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r/AmItheAsshole

LuckyBucky

AITA for kicking my best friend’s gf out of his hospital room?

OK, bear with me, because this sounds bad, I know that. But I think I may be in the right here, but I’ve got mixed feelings, and I just desperately need a sounding board.

So, I (30M) have a best friend (E, 34M). His son is my other best friend (C, 10M), and E got a gf (A, 27F). Now, E and A started dating during COVID times, which I was a little wary about, but I decided to let it go. A was C’s former teacher two years ago, she is now a vice principal at another school. E told me back then that there was a connection, but C got hurt on her watch, and E said that any chance of that was dead. 

I should preface everything with the fact that I am completely, hopelessly, head-over-heels, ass-over-boots, make-myself-stupid in love with E. This is just a fact that I’ve lived with for years now, and E is very much a heterosexual, and I will do nothing about these feelings. Once E told me that he had a date with A, I decided I’d take a step back. 

Up until then, since E’s wife/C’s mom passed away, I have been helping out with them. I’ve been taking C to doctor’s appointments when E can’t, I’ve helped find extra childcare (C has cerebral palsy, which affects his motor skills and functions/speech/etc but he’s so smart and independent, but because of this he needed extra support), I buy groceries, I cook for them since we’ve kicked E out of the kitchen since he almost burned the house down. I clean, I do laundry, I used to hang out with them every night I could before E and A started dating, but now, I don’t. I tried to take a step back so that I was just hanging out with C since I do have some self-preservation (despite what everyone around me says), but E was very particular about that not happening.

When they got together and C found out, he was furious. He ran away from home to my place, and I found him in front of my apartment sometime past sundown. I had just gotten home from my neighbor’s, and he was sitting outside my front door, really upset. I called his dad, and while he was on his way, C and I talked and he told me that he was upset about people leaving and didn’t want to meet someone else just to lose them, and I promised he’d never lose me. I took that very seriously and I will and almost have died for that child without a second thought. We were in the tsunami together, so it actually was a near thing. After his mom died, he latched onto me, and I promised him, E, and myself that I’d do anything I could for him.

Anyway, E was hurt about a week ago. He was in a coma for about eight days, and during this time I had to meet and get close to his gf. I don’t like her. I can’t really tell if it’s because I am in love with E or if she just genuinely is someone I don’t like, but something about her rubs me the wrong way. When she found out E was hurt, she never once asked about C, though they’d been around each other regularly since E/A got together, and she refused to give me updates while she was in the hospital with E, where she stayed even though she could have come to see C (I was the one taking care of C even though she was always saying she should have more control over C since she was ‘the girlfriend’). 

Because of COVID rules and the nature of E’s injury, only one person was allowed at a time, and they had to be approved by his next of kin (me), and once I agreed to let her in, A refused to leave. This meant E’s friends and family couldn’t come see him. E has a grandmother and aunt who were dying to see him, our coworkers/family were asking me relentlessly if they could drop by to see him. I had to tell them they couldn’t because A wouldn’t leave. The only reason I could be there while A was there was specifically because I was his NoK and power of attorney, so I had to be there to make medical decisions (A did not like this and was telling the doctors constantly that E would’ve wanted her to be making the decisions)(she also uses E’s full name even though literally no one calls him that and I know for a fact from both E and C that he’s asked her to stop no less than a dozen times. She doesn’t). 

E woke up yesterday and, according to A, the first thing he asked for was me (the petty part of me LOVES this). I went and was able to see him awake, but since A was there we had to just FaceTime C while he was with his regular caretaker. This was the first time I’d really met A in person, and thus I was finally able to get a full idea of her. From my perspective, she was rude and entitled, and she tried to get me to leave multiple times. I told her I wasn’t leaving since E was awake and now there were more medical decisions to make. She kept trying to say since she was ‘the gf’ she should be making those decisions. Mind you, they’ve been together for four months. 

E was barely conscious at this point and right before he fell asleep, he told A to go home. She refused and said he was probably talking to me, which was ridiculous since he asked for me to be here and I couldn’t leave without talking to the doctors. I also wanted to bring our boss/father-figure by so he could see that E was awake and well. She said I’d have to leave so he could come by since they wouldn’t allow more than two people in at once. I tried to explain that the only time more than one person could be there was if I was there, because I was the NoK, and she refused. We kept going back and forth, and since she literally had not left in eight days, I wanted our family to see E was ok, and I wanted his kid to come see him once he could, I told her either she’d leave on her own or I’d make her leave, but either way, she was off the list to visit E. She told me I couldn’t do that since she was his gf, which I told her was not true. I got her in, I could get her out. At this point, she was screaming at me in the middle of the hallway, and I was over this shit, so I went to the nurse’s desk and asked them to please get rid of her and take her off the list of allowed visitors for at least the next day or so. I wanted others to be able to see that E, their brother/son/grandson/father/nephew, was alive and he’d be ok, and I could not have that happen if she was still there. The nurse agreed, and I told A as such. She started screaming at me that I couldn’t keep her away just because I wanted E all for myself (how she knows I’m in love with him, idk, though I suppose I’m not exactly subtle). I told her either she’d walk out or the hospital security would drag her out, I didn’t care either way.

She left, finally, and I stayed with E while other family members came to see him. His son came the next day, and I talked with the doctors to get a game plan, and then about two days after E woke up, I lifted the ban on A since everyone was able to see him. Given that our last meeting went as horribly as it did, I left before she arrived to go back to C.

I feel really guilty about keeping her out, but I didn’t see another option. She was very insistent about staying there, and no one else could see him except me, and it’s not like he’d get better or worse with or without her presence. I know she spent the last 8 days in one little hospital room, so it is possible that she was just crabby and in an absolutely awful mood, but idk. I can’t figure out if I just did it out of vengeance or actually because it needed to happen. The nurses and my family are on my side, but what if they don’t know the whole story? I don’t know, I’d appreciate any help.

TLDR: My friend was in a coma, and when he woke up his gf refused to leave so others could see him so I (my friend’s next of kin) got her banned from the hospital for two days to allow other visitors. Can’t tell if I did it out of anger or necessity.

LindsayBear Dude you’re fine. You did the right thing. NTA

ClearCutBoots NTA girl sounds messed up as hell

Donutsinmypants Wait, so your friend was in a coma and others wanted to see him but couldn’t until she left due to hospital policy? And you think you’re wrong for kicking her out? NTA

Chadspace She sounds manipulative af

Chadspace Also NTA

Mesosoup Hang on this sounds like that chick from a few days ago [link]

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r/AmItheAsshole

AnaFlores

AITA for staying in my boyfriend’s hospital room?

I (27F) have a firefighter boyfriend (Edmundo, 34M). A little over a week ago, he was shot, and he’s been in a coma since. He woke up today, and his coworker (Evan, 30M) forced me to leave his hospital room.

Edmundo is honestly amazing. He’s funny, smart, sexy as hell, Latino, strong, and a great father. The only thing I have to say is that his coworker is a little too… close.

Evan, as Edmundo says, has been “a saint” for their family. He’s helped with Edmundo’s son, Christopher (10). He also lost him in the tsunami, so I’m not sure how helpful he really is, but Edmundo doesn’t seem to mind. Evan also does a lot of reckless things with Christopher, like help him ride a skateboard or go rock climbing, which I don’t think any ten-year-old should be doing, but Christopher has cerebral palsy, which means he’s got limitations and he shouldn’t be encouraged to go beyond those limits.

I stayed with Edmundo in the hospital while Evan was doing god-knows-what. He said he was taking care of Christopher, but Edmundo has family, so I don’t understand why he was with Evan instead of his tia or abuela. I think Evan was lying just to score some points with Edmundo. Anyway, when Edmundo woke from his coma, he asked for Evan. I called him even though I really didn’t want to, I thought it could’ve just been us two for a little while. When Evan got there, Edmundo started crying and saying things like ‘you’re alive’ and ‘you’re okay’ and ‘you weren’t hurt.’ I was confused, but I found out from a coworker of theirs, Henrietta, that Evan was actually there in front of Edmundo when he was shot. Everyone hails him as a hero because he helped Edmundo when he was shot, but I think if he was really a hero, he’d have kept him from getting shot at all. They all kept saying that he crawled under a fire truck, which apparently was a big deal since he was the firefighter pinned by a fire truck a few years ago. He apparently doesn’t even do maintenance on the engines since he’d have to go underneath, as if that’s remotely the same thing.

Anyway, once Evan got there, he asked me to leave for a little while since he wanted others to come see Edmundo, and they could only be there one at a time aside from him. It didn’t make any sense, since we were both there at the same time. He claimed he was Edmundo’s next of kin, which is not possible because they’re not family, Evan is just a coworker, and even so, it wouldn’t make sense that the hospital wouldn’t allow any two people at a time if neither of them are the next of kin. I thought he just wanted Edmundo to himself. Evan is very obviously in love with Edmundo, which makes me rather uncomfortable, and I didn’t want to leave them alone together while Edmundo couldn’t defend himself. You can never know what someone will do. Anyway, we got into it, and Edmundo even asked him to leave, but Evan insisted he was talking about me. Eventually, Evan told me that either I’d walk out or the security would drag me out, which I thought was rather extreme. I left, and I found out later and the next following days that Evan banned me from seeing my own boyfriend.

AITA for trying to stay with him? We’ve been together four months now, I feel like that should count for something.

Bucketeer This sounds heavily edited. I feel like there’s a lot you’re not telling us that makes you TA and you just want us to agree with you.

NomadChristmas Anyone else notice how she glosses over things that may sway people in the opposite direction, like how Evan is the only one who can be there with multiple people (which is possible with next-of-kins depending where you are and the hospital policy) and she still refused to leave so others could see? Also, what are YOU doing for your boyfriend’s son? YTA.

LivenChillen Four months is not a long time babe. YTA. Let his family visit with him, it’s hospital policy.

Mesosoup ‘I Want to Complain About My Boyfriend’s Best Friend and Want Everyone to Agree with Me’ 🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡

Mesosoup [link] here’s the best friend’s perspective if anyone’s curious

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LuckyBucky

r/AmItheAsshole

AITA for refusing to let my best friend’s gf watch his son?

Thank you guys for your comments on my last post! I have another one for you.

(If you’d like to read my last post, too, I’ll link it, [here])

So, this one is pretty cut and dry, I think, but I just want to double-check.

My best friend (E, 34M) has a son (C, 10) and a girlfriend (A, 27F). A has a PhD in education and works as a vice principal at a school and also about two years ago was C’s teacher. E/A started dating about four months ago, but because of this history, C/A were introduced early on. (I did not agree with this, but it’s not my kid.)

E got hurt about a week ago, was in a coma for about eight days, and A stayed with him the whole time. From my last post, you all know, I kicked her out, which apparently she thinks means it is time for her to step in as C’s mother and caretaker. Which, no, is not happening.

According to E, she has never once spent time alone with him over the time they’ve been dating. He’s offered for them to hang out one-on-one multiple times, usually when he has to work and can’t come up with other childcare (we work the same shifts so usually I can’t take care of him).

Now, E has been awake for about three days now, and I’ve been taking care of C since E was first shot. C and I have always been close, we’ve survived a lot together, I’m lowkey like his temporary third parent, it’s fine (also lowkey was temporary E’s life partner, but that’s over, and it’s fine). 

Apparently, A made the executive decision that she would be caring for C from now on. My guess is that E forced her to leave and she figured this was the best thing to do. C’s primary caretaker aside from E and myself is someone we will call H. She’s a home healthcare aide and she’s been a friend of mine since before E and C even moved here, and I introduced her and E. H was watching him with me that night, and A sort of just walked in (no key, no knocking, just walked in) and said she’d take care of C. She said E asked her to. I called E, with her standing there practically begging me not to, and E said that he wanted either me or H with C, he didn’t want to disrupt him even more with A suddenly becoming a caretaker. I told him I understood, and we had her leave.

I feel kinda bad. Maybe I should’ve talked E into letting her stay, maybe with either myself or H? 

TLDR: My friend is in the hospital and his gf wanted to take care of his son while he was in my custody; I said no and made her leave.

Mesosoup man, you’re fine. Honestly. NTA. You’re worried about your friend’s kid, who is in your care, and your friend specifically said he wanted him to stay in your care.

Donutsinmypants INFO: how long have they been dating?

LuckyBucky Four months

Donutsinmypants Four months and she thinks she should step in as a mother? Hell nah dude NTA

NomadChristmas NTA. The kid comes first and i dont think she gets that.

Bucketeer NTA EDIT: Dude it happened again [link]

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AnaFlores

r/AmItheAsshole

AITA for trying to take care of my boyfriend’s son?

My boyfriend (Edmundo, 34M), has a son (Christopher, 10). Edmundo was recently hospitalized for being shot, and he just woke up from a coma recently. I went over to his place tonight so I could take care of Christopher, and Edmundo’s coworker (Evan, 30M) was there taking care of him. Apparently, Christopher was in Evan’s custody while Edmundo was unable to provide for his son, and watching him with Evan was his home healthcare aide, Carla. She is nice, but she’s not family, and she probably has other family. It makes me uncomfortable to leave Evan alone with Christopher, though, since he is a grown man who says his “best friend” is a disabled child and he has no family and he’s not related to Christopher in any way. I find it off-putting and so I offered to go over and take care of Christopher. Evan refused to let me and forced me to leave. I’m wondering if maybe there is something going on. 

Donutsinmypants You’re trying to insinuate your bf’s friend is, what? You know he’s queer (read: last post) so you think he’s a sexual predator who’s going to do something to both your bf and his son? Girl don’t even play. And we all can see in [this post] that you lied about your bf agreeing for you to watch him, and then that same bf saying no! Pls get out

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LuckyBucky

r/AmItheAsshole

AITA for planning a surprise welcome home party for my best friend after he got out of the hospital?

Thanks everyone for their comments on my last two posts! You can find them [here] and [here].

So, my best friend (E, 34M) was recently injured at work. He was in a coma for about a week and is going to be released from the hospital tomorrow, coming to about 15 days total in the hospital. Since being there, he’s only seen his son (C, 10)  in person once (the hospital is strict with COVID and his son is high-risk), and he’s only seen his aunt and grandmother over FaceTime since they’re also high-risk. Because of this, I decided that, when E comes home, we should have them be there for him so that he could see them all and they could see in person that he was okay. Idk if you’ve ever had someone in the hospital with life-threatening injuries, but hearing that they’re gonna make a full recovery or seeing them over video chat is very different than seeing it for yourself in person. His Tia and Abuela are kind of my Tia and Abuela (they threatened to smack me with a wooden spoon if I didn’t start calling them that), so I’ve been keeping them abreast of all news and keeping them in contact with E, but I knew they wanted to see him IRL. 

Along with these two and his son were my close friend (T, 28F) who was with me after E was initially injured. Since I was right there when it happened and it was a gruesome injury and I was responsible for getting him to safety and keeping him alive, I was in a very emotional state and also covered in his blood. T took me to my place, helped me get cleaned up, put her own concerns for E aside in order to help me through my shock, and took me to see C and helped me prepare for telling him that his dad was hurt and wasn’t coming home tonight. T and E had gotten (reluctantly) close before E got hurt, and T has been really worried about him and also me, so I figured she should be there as well. Also as a buffer between myself and E’s gf (A, 27F) because I don’t want to be around her. This is for two reasons: a, I don’t like her, and b, I’m in love with E. E is straight and very happy with A, so. Yeah. 

A was going to be there, of course, and so was our close friend, H (she’d kill me if I put her age, F). H is C’s home healthcare aid and has been helping me take care of C since E was first hurt. She’s been helping them for years and she’s like family to us. She cares a lot about E and C and it just made sense that she was there. 

I told A about my plan and she didn’t seem too happy, but didn’t say anything about it. I told her she would be picking E up and taking him home where we’d be waiting for him. She was really snippy about everything but agreed. 

Then, earlier today, E asked if I could pick him up for his discharge and take him home. Of course I agreed and told A that she would be at his place with everyone getting everything ready. She was upset that I was the one planning the party and that now I was the one taking E home. I didn’t really know what to say to that. I told her that I hadn’t realized she wanted to plan the party, and she said she didn’t want any party, she wanted E to come home with her to just herself. I asked where C was supposed to be and she said he shouldn’t see his father like this. Like that would keep them away from each other for a second longer. I told her she’d gotten eight days alone with E, and his family was desperate to see him. She said that E was unconscious for those eight days and I got two days of him all to myself. But those two days were actually full of our coworkers/family who wanted to see that their friend/brother was alive. She said she didn’t want to have this party and now she couldn’t even drive him home. I didn’t really say anything else, just that E would want to see everyone, she wasn’t responsible for this party and didn’t need to be there, and that it wasn’t my fault that E wanted me to pick him up. She got really upset with me after I said she didn’t need to be there and said something along the lines of “you just want me out of the way so you can have E all to yourself.” True, but not my plan. 

Anyway, idk. Should I have held off? I know E will be tired after getting home, but also I know that he will be happy to see everyone (maybe not T, but she’s more there for moral support for me) and I know they don’t plan on staying long. AITA?

TLDR: My best friend is getting out of the hospital and his gf is pissed that he asked me to pick him up for discharge and that I’m throwing him a surprise party because she wanted it to be the two of them after he got out of the hospital (as if his son doesn’t exist). 

NomadChristmas pls tell me this isn’t real. NTA

Mesosoup What, are they gonna have sex with him just getting out of the hospital? Pls. NTA

Chadspace Oof. 

ColdCutBoots [link] I feel like we should’ve seen this coming 

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AnaFlores

r/AmItheAsshole

AITA for being upset about my boyfriend’s coworker throwing him a surprise party?

My (27F) boyfriend (Edmundo, 34M) is getting out of the hospital tomorrow. About two weeks ago, he was shot on duty as a firefighter. He was in a coma for eight days, and since he woke up, he and I haven’t had a moment together since. His coworker (Evan, 30M) is always there, claiming he is Edmundo’s next of kin, which isn’t possible since they’re just coworkers, not family. I was hoping that Edmundo and I would have time alone together after his discharge, but his coworker told me he is planning a small surprise party for when Edmundo gets home. He is inviting some of Edmundo’s family, his own girlfriend, Edmundo’s son (Christopher, 10), and one of their friends who works as Edmundo’s home healthcare aide for Christopher. 

I figured I could at least find some solace in the fact that I’d be picking him up from the hospital. I figured maybe we could stop for lunch, go to my place, or drive around, anything to give us more time alone. But then Edmundo asked Evan to pick him up. He said he had something important to tell Evan, which I just didn’t understand. Why wouldn’t he want me to pick him up, his girlfriend? 

I told Evan exactly what I thought of his plan, and he was not happy. He said I got eight days alone with Edmundo, but he was in a coma the whole time! I don’t want this party tomorrow, I want Edmundo with me for a while. 

Mesosoup YTA. Your bf was just in a coma and in the hospital, and with COVID and you there, I’m sure there aren’t many people allowed in. This is a way to put everyone’s minds at ease, and feel better, to see that your bf is on the mend. Also, you mentioned his son, and you really think your bf is going to choose spending time with you over seeing his son, who has probably been worried sick about his father for two weeks? I honestly can’t understand this. 

Beesknees good lord. Pls stop. YTA. 

Chadspace [link]

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LuckyBucky

r/AmItheAsshole

AITA for helping my best friend recover from an injury?

This is, I suppose, a continuing saga and you can find my last posts regarding this [here], [here], and [here]. And I know the title makes the answer seem obvious, but I think there’s more at play here.

My best friend (E, 34M) was hurt recently and spent about 15 days in the hospital. He came home about a week ago. Since I (30M) have been staying at his place to take care of his son (C, 10), we all figured it’d be smartest if I took the time off to help E become reacclimated to his surroundings. Those in this decision were myself, E, C, our boss, C’s home healthcare aide H, and E’s aunt and his abuela. My boss and I also decided that I would take some time off since I witnessed my friend’s injury happen and we all know it would do me some good to see him up and around. E doesn’t remember anything except me being covered in blood and then darkness, but I remember everything that happened in vivid detail. Now that the stress of E’s hospital stay is gone, I have started having nightmares about the event (yay, PTSD) and I have nightmares of past events more often, and it also helps to have him and C there when I inevitably wake up screaming at least three times a night. I’ve constantly offered to leave at night so they can both sleep soundly, but E and C have both told me that, in no uncertain terms, I am not allowed to leave. E said he would rather wake up than know that I’m alone in my empty apartment waking up with nothing to comfort me, and knowing I’m there has helped ease both of them, E since now he’s incapacitated and if an intruder came in, there’s nothing he really can do, and C likes knowing he’s safe and I’m safe. 

Recently, E’s gf (A, 27F) found out that I have been staying with the boys and taking care of them. She sort of went off on E about how she should be the one taking care of them and sleeping in his bed with him. I don’t sleep in his bed, for obvious reasons, I sleep on the couch. She kept saying she was his gf, and they’ve been together four whole months, and she should be the one to take care of them. She said, and I’m paraphrasing, “I graciously let OP drive you home from the hospital, the least you can do is let me take care of you.” Which I thought was kind of a ridiculous statement, but hey, I haven’t had a proper relationship in,,, ever, so maybe it was? 

Anyway, I just don’t know. I mean, when I had a severe leg injury, my friend took care of me for months, and when I was in a depressive slump, C helped me out of it. After C and I got caught in the tsunami together, E took us both home and helped me out a lot since, between the two of us, my physical injuries were more severe than C’s. When my friend got hurt previously and almost drowned and had mild hypothermia, I was the one who took care of him, and I stayed with him until he could be left alone. Granted, at that point we did cuddle quite a bit because the best way to warm up is through body heat, so… 

Anyway, my point is that we’ve always taken care of each other, it didn’t even occur to me that maybe someone else should be doing it. But, along with that, neither of us have ever had a gf while we were injured. The closest we got was when I had a gf when I initially got that first injury, and she and I split about the time I got out of the hospital, so she wasn’t really there for recovery.

AITA for helping my friend?

TLDR: My best friend is injured and usually I take care of him and his son, but his gf wants to take care of him this time and I don’t know if I’m in the wrong for taking that role.

NomadChristmas AITA for being a fantastic friend and doing something his gf didn’t even consider for the first few days he was home? NTA.

Mesosoup You seem like a really good friend and the gf should offer to assist you or make a schedule, not demand that you give up what you’re used to. NTA

LuckyBucky I think maybe I miscommunicated, because she didn’t quite demand it. She was like “I deserve to be the one taking care of you” and “We’ve been together so long you should trust me to help you” and “I might be part of this family soon, E, I just want to step into that role” stuff like that

Mesosoup that’s worse. Also four months? Not a long time

Bucketeer NTA. Man I can’t wait for the gf’s pov soon

LivenChillen oh ho, ask and you shall receive [link]

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r/AmItheAsshole

AnaFlores

AITA for wanting to take care of my boyfriend while he’s in recovery?

I have a wonderful boyfriend, Edmundo (34M), and he was just recently shot in the shoulder while on duty as a first responder. He was in a coma for a week, and he got home not too long ago. I kept waiting for him to ask me to help him while he recovers, but he never did, so I went over to his place to offer my assistance.

His coworker, Evan, was there instead. I don’t know where he’s been sleeping, but he’s apparently been staying with Edmundo and his son the whole time, and he’s been the one helping out with his recovery. I didn’t think this was smart because I’ve seen the way Evan is with Edmundo’s son, Christopher (10). Christopher has cerebral palsy and he has physical limitations that Evan ignores, and I’m worried he’ll do the same with Edmundo while he’s recovering. 

I offered to stay instead of Evan, but Edmundo denied my help, saying Evan had it covered. Which, I did not think was true, given that Evan had just let him eat on his own even though he should not be moving his shoulder at all. I told Edmundo that I should be the one to take care of him, since it’s been four months since we’ve started dating and the only reason I’ve even seen him shirtless was when the doctors had him without a top for easy access to the bandages in the hospital. My boyfriend is very attractive, but he has been very reluctant to get physical. 

Evan refused to give up his spot helping Edmundo, which I thought was strange since he is single and childless, so shouldn’t he want to use his time for other things? It strikes me as odd, because I know Evan is in love with Edmundo, who is straight, and I worry that now, with Edmundo being disabled, Evan may use that to his advantage.

LivenChillen I legit cannot tell if you actually are concerned about helping your boyfriend or concerned about how close he is with his friend. And, given what we know on both ends, I think it’s strange that you refer to ‘Evan’ as a coworker, since they are obviously so much closer than that

AnaFlores There is a difference between work friends and real friends, and they are simply coworkers. And I am concerned about both.

Beesknees You clearly just don’t want Evan so close to your bf. But they are friends. YTA

AnaFlores They are coworkers. 

Mesosoup No. Just no. YTA.

Chadspace JFC YTA

LindsayBear hehe [link] YTA

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r/relationships

AnaFlores

Should I ask my long-term boyfriend for a key to his house so that I can take care of him during his recovery?

Hi, I (27F) have a boyfriend (Edmundo, 34M) whom I have been seeing for a bit over four months now. I understand that four months may be a little short, but we’ve known each other for a long time now. Not only that, but Edmundo was injured recently and he is currently disabled. His coworker (Evan, 30M) has had a key for some time now, and I don’t quite understand how a coworker can have higher status than a girlfriend? He is just a coworker, and he’s quite reckless with not only his own life, but also Edmundo’s and his son, Christopher’s (10). Christopher has cerebral palsy, and he shouldn’t be doing the things Evan encourages him to do. Evan has also been assisting Edmundo now that he is back home in recovery from his injury, but I could be doing those things as his girlfriend, and a better job, too. I am much more reliable than Evan and could be of better service. Edmundo is very private, but I think that we’ve been together long enough that he should trust me enough with something as important as access to his home.

EDIT: I’ve decided, against advice, that I’m going to ask him

EDIT 2: He said that he felt uncomfortable giving me a key since we’ve been together for such a short amount of time, but we haven’t. It’s been four wonderful months. But he said no and got very tense afterward and asked me to leave our at-home date early, so I don’t know if I should press the issue.

ClearCutBoots Well. No. It’s been four months, and he’s got someone he trusts to take care of him.

Penguinin If you were injured and had others you trusted to help you, would you allow him to see you at your weakest, most vulnerable points? Not to mention, he has a son! No, it is way too early in the relationship for that.

QueersforBreakfast No, it’s way too early and you’re not entitled to anything of his. He should not just trust you because you’ve been together, trust is built and trust is earned. You need to give him time to trust you.

AnaFlores Are you queer? Your name says queer, I don’t trust the alphabet community.

Bucketeer Oh my god it’s her [link]

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r/AmItheAsshole

Edsbedhead

AITA for not giving my gf a key to my house?

My (34M) gf (27F) asked recently for a key to my house. I said no. Her reasoning for asking was that we have been together four months (made this seem like a long time) and that my coworker has one. There are multiple reasons my coworker has one. He is my best friend, he is my next of kin/power of attorney, he watches my son at least once a week, he comes and goes as he pleases since we are the closest thing he has to family, we have keys to all of our team’s houses (in case someone doesn’t make it home one day)(we’re firefighters), and I’ve known him for multiple years. Again, he takes care of me and my son, he is literally my son’s godfather, and he’s at my place at least 3x a week. I was injured recently, which she said is why she wants a key—to help me recover—but I think that she just wants one because my best friend has one. She doesn’t like him, though I don’t know why because he is the nicest man anyone could ever meet and, in everyone’s opinion, the human embodiment of a golden retriever puppy who has seen some shit. You know, those puppies who were kicked too many times, but still just want love and affection and are happy all the time and also sometimes walk into walls and fall asleep in their food bowls mid-meal? Yeah that’s him. I think my gf just wants a key because he has one, but with my son also in the house and with me in recovery from a very serious injury, and with how short our relationship has been, I just don’t feel comfortable with that. She said that I was being rude and inconsiderate since she just wants to help me get better and she wants to make it easier for us. But I don’t like just anyone being able to get into my place and I don’t feel comfortable with her seeing me so vulnerable so early in our relationship (hence why my friend is taking care of me and not her). And I know she’s not just anyone, she’s my gf, but I am a US veteran and firefighter/medic, I’m wary of these things. I still feel guilty though. AITA?

NomadChristmas Jeez holy gaslighting batman! She asked for a very personal thing, you said no because you felt uncomfortable, and she guilt-tripped you. She’s manipulative. You should break up with her. And maybe get with your best friend because the way you describe him sounds amazing and I’d snatch him up if I were you. NTA

Mesosoup NTA NTA NTA NTA you have valid reasons for not giving her a key and even if you didn’t, if it makes you uncomfortable, then you do not have to!!!

Muppetsocks Is this someone you want around your kid? I see why you want Mr. Golden Retriever, but is this entitled, manipulative person someone you really want around? Because she sounds toxic and I honestly am worried about what she may do to your son. NTA but pls break up w her

LivenChillen Oh dear. NTA. Break up w her

Bucketeer HOLY SHIT I THINK THIS IS THE BEST FRIEND [link] [link] the gf made a post about this [here] on r/relationships

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r/AmItheAsshole

LuckyBucky

AITA for making a big deal out of my friend’s gf going into his son’s room?

My previous posts regarding me, E, C, and A can be found [here]. There are enough that I’ve made a folder of all of them accessible from this link. If anyone is sensing a pattern here, me too!

If you’ve all been following, you know that I’m staying w my best friend (E, 34M) who has a gf (A, 27F), and a son (C, 10). I’m staying with my friend while he recovers from a near-fatal injury to take care of him and C, and I’ve been taking care of C since E initially got hurt. C considers me his best friend (and I, him) and E is everything to me. This is the family I’ve always wanted, and these are the people I wish I could have as a permanent family. E is straight, and in a relationship, so I’m the best friend and temporary co-parent stand in until E finds someone more permanent. I don’t have a problem with this, because C and E both mean everything to me.

Today, E was taking his afternoon nap while C was doing online school, and I took the chance to do some cleaning. I was in the laundry room in the back of the house and had both machines going as I was getting the last load folded, so it was pretty loud, and when I left the room for the couch aka my bed, I heard the voice of E’s gf, A, in C’s room. The door was open and I remembered it being closed because C was doing remote school, and I checked the time knowing it was around the time that he was in English class, nearly lunchtime. In English, they were taking their class time to just work on an essay that was due at the end of the week (C had extra time because of everything going on at home, I made sure of it). I went to check on him, and there was A sitting on his bed, and C looked on the verge of tears. I told A to go to the living room and (surprisingly) she did. 

I talked to C, and he told me that A just walked in. She didn’t knock or even let him know she was there, and then she came in and started looking at his stuff, pulling his books off his shelves, picked up his picture of his late mother (and no one is supposed to touch it but him), made him talk about her when he obviously didn’t want to and was also IN SCHOOL, put the picture in the wrong place, then asked to look over his assignment and when he said no, she took it, sat down on his bed, and started mentioning mistakes she saw. C asked her to leave twice, and both times she refused. C said he didn’t want her in his room ever again and didn’t want to leave his room until he knew she was gone from the house. 

Hearing this, I was furious. I calmed him down as well as I could, though he was so upset and I couldn’t see this changing. I went and, look, I’m a big guy. I am 6’2”, I am over 200 lbs of muscle, I lifted my 200-lb friend clean off the ground with no prep, no warning, no hassle. I know I’m scary and I usually try to make myself seem tiny and approachable because I don’t like the idea of anyone being scared of me. But I was furious with her for disrespecting that boy’s boundaries and space and I told her that. I told her, very specifically, to get the f*ck out of this house and to stay away from my son (he’s my godson, apparently, which is news to me, but anyway it was just a little stretch of the truth). 

We got into it and I was at least trying to keep our voices down since E was sleeping and C was still upset and had a tendency to eavesdrop, but she was screaming at me that he wasn’t my kid and I had less rights in this house than she did and she could go wherever she damn well pleased. I tried to make her keep her voice down, but E woke up and asked us what was wrong. I tried to explain as unbiased as I could, but I never can quite be unbiased when it comes to C, and A was calling me a liar and saying I hated her (not untrue, but unrelated). E asked her to leave so we could get things sorted out. She said she’d apologize to C and tried to go BACK into his room without permission, but I wouldn’t let her and she apologized from outside (though didn’t actually say what she was sorry for and I don’t think she really understood).

TLDR: My friend’s gf crossed his son’s boundaries and I sort of went off on her. 

LindsayBear This woman is awful. That kid is lucky to have you in his corner. NTA

ClearCutBoots NTA NTA NTA

Muppetsocks This saga is insane I really hope it ends with these best friends getting together with their son and this woman in hell btw NTA

NomadChristmas She so obviously does not have any regard for children’s boundaries. She strikes me as the type of person who doesn’t think kids are real people with real, valid, human emotions until they’re a teenager. NTA thank you for protecting this boy from this manipulative witch

Beesknees Oh man poor kid. It seems like they don’t really have a good relationship and she’s trying to force it in all the wrong ways. She sees herself as something she isn’t. It’s so damaging to the kid, that this woman he doesn’t feel comfortable around alone just steps all over his space like it isn’t important. And to make him talk about his dead mother? So fucked up.

Donutsinmypants [link] and so the saga continues

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r/AmItheAsshole

AnaFlores

AITA for talking to my boyfriend’s son?

I have a boyfriend (Edmundo, 34M) who has a son (Christopher, 10). I went over to their place earlier today to see if there was anything I could do for them. Edmundo was injured recently and he says his coworker (Evan, 30M) has it all covered, but Evan is known for being reckless and I just do not trust him around my boys, so I figured I’d go over.

When I arrived, I checked the door and saw it was unlocked (very irresponsible), so I went in. Evan was nowhere to be found even though I knew he should’ve been there. I thought this was rather irresponsible, especially because I knew at this time of day Edmundo was sleeping because of his pain medications. I stepped into Christopher’s room to check on him, and the boy was sitting in silence even though he was supposed to be in English class. I asked him what he was doing and he told me that he was writing an assignment for class. I saw a picture of his late mother, Shannon, who abandoned him and Edmundo when Christopher was younger, then reemerged just to die in an accident. I wanted to know more about her, and it’s a touchy subject for Edmundo, so I asked Christopher. He didn’t say anything, so I pushed further, saying that he should use his words, and he said he missed her and loves her. I didn’t want to say anything about how she abandoned him, so I looked around his room and asked him about some of his things, and he asked me to put it all down and leave. I thought that was rather rude of him, so I asked if I could help him with his assignment. He said no and again asked me to leave. I thought this was rude again, and I was his former English teacher, so I figured I could help him. I took it and began reading it. He had a lot of mistakes, so it was a good thing I decided to take a look at it. 

Before I could point anything out, though, there was Evan, telling me to leave. I went to the living room, annoyed, because Evan was a guest in this house just as I was, in fact, he was not even as welcome as I was, as he was the coworker, and I the girlfriend. Evan came back and began whisper-shouting at me, which I thought was a move to be even more aggressive and to bait me into being the disruptive one. I am sorry to say, but I gave in and shouted at him that this was not his home and he had no right to tell me what and what not to do there. 

Unfortunately, we woke Edmundo. Edmundo asked us what was wrong, and Evan explained that I “infringed” on Christopher’s space and was very rude and disrespectful, which is not what happened. I tried to explain that Christopher was the rude one, but Evan refused to let me speak. He painted me as a monster who came in without knocking, brought up bad memories (Christopher’s deceased mother, Shannon), sat on his bed, moved things around, took Christopher’s assignment without permission, and refused to leave when asked. He then said, right in front of me, that Christopher refused to leave his bedroom until I was gone, which I thought was ridiculous. I don’t think someone should bend to the whim of a child, and just because it is Christopher’s bedroom does not mean it is his own space, it is Edmundo’s house. I, as Edmundo’s girlfriend, can go wherever I please in his house. 

Edmundo made me leave and told me we’d talk about it later. Evan tried to make me apologize, so I tried to go in and see him, but Evan told me that I couldn’t go in without Christopher’s permission, which I would not get. I thought it was ridiculous, as I didn’t think there was anything for which I had to apologize, but Evan was insistent and Edmundo even supported him! But I was just trying to bond with the boy who would eventually be my stepson while he wasn’t busy. AITA?

LindsayBear This woman is kidding, right? Lady. You walked into a house, unwelcome, which is a crime. You walked into a child’s bedroom, his safest of safe spaces, without even announcing yourself. You touched his things, you brought up painful memories. While he was in English class. You forced him to let you look at his homework. You refused to leave when he asked, and only left when another adult asked you to. Kids have boundaries which should be respected. You, as a teacher and vice principal, should know that. Not only that, but you don’t even afford the people in these stories anonymity while you’re talking about them behind their backs. Idk how many times I can say this: YTA.

Bucketeer Wow. Idek what to say. YTA.

Mesosoup Ok I thought that redditor LuckyBucky was being,,, dramatic when describing the events. But boy oh boy was he on point there. YTA. YTA. YTA. YTA. I can’t say it enough. YTA.

NomadChristmas You should break up with your bf just to spare him and his son your presence

Muppetsocks Huh. YTA. [link]

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r/AmItheAsshole

LuckyBucky

AITA for undermining my best friend’s gf when she was talking to his son?

Here we are. Once again. All previous posts can be found [here].

My (30M) best friend (E, 34M) has a son (C, 10) who has cerebral palsy. He’s got good motor skills, especially in his arms. He and I do a lot of doctors-approved activities together, sometimes E joins in, but he’s agreed that since I do all the research and verify all the activities with his doctor, I have first dibs on going with him and participating in all the activities with him. I think E just likes watching C have fun and doing the activities with him means he would also have to participate and not just make heart eyes at his boy. 

Anyway, I’m saying this because this front-row seat to C’s activities means I have a great idea of his mobility and functions. I go with them both to C’s dr appointments as well, either to verify activities before we sign C up, or just because E/C want moral support, I’m usually there if I can be. All of this means that I know what C is capable of, and I know what he can do. 

E has a gf (A, 27F) who has worked with special needs kids her whole career. She was a special-needs teacher, and is now a vice principal with a PhD in education, which you would think means she understands that C’s limits are not as hard as others would believe and they are a lot farther out than one may expect. C can do things. He can walk on his own around the house without his crutches, he can walk up or down the steps without anyone’s help, he can pick things up, he can hold things, write/draw things, he’s got great motor skills. A does not understand this. And she thinks that E and I do not understand his CP, as if we haven’t been living with and helping him for years, as if we haven’t been the ones going to his doctors appointments or taking him to his activities or been the ones he comes to when he’s reached his limit. C is 10, he knows his own body better than even his own father, and he is very good at stopping when he needs to. 

A doesn’t understand this. And boy does that have an effect on some things. 

E has been recovering for about two weeks now out of the hospital, and he has been doing very well. A has not been very helpful, and when she tries to be (rare), she’s completely overbearing and smothering, just like she is with C. It’s kinda infuriating, and if it were my house, she’d never be allowed back. But it’s not my house and she’s not my gf and it’s not my injury, so whatever. 

Recently, my sister (M, 39F) had a baby with my coworker/friend (we’ll call him Roof Man, 42M). M has been dealing with some PPD (postpartum depression), and my niece (J, 3mo) has been pretty fussy. 

Roof Man has been a saint, honestly. M did not have an easy life, really, and after her last marriage, she deserves a guy like Roof Man. And he’s been so helpful with her PPD. Today, M needed some time alone, and Roof Man decided to kill like 8 birds with one stone: give M some time alone, check on E, meet A, take J on an outing, let her have some time with her Uncle OP, let her meet E, and let her meet her cousin C. So. Lots of good coming from this visit. 

I was holding J for a little bit as she slept (the miracle of a baby falling asleep on your chest) and when she woke up, Roof Man fed her, then E held her for a bit. A was obviously nervous about this and sat on E’s injured side (he injured his shoulder, but a month ago, and he’s been holding heavier things than an 8 lb baby during PT). Then, after J was happy for a little while, C (who was bursting at the seams with excitement) begged to hold her. E, Roof Man, and I were all thrilled that he’d taken to his baby cousin so quickly, so we told him to go wash his hands before he held her. He was ecstatic, and ran off to wash his hands. A spoke up asking if we really thought C holding J was a good idea. I didn’t really get what she was saying at first, but we all told her it was fine. Roof Man (who has been close to C for a while and is also a seasoned medical personnel) said that it was perfectly safe after he washed his hands, assuming she meant Covid. 

C came back and sat between me and E, and right before E gave J to C, A spoke up and said that C shouldn’t hold a baby because with his CP, he’d drop her, and maybe I or Roof Man could hold her while C plays with her. 

We were all shocked for a moment. C was crushed. I didn’t really know what to do at first, because, well, what the fuck. C was starting to tear up, asking if he really couldn’t hold her because he’d hurt her, and I… well, I said no, of course you can hold her, since Uncle Roof Man said you could. I assured him that we knew he’d be gentle and both me and E would be at his sides the whole time. He was sitting on E’s uninjured side, too, so he’d be able to reach over easily, so we’d both be able to help him if he lost his grip, which we genuinely didn’t think would happen. 

C seemed over with this after Roof Man happily agreed that it was fine (shooting very confused and kinda angry looks at E because, well, what the fuck). C held her for a little while and she was so happy snuggling into her big cousin’s chest. Roof Man took tons of pictures of the four of us and sent them all to my sister, who was a little upset she wasn’t there for this moment and we assured her she’d be there next time when another cousin and aunt would also be there (we’d already planned another meet at E’s with another coworker/family member with a child, and M would be there, too), and we all assured her that C holding J would be no less cute the second time or hundredth time around. What was most important was seeing me (her baby brother) holding her daughter for the first time, and we’d had that tender moment together a few days after she was born. The baby, not my sister. 

C held J for a little while until she started fussing for her nap. Roof Man took her home to put her to sleep, and C went to his room to do homework. A immediately turned on both me and E, saying that I undermined her authority in front of C and I should have let her word be the final say. This, in my opinion, is total bullshit, since what she said harmed C’s faith in himself and his motor skills. E also thought this was bullshit, and said as such. He said that if she had a problem, she should’ve pulled one of us aside and voiced her concerns then, or said it outright while C was gone, and instead she gave him insecurities about hurting his baby cousin when he just wanted to hold her. A said J is not his cousin since they’re not related and I have less jurisdiction over C than she does. E said that was not true, that I have been around much longer than A has, and A is not C’s parent, I am. A said “How am I supposed to be a part of this family when OP is always around taking the place that is supposed to be mine?” E told her that I have been a part of this family for a while, and that once she got used to that, we could all be a family together. I was not a fan of this idea, but didn’t say that because I want E to be happy, even if his happiness doesn’t lie with me.

Anyway, A got upset with that and said that tensions were running high and we should all give ourselves time to cool down and we should discuss this at a later date. E and I agreed and she left. 

AITA for undermining A’s authority over E’s son and telling him he can do something that A said he couldn’t?

TLDR: My best friend’s son has cerebral palsy and wanted to hold his newborn cousin (3 months old). Best friend’s gf said, because of his cerebral palsy, he can’t, but I said he could, so he did. She is pissed that I deliberately ignored her in “parenting” his son.

LivenChillen INFO: How long have they been dating?

LuckyBucky IDK maybe 4.5 months?

LivenChillen 4.5 months compared to you being in their lives like this? Nta

NomadChristmas NTA good on you for being a father to that kid

LuckyBucky I’m not his father

Muppetsocks Yeah. Sure you aren’t

Bucketeer NTA she’s ableist. This relationship aint gonna last much longer

ColdCutBoots [ link ]

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r/AmItheAsshole

AnaFlores

AITA for being worried about a newborn’s safety?

My (27F) boyfriend (Edmundo, 34M) has a ten-year-old son (Christopher) with cerebral palsy, which means he doesn’t have very good control over his own movements. Edmundo’s coworker, Howard, recently had a baby with another coworker’s (Evan, 30M) sister (Madeline, 39F). Something has been going on with Madeline, though I’m not sure what, and as an effect of this, Howard took the baby to visit Edmundo and Christopher while Evan was also there. 

Edmundo was shot in the shoulder about a month ago, so I was already worried about him holding the baby. I was worried that he’d risk hurting himself or the baby, but he was happy holding her and didn’t seem to overexert himself. After watching his father holding her for a while, Christopher asked if he could hold the baby. The three men agreed, even though Evan has no claim over either of these children, and told him to go wash his hands. I was nervous for the baby, so I asked them if they thought it was a good idea for him to hold her. I think Howard thought I meant with Covid restrictions, because he mentioned that Christopher was washing his hands, but other than that, they seemed fine with it. Christopher came back and sat between Edmundo and Evan, and I decided to speak up about his cerebral palsy, because he could drop the baby and seriously hurt her. I mentioned possibly someone holding her while he played with her, which seemed like a good option to me. I hadn’t held the baby yet, so a part of me was hoping they’d let me hold her. Christopher got very upset when I said this, but Evan said that Howard was alright with this, and Evan and Edmundo were sitting beside him so they’d help if something went wrong. Christopher took Jee-Yun (the baby) and held her for a while. I was waiting anxiously the entire time, ready to jump in if something happened. I would hate for Christopher to blame himself for hurting his new friend. 

It doesn’t sit right with me that Evan has more jurisdiction over Christopher. If I am going to be Christopher’s mother someday, and I will be, he needs to learn to respect my authority and Evan needs to take a step back with the parenting thing. Edmundo disagreed and said I’m not Christopher’s mother and Evan is Christopher’s other father. This hurt me deeply, and I said we needed time to calm down and we could discuss it at a later date. Edmundo agreed and I left. I’m just so hurt that he would say that to me, and with Evan right there, as well. I think Edmundo doesn’t understand the impact Evan has on him, or what a normal coworker should do, and that Evan is crossing every boundary known to man. He is not Christopher’s other father, since that is impossible since his mother died and thus cannot remarry. 

I don’t know what to do. I am planning on asking Edmundo to take a step back from Evan, considering that my place beside him is taken up by a coworker. 

Mesosoup YTA. You started this out with good intentions, even if misplaced, but clearly you don’t care about the baby and your boyfriend’s son as much as you care about Evan’s place as the kid’s other father.

AnaFlores That is simply not true. I care about children, I’ve made them my life’s work for goodness sake, it just bothers me that I gave Christopher an order and Evan immediately undermined my authority.

ColdCutBoots You don’t have authority over Christopher, Evan does. Evan IS Christopher’s other father, which can happen. You are not the mother. I don’t care if it ‘hurts’ because it is the truth. You have been dating his father for how long? You aren’t the mother. You aren’t even family. You have no control over your boyfriend’s son and what he does, and you should not try to parent him without your bf’s permission. And you should take your parenting cues from him IF he ever allows you to become a THIRD parent, because his parenting style will always overrule your own. You can parent your own kids a different way, but you can adopt that boy, you can marry his father, he can call you mom, but you will never be as much his parent as Edmundo is. Neither will Evan, and he clearly takes his parenting cues from Edmundo because he KNOWS that. YTA YTA YTA

Chadspace I feel like we're missing something here…….

Penguinin We are! [link]

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r/AmItheAsshole

LuckyBucky

AITA for defending myself as my best friend’s son’s godfather?

Hi, everyone. We all know the drill by now. If you don’t, you can read along [here] where I’ve linked all of my previous posts regarding A. They’re long, so if you’d (understandably) prefer not to bother with those, I will give a little introductory blurb as I always do.

So, I (30M) have a best friend (E, 34M) who has a gf (A, 27F), and a son (C, 10M). 

C is the child of E’s late wife who passed away about two years ago. Before that, she was in and out of the picture due to personal reasons (I am saying right now, if there are any comments about absentee mothers or parents walking out on families, they are being deleted the second I see them, you will respect this boy’s late mother or you will leave this comment section). While she wasn’t available, I sort of stepped in to assist E with anything he may have needed. At first, that was just offering him a ride to pick up his son after an earthquake and his car was stuck. Then, it was hanging out with the kid because C is awesome and he thought I was pretty cool too. Then, it was me calling ahead to our boss so he could clear it with the higher-ups for C to spend the day with us at work since E’s grandmother (his childcare at the time) got hurt (she’s doing fine now, wonderful woman, shout out to Abuela). Then, I introduced him to a home healthcare aide (H) for C. C has cerebral palsy, which means he needs a bit of extra assistance, and that requires an aide and not just a babysitter. Plus, we work 24+ hr shifts, so it would need to be a full-time carer, and knowing this, I introduced them to each other so H could help with paperwork and she started working with C and has been his carer since they moved here. Since then, I’ve hung out with C whenever E picked up a shift (which was very often in the beginning), I help him with his homework (E is awful at literature and science, but we’re both hell with math so C just kinda laughs at us). I take him out, I help C with any problems he’s afraid to talk about with his dad, I help them find ways for C to do the things he wants to do while still being safe with his cerebral palsy. What I’m saying is that they’re my family.

About a year ago, E had another near-death experience (common in our jobs) and after that, he adjusted his will so that if anything ever happened to him, if he were incapacitated or, God forbid, he passed away, I would become C’s legal guardian. 

E did not tell me this until maybe three weeks ago when he was leaving the hospital after yet another near-death experience. He said that the only reason he told me at all was because I didn’t care enough for my own life and I acted like I didn’t matter to others, which was true, I didn’t think I did. E has been a huge help with my confidence that way, and also he gave me his son. So.

A, the gf, found out about this recently. And boy, oh boy, was she not happy. Now, I was not there for the beginning of their conversation, but I walked in during it. I came home from shift to find C in the living room, not very happy, saying his dad and Ms. A were fighting again (he does still call her Ms. [last name]). I went to see if there was something I could do, and turns out they were fighting about me. The way they said it, it sounds like this is not uncommon, which, ouch. 

Anyway, A said that she should be the one who gets C if E dies, and I kind of didn’t know how to react to that. They hadn’t even been dating for five months and she thinks she has the right to his son? Not only that, but she was his teacher a few years ago, and under her supervision (or lack thereof) he got hurt doing something that wasn’t allowed in the first place. A also has always been rather… well, ableist, in the nicest way possible. She said C should ‘look elsewhere’ for his future and shouldn’t want to/try to keep doing things that tested his limits. She also said he has physical limitations and E should encourage him to stay within those limitations, and she tried being the one who set those limits instead of E or C, while she was still just the teacher. So. No good. 

Admittedly, I may not have done this the best way, but I told her pretty much everything that I said above, though in a much shorter and louder way. I told her, in no uncertain terms, that E and C mean everything to me and, if the worst comes and something irreversible does happen to E, I would fight like hell for C like I already do. I don’t give up on them, and I won’t give up on them, and I’ve already been taking care of C for the past month and a half, while his father and my best friend was in a coma, while she was sitting at E’s bedside ignoring the fact that he has a son. I probably shouldn’t have said it like that. She was really upset about it and E kinda said that I went too far, which is fair, but this is my family and I fight for my family. 

TLDR: I am my best friend’s son’s godfather in his will; my best friend’s gf found out about this and said I shouldn’t be, and I kind of went off about my place in their family.

EDIT: I should mention for everyone new here that I am very much in love with E and will be until the light goes out of my eyes. So. That’s something to take into account.

Muppetsocks NTA. You were defending and protecting what was yours.

ColdCutBoots NTA. What I wouldn’t have given for a friend like you after my wife died. I felt so completely alone and was drowning with our two kids. If I had someone like you in my life, I probably would’ve named them their legal guardian in my will too.

Mesosoup So you’re telling me you’re the best friend I’ve ever heard of? NTA

Donutsinmypants It is so telling, the type of person you are, the things you ask about. You are defending your family and your loved ones, and you’re asking if you were in the right. Tell me, LuckyBucky, who hurt you?

LuckyBucky That’s a long list, my dude

LindsayBear I want names and addresses

Bucketeer JFC the gf’s POV [link]

***

r/AmItheAsshole

AnaFlores

AITA for saying I should be in my boyfriend’s will?

My boyfriend (Edmundo, 34M) was recently injured while on duty. He was shot, and was in a resulting coma for a week. It’s got me wondering what would happen to his son, Christopher (10) if he were to die. I asked him today, and he told me he would go to his coworker, Evan (30M). 

This was… baffling. Evan is reckless with his own life, Edmundo’s life, and Christopher’s life. He has been nothing but rude and disrespectful to me, and while everyone hails him a hero and the kindest man on earth, I really do not understand where they are coming from. He is entitled, disrespectful, childish, and immature. I told Edmundo as such, as gently as I could, because I know he is fond of Evan even though he honestly shouldn’t be. Evan even lost Christopher in a tsunami, as reckless as he is, he nearly got Christopher killed! And Edmundo trusts him with this man. And, not only that, but he made the decision to make him his godfather after this incident. 

I told Edmundo that Evan is not trustworthy for these reasons, and Edmundo got rather defensive. I told him that he should make me Christopher’s legal guardian if Edmundo died, and he got very upset by that. He mentioned something which happened years ago, when Christopher got a small injury while in my care, though I don’t think that really compares to nearly getting a seven-year-old killed in a tsunami. 

The argument evolved into a shouting match about Evan and his relationship with Edmundo and Christopher. As if summoned, Evan walked into the kitchen and asked what was going on. Edmundo told him what I’d said, as if it made me a monster, and Evan got infuriated. He was honestly terrifying as he began to tell me why this was his family, as if one can choose families, but none of it really made any sense, and none of it really compared to losing Christopher in a tsunami. We began shouting and Edmundo eventually told me to get out.

ColdCutBoots Good lord do you know how you sound? I honestly wouldn’t think this was real if there wasn’t someone corroborating this story from a different perspective. YTA

GummyTeddy Just caught up with this infuriating saga and what the fuck lady yta

Donutsinmypants Interesting how you don’t even mention one of the reasons Evan listed. There has to be a reason, here. But sure. We’re not gonna agree with you no matter how much you twist your stories. YTA

Mesosoup *sigh* [link] I like this one much better

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r/AmItheAsshole

LuckyBucky

AITA for kicking my best friend’s gf out of his kitchen?

Once again, [here] we are. My (30M) best friend (E, 34M) is a nightmare in the kitchen. An absolute disaster. So much so that his son (C, 10M) and I got a sign that said that he was not allowed in the kitchen. It’s all in good fun, he’s allowed in the kitchen (just not allowed to use any appliances). 

For this reason, I use his kitchen. I cook for them both basically every night of the week that I can, and it is fun for me. I enjoy cooking for them, I enjoy providing for them. C and I hang out in the kitchen and I give him little cooking lessons and mini-assignments (sprinkle the flour, make these into little balls, etc.). We have a lot of fun together and it’s one of my favorite parts of the day.

Well, I was baking yesterday. C was sitting on the counter beside me, taking his task of licking the batter off the spoon as seriously as a ten-year-old ever could. We were baking for a neighbor down the street who had gotten into an accident and we wanted to extend our assistance with anything he may need, and the best way to do this is through the guise of homemade baked goods. Also, E loves my brownies.

We had just put the brownies in and were getting ready to make a second batch for ourselves when the door opened. E went to see who it was, and it was his gf (A, 27F). She came in and made this weird face. She made a comment about C sitting on the counter (he has cerebral palsy, which I guess to her means he can do nothing except sit quietly). Then she said that it wasn’t a good idea to let him eat raw batter because of the eggs (first of all, who doesn’t eat raw batter, and second, the guy is vegan so there weren’t any eggs in there). THEN she said that she should take over.

Now, here’s the thing. A has baked in our kitchen before, if you can call what she did ‘baking.’ She made a batch of cranberry nut muffins that were very dry and awful and also rearranged half of my kitchen and made a mess and left me to clean it up. She somehow cross-contaminated food with cleaning supplies, which I don’t know how she did because she didn’t use them or even why she touched them. I think she was trying to keep them out of C’s grasp, but he’s ten. I don’t know that she understands how old ten-year-olds are. At age 7, C was old enough to understand that cleaning products are not ingestible.

I told her that I got it, but she started edging me out. She said she should be in the kitchen and I should be out of it. And then she said that she is “predisposed to being better in the kitchen.” Which, look, maybe I’m wrong, but that sounds pretty sexist to me. I have met many women who are terrible in the kitchen and many men who are great. I have also met many women who are great at doing non-housewife things, and many men who are great at those typical housewife tasks. I told her that the boys like my brownies and were really looking forward to them, but she said they’d probably prefer her healthier baked goods and tried to shoo both me and C out of the kitchen. I tried to have E talk to her, but he’s not very good at standing up to her (I think because she reminds him of his mom)(yes, this relationship is doomed, I am very aware). 

C said that he wished he and I could bake together still, and I know that just means he wants more spoons of brownie batter to lick, but I don’t care. I marched into the kitchen and told her that I was using it and to get out. She said that I wasn’t supposed to be in the kitchen, and that I should leave. I very clearly said that I was not leaving, practically ripped the spoon from her hands, and very deliberately edged her out just like she did just a few moments ago. She started yelling at E about me, not that I care. I got back into the kitchen with C, and A left a few mins later (oh, well, what a shame, what can you do?).

TLDR: My best friend’s gf tried to kick me out of the kitchen, I think because I’m a man, but I told her to get out and she left the house.

LivenChillen lol NTA

QueersforBreakfast mmmmmm sexism

Chadspace Yeah NTA

NomadChristmas NTA [link]

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r/AmItheAsshole

AnaFlores

AITA for trying to bake for my boyfriend?

I (27F) wanted to surprise my boyfriend (Edmundo, 34M) by coming over. I came in and found his coworker (Evan, 30M) letting Edmundo’s son (Christopher, 10) eat raw brownie batter while sitting on the counter, which is very dangerous for him because he has Cerebral Palsy. I suggested I bake something healthier than brownies, and Evan refused to let me. He yelled at me and made me leave. But I just wanted to make something healthy for them. AITA?

LindsayBear [link] There are so many holes in this story that it’s practically Swiss cheese. You didn’t have permission, you tried to take over for your bf’s best friend because you didn’t trust him even though you didn’t have the full story. YTA.

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r/AmItheAsshole

LuckyBucky

AITA for blowing up about my name/nickname?

So for those of you who’ve been following along, you’ll know who this is about. For those of you just joining us now, hi, here are my previous posts regarding this woman: [link].

This is gonna be a little difficult since I’m not using names for privacy reasons. Let’s use Em as E’s full name, Ch as C’s full name, and EB as my full name. Otherwise, I’m OP. 

So, my best friend (E, 34M) goes by a nickname. The only person who has clearance to use his full name unironically without him getting super pissed off (parents included) is his grandmother, and even she calls him by his preferred name. He has a son (C, 10), who goes by his full name and a shorter name interchangeably, but he does prefer to use both instead of just one. I (OP, 30M) use a nickname full time. I’ve always disliked my first name, it’s something that’s always bothered me. Recently, I found out some really traumatic news regarding my family and the nature of my conception/birth, so I’ve been straying even further from EB to just OP. There was even a while where I considered changing my full name to OP Newlastname but ultimately decided against it because of job reasons and because I’ve made a new version of myself and my nickname is a derivative of my real name. But the only person with clearance to use my real name is my sister because she raised me and is also my hero and has been since my birth. Shoutout to the best sister ever, my sister. Fight me on it, I’ll win. 

E has had a gf (A, 27F) for the past four-ish months. She exclusively calls him Em, and C she exclusively calls Ch. I’ve seen the way E cringes when she says his name, and I know from both him and C that E asked her to just call him E, but she for some reason only calls him Em. I figured this was weird, but ultimately decided not to push him further because I hadn’t met her, didn’t know her, and the most I’d even heard her voice was over E’s phone because he’s deaf apparently and can’t hear phone calls. 

E was hurt recently, and I met A through the hospital and during E’s ensuing recovery. A was pretty rude about everything, but I figured she’d spent a week straight in hospital chairs, she was probably just sleep deprived. So, when we first started talking, she called me OP, though she didn’t seem too keen on it. However, we got into an argument that first day (my first post, [here]), and ever since, she’s been loath to speak to me, but when she has, she’s called me EB. At first I politely asked her to stop because I figured she was just being petty, but she continued to do it. Recently, I again asked her to stop calling me that, and she told me that OP was a childish nickname and I should use EB and since she “respects” me, she’s going to call me EB. Unfortunately, I received a call from my sister (again, shoutout to the best sister ever), and couldn’t exactly continue our conversation. 

Anyway, I hadn’t seen A for a little while, and when I did, she still insisted on calling me EB. I’d had a bad day at work, and was still dealing with that. When A called me EB, I blew up on her and told her that wasn’t my name and she can’t just use whatever names she wants on others. I also used this time to tell her that E hates being called Em, and I knew he asked her to stop and yet she refused that as well. I was yelling at her, and E came in and told me to go chill out. A was upset and crying saying that I yelled at her for no reason. E told us both to just go home since we were both upset and I was quite literally overwhelmed with guilt already from my day at work. 

I feel bad for yelling at her just because I had a bad day, but even my sister hasn’t used my first name since everything came to a head a few months ago with our parents and it’s been giving me really bad panic attacks and PTSD attacks and awakening memories from my childhood that I’d rather keep buried somewhere in my subconscious, and my name just keeps reminding me of those things. Especially the way she says it, like always disapproving and disappointed. Always like my parents said it, which is an absolutely horrible thought. I think I might be TA for yelling at her about E’s name, since it wasn’t really called for at the time, but I knew it bothered him too, and I figured, in for a penny, in for a pound. She also uses the first names of all of our friends who also go by nicknames (I’ve never even heard one of them using their full name and genuinely got so confused I had no clue who she was talking about) but I didn’t bring this up at the time. 

I know it’s just a name, but by the same token, isn’t it also just a name? And since it’s ‘just a name’ shouldn’t it be easy to use another one? Or should I have just sucked it up?  AITA?

TLDR: my best friend’s gf insists on using full first names. My first name is triggering for my depression/PTSD and my best friend hates his first name, and I kinda blew up on her one day about it. 

LivenChillen NTA. You use a nickname for a reason. You don’t like it, and she should respect you enough not to use it. 

Muppetsocks NTA. This is a boundary both you and E set regarding names that she consistently disregards. Good on you for standing up for E; it starts with something as simple as a name, and it just gets worse from there. 

Mesosoup I’m gonna say slight ESH just because you maybe shouldn’t have brought up E’s problem with his name. I think you’re in the right, but that’s a problem between partners and, like you said earlier, you don’t really have a say in that, and you don’t have a say in speaking on his behalf without prompting. Still, she’s more TA because she disrespects you and your boundaries and gets upset because you,,, told her to respect you? 

NomadChristmas NTA. This is a hard boundary for you and with her insistently crossing it when you’re not friends to begin with and you have trauma surrounding your name, a blowup seems inevitable if she doesn’t stop. Tell me she stopped?

LuckyBucky She hasn’t stopped

NomadChrstmas I wish I could say I’m surprised

Donutsinmypants I think NTA. Maybe soft YTA for blowing up about your friend’s name without prompting, but mostly. NTA. 

NoEyedDeer NTA. She’s manipulative and psychologically abusive. And @ everyone commenting shit about how E is blind for not breaking up w this monster obviously doesn’t know what it’s like to be manipulated into staying in an unhealthy relationship. Just food for thought ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ 

Chadspace NTA. Also [link]

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AnaFlores

r/AmItheAsshole

AITA for using someone’s name?

I (27F) have always considered nicknames to be childish and immature. My boyfriend (Edmundo, 34M) has a nickname. Everyone calls him Eddie. He’s asked me to call him Eddie and not Edmundo, but I think it’s romantic to use his name between just the two of us. After asking the first few times, he’s allowed it, and I think he’s gotten used to it. He has a son named Christopher, who sometimes goes by Chris, but I’ve never called him such and he’s never asked. 

Edmundo has a coworker, Evan, who is around a lot. Evan is a thirty-year-old man, he is a decorated first responder, and yet he goes by Buck, since his last name is Buckley. I think this nickname is one of the most immature ones I’ve ever heard (except for one of their coworkers who willingly calls himself Chimney), and I refuse to use it. I tried simply to keep the peace when I knew I wouldn’t like him before we met, but I just couldn’t. He disrespected me and I don’t think he should go by something so immature if he ever wants to be respected, so I’ve decided not to use it. He’s asked multiple times for me to stop, but I don’t see the big deal. 

Recently, Evan blew up on me to stop calling him by his first name and to stop calling Edmundo by his full name. He said they have nicknames for a reason and I don’t “have the right” to call them by their given names. This was honestly ridiculous, and I said as such, because there is no right to earn in order to call someone what you’d like to call them.

Evan was very rude and aggressive and I began to cry because he was scaring and upsetting me. Edmundo came and asked what was going on, and we explained as best as we could. Edmundo seemed rather sympathetic with Evan, because earlier that day while he was on shift he endured a loss after failing to administer proper CPR. I didn’t think this was something with which we should be sympathetic, but I didn’t say as much because I knew Evan was just upset. Edmundo asked us both to go home. I didn’t understand why I should leave, since I did nothing wrong and Evan was the one who just exploded, but we both left. Should I have used Evan’s immature nickname? I think he’s wrong about Edmundo and I, since Edmundo stopped asking me to call him Eddie, but I can’t be sure about Evan. 

LindsayBear Jesus YTA

GummyTeddy Well I am from now on going to call you Poopy Pants because I can call you whatever I want, and even if you ask me to call you something else, I’m not going to because I don’t have to respect your decision. Since “there is no right to earn to call someone what you’d like to call them,” I can exclusively call you Poopy Pants because I can call you whatever I want. And children can pick on other kids calling them whatever they want, because they have the right to call them whatever they want. I can call my short friend Shortstack even though it makes her very insecure about her height because I want to. And I can call anyone whatever I want no matter how many times they ask me to stop, because they need to earn my respect in order to be called by their preferred name. 

AnaFlores That’s different. 

GummyTeddy Whatever you say, Poopy Pants

Donutsinmypants You don’t just get to pick and choose what you call someone. A name is a boundary, and you are consistently crossing a boundary. YTA either call everyone by their preferred names or don’t talk to them at all

LivenChillen “After asking the first few times, he’s allowed it, and I think he’s gotten used to it.” Gotten used to it or given up on you changing? It sounds to me like this is a boundary for him and you don’t care about that. You want something “special” between you two so you ignore the fact that he doesn’t like it and he decided to pick his battles. He doesn’t like his first name, but you insist on calling him that, so why would he bother? This is one of those little things that point to toxic personalities and psychologically abusive people. At this rate, don’t be surprised when he breaks up with you. It’s telling that his “coworker” clearly knows him better than you do. 

QueersforBreakfast YTA. Would you call a trans person by their given name?

AnaFlores Transgendered people are not real, so I’d call them by their given name, yes. 

QueersforBreakfast I totally should’ve seen that coming

Beesknees YTA. You just told us Evan’s first and last name, and nickname, and your boyfriend’s given and nickname, and his son’s. Someone should give you a class on internet safety. 

Penguinin YTA your logic makes no sense just admit you want to be an asshole

Chadspace oooooooh [link]

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r/Relationships

LuckyBucky

To everyone responding to my AITA posts, thank you, but please read this:

I wasn’t sure where else to post this so I figured this was the best place. 

There have been a lot of comments talking about E being a bad dad or friend, and that it should be obvious that he breaks up with her. I don’t know how much he sees from her, and I need to remind you all that he had a major life-threatening injury barely a month ago. He’s smart, but he’s scared and still in recovery from nearly dying. He’s got a lot of people telling him what to do, and I’m not going to be another one. I’m not here for guidance regarding dealing with my best friend, I can do that just fine and I’m pretty good at it, I’m here for guidance regarding his gf. 

His wife died a year ago, his son was in the tsunami last year, he had to deal with me nearly dying a couple times the past 1.5 years, and he himself nearly died now two times. He’s overwhelmed and there are a lot of people trying to control him and he doesn’t know the right way out. I can’t help him if I’m just telling him to break up with A. And again, I don’t know what he knows. He’s not always present when she goes batshit, and she has also been under monumental stress with her boyfriend nearly dying and that can easily excuse whatever he does see. So please, from his perspective, it’s not so obvious that he needs to break up with her. And no matter what I tell him, he needs to come to that realization on his own. That’s not me saying that, that is me knowing who he is and knowing what he needs and knowing that if I tell him to break up with her while everyone else tells him to stay with her, it’ll only stress him out more. 

He is not a bad dad. He is not a bad friend. He is not a bad partner. He is just a man, a human, overwhelmed by stress of life, grief, recovery, and nearly dying. He’s a father dealing with a son who had to go through the fear of almost losing another parent. He’s a son wanting to please his parents by dating and marrying someone of whom they’d approve. He’s a friend dealing with his own pain and PTSD. He's a partner overwhelmed by everything around him. He’s a fixer needing to be fixed. He’s human. And it may be obvious to us, but it’s not to him. She’s very different around him. He’s so terrified of making the wrong decision that he’d rather make no decision. 

Stop insulting my friend. You don’t know what’s going on in his mind. I’m trying to help him see what’s happening, but there’s only so much I can do. I’m pretty sure from his perspective, he’s got a sweet girlfriend who is at odds with his friend. Forcing him to see beyond that right now is futile. He came out of a coma not even a month ago. He nearly died in the street just over a month ago. Cut the man some slack. 

NoEyedDeer This is what I’m saying! Not only are there outside forces changing his perspective of things, but we don’t know what’s going on in his head and everyone saying it’s obvious that he needs to break up with her needs to put themselves in his shoes. He’s still recovering, and confused by everything going on. They were probably still in the “impress them” phase of their relationship before he got hurt. Plus, we know from everything we’ve seen so far that this woman is toxic and manipulative. Like OP says, she just starts crying whenever they’re fighting and E comes into the room. He’s always out of the room when she’s starting shit. She’s fucking manipulative and manipulating him into believing she’s sweet and innocent and just wanting what’s best for him and his son. Any stress absolutely can be attributed to E recently getting hurt. She clearly tries to guilt-trip everyone involved and she’s just so psychologically abusive. That’s not easy to see! It’s not easy to recognize, especially if you’ve been around it before and didn’t notice it then. OP said E is dealing with controlling parents and they’d approve of A, so I’m guessing his parents’ behavior while he was growing up is similar to A’s now. We can’t just assume he knows and is ignoring it. He’s probably blind to it, and what he does see is probably normal behavior to him! And I didn’t even think about the fact that he nearly died like 5 weeks ago! Cut the man some slack!

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r/AmItheAsshole

AnaFlores

My posts are being reported. 

To whomever is reporting my posts, I don’t understand why, but that is just cruel. I am posting my experiences hoping for help and guidance, and you clearly are so set in believing that I am in the wrong that you’d rather nobody else see it than to let others judge for themselves! 

And to everyone implying that I am always in the wrong, I know this is not true because there are people who often privately message me, and they agree that I’m in the right regarding Evan, and they are only messaging me to be sure I’d see it since they knew they’d be downvoted. I know I’m right and you’re all wrong, because these individuals message me every time. 

Also, please stop trying to link these to Evan’s account, I’ve blocked him. He’s manipulating you just as he manipulates everyone else, and I don’t want these posts to get back to Edmundo. 

Mesosoup Jesus fucking Christ lady…….

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r/AmItheAsshole

LuckyBucky

AITA for not telling my best friend’s Abuela to give his gf the family recipes? 

Yes, I, once again, am coming to you about this lady. All previous posts are [here], and once again, I am here about A. 

My (30M) best friend (E, 34M) has a gf (A, 27F) whom I hate. She’s rude and conceited and selfish and entitled and I do not like her. 

E has a grandmother and aunt who live nearby. Since these are common titles and what we all know them as, I will still call them Abuela and Tia. When I first met these lovely ladies, they were smitten with me. I, of course, called them both Señora [last name] but they threatened to smack me with a wooden spoon if I didn’t start calling them my Abuela and Tia. After Abuela very quickly followed through on that threat, I called them Abuela and Tia. It is simply what is done when a family decides upon first meeting that you are now their white boy nieto. I’ve never been as loved as I am here. Shoutout to Abuela and Tia. 

Anyway, E cannot cook for shit. I have been taking cooking lessons with my boss, who I stg was a gourmet chef in a past life, and so I cook for both E and his son (C, 10M). Abuela learned this and has decided I am also going to learn from her. Apparently, these are recipes that were passed down to her from her mother, who got them from her grandmother, who got them from her MIL, etc. Abuela has taught Tia and no one else these sacred recipes, because E’s mom (her DIL) wasn’t good in the kitchen, E is hopeless, and his sisters aren’t too good either, and C is, in Abuela’s words, too young to learn the secrets since we don’t yet know his kitchen skills. Idk about E’s dad, Abuela’s son, but he never learned either. Maybe because he’s sexist and thinks only women should cook, idk. 

So, Abuela decided I was the one to teach these recipes. To say I am honored would be an understatement. At first, I didn’t understand the importance of these recipes. I’d never had a grandmother or good parents or anyone who emphasized the importance of family. Then, I told E that Abuela taught me her recipe for enchiladas, and he made this face that was a sexy mix of shock/jealousy/awe/excitement/hunger. He told me that there are two living people who know these recipes, now three, and these recipes have been passed down for generations. To be taught these recipes was to be taught love. 

Abuela, Tia, and I spend time in the kitchen together maybe once a week. That stopped for a while during Covid, when instead we were in our own kitchens over video chat. Abuela would send ahead a list of ingredients I would need and then the three of us would make the dish in our respective homes, but together. It was the one thing that held me together. I went from four of us living together (three of my first responder coworkers came to live with me to stay away from their families and then they left after we got vaccinated) to just myself in a big, empty apartment. But Abuela, Tia, and I would cook together, and I felt alive. I felt whole. Needless to say, I respect these recipes more than life itself, and I would never do anything to jeopardize that. 

As I mentioned, E has a gf, A. I don’t like her. If you’ll recall from about a month ago, I threw a surprise party for E coming home from the hospital where A, Tia, Abuela, and a few others were in attendance. I don’t know how it happened because I wasn’t there, but the three women got off on the wrong foot. From what Abuela said, it sounded like A wanted to bond with them over their Hispanic background, and Abuela saw no reason why that was the one thing A thought should bring them together. She made it seem like they should like each other just because they both were Hispanic. She also apparently said something bad about me, which immediately pissed Abuela off, because I’m her white boy (their words) and no one disrespects her family. I’m not sure what, if anything, Abuela has said to E regarding her opinions of his gf, but clearly that hasn’t stopped him from dating her. 

Anyway, one day I made tamales for dinner and made extra for us to have for lunch the next day. A popped in to surprise E with dinner, but I was already making dinner. She decided to stay anyway since I had enough for her. She liked them and asked for the recipe. I told her I couldn’t give her the recipe because it was Abuela’s family recipe. She said she was sure Abuela (and she called her that without permission) would give her the recipe since she would be family eventually. I told her that her own son and grandchildren didn’t have the recipes, so that was not a guarantee. A said something about me having them so they can’t be that special, and I told her she wouldn’t be getting the recipes from me. She then asked if I’d ask Abuela to give her the recipes, and I refused. 

I know that Abuela won’t give her the recipes either way, but I also don’t want to ask her. Also, I know that me asking her to give A the recipes would signify that I think she’s worthy of them, and I don’t. I don’t want her to take my spot in their family and I don’t want her to have these recipes because they’re my thing with Abuela and something I can provide for E and god I’m so in love with him I can’t think straight and I’m gonna die knowing I love him and he loves her for whatever reason and I sound like a spoiled child but fuck. I don’t want her to have these recipes. 

More than that, I don’t want to piss off Abuela and make her decide she doesn’t want me to have the recipes anymore. She’s so important to me and I love her dearly and I love this family and if I did something to make her deem me unworthy of these recipes… I wouldn’t be able to forgive myself. 

AITA?

TLDR: I have my best friend’s top-secret family recipes from his Abuela; his gf wants me to ask her for the recipes and I said I wouldn’t. 

Totesnboats just caught up on everything and I have to say. What the fuck. NTA. Marry your best friend

LuckyBucky I’d love to but i can’t 

Mesosoup The words of a man in denial 

Donutsinmypants I cannot believe this nta

Bucketeer NTA she doesn’t deserve those recipes!!!

LindsayBear [ link ] she sure thinks so!

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r/AmItheAsshole

AnaFlores

AITA for asking for my boyfriend’s family recipes?

I (27F) have a boyfriend (Edmundo, 34M) with a lovely Latino family. I come from a Latino background as well, and I remember spending hours cooking in the kitchen with my Abuela or my mother. It was how we bonded; it’s how all Latino families bond. 

Edmundo’s Abuela, Isabel, has her own family recipes. According to Edmundo, she only gives them to select people. I know this isn’t true because she gave them to Edmundo’s coworker, Evan (30M). Evan is not family, he’s not even Latino. I figured Abuela wouldn’t mind him giving one to me, but he disagreed and said they were “top-secret” (who calls it that, it’s not a mission) and if she doesn’t give it to me, then I’m not getting it. I then asked him to tell her to give me the recipes and he refused, saying I wasn’t family. This is ridiculous, because he’s not, either. How am I supposed to be family if he keeps insisting that he is family and infringing on the Diazes?

ColdCutBoots oh girl YTA

LindsayBear YTA idk what else to say anymore 

GummyTeddy he is family, because your bfs grandmother gave him the recipes. Doesn’t matter what you think. You’re not family just because youre Latina. YTA

Totesnboats Damn you suck YTA

Penguinin YTA you really need to stop giving full names. 

NoEyedDeer You are not family. Get it through your head. Dating does not equal family. Marriage does not equal family. Heritage does not equal family. You being Hispanic or Evan not being Hispanic has nothing to do with family. They love him like their own. Thus, he is family. Evidently, they do not love you like their own. Thus, you are not. They don’t claim you. You have no right to those recipes. 

Muppetsocks I can’t wait for the day when LuckyBucky finds these posts [ link ]

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r/AmItheAsshole

LuckyBucky

AITA for leaving weekly movie night because my best friend’s gf showed up?

As you can probably guess, this is another installment to [ this saga ]. 

My (30M) best friend (E, 34M), his son (C, 10M) and I all have a weekly movie night. E and I have a very unpredictable job, but we try to do these nights whenever we can because C is growing up fast and soon enough he won’t want to spend any time with his dad and his OP. So, we get together at their place, C picks the movies, E and I bring/prepare snacks. C and I usually talk during the whole thing and E just watches us with a fond look on his face. 

Yesterday we had another movie night. I know for a fact that E told his gf (A, 27F) because I was there when she called the other day wanting to go on a date with him scheduled for last night and E told her of his plans. He came back into the room looking… troubled, and said that she wasn’t happy that he was ‘blowing her off’ for our plans.

We had just gotten started with the movie. We always have some sort of takeout during these nights, whether it be Chinese food, pizza, BBQ, burgers, whatever. We always order because this is supposed to be a fun, easy night to relax for all three of us and that includes no cooking (and no worrying that E might burn the house down). We’re pretty strict about what C eats during the week, so one night of pizza and popcorn and ice cream won’t hurt. So, we had pizza last night, and C is a growing boy so we got three pizzas. I had the popcorn set out on the table for when E and I inevitably got hungry later and C wanted to emulate his dad. There were pints of our favorite ice creams in the fridge for after dinner. C picked an animated Disney movie for us to watch, and we got comfy on the couch.

Then, the doorbell rang.

Yes, it was A. She walked right past me and called for E (still uses his full name jfc). She turned on the lights we had off and walked into the living room. First, she said we shouldn’t be eating on the couch. Then, she said we needed to feed C healthier options. She took the pizza into the kitchen and said she’d start on something healthier for “the three of them.” It was clear she expected me to leave.

Now, as I’m sure you’ve all gathered by now, I am rather uncomfortable around A. I am in love with E, she knows this though I’ve got no clue how, and I don’t like watching him be all couple-y with her. Not only that, but she hates me, and whenever we see each other, she always makes snide comments about me that E always seems to miss. I think it has something to do with his meds for his injury recovery, they make him a little spacey. E was trying to convince C that it was ok and A would make us a great dinner and we could watch a movie with her afterward. I was over this, so I told E I’d see him at work, hugged C goodbye, and noped the fuck outta there.

E texted me saying that C was really upset that I left early and now E is kinda pissed at me for upsetting his son. Fair, but no way was I going to listen to A dictate my friends’ lives and my life and spend the whole night uncomfortable and insecure. Sorry, but I do enough of that in my own head, I don’t need someone else saying it out loud for me.

Anyway, I feel bad for skipping out on them, especially because they were also upset that our plans got crashed and C doesn’t like A very much (for anyone wondering why E doesn’t just break up with her, C has been very particular about making sure his father does not know this. I’ve tried to convince him to tell him, but C wants his dad to be happy and A makes him happy. I swore to C that I wouldn’t tell E, even though I’m dying to, but I know that C would lose his trust in me and that’s not something I’m willing to risk). 

TLDR: I had plans with my best friend and his son, and my best friend’s gf showed up and crashed our plans and we hate each other so I left, upsetting my friend and his son in the process. 

LivenChillen NTA you gotta do what you gotta do. She sounds really toxic and you don’t have to put yourself through that

Mesosoup Damn this really pissed me off even more than usual, and that’s saying something. She just barged in and started critiquing everything she saw? Absolutely awful, evil woman. NTA.

Chadspace Bro this woman makes me so mad I wanna shove my head up a pipe

LuckyBucky I’ve seen someone get their head stuck in a massive tailpipe before! I do not recommend

Penguinin K I am DYING for that story

LuckyBucky 🤐🤐🤐🤐🤐 🤐

GummyTeddy Wow [ link ] it’s even worse from this perspective

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r/AmItheAsshole

AnaFlores

AITA for wanting to join my boyfriend in his family movie night?

My (27F) boyfriend (Edmundo, 34M) spends once a week with his son (Christopher, 10) and coworker (Evan, 30M) watching a movie. I don’t really understand the significance of this weekly tradition, though he calls it a family movie night even though Evan is not family. I suggested we do one just the three of us, but he said that it was a standing tradition with them. I figured that this event seemed important to Edmundo, so I thought I would join as well.

I went over and surprised them, and Evan answered the door. He looked like he was going to slam the door in my face, so I walked in because I knew Edmundo would be happy to see me. Immediately, I was appalled by the state of his living room. It was an absolute mess; there were large pizza boxes, beer bottles and soda cups, pillows all over, and they were eating on the couch in the dark. I turned the lights on and took the pizza boxes, because Christopher can’t eat that all the time. I offered to make something healthy and went to the kitchen. I heard them begging Evan to stay, but thankfully, he left. 

Christopher claimed that the night was ruined and barred himself in his room and Edmundo thanked me for the thought, but said I should go. I left, but I’m confused. Why would Edmundo have not preferred to spend the night with me than his coworker? Should I have left it alone, even though this was the only night Edmundo had free that we could’ve spent together?

LindsayBear Yeah. He already had plans and you just crashed them. YTA.

Chadspace HMMMM yeah YTA

ColdCutBoots Damn you suck YTA

BeesKnees If only you would realize you’re not welcome

Bucketeer Pigs would fly before that happened lol

Bucketeer You really don’t get it, do you? Here, read [ this ] and find out

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r/AmItheAsshole

LuckyBucky

AITA for yelling at my best friend’s gf after she called my sister fat? 

Part of the continuing saga starring myself, my best friend, and his witch of a gf: [ link ]

My (30M) sister (M, 39F) recently had a baby (J, 4mo, F) and has been dealing with PPD (postpartum depression). It’s been taking a toll on her and we’ve all been doing what we can for her. She wanted to see how my best friend (E, 34M) was doing after an injury, so we arranged for her, her partner/our coworker (Roof Man, 42), their new baby (my niece), our friend/coworker (W, 40F), and her son (D, 11M) to have a little get-together. So, in total, there were nine of us at E’s house, including him, myself, E’s son (C, 10M), and E’s witch gf (A, 27F). 

They’d been there for about an hour already and J was having a ball with her Uncle OP. After holding and fawning over the baby, C and D went and played in C’s room. This left the adults+baby in the living room, chatting about taxes or gas prices or other things adults talk about. I was tuned out playing with the baby because I don’t enjoy talking about taxes or gas prices or other adult-conversation things. I usually get really passionate and opinionated and go into tangents that no one wants to hear and I don’t like annoying people, so I just don’t talk.

Anyway, I tuned back in when I thought we moved on from taxes/gas prices/whathaveyou. E went to get something from the kitchen and A turned to my sister like she was considering something and said, “I saw a picture of you before your pregnancy, you gained a lot of weight. I have some diets if you want to try.”

At this moment, W decided it was time to go get ice cream, so she went and grabbed the kids and offered to bring me and E back a scoop. Meanwhile, A just made my (very depressed, very much struggling) sister cry. C and D saw this and became furious, because we don’t like seeing Aunt M cry, and they decided it was not time for ice cream, it was time for cuddles with Aunt M and baby cousin J. This was when E came back, confused as hell. M is asking Roof Man if she’s fat and he, loyal partner, says no, of course not, because she isn’t. She has never been fat, is skinny, and sure, she’s got a bit more weight from the pregnancy, but she still is beautiful. And she’s my sister, so I don’t have to say that. Roof Man does, I don’t, and she is and always has been and always will be beautiful. M was having a good day before this, she was out, happy, smiling. She seemed relieved. She was less sad. And then A not only reminds her that she has problems, but also makes her insecure about her appearance which is not something she should ever be.

Seeing my sister smile has been a rare treat since about a month or two after J’s birth, and she was smiling so much before A tore her down like that. I was furious. I gave E the baby, and I looked at A, and I know my scary face is scary, and I said “What the fuck is wrong with you?” Yes, I said that in front of two children and a baby. A said she was just offering some help, and I told her exactly where she could shove her ‘help’ and I told my sister that she was so beautiful. I told her that she may or may not have gained weight, but she is doing so well and she is still so beautiful. This made her smile that sad smile that I hate seeing on anyone, so I went to the kitchen before she saw me cry and I made it worse.

I will admit, talking to A, there was loud in my voice, but there was no reason to bring that up. M has been doing so much for herself and she has been struggling so much. She even quit her job and has been considering going to a center which specializes in PPD because she’s just been so miserable. Seeing her smile was relieving. I grew up with her, she raised me, and I know her fake smile from a mile away, and it was a real smile! Before A tore it all down. I think about it and I just get so angry, because A had no right to say that. E has asked me what she said, still confused as hell, but I’m so tired of playing the middle man between these two and watching E go through each stage of grief before still deciding to stay with her. It’s tiring. I’m tired. 

TLDR: My sister gave birth a few months ago, and my best friend’s gf said that she gained a lot of weight since before her pregnancy (seen in pictures), and I yelled at her and said very colorful things in front of everyone that was there, including children, a baby, our coworkers, and her boyfriend.

Chadspace My wife experienced PPD as well, and it took a long time to get past it. We both wanted more kids before that, but after, we said we never wanted another child, and we stuck to it since. I’m so sorry your sister is going through that, I hope she gets better soon. Also, NTA. She deserved that for mentioning your sister’s weight, unprompted, in front of everyone there.

Mesosoup Your sister is lucky to have you and Roof Man. NTA.

Donutsinmypants I hope your sister heals soon! NTA

Totesnboats You really love your exposition, huh?

LuckyBucky I feel it’s necessary to truly understand the dumbassery of my plights

Totesnboats fair enough 

LindsayBear Not to mention the way ppl on Reddit tend to nitpick things and say someone’s TA for a little tiny detail that they didn’t elaborate on because the elaboration is irrelevant to the rest of the post

Totesnboats Also true 

ColdCutBoots How would A feel if someone mentioned that she had ‘gained weight’ unprompted? Wtf??? NTA

QueersforBreakfast [ link ] this may be the worst one yet

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r/AmItheAsshole

AnaFlores

AITA for offering my boyfriend’s friend a diet routine?

I (27F) was at a get-together at my boyfriend’s (Edmundo, 34M) house yesterday with his coworkers and one of the coworker’s partners. Attending were Howard and Henrietta, the two paramedics at their firehouse, Edmundo’s coworker, Evan, Edmundo’s son, Christopher, Henrietta’s son, Denny, Howard’s baby, Jee-Yun, and Madeline, Howard’s girlfriend, Jee-Yun’s mother, and the unfortunate role of Evan’s older sister.

Madeline seemed a bit sad while there and often rested her hand on her belly, so I thought she was upset that she gained weight during the pregnancy which she had not shed off as of yet. I had seen pictures of her before the pregnancy, and she is much chubbier now than she was prior to Jee-Yun’s conception. I figured I could offer her a diet routine, so when there was a lull in the conversation, I mentioned it.

Everyone got very upset and furious with me, Evan even cussed me out, and in front of the children. I am very confused and hurt. I was just trying to help.

ColdCutBoots YTA.

QueersforBreakfast YTA. Keep your thoughts to yourself

Donutsinmypants YTA. It pains me that you are an educator

GummyTeddy It was unasked for and unnecessary. YTA.

Beesknees Holy shit this story has so many holes in it

    Bucketeer Fill those holes [ here ]!

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r/AmItheAsshole

LuckyBucky

AITA for overriding my best friend’s gf when disciplining his son?

Yes, once again, we have this woman. If you’re curious about what I mean, you can find the rest of my posts about her [ here ].

So, my best friend (E, 34M) has a son (C, 10M) and a gf (A, 27F). A is awful and I hate her but my best friend is happy (for the time being) so I'm just gonna leave it alone. 

Anyway, I was over at E’s place having a grand ol’ time with his son. C is the best, he’s awesome, so free-spirited, and my favorite person in the whole wide world. Irrelevant, but I want you to know that.

C and I were playing in the backyard, as you do with a child, while E was inside doing God knows what. We decided to prank E by calling him outside and spraying him with the hose. Thus, we began a war of chasing and spraying and we were all totally drenched within minutes. It was a lot of fun, and we were playing outside with the hose for a while. At one point, I slipped inside and got some containers to fill with water so we could dump them on each other. I couldn’t remember the last time any of us laughed so hard or smiled so much. Core memory: achieved. 

Anyway, we were playing still, muddy and wet and having the time of our lives, when I guess A showed up. She has a habit of showing up unannounced to ‘surprise’ E, letting herself in whenever the door’s unlocked and finding someone wherever they may be. If the front door is locked, sometimes she comes through the back gate to the back door. No good. 

We didn’t notice her at first, too busy having fun, and C had the hose and was spraying me with it. A made herself known then, and C turned and sprayed her. He wanted her to join in our game. 

A became furious in an instant and yelled at C. She told him to go to his room and not come out until she and E said he could. C immediately started crying and said he just wanted her to play with us in the water. A said she didn’t care, it was rude to spray her without her saying he could, and he was in big trouble for it. 

C was confused because he and I just did the same thing to his dad who laughed and joined in the game. He said as such, and A said he shouldn’t have done that either and I was clearly a bad influence. This pissed me off and I told C that he was having fun and wasn’t in any trouble and then asked him to come inside with me to get changed while his dad and A talked.

We changed into comfy clothes and sat down to watch a movie. C fell asleep pretty quickly and I put him in his bed to get some rest. When I came back, A was even angrier, saying I shouldn’t have gone against what she said to C and that he’d never respect her as an authority figure if I was always there contradicting everything she said. I felt kinda bad about it, but she also yelled at C for doing nothing wrong, just being a kid who wanted her to join the family fun. E also said he didn’t do anything wrong and it wasn’t ok for A to say he did and try to discipline him without the permission of either himself or me. A said she didn't need my permission ever because I wasn’t the parent, which E disagreed with, and A said this was ridiculous (her favorite word 🙄) and she was going home to change. E told her she should probably just stay home and he’d talk to her tomorrow. 

I feel kinda bad because if E is keeping her around she’s going to need to be an adult figure to C, but she’s also very controlling and I don’t want C to have to deal with that. 

TLDR: Me, my friend, and his son were playing with the hose and when my friend’s gf came by, his son sprayed her and she tried to discipline him even though she’s not his parent and I told C basically the exact opposite of what she said, which was that he wasn’t in trouble. 

Bucketeer eeeeeehhhh this is a harder one. This one isn’t so cut and dry like the others. I’m still gonna say NTA because she was in the wrong and judging by previous posts and E’s words, you are a parental figure, but I feel like there were better ways to go about it 

LindsayBear I’m gonna say NTA who ruins a kid’s fun like that it was an honest mistake

QueersforBreakfast ESH you both overstepped. Unless you’ve partaken in disciplining C before or E said it’s ok if you do, then NTA

LuckyBucky Both have happened, E said I can’t just be the “fun parent” I have to punish him too, and I have before (taken away video games, tv privileges, etc). Plus, as I mentioned in the post, E considers me C’s other parent and told A she needed either his or my permission to enforce rules/authority

QueersforBreakfast Oh yeah NTA

Donutsinmypants Does this lady not know how to have fun? NTA

GummyTeddy Her version is so heavily edited [ link ]

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r/AmItheAsshole

AnaFlores

AITA for trying to discipline my boyfriend’s son?

Today, I (27F) decided to go visit my boyfriend (Edmundo, 34M) at his house. I wanted to surprise him and maybe spend some time with him, just the two of us. When I got there, he, his coworker (Evan, 30M), and his son (Christopher, 10) were all playing in Edmundo’s backyard. I made my presence known and Christopher turned and sprayed me with the hose. I got soaked, and possibly ruined my brand new dress! I was furious; I told Christopher to go to his room until his father and I could discuss disciplinary actions. 

Evan immediately stepped in and told Christopher he was not in any trouble for spraying me with the hose, then invited him inside to change. Edmundo and I were still outside, and Edmundo told me that we aren’t at the stage where I can discipline his son. He said that I need either his or Evan’s permission, but Evan is just a coworker! I am Edmundo’s girlfriend, and I should have more rights over his son, especially more than Evan! I told them this and then left because my dress needed to be dry-cleaned immediately. 

Beesknees “I want to control my bf’s son and he won’t let me” 🤡🤡🤡

Mesosoup There is so much missing here. Why did he have the hose in the first place? You said they were playing outside—were they playing with the hose? If so, it sounds like he just wanted you to join in. I agree, maybe it’s not the best for him to just spray you, but you came into their house without their permission and they were playing outside. If you didn’t want to get your dress wet and you saw them playing with water, you should’ve waited inside until they came in. Even aside from that, you do not have the right to discipline your bf’s son just bc you two are dating. This is the same Evan who is Christopher’s godfather? He has more say than you in Christopher’s life. YTA. 

NoEyedDeer You’re a terribly toxic person

Totesnboats Damn YTA

GummyTeddy YTA [ link ] here’s the rest of the context for everyone 

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r/AmItheAsshole

LuckyBucky

AITA for yelling at my best friend’s gf over the dinner she made?

[ Here ] are all of my posts regarding my best friend’s gf so far. This is exhausting at this point. I’m exhausted. I hate her so much. Anyway.

My (30M) best friend’s (E, 34M) gf (A, 27F) made us dinner. Well, I think she was planning on making herself and E dinner and didn’t exactly remember that E has a son (C, 10M) and I am staying there while E recovers from an injury. A made this very… interesting dish with lamb and brussel sprouts and, well, look. I can’t eat red meat because it messes with my body, and even without that, my palate is refined enough that I eat chicken nuggets on the reg. And I’ve had lamb before, and I literally couldn’t stomach it. This was not something I wanted to touch. And this was definitely not something a ten-year-old boy wanted for dinner. 

A made a big deal over it, saying she spent so long making it (she spent forty minutes in the kitchen and I saw her unpack the meat; there was no prior prep). I literally couldn’t eat it because it went against my diet and the meat was way too pungent for a kid who is used to chicken, beef, and some fish. I didn’t touch my plate the whole time, and I told her it was because I can’t eat non-poultry meats, but she still seemed offended. C managed a few bites, but was mostly just pushing the food around his plate until he asked to be excused. A got really offended and I tried to explain that I can’t eat lamb and C is a child and this is a bit too extravagant for his tastes. She got really upset about it and said that it was my fault since he does everything I do and I had probably been feeding him snacks all day (I had not, it was a school day, he only has unhealthy things on the weekends, and even that is in moderation). A was pretty upset and we went back and forth over it until eventually I snapped and said “If you had actually considered that E has a child, then maybe you would’ve made something we could all eat.” She got really upset and just ran out. I feel kinda bad for it, but I knew we all hated it and she didn’t even ask E or C what they like to eat. I had actually planned a really fun meal for us that we were all really looking forward to, and then A came over and hijacked the kitchen and we’re all too nice to tell her no.

TLDR: My best friend’s gf made dinner that none of us liked, got upset that we didn’t eat it, and I basically said it was because she didn’t consider E or his son while she was cooking. 

Donutsinmypants Nta put her in her place

Mesosoup we love to see it NTA

Chadspace Call her out NTA

QueersforBreakfast You tell her sis! NTA

NomadChristmas [ link ] oof she’s really upset about this one huh?

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r/AmItheAsshole

AnaFlores

AITA for cooking my boyfriend dinner?

I (27F) made my boyfriend (Edmundo, 34M) dinner, and his coworker and son were also there. I thought they weren’t going to be present, so I planned a nice dinner for the two of us and I was going to surprise him, but when I got there, the three of them were on the couch. I could tell his coworker (Evan, 30M) was planning what looked like a rather unhealthy dinner, so I made us all lamb and brussel sprouts and asparagus. Evan claimed that he couldn’t eat red meat, which I know is untrue since Edmundo told me before that they were getting burgers. Christopher (10), Edmundo’s son, didn’t eat it either. I was really upset because I worked really hard on it, but Christopher just went to his room (which I thought was rude since we were all still at the table and he didn’t finish his dinner, but I didn’t say anything because I am not the parent yet). Evan shouted at me that it was because I wasn’t considering them while choosing dinner, but I didn’t think that I’d have to since I thought they would be elsewhere. Edmundo didn’t seem to eat much of it either. I’m really hurt that none of them liked my cooking.

NomadChristmas This is a man who is a firefighter, veteran, and has a child, right? And you made him lamb and brussel sprouts? For what? He’s not 80.

LivenChillen YTA this sounds heavily edited and what reason did you have to think Evan and Christopher wouldn’t be home?

AnaFlores I thought I overheard Evan tell Edmundo that he wanted to take Christopher to the park today 

Bucketeer You literally make no sense YTA

LindsayBear I– YTA 

GummyTeddy No. Just no. YTA. 

Penguinin [ link ] girl YTA

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LuckyBucky

AITA for crashing my best friend’s family outing to take his son out?

Yes, I’m here once again to talk about [ all this ]. 

So, I (30M) love my best friend’s (E, 34M) son (C, 10M). He’s like a son to me, they’re both my world, I’m his guardian if something should happen to E. We’ve been a family for years. 

A few months ago, E got a gf (A, 27F). She has been… less than helpful with everything. E was hurt, but he’s getting better, and A suggested they go on a date. E agreed and asked me to babysit. I was more than happy to. I am very much in love with E, but he’s straight and happy with A, so the least I can do is ensure I can make C happy. I was originally planning to take the two of them to a COVID-safe kids’ event in the park, where masks were required, vaxxed people only, you brought your own food/drinks, and you brought blankets and/or chairs to put on the ground. You could reserve a space for cheap, so I did for the three of us. I coordinated with some of C’s friends’ moms, who all decided to go, and we got everything together so that we’d have spots next to each other, someone was bringing cake, someone was bringing juices, someone was bringing sandwiches, etc. Then, E said he was going on a date with A that day, so I figured it could be a fun thing for C and I to do together. This had been happening more and more often before E got hurt, where C and I would be left to our own devices when E had to back out of plans because A insisted on a date. I don’t mind, even though I do, but it’s fine. What isn’t fine is that it bothered C, but E couldn’t figure out a way to make everyone happy. He’s desperate for this to work. I couldn’t tell you why. 

Anyway, I told E about my plans to take C to the event and explained the rules to E. He was upset he couldn’t go, but had already agreed to the date with A. She had picked a nice restaurant for them to go to with those tiny entrees and dress codes. E would hate it, and I knew that, but A doesn’t ever really seem to consider this when picking outings for them.

A was over when I mentioned the event where I was taking C, and A said that it sounded like a bad idea. I asked why and she didn’t really come up with a straight-forward answer so I just kind of brushed it aside. I went to the kitchen for a beer (because it’s getting harder and harder to deal with this lady while stone-cold sober) and I overheard her saying something like “we talked about this.” E said that no, they did not, A talked but he never said he agreed. A said that if she were to ever be important to either of them, then I needed to take a step back, and that couldn’t happen if I kept hanging out with C and he would never get used to being without me. 

I would like to mention at this point that I did not mean to eavesdrop. The kitchen is close to the living room and there is no way to close the spaces off from each other entirely, and I was just trying to get a beer and the conversation lasted maybe 15 secs. I was really hurt by what she said, so I went out there to ask her what she meant. She was obviously panicked, but then said that she was just trying to be part of this family and I was trying to take her spot. She called C out of his room, and told him that he was not going to the event in the park and instead going with them to dinner at the restaurant. C was really upset, E was very overwhelmed, and I was just… I still don’t really know how to feel about it. The fact that she so easily could take the spot in their family that I thought was mine. It hurt. Which may have been at least part of why I did what I did.

The following days, C had given E the silent treatment. He had been so excited to go to the park and (while social distancing) see so many of his friends and see the event. I hadn’t seen him so excited to do something in a long time. But in just a minute, A tore it all down, and C blamed his dad, which wasn’t exactly fair, but I was kinda pissed at E too because he could’ve stopped it but he didn’t. I kept trying to convince him to grow a pair and just tell his gf no, but he was very reluctant. I even offered that E and A take the tickets and take C to the park, but A apparently refused for whatever reason. Anyway, the day came and C was getting even more depressed. A had described the restaurant for him, trying to make it seem fun, but it just made him more upset. It’s a fancy restaurant with no kids menu and a black tie dress code, I don’t really know what she expected. 

C was inconsolable. He’d already had a really hard time with quarantine, and he was falling into depression, and I just couldn’t take it. I went to E and told him that I’m taking the kid to the park for the event, I don’t care what A says, it was happening. E didn’t say much. He just looked kinda sad and told us to have fun. I wish there was more I could do for him, but I genuinely don’t know what to do. E is obviously miserable because his son is miserable, but he’s at a loss for how to fix it and he’s a little oblivious when it comes to these kinds of things. He’s a smart guy, but he has trouble seeing the bigger picture when it comes to his family.

I packed our picnic basket, enough sandwiches for a couple kids since the moms had the other snacks covered. I told E to tell C the good news and hopefully get himself back in the kid’s good graces. Luckily, it worked, and C was bouncing off the walls. I was just getting us into the car when A arrived. She was in a nice, fancy dress for her nice, fancy restaurant. And she was furious. Said E told her that C was going to the park and told me she forbid it. I told her she could go to hell. She had no right over this child, she was making the kid miserable, then I packed us into the car and left.

C and I had a great time, but E’s date was, as he put it, Hell. The entire time they were there, A kept telling him that it was a terrible idea to let me take C since they were trying to be a ‘real family,’ whatever that means. E said he was uncomfortable in his monkey suit (his words), A ordered them a plate of escargot to share (he hates it) and ordered him what had to be the smallest entree in the world. He mentioned it also possibly had an ingredient he’s allergic to, but he didn’t eat it anyway. He was starving when he came back after dropping her off and I made him six sandwiches that he scarfed down in maybe 5 minutes. He was really upset that he missed the event, but he was glad C was happy. We had a long talk about how he could’ve been there if he wanted to be, but A was already so pissed that C wasn’t on their date. I told him that they could’ve gone to the park thing instead of me, but E said that he suggested that and A refused because it was my idea, so it must’ve been bad. I didn’t really know what to say to that. I also reminded E that his future partner, whether that was A or someone else, needed to remember that C was family all the time and not just when it benefited them. That threw him off and I could tell he was about to panic, so we dropped the conversation for the time being. 

The next day, A ripped into me about taking C, and got really upset and started crying asking why I was trying to rip her away from ‘her boys.’ They’re my boys, thank you, but she wasn’t listening. 

Anyway, AITA?

TDLR: I wanted to take my best friend’s son out while he and his gf went on a date but the gf hates me and tried to make a ten-year-old go to a really expensive restaurant he’d hate. Made the kid miserable, so I took him anyway.

NoEyedDeer Oh man she sounds so controlling and manipulative. NTA

LindsayBear That poor kid wanting to go to the park. I’m glad he was at least able to go with you NTA

Mesosoup OP, your best friend is in the beginnings of an abusive relationship. He seems miserable because he is miserable. Support him enough to convince him to leave before he gets himself and his son hurt even more than they already are. I’d hate to see this go downhill even more than it already has. 

TotesnBoats This woman sounds awful NTA

Muppetsocks NTA. You checked with the dad, who agreed. She has no right to his child and she needs to stop acting like she does. 

GummyTeddy Oof. NTA. 

Beesknees NTA [ link ] but she sure is!

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r/AmItheAsshole

AnaFlores

AITA for wanting to go on a family outing with my boyfriend?

My (27F) boyfriend (Edmundo, 34M) has a lovely young son (Christopher, 10). Christopher has cerebral palsy, and Edmundo’s coworker (Evan, 30M) is rather close to him and I simply do not trust this man. He is a stranger, a reckless one at that, and not trustworthy. 

I wanted to go on a date with Edmundo, and Evan was going to take Christopher to the park. I knew this was a terrible idea, and I told Edmundo as such. We’d also discussed recently that he would make Evan take a step back from our family, but apparently that has not yet happened. I decided to make that happen, and told Christopher he was not going to the park, but was coming with us to dinner. We were going to a beautiful, romantic restaurant. It is a black-tie affair, so he’d have to dress nicely, and the entrees are smaller portion sizes, but he’s a small boy, so he doesn’t need larger portions. He was very upset when I told him this, and threw a several-day long tantrum. I knew it was best not to give in, so I made sure he knew he was coming to the restaurant anyway. Evan said the boy was depressed because of the pandemic, but that’s impossible because he is so young and has a great father and he has me. 

On the day of our date with Christopher, Edmundo called me and told me that Christopher was not coming with us, but instead going to the park with Evan. He explained that Christopher was going to see his friends, enjoy the fresh air, and do an activity for children, but Evan planned it, so there’s no way this was a good idea. I came over early to try and stop them from going, but they went anyway. 

Edmundo was in a mood our whole date, and I can’t say that I wasn’t, either. We were both upset that Evan took Christopher out. I tried to tell Edmundo that this couldn’t keep happening, but he was still furious with me and wouldn’t hear it. I confronted Evan the next day about trying to rip me away from my family because he is in love with Edmundo, but he ignored me.

Donutsinmypants This is so obviously missing so many points. YTA.

Muppetsocks So, you’re telling me that you wanted to make a child miserable because you don’t like his babysitter when you want to go on a date with your bf? YTA

Chadspace Yeah YTA. There is no way a child would want to go there, and it is entirely possible for a child to be depressed, especially when kept away from his friends and school during a pandemic, especially since people with cerebral palsy are high-risk when it comes to COVID. This was a chance for him to get out, see his friends, and be happy. Let him be happy.

NomadChristmas  YTA I cannot wait until he breaks up with you

Beesknees You’re ridiculous [ link ]

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r/AmItheAsshole

LuckyBucky

AITA for being overly involved in my friend’s life and raising his son?

Yeah, this is another installment in the [this series]. I’m so tired. 

We’ve got the usuals here: me (30M), best friend (E, 34M), his son (C, 10M), his gf (A, 27F). Guest-starring my pal (T, 28F) and my sister (M, 39F). Here we go. 

So, ever since my best friend moved to town, I’ve been pretty involved in his and his son’s life. It started when he couldn’t go get his son after an earthquake so I drove him to pick him up and C and I were instant friends. Then, when his original childcare fell through and I heard him say that he was trying to navigate the bureaucracy and red tape but couldn’t, I introduced him to my friend and red tape’s worst nightmare. She is a home healthcare aide and now she works as C’s primary carer aside from E and myself. I often hung out with the two of them, we were always palling around and having a ball. When C (with cerebral palsy, I should add) wanted to ride a skateboard, I (with E’s permission) built him a harness so he could ride the skateboard just like he wanted. When he wanted to go surfing, I (again, with E’s permission) found a CP-safe surfing class. I check any and all activities with E and, if he approves it, C’s doctor. I often talk to C’s doctor, with or without E, about C’s safety and those programs and what he may recommend. I cook for them, I clean for them, I do their laundry, I pick up/drop off C at school. I’m E’s emergency contact, next of kin, power of attorney, I’m his sole beneficiary until C turns 18. I’m C’s other emergency contact, and it is in E’s Will that, god forbid, if anything happens to E, I will become C’s legal guardian. When E was hurt a little bit back and was hospitalized in a coma, I just took care of C without really thinking about it. E had a gf at the time, and other family, and yet we all just sort of silently agreed that it was best for C if I took care of him. E turns to me with any parenting decisions, he asks my opinion on things. He said, and im quoting because these words were burned into my brain, “there is no one in this world I trust with my son more than you.” He said that to me. Strong eye contact, hand on shoulder, low voice, the whole This Is Important thing. He’s good at those talks. 

Anyway, what I’m trying to say is that I have kind of been like a stand-in for E’s partner and C’s parent. I don’t just help out w E and hang w C, I also enforce rules and buy groceries and do drs appts and the like. C’s mom left (I’ve said it in previous posts, but any comments bashing C’s mom or any absentee parents are being deleted) and I was the one E leaned on. When she later passed away, I was even more of a stand-in. E has never said anything about this. He’s never complained or mentioned me going too far, or implied that he doesn’t want me doing the things I’m doing. Whenever I do these things, he just gives me this soft, happy look. He’s relieved. Maybe I’m projecting because that’s what I hope, but sometimes I can visibly see him relax like I’ve just taken a weight off his shoulders. It’s just sort of an unspoken thing between us, and I want to believe that he would’ve said I’ve overstepped or at least snapped and told me to back off if I become too exhausting, but I don’t know. He’s the type to bottle things up until he explodes. But this has also been going on for going on over 3 years now, and I can’t really believe that he never would’ve said anything, or that he would’ve made me his son’s emergency legal guardian if he didn’t like it. The only time we’ve ever had a real fight was when I briefly went AWOL and he was mad that I wasn’t around for C (it was maybe 2 weeks, and also 2 years ago). 

I mention all this because recently, E’s gf approached me in private. She told me that I needed to back off because I was getting overwhelming and exhausting to be around, and E was tired of me constantly being there, too. She said that a lot of the things I did weren’t supposed to be my jobs, but hers. Since she is ‘the girlfriend’ (of like five months), she should be stepping in as a parent to C. She said “you want them to be happy, don’t you? Do you really think they’d be happy with you constantly barging in and forcing yourself where you don’t belong?” It really hurt because I’ve never belonged anywhere in my life, but I belonged here. Or, at least, I thought I belonged here. Now, I’m not so sure. My best friend has never spoken to me about it, but she said that he was too nice and felt too bad for me to tell me to back off. I want to talk to him about it, but I don’t think I’d be able to handle it if he told me that it was the truth. I’ve spent my entire life looking for a family and I thought I found it here, at least for a little while, and I just don’t know what I’d do if I had to let it go. 

I talked to my friend, T, and my sister, M, during our wine nights and they both agreed that, even if what A said wasn’t true, I needed to step back for my own sake. E is moving on from his late wife, and he can never fully move on if I’m there taking the spot of where his new partner should be. Well, my sister said that, the first part, very gently, and I filled in the rest. T told me that I need to “hike up my skirt” and tell him I’m in love with him since he “baby-trapped me” and “loves me too” and “made me his life partner years ago.” However, she also agreed that I need to take a step back, because at this point, being around A and watching her try to take the role I’ve been fulfilling for so long, it does nothing but hurt me. 

I think it might kill me to let them go, but if that’s what they need to be happy, then I’ll do it. I’ve never really cared much about my own happiness, and I don’t see why that should change now. What I want most is for E and C to be happy, and at the time what they needed to be happy was a weight off their shoulders. If what they need now to be happy is for me to leave so they can have A, then I’ll do that. 

However, I’m reluctant to pull back just because A told me to. If there’s a chance I can hold onto them, even for just a little bit longer, then I want to take that chance. But I also know that she does want to do what I do for them, and she wants to be a family with them. And I don’t like her, but E does, I think, so I should let them be happy, right? I don’t know. I’m kind of lost here. 

NomadChristmas This hurts my heart. I don’t know what to say. Except ow. 

LindsayBear LuckyBucky, you should love yourself a bit more. 

LuckyBucky I’m pretty much physically incapable of that

QueersforBreakfast Ok this is a hard one tbh. I’m gonna say ESH. She shouldn’t have said that to you, E shouldn’t have relied on you like that if he planned to eventually get a new partner, your wine night gals should have been kinder, and you need to be nicer to yourself and stop worrying about what A says and actually talk to your best friend. I understand you may be afraid of what he says, but you don’t give YOUR SON to someone you dislike. 

Totesnboats ouch. I’m gonna say ESH. E kinda relies on you too much and it’s messed up that he basically made you a second parent, literally got mad at you because you couldn’t see his son, and then got someone he wants to make his permanent partner like he doesn’t already have one. A shouldn’t have taken the initiative to say that to you; if E wants you to step back, he should be the one to say it, and A doesn’t have the right. And you should probably back off, if only for yourself, but also because it sounds like E is trying to make a family with her, and maybe you owe him that. Sounds like he hasn’t had the best luck in romance, so maybe this is the one? I mean probably not knowing about [all this], but maybe? Maybe??

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r/AmItheAsshole

LuckyBucky

AITA for refusing to go to the beach with my friend and his son if his gf comes along?

Hi everyone. All posts relating to this woman are [ here ]. Characters are me (30M), my best friend (E, 34M), his son (C, 10M), and his gf (A, 27F).

I believe I’ve mentioned in posts before, but C and I got caught together in the Santa Monica tsunami a little while back. He means the world to me, and we were close before then, but we’ve been even closer since. E left C with me for the day, and we went out to the pier, and we were there when the first wave hit. Including C, I saved quite a few people. I feel and always have felt like I lost C that day, but he says that I saved him and that he knew he’d be okay because I was there. He also apparently goes around telling people that tsunamis ‘aren’t a big deal’ if you have an OP with you. So, he trusts me implicitly, and so does E.

C and I have both had PTSD from that event, but we’ve been working through it together. Recently, he approached E and I after we put him to bed. He’d been thinking about this for a while, and I guess he figured it was time to ask us. So, he came to us a bit after we thought he’d fallen asleep and he asked us if we could take him to the beach. He said he had a lot of fun when we were playing in the water a little while ago (the hose story) and he wanted to try going to the ocean. We hadn’t gone back since that day, but C said he wanted to go with us and see the water. He’s braver than I am, because I fully planned to never go to the beach again. I have panic attacks whenever I think about going in a pool, which makes my job difficult sometimes since I need to be prepared for water rescues, but my team understands that I went through a lot that day and my captain makes sure I don’t have to go near or in the water unless there’s no way around it. Obviously, I have big problems around water, and that’s not even getting me started on salt water. A while ago, we had a rescue near the beach, and I just smelled the ocean and started freaking out and had a PTSD attack. So, I 100% planned to never go near the beach again unless there was no way around it. That being said, C said that he only wanted to go if I went with him, because I kept him safe before and I’d always keep him safe no matter what happened. 

I told him we’d think about it, have a lot of conversations about it. E and I had long talks over the next few days. He was really worried about me since he knew my PTSD was even worse than C’s. C was just a kid, so I was able to keep him from seeing dead bodies and worse wreckage and stuff like that, but I saw it all. I also spent hours searching for him through the water, and I nearly died trying to find him. It was rough, and E was worried about me having a flashback and going catatonic. He spent a while convincing me that it wasn’t my fault that C was there, and he was worried out of his mind that going back would unwind some of my progress since then. Not to mention, during that time period, I had a couple other traumas, so one trigger brings up all my trauma. Not fun. It took a while, but I decided I would go. I’d have E and C and my boss (my pseudo-father) was willing to come as moral support for me. 

I guess E told his gf, A, that we were going to the beach, because she wanted to come along. I said that it sounded like a bad idea because C has been a little upset around her since she tried to keep him from going out with me to see his friends (COVID safe) and I admitted that I didn’t want her around when I was going to be in a very vulnerable state. I know she doesn’t like me and she’s always looking for ways to tear me down and that is literally the last thing I need when doing something like this. E agreed that he would tell her no.

Two days later, about three days from when we were set to go out, A came over. I was going to leave because I’d already been anxious about our impending visit to the beach and didn’t need her around me either, plus I just don’t like being around her and will avoid her at all costs. Then, she said that she knew that I was the one keeping her from the outing to the beach and the simplest solution would be to have her go instead of me. And the only thing that sounds worse than me going to the beach is C going to the beach when I’m not there. IDK, PTSD works in funny ways. Besides that, as E pointed out to her, the only way C was willing to go was with me since I made him feel safest with the water. It’s true–I was the one who helped him feel ok washing his hands, then showering, and finally taking a bath. He’s so brave when it comes to these things, and he’s helped me feel braver, too, and I know that the best way to go back to the beach is going together.

A said she wanted to join us anyway. E was unsure and said he’d ask C if he was ok with it, but I couldn’t. A genuinely makes me anxious just being around her or thinking about being around her at this point, and I would rather never go to the beach again if I have any say in it. I told E, right in front of A, that I was putting my foot down here. I could not do something like this with someone I don’t like and someone who doesn’t like me. I was in a really bad headspace already and if I ended up having a panic or PTSD attack, she was one of the last people I would want there. I told E that I’m sorry, but there is no way I would be going to the beach if A was going.

I feel really bad about it because C wants to go but only wants to go with me. E was kinda pissed at me too and said I was being selfish since C wanted me to go and why did it matter if A went? I didn’t know how to tell E that his gf and I hated each other and that she says terrible things to/about me, so I just said that I’m not comfortable around her and I don’t want her to be there if something goes wrong. I think A was just trying to help and be there for E and C, but she makes me anxious and the last thing I need is more triggers while standing in one giant trigger. 

TLDR: My friend’s son and I got caught in the tsunami, and now he wants to go to the beach together, but I refused to go if my friend’s gf was with us.

EDIT: We did end up going to the beach and had a lot of fun. My boss was there with us and the four of us ended up having a lot of fun. C and I took a little while to go into the water, but eventually we did go in and we played around a little bit. E and our boss were staying close by, but they let us be together. A didn’t come with us, I don’t know what E did, but she didn’t. I feel a lot better about water and the ocean. Thank you to everyone, not only for your answers, but also for your moral support. It means so much more to me than you could ever know.

LindsayBear You and C are both so strong for getting through that! Good luck at the beach if you do go! And NTA 100%! You deserve to feel safe when facing something like this, and if she doesn’t make you feel safe, you shouldn’t force yourself to deal with it. Plus, given everything going on, it makes sense if C doesn’t feel safe with her either. You all deserve a day without her to face your fears and be happy

Mesosoup NTA. You went through something tragic and terrifying and you’re bringing yourself to face your fears, which is no easy task, and you should feel comfortable when you do it. You’ve got this, OP! Go for the Gold!!!

NomadChristmas You absolutely are NTA. This day is about C AND you!! You deserve to feel ok without extra problems (and she is a problem) 

Beesknees This is a boundary. This is a limit. You let people ignore these, they’ll ignore others. This is not just a random event, this is you and C facing your fears and feeling ok with water. A has no place there and you don’t need to force yourself to go with it. It’s fucked up that E said you’re selfish for setting this boundary. NTA NTA NTA NTA

Donutsinmypants NTA. Think of it this way: C feels safe with you. He’s young and impressionable, and if he sees that you feel even more anxious for any given reason, he’ll feel more anxious. If he sees you calmly facing your fears, then he’ll know he can, too. If you talk with him about your fears and why you aren’t ready, or talk him through what you’re feeling if you’re still scared, it will only mean good things. If he sees that you feel anxious around A and it’s making you feel even worse, then he will only grow to resent her even more. If he sees that A makes you even more scared, he will assume that there is something to be scared of in her. 

QueersforBreakfast Damn NTA what a bitch [ link ]

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r/AmItheAsshole

AnaFlores

AITA for wanting to go to the beach with my boyfriend and his son?

I (27F) heard recently that my boyfriend (Edmundo, 34M), his son (Christopher, 10), and his coworkers (Evan, 30M, and Robert, M) were planning to go to the beach. I offered to come with them, but Edmundo treated this like a big deal. He said that this was between Christopher and Evan because they were facing their fears together, and that Evan wasn’t comfortable with me being there.

Evan lost Christopher in the tsunami a few years ago. Because of this, I suppose they’re both afraid of water now. I understand why Christopher is–he was helpless and abandoned by the man who was supposed to keep him safe. But Evan is a strong firefighter; I don’t understand what he has to be afraid of. 

A few days ago, I came over and offered to go to the beach with them instead of Evan, since Evan was the problem. Edmundo told me that the only way Christopher was willing to go was if Evan was with him. I suppose his brain somehow connected Evan to safety, even though Evan was the one who lost him in the first place. I still wanted to go to support Edmundo and Christopher, but Evan said, right in front of me, that he didn’t feel comfortable being so “vulnerable” around me and if I was going with them, he refused to come as well. He left after that, quite the dramatic exit, and Edmundo told me that this trip was important to Christopher. He said that it wasn’t just an outing at the beach, this was his son and best friend getting over their fear and trauma. It wasn’t about me, or even himself, it was about Evan and Christopher, and I should respect them all enough to leave this alone. 

I gracefully conceded, and I heard they went to the beach and had a wonderful time. It doesn’t sound like it was as much of a serious occasion as Edmundo made it out to be. I’m a little hurt by that, and that he wouldn’t let me come to such an important thing in their lives. I feel like I should have pressed the issue, but I can’t tell if I am in the wrong. 

ColdCutBoots let me clear it up for you: you’re in the wrong!

Chadspace this is a time of self-reflection and forgiveness for the three of them. This is not for you. This isn’t for relaxing or having fun, this is for them to reacquaint themselves with something that nearly took their lives. You are way too judgemental of both of them, especially Evan, to go along. It’s supposed to be a safe space—you would not let it be a safe space for both of them. 

QueersforBreakfast I honestly don’t even know what to tell you anymore. YTA. They have PTSD and they’re facing their fears and it has nothing to do with you. 

Mesosoup Good lord pls YTA

NomadChristmas I feel so bad for Evan. Even when he’s been traumatized and is willing to put aside his own discomfort for Christopher, you still judge him and try to tear him down. Shame on you. 

Totesnboats God yta [ link ]

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r/AmItheAsshole

LuckyBucky

AITA for telling my best friend that I’m not coming over anymore when his gf is here?

Hi, everyone, you all know how it is. All previous related posts linked [ here ]. Characters, me (30M), my best friend (E, 34M), his son, (C, 10M), his gf (A, 27F). K here we go. 

So, I hate E’s gf and she hates me. She makes me feel really uncomfortable and tense and anxious and generally awful. I will support my best friend to the ends of the earth, but I just cannot take her anymore. So, I took E aside and told him that I don’t mind that he’s dating A, but if she’s here, I’m not coming over. If she comes over while I’m here, I’m leaving. And if she’s at a gathering, if there’s a small enough number of people, he could count me out. 

E was really upset about this and told me that I may not like her, but I should think about his son. This kinda pissed me off and I said “he’s not my son unless you die and A is going to replace me eventually, so why bother making myself miserable if you’re just gonna edge me out anyway?” E was positively heartbroken when I said this, and he tried to promise me that wouldn’t happen, but I’ve spent my whole life being left behind and I’m kinda over getting comfortable when the rug is about to be pulled out from under me. 

I feel guilty for saying that. To be completely honest, there is nothing I want more than for C to be my son, but he’s not. It’s hard to remember that sometimes. I love them both so much, I am completely in love with E, but he’s in a relationship with someone he really likes and I just can’t do this. But I also feel like I’m abandoning my family, even though they’re not my family. 

TLDR: My best friend is dating a girl I hate, so I told him I’m not going to be around her if I can help it. He reminded me that his son relies on me and i snapped about how he was replacing me in his kid’s life with his gf so it doesn’t matter anyway. 

Chadspace This one is hard ngl. I think that, maybe, NAH? I mean, you are setting a boundary. I may say slight ESH because he was kinda guilt-tripping you (and also literally baby-trapping you, have you noticed this?) and you kinda brought in some stuff that wasn’t really necessary. But also I feel like that may have been a long time coming. But also this is a boundary for you. You don’t like her, so you’re limiting your facetime with her and that’s fine. He shouldn’t make you feel bad about that. So maybe NTA? Jfc man idk

Mesosoup I think I’m gonna say soft NTA because he kinda started guilt-tripping you w his kid even tho he isn’t your kid. He can’t pick and choose when C is his son and when he’s “our” son. 

Penguinin I think NAH because youre setting a boundary and he was hurt by it. You both acted with your feelings but that’s normal and it’s not like either of you were irrational. 

LivenChillen I’m gonna say soft YTA because you sort of blindsided him with a lot of insecurities there. 

GummyTeddy ESH because you both acted with your feelings and you both kinda guilt-tripped each other. 

Donutsinmypants there are a lot of opinions here and idk what mine is 

QueersforBreakfast [ link ] 🥺🥺

***

r/AmItheAsshole

Edsbedhead

AITA for trying to stop my best friend from avoiding my gf?

My best friend and I have been close for years. He’s like a second parent to my son and they love each other more than anything. A few months ago, I got a gf who is nice, smart, pretty, nurturing, everything my parents would want in a partner for me. She kind of reminds me of my childhood, which is less than ideal and I’m not really sure why, but she’s still a great partner. But if my best friend were a girl, I think we’d be married by now with another kid. To be completely honest, even though he’s a man, I’ve thought about it. 

My best friend and my gf have not been on the best terms since they met. I don’t know how, because he’s the best person in the world aside from our son, but I’ve gathered enough to understand that she didn’t like him, and he doesn’t like her either. 

Well, I don’t know how it got this bad, but my best friend came to me the other day and told me that he was going to actively avoid my gf. This means that when she comes over, he’s gone. The problem with this is that whenever she comes over, it’s random, and he’s constantly there, and we have plans. Meaning I’ll effectively be trading them off, and I don’t want to do that. If I’m being completely honest, I’d rather have my best friend than my gf here. We’re not past the stage of trying to impress each other quite yet, and it’s exhausting. 

I knew it was low, but the only thing I could think of was that my kid relies on my best friend. He’s another dad to him, and it wouldn’t be fair to our son to take away his second dad. I don’t really know how it happened, but he blew up on me and said that our son was only his kid if I die (he’s his godfather in my Will) and that I was replacing him in our son’s life with my gf, so it doesn’t matter anyway. 

I didn’t realize that he felt this way. I’m really upset because I thought that we’d been on the same page about his place in my life. I tried to promise him that he was permanent, but he refused to hear it and left to cool down. I don’t know what to do and I don’t entirely know where I went wrong and I just wish everything could go back to how it was before I got a gf. 

ColdCutBoots Hmmmmmmm. ESH I think? 

LindsayBear I think ESH. You guilt-tripped each other. I think you need to have a nice, long talk with your bestie, and also break up with your gf and make your best friend your boyfriend. 

Beesknees YTA simply because you clearly don’t like your gf enough to try to fit her into your life and it’s hurting the people you love and for whatever reason, you’re ignoring all her red flags and you’re keeping her in your life even though you clearly don’t want her there. 

Totesnboats Seems to me like you’re not as straight as you thought and you’re in love with your best friend but you’re trying to ignore that because you feel like you’re not supposed to be. You’ve been exposed to behavior like your gf’s your whole life, probably from a parent. So, you think this behavior is normal, even tho it’s toxic and psychologically abusive, but you’d rather ignore all of that because you feel like this is supposed to be your life and you’re not supposed to be in love with your best friend, but you want a family with him. You probably feel like you’ll be a disappointment if you let yourself be with him? But now you’re seeing that he’s stepping back, so you’re desperate to keep him close, thus, you’re fighting like a divorced couple. Am I getting warmer?

QueersforBreakfast You could’ve been a little bit nicer about it. He’s just a baby

Totesnboats I’m a psychologist I don’t do “nice”

NoEyedDeer Edsbedhead, I’m gonna be gentle with you. Your gf is toxic and manipulative and is trying to separate you from your closest friend, and it is working. She clearly doesn’t like sharing. Judging by your other posts, she clearly doesn’t respect your boundaries. Please, for yourself and your son, get out of there. 

Muppetsocks [ link ] oof we strugglin out here huh?

Chapter Text

r/AmItheAsshole

SergeantProblem

AITA for blowing up on my friend’s gf and kicking them both out of my house?

I’m new to this, my friend recommended I write here for a nonpartisan view. I’m not exactly sure what is needed but I’ll just tell you what I think may be relevant.

I am a police sergeant, and my husband, we’ll call him Robby, is the captain of a firehouse. His firehouse is like a family. I have two kids of my own with my ex-husband, who is now my best friend, but there is one firefighter working under Robby who is like another child to both of us. We’ll call him Tuck.

When Tuck and I first met, he was not very impressive. He was strong, sure, and a good firefighter with brawn, but he was rude, arrogant, and cocky. But then he saved my life with some very quick thinking and I figure that’s enough to earn a second chance. Robby and I weren’t together yet, but I was a close friend of one of his other firefighters, so I was sort of like an honorary member of the house and told Robby he should also give the kid a second shot to prove himself. Robby gave Tuck another chance that day, too, and when I say that he used it, I mean that boy used it. Tuck was just 26 at the time, but after that day, it was like he changed. He realized the problems and he fixed them. He is the kindest, sweetest, most considerate person I’ve ever had the pleasure to know. Imagine a golden retriever puppy: that’s him. This boy is my family, he is my son, and he may be the whitest white boy and I may be Black, but he is my son and I will damn anybody to Hell who says otherwise.

Something about Tuck is that he spent a long time trying to find a family. His parents weren’t the loving parents someone deserves, and he spent ages 12-19 living like a ghost in his house. His older sister (we’ll call her Madeline) was the one who raised him, and she left for college when he was 12. She’d already put it off a year for him, and she wanted to be a nurse, so she had to go eventually. Tuck spent his childhood years trying to get his parents’ attention, and the only way he could do that was to risk his own life, so that is what he did, and that is what he still does, risking his own life for the smallest chance of success. This boy has taken maybe 15 years off all of our lives. 

When Tuck was 19, he left home and never looked back. He traveled for a few years but never found a place to stay or something he wanted to do. He stayed in basically every continental state of the US and then some, but nothing ever stuck. He had depression, touch starvation, severe abandonment issues, and was just lonely. He’s been lonely his whole life. 

When he got here, he found a family who loved him. His coworkers are like his brothers and sisters, his biological sister came back into his life and now lives here with us, Robby and I are like parents to him, and he’s found the best friend he’s ever had, who we’ll call Teddy, and they’re raising Teddy’s son together. We’re all very protective over him, though I think we’re justified. He’s our baby, and I will love him to the ends of the earth. 

Teddy’s wife died two years ago, and about six months ago, he got a girlfriend we’ll call Anne. None of us met her, even Tuck, and like I said, they’re raising Teddy’s child together and they’re each other’s next of kin and power of attorney and they spent 50-70% of their time together, so Tuck should’ve met her. Recently, Teddy got hurt, and he was in the hospital for a while, where Tuck met Anne for the first time. By his account, she was rude and conceited, and overall impolite. She apparently yelled at him in the hospital and refused to leave without the threat of security so the rest of us could see that our boy was alive. Hospital policy said we couldn’t if she was there. 

I trust Tuck with my life (with reason) but I don’t like to judge people by others’ words, especially after I’d in part judged Tuck with my friend’s words and he turned out to be the opposite person that either of us expected. So, I figured I’d give Anne the benefit of the doubt and see if she wasn’t just stressed after her boyfriend had a near death experience. 

Teddy has been doing well, and Tuck suggested getting him out of the house. He’d been going stir-crazy apparently, and since Tuck is the one taking care of him, we’d know. So, Tuck suggested we have a BBQ like we used to in celebration of Teddy’s speedy recovery. He’s finally off his pain meds, and according to Tuck he’s been rather spacey while on them, so we put off any get-togethers until he was off them. Apparently, for the most part, he’d just been sleeping and spending time with Tuck and their son, and he didn’t really remember much of anything going on. He was on very strong medication for quite a while. 

Anne was invited, since she was part of Teddy’s life, and Teddy is family. We’ve all been vaccinated since we’re first responders and Anne got her vaccination as well, so did all of our kids. Given our jobs, we’re constantly in close quarters with each other anyway, so we just take precautions where we can. 

Anyway, I finally got the chance to meet Anne, and I can’t say I was impressed. She was very rude and was constantly making comments about Tuck. Now, that is my son, so this lady was already on thin ice. Then, in a conversation with basically all of the adults (Tuck and two others were playing with the kids), Anne said that she understood our ‘frustration’ with Tuck (she used his first name, which is not fucking allowed). I was trying to remain calm and asked what she meant. She said (paraphrasing), “He’s very childish and immature. That’s not the kind of adult you can be around forever. Some people are meant to be permanent in people’s lives and some people are meant to be temporary. [Tuck’s first name] is meant to be temporary.”

Thank God Tuck did not hear this. As I said, he has depression and severe abandonment issues. Like, everyone in his life has left him, that kind of abandonment issues. He has been left behind his entire life, and he is so terrified this may happen with this family, the first family that he’s ever had, that he has taken drastic actions in order to keep it. If Tuck heard this lady speak, he would have taken her words as fact, and I can only imagine the type of spiral that would cause, especially after a recent visit from his parents.

Knowing this, and hearing the way this woman spoke about my son, I turned to Teddy and calmly said, “You may be with her. You may love her. You may damn well marry her if you so choose. But she will never, ever be a part of this family. I want you both to leave now. She is not welcome back in my home. If she tries to show up, she will not be invited in. If you show up with her, you may not come in until she is gone. I do not want her near any of my children again, especially not my Tuck.” I made sure he knew this had no impact on his own son, and Teddy and Anne left. 

Robby agrees with me that she can never be allowed back (he may be even more protective over Tuck than I am), but some of our family has made noise about me being too harsh on Teddy. I think I was within my rights as the designated mama of this family, but I’m also afraid I could have hurt my family and done more harm than good.

Mesosoup Ho. Lee. Shit. NTA

Donutsinmypants I don’t even know what to say here. I hope this woman doesn’t work with others.

SergeantProblem She’s an elementary school vice principal and was an elementary school teacher for years. She specifically works with special needs kids

QueersforBreakfast Oh HELL no. This is when you write down everything you remember her saying and ask Tuck everything else she’s said to/about him or anyone else. This is not the kind of person I would want working with my kids and I genuinely worry that she is a teacher of all things

SergeantProblem I would if I wasn’t worried about a lawsuit. I’m sure if I did it legally, I’d be okay, but I really do not want to put myself or any of my family through a lawsuit if she decides to sue for whatever reason. The last thing I’d need is to be accused of defamation of character

LivenChillen NTA. No one is ‘temporary’ wtf? Good on you for protecting your family. And Teddy needs that wake up call if that’s how she treats the man who is her boyfriend’s next of kin. You made it clear you didn’t exclude Teddy or his child from future events, but that you are sticking up for someone you care about and he supposedly cares about as well. If I were you, I wouldn’t allow him at any more events if he decides to stay with her, because that says a lot about his own priorities.

Beesknees Wait guys I think……. I think this is the thing [ link ]

GummyTeddy It totally is the thing [ link ] she posted about it too

SergeantProblem What thing?

SergeantProblem Oh HELL no

***

r/AmItheAsshole

AnaFlores

AITA for being truthful with my boyfriend’s work colleagues?

I (27F) am dating a wonderful man (Edmundo, 34M). He is a firefighter, and he calls his coworkers his “family.” I think this is strange, especially because Edmundo already has a wonderful family–he has a grandmother, an aunt, two amazing parents, and two loving sisters, along with cousins, nieces/nephews, and his own son (Christopher, 10). Edmundo calls his coworkers his “fire family” because they’re all firefighters or their partners/children. I don’t really understand because, again, Edmundo already has a great family, and no one can choose their family, anyway. I especially do not approve of this because one of Edmundo’s coworkers (Evan, 30M) is an absolutely terrible person. Everyone hails him a hero for being a firefighter who takes extra risks, but in reality, he’s just careless and selfish. He always causes problems for everyone else. And clearly this “family” doesn’t mean much to him, since he sued them a few years ago. 

This evening, Edmundo’s captain and the captain’s wife hosted a small get-together for their “family” and I was invited. Evan was there, of course, and I got to see just how clingy he is to, not only Edmundo, but to everyone. No one says anything, I think because they’re all too nice, but Evan constantly inserts himself into conversations in which he has no business being, he constantly puts himself wherever he desires to be even if he’s being nothing more than a nuisance. He forces his captain to talk to him about what he’s cooking, he wedges himself between couples, and he takes charge of the children’s games. Playing with the children, he is very rough, especially with Edmundo’s son, Christopher. Christopher is a very special, sensitive boy, who has a disability and needs to be kept safe. Evan constantly ignores this and encourages Christopher to play dangerous games, like tag, duck, duck, goose, and other running or fast-paced games which a child with cerebral palsy cannot play.

I decided to bring all of this up with this “family,” discreetly, of course. I pointed out things like Evan’s carelessness with himself (to which everyone said that he was working on his reckless tendencies–they called it suicidal, but suicidal people aren’t happy like he is, and he has a wonderful life, he would have no reason to have that level of depression), I pointed out his carelessness with Christopher and no one seemed concerned when they saw them running together, even Edmundo. I pointed out that he is the odd one out, with no real family except his sister (who was ignoring him), he had no partners who stayed long-term, and he had no children. I insinuated that he was latching onto them in a way which could harm their real families, and no one seemed concerned. 

After this, at first I thought they realized what I was saying and the truth behind it, because they were getting angry, but in reality, they were angry at me. Eventually, Sergeant Grant (the captain’s wife, and the hostess of the party) asked what I meant and I decided to be outright and tell them that Evan Buckley is a danger to their families because he is childish and immature, and I reminded them that this type of person cannot be a permanent fixture in anyone’s life, and someone like him is meant to be temporary.

Sergeant Grant became furious. She didn’t even look at me, but she looked at Edmundo and told him that she didn’t care if he was with me or if he married me (a dream come true, honestly), but that I would never be part of this “family” (as if I want to be) and I was not allowed to come to any future gatherings, and Edmundo was not allowed to come if I was with him. 

This was ridiculous to me, but Edmundo and I left (Christopher is having a sleepover at the captain’s house), and Edmundo did not even look at me the whole drive to my place. He didn’t speak at all. He and I were supposed to spend the night together at his house after the party (and hopefully get past second base), but he dropped me off at my house without a word. I tried to argue that we had plans and he told me to get out of his car and that he’d speak to me soon, but he was too angry for words. I am not sure if he is angry at me or at Sergeant Grant or Evan, but either way, I am upset that our plans were ruined.

Donutsinmypants Wow, imagine being this toxic

Mesosoup YTA

NomadChristmas The ignorance… yta

GummyTeddy YTA I hope you remember this night when he breaks up with you

Muppetsocks I did a quick search because you gave us his full name and occupation, and Evan Buckley is one of the only firefighters in US history to win not one but TWO Bronze Medals of Valor, the highest achievement for a firefighter. One for his work off-duty during the tsunami that hit the Santa Monica pier, while he was recovering from a major injury, and one for saving, oh, wait, let me double-check–oh yeah! YOUR BOYFRIEND

Mesosoup Damn, this man is the reason she has a bf to dump her and she hates him? For what? Saving a life?

ClearCutBoots This is pathetic. You’re jealous of your bf’s best friend because he clearly likes him better than you, and the best friend is more thoughtful than you (faces his own trauma to save his best friend/your boyfriend, selflessly and without question takes care of his son, throws him a welcome home party, considers his son in every single thing he does) and you’re so miserable and insecure that you have to tear down a man with a literal heart of gold, whom your own boyfriend and everyone he knows describes as “the human embodiment of a golden retriever puppy.” YTA doesn’t even cover it, but God. YTA YTA YTA

SergeantProblem See, this is proof that nothing I will say is defamation of character [ link ]

Chadspace OOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHH

Chapter Text

r/AmItheAsshole

AnaFlores

AITA for making posts on Reddit?

I (27F) have been very troubled by my boyfriend’s (Edmundo, 34M) relationship with his coworker (Evan, 30M). My boyfriend is a very wonderful man, but his coworker is rude, reckless, selfish, and overall not a good person. Everyone seems too blinded by his aloof-act to see this truth. Everyone calls him a golden retriever puppy, but I just do not see it. He’s childish and rude and reckless, and he may be an attractive blond, strong and capable, but he is going to get himself or someone else killed, possibly even Edmundo’s son, Christopher (10). Christopher has cerebral palsy, so he has special limitations, and he’s such a sensitive boy, especially after Evan lost him in the tsunami a few years ago. Evan always seems to ignore the fact that Christopher cannot do what other kids do and he encourages him to do dangerous activities like running around or walking without his crutches. 

Edmundo was shot about two months ago, and that was when Evan and I met. He’s been making me out to be the bad guy every time we see each other. I think it’s because he is in love with Edmundo and wants him for himself, even though Edmundo could never be gay. He’s much too talented in bed for that, and much too smitten with me from the second we met. 

I’ve been making posts about my interactions with Evan because he has a way of manipulating everyone around him that no one can seem to say no to him or properly realize he is the enemy, and I feel lost. I know he doesn’t like me because he is in love with my boyfriend, and I have needed some help backing me up. Granted, most people seem to have come to the conclusion that I am always in the wrong, but it seems that there is another account from Evan that people have been taking their cues from—and no one seems to realize that they, too, are being manipulated by him! Those who have not seen Evan’s account know I’m right and message me to let me know this. 

I assume Evan found my account and presented it to Edmundo, because I went over to his place to surprise him today and he was furious. I walked into his house and Edmundo came and saw me and he just… he was barely able to contain himself. He was yelling about my posts here and how they were so violating and broke whatever tenuous trust he had in me (his words, not mine) and I violated his family with my posts. I tried to get him to calm down and listen to me, because I think Evan misrepresented them in order to (once again) manipulate Edmundo into thinking I was the enemy! I told him this and Edmundo claimed that Evan was not the one who showed him my posts, which is impossible because no one else would’ve seen them. Edmundo asked me to delete them and I refused, because I wanted him to see that they were, in fact, harmless and I think it is important that they stay up so people do not just have Evan’s perspective, since it is so obviously skewed (not that I’ve read them, I just can’t see how they aren’t if everyone agrees with him. I actually blocked him the moment I figured out he was on here posting, too). Edmundo refused again, and claimed we were over. I was furious with Evan and was trying to explain that he was the source of our problems, but Edmundo said that everything with his “family” was perfect until he started dating me. I know that is untrue and Evan possibly made that claim, but it did hurt. I told him as such, and I told him I’m in love with him (which is the truth), and he didn’t say it back, he just told me to leave. I tried pointing out that Evan was in love with him and he was just trying to come between us, but Edmundo didn’t seem phased. I left after that, but I am going to go back and talk to him again when he’s not so angry. 

I really don’t think I’m in the wrong here because I love him and just want everything to be perfect while we build our real family, just the two of us, and we can’t do that with Evan constantly twisting the narrative in his favor. 

Mesosoup Good riddance bitch. 

Donutsinmypants Dude. DUDE. YTA

QueersforBreakfast ex-boyfriend* sweetie. He made his decision for himself and his family. Get over it. YTA

Penguinin Good lord YTA. You wanna know how I know? “Just want everything to be perfect while we build our real family, just the two of us.” He has a son. A son that you, in fact, mentioned. He already has a family with everyone who loves him, and he has already built a “real” family with his child. 

NomadChristmas jfc you’re never gonna learn are you? Yta

LivenChillen I’ve been waiting for this blessed day. YTA

Beesknees Guys it’s not over yet! [ link ]

***

r/WillIbetheAsshole

Edsbedhead

WIBTA for reporting my ex-gf to her school board for making violating posts about me and my family?

Hi, everyone. A lot of you have been following this story on other people’s accounts, and basically, my ex-gf has written a lot of posts on Reddit regarding myself, my family, and my friends. My friend, a police sergeant, showed me these posts, and I cannot emphasize how infuriated I am. She has posted personal information such as our names, job positions, someone’s full name AND nickname, our histories as a team and individually, work-related injuries, and has, on multiple occasions, attempted to publicly tear down my best friend and life partner, and even went as far to say multiple times that he is bad at his job and even said that he is responsible for the death of someone he was trying to save while on duty (we’re firefighters). I was planning on breaking up with her anyway, after my most recent post regarding my best friend not liking my girlfriend (a lot of you said things about how I clearly don’t like her and I’m in love with my best friend, and that’s really put things into perspective, so thanks for that tough love) but the icing on the cake was her saying my best friend is temporary in all of our lives and that we shouldn’t love him and consider him family like we do. That was the last straw, and I still don’t even know why I brought her to that party, but I was planning to break up with her before my friend showed me the posts. That was the final nail in the coffin. 

A part of me really wants to let this go, but my friend (the sergeant) is urging me to report her to the website and the school board she works for and to possibly even sue her for revealing private information and defamation of character. She works with disabled kids and a lot of the stuff she says about my disabled son is outright ableist and a lot of the stuff she says about my best friend is homophobic. She accuses him of s*xual assault and p*dophilia, through gross insinuations that he’d do something like that to me while I’m “weak” after an injury or that my son is disabled and my best friend calls my son his best friend (because he is my son’s other father, which automatically means our son is his favorite). 

I kind of want to forget her and never talk to/about her again, but she hasn’t only hurt me, but also my best friend, my family, and my young son. She has put out public information about my child, and has attacked my best friend multiple times just for being the perfect man he is, and I don’t know if I can get past these things.

EDIT 1: I am going to do this. Thank you for everyone’s support and kind words

EDIT 2: Best friend = boyfriend

EDIT 3: We won our trial. Thank you everyone who has supported us. Your help over the last few months has been so important to my boyfriend, and me to an extent, even if I didn’t realize it at the time. Thank you everyone who commented on his posts with guidance when I wasn’t in the right mindset to be there for him like I should’ve, and I promise all of you that I will be there for him for the rest of our lives.

Mesosoup pls pls do it

LivenChillen These things are against the law for a reason. Drag her.

Chadspace hells yeh do it

ColdCutBoots pls do and update how it goes <3

Penguinin So happy to hear it went well!

Mesosoup [ link ] the best update :,,))))

Chapter Text

r/relationships

LuckyBucky

The End of Our Saga

I know lots of people were following along, so I figured I’d give an update.

My posts are all linked [ here ]

E’s posts (the best friend): [ link ] and [ link ]

I first want to thank you all for your help on all my posts regarding this situation. A was extremely manipulative and she had a total disregard for E’s son, and I’m glad that we got her out of our lives for good.

According to E, our friend, a police sergeant (we’ll call her G), went to him a day or two after we had a get-together. Apparently, A said some rude things, which prompted G to go off on her and kick her out of the house. G has since deleted the post, apparently so I won’t find it. I have no clue what she said, and it seems everyone in our family is very keen on keeping it from me. Maybe that’s for the best. 

Anyway, after that fiasco, G went on r/AmITheAsshole for advice on kicking A out of her house. From there, someone linked A’s post regarding the same event at the party. G found A’s post and read it, then read all the other posts. She screenshotted them and brought them to E and told him about how she found them. 

A went to E’s place (uninvited 🙄) and E confronted her about the posts. She started claiming that she was the one in the right, the posts were harmless, I was manipulative, etc. and for the first time, E was entirely sober, off his pain meds, and retained and understood the entire thing. He said he’d felt like he was sleepwalking for the past few months, and finally woke up and saw reality. I don’t blame him for any of this, he was on such strong medication that his brain was probably just a fog. But he broke up with her after that. 

After they broke up, E came over and told me that he’d been doing a lot of thinking since his near-death experience. He told me about how there were only three things he remembered from that day: me covered in blood, me saving his life, and him thinking to himself that he was in love with me.

Obviously, this is everything I’ve wanted to hear. He told me that he’d never considered himself anything but straight before, so he doubled down in his current relationship to avoid it, but eventually couldn’t deny that it was only hurting everyone around us. He said that he was already planning on breaking up with her after we had the family party at our boss’ house because of something she said to everyone, but there was more that our mutual friend/my pseudo mother (G) told him regarding their relationship that just solidified that decision. He told me about how the pain medication made him confused a lot of the time and he could never figure out if anything he remembered was true or some figment of his imagination or if he exaggerated it and wasn’t sure how to ask about the truth. There are things that he does remember that I don’t recall ever happening and things he definitely was there for of which he has no recollection. It took a long time to eventually figure out that his perception of everything is so warped and blurry that it makes sense that he never really understood the full extent of everything until he got taken off his meds a few days before our get-together. He couldn’t remember much about his time on the medication, but, in his words, he could remember feeling safe with me. 

Naturally, after this conversation, we made out for a while and now we’re happy boyfriends. C is happier than ever, and E and I are in this for the long game. All of our friends were unsurprised that we finally got together. There was apparently thousands of dollars in the betting pool between them all over the course of four years, and they’ve been joking since we met that we’ve been married and raising a kid together before we even went on our first date, which is not at all untrue. 

We found the posts that A put up regarding our situations (again, thank you, redditor SergeantProblem) and we reported her to the school board immediately. We talked to a lawyer about our options, and decided we would sue. She said some awful things about me, was outright ableist and homophobic and transphobic, said awful things in general, and violated our privacy and the privacy of a child. 

It was a lengthy trial, and A dragged up all of our past and bullshit, but it didn’t matter. We won the suit, and A has to pay reparations and psych damages, and this suit would be on her record and would need to be disclosed to any potential job recruiter anywhere in the country. There were technically three separate grounds: defamation of character (me), violating the privacy of others (all of us), and violating the privacy of a child (C). It is because of this last one especially that she probably will never be able to work in education again. 

I know that, starting with these posts and some… questionable things she’s said to other disabled kids, parents are considering taking her to court due to her ableism, claiming she harasses disabled kids. Not entirely untrue, but we want to move on from her and enjoy our lives as a family, so we are not taking part in this trial. The parents have no shortage of evidence, so don’t worry, our nonparticipation shouldn’t hinder their case. If they take her to trial, it is a virtual guarantee she will lose her teaching license and will not be able to teach anywhere in the country again. Besides, since we are so close to her personally and have already taken her to trial once, one of the lawyers for their potential trial mentioned it might be a hindrance since that’s a lot of drama and the defense could say we have a conflict of interest and are just trying to bring her down; we don’t want to weaken the parents’ argument. 

E is fully recovered from the injury which started these posts and will be back at work next month. The three of us (me, E, and C) are all in a lot of therapy (individual, couples, and family), and we’re working together to get past these traumatic events and become stronger together. E and I are already planning on moving in together soon. We’re in this for the long haul, and I’m so in love with this family, I want this to be my forever. And if I’m lucky, it will be. 

This was, quite honestly, the best outcome in my opinion, and I can easily say I’ve never been happier. 

Thank you. All of you. Especially to my boyfriend, and his son. The loves of my life. My family.

Mesosoup Exactly what we were all hoping for <33333333333

Muppetsocks The best update I’ve ever seen

Chadspace amazing

LivenChillen !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

LindsayBear YES

Totesnboats PERIODTT

Bucketeer YES!!!!!!! GAYS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

ClearCutBoots Wholesome omg 

NoEyedDeer it’s good to see this 

QueersforBreakfast a happy ending <333333

Donutsinmypants <3333 you three deserve it

Beesknees 🥺🥺🥺

NomadChristmas I’m asking God for a love like this 🙏🙏🙏🙏

GummyTeddy congrats!!!!

Penguinin So happy for you guys. Really.

Edsbedhead our son*

LuckyBucky <3

Mesosoup precious. Absolutely precious.