Chapter Text
For the next three days, Kakashi kept it together in front of his genin, not wanting them to see his weakness. He didn’t want his kids to worry about him. He had battled his shakiness, kept his voice as steady as normal, hidden the slight tremor in his hands. But it took all his energy each day. By the time he made it home he could barely put one foot in front of the other, his breathing heavy and ringing in his ears. It was all he could do to pull his uniform off and collapse into bed each night.
It was a stark reminder that Kakashi’s body was failing him.
Today it had taken him longer to get up, longer to get to the training grounds. Luckily, him being late was so routine to the kids it was actually expected.
He watched them as they swept through the trees, aiming their shuriken and kunai at their targets.
“Watch your chakra control on your landings,” he warned as Naruto nearly took out a branch.
“Got it!”
As he looked to check on Sasuke, he nearly gasped as a wave of lightheadedness and nausea swept over him. He brought his hand to the back of his neck in an attempt to sharpen his focus. The kid hit all his targets with ease.
Kakashi shifted his attention to Sakura as she entered a triple somersault. Her form blurred in his vision. He shook his head, trying to clear it…bad mistake. His world tilted and he found himself on his hands and knees with a groan, breathing heavily.
“Kakashi sensei!” Naruto cried out.
He heard his kids come down out of the trees…he needed to get up. He brought his leg up underneath him in an attempt to stand, but his body did not comply.
“Sit down, Kakashi,” he heard Sasuke say.
“I’ll…be all right,” he grunted out, trying a second time to push himself to his feet.
He felt a strong hand on his shoulder and Sasuke repeated, in a slower, more authoritative tone, “Sit down.”
Kakashi had no choice but to give in. He hung his head, his chest still taking in heaving gulps of air. Sakura dropped to her knees beside him while Sasuke removed his hand and placed it in his pocket. Naruto walked up and knelt beside their sensei opposite Sakura, giving him some support by wrapping his arm around his back.
“What’s wrong, sensei?” the blonde asked, concern in his voice. “You’re shaking.”
“Just a little lightheaded,” Kakashi said, trying to find a smile. “I’ll…be all right in a minute.”
“Pfft,” Sasuke said with his eyes locked on their teacher. “Not from where I’m standing. You look completely wiped out.”
“Here, let me help you,” Sakura’s voice came in a soothing tone. Her gentle hands removed his sweat soaked headband. She then wet a cloth from her pouch, wiped his brow, then pressed the cold cloth to the base of his skull. “There, is that better?”
“Yeah,” he said, finally able to open his eye and slow his breathing some. “Thanks.”
“These days of teaching us have been exhausting for you, haven’t they?” she asked quietly.
“Why would you push yourself like that?” Sasuke wanted to know. “It doesn’t make any sense.”
Kakashi drew a breath and told them what Naruto already knew. His voice trembled slightly with fatigue that he could no longer hide. “Because for now, at least, you still need me.”
Sakura adjusted the cloth on his neck. A slight tinge of anger came through her voice, her emotions at the situation overwhelming her. “Well, it won’t do us any good if you keep going on like this. Seriously, are you trying to kill yourself?”
Kakashi did not miss the sharp intake of breath Naruto took at those words, the tightening of his hands around his arms.
“No. I simply…miscalculated my abilities. That’s all.”
“Don’t try to over-simplify this, Kakashi,” Sasuke chastised him. “That jutsu affected you enough to force your retirement.” Realization dawned and he narrowed his eyes. “You shouldn’t have even been here.”
Kakashi’s silence was confirmation enough.
“You probably should go to the hospital,” Sakura suggested.
Kakashi felt an almost irrational fear in the pit of his stomach. He definitely didn’t want to go back there. He had to get back to his feet, show them he was ok enough to just go home.
He made it halfway up when his body pushed down on him with iron force. He groaned in pain, his trembling limbs giving out from underneath him, barely registering his body’s impact on the ground. He heard his kids calling out his name before slipping into unconsciousness.
*******
The trio of teens watched intently as Dr. Akira examined their unconscious sensei. He seemed so thin and vulnerable lying in the hospital bed.
“How is he?” Sakura asked.
Akira straightened, removing her stethoscope from her ears and placing it around her neck. “He’s completely exhausted. He’s thoroughly over exerted himself. And that’s concerning, considering his weakened condition. I also suspect he hasn’t been eating properly.”
“He’ll get better, right?” Naruto asked in a quiet voice.
Akira sighed. “He should recover from the exertion, but he’ll never go back to his former strength. He needs to be more careful.”
“Is there anything we can do?” Sasuke asked.
“Letting him rest is the best thing,” Akira supplied. “I’m going to admit him for a few days.”
At that moment, a strained sound came from Kakashi’s throat.
“Sensei?” Sakura questioned.
Kakashi’s breathing quickened and he began to writhe in the sheets, his head twisting. His right eye opened, moving frantically but not seeing.
“He’s in a state of delirium,” Akira informed them. “Not unexpected with how exhausted his body is. Let me grab a mild sedative.”
“No!” The word sounded like it had clawed its way out of the Jonin’s throat. Ninja were trained to resist anything that altered their state of mind, so it was no surprise he had that automatic response. His hands came up, weakly grasping at the air. Naruto and Sakura stepped up, each taking a hand in their own. Sasuke gripped his leg, just above the ankle. This seemed to anchor Kakashi back to some semblance of the world, as his breathing started to slow and his movements stilled.
“Well,” Akira said approvingly, placing the unused sedative back in the drawer, “you kids certainly have good bedside manners.”
Kakashi’s eye opened again tiredly, the exhaustion plainly evident. It lazily took in the sight of his three students before it closed once more, sleep claiming him.
“Does he have to stay in the hospital?” Naruto asked, looking at the doctor. “I mean, if all he needs is rest, he’d probably sleep better at home.”
“I wouldn’t mind that,” she stated, “as long as he had someone with him at all times till he was up and about.”
The kids lifted their eyes from their sensei to look at one another. They all gave a nod.
Sometimes teamwork didn’t require words.
*******
Kakashi felt the pounding of his head before he opened his eye. He blinked a few times, trying to clear his vision in the dim light. A familiar voice reached his ears.
“Hey! You’re awake!”
“…Naruto?” He shifted his head on the pillow and looked into the faces of all three of his genin. “Oh…hi, guys.” He sat up slowly, only partially succeeding in biting back a groan against his aching muscles.
“Hey, take it easy there, sensei,” Sakura said, taking a step forward. “You need to rest.”
“Don’t worry, I can’t move much anyway,” he said tiredly. He noticed that his legs were covered by his shuriken patterned blanket. He was home. “I must admit, I’m a little surprised you guys didn’t take me to the hospital.”
“We did,” Sasuke informed him, “but you were pretty out of it. It’s no surprise you don’t remember.”
“Dr. Akira said that you really wore yourself out,” Sakura said. “She told us you could come home to recover as long as you had someone with you.”
Kakashi looked at them, realization sinking in. “So you…?”
“That’s right!” Naruto said with a big grin, crossing his hands behind his head proudly. “We’re here to help you, sensei!”
Kakashi looked away, a mix of emotions swirling in his chest. He hated admitting weakness, had wanted to protect his students from worrying about him. But his illness had stolen that from him. He was supposed to be the strong one. He wanted to push them away, the way he pushed everyone away. They needed to move on.
“Uh…sensei?”
He turned to see Naruto looking at him questioningly, the smile gone from his face. Sakura had a worried look in her eye.
“Did we…do something wrong?” she asked in a quiet voice.
His heart squeezed in his chest. He couldn’t push them away.
I’m really bad at this. “No,” he assured them. “I appreciate it. Really.”
The smiles on Naruto and Sakura’s faces were immediately restored.
“Kakashi,” Sasuke said, uncrossing his arms and stepping forward, “it’s time you were honest with us.”
He sighed, realizing that the Uchiha was right. “Guess I can’t hide this forever. Why don’t you guys sit down?”
Sasuke and Sakura lowered themselves to the floor while Naruto settled himself on the edge of the bed. They were all looking at him, all trying to hide the trepidation in their eyes. In this moment, they were not ninjas.
They were just kids.
He took a deep breath. “Well, the long and short of it is my chakra never fully came back. I’m sitting at about half my strength. I…I actually can’t use chakra anymore, the risk of it not restoring is too high.”
As ninja in training, the young trio knew exactly what no chakra meant. They also knew that at only half strength, Kakashi would always be suffering from some form of chakra exhaustion.
Sasuke was the first to speak, his voice a little softer and slower than normal. “So that means you can no longer use your Sharingan.”
And I was the only person who could advise him on his. “That’s correct.”
Naruto looked at him. “What about Pakkun? And the other hounds?”
Damn!
“Unfortunately, I cannot summon them.”
The blonde’s eyes grew wide. “So that means…” He trailed off, unable to finish the sentence.
Kakashi nodded and when he spoke, his voice sounded like it was being dragged over gravel. “Which means I’ll never see my ninken again.”
The silence after he spoke was deafening. Sakura had quiet tears dripping down her cheeks. Sasuke had brought his interlaced fingers in front of his mouth, staring off at nothing. Naruto was biting his lower lip, his hands making fists into the blanket, obviously fighting back tears.
Kakashi had never felt more exposed.
“Sensei…” Sakura ventured softly.
Kakashi interrupted her, turning his face to the wall. “I need to rest some more.”
It was unusual for the kids to be so quiet. They shuffled out of the room softly. Kakashi laid back down, his heart pounding. He curled in on himself, fighting to keep his breathing normal, trying to keep the panic attack he felt brewing at bay. It was the last thing he wanted his genin to see.
Mercifully, sleep claimed him before it came.
*******
When Kakashi awoke again, it was the next morning. He heard Naruto humming and some tinkering in the kitchen.
Slowly, he pushed himself to his feet. His legs were shaky, but they supported him. He made his way to his open bedroom door, taking a brief moment to place his hand on the doorframe to steady himself. Sasuke was cooking something in the kitchen and Naruto was in the living room. He had a shadow clone standing on his shoulders, wiping a rag along the top of his bookshelf.
The clone caught sight of him and beamed. “Hey! You’re finally awake!”
Naruto looked up at him. “How are you feeling?”
“Tired,” he answered honestly. With the kids here, there was no point in trying to hide it.
“You need to eat,” Sasuke said. “Come sit down, it’s almost ready.”
Kakashi made his way to the small table and sat down. Sasuke walked over, placing a bowl of okayu in front of him. “Thank you, Sasuke.”
The Uchiha shrugged. “It’s not a big deal. Sakura’s out getting some more food, your cabinets were basically empty.”
“I had planned on stocking up once we got back from our hike.” He gave a wry chuckle. “Best laid plans, huh?”
As usual, the boy was not easily amused. He walked to the door. “Naruto, I’m going to go train for a few hours. You can go when I get back.”
“Right!” Naruto and his clone said in unison.
Once again, Kakashi noticed as he pulled his mask down, Naruto studiously kept his back to him, keeping on his task of cleaning the bookshelf. It amazed him, the amount of respect and restraint from his curiosity the boy was showing.
The okayu was surprisingly comforting, his stomach accepting it with ease. Once finished, he put his mask back in place and stood, intending to take his dishes to the sink and wash them. But the moment he got to his feet, the dull ache in his joints sharpened drastically, causing him to gasp and grab the side of the table to keep from falling. He cursed under his breath, the exhaustion was making the pain so much worse.
He felt an arm wrap around his waist, the warmth of extra chakra being channeled into it bleeding through his shirt. He opened his eye, seeing Naruto.
“Here, sensei, I’ll help you.”
He tried not to rely on the boy too much as he stumbled back to his bedroom, but knew with great clarity that had Naruto not been there, he would never have made it. He sat down heavily on his bed, body shaking. It took him a moment to regulate his breathing. Naruto stood there, watching him.
“I’m sorry,” Kakashi whispered.
“Hey,” the blonde said, his tone showing he knew exactly what Kakashi meant, “don’t worry about it. We’re glad we can be here to help you.”
“It’s not something you should have to do.”
Naruto gave him a smile. “You remember our first day together as a team, when you gave us that test? And we told you the three of us were one?”
He nodded. “I do.”
“Well, we realized we were wrong.”
Kakashi raised an eyebrow. “Oh?”
Naruto smiled, placing his hand on his shoulder. “It’s the four of us, sensei. The four of us are one.”