeya: DILUC IS THERE SOMETHING U ARE HIDING FROM UR DEAR BROTHER HOW COULD U DO THIS TO ME

Diluc: Stop overreacting Kaeya its literally nothing

Lisa: Jean darling? You can't just say something like that and go offline

Amber: Look I am not one for drama but this sounds interesting

Sucrose: So we all just accepted the facts about Venti that easily huh? Cool 

Ei: In all honesty

Zhongli: I am surprised none of you ever knew

Ei: I was about to say that

Zhongli: I apologize for how slow you type then

Ei: Are you mocking me?

Zhongli: I am simply stating a fact

Ei:

Aether: Holy shit I actually forgot we were on the general chat and not the Mondstadt one

Lumine: ikr?? Like everyone else has been so quite that it was a shock to see Ei and Zhongli's name pop up

Gorou: We are just collectively processing the fact that Mondstadt and Liyue are both so much wilder than we imagined

Xingqiu: That's what u are doing. I, on the other hand, an intellect, am just taking down notes for my upcoming novel

Kaeya: Okay bit is no one gonna question how those two foreigners know Venti?

Kujo Sara: Did you forget that u are a foreigner too here

Kaeya: Ahahahahhahhah Whaaaaaaaat nooooo I am not whatever gave u that idea ahahahhahaha

Kujo Sara: ???

Kujo Sara: Aren't u from Mondstadt?

Kaeya: Oh

Kaeya: In that sense then yeah I am a foreigner too here

Amber: What sense exactly did u take it in Kaeya?

Kaeya: WILL U LOOK AT THE TIME ITS ALREADY TIME FOR ME TO GO TO BED GOOD NIGHT YALL SEE U TMRW

Aether: It's 4 pm

Lumine: It's too late he's gone

Jean: I apologize for the abrupt absence, a teacher had asked for my help with something regarding handing out forms

Diluc: Go back we don't want u here

Lisa: ah yes Jean dear u were talking abt how diluc looks at venti in a certain way

Jean: Oh right

Lisa: Could you elaborate

Jean: Huh?

Jean: I mean there's nothing elaborate. He just looks at Venti in so much admiration that I am surprised no one noticed

Amber: I am sorry, did u say admiration?

Lisa: Okay not what I expected but definitely not something I could have predicted

Diluc: I do not.

Jean: I don't understand why are u so adamant on hiding it 

Jean: He really does deserve the admiration u know

Diluc: I know

Diluc: I MEAN I DONT ADMIRE HIM

Lisa: That's the first time I have seen him lose cool gotta screenshot this to send it to Kaeya 

Diluc: ….

Diluc: I hate this group chat

[Action denied]

Diluc: AND I hate the fact that I can't leave it

Aether: What's Venti doing

Diluc: I don't know

Lumine: No need to get aggressive Master Diluc it was just a simple question

Diluc: You have been hanging out too much with Kaeya

Venti: Hi I am awake what did I miss

Venti: WAIT WTF WHERE AM I WHY ARE ALL THE WALLS BLACK AND IS THAT A LITERAL CLAYMORE IN THE CORNER Oh wait there's also grape juice 

Aether: @Kaeya

Diluc: Aether you fucking snitch

Kaeya: I was summoned

Aether: Three texts prior

Kaeya: HOLY FUCKING SHIT 

Diluc: HE JUST PASSED OUT FROM ALCOHOL AND I BROUGHT HIM HERE THERES NOTHING ELSE 

Kaeya: AHHAHAHAHHA THIS IS SO FUNNY 

Venti: Hey there's also picture of Kaeya and Diluc

Kaeya: Wait fr

Diluc: I was too generous with you I am coming there right now to throw you out

Venti: [attachment.jpg]

Kaeya: WAIT NO 

Kaeya: VENTI DELETE THAT 

Lisa: BWAHAHHAHHAHHAHAHA IS THAT BABY KAEYA CLUTCHING BABY DILUC'S CLOTHES WHILE CRYING OMG I CANNOT

Amber: Wait that's so adorable jajshdhdhdjid

Childe: They look so cute but not more than my Anton and Tonia of course

Albedo: How interesting I should draw this sometime

Diluc: BARD

Venti: Uh

Kaeya: DILUC U MORON WHY DID U HAVE TO BRING THAT PHOTO OF ALL HERE THERE WERE SO MANY OTHER GOOD ONES WHERE I LOOKED SO CHARMING INSTEAD OF A SNOTTY CRYBABY

Diluc: LOOK I DONT KNOW OKAY DAD WAS INSISTING THAT I TAKE (1) PHOTO OF US TOGETHER WITH ME AND I JUST GRABBED THE FIRST ONE I GOT I ONLY SAW WHAT IT WAS AFTER UNPACKING

Lumine: Making several copies of this picture for blackmail purposes

Diluc: VENTI

Kaeya: VENTI

Venti: Haha I am in trouble aren't I

Aether: Better start running bard boi

Childe: Wonderful 

Childe: This is exactly the chaos I hoped for when I started the game

Aether: Smh u learnt too much from my sister

Lumine: Y'all watch

Lumine: Yo Childe Truth or Dare

Childe: DARE

Lumine: Go call Tsaritsa a bitch to her face

Childe: Uh

Childe: …Truth

Lumine: No <3

Childe: Comrade why 

Lumine: You know how much I like to watch the world burn

Childe: Tsaritsa will maul me and ship my pieces back to my family in Snezhnaya in wooden crates

Lumine: Nah she will at most break every bone in ur body and have u confined to bed for a week

Childe: And u want ur Comrade to go thru that??

Zhongli: I won't let that happen Childe don't worry.

Childe: Zhongli…..you are the only person in this world who I would give up my life for

Zhongli: Thank you Childe but please don't ever do that because losing you would upset me very much.

Childe: Zhongli….

Zhongli: Childe?

Hu Tao: Hu Tao

Zhongli:   …

Childe:   …

Hu Tao: What?

Hu Tao: It's a public chat! I can type any name I want including mine

Yanfei: Hu Tao ur singleness is showing

Hu Tao: Like urs isn't

Xingqiu: Hu Tao are u free on the weekend 5 pm

Hu Tao: I am free anytime lmao

Xingqiu: what abt u Yanfei?

Yanfei: I can make time

Xingqiu: Great so it's a date! I will mail the movie tickets to ur respective houses its very expensive so don't waste it or give it away 

Hu Tao: ????

Yanfei: Okay that was a very smooth matchmaking session i am impressed

Yanfei: I will pick u up at 4 Hu Tao

Hu Tao: Huh?? I mean okay???

[Private message]

Yanfei: I CANT BELIEVE I DID THAT HELP

Eula: AND U ARE TEXTING ME BECAUSE??

Yanfei: YOU ARE THE FIRST CHAT THAT SHOWED UP HELP ME EULA I HAVE NO FRIENDS

Eula: AND U THINK I HAVE ANY FRIENDS??? I LITERALLY TALK TO (1) PERSON AND THAT ONE PERSON IS ALSO MY BEST FRIEND WHO I HAVE BEEN CRUSHING ON FOR YEARS

Yanfei: Wait u mean u and Amber aren't a thing yet

Eula: No, wait was it that obvious that it was Amber

Yanfei: U literally said one person

Eula: Oh yeah

Eula: ANYWAY I can't help u sorry

Yanfei: PLEASE 

Eula: LOOK AT ME I AM THE MOST SOCIALLY AWKWARD PERSON TO EXIST ON THIS WORLD

Yanfei: I WILL HELP U WITH AMBER HELP ME JUST THIS ONCE

Eula: ……

Eula: Fine.

Yanfei: THANK YOU

[Ghostbusters]

Hu Tao: Yo Xingqiu what the fuck was that

Xingqiu: what u think Yanfei is not pretty or smth

Hu Tao: No she's hot as fuck but my question is what the fuck do u think u were doing out there

Xingqiu: Getting u laid

Hu Tao: I never asked you to 😃

Xingqiu: Okay cool then I will go let Yanfei know and cancel the date

Hu Tao: Whoa whoa whoa whoa whoaaaaa

Hu Tao: let's not jump to hasty decisions shall we?

Hu Tao: Because have u seen Yanfei? Anyone would be a fool to let go of an opportunity to go on a date with her

Xiangling: So u finally accept that u were crushing on her

Hu Tao: I WASNT

Chongyun: yes because u still are

Hu Tao: Look I just think that she's very hot okay is it my fault that women in general are so hot and Yanfei specifically makes me feel like I am on fire

Xiangling: Girl 

Xingqiu: Hu Tao just stfu and go on the date

Hu Tao: BUT WHAT IF SHE DOESNT WANT TO 

Chongyun: She literally told she will pick u up from ur house what are u even on about

Hu Tao: BUT 

Xiangling: Look if u don't just woman up and go on this amazing date with yanfei then I am gonna strap u to a chair and feed u jueyun chillies 

Hu Tao: UGH FINE BUT YALL GOTTA HELP ME

Xingqiu: Of course 

Xingqiu: But before that

Xingqiu: Maybe get Mr. Zhongli's permission

Hu Tao: Mr. Zhongli isn't actually my dad u know that right

Xingqiu: Yes yes but I also know that u look up to him as a parental figure so it's only fair

Hu Tao: I DO NOT

Hu Tao: He just reminds me of my grandpa

Xingqiu: See what I mean

Hu Tao: …

Hu Tao: Fine

[Private message]

Hu Tao: Mr. Zhongli as your boss I have an important announcement to make to you

Zhongli: You can go on a date with Yanfei, Hu Tao. Just make sure to be careful and not stay up too late. Also do remember to get her a nice bouquet of flowers or a similar gift to appreciate and thank her.

Hu Tao: how tf-

Zhongli: Since you declared me your parent, it's only fair that I do my part and ensure your safety and wish you success on your courtship with Yanfei.

Hu Tao: Geez old man you really know how to make me emotional don't u

Hu Tao: Also no one uses courtship anymore just use dating or smth gosh

Zhongli: Oh I see. Thank you for the suggestion Hu Tao.

Hu Tao: ye ye and good luck on ur date with childe too

Zhongli: Thank you Hu Tao.

Chapter Text

[Private message]

Lumine: So??? How did it go???

Childe: Uh…we won?

Lumine: ….do u even know what I am talking about 

Childe: the volleyball match between the Harbingers and the Qixing?

Lumine: NO U DUMBASS UR DATE WITH ZHONGLI

Lumine: Wait yall beat the Qixing omg

Lumine: What was Ningguang's reaction??

Childe: Comrade u should have seen the look on her face lmao she looked pissed af

Lumine: Lmfaooo that's my bestie 

Lumine: Now back on topic

Childe: I suddenly remembered that I need to take Tonia out for shopping

Lumine: I am gonna break into house at midnight and steal all ur spoons

Childe: unsettling yet a very effective threat

Lumine: I will do it

Childe: Jeez okay who else will I talk abt it to if not u

Lumine: spill

Childe: It went well

Lumine: Describe "well"

Childe: I mean…..we held hands

Lumine: Okay

Lumine: what else?

Childe: Wdym we held hands isn't that enough for a first date

Lumine: Not even a kiss??

Chide: LOOK HOLDING HANDS WAS A BIG DEAL OKAY WITH THE GAY MESS I WAS THE WHOLE TIME IF WE HAD KISSED I WOULD HAVE COMBUSTED

Lumine: At least tell me u scored a second date

Childe: Ofc Zhongli and I are going on another date upcoming Friday

Lumine: yassss ZhongChi for the win

Childe: ZhongChi…

Lumine: Are u judging my naming choices

Childe: Not at all comrade

Childe: now your turn

Lumine: Is that Aether I hear calling sorry Childe I gtg I think my brother is getting abducted by aliens 

Childe: Not so fast Lumine 

Childe: [attachment.jpg]

Lumine: YOU. WHAT ARE U DOING WITH MY BROTHER?

Childe: Oh nothing just sitting and discussing the weather u know

Childe: Just kidding we are totally making fun of ur gay ass 

Lumine: And that is somehow supposed to convince me to tell u abt my date??

Childe: Oh no but this will

Childe: [attachment.jpg]

Lumine: WH

Lumine: WHAT THE FUCK CHILDE WHY IS AYAKA THERE CHILDE 

Childe: We invited her to make fun of u along with us but so far she has only been defending u :/

Lumine: omh fr? What did she say?

Childe: Tell me abt ur date first :)

Lumine: U WHORE

Childe: The only whore I am is for Zhongli

Lumine: I DID NOT NEED TO HEAR THAT U FUCKING SIMP

Childe: AS IF U ARE ANY BETTER MISS "I BECOME A DISASTER LESBIAN ANYTIME AYAKA COMES WITHIN A MILE OF ME"

Lumine: AT LEAST I KISSED HER ON THE DATE

Lumine: WAIT NO-

Childe: AKSJSHSGHE??? U DID???? OMG MY BESTIE IS FINALLY GETTING SOME

Lumine: WAIT LISTEN ITS NOT WHAT U THINK

Childe: wdym

Lumine: Uh well

Childe: …

Childe: Where did u kiss her Lumine

Lumine: I hope u know that is not a very normal question to ask Childe

Childe: Answer the question Lumine

Lumine: ….on the cheek

Childe: YOU. KISSED. HER. ON. THE. CHEEK.

Lumine: LOOK I PANICKED OKAY SHE LOOKED SO BEAUTIFUL AND ANGEL LIKE AND MY BRAIN WENT WHAT IF WE KISS HER AND I WENT TO KISS HER BUT SHE TURNED HER HEAD AND MY LIPS MET WITH HER SOFT CHEEKS INSTEAD OF HER CHERRY LIKE LIPS AND WHILE IT WASNT WHAT I HAD IN MIND IT STILL FELT LIKE I HAD ASCENDED TO CELESTIA BEING JUST THAT CLOSE TO HER MY FUCKING GOD AYAKA'S SKIN WAS SO SOFT AND THE RED BLUSH ON HER FACE AFTER THAT SHE LOOKED SO CUTE WHILE BEING EMBARRASSED I LOVE HER SO MUCH CHILDE WHAT DO I DO I WANT TO BE WITH HER FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE

Childe: Let's start with calming down yeah?

Lumine: Okay I am calm

Childe: Now the critical question

Childe: Did u manage to ask her for a second date?

Lumine: 

Childe: Lumine.

Lumine: In all that panic and happiness of being with Ayaka and imagining my whole future with her….I, uh

Lumine: ….kinda forgot

Childe:

Childe: I SWEAR TO FUCKING CELESTIA-

[Ghostbusters]

Hu Tao: ASKSJSJHDHDDGDH ITS HAPPENING HALP

Hu Tao: BESTIES WHERE ARE U

Xingqiu: I am here and my first and only tip is don't fucking blow it

Hu Tao: thank you xingqiu that was very comforting

Hu Tao: Did not spike my anxiety levels up at all I swear

Chongyun: Hu Tao kalm

Hu Tao: See . Now that's what u call comforting 

Xiangling: Is Yanfei there already 

Hu Tao: Not at my door if that's what u are asking

Hu Tao: I heard her car pull up tho

Xiangling: U got dis bestie

Hu Tao: NO NO I FUCKING DONT WHT IS THIS ABORT ABORT 

Xingqiu: Wait what happened

Hu Tao: YANFEI IJ A SUIT DHJDUSUSUUSGENJTIF HALP

Hu Tao: AND SHES WEARING A  TIE JSJSJHFYY WHERE DID SHE LEARN TO DRESS LIKE THAT OMG MY EYES RE BLESSED

Xingqiu: Ah so it was just the gay panic

Chongyun: She is   studying law so I am not surprised about her formal wear

Xiangling: Hu Tao u still there?

Hu Tao: SHE S APPROA HING THE DOOR I AM SO NERVOUS HELP

Xiangling: WE ARE ALL ROOTING FOR U HANG IN THERE

Hu Tao: SHE RANG THE BELL BYE

[Private message]

Yanfei: Ajsjsbshjdhr I am at her door step

Yanfei: EULA WHERE ARE U

Eula: I am here, just stay calm and don't say anything stupid

Yanfei: Okay okay

Eula: All the best both Amber and I are rooting for u

Yanfei: Thanks Eula u are the best and thank Amber for me too

Eula: Yeah yeah now go make me proud

Eula: I am expecting u to have a girlfriend by the end of this day

Yanfei: Ajsjdjdhjdjd okay okay

[Inazuman Comrades]

Yoimiya: Saw a cute lesbian movie and now I want a girlfriend

Yae Miko: Lmao mood

Yoimiya: Don't u already have a girlfriend

Yae Miko: Don't u have a crush on someone little one?

Yoimiya: That was so uncalled for

Yae Miko: Heh

Itto: GASP

Itto: COULD IT BE THAT YAE MIKO AND RAIDEN EI ARE HAVING A DIVORCE?

Itto: anyway if u need a lawyer I suggest Shinobu she bails me out of jail all the time

Kuki Shinobu: I don't think that's smth u declare so proudly dumbass

Kazuha: The real question is who's getting the custody of Scaramouche?

Lumine: I saw divorce on my notifs whose is it

Aether: Give us the tea

Itto: Inazuma's dream couple is splitting up

Lumine: That's a lie last time I checked Ayaka and I are still together and very happy in our relationship too

Ayaka: Aw Lumine

Lumine: Yes baby?

Thoma: My lady is about to pass out from too much happiness someone help

Kazuha: Back to the topic at hand

Kazuha: Raiden Ei and Yae Miko are divorcing spread the news

Aether: WHAT

Lumine: NO THEY ARE MY OTP HOW CAN THEY

Lumine: @Ei and @Yae Miko explain???

Yae Miko: Will everybody calm down we are not divorcing in the first place

Ei: Yes, we are not even married in the first place, it would be a break up, not a divorce

Yae Miko: 

Ei: ???

Yae Miko: You can have Kunikuzushi I am leaving

Ei: Miko????

Yae Miko: I need some time to myself

Ei: Huh???

Yoimiya: Wait no @Itto look what u did!!

Itto: How is it my fault???

Kuki Shinobu: It is your fault u stupid oni

Itto: ???

Lumine: Aether we have to step in

Aether: Should I contact that person

Lumine: Yes.

Aether: Alright then 

Aether: Commencing operation Night Orchid

[Private message]

Aether: We have a special mission for u

▇▇▇▇:What do I get in return?

Aether: Payments will be discussed after ur work is done

▇▇▇▇: Listening

Aether: [attachment.jpg]

▇▇▇▇: Oooh 

▇▇▇▇: And my mission involves dealing with those two hot women?

Aether: Ur not allowed to hit on either of them

▇▇▇▇: Tch mood spoiler

Aether: Thats Yae Miko and Raiden Ei, rumours say that they are splitting up

Aether: Ur mission is to not let that happen

▇▇▇▇: Oh?

▇▇▇▇: Sounds interesting

Aether: they are Inazuma’s dream couple and it took years of hard work and winging from lot of ppl to finally make them realise each other’s feelings and get them together we dont want all of that to go to waste and them to return to square one so please please dont screw this up

▇▇▇▇: I wont dont worry

▇▇▇▇: Although the pink one looks quite tempting

Aether: Do.not.hit.on.her.

▇▇▇▇: It will be my payment

Aether: …

Aether: …..don’t take it too far

▇▇▇▇: I won’t <3

[Private message]

Aether: Lumine we have a situation

Lumine: Speak

Aether: [attachment.jpg] 

Lumine: Well do u expect me to pray or smth

Aether: Well not really but shld we warn them?

Lumine: nah lets watch this shit go down

Lumine: The odds are all in our favour after all

Aether: You are a terrifying person

Lumine: I try my best <3

[Private message]

Ei: Miko please talk to me

Ei: Can you at least tell me why you are angry?

Yae Miko: You are unbelievable

Ei: ???

Ei: I don’t understand but whatever it was I am so sorry

Yae Miko: Sorry? Just like the time I confessed to u and u disappeared off the face of the earth for five years? You did not even bother to tell me before leaving. 

Ei: I know that was a very hurtful time for you but I swear it was an emergency and I really wanted to talk to you and explain my feelings but I was such a coward back then I had no idea how to face the two most intimidating situations in my whole at the same time

Yae Miko: Intimidating? Well I am so sorry that me finally getting my shit together and managing to confess my years long feelings for u was such a scary situation for u that u had to literally disappear to not see my face again

Ei: No Miko it’s not like that I swear 

Ei: Miko please listen to me

Ei: Miko??

[Boomers]

Venti: My 100th petition to change the gc name because regardless of what those two are I for one, am most certainly, not a boomer

Lumine: lol nope

Venti: Why

Aether: Just because ehe

Venti: Stop plagiarising me u heathen

Aether: No ehe

Venti: The sheer rage i feel i wish i could choke u right thru the screen

Lumine: Contemplating adding Xiao to dis chat

Venti: wait no pls he will kill me if he sees me threatening Aether

Zhongli: As he should.

Venti: GAsp

Ei: Guys help Miko won’t talk to me

Venti: Lol what happened?

Ei: I don’t know! She is ignoring me. What do I do help.

 Venti: Oh shit that sounds serious

Zhongli: Ei calm down.

Zhongli: I am sure it’s just a misunderstanding, maybe try talking it out with Miko?

Ei: SHE IS NOT TALKING TO ME YOU DUMB OLD FOSSIL SHE IS IGNORING ALL MY TEXTS DID YOU NOT READ WHAT I SENT EARLIER.

Zhongli: I meant try talking to her in person.

Ei: OH

Ei: UM, WILL TRY THAT.

Ei: SORRY HOW DO I TURN OFF CAPITALISATION AGAIN?

Ei: Ah got it

Ei: Thanks, Zhongli,and sorry for calling you a fossil even though you actually are one.

Zhongli: Your welcome, Ei, I wish you and Miko all the best.

Venti: okay so now can we change the group name?

Lumine: U know what?

Lumine: Fine

Aether changed the group name to [Osmanthus Wine]

Lumine: Perfection

Venti: wtf

Venti: actually I am more concerned abt this weird telepathy thing u two have got going

Zhongli: Oh I like the new name.

Zhongli: That reminds me.

Lumine: Dont-

Zhongli: Osmanthus wine tastes the same as I remember…..

Aether: I am jumping off a building bye

Zhongli: But where are those who share the memories?

Lumine: SHUT UP

Venti: I AM LITERALLY RIGHT HERE U AMNESIAC GRANDPA

[Inazuman Comrades]

Itto: What a great day to be a homosexual

Yoimiya: Itto u can't just say that and not give context

Itto: I think I witnessed a murder attempt  last night

Ayato: I am invested please continue

Yae Miko : WHAT IS UP LITTLE ONES I AM BACK AND DID I EVER TELL U ABT THIS AMAZING GIRLFRIEND I HAVE WHO WONT HESITATE TO CUT DOWN A BITCH FOR ME???

Yoimiya: Is she drunk?

Gorou: that's what I was wondering 

Lumine: Looks like Operation Night Orchid was a success

Aether: all thanks to urs truly of course

Yae Miko: Not even gonna question that

Yae Miko: ANYWAY YES I HAVE A FUVKING AMAZING AND HOT GIRLFRIEND AND NO I AM NOT FUCKING DRUNK

Kokomi: I am glad u two made up

Yae Miko: those of u who are interested in the happenings shld ask Itto he was there

Yoimiya: @Itto we are waiting

Itto: Okay okay but u shld know

Itto: Witnessing that was what made me so glad that I was born and bred gay and never ever showed any interest in women or more specifically Yae Miko 

Thoma: Okay but what exactly did u witness 

Itto: Okay okay so it goes like this

Itto: So it's a cool evening and I am walking to the cafeteria cause the bread made after five tastes so fucking amazing yall shld try it sometime

Kuki Shinobu: Itto.

Itto: Anyway so omw to the cafeteria I see The Raiden Ei chasing behind Yae Miko, continuously apologizing, like the woman was on the verge of tears

Ei: I was not.

Itto: And Yae Miko has her back turned away from her and is not listening to her and she looks like mad mad and now is when shit goes down

Yoimiya: Go on

Itto: So there's this another woman who comes down from idk where and

Itto: Starts flirting with Yae Miko

Yoimiya: Oh shiiiiiit

Itto: and on that day I witnessed the legendary booba blade in all its glory and terror

Yoimiya: ajshshsgeh WAIT LUCKY I WANTED TO SEE THE BOOBA BLADE TOO

Ei: Will all of you stop calling my ancestral sword art booba blade. It has a name called Musou No Hitatachi.

Thoma: My condolences for the woman who got musou no hitatachi'd. Is she okay?

Ayato: I think not 

Yae Miko: that was so hot 

Yoimiya: Girl chill 

Kazuha: So somehow all it took for them to end their strife was another woman?

Yae Miko: Oh lol nope 

Ei: Miko-

Yae Miko: After that Ei took me on quite a 'romantic getaway' which was so sweet and thoughtful of her so I forgave her

Yae Miko: but yeah that scene of her all jealous over me won over my heart first

Lumine: she took u to a bookstore dint she

Yae Miko: The most romantic type of date 

Ei: I would do anything for you Miko 

Ei: I love you so much

Yae Miko: Oh Ei

Yae Miko: I love you too ❤

Thoma: So Inazuma's dream couple isn't splitting up after all!

Thoma: This calls for a celebration!

Yae Miko: Yes so as a treat all of u little ones are invited to mine and Ei's wedding in a few months

Itto: YAY FREE FOOD

Itto: WAIT A MINUTE

Itto: YOU GUYS WERENT ALREADY MARRIED???

Yae Miko: No??? Though we will be soon

Yae Miko: Ei proposed to me last night 

Yoimiya: Ajajsshbdbshdu??????? Inazuma's dream couple is getting married?????

Yoimiya: OMG @Inazuman Comrades wake tf up bitches EiMiko are getting married

Childe: Wait I thought they were already married??

Yoimiya: why tf are u here get out u foreigner this is an Inazumans only gc

Childe: I-

Childe: I LITERALLY CREATED THIS GROUPCHAT

Ayato: And ur point is?

Childe: You-

Childe: I will be the bigger person and ignore Ayato

Childe: Congratulations @Yae Miko and @Ei

Yae Miko: Thanks ginger

Childe: ….the ginger wasn't necessary 

Yae Miko: I know <3

Ei: Thank you Tartaglia, I am looking forward to the day you and Zhongli get married too.

Childe: AKSDJDBBEJDIDJRB THATS A BIT TOO SOON DOHT U THIBK

Ei: No <3

Ei: Miko taught me that

Yae Miko: BABE I AM SO PROUD OF U

Ei: Really? That makes me so happy <3

Yae Miko: <333333

Ei: Oh

Ei: <3333333333333333

Yae Miko: <33333333333333333333

Yoimiya: Look I am so happy it worked out for u guys but can u like move the pda to the dms?

Ei: No <3

Yae Miko: AAajsjbsbdhsusygs THATS MY WIFE

Lumine: I HEARD EI AND MIKO ARE GETTING MARRIED CONGRATULATIONS U TWO MY OTP IS REAL AND GETTING MARRIED OMG

Aether: ^^WHAT SHE SAID AND I AM SO HAPPY FOR U GUYS IT WASNT EASY GETTING U TWO TOGETHER BUT TOTALLY WORTH IT CAUSE U TWO DESERVE EACH OTHER

Lumine: ^^WHAT HE SAID

Ayato: Congratulations to Miss Miko and Senior Ei from the Kamisato household as well

Ayaka: Congratulations from my side as well

Kuki Shinobu: Congratulations 

Yoimiya: YES CONGRATULATIONS

Itto: I THOUGHT U GUYS WERE ALREADY MARRIED BUT CONGRATULATIONS FROM THE WHOLE ARATAKI GANG TOO

Itto: we also do performances at weddings since u ladies are our friends and seniors we will give u 35 per cent off on the prices

Ei: I don't think that will be necessary.

Yae Miko: Great we will take it!

Ei: But it sounds absolutely fabulous so do let me know when you want to discuss the details.

Itto: YES.

Kazuha: Congratulations to Senior Ei And Senior Miko I will compose a love poem in ur honor to recite it at your wedding

Yae Miko: That sounds great!

Kazuha's Friend: Uh well u did try to kill me that one time but still Congratulations ig?

Kazuha's Friend: can someone pls pls change my name

Kujou Sara: I am so sorry for the belated wishes, but congratulations from the Kujou clan as well as my personal well wishes to you, Raiden-sama, may I know of anyway I can be of assistance to you? 

Yae Miko: You forgot to wish me as well Sara

Kujou Sara: I know 

Yae Miko: .. 

Kujou Sara:  …

Kujou Sara: Congratulations Yae Miko

Kujou Sara: Miss Miko*

Yae Miko: Thank you Sara and thank you as well Kokomi for persuading ur girlfriend to wish me and call me Miss Miko u sure know how to have ur woman wrapped around ur finger

Kokomi: Haha nothing like that I just told Sara to be a bit more enthusiastic 

Kokomi: anyway congratulations to u two!!!!

Ei: Thank you Sangonomiya and Sara.

Yae Miko: same

Ei: Miko.

Yae Miko: …

Yae Miko: Thank you little ones.

Ei: :)

Yae Miko: Aksjdhdbbdhd where did u learn that

Ei: Oh Zhongli taught me.

Yae Miko: Of course

Gorou: Uh….am I too late 

Gorou: Congrats

Yae Miko: Ei I have an idea for hiring Miss Hina for our wedding what do u think

Gorou: WAIT

Ei: I am fine with anything Miko <3

Yae Miko: I was only /j but <33333 

Ei: <3333333333

Yae Miko: <333333333333

Yoimiya: Please move to the dms 

Ei: No <3

[Private Message]

Aether: what did u do

▇▇▇▇: A mistake

Aether: I warned u

▇▇▇▇: I just want a girlfriend is that too much to ask for

Aether: Maybe consider not hitting on a taken woman next time 

▇▇▇▇: ….

Aether: U dint even do what u were supposed to do

▇▇▇▇: Well excuse me for getting too traumatized to approach either of them again

Aether: well nvm 

Aether: They are getting married in a few months!!!! 

Aether: So it all worked out for the best 

▇▇▇▇: Sigh 

▇▇▇▇: when will it be my turn

Aether: Maybe when u give up on flirting with taken women

▇▇▇▇: Stop

Chapter Text

[Teyvat Gays]

Yae Miko: [attachment.jpg]

Yoimiya: wtf dint u get engaged like yesterday?

Yoimiya: how did u get the invitations ready so soon??

Yae Miko: Dont underestimate the Yae Publishing House little one~

Venti: Did I hear wedding bells?

Keqing: Who’s getting married?

Ei: Miko and I are getting married, I proposed to her yesterday :D

Amber: Omg thats so adorable Congrats!!!

Ganyu: Miko u are getting married??? Thats great news! I am informing Cloud Retainer she's gonna be so happy!!

Yae Miko: Of course Ganyu, ur whole family is invited <3

Yae Miko: And all of u little ones here too

Yae Miko: And those two old men as well

Venti: HEY

Venti: We are not that old!

Zhongli: Indeed, we are, in fact, only older than Raiden by a few years.

Hu Tao: Sure grandpa

Xingqiu: He’s ur grandpa now?

Hu Tao: :P

Yae Miko: AHEM

Venti: Congratulations, will there be wine?

Ei: Will you not come if there isn't?

Venti: Lol what of course I still would come

Venti: Just informing u beforehand that i will be bringing my own bottle tho

Ei: There’s no need for that, we will have the best wines from all over Teyvat, you can have a taste of everything.

Venti: Omg frr???

Ei: ?

Venti: Oh my god, for real???,

Ei: Yes!!

Zhongli: Congratulations, Yae Miko and Ei, may the upcoming years bring only prosperity and happiness in your lives and may your bond last forever through hardships and sickness, and

Ei: And?

Zhongli: Apologies, Hu Tao clicked the send button before I could finish.

Hu Tao: Because no one likes to hear ur boring old ramblings old man

Zhongli: ….

Zhongli: I will send a handwritten letter of congratulations to you, Ei.

Ei: Alright, thank you.

Venti: You two are the reason the whole chat calls us boomers

Lumine: Not even boomers these two are legit fossils at this point

Venti: lmao ikr

Zhongli: 

Ei:

Jean: Jokes aside

Jean: Congratulations to @Yae Miko and @Ei from the whole of Mondstadt!! We wish u the very best for ur future!!

Ningguang: Congratulations from the whole of Liyue as well.

Yae Miko: Thank you thank you

Ei: Thank you

Aether: Shouldnt it be Venti and Zhongli who shld be congratulating on the behalf of mond and liyue

Venti: Nah Jean single handedly carries the whole of Mondstadt batch she’s the one who deserves to represent Mondstadt

Zhongli: Ningguang as well, she has worked harder than anyone else for the sake of Liyue.

Xiangling: OOH OOH I HEARD A WEDDING

Xiangling: REMINDING YALL THAT WANMIN RESTAURANT DOES SPECIAL WEDDING CATERING SERVICES TOO

Yae Miko: We will hire u just for that fiery enthusiasm u have got going for food

Xiangling: Ehhhh Thankssss

Xiangling: Wait whos getting married

Yae Miko: Me and Ei <3

Xiangling: ?????

Xiangling: Werent u guys already married

Chongyun: Finally someone said it

Ei: We weren’t. Why does everyone keep assuming that?

Ayato: In all honesty

Ayato: We were under the same impression as well

Yoimiya: U see 

Yoimiya: Its just that u two give off such married vibes

Lumine: Like JeanLisa

Aether: Or Beiguang

Yoimiya: See? ? Someone else gets it

Ei: We seemed married? I never thought of it.

Hu Tao: Totally out of context but has anyone considered adding Chongyun’s auntie to the gcs?

Chongyun: WAIT WHAT

Chongyun: NO

Chongyun: HU TAO WHY WOULD U

Lumine: Thank u Hu Tao for doing us all a service and reminding me of that

Aether: Dont u like ur auntie chongyun why dont u want her on the gc?

Chongyun: No I mean I do like her a lot

Chongyun: Its just…shes a bit….introverted u see

Chongyun: I dont want ppl to misunderstand her and judge her wrong without actually knowing her

Chongyun: It has happened in the past

Chongyun: Also she doesnt like Xingqiu

Aether: There it is

Lumine: As for ur earlier concerns u dont need to worry lmao we are all losers here no one will judge

Aether: Could have worded that better Lumi

Lumine: 🤡

Amber: Why are we adding someone’s auntie here 

Amber: I am just curious I dont mean anything rude by it

Lumine: Lmfao right not many ppl know

Aether: Chongyun’s auntie is a student here lol

Xinyan: Wait deadass????

Xinyan: Who is it???

Lumine: Wait imma add her

[Action denied]

[Action denied]

Aether: Xingqiu stop trying to leave the groupchat

Xingqiu: HOW DID U EVEN KNOW IT WAS ME

Lumine: We just do

Xingqiu: WAIT PLEASE LET ME OUT MISS SHENHE TERRIFIES ME I AM DEFINITE THAT SHE WILL MURDER ME IF SHE FINDS ME

Chongyun: Shes not that bad Xingqiu

Xingqiu: My dear Chongyun, may I remind u of the time that she found us out and threatened to freeze me and dump my body in a lake if I ever hurt you?

Chongyun: She wasnt serious!

Xingqiu: I dont care, ur auntie terrifies me

[Action denied]

[Action denied]

Xingqiu: LUMINE AETHER SOMEONE PLEASE

Lumine: LOL

Lumine added Shenhe to [Teyvat Gays]

Aether: Xingqiu went offline lmao

Shenhe: I dont want to be here

Chongyun: Hi auntie :D

Shenhe: Nvm I am staying

Shenhe: Hello Chongyun, how have u been doing? Are ur classes going well? Any trouble with ur classmates? Anyone u want me to ‘take care’ of? Are u still dating that boy from Feiyun Commerce Guild? Is he treating u well? Do u want me to teach him a lesson?

Chongyun: I am doing great auntie! My classes are going well too. No trouble with my classmates and no one to be ‘taken care’ of. I am still dating Xingqiu and we are very happy together, he treats me great! And no to the last question because u know I love and trust him a lot, auntie

Xingqiu: U love me?

Chongyun: I thought that was obvious?

Shenhe: Turn on ur location water boy I just want to talk

Xingqiu: I AM SORRY I SWEAR I DINT DO ANYTHING

Hu Tao: Why are u apologising if u dint do anything dumbass 

Xingqiu: IDK ITS AN INSTINCT OKAY 

Shenhe: Sleep with an eye open 

Xingqiu: BUT WHAT DID I DO?

Xingqiu: ???

Chongyun: ….ahahaa she wasn't serious 

Chongyun: I think

Xingqiu: I am not sleeping at all tonight

Lumine: L

Aether: O

Paimon: L

Venti: wait Paimon is here too?

Aether: We gotta take our emergency food everywhere

Lumine: U never know when there's a need for it

Paimon: PAIMON.IS.NOT.EMERGENCY.FOOD.

[Mondstadt Bitches]

Venti: No but back then I did steal apples from the Dawn Winery on a daily basis tho

Lumine: Okay and u had the sudden urge to confess that here because?

Kaeya: VENTI U FUCKING IDIOT WRONG CHAT

Kaeya: @Venti WRONG CHAT MF

Venti: What

Venti: OH FUVK SJSJSJSHSHSBHJDIDI 

Venti: EVERYONE PLS IGNORE

Venti: WHY CANT I DELETE IT WTF

Lumine: Heh

Venti: LUMINE WHY

Aether: Cause why not

Jean: Calm down Venti 

Jean: While it is a morally wrong thing to do we know u mean no harm and won't do it again

Venti: Jean ;-;

Jean: Besides Diluc already knew and didn't mind so there's no need to worry 

Venti: WHAT

Kaeya: I DIDNT KNOW AND HE DID????

Jean: U didn't??

Jean: But Diluc used to leave out a bunch of apples everyday for Venti

Venti: The ones on the cart???

Jean: Yes?

Venti: I thought they were just there and no one would notice if they were gone wtf

Kaeya: And u somehow dint question the fact that they reappeared in the same spot everyday???

Kaeya: Wait wtf he dint tell me but he told u Jean???

Jean: To be fair, he didn't want to tell anyone

Jean: I just kinda stumbled upon him one evening 

Jean: And guessed what was up and I was right 

Venti: BUT WHY

Lumine: LMFAO THIS IS SO FUNNY

Lumine: @Diluc where u at 

Aether: He's prolly muted this gc let's spam

Kaeya: I am joining because I NEED AMSWERS @Diluc U TREACHEROUS BASTARD

Jean: Did I say something I wasn't supposed to say???

Lumine: Oh no no not at all Jean!

Aether: In fact u did us a great service!

Jean: ??? 

Kaeya: @Diluc WHERE U AT U MF

Aether: @Diluc

Lumine: @Diluc lmao u gon regret if u don't see this right away

Diluc: What.do.you.want.

Aether: Backead

Aether: Backreed*

Aether: BACKREAD WTF IS WRONG WITH MY KEYBOARD

Kaeya: DILUC U BASTARD

Diluc: Jean why do u keep doing this

Jean: WHAT DID I DO

Amber: I saw Jean using all caps on the notif who died?

Kaeya: Oh u know

Kaeya: THE BROTHERLY TRUST BETWEEN ME AND DILUC

Amber: Oh lol there's drama

Amber: @everyone there's drama get yo popcorn

Diluc: How exactly did any of that lead u to that conclusion?

Diluc: Besides it was a long time ago

Venti: Wait so u admit to leaving out those apples for me??

Diluc: …….I just felt sorry for u because u always skipped ur breakfast okay nothing else I was just being a good person and helping someone in need so that's all there is to it

Kaeya: Okay but why dint u tell me????

Venti: Master Diluc that was so sweet of u sksksnsbdsh

Venti: why dint u ever tell me???

Diluc: There was no reason to and it was no big deal so stop thanking me and I AM NOT SWEET

Venti: God u are just so

Venti: So

Venti: Such a softie

Albedo: why is Diluc looking at his phone and blushing so much?

Albedo: Just read the earlier texts nvm

Diluc: I am not blushing.

Kaeya: ANSWER MY QUESTION BITCH

Diluc: I ALREADY SAID THAT THERE WAS NO REASON TO TELL ANYBODY AND IT WAS NO BIG DEAL WHAT ARE U? EIGHT?

Kaeya: U ARE THE EIGHT YEAR OLD

Jean: Um, so is everything settled? 

Diluc: Jean.

Jean: Diluc?

Diluc: So there was this one time that Jean went to the library to get smth for a teacher

Jean: ????????

Diluc: And saw Lisa on duty

Jean: DILUC WHY ARE U DOING THIS???

Barbara: Shhh Jean I am now invested in this

Jean: Barbara??? How long have u been here??

Barbara: I have always been here. And I always will be. I am a lurker.

Diluc: I was in the library to get some books as diligent students who are not delinquents like Kaeya do

Kaeya: Unprovoked???

Diluc: Anyway

Jean: WHY ARE U DOING THIS???

Diluc: Reminder that Lisa and Jean have still not done introductions but Lisa recognises Jean and smiles at her

Lumine: She wasnt mad abt the whole dress code thingy?

Lisa: No I was just extremely confused

Jean: I AM TURNING OFF MY INTERNET I HATE U SO MUCH DILUC

Diluc: And Jean being the disaster lesbian she is forgets how to smile back and instead waves at Lisa with a serious(completely red) face and turns around and promptly walks into a pillar 

Lumine: LMFAO LIKE I SAID STAN JEAN THE TRUE FACE OF DISASTER GAY

Aether: Jean are u okay??? 😭😭😭

Amber: Okay this was so worth staying thru all that drama for

Barbara: Jean is really such a loser Smh

Kaeya: Lmao President Jean's true colors revealed

Venti: Brb gonna turn this into a ballad and recite it to Master Jean ehe

Lisa: Ohhhh I remember that incident as well!!

Lisa: It really shocked me but I got to tend to Jean's wounds afterwards so not complaining hehe ❤

Barbara: @Diluc tell us more

Diluc: I would but that's all for today

Diluc: I suppose I got back at Jean enough for now

Barbara: Disappointing but I see where you are coming from so okay

[Inazuman Comrades]

Kazuha: There's no way Scaramouche is Ei's biological son they are too close in age

Thoma: Exactly!

Ayaka: I never said that he is her biological son!

Ayaka: I just said that they must have some sort of biological relation because they look so similar

Kokomi: Actually Ayaka does have a point

Kokomi: If I didn't know any better I'd say he looks like her little brother

Kazuha: You are lucky that Scaramouche still didn't get his phone repaired or he would kill u for saying that

Kujo Sara: He can try

Kokomi: Aw babe ❤ 

Kujo Sara: ❤ 

Thoma: Okay their romance aside why hasn't Scaramouche gotten his phone yet 

Thoma: I thought Yae Miko said she dint mind getting him another one

Yae Miko: And I did

Yae Miko: But that little shit threw it across the hall and broke it again

Aether: Smh imagine having rich parents u can just throw expensive shit like it means nothing

Lumine: Can't relate </3

Aether: Fr

Yae Miko: I told Ei to punish him but she's too soft for her own good smh

Thoma: Okay but what exactly is the relationship between the three of u? 

Thoma: Genuinely curious

Yae Miko: He is Ei's adopted ward 

Kazuha: See

Kazuha: I told u

Ayaka: No but they could still be from the same family?? 

Ayaka: @Yae Miko is he related to Ei

Yae Miko: U could say that

Ayaka: I was right!

Lumine: Ofc babe u always are <3

Ayaka: Thank you Lumine >\\\\<

Kazuha: But I never did say u were wrong Ayaka 

Kuki Shinobu: Sorry for interrupting whatever u got going on but has anyone seen Itto and Yoimiya??

Ayaka: We had our last class on Cultural Studies together but after that I didn't see her

Thoma: I saw Itto with his gang outside the park earlier

Thoma: Oh wait Yoimiya was with them too

Kuki Shinobu: Oh God

Ayaka: Is everything okay?

Kuki Shinobu: I am hoping it is the two of them together are a major hazard to the society

Kuki Shinobu: Thank you for ur Intel guys I am gonna go look for them now

Ayaka: Atb!

Thoma: and let us know when u find them

Kuki Shinobu: Yeah

[Private message]

Ei: Miko there's a situation.

Ei: Love of my life, where are you?

Yae Miko: Alright no need to go that far I am willing to do whatever it is u want me to do

Yae Miko: I am all yours hehe~

Ei: I know

Ei: But that's not what I wanted to discuss with you.

Yae Miko: Ei u don't just say such a flirtatious and heart fluttering line and then immediately switch topics to smth else

Ei: Sorry but it's urgent.

Ei: It's about Makoto.

Yae Miko: Ur sister? What about her?

Ei: I told her about our wedding and she was very happy to hear it.

Ei: And then she said that she has something to announce as well.

Yae Miko: What was it?

Ei: She's seeing someone.

Ei: Miko? Why aren't you replying anything?

Yae Miko: Sorry just looking at that sentence was such a shock that I dropped my phone 

Ei: I know right???? Like I remember her saying that she would be the last person to ever fall in love and now she goes and dates someone??

Yae Miko: Okay but did u ask who it is??

Ei: I did but she refuses to tell me!! 

Ei: But I have a plan to find out.

Yae Miko: Listening

Ei: She told me that she is going to the mall tomorrow for something ‘important’ and I am nearly hundred percent sure its a date with her partner

Yae Miko: That doesnt sound very reliable babe

Ei: It's worth a try

Ei: ….are you willing to join me on this endeavor? 

Yae Miko: I am already packing my sunglasses and scarf

Ei: Thank you Miko I love u so much

Yae Miko: AJSKHSUWH

Yae Miko: Ahem

Yae Miko: I mean same

[Teyvat Gays]

Yanfei: @Kuki Shinobu did u find Itto and Yoimiya last night?

Thoma: Oh right u were asking for them right

Kuki Shinobu: Thank u for reminding me abt that

Kuki Shinobu: @Itto and @Yoimiya I believe the two of u have smth to say

Itto: What?!

Yoimiya: U were serious abt that???

Kuki Shinobu: A lot of ppl were worried because of the two of u I believe they all deserve an apology

Yoimiya: …well

Yoimiya: Fair enough ig

Itto: Man I actually feel guilty

Itto: @everyone so sorry for making yall worry

Yoimiya: Me too, we dint mean to make u guys worry

Yanfei: Hey its okay as long as u guys are safe

Thoma: Yeah! Just drink more responsibly next time

Ayaka: We were all just worried, but now we are glad u two are safe

Itto: Yall dint need to

Itto: Am tough as a bull aint nothing can hurt me that easily

Yoimiya: Itto are u crying?

Itto: NO

Kuki Shinobu: We are not done yet

Kuki Shinobu: What exactly are u two sorry for?

Yoimiya: SHINOBU

Itto: CANT WE DO IT ON THE INAZUMA GC

Kuki Shinobu: No

Yoimiya: …..

Yoimiya: @Itto u go first

Itto: WHY MW???

Yoimiya: BECAUSEE U STARTED IT

Itto: BUT IT WAS UR IDEA

Kuki Shinobu: I will count to 5

Yoimiya: WHAT NO WAIT

Kuki Shinobu: 1

Itto: SHINOBU

Kuki Shinobu: 2

Yoimiya: LET US AT LEAST DECIDE WHAT TO SAY

Kuki Shinobu: 3

Itto: AH FUCK FUCK YOIMIYA WHAT DO WE DO

Kuki Shinobu: 4

Yoimiya: IDFK MAN LETS JUST APOLOGISE

Itto: ALRIGHT WE ARE SO SORRY FOR BREAKING INTO ONE OF SPRINGVALE FARMS AND STEALING CHICKENS 

Yoimiya: AND ALSO FOR ACCIDENTALLY SETTING THE PARK ON FIRE AND DRUNK SINGING ON THE ROOF OF THE GRAND NARUKAMI SHRINE

Itto: AND FOR SETTING USHI ON THE SHOGUNATE SOLDIERS BUT IN MY DEFENSE THEY LOOKED SCARY AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE GHOSTS OR SMTH

Lumine: Holy shit yall had a wild night dint u

Venti: Wtf why dint yall invite me that sounds fun as fuck

Jean: Venti pls refrain from doing any of the above mentioned actions when u get drunk pls for the love of god

Kaeya: Lmfaoo chickens?? YAll STOLE CHICKENSS?? U HAVE MY RESPECT

Kuki Shinobu: Dont encourage them

Yoimiya: IT WAS AN ACCIDENT AND ITTO WAS THE ONE WHO CHARGED IN FIRST I ONLY FOLLOWED

Itto: OKAY BUT IT WAS STILL UR IDEA

Yoimiya: BUT U AGREED

Itto: BECAUSE IT WAS FUN!

Yoimiya: I mean cant argue against that

Jean: Wait a minute was it u two who stole Draff’s chickens

Yoimiya: Uh

Yoimiya: Who

Itto: All we remember was that the guy yelling at us had weird cat ears and tail

Yoimiya: Also I think he was trying to murder us cause he was shooting arrows at us

Itto: That was overreaction tbh

Yoimiya: Ikr

Kuki Shinobu: YOU WERE THE ONES WHO BROKE INTO HIS FARM AND STOLE HIS CHICKENS???

Jean: Barbatos give me strength

Venti: Nah u are better off praying to urself

Yanfei: Itto and Yoimiya, the two of u, by any chance, did not go to a casino last night did u?

Yanfei: please tell me u did not

Itto: Whats a casino??

Yoimiya: I dont think we went to any place like that

Yanfei: Thank god so it wasnt the two of u after all

Yoimiya: Hey we did go to a teahouse tho

Yanfei: Oh fuck no

Itto: It was a very weird one tho

Yanfei: What was the name

Yanfei: Please dont be that one

Itto: Idk man I literally forgot what I ate for breakfast

Yoimiya: All I remember was Yan smth

Yoimiya: The lady outside was very rude tho smh

Aether: Yanshang teahouse?

Itto: Ig

Lumine: LMFAOOOO

Yanfei: FUCK.

Yoimiya: They had these weird looking tables

Itto: Lotsa ppl were playing cards and other games i havent seen before

Yanfei: HOW THE FUCK DID THE TWO OF U EVEN GET IN

Yoimiya: LOL obviously we snuck in

Kuki Shinobu: I quit

Itto: NOO Shinobu u cant quit

Yoimiya: Yeah then we who will bail us out of jail like last night??

Thoma: U guys were arrested???

Yoimiya: Yea but Shinobu bailed us out hehe

Kuki Shinobu: Next time u can bail ourselves out

Yoimiya: WAIT NO SHINOBU I AM SO SORRY

Ayaka: As an apology Yoimiya will treat u to lunch

Yoimiya: Yeah!

Yoimiya: Wait what

Kuki Shinobu: I wouldnt mind lunch with u

Itto: Can i come too?

Ayaka: No

Kuki Shinobu: No

Yoimiya: Sorry Itto maybe next time 

Itto: :(

Jean:  Everything aside I would still like u to visit Draff and give him a formal apology for ur behaviour

Kaeya: Ayo but its so funny imo u shld let them be lmao

Diluc: Kaeya stfu

Diluc: Jean is right, Draff was pretty upset, u shld apologise to him once

Yoimiya: Oh man I feel so bad I will drag Itto along to apologise dw

Ayaka: Consider apologising to the shrine maidens too while u are at it

Kuki Shinobu: No I think we can let that pass that was actually very funny

Itto: Shinobu?? Are u really the Shinobu we know?

Kuki Shinobu: I will take back my words if u dont stop

Itto: Yikes okay i will shut up now

Lumine: @Aether bitch check ur phone

Aether: Wtf why’d u have to call me out in the gc for that

 Lumine: Because u werent checking ur dms obviously smh

[Private message]

Lumine: Aether where are u

Lumine: This is why I told u to stay close smh

Lumine: This mall is so big dont expect me to come looking for u

Lumine: BITCH RESPOND

Lumine: AETHER

Lumine: I am gonna @ u in gc

Aether: HEY

Aether: IT WAS U WHO GOT LOST

Aether: And I already see u no need to be that dramatic smh

Lumine: Yea I see u too

Lumine: HOLY SHIT

Lumine: AETHER BEHIND U BUT DONT BE TOO OBVIOUS

Aether: What

Aether: HOLY SHIT

[Private message]

Ei: Miko I think we lost her

Yae Miko: Shit

Ei: Do u think she realised we were tailing her

Yae Miko: Ur sister terrifyingly smart she could have

Ei: :(

Yae Miko: NO BABE DONT BE SAD WE WILL FIND THEM

Ei: Yes lets not give up

[Private message]

Aether: Shld we go say hi

Lumine: What are we? Forty?

Lumine: They seem busy let them be

Aether: Seems weird that they left out Venti

Lumine: Thats what I was thinking too

Aether: Or maybe they lost him?

Lumine: Oh yea that sounds reasonable lemme ask

[Private message]

Lumine: Ayo Venti where u at?

Venti: ???

Venti: Why the sudden question

Lumine: Are u like lost or smth??

Venti: Uh….no?

Venti: I am hanging out with Dvalin in the woods rn why would I be lost??

Lumine: Wait what

Lumine: U dint join Zhongli and Ei on their trip to the mall??

Venti: No?

Venti: WAIT WTF THOSE BITCHES WENT TO THE MALL WITHOUT ME?????

Lumine: Oh shit

Lumine: Uhh ignore I said anything

Venti: TOO LATE LUMINE

Lumine: Can u at least keep my name out of it?

Lumine: Venti????

[Private message]

Lumine: Aether I think I fucked up

Aether: Does it affect me in anyway

Lumine: Yes.

Aether: What did u do and just why

[Teyvat Gays]

Venti: @Zhongli and @Ei GET THE FUCK OUT HERE U OLD GEEZERS

Ei: U are literally older than me 

Lumine: I swear I had nothing to do with this

Aether: Lumine u big idiot

Venti: THATS NOT THE POINT

Venti: HOW COULD THE TWO OF U GO TO THE MALL WITHOUT ME

Aether: Why did u @ them here instead of our personal gc

Venti: Idk this chat showed up first

Venti: ANYWAY ANSWER THE QUESTION U TWO @Zhongli and @Ei 

Ei: I was here for personal reasons

Ei: Wait Zhongli is here too??

Lumine: ???

Lumine: Arent u two together??

Ei: No???

Ei: I came here with Miko???

Yae Miko: Can confirm I am literally reading her texts over her shoulder

Aether: ????

Aether: I dont see MIko???

Lumine: What sorta mindfuck

Ei: WAIT A FUCKING MINUTE

Yae Miko: holy fuck that was so hot babe

Ei: Lumine send me a picture of what u see

Lumine: Uh…..okay

Lumine: [attachment.jpg]

Ei: MORAX U TWO TIMING FUCK HOW DARE U HIT ON MY SISTER

Aether: Theres a lot going in that sentence I need sometime to digest those words

Yae Miko: WTF MORAX IS THE ONE MAKOTO IS SEEING???

Venti: What wait what

Hu Tao: I smell drama who’s dying

Ei: MORAX FOR CHEATING ON MY SISTER

Yae Miko: WTF ZHONGLI I THOUGHT U GENUINELY LOVED THAT SNEZHNAYAN BOY HOW COULD U

Childe: Uh…whats happening

Venti: Zhongli??? And Makoto???

Childe: Who????

Ei: I am so sorry Tartaglia I never knew my old friend was such a bastard

Childe: ????

Lumine: Idfk whats going on but if Zhongli really cheated on Childe then he’s bouta catch these hands grandpa or not idc

Childe: what

Childe: No thats impossible

Childe: Zhongli would never do anything like that

Venti: Looked at the picture and thats Makoto alright

Venti: Morax u bitch how could u

Ei: AND MY SISTER OF ALL PPL

Hu Tao: Who’s Morax again

Lumine: Zhongli

Hu Tao: WHAT

Hu Tao: MY DAD IS NOT LIKE THAT HE WOULD NEVER CHEAT 

Hu Tao: @Xiao and @Ganyu LOOK THERES A SERIOUS ACCUSATION AGAINST OUR DAD

Keqing: Smh ig I shldnt be surprised all seniors are disappointments in one way or the other

Kokomi: I am sorry the news I am hearing right now is that Zhongli cheated on Childe with someone is that true?

Itto: wtf thats Raiden in the photo if I am not wrong

Yae Miko: It is Raiden but not Ei 

Yae Miko: Its her twin sister Raiden Makoto

Yae Miko: We had originally come to the mall because we suspected that Makoto was supposed to have a date here

Yae Miko: I cant believe it turned out to be Zhongli

Childe: I think u are all assuming stuff unnecessarily Zhongli would never

Lumine: Childe where are u rn

Childe: at home?

Lumine: Good I dont want u to see me kick ur boyfriend’s ass 

Childe: WAIT COMRADE WE SHLD DISCUSS IT FIRST I AM SURE ZHONGLI IS INNOCENT

Ningguang: As much as I am clueless I too think we shld investigate the matter thoroughly once baseless accusations will get u nowhere

Lumine: Oh I will investigate alright RIGHT AFTER I KICK ZHONGLI”S ASS FOR CHEATING ON MY BESTIE

Ei: I AM JOINING U SEND LOCATION

Lumine: GIMME A MOMENT

Xiao: What are u talking about? Whats going on?

Childe: XIAO

Xiao: FUCK OFF

Childe: NO LISTEN 

Childe: @Aether and @Yae Miko PLEASE HOLD LUMINE AND EI BACK UNTIL I DISCUSS THIS WITH ZHONGLI

Childe: XIAO HELP THEY ARE TRYING TO KILL ZHONGLI BECAUSE THEY THINK HE CHEATED ON ME 

Xiao: What. Where’s the proof?

Kaeya: Backread lmao

Xiao: …

Childe: SO NOW U KNOW

Xiao: @Zhongli I used to respect u

Childe: What

Xiao: I cant believe this

Xiao: I may not approve of Childe but even I think that what u did to him is too cruel Zhongli

Childe: WHAT XIAO NO

Ganyu: I dont believe this! Zhongli would never!

Ganyu: We need a thorough investigation

Albedo: Why dint any of u consider asking the man himself?

Venti: He’s not replying 

Albedo: I meant in person

Lumine: I would but my bitchass brother is holding me back

Ei: Let me go Miko even the weird non human guy thinks we shld beat him up

Albedo: Oh no, I meant literally asking him, if it is indeed what all of u assume, then u shld beat him up

Childe: Albedo can I call u comrade from now on

Kaeya: Back off bitch he already has a boyfriend

Albedo: I wouldnt mind that

Kaeya: Nooo Bedo am I not enough for u???

Albedo: Stop being dramatic u are still my only boyfriend

Kaeya: I just love u so much I cant help it heh

Diluc: Gross

Childe: I am on my way to the mall I am still convinced this is all a misunderstanding

Zhongli: My name seems to have been mentioned several times, did I perhaps miss something?

Ei: OH THERE U ARE U BITCH

Yae MIko: Zhongli how could u

Lumine: I KNEW I SHLD HAVE GIVEN U A PROPER SHOVEL TALK BEFORE LETTING U DATE CHILDE

Aether: Zhongli care to explain urself?

Childe: XIANSHENG PLEASE TELL THEM ALL ITS NOT TRUE

Zhongli: I am afraid I don’t understand what’s going on.

Lumine: [attachment.jpg]

Zhongli: Oh

Lumine: OH??? OH????? U CHEAT ON MY BESTIE AND ALL U HAVE TO SAY IS OH????

Ei: AND MY SISTER OF ALL PPL YOU IMBECILE I TRUSTED YOU

Hu Tao: DAD PLS TELL ME ITS NOT TRUE

Hu Tao: I will personally send u over to the other side if it is

Xiao: Zhongli, I trusted u

Zhongli: Don’t worry children, I haven’t done anything wrong.

Yae Miko: HOW MUCH OF A SCUM CAN U BE TEACHING UR KIDS THAT TWO TIMING SOMEONE IS NOT WRONG

Zhongli: I am indeed on a shopping trip for Makoto but we are not on a date

Ei: How do I believe you

Zhongli: Ei. Your sister is attracted to women.

Ei: That doesn’t change WHAT

Zhongli: Besides, in my whole life I have only ever been attracted To Childe. I would never even think about looking at another person when I am in love with the most interesting and beautiful man I have ever encountered. Forgive me for being so blunt, but I am truly too much in love with Childe, and always will be.

Hu Tao: I FUCKING KNEW IT

Childe: Zhongli….I just….I am so lucky to have fallen for u….I cant imagine a life without u

Zhongli: No Childe it is I who is lucky to have you.

Ganyu: Oh thank god so Zhongli is not a cheater after all

Lumine: But what were u doing with Ei’s sister anyways

Ei: My sister……likes women…..but she never told me….

Zhongli: Oh apologies I assumed that she did, and that she had even told you the purpose of her today’s shopping trip.

Zhongli: My apologies, Ei, truly. It was out of line for me to mention your sister’s private preferences publicly. I must apologise to her as well.

Zhongli: Ah it seems that Makoto has something to say, she is requesting my phone.

Zhongli: Hey everyone its me, Ei’s big sis, Makoto.

Ei: Why dint u ever tell me

Zhongli: Are u crying Ei?

Ei: I am not crying!

Zhongli: Is she crying MIko

Yae Miko: She is….

Zhongli: Aw Ei, I swear its not because I dont trust u or anything, its just because even I only found out abt it recently. To be honest, I wanted to announce it to the whole family at once when i brought my girlfriend along but now that i think abt it maybe I shld have at least mentioned it beforehand I am so sorry.

Ei: No it should be me apologising. I think it's pretty selfish of me to assume that you would let me know about everything going on in your life. You are your own person and can take care of yourself, but I continue to remain childish and insist on forcing myself into your life. I am so sorry.

Zhongli: Ei no….

Zhongli: Don’t say that, in fact it makes me so happy when you inquire about my life and it makes me even more happy when u tell me abt urs, I think its just that I wanted to surprise u this time.

Ei: Sorry for spoiling ur surprise.

Zhongli: Stop apologising, u did nothing wrong. My surprise just came a bit earlier than expected and thats okay too.

Zhongli: Actually, do u want to go visit my girlfriend later?

Lumine: Lord that looks so weird when sent by Zhongli’s username

Aether: Its giving me chills

Xiao: Same

Ei: I would really like that Makoto, but are u sure ur girlfriend wouldn’t mind?

Zhongli: I am sure she wouldnt!

Zhongli: Stop hiding behind Miko and come over here already poor Zhongli needs his phone back too

Ei: Alright.

Zhongli: So I suppose Ei’s sister cleared the matter?

Lumine: Still dont understand why the two of u were shopping together

Zhongli: Oh let me ask Makoto if I can tell you why.

Zhongli: She says yes, you see it was because Makoto was supposed to go on a date today but her girlfriend fell ill so she instead decided to visit her home. Not wanting to go empty handed, she enlisted my help to pick out a suitable present for her.

Venti: Oof that wild but why u tho

Zhongli: Her girlfriend is Guizhong.

Xiao: GUIZHONG IS DATING???

Ganyu: SHE DINT TELL US

Hu Tao: HOW COULD SHE

Hu Tao: Wait who

Xiao: Guizhong is Zhongli’s close friend and our senior

Ganyu: She is a very nice lady u guys shld meet her

Hu Tao: Oh so shes basically aunt

Ganyu: Yeah

Venti: But holy shit Guizhong is finally getting some

Venti: I legit thought she was gonna remain a celibate for life

Zhongli: I thought the very same too.

Lumine: So uh Zhongli

Lumine: Sorry for all that stuff earlier hehe

Lumine: No hard feelings?

Zhongli: None, Lumine. I am aware that you were only looking out for Childe, and I am glad to know that Childe has such a reliable friend as you.

Lumine: Damn. You are too good.

Lumine: Still gotta ask for my permission before marrying Childe.

Zhongli: Of course.

Childe: AJHHJESGH WHY ARE YALL ALREADY PLANNING THAT FAR AHEAD

Xiao: I am sorry as well, Zhongli, I should have never doubted you. I have failed you.

Zhongli: Not at all, Xiao. In fact, I am glad to know that you can look past your personal feelings to point out someone’s wrongs regardless. I know that I have taught you well enough from that alone. 

Zhongli: I am also glad that you were willing to defend Childe’s honour even if it was going against me, that shows that you approve of our relationship and that makes me happy.

Xiao: NO I DONT 

Xiao: GOOD NIGHT

Aether: Its morning-

Lumine: Shhh let him wallow in his embarrassment

Yae MIko: Yea am sorry too…shldnt have jumped to conclusions like that

Venti: Same

Jean: Venti I think Zhongli deserves a proper apology

Venti: ….

Venti: No cause I actually feel very guilty for baselessly accusing u like that so i dont know how to make it up to u

Zhongli: Stop drunk crashing at my place

Venti: HEY

Zhongli: For at least a week

Venti: Damn but I think I can manage that

Venti: Sorry again

Zhongli: It's okay.

Aether: Me too, Zhongli, I am so sorry.

Zhongli: It's alright, Aether. It was just a misunderstanding.

Ei: Morax, I am deeply apologetic for my earlier words and all that,,,,swearing. As your friend of many years, I should have had more trust in you but forgive me, I am just too protective of my sister. I couldn’t bear the thought of her being hurt. I am so sorry I did not consider how much of a loyal and dedicated partner you are to never ever do such a thing to your partner. Childe is very lucky to have you. And thank you so much for not having any hard feelings despite my harsh words, as well as for accompanying my sister to help her out.

Zhongli: It’s all alright, Ei. I understand how much your sister means to you and don’t worry about your words, I did not take them to hurt. I know you were only protecting your sister. Don’t worry about anything else and just enjoy your trip with Makoto. Also, please do give my well wishes to Guizhong.

Ei: I will.

Venti: Damn that was one hell of a ride

Lumine: Fr the whole situation was wild from start to finish

Aether: @Lumine I am at the the ice cream parlour hurry up if u dont wanna miss out

Lumine: ajshjs wait am coming

Aether: Childe’s paying

Childe: I literally just arrived

Lumine: Bringing Zhongli along

Childe: Which flavour do yall want

Chapter Text

[Teyvat Gays]

Childe: Say, why don't we see Raiden Ei's sister around here anyways?

Lumine: That's cause she doesnt go to our academy

Aether: Ye she goes to Celestia academy

Ganyu: Guizhong goes there too

Venti: Ayyyy Vanessa too

Ei: I don't like that place 

Ei: Makoto doesn't like it either but it is the top learning center and the academics are good

Venti: Yea but the students are treated like shit

Aether: Smh I heard the staff there act all high and entitled

Zhongli: They do, that why I opted out of there and joined here instead. 

Zhongli: Unfortunately Guizhong wanted to stay there due to her academic commitments. 

Lumine: Praying for her and Makoto and Vanessa and everyone else who goes there to come out safe and sound 

Venti: As u shld

Venti: Anyway @Zhongli 

Zhongli: What.

Lumine: lmao Zhongli using . instead of ? while saying what 

Aether: Just speaks abt the levels of done he is with Venti

Venti: HEY

Venti: I was about to ask a very serious question okay

Zhongli: I highly doubt that but do go on.

Aether: Wait I have a question for u two too

Venti: ye?

Zhongli: What is it, Aether?

Aether: In a fight between Dvalin and Azdaha, who would win?

Lumine: And ppl call me the problematic twin

Venti: Dvalin!

Zhongli: Azdaha, quite obviously.

Zhongli: What are you talking about, bard?

Venti: No no what are u talking abt, old man??

Zhongli: I am stating a fact.

Venti: Your fact is bullshit Dvalin obviously would win against Azdaha

Zhongli: Dvalin is much smaller in size compared to Azdaha and might I remind you that Azdaha has the tenacity of the hardest rocks of the earth's surface.

Venti: And???? Size does not equal strength what type of stupid ass theory is that and Dvalin can actually fly okay meanwhile Azdaha only knows to hide in the ground 

Zhongli: Excuse you if you think Azdaha is hiding he is simply absorbing the power of the elements underground meanwhile Dvalin has only the power of anemo on his side, so the conclusion is quite obvious.

Zhongli: Azdaha would win.

Venti: BUT CAN AZADAHA FLY???? NO! AND DVALIN CAN SO BASICALLY HE CAN DODGE ALL OF AZDAHA'S ATTACKS AND HAVE AN AIRBORNE ATTACK ADVANTAGE 

Zhongli: MIGHT I REMIND YOU THAT AZDAHA HAS QUITE A HIGH RESISTANCE TO SEVERAL ELEMENTS INCLUDING ANEMO, THEREFORE CONTRARY TO YOUR BELIEFS, DVALIN'S ATTACKS WON'T SO MUCH AS LEAVE A SCRATCH ON AZDAHA'S STURDY EXTERIOR.

Venti: YOU KNOW WHAT LETS SOLVE THIS RIGHT NOW RIGHT HERE

Zhongli: ABSOLUTELY, MAYBE SEEING AZDAHA'S FULL POWER WILL PERHAPS CONVINCE YOU ABOUT THE RIDICULOUSNESS OF YOUR IDEAS.

Venti: Oh its on don't underestimate Dvalin old man

Zhongli: You will see Azdaha's true power soon bard, so be prepared.

Lumine: Look what u did Aether

Aether: I learnt it from u Lumi

Lumine: *proud* I taught u well

Diluc: What the fuck is wrong with u guys

Jean: Two huge dragons going against each other will result in a lot of destruction we shld stop them

Lumine: Nah dw they won't fight anywhere around here

Aether: Ye there's plenty of domains out there they'll be fine

Keqing: I am sorry but why are Zhongli and Venti talking about two legendary dragons like they are old friends or something?

Lumine: Ahaha cause u know

Aether: Sometimes u gotta have dragon friends for the sake of it

Albedo: Or a dragon brother

Childe: What the fuck is that supposed to mean

Aether: He is talking abt his dragon brother what is there to not understand 

Childe: A dragon???? Brother????

Albedo: Are u judging me for not having normal human siblings like u do?

Lumine: Shame on u Childe this is not how I raised u

Childe: Wait that's not what I meant 

Kaeya: My boyfriend is perfectly valid for having a dragon brother how dare u

Childe: NO WAIT I SWEAR I RESPECT ALL SORTS OF SIBLINGS DRAGON OR NOT

Childe: I just wanted to ask how does that work 

Childe: Like are u a dragon too or smth?

Albedo: Oh no I am just a regular synthetic human being

Childe: Ahahaha I see

[Private message]

Childe: What does synthetic mean?

Lumine: Go ask Google u dumbass

Childe: No patience

Lumine: Tough luck idk either

Lumine: Go ask ur boyfriend or smth

Childe: Wait nvm someone asked in the gc

[Teyvat gays]

Amber: What's the meaning of synthetic? (Curious)

Albedo: Something made by chemical synthesis, especially to imitate a natural product.

Amber: I dont understand but thanks!

Zhongli: Albedo means to say that he resembles a human but his composition is in fact, different from other humans as he, correct me if I am wrong, was created artificially unlike the natural process of birthing humans.

Zhongli: By the power of alchemy I presume.

Albedo: That was a very correct observation Mr. Zhongli

Albedo: Me and all my siblings were created artificially in a lab by the power of alchemy 

Childe: Huh

[Private message]

Childe: ?????????

Lumine: Why are u asking me

[Teyvat gays]

Kaeya: What? Y'all got a problem with with boyfriend being an amazing synthetic human being? 

Childe: No but holy shit that's cool af

Childe: Does that mean ur dragon sibling was created in lab too???

Albedo: Yes

Venti: Ayyyy u shld bring along Durin to our dragon showoff I am sure he will have fun meeting other dragons

Albedo: Durin doesn't like fighting but I am sure he wouldn't mind refereeing for Dvalin and Azdaha

Venti: Noice that works too

Albedo: Besides he has actually been very eager to meet and befriend Dvalin but is a bit shy 

Albedo: I think he has a crush on Dvalin

Venti: Ajsjjdjdjd WHAT

Childe: Huh

Lumine: what? Are you judging a dragon for having a crush on another dragon? 

Childe: NO NO 

Childe: I was just a bit surprised that is all

Venti: It is now my life goal to now get Dvalin and Durin together

Aether: Maybe u shld fix ur singleness first

Venti: U are just as single as I am bestie

Aether: Fuck you ❤

Venti: No thank you ❤

Childe: Where is Raiden Ei's dragon friend 

Childe: aren't u three like a set 

Venti: She doesn't have one LOL

Ei: At least I have a fox girlfriend who is soon going to be my wife so who's the real winner here, drunkard?

Venti: STOP ATTACKING MY SINGLENESS LIKE THAT

Ei: No <3

Aether: Smh imagine being friends with an actual dragon

Lumine: Why are u talking like we aren't friends with an actual dragon too

Aether: Idk man we don't know Azdaha and Dvalin on a personal enough level to call them friends

Aether: Ig we can call them acquaintances

Lumine: I am talking abt Zhongli u dumb brother

Aether: Oh right 

Aether: I forgor

Hu Tao: Wtf Zhongli's a dragon???

Hu Tao: AN actual dragon has been working for me all this time and none of yall told me??

Lumine: To be fair u never asked

Xingqiu: Zhongli??? Our senior Zhongli?? Is a dragon???

Keqing: wtf I never knew

Childe: lmao

Keqing: U knew???

Childe: Boyfriend privileges

Childe: actually i knew even before that

Ganyu: Well I am surprised no one figured it out 

Ganyu: You all were quick to figure out that Xiao and I are adepti how did none of you realise that Zhongli is an adeptus too

Yanfei: HE IS AN ADEPTUS??? WHY DID I NEVER SENSE IT I AM AN ADEPTUS TOO

Yanfei: Half at least

Hu Tao: Wait u are half adeptus

Yanfei: Yeah?

Hu Tao: Holy shit my girlfriend is a half adeptus yall losers will never be as cool as me 

Keqing: Excuse you my girlfriend is a half adeptus too

Childe: My boyfriend is a full adeptus 🤡

Yoimiya: whats an adeptus

Lumine: they are like these divine beasts in Liyue

Yoimiya: Like Yae senpai and Kujou Sara in Inazuma?

Lumine: Uh

Lumine: Ig?

Aether: Are u sure that's correct Lumine

Lumine: Honestly no idea

Venti: If u losers are done

Venti: I suddenly remembered the question I wanted to ask Zhongli

Venti: Ayo @Zhongli if I ever get married will u walk me down the aisle

Aether: Aksjdndnd how can u casually just ask such a serious question

Zhongli: I am the only one you know who is older than you. Of course I would walk you down the aisle, Venti. How is that even a question?

Venti: ayyyy thank you thank you

Aether: The real question  is who would even want to marry you

Venti: I think u shld ask yourself that question Aether 

Lumine: My brother is gonna marry an adepududsSssgshsjrrhwj

Venti: Ayo Aether don't murder Lumine u will have the mafia on ur back

Aether: Nah the kamisatos can't catch me that easily

Ayato: No actually we don't mind if u do end up murdering ur sister

Ayaka: Big brother I will murder you if Aether ends up murdering Lumine

Ayato: Thoma won't let that happen

Thoma: no actually I will if that's what my lady wants

Ayato: Betrayal. By those I considered family. 

Ayato: I can never recover from this loss

Ayaka:  (◡‿◡✿)

Ayato: What happened to you, you used to be so sweet and nice and obedient

Ayato: and now u are a devil spawn

Ayaka: Maybe if u dint plot my girlfriend's murder every two seconds I wouldnt have had to change my faces

Ayato: I am just looking out for u thats what big brothers do

Ayaka: Not by planning to kill the person I love!

Ayato: SHE IS NOT GOOD ENOUGH FOR YOU AYAKA I DONT WANT MY DARLING LITTLE SISTER TO END UP WITH SOMEONE AS CRASS AS HER AND MIGHT I REMIND YOU HOW DANGEROUS SHE IS

Ayaka: I DONT CARE I LOVE HER

Ayato: WELL I DO CARE AND THATS BECAUSE I DONT WANT MY ONLY SISTER TO END UP BEING HURT BECAUSE AN OUTLANDER DECIDED TO PISS OFF THE GOVERNMENT OR SMTH

Ayaka: LUMINE FIGHTS TWO LEGENDARY BEASTS AND A LITERAL GOD EVERY WEEK I HARDLY DOUBT THE GOVERNMENT WILL BE ENOUGH TO HARM HER

Ayato: HOW CAN U TYPE ALL THAT AND STILL NOT REALISE HOW DANGEROUS BEING WITH HER IS

Ayaka: We are literally in the mafia Ayato we deal with dangerous people on a daily basis

Ayato: This is different

Ayaka: I don't see how

Yoimiya: Maybe u shld take this to the dms

Yae Miko: Wait no I just got my popcorn

Ei: Miko.

Yae Miko: What? Family drama is the best kind of entertainment!

Venti: How did my question abt whether or not Zhongli will walk me down the aisle on my wedding turn into a full blown out mafia siblings war

Xiao: It can't be helped chaos follows  everywhere u go

Venti: True dat

Aether: still don't see who would like to marry u

Lisa: Oh I actually know a certain someone who would very much like to marry Venti 

( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) 

Venti: Lol what

Lisa: Jean knows too ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) 

Jean: ????

Jean: I do???

[Private message]

Lisa: Jean darling please tell me u know who I am talking abt

Jean: No I don't Lisa

Lisa: What

Lisa: But u were literally

Lisa: was that all unintentional??

Jean: What was all unintentional?

Lisa: Jean, darling, love, light of my life

Lisa: Did u not yet realise that Diluc has feelings for Venti?

Jean: Huh????

Jean: Wait a minute??? What???

Lisa: Darling, look back on everything u said about Diluc and Venti in the group chat

Jean: Oh my god

Jean: The apples

Lisa: Yes

Jean: And the admiration part and when Diluc took Venti to his room when he passed out from being too drunk and 

Jean: God there have been so many incidents that I can't even list them all out

Jean: Lisa how did I never notice this

Lisa: Well to be fair u were convinced that we were only friends even after going on Seven dates with me

Jean: I didn't want to assume

Lisa: I know sweetheart that's why I kissed u full on the mouth on our eighth date

Lisa: Anyway 

Lisa: So all this time when u were talking abt Diluc and Venti u never realised Diluc's feelings at all???

Jean: No Lisa and I actually feel very guilty now 

Jean: I can't believe I just exposed Diluc's feelings like that just out on the groupchat without realising

Lisa: I think you should talk to him

Jean: I will

[Private message]

Jean: Diluc?

Diluc: Jean.

Jean: Oh thank god u are online

Diluc: Why? Did something happen?

Jean: Well, Lisa made me realise something…

Diluc: Oh god

Jean: What? Why?

Diluc: Nvm

Diluc: Do go on

Jean: I think I should start with apologising to you

Diluc: It's alright Jean

Jean: …..u didn't even let me mention what I am apologising for

Diluc: And yet I already know its not ur fault so u don't have to Jean

Jean: No I think this time it is my fault

Jean: So u know what I said on the gc the other day

Jean: About you and Venti?

Diluc: …..what about it?

Jean: I just…..didn't know…..I am so sorry

Diluc: Jean

Jean: It was very mean of me to just expose your feelings like that out in the public, Diluc I am so sorry I never realised that you had feelings for Venti until Lisa pointed it out to me. I am just so sorry for being a bad friend and never noticing it either, you must have been so annoyed with what I said.

Diluc: Jean.

Diluc: I was right when I said you would be apologising for something that isn't even your fault.

Diluc: I already knew that you were not aware of it.

Diluc: And you can't blame yourself for not noticing it. I never told you in the first place and that makes me the bad best friend because you share everything with me but I withheld this information from you.

Jean: No! Don't say that! You have every right to have your own secrets. Even if I am your closest friend, I would never ask you to tell me something so private.

Diluc: Exactly, then stop blaming yourself for not noticing something I intentionally hid from you.

Jean: Oh

Diluc: The fact that Lisa knows……does it mean it's too obvious..?

Jean: I wouldn't say that, Lisa is just very smart and has a strong intuition when it comes to matters like these

Jean: But um

Jean: Are u like

Jean: Ever going to confess?

Diluc: No

Jean: Why???

Diluc: There's a lot of reasons actually…

Diluc: Firstly, I am happy with how we are currently. We can at least hang out with each other every now and then. If I were to confess and Venti ends up rejecting me it would become too awkward for us to even hang out with each other. 

Jean: Oh Diluc

Diluc: Besides, Venti is a free spirit. Matters like love and feelings aren't something he should be tied down by, unless he is interested in someone and I hardly doubt it would be me. Venti is too nice and friendly and kind, he gets along with everyone and wouldn't hesitate to help anyone. I am just some guy who scares everyone off with my appearance. And I am hardly as nice as him. He deserves someone so much better than me. Someone who would complement his personality and style. Not me who isn't worthy of being with him.

Jean: At the beginning of your reasoning I could see what you meant and why you didn't want to confess but by the end of it I feel like punching you right through the screen

Diluc:

Jean: How can u look down on yourself so much Diluc

Jean: You have done so much for Mondstadt. If anything, I think you two do complement each other! And both of u help Mondstadt behind people's backs and without taking any credit for it. Diluc I understand when u say that u wouldn't confess ur feelings to him because u dont want things to get awkward between u guys but I will absolutely not stand by and watch u put urself down like this

Diluc: It's the truth Jean, I can never be good enough for Venti, he's done so much more for Mondstatd then I could ever compare

Jean: Will you shut up. You literally used to go out every night to make sure the streets of Mondstadt are safe for everyone and Venti knows how much you do for Mondstadt too. If anything I think he was impressed when he learnt that.

Diluc: I still don't think I am someone people, especially Venti, would want to date

Jean: Shut the fuck up Diluc "voted the most eligible bachelor of Mondstadt for three years straight" Ragnvindr

Diluc: You swore, I am telling Barbara 

Jean: you won't

Diluc: ….

Jean: Learn to be a bit more appreciative of yourself, Diluc. In all matters, not just this.

Diluc: I will think about it

Jean: Where are you right now Diluc

Diluc: The cafeteria why

Jean: I am coming over to give you a hug

Diluc: You don't have to

Jean: Too late I am already on my way

[Osmanthus Wine]

Ei: I just saw Jean Gunnhildr randomly show up in the cafeteria and give the red haired kid a hug are your juniors okay Venti?

Venti: Nah they all need help

Venti: which red haired kid

Lumine: Pretty sure there's only one in Mondstadt 

Ei: Your crush

Venti: AJSJBSJDDNR DILUC IS NOT MY CRUSH

Lumine: Lmfao no one said he is u literally exposed urself

Aether: Venti u literally wrote a whole poem on Diluc and his 'gorgeous red hair' and 'beautiful copper coloured eyes' 

Venti: (1) It was a ballad know the difference u heathen (2) I never mentioned who it was yall are just making assumptions 

Aether: You literally

Aether: The description was so accurately Diluc 

Lumine: That even a kid could figure out it was Diluc in the ballad

Venti: I was just using him as my muse that doesn't mean I have a crush on him what are u guys even talking abt

Zhongli: But you did say that he suits the title of Mondstadt's most eligible bachelor given and I quote, "How charming and gentlemanly his personality and looks are."

Venti: WHEN DID I SAY THAT WTF

Lumine: Venti ayxitydfjgug7gh that is so cringe I am crying

Venti: ZHONGLI IS TROLLING THAT DOESNT SOUNF LIKE ME AT ALL

Zhongli: You were drunk.

Venti: Oh then maybe I did say that

Venti: BUT IT STILL DOESNT MEAN I HAVE A CRUSH ON HIM

Zhongli: Venti there have been more than one instances where you have been drunk and intruded into my house and waxed poetry about Diluc Ragnvindr and his, I quote, 'perfect looks'.

Aether: LMFAOOO U GO ZHONGLI EXPOSE ALL OF VENTI'S PINING LOVERBOY TENDENCIES

Venti: WHAT THE FUCK I DID THAT?????????

Zhongli: I will record it next time.

Venti: NO FUCKING NEED

Venti: I can wax poetry about the guy I consider my muse nothing gay abt that

Ei: Keep telling yourself that loverboy.

Venti: Ei??? You too???

Ei: I stand by my words.

Aether: Venti bullying era

Lumine changed the group chat name to [Loverboy Venti bullying hours]

Venti: LUMINE WHAT THE FUCK

Venti: I FUCKING HATE THIS FAMILY

Ei: You sound a lot like Kunikuzushi when u say that

Venti: Dont compare me to ur demonspawn kid

Ei: I already told u he's a lot better once u get to know him

Venti: Ei he literally tried to bite me when I asked him to call me uncle

Ei: That's ur fault for treating him like a child 

Venti: But he is a child!

Ei: He is sensitive when it come to his height so he doesn't like it when people call him or treat him like a child.

Venti: Well at least I can relate to him on height matters

Lumine: You must be the shortest guy I have ever met tbh

Venti: Xiao exists 

Lumine: Oh right lol

Aether: Dont talk shit abt my boyfriend u heathens

Lumine: BOYFRIEND?

Aether: Future* boyfriend

Lumine: so u finally accepted it

Aether: I saw Venti and decided I do not want to be like him

Venti: This is slander

Aether: I try my best 

Lumine: So when are u going to ask him out Aeth

Aether: Let's not get ahead of ourselves Lumi

Lumine: Coward

Aether: Childe literally had to ask out ur girlfriend for u

Lumine: SHUT

Chapter Text

[Teyvat Gays]

Xiangling: Since Chongyun’s auntie is here

Xiangling: Maybe y'all shld add Xingqiu's auntie too

Chongyun: Xingqiu has an auntie too?

Hu Tao: Oh hoho yess he does 

Xingqiu: How many times do I have to tell u guys that she's not my auntie

Xiangling: She has the same haircut as u do

Hu Tao: And a hydro vision just like u

Xiangling: AND she is rich (just like u)

Lumine: Ye it all checks out

Aether: She is ur auntie whether u like it or not sorry we don't make the rules

Xingqiu: That's not how it works-

Lumine: It does now because I say so

Lumine: We can't add her tho

Xiangling: ??

Xiangling: Why's that

Aether: She has to add herself 

Lumine: only then do we get access to her chat

Lumine: Hol up

[Private message]

Lumine: [Teyvat Gays]

Lumine: Before u ask what's in it for u

Lumine: There are ppl from three nations there u get a lot of juicy gossip

[Teyvat Gays]

Aether: behold

Yelan added Yelan to [Teyvat Gays]

Hu Tao: Wtf how

Lumine: The power of rich

Yelan: Dont dismiss my technical skills by calling me rich 

Yelan: Anyway

Yelan: What's up suckers it's it's ur resident murder lesbian

Xingqiu: Hi Miss Yelan

Yelan: If it isn't the second son of the Feiyun Commerce Guild, what're u upto these days?

Xingqiu: Oh you know, the usual chivalric stuff

Chongyun: Uh….should we be worried about that self proclaimed title?

Lumine: Oh don't worry

Aether: It's not self proclaimed

Venti: Wh

Venti: What's that supposed to mean?

Yelan: Come find out :)

Venti: This woman terrifies me

Yelan: Thank you <3

Lumine: Murder lesbian is just one of Yelan's many occupations

Hu Tao: OwO

Aether: Oh no-

Hu Tao: Hello Miss @Yelan would u be interested in sponsoring the Wangsheng funeral parlor hehhe~

Hu Tao: You will get a free membership card tehee

Yelan: sounds interesting 

Yelan: Where can I sign up

Hu Tao: Hehehe DM me I will give u all the details

Aether: Should we be worried

Lumine: Nah they'll be fine

Lumine: Okay @everyone watch this 

Aether: Brace yourselves cause I have no idea wtf my sister is gonna do

Lumine: @Yelan check pinned message

Amber: Isn't the pinned message the wedding invitation of Yae Miko and Raiden Ei

Aether: Holy shit Lumi u are savage

Yelan: Ahahaha congrats to the lovely brides

Yelan: Just out of curiosity 

Yelan: They are not on this group chat are they

Lumine: Heh

Lumine: @Ei and @Yae Miko

Yelan: $!$@%#!&@^

Yelan has left the group chat

Diluc: How the fuck

Aether: Smh should have known 

Xingqiu: Wait what just happened how did she do that I need answers

Lumine: Nah don't even try y'all aren't as smart as her

Lumine added Yelan to [Teyvat Gays]

Xiangling: I thought u said u couldn't add her???

Aether: Oh no earlier that was only because we couldn't find her legitimate ID

Lumine: But once she added herself here we immediately tracked it lol

Yelan: Oh u two little shits I should have known u were up to something shady when you sent me that link

Lumine: <3

Yelan has left the group chat

Aether: Let's get her Lumi

Lumine: Yeah let's get her Aeth

Lumine added Yelan to [Teyvat Gays]

Yelan has left the group chat

Aether added Yelan to [Teyvat Gays]

Yelan has left the group chat

Lumine: It's two against one Yelan do u really think u can win

Yelan: Oh ho don't underestimate me I can do this all day

Aether: Have it ur way then

Yelan has left the group chat

Aether added Yelan to [Teyvat Gays]

Yelan has left the group chat

Lumine added Yelan to [Teyvat Gays]

Yanfei: WHAT IS GOING ON WHY IS MY PHONE PINGING LIKE CRAZY

Yanfei: Oh hey Yelan

Yelan: Hello Yanfei, how are you?

Yelan has left the group chat

Aether added Yelan to [Teyvat Gays]

Yanfei: Oh you know, the same. What about you?

Yelan: Doing good as always, trying to get out of this hell hole at the moment as you can see

Yelan has left the group chat

Lumine added Yelan to [Teyvat Gays]

Yanfei: Oh all the best it won't be easy getting rid of Lumine and Aether

Lumine: We try 

Aether: Our best

Lumine: <3

Yelan: ….

Yelan: Thank you Yanfei

Yelan has left the group chat

Lumine: Frankly I am getting sick of this game

Hu Tao: Oh so u two give up??

Aether: what no

Lumine: we never give up

Yanfei: I am scared what are u guys gonna do

Lumine: Watch

Aether: <3

Aether added Yelan to [Teyvat Gays]

Aether: Lumine now

Lumine added Dainsleif to [Teyvat Gays]

Lumine: Dain hurry 

[Action denied]

[Action denied]

Yelan: WTF

Yelan: what did u do

Lumine: Thanks Dain we owe u one

Dainsleif: Can I leave now

Aether: We'd actually like you to stay

Dainsleif: ….

Dainsleif has left the group chat

Lumine: Just you wait one of these days

Aether: One of these days we will get you for sure

Lumine: And permanently trap you here

Aether: Until next time Dain

Venti: Wtf stop that 

Venti: It's creeping me out

Kaeya: No cause same

Lumine: We missed the part where that's our problem

[Action denied]

[Action denied]

Yelan: Why the fuck

Yelan: Why the fuck can't I leave again

Lumine: Oh u see our good friends Dain is a genius

Aether: Even u can't beat him when it comes to shady shit

Yelan: Who's Dainsleif again

Lumine: Not telling you

Yelan: I will find out

Aether: You won't <3

Yelan: Is that a challenge?

Lumine: sure

Yelan: Oh alright it's on

Yanfei: So now that you are an official member welcome to the most chaotic group chat you will ever see

Yoimiya: Dk who u are but welcome new person

Amber: Welcome!!!

Diluc: You are gonna suffer

Yelan: What a lively bunch I sure am interested in getting to know yall more

Venti: Why were u trying to leave in the first place 

Diluc: Why wouldn't anyone be trying to leave this headache 

Venti: Nono I am pretty sure it was smth related to Ei and Miko's wedding invitation that made her leave the gc

Lumine: OH RIGHT

Lumine: THANK YOU FOR REMINDING VENTI

Venti: Why do I feel like I said something that's gonna get me in trouble

Yelan: I am gonna find you and no one will discover that you are gone

Venti: Was

Venti: Was that a threat to my life 

Yelan: You will find out soon enough

Venti: Ahahahaha everyone Excuse me while I go disappear off the face of this world for a few days

Yelan: I will still find you 

Yae Miko: Have we met before?

Yelan: Why do you ask…

Yae Miko: Oh I don't know its just your speech seems familiar

Yelan: I doubt we have met

Lumine: lmao

Aether: *about to end this woman's whole career*

Yelan: Don't you dare

Lumine: [attachment.jpg]

Yanfei: Huh

Hu Tao: Huh

Xingqiu: Huh

Yoimiya: Huh

Thoma: Oh so you are the woman who got musou no hitatachi'd 

Ayato: Oh, my condolences 

Ayaka: Are you doing okay? 

Kujou Sara: You had it coming

Kokomi: I do pity you 

Kokomi: But the way you are holding Miss Miko's hand and blatantly flirting with her with Senior Ei standing right there

Gorou: you had it coming

Yelan: I really shouldn't be surprised that the two of you, Aether and Lumine

Yelan: Managed to get a photo of me so discreetly that even I didn't notice

Lumine: You see

Lumine: It was too funny to not keep a memento of

Aether: It's not like we didn't warn you

[Action denied]

Yelan: You can forget about me doing any more favour for you two little hellspawns

Aether: Oh lol u think

Lumine: Heh

Yelan: 

Yae Miko: OH SO IT YOU

Yelan: 

Yae Miko: You are invited to our wedding <3

Yelan: No thank you

Yae Miko: Oh no I insist

Yae Miko: After all you are more or less at least a little responsible for this wedding happening in the first place~

Yelan: I still refuse 

Yae Miko: Oh well what a shame but I suppose I can't persuade you any further

Lumine: Yelan is very lucky today is one of those days Ei decided to be a boomer and forgot to check her notifs

Aether: Fr fr

Yelan: You two really are quite gutsy huh

Yelan: Don't think I will take this lying down

Thoma: Hey now calm down everyone I am sure it's not something that serious 

Lumine: Ay don't worry Thoma 

Aether: We can negotiate with Yelan she won't do anything to us

Lumine: After all, we are quite valuable to each other, no?

Yelan: Can't argue with that

Venti: This whole conversation is so shady istg yall talk like u are part of a secret service or smth

Lumine: No comment

Aether: No comment

Yelan: No comment

Venti: …

Ningguang: Ah, so it's Yelan

Yelan: How're ya doing prez

Ningguang: Well enough, how's your teahouse doing?

Yelan: I would say great but apparently some idiots snuck in and caused quite the commotion 

Kuki Shinobu: ….may I know the name of your teahouse?

Yelan: Yanshang teahouse

Kuki Shinobu: Ah

Yoimiya: Oh

Itto: Huh Why does that name sound familiar?

Yelan: Oh does it now?

Yoimiya: No! Don't listen to Itto he doesn't know what he's talking about half the time

Itto: Ouch Yoimiya that hurt

Itto: I'll let u know that this time I actually know what I'm talking abt

Itto: Ain't that the name of the teahouse we snuck into?

Yelan: Oh so you do take responsibility 

Itto: Huh? What?

Yelan: Stay right where you are

Yelan: both of you

Yoimiya: No Miss Yelan please spare me I have a family to feed

Itto: Yoimiya you have a family????

Yoimiya: My goldfish are my children how dare you imply that they are not

Itto: Wait then me too! I have Ushi to feed he's like my son!

Yelan: Then you better start paying up

Yoimiya: But we are just two broke college kids!

Itto: Yeah! I spent all my money on buying Miss Hina merch!

Yoimiya: Itto you idiot-

Yelan: That's not my problem

Yanfei: They are just kids Yelan stop bullying them like that

Yelan: Heh but it's fun

Yoimiya: Wait …so,,, so you were joking?

Yelan: Of course not

Yelan: I still want remuneration 

Itto: Can I pay in Miss Hina merch

Yelan: No

Itto: please I don't want to go to jail again

Yoimiya: Me too

Thoma: The fact that you two said again has me worried

Kuki Shinobu: I wont be bailing you guys out this time atb

Yelan: I have two positions open for part timers in the teahouse

Lumine: Uh….are you sure about that

Yelan: It's a day job and not very long working hours 

Yoimiya: Wait u are offering us an actual job instead of making us pay

Itto: I will do it just please don't send me to jail

Yelan: Good. I will let u know all the details through personal chats

Yoimiya: Huh??? 

Yoimiya: I mean yeah! Thanks!

Itto: I am actually confused but thanks too ig!

[Private message]

Aether: Huh so you actually do have a heart underneath all that sass

Yelan: Shut up they are kids of course I wouldn't send them to the police just like that

Aether: softie

Yelan: Does your sister know about you accidentally spilling rainbow aster on her favorite volume of Teyvat Travel Guide two months ago and blaming it on Paimon

Aether: How the fuck do you even-

Aether: Nvm I shouldn't question it

Yelan: Watch your back pretty boy

Aether: 

Aether: Okay but what about all the shady business going on in your teahouse

Yelan: That happens only at night those kids' shifts will be done hours before any of it starts

Aether: Smh of course you would have thought of all that too I bet you are planning something big this time and thats why you hired them

Yelan: No comment

[Teyvat Gays]

Venti: IT'S THE DAY

Ei: No

Venti: YOU DIDN'T EVEN LET ME CONTINUE

Xiao: She doesn't have to 

Xiao: We all know u are gonna fuck shit up again

Venti: Wow okay wow that was rude

Aether: I side with Xiao

Venti: Shut up u Simp

Aether: VENTI I SWEAR TO FUCKING GOD 

Venti: ANYWAY

Venti: ITS THE AZDAHA VS DVALIN SHOWDOWN DAY

Jean: Venti are you sure about this

Venti: Jean don't tell me you have no faith in Dvalin

Jean: That's not it 

Jean: I am just a bit worried about the aftermath

Venti: Oh dw the duel will be happening somewhere far away yall won't even know

Jean: ……if you say so

Zhongli: Prepared to lose, bard?

Venti: Not so fast old man

Lumine: I am bringing popcorn

Aether: I am gonna record the fight

Albedo: Durin is coming along he said he's interested 

Albedo: I'll be coming along with him as he's not very good at talking with new people 

Albedo: Please be nice to him he has a bit of social anxiety and its his first time attending a public event

Kaeya: Damn I wish I had a brother this nice

Diluc: You are not exactly the best sibling yourself 

Kaeya: Why thank you Master Diluc 

Diluc: ….

Diluc: Why do I even try

Kaeya: That's right Why even try when you know you can't win against me

Diluc: That's it there goes your emergency stash

Kaeya: WJAT NO WAIT DILUC IAM SO SORRY

Diluc: Too late

Kaeya: YOU STAY AWAT FROM MY ROOM

Diluc: Oh will you look at that I somehow ended up right outside your room

Kaeya: NO YOU WOULDN'T DARE I AM COMING OVER RIGHT NOW

Diluc: Take your time

Venti: And here we see the live example of two types of siblings

Venti: Anyway

Venti: Interested persons can meet us near Stone Gate at the Mond-Liyue border we found a suitable domain for them to fight in

Beidou: Sounds fun! I am coming along!

Ningguang: Beidou.

Beidou: Yeah?

Ningguang: ..

Ningguang: Fine, just be careful

Beidou: Aw Ning I’ ll be alright dont worry!

Kazuha: Can I come along too mom?

Beidou: You gotta ask your mother first kiddo

Kazuha: Can I go mom @Ningguang

Ningguang: Okay but be responsible and make sure your mother isn’t too drunk to get u two back home safely

Kazuha: Thanks mom

Ningguang: Anytime son

Beidou: Alright! Let’s go son this will be our first mother-son bonding experience!

Lumine: What a happy family

Aether: Brings tears to my eyes

Lisa: Jean we should go too

Jean: Sorry Lisa but I have some Council work to wrap up so I am busy today :(

Lisa: Aw darling thats alright, just dont overwork yourself

Jean: I wont <3

Lisa: @Razor my boy would u like to come along?

Razor: yes

Razor: where going?

Lisa: A nice walk to refresh ourselves

Razor: Bring Lupical

Razor: ??

Lisa: Sure, who will you bring?

Razor: Benny and Fishl

Lisa: They are most welcome

Lumine: Now all thats left is Yae Miko asking to bring Scaramouche along and we will complete the holy trio

Yae Miko: In your dreams

Ei: But it sounds interesting, we should go as a family Miko

Yae Miko: ….

Yae Miko: Fine. But just this once.

Venti: Anyone else coming along?

Yoimiya: Ooh memememe!

Yoimiya: And Itto, I will drag him along

Xiangling: Me and Guoba!

Ayaka: Ayato, Thoma and I would like to join as well

Xingqiu: Chongyun and I will be coming along too

Aether: Why does it feel like the battleground between two legendary dragons just became a popular tourist spot for couples and family outings

Zhongli: We urge everyone who is coming along to exercise caution and remain within the safety line throughout the battle. Venti and I will set up a barrier of Geo and Anemo to make sure no attack lands on the spectators, but we still hope you will maintain caution.

Xiao: I am actually worried

Ganyu: We should probably go just to make sure everyone is safe

Xiao: You’re right

Hu Tao: This sounds good for my business hehe 

[Ghostbusters]

Xingqiu: @Hu Tao This is your chance to ask Yanfei out on a second date

Hu Tao: Wait shit you are right

[Private message]

Hu Tao: No wonder you are a pyro vision holder cause girl you are smoking hot

Yanfei: I could say the same to you

[Private message]

Yanfei: EULA I FUCKED UP

Eula: What did u do

Yanfei: [attachment.jpg]

Yanfei: I CANT BELIVE I SAID SOMETHING SO LAME NOW HU TAO IS GONNA THINK I AM SOME WEIRDO WHO DOESNT EVENKNOW HOW TO FLIRT

[Ghostbusters]

Hu Tao: OMG OMG OMG

Chongyun: Hu Tao u doing okay there?

Xiangling: I am guessing Yanfei

Hu Tao: NO SHIT

Hu Tao: [attachment.jpg]

Hu Tao: AHSHJS HOW IS SHE SO SMOOTH WHAT DO I REPLY HELP

Hu Tao: DOE STHIS MEAN SHE TGHINKS  I AM HOT TOO I DONT KNOW 

Xingqiu: Oh my god calm down first you and your gay panic

Xingqiu: Obviously you should reply with something equally smooth

Hu Tao: Like???

Xingqiu: Idk??? Its your date you figure it out???

Hu Tao: AHH FUCK U XINGQIU FOR NOT HELPING ME

Xingqiu: Girl I cant ask out your girl for u every time u gotta learn to do it by yourself at some point

[Private message]

Eula: Its not that bad I am sure you can do some damage control

Yanfei: WAIT SHES TEXTING AGAIN AJKGNJDR

[Private message]

Hu Tao: I am not a treasure hoarder you sure are the one treasure I’d keep with me forever

Yanfei: Okay that was smooth

Hu Tao: Hehe impressed you, did I?

Yanfei: Sure did

Hu Tao: So ig now is a good time to ask what do you think about raisins?

Yanfei: I prefer dates actually

Yanfei: Maybe one with you 

Hu Tao: YSE ME TOO IWANT TO

Hu Tao: I mean 

Hu Tao: I would love to go on a date with you Yanfei, what a coincidence I was about to ask you out on one as well also did you just hijack my pickup line to ask me out before I could ask you out because goddamn that was hot

Yanfei: See you at Stone Gate in two hours ;)

Hu Tao: Same

[Private message]

Yanfei: EULA I DID IT I ASKED HER OUT ON A SECOND DATE 

Eula: OMG I AM SO PROUD OF YOU 

Yanfei: YES AND ITS ALL THANKS TO YOU

Eula: GO GET UR WOMAN YANFEI MAKE ME EVEN PROUDER

Yanfei: I WILL

[Ghostbusters]

Hu Tao: YANFEI ASKED ME OUT ON A SECCOND DATE

Xiangling: Yes! You did it you are no longer single congrats!

Hu Tao: ALSO I ENDED OUR CONVERSATION WITH “SAME” HELP I WANT TO KMS THAT WAS SO EMBARRASSING

Xingqiu: But you got a second date so I think we can count this as a win

Hu Tao: WELL I HOPE SO 

Xingqiu added Xinyan to [Ghostbuusters]

Xingqiu: Everybody welcome our new member Xinyan

Xinyan: HEY GUYS WHATS UP

Hu Tao: I SCORED A SECOND DATE WITH YANFEI

Xinyan: OMG THATS AMAZING CONGRATS

Xiangling: Welcome Xinyan! AND congrats Hu Tao!!

Xiangling: As celebration for Xinyan’s entry and Hu Tao’s second date everybody show up at my kitchen in fifteen minutes I am cooking special dishes

Hu Tao: FOOD

Xinyan: FOOD

Chongyun: FOOD

Xingqiu: We are on our way! 

Xingqiu: No carrots please

Xiangling: Depends on how fast you show up :>

Chapter Text

[Teyvat Gays]

Xingqiu: I am betting my money on Dvalin winning the match

Xiangling: You’re a Liyuen, you should be supporting Azdaha!

Bennett: I think Azdaha will win!

Fischl: I, Fischl, Prinzessine der Verurteilung, do not stand with the declaration of my good companion and will remain loyal to the land which offered me a dwelling when I was banished from my magnificent homeland of Immemachtreich, and shall place my honor and belief upon the glorious Wind dragon whose humble name one has known to be Dvalin

Oz: The Prinzessine wants to say that she’s placing her bets on Dvalin

Venti: As she should thank you for the support Xingqiu and Fischl

Beidou: We have a betting pool now eh?

Beidou: Well my bets are on Azdaha cause he looks tougher

Ningguang: My bets are on Dvalin for reasons I don’t think are necessary to disclose

Beidou: Ning?? 

Ningguang: You are going to lose the bet darling

Beidou: HAHA We will see about that!

Beidou: Kazuha who are u supporting my son?

Ningguang: Surely it’s me, the smarter mother and the one who gives your daily allowance

Beidou: Thats cheating Ning you cant influence our son with money

Ningguang: It’s not cheating if I win

Beidou: Which you won’t

Ningguang: We will see about that

Kazuha: I think I am going to sit this one out

Kazuha: Atb to u two tho

Aether: Alright everyone who bets on azdaha dm me and ur amount and those who bet on dvalin dm Lumi 

Jean: I

Jean: Is this morally right?

Lisa: Its all in fun Jean dont worry about the morals

Jean: But

Lisa: Dont u have work to do go shoo

Jean: ..

Ayato: I am placing my bets on who’s going to come out more injured, its going to be Dvalin regardless of who wins

Childe: My bets are on Azdaha because I believe in Zhongli

Lumine: Simp

Childe: No you

Aether: Alright everyone dm ur bets and then stfu its starting now

[Teyvat Gays]

Hu Tao: Oh ho hooo I can smell the Dvalin betters losing ya boi got hit and is injured badly

Xingqiu: I think u mean the Azdaha betters because Dvalin is not the one who is too heavy to dodge attacks

Ningguang: @Ganyu what’s happening

Ganyu: Uh..a lot

Yanfei: Allow me

Yanfei: So the duel started with both of them greeting each other very politely

Lumine: Nothing new

Yanfei: And so when the battle started, Dvalin immediately took off to the skies without giving Azdaha any chance to hit him, so yeah the next several minutes was spent in Azdaha throwing elemental attacks on Dvalin and Dvalin dodging them all and occasionally sending an attack or two towards Azdaha but apparently Azdaha’s skin is too sturdy so it didn't affect him much

Yanfei: Actually I cant do this alone, anyone willing to join in?

Kuki Shinobu: I can help senpai

Yanfei: Thanks Shinobu u can continue where i left off

Kuki Shinobu: So Azdaha unleashed several deadly attacks but since they were all Geo and affected the ground more than the sky, they dint do much. But then he went underground with his tail sticking out I think Dvalin saw this as a chance and swooped down and shot anemo bullets at Azdaha and I think he was going to unleash a stronger attack but then Azdaha came out and slammed Dvalin straight on his head with his horns

Hu Tao: Those who placed their bets on Dvalin regretting life rn

Hu Tao: OH WAIt

Yelan: What’s going on? 

Yelan: My bets are on Dvalin and i dont want to lose

Yanfei: You should do something about your gambling addiction Yelan

Yelan: never

Keqing: Okay whats going on u cant just leave us hanging like that

Ganyu: Dvalin seems to have gained an advantage over Azdaha 

Ningguang: I didn’t take you to be someone interested in betting, Keqing

Keqing: I am not, I just want to know the result of this match because I am curious

[Private message]

Keqing: Is it too late to change my bets from Azdaha to Dvalin

Aether: yes

Keqing: Fuck.

[Teyvat Gays]

Yanfei: Sorry sorry I dropped my phone because of the earthquake so anyways after Azdaha slammed Dvalin with his horns, Dvalin fell to the ground and you know Azdaha could have actually finished him off with one last attack if Dvalin had not blinded Azdaha with anemo before falling so yeah Azdaha was just blindly attacking the ground while  Dvalin was struggling against the tremors to try and fly again

Yanfei: On to you Shinobu

Kuki Shinobu: Like senpai said, Azdaha unleashed a very strong shockwave which could have ended the match with him winning but Dvalin was on the other side of the arena so even though he got fatally injured because of Azdaha’s other ground based attacks, he avoided the elemental ones because Azdaha couldn’t see properly

Kuki Shinobu: He managed to gather his remaining strength and fly up in the sky and oh he’s actually bleeding…a lot

Keqing: What’s Azdaha’s state?

Yanfei: I think he’s still partially blinded because of Dvalin’s anemo attack, other than that, he seems tired and I can’t quite make out if he’s injured or not since he isn’t bleeding but his attacks and movements have become slow and a little bit weaker than before especially after he entered his elemental infusion state 

Lumine: wait lets ask Zhongli

Lumine: @Zhongli what do u think of Azdaha’s state right now?

Zhongli: I am afraid that despite how he looks on the exterior, the fatigue of the battle is getting to him. Although he is in a much better state compared to Dvalin, he is also in a much worse state compared to all the other battles he had fought. He does not bleed like Dvalin since most of his skin is rock but you can make out by the fissures on his skin that Dvalin’s attacks have taken quite a heavy toll on him.

Zhongli: I will be honest, I am impressed by Dvalin’s power.

Venti: Azdaha doing great too tbh its the first time I have seen Dvalin so injured in a battle

Jean: Are you sure this is alright? They both seem to be in terrible states, what if one of them ends up so badly injured that the consequences end in something we could never imagine.

Lisa: Jean darling, are you okay?

Jean: I am just a bit scared for them, Lisa. I don’t know Azdaha but I have met Dvalin personally but either way I don’t want something disastrous t o happen.

Venti: Jean jean jean jeeeaaaan

Venti: I understand your concerns Jean, but this is not a battle to death. We asked Azdaha and Dvalin if they would be interested in dueling each other and they happily agreed. If either one of them had said no or expressed any reluctance, neither Zhongli nor I would have forced them. Because as much as we like holding onto our reputation, they are our friends and we would never ask them to do something they don’t want to, even if it costs our reputation.

Aether: Holy shit I was ready to believe that Zhongli was typing from venti’s phone but no its Venti I can see him typing

Zhongli: The bard can be quite eloquent when he wants to be

Venti: ehe

Lumine: Aaand its ruined

Zhongli: Anyways, as the bard said, please do not worry, Jean. We have asked Azdaha and Dvalin both to forfeit the match should they find it too hard on themselves and as much as they pride themselves on their strength, both of them are aware of their limitations and will withdraw immediately should they realize they can go on no longer.

Jean: You are both older and wiser than me so I believe you

Venti: Akdjjfh Jean dont lump me in with that old man

Lumine: Lmao old man Venti

Aether: Old man Venti

Venti: HEY HEY

Venti: STOP THAT

Kaeya: Cool cool cool now can someone update us on the match I dont wanna buy Rosaria drinks for a whole month if I lose my bet

Rosaria: Get ur wallet ready

Yanfei: Sorry yes let me just go through what happened

Yanfei: So Dvalin did this attack that Venti called Celesti smth smth

Venti: Caelestinum Finale Termini how hard is to remember

Yanfei: Very much. 

Yanfei: Anyway so the ground underneath azdaha cracked but mind u that he had entered his dual elemental fusion state by now so while dvalin was swooping down to do the celesti smth smth attack, azdaha hit him with zaps of electro and a hailstorm of cryo

Kaeya: Rosie looks like its u who’s gotta buy my drinks for the next month

Rosie: we will see about that

Kuki Shinobu: But while Azdaha attacked him, Dvalin attacked him too so there was a huge shockwave that resulted in a swirl between cryo and electro with continuous anemo ripping against Azdaha’s skin from the ground beneath him. At first Dvalin was caught in the elemental strom but he managed to use his anemo burst bombs to tear open a passgage for himself now onto u Yanfei senpai

Yanfei: Azdaha is still stuck in the storm and taking a lot of damage I think its the electro ad cryo backfiring at him along with the sharp gales from Dvalin’s Celesti attack

Venti: Caelestinum Finale Termini I literally thought of it like minutes ago how hard can it be to remember

Yanfei: Not commenting on that. So yeah, Dvalin seems like he is on the verge of falling out of the sky but Azdaha is doing worse than him given how he is taking damage from three elements all at once aaand he went down into the ground

Zhongli: Azdaha is too injured to arise out of the ground again I am afraid the battle has come to an end

Ei: Suffice to say, the victor has been decided

Yae Miko: It was a very exciting match, even if I did lose my bet

Lumine: Dvalin wins! 

Ningguang: I knew it

Beidou: Damn but Azdaha put up a tough fight too so no regrets for betting on him

Rosaria: @Kaeya get ur wallet ready bitch

Xingqiu: And you all were slandering me for betting on Dvalin

Ayato: I would have won either way because like I predicted, Dvalin is in a much much worse state than Azdaha despite winning

Aether: Speaking of which @Venti Dvalin needs immediate medical attention and @Zhongli will Azdaha be alright

Zhongli: I spoke to him and he says that the fight had quite the impact on him so he will remain in the ground for several months to rest and recuperate and also @Venti, Azdaha expresses his sincere gratitude and appreciation for this match and has a newfound respect for Dvalin. He says he would like to "hang out" Dvalin sometime in the future when they are both in better conditions.

Venti: Ayyy das so cool yea I'll let Dvalin know

Venti: Also I will take Dvalin to his lair, he’ll probably need to sleep for months or years depending on his injuries but dw I will make sure to patch him up properly once we reach there

Aether: @Venti HE’S FALLING VENTI HE’S FALLING VENTI DO SOMETHING DVALIN IS FALLING

Venti: WIAT I AM GETTING TO HIM

Aether: Oh

Venti: Wow okay that was unexpected

Lumine: Everybody say thank you Durin for saving Dvalin from a fatal fall

Venti: @Albedo please thank him from my side 

Albedo: I will 

[Private message]

Rhinedottire: Is it done? How'd it go?

Albedo: Dvalin won

Rhinedottire: Fuck I owe Dain 100 bucks now

Rhinedottire: Anyway did u children have fun? How did Durin feel?

Albedo: It was actually very fun and Durin got along quite well with many people too 

Albedo: He also managed to speak once to Dvalin before the match began and mother I think he's too far gone

Rhinedottire: Ah, young love

Albedo: He tried to break into the arena every time Dvalin got hit in the name of avenging him but fortunately the barriers were too strong for him

Rhinedottire: That's my boy

Albedo: Mother.

Rhinedottire: Ahem 

Rhinedottire: So did he manage to finally grab a date with the dragon of his dreams??? Pls say yes or I will cry

Albedo: He saved Dvalin from falling and was asked to accompany Dvalin till his lair by Venti so that counts I suppose

Rhinedottire: YES. THAT'S MY BOY.

Rhinedottire: You all are growing up so fast it makes me emotional

Rhinedottire: Soon Klee will grow up too and will have to leave me and Alice and we will be all alone

Albedo: Mother, Klee is a preschooler she won't be leaving you and Aunt Alice anytime soon

Rhinedottire: That's what they said about you and now look! You are already in university and soon Durin will want to leave too

Albedo: Mother are you drunk

Rhinedottire: A little

Albedo: ….it's four in the afternoon

Rhinedottire: Alcohol don't need no time!!

Albedo: I am telling Aunt Alice

Rhinedottire: WAIT ALBEDO DONT

[Private message]

Albedo: Sorry to disturb you Aunt Alice but Mother is drinking again

Alice: Oh my

Alice: Dont apologise Albedo I am glad u told me I will go check on her right away

Albedo: Thank you

Alice: Aw Albedo you shouldn't be thanking me for such stuff

[Teyvat Gays]

Venti: That was fun

Venti: @Zhongli  SUCK IT

Ei: When are we having our duel Venti

Venti: Our what

Ei: The duel you promised me

Venti: What

Ei: When we went out for drinks with Zhongli

Venti: Ah that

Venti: …..why do u still remember that weren't u drunk

Ei: You were drunk too but u remember 

Venti: Ahahahahaaaa that reminds me I skipped my breakfast this morning so I am starving will talk to u after lunch Ei byeee

Ei: Wait tell me when is our duel and then go

Aether: It's too late Ei he's gone

Ei: Why does he keep avoiding me whenever I mention dueling with him

Lumine: lmao he's probably scared of getting his ass kicked

Ei: I won't kick his ass I just want a duel with him

Paimon: Paimon thinks it's the same thing 

Itto: The floating lavender melon is here too???

Paimon: WHAT DID U JUST CALL ME U BULL CHUCKER

Aether: Paimon is always there 

Lumine: She's everywhere

Yoimiya: That sounds unsettling 

Paimon: As it should hmph

Amber: Why didn't u say anything until now

Paimon: Paimon wanted to but Aether and Lumine had hidden her phone they are so mean!!

Venti: I will actually pay them to do it again

Aether: No thank you we know u are broke af

Lumine: @Ei look who's back

Venti: AKSJDJD BYE

Ei: Barbatos get back here right this instant

Lumine: Smh he's gone again

[Private message]

Diluc: JEAN

Diluc: JEAN WHERE ARE YOU

Diluc: JEAN I ACCIDENTALLY ASKED VENTI OUT ON A DATE WHAT DO I DO

Jean: HOW DO U EVEN ASK SOMEONE OUT ON A DATE ACCIDENTALLY????

Diluc: Well you see it went like this

Diluc: I came across him in Springvale singing to a few kids with his lyre he looked like an angel Jean but that is not the point the point is I wanted to ask him if he would want to have lunch with me since I saw his text about missing breakfast in the group chat but maybe because I saw him looking so beautiful and angelic I thought about how i would feel if ever ended up going on a date with him and I was lost in thoughts so when he called out to me instead of asking if he would like to have lunch with me I ended up asking if he would like to go on a date with me and I actually feel so stupid I cant believe I did that what is Venti gonna think

Jean: Did he agree??

Diluc: …yes

Jean: OHMYGOD DILUC THIS IS GREAT NEWS I AM SO PROUD OF YOU

Diluc: BUT JEAN WHAT IF VENTI HATES ME AFTER THIS WHAT IF HE ONLY AGREED BECAUSE HE DIDNT WANT TO MAKE ME FEEL BAD OR SOMETHING

Jean: STFU AND STOP OVERTHINKING DOES VENTI LOOK LIKE THE TYPE OF GUY WHO’D AGREE TO GO ON A DATE WITH SOMEONE BECAUSE HE FELT BAD FOR THEM???

Diluc: Well not really but

Jean: I will stop you right there

Jean: Where and when is your date??

Diluc: This weekend…the mall

Jean: Perfect! Please dress like a normal human being and not a soul dead nerd

Diluc: I don’t dress like that

Jean: I have photos Diluc

Diluc: …

Diluc: I know what to wear this time 

Jean: Hopefully

Diluc: Hey it wasn’t me who showed up to their first date in casualwear while not even knowing it was a date

Jean: HEY SHUT UP LISA SAID I LOOKED HOT OKAY

Diluc: EW I DIDNT NEED TO HEAR TAHT 

Jean: THEN U SHOULDNT HAVE BROUGHT THAT UP

[Loverboy Venti bullying hours]

Aether: EVERYBODY

Aether: DIucju

Aether: DILHU

Lumine: Aether blink if u are being kidnapped

Ei: How will u know whether he’s blinking or not when u can’t even see him?

Lumine: Telepathy

Venti: HEY GUYS

Venti: DI;YHGDjakH

Venti: @Lumine COME GET YO BROTHER HES KLIDEUIDH

Aether: SO ANYWAY VEBTI JOT A DAAE

Lumine: OMG FR??

Ei: What did he say I didn't understand anything?

Lumine: Apparently Venti got a date

Ei: That’s great, congrats Venti

Venti:Thank you Ei and fuck you Aether for stealing my announcement

Aether: EHE

Lumine: Is that why yall were sabotaging each others texts earlier

Venti: Yes and please tell ur brother to stop plagiarizing me 

Lumine: No

Venti: ..

Aether: I bet its Diluc

Venti: ARE YOU GONNA LEAVE NOTHING FOR ME TO ANNOUNCE

Aether: E.H.E.

Venti: Now I know how Paimon feels

Lumine: Good for you]

Zhongli: The bard got a date? With who? 

Venti: Oh idk if you’d know him

Zhongli: Is it that red haired young man you keep waxing poetry about every time you are drunk?

Zhongli: Diluc Ragnvindr was it?

Venti: Omg stop let me say something

Zhongli: I am not physically restraining you from speaking

Venti: how did u guys even guess everything I have nothing left to say now

Ei: You didnt tell us where he two of you are going for your date

Venti: Oh right it's the same mall the whole incident with makoto went down last week

Zhongli: That is indeed a good choice since it is a popular spots for couples from what I have heard

Ei: But won’t there be too many people 

Lumine: That’s just a part of the charm

Ei: Oh I see i wasn’t aware of that

[Private message]

Ei: Just to be sure we are tailing them right?

Zhongli: Of course, be sure to not let venti suspect us

Ei: Alright I will ask Miko to lend me her scarf and sunglasses

Zhongli: That sounds good, I will look into  what disguise I can take on for myself

[Private message]

Ei: Miko?

Yae Miko: Yes babe?

Ei: Can I please borrow your scarf and glasses?

Yae Miko: Sure Ei but what for?

Ei: Venti got a date at the mall this weekend and Zhongli and I are going to look out for him

Yae Miko: He finally got a date?? Good for him but u do realise he is older than u right

Ei: I do

Yae Miko: Huh alright but what’ll be my repayment~?

Ei: Will a date at your favourite fried tofu place do?

Yae Miko: You know me so well darling the sunglasses and scarf are yours to take for the weekend <333

Ei: Thank you Miko you are the best <3333

Yae Miko: Of course but anyway who’s Venti’s date I am curious

Ei: That red haired Ragnvindr kid he once recited a whole ballad about when drunk

Yae Miko: Oh I remember that one lmaoo good for him good for him